


Destiny Has No Path

by SkylarMarie90



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - The 100 (TV) Fusion, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:46:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 391,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7740427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkylarMarie90/pseuds/SkylarMarie90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Story-Lexa & Her cousin Alexis(Sasha) return to their old hang outs hoping for closure of old wounds and to repair old relationships with the two people they love the most... Slow burning Clexa FanFic (Mainly Octavia based)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reunion

**AU Version- Quick Back History- T** **he story is mainly set in various parts of Los Angeles as well as other locations that will be stated in each chapter. Lexa (Alexandra) and Clarke were dating for four years but broke up over a year and a half ago. Octavia and Sasha (Alexis) were dating for four years after being set up by Lexa and Clarke, but broke up about  six months after Lexa and Clarke….Lexa and Sasha are cousins related through their mothers and look very similar Lexa is slightly taller (about half an inch) and is a little more tanned than Sasha she’s also the oldest but only by a month….Sasha was lived in England for a year with her father so has a slight English accent when saying certain things both Lexa, Sasha and Raven are members of the US Army……Lexa, Sasha and Raven are all 24/25 years old, Clarke and Octavia are 23/24 years old…….More details will be placed into the story through flashbacks…..No Copyright Infringement indeed I own none of the 100 character…..**

 

Chapter One-Reunion 

Lexa and Sasha slowly stepped out of Sasha’s Dark Red 2010 Chevy Camaro eyeing the bar they used to be regulars at just at the edge of Los Angeles’ LGBT Bar hub ironically it wasn’t actually a Gay or Lesbian bar it was a regular bar that welcomed everyone no matter their colour, nationality, sexuality or disability it was a truly rare bar to come across where nobody hated anyone for something they couldn’t change. Lexa was wearing Black Timberland boots with grey skinny jeans and a loose black top that hid her stomach but also showed off her toned arms. Sasha was also wearing Black Timberland boots but was wearing a pair of light blue jeans that were loose on her waist but got tighter as they went down her legs, along with a loose Dark Blue vest that showed off her toned arms and shoulders. Both of their outfits showed off the matching tribal tattoo they both had on their right shoulders leading downwards onto their biceps both of their tattoos lead off to a date at the beginning of their biceps.

As they got closer to the bar (Grounders Inn) they both looked at the sign in the mirror that boldly stated that tonight was Karaoke Night a regular thing for a Friday Night from what they remember, they looked back at each other winking at one another then both straightening up the backs to stand a little taller than normal before tightening up their respective ponytails and letting out a deep breath they both walked towards the door Lexa walking first. Before she could open it she looked at Sasha who knew exactly what she was thinking it was the same thing she was thinking

“If they’re here, then they’re here, we’ll get through it together………We survived the desert Lex we can do this” Lexa smiled at Sasha thinking what they were both thinking surviving the desert was completely different they had more control in the desert than they had over their hearts when it came to two certain women. Smiling brightly at each other they held their heads up high and walked into the bar.

Raven was sitting at her regular table the one she used to sit at with Lexa and Sasha before Clarke and Octavia had ruined their respective relationships with her two best friend’s now she very rarely saw them and according to Sasha they were definitely gonna be there tonight seeing as they were both in LA to see their mums and it was only a 40-minute drive from where they were staying. She kept looking at her phone waiting for the text message to tell her that they had both changed their mind and didn’t want to risk bumping into old flames as had been the case the past four times Lexa and Sasha had arranged to meet her. She unlocked her iPhone selecting the messages she opened her conversation with Sasha and went to type out a message asking where they were when her attention was brought to the sound of the regulars of bar cheering, as she looked up a smile spread across her face when she saw Lexa and Sasha standing near the entrance being greeted by numerous regulars who just like her had missed having the two woman around, she stood up from her seat when she noticed that Sasha was looking around trying to find someone……….

” Oi, Woods Twins……. What has it been that long that you forgot what I look like?” She jokingly called out, Lexa and Sasha instantly saw her standing there in her all black outfit (Skinny Jeans, a vest, denim jacket & Trainers), Lexa was the first to reach her still giggling from hearing Raven use her nickname for her and Sasha she hugged Raven for a few seconds before letting her go. Raven looked behind Lexa to see Sasha was still standing a few feet away from her it worried her a little confused as to why Sasha was standing so far away until she spoke.

“Holy Smokes Reyes……you look a million times hotter than I remember you being” Sasha said winking, Raven laughed at the comment and then jogged quickly towards Sasha jumping onto her waist wrapping her legs around her waist, as her legs locked in their place Sasha spun around a couple times before coming to a stop both woman hanging onto each other tightly, neither could believe it had been almost a year since they had seen each other in person. After a few minutes of hugging Raven jumped off of Sasha landing on her feet she beamed up at her best friend before punching her on the arm “Ouch…what the hell Raven...” Sasha asked rubbing her arm.

“That’s for leaving for so long” Noticing Lexa laughing Raven punched her on the arm as well “Both of you are not allowed to do that to me again”

“Aww did the big badass Military Mechanic miss us” Sasha jokingly replied smirking at Raven, who without another word punched her again in the exact same spot as before “Bloody Hell, Alright we won’t leave it so long next time” When Raven raised her eyebrows and her arm again jokingly she continued “I promise, jeez when did you become such a bully?” She asked laughing as she shook her arm trying to get feeling back before winking at Raven, as all three of them sat down at their table.

“That’s what happens when my besties abandon me” When Lexa and Sasha looked at each other laughed and then starting playing invisible violins at her she continued “Oh Hardy Ha, I got you both your usual” She said pointing to the two bottles of alcohol free beer on the table next to her Whiskey and Coke. “So how comes your both back at the same time?”

Lexa looked at Sasha who was half way through a sip of her beer and nodded for her to tell all, so she did. “We got a call from our mums saying our Gramps wasn’t well so we were granted three weeks’ emotional leave.”

“Oh Shit, sorry I didn’t know is he ok?” Raven asked

“Yeah he’s fine, just an angina attack he’ll be fine with rest. That’s where we come in me and muscles here are gonna help out Mema and Gramps around the house to reduce their stress while he recovers” Lexa explained getting an unamused look from Sasha when she called her muscles.

“She says it like we have a choice. Mema's literally holding us hostage until we have to go back she’s been feeding us non-stop since we got back two days ago, you should have seen her face when we told her we were meeting up with you Sasha explained causing Raven to giggle slightly she had meet their grandma to say she loved the bones of the two of them was an understatement.

“Don’t let that crazy bird lead you astRae my little munchkins, no drinking and driving. And home by midnight otherwise you’re both in big trouble” Lexa said mimicking her Grandmas words while she pinched Sasha’s cheeks causing Raven to burst out laughing at the cousins’ interaction they hadn’t changed a bit in fact she was sure that they’d got closer.

“It’s funny for you, you get away with more than I do” Sasha responded playfully slapping Lexa’s hands off her cheeks.

“You know why that is….and don’t pretend you don’t love it” The cousins exchanged knowing looks and softly giggled at each other neither mentioning the reason their Grandma was so worried about Sasha, Lexa looked at Sasha raising her eyebrows and shaking her head at her they both knew that it was her way of getting Sasha to tell Raven what had happened to her on tour.

“Alright what’s going on?” Raven commented spotting the exchange between the two cousins. “Come on spill, you know I won’t stop until I find out”

The cousins looked at each other the fear and hesitation on Sasha’s face was clear to Lexa, placing her hand on top of her cousins and softly says “You know what the doctor said Alexi your friends and family need to know, Raven’s family to us she deserves to know” Sasha nodded at Lexa’s words she knew she was right Raven was family to them she had been ever since they meet almost 15 years ago when they were nine or ten years old in fact.

“Guys you’re starting to worry me now what is it?” Raven asked she could tell from the look on Sasha’s face and the fact that Lexa called Sasha by her first name instead of her middle name as she usually did.

Seeing the panic on Raven’s face Sasha took a deep breath placing her hand on Raven’s she began speaking “Right I’ll tell you but let me finish before saying anything please” Looking at Raven she emphasised the word please….after looking from Sasha to Lexa and back she nodded that she would remain quiet until she’d been told the whole story “You know that last year Me and Lex were shipped out to Afghanistan with our unit” Raven nodded confirming her knowledge of it “Well as you know something happened on the tour what you don’t know is I was shot again, as you know I’m fine I got hit in the leg and long story short after we got back to base I underwent a medical. After I got cleared by the doctors and our unit was sent on patrol a day or two later something happened and I started getting these flashbacks like I was back there reliving every single minute of it every sound every smell all of it all over again……..When I got back I tried to ignore it and push it away but it got pretty bad so I ended it with Octavia so I wouldn’t end up hurting her, A couple months after that Lexa started to notice something was wrong so I told her what was happening and she took me to the doctor he said I have PTSD he said its common after returning home from active duty” Sasha was slightly unnerved when Raven didn’t say a word she just looked at her a tears forming in her eyes as the two best friends look at each other after a few minutes the silence was too much for Sasha. “Rae Rae are you alright?”

Raven was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Sasha use one of her many nicknames for her “I’m a….” She softly stuttered “I’m fine……I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you”

“You have nothing to be sorry for Rae we were deployed and I felt ashamed of myself so I didn’t tell anyone…Lexa had to pretty much force it out of me”

“Yeah I was this close to slapping it out of her” Lexa interjected trying to lighten the mood between everyone. When Raven just continued to look at Sasha who just stared back at her, Lexa could see her cousin trying to find something to say so taking a chance she light heartedly says “Alright enough of this soppy rubbish I thought we were here to have a fun night out”

Lexa’s words brought Raven and Sasha out of their gaze with each other they all laughed they knew Sasha’s PTSD was serious but at this moment they were there to have a fun night no worries no stresses just three friends catching up on all the moments they had missed in each other’s lives over the last few years. They all looked at each other giggling they all spoke the same word at the exact same time “Karaoke” Grabbing their drinks they stood up walking towards the Karaoke sign-up sheet, Sasha was walking in front of Raven and Lexa before they could reach the sheet Sasha felt a hand pull her right arm backwards stopping her in her tracks turning around she saw Raven and Lexa looking at her with goofy smiles plastered on their faces “What?” She asked causing them to both turn and nod in the direction of two women, one a red head and the other raven haired, at the bar waving at the two of them shaking her head she looked from Raven to Lexa then back again “Usual Song?” When they both nodded she giggled softly “Alright then go get ‘em” Raven and Lexa smiled brightly at her Lexa reaching forward grabbing hold of Sasha’s neck and planting a kiss on her cheek before walking away “Your Welcome” She softly said smiling when Lexa turned back to her winking in her direction, she continued walking forward joining the small queue for the Karaoke Sign-Up sheet she felt her phone buzz in her pocket pulling it out she checked it seeing a message from Lexa:

Twinsy: Her name is Alexandra, is that too weird?

Alexi: Not unless your gonna marry her Lex lol

A few seconds later she heard her cousin literally laugh out loud followed by an apology to the lady she was chatting too, another few seconds later she felt her phone go off before she could answer it she realised she was at the front of the queue she quickly jotted down their group name and song before pulling the phone out of her pocket again turning around while she looked down at her phone,

Twinsy: Oh Marriage is the last thing on my mind Twinsy :-P

Alexi: You are so disgusting…. though so am I lol defo related then haha

As she sent the message she giggled to herself still concentrating on her phone still she noticed a couple messages on her Facebook account as she clicked on the app she bumped into someone looking up from her phone she realised that it was one of the regulars that had warmly welcomed her and Lexa back earlier, looking at him she apologised “Sorry Gustus, my mind was elsewhere”

The tall man smiled brightly at her replying “No worries Sasha, all those women distracting you I imagine” He softly said to her walking slowly back to his seat where a woman who Sasha knew to be his wife Indra was waiting for him.

“Well you know me Gus, Gotta spread the love” Sasha replied loud enough for him and his wife to hear her and softly giggle at her comment. Slowly walking back to the table that her Raven and Lexa had been sitting before which thankfully was still free when she heard her name being called from behind her…

“Sasha………. Sasha……” She stopped in her tracks there was something familiar about the voice but not the kind of familiar that she liked she knew exactly who it was but in her mind she was praying it wasn’t her that it was a coincidence that another woman knew her and had the exact same voice as her taking a deep breath in she turned around slowly hoping not to see who she thought unfortunately for her it was exactly the person she hoped it wasn’t taking another breath before she spoke she calmly responded…….

“Clarke”

**Hope Everyone enjoyed the first instalment of this story...still thinking about whether to continue on with it but at the moment I have three chapters planned just to see what kind of response it gets...So please feel free the leave reviews on the chapters for me...if you don't want to review but want to let me know your opinion bad or good please Private Message me...Hope to hear from some of soon :-)**


	2. A Painful Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Octavia’s Clothes- Black Tank Top showing off her belly, Skinny Black jeggings & Black High Heels.  
> Clarke’s Clothes- Light Blue Tank Top, skinny light blue jeans & Black shiny knee high boots.  
> Bellamy’s Clothes-Black button up shirt, Black Trousers & Black Shoes  
> Mitch’s Clothes’-White Tank Top, Loose dark blue jeans & white converse trainers. -He’s a douche lol -

Chapter Two-A Painful Reunion  
Sasha stopped in her tracks there was something familiar about the voice but not the kind of familiar that she liked she knew exactly who it was but in her mind she was praying it wasn’t her that it was a coincidence that another woman knew her and had the exact same voice as her taking a deep breath in she turned around slowly hoping not to see who she thought unfortunately for her it was exactly the person she hoped it wasn’t taking another breath before she spoke she calmly responded…….

“Clarke” She couldn’t believe it standing in front of her was the one person that she’d hoped wasn’t still a regular of the pub they were in, she looked at the blonde who was standing next to a man with Blonde spiky hair who was about four or five inches taller than Clarke. She watched as Clarke said something to the guy he smiled nodded and walked away laughing to himself about something. 

“How have you been?” Clarke asked she was still in shock at seeing Sasha she had thought her mind was playing tricks on her when she saw Sasha there was no way it could have been her but it was really Sasha in the flesh she knew exactly what that meant it meant the Lexa was more than likely in the bar as well the cousins were best friends and it was very rare to find them alone at any time they were even in the same squadron in the army. 

“Can we cut the small talk? What do you want?” She knew Clarke wasn’t the one at fault for her and Lexa breaking up but she also knew the real reason Lexa ended it with Clarke and the last thing she wanted was for Lexa to see Clarke it was too much for her talking about Clarke at times let alone seeing her in person.

“I just wanted to say Hello, It’s been years” Clarke couldn’t help but look around trying to see if Lexa was anywhere around not seeing her she couldn’t stop herself asking “Is Lexa with you?”

“Yeah she is but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you too to be reunited”

“Isn’t that up to her to decide? After all she’s the one that broke my heart not the other way around” Clarke responded she couldn’t help the resentment that was in her voice it had taken her over a year to get over Lexa dumping her especially not knowing why she ended it.

“Just because she ended it doesn’t mean she didn’t get her heart broken as well Clarke”

“I know….Look maybe you can just ask her if she says no then I’ll leave it I promise” 

Sasha stood in front of Clarke thinking over what to do for the best after a few minutes she opened her mouth to speak but before she could say what she was thinking she felt a hand rest on her right shoulder turning her head to see who it was she was slightly shocked to realise it was Lexa. She looked at Lexa not knowing what to say when Lexa smiled and softly squeezed her shoulder she opened her mouth to speak “Look who I bumped into Lex?”

“Hi Clarke” Lexa softly said, she had decided to walk over to the two women after her and Raven had spotted the two of them talking, Raven tried to talk her out of it but she knew she had to face Clarke some time or another if she really wanted to move on with her life.

“Hey Lexa” Clarke responded her cheeks softly blushing it had been so long since they had last seen each other that she forgot the effect Lexa had on her in fact she’d forced herself to forget it was the only way she could get over Lexa.

Before anyone else could say another word Raven appeared in between Sasha and Lexa one of her hands on Lexa’s shoulder the other on Sasha’s shoulder “Hey Clarke” Raven quickly said allowing Clarke to simply reply with a “Hi” before she continued “As much as this trip down memory lane looks oh so interesting we should be getting back to the ladies” She said smiling at Clarke then using her grip on her friends shoulders to turn them in the direction of the women they had just meet who they now knew were straight and just wondered who they were having not seen them in the club before they had apologised for flirting with the girls to find out but at this moment Clarke didn’t know any of this and Raven knew that, using it to her advantage she kept the cousins moving until they were right next to the ladies in question.

Clarke had watched the three women walk over to two very attractive women and begin talking she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of the two women who seemingly had Lexa’s full attention unlike her, she knew it was stupid she was with someone else now a man none the less and he couldn’t be further away from Lexa if he tried, it was at times like this that she hated when Bellamy would pick up Octavia cause they were always late mainly because neither of them seemed to be able to remember the quickest route to the pub even though they’d been there more times than they cared to remember. She shook of her thoughts about Bellamy and Octavia’s time keeping when she realised that she needed to warn her friend that her ex was in the pub no matter how much Octavia tried to deny it Clarke knew that she was madly in love with Sasha when they broke due to a stupid drunken kiss on Octavia’s part with of all people one of Sasha’s mates from the army Lincoln. She pulled her phone out of her pocket trying to get Octavia’s number up on her phone as quickly as she could……

“CLARKEY” Clarke heard someone shout causing her to look up from her phone she knew the voice to be that of Octavia looking up she saw her best friend running towards her, she just managed to put her phone away when Octavia engulfed her in a hug “It’s been too long”  
“It’s been a week O” Clarke responded

“Like I said it’s been too long” She replied laughing softly, when Clarke didn’t laugh or even respond she noticed the look of confusion and conflict on Clarke’s face “Clarke what’s wrong?”

“Ummmm….Nothing” She lied

“You have a horrible poker face Clarke”

“I umm…...I tried to call you to warn you but….”

“Clarke just spit it out what is it?” Octavia asked nervously she was starting to get really worried now

“Sasha’s back”

“What?” Octavia responded she thought it was a joke or something Clarke was never one for comical timing.

“I just bumped into her, Raven and Lexa”

“Where is she?”

“O, don’t do this to yourself”

“Where Clarke?” She said a little louder than she had intended to, hearing that name and knowing Sasha was in the same place as her after just over a year was too much for her mind to take she needed to see her in the flesh “Please Clarke I need to see her?”

“O, this isn’t a good idea”

“I’m not gonna talk to her I just need to see it to believe it” Octavia honestly responded looking Clarke in eyes.

“Okay…. She’s over there” Clarke replied pointing to the bar where Sasha, Raven and Lexa where sitting with the Red Head and the Raven haired women from before, she watched as Octavia’s body let out a harsh breath and began shaking softly as she looked at Sasha. “Come On O, Let’s sit down and have a drink” Octavia didn’t verbally respond to her she just merely nodded her head walking with Clarke to their table where Bellamy was sitting with a man she knew to be Clarke’s boyfriend, Mitch, sitting down she heard Clarke say she was going to the bar. A few minutes later Clarke reappeared with two beers two gin and tonics and a whiskey. She handed the whiskey to Octavia who quickly downed the drink.  
Seeing the state his sister was in Bellamy curiously asked “Octavia what’s wrong?” When she didn’t respond he looked to Clarke for a response.

“She just saw Sasha” When Bellamy looked at her slightly confused he knew exactly who Sasha was but as far as he knew she was still deployed in some dessert. “She’s at the bar with Raven and Lexa….I spoke to her just before you both got here” 

Before Bellamy could respond to Clarke’s comment Octavia spoke “She spoke to you” She asked referring to the comment that Clarke had made, when Clarke nodded she asked. “Did she mention me or ask about me?” Her voice a little desperate for an answer.

“Sorry O she didn’t, we didn’t really have time to catch up, we were talking about Lexa until Lexa and Raven interrupted us and then they went to chat to some women” Clarke responded seeing the instant disappointment in Octavia’s face she placed a supportive hand on top of Octavia’s.

“It’s ok…...Let’s get on with this night out” She replied taking a big swig of her drink trying her best to forget about Sasha.

-Three Hours Later-  
It was about 1am in the morning the karaoke was in full swing both Clarke and Mitch and Raven, Lexa and Sasha had been up and performed their chosen songs an hour earlier and where now sat on opposite sides of the bar, at present they hadn’t been in the same area as each other each group were having a good time listening to everyone belt out their song choices. Unknown to Clarke, Octavia had been trying to work up the courage to go and talk to Sasha all night but the more she thought about it the worse of an idea it seemed she was sat at her Clarke, Bellamy and Mitch’s table looking up she saw Sasha walking to the bar she could have sworn she saw Sasha smile over at her, tapping her foot on the floor she decided it was now or never she picked up her fifth drink which was still half full downing it she decided that it would look better if she made it look like she was just getting a refill and happened to bump into Sasha. 

As she got closer to the bar butterflies emerged in her stomach they got worse the clearer her view of Sasha became, as she reached the bar she was suddenly overcome with nerves leaning on the bar she was lost in her thoughts when the bartender asked her what she’d like to drink, as she looked blankly at the bartender she apologised turning around quickly attempting to get away from the bar as she turned she took three steps before she bumped into someone feeling a small amount of liquid splash onto her hands and on her top she apologised as she slowly looked up to see Sasha standing in front of her.

“Hi” Is the only word Octavia could manage to form, after all of the thoughts about what she’d say her mind was a complete blank.

“Hi Octavia” Sasha responded she couldn’t help but smile brightly at the smaller woman in front of her, she didn’t think it was possible but she could have sworn that Octavia hold gotten even more beautiful since the last time they had seen each other. Breaking out of her thoughts she noticed that she and Octavia were both covered in what was her glass of coke grabbing some napkins of the bar she handed them to Octavia who slowly took them. “I’m sorry, I was too busy thinking about what I was going to say to you and I guess I forgot to watch where I was going” 

“You were coming to talk to me?” Octavia nervously asked as she used the napkins to dab the wet spot on the front of her top and wiping off the liquid that had dripped onto her exposed stomach. 

“Um, yeah I was kind of hoping that I’d bump into you to be honest” Taking a breath in she tried to keep her eyes from staring at Octavia’s stomach, as she looked at Octavia’s face she continued “I was a bit of a bitch the last time we spoke and I wanted to apologise to you”

“You don’t need to apologise, I deserved it I cheated on you after all” Octavia responded looking down at the ground ashamed of her past actions.  
Using her right hand Sasha gently lifting Octavia’s head up until they were looking each other in the eyes again “You kissed someone else after I lost my temper with you it wasn't really cheating and any ways I don’t blame you for kissing Lincoln well not anymore.”

“Really?”

“Yes Really, you didn’t deserve anything I said to you that night” The two women stood looking at each other for at least a minute just smiling. “I’m sorry……...for literally bumping into you. I guess my swagger is a little rusty”

“It’s ok…. who doesn’t like a drink spilt on them or a wet top to look at” She smiled brightly at Sasha causing them both to laugh their faces going slightly red.   
Octavia was about to continue what she was saying when a drunken Mitch appeared behind Octavia wrapping his left arm around Octavia’s shoulders bringing his right arm up he pointed his finger at Sasha and said “Leave her alone you dirty little dyke”

“You do know that a Dyke is a ditch filled with water right?” Sasha sarcastically responded she’d seen this guy with Clarke but had no idea who he was and from his first sentence towards her she guessed he was a complete douchebag.

“Fine get your dirty little poufy self away from her” Mitch completed drunkenly poking Sasha’s shoulder

“Go Away Mitch, this is nothing to do with you” Octavia said shrugging his arm from her shoulders while taking a step to the side to get some space between them. Octavia looked at Mitch who was still standing there pointing at Sasha his hand shaking up and down due to the amount of alcohol he had consumed. “I’m so sorry about him”

“It’s fine Octavia” Sasha honestly replied smiling so Octavia knew she was being honest. 

“Hey you little dyke I’m trying to help you?” Mitch said turning his attention to Octavia “You’re all the same, walking around with your breasts showing and your legs exposed teasing men with what they can’t have” He inched closer to her, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by Sasha who had her fist clenched by her side ready to step in at any moment. “Well maybe we’ll just take what we want from you anyway” He said moving forward until Octavia’s back was pressed against the bar with nowhere to move Mitch then placed his hand on Octavia’s shoulder when she tried to move past him as he pushed her back he tightened his grip on her shoulder causing her to wince in pain, at this point Sasha had seen enough and stepped forward using her left hand she grabbed Mitch’s wrist and forcefully turned it backwards (A basic Army wrist hold she’d been taught in training), the pressure she applied to the hold forcing Mitch to move with her as she stepped away from where he had Octavia pinned against the bar.  
“She said it’s none of your business” Sasha stated releasing the pressure on Mitch’s wrist but maintaining her grip. “Where I’m from that means leave me alone so leave her alone”   
“I can do whatever I want you little dyke” Mitch defiantly replied. By now there were numerous regulars watching the interaction take place and in his mind there was no way he was going to back down to a women let alone a gay one.

Sasha looked over to Octavia who was rubbing her shoulder the pain still clear on her face looking back to Mitch she smiled brightly taking a tiny amount of pleasure in what she was about to do. “You should have just said ok” Sasha sharply turned Mitch’s wrist back to where she had it moments before but this time she applied a little more pressure as she did she felt Mitch’s muscle run under her fingers she kept on turning his wrist until she heard his wrist crack knowing if she applied more pressure she’d be able to break his wrist she stopped turning his wrist before she was able to think about what she’d do next she felt a hand on her arm.

“Sasha, Let him go he’s not worth it” Octavia softly whispered in Sasha’s ear, there was no doubt that Mitch deserved what was happening to him but she didn’t want him to ruin her one chance to possibly fix things with Sasha “Please, come outside with me, we can talk just me and you nobody else” Sasha looked to her smiled and then let go of Mitch’s wrist “Thank You” Octavia thankfully replied not caring about the audience they had attracted or Mitch she took hold of Sasha’s hand and began walking towards the exit of the bar.  
They had only managed to take a few steps when Sasha felt a hand force her shoulder back turning her around forcing her and Octavia’s hands to break apart, as she stopped herself spinning she quickly noticed a fist coming towards her she instinctively ducked the punch crouching down on the floor, unaware that the punch Mitch had thrown at her had actually clipped Octavia in the jaw sending her crashing to the floor, Still unaware of who the punch had connected with she stood up punching Mitch in the stomach as she did so once she was fully standing she grabbed Mitch by the shirt and pulled back with her right hand punching him as hard as she could. She was about to hit him again when she heard a loud voice shout from behind her “THAT’S ENOUGH” She knew the voice to be that of Gustus, looking around Sasha noticed Lexa, Raven and Clarke all looking behind her their faces were filled with shock. 

Turning around she now noticed Octavia on the floor being tended to by Gustus and Bellamy “Octavia, I’m so sorry” She replied moving closer to see if Octavia was ok but before she could reach her she felt a blunt hit to the back of her head then everything went dark.   
Mitch stood proudly holding the remainder of the glass bottle he had just smashed over Sasha’s head a massive smile on his face he proudly looked around at everyone when nobody made a noise but instead looked at him with complete disgust he proudly shouted “Dyke bitch had it coming” He noticed a woman in the corner of his eye who looked remarkably like the woman he’d just knocked out she was being held back by another woman and next to them was Clarke who looked at him with even more disgust than anyone else in the room. “What baby no hug?” 

Before Clarke could answer Lexa angrily said “Yeah Clarke go hug your amazing boyfriend” the anger in her voice was something Clarke had never heard before and she was surprised that Raven was able to hold Lexa back the amount of force she was using trying to get to Mitch. She looked blankly at Lexa not sure what to do she knew that Mitch was in the wrong but he was normally such a nice guy before she could make a decision she was removed from her thoughts when she heard Raven firmly say to Lexa;

“Forget these idiots we need to check Sash is ok…..Come on…..Fuck them” Lexa finally relaxed in Raven’s grip her eyes shooting over to her cousin who was still motionless on the floor Octavia was kneeling beside her trying to wake her up, Lexa could see the blood seeping from the back of Sasha’s head and on Octavia’s hands. Her and Raven quickly rushed over kneeling down either side of Sasha.

“She’s not waking up, what do we do?” Octavia worriedly rambled

Lexa looked at Octavia smiling she lowered her head down to Sasha’s ear whispering something nobody else could hear before pulling her head up a little and saying “So that means it’s time to wake up Sash” Lexa smiled softly placing her hand on Sasha’s cheek softly rubbing her face applying a little bit of pressure whenever her thumb would run over Sasha’s ear. After a few minutes Sasha began to slowly move her body first her legs started moving then her arms and then her head after another minute or so Sasha managed to push herself up into the sitting position everyone was asking her question but it looked like she was in a world of her own Lexa looked worryingly at Raven saying “I need to get her out of here now” When Raven looked at Lexa confused at her comment Lexa nodded towards Sasha, looking at Sasha’s body sitting so still and upright then looking at her eyes she noticed they were glazed over as Sasha just stared at the floor thinking back to her and Lexa’s conversation a mere twenty minutes ago she realised that this was exactly what Lexa had described when talking about Sasha’s PTSD and from the looks of Sasha she was about to have an Flashback…….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope Everyone enjoyed that chapter, uploaded it without proof reading it so hope there weren’t too many errors in there once I start typing I can stop however if you notice any errors please inbox me or review and I’ll edit them asap, and please feel free to leave reviews of any kind  but any who just wanted to upload this so I can get on with writing Chapter three-FLASHBACKS for all you lovely people.


	3. Flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone, firstly thank you to all those who are following the story or have favorited it, I don’t know you personally but the support means a lot. Secondly I hope you all enjoyed Chapter Two not had any reviews on it but please feel free to leave any letting me know your views, this chapter will mainly be an Octavia and Sasha based chapter just to pre-warn you all also it is a long chapter wanted to lay the basis of the PTSD story as well as letting you all learn a little more about Sasha and the kind of relationship she and Octavia had.

Flashbacks

“I need to get her out of here now” When Raven looked at Lexa confused at her comment Lexa nodded towards Sasha, looking at Sasha’s body sitting so still and upright then looking at her eyes she noticed they were glazed over as Sasha just stared at the floor thinking back to her and Lexa’s conversation a mere twenty minutes ago she realised that this was exactly what Lexa had described when talking about Sasha’s PTSD and from the looks of Sasha she was about to have a Flashback…….

“What’s going on?” Octavia asked noticing the looks that Raven and Lexa were exchanging, she looked at Sasha trying to see what they were seeing that would make them look so worried. As she looked at Sasha’s eyes she noticed that glazed look noticing that she was staring at the floor seemingly in a world of her own. “Something’s wrong with her” She tried to think of all the medical head injuries that Clarke had told her about over the course of their friendship, her mind was a complete blank the worry for the woman she once and deep down still Loved taking up every thought in her mind, looking up desperately she scanned the room for someone not seeing them she shouted out “Clarke” Seeing Clarke appear in front of her she desperately said “Help her somethings wrong”

As Clarke went to put her hands on Sasha to check her over she was stopped by Lexa grabbing her arm “Don’t touch her, your boyfriend has done enough” Lexa looked Clarke coldly in the eyes no hint of the love that once looked back at her.

“She needs help” Clarke replied as Lexa let her arm go, seeing Lexa look down at her cousin and then look worriedly to Raven she asked “Do you know what’s wrong with her?” When Lexa didn’t reply she pulled her away from everyone else so it was just them that could hear what she was saying “Lexa if you know you have to tell me, I can help her you know I can”

Lexa looked at Clarke even though it was her boyfriend that did this she knew Clarke was a good person looking at Sasha, whose body was now raising up and down from what looked like anger her fists clenched closed as her jaw clenched and unclenched again and again “She’s got PTSD” When Clarke looked at her she continued “I think she’s about to have a Flashback or an episode whatever you want to call it, I think the blow to her head triggered a memory”

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked she had very little experience with PTSD she only knew what her father and mother had told her about it.

“I’ve seen her have a few attacks and they’ve all started like this”

“What do we do?”

“I need to get her somewhere quiet but I have a feeling it’s too late already to move her” When Clarke looked at her confused she explained “Look at her jaw” When Clarke looked at Sasha’s jaw then back to her she continued “That clenching thing she’s doing; the doctor says it’s a sign that she’s too deep into the flashback to be moved basically put the last time I tried to move her once her jaw had started clenching she nearly choked me out”

“Then maybe we can get everyone out of the bar then she won’t be able to hurt herself or anyone else” Clarke suggested seeing Lexa nod her approval, they moved forward shouting at the top of their voices for everyone to exit the venue when only a few people listened they both sighed Lexa was about to shout again when she heard Gustus and Bellamy’s voices shouting “EVERYBODY OUT NOW” as they both moved around guiding everyone out through the three fire exits. Five Minutes later there were only a handful of customers inside the pub along with Bellamy, Clarke, Mitch, Gustus, Lexa, Raven, Octavia and Sasha.

Clarke walked over to Octavia kneeling down in front of her she said “O, you need to leave now” When Octavia didn’t respond to her she gently touched Octavia’s shoulder pulling back quickly when Octavia winced in pain “Please Octavia you need to leave”

“NO, I’m not leaving her” Octavia responded looking Clarke dead in the eyes so she knew she was 100% serious

“Ok but don’t touch her, and stay a safe distance away from her”

“Clarke what’s wrong with her?”

“She Um…. She’s got……” Before Clarke could complete her sentence she noticed Mitch walking towards Sasha looking around she could see that Bellamy and Gustus were getting the last handful of people out the venue while Lexa and Raven were moving all the tables and chairs that were nearest to them back by a few feet. Before she had a chance to stop Mitch he was standing in front of Sasha still holding the remainder of the broken bottle in his hand. “Mitch…” Was all she could manage to say before Mitch bent over

“Not so tough now are you, you little bitch” He proudly said to Sasha when she didn’t reply his anger resurfaced “So what now you lost to me you don’t wanna talk big huh?” He reached down placing his right hand on her shoulder ready to do exactly what he had done to Octavia to her, but as he placed more pressure on Sasha’s shoulder he was surprised when she grabbed his right hand with her left and grabbed him by the throat with her right hand as she stood up pushing him backwards by a few steps as he struggled for breath, He tried endlessly to break her grip but she seemed impossibly strong for her size, as he continued to struggle he felt his legs swept out from underneath him and before he knew it he was flat on his back with Sasha kneeling on his chest.

Still in her trance Sasha left hand gripped around Mitch’s right wrist with her right hand wrapped firmly around his neck squeezing it tightly, as he continued to try and get her off him using his left hand to throw punches at her ribs when that didn’t work he pulled at her top and tried to grab her neck, after numerous attempts Sasha released his throat quickly grabbing his right hand pressing it down against the floor then placing her right knee on top of it trapping his arm. Mitch watched as Sasha trapped his arm unable to fight back he waited until her head was low enough then pulled his head back and head-butted her as hard as he could, to his surprise she barely even moved she just grabbed his throat with her right hand again this time with more force than before.

“LEXA” Clarke was finally able to get out. She and Octavia had watched the whole thing unfold in front of them, Lexa and Raven had been moving the chairs into the back room and Bellamy and Gustus were outside trying to calm everyone down. When Mitch had touched Sasha causing her attack to physically escalate, she had been unable to speak as she held Octavia back so that no harm came to either of them.

Lexa and Raven came bolting through the back door  instantly noticing that Sasha was on top of Mitch her hand wrapped firmly around his throat while her knee was pinning his left arm to the ground, without hesitation Lexa ran over grabbing Sasha trying to pull her off she managed to get her right hand to release Mitch’s throat but this wasn’t like any other attack she’d seen, Sasha had never attacked anyone like this before, as she was attempting to pull the rest of Sasha’s body off of Mitch, she noticed in the corner of her eye that Raven had ran out of the door a mere few seconds after she reappeared with Bellamy and Gustus behind her,

“Help pull her off” Raven barked at them “And once you have her hold her tight and don’t release her until we say”

Neither of the men asked why they instead rushed forward as Lexa moved out of the way they both grabbed hold of either side of Sasha pulling her up off of the ground moving her backwards until they had her stood with her back pressing against the bar allowing them both the use their full body weight to stop her from moving as she continued to move against them. Lexa gave Raven a thankful look before she moved towards Sasha who was continuing to struggle against Bellamy and Gustus looking into Sasha’s eyes she could see that they were still glazed over and her jaw was still clenching and unclenching every few seconds stepping forward she placed either of her hands on the side of Sasha’s head forcing her head to stay still she looked directly into her eyes.

“Sasha, you need to fight this” Lexa said urging Sasha to fight with everything she had, when there was no change she thought back to when Sasha had the last attack thinking about what triggered it and how she came out of it. But instantly she scolded herself knowing this wasn’t the same as the last flashback this was completely different this was the first time Sasha had physically attacked someone while in a flashback, she turned around trying to think of something to help bring Sasha out of the flashback she looked over to Mitch as she observed Clarke attending to his injury’s it suddenly clicked in her mind how similar the position Sasha had Mitch was to something that happened during one of their tours of duty turning back to Sasha she replaced her hands on her head this time moving her own head forward until their foreheads were resting against each other’s, “I know you’re in a dark place, but remember what I told you no matter what happens it’s me and you forever, when you don’t think you can pull the trigger I’ll do it for you because that’s what we do for each other one of us without the other isn’t the same…….” Lexa paused as tears ran down her face thinking about the moment her cousin was trapped in “I won’t leave you not ever, I’ve got you until the end…….The Woods Twins remember not The Woods One…..You have to come back for me for your mum for mema and for Octavia…Fight it Lexi Fight” Lexa closed her eyes feeling her tears continue to fall down her cheeks and onto her top she opened her eyes slowly as she felt Sasha’s jaw stop clenching looking up her eyes meet with Sasha’s that cold glazed look was gone and her eyes were full of colour again as tears flowed out of them and down onto her cheeks.

“Alexandra” Sasha managed to get out, her voice filled with fear and confusion. “It happened again didn’t it?” She asked her voice cracking, when Lexa nodded the tear ran uncontrollably down Sasha’s cheeks her body shaking as she was overcome by the latest attack she rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder her arms still being held by Bellamy and Gustus.

“Let her go guys” Lexa commanded Gustus and Bellamy who complied seeing that Sasha was no longer a threat, Lexa wrapped her arms around Sasha who instantly wrapped her arms around Lexa relaxing into the hug grabbing onto Lexa with everything she had “I’ve got you Alexi……I’ve got you” She whispered into the hug as she felt her cousins body shaking against hers.

Lexa and Sasha had been in that position for about five minutes when Lexa pulled back after feeling her cousins shaking cease looking down at Sasha she wiped the tears from Sasha’s cheeks “Better?” She softly asked as she turned to take a glass of water from Gustus that he had retrieved from behind the bar. “Here drink this”

Sasha didn’t say a word she simply nodded at Lexa as Lexa handed her the glass of water as she took a sip of the water she looked around the room noticing Mitch was being attended to by Clarke, as she continued to look around she noted that there were a number of tables and chairs that had seemed to have been moved from the room as she looked around she noted the look on everyone’s faces, she tried to remember what had happened but her mind was a blank she knew she’d had a flashback she remembered that much but what she’d done she didn’t know she never did with any of her flashbacks. As she continued to scan everyone in the room trying to remember what happened her eyes stopped on one person in particular, Octavia, as their eyes locked they just stared at each other Sasha noticed that Octavia had a cut on her right cheek which had a bruise developing underneath and around it. She felt the shame in her rise up all she could think was that she must have been the one who had caused Octavia’s injuries and whatever injuries Mitch had sustained. When Octavia softly smiled at her she couldn’t help but hate herself she looked to Lexa as she stood up. “I’m gonna go wash my face” She explained as she looked at Octavia again unable to hide the guilt on her face. “I’ll be fine Honestly” She added seeing the unsure look on Lexa’s face.

As she walked past everyone she continued to look at the ground her eyes not looking up at anybody in the room unable to look at them due to the shame she felt inside, as she walked into the ladies’ toilets she walked up to the mirror looking at the marks on her face and her neck as she looked in the mirror she noticed the blood on the back of her shirt she could feel that her shirt was soaked in something but she had assumed it was alcohol or some sort of liquid from something on the floor of the bar. Ignoring it thinking she probably deserved whatever injury it was that she had sustained as she continued to stare in the mirror looking straight into her eyes internally having a go at herself for whatever she had done. Still looking in the mirror she didn’t notice the door open and close as her focus remained firmly on her own eyes minute later still unable to remember anything she scolded herself out loud “Stupid Idiot”

“No you’re not” Hearing the voice Sasha turned around seeing Octavia leaning against the door looking at her. “You were protecting me” When Sasha looked at her she noticed that she didn’t look like she had a clue what had happened “What’s going on with you?”

“Why are you in here Octavia?”

“I wanted to check you were ok” Octavia responded moving until she was at the opposite sink basin leaning on it she looked over at Sasha looking at her she smiled gently “You didn’t do this to me” She softly said pointing to the mark on her face.

“I didn’t?”

“No, Mitch tried to hit you and got me instead”

“I thought I’d…” Sasha stated looking at Octavia who shook her head at her

“What happened to you? Nothing stopped you it was like you were possessed”

“I don’t know I don’t remember past heading outside with you”

“You could have killed Mitch and you don’t remember?.......Somethings wrong with you what is it?”

“I umm…...It was a…….” Sasha began to explain but was interrupted by the toilet door opening and closing as Clarke entered the toilet holding a first aid kit in her hand.

“Everything ok?” Clarke asked

“Yeah everything is fine, we’re just talking” Octavia answered slightly annoyed that Clarke interrupted them “You can leave us alone Clarke”

“I’d rather not…. I need to look at both of your injuries” Clarke explained holding up the first aid kit, although if she was honest she was slightly worried about the two of them being alone together if Sasha had another attack there was nothing and nobody in the room to stop Octavia getting hurt.

“She won’t hurt me Clarke…. So leave us alone to talk please”

“Octavia…. It’s not that simple she can’t control it she’s got….”

“CLARKE…. I said we’re ok alone...Whatever is wrong with her it isn’t your place to tell me”

“How do you know?” Clarke and Octavia were brought out of their conversation by Sasha’s voice as Sasha looked directly at Clarke causing them both to assume that she was talking to Clarke, which she actually was.

“Lexa told me just before you attacked Mitch, she was really worried and wanted help” Clarke responded as she watched Sasha bow her head looking down at the ground. Looking at Octavia asking “Are you sure you’ll be ok?” She asked worryingly

“Yes, she wasn’t the one that hit me Clarke that was your boyfriend” Octavia didn’t mean for the sentence to sound as harsh as it did but it was the truth.

“I’d never hurt her” Sasha honestly replied looking Clarke in the eyes before adding “For what it’s worth Clarke I’m sorry”

“What for?” Clarke she wasn’t sure what Sasha had done to her to warrant an apology

“For attacking your boyfriend I don’t really remember anything but I’m sorry”

“It’s ok, He isn’t an innocent party” Clarke looked at Sasha noticing that her whole demeanour was completely different to the one she had when she was attacking Mitch

“Please Clarke just leave us alone I want to talk to her on my own” Octavia pleaded with her best friend.

“Ok…. But if you need me then shout” Clarke said with a soft smile at Octavia who nodded softly at her before she turned around and walked out of the door leaving the first aid kit on the side of the basin as she left.

As the door closed behind Clarke, Octavia walked towards it and stopped in front of it locking it so nobody could interrupt them again. "You were going to tell me something?” Sasha looked up at her their eyes meeting for a brief moment.

“Why do you still care?” Sasha asked honestly wanting to know the answer although she knew she didn’t deserve the answer.

“Just Because I do”

“Because you do?”

“It wasn’t me that ended things between us that was you……I didn’t stop loving you I probably never will not completely anyway” Octavia responded the hurt clear in her voice.

“I’m sorry” Sasha honestly replied she could see the hurt in Octavia’s eyes and even worse she heard it in her voice “For what it’s worth I never wanted to end it with you I just couldn’t see another way out”

“What do you mean you couldn’t see another way out?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you" Seeing the look Octavia was giving her she added “Physically not emotionally”

“I’ve got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” Sasha paused for a second letting Octavia digest her words also allowing herself to think of the next words that would come out of her mouth “Whatever happened out there before was because of a flashback I was having”

“What does that mean exactly? I mean what exactly is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?” She’d heard of it but other than knowing it existed she didn’t really know anything about what it was or what it meant.

“It’s not that simple to describe but the tail end of it is basically my mind is struggling to process the adjustment of coming home after something that happened on my last tour and as a result I have these flashbacks when certain things trigger my memory”

“What happens with these flashbacks?” Octavia asked she didn’t want to overload Sasha with questions but she wanted to know more about what her ex had been experiencing seeing as it seemed to trouble her so much.

“It depends on the trigger, sometimes it’ll be a normal memory without violence and other times it’ll be something completely different, either way it’s like I’m there all over again reliving everything that happened sometimes my body goes through the motions with me sometimes it doesn’t. I don’t know why tonight was so different.”

“What do you think was the trigger tonight?” Octavia asked, the more Sasha explained about her PTSD the more her attacking Mitch and the viciousness of her attack made sense.

“I don’t know, Like I said I don’t remember anything past you asking me to let Mitch go and come outside”

“Would someone smashing a glass bottle on the back of your head trigger a flashback?” Octavia asked, seeing the look of confusion on Sasha’s face she explained “Mitch smashed a bottle over the back of your head when you were trying to see I was ok”

“What are you being serious?” When Octavia nodded her head at the question she decided not to worry about Mitch from the looks of him whatever she did during the flashback he got the worse of it “It’d explain why my flashback was so violent and vivid”

“Do you remember anything that happens during the flashbacks?” Octavia asked not wanting to ask about Sasha’s recent flashback from Sasha’s face it looked like she was still processing what had happened in the flashback.

“I remember them as I see them in my head anything that happens in reality in that time I don’t remember. We can be in my mama’s living room and it’ll appear to be the desert to me, then when it ends I remember the flashback as if it’s the first time it happened”

“That must be terrifying”

“Yeah sometimes, Lexa seems to be the only one who can pull me out of them so it’s helped having her around plus she won’t leave me alone until I talk through the flashbacks and what I saw which helps sometimes, especially when I’ve been dealing with it alone for so long”

“How long?”

“Dr Jaha diagnosed me about seven months ago after Lexa made me go see him”

“But you were having problems before that right?” When Sasha nodded confirmation as she picked up the first aid kit Clarke had left behind, “When did it start?” Octavia asked as the question popped into her head, this time Sasha remained quiet her eyes darting to the floor and then back up to meet Octavia’s “When we were still together?” When Sasha slowly nodded her head Octavia felt a sense of self hate wondering to herself how she didn’t notice something was wrong “So you broke up with me because I didn’t notice?”

“No” Sasha quickly responded “I ended it because it started getting worse and I didn’t want to hurt you”

“But you couldn’t tell me”

“I didn’t know what to say, I thought I was going crazy or turning into some kind of psycho”

“I’m sorry, I should have been a better girlfriend then you would have found it easier to talk to me” Octavia apologised as tears began to openly spill down her cheeks. Seeing this Sasha quickly moved over to Octavia wiping her tears away she pulled the smaller brunette into a gentle hug which Octavia gladly accepted squeezing her gently after a few minutes they both pulled out of the hug their bodies remaining close to each other’s, Sasha looked down at her left hand which was still holding the First aid kit, opening it she looked to Octavia for approval when she got a faint smile and nod she placed it on the basin retrieving the cotton pads from the first aid kit she lightly wet them squeezing them softly before gently placing her left hand on Octavia’s chin so she didn’t move she then began to gently clean the wound out, as she felt Octavia’s eye staring into her she swallowed nervously before talking….

“You were an amazing girlfriend……. I didn’t want to end it between us but I didn’t trust myself and if I’d have hurt you I would have never forgiven myself”

“You’d never hurt me you know that”

“Not willingly no…. But I wasn’t in control back then” When Octavia looked at her confused by her statement she continued “At first they were just dreams, then I started to wake up in completely different places than where I’d gone to sleep…. And then one night when I was staying at yours I woke up and I was on top of you with my hand hovering over your throat”

“I don’t remember anything like that happening” Octavia responded she was slightly shocked by Sasha’s confession.

“You woke up about a minute after I came too and you asked what I was doing and I told you I’d just been to the bathroom….” Seeing the look of realisation on Octavia’s face she continued to explain “You asked why I was leaning over you and I said…”

“You were admiring how beautiful I was” Octavia completed for Sasha as the memory flashed in her mind “That was the last time we made love” She added noticing that Sasha was smiling she raised her eyebrows at her,

“Sorry it’s just the way you always say ‘we made love’ just makes me smile stupid really but I’ve never been with anyone who described it like that” She responded as she retrieved a clean cotton pad wetting it and going back to cleaning the cut on Octavia’s cheek.

“That’s what it was though” When Sasha didn’t respond but merely smiled she continued “Or was it not making love for you?”

“Of course it was it always was with you, it wasn’t just about the sex part it was about the connection we had”

“Then why did you end it with me?”

Sasha looked at Octavia debating whether to be honest or not with her, when Octavia smiled softly at her as she placed her hands on Sasha’s vest softly pulling at the material, as she looked into Octavia’s eyes Sasha decided to be completely honest about her feelings for her. Taking a deep breath placing the cotton pads on the basin freeing her hands, she looked directly at Octavia she explained “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you…. If the flashbacks had gotten worse and I had ended up hurting you, it would have killed me knowing I’d put my hands on you…It’s stupid but the way I saw it was that it was better to hurt you emotionally rather than physically…” As she paused taking a deep breath Octavia gently placed her right hand on Sasha’s left cheek gently rubbing her jawline, the contact sent chills through both their bodies it’d been just over a year since they’d been so close to each other and it felt as if nothing had changed between them. Sasha took a deep breath and continuing “It took me a month to work up the guts to even think about breaking up with you because I just couldn’t imagine not being with you. It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do there is literally nothing about you I don’t like…...and then we had that fight about Clarke and Lexa and you kissed Lincoln” When Octavia went to pull her hand Sasha placed hers on top of it holding it in place “I knew it didn’t mean anything to you but I saw it as an opportunity to break up with you because I knew I’d never be able to think of any other reason so I ended it that night and……”

“Never looked back” Octavia finished a little bitterness in her voice

“No…. I’ve never stopped looking back” She honestly replied squeezing Octavia’s hand then continuing “I’ve not stopped thinking about you since that day, I wanted to text or call or see you somehow but I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if I had a flashback when you were there and couldn’t be stopped…. I thought I had it under control but I guess I was wrong I had this plan to get help and then contact you and see if we could work things out”

“You want us to get back together” Octavia asked not quite believing what she’d heard

“Yeah I know you’re probably seeing someone I just wanted to make things right…. I was gonna tell you all this I just didn’t plan on having a flashback, I wanted to explain it to you properly.” When Octavia didn’t say anything but merely stared at her she added “But you don’t need to worry I know it was a stupid thought you probably don’t want anything to do with me after the way I treated you” As she completed her sentence she moved her and Octavia’s hand from her cheek until their hands were near Octavia’s side, removing her hand from Octavia’s she took a few steps backwards until she was again leant against the basin on the opposite side of the bathroom from Octavia.

Octavia sighed heavily she knew what she wanted to say but she couldn’t get her brain to engage she just kept thinking about how great it felt to be talking to Sasha she’d been wanting this since they broke up but now she had what she wanted the words were stuck in her brain and she couldn’t get them out. Looking at Sasha she could see the battle going on behind her eyes it was probably the same one she was having as well taking a deep breath she moved until she was stood in front of Sasha moving herself a little closer she placed her hands on Sasha’s hips sending a now unfamiliar spark through her body. She took a deep breath thinking of what to say until she decided to do as Sasha had and be completely honest with her;

“I hate how you make me feel” She started softly pressing on Sasha’s hips when she attempted to move “I hate that when I’m around you I can’t seem to think properly my brain turns to goo and I can’t seem to get the words out because all I can think about is the way you make me feel, after everything that happened between us I thought that I’d hate you when I saw you but I don’t I hated that you gave up on us so easily because I never thought I’d be able to love someone so much that not being with them for a day was like torture, when you’d go away on tour it felt like I was lost or that I was missing a part of me because all I would think about was seeing you again hearing your voice or the way you smelt, I understand why you ended things now but even before I knew that, when I saw you today all I could think about was how much I’d missed you, I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy when someone’s spilt their drink on me before….” Octavia and Sasha both giggled softly at her comment as the laughter faded between them Octavia looked at Sasha before asking “So what does this mean for us? I know you might be worried about having a flashback in front of me but we can take things slow right?” When Sasha smiled at her and nodded softly “I’m gonna need more than a nod”

“I was wrong to end it because of my PTSD I know that now….” Taking a deep breath Sasha contemplated what to say “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and If we can work it out then I really want to…as long as you’re ok with everything” Octavia let out a massive smile before nodding in excitement “I’m gonna need more than a nod” Sasha responded cheekily earning her a playful slap from Octavia who then placed her hands on the back of Sasha’s shoulders ,mindful of her injured neck, pulling her closer to her until their lips were a few centimetres away from each other’s taking a deep sharp breath in she asked Sasha;

 “Will a kiss be enough?” She hoped the answer was yes because she wasn’t sure that she’d be able to pull back at this point, when Sasha nodded her approval she smiled pressing her hips and torso into Sasha until there was no space between them as she did so Sasha moved her hand up to rest on Octavia’s hips feeling her breathing slow down slightly from the sensations that were running though her body she slowly closed the gap between their lips, again she stopped this time they were a mere centimetre away from kissing “The best thing that ever happened to you huh?” She playfully asked moving her hands onto either side of Sasha’s face when Sasha smiled brightly nodding softly Octavia finally closed the centimetre gap between them lips, as their lips softly touched they both closed their eyes enjoying the feeling of each other’s lips something neither had felt for more than a year Octavia smiled into the kiss when she felt Sasha’s hands gently move from her hips around to her lower back just above her bum as they continued to kiss neither of them pushed the other by trying to make it a more passionate kiss they simply enjoyed the feeling of being close to each other again after so long. After a few minutes they both slowly pulled back looking at each other they could both tell the other was a little flustered after the kiss, before either of them could get a word out they were interrupted;

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

They both turned their attention to the toilet door, gently pushing Octavia off of her Sasha walked over to the door straightening her clothes as she did so earning a laugh from Octavia who watched her ever move, unlocking the door she pulled it open seeing a somewhat flustered Clarke standing at the door;

“Clarke w --------“Before she could complete her sentence she was cut by Clarke’s frantic words

“I need you to help me”

“What’s wrong?” Octavia asked quickly moving to the door seeing the state of her friend

“Lexa’s attacking Mitch……………….”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a weird ending I know, but all will be answered soon enough. Hopefully will have the next chapter up in a day or two and it will be Clarke and Lexa based/ Clarke and Lexa point of view as well as flashbacks to when the four first meet and to both couples’ first kisses but as always please leave a review letting me know what you think of the chapter. The more feedback the better…. they give me inspiration to keep writing


	4. Deja Vu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to say a quick Thanks to everyone that's left a comment or has given kudos for this story so far along with those who have bookmarked and added this to their collection, I appreciate you all taking them time to read it. 
> 
> To those that have read this on FanFic this chapter has some additional dialogue as will other chapters more than likely but nothing that will change anything that has already taken place on the chapters I've posted on FanFic, it's simply because I've not really had a chance to re-read them until now as I'm posting them

Déjà vu 

“Sasha, you need to fight this” Clarke watched as Lexa tried to get Sasha to come out of the flashback she was stuck in as Lexa placed her hands on Sasha’s face this time moving her own head forward until their foreheads were resting against each other’s, “I know you’re in a dark place, but remember what I told you no matter what happens it’s me and you forever, when you don’t think you can pull the trigger I’ll do it for you because that’s what we do for each other one of us without the other isn’t the same…….” Clarke watched as Lexa paused as tears ran down her face she knew personally how close the two cousins were she couldn’t imagine what it must feel like to see someone your so close to in this state “I won’t leave you not ever, I’ve got you until the end…….The Woods Twins remember not The Woods One…..You have to come back for me for your mum for mema and for Octavia…Fight it Lexi Fight” She continued watching Lexa as the tears ran down her cheeks uncontrollably seeing Lexa like this was upsetting for her she didn’t know why they hadn’t been together for about eighteen months and she’d moved on with Mitch although she was regretting it at this moment seeing as he was the main reason that Sasha was in the state she was in.

“Alexandra” The voice pulled her from her thoughts she knew it to be Sasha’s voice “It happened again didn’t it?” As she watched Lexa nod she suddenly felt like she was invading a personal moment she quickly turned her attention to Octavia who she noticed was intently staring at Sasha her eyes not moving, deciding not to interrupt Octavia’s thoughts she turned her attention to Mitch kneeling down next to where her was on the floor clutching at his neck.

 

“I think that dyke broke my neck” Mitch said looking up at Clarke

 

“No she hasn’t if she had you wouldn’t be able to talk right now” Clarke bluntly replied to him she could barely stand to look at him at the moment but she had to do something to stop herself from looking at Lexa she had to stop those feelings from creeping back into her head and heart she didn’t want to be the Clarke that first meet Lexa she wanted to be different she wanted to cover up how she felt about anything to be able to look Lexa in the eyes and completely lie about what she was thinking and feeling. As she ignored Mitch as he responded to her comment with his own he continued to ramble on talking some rubbish about dykes and Sasha being a psycho, as she continued to ignore him she couldn’t help but think about how different Sasha was acting compared to her usual laid back self as she thought more about Sasha she couldn’t help but think about Lexa as well thinking back to the first time she had officially meet Lexa and Sasha.

 

_ Saturday July 16th 2010  _

_It was a usual Saturday night at Grounders Lexa and Sasha were working their usual shift as security for the manager as they had been doing for the last few years everytime they were on leave from the army the manager seemed to think that having two lesbian soldiers working the door would bring in more LGBT customers as well as keep the trouble down, it was a decent wage for a few nights work a week plus they finished an hour earlier than the other security and got to party inside the pub after drinks included provided they didn’t go crazy drinking, which they never did. It was midnight and they were about an hour and a half away from finishing their shift when they both noticed Raven approaching them with the girl she’d been dating for a few months, tonight was the first time they were meeting her, as Raven was a few feet away they noticed the girl with her stop pulling her back eyeing each other they shook their heads this was the fifth time they had supposed to meet Raven’s girlfriend, who they knew was called Anya, and everytime she bailed out on Raven just before getting to the door the first two times Raven had gone home with her but the other two she stayed with Lexa and Sasha who tried then spent the night cheering her up,_

_“I swear if she breaks Raven’s heart I’ll destroy her” Sasha stated looking from Raven to Lexa._

_“You’d have to join the queue Little Cus” Lexa added she hated that Raven let this girl get away with hurting her she’d never seen Raven let anyone treat her like this._

_They both watched as Raven and Anya arguing it seemed like Anya was trying to bail again and Raven was again trying to convince her to stay, Lexa looked at Sasha and raised her eyebrows when Sasha nodded back at her they both exited the section of ropes they were standing in as Lexa closed the rope behind her she looked to their colleague softly shouting “Mills, run it for a few minutes” Miller merely nodded and smiled at the two women before they walked off in Raven’s direction. As they approached Raven and Anya the two women stopped arguing both stood looking at each other Raven looked at Sasha and Lexa they could both see how upset she looked at whatever had just happened between her and Anya. Lexa was the first to hug Raven squeezing her lightly as she did so as she let go of the hug Sasha swooped in behind her hugging Raven tightly lifting her off the ground as she did she softly whispered into Ravens ear “You ok?”_

_“I don’t know” Raven whispered back returning Sasha’s hug squeezing a little tighter than she usually would as she tried to stop the tears building in her eyes, she knew deep down that her and Anya was a bad idea but she thought she could make it work but it felt like Anya just didn’t care enough._

_“We’ve got your back no matter what happens ok?” Sasha replied sweetly_

_“I know, Thanks” Raven replied as they both released each other from the hug_

_The four of them stood there silent for a minute before Anya sent Raven an apologetic look as she turned on her heels in an attempt to walk away before she could take a step Lexa interrupted her “Your Anya right?” She asked she knew the answer but it was something to stop the woman in her tracks and make her turn around, Anya stopped taking a deep breath in she turned back around and looked at the slightly taller of the two women who had approached them the women she knew to be Raven’s best friends, she’d seen pictures of them both but she didn’t realise that they looked even more like twins in person than in the pictures Raven had shown her of the three of them together. As she studied the woman in front of her she noticed her look at Raven and then back,_

_“I’m Lexa, that’s my cousin Sasha” The woman added pointing in Sasha’s direction as she extended her hand towards Anya;_

_“Nice to finally meet you…...Raven’s told me all about you both” Anya replied accepting the extended hand in front of her. She smiled as Sasha did as Lexa had done extending her hand towards her again she accepted the handshake smiling at Sasha, she knew Sasha was the one of the two cousins who was closest to Raven, she had been told by Raven how they dated for over a year when they were 15/16 years old and had lost their virginity to each other and seeing the woman in the flesh did nothing to dull her worries or jealously._

_“Shall we head inside” Sasha said causing Raven to look at Anya nervously “It’s honestly nothing to be nervous about we usually just have a chilled night a couple drinks and that’s it nothing major” She continued trying to ease Anya’s worries._

_“Okay, sounds fun” Anya responded she wasn’t worried about the drinking or meeting Raven’s other friends she was nervous about meeting Lexa and Sasha they were the two people Raven told her most about the two people that protected Raven at any cost, and she knew that Raven hadn’t told them she was actually married to a man, who just happened to be Raven’s commanding officer. As she looked at Raven she noticed the massive smile that was on her face it made her smile just as massively, her smile didn’t last long though when she watched as Sasha softly slapped Raven on the bum;_

_“Come on Ravishing Reyes we need to get back to work” Sasha said as she wrapped her left arm around Raven’s shoulders as they walked to the entrance where the ropes to the club were located, as they walked past about thirty people that were waiting to be let into the club Sasha’s eyes locked with a woman in the queue that made her remove her arm from Raven’s shoulders spinning backwards until she was in front of the brunette who still hadn’t removed her gaze from Sasha’s, when she heard Lexa say something about meeting her back at the front door she shouted a quick ‘Sure whatever’ as she approached the women now noticing her friend she stopped in front of them, “Hi, I’m Sasha, I’m one of the Heads of Security here” She said as she extended her hand to the woman who took her hand quickly shaking it, the spark she felt when their hands meet was out of this world it was something she’d never felt before with any of the women she’d slept with or dated._

_“Hi, I’m Octavia” The brunette responded unknown to her the same spark sensation she felt from their hands meeting was being felt by the women in front of her, she was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Clarke clear her throat next to her softly nudging her in the side as she did, “Um, Sorry” She said letting go of the Sasha’s hand before looking to Clarke apologetically “This is Clarke” She stuttered out._

_“Pleasure to meet you both, I just wanted to introduce myself” She honestly replied shaking Clarke’s hand as she tried to work out if the two were a couple or not ‘this is Clarke’ she analysed in her head unsure what Clarke meant to the woman in front of her. ‘She’s probably taken’ she thought to herself ‘just my luck’ breaking out of her thoughts she spoke “Anyway it was nice to meet you both I’ve got to get back to work…Maybe I’ll see you both inside”_

_“You definitely will” Octavia smiled back at Sasha there was something about the woman that was so enticing to her and she didn’t know what. She kept eyeing the woman as she walked to the front of the queue to two exchanging looks every few seconds after the woman was out of site she let out a small sigh then looking to Clarke she noticed her best friend was looking at her with raised eyebrows “What?” She innocently asked_

_“Could you be more obvious that you wanna jump her bones” Clarke answered softly giggling at her friend’s actions_

_“What? shut up, I’m not being obvious”_

_“You totally are, O” Seeing Octavia’s cheeks turn bright red from slight embarrassment “But I can only tell because I know you better than anyone” Jokingly nudging Octavia, after a few moments silence she added “Though I have to admit that she is pretty hot”_

_“She is, isn’t she?”_

_“I just said so didn’t I” Clarke paused as she peaked to the front of the queue looking at the woman next to Sasha “Although I think her sister is hotter” She smiled winking at Octavia before turning her attention to the people in front of her and Octavia._

_“No way, she’s way hotter than that other women” Octavia instantly replied biting her lip as she watched Sasha interact with the woman she worked with._

_“So do you think we’ll actually get in this week?” Clarke asked referring to the last two weeks they had queued up only to be hold that the doors were closing early due to the venue being at capacity. Clarke wouldn’t mind but the only reason Octavia wanted to keep coming back to this bar was because her brother Bellamy worked behind the bar and she had a crush on the security guard they now knew as Sasha, and had since she first saw her three weeks’ prior while visiting Bellamy at work._

_“Of course we will” Octavia replied not taking her eyes off of Sasha who had looked in her direction their eyes meeting for a minute or two before one of her male colleagues began talking to her talking her attention away from Octavia. “Just keep the faith Clarke” She added as she turned her attention back to Clarke._

_“Why do we have to go through this” When Octavia gave her an innocent look she shook her head continuing “Just ask her out then we can stop queuing for two hours to not get in”_

_“She’ll say no; I have to scout her first so I can work out what kind of women she likes”_

_“Your overthinking this Octavia……Anyway how do you know she’s gay?”_

_“Seriously, I have amazing gaydar for one Clarke and two my brother told me”_

_“Bellamy told you” When Octavia nodded her head she asked another question “How does he know if you didn’t know her name until tonight?”_

_“Well apparently there’s only two women that work as security here and they are both gay” Looking at Clarke who was looking at the woman who was messing around jokingly with Sasha smiling brightly as she watched them both. “You know what that means?” When Clarke looked at her the smile dropping from her face realising she’d been caught out “It means you can try your luck with your favourite security guard”_

_“Hardy Ha Octavia I was just watching the front of the queue” When Octavia looked at her raising her eyebrows and wriggling them at her, Clarke giggled softly relenting she knew Octavia wouldn’t give in “Ok I was eyeing her up a bit” Octavia looked at Clarke breaking out in a massive laugh “Whatever it’s not my fault she’s hot as hell…. Must be a family thing” Clarke completed as she and Octavia began talking changing the subject from their respective crushes to anything put._

_ -THIRTY MINUTES LATER- _

_“SORRY EVERYONE BUT THE DOORS ARE NOW CLOSED…. THAT MEANS NO MORE ENTRY” Miller shouted as he walked down the queue informing all the waiting customers that they were now at capacity and were no longer accepting admissions to the bar/club._

_Octavia and Clarke both listened to the announcement both felt deflated at the sentence, Clarke had been helping Octavia psych herself up to talk to Sasha and eventually ask her out. They began walking out of the queue via the way they had entered it following the people in front of them Clarke could see how upset Octavia seemed to be at not getting in “We’ll get in next week O, even if we have to camp out ok?” Octavia nodded still feeling deflated she wasn’t sure she’d be able to psych herself up next week this was the first week Sasha had actually talked to her._

_Sasha removed the rope allowing herself to step threw it looking back to Lexa she looked at her almost asking if she should do what she planning “Go Sasha, Donte won’t care” Sasha smiled at Lexa’s words as Sasha began walking off she shouted to her “Just make sure you bring her cute friend along as well” Sasha turned around winking at Lexa she responded;_

_“Don’t worry I’ve got your back cus” She finished turning around and looking into the crowd unable to see Octavia she sighed deeply she was about to walk back when she heard someone say Octavia’s name, it was Octavia’s friend Clarke who was talking to Octavia, ‘Maybe Lexa’s wrong and she is taken’ Sasha turned around taking a few steps back to the entrance she had come from when all of a sudden she thought ‘Maybe Lexa’s right…..oh screw it’ turning around she found Octavia again, her and Clarke had just exited the queue and where now heading in the direction the street took them she loudly shouted “OCTAVIA” The volume causing a few people to stop and turn thankfully two of the people were Octavia and Clarke, Sasha quickly jogged forward until she was in front of the two women “I was just wondering if you still wanted to come inside?” Octavia smiled brightly before looking to Clarke guiltily not knowing what to say, as Clarke went to speak she cut her off “Both of you” Looking back she noticed Lexa smiling watching her “My cousin told me not to come back without Octavia’s cute friend, I think she fancies you” Clarke blushed “If you’re not gay I can tell her or if you two are an item we can both back off” Sasha nervously rambled._

_“You and your cousin don’t need to back off, we are both gay and single” Clarke responded she knew Octavia was probably panicking inside not knowing what to say_

_“Awesome” Sasha smiled at Octavia brightly “So is that a yes to you both coming inside then?”_

_“Um, I’m not sure it’s not really fair on anyone else” Octavia responded kicking herself instantly ‘What are you doing you idiot? When a pretty woman invites you inside you go’_

_“Well technically letting you in is only me following my own rules” Sasha responded grinning massively_

_“Your own rules?” Octavia asked the smile on Sasha’s face intriguing her_

_“Well I have a rule that when I meet a drop dead gorgeous woman and her equally pretty friend I never let them walk away without at least letting them inside the club” Octavia instantly smiled biting the corner of her lip slightly unable to speak “I’ll even buy you a drink to help ease your worries and guilt”_

_“Well if there’s a free drink in it for me then ok” Octavia responded beginning to walk towards the entrance of the club trying to control her nerves, Clarke and Sasha walked with her the smile on Sasha’s face was breath taking but Octavia was trying to play it cool she didn’t want to come across to egger “Plus it’d be mean to deny you the right to buy me a drink”_

_“Yeah it would” Sasha responded looking at Octavia who seemed to be getting even more beautiful everytime she looked at her, as they reached the ropes that marked the entrance as they reached the rope itself Sasha jumped in front of Octavia opening up the rope for her after letting Clarke in as well she closed the rope behind herself “Oh Ladies this is my cousin Lexa, Lexa this is Octavia” She said pointing to Octavia then she pointed to Clarke “And this is her cute friend Clarke”_

_“Nice to meet you both Ladies” Lexa greeted them gently shaking their hands, her and Clarke’s handshake lasted a little longer than either of them intended just as Sasha and Octavia did they both felt a spark rush threw their bodies at the contact they made after a minute they both released the others hands._

_“Did you say your cousins?” Clarke asked looking between them both when they both nodded she asked “Are you sure? Cause you look insanely alike you could be sisters?” Clarke blushed as she asked the question of course they’d know how their related_

_“I don’t know, are you sure we’re not sisters Lexa?” Sasha asked Lexa jokingly she was used to this question not in those words but she knew Clarke meant no harm by it._

_“Oh I don’t know I’ll have to check with our mama’s first” Lexa responded playing along with Sasha, seeing Clarke's red cheeks she added “Don’t worry Clarke, we get it all the time we’ll let you off but only cause you’re so beautiful”_

_“Smooth Lexa real Smooth” Sasha laughed earning her a playful slap from Lexa_

_“It definitely was” Clarke responded her eyes connecting with Lexa’s, they were looking at each other ignoring the other two women with them when Octavia interrupted them;_

_“Come on Clarke, let’s go inside and get a drink.” Pulling Clarke by her arm inside opening the door for her, as the door was about to close Octavia called out “Maybe we’ll see you later ladies”_

_“You will” Sasha responded as the door closed. “Your totally in there Lex” When Lexa smiled at her not saying a word she added “I’m so using that line in the future” She laughed looking at Lexa who lightly laughed along with her._

_ Two Hours Later _

_Lexa and Sasha had officially finished work over an hour ago and had immediately made their ways inside removing the top half of their suits they threw them behind the bar as usual, making their way throw the crowd of three hundred people plus people they found Anya and Raven sitting in the corner at their usual table they sat down opposite the two women who both seemed to be in a more comfortable than they had been at the beginning of their night. As they sat down Sasha reached over and grabbed Raven’s beer taking a massive sip of it. Raven looked at her raising her eyebrows at her best friend;_

_“Need that did you?”_

_“She’s nervous” Lexa answered getting a ‘really’ look from Sasha “What you are?”_

_“You never get nervous” Raven responded_

_“Yeah well she met someone earlier and wants to ask them out” Lexa again answered for Sasha._

_“NO WAY” Raven shouted in response her mouth hanging open in shock, Lexa looking at Raven and nodding her head in agreement_

_“What’s the big deal?” Anya asked not sure why it was a big deal._

_“She NEVER asks women out” Raven quickly responded seeing Sasha shake her head at Lexa and Ravens comments and actions, she could also see the tiniest blush appearing on Sasha’s cheeks it was undetectable to everyone else but Lexa and Raven who knew what to look for…. “Come on then spill tell me everything”_

_“There’s nothing to tell Rae” Sasha quickly responded._

_“Come on tell me we’re besties I can tell when you’re lying” Raven quickly retorted wiggling her eyebrows at Sasha who giggled slightly at the action_

_“Ok Fine……Her name is Octavia”_

_“What does she look like?”_

_“A little shorter than me, Dark brown hair, dark green eyes….” She paused realising that she was being way too obvious about how much she liked Octavia she never remembered any of this with anyone else. She looked behind her, looking around the club she scanned for Octavia she felt slightly deflated when she saw Octavia at the bar standing closely to a tallish black female who Sasha had to admit was sexy as hell she could tell that the woman was flirting with Octavia and it looked as if Octavia was enjoying it so much she was flirting back her hand on the women’s arm as they giggled softly. “But it looks like someone beat me to it” When Raven looked at her confused she pointed to where Octavia was._

_“Dude I’m sorry” Raven said offering her whole beer to Sasha who took it and began drinking it._

_“Sorry Twinsy” Lexa said wrapping her arm around Sasha’s shoulders pulling her into a gentle side hug._

_“No sweat…. Plenty more fish in the sea right” She smiled into the gentle hug._

_Lexa realised the hug seconds later her eyes turning to Octavia she couldn’t help but wonder where Clarke was, as if by magic or some other power as Lexa thought about Clarke she appeared in the corner of her eye she was watching Octavia and this women flirt shaking her head not being able to stop herself Lexa stood up “I’m gonna get a drink” She explained to the other three women she walked straight to were Clarke was standing, Clarke noticed her approaching waved softly at Lexa, she watched as Clarke adorably straightened out her clothes as she got closer to her, as she finally reached Clarke she smiled brightly softly saying;_

_“You been abandoned by Octavia already?”_

_“Yeah” Clarke responded smiling brightly at the brunette, she looked over to where the brunette had emerged and could see Sasha sitting at a table nearby nursing a drink, “She’s only flirting with that women to make your cousin jealous” Octavia had thought it was a brilliant idea to make Sasha jealous by flirting with someone else but Clarke warned her it was a bad idea still she ignored her advice and did what she wanted to. “I told her it was a stupid idea” As she looked at Lexa she couldn’t help but smile something about the brunette was so enticing and amazing at the same time “But that’s Octavia” She felt that a change in subject was needed for them both as she saw the conflicted look on Lexa’s face. “Anyway let’s talk about something else?”_

_“Like?”_

_“I don’t know tell me about yourself…. Do you like working security? How are you and your cousin identical?” Clarke paused as the last question crossed her mind, unable to keep it in she asked it anyway “Are you single? You know those kind of things” She sighed in relief when Lexa continued to smile_

_“Well One I hate doing security but it’s extra money, Two Nobody knows how were identical, and yes we have different fathers before you ask” Clarke smiled at Lexa she was actually thinking that question, how did Lexa manage to read her so well they’d only met hours ago but everytime she looked at or thought about her, her heart reacted like it had known Lexa for years “And Three…..Yes I am single” Lexa completed smiling at Clarke unable to control her hearts fast beat, pausing for a second she noticed her cousin and Raven heading onto the dancefloor, as the two began to dance together she moved a little closer to Clarke softly speaking into her ear “Do you wanna go outside we can talk more?” Clarke simply nodded her head causing Lexa to take her hand guiding her to the garden of the pub._

_Thirty minutes later Clarke and Lexa were alone in the garden sitting side by side on a bench in the garden still talking they had been talking about the army for the last ten minutes after Lexa told her that she was in the army and had been for the last two years along with Sasha, they talked about how the two cousins had ended up getting the same scores on all their tests as well as ending up in the same unit, Clarke then revealed that her father was a Sergeant in the army and that he was looking to transfer to LA so he could spend more time with Clarke they both found it surprisingly easy to talk to each other about their personal lives, as they heard the bell ring out signalling closing time they both stood up, standing in front of each other each anticipated the others move Clarke was the first to say she’d better go, as she went to walk passed Lexa, Lexa caught her wrist gently turning her around until they were hip to hip and face to face after a second or two Lexa breathily said “I have been dying to do this for the last few hours” With that sentence she slowly closed the gap between hers and Clarke’s lips giving the blonde plenty of time to push her away or pull back as their lips connected they both felt a massive rush of energy shoot through their bodies, the kiss staying sweet and innocent as Lexa brought her hands up to either side of Clarke’s jaw, after a few minutes Lexa finally managed to slowly pull herself out of the kiss._

_Neither women spoke after the kiss had ended they both stood looking at the ground biting softly on their bottom lips, they were both brought out of their post kiss thoughts when Bellamy entered the garden walking up to them softly saying hey Lexa he looked to Clarke “Hey Clarke, we're closing up now would you mind taking Octavia home? she’s pretty hammered” Clarke instantly felt bad for not looking after her best friend and instead thinking of her own wants._

_“Yeah of course she can crash with me”_

_“Thanks” Bellamy smiled turning to walk away from them both he knew that he’s interrupted something between the women and wanted to leave them to it, Clarke was like family to him and he was good friends with Lexa and he thought they both deserved to be happy and if that was with each other that was only a good thing for him, before he reached the garden door he remembered the message Sasha asked him to pass on turning his head in their direction he relayed the message “Lex, Sasha said she’ll meet you at home and not to worry” Lexa thanked him softly, with that he walked inside and began cleaning and closing up the bar with the other staff._

_“I better get Octavia home” Clarke said as they both began walking back into the bar “Can I get your number?” Clarke was suddenly nervous at Lexa’s answer so quickly added “Unless this was a one-time kiss kind of thing”_

_“A one-time kiss kind of thing?” Lexa asked raising her eyebrow at Clarke causing the both of them to laugh softly, after a second Lexa pulled her phone out handing it to Clarke she said “I probably should have asked for your number before kissing you but in my defence I’m a little impulsive sometimes” Pausing as Clarke took the phone from her she smiled brightly as she entered her number in Lexa’s contacts, then handing the phone back to Lexa she giggled when she saw Lexa save her number under the name Cutie Pie “Maybe I’ll text you tomorrow and we can maybe go out next week sometime if you’re not busy”_

_“I’ll make sure I’m free” Clarke responded smiling as she looked to the bar she saw Octavia slumped on the floor from the way she was slumped Clarke could tell that she was drunk, looking to Lexa she said “I better go look after her, I’ll see you soon” When Lexa nodded her head she headed in Octavia’s direction the smile on her face getting wider as she thought about the possibility of seeing Lexa in the week._

PRESENT DAY

As Clarke smiled at the memory in her mind she didn’t realise that Lexa had approached her and Mitch, she was snapped out of her thoughts when Lexa gently put her hand on her shoulder gently squeezing, “Clarke are you ok?” She worriedly asked causing Clarke to snap out of her own memories and thoughts,

 

“Um yeah I’m fine” Looking at Lexa’s face it was obvious she was worried about something “What’s wrong?”

 

“When Lexi comes out of the bathroom would you mind looking at her neck, I wouldn’t ask just it looks nasty and she trusts you and she won’t go to an army doctor or a normal doctor because they’ll have to report it to the army and that’ll be put in her rec----“

 

“Lexa, It’s ok I’ll take a look at her neck when she comes back out” Clarke responded she couldn’t deny that this was the side of Lexa she always loved the most the one that put her family first always no matter what.  Clarke looked around avoiding looking into Lexa’s eyes when she didn’t see Octavia she asked “Where’s Octavia?”

 

“She followed Sasha into the bathroom, Bellamy said to let them talk” Lexa explained she knew Clarke would worry for her friend honestly she was a little worried for Octavia herself she knew Sasha wouldn’t willingly hurt Octavia but she’d only just recovered from the flashback she could easily have another one all it would take is a trigger. She walked towards the bar she took a seat on one of the bar stools, after a few minutes she watched as Clarke walked up to the bar and asked Bellamy for a first aid kit which he quickly retrieved from the staff room handing it to Clarke, then Clarke headed in the direction of the ladies’ toilets she quickly called “Clarke Where are you going?”

 

“To check on them both” Clarke quickly responded, the truth was she needed something to distract her from the renewal of her feelings for Lexa that she was feeling, from all the memories flashing in her head.

 

“Give them some more time, Sasha won’t hurt Octavia” Bellamy called to Clarke he knew Clarke was probably worried but he also knew his sister and she could handle herself well enough plus she knew how much Octavia had missed Sasha and a few minutes was the least she deserved to try talk things our even if nothing good came out of it Octavia had made her decision.

 

“Sasha was bleeding a lot I need to make sure she’s ok” Clarke lied heading to the toilet door she knocked before she entered.

 

__

_ -Friday 10th September 2010- _

_It’d been two whole months since all four women had met and since Clarke and Lexa had shared their first kiss, after that kiss they had gone on two dates every week spending all that time together only made their connection even stronger but neither of them was ready to take their relationship to the next level and actually sleep together they wanted to wait until they were completely sure that they wanted each other and knew were the stood with each other. Though the more they saw each other the harder it got to contain theirselves their kisses had become more and more passionate the more time they spent together so they had taken to hanging out with Octavia and Sasha instead of risking being alone due mainly to the fact that there had been more than one occasion where both of them had found their hands wondering the others bodies._

_After talking one night they decided that they could but their energy into helping Sasha and Octavia finally get together instead of into fighting their urges for each other. They had thought of numerous ways they could help them both see they were into each other but Octavia and Sasha were as stubborn as each other neither wanted to make a move on the other after what had happened on the night they first meet. They had thought about locking them both in a room until they worked it out but agreed that both women would probably punch them if they did that and neither of them wanted to be punched anytime soon. They had finally decided that they would give the two no other option than to talk to each other but they had decided that it should be on a Saturday night when Sasha was working an extra hour on the door, Lexa knew that Sasha had been covering for Miller doing the extra hours so that Miller could spend more time with his father before he shipped out for active duty she didn’t question why he’d be spending time with his dad at night she needed the money and didn’t feel much like partying at the moment, they decided that they’d get Octavia outside somehow get their phones and keys from them and then look them outside on the front door neither of them would be able to run away without their phones or keys._

_And tonight was the night their plan was in full motion they had managed to get Octavia’s jacket and hide it from her while she had gone to get a drink, Lexa had managed to get Sasha’s keys from her but her phone was a different story, she’d been thinking about how to get the phone when it popped into her head it was so simple she kicked herself for not thinking about it sooner she told Clarke the plan and Clarke did her bit getting Octavia to come out side with her for some fresh air as Lexa popped her head through the front door noticing Octavia and Clarke standing on the pavement she looked to Sasha who turned to looked at her after hearing the door;_

_“Sash, Can I borrow your phone I’ve run out of credit and need to call Mema” She asked softly and convincingly_

_“Sure” She responded pulling her phone out her pocket and handing it to her cousin “Guess you’ve been texting lover girl too much huh”_

_Clarke looked towards Lexa seeing the phone in her hand and Lexa nodding at her she quickly ran through the front door as she got in Lexa quickly locked the door the noise was the only thing that made Sasha and Octavia think something was up, Sasha walked up to the door and tried pushing it a couple times before she realised what was going on “They’ve locked us out” She stated her facial expression showing how unimpressed she was._

_“What you’re kidding me right?” Octavia asked moving up to the door pushing it a couple times “Why would they do that?”_

_“Who knows” She lied. When she noticed that Octavia was shivering she pulled off her black hoody she handed it to Octavia “Here wear this, There’s no telling how long we'll be out here” When Octavia just looked at the hoody she continued “Look I know you might dislike me but it’s not worth getting sick over” When Octavia finally relented taking the hoody Sasha went back to the way she had previously been leaning on the wall that was located right next to the door of the pub it was the perfect spot to lean but also keep an eye on the door in case anything happened. She had been leaning for about Five minutes when Octavia moved to her right side leaning against the wall._

_“Thanks” Octavia softly said, after a few minutes she decided to finally talk to Sasha she couldn’t stand the silence and she knew that small talk was out of the question “I don’t dislike you…. Actually the opposite” She honestly replied the whole problem with Sasha was that she made her feel things she hadn’t felt before and she didn’t know why or how but she knew that it scared the hell out of her._

_“I thought you didn’t like me” Sasha replied her eyes staying in front of her not wanting to look at Octavia afraid that looking at her would make her lose whatever confidence it was that was helping her speak at this moment in time “I mean you didn’t take me up on that drink so I assumed you didn’t like me back”_

_“I wanted to talk to you that night but I thought that flirting with that woman would make you jealous as well”_

_“As Well?”_

_“I saw you talking with someone and thought you changed your mind and flirting with someone else would make you like me again” When Sasha looked at the ground confused she added “The woman you danced with that night, the one you were grinding on”_

_“Raven?” She saw Octavia nod out of the corner of her eye “Raven’s my best friend we always dance like that there was nothing sexual about it I promise”_

_“Really?” When Sasha nodded she continued “So we wasted two months on a miscommunication?”_

_“Seems that way yeah”_

_Octavia decided to be bold and brave and moved in front of Sasha their feet touching each other’s slightly when Sasha didn’t move or react she pulled back “Sorry I must have misunderstood that as well” When Octavia turned to walk away Sasha gently grabbed her by the wrist gently turning her around switching their positions then walking until Octavia’s back was completely against the wall pressing their hips together until there was no space between them, “No you didn't” Sasha responded as she bit her lip, before she could even think about it she crashed her lips into Octavia’s she was relieved when Octavia instantly kissed her back the passion in the kiss surprised them both, the spark they felt from the handshake revisiting their bodies this time around though it was more intense it felt like their bodies were on fire all the longing for each other evaporating as their lips continued to connect with each other’s. They had been kissing for about five minutes when Octavia slowly pulled back she was finding it hard to keep her horniness in check as her lips meshed with Sasha’s “I think we should let them know that their stupid whatever worked”_

_Sasha looked at her smiling brightly “They can wait…this is about us so we should maybe talk things out” Octavia nodded at the woman’s words……_

PRESENT DAY

It had been around thirty minutes since Clarke had left Sasha and Octavia to talk in the toilets once she had closed the door she decided that she had to talk to Lexa and face the difficult tension between them, it hadn’t been as bad as she thought it was as effortless to talk to Lexa had it had always been. They had been chatting about all things that had happened to each other since they broke up Lexa had explained a little more about how Sasha got diagnosed with PTSD and Clarke told Lexa about how she met Mitch on base while visiting her dad at work. They were now talking about the odds of Sasha and Octavia emerging from the bathroom reunited they both agreed it was a no brainer they both thought the two should have never broken up, their conversation was interrupted when Mitch shouted “Fuck this I’m not waiting anymore I’m getting Octavia out here now” Clarkes eyes shoot to him seeing the beer in his head she realised he must have grabbed someone’s left over beer and continued his drinking.

 

“Just leave them to it Mitch there’s no rush” Clarke firmly replied to him

 

“No I’m bored and I want to go home”

 

“Then you go home and I’ll wait for Octavia”

 

“No if I leave your coming with me, you are MY woman”

 

“Don’t talk to her like that” Lexa interjected looking sternly at Mitch who turned to her unimpressed

 

“I’ll talk to MY WOMAN anyway I want to”

 

“Then maybe you don’t deserve for her to be your woman”

 

“Don’t tell me what I deserve you stupid bitch” Mitch retorted stepping into Lexa a little more

 

“Look whatever your trying to do with all this…” Lexa motioned with her hand up and down Mitch’s body “I’m not intimidated by any of it…I’ve face bigger and badder men than you and whipped their asses”

 

“I don’t know who you think you are you fucking homo but I’m done talking to you….” Turning and looking at Clarke he mumbled “I’m going to grab that little faggot so we can go home”

 

“MITCH” Clarke shouted still shocked at his actions tonight “Don’t call Octavia that it’s not ok…just leave them to talk”

 

“Don’t EVER tell me what to do…” Mitch angrily spoke as he pointed his finger in Clarke’s direction walking towards her

 

“Look Mitch, whatever your name is… Just leave them to it they have a lot to talk about” Lexa said stepping in when Mitch angrily walked towards Clarke.

 

“Don’t tell me what to do Lady” He shoved his beer in her face “I’ll do what I want. Hell I might even smash this bottle over your little bitch dyke friends head again” Seeing the anger rise in Lexa’s face he continued “It was really fun the first time so why not make it a pair” He laughed hard at his own comments

 

Seeing the angry look on Lexa’s face Clarke stepped in front of her before she had a chance to say anything to Lexa, Mitch grabbed Clarke’s arm pulling her out of the way. Seeing the man put his hands on Clarke was the final switch for Lexa who grabbed him by the shirt pushing him backwards until they hit a wall pressing her forearm into his throat the only image she could see was her little cousin laying on the floor blood seeping from her head. When Clarkes calls to Lexa to let go of Mitch went unnoticed and nobody else in the room stepped in Clarke ran to the ladies’ toilets she knew there was only one person who could get Lexa to let go by force or not. As she stopped at the door she debated letting Mitch get hurt but when it came down to it she couldn’t let that happen to him she did care about him after all maybe not as much as she should but she cared. Knocking on the door she anxiously waited for it to open.

 

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

 

After a few moments later the door swung open revealing a flustered looking Sasha Clarke didn’t have time to register Sasha’s flustered look or what had made her look so flustered she just knew she had to get some help.

 

“Clarke w --------“Before she could complete her sentence she was cut by Clarkes frantic words

 

“I need you to help me”

 

“What’s wrong?” Octavia asked quickly moving to the door seeing the state of her friend

 

“Lexa’s attacking Mitch……………….”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what does everyone think...comments and inboxing is more than welcome....also sorry Erin I haven't written that flashback as of yet but I might give it a go the reason I've never written it is because I never felt I could make it all tie in and seem genuine...but on that note if anyone wants to have a shoot at writing the flashback your more than welcome too. I may give it a try myself and see how it turns out lol.....anyway enough of me nattering on and on...if anyone has any questions or anything please feel free to ask...and until the next chapter. Stay Safe everyone :-)


	5. Conflict of Emotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to everyone and welcome back :-) Thanks to everyone that left a comment/review love reading them all :-) and Thank you to those who left kudos as well.. :-) Hope you enjoy this chapter any questions please feel free to contact me or leave a comment with the question and I'll get back to you :-) but anyway hope you enjoy this chapter, there is a small note below regarding character descriptions for the second half...But otherwise peeps and peepettes Enjoy :-D 
> 
> Atom: 8 Years Old-Lexa's younger brother and her only sibling - Short brunette hair combed back neatly, dark green eyes and Tanned Skin, wearing a small version of Lexa and Sasha's Army suits complete with small medals  
> Costia: 6 Years Old- Sasha's younger sister & Tristan's twin - Shoulder length brunette tied back into a small braid, dark green eyes, a small amount of freckles on her cheeks (In essence a small version of Sasha) wearing a light pink dress with flowers and small birds on it with beige tights and black flat shoes  
> Tristan: 6 Years Old-Sasha's younger brother & Costia's twin - Short brunette hair spiked up at the top, Dark green eyes, small amount of freckles on his cheeks, wearing black jean shorts and a Boston Celtics t-shirt and white trainers

Chapter Five-Conflict of Emotion

Sasha rushed out of the ladies toilets closely followed by Clarke and Octavia, as she stepped through the door she spotted Lexa with Mitch pressed against the wall her forearm pressed firmly into his throat she rushed over stepping in-between Mitch and Lexa using the back of her left arm she pushed against Lexa creating some space using her right hand to pull Lexa's forearm off Mitch's throat once she’d been able to move Lexa back a few steps she placed her right hand on Lexa’s waist gently pushing her even further back using her whole body to stop Lexa moving forward, she could tell Lexa was furious at Mitch as she pushed back she softly whispered “Lexa Calm down”  When Lexa still struggled against her she looked to Clarke asking “what did he say to her?”

 

Clarke remained silent not saying a word mainly through embarrassment that her boyfriend was being so foul with everyone, after a few seconds Octavia loudly comment “CLARKE” The volume of Octavia’s voice making Clarke jump slightly but still she remained quiet Octavia was about to physically shake an answer out of Clarke when Bellamy’s voice interrupted “He said he was gonna smash a bottle over Sasha’s head again” As the words hit Sasha’s ears she knew why Lexa was so angry ever since they could remember they had been closer than most sisters were except for a few years where she had lived with her dad in England her and Lexa had never been apart for more than a month at a time, Lexa had always been very protective of her when it came to people hurting her either physically or mentally that bond and instinct to protect her had only strengthened since Lexa had found out about her PTSD, the main reason she understood was because she felt the exact same way as Lexa did. She knew that whatever was going on in Lexa’s head was more than likely what would be going on inside hers and that would be one image, her cousin laying on the floor covered in blood after being knocked out, she knew what she’d be thinking about doing if it was the other way around with that in mind she grabbed either side of Lexa’s face forcing Lexa to look into her eyes “Hey Look at me Alexandra I'm fine ok I'm absolutely fine just calm down please” As she forced to look into her eyes she noticed get Lexa’s breathing was slowing down until she was eventually calm enough for Sasha to let go of her, “you ok?”

 

After a second or two Lexa responded “Yeah sorry I just snapped I couldn't stop it not after what he said”

 

“You dykes are all crazy bitches who need a real man to show them what fucking is” Mitch yelled, at this point even though he was drunk everyone in the room was itching to punch him in the mouth even Clarke.

 

“He's not worth it” Sasha said looking at Lexa sternly

 

“Scared you did I? don't want me to beat up your bitch again”

 

Sasha looked at Lexa looking her dead in the eyes she firmly said “One Punch” without any further warning to Mitch or the others Lexa took one massive step forward with her left foot pulling her right arm back and punching Mitch as hard as she could the punch connecting completely with his jaw sending him crashing to floor.

 

“About time” Bellamy mumbled getting an amused smirk from Octavia, Gustus and Raven

 

“Lexa, what the hell?” Clarke said quickly rushing to her boyfriend’s side checking he was ok

 

“Really Clarke, you know me did you think he’d get away with touching my family without me getting some sort of payback he's lucky it was one punch” she looked into Clarke’s eyes they both knew the answer they knew that Mitch was lucky it was only one punch as he began cursing about lesbians as he laid drunkenly on the floor she couldn't help but wish she didn't have to deal with him.

 

"Lex come on let's go…. My heads pounding and We should call Mema let her know we're crashing with Raven”

 

“Hell no, we’re calling the police and getting him arrested Sasha”

 

“Lex, I’m fine ok…. I’ll call Nyko ask him what to look out for….”

 

“No that’s not good enough he deserves to be arrested”

 

“Lexa, please this is my decision I don’t want to the police involved”

 

“Guess your boyfriend gets away with it Clarke” Lexa angrily stated looking over to Clarke, who kept her attention on Mitch

 

“LEXA” Sasha started pulling gently on Lexa’s arm causing her cousin to look at her again “This isn’t Clarke’s fault; his actions have nothing to do with her. Look let’s just go and forgot about all this rubbish please” Sasha said gently placing her arm around Lexa's shoulder when Lexa nodded softly, Sasha looked over to Raven who walked the short distance to them both as they reached the door, Sasha walked back to Octavia softly asking “Are you gonna be ok with dick face and Clarke?”

 

“I’ll be fine”

 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you getting hurt because of me”

 

“She can stay at mine tonight” Bellamy interjected seeing the look of worry on both Octavia and Sasha's faces

 

“Thanks Bell” Octavia responded smiling at her big brother “See I'll be fine with Bell so you worry about yourself ok?” She softly added grazing her hand softly over Sasha’s

 

“Ok” Sasha said letting out a small smile, Octavia took the opportunity to lean in and kiss her softly, it wasn’t anything more than a peck that showed her that she wasn’t regretting the kiss minutes beforehand, Sasha paused for a second, wondering if the thoughts about texting Octavia that were in her mind would actually be ok with Octavia so she decided to ask she knew they were giving their relationship another go but where exactly they were meant to start from she didn't know “I’ll text you later if that's ok?”

 

“Of course it is. I'll umm look forward to reading it” Octavia responded blushing slightly at how happy the sentence had sounded as she watched Sasha walk back to Raven and Lexa

 

“I look forward to your reply” Sasha replied winking at Octavia before looking at the others she softly said “Goodnight guys, oh and sorry about the mess”

 

“Goodnight” Everyone in the room responded almost simultaneously, with the response Lexa, Raven and Sasha walked out of the door.

 

-Outside Grounders-  

The three women stood in the street for a few seconds looking at each other a small amount of tension between them as they all thought about saying something, Raven was the first to speak;

 

“That was a hell of a right hook Lexa” As the words left her lips all three women burst into laughter as Sasha pointed in the direction of where her car was parked, as they walked Raven began smiling massively seeing the look on Ravens face Sasha instantly knew what she was thinking looking over at Raven she firmly said;

 

“Hell No Reyes you’re not driving my baby”  

 

"Well you can't drive after being knocked unconscious and Lexa can't drive she's been drinking”

 

“So have you” Sasha pointed out

 

“But I've had less than her”

 

Sasha looked to Lexa who raised her eyebrows at her and giggled softly knowing that Raven was right “Fine but I swear….” Throwing Raven her car keys

 

“Yeah yeah I know one scratch and you’ll end me” Smiling brightly in victory as she approached the car she jumped up in excitement “I've loved this car since the day you brought it” Leaning down she hugged the bonnet of the car, she could see Lexa and Sasha laughing at her actions ignoring them she unlocked the car and jumped in sitting in the driver’s seat she placed the key in the ignition as Lexa and Sasha climbed in the car still laughing she pulled out heading in the direction of her apartment.

 

Inside Grounders

Since Sasha, Raven and Lexa had left nobody had said a word to anybody else inside the pub, Mitch had finally managed to get himself up off of the floor and onto a chair where Clarke was tending to him checking he was ok and nothing was broken while Octavia, Bellamy & Gustus were just waiting around until Mitch was able to leave neither of them wanting to talk to him they all knew he wasn't reply a nasty person but to say he was opinionated was an understatement to say the least.

 

“Is he ok to leave?” Gustus finally asked “I need to cash up the takings” he said making up any excuse

 

Clarke sensed that everyone was itching for Mitch to leave and deep down she knew that they had a valid reason for their dislike even she was appalled by his actions. “Um yeah sure he is”

 

“No I’m not” Mitch protested

 

“Your fine it was one punch”

 

“Bu---“Mitch went to protest but was cut off by Clarke

 

“We’re going home now your fine” Clarke firmly said stopping Mitch in his track

 

“Fine whatever” He said getting up from the seat walking to the door and exiting it

 

Clarke let out a small sigh at Mitch's continued drunken behaviour “I'll see you all next week……. alone” she sadly said the emphasis on the word alone, as she hugged Octavia and Bellamy she waved goodbye to Gustus then walked out of the door re-joining with Mitch.

 

Back inside Bellamy had asked Octavia if she was ok waiting for him while he helped Gustus cash up or if she wanted a taxi to take her to his, she decided to wait for her brother instead feeling it'd be bad of her to leave him after he saved her from having to spend the night helping Clarke with Mitch, she'd been sitting down on the couch when Gustus brought her a drink for while she waited after thanking him her mind went back to what had happened between her and Sasha in the bathroom and the kiss they had shared she smiled brightly pulling her phone out of her pocket she wrote out a message sending it to Sasha giggling when she noticed that she still had Sasha saved under her nickname;

 

**Octavia: Is it possible you've become a better kisser? Ox**

 

**Baby Cakes: I'm not sure you'd have to be the judge of that I can't say I've ever kissed myself ;-) Before she could answer another message came through- and I was meant to message you first spoil sport ;-P**

 

**Octavia: Well I was bored of waiting for you**

 

**Baby Cakes: Sorry blame Raven- Octavia smiled when she opened the message seeing a picture pop up after the message it was of Raven in the driver’s seat of what she knew to be Sasha’s car. - She wouldn’t let me drive so I have to make sure she doesn’t crash my pride and joy**

**Octavia: I am heartbroken…. I thought I was your pride and joy or at least one** **L**

**Baby Cakes: I’m sorry but the car has replaced you ;-) But you can still be my Candy Pants if you want ;-P**

**Octavia: I’ll think about it -Sending the message she thought about one of the previous texts wondering how Raven managed to get Sasha to let her drive her car so she sent another text- Hang on why is Raven driving your car?**

**Baby Cakes: She used my being knocked unconscious to her advantage and Lexa’s had more to drink than her so unless I wanted to sleep on the street corner I had no choice**

**Octavia: How is your head?**

**Baby Cakes: Better than my lips** **J**

**Octavia: How come?**

**Baby Cakes: I don’t know if you remember but we kissed for a good ten minutes think my lips are worn out ;-)**

**Octavia: Are you complaining? If not, we’ll have to work on that ;-)**

**Baby Cakes: No complaining…...We’ll definitely have to work on it…... In fact, I look forward to it**

 

 **Octavia: That makes two of us** – She smiled as she sent the message closing the app she opened her Facebook account typing out a quick status update, as she thought of the right way to describe it she decided to keep it simple: **Crazy but AMAZING Night out @Grounders** Posting the comment she looked through her feed page and noticed a picture Raven had uploaded earlier in the night it was of her Lexa and Sasha posing in front of the karaoke stage she hit the like button, she smiled even brighter when she noticed a friend request pop up the name read: **Alexis Sasha Woods.**  She smiled as she wondered who finally managed to get Sasha to use Facebook when they were together she hated it with a passion.

 

**Baby Cakes: Can I ask you something?**

**Octavia: Yes, I’m going to accept your friend request…. though I thought we were more ;-)**

**Baby Cakes: No I want to ask you something else is that ok?**

**Octavia: Sure you can as long as you promise to tell me who convinced you to join Facebook**

**Baby Cakes: I can’t promise that; so can I ask you the question then?**

**Octavia: Ok, then yes you can ask me a question, even though you technically asked me two already ;-)**

**Baby Cakes: I was talking to my Mema, and she wants you to come to my Grandpa’s 70th birthday party next Friday**

**Octavia: Where is the question? She randomly remembered me huh????**

**Baby Cakes: The question is, do you wanna come or is it too soon?....... I may have mentioned your name**

**Octavia: I’m glad you mentioned me** **J** **And no it’s not too soon I love your family I’ve missed seeing them**

 

 **Baby Cakes: They’ve missed you too, The Twins are going to go mad when I tell them lol** – Octavia opened the message biting her lip as she read the message, again she was about to write her message out when she received another message from Sasha aka Baby Cakes- Don’t tell anyone but I kind of missed you too ;-)

 

**Octavia: Ahhhh has my big bad Army Chick turned soft lol ;-P I’ve missed you too**

 

Octavia was brought out of her thoughts when she heard footsteps approaching her as she looked up she noticed Bellamy approaching her as he put his jacket on. “That was quick” She said as she got up from the sofa smiling at him, when she felt her phone vibrate in her hand looking at she smiled when she read the message to herself- Baby **Cakes: Shhhh don’t tell anyone I have to maintain my tough image ;-)** – She was about to reply when she heard Bellamy talk;

 

“I was about to say sorry for being so long but I see you were distracted by someone” When Octavia looked at him slightly confused he continued “You’ve been waiting for about an hour and a half”

 

“Really” She stated looking at the clock on her phone she notices the time and that Bellamy was right it had been an hour and a half as she reaching Bellamy he lets out a massive smirk in her direction “What? I was talking to Sasha and I kind of got lost in the conversation”

 

Bellamy laughed softly before replying “I’m happy for you O, you two were always good together. And she made you happy”

 

“She asked me to go to her Grandpa’s birthday on Friday, do you think it’s too soon?” Octavia asked as Bellamy locked the entrance doors from the inside, it didn’t feel too quick to her but maybe she was thinking with her heart and not her head. And Bellamy was the perfect person to ask especially since she didn’t really want to talk to Clarke at the moment.

 

“Does it feel too soon? I mean deep down” He asked her softly

 

Octavia looked at her brother as they walked out of the staff exit at the back of the building, as she searched inside thinking about everything she was feelings she knew the answer, she’d never really stopped loving Sasha and now she knew Sasha only broke up with her because of fear of hurting her she didn’t feel the need to deny what she felt anymore, after a few minutes she looked at Bellamy smiling brightly “No it feels right”

 

“Then there’s your answer little sis” Bellamy responded as he placed his arm around Octavia’s shoulder pulling her into a hug

 

“Are you sure you’re ok with me and Sasha being back together?” She asked looking up at him

 

“As long as your happy then I’m happy O”

 

“Good because I’m really happy” She responded as they reached Bellamy’s car as they both climbed in she began writing her response to Sasha, her mind wondering to a number of things but mainly her and Sasha and their reunion….

 

Friday-Grandpa Woods’ 70th Birthday Party

It had been six days since Octavia and Sasha had got back together and over the course of those days they had continued to text and even spoke a couple times over the phone leading up to party, Sasha had sent her all the details for the party and even told her that Clarke and Bellamy where more than welcome to come along to the party as long as they didn’t mind that sometimes certain members of the family would suddenly switch from speaking English to South African (Afrikaans) with no warning, Octavia was used to it and even knew a few lines of South African, she knew that everyone in the family spoke it because Lexa and Sasha’s Grandpa had learned it when he was stationed in South Africa when he was in the army. That’s where he met their Grandma or Mema as they both called her and feel head over heels for her the brought her to America where they had been ever since. After informing Clarke and Bellamy of the invitation Sasha had extended to them she was happy when they both agreed to attend the party, Clarke already knew about the South African language the family spoke but unlike Octavia she’d never got the hang of speaking it she understood certain phrases and words but other than that nothing which made Bellamy feel a million times better knowing he wouldn’t be the only one who didn’t understand the language. All three had been slightly confused when Sasha sent a message to them saying that they were required to wear Basketball or Baseball jersey to the party she said it was something to do with her Grandpa being a massive fan or something along those lines. Bellamy had opted to wear a Lakers Basketball Jersey with Black Cargo pants and white converse trainers, Clarke had gone with a Los Angeles’ Dodgers Baseball jersey with skinny jeans and Black converse trainers, While Octavia herself had gone for tight fitting Los Angeles’ Angels Baseball jersey that she had cut and fiddled with so it showed off her assets as she called it she was wearing a pair of tightish Black shorts with it that ended just above her knee with Black boots, she decided not to wear anything too revealing as she knew there would be children at the party.

 

It was 8pm when Bellamy parked the car outside the location that Sasha had sent to Octavia it was from what they could tell a veteran’s social club they could tell by the design of outside of the building along with the massive American flag that hanging from a pole on the side of the building, as Octavia looked in the pocket mirror at the cut on her face which she was unable to cover up with make up after she decided she looked alright she closed the mirror placing it in her jacket pocket then looking around she noticed Sasha’s car was parked up, noticing Raven get out of the backseat followed quickly by Lexa and Sasha getting out of the two front seats, Lexa was wearing Black combat jeans with a tight fitting Boston Celtics Home Jersey with a leather jacket over it and Black Nike trainers, Raven was wearing a tight black jeans with a St Louis Cardinals jersey with a vest underneath it along with Red and white Adidas trainers, Sasha was the last person Octavia noticed as she eyed her up and down taking in the bruises and cuts on her face and neck which didn’t look as bad as six days ago, then she noticed that Sasha was wearing Dark Green combat jeans with a tight fit Boston Celtics Home Jersey with a dark brown leather jacket over it and Black Nike trainers, she made a mental note at how similar the cousins had chosen to dress although it was nothing unusual they had always dressed alike it was just one of the many things that were similar between the two. As Octavia stepped out of the car closing the door she looked at Sasha their eyes meeting for a second before she found herself running towards Sasha until Sasha caught her as they became engulfed in a hug after a few seconds Octavia pulled back looking into Sasha’s eyes smiling sweetly saying: “Hey”

 

“Hey indeed” Sasha smiled back as Octavia moved closer to her closing the gap between their lips, as they pulled back she couldn’t help but smile down at Octavia “So I take it that means you missed me?” Octavia nodded at her in response to the question “Good cause I missed you too” Sasha responded leaning down to recapture Octavia’s lips before she could she was interrupted by a voice;

 

“Hey guys we’re still here” Raven said as she placed her hands in between them forcing them to separate from each other breaking their hug, both women slapped Raven on the arm giving her a dirty look as they did “Ouch I just wanted to get some sugar before O runs out” She responded laughing as Octavia giggled and hugged her once, after Raven released her from the hug Octavia jogged over to Lexa wrapping her arms around Lexa hugging her for a minute or two both women squeezing each other tightly, they had always been close friends ever since Sasha started dated Octavia all those years ago as they pulled apart Octavia walked over to Sasha standing next to her grabbing hold of her hand

 

“So where’s Clarke and Bellamy then?” Lexa asked as she moved over to where Sasha, Octavia and Raven were standing.

 

“They’re just locking the car” Octavia answered looking to Lexa she continued “Clarke’s really nervous about seeing you both today, after everything that happened with Mitch last week she thinks you both hate her”

 

“If we hated her we wouldn’t have invited her” Lexa responded quickly, as Octavia looked from her to Sasha and then back again slightly confused she explained “Lexi asked me if it was ok before she asked you about inviting Clarke” When Octavia nodded her that she understood Lexa motioned to the social club saying “We better go inside” Octavia nodded all four women walking towards the entrance before they could make it to the door a voice called out from behind them;

 

“Look our little soldiers” Lexa and Sasha instantly turned to where the voice was coming from knowing that the voice was that of Lexa’s mother, Rosalyn, they quickly moved from their spot rushing over to the woman Lexa was the first to reach her mum engulfing her in a massive hug, she missed her mum so much it was hard to even explain her mum and Sasha‘s mum still lived in Boston with their husbands which especially with army training made it really hard to go and see them as much as both cousins wished. After Lexa let her mum go Sasha stepped forward hugging her auntie tightly for a minute or two before pulling back.

 

“You look great auntie Rosa” Sasha honestly responded she couldn’t help but feel a little sad that he mother wasn’t gonna be at the party tonight she didn’t know details but her mum had called her a few days ago saying her step father was sick so she had to stay in Boston and look after him shaking the thoughts out of her head she smiled at her Aunt.

 

“Thank you Alexis, you would think I’d look terrible after the journey we just had”

 

Sasha smiled at the use of her given name -Alexis- very few people called her by that name they usually found it to confusing seeing as she was always with Lexa and their names were almost identical when shortened, she stopped herself when she thought about her Aunt’s words ‘journey we just had’ had been her Aunts word, she knew her uncle wasn’t coming because he was working and unable to get the time off looking up she looked at her Aunt quizzingly “We? I thought Uncle Ryder couldn’t make it?” Before Rosalyn could answer her question she felt Lexa tap her on the shoulder whispering to her;

 

“Lexi, Turn around?”

 

“Wha---” Sasha turned around unable to complete the word as she saw her mother standing in front of her, her brain completely froze she hadn’t seen her mum, Madalyn, in just over ten months she missed her mum more than words could describe she hated not being able to see her especially as her mum was all she had growing up for a certain amount of years her mum was the person she had the one that loved her unconditionally but under doctors’ orders she wasn’t allowed to go on a plane or drive for an extended period of time which meant she missed spending Mother’s day, Thanksgiving, New years and probably the worse her mother’s birthday with her. “Mama” She muttered before she ran full speed towards her mum engulfing her in a hug as she wrapped her arms tightly around her mum making sure she wasn’t dreaming this moment; she was unable to control the tears that spilled from her eyes she missed seeing her mum especially with her PTSD sometimes she just wanted to hug her mum but most of the time she never told her about her flashback because she knew that it would upset her “I’ve missed you Mama” She said weakly into the hug.

 

“I missed you too baby girl” Pulling back looking at her daughter taking in the things only a mother could see, the pain that to everyone else was hidden in her eyes but she could see it clearly, wiping Sasha’s tears away she looked worryingly at her taking in the marks on her neck and her face, she noted that her daughter looked smaller than the last time she’d seen her like she was looking after herself properly. “You’re getting too skinny, and what happened to your beautiful face?”

 

“Mama, I’m not too skinny and forget about my face. Seeing as you had a surprise for me I’ve got one of my own” Sasha smiled pointing over to where Octavia was standing a few steps away “Mama, you remember O---” Before she could finish the sentence her mums voice cut her off

 

“Octavia…. oh my it’s been too long come here” Madalyn almost screamed as she reached Octavia engulfing her in a hug as she released the hug she noticed that Octavia had a cut that had a bruise underneath it on her cheek looking at it she looked to Sasha, as she motioned to the injuries to both women and softly asked in Afrikaans “is hierdie seksuele beserings?” ( _are these sexual injuries?_ )

 

“MAMA” Sasha shouted as she heard Lexa and her Auntie Rosalyn laughing at her mothers question her face going slightly red from the embarrassment.

 

“No, they’re not” Octavia answered honestly looking at Madalyn

 

“Good, then how come you are both injured?” Looking at Sasha she could instantly see her daughter’s eyes fill with shame “You had a flashback? And you did this?”

 

“No” Octavia instantly replied defending Sasha “She’d never hit me….” She paused as she saw Clarke approaching the group with Bellamy, they both stopped near the group close enough to hear the conversation but not close enough to be in the way. “Some guy was hassling me and she saved me” Octavia almost cooed talking Sasha’s hand in her own purposely not mentioning Sasha’s flashback she knew Sasha very rarely told her mum when she had a flashback because she didn’t want her worrying about her.

 

“Alexis Sasha Woods do not lie to me” Madalyn demanded looking at Sasha she knew her daughter better than anyone in this word could she could read her just by looking in her eyes and at this moment Sasha wasn’t looking at her which was a sign someone was lying and she wanted to know what was going on. “You look at me right now” She firmly instructed a second later Sasha was looking her dead in the eyes after another second Sasha opened her mouth;

 

“Some guy threatened me because I was talking to Octavia she told him to leave us alone he didn’t…He grabbed her shoulder so I grabbed him in a wrist lock…Octavia asked me to let him go so I did then he tried to punch me I ducked and um….” The words caught in Sasha’s throat as she thought about the moment, she felt Octavia squeeze her hand and continued “He punched Octavia instead of me I went to check on her and he smashed something on my head the impact triggered a flashback” Seeing the shock on her mother’s face she looked at her added “I’m fine Mama Alexandra looked after me” Smiling back at Lexa and then at her mother “Anyway can we forget about all of this please tonight’s about Papa I don’t wanna bring everyone down?”

 

“Ok, but one question?” Madalyn asked softly looking at her daughter who nodded that she could ask “This guy did you know him; did you get him arrested?”

 

“No Mama I didn’t know him he was some random guy… and after Lexa knocked him out I thought that it’d be unfair to get him arrested” Sasha smiled at her mums two in one questions, she noticed her mum walk over to Lexa and thank her kissing her on the cheek softly before walking inside. Now noticing Clarke and Bellamy standing near her Sasha walked over to Bellamy hugging him she said a quick hello and thanked him for helping hold her back during her flashback, he told her it wasn’t a problem as they released the hug, he then walked forward joining Lexa and the others as they entered the social club entrance, Sasha looked at Clarke seeing the woman was clearly a little nervous about this whole situation with her boyfriend, she thought back to how she used to greet the blonde and decided to greet her the same way. Octavia watched as Sasha walked up to Clarke wrapping her arms around Clarke’s waist hugging her tightly as she lifted her off her feet “I’ve missed your face Clarkey” Sasha softly said into Clarkes ear.

 

As Sasha put Clarke down the blonde hugged Sasha tightly smiling into the hug as her feet hit the floor she whispered to Sasha “I’ve missed you too...” After pausing for a second she found herself apologising “I’m so sorry about what Mitch did to you” Sasha pulled back and smiled down at the blonde;

 

“You have nothing to apologise for Clarke” When Clarke went to protest she continued “He did those things not you…Now I’ll hear no more of it lets go have some good old fashioned Woods family fun” She smiled when Clarke nodded at her, wrapping her right arm around Clarke’s shoulders grabbing hold of Octavia’s hand with her left hand as her Clarke walked past her all three then continued walking towards the entrance that lead to the social club’s hall

 

- **One Hour and Thirty Minutes Later-**

The last hour and a half had flown by for everyone and the party was now in full swing there were about one hundred people at the party it amazed Clarke how many members of the Woods’ family turned up for the party though from her past experience she knew that everyone respected Lexa and Sasha’s Grandpa Alexander and the respect was well deserved he was a lovely man who had always treated her really nicely even today he had made time to talk to Clarke asking her how her studies where going and how her training to become a doctor and army doctor was going she’d explained how she decided to become a paramedic over her after thinking that there were thousands of people who needed her help in the US she also mentioned the volunteering she did for a veterans shelter, she nearly cried when he told her he was proud of her and the person she was for someone who wasn’t related to her to care about her so much and tell her even though he didn’t have to especially now she and Lexa weren’t together meant a lot to her considering her own father couldn’t say the words to her and he was meant to be the one to always tell her. After talking to Alexander she had talked to various members of the Woods’ she remembered most of them she had been talking to Lexa and Sasha’s cousin Echo before they were interrupted by Bellamy when it became obvious the two were flirting she made her excuses and left them to flirt. She then spoke to Jasper, another cousin, who was there with his best friend Monty they talked for five minutes before the boys saw two girls who had been brought along with other cousins as guests, they disappeared telling her they were going to work their ‘magic’ on the girls.

 

She was walking back to her table when she heard a younger male voice call her name loudly, turning around she saw a little boy with short brunette hair who she instantly recognised as Lexa’s younger brother Atom, he was running at her with all his might as he continued running to her he shouted “Clarke….I Missed you” As he reached her she picked him up he instantly clung onto her hugging her with all the power he had, she smiled into the hug seeing Lexa approaching them slowly she found the closest two chairs to them sitting down with the little boy sitting him on her lap, as they sat down he looked up at her smiling as she smiled back down at him Lexa sat next to them just in time to hear Clarke say to the little boy “I missed you too buddy you’ve got so big” He looked at Clarke smiling at the women’s words.

 

“I’m 8 now Clarke”

 

“8 Wow, that’s big…I remember when you were 4 and wouldn’t leave Lexa’s side”

 

The little boy blushed at Clarkes words before proudly saying “But I’m a big boy now aren’t I Lexa?”

 

“Yeah you are, you even get your haircut now don’t you” Lexa said playfully ruffling the little boy’s hair making him giggle in Clarkes arms

 

“Yeah” He said excitedly his legs beginning to move up and down from the excitement of seeing Clarke again

 

“Have you shown Clarke your outfit yet?” Lexa asked having had a thirty-minute discussion about it with her little brother when she’d first arrived. His face lights up as he remembers what he wanted to show Clarke jumping down off of Clarkes lap he walked a few steps before standing up straight in front of Clarke showing off his mini version of an army suit, Clarke hadn’t noticed it until now.

 

“It’s just like Lexa and Lexi’s” The little boy proudly said saying the similar names effortlessly, then walking to Lexa and jumping onto her lap looking over at Clarke sweetly asking “Do you like it Clarke?”

 

Clarke smiled at the boy she had forgot how much he idolised Lexa and Sasha “I love it I think you look like a gentleman”

 

“Thank you” He smiled before whispering something in Lexa’s ear then looking at her questioningly

 

“Of course you can go on, but if you get confused or scared then come find me or call for me and I’ll find you ok kleinding?” ( _ok Little one)_

 

“Ok groot een” ( _ok Big one)_ He happily said running off and onto the dancefloor finding Sasha who was dancing with her little brother, Tristan (6) and her little sister, Costia (6) along with Raven and Octavia, he instantly jumped up at Sasha who picked him up smiling brightly at the little boy before dancing with him.

 

After watching him for a minute or two Lexa turned her attention back to Clarke opening her mouth she suddenly couldn’t think about what she wanted to say it was easier when Atom was sitting with her there wasn’t as much tension between them. After a second she said the only word she had in her mind “Sorry” Looking directly at Clarke when Clarke looked at her slightly confused she added “For punching your boyfriend” She lied that wasn’t what she was apologising for at all.

 

“You don’t have to apologise he deserved it”

 

“I thought you were pissed at me for it” Lexa honestly replied looking Clarke in the eyes

 

“I couldn’t really say he deserved it in front of him could I? He would have been moaning all night” Both women let out a small laugh at Clarkes comment Clarke had to admit to herself that she’d missed the brunettes smile and laugh way too much over the last year and a half. Clarke smiled as she added a comment she couldn’t keep inside “It was a great punch by the way”

 

Lexa laughed at Clarkes comment before saying “Thanks” They went silent for another moment both thinking about how effortless it was to talk to each other just like it had been the other night it was like nothing had happened between them like they hadn’t broken up eighteen months ago like they hadn’t pretended to hate each other to family and friends and even to themselves. “Do you wanna dance?” Lexa asked she expected Clarke to say no but there was no harm in asking, well that’s what she was telling herself anyway.

 

“Sure” Clarke responded almost without hesitation almost blushing at the speed of her answer she jumped up out of her seat as Lexa did the same, before they could get onto the dance floor Sasha appeared in front of them looking slightly flustered from all the dancing,

 

“Hey can I borrow Lexa for a second?” When the two women looked at her cautiously she added “Need to talk songs and birthday surprises” She pretended referring to the performance their grandpa had requested the two girls do at every party of his.

 

“Ok, I’ll catch you both later” Clarke said as she noticed Octavia and Atom calling her onto the dancefloor she ran onto the dancefloor joining them.

 

Sasha pulled Lexa outside into the garden so they could talk properly without music blasting in their ears Lexa knew from the look on Sasha’s face what she was gonna say so she put her hand up trying to stop her cousin talking “I know what you’re gonna say so don’t bother Alexis”

 

“If you know then why are you acting like your still into her”

 

“I’m just being nice to her”

 

“Don’t lie to me Lexa, I know you still love her hell I get it but you know you can’t start anything with her again”

 

“I know I can’t that’s why nothing is gonna happen”

 

“You know that but does Clarke” When Lexa bowed her head for a second before bringing it back up she continued “It’s not fair on her to think she might have a chance and before you mention Mitch, Octavia told me she’s only dating him because her dad was putting pressure on her to move on with her life after you”

 

“Of course he was” Lexa responded her anger rising inside her at the mention of Clarkes dad.

 

“I know you love her Lex; I know it’s hard but it’s for her own good you know that”

 

“I know but…”

 

“Staff Sargent Kane was clear Lexa if you start anything with Clarke again he’ll disown and disinherit her and make sure I’m kicked out of the army” Moving forward she placed a hand on either of Lexa’s traps Lexa instantly reached up grabbing hold of Sasha’s wrists, it was now that Sasha could see the tears slowly running down Lexa’s cheeks “If this was about me and you then I’d say to hell with him but Clarke needs that money to become a fully trained paramedic I know that’s why you’re doing this for her, you know he’s serious when he says it Lexa I mean the man got us sent on tour for a year in hope that one of us would die and that would tear you & Clarke apart…..I love you Lex and I’ll help you get her back we just need to be smart about it ok” Lexa nodded at Sasha as the tears began to pour uncontrollably from her eyes seeing this Sasha pulled Lexa into her hugging her tightly as Lexa wrapped her arms around Sasha holding onto her cousin as tightly as she could as she buried her head in her shoulder. Neither of them were aware that the end of their conversation had been heard by someone else that person was Sasha's girlfriend and Clarkes Best Friend Octavia…….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope nobody thinks it was too obvious that Octavia would overhear Lexa’s and Sasha’s secret regarding Clarke’s dad, Kane, yes I went there her father is Marcus Kane, more to be revealed about that in the next few chapters, anyway next chapter will have a few songs in it cause it’s a party and who doesn’t love a good sing song at a party, if anyone wants to suggest a song please feel free as always please leave a review on this chapter as it will be greatly appreciated, anyway you lovely people I’ll stop waffling on……Until chapter 6 I hope you all have a great week and weekend……..


	6. Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna say Thank you to all those that have commented, read, gave kudos and bookmarked this story I love you all :-)

Chapter Six-Honesty 

Lexa and Sasha had been sitting outside in the garden for about twenty minutes after Lexa’s tears had subsided they had sat down on one of the bench tables nearby and had begun talking about what songs they could possibly sing, neither was aware that Octavia had heard their conversation, they had decided on two songs they were gonna sing and had decided to surprise their grandpa with a dance routine they decided to get Raven to dance with them Raven didn’t have any family after her father gave her up just after her mum died and their grandparents would always call Raven their crazy little bird they were always reminding her that she was family and should visit them more in fact the first thing that Raven got when she saw Mema was a telling off for not visiting her for two years which Lexa and Sasha had found highly amusing, along with Raven they asked Echo, Jasper, Monty and five of their other cousins to join them. Before they could talk anymore about the songs they were interrupted by Sasha’s little sister Costia walking up to Sasha pulling at her combats, looking down at her little sister she lifted her up seeing the little girl was upset;

“Hey Cos, what’s wrong bubba?” When Costia whispered in her ear she pulled back “You need the toilet?” When Costia nodded

“I can take her” Lexa said standing up holding her arms out to the little girl, both her and Lexa were a little confused and worried when Costia instantly shook her head hugging Sasha tightly as she said “No I wanna stay with Ali”, the tightness of Costia’s grip caused worry in both of them to rise Costia had never been a clingy kid and she wasn’t scared of anyone she knew especially not Lexa.

She gently rubbed her hand soothingly up and down Costia’s back softly speaking “Hey bubba, What’s wrong? That's only Alex” She softly pulled the little girl out of the hug looking at her “You can tell me what’s wrong?” The little girl remained quiet her face filled with sadness, Sasha looked at her wondering if it was something simple “Have you missed me is that it?” When the little girl looked at her giving a very subtle nod she stood up picking the little girl up in her arms turning to Lexa she said “I’m gonna take her to the toilet I’ll catch up with you” As Lexa nodded at her words Sasha walked inside the social hall heading straight to the toilets.

** Ten minutes later **

Sasha was stood outside the toilet door leaning against the basin as she waited for Costia, she had asked the little girl if she needed help but her little sister had insisted she was fine and didn’t need any help telling her she was a big girl. Costia had been in the toilet for five minutes now Sasha couldn’t hear any sounds that indicated that her sister had finished she was about to call out to her when Octavia walked into the toilet the smile that was on Sasha’s face was quickly erased when Octavia gave her a look that she knew meant she had done something wrong “O, what’s wrong?”

 

Octavia walked up to Sasha stopping in front of her looking her dead in the eyes she firmly said “I’m going to give you one chance to tell me the truth” Seeing Sasha’s back straighten up in interest she continued “Did Kane blackmail Lexa into breaking up with Clarke?” She asked whispering aware there may be other people in the bathroom that could hear including Clarke, she could tell by Sasha’s reaction that she didn’t want to reveal the secret.

 

Before Sasha could open her mouth to say a word the door to the toilet Costia was in opened both of their heads turned to the cubicle, a second later the little girl appeared Sasha could see straight away that Costia’s tights had a wet patch she looked at the little girls face and could see she had tears running down her face as she looked up at her sister, she was about to say something when she suddenly noticed Octavia, the little girl quickly disappeared into the cubicle locking the door. Sasha instantly tried to push the door open but to no success knocking at the door she softly said “Costia, come on open the door bubs”

 

“NO, I DON’T WANT TAVI TO SEE” The little girl shouted through the door

 

“Bubs its ok Tavi won’t tell anyone” Sasha softly said through the door trying to get the little girl to relent and open the door

 

“NO ITS EMBARRASSING” 

 

Sasha looked at the door taking a deep breath in she looked to Octavia who had now approached the door “Hey Cosi, you don't need to be embarrassed, come out and we’ll make sure everyone else doesn’t find out, I’ve seen Alexis wet herself before” She lied trying to make the little girl open the door. After thirty seconds of silence the door unlocked and the little girl appeared in front of them a second later kneeling down so they were level with the little girl Octavia liked to call a mini Sasha the little girl threw herself onto her sister burying her head in Sasha’s chest in embarrassment looking down at the little girl Sasha asked;

 

“What happened Cos?” Softly kissing the little girl on the top of the head as she gently pulled the little girl so she was standing in front of her “It doesn’t matter why I just want to know ok?” Costia looked nervously from Sasha to Octavia and then back to Sasha “Tavi won’t tell anyone will you Tavi?”

 

“I won’t tell a soul I promise”

 

Costia looked at her big sister softly saying “I forgot I needed to go, I couldn’t find you” She explained her face going red and tears gently running down her cheeks

 

“Are you sure that’s why?” Sasha asked gently placing her hand on Costia’s cheek making sure Costia knew she wasn’t in trouble also wiping away the remainder of the tears on the little girl’s face “Babe, can you get my jacket for me please?” She asked Octavia who nodded quickly exiting the toilets heading to the spot she and Sasha had left their jackets.

 

“Mama said it’s the medicine” Costia added when she knew it was just her and her big sister

 

“Medicine?” Sasha asked unsure what Costia meant

 

“I was sick and Mama’s magic doctor gave me some medicine to make me better”

 

“When were you sick Cos?”

 

“Last week, but I’m ok now Ali Mama said so”

 

“Well if Mama said you’re ok then of course you’re ok right?” Sasha said not thinking too much into the little girl being sick but at the same time making a mental note to ask her mum what had been wrong with her little sister, seeing her little sister nod at the comment she added “Why don’t we get you out of these wet clothes huh? Did Mama bring your clothes with you?”

 

“NO, Don’t tell Mama please Ali please” Costia nervously said moving her feet up and down something Sasha knew was usually out of fear about something.

 

“Ok, we won’t tell Mama I promise” She said soothingly placing her hands on the little girl’s arms to calm her down, at this moment Octavia came walking through the door holding Sasha’s jacket in her hand, looking from Octavia and the jacket to Costia “Well its lucky you have a big sister who has a Leather jacket and a nice warm car with her favourite little sister’s favourite clothes inside it” Sasha said trying to ease the little girl’s embarrassment thankfully it worked

 

“I’m your only little sister silly billy” Costia laughed softly hitting Sasha on the chest as Sasha helped her out of her wet tights and her underwear grabbing some paper towels from the dispenser she wrapped the wet clothing in them then proceed to wipe and clean the little girl not wanting her to ill from an infection or god knows what else, Once Costia was dried and cleaned Sasha carefully placed the leather jacket on Costia leaving the little girls dress on, the jacket was miles too big for the little girl her arms only reaching half the length of the sleeves while the bottom of the jacket stopped just short of her ankles, as Sasha zipped the jacket up so Costia’s bottom half was covered up. Octavia walked forward kneeling in front of the little girl and whispered;

 

“I think this jacket looks better on you than on your big sister” Her comment caused the little girl to giggle loudly as Sasha agreed with Octavia with a simple ‘I think she’s right’ as her giggling subsided she wrapped her arms around Octavia

 

“Thank You Tavi” She whispered tightly squeezing Octavia

 

“You’re welcome Cosi” Octavia responded smiling at the little girl. Costia released Octavia from the hug and walked over to Sasha who was now stood up waiting for the little girl who almost instantly raised her arms in the air ready to be carried by Sasha, as Sasha picked Costia up placing the girl firmly against her chest she made sure that no part of the little girl would be exposed to anyone as they walked through the hall to get to her car in the parking lot, she couldn’t help but smile when the little girl wrapped her arms around her neck then rested her head on Sasha’s  right shoulder picking up the wet clothes that were wrapped in the paper towels she stuffed them into one of her pockets in her combats this had to be the only time she was happy the pockets were so big. Seconds later all three of them walked out of the toilets Sasha could feel Costia’s grip get even tighter around her neck everytime someone would ask what was wrong but everytime Octavia would intercept them and tell them Costia was tired so they were taking her to the car. Once they were at the car Sasha unlocked it placing Costia in the back seat she moved around to the boot of the car opening it she placed the wet clothes in the boot then began looking for the spare clothes, Octavia was stood next to her as she looked through a holdall she had in the boot trying to find the smallest items inside it as they stood side by side Octavia decided to approach the subject they had been talking about inside it was almost the perfect time for them to talk as they were alone outside with nobody listening except Costia who wouldn’t understand what the conversation meant anyway.

 

“You didn’t answer my question?” She asked turning Sasha’s face so she was facing her “If I think your lying we’re over”

 

Sasha took a deep breath it wasn’t her secret to tell by any means but she only just got Octavia back she didn’t want to lose the women she loved again “Yes, Kane blackmailed her but….”

 

“But nothing Clarke needs to know”

 

“NO” Sasha shouted she didn’t mean it to come out so loud but she couldn’t stop it taking hold of Octavia’s hands and looking her in the eyes she continued “I’m sorry, look there’s a lot more to it I mean a lot… here isn’t the time or place to talk about it” Octavia looked at her unconvinced with her answer “Babe, I promise I will answer everything you want to know but not without talking to Lexa first. I know you want to tell Clarke but I’m begging you just trust me when I say it’s for the best she doesn’t not.”

 

“Ok” Seeing the relief cover Sasha’s face she continued “But either you or Lexa is going to tell me the whole truth and then I’ll decide whether to tell Clarke”

 

Sasha instantly nodded at Octavia’s words before leaning forward and kissing her on the cheek “Thank You” Octavia smiled at her softly before they both went back to looking through the holdall, Sasha finally found the items she was looking for the smallest items in the bag (Red Adidas t-shirt & Unbranded Black jean shorts) the two items that used to be Sasha’s when she was 8 or 9, Costia would wear them when she helped Sasha with her car the main reason everyone thought the main reason Costia called them her favourite clothes were because Sasha would wear almost an identical outfit, they were the clothes she used to wear when she’d help Sasha with her car Sasha was pretty sure the little girl only did it to spend time with her, she was only 3 years old and usually just ended up copying Sasha’s actions, Octavia had seen the interaction on numerous occasions and called it the cutest thing she’d ever seen. Pulling the clothes out the holdall she also found a clean pair of knickers which she knew were her little sisters she had no idea where they had come from but she was thankful they were there closing the boot Sasha opened the back door near where Costia was sitting smiling at the little girl she handed her the clothes asking if she needed help Costia again replied with a ‘I’m a big girl I can do it’ Sasha smiled at her little sister watching her get ready once Costia was ready she proudly shuffled out of the car standing up as she did she held onto the shorts afraid they’d fall down, Sasha looked at her smiling so softly said to her little sister “Hang on I have the perfect thing for you” Smiling she opened the boot of the car pulling her Supergirl belt out of her holdall she hid it behind her back closing the boot of the car she walked around kneeling in front of Costia she slowly revealed the belt to her little sister,

 

The little girl let out a gasp before saying “Really your special belt?” Pure excitement filling her voice

 

“Yeah” Sasha responded, Costia looked at her mouth open in excitement. Sasha moved closer to the little girl beginning to loop the belt through the pants one loop at a time the smile on Costia’s face making her and Octavia giggle softly they never thought anyone could get so excited about a belt, once she was done she tightened the belt until it was tight enough she was thankful she’d gone with a belt that didn’t have nudges but a bar that locked in the material once the belt was tight enough. Standing up she looked down at Costia who was beaming looking down as she looked down at the symbol on the belt “There you’re a Mini me” Sasha smiled as Costia looked up at her and screamed out ‘YAY’ jumping up and down in excitement before heading to the entrance “Hang on Cos, before you go back inside” Sasha said as she locked the car her and Octavia quickly catching up to Costia, she knelt down quickly fixing the little girls hair so it was again perfect “Ok Go on” Costia quickly placed a kiss on Sasha’s cheek before shouting out ‘Come on Tavi’ towards Octavia before disappearing inside. Octavia and Sasha smiled brightly as they followed the little girl inside.

 

Back in the garden Lexa had been decided to stay in the garden after Sasha had taken Costia's to the toilet she assumed that Sasha would eventually come outside she thought it was odd she was taking so long but assumed that Sasha was probably spending some time with Costia, she’d begun scrolling through the pictures on her phone trying to occupy her hands there were loads of pictures of her and Sasha and their unit in Afghanistan while they were on base, as she continued to scroll through the pictures she came to a picture of her Raven Sasha Clarke and Octavia inside Grounders smiling at the picture she remembered it was taken at Ravens welcome home party two and a half years ago, she continued to look through her pictures and laughed softly to herself when she came across a selfie of Sasha and Clarke in the gym after a workout she smiled as she remembered finding the picture later on that day Clarke’s explanation to her was ‘we were bored’ ,she’d never deleted it because it was actually a nice picture of two of her favourite people as she swiped to the next picture she felt a sadness rise inside her as she realised the picture was of her and Clarke during one of their nights out she was brought out of her thoughts when she heard a voice from behind her;

 

“Hey this is where you are?” Clarke said as she approached Lexa sitting down opposite her on the bench table.

 

“Sorry needed some fresh air after talking to Sasha” Placing her phone back in her pocket as she focuses her attention on Clarke

 

"No need to be sorry I'll just take you up on that dance later” Clarke responded flirtatiously she couldn't help the flirtatiousness that was emerging in her words it was just so natural with Lexa that she couldn't turn it off

 

"I look forward to it” Lexa smiled she knew Sasha was right and that she shouldn't flirt with Clarke but it was natural to her just like breathing or being a solider, after all it was Clarke the only woman that could drive her crazy with a look or a word

 

Clarke suddenly felt really nervous she couldn't think of anything appropriate to say to Lexa at this moment except “So how's Army life?”

 

Lexa couldn't help but laugh at Clarke’s question “How's army life really Clarke?” Lexa retorted Clarke laughed along with her softly

 

“Well I couldn't think of anything appropriate to say”

 

“I bet you couldn't”

 

“Excuse me” Clarke responded playfully tapping Lexa’s hand “What’s that meant to mean?”

 

“Clarke you have the dirtiest mind of anyone I know except maybe Sasha” Clarke softly giggled at Lexa's comment before Clarke could speak Lexa added “Maybe that's why you too get on so well”

 

“Maybe, I have to admit I've missed talking to her” Clarke responded she could stop the lustful look she gave Lexa as she added “I miss some things about you as well”

 

“Really what about me?”

 

“Mainly your mouth” Clarke quickly responded not thinking about the comment as she realised what she had said she blushed heavily covering her mouth “I'm so sorry that just slipped out”

 

Lexa couldn't help but giggle at Clarke’s blushing after a second or two she controlled her laughing before she responded “Don't be sorry…. You and my mouth have a lot of history” She flirtatiously responded winking at Clarke

 

Before Clarke could respond the two women were interrupted by a tiny voice yelling ‘Alex kyk kyk” ( _Look Look)_ As Lexa turned towards the voice she knew as Costia’s she saw Costia running towards her noticing the little girl was now in different clothes she noted how the little girl looked like a mini Sasha, as she reached her Lexa lifted Costia up letting her sit on the table with her legs hanging over the side her feet just grazing Lexa’s legs ‘hou jy daarvan’ ( _Do you like it?)_ The little girl asked as she stood up on Lexa’s legs hugging the older girl.

 

"I love it, you look like a Mini Sasha” Lexa replied hugging the little girl back the change in the little girl after just twenty minutes with her big sister was amazing it wasn't unusual though the little girl was always happier around her big sister like they were part of the same person incomplete until they were together she thought it was interesting as that was always how she saw her and Sasha’s relationship.

 

“You look like Lexa and Sasha in mini form” Clarke added as she watched the interaction between the two.

 

As she heard Clarke’s voice Costia’s head whipped around “CLARKEY” She shouted as she turned jumped up on the table and then onto Clarke, who instantly caught the little girl in her arms, the little girl wrapped her arms tightly around Clarke’s neck “Where were you Clarkey?” Costia asked placing her arms on Clarke’s shoulders gently pushing herself back until she was looking at Clarke’s face adding “I looked for you but I couldn't see you”

 

“I was dancing with Tavi” Clarke responded to the little girl “I was gonna dance with you but you disappeared”

 

“I had to find Ali”

 

“ok well I love your outfit”

 

“Thank you” Costia smiled up, Clarke looked down at her amazed at the resemblance between the little girl and Sasha she hadn't seen Costia in just over two years and the little girl had only become even more of a Mini version of her big sister. Clarke smiled as Costia released the hug and again crawled over the table onto Lexa’s lap sitting herself down on Lexa’s lap she looked up at the older woman shyly asking “Kan ek 'n foto met Clarke neem?” ( _Can I take a Picture with Clarke?)_

 

“Vra Clarke? Ek is seker sy sal nie omgee” _(Ask Clarke? I’m sure she won’t mind)_

 

“Ek is bang om te vra” _(I’m scared to ask)_

 

“Hoekom is jy bang?” ( _Why are you scared?)_ The little girl shrugged her shoulders at Lexa’s question “Vra haar dan” _(Then ask her)_ Lexa encouraged the little girl but it was no good Costia just looked up at her, her eyes and face filled with sadness “Ok I’ll ask her ok?” Costia nodded as she hugged Lexa burying her head in Lexa’s chest. Clarke was looking at the two of them slightly confused by what they might be talking about she had heard her name a few times but that was the only thing that was said that she understood, Lexa turned her attention to Clarke then explaining “She wants to take a picture with you, but she’s scared to ask you”

 

“ Of course we can take a picture together” Clarke smiled brightly, as Costia heard the words she brought her head from Lexa’s chest and looked to Clarke smiling brightly at her she crawled back on to the table and onto Clarke’s lap. Costia positioned herself on Clarke’s lap so she was facing Lexa softly saying ‘Take the picture Alex’ Lexa smiled and nodded at the little girl pulling her phone out of her pocket opening the camera app she focused the camera and took the picture, then turning the phone for Costia to see the picture the smile on the little girl’s face was priceless, then Costia’s mouth fell open as an idea popped into her head;

 

“You get in the picture to Alex then it’ll be perfect” Costia said smiling at Lexa uncontrollably, Lexa looked at her unsure about how to say no to the little girl she adored before she could her eyes caught Clarke’s as Clarke said

 

“You can’t argue with Perfect Lexa” The look that appeared on Lexa’s face made Clarke smile even brighter at her, she was sure that the flirting wasn’t a good idea but man it made her feel good inside, Lexa nodded at Clarke’s comment moving from her seat she walked around to where Clarke was sitting with Costia still on her lap sitting down next to them she placed her free arm gently on Clarke’s back then she opened the camera app again turning the camera around so they could take a selfie holding the camera at the perfect angle she took the picture “Let’s see it then” Clarke playfully said causing Lexa to bring the picture up, she smiled down at the picture that they had just taken turning to look Lexa in the eyes she said “You have to send them to me” The words almost got caught in her throat as she stared into Lexa’s eyes she’d forgotten how fixating it could be looking into them what made things worse was that it wasn’t one sided Lexa was looking straight into her eyes as she could feel Lexa’s hand resting on her back it was sending chills though her body chills that she didn’t want to be feeling at this moment in time especially with a child sitting on her lap. They were both brought out of their shared gaze when they heard Costia shout out ‘TAVI’ as she jumped off of Clarke’s lap running to the garden door.

 

“There you are Cosi” Octavia said as Costia stopped when she got to her legs the little girls hands wrapping around Octavia's knee as her head rested on Octavia’s thigh as she looked back at Clarke and Lexa “Lexa you and Sasha are up, she’s waiting on the dance floor for you” Octavia added she knew exactly what she had walked in on she’d seen it enough time’s when Clarke and Lexa where together the only difference was now she knew that Clarke’s dad had blackmailed Lexa.

 

“Thanks Octavia” Lexa said getting up quickly walking towards Octavia she stopped as she reached her looking back to Clarke she softly said “I’ll see you later Clarke” Clarke smiled softly nodding at Lexa’s word before Lexa disappeared into the hall.

 

“What are you doing Clarke?” Octavia asked looking at her best friend as she stood up trying to look as normal as possible.

 

“I’m not doing anything; we’re just being civil to each other would you rather I completely ignored her”

 

“No but gazing lovingly into her eyes when you have a boyfriend isn’t right” Octavia said her brain was working overtime trying to think of a way to convince Clarke that her and Lexa reuniting was a bad idea and the obvious reason was that Clarke still had a boyfriend.

 

“There was no gazing lovingly into anyone’s eyes O, we were just talking I swear” Clarke responded lying through her teeth “Now can we go watch your girlfriend perform please” Clarke said walking past Octavia not giving her a chance to continue the conversation.

 

-Inside The Hall-

Clarke, Octavia and Costia joined the crowd of people who were gathered around Raven, Sasha and Lexa just as they found a spot where they could see the three women Sasha spoke: “Ok everyone this next routine is from a film that me and Lexa will always remember as the film we watched after getting the Papa seal of approval to join the army so we hope you all enjoy it” Everyone clapped as Sasha moved into position as Jasper, Echo, Monty and their other cousins got into position:

 

**Performance notes: Step Up Til the dawn Routine-Same routine just with more backflips if it helps when I imagine it Sasha is Channing doing all the backflips and stuff and Lexa and Raven are more Jenna, but feel free to change it to whatever fits your own thoughts- The song is Drew Sidora-Til the Dawn.**

As the music finished they all stood a little out of breath as clapping filled the hall, their Grandpa was the first to hug them telling them how amazing it was Sasha and Lexa excused theirselves after they hugged their Grandpa making their way onto the stage they began setting up the amps for their guitars and making sure all the wires were correctly connected so the mic’s and amps didn’t cut out. Once they were sure they that everything was in correctly wired they turned up the amps, Sasha placed one stool in front of each mic picking up her electric guitar and Lexa’s acoustic guitar she waited for Lexa, seconds later Lexa sat down holding two wires that lead to the amps as Sasha handed the acoustic guitar to her she handed one of the wires to her, both of them plugged the amp leads into the guitars looking back at their cousin John who had agreed to back them up on the track they began playing:

Notes: Sasha keeps looking at Octavia their eyes locking on several occasions. Also Lexa tries her best to avoid looking at Clarke unsuccessfully. Sasha and Lexa occasionally glance at each other

 

BOYCE AVENUE FEAT BEA MILLER-PHOTOGRAPH (ED SHEERAN COVER)

 

Sasha: Loving can hurt

Loving can hurt sometimes

But it's the only thing that I know

_Both:    When it gets hard_

_You know it can get hard sometimes_

Sasha:  It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

_Both:    We keep this love in a photograph_

Sasha:  We made these memories for ourselves

_Both:    Where our eyes are never closing_

_Hearts are never broken_

_Times forever frozen still_

 

Lexa:So you can keep me

Inside the pocket

Of your ripped jeans

Holdin' me closer

'Til our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone

_Both:    Wait for me to come home_

 

Sasha: Loving can heal

Loving can mend your soul

And it's the only thing that I know (know)

_Both:    I swear it will get easier_

_Remember that with every piece of ya_

Sasha:  And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

Both:    _We keep this love in this photograph_

We made these memories for ourselves

_Where our eyes are never closing_

_Our hearts were never broken_

Times forever frozen still

 

Lexa:   So you can keep me

Inside the pocket

Of your ripped jeans

Holdin' me closer

'Til our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone

And if you hurt me

_Both:    That's OK, baby, only words bleed_

Lexa:   Inside these pages you just hold me

_Both:    And I won't ever let you go_

_Wait for me to come home [4x]_

 

Sasha:  Oh you can fit me  

_Both:    Inside the necklace you got when you were 16_

Sasha:  Next to your heartbeat

Where I should be

_Both:    Keep it deep within your soul_

_And if you hurt me_

_Well, that's OK, baby, only words bleed_

_Inside these pages you just hold me_

_And I won't ever let you go_

 

Sasha:  When I'm away

I will remember how you kissed me

_Both:    Under the lamppost_

_Back on 6th street_

Sasha:  Hearing you whisper through the phone,

_Both:    "Wait for me to come home."_

 

Again clapping filled the air of the hall as Lexa and Sasha looked at each other giving an expression of relief they’d only managed to practice the song on a few occasions after working out the arrangement, as their grandpa joined them on the stage grabbing them both at the same time pulling them into a hug he squeezed them tightly pulling back he kissed them both on the cheek before they could leave the stage he gently took hold of their waists before pulling them with him to the mic;

 

“Before these two sneak off I’ve planned a little surprise of my own, I’m so proud of the women my soldiers have become I wanted them to know how proud I am of them fighting for their country and always putting family first so I arranged something for tonight, when these two…” Alexander paused for a second releasing his hold on Sasha and Lexa’s waists looking into the crowd he say Raven the women he thought of as his other granddaughter deciding that he wanted to include her in this as well he continued “Actually it’s not just these two I’m proud of come up here little bird”

 

“Come on little bird you heard Papa” Sasha shouted at Raven

 

“Yeah come on Rae” Lexa added as Raven bowed her head walking towards the stage letting Lexa and Sasha pull her up onto the stage she walked to Alexander who had his arms open ready to hug her.

 

“This little bird came into my life around 15 years ago now and has become family to me” Looking at the three of them proudly smiling he looked back to the crowd adding “So the surprise is I want them to sing with me all three of them, when my beautiful wife turned 65 we all sang a song to her on the night of her party and tonight we are going to sing that song again tonight, and I’m not taking no for an answer either so queue the music please John”

 

“Papa” All three of them said in unison looking to each other the shook their heads softly laughing as they got into position knowing there was no point arguing with him.

 

UPTOWN GIRL-WESTLIFE COVER (BILLY JOEL)

 

Papa:    Uptown Girl

She's been living in her uptown world

I bet she never had a back street guy

I bet her mama never told her why

            I'm gonna try for an uptown girl

All 4:    She's been living in her white bread world

As long as anyone with hot blood can

And now she's looking for a downtown man

That's what I am

 

Raven: And when she knows what

She wants from her time

And when she wakes up

And makes up her mind

 

All 4:    She'll say I'm not so tough

Just because

I'm in love with an uptown girl

Lexa:   You know I've seen her in her uptown world

She's getting tired of her high class toys

And all her presents from her uptown boys

She's got a choice

 

Sasha:  Uptown girl

You know I can't afford to buy her pearls

But maybe someday when my ship comes in

She'll understand what kind of guy I've been

And then I'll win

 

Lexa:   And when she's walking

She's looking so fine

And when she's talking

She'll say that she's mine

 

Papa:    She'll say I'm not so tough

Just because

I'm in love

With an uptown girl

She's been living in her white bread world

As long as anyone with hot blood can

And now she's looking for a downtown man

That's what I am

 

Papa:    Uptown girl

All 4:    She's my uptown girl

You know I'm in love

With an uptown girl (x4)

 

The song finished again everyone was clapping but now a couple people were wooing at the four of them, Alexander turned to all three women motioning for them to come to him which they did bringing them in for a massive hug he thanked them for making his birthday the best so far also telling that he loved them all and was extremely proud, the four of them stayed hugging for a few minutes as Alexander released the hug all four of them quickly wiped their faces making sure nobody would see the tears that had escaped all of their eyes. They stepped down from the stage one by one as Sasha stepped back on to the dance floor she was greeted by her grandma;

 

“dit was 'n pragtige” (That was beautiful) Her grandma said pulling her into a hug squeezing her tightly

 

“dankie mema” (Thank You Mema) Sasha replied as she was released from the hug her grandma moved to Lexa and Raven who were behind her, seeing Octavia who still had Costia next to her holding on to her leg she walked towards them, as she got close enough Octavia grabbed her by the top pulling her into a searing kiss Sasha instantly kissed her back it only lasted a few seconds but as they both pulled back feeling a little breathless and flustered, after she gathered her thoughts she asked uncontrollably smiling “what was that for?”

 

“No reason you’re just amazing, I guess I'd forgotten just how amazing” Octavia smiled brightly back at her biting her lip a little.

 

“Ditto Candy Pants” Sasha responded making them both giggle softly, Sasha was brought out of her thoughts when she felt someone tapping at her leg, looking down she saw Costia looking up at her she could tell the little girl was tired so knelt down so she was level with her, glancing at the clock on the wall Sasha noticed it was now approaching 11pm “Hey bubs, I think it's your bedtime?”

 

“No I wanna stay with you” Costia protested rubbing her eyes as she snivelled back tears placing her hand on Sasha’s shoulder grabbing hold of her hair

 

“But you are staying with me” Costia looked at Sasha the look she gave her was a mix between confusion and complete exhaustion so Sasha explained “I talked to Mama and she said you can stay the night with me, she even gave me your overnight bag it's in my car now” The little girl didn't say a word she just smiled and rested her head on Sasha’s shoulder “Is that ok Cos?” The little girl again remained silent nodding her head as Sasha placed her arms under the little girl’s bottom enabling her to stand up and pick the little girl up at the same time. “Ok then we better head home” As she said that Costia lifted her head up softly whispered in Sasha's ear

 

“Can Tavi come?”

 

Sasha looked up nervously unaware if Octavia had heard the little girls question “She wants you to come as well”

 

“I'm not sure” Octavia replied she was lying she was 100% sure she wanted to go back home with Sasha and Costia they hadn't really been in their own since they kissed and once Costia was asleep would be the perfect time “But if you’re ok with me coming back then I guess that’d be ok”

 

“I'm perfectly fine with that” Sasha couldn't help the smile she released the smile was made wider when she heard Costia let out a very tired yay. “I'm gonna say goodbye to everyone and I’ll meet you at the car?”

 

“Great, I'll meet you at the car” Octavia responded the smile on her face just as wide as Sasha. As she walked away from Sasha she scanned the room looking for Clarke seeing she was on the phone she decided she’d text her to let her know what was going on, she noticed Bellamy talking to Echo in the corner of the room quickly walking over she told him what was going on after getting a response from Echo about working fast she hugged Bellamy thanking him for the lift and coming with her tonight, he responded with a ‘you’re welcome go be happy you deserve it’ comment as she walked off in the direction of the parking lot saying a quick goodbye to Alexander and Marilyn before leaving completely.

 

A few minutes later she was waiting at Sasha car when Sasha and Costia emerged from the doors Costia was almost completely asleep as Sasha unlocked the car and carefully placed her in the back seat placing the seat belt over Costia making sure it locked in properly, before carefully closing the door trying not to make too much noise. As Octavia went to get into the passenger’s seat Sasha gently grabbed Octavia’s wrist turning her back to face her “There’s some antibiotics in the bag I have to give to Costia in the morning and also I spoke to Lexa briefly just now and she said I can tell you about Kane but only what I know already she wants to explain her side to you when she gets back later if that's ok with you?”

 

Octavia leaned forward quickly kissing Sasha on the lips before pulling back and saying “That's fine we can wait until it's all three of us later on and then you can both tell me everything at once” Sasha nodded at her words before opening the passenger’s door for her allowing her to climb in before slowly closing the door.

 

Forty Minutes Later

Octavia and Sasha had been back at Sasha and Lexa’s apartment for the last thirty minutes, Costia had fallen asleep in the back seat resulting in Sasha having to carry the little girl into the apartment where once there Sasha carried Costia to her bedroom instead of the spare room, laying her in the middle of the double bed then made her way back to Octavia. They had been chatting for the last ten minutes about numerous things first it was about tonight and Sasha’s mum’s reaction to their injuries that lead them to talking about Mitch and their kiss and before they knew it their lips were locked together with Octavia straddling Sasha’s lap Octavia’s hands on Sasha’s neck as her chest pressed firmly against Sasha causing Sasha’s back to rest against the back of the couch the passion in the kiss was growing with every second and Octavia found her hands wondering from Sasha’s neck down onto her chest as Sasha’s hands moved from Octavia’s waist upwards wrapping around her back as she fought the urge to place her hands underneath Octavia’s top, fighting every urge she was feeling inside she gently broke the kiss, the kiss left both women slightly breathless as Sasha looked up at Octavia who looked slightly confused and a little upset;

 

“Costia could wake up plus we haven’t told you about Kane…. I just don’t want anything to happen that you might regret”

 

“I’d never ever regret us making love” Octavia honestly replied softly kissing Sasha on the lips before pulling back and climbing off Sasha’s lap “But your right Costia could wake up at any minute”

 

Before Sasha could respond her phone began buzzing in her pocket it picking it up she saw it was a text message from Lexa asking her to let her in as she forgot her key, she quickly got up walking to the intercom she buzzed Lexa in waiting for her to get to the door seeing Lexa had bags of food in her hands she looked at her quizzingly as she walked past her as Lexa reached the front room sitting down opposite Octavia she waited for Sasha to sit down before softly saying:

 

“I thought some food might help seeing as we have a lot to talk about…….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter…So all with be revealed regarding Kane blackmailing Lexa in the next chapter plus maybe more Clexa and Costia…. Little Costia…couldn’t resist putting the character in some form but didn’t want her to be a love rival for Clarke so I made her a Woods’ LOL…. Anyway as always please leave a review on this chapter as it will be greatly appreciated…See you in Chapter Seven you lovely people 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Sasha come clean to Octavia about everything that Kane put them through and the real reason she ended her relationship with Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, Thank you everyone who's reading hope you all enjoy this chapter and are enjoying the story so far, hope you all enjoy this chapter……
> 
> Apartment Layout: Front door leads straight to the living room; the kitchen is at the back of the Living room. Lexa’s room is off to the left down a small hallway as is the bathroom. Sasha’s room is off to the right down the hallway (It’s right at the end of the hall) the guest room is the room before Sasha’s.

Chapter Seven-Revelations

Sasha, Lexa and Octavia were sat in the living room eating the Chinese food Lexa had brought back with her, nobody had said a word to the other since Lexa had arrived ten minutes ago, Sasha was sat on the only armchair in the room which was Dark Brown leather purposely making some space between her and Octavia, Lexa was sat on the dark brown couch that was to the right hand side of Sasha, Octavia was sat on the light brown leather couch that was directly across from Sasha. Lexa placed her unfinished food on the wooden table that rested in the middle of the two couches and the armchair she could feel the nerves inside her at the thought of explaining everything to Octavia;

“Where do you want me to start?” Lexa asked looking at Octavia after Sasha gave her a small smile.

“Umm at the beginning I guess” Octavia said slowly picking at the food on her plate.

“I guess it really started after me and Clarke had been together for about a year and a half, just after Kane got promoted from Sergeant to Staff Sergeant, it was like a switch went off inside him and he suddenly hated the idea of everyone knowing his daughter was gay and on top of that was dating one of his officers” Lexa paused looking at Octavia who she could see was concentrating on her completely “Just after we returned from our tour I got offered a promotion to become a Specialist for my unit which meant I would effectively have to take charge of the unit and would have to attend meetings regarding the unit with Kane and his superiors, I got called to his office one day and he asked if I was really willing to put in the hours that it would mean less time with Clarke, he played it brilliantly made me feel guilty like I’d be abandoning Clarke or something. Don’t ask Don’t tell was still being implemented at the time so nobody was openly gay in the army not even Sasha, I mean our unit knew and Kane but apart from them nobody knew we were both gay”

“When did the blackmail begin?”

“After Don’t ask Don’t tell was repealed there was a process you had to go through, you had to go on record as being Gay or lesbian which meant your file would be reviewed and your contract renewed in affect, the deadline was 20th September 2011 we sent off our papers like everyone else did to our Sergeant at the time”

“Kane?” Octavia asked as she placed her plate on the table

“Yeah, we got shipped out just after so as far as we knew the paperwork got processed when we got back we found out that Kane hadn’t sent the paperwork through he tried threatening us with disciplinary action but we went over him to our Sergeant First Class we didn’t get Kane in any trouble in fact we took the blame, we got a warning for violating the deadline date but nothing else. Kane got worse after that he started working us harder at training making the whole unit do twice as much work and training as we were meant to but none of us cared it just made us stronger as a unit.”

“So when did the blackmail come in?”

“He called me into his office it was just after you and Clarke were released from hospital after the car accident he said something about he knew I knew his secret, I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about but he refused to listen to me he said he knew I’d seen his medical files and that I knew his secret no matter what I said he wouldn’t believe a single word I said” Lexa looked at Sasha her eyes asking her to cut in for a while to explain further, Sasha obliged taking over from Lexa

“Lexa told me everything that Kane said and we came to the conclusion that he had a medical condition he was withholding or something, we didn’t bait him or ask anymore we backed off, then one day we’re at training me and Lexa are talking about Raven’s party and he comes charging over asking to speak to us in his office so we do, he pulls out this file from one of our tours says that there’s enough to get us discharged, the file was about our early return from duty in 2011, we returned after four months instead of six, our previous Staff Sergeant told us all the paperwork was filed and everything was officially sorted we’d be shipped out early for our next tour and make up the time, well turns out that he didn’t file the paperwork correctly or something and Kane threatened to use that against us” Sasha paused seeing the look on Octavia’s face she added “This isn’t your fault I came back for more reasons than just your birthday so don’t even think that ok?” Octavia nodded smiling at Sasha as she continued “We told him to go ahead with whatever he wanted to do he didn’t like that”

“What did he do?”

“He threatened you and Clarke said he’d make sure you got evicted from your apartment and be made homeless. I told him that if he did anything to hurt you or Clarke then I’d make sure everyone knew what he really was, I thought that was the end of it, he still pushed us to the extremes at training but I was used to it and didn’t think anything of it. Until we got put on the yearlong tour”

“The morning after I told you about it Lexa told me that it was Kane’s doing he told her that if she didn’t want to break up with Clarke then he was gonna make sure she didn’t have a choice” Sasha looked to Lexa signalling for her to explain things properly taking over Lexa added;

“He pulled me into his office Clarke had told him that we were thinking about moving in together, he told me I was making the worse mistake in my life and that I was gonna pay with my life if I didn’t end it with Clarke. I told him I wouldn’t do that so he pulled a few strings and got us placed on a year rotation in Afghanistan, he used some excuse that we were chosen because we were the 1st Squadron which meant we were first choice, I know it’s a lie because I asked our sergeant first class why we had been chosen he told me that Kane told him we offered”

“Why didn’t you tell your sergeant first class about Kane lying?”

“Because it wouldn’t have got us anywhere” Lexa looked at Octavia she could understand the younger girls comment, and she hated the words that would have to come out of her mouth now but Octavia wanted the whole truth and she wasn’t going to hold back looking over to Sasha her eyes asking permission to continue with the next part which involved Sasha heavily, as Sasha gave her a nod she continued “Kane got worse when we were deployed he made things ten times worse for us made us train on days off even after patrols, we couldn’t say anything because we’d just be seen as going against a senior officer and we’d be punished. Then eight months into the tour we got informed of our patrol duties, we went out on patrol and everything was fine we followed the co-ordinates Kane gave us….” Lexa paused not sure how to continue with the words she was almost 100% sure Octavia would get upset at reliving what happened to Sasha

“Tell me the rest please” Octavia pleaded seeing the conflict in Lexa’s eyes

“The co-ordinates led us to this little town there was nothing around it looked completely derelict, when we got there something felt wrong like we were being watched or something. As we continued through Sasha noticed something in the distance, we called it into Kane asking if he was sure he gave us the right co-ordinates he said he was sure so we continued searching the next thing we knew we were being shoot at from north before we could react Sasha got shot…Once we got to safety and back up arrived Kane changed the paperwork he gave me when I looked at it the co-ordinates were completely different to the ones he gave me, he tried blaming it on me saying I misread them but the whole squadron backed me up plus everyone in the communications tent had heard him reconfirm the co-ordinates to me on the radio”

“He deliberately sent you into a hostile area?” Octavia asked she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing

“Kind of, we found out he sent us into an area that was under protection of the Afghanistan Army when they saw unauthorised US army personnel approaching they tried to radio through but we have a jamming signal protecting our frequency which meant we didn’t hear the message so they opened fire.” Lexa paused as Sasha sent her another comforting look “From what I can work out he thought I was gonna be the one to get shot not Sasha”

“What makes you think that?”

Before Lexa could answer Sasha spoke knowing Lexa blamed herself for what happened to her “We switched positions, I was the first to advance, I knew what I was looking for so I lead the squadron, Lexa was supposed to be at the front of the squad I was meant to be second”

“You nearly died” Octavia said tears quickly flowing down her cheeks as she remembered hearing what had happened to Sasha and seeing her in that hospital bed so defenceless “Are you sure he meant for you to get hurt?”

“He told me that I wouldn’t have got hurt if my big cousin had done what he asked her and left Clarke alone” Sasha calmly explained subconsciously placing her hand on the clothing that covered the scar on her upper thigh

“I was gonna end it with Clarke as soon as I realised that he set us up, I didn’t care about me but Sasha nearly dying was enough but in true her fashion she wouldn’t let me. Kane got moved on to another unit when his superiors thought that my personal connection to him meant his judgement was clouded, I didn’t hear anything until about a year after when Clarke decided to train to become a paramedic that’s when he started hassling me this time he threatened not to fund her training I couldn’t be the reason she didn’t get to become a medic I wouldn’t be the reason her life was messed up so after months of him pressuring me I agreed to break up with her”

“Why didn’t you just tell Clarke what Kane was doing?” Octavia asked through the tears her voice cracking slightly due to the emotions flowing through her body.

“I know what it’s like to have a rubbish father I didn’t want to be the reason she had to go through that so I decided that ending it would be better for us both” Lexa paused for a second “I had no idea it’d be as hard as it’s been” Seeing the tears still falling from Octavia’s cheeks she softy asked “Are you ok?”

“I don’t know it’s a lot to take in, I know you wanna know what I’m gonna say I ju---”

“Take as much time as you need whatever you decide I’ll be ok with it. I promise” Lexa softly said moving over to sit next to Octavia softly hugging the younger woman who hugged her back hearing a small ‘Thank You’ Lexa looked up at Sasha smiling at her seeing the caution and concern on Sasha’s face she decided that giving them some privacy would be the best thing “I’m gonna go to bed give you two some privacy” As she stood up she saw Sasha mouth ‘Thanks Lex’ at her winking at her cousin she left the two women to talk walking to her bedroom and closing the door.

Sasha didn’t move for the first few minutes after they’d been left alone when she did finally move she slowly stepped until she was in front of Octavia kneeling down on the floor her eyes made contact with Octavia’s, she softly smiled when Octavia gently placed one of her hands on Sasha’s cheek the action caused Sasha to softly say “I’m sorry, I should have warned you about the me getting shot part, I know you hate thinking about it” Sasha was half expecting to be shouted at or told off for not warning her but instead Octavia leaned in gently capturing her lips softly pulling back she looked at Sasha;

“You did the right thing not telling Clarke” Pausing before she continued “And me” She again went silent after another minute or two she took hold of Sasha’s hand as she stood up forcing Sasha to stand up with her, exiting the living room (lounge) leading Sasha by her hand until they reached the guest room of the apartment as they entered the guest room Octavia gently pulled Sasha into the room closing the door gently behind them she turned to Sasha grabbing Sasha’s neck with both hands she pulled her forward softly kissing her on the lips pulling back she rested their foreheads against each other’s softly she asked “Can we just lay together for a while?” When Sasha looked at her worryingly she added “I just want you to hold me”

“I’d love that” Sasha responded leading Octavia by her hand until they were at the bed, crawling onto the bed she positioned herself on her back as Octavia climbed onto the bed laying her head on Sasha’s chest as her arms wrapped around her waist. As she felt Octavia arms wrap around her waist Sasha wrapped her arms tentatively around Octavia’s back softly kissing the top of her head as she pulled her tighter against her body, silently ignoring the pain that was shooting up and down her neck at the pressure she was putting on her wound.

Lexa’s Bedroom

Lexa was laying on her bed re-thinking everything that she had told Octavia about Kane’s blackmail she couldn’t stop thinking about all the pain that would have been stopped if she had just told Clarke from the start maybe things would be completely different now but then again maybe they would be the same. As she twirled her phone around in her hand she’d been doing this for the last ten minutes debating contacting Clarke the more she tried to talk herself out of it the more she wanted to message her, unlocking her phone she opened her contact list scrolling until she found Clarke’s name she remembered she’d debated deleting the number when they broke up but instead she had opted for changing the contact name from My Love back to just Clarke as she clicked on the message contact option trying to think of an excuse to message the blonde when she remembered the photos she’d taken earlier at Costia’s request attaching the two pictures she sent a simple message: **Hey Clarke, Here’s the pictures as requested. Sorry for the late hour, hope you got home safely. Lexa** Sending the message she placed the phone down on the side cabinet not expecting a reply, she got up to get changed into her pyjamas, as she pulled on her vest she heard her phone buzz walking over to the side cabinet she picked the phone up as she laid back down on the bed reading the message:

 

**Clarke: Hey Lex, thanks for the pictures I love them Costia looks so cute. And got back to Bellamy’s fine thanks xCx**

**‘Two Kisses’ Lexa thought to herself, how was she meant to respond as she thought to herself she could hear Sasha in her mind telling her to stop overthinking things which she decided was probably the best option at the moment.**

**Lexa: Glad your safe J And you looked pretty cute in that picture as well xx**

**Clarke: I do try, I’m not naturally cute like you and Costia…. Must be that Woods’ gene ;-)**

**Lexa: Does that mean you think Sasha is cute as well????**

**Clarke: I reserve my right to remain silent cause you’ll tell her and then she’ll tell Octavia who will hate me even more than she does**

**Lexa: Octavia doesn’t hate you and I’d never reveal a secret you told me…I’ve still not told them about Octavia’s bed**

**Clarke: Let’s not talk about that…. Are you sure she doesn’t hate me? She left without saying goodbye after we kind of had an argument**

**Lexa: I’m sure she’s fine, Her and Sasha are kind of indisposed at the moment**

**Clarke: That explains a lot**

**Lexa: What argument did you have? If you don’t wanna tell me that’s fine**

**Clarke: She thought I was flirting with you and told me it was wrong because of Mitch**

**Lexa: Were we flirting?**

**Clarke: For us, probably not. But that said she made me think….**

**Lexa: About?**

**Clarke: I think it’d be good if we could be friends, I was just thinking about how much I’ve missed having you around**

**Lexa: I’ve missed having you around as well Clarke, being friends would be great as long as your boyfriend is ok with that, I don’t want to cause any problems between you both.**

**Clarke: He doesn’t get a say in who I am friends with J So there’s no problem J**

**Lexa: Great J I’ll chat to you soon I’m gonna get some beauty sleep**

**Clarke: Like you need beauty sleep lol but I’ll definitely chat to you soon. Goodnight Lexa**

**Lexa: Goodnight Clarke** – As she sent the message she felt a rush of relief and panic hit her at the same time she was happy she’d get to see Clarke but at the same time being friends meant certain things she could get too close to Clarke for one and another was she’d probably have to spend time with Mitch as well and at the moment that wasn’t going to be possible. Shaking her head, she placed the phone on the side cabinet and rolled over in her bed pulling the cover over her deciding sleep was the best thing for her at the moment.

 

3:30am 

Sasha was laying on the dark brown couch in the living room she’d been awake since 3am after she’d had a nightmare about when her unit had been ambushed on their last tour just before her PTSD had kicked in, the memory of being pinned in with nowhere to go no way of escaping being 100% sure she was gonna die felt so real, Dr Jaha had explained to her that this was probably the catalyst in her PTSD the start of it all. Whenever she felt like this she’d usually just lay in bed and listen to some music to calm her mind and stop her thinking but she had opted for the living room on account of Costia still being asleep in her room and Octavia being fast asleep in the spare room as she laid on the couch she flicked through her iPod and her PTSD playlist as she liked to call it finding her Elton John Greatest hits album she pressed play softly smiling as Something about the way you look tonight came through the headphones, refusing to close her eyes she stared at the darkness in front of her eyes she couldn’t help but smile as she thought about Octavia the more the song played.

 

She must have been on the 5th or 6th song when she saw the light from the bathroom go on in the corner of her eye as the light disappeared she went back to looking into the darkness, but seconds later she was meet with a figure in front of her instantly she knew it was Lexa, as Lexa walked over to the lamp turning it on Sasha turned her iPod off taking the headphones out and wrapping them around the iPod before gently placing it on the table, as Lexa gently moved Sasha’s legs off of the couch forcing her to sit up straight so she could sit down herself. Sasha looked at Lexa knowing exactly what she was expecting,

 

“I’m not going to talk about it Alexandra” She firmly stated not looking at Lexa

 

“Don’t make me call Mema Alexis” Lexa counter stated

 

“Very mature” Shaking her head at Lexa “I’m fine it was just a nightmare”

 

“If it was just a nightmare then why are you out here?”

 

“I couldn’t sleep and didn’t wanna wake Octavia up”

 

“Don’t lie, I know when you’re scared Lexi I know somethings bothering you” Lexa placed a gentle hand on Sasha’s shoulder causing the slightly younger of the two women to look at her, the helplessness and fear evident on her face

 

“The flashback at Grounders, you know what I saw don’t you?” When Lexa nodded sadly she continued “I’ve been having nightmares of the same thing every night since”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me the first time it happened?”

 

“I was embarrassed I guess, I know you keep saying it wasn’t my fault but I can’t stop it Lex, you could have died”

 

“You didn’t overreact Lexi the inquest proved that, they attacked us tried to capture us we had a right to defend ourselves, their boss was going to kill me he was going to kill all of us”

 

“I know that but I can still feel his neck in my hands seeing the life literally fade from his eyes until there was nothing staring back at me” Sasha continued as the tears poured from her eyes uncontrollably “I know I did what I had to, to survive to get everyone out of there alive but…”

 

“It’s still not easy…I know Alexis” Lexa softly said pulling Sasha into a hug, Sasha instantly wrapped her arms around Lexa resting her head on Lexa’s chest as she let the tears flow.

 

Lexa had been holding Sasha for around twenty minutes when Sasha sat up wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath, she had to admit that she needed to let that all out she felt so much better inside like all the pressure had been released. Lexa smiled at Sasha as she wiped her own tears away it broke her heart seeing Sasha in so much pain and distress when all she did was the right thing. Lexa looked at Sasha placing her left hand on Sasha’s cheek firmly saying “Next time you come to me straight away don’t hold it all in ok?” Sasha nodded at her “Good, otherwise I call in the big guns and yes I mean Mema” She smiled winking at Sasha making her laugh softly, “You should go back to bed try and relax you know that helps” Sasha again smiled and nodded. As Lexa got up off the couch and walked to her room she noticed the light that was coming from the guest room looking to Sasha she said “You might have some explaining to do though” As Lexa went to walk off she stopped turning around smiling she said “Oh and don’t sleep in your clothes, you’re a grown woman get changed” When Sasha smirked at her softly giggling with it she poked her tongue out at Sasha who in turn poked her tongue out at her as well before she walked in the direction of the guest room.

 

As Sasha opened the guest room door she was meet with a bra and panties clad Octavia who was holding a t shirt in her hand as she closed the door quietly behind her, her mouth hung slightly open as she looked at Octavia putting one of her t shirts on, this was the only time she was happy she had spare clothes in the guest room, now noticing it was her England Soccer jersey Octavia had chosen she smiled softly as Octavia turned around finally noticing her. The brown haired girl smiled at her brightly as she walked to the door where Sasha was standing;

 

“Hey you, where’d you go? I woke up and you weren’t here” When Octavia didn’t get a response she noticed that Sasha’s attention was on the t shirt she was wearing more precisely on the bottom of the shirt and the beginning of her bare legs, she softly said “I didn’t think you’d mind me borrowing a shirt, I couldn’t find any comfortable bottoms…. You don’t mind do you?” Octavia asked tugging on Sasha’s jersey finally getting her to break her gaze.

 

“Um of course I don’t mind”

 

“So where were you?”

 

“I had a nightmare I didn’t want to wake you so I went in the living room to calm myself down” Sasha decided that telling the truth was the best way to go

 

“Are you ok? Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

“I’m fine and I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it completely” Seeing the slight disappointment on Octavia’s face she decided to explain why “It’s not that I don’t trust you it’s just it’s hard for me to think about it let alone talk about it I can barely tell Lexa what I feel and what happens in them. It’s something Dr Jaha is helping me with” Sasha explained as she moved closer to Octavia

 

“I just want you to know I’m here for you” Octavia said closing the space between them wrapping her arms around Sasha’s waist squeezing her tightly

 

“I do know and as soon as I’m ready I promise I’ll tell you everything. Deal?” She said smiling down at Octavia

 

“Deal” Octavia replied pulling back slightly so she could kiss Sasha on the lips. “Are you ok to go back to cuddling?”

 

"Are you kidding? I'm always ok to cuddle” Sasha responded trying to let Octavia know she was really ok “I'm just gonna change” Sasha smiled as she released Octavia from the hug walking smiling as she walked over to the chest of draws that held her spare underwear and pyjamas pulling out a pair of black checkered lounge pants and a transformers t shirt, she slowly removed her combats making sure she turned away so Octavia couldn't see the scar on her thigh she knew that Octavia hated the scar it reminded her of what Sasha had gone through, once she had pulled the lounge pants resting the waistband just under her hips she removed her jersey dropping it on the floor.

 

Octavia was now lying on the bed on top of the covers looking at her, she’d watched every move Sasha made even when she turned away from her, she knew it was because of the scar on her thigh as she continued to watch Sasha, she smiled to herself when Sasha removed her Jersey revealing a red checkered bra underneath it, as her eyes roamed up and down Sasha's top half she noticed a new tattoo on Sasha's  hips it started on one hip with a cross that lead into a tribal design much like the one on her arm the design snaked around her back emerging on her other hip moving downwards disappearing under the lounge pants Sasha was wearing, as her eyes moved away from the tattoo she began to take in Sasha’s appearance she looked in even better shape than she was before they broke up, Octavia had noticed that her arms had looked more toned but she didn't think her whole body was the same, it looked as if there wasn't an ounce of fat on Sasha's body her body looked like it was carved out of stone she couldn't help but feel turned on a little as she took in the image in front of her. She blushed slightly when she noticed Sasha was looking at her with a small smirk on her face “I was just admiring the view” she said smiling as she bit her lip softly.

 

“I bet you were, though I'm pretty sure my view is better” Sasha responded moving forward placing her shirt on as she did so, she crawled onto the bed stopping when she was next to Octavia “Now what was that you mentioned about cuddling?”

 

Octavia smiled at Sasha as she laid down as Octavia positioned herself how she had been hours before, as she looked up at Sasha she couldn't help but kiss her the kiss took Sasha a little by surprise after a second she kissed back placing her right hand on Octavia’s neck her fingers tucked under Octavia's hair, within minutes the kiss had deepened both women trying to control the sexual urges rushing though their bodies, Octavia slowly moved herself until she was straddling Sasha the kiss becoming even more passionate than it already was digging deep she pushed Sasha backwards forcing the kiss to break bringing her hands to rest on Sasha's hips trying to control her breathing she decided talking was only thing that could calm her breathing down so she softly asked;

 

“When did you get that tattoo?”

 

“Just over a year and a half ago”

 

“We were still together”

 

“Yeah I started it when we were still together I was gonna surprise you with it but then the PTSD got worse and everything else happened, I got it finished about Seven months ago”

 

“Can I see?”

 

“Sure”

 

Octavia slowly pulled Sasha’s top upwards until she could see the tattoo in question “What does it mean?”

 

"It means numerous things but mainly it’s about my faith and the things or people that make me keep my faith” Slowly Octavia's hands came to the part of the tattoo that disappeared under her lounge pants holding her hand over the material she looked at Sasha seeking permission, when Sasha nodded she slowly pulled down the material revealing a ‘O’ she stared at the letter her mind trying to process what the letters meaning could be “O?” She asked looking down at the letter now noticing a small patch of un-tattooed skin as her eyes meet Sasha she was given a response to her question;

 

“Isn't it obvious” Sasha calmly replied, she knew at some point she would have to mention the tattoo to Octavia she knew it'd have to be before they starting sleeping together again but she'd not planned that far ahead, when Octavia looked at her shaking her head she continued “It's an O for Octavia”

 

“You have a tattoo for me?”

 

“Um yeah it was gonna be a surprise, it was meant to be your whole name that's why there's a space next to it but Lexa called me when I was getting it done she was upset about Clarke and she needed me I never got a chance to go back then I broke up with you and never wanted to go over it I suppose”

 

“You never said”

 

“That was the surprise part, it was meant to go with the proposal”

 

“Proposal?”

 

"Argh I'm such an idiot” Sasha said as she threw her hands over her face ‘way to go Alexis reveal everything you numpty’ she said softly hitting herself in the forehead

 

Octavia reached forward grabbing hold of Sasha's hands and pulling them from her face resting them with her hands on the exposed tattoo, “You were gonna propose?” Squeezing Sasha's hands, she gently said “don't be embarrassed I just wanna know”

 

Sasha took a deep breath looking Octavia in the eyes but before she could answer they heard a massive thud come from the direction they knew was Sasha's room the thud was followed by the sound of Costia crying, hearing the sound Octavia quickly jumped off Sasha they both darted out of the guest room running full speed until they reached Sasha's bedroom throwing the door open they saw Costia on the floor crying her eyes out they both rushed over to her, as Sasha reached her she knelt down on the floor in front of her little sister when she tried to pick Costia up however she was slightly shocked when the little girl shuffled backwards bringing her knees up and burying her head in them as she hugged her knees tightly

 

“Babe look” Sasha looked to Octavia seeing she was pointing at the bed she pushed off her knees slightly until she could see that Octavia was pointing to a wet patch on her bed, now noting it looked like someone had started removing the covers, looking at the room Sasha realised that Costia must have been trying to remove the sheets and ended up falling off the bed instead

 

"Cos, it's ok we all wet the bed sometimes” Sasha said softly trying to ease Costia’s embarrassment “Come on Cos I've wet the bed before” That comment got the little girls attention as she looked up her from her knees her eyes filled with tears

 

“You have?” She asked sniffling as she wiped away her tears

 

“Yeah, sometimes I have really bad nightmares ones that scare me so much that I wet myself” Costia looked at her and slowly shuffled a little closer to her “Did you have a nightmare?” Costia nodded “Do you wanna tell me about it?” The little girl looked at her unsure “Was I in it?” Costia again nodded “What happened? You can tell me”

 

“You got hurt by the bad doctor man”

 

“What else happened?”

 

“He took Tavi away forever he said I was a bad girl and I didn't deserve the medicine and I was gonna be sick forever”

 

“Oh Cos, it's ok now because it was just a nightmare” The little girl looked up her unconvinced remembering what her mother used to tell her about nightmares when she was Costia’s age she added “You know a nightmare is just all the bad thoughts leaving your mind”

 

“Really?” Costia asked shuffling forward until she was at Sasha’s knees her hands gently placed on Sasha’s knee

 

“Yeah, and once the nightmare is over it means all the bad thoughts are gone” Sasha explained wiping the tears from Costia’s cheeks smiling down at her “So can I get a hug now?” Costia shook her head “Why not?” Sasha softly asked, when Costia looked down at the shorts she was wearing Sasha asked “You wanna change first?” Costia nodded the embarrassment still on her face, seeing the expression Sasha added “I tell you what, you can either wear your pj’s or you can wear something of mine? What do you reckon?” She knew the little girl loved wearing her clothes knowing this she hoped it'd cheer her up a little

 

Costia bit her lip softly as she thought about what she wanted to do, “Can I? Can I wear your special shirt?” She asked softly looking up at Sasha. She watched as Sasha stood up walking up to her wardrobe opening it up and looking inside for something, seconds later Sasha pulled something out of the wardrobe.

 

“You mean this one?” Sasha said holding her army t shirt up showing it to Costia, she noticed the little girl went to get up but instantly sat down, moving back to where she had been previously knelt in front of Costia “Do you wanna know something secret?” Costia nodded at the comment “Tavi stole this shirt from me, I had to secretly steal it back”

 

"I did not" Octavia softly responded playing along, she knew Sasha was trying to make Costia less embarrassed about the whole thing. “Ali used to hide it from me”

 

“Bad Ali” Costia said slapping Sasha on the knees

 

“Ouch, what was that for?”

 

“Being mean to Tavi” Costia firmly replied giving her big sister a firm look, “Nobody's mean to my Tavi” Octavia and Sasha looked at each other softly smiling at the little girl’s words. After a second Octavia spoke;

 

“Yeah don't be mean to me” She said as she gently knelt down beside Sasha looking at Costia, the little girl’s hands were resting on the t shirt Sasha had been holding when she knelt down “How about we get you changed now?” Costia looked at her for a second or two before nodding her head, “Do you need help?”

 

“Nope I'm a big girl Tavi I can do it”

 

“Ok, we’ll wait outside for you ok?” She softly said as she nudged Sasha softly causing her to hand the shirt to the little girl

 

“Ok Tavi” Costia beamed up at her with a massive smile now on her face, with that Sasha and Octavia got up walking out of the door, closing it so they could still see what was going on inside the room. As they stood waiting Sasha looked at Octavia softly whispering;

 

“Thank You”

 

“For?”

 

“Just now”

 

“You’re welcome” Octavia responded leaning against Sasha softly placing a kiss on her lips, she couldn't believe what a night tonight had turned into, especially finding out Sasha was gonna propose to her the more she thought about it the more she liked the idea, she knew Sasha was ‘the one’ for her and she knew that she couldn't lose her again not after spending a year apart, her brain instantly went to the secret she had been keeping the one that she was going to tell Sasha but now all she could think about was Sasha’s reaction to it, it'd be bad and most likely that she'd never want to see her again and she wasn't going to risk that not now she had what she wanted, thinking of an excuse she softly muttered “I'm gonna text Clarke so when she wakes she knows I'm ok, I'll see you in there” Sasha nodded at her softly, kissing her quickly on the lips she walked to the guest room looking on the floor she found her shorts picking them up she pulled her phone out of the pocket noticing the text messages on the screen she quickly replied to them all telling Bellamy and Clarke she was ok, after she was done with that she opened a new message typing out what she wanted to say she sent the message;

 

Octavia: I changed my mind Sasha can never know we slept together

 

Octavia sat on the edge of the bed waiting for a response she hadn't felt this nervous and sick in a long time as she heard Costia say she was ready her phone vibrated in her hand quickly unlocking it she sighed in relief as she read the message to herself;

 

Raven: Agreed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo…..Raven and Octavia hooked up…thoughts?.....More will be revealed in the next chapter….plus more Costia and Clexa…..Hope you all enjoyed it…Apologises for any mistakes I’ll be going through all the chapters on Sunday and spell checking them then reposting them….As always please feel free to review the chapter they are always greatly appreciated :-) …so Until Chapter Eight guys and girls :-)


	8. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone, Thanks for all of those who have viewed the last chapter and a Massive thank you to everyone who left a review I love you all (If it’s possible to love someone you don’t know in a platonic way lol) and appreciate you all taking time out to read my story….This chapter is a 3600 word chapter not filled with massive excitement but all things that happen in this chapter are relevant to the next few especially the Costia moments……Hope you all enjoy….Again I have not pre-read this as am uploading it having just finished it so I hope it’s not filled with massive mistakes……..Again I hope you all enjoy Happy Reading 

Chapter Eight-Secrets

It was 7am and Lexa was sat in the kitchen at the kitchen table in her nightclothes drinking her coffee she was sitting with her back against the wall her right side leaning against the back of the chair as her left arm rested on the table with her coffee in her hand, she’d been thinking about Clarke since she had woken up ten minutes ago she couldn’t seem to get the blonde out of her mind she looked down at her phone which was resting on the table next to her on the table looking up from the phone she noticed Sasha walk into the kitchen yawning as she wiped her eyes grinning at her she said “Sit down I’ll get you a coffee” standing up and moving over to the counter.

 

“Make that a tea please” Sasha responded sitting down in the chair that was opposite from where Lexa had been sitting

“You’re so English sometimes” Lexa responded giggling softly

“Ha ha ha, I’ve had enough coffee these last few weeks to last me a lifetime”

“Sure you have Twinsy” Lexa replied as she added milk to the tea she had made for Sasha, then carrying it over to the table she placed the mug in front of Sasha before sitting back in her seat “Have any more nightmares?”

“Nope” Lexa looked at her unconvinced “Seriously I didn’t, Octavia saw my tattoo and I kind of ended up revealing to her that I was gonna propose to her before we broke up and then Costia had a nightmare and wet the bed”

“How did Octavia react?”

“We didn’t have a chance to talk about it properly I was going to explain it completely but we got interrupted by Costia”

“Is she ok? Costia I mean”

“Yeah she’s fine she slept with me and Octavia in the guest room after we calmed her down” Sasha paused for a second before adding “But don’t tell her you know cause she’s a little embarrassed”

“I won’t say anything” Lexa paused for a second before adding “What time do you have to drop off Costia?”

“I’m picking Tristan up at 11 then dropping them both off about 3pm”

“Cool maybe you guys can meet me and Atom at the park near Mema's?”

“Yeah that’d be sweet, when you picking him up?”

“About Noon”

“Sweet, how comes you’re going to that park anyway?”

“My mum is going to see Mema so she asked if I wanted to look after Atom for a few hours apparently she wants to talk to Mema about something without him there”

“Ok its settled then” Sasha said taking a sip of her tea, she was just about to ask Lexa about her and Clarke when she heard Octavia’s voice come from the doorway

“What’s settled?” She asked as she slowly walked over to the two women seeing no spare chairs she sat herself down on Sasha’s lap gently kissing her on the cheek “Good morning by the way”

“Good Morning indeed” Sasha responded softly pecking Octavia on the lips, before she could repeat her action Octavia turned to Lexa saying;

“Morning Lexa”

“Morning O” Lexa smiled sipping her coffee although she was used to seeing the two women interact like this it still felt surreal seeing as she hadn’t seen it happen for at least a year. “Where’s Costia?”

“She’s still asleep” Octavia replied picking up Sasha’s mug taking a sip out of it “So what’s settled then?”

“We were just arranging to meet at the park later with Atom and the twins” Lexa replied pausing before adding “You can tag along if you want keep someone happy” Lexa finished looking over at Sasha and smirking at her. Getting a fake laugh from Sasha in return.

“I can’t sorry I have something to take care of” Octavia replied remembering the message she had just received from Raven asking her if they could meet up in the afternoon “But maybe we can do something tonight?”

“I can’t tonight I promised my mama I’d have dinner with her” Sasha responded looking up at Octavia, Octavia was acting a little weird she just put it down to the proposal bombshell “But tomorrow I can meet you for lunch if you like?”

“I’d love that” Octavia replied smiling down at Sasha before leaning down capturing Sasha lips, both completely ignoring Lexa for a minute or two until they heard Costia’s voice loudly say;

“EWWW That’s nasty” Costia said walking into the kitchen yawning and wiping her eyes her actions almost exactly the same as Sasha’s beforehand. Looking around the room finding no free seat, her usual seat on Sasha’s lap was taken so she walked over to Lexa climbing onto her lap she rested her back and head on Lexa’s chest softly whispering “Morning Alex”

“Morning sunshine” Lexa responded looking down at the little girl who giggled at Lexa’s nickname for her “You want some breakfast?”

“Not yet thank you” Costia politely replied her head still resting on Lexa’s chest as she looked over at Sasha and Octavia.

“Don’t we get a good morning Cosi?” Octavia asked looking over at the little girl

“Morning Tavi” She responded her head still not leaving Lexa’s chest, her voice had a tinge of sadness in it Sasha sensed it straight away and she guessed it was because the little girl knew she’d be going home soon, gently tapping Octavia on the side causing Octavia to remove herself from her lap, Sasha stood up walking around to kneel in front of Lexa and Costia, Costia had followed her sister’s movements and was now looking at Sasha her eyes filled with sadness, Sasha softly asked;

“What’s wrong Mini Me?” Gently placing her hand on Costia’s legs, when Costia didn’t answer she stood back up and held her hands out for the little girl who quickly held her arms up in the air allowing Sasha to pick her up, once Costia was in her arms Sasha walked until they were near the counter sitting Costia on the counter top she looked down at her softly speaking “Come on tell your big sister what's wrong?”

Costia looked up at Sasha with water filled eyes “I don't wanna leave you and Alex, I wanna stay here”

Lexa and Octavia both heard the little girls comment both felt a pull at their heartstrings at the sadness of the little girl’s voice. They continued to listen as Sasha responded to Costia “You know you have to stay with mama” Costia looked up at her like she was about to burst into tears before Sasha continued “But mama said she's staying in LA for a few months with Mema and Papa so that means I can see you more plus I got you a present to take with you”

“Can I stay with you?”

“Um not full time bubs but we can talk to Mama and then we can arrange something” When Costia released a small smile at her she added “So no more being sad ok?” Costia nodded as Sasha placed her back onto the floor she was about to walk off when she stopped turning back to Sasha pulling at her bottoms

“What's my present?”

“Go get dressed and I'll get it ready for you” Sasha responded looking down at the little girl who again went to walk off but stopped and tugged this time at Sasha's top pulling Sasha down, as Sasha's face reached hers she placed a loving kiss on Sasha's cheek, Sasha turned looking at Costia asking “What was that for?”

“Because I love you Ali” The little girl beamed before happily skipping off to find her clothes. Sasha couldn't help but smile brightly at her little sister’s actions, sadness entered her mind as she remembered that she only had Costia for a few more hours and it made her realise how much she missed her and Tristan everyday she didn't get to talk to them on the phone much, the twins were probably the only people that she missed more than Lexa, Octavia or her mum there was something about Costia that made her feel better no matter what was going on in her life she loved Tristan just as much but he’d always been more attached to their mum where as Costia had been a Mini Sasha since she could crawl. She was brought out of her thoughts when Octavia wrapped her arms around her waist.

“You really miss her don't you?”

“Yeah it gets harder every time I see her” Sasha honestly replied wrapping her arms around Octavia no noticing that Lexa was no longer in the room “Where’d Lex go?”

“She went to get dressed, which I better do if I wanna go back to mine before my thing this afternoon” Octavia replied her head now leaning on Sasha’s shoulder, she didn't want to leave Sasha but she really needed to talk to Raven and make sure they were on the same page.

Sasha tried her best to block out her thoughts but something was off with Octavia and if it was her she needed to know pulling herself back slightly she rested her back against the nearest counter before taking a deep breath “Have I done something?” When Octavia looked at her confused she added “Your being really vague about your plans, I know the proposal/tattoo thing was a shock if it's that then I'm sorry I just wanna kn---” Sasha was cut off when Octavia placed a finger on her lips

“It's not the tattoo/proposal thing. I'm just going for coffee with an old friend I didn't want you to think I didn't care about Costia and you it’s just I made these plan months ago” Octavia said thinking of the first thing she could it was a lame reason but it was kind of true and it would put Sasha's mind at rest.

“Oh Ok Sorry”

“Don't be you’re really cute when you’re worried” Octavia leaned in kissing Sasha softly before pulling back resting their foreheads against each other's after a second she added “Now we better get ready” She then walked towards the guest room closely followed by Sasha.

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Lexa was now fully dressed she’d chosen a plain black skinny t shirt with some blue denim jeans she was laying on the black sofa in the living room killing time before she had to go and pick up Atom in a couple hours, her mind drifted to Atom and how much she’d missed him she would talk to him on the phone once every fortnight but that was nowhere near enough he was growing up so quickly. She was brought out of her thoughts when she noticed Costia entering the room dressed in jeans and a pink t shirt noticing the little girl walk up to her stopping next to her she softly asked;

“Can I have breakfast now please Alex?” Costia’s hands rested softly on Lexa’s stomach

“Of course you can” Lexa smiled at her getting herself of the sofa and walking with Costia to the kitchen once they were in there she looked down at her little cousin asking “What would you like?” She watched as the little girl adorably touched her chin with her fingers

“Can I have my special?”

“I’ll see what I can do” Lexa smiled softly knowing that the little girl was talking about porridge with blueberry jam it was the breakfast her and Sasha would make for Atom, Tristan and Costia whenever they would stay over, it had started as their breakfast but once the kids tasted the dish it became their special breakfast “Sit down at the table and I’ll get some Orange juice for you” Lexa smiled even wider when a massive appeared across Costia’s face as she made her way to what was Sasha seat at the table. She sat patiently at the table for ten minutes while Lexa made two bowls of the special breakfast fresh she placed the bowls on the table then going back and collecting the juices and two spoons she had prepared from the counter placing them on the table as well.

“Thank you Alex” Costia smiled carefully picking up her spoon.

“You’re welcome Sunshine” Lexa smiled back at Costia before picking up her own spoon and beginning to eat. Lexa was the first of the two to finish eating, as she watched Costia she noticed the little girl didn’t seem to have much of an appetite she’d noticed that Costia had slowed down eating about a quarter way through her food she could see the little girl didn’t want to continue eating but was forcing herself so she softly said “You full up?” Costia nodded “Ok you can leave that Sasha will eat it when she’s ready ok?” Costia nodding smiling as she began looking down at her legs kicking under the table, Lexa noticed the little girl’s actions getting up out of her chair she placed her bowl in the sink before walking to the kitchen door turning back asking “Wanna watch some cartoons?” Costia’s filled up with excitement as she jumped off the seat running to Lexa grabbing hold of her hand they walked to the sofa Lexa was the first to sit down a second later Costia sat down to her right side leaning against Lexa’s side her arm resting on Lexa’s legs.

They had been watching television for about ten minutes when Lexa looked down at the little girl who was giggling along with the cartoon in front of her as she smiled to herself she noticed a red mark surrounding what looked like a small cut on Costia’s right arm she couldn’t seem to work out what could make the mark so she softly asked “How’d you get that mark on your arm?”

“It’s from my pick line” Costia replied as soon as she realised what she had said she jumped up from the sofa trying to run off but as she reached the hallway that lead to Sasha’s bedroom Lexa caught up to her gently grabbing hold of her, noticing that Costia had tears building in her eyes Lexa pulled the little girl into a hug.

“Hey where’s my sunshine gone?” Lexa soothingly said as she gently rubbed Costia’s back as Costia wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck squeezing tightly.

“Mama said not to tell anyone”

Lexa pulled Costia back gently looking at her letting her know she wasn’t in trouble before asking “Tell anyone what?” Costia looked at her she could tell she was scared so she added “I won’t tell anyone I promise. So you can tell me what’s wrong?”

“You won’t tell mama I told you?” Costia asked through teary eyes her tiny voice shaking softly as she said the words.

“I won’t tell mama I swear”

“It’s from my magic medicine at the hospital” Costia explained. Lexa looked at her she wanted to know more but she wasn’t sure that Costia knew exactly what was wrong with her she knew her aunt often sugar coated things for her kids. “Mama said it’ll make me feel better” Costia softly added.

“How long have you been sick Costia?”

“Since my birthday”

“So about three months?” Costia hesitantly nodded to Lexa’s comment Lexa knew it was three months ago she knew the twins’ birthday was about two months after Sasha’s and three months after hers. She didn’t want to upset Costia even more so decided to drop the subject, with the little girl anyway, “You go watch your cartoons I’m going to get some coffee ok” Costia smiled and nodded at Lexa before running back to the sofa sitting where she had been before. She was thinking about calling her aunt when she noticed Costia’s overnight bag on the floor near the hallway to Sasha’s room she knelt down next to it opening it up she looked through it until she found the Antibiotics she remembered Sasha mentioning as she found them she read the label: **Doxycycline** Taking out her phone she took a picture of the package she decided that now wasn’t the time to be investigating Costia was still pretty upset, she zipped the bag up after placing the tablets back inside the bag placing the bag back where she had found it she made her way back to Costia sitting down next to the little girl unable to stop her brain from worrying about her younger cousin.

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Arkadia Diner (Later that day)

Raven had been waiting for Octavia for about twenty minutes they had agreed to meet at 1:30pm and it was now 1:45pm she was sitting in a booth near the back of the restaurant it had no windows next near it she had purposely chosen this spot to make sure that nobody could see her and Octavia she knew is someone saw them they’d tell Sasha and then they’d have to make up some kind of story as to why they were together. She was about to get her phone out and text Octavia when she noticed her approaching her she softly waved at her catching her attention, Octavia walked over to her quickly sitting herself down. They sat in silence for a moment before a waitress approached them they both ordered a Coffee, once their coffees had arrived Raven was the first to speak;

 

 “I’m glad you saw sense” Octavia didn’t respond to Raven’s comment she just took a sip of her coffee “Octavia you wanted to talk that is kind of a two-way street”

 

“What do you want me to say?”

 

“I don’t know anything”

 

“How about we made a massive fucking mistake and Sasha can never find out”

 

“That’s a start” Raven could see something was on Octavia’s mind “What changed your mind? Because last week you were all for telling her”

 

“I found something out yesterday” Raven looked at Octavia her face asking her to tell more “Sasha was going to propose to me” Ravens face filled with guilt “You knew”

 

“Yeah she asked my advice”

 

“So you knew she wanted to marry me when we slept together”

 

“Well yeah but she hadn’t mentioned it for months so I guessed she changed her mind about it or something” Raven explained “How did you find out?”

 

“She told me by accident” Seeing Ravens look Octavia continued “I noticed a new tattoo she has and when I was looking closer at it I noticed she had an O, she told me it was for me and then accidentally let slip that it was part of her proposal plan”

 

“And????”

 

“And nothing we haven’t had a chance to talk more about it yet”

 

“So you don’t want her to know in case things get serious between you two again”

 

“Things haven’t changed between us it’s like we haven’t been apart, I don’t want her to know because she’d hate us both” Octavia looked over at Raven asking “Why don’t you want her to know?”

 

“Seriously?” Octavia nodded that she really wanted to know “She’s my best friend I love her to death if she found out she’d never speak to me again especially if she found out that it was the night you had that argument, the night she thinks you kissed Lincoln”

 

“What if Lincoln decides to tell her that he caught us in the act?”

 

“He won’t I spoke to him this morning he still thinks we’re in the wrong but he won’t tell her, they’re in the same unit he knows what she’s been through he doesn’t want to add to that”

 

“What do you mean what she’s been through?”

 

Raven sighed deeply before explaining “After you two broke up Sasha’s unit was shipped out again Lincoln mentioned something about she was nearly shot again and they were ambushed Lexa got hurt badly apparently, I don’t know everything only what Lincoln told me and he didn’t tell me much he said it wasn’t his place”

 

“She never said anything”

 

“She won’t she keeps it bottled up it’s how she is, the only one she’s ever opened up to is Lexa even when we were teenagers she was the same” Seeing Octavia’s face fill with sadness she added “She does it to protect the people she loves from any pain, it’s not personal you know that”

 

“I know” Octavia took a deep breath before finally continuing “So we 100% agree that she can never know EVER”

 

“Yeah, we were both pissed at her and drunk. You thought it was over between you both”

 

“Ok Agreed. And no texting about it Agreed?” When Raven didn’t answer her Octavia looked up at her seeing her attention was on somebody else turning around she noticed the woman standing within ear shot of them she could tell by the women’s facial expression that she had heard the conversation between them, as she looked at the women closer she finally realised who it was as the women began to walk away “Raven go after her, you need to make sure she doesn’t say anything” Octavia’s words worked and Raven instantly snapped out of her trance quickly standing up from the booth she ran after the women catching up to her as she walked through one of the diners entrances/exits grabbing the women’s wrist she called out “Wait” The women ignored her walking a few more steps before Raven reached forward gently grabbing hold of her wrist softly speaking as the women turned to face her

 

“Anya Please……”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo…. I know NO CLARKE but Anya is back and heard Octavia and Raven’s secret will she tell or won’t she (Couldn’t resist lol) ……. And little Costia is sick but with what? And will Lexa tell Sasha what’s going on? We’ll have to wait and see lol……. Those worrying about CLEXA never fear next chapter has quite a bit of CLEXA in it  As always please leave a review of any kind all feedback is good feedback or so I’ve been told lol…. Hope you all enjoyed…..So Until Chapter Nine guys and girls   


	9. Conclusions

Chapter Nine- Conclusions?

Raven looked helplessly at Anya she couldn’t think of anything to say perhaps it was the shock of seeing Anya or perhaps it was not knowing how much exactly Anya had heard of hers and Octavia’s conversation after a minute of just staring at each other Anya was the first to speak:

 

“How long have you been sleeping with her?”

 

“It was once and it was after we broke up so you don’t get to be mad at me” Raven rebuffed she couldn't help the anger that bubbled inside her she hadn't seen Anya in almost over a year and here she was acting hurt

 

“No we weren't but from what I heard Sasha and Octavia were” Anya bit back the anger and hurt clear in her words

 

“You can't tell Sasha anything it was a drunken mistake her and Octavia broke up the next day”

 

“She still deserves to know”

 

“No they only just got back together and she's got enough to deal with without you being vindictive because you’re a little upset”

 

"This isn't about me Raven this is about you screwing your best friend’s girlfriend”

 

“IM NOT SCREWING HER” Raven shouted unintentionally loud, looking around she could see people looking at her and Anya, gently grabbing Anya by the wrist she pulled her to one of the tables outside motioning for Anya to sit down which surprising she did as she sat down opposite her she explained “Look we were both drunk and angry at Sasha, I was still angry about our break up and her and Octavia had just had an argument and it kind of happened”

 

“Why were you angry at her about us that was your decision”

 

“She kept going on about how it was for the best and how she told me it'd never work and we’d only end with me being heartbroken”

 

“But she was right” When Raven looked at her slightly confused she continued “I was never gonna leave Adam not for you, I loved you but not as much as him, I’m sorry but she was right as much fun as it was being with you my future is with him”

 

“I know that now but I was angry at her she was being smug about it”

 

“No she wasn't”

 

“How do you know? You weren't there”

 

“She came to see me after she found out to see if there was a chance I’d change my mind. She loves you Raven and she put aside any problems me and her had to try and stop you getting a broken heart”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah. She said she was willing to play nice with me twenty-four seven if it meant you’d be happy” Anya paused as she sees tears well up in Raven’s eyes “I'm not telling you to upset you but you have to do the right thing Raven she deserves to know”

 

"I know but I can't lose her Anya…...She’s my family”

 

“I'm sorry Raven but if you don't tell her I will” Before Raven could react Anya got up from her chair and walked away from the café when Raven finally reacted it was too late Anya had got into a car parked near where they were sat by the time she reached the door of the car Anya pulled away driving down the road. As she watched the car disappear Raven didn't know what to do Sasha was going to find out about her and Octavia and she would more than likely lose her best friend.

 

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Lexa and Sasha’s Apartment

Lexa sat nervously in the armchair in the living room waiting unable to take her eyes off the door, she’d not been able to stop thinking about Costia and what was could possibly be wrong with her younger cousin the more she thought about it the more there was only one person she felt she could turn to, once her and Sasha had dropped off Atom and the twins off at their Mema's as their mums’ had requested Sasha had drove her back to their apartment before driving back to their Mema’s to pick up her mum for dinner as soon as Sasha had left she’d messaged Clarke asking for her help when Clarke called her asking what was wrong she couldn't find the right words so Clarke offered to come see her so they could talk in person. As she heard a knock at the door she jumped up rushing to the door she opened it up to see Clarke looking as picture perfect as ever dressed in a light blue t shirt with dark blue jeans and converse trainers on she motioned for her to come in gratefully saying “Thanks for coming” as Clarke walked past her. Closing the door, she turned to face her.

 

“No problem, what's wrong Lexa you sounded really weird on the phone?” Clarke said noticing that Lexa looked extremely worried about something

 

“I can't really explain it, it's a feeling more than anything I can't shake it” She tried to explain her body suddenly began to shake softly

 

“Ok keep calm why don't we talk about it over a coffee” Clarke suggested she knew the signs Lexa used to present when she was struggling to process something. Lexa took a deep breath before gently nodding at Clarke’s suggestion as Clarke smiled and turned away she followed her into the kitchen seeing Clarke was already at the kettle beginning to make the coffee she sat down leaning her head on the table she tried to stop her mind and breathing from going a hundred miles an hour.

 

“Here” Clarke softly said as she took a seat at the table opposite Lexa, as Lexa sat up gratefully smiling as she took the coffee from her “So let's start at the beginning”

 

“I think Costia’s sick”

 

“What makes you think that?”

 

“I don't know it's numerous things I've seen and my gut I just I know something is wrong I can't explain it” Lexa tried to explain her hand fiddling with the cup she was holding

 

“These numerous things what are they?”

 

“The way she's been acting, she's really clingy with Sasha and more than normal”

 

“Maybe she knows Sasha’s having medical issues”

 

“No nobody in the family knows but our grandparents and our mums’ Sasha doesn't want anyone else knowing and nobody would tell Costia she’s too young to understand”

 

“Ok you said she's acting differently how?”

 

“For starts she's wet herself twice once at the party because she forgot she needed the toilet and then she had a nightmare about a bad doctor and she wet the bed, Aunt Madalyn says it's the medication she's on but it doesn't make sense, that added on to her not eating properly”

 

“Not eating properly?”

 

“She barely touched her porridge this morning and when we got lunch she took one bite of her food and couldn't eat anymore” Lexa paused looking into Clarke’s eyes before adding “That's why I messaged you because I thought maybe with your medical knowledge you’d be able to tell me it's something simple”

 

“Is that everything?” When Lexa looked at her she now saw that a few tears had escaped Lexa’s eyes reaching across the table she gently took hold of Lexa’s hand squeezing it “Is there anything else she's said or done that's worrying you?”

 

“I noticed a small cut and some redness on her arm, when I asked what it was she said it was from her Pick line she said it was how the doctor was making her better” Lexa paused squeezing Clarke’s hand before adding “I know one of the guys in our unit had cancer treatment and he had chemotherapy via a PICC line, I'm just overthinking this right?” Lexa almost begged looking at Clarke

 

“I'm not going to lie to you Lexa” Clarke paused looking at Lexa almost asking if she really wanted to hear what she was going to say when Lexa nodded she continued “It sounds like she could have cancer the loss of appetite changes in emotion, the bed wetting isn't something to do with cancer but if she's got an infection due to the treatment then that can lead to lose of control of the bladder”

 

Lexa suddenly remembered the photo she had taken getting her phone out of her pocket she brought up the picture placing the phone on the table sliding it in front of Clarke “That’s the medication Aunt Madalyn told us she was on”

 

Clarke studied the picture taking in every detail of the box and the medication label noticing a few things she looked back up at Lexa “Doxycycline is used most commonly for clearing up infections but sometimes it can be used by Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma patients to help their bodies warn off any infections a very rare side effect of it is loss of bladder control. It's not usually given to children under 8 but I'm guessing by the dosage that they gave it to her because her body was beginning to weaken from treatment. The label was printed out a month ago at Mattel Children’s Hospital and she's only on one a day which would reduce any likelihood of any side effects and would explain why she's not able to control her bladder now especially with the loss of appetite it sounds like the treatment is kicking in”

 

“Hang on a month ago”

 

“Yeah it's dated at the bottom right hand corner and they print the labels on the day all hospitals are the same” Clarke explained as she slides the phone back to Lexa pointing to the date

 

“So Aunt Madalyn has been in LA for a month and hasn't told us anything” Clarke shrugged her shoulders “I need to talk to her find out what's really going on” Lexa said standing up picking her phone up at the same time, as she began to try and unlock her phone her hands began shaking as everything Clarke had said hit her like a brick wall, she wasn't able to control the tears that erupted from her eyes, with in a second Clarke was in front of her wrapping her arms around her. Hesitating for a second she couldn't fight any longer as she heard Clarke tell her everything was going to be fine her body clung onto Clarke’s as she released the tears she'd been fighting as her arms stayed wrapped around Clarke holding onto her tightly.

 

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Outside Grounders

Sasha let out a massive sigh of frustration as she pulled up outside of Grounders she’d been having dinner with her mum when she got a phone call at 8:30pm from Gustus asking her if she could come and pick up Raven he’d not given her much more detail other than Raven was in a bad state and was mentioning her she’d then told her mum about the call, her mum instantly told her to go look after Raven. 45 Minutes later and Sasha had just parked her car a few feet away from the Grounders entrance as she got out of the car the main thought running through her mind was worry she knew Raven wasn't the type of person to get stupidly drunk especially if she was alone, as she walked through the entrance to Grounders she was meet with a worried looking Bellamy who pointed over to the far end of the pub right near the dance floor. As she made her way through the small crowd of people she reached her best friend noticing a women she knew as Harper trying to give Raven some water only for Raven to push the water away instead deciding to drink a beer that was on the table next to her, the owner of the beer went to protest to Raven but before he could he noticed Sasha who motioned to him thankfully he was a regular and knew exactly who Sasha was sending a nod her way he turned around resuming his interaction with his friends, Sasha looked over to Harper who was still trying to help Raven as she saw Sasha she stood up walking over to her

 

“She won't drink any water and she kept asking for you I didn't have your number so Gustus called you. I'm sorry about this” Harper apologetically explained

 

“Harper it's fine I'm glad Gustus called me” Pulling her phone out she opened her contacts pressing add new contact she held the phone out to Harper “Here put your number in and I'll text you so next time she's smashed like this you can call me” Harper took the phone from Sasha entering her details she handed the phone back. Sasha placed the phone back in her pocket before walking over to Raven “Hey Rae what's happening?”

 

“Hey Sashi Sash when did you get here?” Raven drunkenly responded jumping out of her seat and hugging Sasha before stumbling back to her seat

 

“I just got here you were asking for me remember” Sasha responded though she had a feeling Raven didn't have a clue about what she’d done been up to

 

“I was? So you came?” Sasha nodded at her questions “oh yeah I wanted to tell you something” Raven looked at Sasha even in her drunken state she couldn't find the courage to say what she wanted “I wanted to….” She managed to mumble before stopping herself

 

“What did you want to tell me Rae?”

 

“Pssss Come here” Raven mumbled as she managed to stand up again this time Sasha took a few steps forward so she was only arm’s length away from Raven ready to assist her at any moment “I wanted to tell you that I……I love you Sashi”

 

“That's what you wanted to tell me”

 

“Yep now get a drink LETS PARTY” Raven shouted throwing her arms in the air as she completed her sentence she lost her balance almost falling to the ground, Sasha quickly stepped in catching her wrapping her right arm around Raven’s waist to sturdy her, as Raven steadied herself she wrapped one of her arms around Sasha’s shoulders

 

“I love you too Rae now how about we go back to mine?”

 

“Hey I thought you had Octavia” Raven laughed bringing her free hand up and tapping Sasha on the nose then resting the same hand Sasha’s stomach adding “They all fall to the Reyes charm in the end”

 

“Sure they do ravishing Rae” Sasha added as she guided Raven towards the exit thanking everyone as she walked past them, once they were outside Sasha unlocked her car managing to get Raven in the car quite easily all she was hoping now was two things 1-Nothing happened to trigger a flashback and 2-Raven didn't throw up in her car.

 

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Back at Lexa and Sasha's Apartment

Lexa and Clarke were sat back at the table in the kitchen after what felt like an eternity of holding onto each other, they hadn't spoken a word to each other for about twenty minutes they just sat at the table looking at each other with sad smiles on their faces as they both thought about the possibility that they were right about Costia. Clarke looked down at her phone to check she hadn't missed a call or message from anyone she couldn't help but smile when she saw the screensaver on her lock screen it was the picture of her and Costia from yesterday as soon as Lexa had sent it to her she had made it her lock screen picture along with making her home screen picture the one of all three of them, she couldn't help smiling and thinking about what a lovely polite little girl Costia was she’d never hoped to be wrong about guessing someone's illness before as she was now. She was brought out of her thoughts when Lexa, having spotted the picture, softly said;

 

“She's so happy with those pictures”

 

“Me too” Clarke softly added smiling brightly as she looked from the phone to Lexa

 

“Sasha got her an iPad mini so they can FaceTime and Skype every day and the first thing she did was make me send the pictures to her” Lexa and Clarke softly giggled as they thought about Costia “And I mean she made me, I was told I wouldn't get anymore hugs or presents if I didn't send them to her” Lexa added giggling even more as she remembered Costia telling her to send the picture the little girl looked so stern and serious it was impossible to refuse her

 

“She's a sweet little thing”

 

“Yeah she is” Lexa paused as a tinge of sadness pulled at her inside, taking a deep breath she added “No way she's a mini Sasha then” She was purposely trying to lighten the mood

 

“You need to talk to your Aunt before your mind gets too carried away” Clarke softly said reaching her hand across the table gently taking hold of Lexa’s hand

 

“I know I'm gonna see her tomorrow find out 100% what's wrong with Costia” Clarke smiled at Lexa a smile that made Lexa feel better inside it was something Clarke had always been able to do with her just one smile and no matter what was going on Lexa would feel a little better sometimes even a little safer. “Thank you” She added gently squeezing Clarke’s hand

 

“For talking?”

 

“For everything tonight, you know what I'm like when my mind runs wild and I can't talk to Sasha about this not yet” Lexa paused softly trying to formulate the correct words “You didn't have to come tonight after how I treated you but you did and I really appreciate that”

 

“Your welcome, I meant what I said I want us to be friends and friends are there for each other” Clarke softly responded as her eyes caught Lexa’s both getting a little lost in each other for a second until the front door opening causing their eyes to break away from each other's their hands instantly separating from each other’s. They both stood up making their way to the front door to see who had entered the apartment, as they both reached the living room they arrived just in time to see Sasha with Raven on her shoulders kicking the front door shut with her foot as she quickly moved to one of the sofas carefully placing Raven on it. Once Raven was safely on the sofa Sasha stood up straight her hands on her hips as she tried to catch her breath.

 

“You ok there Twinsy?” As the words left Lexa’s lips Sasha physically jumped on the spot her hands dropping from her hips as she turned in the direction of the voice bringing her hand up placing it on her chest as her eyes found Lexa she took a deep breath softly saying;

 

“Heilige rook LEXA hoef sluip op my soos daardie” ( _Holy Smokes Lexa don’t sneak up on me like that)_ Sasha looked firmly at Lexa her expression staying stern until she noticed Clarke standing next to Lexa.

 

“I didn’t sneak up on you, we were in the kitchen talking when you came in” Lexa explained seeing Sasha’s eyes move to Clarke.

 

“Ek het gedink ons het ooreengekom?” ( _I thought we agreed?)_ Sasha asked in Afrikaans not wanting Clarke to question what she meant

 

“ons gedoen het, ons is eerlik net praat ek belowe” ( _we did, we were honestly just talking I promise_ ) Lexa responded she knew Sasha wouldn’t give up on the subject so she decided to change the subject now wasn’t the right time to talk about her and Clarke even if Clarke couldn’t understand what she was saying plus she felt bad for not speaking English when Clarke was around she knew it was a little disrespectful. “What’s up with Raven anyway?”

 

“She had one too many and was apparently asking after me so I had to go get her” Sasha replied she knew why Lexa wasn’t continuing their conversation about Clarke and she decided to take up the conversation later on.

 

“That’s not like her”

 

“I know; I think she saw Anya or something. She was mumbling about I was right and Anya was a bitch. Then she said something about being sorry for going behind my back. I heard Octavia’s name in there as well but I have no idea what she was talking about” Sasha responded looking down at Raven’s sleeping form, she brought her hand up to the back of her neck gently rubbing it gently she could feel a sudden rush of pain at the base of her neck it felt like someone was stabbing her over and over again, she ignored the pain as she added “You know she weighs more than I remember or maybe it was the two flights of stairs” Sasha softly giggled as she looked to Lexa seeing a worried look suddenly appear on Lexa’s face looking at her questioningly she asked “What’s wrong?”

 

“Your bleeding Alexis” Lexa explained stepping forward until she was right next to Sasha, gently bringing her hand up to Sasha neck she softly continued “You must have reopened it carrying Raven in”

 

“I didn’t even feel it probably because I was concentrating more on not falling down the stairs” Sasha responded as she brought her hand away from her neck into her eye line now seeing her hand was partially covered in blood.

 

“Sit down at the kitchen table I’ll get the first aid kit” Lexa ordered instantly seeing Sasha go to argue “Don’t make me say it again” Lexa firmly responded as she walked away from Sasha seeing Sasha walking towards the kitchen in the corner of her eye, she quickly went into the bathroom grabbing the first aid kit from underneath the sink. Walking quickly back to the kitchen she stopped at the door when she saw Sasha sitting on one of the chairs with her head looking down at her lap while Clarke was behind her gently removing the bandage over Sasha’s wound, she walked past them gently placing the first aid kit on the table in front of Sasha’s chair “Here you go”

 

“Thanks” Clarke responded not taking her attention away from the wound on Sasha’s neck, when Sasha went to look up Clarke pushed the top of her head downwards “Don’t move” She firmly responded tapping Sasha on the head once more to make sure she listened. Clarke then opened the first aid kit taking out the cleansing wipes and cotton pads along with a few cotton buds which would allow her to clean the wound more thoroughly noticing there were no more bandages in the first aid box she looked up softly asking “Lexa could you get a fresh bandage for me please?” Lexa nodded at her as she placed a small cup of water for Clarke to use to clean of the dry blood on the table before heading into the bathroom to find the extra bandages. Turning her attention back to Sasha she began using the cotton buds to wipe away all the blood that had dried around the wounds then wiping away all the fresh blood that was emerging from the wound as a result of the dry blood being removed, once she was done with that she used the cleansing wipes gently wiping over the wound she wasn’t surprised when Sasha didn’t flinch or move most people would at least flinch from the minor pain of the alcohol from the cleansing wipes entering the wound, once she had cleaned the wound with the wipe she used a fresh wipe to clean the surrounding area of Sasha’s neck before taking some of the cotton pads and dipping them into the water then wiping the wound and the surrounding area she knew if the alcohol was left in the wound it could get infected once she was done with that she looked in the first aid kit finding the butterfly stitches she had been looking for she began carefully applying them as she placed the first one she stopped hearing Sasha talk;

 

“So how have you been Clarke?”

 

“Not bad thanks Sasha, studying doing some work experience and that’s it really” Clarke answered continuing with applying the butterfly stitches “How about you?”

 

“You know the usual, being deployed to Afghanistan coming back, having flashbacks in the middle of bars you know the usual” Sasha responded softly giggling “How’s the whole paramedic thing going?”

 

“Really good thanks, I’m scheduled to take my paramedics exams in a month then it’ll just be about waiting for a placement and then hopefully I’ll be able to go to medical school”

 

“Medical school to become like a doctor?”

 

“Kind of, it would be doing a nurses course it’ll add another level to my paramedic skills” Clarke smiled softly placing the last butterfly stitch over the wound “My dad said he’d pay for me to do the whole doctor thing but I don’t think that’s for me”

 

“Well whatever you decide I’m sure you’ll be amazing at it Clarke, you’re an amazing person” Sasha honestly responded she couldn’t help the guilt that was bubbling inside her “So are you still doing the sketching as a hobby?”

 

“Yeah It helps calm me after a long day training” Clarke paused she couldn’t help but smile at the comments Sasha had made about her as she sat down opposite her watching as Sasha carefully raised her head “How about you? You were pretty good if I remember rightly”

 

“I don’t really draw much anymore, I’m usually in therapy or on base training”

 

“Are you allowed to train with your PTSD?”

 

“Yeah I can but only drills and courses. I’m not allowed to take part in the simulation dummy runs in case something triggers a flashback”

 

“You know you really should go back to drawing I can reteach you some stuff if you want, it’s very therapeutic you know”

 

“Maybe yeah I might try it again one day and if I do you’ll be the first person I come to”

 

“Good, I miss our drawing sessions and all the fun we used to have together”

 

“You mean our jogs while Lexa and Octavia lazed around” Sasha replied causing them both to laugh as Clarke nodded “Can I ask you something friend to friend?”

 

“Of course you can” Clarke responded intrigued by what Sasha might ask

 

Sasha took a deep breath before asking in a soft voice “Do you still love Lexa? Like are you in love with her?”

 

Clarke looked at Sasha her eyes wide open not sure about what to say “Um I don’t know to be honest, I still love her I probably always will, I guess she’s the you to my Octavia” Clarke smiled at Sasha seeing the soft giggle Sasha had released before adding “But we’ll probably never get back together and I guess I’ve accepted it”

 

“Can I ask something else?” Clarke nodded at Sasha’s second question for permission “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always said you were gay, and now your dating Mitch. So are you Bisexual?” Sasha paused seeing that Clarke was turning a little red from what she guessed was embarrassment “It’s nothing to be ashamed of and It doesn’t matter to me either way it’s just I kind of need to know if I’m gonna be hanging around at yours, I don’t want to drop you in it with Mitch by saying the wrong thing”

 

“I don’t know up until Lexa I’d only dated girls but after we ended I couldn’t function properly when I did my dad had this talk with me about possibly trying to date a guy to see how it felt. It was weird but Mitch is a nice guy” Clarke paused when she saw Sasha raise her eyebrows quizzingly “Until he has a drink then he doesn’t have a filter”

 

“Thanks for being honest with me, and as long as I’m around him I promise I won’t purposely provoke him or tell him what I actually think of him”

 

“Well thank you” Clarke responded giggling at the way Sasha had said her last sentence

 

Before either of them could continue the conversation Lexa walked back into the kitchen placing the bandage on the table in front of Clarke, who instantly picked it up walking behind Sasha gently tapping her head for her to lower her head. As Sasha began lowering her head she noticed that Lexa’s eyes looked a little puffy like she had been gently crying as she looked down at her lap she asked: “Het jy daardie gesprek LEXA hoor?” ( _Did you hear that conversation Lexa?)_

“Ja” ( _Yes)_ Lexa responded her back turned to Clarke and Sasha as she made herself busy making coffee and tea.

 

“ is jy OK?” ( _Are you OK?_ )

 

“Ek dont dink so” ( _I don’t think so_ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo…..What does everyone think? A little weird ending I know……Will dive more into Lexa’s feelings in the next few chapters as well as Lexa confronting her Aunt about Costia’s possible illness…. Hope there wasn’t a load of mistakes I uploaded this straight after finishing it and am working on the next chapter so won’t be able to proof read until that chapter is complete…...So as always please feel free to review all reviews are welcome and appreciated….Until the next chapter my lovelies…..


	10. Truth & Lies

Chapter Ten-Truth and Lies

It was the morning after Clarke had come over to help Lexa work out what was wrong with Costia, after Clarke had helped patch up Sasha’s wound after it had reopened she told them she ‘better get back to Mitch’, Sasha walked Clarke to her car making sure she got there safely and asking her to text her when she got home which Clarke did. Once Sasha had got back to the apartment she went to talk to Lexa but her cousin refused to talk about Clarke or anything she had heard Clarke say to Sasha, she'd decided not to push Lexa she could tell she wasn't ready to talk about it so she headed to the guest room grabbing a clean pillow and a blanket she carefully placed the pillow under Ravens head then carefully placed the blanket over Raven after that was done she grabbed a  class of water and a cookie from the kitchen placing them out on the table near the sofa for Raven for when she’d wake up from her drunken stupor half way through the night. Sasha then headed to her room and called up Octavia after she got no response she sent a simple message explaining that she just wanted to talk to her about something she turned her phone off and went to sleep.

 

It was now 7:30am Sasha was making her way to the door after the knocking had woken her up, she’d taken her time answering it putting on her plain black bra and one of her army training t-shirts over her checkered bottoms before she left her room whoever it was she wasn't risking opening the door topless and braless she wasn't planning on making anyone's day at 07:30 in the morning by flashing them especially on a Sunday. As she finally got to the door she pulled it open rubbing her eyes she saw a nervous looking Octavia standing at the door in Navy Blue Soul Cal tracksuit:

 

“Octavia, what's wrong?”

 

Octavia paused as she looked behind Sasha seeing Raven beginning to stir on the couch so many thoughts ran through her mind Sasha had left her a message about needing to talk to her and Clarke had told her that Raven was drunk and talking about her, as Raven finally lifted her head off the pillow her eyes caught Octavia’s seeing the worry in them she instantly shook her head indicating she hadn't said a word about their night together. Octavia was brought out of her thoughts when Sasha gently tapped her in the arm

 

“Octavia are you ok?” Sasha asked worryingly

 

“Yeah, Clarke said she had to patch you up and I couldn't get an answer on your phone so I wanted to check you were ok” Octavia finally said stepping forward and wrapping her arms around Sasha’s waist hugging her gently

 

“Sorry my phones switched off” Sasha replied into the hug squeezing Octavia softly before pulling back “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you worry”

 

“It’s ok, I jumped to the wrong conclusion” Octavia said as she rested her head on Sasha’s shoulder her eyes looking over at Raven who had gone back to sleep ‘typical’ she thought Raven was the one that she needed to talk to so she could be 100% sure that Sasha hadn’t found out about their night together. “What’s wrong with Raven?”

 

“Nothing she just had too many drinks” Sasha replied pulling out of the hug looking down at Octavia “So do you want some breakfast while you’re here?”

 

“Sure I’m starving, I haven’t eaten yet” When Sasha looked at her confused she explained “I panicked when you didn’t message or call me back and got dressed, Clarke told me you were fine but I convinced her to drive me here with a little emotional blackmail”

 

“I’m sorry I turned it off to stop any incidents happening” This time Octavia was the one who looked confused so Sasha explained “I’ve had a flashback triggered from the vibration of the phone before, it was only once and from what Dr Jaha said it was because I was asleep and my brain associated the vibration with the same sensation as shooting a gun, he said it’s unlikely to happen again but since then I’ve turned my phone off at night to make sure it doesn’t happen”

 

“That’s insane” Octavia replied following Sasha into the kitchen she watched intently as the women began making coffee, she softly smiled when Sasha began making her pancakes from scratch “You don’t have to make me something from scratch” She softly said moving closer to Sasha who had turned her head to face her.

 

“Who says the pancakes are for you?” Sasha raised her eyebrows sending Octavia a cheeky grin giggling softly as Octavia released a sad smile as she started to walk over to her not stopping until she was right in front of her, as she watched Octavia move towards her she positioned herself so that the lowest part of her back was resting against the counter edge as her eyes scanned over Octavia’s body she bit her lip softly before commenting “I’m sure I can be persuaded to make you some though” Octavia continued to walk towards her not stopping until their hips were pressed tightly together as their hips connected she brought her hands up to rest on Sasha’s upper chest her fingers on Sasha’s shoulders with her palms resting just under Sasha’s shoulders just above Sasha’s breasts. She softly smiled at Sasha biting her own lip before looking into Sasha’s eyes feeling Sasha’s hands slide up her thighs over her hips and around to rest on her lower back just above her bottom.

 

“I’m sure I can persuade you” Octavia replied her voice raspier than she intended it to be, the longer their hips were pressed together the more turned on she felt herself getting it’d been so long since her and Sasha had done anything more than kiss, even before they broke up they hadn’t slept together for four months and she hadn’t been with anyone since she slept with Raven which was over a year ago and although the sex with Raven was okay it wasn’t on the level of her and Sasha there was something about how Sasha touched her and made her feel inside that made it more than just sex with them. As the desire inside her bubbled away she slowly leaned closer to Sasha slowly closing the space between their lips as she was leaning in she felt Sasha pull her closer wrapping her arms tightly around her waist bringing their chest even closer together finally Octavia’s lips connected with Sasha’s. At first the kiss was tamed each of them exploring each other’s mouth enjoying the sensation that shot through them both, after a minute the passion and sexual arousal they both were feeling began to seep into the kiss, Octavia’s hands slowly began to make their way downwards almost as if they had a mind of their own moving down Sasha’s chest over her breasts until they were at the seam of her t-shirt then gently sliding under the material sliding up her stomach resting on her abdomen. At the moment her hand moved under Sasha’s t-shirt Octavia felt Sasha’s arms unwrap from around her waist feeling Sasha’s hands then slide from her waist reaching the waistband of her jogging bottoms then continuing to move under the material until her hands where resting on the material of Octavia’s underwear that was covering her bottom as Sasha’s hands moved lower she felt the outline of Octavia’s causing her to pull back looking at Octavia quizzingly she asked;

 

“Are you wearing boxers?”

 

Octavia looked into Sasha’s eyes seeing the lust in them she bit her lip replying “Maybe” When Sasha raised her eyebrows at her then asking;

 

“Are you wearing my boxers?”

 

Octavia this time bit the inside of her bottom lip using her hands that where still underneath Sasha t-shirt on her abdomen to push herself back until there was some space between them, she then looked at Sasha still biting her lip as the lust she was feeling inside filled up her eyes slowly she lowered her jogging bottoms until Sasha could see her underwear, she had to fight every urge in her not to just remove the jogging bottoms completely in the back of her mind though she knew Raven or Lexa could walk in on them at any moment. She smiled softly releasing her bit on her lip when she noticed the smile spread across Sasha’s face as she finally realised exactly what boxers she was wearing

 

“I have missed those boxers” Sasha smiled uncontrollably as she scanned the material covering Octavia’s skin they were a pair of boxers that she left at Octavia’s apartment when they broke up. They were purple with green writing that read: Remember my name you’ll be screaming it later. Smiling even brighter she closed the gap between them placing her hands on the material that was covering Octavia’s very upper thigh snaking around until her hands were on Octavia’s bottom again using her hands positioning she pulled Octavia gently into her until their faces were level with each other’s “I think I might have to get them back from you”

 

“Well you’re going to have to take them because I’m not giving them back willingly”

 

“I think I can handle that task” Sasha responded leaning in capturing Octavia’s lips with her own, before the kiss could progress like it had moments ago Octavia broke the kiss placing her hand on Sasha’s chest pushing her backwards slightly, looking at Sasha she smiled at her again biting her lip she took a step backwards pulling up her jogging bottoms as she did so bringing her hands up to her rest on the drawstrings of the hoody she was wearing her eyes locked with Sasha’s as she raised her eyebrows before looking down at her tracksuit, After thirty seconds or so it finally dawned on Sasha that the tracksuit Octavia was wearing was hers again it was something she’d left at Octavia’s apartment when they broke up, she couldn’t help but release a grin as she giggle softly as she bowed head before raising it again softly asking “How do you make my clothes look a million times hotter than I do?” Octavia shrugged her shoulders at her giggling softly at the comment as she moved slowly back to Sasha

 

“The real question is; do you want the tracksuit back as well?”

 

“I think I definitely want them all back” Sasha responded her voice slightly husky as Octavia began to unzip the hoody as the zip moved lower and lower she realised that Octavia wasn’t wearing any form of shirt underneath it but instead was only wearing a bra as the zip reached the bottom of the hoody Octavia slowly opened it up revealing a Dark red laced bra underneath the hoody, Sasha took a deep breath before saying “Ok there’s no think about it I’m gonna need them back…………. now”

 

“I was hoping you’d say that” Octavia huskily responded closing the gap between her and Sasha her skin pressing against the t-shirt Sasha was wearing as their lips crashed together the kiss instantly passionate as Octavia’s hands again found their way underneath Sasha’s t-shirt as the kiss developed even more they found themselves moving around the kitchen until they finally bumped into the table, without a second thought Sasha’s hands moved to Octavia’s bottom lifting her onto the table her hands quickly moved to the exposed skin of Octavia’s stomach, breaking her lips away from Octavia’s she slowly began kissing her way along Octavia’s cheek until she reached her neck slowly placing kisses down her neck until she was at her collarbone then continuing to kiss her way downwards Octavia lowered herself backwards with every kiss until she was eventually laying down on the table trying to control her breathing Sasha had continued kissing down her chest all the way down her stomach until she was at the waistband of the joggers then kissing her way back upwards until she was in-between Octavia’s breast the only thing separating her from them being the bra she was wearing , she was just about to remove the bra when she heard a thump from the living room they both broke apart as Sasha went running into the room to see what the noise was Octavia let out a massive grunt of frustration as she carefully removed herself from the table quickly zipping up her hoody.

 

Sasha stepped into the living room instantly noticing that Raven was now laying on the floor next to the sofa she had originally been sleeping on she moved to her best friend lifting her off the floor and back onto the Sofa before saying “Stay there I’ll bring you a coffee and some food” With that she headed back to the kitchen getting a small grunt of thanks from Raven as she walked back into the kitchen. She secretly berated her best friend for interrupting her and Octavia's activities.

 

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Meanwhile at Alexander and Marilyn’s House

Lexa nervously waited in the living room for her aunt Madalyn to re-enter the room, she’d arrived there at about 7am after talking to her aunt the night before about Costia, Madalyn had promised to explain everything to her in person and now here she was sat waiting at the dinner table ready to hear potentially life changing news. As she stared blankly at the floor trying to focus her mind she heard the door open and looked up to see her mum and her aunt Madalyn walk into the room, Madalyn was carriage a tray with a pot of coffee, three mugs and a small bowl with sugar and a spoon in it. She placed the tray on the table and took a seat opposite Lexa with Lexa’s mum sitting on her right hand side. As her mum unloaded the mugs sharing them out then pouring coffee into each of them Lexa couldn't hold it in anymore:

 

“Someone tell me what's going on?” She asked her voice stern and filled with anger.

 

“Lexa it's not as simple to explain” Her mum said gently taking her hand

 

“Can you stop talking to me like a child please and tell me what's going on” Lexa replied pulling her hand gently away from her mother’s “And don't feed me some line about an infection, Costia told me about her PICC line” Lexa added deciding not to include Clarke’s name in the conversation

 

“Ok” Madalyn said with almost a hint of defeat and sadness in her voice “Costia has Stage 2-B Cell Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma”

 

Lexa felt all the air in her lungs instantly leave her body it felt like someone had hit her in the stomach the stomach with a baseball bat, she struggled to breath slightly as tears began rapidly falling from her eyes, so many questions formulated in her mind after a few minutes she wiped her tears away and asked “How long?”

 

“Just over two months” Her mother answered

 

“WHAT and nobody's told Alexis about this?”

 

“No and nobody is going to she has her own things to worry about”

 

“Her little sister has cancer what could be more important than that” Lexa shouted back

 

“It's my decision as Costia's mother and as Alexis’ mother not to tell her the doctors in Boston recommended a hospital near here and they believe she’ll survive”

 

“And what about when Costia gets sicker how are you going to explain it to Alexis” Lexa watched as her mother and aunt’s faces filled up with guilt and shame “Your just gonna keep them apart aren't you?”

 

“It's for the best” Madalyn responded

 

“No it isn't” Lexa paused taking a breath trying to calm her temper down “Costia loves Alexis more than either of you know, she knows something is wrong when she was with us Saturday she was stuck to Alexis the whole day she didn't want to leave her, don’t you think it'd be wiser to use that, Lexi can help her through it make it easier for her…”

 

“NO” Madalyn shouted “She worries too much as it is and Costia’s illness could push her too far and trigger her PTSD, I've made a decision and you will respect it as everyone else has”

 

Lexa looked at her aunt disapproval clear in her face as she registered what she’d actually said “Everyone? Who else knows?” Madalyn remained quiet “Mema and Papa?”

 

“Yes” Lexa's mum answered her voice almost inaudible

 

“Did he really have an angina attack?”

 

“No, I needed a way to get Sasha out of Boston and you two go everywhere together so Papa made up the angina attack to get you to come to LA so Costia could start treatment in Boston”

 

"Are you being serious now? This is so fucking messed up” Lexa almost shouted standing up out of her chair the force of the back of her knees hitting the chair nearly toppled it over

 

“Alexandra you mind your mouth in this house” Said a voice coming from the door of the living room Lexa knew the voice was her Mema's, turning to look at her Mema fresh tears running down her cheeks she softly responded:

 

“I'm sorry Mema but this is sick, and wrong on so many levels”

 

“I know it is” Mema softly said slowly making her way to the beige sofa on the opposite side of the room sitting herself down she opened her arms motioning for Lexa to come to her which she did as Lexa sat down next to her she softly said “I feel the same way you do, hiding this from Alexis is not okay but Madalyn is her and Costia’s mother and we have to respect her wishes”

 

“She's gonna hate me for not telling her” Lexa replied softly resting her head on her Mema’s shoulder as Mema wrapped her arms tightly around her.

 

“She will at first but she will calm down and realise you didn't have a choice” Pausing for a second as she gently lifted Lexa’s head from her shoulder placing a loving hand on either of her cheeks she continued softly speaking “You and Alexis have an unbreakable bond stronger than a sisters bond you are a part of each other……My little twins……She will forgive you because she loves you more than anyone in this life ever can or will”

 

Lexa looked at her Mema tears again raining down her cheeks as she leaned forward until her head was on Mema’s lap once she felt her Mema’s hands wrap around her tightly she sobbed letting out every ounce of emotion she was feeling at the thought of what Costia must be going through and the possibility her younger cousin could die.

 

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Back at the apartment

Sasha re-entered the Living room carrying a plate of Pancakes coated in Dark Chocolate sauce with a knife and fork balanced in the middle of the plate in one hand and a coffee in the other hand, thankfully her and Octavia had managed not to get caught up in anymore make out sessions while they were in the kitchen as tempting as it was with Octavia constantly sending her lustful looks while she was cooking. As she reached the sofa Raven was sitting on she noticed Raven was buried underneath the covers, placing the coffee and the plate on the coffee table that was in front of the sofa she turned back to Raven slapping the part of the duvet that was covering Raven’s legs she heard a grunt come from under the duvet seconds later Raven pulled the duvet from over her head and moaned out load as she asked “What’s with all the lights?”

 

“That’s the sun” Sasha answered laughing at her best friend

 

“Oh my god my head is killing me”

 

“That’s what happens when you drink too much booze Rae Rae” Sasha responded looking down at Raven raising her eyebrows before expending her hand out to her, Raven took hold of her hand letting Sasha pull her upwards into a sitting position “Start eating and I’ll get you some paracetamol” Sasha smiled releasing Raven’s hand and walking towards the bathroom, having heard Sasha mention getting paracetamol Octavia entered the living room quickly walking over to Raven sitting down next to her asking;

 

“What the hell did Anya say? You haven’t answered my messages I’ve been going crazy worrying that Sasha knows”

 

“I’ll message you properly later ok, but we’re not talking about this now if Sasha overhears we won’t have a choice in telling her, and neither of us wants that do we?” Raven bluntly responded her voice as low as she could make it so that only Octavia could hear her.

 

“No we don’t. Ok later but make sure you reply this time” Raven didn’t reply to Octavia’s comment she simply nodded before leaning forward picking up her plate of pancakes and beginning to eat.

 

Octavia stood up from the sofa and began walking towards the hall, as she reached the part of the hall that divided into two different hall ways she went to walk to the right where she knew Sasha room was when Sasha emerged from the bathroom holding a box of paracetamol in her hand seeing Octavia she softly asked “You ok babe?” When Octavia didn’t reply but merely smiled she softly spoke again “What?” Not quite sure why Octavia was all of sudden smiling at her.

 

“Nothing, I’ve just missed hearing you call me that” Octavia responded moving closer to Sasha until they were in front of each, she reached forward wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck, still mindful of the wound on the base of her neck, she gently pulled Sasha forward smiling when she felt Sasha’s arm wrap around her waist pulling her in closer as she leant down slightly. Closing the final gap between them she kissed Sasha softly the kiss only lasted a few seconds before Octavia pulled back, “I’m gonna grab a t shirt from your room then I’ll eat in the kitchen” When Sasha went to protest she added “It’ll give you and Raven some time alone, I think she needs you more than me at the moment” Octavia completed hoping that Raven wouldn’t make a mistake and let slip that they slept together after over a year of covering it up she didn’t want it to come out not if she was honest she never wanted Sasha to find out.

 

“Thank you” Sasha replied leaning down and pecking Octavia on the lips as she released her arms from around Octavia’s waist, Octavia smiled and winked at her before she turned around and headed towards Sasha’s room. Sasha made her way back to the kitchen throwing the paracetamol at Raven as she walked past her once in the kitchen she grabbed a coffee and a glass of orange juice before heading back into the living room carrying both drinks with her, she placed the orange juice on the coffee table before walking over to the television and grabbing the remote from underneath it then walking back to the sofa she sat down next to Raven who had just finished her pancakes and was placing the empty plate on the coffee table grabbing her coffee at the same time she took out two paracetamol tablets and placed them one by one into her mouth taking a sip of the coffee with each tablet then leaning back she looked gratefully at Sasha softly saying;

 

“Thanks”

 

“Don’t mention it what else are best friends for” She softly replied nudging Raven gently with her free hand “You can make Lexa’s pancakes when she wakes up as a thank you”

 

“She went out already”

 

“Seriously? When?”

 

“She went out about 7am I think I remember seeing her walk out the door and not long after Octavia nearly broke the door down” 

 

“Oh ok wonder where she went” Sasha said out loud, Lexa usually let her know when she was going out thinking nothing of it she continued “Oh well more time with my bestie” Both her and Raven laughed at her comment as she brought up the Netflix app on the television looking to Raven she softly said “So how upset are you? Cause last night you mentioned Anya…. So am I right in thinking you ran into her?”

 

“Yeah I did and she basically told me that she used me to have fun and was never going to leave her husband”

 

“Oh Rae Rae, I’m sorry” Sasha responded wrapping her right arm around Raven’s shoulder pulling her into her side “Look I know you won’t wanna talk about it now but when you’re ready I’m here for you ok”

 

“I know thanks” Raven softly replied resting her head on Sasha’s shoulder, she smiled softly Sasha was always the only person who could make her smile when she was hungover and she was probably the only person that knew what her hangover foods and drinks were and how to tell which one she needed. She couldn’t help but think to herself that there was no way Anya was going to ruin her friendship with Sasha and if that meant she had to threaten to tell Anya’s husband about them then she’d do it, she was brought out of her thoughts when Sasha spoke;

 

“Do I need to ask what film?” She smiled turning her head so she could see Raven’s reaction, Raven shook her head at the question “Ok Burlesque it is…. Nothing like a little Christina Aguilera to cheer you up huh” She softly said squeezing Raven’s shoulder before saying “Your orange is on the table when you’re ready by the way”

 

“How do you do that?” Raven asked a smile spread on her face as she removed her head from Sasha’s shoulder

 

“I’m a very talented women and the best friend anyone could ask for”

 

“Oh yeah it’s obvious now” Raven responded softly laughing at Sasha before laying her head back down on Sasha’s shoulder as they both turned their attention to the television as Sasha pressed play and the movie began.

 

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Clarke and Octavia’s Apartment

Clarke was sat in the arm chair that was in the corner of the living room the chair gave her a clear view of the whole of the living room as well as the wooden sliding doors that lead to her bedroom was in the middle of her view with the doorway that lead to their tiny kitchen a few feet to the right, then a few feet to the left of her bedroom was the hallway that lead to Octavia’s room, the only thing that she didn’t have a view off from the chair was the bathroom and their front door which were both down the hallway behind where the chair was placed. She had been sketching in her pad for the last twenty minutes after having got back from dropping Octavia off at Sasha and Lexa’s apartment, she didn’t feel tired anymore and had decided to calm her mind by sketching, as she looked at the picture she had been sketching for the last ten minutes it was going to be a picture of Costia she had just starting on adding in details of the little girl like her braided ponytails and her smile when she felt her phone go off in her pocket pulling it out she read the text message;

 

**Lexa: You were right about Costia**

Clarke was stunned as she read the message she’d been thinking about the little girl all night hoping that she was wrong about the cancer, she re read the message at least six times hoping they would somehow magically change when another message came through;

 

**Lexa: Sorry I shouldn’t have messaged you I just… I don’t even know**

Clarke left her heart sink even more she couldn’t stand to think of Lexa in any form of pain although they weren’t together anymore she still loved Lexa more than ever that had never changed, she always thought about her when things were tough or when Mitch would mess up again, she still had no idea what to do about her feelings but she knew that she couldn’t leave Lexa to deal with this on her own. She quickly typed out a reply;

 

**Clarke: Don’t be sorry. Come to mine. Octavia is at yours, we can talk properly**

**Lexa: I don’t want to impose on you**

**Clarke: You’re not just buzz when you’re at the door** **J**

**Lexa: Ok. Thanks**

Clarke felt a sudden urge shoot through her body it was a mixture of sadness and excitement both at the thought of seeing Lexa she wanted to help her but at the same time she knew it was going to be hard to keep her emotions in check. As she tried to keep her mind from overworking standing up she placed her sketch pad on the table as she stood up from the chair she was sitting in as she stood up she caught her reflection in the mirror, noticing her hair looked untamed and messy, she looked down at her outfit joggers and a vest ‘no no no’ she thought to herself there was no way she could let Lexa see her like this it wasn’t like she hadn’t seen it before but now was different they weren’t together anymore and she kind of wanted to look good for Lexa to make her realise what a mistake them breaking up was, she quickly jogged the few feet into her room.

 

Ten minutes later she emerged from her room wearing a pair of blue jeans and a loose light blue plain t-shirt her was now neatly brushed well the best it could be within ten minutes anyway. Walking over to the mirror she double checked she looked ok, as she looked at herself in the mirror she mentally scolded herself Lexa had just found out Costia was sick and here she was worrying that she didn’t look hot enough for Lexa to be jealous. Shaking her head at herself she was interrupted by the buzzer at the front door every thought left her mind as she quickly walked to the door opening it up to reveal a red eyed Lexa stepping aside so Lexa could enter she closed the door, seeing Lexa had stopped after taking a few footsteps she walked in front of her wrapping her arms around the taller women’s neck hugging her tightly as she softly whispered “I’m so sorry” ……….

 

Minutes later they were sitting in the Living room Clarke had just re-entered the room having gone into the kitchen to get a glass of water for Lexa, sitting next to Lexa on the only couch in the room she handed the glass to Lexa who thanked her before taking a few sips of the glass before softly saying:

 

“I’m sorry for dropping in on you like this”

 

“Don’t be. I wouldn’t have invited you if it wasn’t ok”

 

“Thank you”

 

“No problem. That’s what being friends is about right? Being there for each other” Clarke responded smiling softly

 

“I suppose so yeah” Lexa smiled softly gently placing the glass on the table she noticed the open sketch pad gently picking it up she ran her fingers gently over the sketch she smiled realising that the picture was of Costia “It always amazed me how you could draw from memory”

 

“It’s a gift. Plus, if I need I have pictures I can use to refresh my memory”

 

“It’s amazing Clarke”

 

“Thanks” Clarke smiled, softly blushing at the same time. Pausing for a second she decided to ask Lexa about Costia after all it was the reason Lexa had come around to hers. “So what exactly did your aunt say?”

 

“She and my mum told me that Costia has Stage 2 B-Cell Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and has been getting treatment for two months”

 

“Two months?”

 

“Yeah, she said that my grandpa never had an angina attack it was all a ploy to get me and Sasha out of Boston and away from Costia so they could get her treatment without us noticing any changes” Seeing the look of confusion and slight disgust on Clarke’s face “Aunt Madalyn didn’t tell me much more except that I’m not to tell Sasha under any circumstances”

 

“That’s not right”

 

“I know but my Mema says it’s my Aunt Madalyn’s decision as their mother” Pausing for a second she continued “They think that Sasha knowing will put her under more stress and cause her PTSD to become worse”

 

“That’s highly unlikely though right?”

 

“Yeah it is but the more stressed she gets the more likely it is that something will trigger a flashback, but still I can’t bear the thought of lying to her she’ll hate me” Pausing for a second she added “I think having Octavia around is helping her and I know that she can handle it, am I being selfish wanting to tell her?”

 

Before Clarke could answer Lexa’s question there was a buzz at the door “I’m sorry I’ll get rid of them” She quickly said getting up from the couch walking inside she was cursing whoever was at the door she was enjoying the time she was spending with Lexa it was like they used to be and she missed it, it wasn’t the best reason for them to be spending time together but knowing that Lexa turned to her and not Raven or anyone else she could have turned to instead she came to her. Opening the door, she was slightly taken aback to see the two people that were standing on her doorstep as the words feel out of her mouth:

 

“Mum…. Dad”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo any thoughts on the chapter….as you can guess in the next chapter Kane and Abby will make their first appearance in the story  Also more Raven and Sasha and maybe some more Sasha and Octavia plus more Clarke and an appearance from Mitch as well…. Hope there aren’t a load of mistakes just uploading it now after finishing it again I just wanted to upload it so I can work on the next chapter.


	11. Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone that is still following this story and to all of those that left kudos on the last few chapters....As always comments are welcome in all ways...

Chapter Eleven-Pressure

Clarke stood staring at her mum and dad not quite sure what she should say she really wanted to spend more time talking to Lexa but on the other hand she couldn't send her parents away she never used to see them much these days with her training schedule and their work schedules she usually only saw them once every few months, she thought to herself about asking Lexa to stay and catch up with her parents but the two main reasons that was a bad idea where 1-It would seem a little weird if Mitch walked in at any point to see the woman who knocked him out having a friendly chat with Clarke’s parents especially seeing as she hadn't told him about Lexa being her ex yet. And 2-Even though her mum loved Lexa her dad and Lexa never really got on not that she had a clue why not but she couldn't deal with keeping her dad in check today especially with Lexa. She was pulled out of her thought when her mum placed a hand on her shoulder asking:

“Clarke honey are you ok?”

Clarke shook her head softly before forcing a smile on her face “Yeah sorry mum” She said hugging her mum tightly as she released the hug she added “I wasn't expecting you guys I've kind of got company” 

“We thought we’d surprise our baby girl” Kane added stepping forward his arms extended out wide until her reached Clarke wrapping his arms around her squeezing her tightly “I’m sure your company won't mind two small ones will they?” Gently placing a hand on Clarke's cheek before he began walking into the living room followed Clarke, who closed the door shaking her head at her dad’s slight rudeness, and Abby who was doing the same, both women were used to this with Kane he wasn't the politest person at times not that it made him a bad person it was just one of his qualities. 

As Lexa kept her eyes on the hallway where the voices were coming from she felt uneasy when she heard footsteps coming towards the living room, looking towards the hallway waiting to see who was important that Clarke couldn’t send them away, in the back of her mind she had a feeling and not a good one she just hoped she was wrong. She continued to listen footstep after footstep each one feeling like it was taking an eternity her eyes widened as she saw who had been at the front door. As her eyes caught sight of Kane she jumped up from the couch instantly freezing she didn’t know what to do how was she gonna explain to Kane why she was there. She was about to make her excuses and rush out when Abby and Clarke entered the living room as Abby saw her she softly said:

“Lexa, I wasn't expecting to see you” Abby walked up to Lexa hugging her gently as she pulled back she added “You look good, how comes you’re here?”

"Yeah Lexa what are you doing here?" Kane asked his eyes burning into Lexa 

“I just wanted to thank Clarke for her help with Sasha”

“Is everything ok?” Abby asked 

"Thanks to Clarke it is, Sasha cut herself and Clarke came to her aid” Lexa quickly explained before adding “I've gotta run I borrowed Sasha's car and I need to get it back before she notices” She said slowly walking backwards towards the hall way looking at Abby she said “It was nice seeing you again Mrs Kane” Looking to Clarke she softly smiled saying “And thanks again Clarke…see you around…Bye” With that Lexa turned on her heels rushing towards the front door pulling it open and closing it behind her she rushed to Sasha's car which was parked a within eye range before she could reach the car she felt a hand pull her wrist around forcing her to turn around coming face to face with Kane.

“I thought you finally saw sense or do I have to disinherit my own daughter” Kane viciously spat out his grip on Lexa’s wrist getting tighter

“I was there as a friend; I know what we agreed I won't go back on it just keep your side of the deal”

“I am keeping my side but you need to leave my daughter alone”

“I can't turn my back on her as a friend, she asked me & She’s Octavia's best friend so I’m bound to see here around. Look I swear nothing sexual will happen between me and Clarke”

“Fine. But the slightest hint of you going back on your word and our deal is done”

“Okay” Kane released Lexa’s wrist not saying a word he turned around and walked back into Clarke’s apartment. Lexa exhaled deeply as she watched Kane disappear and jumped into the car her mind thinking about the deal she’d made with the Devil 

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Back at Lexa and Sasha’s apartment

Sasha and Raven had made their way through their usual hangover film collection they had watched Burlesque followed by Sister Act and they were now about to move on to the third film when Raven told Sasha to invite Octavia to watch the film with them, whilst Raven made some popcorn in the kitchen along with drinks and some other snacks Sasha made her way to her room where Octavia had been since she finished her breakfast when Raven and Sasha were twenty minutes in Burlesque, Sasha gently opened the door to find a sleeping Octavia on her bed in one of her army t-shirts not wanting to disturb her she carefully moved forward grabbing her phone which she knew she needed to turn back on, as she picked up the phone turning it on she carefully walked to the door attempting to walk out of the bedroom without waking Octavia, as she reached the door she heard Octavia yawn and say “Hey where are you going?”

Turning back to face her she softly smiled and said “I’m sorry I didn't want to wake you up”

“Well I'm awake now” She responded sitting up patting the empty space near her on the bed 

“Yes you are” Sasha replied moving forward and climbing onto the space next to Octavia once there she was greeted with small kiss on the lips “Raven wanted to know if you wanna join us…. she said she’ll let you pick the movie as well”

“I'd love to” Octavia smiled grabbing Sasha by the top and pulling her closer connecting their lips a little more passionately this time “But first I want some Sasha loving”

“Sasha loving huh?” Sasha asked raising her eyebrows looking down at Octavia

“Uh huh” Octavia giggled softly smiling as Sasha repositioned herself so she was on her knees using her right hand she carefully moved Octavia’s left leg until it was on the outside of her right leg, with either of Octavia's legs on her side she leant down her hips slowly pressing against Octavia’s as she leant down more and more she could feel Octavia’s breathing slow down slightly as she leant down completely bringing their chest together she captured Octavia’s lips, the kiss started off tender and soft until Octavia snaked her hands around Sasha’s waist resting them on her lower back as the kiss continued the passion and desire in both of them began to rise as Sasha’s right hand found its way to Octavia’s neck her finger entangling in Octavia’s hair, she used her hand to pull Octavia into her a little more deepening the kiss causing the passion in them both to seep into the kiss they both pressed into each other even more. As the kiss continued to deepen each women found their tongue in the others mouth as their mouths moved together as if they were one Octavia used the positioning of her hands on Sasha’s lower back to pull Sasha’s hips down forcing their hips closer together until they were tightly pressed against each other’s Sasha felt Octavia’s thigh move in between her legs and travel upwards pressing lightly against her pussy the sensation it sent through her body leading her to quickly pull her hips backwards separating their hips, at the same time she broke the kiss catching her breath looking down at a clearly unimpressed Octavia. 

“I’m sorry” Sasha managed to release as she moved off the bed standing up her legs resting against the edge of the mattress as she took a few deep breaths in.

“If you keep pulling away I’m going to start to think you don’t want me” Octavia pouted as she shuffled herself forward until she was sitting in front of Sasha, each of her legs on either side of Sasha. 

“Oh believe me I want you...” Sasha looked down at Octavia subconsciously biting her lip as she looked at her as she continued “But I want it to be planned. Not a spur of the moment thing because we’re both really turned on”

“Why? It’s not like we haven’t made love before” Octavia asked as her hands played with the bottom hem of Sasha’s t-shirt 

“We haven’t made love in over a year, and I know this might sound stupid but I want to restart things properly, I wanna spend the whole day spoiling you like you deserve to be spoiled and spend the whole night together just me and you with no worries of Lexa or anyone else bursting through the door and catching us in the act”

“Nice to see you’re still a secret romantic” Octavia smiled softly as she gripped Sasha’s t-shirt in her hand using it to pull her downwards kissing her gently and lovingly on the lips “Ok we’ll wait but if we’re watching a film I won’t be held responsible for my wondering hands especially if you’re sitting behind me oh and I’m taking your blanket in there with me”

“I think I can handle that” Sasha smiled placing another kiss on Octavia’s lips this time the kiss lingered for a few seconds more than the last one. “Let’s get back in there before Raven busts through the door”

“Let’s do this then…. This wait better be worth it” Octavia smiled standing up so she was right in front of Sasha, she slowly walked past Sasha deliberately brushing her hand across Sasha’s lower hips walking towards the door she smiled when Sasha grabbed her waist from behind her pulling her backwards slightly until her bum was pressed into Sasha’s hips, Sasha’s hands resting on her hips as she placed a kiss on her neck continuing upwards until she reached her cheek softly saying:

“It will be worth the wait I promise” Sasha placed a gentle kiss on Octavia's cheek before removing her hold on Octavia’s waist slowly moving past Octavia she let her hand brush across Octavia’s bum before walking away a little quicker than she usually would she smiled as she heard Octavia say:

“You’re a terrible tease Alexis”

“I know” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At Clarke and Octavia’s apartment

Clarke and Abby were sat in the front room waiting for Marcus to bring in a pot of coffee he had insisted on making himself, they had been talking for the last thirty minutes nonstop he had been rinsing her for every piece of information about her upcoming paramedics exam along with trying to push her to do more than a nurses course after she had qualified to become a paramedic, after some words from Abby though Marcus had finally changed the subject and the had begun talking about Mitch and how things were going with them, Clarke was just glad that neither of them had begun to ask her about Lexa. But she had a feeling that now they were alone her mum was going to ask her what was going on and she was right as if on cue Abby spoke;

“So what is going on with you and Lexa?”

“Nothing, we just decided to try being friends” Looking at her mum she could see that there was no point in pretending with her, her mum knew when she was lying and unlike her dad, Abby would actually listen to what she wanted to say as well as giving her advice that she could use. “Me and Lexa were always more than just a couple it was like she was the only person that could read me so easily I guess I miss that, we were together almost every day for four years and then she was gone and something was missing” 

“So you just want friendship?” Abby asked reaching out and taking hold of Clarke’s hand.

“I don’t know mum, a part of me wants friendship but the other half wants to run because I know I still love her deep down I always will…. I don’t know what to do mom”

“Clarke, you have to follow your heart sweetie, try the friendship thing with Lexa see where it takes you both if you feel like your falling for her again then you know you’ll have to end it with Mitch but you can’t make a decision straight away Clarke. Get to know Lexa again spend time with her and don’t fight it. I’m only a phone call away if you ever need to talk” Abby completed gently squeezing Clarke’s hand, she gently released it as she heard the footsteps of Marcus walking towards them she softly whispered to Clarke “But let’s not tell your dad about any of this”

Clarke smiled brightly at her mom softly saying “Thanks mom” 

"Your welcome” Abby softy replied as Marcus re-entered the living room placing the coffee pot and three cups on the table. Before sitting down next to Abby. All three of them took turns pouring theirselves a coffee, Clarke was the last to pour hers as she did she could feel her dad staring at her ignoring him she finished pouring sitting further back into the couch, she knew exactly what her dad was going to talk about but she figured the more she spoke about anything else the less likely it was:

“So what brought on your surprise visit?” She asked looking at her dad.

“We just wanted to see our daughter is that a bad thing” Kane replied 

“No but I spoke to you on the phone yesterday and you never mentioned coming to see me” Clarke retorted 

“Your father was worried about you” Abby replied when Kane looked at her she added “Just tell her she knows we wouldn't just pop in for no reason Marcus”

“You sounded very distant and stressed yesterday when we spoke and I was worried something had happened and you weren't telling us” Marcus explained when Clarke looked at him raising her eyebrows

“I'm fine dad, I was a little stressed that's all”

“Maybe it isn't a good idea you seeing Lexa again if your already stressed with her around” Seeing the sceptical look on Clarke’s face he continued “It's just you were fine a few weeks ago, when it was just you and Mitch without any ex’s causing you stress”

“What, it's not Lexa that's stressing me out dad” Clarke said sitting forward slightly her voice filled with annoyance “If anyone's stressing me out its your favourite person Mitch”

“Clarke don't talk to your father like that” Abby interjected sensing the annoyance in Clarke's voice 

“No mom, he only comes to see me to see Mitch and even when we talk on the phone it's always about how Mitch is, it's never about me or how my training is going”

“Clarke that isn't true” Marcus added trying to defend himself even though he knew the comments were 100% true “He makes you happy and I’m just trying to connect with him”

“Really because Lexa made me happier than I had ever and have ever been and you never tried to connect with her”

“Clarke that's unfair”

“Just admit it dad you never liked Lexa because she was a women and God forbid your bosses found out your daughter was in love with another woman”

“CLARKE” Abby tried interjecting again

“No mom it needs to be said. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the reason she dumped me”

“So now I what blackmailed her into hurting you” Marcus retorted hoping that Clarke wasn’t aware of his actions

“No but you were never accepting with her like mom was you never saw her for the amazing person she was, you never cared that she would have done anything for me it was always about what you wanted”

“Clarke that's unfair”

“No it's not dad, you’re the reason I started dating Mitch if me and him weren't together I wouldn't be stressed because I wouldn’t be worrying about him lashing out again” Clarke blurted out she was beyond furious at her dad and now slightly out of breath from her rant.

“What?” Abby asked picking up on the last line of Clarke’s rant

“Nothing” 

“No Clarke, what do you mean worrying about him lashing out?” Abby softly asked.

“Has he hit you Clarke?” Marcus asked “If he has I'll take care of him you’ll never have to see him again”

“No he hasn't hit me” Clarke saw her mom and dad both physically relax and exhale at her sentence 

"Then who did he lash out at?” Abby softly asked “Octavia?”

“Kind of it's a long story”

“We have plenty of time” Marcus added moving from his place next to Abby to sit near Clarke gently taking her hand in his 

“We were out two Friday's ago and we bumped into Lexa, Raven and Sasha, Octavia and Sasha got talking and a drunk Mitch tried to interrupt them he said some stuff to Sasha when Octavia told him to leave them alone he put his hands on her and Sasha grabbed him by the wrist things escalated and he went to punch Sasha and caught Octavia, Sasha punched him twice then he smashed a bottle over the back of Sasha’s head it caused her to have a flashback. It was crazy she was out of it she was choking him until Lexa managed to get her snap out of it with some help from Bellamy and Gustus. Since that night he keeps going on about how he’s going to get payback on them both”

“Oh my god Clarke why hasn't he been arrested he could have seriously hurt Sasha” Abby asked in a state of shock at the events Clarke had described

“Sounds like he was provoked” Marcus coldly stated earning him a look from both his daughter and wife

“He smashed a bottle over her head” Abby shockingly stated looking at Marcus her mouth hanging slightly open in disbelief as Clarke pulled her hand away from her dad’s “He should be locked up”

“I’m just saying if Sasha hadn’t have grabbed him maybe none of the other stuff would have happened” Marcus responded trying to justify his comment.

“She didn’t deserve to have a bottle smashed on her head when all she was doing was standing up for Octavia” Clarke retorted if there was one thing she hated about her dad it was that he could be so narrow minded almost all the time and no matter what he stood up for the wrong people.

“Look let’s just agree to disagree” Marcus stated holding his hands up looking from Abby to Clarke and then back. 

“Whatever dad, he’s lucky Sasha didn’t call the police because she’s my friend”

“She didn’t report it for you?” Abby asked from what she knew of Sasha she wasn’t the type of person to let someone get away with hurting someone even though she knew she was a kind lovingly person especially around Octavia but it still didn’t make sense to her.

“Her and Octavia are back together and she told Octavia that she didn’t want to press charges because she thought it’d cause problems for me and Octavia especially with us sharing this place and her seeing Mitch when he comes over she called it a thank you for me patching her up”

“She’s a better person than me” Abby softly said, before anyone else could make a comment they heard the door open and close seconds later Mitch appeared in the living room, sensing the tension between the three of them her offered;

“Do you want me to go?”

“No of course not” Marcus quickly responded standing up and walking over to Mitch shaking his hand before pulling him to sit down next to Clarke, Mitch didn’t even attempt to kiss or hug Clarke he could tell something was up with her.

“We were just talking about how you like hitting women over the head with bottles” Clarke bluntly stated looking at Mitch raising her eyebrows

“I’m not proud of that Clarke, I was drunk out of my mind I already apologised to Octavia what more can I do”

“How about apologise to the person who’s head you smashed a bottle over” Clarke responded the tone in her voice clearly unimpressed.

“Ok I’ll apologise to Octavia’s girlfriend whatever you want Clarke”

“You just don’t get it Mitch” Clarke responded standing up and walking into the kitchen, she couldn’t stand being around Mitch at the moment the more she thought about Lexa and their possible friendship the more she found herself comparing Mitch and Lexa to each other and the differences only made it harder for her to let Mitch anywhere near her most times, she’d been spending more and more time at work not because of any kind of need financially or training wise but because she wanted an excuse to give Mitch so she didn’t have to see him. She knew it was unfair to be comparing him to Lexa but since the bar she didn’t notice certain things about Mitch but now the more she looked for things the more she found them and she was beginning to think the only way forward for her was to dump Mitch. But she knew her mom was right she had to see what happened over time and work out exactly what she wanted her and Lexa to be friends or more.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment

Raven, Octavia and Sasha were sat in the living room watching Dirty Dancing at Octavia’s request, Raven was stretched out on the Dark Brown couch still trying to recover from her hangover, while Octavia and Sasha were sitting on the Light Brown couch Sasha was spread out with her right leg stretched out over the whole length of the couch with her left leg bent slightly resting on the edge of the couch her back resting against the corner of the couch and the arm rest of the chair, Octavia was sat in-between her legs her back pressed against Sasha’s chest with one of Sasha’s arms wrapped across her chest from her shoulder down to her waist , the other was wrapped half way around her waist resting gently on her hip allowing them to hold hands underneath the blanket Octavia had thrown over their legs. Octavia was making a point of moving her free hand up and down Sasha’s thigh causing the women to shiver and move slightly underneath her fingers. Every now and then Sasha would get her back by running her hand across Octavia’s hips and then back while gently placing a kiss on her cheek.

At this moment in time they were all hooked on the screen it was one of the final scenes in the movie the scene that featured the famous ‘Nobody puts baby in the corner’ scene, as they watched the film Sasha’s phone began to vibrate on the table, seeing Sasha was kind of pinned down by Octavia, Raven grabbed the phone for her handing it to Sasha who thanked her before answering the call. Raven watched on as Sasha’s face filled with confusion as she sat up straighter as the person on the other end of the phone was obviously explaining something serious as she continued to watch she noticed that Octavia was also looking at Sasha watching her on the phone they both paid close attention as Sasha responded to the person on the phone;

“Yeah speaking……. Yes, the car belongs to me……. Uh Huh yeah my cousin has access to it she was driving it earlier……Ok sure I’ll be there as soon as possible” Without a word to either of them Sasha removed herself from behind Octavia placing her phone on the table and rushing out of the living room and running into what they assumed was her bedroom, about thirty seconds later she reappeared dressed in jeans and a hoody she rushed to the table picking up her phone she walked to the door as she was about to open the door Octavia jumped up rushing behind her and gently grabbing her wrist turning her around seeing the tears in her eyes and the worry evident in her face she asked;

“Babe, what’s happened?” 

“Lexa was in a car crash”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	12. Close Call

Chapter Twelve-Close Call

Sasha, Octavia and Raven rushed into the emergency room of the hospital Sasha was in front of Raven and Octavia by a few feet she stopped as she reached the front desk she waited for the receptionist to look at her before she said “I got a call about my Cousin being brought in….I’m her next of kin” The receptionist looked at her softly asking her cousins name Sasha responded the worry clear in voice, “Lexa….sorry…Alexandra Woods” The receptionist typed something into her computer as the information came up the receptionist told her that Lexa was fine and then pointed her in the direction she was being seen. Sasha rushed off following the directions the receptionist had given her she found the ward the receptionist mentioned as she walked in she noticed another receptionist repeating what she had done with the other receptionist she waited for the receptionist to find out whether Lexa was ok for visits or not. As she waited Octavia stepped beside her taking hold of her right hand which was nervously tapping on the counter. Sasha squeezed her hand back looking at her for a little confidence boost, a nurse appeared in front of them she signalled for them to follow her which they all did as they reached the door of the room Sasha stopped for a second, looking at Octavia who could see the fear evident in her face, Octavia squeezed her hand intertwining their fingers at the same time rubbing her arm gently with her free hand. 

Sasha slowly opened the door not really knowing what to expect to see on the other side as her eyes found the only bed in the room she saw Lexa laying on the bed looking up at the ceiling she was hooked up to a machine that was monitoring her heartbeat, she instantly noticed a bruise on Lexa’s shoulder which looked like it was from the seat belt of the car, she also noticed a bruise on Lexa’s forehead along with a few cuts on her hands and forearms. Taking a deep breath in she let go of Octavia’s hand and walked to Lexa’s bedside gently placing her hand on Lexa’s grabbing her attention, as Lexa looked at her attempting to say something she quickly spoke first “Don't even think about apologising” Lexa looked at her confused “It's just a car it doesn't matter alright?” Lexa nodded at Sasha’s words smiling softly at her as she squeezed her hand. As the nurse entered the room and began to do Lexa’s obs Sasha softly asked “Sorry ma'am I was just wondering what exactly is wrong with my cousin?”

The nurse looked to Lexa seeking permission to discuss her medical information when Lexa nodded her approval the nurse explained “She has a mild concussion, minor brushing to the sternum and forehead as well as a few lacerations to her arms and hands, along with a small internal bleed from the impact of the other vehicle, the bleed is nothing to worry about we’ll keep her in for a few days to monitor it but she should be absolutely ok with some rest” 

Sasha smiled at the nurse softly saying “Thank you” Looking at Lexa she asked “Do you want me to call your mama?”

“No, I’m fine no need to worry her about anything” Lexa quickly retorted her mama was one of the people she didn't want to see at the moment especially after everything she'd just found out 

“Ok” Sasha responded it wasn't unlike Lexa to not want to worry people “So what happened?” 

“I was waiting at an intersection and some guy lost control of his Ferrari and ploughed into me” As Lexa finished her sentence a massive bang came from outside the room where a nurse had bumped into someone causing her to drop a bunch of medical equipment she had been carrying on the floor causing the noise. Sasha’s head shoot in the direction of the noise as she felt her heartbeat instantly increase before realising what the noise was turning her attention back to Lexa.

“Your seriously lucky you know” Sasha responded as images of Octavia and Clarkes car crash flashed in her mind each moment she experienced during that incident flashing in front of her eyes like a slide show constantly playing in her mind as she tried effortlessly to block them out, she took a deep breath squeezing her eyes tightly as she took the breath, as she opened her eyes she exhaled looking at Lexa and softly speaking as the images continued to flash in her mind. “That’s why idiots shouldn’t drive sports cars” The comment got a small laugh from the three other women in the room. As the images began to get worse whole parts of sentences flashing in her mind controlling her every thought she looked at Lexa softly saying “I’m just gonna go arrange a replacement car and call a cab so I can go pick some clothes and bits up for you” She didn’t wait for a response she quickly turned around walking past Octavia and Raven until she reached the door walking through it and out into the corridor as she began to see Octavia trapped inside her mangled car she could hear Octavia’s voice begging her not to leave her trapped in the car she blinked her eyes numerous times trying to get them all to disappear she could feel her body beginning to get warmer and warmer the sweat beginning to pour down her face as she walked past the nurse who was picking up the medical items she had dropped walking up to the wall facing it she leant forward resting her forehead against it placing her hands on the wall as she tried to control everything that was taking place in her head.

Lexa was staring at the door she knew something was wrong with Sasha she’d never acted that rude and it couldn’t be that she was upset about the car either, as the nurse picked up the final of the items on the floor she caught Lexa’s attention as she looked at the nurse something clicked in her mind, Sasha’s actions from the small explanation that she had given her before leaving without a response to the not looking at her directly were all things Sasha only ever did those things when she was trying to control her thoughts when images were flashing in her mind that she couldn’t control especially when she was trying to hide it from everybody around her. As the realisation of what was happening to Sasha hit her she thought about what could have triggered her memories quickly remembering the Car crash Octavia and Clarke were in the same in which they had both heard the crash sound from their apartment she figured that the sound of the medical equipment hitting the ground coupled with the stress of Sasha not knowing whether she was ok after the car crash must have set Sasha’s memory into hyper drive. 

As all the thoughts lined up in her mind Lexa through the bedsheets off attempting to sit up and get out of the bed only to be stopped on her left side by the nurse who was still checking her obs and on her right side by Raven who had rushed forward having seen her trying to get up, as she continued to try and sit up Raven firmly looked at her saying;

“You’re not going anywhere Lexa”

“I need to check on Sasha” Lexa firmly said managing to get out of the nurse’s grip only for Raven to continue to hold her in place

“She’s a big girl she can handle herself”

“No you don’t understand...I think she’s having a flashback”

“She seemed fine Lexa”

“No I know what she’s like, she’s acting like she usually does when they start I need to get to her” Lexa argued still fighting against Raven’s grip.

“I’ll go check on her” Octavia suddenly stated finding her voice 

“No I need to do it” 

“Lexa you can’t risk moving, we both know she won’t hurt me” When Lexa looked at her unconvinced Octavia added “At least let me try if I don’t succeed you can go to her”

Lexa looked from Octavia to Raven and then to the door and back to Raven who simply nodded at her, she struggled internally with the decision before thinking about what Sasha would say and feel if her injuries got worse because of her PTSD, finally relenting Lexa looked up at Octavia nodding softly before saying “Ok…...Force her to look into your eyes it always works with me and talk to her...”

Octavia nodded at Lexa’s words before turning around walking to the door opening it and walking through it as she walked into the corridor outside the room instantly spotting Sasha leant against a wall her forehead and hands pressing hard against the wall almost like she was trying to fight it. She quickly moved until she was standing next to her softly saying ‘Sasha’ as her hand reaching forward gently touching Sasha’s back as her hand landed on Sasha’s back she felt her back tense slightly at the contact, moving in closer she gently placed her right hand under Sasha’s chin reaching around until she found Sasha’s cheek gently placing her hand on Sasha’s cheek she turned the woman’s face until she was looking at her, her eyes so filled with pain and anger it was heartbreaking, she could see that there were numerous tears running down Sasha’s cheeks, noticing a row of chairs nearby Octavia guided Sasha to the chairs sitting her down on the first chair they reached slightly surprised that Sasha let her do it without any resistance what so ever though Sasha seemed to be in her own little world her facial expression not changing in the slightest. Once Sasha was seated Octavia lowered herself to the ground resting on her knees as she kept her upper body straight so that her eyes were level with Sasha’s gently placing her hands on each of Sasha’s cheeks she forced her to look into her eyes she felt weird doing it but she didn’t care about herself at this moment she was more worried about what Sasha was going through and how she could help. When she didn’t notice any further change in Sasha she took a deep breath before smiling looking away from Sasha’s eyes and then back again she softly spoke,

“Lexa said to talk to you and make you look in to my eyes, I’m not sure how that helps but I’m doing it mainly because I really like looking in to your eyes…...that sounds really creepy but there’s something about the shade of green they are that makes me feel calm…although it may actually be more to do with who the eyes belong to….you always used to make me feel like I was a better person like I could do more and be more than I was just by looking me in the eyes and smiling of course that cheesy grin you’d give me after you and Clarke would make one of your terrible dirty puns at breakfast” Octavia noticed when Sasha’s breathing began to slow down slightly so she continued “You were the only person that supported my decision to give up training to be a paramedic and told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be and you’d support me no matter what as long as I was happy…..If it wasn’t for you I don’t think I would have had the confidence to try out dancing let alone go for auditions, that was all because of you believing in me…as well as dancing with me of course that always helped me” Octavia paused realising she was now rambling looking at Sasha she could see her eyes shooting around the room, she thought to herself how stupid she must of sounded she released Sasha’s cheeks from her hands deciding that maybe Lexa was better suited for this task after all Lexa had dealt with it before and knew how to get Sasha to snap out of it. As she brushed off her knees and went to walk away she felt a hand softly touch her right knee looking down at the hand she followed it her eyes scanning the arm it belonged to, her eyes continuing upwards until she was looking at Sasha fresh tears running down from her eyes something was different from a few minutes ago Sasha’s eyes were still filled with pain and fear but she could see the light coming back into them like the cloud was lifting from over them. As Sasha looked up at her Octavia felt another hand land on her other knee slowly the hands made their way upwards until they were at Octavia’s hips every second her hands moved Sasha was looking into Octavia’s eyes almost making sure she was ok with her hands movement, as Sasha’s hands landed on Octavia’s hips she gently pulled Octavia closer to her until they were as close as they could get Octavia instinctively brought her hands up to rest on Sasha’s shoulders, she noticed that Sasha’s breathing seemed to have levelled out even more.

After about thirty seconds stood like that Sasha’s hand gently pulled Octavia into her until her head was softly resting on Octavia’s stomach turning her head slightly to the side so the side of her face was resting on Octavia’s stomach her arms wrapping around Octavia’s waist tightly holding onto her like she was her life line, Octavia’s hands softly moved from Sasha’s shoulders up on to her hair gently running her hands through Sasha’s loosely tied ponytail, after a second she softly asked “Are you ok?” Octavia’s voice was almost inaudible it was only loud enough so the two of them could hear it. She felt Sasha take in a deep breath almost like she was contemplating the question like it was an extremely complex question to answer as she felt Sasha tighten her arms slightly as she took a deep breath and softly replied:

“I’m fine”

Octavia softly used her hands to move Sasha’s head backwards until she was able to look down into Sasha’s eyes, she kept her hands softly resting in Sasha’s hair as she began to move them through Sasha’s hair again softly combing her fingers through it she said “I don’t believe you” When Sasha looked away from her eyes she added “You don’t need to be strong for me, tell me what you’re feeling you can trust me you know?” Octavia looked into Sasha’s eyes seeing the hesitation and slight embarrassment seeping from her eyes slowly into her facial expression “You don’t need to be embarrassed I’m not going to judge you” Seeing Sasha look away from her for a second she noticed Sasha take another deep breath before Sasha looked back up into her eyes she softly asked “So how do you really feel?”

“Scared” Sasha honestly answered looking in to Octavia’s eyes seeing complete support and understanding she explained “I can’t stop them from happening no matter how hard I try" She was desperately trying not to let her emotions get the better of her especially in the middle of a hospital 

"Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not here” Sasha replied she did want to tell Octavia everything she was feeling but it didn't feel like the right place to do it. She wanted to finally open up to someone other than Lexa she couldn't help but feel like Lexa’s accident was somehow her fault like she was maybe putting too much stress on her maybe Dr Jaha was right and it was time for her to start opening up to other people without fearing that they wouldn't understand and would leave her or hate her. 

“I’m going to get a cab and take you to your apartment and we are going to talk” Sasha went to open her mouth at Octavia’s sentence but before the words of could come out Octavia placed a hand up in the air and said “No arguments, Raven can keep an eye on Lexa until we get back.” Sasha simply nodded at Octavia’s words she remembered that what that look Octavia was giving her was and she knew it meant she needed to simple agree with whatever her girlfriend wanted her to do. “Good, you stay here while I tell them what's going on and I’ll be back soon” With that Octavia released her hands from Sasha’s hair and took a step back before heading in back to Lexa’s hospital room. 

As Sasha sat there waiting she pulled out her phone twirling it around and around in her hand she stopped twirling it to unlock it looking at the wallpaper of her and Octavia at her grandpa’s party she smiled her thoughts turning to contemplation on whether or not she should make a call to someone about Lexa’s accident, she knew Lexa wasn't hurt but surely people who cared about Lexa deserved to know so if they heard it from anyone else they had the real facts to work off, as she pulled up her contacts she found the name : Sweet Cheeks which she knew was Clarke’s contact number she stared at the contact wondering whether or not it was a good idea to tell Clarke about what had happened to Lexa….

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke and Octavia’s Apartment 

Clarke was stood in her kitchen trying to occupy her herself anyway she could her dad and Mitch had begun talking about football and any other sport they could think about as well as the occasional sentence about how Mitch’s army career was going and what he could do to improve his rank, after a while she couldn't take it anymore and made an excuse about making sure they had enough food for their dinner that night. Her mom had remained silent through the whole conversation and she knew why it was better for them to just listen than get involved and have an inevitable discussion about the good and bad points of the army.

Clarke was brought out of her thoughts when her mom entered the kitchen carrying her now empty mug she placed it gently in the sink before sitting down at the dinner table in the kitchen motioning for Clarke to join her, which she did, as Clarke sat down in the chair opposite her mom, her mom reached across the table gently taking Clarke’s hand in her own.

“What wrong?” Abby softly asked, she could tell something was wrong with Clarke she could just sense it.

"Nothing’s wrong mom”

“Don't you dare lie to me Clarke Griffin”

“Its just frustrating that's all”

“What is?”

“Dad being all pally with Mitch, I don't understand why he was never like that with Lexa, it's like he never really cared about how much I loved her” 

"They just have more in common, it's not like your father did it on purpose Clarke”

“Really because I'm pretty sure every girl I've dated he's not taken to”

“That doesn't mean he's ashamed of you for liking women” Abby replied she had to admit deep down she was trying to convince herself what she had just said was true 

“Really mom, who are you trying to convince?” Clarke retorted sensing the slightest hesitation in her mom’s voice

"Okay maybe he didn't try hard enough with Lexa but they didn't have anything in common”

“Really” Clarke almost asked looking at her mom raising her eyebrows when her mom nodded she continued “Lexa loves baseball and Basketball, she even likes soccer her and Sasha grew up around their grandpa they used to watch back to back games of different sports every Sunday until they joined the army” When Abby looked at her a little taken back she added “See if he’d have taken the time to ask he’d know all that”

“He tried his best Clarke” When Clarke looked at her unconvinced she continued “He did Clarke because he's your father and he loves you”

“Does he?”

“Excuse me” Abby questioned her face filled with sadness

“If he loves me so much why do I have your last name mom why not his mom?”

“Clarke you know the reason why, he wasn't ready to be a father until you were a year old”

“Why not change it though?”

“Clarke that's a conversation you have to have with your father”

Before Clarke could address her moms comment her phone began to ring in her pocket, pulling it out of her pocket she looked at the caller ID seeing it was Sasha aka Cupcake she answered it: “Hey Sash, what's up?”

“Hi Clarkey I'm sorry to call you like this just umm….it's a…..”

“Sasha breath ok” Clarke softly laughed as she heard Sasha struggling with her words “What's up?”

“Lexa’s in hospital” Sasha blurted out deciding to say it quickly so she couldn't stop herself from chickening out 

“What? Is she ok?”

“She’s fine Clarke, it's just I need to go back to the apartment and sort out a replacement car and I….”

“Hang on replacement car?”

“Yeah Lexa was in a car crash”

“I'm on my way now”

“Clarke”

“No arguments Lexa’s my friend I'll stay with her while you sort out what you need to at the apartment”

“Thanks I’ll text you her room details”

“Ok No problem” Clarke responded placing the phone in her pocket rushing out of the kitchen and towards the front door she grabbed her keys from the table in the front room as she walked past them grabbing her jacket from the hanger next to the door she turned back as she opened the door shouting “I have to go out I’ll see you all later” Without waiting for a response Clarke closed the door rushing to the car park where her car was parked.

Clarke walked into the hospital she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Lexa since Sasha had called her, She hadn't given Sasha a chance to give her any further information other than Lexa was in a car crash, all she wanted to do know was see Lexa for herself. As she looked down at her phone reading to ward information Sasha had sent her she followed the signs until she came to the ward and then the room, as she walked towards the room she saw Raven exiting it and walking away from the room as she pulled her phone out and called someone, she watched as Raven disappeared around the next corner of the corridor. Clarke quickly walked to Lexa’s room opening the door she felt a wave of relief come over her when she saw Lexa was fine although she was looking at her confusion filling her face. Clarke couldn't help the massive breath that she released on as she looked at Lexa and softly said “Sasha called me, she said you’d been in a car accident”

“Clarke you didn't need to come to see me”

"I wanted to make sure you were ok” Clarke paused realising that what she said must have sounded a little weird “Sasha didn't really tell me anything other than you were in a car crash”

"Oh I'm sorry....as you can see I'm fine just a few marks and some bruising” 

"Good any other injuries?” She asked as she stepped forward picking up Lexa’s chart and beginning to read through it as her eyes scanned the paperwork she loudly said “Internal bleeding…oh my god Lexa”

“Clarke don't panic….it's a minor bleed that they are monitoring…..they don't think it’ll get any worse”

“Of course they know what their doing” Clarke responded trying to sound as friend like as possible, trying to hide the fact that she cared about Lexa as more than a friend. 

“Yeah they do” Lexa replied containing the laugh that was brewing inside her, she knew Clarke better than she knew most people and she could tell Clarke didn't trust the staff to look after her, she softly smiled carefully leaning forward she patted the end of the bed indicating for Clarke to sit down “Relax Clarke I’m fine” She paused as she remembered Clarke mention Sasha “Why did Sasha call you?”

“She had to go back to your apartment to sort out a replacement car, I think she didn't want you to be alone” Clarke paused for a second only now realising that Sasha could have left the replacement car in a few days. “Though I'm sure she could have left it for a few days”

“I think hearing I was in an accident shocked her a bit…I think she just needed the break” Lexa explained Octavia had told her briefly about what Sasha and what had happened between them and she knew that Octavia had pulled Sasha out of her trance and broke her impending flashback but she decided that Sasha was the only one that should be telling people herself

“Ok” 

They both sat in silence for a few seconds wondering what to say to the other, Lexa was the first to break the silence when she asked “Why did you really come here Clarke?”

“I wanted to check you were ok”

“Clarke we were together for four years I can tell when your hiding something”

Clarke contemplated what to say did she follow her mom’s advice and take it slowly with Lexa and get to know each other again which she knew would be the smart thing or did she tell Lexa that she was almost 100% sure she was still in love with her and follow her heart. 

“Clarke what's wrong?” Lexa asked she could see Clarkes mind working overtime “Clarke seriously wh----”

“I think I'm still in love with you”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


	13. Car Crash

Chapter Thirteen-Car Crash

Sasha walked into her and Lexa’s apartment instantly doing as Octavia had told her and sitting down on one of the couches as she took of her hoody and trainers she watched Octavia disappear into the kitchen, Five minutes later Octavia re-emerged holding two mugs as she sat down next to Sasha she handed her one of the mugs, Sasha quickly realised that it was a cup of tea, softly thanking Octavia she gently blew the drink before taking a few sips then leaning further back into the couch she remained silent hoping Octavia wouldn't pursue her idea of them talking about what she had said at the hospital. They both remained silent waiting for the other to say something as Sasha finished her drink sitting forward placing her mug on the coffee table she sat back again slowly taking a breath she looked at Octavia who was looking at her with raised eyebrows she knew it meant she was waiting for her to talk but she didn't know where to start there was so much Octavia didn't know, things she wasn't even sure she could say, she looked away from Octavia avoiding looking into her eyes, Octavia leant forward placing her mug on the coffee table next to Sasha’s as she sat back again she turned her body sideward until she was looking at Sasha she said:

 

“We’re going to talk about your Flashbacks, whether you want to or not because you need to let everything out” Octavia honestly answered her right hand moving to play with Sasha's hair gently running her fingers through it.

 

“Babe I----”

 

“Don't you dare Babe me” Octavia firmly said looking at Sasha, seeing Sasha shift slightly almost like she was attempting to get up Octavia placed her hands on Sasha’s shoulders holding her in place as she carefully straddled Sasha’s lap moving her hands upwards until they were gently holding Sasha’s jawline at the bottom of her cheeks she softly said “Holding this in isn't good for you, maybe the reason you can't open up fully to your doctor or even Lexa is because you’re scared they’ll judge you or that they’ll even turn their backs on you. But you don't have to worry about that with me…. that’s why it's called undying love…” Octavia could see Sasha was thinking something so she continued “I loved you even after you broke my heart, I never stopped loving you…So I won't and can't turn my back on you I promise”

 

“What if you hear something that scares you?”

 

“I’m a big girl I can deal with it…. I don't care about me at the moment I care about you & more importantly helping you”

 

Sasha thought to herself for a moment before licking her lips then grazed her teeth over her bottom lip as she placed her hands on Octavia’s thighs just above her knees and softly asking “Ok…. where do you want me to start?”

 

“How about today?” When Sasha softly nodded she asked “What was your flashback about?” Sasha instantly closed her eyes letting out a hard breath as she bowed her head slightly, seeing this Octavia softly brushed her hands through Sasha's hair before softly saying “If I don’t want to hear it I’ll tell you I promise” When Sasha softly nodded her head she again asked “What was your flashback about?”

 

“The car crash you and Clarke were involved in”

 

“With the Range Rover?”

 

“Yeah”

 

"What triggered it?"

 

“I'm not sure a combination of things I guess”

 

“Like?”

 

“The stress of thinking Lexa was hurt plus knowing it was a car crash and my last experience with a car crash was you and Clarke’s then I heard the bang the nurse made, it sounded exactly like what I heard just before I knew it was your car” Sasha honestly answered she couldn't understand why but she found it extremely easy to talk to Octavia about what she felt regarding everything including the flashbacks

 

“Talk me through it…Step by Step”

 

“Talk you through what?”

 

“Your flashback” Octavia instantly saw the hesitation in Sasha’s eyes “It might help you process them if you get the thoughts out of your head”

 

“Ok…are you sure you wanna hear it?”

 

“I lived it with you remember so yes I'm sure I wanna help you and this is the only way I can think of” Octavia whole heartedly responded bringing her hands to rest on her lap holding them open for Sasha to take hold of them, which she did slowly connecting their hands together “Close your eyes and just tell me what happens and I mean like it happens in your mind” Sasha merely nodded at Octavia’s words before taking a deep breath exhaling then closing her eyes and resting her head against the couch she began………

 

_ February 2012 -Clarke and Octavia Car Crash _

_Lexa and Sasha walked around the corner just up the street from their apartment having heard a massive crash while they were waiting for Octavia and Clarke they both quickly decided to check where the noise had come from and what exactly had caused it, as they followed the direction the noise had come from they were meet with a crowd of people at the very end of their street they quickly jogged to the end of the street to see if they could help those involved in whatever the incident was, as they turned on to the junction at the end of their road they noticed two cars crushed against each other one was a black Range Rover and the other was a dark green ford escort. The front of both cars were crushed together from what they both assumed was the impact of the two vehicles colliding while the front of the Range Rover was half crushed almost the whole of the bonnet of the ford was completely crushed. They noticed the driver of the Range Rover and a passenger emerge from the car however as they got closer to the car Sasha stopped dead in her tracks as a haunting realisation hit her, seeing this Lexa stopped walking a few steps back to her looking as Sasha with a confused look on her face as she asked:_

_“Hey what’s up?”_

_Sasha looked at her blankly before explaining “That's Octavia's car”_

_“What are you sure?”_

_Sasha simply nodded her head knowing exactly what that meant it meant that Clarke and Octavia were inside the car more than likely they were trapped they both ran fully force at the car shouting for people to call an ambulance and the fire brigade, as they got closer one man tried to stop them only to be pushed past neither of them taking notice of him. Lexa rushed round to the passengers seating as Sasha rushed to the driver’s seat they both looked on at the scene in front of them Octavia and Clarke were indeed inside the car, Clarke was sitting as still as they'd ever seen, her head facing forward there were several marks and abrasions on her face and visible cuts on her exposed arms, Octavia on the other hand was unconscious her head was against the head rest of the seat blood seeping from a deep laceration on her forehead her arms were slumped at her side with several cuts all over both of her arms._

_Lexa forced the passenger’s door open with an amount of force that surprised herself leaning in as far as she could she placed her hand on Clarke’s neck as she did she felt Clarke’s hand move up instantly and grab onto hers_

_“Clarke, Baby can you hear me?”_

_"Lexa"_

_“Hey are you ok? Are you hurt?”_

_“I can't hear her Lex”_

_“Hear who?”_

_“Octavia” Clarke responded it was now that Lexa noticed the tears that were running down Clarke’s cheeks “We were talking after the car hit us and then she stopped answering me…is she dead?”_

_“No she's not babe I promise she's unconscious but she's not dead, Sasha’s taking care of her”_

_“She's breathing?”_

_“Yeah I swear it”_

_“Oh thank god I thought she was….” Clarke released as more sobs escaped from her, after a second she controlled herself trying to move as she said “I need to help her”_

_“Clarke you have to stay still you could have hurt your neck or broken something and not know just stay still please” Lexa responded removing her hand from Clarke’s making it easier to keep the blonde in place_

_“No I need to help her Lex”_

_“Clarke listen to me if your hurt and you move you could cause yourself permanent damage and Octavia wouldn't want that”_

_“Ok I won't move but help her please”_

_“Alright I will but you can't move a nano inch babe ok?”_

_“Ok I promise” Clarke swore as her eyes finally connected with Lexa’s, Lexa nodded gently leaning down and placing a kiss on Clarke’s forehead before jumping out of the passenger’s side and rushing to help Sasha, as she reached the driver’s side she arrived just in time to see Sasha pulling open the back door then climbing inside Sasha analysed the injuries of both women looking down at their legs she noticed Clarke’s legs weren't pinned in but Octavia’s were pressed right against the Dashboard underneath what was the steering wheel. She climbed back out of the car looking at Lexa in frustration_

_“I need more room, I need to push the seat backwards so I can stabilise her neck and check her arms and legs but I can't get in there. I need to do it before she wakes up”_

_“We can kick the windscreen in, then we’d have more room to push the seat backwards” Lexa suggested it was the only thing she could think of_

_“It’d give me some room” Sasha responded removing her jacket she turned to Lexa “Take off your jacket” Lexa didn't ask she simply took it off holding it in her hand “Place it over Clarke’s face” Lexa understood what she meant and headed around to Clarke explaining what was going on she covered up Clarke's face as Sasha jumped into the back seat and did the same with Octavia before shuffling herself forward and beginning to kick the windscreen up and outwards trying to avoid any class hitting either of the women after the third kick the windscreen made a massive crack sound as the whole screen broke, without word Lexa jumped on to what was left of the bonnet and began carefully kicking in what was left of the windscreen glass until the whole screen was gone jumping back down she removed the jacket from over Clarke’s head as she went to walk away Clarke grabbed her hand:_

_“Lex I need to get out now”_

_“You can't move until the paramedics get here”_

_“Babe please I can't stay in here not if I can't help her” Clarke pleaded her body shaking slightly. Lexa looked around seeing a couple people standing around she noticed a guy from the café they go to she called him over as her arrived at her she told him to stay put for a second. She gently placed her hands on Clarke's neck stabilising it as best she could with her hands, then she told Clarke to turn her body slowly until her legs were out of the car which Clarke did, she then carefully helped Clarke stand up calling the café guy over she firmly looked at him saying:_

_“Stand behind her and Place your hands on top of mine directly” When he did as she instructed and she could see he had a firm grip Lexa released her hands looking back to him she added “Don't move your hands until the paramedics tell you to ok” he nodded at her instructions as she turned to Clarke “Just stay calm and stay on the pavement I'll make sure Octavia’s ok”_

_As she went to walk away she heard Clarke call out “Lex wait” Lexa darted back in front of her “I love you”_

_“I love you too…. now go but take your time” Lexa firmly said before running back to help Sasha who was in the backseat looking at Octavia and the car surrounding her. She stopped next to Sasha asking “What can I do?”_

_“Um jump in the passenger’s side and find the lever under the seat, her legs are near enough pinned against the dashboard if we can move the seat backwards a bit I think I can get her out”_

_“Ok” Lexa rushed around to the passenger’s side again as she was walking around the car she noticed that there was a pool of liquid rushing from underneath the Range Rover as she instantly dropped to the ground looking underneath the car she noticed that the leak seemed to be coming from the petrol tank, rushing around she jumped in the passenger’s side of the car moving her hand underneath the seat she found the lever pulling it upwards to release it she nodded at Sasha saying “Ok pull the seat backwards” When the seat didn't budge at all the cousins looked at each other, not saying a word Sasha jumped out of the back seat and jumped up on to the bonnet of the car moving forward until her bottom was just touching the back of the steering wheel, she carefully moved Octavia’s arms crossing them over her her lap then placing her feet on either side of the back of the seat she placed her hands on the edge of the roof gripping it tightly ready to use it as leverage she looked to Lexa who nodded instantly knowing what she was planning she looked up at Sasha saying: “On 3” Sasha nodded at her “1……2……3” As Lexa said 3 she pulled the lever again as Sasha pushed with her legs the seat slowly began to move backwards, Sasha continued pushing for a few more seconds the seat continued to love centimetre by centimetre, Lexa’s eyes were firmly fixed on Octavia’s knees making sure they would have enough room to move Octavia without damaging her legs any further. Lexa shouted out “Keep pushing we need a little more room” Sasha heard the statement and began pushing the seat ten times harder than she already was she finally felt the seat move backwards in a swift motion feeling it jolt to a stop as it reached the end of the rod it was attached to underneath, feeling the exact same thing Lexa looked up from Octavia’s knees to Sasha who was now sitting on the bonnet sweat on her forehead and obviously out of breath from the force she had to apply to actually move the seat. “We need to get her out now” Lexa firmly said causing Sasha to raise her eyebrows at Lexa she was about to say something when Sasha noticed Octavia was beginning to regain consciousness, jumping off the bonnet and running quickly to jump in the back seat she placed her hands on Octavia’s upper neck each of her thumbs behind Octavia’s ears, with her forefingers and middle fingers on Octavia’s cheeks and her ring fingers and little fingers under Octavia’s chin holding Octavia’s neck firmly in place not wanting her to move and possibly cause herself more damage._

_Octavia opened her eyes her vision was blurry she couldn't remember what had happened one minute she was driving and the next everything was black, she blinked her eyes several times she could feel something running down her face, her arms felt heavy and were aching more than they ever had in her life, her right knee was throbbing as well it had to be to worse out of all the pain she was feeling. She also felt what she thought was someone's hands on her neck and cheek, after a second or two she remembered who she’d been travelling with. “Clarke” She tried to shout but her voice only managed to release the word at her normal volume, as she tried to move she heard Sasha’s voice and felt the fingers on her neck tighten slightly:_

_“Octavia, Baby I need you to stay still”_

_“Sasha? What happened?” Octavia almost asked her voice shaking with fear as she stopped her movements Lexa came in to her eye line, she looked at Lexa asking “Where’s Clarke? Is she?”_

_“She's fine O, she's waiting for the paramedics on the pavement, she's just got some cuts and a small bang to the head” Lexa soothingly said looking over at Clarke who was now being treated by Paramedics, she decided to sugar coat Clarke’s injuries knowing that there could be underlining injuries but she knew that right now Octavia needed to know her friend was ok._

_“Thank god…. Sasha…. babe where are you? I can't see you....” Octavia called out trying to look around to see Sasha, seeing Octavia’s actions, remembering that the windscreen mirror was smashed along with the windscreen Lexa quickly got her phone out of her pocket get her camera app out and switching it to selfie mode she held the phone so Octavia could see Sasha, seeing Sasha looking back at her seemed to calm Octavia instantly_

_“Hey beautiful” Sasha finally spoke keeping her hands in place as she leaned forward looking at the camera smiling brightly at Octavia hoping it would ease her confusion and worry a little “We’re gonna get you out of here soon I promise, but you have to stay as still as possible for me”_

_“Ok” Octavia managed her eyes connecting with Sasha’s for a moment before Sasha nodded at Lexa who took that as an ok to put her phone away. Octavia slowly lifted her hand from her lap reaching it to hold onto Sasha’s wrist she then softly said, “I’m scared Sash”_

_“You don't need to be, I've got you and I’m not going to let anything happen to you” Sasha whispered in Octavia’s ear softly before turning to Lexa “Go grab a neck brace from the paramedics and ask them what the hell is taking the fire brigade so long” Lexa nodded jumping out of the car and rushing over to the paramedics with Clarke, Sasha could see them talking and from what she could make out Lexa explained that they were Soldiers and knew Octavia and Clarke, she then noticed Lexa release a massive breath and she figured that they must have given Clarke the ok, her thoughts were confirmed when she saw Clarke attempt to get up and move back to the car only to be stopped by Lexa who said something which got a nod from Clarke, Lexa then turned placed a gentle kiss on Clarke’s forehead before sprinting back to the passenger’s seat jumping in holding up the neck brace showing Sasha before saying:_

_“Apparently there's been a massive apartment blaze a couple blocks from here and all fire personnel are caught up with that they’ve sent out for the nearest company to attend but their on a call so they don't know how long it’ll be” Lexa looked at Sasha she needed to tell her about the petrol leaking from the car but she didn't want to scare Octavia she looked at her and said “aar is iets lek uit die reeks” (there is something leaking from the range) She looked at Sasha hoping she’d know what she meant Sasha gave her a nod simply replying_

_“Ek weet” (I know) Sasha turned her attention back to Octavia, “We need to put this brace on” Sasha motioned with her head for Lexa to place the brace on Octavia’s neck which she did once the brace was wrapped around Sasha removed her hands allowing Lexa to tighten up with brace a little more around Octavia’s neck. Lexa and Sasha jumped out of the car as they looked around both their eyes moved to the Range Rover the petrol flowing out of the car seemed to be slowing down and that meant an explosion may not be far off, Sasha noticed that the pool from underneath the Range Rover had divided into two different lines one which was leading to what remained of Octavia's car. She was trying to think of ways to stop the petrol when she heard Octavia shout out:_

_“Sasha…. What’s going on?”_

_Sasha jumped into the backseat again gently grabbing hold of one of Octavia's hands, which were now back on her lap, gently squeezing it she said “I'm sorry baby, we were just trying to work out whether to move you or wait”_

_“Wait for who?”_

_“The fire brigade we’re not sure how long they’ll take”_

_“I can't wait please I can't” Octavia continued over and over again as she let out a soft sob causing her to begin to struggle to breath. Sasha released Octavia's hand stepping carefully from the back seat over the gear box and in to passenger’s side carefully she moved until she was almost directly in front of Octavia, her left foot between Octavia’s leg and the crushed metal that was formerly the frame of the car placing either of her hands carefully on Octavia's cheeks she looked into her eyes_

_“Baby just look at me ok look into my eyes……Breath” Octavia did as Sasha said and began looking into Sasha’s eyes as she took a few deep breaths until she could feel her breathing was back to how it was “I'm just thinking of the safest way to move you ok; do you trust me?”_

_“Yes”_

_“Then you need to let me think” Sasha smiled at Octavia as she saw Lexa appear in the backseat looking at Lexa she softly said “We need something to slide underneath her back before we move her” Lexa nodded jumping out of the car, Feeling Octavia’s body shaking through her hands Sasha looked Octavia in the eyes softly saying “You do know if you wanted a new car you just had to ask me for one you didn't need to do all this” Octavia softly giggled for a second before her face turned serious again:_

_“You won't leave me in here alone again will you?”_

_“Me leave you never gonna happen babe not if I have a say in it” She smiled leaning forward until her forehead was resting on Octavia’s softly adding “Your gonna be fine I promise” Pulling back Sasha saw a stray tear run down Octavia's cheek carefully wiping the tear away she softly said “we're going to get you out of here now ok?”_

_“Ok”_

_“Lexa” Sasha called out as Lexa appeared in the back seat with the back board next to her “We need to lower the back of the seat slowly until we can slide the board under her back” She stopped when she felt Octavia’s hands grasp both her wrists turning back to Octavia looking into her eyes she said “Trust me” Seeing fresh tears spill from Octavia’s eyes she gently wiped them away with her thumbs before continuing “We’re gonna do this as slow as possible if you feel any pain just grab my hands or say something and we'll stop right away ok?”_

_“Ok…. You said you’re not leaving me right”_

_“Of course not…not even for a few seconds…. I promise” Sasha leaned forward placing her lips to Octavia’s as she pulled back she looked at her asking “you ready?”_

_“Uh Huh” Was all that Octavia could manage to say as she looked into Sasha’s eyes once more trying to gain some strength from them._

_“Ok…” Sasha looked to Lexa seeing if she was ready when Lexa nodded reaching for the lever they moved the back rest of the driver’s seat backwards as she found it she said “3….2….1…” As she said 1 Lexa pulled the level with one hand and pulled the seat backwards with her free hand as Sasha kept her hands in place as they lowered Octavia backwards once the chair was all the way back Sasha went to release her hands from Octavia’s cheeks but was stopped when she felt Octavia’s hands wrap around her wrist moving slightly forward so she could look at Octavia properly she softly smiled at her saying “I need to get this board underneath you, I know this is all terrifying beyond words but you have to let me help you. As soon as we get you on this board we can get out of this car…but once you’re on it you can’t move” Octavia simply looked up at Sasha not saying a word she squeezed one of Sasha’s wrists as Sasha felt it she smiled down at Octavia softly continuing “Are you ready?” Octavia gently squeezed Sasha’s hand again indicating she was ready. Sasha went to reposition herself but stopped moving backwards looking down at Octavia she said “And just in case you forgot I Love you”_

_“I love you too” Octavia responded her voice just loud enough for Sasha to hear, her voice slightly crackling due to the flood of emotions rushing through her_

_Sasha and Lexa moved quickly placed the back board where the needed it, before they both placed their hands on Octavia, Sasha on her thighs and Lexa on her arms which were now back laying straight out next to her torso, they looked at each other nodding before Lexa began to countdown again “3…2….1” As she reached 1 they both pulled Octavia towards them holding her in place with one hand then using their other hand to place the back board underneath Octavia. Lexa again looked at her beginning another countdown “3…2…1” This time on 1 they both slowly lowered the part of Octavia they were holding onto the back board until she was completely flat on the board. Lexa quickly shuffled herself out of the backseat grabbing hold of the handles of the backboard she looked at Sasha ready to lift Octavia out any second, Sasha looked up at her nodding giving her the go ahead to lift as she moved her hands to the bottom of the back board grabbing hold of the handles that were there. Lexa began pulling the back board towards her until it was completely out of the car with Sasha carefully stepping out of the car being careful not to drop the backboard carrying Octavia, as Sasha’s feet landed on the floor they both picked up their pace moving as quickly and safely as they could until they were a safe distance from the leaking Range Rover. As they reached the pavement they were meet with the two paramedics that Lexa knew had been helping Clarke, the paramedics were wheeling a gurney(trolley) as it reached them Lexa and Sasha carefully placed the back board on the gurney, they both then took a step back allowing the paramedics to do their jobs._

_Sasha and Lexa both stood looking on as the paramedics went to checking Octavia over, as they watched on they both saw Clarke running towards them, she had been patched up by the paramedics the fresh bandages on her arms plain for them both to see. Seconds later Clarke’s body crashed into Lexa’s arms wrapped tightly around each other as Lexa pulled back she lifted her hand up to Clarke’s face gently caressing her cheek as she again scanned her for any injuries before finally kissing Clarke gently on the lips a rush of relief filling the kiss. Clarke kissed Lexa back lovingly before pulling out of the embrace and turning to Sasha wrapping her arms around the woman who she had come to love as a friend Sasha wrapped her arms around Clarke squeezing her gently as she pulled back she smiled down at Clarke softly saying “I’m glad you’re ok Clarke”_

_“Thanks to you and Lexa, me and Octavia are fine” Clarke responded as all three women turned their attention back towards Octavia who was still being checked over._

_“We don’t know she’s ok yet” Sasha answered her hand nervously tapping on the side of her thigh as she brought up her other hand to wipe her face “What if moving her was wrong? What if I’ve done more harm than good?”_

_Before Sasha could contemplate even more Lexa moved in front of her placing her hands on Sasha’s shoulders she squeezed gently before looking Sasha in the eyes and firmly saying “If we left her in there the whole thing could have gone up, we did the right thing you know that we couldn’t risk leaving her in there” With that Lexa pulled Sasha into a hug Sasha instantly wrapped her arms around Lexa holding onto her cousin tighter than she ever usually would, she couldn’t lose Octavia not like this not ever._

_They were pulled out of their moment when Octavia began to struggle against the paramedics as she continued to struggle she shouted out “SASHA….Where's Sasha? I need to see her…..SASHA”_

_Lexa and Sasha broke apart hearing Octavia’s cries. Sasha ran the short distance to Octavia’s side leaning over her face so she could see she was there as she placed a gentle hand on Octavia’s forehead as the other grabbed Octavia’s hand she softly said “I'm here baby I'm here”_

_"You said you wouldn't leave me alone” Octavia said looking up at Sasha her eyes watering slightly with fresh tears_

_“I didn't leave I promise I was just letting the paramedics take a look at you”_

_“You didn't leave?” She asked she hated being so clingy but Sasha made her feel safe and loved and like she could survive anything the world threw at her and right now that was exactly what she needed to feel_

_“No, of course not” Sasha added leaning down closer to Octavia so they were face to face “I'm not going anywhere, I'll be at the hospital with you every step of the way….I’ll even hold your hand every step of the way if you need me to”_

_Octavia squeezed Sasha’s hand tightly looking up at her replying “Don't let go please”_

_"I w---" Before Sasha could complete her sentence her attention was turned to the crowd behind them muttering ‘what's he doing?’ As she looked where everyone’s attention was she noticed the driver of the Range Rover had climbed into the drivers seat closed the door and was attempting to start the engine of the vehicle, Sasha looked back to Octavia and softly said “I’ll be back in two minutes baby ok”_

_Without a second thought Sasha released Octavia's hand running as fast as she could towards the Range Rover, rushing past Lexa and Clarke who were hugging and talking as she rushed past them they both broke apart turning their attention to Sasha, as she reached the Range Rover she instantly smelt the fumes coming from the petrol pulling the drivers door open she grabbed a hold of him saying “What the hell are you trying to do?” When he turned his attention to her she noticed he seemed to be somewhat lethargic and it seemed like he didn't know what was going on, deciding she didn't have time to assess him she grabbed onto his top tightly pulling him out of drivers seat placing his arm over her shoulder she took the brunt of his weight and began dragging him as quickly as she could to where the paramedics were, she could see that the paramedics were holding Octavia’s chest and legs down her head was held up looking at her, as she turned her attention to the left a little she could see Clarke barely managing to hold Lexa back. Her attention was brought back to Range Rover when she heard a pop and then the sound of a flame erupting it was a sound she hated, she’d heard it too many times to count when she’d been on a tour of duty looking backwards she noticed the line of fire that was shooting down the road from the Range Rover heading to Octavia’s car. She was more than relieved when Lexa, having broke free of Clarke’s grip, appeared on the other side of the man she was carrying as Lexa placed his other arm around her shoulder she felt an instant lift of weight as they both picked up the pace quickly getting to were the Paramedics were with Octavia who had stopped struggling against them and was simply watching Sasha’s movements._

_As they sat the man on the pavement and took a step back letting the paramedics do their jobs, as Sasha turned around she noticed something moving in the back of the car as she picked up her pace not thinking about the fire or the possible dangers of running towards the fire but instead thinking that their could be someone trapped inside the car needing help, she got half way back to the Range Rover stopping in her tracks when she heard a high pitched whistle coming from what seemed to be underneath the bonnet of the Range Rover, she knew exactly what that meant as she struggled to decide wether or not to rush towards the Range Rover and look inside to see who was in there, the decision was made for her when she saw a golden retriever emerge from the car jumping out of the drivers seat as the dog ran past her she turned on her heels attempting to run back to Octavia, she only managed to took two steps when she heard a massive pop of sound come from behind her as she felt the back of her body heat up as she was lifted of the ground and thrown forward in the air she could feel herself spin completely three times before she hit the ground with a thud her head hitting the pavement underneath her with massive force causing her to lose consciousness._

_“ALEXIS” Lexa shouted as Clarke again tried to hold her back as the flames from both cars continued to rage behind Sasha’s unconscious body, she turned to Clarke firmly saying “Let me go”_

_“Lexa it's not safe” Clarke responded it was taking every ounce of strength she had to hold Lexa back._

_“I don't care”_

_“Let her go Clarke” Octavia shouted from the gurney she was still strapped down on_

_The distraction of Octavia’s sentence was all Lexa needed as she managed to break free of Clarke’s grip, running as fast as she could to Sasha as she reached her she knelt down beside her checking her pulse to make sure she was indeed breathing, once she was sure Sasha was breathing she quickly examined her for any injuries that meant she couldn't be moved seeing none Lexa hooked her arms under Sasha’s legs and upper back lifting her off the ground carrying her to the waiting paramedics who had just arrived along with the fire brigade telling them what happened she laid Sasha on the gurney before watching as they began to examine her trying to work out if she had any underlining injuries. She watched on as the two new paramedics talked to each other about the best options they had she heard as they made the decision to get  Sasha, Octavia and the driver of the Range Rover to the hospital straight away as the male Paramedic turned his attention to Lexa asking “Is anyone coming with us?”_

_Lexa stepped forward without hesitating she said “Yeah I am. She's my cousin”_

_“Ok, we'll need some medical history from you on the way” The male paramedic said as they began to wheel the gurney Sasha was on to the ambulance_

_“Sure” Lexa said beginning to walk with the, as she turned back she shouted back at Clarke “You go with Octavia, we’ll see you there” She turned her attention back to Sash trying to push down the anger she had bubbling inside at Clarke. She took a seat in the back of the ambulance as the doors were pulled shit by the paramedic Lexa couldn't help but keep hoping Sasha was going to be ok._

_-End Flashback-_

Back in Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment

Sasha took a few deep breaths before opening her eyes and looking at Octavia who was still holding her hands tightly, she was surprised that she couldn't see any judgement or shock or even upset in Octavia’s face all she could see was sympathy and understanding usually she’d hate it if anyone but family looked at her like that but there was something about Octavia that was different she knew deep down it was because she loved her there probably was a look in the world that Octavia could give her and she wouldn't be ok with. She broken out of her thoughts when Octavia smiled at her softly saying:

 

“See that wasn't too bad, was it?” She couldn't help the ‘I told you so’ smirk that was spreading across her face

 

"No it wasn't” Sasha smiled up at Octavia, she was right when she said that talking about the flashbacks step by step might help, it has helped massively like it always did when she talked to Lexa except this time she felt less anxiety about talking about the flashback maybe it was because of the content of the Flashback or maybe it was because of Octavia she had no idea at the moment all she knew was she felt better like there was less on her shoulders.

 

“You should listen to me more” Octavia smugly added before leaning down a little kissing Sasha gently on the lips

 

"Maybe” When Octavia looked at her with raised eyebrows she added “Ok I should listen to you more”

 

“See it's not that hard to admit I'm right and your wrong”

 

“Really your always right huh?” Sasha asked softly giggling as she sat forward a little so her and Octavia were almost face to face, Octavia’s mouth just a little above her nose

 

“Uh huh” Octavia nodded slowly leaning down capturing Sasha lips with her own, she couldn't help but deepen the kiss when she felt Sasha move their joined hands from on her lap to Sasha’s shoulders releasing her hands so they were resting on Sasha’s shoulders she smiled as she felt Sasha slowly snake her arms around her waist. Minutes passed and the kiss had stayed mildly passionate but she couldn't fight the urge anymore moving her hips closer to Sasha’s she couldn't help but grind her hips slightly against Sasha.

 

The action caused Sasha to pull out of the kiss as she looked up at Octavia who was now looking at her with an expression that could only be described as frustrated “what was that about?”

 

“I just wanted to reward you for opening up to me”

 

“Really” Octavia nodded at her “A reward?” Again Octavia nodded “And me opening up to you warranted you grinding on me”

 

“Yeah….Plus I can't help how turned on I get when you kiss me” Octavia bit her lips as she looked lustfully at Sasha

 

“I thought we agreed to wait”

 

“You agreed” When Sasha raised her eyebrows at her she explained “I know you want us to wait and make it this big weekend for us and I love that about you but I can't turn off how much I want you to make love to me…believe me I've tried…its just Ive missed being this close to you….I know you want me too”

 

"Of course I want you....I just” Sasha paused as she tried to think of the right words to say “I know I hurt you badly…and I hope to hell that you aren't going to change your mind about us but I want to give you time incase you do change your mind…..I don't want you to feel pressured by me into being physical again……I really want us to be completely honest with each other about everything”

 

"Everything?"

 

“Yeah 100% honesty…I know it sounds stupid coming from me but I don't want to make the same mistakes I did before by not being open and truthful with you” Sasha waited anxiously for Octavia to say something, she felt her stomach drop when Octavia climbed off her lap picking up the mugs on the coffee table and walking towards to the kitchen. Sasha instantly stood up walking after Octavia softly saying “I’m sorry….I just wanted to be honest with you especially if we’re both in for all that then j---”

 

“I slept with someone else…..while we were still together” Octavia blurted out as she turned to face Sasha again, she couldn't hold it in any longer especially seeing Sasha’s face filled with worry and upset. She didn't know how much she should tell Sasha or more accurately how much she could tell Sasha without losing her completely but she knew she couldn't go on lying completely to Sasha not seeing as Sasha was making such a massive effort with opening up to her.

 

Sasha looked at Octavia her mouth hanging slightly open as she tried to process the words that Octavia had just spoke. She was trying to piece the words together in her mind trying to understand what exactly Octavia was talking about, before either her and Octavia could say anything else Sasha’s phone began to ring she pulled it out of her pocket answering it without looking at the screen.

 

“Hello….Oh sorry hey Rae….what has Clarke got to do with it…..ok I’ll head back now” As she placed the phone back in her pocket she looked at Octavia as she somewhat coldly said “I have to go back to the hospital Lexa’s freaking out about something…you can stay here or go home whatever….I don't know when I'll be back” Without waiting for a response she turned picking up her keys she walked out of the door not thinking about anything other than what was wrong with Lexa and what Clarke had to do with it.

 

As the door to Lexa and Sasha’s apartment closed Octavia sat down in one of the kitchen chairs her head lowering into her hands as she couldn't help but wonder if she’d made a massive mistake confessing her indiscretion to Sasha.


	14. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to the aftermath of the Car crash along with Lexa's reaction to Clarke's confession

Chapter Fourteen-Consequences

Sasha walked down the hallway that lead to Lexa’s hospital room as she sees Raven standing outside the room pacing slightly as Raven sees her she walks lets out a massive ‘Finally’ as she got closer to the door she could hear almost what sounded like a shuffling sound inside the room almost as if someone was walking backwards and forwards inside stopping in front of Raven she asked:

 

“What happened?”

 

“I don't know I left to go get something to drink for us and when I came back Clarke was leaving and Lexa was flipping out”

 

"What happened between them?"

 

“Like I said I don't know Lexa won't calm down she keeps saying she's going to discharge herself”

 

“What?”

 

“I know, when I asked what happened she started pacing and throwing things about like she was gonna go crazy or something”

 

“Nobody’s been in there since?”

 

“No the nurses aren't due to check on her for another thirty minutes yet, I thought it’d be best to stay out here until you came”

 

“You were right she could have just flipped at you” Looking from Raven to the door Sasha contemplated what Clarke could have said to upset Lexa so much turning back to Raven she softly said “Thanks Rae” Before walking towards the door opening it and walking in.

 

As Sasha opened the door she was meet with a flying bedpan being thrown at her it just missed her head by an inch before it hit the wall dropping to the floor with a crash of noise. When Lexa realised who had actually entered the room her face instantly filled with anger as she picked up a stack of paper cups and threw them at Sasha, who managed to turn her body slightly so the cups hit her back, Sasha looked at Lexa confusion covering her face, seeing the look Lexa shouted in Afrikaans “Hoekom het jy Clarke sê ek was in die hospitaal” ( _Why did you tell Clarke I was in hospital?)_

 

Sasha finally realised what Lexa was made about “I thought she’d check in on you…. Your friends now right?” Sasha jumbled out she was still slightly confused as to why Lexa was so angry “You told me you two were friends I didn’t think it was anything more than that”

 

“And we were until she decided to tell me she thinks she's still in love with me”

 

“What? When did this happen?”

 

“About an hour ago” Lexa continued she felt all the anger evaporate from her body having finally been able to release the words and now she could see Sasha face to face she knew Sasha didn't mean to be malicious or hurtful when she told Clarke she was just trying to help her in some way.

 

“Fuck Lexa…. I’m sorry I didn't know she was gonna do that” Seeing Lexa sit on the bed she softly added “I’d never have told her if I knew”

 

Lexa turned slowly looking at Sasha she softly replied “I know you wouldn't” Seeing Lexa was 100% calm Sasha walked around the bed taking a seat next to Lexa on the bed. As she sat down she wrapped one of her arms around Lexa’s shoulders pulling her into a gentle hug. Lexa instantly rested her head on Sasha’s shoulder accepting the comfort being offered to her. The cousins stayed like that for at least a few minutes before Sasha approached the subject of Clarke’s confession;

 

“What exactly did Clarke say then...I mean what brought it on?”

 

“I don't know I think it was her thinking I was hurt”

 

“Did you say anything to make her confess her feelings?”

 

“No we’re were just talking like we used to, I noticed something was wrong and asked and she cut me off telling me what she did”

 

“What happened after?”

 

“She apologised and told me it was a mistake that she loves Mitch and was meant to be with him”

 

"Seriously?”

 

“Yeah” Lexa responded letting out a massive sigh

 

“I’m gonna hurt her” Sasha stated her voice filled with anger

 

“No you won't”

 

“Lex, she can't do that to you, she can't make confessions and then throw that crappy excuse at you”

 

"Alexi it's fine….it just threw me a little bit that's all”

 

“You’re not still gonna talk to her after that are you?”

 

“Probably yeah” When Sasha looked at her raising her eyebrows while the rest of her face was filled with judgement. Seeing the look, she added “I can't turn off my feelings for her any more than you could for Octavia, if friends is all me and Clarke can be then I'll take it especially after the way I hurt her”

 

"Just don't leave yourself open to get hurt again Lex…. alright?”

 

“I won't I promise”

 

Both cousins went silent just sitting on the bed next to each other enjoying a moment a silence and clarity as they both thought over the events of today and what they could mean for the future. Sasha was thinking about Octavia’s confession and what it could mean for them she loved Octavia but she hated cheaters she knew deep down that she had to talk to her but saying and doing were two different things. Lexa on the other hand was thinking about Clarke and what her confession and more importantly the sentence that followed meant for them and their friendship she wasn't sure what she wanted all she knew was that she made a sacrifice to save Clarke's career and now she was wishing she hadn't.

 

After about twenty minutes Sasha decided to break the silence knowing that Lexa’s mind just like hers must be running on overdrive, she wrapped her arm a little tighter around Lexa before softly saying “So….” When Lexa lifted her head off Sasha's shoulder looking at her questioningly Sasha continued “A bedpan Seriously?” The statement caused both of the women to burst into laughter, laughter that filled the room loud enough for Raven to hear outside making her realise a smile of relief.

 

_ Flashback – Car Crash Aftermath/Clarke & Lexa _

 

_Lexa waited anxiously outside the emergency room cubicle Sasha had been rushed into her hands and feet subconsciously tapping away as she hoped Sasha was gonna be ok, she had come around in the ambulance but the paramedics were worried that force of her head hitting the ground could have caused some serious damage to her in more ways than one. Sasha had tried instantly to get out of the scan and any other tests that the doctors had requested but after Lexa reminded her that Octavia wouldn’t be happy with her if she didn’t look after herself she agreed to let the doctors do the tests. Now Lexa was stood waiting for any news she had been waiting for a while she’d checked with the nurse for Octavia’s condition saying she was family which in her mind she was, they told her that Octavia was stable but they couldn’t tell if there was any permanent damage until they had completed further tests. She asked about Clarke who she learned had been completely cleared of any injuries other than the cuts and abrasions that were on her arms and face. She thought about going and seeing Clarke just to put her mind to rest but she was still so angry at Clarke for holding her back when she was trying to help Sasha not once but twice._

_She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Sasha’s voice calling her she quickly darted into the room seeing Sasha trying to get off the bed being gently held down by nurses and doctors, instantly she stepped forward squeezing in between the nurses taking hold of Sasha she firmly said “_ _Jy kan nie beweeg nie, jy moet nog steeds bly dit is te gevaarlik”_ _(You can’t move, you have to stay still it’s too dangerous)_

_“_ _Ek is fine Lex”_ _(I’m fine Lex)_

_“_ _Jy weet nie wat vir seker_ _” (You don’t know that for sure) Lexa firmly said looking Sasha dead in the eyes so she knew she was serious_

_“_ _Ek nodig het om haar te sien ... Ek moet seker maak sy is ok_ _” (I need to see her…I need to make sure she’s ok)_

_“_ _Ek vra die verpleegster het sy gesê sy is goed_ _” (I asked the nurse she said she’s fine)_

_“_ _Nee, ek nodig het om te kyk vir myself_ _” (No I need to see for myself)_

_Sasha struggled against Lexa again this time tears from pure fear were beginning to well up in her eyes, seeing the tears building Lexa softly said “_ _Ek gaan vind haar en kyk ok?” (I’ll go find her and check ok?)_ _When Sasha looked unconvinced she added “_ _As daar enigiets ernstig verkeerd sal ek jou vertel_ _” (If there’s anything seriously wrong I’ll tell you)_

_“_ _Jy belofte?” (You promise?)_

_“_ _ek belowe_ _” (I Promise) Lexa genuinely replied looking Sasha in the eyes so she knew she was telling the truth. She felt a wave of relief come over her when she felt Sasha stop fighting against her grip, she helped Sasha lower herself back down on to the bed within a second of Sasha being back on the bed she was telling Lexa to go and find Octavia, Lexa knew better than to argue with her slightly younger cousin and exited the emergency room turning following the signs to the section of the hospital that she had been told Octavia was in. She was slightly thankful when she found it within a few minutes of walking as she slowly entered the room she instantly saw that Clarke was struggling to keep Octavia on the bed she couldn’t quite hear what Octavia was saying but she heard Sasha’s name mentioned, rushing forward quickly she gently grabbed hold of Octavia who instantly stopped struggling seeing Lexa stood in front of her, as Lexa looked down at her she softly said “_ _Sasha se fyn Ocatavia” (Sasha’s fine Octavia) As the words hung in the air for a second Lexa suddenly realised that she had said the sentence in Afrikaans she softly spoke again “I’m sorry..I.....”_

_“She’s really fine?” When Lexa looked at her slightly confused and taken back she added “You said Sasha was fine, she is right your not just saying that to get me to stay here”_

_“I’m not, she’s ok they_ _just_ _want to do a few tests to make sure that she has no injury to her brain or spine but other than that she’s fine...she’s more worried about you than anything else” Lexa visibly saw Octavia’s body relax at her words as she softly asked “How did you understand what I said?”_

_“Sasha’s been teaching me a little Afrikaans, I thought it might help me interact with Costia and Tristan better_ _and_ _make_ _them feel less cautious of speaking in front of me”_

_“Oh thats really cool O” Octavia simply smiled at Lexa’s words, as she looked behind Lexa she could see that Clarke had exitted the room without a word to either of them and she knew exactly why that was looking at Lexa who had looked behind her after seeing Octavia’s attention turn to behind her. “You should go talk to her” Seeing the hesitation on Lexa’s face she said “She was just trying to keep you safe”_

_“I know but Sasha could have died”_

_“But she didn’t” When Lexa went to argue with her Octavia sent her a stern look raising her eyebrows for extra effect._

_“Fine I’ll talk to her” Lexa finally relented shaking her head at Octavia softly muttering “You spend too much time with my cousin” With out any further word to Octavia she turned around softly giggling to herself as she exitted the room looking both ways she couldnt see Clarke anywhere, she looked up at the signs seeing one pointing to a quiet room she followed it thinking to herself that it sounded like somewhere Clarke would go to think. As she reached the room she opened the door finding only Clarke inside the room which was filled with three couches and four armchairs along with pictures of feilds and mountains hangning on the wall, Clarke was sat on one of the couches her head leaning on the very back of the couch as she looked up at the ceiling that was painted to look like that sky. She slowly closed the door not making any noise then slowly making her way over to the couch she sat down next to Clarke, as Clarke felt the weight of the couch shift slightly with Lexa sitting down she lifted her head seeing Lexa sitting next to her she looked at her softly uttering;_

_“I’m sorry”_

_Lexa didnt say a word for what felt like hours but in reality was only about thirty seconds when Lexa did speak she asked “Why Clarke? Why hold me back when I could have helped her?”_

_“I didnt want you to get hurt”_

_“If Sasha had died Clarke that would have hurt me more than any explosion or peice of metal could have”_

_“I know that but....”_

_“But what Clarke?”_

_“I didnt want to lose you like that”_

_“But it was ok if I’d have lost Sasha if Octavia would have lost Sasha?”_

_“No of course not....I wasn’t_ _thinking like that I just wanted to keep you safe”_

_“Clarke I dont ge_ _t it,_ _I risk my life everyday I’m on tour...its always been my job you’ve known that since the first day we meet”_

_“I know but it was different, when I imagine you on tour I don’t think about bullets flying at you or you being in_ _an_ _explosion, that’s how I can handle you being away you being over there at risk every second of the day” Clarke paused as she tried to hold back the tears building in her eyes “I love you so much, more than I thought was possible...seeing it in front of me was different...I couldnt just let you run into danger”_

_“She’s my litt_ _le_ _cousin Clarke_ _……_ _my twin, the other part of me that makes me who I am_ _, if she wasn't there I wouldn't be the same you should know that better than anyone else”_

_“I_ _do_ _know and I_ _get it…..I_ _love Sasha just as much as you love Octavia, she is my family as much as you and Octavia are but I couldnt watch you die Lex”_

_Lexa reached forward taking hold of Clarke's left hand with her right, she gently squeezed it as she continued “I understand why you held me back I really do if it was the other way around I would have done the same, but when I asked you to let me go you should have….” Lexa paused for a second seeing tears were now running gently down Clarke's cheeks, she reached up with her free hand she gently wiping them away before continuing “Seeing her get thrown through the air like that….” Lexa again paused this time trying to hold her own tears in “We’ve always been together…. it’s always been me and her…. when we were kids, in elementary school, in high school, we even ended up in the same specialist unit in the army…hell I think our whole lives we’ve only spent a year apart and that was horrible. It's like we complete each other I know it sounds weird but we’ve always been like that…. What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry for being rude it's just ……the thought of her not being there is  terrifying for me…what I’m trying to say is, I was just angry that you held me back even though I knew you were only trying to protect me”_

_“So you’re not going to dump me?” Clarke asked as she nervously gripped Lexa’s hand tighter_

_“Why would I dump you for protecting me?” Clarke shrugged her shoulders at Lexa’s question, before allowing Lexa to continue uninterrupted “Like I said Clarke I understand why you did it, I was just upset and angry at the thought of losing Sasha” Lexa looked at Clarke who was still gripping her hand only now it was almost like a vice using her free hand she placed it on Clarke's cheek softly saying “We’ve been together for nearly two years Clarke & I love you too much to let something this minor ruin what we have”_

_“Really?”_

_“Really” Lexa responded smiling softly at Clarke, she paused for a few seconds before standing up using the hand that was holding Clarke's to pull Clarke to her feet and into a hug as she pulled out of the hug she leant down placing a soft kiss on Clarke's lips pulling back she said “That was just a Thank you for trying to protect me”_

_Clarke smiled up at Lexa closing the gap between their lips quickly the kiss filled with a mixture of emotions from relief to happiness to passion all the way to the main feeling she had whenever Lexa was around…love. “That was a your welcome” Clarke smiled as Lexa leaned down capturing her lips again._

_-End of Flashback-_

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Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment

Sasha had spent about another hour and a half with Lexa they had mainly just talked about anything other than Clarke, Sasha had purposely not mentioned Octavia’s confession there were many reasons she hadn’t told Lexa the main one being she didn’t think that unloading onto Lexa when she was going through her own problems at the moment was fair. After a while she decided that she needed to talk to Octavia and find out exactly what she was talking about once she’d heard that she’d be able to make a decision on her and Octavia’s future, having made sure Lexa was okay she left Raven and Lexa playing an intense game of cards. She was thankful when she managed to get a taxi almost instantly as she exited the hospital even better there was no traffic on the route the driver took to her apartment. As she opened the front door to her apartment she was meet with Octavia sitting on the couch that was positioned directly in front of the door, Octavia instantly sat up and moved forward onto the edge of the couch her hands nervously tapping on her lap. Sasha closed the door took off her hoody and threw it on the free couch before walking around and taking a seat on the free couch.

Both women sat on the couches not saying a word to each other, Sasha sat looking at the table avoiding looking at Octavia almost at any cost while Octavia was doing the complete opposite her eyes focused on Sasha and any movement however slight she made, she was trying to judge what Sasha was going to say if anything and whether it’d be good or bad although right now she could only see it being something bad. They both stayed like that for twenty minute before the silence became too much for Octavia to handle she knew that the longer Sasha was silent the more likely it was that she was going to end things with her, that after all was exactly how she’d been before she broke up with her over a year ago. Standing up Octavia made her way to the front door grabbing her hoody from the hanger next to front door she walked past Sasha not daring to look at her as the tears built in her eyes, she placed her hand on the lever/latch of the door as she pulled it open slightly she felt a hand on top of her push the door back until it was closed again, she kept her eyes on the metal of the door as she felt the front of Sasha’s body gently touching up against the back of her body, she could feel Sasha’s deep breaths on the back of her neck as she heard Sasha ask;

 

“When?” Sasha’s left hand still resting on top of Octavia’s as her right hand was on the other side of Octavia pressed against the door almost stopping Octavia from any attempt to move. “I need to know…. please” Sasha honestly asked the sadness in her voice plain for Octavia to hear.

 

Tears spilled out of Octavia’s eyes as she heard the sadness of the sentence Sasha had completed she honestly answered “The night I kissed Lincoln” Octavia decided that now wasn’t the time to reveal she and Lincoln never actually kissed but that he was covering up for her and Raven, that was a secret that would only hurt Sasha even more and she didn’t want that.

 

“Hang on, was it Lincoln?” Sasha asked her hands removing themselves as she took a step back fighting the anger that was bubbling inside her

 

“No” Octavia quickly responded turning around to look at Sasha they hurt and anger clear in her face

 

“Then who?”

 

“I don’t remember...” When Sasha looked at her questioningly she continued “Honestly I don’t, I remember being really drunk and some woman chatting me up…. I was so angry at you after our fight for all those things you said to me and the way you were treating me that I wanted to get some payback on you…I wasn’t thinking clearly it seemed like a great idea in my head at the time….”

 

“Well you got your payback” Sasha coldly responded as she rubbed her hand over her face trying to make sense of everything as she watched Octavia lean against the front door “So this woman you don’t know her?”

 

“No, I don’t remember much other than she was blonde and a little smaller than me” Octavia instantly decided that she was going to keep Raven out of her sudden confession.

 

“So you have absolutely no idea who it was?”

 

“I think her name was Beth…. I can’t remember I was really really drunk”

 

“This Beth…was she a regular…have I meet her….do I know her even?”

 

“I don’t think you do no”

 

“That’s something I suppose” Sasha paused for a second as the millions of thoughts in her mind continued to spiral around but only one was pushing itself to the front of her mind “Why now?”

 

“Why now what?”

 

“Why tell me now?” Sasha paused before continuing “Why tell me now that I’m opening up to you, telling you things I didn’t even want to say, when I’m trusting you with things I’m scared to say…. why now?”

 

“Because your opening up to me…because your trusting me” When she saw Sasha stiffen slightly at her words she continued “It’s not because I don’t want to hear it, it’s because I don’t want to lie to you when you’re doing everything to make sure that your telling me everything even when you don’t want to, and I do want this to last I don’t want to lose you but I don’t want to lie to you either”

 

“Why not tell me before now?”

 

“I didn’t know what this was…until that night at your grandpa’s birthday party watching you sing and you looking at me the way you did I knew it was exactly like before that I loved you….”

 

“Why not tell me then and get it out in the open?”

 

“Because I didn’t want to lose you again” Octavia honestly answered the tears spilling even more furiously from her eyes as she looked from Sasha to the floor underneath her feet.

 

Seeing Octavia’s tears Sasha couldn’t just stand back and watch the women she loved get upset, yes there were a load of things they needed to talk about regarding Octavia’s confession but she knew she was a bitch to Octavia around the time Octavia cheated on her. Stepping forward until she was in front of Octavia she reached up until her right hand was on Octavia’s chin gently lifting Octavia’s chin until she could see into her eyes gently releasing her hold on Octavia’s chin she moved her hand to gently wipe away the tears on Octavia’s left cheek bringing her left hand up to do the same on Octavia’s other cheek, wiping the tears away with her thumbs she let her hands rest on Octavia’s jawline moving them until her fingers were on the beginning of the back of Octavia’s neck her thumbs resting just in front of Octavia’s ears. She felt her thoughts evaporate as she looked into Octavia’s eyes suddenly she didn’t care about the cheating that had happened she just cared that she didn’t lose Octavia that she didn’t mess up again after so long apart it may have only been a year but it felt like a million times longer than that. She contemplated the words for a few seconds before she actually said them “I forgive you” Octavia looked at her, her expression almost questioning whether she had heard the words correctly until Sasha honestly added “We need to talk more about it because there are things I need to know but I forgive you…. I can’t lose you again Octavia” She stepped a little closer to Octavia so their chests were touching she took a deep breath clinging her jaw as her thumbs rubbed gently up and down the back of Octavia’s cheeks.

 

“I can’t lose you either” Octavia replied as she felt her breathing hitch as Sasha’s thumbs rubbed against her cheeks, she could feel Sasha’s chest raising against hers, their breasts grazing ever so slightly as they both took deep breaths in and out she couldn’t stop her hands as they moved from her side up until they were resting on the belt that was threaded through the loops of Sasha’s jeans, as she continued to look into Sasha’s eyes her hands naturally gripped the material underneath them causing her fingers to curl around the jeans until they were gently pressed against the skin underneath the jeans. She was about to remove her hands when she felt Sasha move closer to her causing her to move backwards until she was pressed against the door behind her as her back touched the metal of the door Sasha’s stomach pressed into hers, she didn’t know what to do she wanted to kiss Sasha but after everything she had confessed she didn’t know if Sasha wanted her to kiss her, as if on cue Sasha leaned in kissing Octavia on the lips the kiss instantly intensified between them the passion and desire instantly flowing into the kiss as Octavia’s hands moved from gripping onto the material of Sasha’s jeans to underneath the back of Sasha’s t shirt, at the same time Sasha’s hands moved from Octavia’s neck and face down until they were at the bottom of the army shirt she was wearing as they reached the bottom she broke the kiss pulling Octavia’s t-shirt up and over her head throwing it onto the floor as she reconnected their lips her hands instantly moving to Octavia’s stomach feeling every inch of her abdomen as she pushed her against the door, as she felt Octavia’s hands moving up her side the material moving upwards with Octavia’s hands until she felt Octavia push her backwards slightly until she broke the kiss again this time her shirt was the one that was swiftly removed and the thrown on the floor before their lips connected again.

 

They continued to kiss pressed against the door until Sasha’s hand found their way to Octavia’s jogging bottoms moving inside the back of them until her hands were squeezing Octavia’s bottom causing a very husky moan to escape from Octavia, using her hands she lifted Octavia off the floor pressing her body into Octavia’s using the door once again as support as she pressed into Octavia’s body her hips pushing in between Octavia’s thighs causing Octavia’s legs to wrap around her waist at the same time her arms wrapped around Sasha’s neck pulling her in even closer. Sasha finally managed to find some self-control as she pulled back looking at the slight glint of sadness in Octavia’s eyes the same glint that was surrounded by lust and desire, she hoped that the look in Octavia’s eyes meant that she wanted the same thing as her, for them to continue with what they were doing, she continued to hope as she took a few deep breaths asking “Do you want to continue this in my room?” She felt like an idiot asking the question the way it sounded rolling of her lips made her feel like a hormonal teenager but she had to ask she didn’t want to push things too far only for Octavia to stop her at the last moment. She watched as Octavia took a deep breath in a small smile appearing on her face as she simply nodded her approval as she could see the glint of doubt in Sasha’s eyes, she carefully unwrapped her legs from around Sasha’s waist and her arms from around Sasha’s neck, feeling Sasha assist her in placing herself back on the floor, she leaned up kissing Sasha softly but passionately before breaking the kiss taking her hand and leading her down the hallway into Sasha’s bedroom.

 

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_ Flashback-Car Crash Aftermath/Sasha & Octavia _

_Sasha made her way gingerly down the corridors of the hospital having managed to sneak off after waiting twenty minutes for Lexa to return she’d had enough of waiting and after the nurses had left her alone to think at her request she had managed to get her jeans and hoody on relatively easily her trainers were a different story it wasn’t the bending that hurt it was more the sensation she felt at the back of her head when she bent forward that bothered her she knew it was more than likely a concussion she’d had a few before while she was on tour and all of them had felt like this, like an explosion in her head every time she bent down or did something to fast she couldn’t help but find the humour in the irony of the feeling after all it was an explosion that had caused her injury in the first place. Having got dressed she managed to keep out of the nurse’s ways by pulling up her hood and walking as normally as she could until she reached the reception asking the lady where Octavia was she was meet with a sceptical look until she explained she was her girlfriend and she wanted to check she wasn’t seriously hurt the receptionist was then more than happy to help her even directing her to the ward Octavia was on._

_She continued to gingerly walk down the final of the corridors keeping her eyes on the numbers of the rooms as she finally came to Octavia she noticed the woman trying to sit up in her bed, it amazed her how even after one hell of a car crash Octavia looked like a goddess almost flawless she was almost 100% sure it was only her that thought like that and that it was mainly because she was madly in love with her. As she walked into the room she tried not to stumble as her hand grabbed firmly onto the frame helping her hold herself up a little straighter when she was sure she could pull off a ‘normal’ looking walk she plastered on a smile looking at Octavia softly saying “Hey Beautiful”_

_“Sasha” Octavia whispered looking up seeing her girlfriend walking towards her, she could see that Sasha was trying to act like she wasn’t hurt but she could the pain in Sasha’s eyes along with the grimace Sasha was trying to pass off as a natural smile. She managed to push herself up in the bed until she was completely upright removing the covers she gently swung her legs off the bed sitting up as she was about to jump off the bed Sasha reached her stopping in between her legs her hands instantly finding the part of the bed behind each of Octavia’s thighs, as she looked into Sasha’s eyes she placed her hands gently on her cheeks she pulled her gently into a loving kiss after minutes she separated their lips softly asking “Why did you do that?”_

_“I couldn’t let him die without getting justice”_

_“No I meant me” When Sasha looked at her confused she continued “Why risk your life to save me?”_

_“Because I love you…. I could never stand back and watch you suffer especially if there was something I could do to stop it” She paused for a second seeing the hint of guilt in Octavia’s eyes she added “I made a conscious decision to save the love of my love….to save_ _my hart en siel (my heart and soul) .... I dont regret a thing”_

_“my hart en siel, what does that mean?”_

_“I’ll tell you some other time” Sasha softly laughed when Octavia looked at her unimpressed as she fainded sadness_

_“Tell me now”_

_“You really wanna know?” When Octavia looked at her nodding she shuffled a little closer to her wincing slightly at the pain that shoot around her head. She brought her hand up to Octavia’s heart pressing her fingers gently against the skin she softly said “my hart....” Her fingers trailed down slightly until they were in the middle of Octavia’s ribs just under her left breast she added “en siel” She looked into Octavia’s eyes seeing if the younger girl understood her way of translating the words from Afrikaans to English_

_“My heart and soul?” Octavia asked she remembered the conversation her and Sasha had about where they both thought the soul was in the body she believed it was in every part of a persons body that is was their e_ _essences whereas Sasha believed that the soul was just below the heart that it was that feeling you get when you knew something was wrong or right she believed that the soul was in some form your gut feelings._

_Sasha nodded at Octavia’s words causing a smile to spread across Octavia’s face as she pressed her lips to Sasha’s putting everything she could into the kiss as she pulled back she softly smiled at Sasha softly saying “You’re a real charmer aren't you?”_

_“Maybe” When Octavia raised her eyebrows at her she added “But only with you” She sweetly responded smiling at Octavia as she leaned in capturing Octavia’s lips with hers, as they both pulled gently out of the kiss they rested their foreheads against each other’s._

_“Lay with me?” Octavia asked softly as she looked up into Sasha’s eyes, Sasha nodded softly at the requested allowing Octavia to get onto the bed first once Octavia had positioned herself how she wanted Sasha climbed carefully onto the bed with Octavia as she laid back on the bed she felt a rush of relief when her head landed on the pillow it was an amazing relief her head was suddenly painless, as she peaked downwards she smiled when Octavia moved her arm out the way so she could lay on her chest, as Octavia’s head landed on her chest she felt Octavia’s arms tentatively wrap around her waist Octavia’s right arm laying across her hips gently, she gently and slowly brought her arms up wrapping them around Octavia’s shoulders pulling her into her a little bit more. They both closed their eyes letting the trauma and stress of the day wash away as they fell asleep in each other’s arms._

_-End of Flashback-_

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Lexa and Sasha’s Apartment

Forty Minutes after Sasha and Octavia had entered Sasha’s bedroom and Sasha and Octavia had finished what would normally be Round One for them as they both recovered as they laid naked in Sasha’s bed covers spread across their bottom halves, Sasha was laying on her front her head buried in a pillow with her arms wrapped around the pillow as Octavia laid ,as she usually did after they had made love, her head on Sasha’s upper back just under her shoulder blades with her arm resting on Sasha’s lower back as her fingers lightly traced the visible part of Sasha’s new tattoo it was only now she noticed the massive detail that was in the tattoo now she was looking at the tattoo more closely she could see numerous dates inside the tribal design next to each date was a name, she noticed a date that she knew was Costia and Tristan’s birth date followed by a C and a small unfinished uncoloured part of the tribal design she wanted to continue following the design but laying like this with Sasha felt like it was too good to be true and she wanted to savour every moment they spent like this, Sasha turned herself over causing Octavia to lift herself up slightly so Sasha could fully turn around until Octavia’s head was just below her breasts she leant down slightly capturing Octavia’s lips with hers as she straightened back up sitting herself up as she pulled Octavia up with her not breaking the kiss she smiled into it when Octavia straddled her Octavia’s pussy pressing against her own naked pussy, as the kiss developed she brought her hand up gently resting it on Octavia’s bare breast as her hand landed Octavia intensified the kiss pressing her chest into Sasha, Sasha’s hand moving back to Octavia’s waist as Octavia pushed her down on to the bed as Sasha’s back hit the bed she pressed herself even harder against Sasha their breasts pressed hard against each other’s. Sasha felt herself get even more turned on she felt Octavia getting wetter and wetter the longer they kept kissing she could never get over no matter how much her and Octavia made love no matter how long they had been together she always wanted more of Octavia.

 

As their hands began to roam each other’s bodies again Sasha’s hand finding their way to Octavia’s bare bottom as she gently squeezed it Octavia moaned into the kiss her hips involuntarily thrusting into Sasha’s from the sensation Sasha’s touch sent through her, Octavia smiled into the kiss as she moved her hands onto Sasha’s breasts grabbing them gently she couldn’t bare it any longer she moved her hand slowly down Sasha’s abdomen taking in every part of Sasha’s toned stomach as her hand attempted to find its way back to Sasha’s pussy they both heard a loud banging coming from the front door, breaking apart breathlessly they both looked at each other in disbelief as they took in deep breathes Sasha breathlessly muttered “You’ve got to be kidding me” As she carefully removed Octavia from her hips as Octavia let out a massive sigh and moan of frustration as she laid back on to the bed looking up at the ceiling as she brushed her fingers through her hair trying to regain her breathing. Sasha rolled herself to the edge of her bed jumping down she quickly found her jeans pulling them back on she grabbed her bra quickly pulling it on she decided she didn’t care about a t-shirt she just wanted to tell whoever it was to go away so she could get back to what her and Octavia had been doing.

 

Walking quickly to the front door she opened it up finding Clarke standing in front of her she felt the anger rise instantly she bluntly asked “What do you want?”

 

“Is Octavia here?” Clarke asked she knew why Sasha was being cold with her, there was one person Lexa always turned to and that was her twin, Sasha.

 

“BABE, CLARKE’S HERE FOR YOU” Sasha shouted turning her back on Clarke not inviting her inside, mainly because she didn’t want to say something she regretted and right now most definitely wasn’t a time she’d be able to stop herself.

 

“Can I come in?” Clarke asked

 

“Sure if you have to”

 

“Thanks” As Clarke said that Octavia appeared in the living room having thrown on her joggers and a t-shirt she had found on the floor along with her bra “O can we talk?”

 

“I’m kind of busy Clarke” Octavia replied as she noticed the tension between Clarke and Sasha “Babe do you mind?” She asked walking up to Sasha taking her hand gently in hers

 

“Course not, I’m gonna go in the bedroom I don’t want to hear anything she has to say” Sasha bluntly said kissing Octavia softly on the lips before Octavia released her hand she attempted to walk towards her room before she could reach the hallway she heard Clarke ask

 

“What is your problem with me? I thought we were friends?”

 

Sasha turned suddenly the anger in her face undeniable for Clarke and Octavia to see, she ignored Octavia’s soft plead of ‘Babe please don’t’ shaking her head at Octavia she took a few steps toward Clarke her voice raising slightly as she said “My problem is you and your family ruining things for my cousin, it’s not enough that your father gave us grief. No your boyfriend has to smash a bottle over the back of my head because he’s a god damn psychopathic homophobe, but now you swoop in pretending to be the nice one and then BAM you break my cousins heart again isn't it enough that she could have died…. I guess not because you and your family don’t give a damn about anyone as long as your happy….”

 

“What are you talking about? I didn’t plan on telling Lexa I think I still love her it was never a part of my plan…. I don’t understand why you’re so angry at me”

 

“You don’t” Clarke shook her head getting a sarcastic laugh from Sasha as she continued “Like father like daughter I guess”

 

“What the hell is that meant to mean?”

 

“It means that your father is the only reason you and Lexa aren’t together anymore…”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me your precious father is the reason Lexa dumped you Clarke”


	15. Moving On

Chapter Fifthteen-Moving On

Sasha instantly kicked herself inside she’d stupidly let her temper and emotions get the better of her and had revealed something that wasn’t her place to reveal, she looked away from Clarke and Octavia she could feel Octavia’s eyes judgementally staring at her, taking a few breaths in and out she looked at Clarke seeing the woman was visibly upset and angry she was about to make up some excuse when Clarke looked at her, her face stern and unwavering;

 

“What the hell did you mean?”

 

Sasha remained silent for a second debating whether or not to tell Clarke the truth or not she decided it definitely wasn’t her place so took a sharp breath out before saying “Nothing I was just angry ok I was saying whatever came into my head”

 

“No you weren’t Sasha you meant what you said so tell me” Clarke almost demanded she was trying to keep a hold on her anger, but she needed answers she wanted answers after Eighteen months of wondering why Lexa ended it with her over something so small as an argument over the army and soldiers it finally made sense her dad had never liked Lexa so maybe there was a lot more to Lexa dumping her after all. All she knew was that she needed to find out what exactly Sasha meant. “TELL ME” Clarke shouted she was sick of the silence

 

“Don’t shout at me Clarke” Sasha firmly responded feeling the anger bubbling inside her again “I’m not the one in the wrong here”

 

“If you’re not in the wrong then tell me who is” When she saw Sasha hesitate she pleaded “Please Sasha if my dad did something to make Lexa break up with me I need to know”

 

Octavia looked at Sasha she could see that she was considering telling Clarke everything, she grabbed Sasha’s wrist pulling her to the beginning of the hallway to Lexa’s room she lowered her voice so only Sasha could hear what she was saying “This isn’t your secret to tell Sasha”

 

“I know that but she won’t let it go you know that….” Sasha grunted loudly as she looked at Octavia softly saying “Lexa’s going to flip”

 

“Yeah she is, why did you say it anyway?”

 

“I was angry at her for being just like her dad, unapologetic and only caring about what they feel or how things affect them”

 

“What are you going to tell her then?”

 

“The truth” When Octavia went to protest Sasha quickly spoke cutting her off “I’m sick of all the lies babe, she deserves to know that the reason her heart got broken was because of her dad and not Lexa”

 

“You can’t, Lexa made a decision she doesn’t want Clarke to know, she won’t forgive you”

 

“That’s the good thing about family, sooner or later they forgive you because when it comes down to it family is the only thing in the world you can never truly lose” Sasha said before turning back to Clarke who was now looking at her intently “I didn't lie”

 

“So what exactly does that mean?”

 

As she looked at Clarke she could see the emotion inside them she knew that look hell she knew that feeling knowing your father was responsible for your pain, she didn't know what to do or more correctly how much to say about what Kane had been upto. As she stepped forward she was thinking about how she could work the sentence so that it didn’t break Clarkes heart but she knew there was no possible way she could do that she was about a foot away from Clarke when she heard Clarke ask:

 

“So are you going to tell what the hell you meant or not?” The tone in Clarkes voice was severely serious

 

“What exactly makes you think I was telling the truth?”

 

“Because you’re not a bitch Sasha, you know what having a rubbish dad is like you wouldn’t do that to me unless there was some truth”

 

“Maybe there’s some truth in it”

 

“Then tell me the truth…. I need to know”

 

“Are you sure about that?”

 

“100%. I always knew there was something else involved in Lexa dumping me if my dad has something to do with it I want to know”

 

“Fine, I’ll tell you”

 

“Thank you” Clarke genuinely responded she knew Sasha was telling the truth but she didn’t know how to prepare herself for what she was going to hear, she had no idea how bad it was going to be. “So what exactly has my dad been saying to Lexa?”

 

“I’m not sure if this is my place to say” Sasha said suddenly realising that she was about to expose Lexa’s biggest secret to Clarke and that as a result Clarke could refuse to forgive Lexa and her dad

 

“Please Sasha I have to know just tell me what you’ve already told Octavia” As Clarke completed the sentence Sasha looked back at Octavia who was about to apologise to Clarke when Clarke cut her off “It’s ok O, I understand why you didn’t tell me you and Sasha obviously had secrets of your own just like me and L--- Mitch do” Clarke completed hoping the mention of Mitch would spur Sasha to tell her what she wanted to know given her disliking for the man.

 

“Fine I’ll tell you…” When Clarke nodded at her she walked into the kitchen signalling for Clarke and Octavia to follow her which they did as they entered the kitchen Clarke and Octavia sat down in the exact seats at the table they both usually sat they both did it so naturally that neither realised, Sasha on the other hand was stood leaning against the counter that was opposite the empty chair of the table so she was facing the wall but also Octavia and Clarke, once the two women she was facing were comfortably seated she began talking “Alright, I don’t know every detail ok just what Lexa has told me but…..” Sasha paused looking at Clarke she decided to sugar coat everything that Marcus had done “The problems between your dad and Lexa started just after I got shot he thought that we purposely got him moved because of the accidental co-ordinates incident that lead to me getting shot, he was giving her grief about you and her moving in together saying it was too soon she ignored him but he didn’t let up, a year passed and you decided to become a paramedic and not a doctor….he blamed her for everything threatened her career and she finally had enough of it and broke up with you” Sasha completed she was almost 100% sure none of what she said made sense without the rest of the story but she had to tell Clarke something and that was about as close to a sugar coated version of events as she could get. As she looked to Clarke she could see a few tears had escaped from Clarkes eyes and were now running down her cheeks.

 

“That can’t be right that doesn’t sound like my dad”

 

“Clarke you asked for the truth that’s what I gave you, Lexa didn’t have a choice”

 

“How did she not have a choice? If she loved me she’d have fought for me”

 

“It wasn’t that simple Clarke”

 

“How wasn’t it?” Clarke asked her voice a little louder than the last few times she had spoken.

 

“He threatened to ruin her career make sure she was kicked out of the army….” She paused for a second realising she had to another piece of truth to what she was saying to make Clarke believe her “It wasn’t just her career that was being threatened”

 

“What?”

 

“Your dad threatened to ruin my career, he said something about making sure I took the full blame for my shooting. He made some threat that he’d fake some paperwork and communications and make it look like I made him tell us the incorrect information on purpose”

 

“I don’t understand why he would do all that” Clarke asked the emotion seeping clearly into her voice

 

“I’m sorry Clarke but it’s the truth” Before Clarke could say anything to respond all three women’s attention was turned to the kitchen door;

 

“What’s the truth?” Hearing the voice all three women’s attention turned to the kitchen door seeing Lexa standing at the door way to the kitchen, Raven stood behind her holding a hospital bag filled with clothes. Lexa took a few steps into the kitchen wincing with each step stopping she looked directly at her slightly younger cousin who’s face had filled up with guilt and regret “What’s the truth Alexis?”

 

“Apparently the real reason you broke up with me” Clarke said as she stood up walking past Lexa and Raven, Lexa attempted to grab Clarke’s wrist but Clarke pulled her hand away instantly looking at her and saying “I thought you loved me enough to risk anything to save us, instead you get your cousin to lie for you”

 

Lexa turned her attention to Sasha the anger in her voice was clear as she asked “Wat de hel het jy vir haar sê ?” _(what the hell did you tell her?)_

 

“ Ek het haar nie vertel alles net dat hy gedreig ons loopbane”( _I didn't tell her everything just that he threatened our careers_ )

 

Before Lexa could respond to Sasha’s sentence Clarke stood up gaining Lexa’s attention turning herself to face Clarke she softly began “Clarke I…” Before Lexa could say anything more Clarke shook her head at her firmly saying

 

“I was right to choose Mitch, I don’t ever want to see you again” With that Clarke stormed to the door tears running down her face uncontrollably as she opened the door and pulling it open, walking through it then slamming it with immense force sending a loud bang through the apartment.

 

The kitchen was filled with silence for a good five minutes before Sasha moved a little closer to Lexa seeing she was a little upset she softly said “I'm sorry Lex it slipped out and I had to explain it she wouldn't let it go what else was I meant to do”

 

“You got what you wanted”

 

“Sorry what?” Sasha asked slightly confused at the sentence

 

“That’s why you told her because you've got what you wanted you have Octavia back and everything between you two is great, so why care about me…. I’ve sacrificed so much for you…hell I even sacrificed Clarke to save your career Alexis and what do I get in return you make sure that she never forgives me” Lexa bluntly said she was so angry at Sasha that she could feel herself beginning to shake with anger

 

Sasha looked at Lexa shocked at her statement she couldn't believe Lexa was passing the blame onto her making her feel bad for being the only one to tell the truth she couldn't contain herself and suddenly the anger inside her boiled over. “Me…are you actually serious Lexa” When Lexa responded with a simple nod she continued “If you had told Clarke the truth from the start then none of this would have happened. YOU wouldn't have lost Clarke and YOU AND HER wouldn't be the reason I nearly died and the reason I had to break up with Octavia oh and let's not forget the reason I have PTSD”

 

“Don't you dare blame that on me the reason you have PTSD is because YOUR weak” Lexa sharply returned she didn't mean the sentence but she was angry and needed someone to take it out on

 

Sasha looked at Lexa stunned at her sentence the amount of conversation they had where Lexa told her she wasn't weak because she had PTSD becoming completely irrelevant “Fuck you Lexa, I’m not the weak one…. Maybe if you'd have been doing your job I wouldn't have been shot in the first place…. Maybe if you actually loved Clarke as much as you claimed you would have fought harder for her….but hey that's you all over isn't it Alexandra”

 

Lexa couldn't contain the anger inside herself any longer as Sasha’s words hit her ears she knew she was right with what she was saying and that was the thing that hurt the most, without thinking through what she was about to do she lunged forward grabbing Sasha one of her hands landing just under Sasha Jaw and the other landing at the base of Sasha’s neck, she pushed her backwards until Sasha hit the counter she continued to push against Sasha causing Sasha's upper body to keep moving until almost the whole of her back was pressed against the counter top her hands getting tighter and tighter as the anger continued to control her.

 

Raven and Octavia were still looking on shocked they had seen Lexa and Sasha fight before and usually it never got this far between them as they continued to watch Raven saw Lexa pull her right arm backwards she knew it meant Lexa was about to punch Sasha and that was something she couldn't stand back and let happen, she quickly stepped forward grabbing Lexa’s arm with one hand she placed her other hand firmly on Lexa’s chest pushing her backwards a little until she had broken her grip on Sasha and Sasha was able to get stand up. As Raven continued to push Lexa backwards she let go of Lexa’s arm as she did she moved that hand to Lexa’s chest next to her other hand firmly saying “That's enough Lexa”

 

As Sasha stood up she brought her hand up to the base of her neck as she could feel the thoughts rushing through her mind the images flashing just as fast as always as she was taken back to the day her Lexa and her unto were ambushed and she was pinned down by one of the men that attacked them, she knew exactly what was going to happen to her if she didn't remove herself and find somewhere quiet so she could try and block it out. She walked quickly walked past Octavia rushing quickly to her room she closed the door leaning against it she slides down it until she was sat on the floor bringing her knees upto her chest she buried her head in them trying to block the images flashing in her head. She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard a knock at the door “GO AWAY” She shouted through the jumbled thoughts in her head

 

“Sasha open the door” Sasha’s head shoot up from its position as Octavia’s voice came loudly through the door she debated whether or not to let Octavia in or not she wanted to let her in but a part of her was scared about what might happen if she went into a full blown Flashback before she had a chance to respond Octavia spoke again “Alexis don't make me force this door open” Sasha couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face at the younger brunettes words continuing as she continued to block out the images in her head she shuffled forwards slightly remaining on the floor she reached her hand up opening the door enough for Octavia to enter the room, as soon as Octavia was inside the room she pushed the door shut again shuffling back so she was again sat against the door resting her head against the door as she closed her eyes trying desperately to block out the images flashing inside her head.

 

Octavia stood watching Sasha sitting leant against her bedroom door her head resting against the door her eyes closed like she was trying to block something out, she knew that something was wrong with Sasha but it wasn't until now that she realised that it was another flashback of some form. She didn't know what to do she wanted to help but she want 100% sure what she was dealing with, she decided that the best option was to do what she did before but she needed Sasha to concentrate on her, she stepped forward until she was stood in front of Sasha’s legs kneeling down she straightened out Sasha’s legs she motion causing Sasha to open her eyes and look at her, as Sasha looked at her she straddled Sasha's lower legs slowly moving upwards until she was sat on Sasha’s upper thighs they used to sit like this when they dated the only difference was that they were usually on the bed but she hoped that this action and reminder would serve as a good memory for Sasha and give her something to concentrate on other than the obviously bad memories flashing in her mind now. As she kept looking at Sasha she reached down gently taking hold of Sasha’s hands she interlocked their fingers on both hands as she softly began speaking:

 

“I remember the first time I saw you, you and Lexa were working at Grounders it was a Thursday night and Bellamy had convinced me to come and see him at work to arrange something for mum’s birthday and there you were laughing and joking with Lexa about something, I remember thinking you were so stunning that it felt like you couldn't possibly be real. When you finally spoke to me two weeks later I swear I'd never felt so happy and nervous at the same time ever before or since come to think of it” Octavia paused for a second as she tried to control her emotions, while she was waiting for Sasha she had read a few articles online about PTSD and ways to help sufferers of the illness avoid having another episode in most articles it mentioned distracting the person with a memory that wasn't their own something that forced them to concentrate on the person in front of them, but it also mentioned that the memory had to be something powerful something filled with emotion and purity, as well as something that had to do with the person who was having the episode. She contemplated not sharing her memory as it was still something she didn't want to think about but she decided that at this moment in time Sasha's mental state was more important than anything she was feeling taking a deep breath she continued “I remember when I found out you’d been shot”

 

Sasha looked up at Octavia as she took a deep breath in pausing after her sentence she knew that Octavia hated thinking about what had happened to her let alone actually talking about it, leaning up she gently kissed Octavia on the lips a kiss that was nothing more than a loving comforting kiss. As she pulled back looking Octavia in the eyes all the images that were flashing in her mind taking a back seat to the emotions Octavia was feeling and showing to her at the moment, the sudden slowing down of the images wasn’t something that she had ever experienced before other than at the hospital with Octavia, when Lexa was involved it was a completely different experience it was like the images and scenarios changed in her mind until they faded away and all she could see was blackness only Lexa’s voice in her head no visions or images just Lexa’s voice.

 

“I woke up and all I could think about was you, we were due to talk that day and I’d been out all night clubbing with Clarke, I went to bed at around 5am and I instantly woke up at 7am after I couldn’t get you out of my mind even more than usual, when I checked my phone I had twenty messages from Lexa and 34 missed calls from her along with 14 missed calls from your mum, I remember it felt like my heart was going to break I knew that something was wrong. I called Lexa back and the sound of her voice told me everything I needed to know, I knew you were hurt and I needed to see you even if I was still slightly drunk. I remember Clarke bursting into my room Lexa had called her and told her you’d been shot, she hung up on Clarke to talk to me and asked Clarke to keep an eye on me for you” Octavia paused for a second as she tried to keep the tears inside right now she needed to be the strong one for Sasha right now, looking at Sasha she softly smiled letting her know she didn’t need to feel guilty about anything “When I calmed down Lexa called me back and talked me through everything that they were doing everything that was happening to you of course she didn’t tell me how bad it was, I didn’t realise that until I actually saw you in person. Anyway the thing I remember the most is how upset Lexa was she didn’t look the same as she usually did”

 

“Bab----” Sasha began all the images flashing in her head had stopped all she could see was Octavia, that was until Octavia started talking about Lexa then all she could think about all she could see was Lexa’s angry eyes staring at her as she held her down on the counter in the kitchen moments ago.

 

"Please let me finish” Octavia softly asked when Sasha nodded her approval for her to continue she did “It was like she wasn't complete or she was missing something without you, I never fully understood how close you and her were until I saw her that day, it was like all the fight had been beaten out of her when you got shot she was by your side every step of the way. What just happened isn't Lexa you know that, you can't hold it against her and I know your angry and conflicted about it but she didn't have a choice in breaking up with Clarke”

 

“That doesn't make what she just did okay, I was so close to another flashback”

 

"I know babe, and I'm not saying it makes it ok not by any means but the love of her life just told her that she never wanted to see her again.” Octavia looked at Sasha's face she could see the slightly older woman was contemplating her words “You were both in the wrong, you knew saying what you did would make her lose her temper and I know you only said it because you wanted her to do something more than shout at you because you felt guilty”

 

“How do y--”

 

“I know you a lot better than you think I do, she needs you right now Sash…. Clarke is never going to choose Lexa over her dad we all know that….Lexa needs you to be there for her and be strong for her, I know that the reason you didn’t die over there is because of Lexa, you can’t hold it against her for reacting like that babe if it was the other way around you would have done the same thing to her” When Sasha went to protest Octavia looked at her before firmly saying “You know you would” She felt Sasha’s whole body rise and then fall as Sasha let out a massive sigh closing her eyes and again resting her head against the door.

 

After a few moments of silence Sasha let out a deep breath as she opened her eyes looking up at Octavia who was tentatively holding her hands in place on her lap their fingers still interlocked as she looked at Octavia she knew she was right and that Lexa needed her right now but she couldn’t help but be angry at her cousin for attempting to hit her even if she did deserve it. As she let a small smile as she looked up at Octavia she softly said “Can you let me get up please? I need to talk to Lexa” Octavia slowly raised herself off Sasha’s thighs standing up she stood nervously waiting for Sasha’s next move, even though they were acting like they normally did when they were around each other they both knew that there was a lot for them to talk about especially concerning Octavia’s confession and Sasha’s subsequent forgiveness of her confession. As Sasha stood up straight she walked over to her wardrobe quickly grabbing one of her affliction t-shirts holding it in her hand walking back over to Octavia she gently reached her hand out talking hold of Octavia’s pulling her gently towards her until she was able to release Octavia’s hand and wrap her arms around Octavia’s waist pulling her close until their hips were pressed against each other’s looking down at Octavia she softly and genuinely says “Thank you for talking some sense into me” When Octavia smiled at her before giving her a gentle “Your welcome” she leaned in hugging Octavia gently as the younger brunette wrapped her arms around her neck leaning her chin gently on her shoulders, they stayed like that for minutes neither of them wanting to let go of the other.

 

 

Back in the Kitchen

Lexa was sat at the table in the kitchen her head resting in her hands as she waited for Raven to finish making coffee for them both, she couldn’t believe how close she came to hitting Sasha the one person she was meant to protect over everyone else, the one person that had protected her over everyone else and sometimes at a cost only Sasha had to pay. She knew she was in the wrong but everything Sasha said to her was right she was the reason her ‘twin’ was suffering with PTSD and she was the reason she didn’t have Clarke anymore she was so wrapped up in trying to do the right thing that she almost always made the wrong choice. She knew that this time was different though she’d come close to hitting Sasha before but that was what they were like they would fight with each other verbally and physically and a minute or two later they’d be fine but she’d never felt this much anger towards Sasha before she knew it was partly because she was angry at herself as well but she couldn’t say for sure in her mind that Sasha was going to forgive her she saw the look in Sasha’s eyes when she walked away she knew that was a look that meant she was close to having a flashback and Sasha not forgiving her wasn’t something she thought she could handle.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted when Raven sat down opposite her placing a mug of coffee in front of her she just looked at her, Lexa knew that look it was complete disapproval of her actions towards Sasha she’d only seen it from Raven on a few occasions but when she did see it she knew it meant Raven giving her a lecture about family and how they were meant to love each other and not fight each other. She remained silent as Raven continued to look at her judgementally waiting for her to begin her lecture.

 

“So what the hell was that about?” Raven asked looking at Lexa she decided the softly softly approach might be better this time around.

 

“I just lost my temper that’s all”

 

“That’s a rubbish excuse Lexa” When Lexa didn’t answer she added “She’s your family you shouldn’t be losing your temper with her like that, no matter what she said to you”

 

“I know I just couldn’t control it”

 

“I’ve never seen you like that before Lex, I know she told Clarke something but what was it to make you lose it so badly”

 

“It was nothing really I overreacted” Lexa looked at Raven she could see she wasn’t convinced with her answer so she continued “I just saw red after Clarke said what she did about not wanting to see me again it just flipped something inside of me”

 

“It doesn't make what you did right”

 

“I know it doesn’t, I’m gonna apologise to her but I want to give her a few minutes to compose herself”

 

“Sounds smart” Raven bluntly responded she knew more than most that Sasha had a bad temper when it came to certain things and once she was past a certain point there was no stopping her “So what really triggered for your temper to explode?”

 

“Sorry?” Lexa asked she was pretty sure that she had already answered that question mere seconds ago

 

“Somethings up with you Lexa, Sasha’s noticed it as well she’s really worried about you”

 

A few minutes had passed without Lexa answering Ravens comment and there was a knock at the door Lexa stood up walking to the door opening it she was meet with Kane and Clarke standing in front of her, she suddenly felt all the air leave her body as she looked at Kane his eyes coldly burning into her. She couldn’t say anything it was like her brain had frozen at the sight of Kane standing in front of her.

 

“I hear that you’ve been spreading lies about me” Kane spoke the anger in his voice clear “So you can’t have her anymore so you want to turn her against me?”

 

“I didn’t say a word”

 

Before Kane could say a word a voice loudly spoke from behind Lexa “No she didn’t that was me” Sasha stated the pride in her voice was clear as she took a few steps forward until she was just behind Lexa, Octavia was standing a few metres away standing near the couch that faced the door she was joined seconds later by Raven both deciding this wasn’t a situation they wanted to get involved in by any means. They watched as Sasha looked at Clarke and softly said “That’s cute Clarke you went straight to daddy”

 

“He drove me here I didn’t go to anyone” Clarke retorted she hated the arrogance in Sasha’s voice and she knew it was deliberate on Sasha’s part

 

“Really so how does he know what I said?”

 

“Ok maybe I told him what you were accusing him of, He’s my dad he wouldn’t do something like that to me”

 

Sasha softly laughed turning to look at Octavia as she said “You see babe some people want to hear the truth but…” She paused as she turned back looking at Clarke before she turned her attention to Kane staring him dead in the eyes before continuing “When they get it they go in to instant denial” As Sasha completed her sentence Kane took a step towards her threateningly she wasn’t surprised by the action and stood her ground not moving an inch aiming to show Clarke that what she had said was completely true and whatever Kane said was a lie.

 

“You’re a liar” Kane said almost shouting at Sasha, as he stepped closer to her again Lexa took a few steps of her own putting herself in between Sasha and Kane. Sensing that the two women in front of him were trying to get him to lose his temper and implicate himself in the blackmail. “Clarke let’s go I’ve had enough of these two….”

 

“Dykes?” Lexa completed looking Kane in the eyes she’d never stood up to him before but now something felt different Clarke knew about the blackmail whether or not Clarke believed it she didn’t care it was out in the open and it made her feel an immense amount of relief and freedom. As she looked Kane in the eyes she continued “That’s what you were going to say right? These two dykes? Don’t forget that these two dykes have enough on you to ruin your career”

 

“Don’t you dare threaten my father Lexa” Clarke loudly stated as she took a step through the door looking coldly at Lexa she stated firmly “At least we don’t hide terminal illnesses from our family members” Clarke didn’t have a chance to regret her words as she walked out of the front door closely followed by Kane who violently shut the door behind himself.

 

Sasha looked at the door in complete confusion before looking at Lexa and asking:

 

 “Is someone in our family ill?”


	16. A Good Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa tries to cover up Clarke's outburst...& there's a time jump and a night out for all the girls

** Chapter Sixteen-A Good Lie **

Sasha stood looking confused at Lexa she could tell from the expression on Lexa’s face that whatever Clarke was talking about it had some remnants of truth to it. She could tell that Lexa was deliberately trying to avoid looking at her she wasn’t sure if it was because of their argument moments beforehand or because she was hiding something from her. Sasha could sense that maybe Lexa wanted to talk to her in private, maybe this was what had been wrong with Lexa over the last few weeks. Looking to Octavia and Raven she softly asked “Can we talk alone please guys?” Raven and Octavia both nodded before they both headed towards the kitchen closing to door so Sasha and Lexa would have some privacy. After few seconds of them being alone Sasha looked at Lexa and softly asked: “What the hell was Clarke talking about Lexa?”

 

Lexa debated the numerous options in her mind she could tell the truth but that meant breaking a promise to her mother, her aunt and her grandparents, she wanted to tell Sasha the truth about Costia but she knew it’d upset Sasha to a degree she didn’t think her cousin could handle the stress of it at the moment and that it would trigger her PTSD again, but the other side of her didn’t want to lie to Sasha she was the only person she could really trust the one person that never turned her back on her no matter what she’d only been with hiding this secret for almost two days and it was weighing heavily on her, that was one of the main reasons that she had lost her temper her mind was spinning with a million thoughts Clarke, Sasha, Costia, the army and of course Kane’s threats and before she had known it she had lost her temper. Lexa turned around finally deciding in her mind what was best for Sasha slowly she opened her mouth letting the lie leave her lips “I don’t know what Clarke was talking about”

 

“Come on Lexa, I know you better than that”

 

“Nobody in the family is hiding a terminal illness”

 

“But?”

 

Lexa said the only thing that she could think of that Sasha wouldn’t question “Papa had another angina attack this morning, that’s where I was coming from when the Ferrari crashed into me” Lexa watched as Sasha got visibly upset she could see Sasha trying to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. “I’m sorry but they didn’t want me to tell you”

 

“Why?” Sasha asked the anger and upset 100% clear in her voice

 

“They thought the stress would trigger one of your episodes”

 

“When is everyone going to stop treating me like a china doll that's going to break” Sasha responded her voice almost at shouting volume, shaking her head at Lexa she walked towards the door picking her hoody up from the couch where she had left it, before she could reach the door Lexa asked:

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“To see Papa”

 

“You can't Sash” When Sasha looked at her with an unimpressed look on her face she added “He’s fine now I promise it was a small attack Mema told me it was nothing compared to others he's had, I swear if it was worse I’d tell you” She felt a massive relief when Sasha looked at her throwing her hoody on the couch and taking step back towards her

 

“You promise me?”

 

“I promise”

 

“No more lying or covering up for people either right?”

 

“Right”

 

“belowe my Lexa” ( _Promise me Lexa)_ Sasha asked in Afrikaans, she knew that if Lexa promised her something in their family’s native tongue that Lexa couldn’t break it, it was like an unspoken promise

 

“ek belowe Sasha” ( _I promise Sasha)_ Lexa responded she knew that she wouldn’t be able to keep that promise to her cousin but right now she needed Sasha to trust her, she needed to be able to go back to how they were, it was true what everyone said about her she wasn’t complete without her cousin it was like they were a part of the same soul or something it had always been that way, it was unexplainable in words but it had always been the same with them since they were born.

 

“Fine I won’t go see him but I’m gonna call mama and check on him” Sasha paused as she took a step towards

 

“Sure” Was all Lexa could manage to say she knew her aunt would cover her own tracks, but she knew she had to get a message of pre-warning to her as soon as she could. She wondered how long this game of pretending Costia was fine could go on it want fair on anyone especially the little girl who was dealing with an illness she more than likely had no idea about. Trying not to let on what she was thinking about Lexa made her way to the back of the couch leaning against the it gently, seconds later Sasha was leaning against the back of the couch again next to Lexa.

 

They remained in silence for the next few minutes until Sasha gently nudged Lexa with her right shoulder as Lexa looked at her the sorrow in her expression clear, Lexa was about to speak when Sasha beat her to it softly saying “It’s fine”

 

“No it’s not” Lexa said a tear escaping her eyes and trailing down her cheeks as she felt a numerous amount of emotions rush through her the main emotion she was feeling was guilt, she knew there were numerous reasons she had nearly hit Sasha the main one was she didn’t want to hide such a big secret from Sasha but she was being forced to by her grandparents her aunt and her mum. It was playing havoc on her ability to control her emotions right now she knew that she needed to get a hold of it but the thought of her little cousin dying and Sasha not knowing was tearing her up inside and now to add to her guilt Sasha was forgiving her for almost punching her.

 

“It’s not but you can buy me something to make up for it” Sasha jokingly said trying to make Lexa feel better about their altercation earlier, everything that Octavia said to her got stuck into her head and was now circling around and around.

“So why did you discharge yourself?”

 

“How did you….” Lexa began to ask but when Sasha raised her eyebrows at her she knew the answer was that Sasha knew her better than anyone else, a small smile filled her lips as she continued “I just couldn't stay in there it would have drove me crazy”

 

“I'm guessing Clarke's confession contributed to this decision to go against Medical advice”

 

“Kind of” Lexa again looked at Sasha who again raised her eyebrows at her she knew it was pointless to lie to her cause she could read her like a book when it came to Clarke “Ok yes it has everything to do with Clarke and her stupid confession….I never stopped loving her and to hear her say she thinks she's still in love with me it just broke my heart all over again, being in that room all I could think about was her…I just needed to get home and get away from all the reminders of her in that hospital”

 

“I'm sorry”

 

“What for? I'm the one that nearly hit you”

 

“I deserved it…. I shouldn't have told her anything in anger or because of any other emotion I know if it was the other way around I would have attempted to hit you too, I should have bit my tongue”

 

“It's fine…that's what being the Woods Twins is all about right” Lexa playfully responded the both of the giggling softly at her comment “I love you Lexi” Lexa added as she stood up looking cautiously at Sasha

 

“I love you too Lex” Sasha returned standing up opening her arms wide as she stepped closer to Lexa who seeing the action opened her arms up as well stepping into Sasha, both women wrapping their arms around each other at the same time, both of them holding onto the other as if they were a life line like they were all the other needed to survive because for so long it had only been them before Octavia and Clarke and during the last year they had nothing to do with the women they loved, they had survived so much together and they knew it was because they had each other to keep them going.

 

As Lexa took in Sasha’s words she couldn't stop thinking about how long she could keep the massive secret of Costia’s illness a secret…

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

One Month Later 

It had been a month since Lexa’s accident and Octavia’s confession, there had been an uncountable amount of times that Lexa had come close to telling Sasha about Costia’s illness but every time she had managed to stop herself. On those numerous occasions she had been told on numerous occasions her aunt had called her giving her an update on Costia’s illness telling her how she was getting better, she had believed her aunts words until she saw Costia two weeks ago she noticed how fragile the little girl looked along with the fact she was literally hanging of Sasha the whole time she was there it was something Costia only did when she was scared or she was sick and she knew Sasha was worrying about her even more but she also knew that her aunt Madilyn had told her that she was fighting off an infection and Sasha had seemed to believe it at the time.

 

It was Friday night and after a lot of convincing on Octavia and Raven’s parts Sasha and Lexa had agreed to go out to Grounders for their weekly karaoke night the main reason Lexa and Sasha didn’t want to go was the chance that they were going to bump into Clarke and Mitch and they both knew neither of them would be able to stop themselves from punching Mitch if he said something incorrect to them. When Octavia had told them that she spoke to Clarke and Clarke told her that she and Mitch were staying in this weekend they both decided maybe a night out was a good idea, all of Lexa’s injuries had healed up as had Sasha’s wound on the back of her neck. 

 

Sasha walked into the living room wearing loose Black denim jeans, a dark red checkered button up shirt with short sleeves and Dark Pink Nike trainers, she sat down on one of the couches as she waited for Lexa and Octavia to finish getting ready, ten minutes after she had sat down Octavia walked into the room wearing tight Light Blue denim jeans and a tight plain purple t-shirt with black boots, in the month that had followed Octavia’s confession she and Sasha had spent all their free time together which was most of the time even when Octavia had rehearsals or a show she had to perform on she would spend the night at Sasha and Lexa’s apartment instead of going back to her and Clarke’s apartment she’d told Sasha about the handful of times Mitch had made sexual comments towards her along with the occasional homophobic comment so Sasha had offered for her to stay over a few nights a week to make things a little better for Octavia. Sasha smiled brightly as Octavia walked in front of her stopping and twirling slowly as she asked Sasha

 

“What do you think?”

 

Sasha’s smile spread a little wider when Octavia moved forward until she was almost in front of her “I think you look amazing babe” Octavia smiled brightly as she watched Sasha sit herself up straighter as she moved closer, as she stopped right in front of Sasha as she stopped moving Sasha leaned forward gently running her hands up Octavia’s legs until they reached her thighs.

 

“Thank you baby” Octavia replied as she moved forward bending her legs until she was straddling Sasha’s thighs Sasha’s hands still resting her on her thighs “Are you still ok for me to stay here tonight?”

 

“You don’t have to keep asking” Sasha softly smiled “I love having you here, but I do want to talk about something a little later but it’s nothing bad I promise” Sasha continued to smile as she looked up at Octavia gently placing a kiss on Octavia’s cheek.

 

“Talking is all I’m gonna get huh?” Octavia cheekily responded since her and Sasha had slept together just after her confession they had only slept together a handful of times and she could swear there was something different about the way Sasha was with her

 

“Maybe afterwards we can do more than talk”

 

“And what about now?”

 

“Now” Sasha huskily responded as she leaned up and kissed Octavia on the lips before pulling back “I think I can arrange something” She softly giggled as Octavia looked at her smiling brightly as she leaned down into Sasha their lips connecting gently.

 

Sasha and Octavia stayed locked in the kiss for about five minutes until Octavia looked down at her softly saying “I Love you” Before Sasha could fully respond to her words a voice interrupted them,

 

“Do you two ever separate?” Lexa gently laughed as she entered the room wearing almost the identical outfit to Sasha the only difference was her shirt had black and white checkers on it and she was wearing Black Nike trainers, she sat down on the free couch

 

“No we don’t” Sasha replied wrapping her arms around Octavia’s waist so she didn’t move from her position on her lap “Looking identically hot there Twinsy”

 

“Thanks” Lexa responded softly laughing at Sasha’s comment as she leant back pulling out her phone checking the message Raven had just sent her “Rae said she’ll be here in a few minutes”

 

“Brilliant…means more time to make out” Sasha responded as she leaned forward nibbling softly on Octavia’s neck, her actions caused Octavia to squirm softly under her mouth, they were interrupted by a buzzing coming from the door.

 

“Saved by the bell” Lexa softly laughed getting up grabbing her Black leather jacket from the hanger, as she finished putting her jacket on she picked up Sasha’s Red leather jacket throwing it at Sasha who just managed to catch the jacket as Octavia removed herself from her lap. “You love us really Lex”

 

“Sure I do” Lexa responded shaking her head laughing softly as she buzzed Raven in before opening the door for her, within seconds of opening the door it swung open as Raven burst through the door jumping onto Lexa who laughed softly responding “And hello to you to Raven”

 

“You love my hello Lexa” Raven giggled in response as she released her hold on Lexa and moved over to Sasha ghed softly responding " as she released her hold on Lexa moving over to Sasha and Octavia launching herself into them both causing all three of them to collapse onto the couch “I’ve missed you guys”

 

“Bloody hell Raven get off me you weigh a tonne” Sasha said releasing a soft laugh as Octavia climbed off the Couch removing herself from the situation she knew was coming.

 

“Oh that's charming” Raven retorted playfully punching Sasha on the breast her hand hitting where she was aiming –Sasha’s nipple- she tried to run but before she could even get off the couch Sasha had her pinned on the other side of the couch holding her arms down

 

“Always the nipple Rae” Sasha playfully laughed as she held Ravens arms standing up she brought her knee to hover over the left side of Ravens pelvis “Payback” She laughed as she pressed her knee down gently not applying too much pressure, Sasha Octavia and Lexa all laughed as Raven tried to remove Sasha from her unsuccessfully after a few minutes she responded:

 

“Ok ok Mercy” She left out a massive sigh of relief when Sasha removed her knee and released her hands as Sasha stood up straight extending her hand to Raven who accepted it. Sasha pulled her off the couch effortlessly until they were standing in front of each other as she looked into Sasha’s eyes she firmly said “One day I'll win”

 

Sasha softly giggled as she wrapped one of her arms around Raven’s shoulders pulling her into a hug, which Raven quickly accepted, as the best friends hugged Sasha softly said “No you won't Rae Rae” causing all four women in the apartment to laugh softly as Sasha and Raven walked towards the door with Sasha loudly shouting “Let's party”

 

-Three Hours Later (Inside Grounders)-

Lexa, Sasha, Octavia and Raven had just made their way back to their table after spending the last hour dancing on the dancefloor, they had been at Grounders for the last two hours on route to Grounders they had decided to grab food at Italian restaurant that was about five minutes up the road from Grounders. Once they had got there they claimed the closest available table to the dance floor, they all knew tonight was Karaoke night but from what Bellamy had told Octavia the night was going to be a mixture of Karaoke and Dancing meaning when people weren’t butchering their favourite songs then music would be playing allowing everyone to get up and dance along to whatever song the DJ would play. They were all a little sceptical about the mixture when Octavia told them but now they were all enjoying the break that karaoke gave them from dancing.

 

They had been sat down for a few minutes when Octavia had offered to go get the next round of drinks in as Sasha watched her disappear she turned to Lexa and Raven and asked “Is she acting weird with me or is it me?” Sasha had noticed on certain occasions Octavia would pull away from her slightly or she would lose the smile on her face after she had said something to her while they were dancing, she was hoping that it wasn’t anything to do with the few occasions Octavia had grinded on her and she took a step back she didn’t know if it was indeed her pulling back somewhat or if it was indeed that she said anything wrong but whenever she would ask her if she was ok Octavia would just reply ‘yeah’ and go back to dancing. She was sure that couldn’t have been the only one to notice the behaviour, as the night had continued she noticed it more and more and when she thought about it the more she released that Octavia had been doing the same thing for the last week or so.

 

“A little yeah” Lexa responded she had noticed what Sasha had noticed it was odd because Octavia was usually all over Sasha but she seemed a little different tonight. “Maybe she doesn’t like you grinding on Raven” Lexa added Raven and Sasha had always danced like that together even before Sasha and Octavia’s yearlong break up but she thought that maybe the time apart had only made Octavia more jealous and possessive of Sasha and her actions.

 

“Maybe but she’s not the jealous type she never has been” Sasha countered, she was slightly relieved that Lexa had noticed Octavia’s behaviour and she wasn’t imagining it

 

“Maybe it’s because you keep pulling back when she grinds on you a little too much”

 

“I can’t help it”

 

“Why don’t you just tell her why?” Lexa responded giving Sasha a knowing look, both her and Sasha knew the real reason she was pulling away from Octavia and it wasn’t the reason she knew Octavia was probably thinking of.

 

“No I want to surprise her properly” Sasha responded she could see the look of confusion Raven was sending her and Lexa looking at Raven she went to explain but stopped when she noticed Octavia re-approaching the table seeing Octavia was only managing to carry the two beers, glass of coke and glass of gin and tonic she quickly stood up taking the glasses from Octavia placing them on the table before turning around and taking the bottles from Octavia as well, handing the bottles to Lexa and Raven one by one

 

“Thank you baby” Octavia smiled as Sasha turned her attention back to her, she leaned in giving Sasha a soft kiss on the lips

 

“Your welcome” Sasha responded as she sat down her eyes following Octavia as she sat down next to her

 

“So what were you guys talking about that made you go all silent when I approached you” Octavia asked intrigued she had seen Sasha instantly stop talking when she noticed she was within ear shot of the table

 

“Oh nothing just sports” When Octavia looked at her raising her eyebrows she continued “So you really want to hear about how Raven thinks that Bill Russel was a better player than Larry Bird” She raised her eyebrows at Octavia

 

“No I do not”

 

“Exactly” Sasha smiled leaning forward kissing Octavia softly on the lips as she pulled out of the kiss her lips hovered over Octavia’s, when Octavia brought her hands up to gently cup Sasha’s cheeks Sasha lent back in kissing Octavia again this time the kiss was a little more passionate than the one moments before, this time when she pulled back she smiled brightly at Octavia who quickly pecked her on the lips, Sasha returned the peck on the lips with another of her own before they could continue their kisses Raven and Lexa both coughed loudly causing Octavia and Sasha to both turn and look at them laughing softly Sasha tried to hide the small blush that appeared on her face as she said “Sorry”

 

“No you’re not” Raven giggled in response before continuing “But we’re used to it unfortunately…Oh and Russel was a million times better than Bird”

 

“No he was not...” Sasha began before she could continue her argument Harper approached the table they were sitting at causing Sasha to turn her attention to her “Hey Harper” She smiled, the three other women all did as Sasha had and smiled at Harper along with saying their own version of hello,

 

“Hey everyone” Harper nervously smiled softly waving at all the women at the table “Hi Raven” She nervously said her cheeks going a soft shade of red as she tucked a loose piece of her hair behind her ear

 

“Hi Harper” Raven returned she couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face at the sight of Harper, she was dressed in skinny blue jeans with black converse trainers and a tight navy blue t-shirt that hugged her chest in a way that left little to Raven’s imagination she also noted that Harpers hair wasn’t in a ponytail like it usually was now her hair was down hanging over her left shoulder while the hair on her right side was now tucked behind her ear. She hadn’t seen Harper that much since her drunken moment when she made a fool of herself in front of Harper at the most they had seen each other four times and every time she made a point to not talk to Harper long through hope that after a while Harper would forget about it. She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Harper speak;

 

“Do you maybe want to dance with me?” Harper asked, as Raven looked at her she noticed she wasn’t actually asking her but was instead looking at Sasha

 

“Umm” Sasha ventured before looking to Octavia and asking “Babe do you mind?” She was nervous she had agreed to help Harper try and make Raven jealous but now Octavia was sitting next to her it felt like a massively bad idea

 

“Of course not, you can dance with whoever you want” Octavia responded in her head she was mentally slapping herself of course she didn’t want Sasha dancing with anyone else

 

“Thanks” Sasha smiled not reading anything into Octavia’s sentence, as she stood up she quickly kissed Octavia on the lips before following Harper to the dance floor.

 

Sasha and Harper began dancing to the music as it pumped out of the speakers as the song changed and R Kelly’s Bump and Grind came on Sasha internally cursed herself this was not a song she should be dancing to with anyone other than Octavia but she had made a promise to help Harper and she didn’t want to break that promise, as she noticed Lexa and Raven making their way onto the dancefloor she gently took hold of Harpers hands pulling her a little closer to her until their hips were touching lightly she then brought Harpers arms up to rest on her shoulder she then let her hands come to rest lightly on Harpers hips, Sasha and Harper danced like this for half of the song until Harper gently started to grind into Sasha’s hips, Sasha instantly wanted to stop the action but before she had a chance to she felt a hand on her shoulder as both her and Harper stopped moving she looked to her left to see who the hand belonged to Sasha couldn’t help the small amount of pride she felt as she realised that the hand belonged to Raven as Raven looked at them both she leaned in so Sasha could hear her “Point taken, I’ll stop hiding my attraction to her…so can I cut in now?” Sasha gently nodded before she smiled giggling softly as she hugged Raven quickly turning to Harper she winked at her before walking on the dancefloor until she found Lexa as she reached her she held her hands in the air raising her eyebrows her expression saying ‘I told you so’ as she gently jumped on Lexa who caught her. She gently began to dance as the next song began to play (Kevin Lyttle-Turn me on) as she bobbed her head along to the music she looked over to their table were Octavia was sat as she looked at Octavia she noticed the upset look on her face as Octavia looked at her standing up from the table wiping her face she shook her head at Sasha before walking towards the exit.

 

“Octavia” Sasha tried to shout but there was no way her voice would be able to be heard over the music she stood still not sure what to do until Lexa quickly came to her side

 

“Go after her” Lexa shouted in Sasha’s ear so she could hear over the music “And make sure you tell her why you keep pulling away”

 

Sasha looked at Lexa and nodded before running towards the exit Octavia had headed as she got through the door she looked around for Octavia, as she looked to her right she saw her. Octavia noticed her and began to walk away from her causing Sasha to quickly run in front of her holding her hands up to stop her from walking any further she knew that it was a bad idea to not talk to Octavia before she helped Harper but she didn’t think Octavia would get this upset about it.

 

“I’m sorry ok I just wanted to help Harper get through to Raven”

 

“And the only way you could help was to grind on her”

 

“We were just dancing Octavia” When Octavia looked at her unconvinced and then attempted to walk past her forcing her to take step backwards to stop her from moving again “I swear it was nothing sexual I was about to stop her grinding on me then Raven cut in” Again Octavia looked at her unconvinced “I don’t want anyone else but you”

 

“If that’s true then why did you keep pulling away from me when we were dancing” When Sasha didn’t answer she let out a deep sigh and added “See you can’t even answer me”

 

“I was getting a little too excited that’s all”

 

“If that’s true then why haven’t we slept together in over two weeks”

 

“Babe I….”

 

“Don’t lie to me please, if you’re going to dump me because you can’t get over what I did then please tell me now”

 

Sasha felt a massive pang of guilt hit her, she felt conflicted she wanted to show Octavia the real reason that she had been a little stand offish with her the last two weeks she was about to open her mouth when Octavia walked past her, ‘damn it’ she muttered as Octavia continued to walk away from her she quickly ran in front of Octavia again as she stopped in front of her she said “Okay okay I’m sorry, I’ll explain ok” Octavia nodded at her standing on the spot her eyes burning into Sasha

 

“I’m waiting to hear this explanation” Octavia firmly said looking at Sasha she wanted to know if they were ok Sasha had told her that she had forgiven her for sleeping with someone else just before they broke up last time but the last two weeks she was getting a feeling that Sasha didn’t actually forgive her, she wouldn’t sleep with her hell she didn’t even take her clothes off in front of her any more let alone let her touch her skin in any way shape or form.

 

“I wanted to surprise you with something and it’s not quite ready yet so I thought if we didn’t get intimate then it would make it mean more to us both”

 

“Surprise me how?” Octavia asked she wasn’t convinced by Sasha’s words

 

“It doesn’t matter what matters is that I do want you”

 

“You say you want me but even now you’re not being honest with me” Octavia responded taking a deep breath in before adding “If you want to break up with me just do it now”

 

“Break up with you…. Why would I do that?”

 

“You haven’t touched me in two weeks, you just spent five minutes grinding on another woman, every time I touch you or dance on you like we used to you pull away and on top of that you haven’t said you love me back since we got back together”

 

“You think I don’t love you” When Octavia shrugged at her, she gently took hold of Octavia’s wrist pulling her gently until they were at the entrance of Grounders, the place they shared their first kiss over five years ago “You remember this spot?” When Octavia nodded at her she continued “I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you…” Sasha paused as she moved herself and Octavia so she was leant against the wall she was gently pulled Octavia until Octavia was leaning against her hips she wrapped her arms around Octavia’s waist as she continued “I saw you waiting in the queue and it took me two weeks to work up the courage to even talk to you, I had no idea you were Bellamy’s sister I just remember being gutted that you didn’t get into the club cause I was going over all these different ways to introduce myself and try and chat you up and then two weeks later I decided to just say hello in case you didn’t get inside anyway” Octavia smiled as she listened to Sasha re-tell her the story of when she first saw her, she had heard on a numerous occasions but she never ever got bored of hearing it. “I know I’ve been a little off these last two weeks I guess I got so caught up in making this surprise perfect for you that I forgot to give you the attention you deserve, I’m really sorry” Sasha honestly responded as she loosened her grip around Octavia’s allowing Octavia to turn herself around so they were face to face “I do love you” As the words left her lips Octavia smiled brightly at her before leaning down and softly kissing her

 

“I’m sorry…. I guess I still find it hard to believe that you love me enough to forgive what I did so at the first sign of something weird I went a little crazy”

 

“Us not making love for two weeks is pretty weird though” Sasha added causing them both to laugh softly

 

“Yes it is, that’s why I went a little jealous girlfriend in there I know you and Harper are just friends I just let my brain control me instead of my heart” Octavia explained her hands moving to gently caress Sasha’s cheeks “This just feels too good to be true especially after we were apart for so long”

 

“Can I show you my surprise?” Sasha asked nervously she was hoping Octavia’s reaction would be a good one and not a bad one, when Octavia nodded she gently placed her hands on Octavia’s hips pushing her slightly back so there was space between them she unbuttoned the three lowest buttons on her shirt before slowly pushing her jeans waistband down until she revealed her underwear as she slowly slide her underwear down as her tattoo slowly became visible until it revealed her newest addition to her tribal waist tattoo and it read: ‘ _Octavia’_ Sasha looked at Octavia nervously trying to gauge her reaction, she had spent the last two weeks trying to hide the tattoo until it was completely healed her plan was to take Octavia to a nice hotel for the weekend and then reveal the tattoo to her and then spend the whole weekend making love in the hotel room. As Octavia remained silent Sasha nervously said “I know that we haven’t been back together for too long but I’ve never stopped loving you and since we got back together it just felt right that I got it completed”

 

“I love you so much” Octavia smiled as she leaned forward kissing Sasha passionately before pulling back and looking down at the tattoo she could see how red the skin under and around it was “Is this why you kept pulling away from me?”

 

“Yeah I’m sorry about that it’s just…” Sasha responded blushing slightly before continuing “Every time you would grind your beauty backside into me you pressed on it and it’s more painful than it looks, I tried not to pull away but it was really painful and I can’t take any kind of pain relief because of the medication Dr Jaha gave me”

 

“Do you think that you’d be able to take me leaning against your hips for a few seconds?” Octavia smiled brightly asking as she placed her hands softly on Sasha’s lowered jeans waistline

 

“I think I can handle it” Sasha responded as Octavia leaned in until their lips were a few centimetres apart, bringing her arms to wrap around Octavia’s waist again she pulled Octavia even closer to her forcing their hips to press together, as Sasha did this Octavia brought her hands to up to rest on Sasha’s cheeks. Once their hips were as close as was possible Octavia used her hands to pull Sasha’s lips to her own their lips crashing together passionately as the kiss continued Sasha’s hands naturally moved down until they were resting on Octavia’s bottom softly squeezing her hands she used them to pull Octavia even closer until she could feel the top Octavia’s pussy pressing against her upper thigh she released a small gasp into the kiss as she felt Octavia deliberately push even harder into her as Octavia did so she moved her hands from Sasha’s face down on to her shoulder then continuing down running down Sasha’s chest until she reached Sasha’s underwear her hand making its way underneath the material running her fingers deliberately but gently over her name, she didn’t know why but there was something about Sasha having her name embedded on her skin that turned her on even more than normal.

 

Before they could go any further they were interrupted by a number of wolf whistles coming from near them, as they broke apart they both turned their attention to where the voice was coming from as they did they instantly saw Lexa, Raven, Harper, Bellamy and Echo standing at the entrance to grounders, both Sasha and Octavia went a bright shade of red as they released their grips on each other straightening up their clothes before they walked over to the others, as Sasha reached them first she hugged Echo asking her cousin what she as doing at Grounders only getting a brief explanation she turned to Lexa and Raven the two women hugged her at the same time as Lexa whispered ‘told you she’d like it’ into Sasha’s ear, they were about to go inside when Sasha noticed that Lexa’s attention was focused in another direction.

 

As she turned to look in the direction Lexa was looking she instantly noticed Clarke and Mitch it looked like they were in the middle of an argument, looking back Sasha looked at Lexa she knew what her cousin wanted to do and there was no way it would end good so she held her hand up in front of Lexa softly saying “I’ll go” Without another word she walked forwards until she was almost next to Clarke and Mitch, she wasn’t able to hear what the argument was about but she had heard the word dyke being used by Mitch she could only guess that he was talking about Octavia or herself, as she stopped arm’s length away from Clarke she softly asked “Everything ok Clarke?”

 

“Um yeah thanks” Clarke weakly responded wiping her face in an attempt to remove the tears that had escaped her eyes

 

“Yeah everything is fine so why don’t you dykes just leave us alone” Mitch interjected loudly as he puffed his chest at Sasha

 

“Clarke why don’t you come inside for a drink?” Sasha softly asked her she had a lot of issues with Clarke at the moment but the woman clearly needed some form of help even if it was only getting her away from Mitch for a few hours

 

“That’d be great thanks Sasha” Clarke responded walking quickly past Mitch not allowing him time to grab her, not that he didn’t try but every time he stepped forward Sasha blocked him not allowing him to go anywhere near where Clarke was heading.

 

Clarke continued walking past everyone trying to hide the smudged make up all over her face, she quickly squeezed her way through Lexa and the others who were still standing at the entrance once she had managed to get through them she rushed straight to the women’s toilets, she was in the middle of trying to sort her make-up out when Lexa entered the restroom, they hadn’t seen each other since the whole incident with her dad and Lexa and Sasha, as Lexa walked forward only stopping when she was just next to Clarke, Clarke stared at her through the mirror just seeing Lexa in person made her want to smile but she suppressed it knowing that Lexa was probably still mad at her for everything that had happened just over a month ago. She only released a smile when Lexa produced a make-up bag handing it to Clarke, she knew it was Octavia’s make up bag but she couldn’t help but smiled at how kind and sweet Lexa had been by bringing her the make-up bag. Lexa watched as Clarke reapplied her make-up once Clarke was finished she softly asked;

 

“Are you ok?”

 

“Yeah I am…Thank you”

 

“What for?”

 

“Caring”

 

“You’re welcome…. Caring is kind of easy for me to do where your concerned” Lexa honestly responded looking at Clarke who inched slightly closer to her

 

“I’m sorry about everything I said last month I hope it didn’t cause too much trouble”

 

“It’s ok, I managed to cover up…guess your dad was right and I’m a natural liar”

 

“You’re not Lex, your one of the most honest, brave, talented and insanely attractive people I’ve ever meet” Clarke honestly answered she couldn’t stand knowing that she could have been the reason Lexa had to break her promise to her mother

 

“Thanks” Lexa responded naturally moving closer to Clarke she was slightly taken aback when Clarke stepped forward wrapping her arms around her waist hugging her tightly

 

“Sorry” Clarke quickly muttered when she realised what she had done but before she had time to pull out of the embrace Lexa wrapped her arms around her hugging her back just as tightly as she had just done

 

“Don’t be” Lexa softly responded as she released the hug allowing Clarke to pull back slightly, they both kept their arms where they were Clarke's resting gently on Lexa’s waist as Lexa’s hands rested on Clarke's shoulders as they looked at each other at the same time their eyes locking together as both their breaths hitched slightly both of them leaning in to the other slowly

 

Lexa’s mind was racing Clarke was leaning in to kiss her and she wanted nothing more than to passionately kiss Clarke like she had longed to do for the last Nineteen months they had been apart, as Clarke’s lips got closer and closer to hers she watched as Clarke closed her eyes as the gap between their lips became even smaller she decided that she would leave the decision up to fate as she closed her eyes and continued to lean in to Clarke…….

 

* * *

 

Thanks to everyone who read this chapter, please feel free to leave a comment or inbox me your thoughts.....Thank you


	17. Normality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Aftermath of the night out.....will Lexa and Clarke kiss?

** Chapter Seventeen-Normality **

Lexa felt a sudden surge of clarity rush through her as she felt Clarke getting closer and closer to her, now their chest were pressed against each other’s, Lexa could both feel Clarke’s breathing get deeper and slower the closer they got to each other. She forced herself to open her eyes as she did she saw Clarke had her eyes closed her face only centimetres away from her own. She gently placed her hands on Clarke's hips pushing her softly back as she gently bit her own lip taking a step back, when Clarke opened her eyes and looked at her sadness in her eyes Lexa explained:

“I can't do this with you Clarke”

“Why not? We both know there's still something between us, why not act on what we both clearly still feel for each other”

“Because you have a boyfriend” When Clarke went to protest Lexa continued “Because your father is a mad man who will ruin mine and my cousins career if I act on what I feel….whether you believe me or not Clarke your dad is the reason I had to break up with you and he will never be ok with us being together….Hell that wouldn't matter to me I could live without my career, I could live with sacrificing my career to be with you even Sasha would sacrifice her career for us but the fact of the matter is you don't believe your perfect dad is capable of blackmail….so that's why we can't do this Clarke…I made a sacrifice for your future and I'm only now realising that your dad was smarter than I ever gave him credit for”

“Lexa” Clarke ventured reaching to hold Lexa’s hand

“No Clarke” Lexa harshly responded pulling her hand away from Clarke taking a step back at the same time “I can't take you playing with my emotions anymore, I know I hurt you but this isn't fair on me”

“I'm not playing with your emotions Lexa”

“Yes you are Clarke, you tell me you think your still in love me and then tell me that you made a mistake and you belong with your psychotic boyfriend. I get it Clarke he's a real man’s man and you want to make your dad happy, believe me I get it more than you will ever know but I'm not putting my heart on the line for you to ultimately break” Lexa stopped talking when she noticed that Clarke had tears running down her cheeks “I don't want to upset you Clarke but I can't make you happy at the expense of my own happiness”

“Thank you”

“For rejecting you?” Lexa asked slightly confused  

“For being honest with me…it feels like it’s been so long since someone did that”

“You’re welcome”

“Can we maybe still be friends?”

“I'd like that”

“Me too” Clarke responded nervously looking up at Lexa she asked “Can I get a friend hug?”

“A friend hug? Sure why not” Lexa laughed at Clarke's wording before she opened her arms allowing Clarke to step forward into her, as Clarke wrapped her arms around her waist Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke hugging her gently, she gently moved her hands up to Clarke's cheek tucking a loose strand of hair behind Clarke's ear she softly whispered to Clarke “If you ever need to talk about anything I'm always here….as a friend” She smiled down at Clarke as Clarke looked up from her chest softly replying,

“Thanks Lexa” Clarke genuinely answered looking up into Lexa’s eyes getting lost in the green that stared back at her

Before either of them could say another word to the each other the door to the toilets swung open Sasha and Raven appearing in the door laughing at something they both stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Clarke and Lexa hugging, Raven nudged Sasha motioning to Clarke and Lexa her face saying ‘what’s that about?’ to which Sasha shrugged her shoulders before gently clearing her throat and saying “Everything ok Lex?”

Lexa gently pulled out of the hug still keeping her hands lightly on Clarke’s back as she looked at her cousin knowing what the look Sasha was giving her meant she quickly responded “Yeah, Clarkes just a little upset about her argument with Mitch?”

Sasha looked at Lexa letting her know she was unconvinced by her answer but she decided to play along so Clarke didn’t feel weird she gently stepped forward until she was next to Clarke “You missing playing for our team Clarkey?”

“Sasha” Lexa said hitting her cousin on the arm her face filling with anger, the anger evaporated when she felt Clarke laughing under her hands looking down she noticed Clarke and Sasha were looking at each other smiling and laughing gently she released her hold on Clarke letting her hands drop to the counter of the sink basin behind her turning herself so her lower back was gently leaning against the counter.

“See there was no need to punch me Lex, Clarkey’s smiling again” Sasha said smiling at Lexa, who watched as Clarke stepped forward wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck

“Thanks Sash” Clarke laughed as Sasha lifted her off the floor as she always did when she saw Clarke

“You’re welcome” Sasha responded gently squeezing Clarke before she placed her back on the ground “So you staying to have some fun seeing as I got rid of your psychotic boyfriend?” Sasha looked at slightly confused when Lexa and Clarke looked at each other and laughed softly at Sasha’s description of Mitch not knowing that she had used the exact same words as Lexa to describe him

Once her laughing had subsided Clarke looked at Sasha smiling “Yeah why not it’ll almost be like old times”

“It’s definitely like old times” Raven interjected when the other three women looked at her raising their eyebrows she added “Sasha and Octavia are attached at the lips they don’t even break for air anymore”

“Hardy Ha Rae” Sasha responded looking over at Raven shaking her head at her

“So it’s true what they say then, somethings never change” Clarke added causing everyone but Sasha to laugh when Sasha stood looking at everyone shaking her head she added “It’s not a bad thing it’s good that you too still love each other” She paused for a second before adding “So did I see right outside? have you got some new body work done on your waist?”

Sasha looked at Clarke unimpressed at her comment “Maybe”

“NO WAY” Raven jumped in “You got a new tattoo and you didn’t tell me? So that’s why Octavia had you pressed against the wall”

“Yeah that’s why she had me against the wall and I didn’t tell you because you would have run your mouth and ruined the surprise” Sasha said trying to push Raven away as she continued to try and lift up her shirt to expose her waist “Raven get off me” she said as Raven continued her efforts to try and see the tattoo

“Just show her Alexis, I think it’s beautiful” Lexa added it never amazed her how childish Sasha and Raven could act when they were around each other sometimes she knew if she didn't interject they would keep going for thirty minutes easy

“Alright Alright just stop groping me” Sasha said waiting for Raven to stop her attempts to look under her clothing

“Fine spoil sport…. you know I like touching you up” Raven teased stopping her attempts to see Sasha’s new tattoo she took a step back holding her hands up as she winked at Sasha who shook her head smiling brightly at Raven

“That’s why I love you, you pervo” Sasha responded before taking a deep breath and undoing the lower three buttons on her shirt before repeating her actions outside with Octavia and lowering her jeans slightly before rolling her underwear down until she revealed Octavia’s name on her pelvis line at the end of her tribal tattoo

“OH MY GOSH YOU SAP” Raven shouted half excitement and half shock she walked forward gently placing her fingers and tracing the name “God your so whipped it’s hilarious”

“I think it’s extremely romantic” Before Sasha had a chance to respond Octavia’s voice filled the room causing all four women to look at the door to the toilets where they saw Octavia, she entered the room walking towards Sasha as she added “I’m definitely going to have to reward you for it” She huskily said looking at Sasha as she reached Sasha she placed either of her hands on Sasha’s jawline pulling her into a searing kiss

“Ok on that note I’m going to dance” Raven said shaking her head and laughing

“That makes two of us” Lexa added walking quickly until she was beside Raven wrapping her arm around Raven’s shoulders she mumbled something in Raven’s ear causing Raven to bend forward slightly laughing as they both disappeared back in to grounders

“They’re just jealous baby” Octavia responded as she pulled out of the kiss biting her lip as she looked at Sasha she suddenly remembered that Clarke was in the room “Sorry Clarke” She said she wasn’t sorry one bit but she often felt like she had to apologise because she knew sometimes her and Sasha’s displays of affection did get heated

“Don’t be, I’m really happy for you two”

“Thanks” Sasha and Octavia responded in unison

“O, do you mind if I talk to Sasha in private?”

“Of course not” Octavia responded smiling “As long as she wants to talk to you that is” She added looking at Sasha almost questioningly

“Yeah sure, can we talk outside over a drink? Or do you prefer the ladies’ toilets?” Sasha asked smirking slightly she was starting to get sick of the smell of bleach

“Over a drink sounds perfect” Clarke responded smiling as Sasha placed her arm around her shoulders pulling her into a side hug as they walked towards the door of the ladies’ toilets and towards the bar.

-Five Minutes Later-

Clarke and Sasha walked into the garden area of Grounders walking towards the back of the garden both holding their drinks in their hands, they were both secretly relieved that the garden was emptier than it usually was it seemed like the new mixture of karaoke and a DJ was doing what Gustus intended for it to do and making inside busier. Both women took a seat at the bench that was closest to the back of the garden right next to the brick wall that signalled the beginning of the car park behind Grounders away from all the noise the music inside was producing, Sasha sat with her back against the wall and her front looking towards the door of the garden entrance while Clarke sat in front of her, her back towards the garden entrance facing the wall with her arms leaning on the bench in front of her.

 

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Sasha asked straight away she didn’t want the talk to drag on longer than needed

 

“I wanted to apologise for last month” Clarke honestly replied “It wasn’t my place to tell you your family were hiding something from you”

 

“You don’t need to apologise to me Clarke, you were angry and said something you shouldn’t have” Sasha paused bringing her arms up from her side and gently placing her hand on top of Clarke’s “I shouldn’t have told you what I did” She paused as she saw Clarke tense her body “I know you don’t believe what I told you but I wasn’t lying about anything I said” When Clarke looked at her unconvinced she added “You don’t have to believe anything I tell you but I swear on everything I feel for Octavia, Hell I swear on Lexa’s life that she had no choice in breaking up with you it broke her heart as well”

 

“I believe you both”

 

“You do?”

 

“Yeah, I knew the moment you told me that it was true” When Sasha looked at her slightly confused she explained “My dad has always been ashamed of me being gay and then I decided to drop out of med school and become a paramedic and then Lexa broke up with me and he was there for me through everything, after a while I let him talk me into dating a guy because I thought that maybe he’d actually love me for me” Clarke finished explaining the sadness in her voice evident “I know dating Mitch was a massively bad move but I thought that my dad would accept me and he did until you and Lexa came back in the picture and suddenly he was being weird with me….I was just angry when I said what I did because I thought that Lexa would fight for me”

 

“She wanted to Clarke but she didn’t have a choice…….like I said to you last month your dad forced her into it he never let up on her day and night there was always something, it got to a point where he worked out that to get what he wanted all he had to do was use me….she’s never loved anyone the way she loves you and she’ll probably never love anyone else like that again….in the end she sacrificed you and her for me and my career….it's not an excuse but the army is all me and her have ever known without it we aren't really us”

 

"I understand that but it just hurt knowing the army meant more to her than me”

 

“It didn't Clarke didn't you hear what I said she broke up with you because your dad threatened my career she was going to quit”

 

“Are you being serious?”

 

“Very……I've never been good at anything else, Hell I've never wanted to be anything else since I was kid, my Papa is my idol when we were kids he was the only male role model me and Lexa had turns out he was the only one we needed, I've always wanted to be just like him and make him as proud as he deserves to be. She sacrificed her own happiness because she loves me”

 

“More than she loved me”

 

“Maybe I don't know Clarke it's a different kind of love, me and Lexa are almost the same person”

 

“I get it” Clarke softly smiled she truly did understand and she wasn't angry or upset about it if anything her feelings for Lexa only got stronger as she heard how Lexa had made a sacrifice for her family “I just wanted to apologise anyway”

 

“Well apology accepted” Sasha responded winking at Clarke causing Clarke to smile and softly giggle

 

“I really have missed having you around Sash”

 

“I've missed being around…. the last year has been pretty dark for me I’m just glad I can see the light at the end of the tunnel…. excuse the terrible pun”

 

“Now we’ve cleared the air maybe you and Octavia can spend more time at ours” When Sasha crunched up her face at her comment Clarke asked “what?” When Sasha looked away and then she again asked “Seriously Sasha what?”

 

“That had nothing to do your outburst last month”

 

“Then what was it to do with?”

 

“Mitch” When Clarke looked at her slightly confused she continued “He's been making some comments to her when you’re not around”

 

“What kind of comments?”

 

“The Homophobic and Sexual kind”

 

“Why didn't she say anything?”

 

“Mainly because he scared her, she's been staying at mine because the stuff he said scared her”

 

“Scared her how?”

 

“The things he’s saying to her Clarke are perversely graphic and the way he looks at her it unnerves her…. Octavia is the best person to talk to about this Clarke all I know is she doesn’t feel safe when she’s alone with him”

 

“I didn’t know he was saying anything to her, I don't get why she didn't tell me?”

 

“I know you didn’t know, she didn’t want to add to anything you were going through” When Clarke looked at her in slight confusion she added “She told me you and Mitch are having a lot of arguments and she didn’t want to add to your stress” When Clarke bowed her head she asked “Are you happy Clarke?” She really wanted to know the answer to the question from what she had seen and heard from Octavia Clarke was nowhere as happy as she thought Clarke deserved to be

 

“Sometimes….”

 

“Why only sometimes?” Sasha asked gently squeezing Clarke’s hand which she still had a gentle grip on

 

“Sometimes I’m happy when I wake up and then I realise how different my life was two years ago and how different it could be and it makes me feel sad and alone, I never used to feel like this with Mitch I had him and Octavia but since that night you and O got back together things have changed” When Clarke noticed Sasha shift a little she quickly continued “I’m not blaming you and O by any means but I think the more I see how things have gone back to normal for you and her the more it reminds me of what I had with Lexa and how happy I could have been, and the more I try and open up to Mitch the more I realise how unmatched we are, Mitch isn’t a bad guy not deep down but he isn’t the comforting type either not unless my dad is around and it just feels like sometimes he’s using me which I suppose I can’t blame him for considering I’m doing the exact same thing with him…. I mean I understand were Mitch is coming from we haven’t slept together yet and we’ve been dating for six months”

 

“You haven’t slept with him? Why not?”

 

“Honestly?” Clarke asked looking into Sasha’s eyes, she always found it so easy to open up to Sasha it was like they thought similar to each other, they did have most of the same interests and they both had dirty minds whereas Lexa and Octavia were more alike than her and Lexa, of course they had loads of things in common but personality wise her and Sasha were definitely a like in more ways than she could count. When Sasha nodded in her direction she continued “It doesn’t feel right with him, when we kiss or hold hands, he doesn’t make my heart skip a beat or make my stomach start doing somersaults as soon as I see him. It just doesn’t feel right when I’m with him…. I’ve tried to make it work but I don’t think I can keep trying much longer”

 

“You know why?”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because your gay Clarke” Sasha smiled softly at Clarke again squeezing her hands softly as she continued “Ever since we meet you’ve always told me you were gay right?” Clarke nodded her confirmation at Sasha “You said it yourself you started dating Mitch so your dad would accept you, you’ve told me on more than one occasions that you’ve never been attracted to guys your whole life….so is it a wonder that you and Mitch doesn’t feel right to you…sometimes you have to make a decision about your future with only you in mind….if your dad can’t accept that your gay then maybe he doesn’t deserve to be your dad Clarke” Sasha smiled softly at Clarke as she noticed Clarke quickly wipe away a stray tear from her cheek “Look I don’t know what you’re going to decide to do but I’m always here for you if you need to talk or even if you need a shoulder to cry on provided you don’t ruin my shirt” Sasha added winking at Clarke her action made Clarke giggle softly before wiping her face again removing any tears that were still on her face

 

“Thank you”

 

“Your welcome…………. Are you ok to go back inside?” Sasha smiled at Clarke who nodded at her, slowly the both of them stood up from the bench and slowly walked back towards the garden door, Sasha thought to herself for a second before she softly said “I know it’s not much but maybe me and Octavia could start spending some nights at yours, that might help you realise you’re not alone and give you time to make your decision knowing you have people around that will support whatever choice you make”

 

“That’d be really great” Clarke responded smiling at Sasha as she stopped walking placing a gentle hand on Sasha shoulder turning her into a hug, as Sasha wrapped her arms around her she wrapped her arms around the back of Sasha’s shoulders as she smiled into the hug her chin resting on Sasha’s shoulders as Sasha lifted her off the ground slightly causing her to raise up onto her tip toes. “Thank you” Clarke softly said as she wrapped her arms a little tighter around the back of Sasha’s shoulders

 

“Your always welcome Clarkey….” As Sasha pulled back looking down at Clarke she added “I meant what I said about my shoulder…”

 

“What about your shoulder?” Both women looked towards where the voice had emanated from looking at the garden door they both saw Octavia standing looking at them a hand on either side of the frame of the door

 

“I was just saying if Clarke ever needs a shoulder to cry on or to hug on then I'm here for her” Sasha responded smiling at Octavia as she slowly walked towards them she kept walking until she stopped in front of Sasha bring her hands to rest gently on the loops of Sasha’s jeans waistband

 

“And I said Thank you for the offer” Clarke smiled at the interaction that was going on between Sasha and Octavia it amazed her how nothing had seemed to change between them nothing was different it was like they had never been apart, when she noticed Octavia look at her she softly added “I will definitely take her up on it…...I mean they are nice shoulders”

 

“HEY” Octavia quickly responded she knew Clarke was joking with her so decided to play along with her “Yes they are but they are for my hands only” She finished as she moved her hands to rest on Sasha’s shoulders looking up at Sasha she added “Isn't that right baby?”

 

Sasha laughed softly as she leaned down gently kissing Octavia as she pulled back she smiled replying “100% their all yours” Sasha leaned into Octavia more placing her hands on Octavia’s back making sure Octavia didn't fall as she pushed her chest against Octavia's gently pushing her backwards as they kissed, as she gently raised them back up once they were both stood up properly Sasha released her hold around Octavia’s waist then walking over to Clarke wrapping her arm around Clarke's shoulders softly saying “Come on Clarke it's grinding time”

 

“Umm excuse me….it better not be if you wanna get lucky tonight” Octavia replied walking quickly to Clarke and Sasha as they walked through the garden door and back into the main bar

 

“I was born lucky babe” Sasha responded laughing softly along with Clarke once all women were inside they headed straight to main bar walking to the dance floor where they found Lexa, Raven, Bellamy, Echo and Harper. As they stepped onto the dance floor Aaliyah’s – Are you Somebody began to play as Sasha realised what the song was she noticed Lexa jump softly on to her they both started to dance to the song doing the shuffle they used to when they were younger and we're just messing around listening to music. As the song finished everyone noticed Clarke on the dance floor one by one they all walked over and hugged her quickly they all told her how good it was to see her, Bellamy on the other hand made a point of telling her that she should ditch Mitch so she could have more fun with them, as Clarke was being bombarded with hugs from everyone Sasha and Octavia had begun dancing to the music the DJ was playing, as Maroon 5’s Moves like swagger came on Sasha couldn't  help but begin to sing the worlds to Octavia pulling out of their embrace slightly she began dancing as she sang along with the words as Octavia shook her head at Sasha’s actions as Sasha turned extended her hand to Clarke pulling her towards her, they both started to sing at Octavia both dancing and having fun as everyone watched on.

 

The rest of the night spent at Grounders continued with Lexa and all the others dancing away with the occasional one of them singing a song during the Karaoke portion of the night, the main culprits being Sasha and Clarke who both got up and sang on numerous occasions most times they started out singing alone and would be joined by the other just like they used to years ago before both their respective relationships had ended, as the night had gone on Sasha and Clarke had been the only ones wise enough to not continue drinking until Grounders 4am closing time whereas Lexa Octavia and the others had continued drinking until final orders at 03:30am, Clarke and Sasha made sure Echo and Bellamy for safely into surprisingly their separate cabs Sasha made sure her cousin was alert enough to look after herself before letting get into a cab she even went far enough to talk to Echo on the phone the whole time she was in the back of the cab, her and Clarke stood side by side in the garden area while Clarke did the same as Sasha did with Bellamy not hanging up until he got home and she heard him collapse onto his bed as she hung up the phone she listened to Sasha talking to Echo about Rainbows and Unicorns she waited until Sasha had finished her call with Echo after she too had heard Echo collapse onto her bed. By the time they had both headed back inside the music had been turned off completely as they walked inside Sasha invited Clarke to stay at her apartment telling her there were no arguments to which Clarke softly laughed, once they reached their table they came across Octavia and Lexa leaning on each other both sleeping while Raven and Harper were sat on one of the chairs Harper sat on Ravens lap as they made out Ravens hands obviously underneath Harper's t shirt, they decided flipping a coin to see who would drive the car round to the entrance and who would wake Octavia and Lexa up with Clarke winning the coin toss she went to retrieve Sasha’s new Lexus from where Sasha had parked earlier twenty minutes later they had finally managed to get Octavia and Lexa into the backseat of the car when they realised that they only had five spaces and there were six of them as Sasha broke Harper and Raven apart getting a soft punch from Raven who wasn't happy about having her make out session broken up before Sasha had a chance to explain the car situation to Raven, Raven got up from the chair she was sitting on with Harper and walked past Sasha and Clarke who after a second of confusion followed Raven once they reached the car the noticed Raven in the backseat with Harper again seated on her lap they looked at each other and have a simple ‘that's that sorted’ look to each other, both knowing the journey to Sasha and Lexa's apartment wasn't that long and as long as Sasha drove sensibly they wouldn't get pulled over well so they hoped anyway…….

 

The next Morning (Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment)

It was 9am the next morning and Lexa was making her way from her room into the kitchen dressed in only a red bra and red lounge pants stopping to grab some paracetamol from the bathroom she continued towards the kitchen as she entered the living room she stopped in her tracks seeing a sleeping Clarke laying on the dark brown sofa shaking her head and rubbing her eyes she tried to work out how Clarke had ended up on the sofa she didn’t remember much of last night past her and Octavia singing on the karaoke the rest of the night was a blur at this moment in time she didn’t really didn’t care about why Clarke was there all she knew was her head was thumping and she needed some coffee to take with her paracetamol and she needed it as soon as possible

 

As Lexa entered the kitchen she was instantly meet with Sasha(dressed the same as Lexa only Light Blue) who was sitting at the table the way she usually did, her back against the wall her right side against the back of the chair with her legs stretched out in front of her, as she entered the kitchen Sasha got up from her seat motioning for her to sit down Lexa wasn’t going to argue with her and sat down in her usual seat , the seat opposite Sasha’s, she watched as Sasha began making her coffee she removed two paracetamols from the packaging she leant her head against the wall closing her eyes resting her right arm on the table as she did so. What must have been a few minutes past when she heard the sound of a cup being placed on the table opening her eyes slowly she lifted her head from against the wall looking at the table seeing a cup of coffee and a glass of water next to her arm picking up the glass of water and the two paracetamols tablets throwing the tablets into her mouth then proceeding to drink the whole glass of water as she finished she placed the empty glass on the table picking up the coffee she looked over at Sasha softly asking “So how did Clarke end up on our couch?”

 

“I have no idea” Sasha responded pretending she had no knowledge of how Clarke ended up on the couch she could see that Lexa had absolutely no idea what had happened last night and decided to have a little fun with her cousin “I thought you invited her back here”

 

Lexa nodded her head softly assuming she had been the one to invite Clarke to stay she couldn’t let on to Sasha that she no recall of how Clarke came to be at their apartment because she knew her cousin would use it to make fun of her for at least a few days before she or Sasha had a chance to say another word Raven entered the kitchen also wearing just a bra and lounge pants (Black) taking their attention away from each other and to her, as Raven tiredly walked to the pot of Coffee grabbing a cup and pouring herself a drink before walking over to Lexa and Sasha, knowing what Raven was going to do Sasha bent her knees preparing for Raven to sit on them, within seconds Raven sat herself down on Sasha’s lap looking from Sasha to Lexa she said “Morning Woods Twins” before taking a few big gulps of her coffee reaching across the table she grabbed the pack of paracetamol taking two tablets out of the package and throwing them into her mouth before taking another sip of her coffee as she placed the cup on the table keeping her hands wrapped around the cup she looked at Lexa asking “Am I hallucinating or is that Clarke asleep on your couch?”

 

“No you’re not hallucinating Rae, that is Clarke” Lexa responded continuing to drink her coffee

 

“So did you two hook up or something last night? Cause I thought she had a man” Raven asked

 

“No we didn’t and she does have a man…. I think” Lexa responded not looking at either woman across from her

 

“You think you didn’t hook up or you think she has a man” Raven asked looking at Lexa slightly amused

 

“Oh my days…. This is too painful” Sasha interjected getting a weird look from Lexa and Raven “I invited Clarke to stay the night…. you two and Octavia were smashed not to mention Harper, Echo and Bellamy as well, Clarke helped me get Echo and Bellamy home safe so I invited her to stay the last thing I wanted was for her to go home and have an argument with her boyfriend because she ignored his calls”

 

“You’re such a douche” Lexa responded “You were gonna let me think I hooked up with her”

 

“One if you’d have hooked up with her why would she be asleep on the couch and not in your bed, two it’s not my fault that you got so drunk you couldn’t remember how we got home and Three do you really think I’d let you hook up with someone when you were that drunk?” Sasha completed looking at Lexa raising her eyebrows at her

 

“Alright fine I forgive you….and I’m sorry for getting wasted” Lexa responded smiling at Sasha as she smiled at her

 

“I forgive you too Twinsy...” Sasha added causing all three of them to laugh softly, as they laughing quickly subsided Sasha softly poked Raven in the ribs asking “So what happened with you and Harper? because you had your tongue firmly rammed down her throat most of last night”

 

“Please tell us you didn’t fuck her in the guest room that our family use” Lexa added both her and Sasha’s faces contorting slightly in disgust as they thought about it

 

“What” Raven began “Of course not we just made out a little and then fell asleep” Raven softly responded before poking Sasha and continuing “I blame you anyway you were the one who had to grind on Harper, you’re the reason I decided to give in to what I feel for her”

 

“Your welcome” Sasha smiled getting her an unamused look from Raven and a laugh from Lexa “Oh and for the record she was grinding on me not the other way around….and I can’t lie she’s got some good hip action I have a feeling you’re in for a treat in the bedroom”

 

“Hey” Raven firmly said as she slapped Sasha firmly on the chest “Don’t talk about her like that” She instantly regretted her comment when she saw Lexa and Sasha look at each other with massive smiles on their faces

 

“Oh my days…. You really like her don’t you?” Lexa asked seriously

 

“No” Raven tried to sound convincing but she knew it wouldn’t work

 

“Come on Rae you can tell us…. we’re best friends we won’t make fun of you I swear”

 

“You won’t maybe but Miss Loved up will” Raven quickly retorted

 

“Miss Loved Up? that’s the best you could come up with” Sasha stated as she shook her head laughing lightly at Raven before continuing “Look I know more than anyone what it feels like to just click with someone…just be honest with us I promise I won’t make fun of you…. much” Sasha finished her sentence with a gentle poke to Raven’s side, when Raven remained quiet Sasha began poking her in the side repeatedly until Raven slapped her hand away looking at her saying:

 

“Ok…” As she looked at Sasha as Sasha raised her hands up, taking a breath in she looked at Lexa placing her forearms on the table see began explaining “I really like her ok, she’s funny attractive and super intelligent…”When Sasha and Lexa looked at her raising their eyebrows she knew that they wanted more details they both knew her better than anybody ever would and they knew she was holding back when Sasha poked her in the side again she softly laughed before continuing “She doesn’t make me feel like a weirdo…most women or men I’ve been with have never understood the whole mechanic thing let alone why I wanna be in the army”  She paused as she looked at both her best friends feeling a southing hand on her lower back she continued “She doesn’t make me feel like I’m a freak because I have all these thoughts in my head about machines and parts and how they go together, she doesn’t mind that I can talk for hours about something she doesn’t really understand she just lets me get it out of my head, she doesn’t make me filter myself when I’m around her” Sasha and Lexa both smiled as they continued to listen to Raven describing how Harper made her feel they looked at each other both sensing that Raven’s feelings for Harper ran a little deeper than either of them had realised, they both knew exactly what Raven was saying felt like they had both experienced it individually with Octavia and Clarke they both remained silent letting Raven get everything off her chest “I haven’t felt like this with anyone since Anya but it’s different at the same time its more intense I feel everything ten times more things she says or does…I can’t stop thinking about her everything I do something reminds me of her… I’ve tried to stop it but the more I fight it the more I feel for her”

 

“Hey...” Sasha said gaining Raven’s attention as Raven looked at her she softly asked “Are you in love with her Rae?” When Raven looked at her with hesitation she soothingly rubbed her back adding “You don’t have to say…” Before she could compete her sentence Raven cut her off

 

“I think so…. No I know I’m falling for her”

 

“Wow” Lexa and Sasha let out at the same time that was the only word that either could manage to formulate

 

“I know it’s stupid because I barely know her and yesterday was the first time anything more than talking happened between us”

 

“It’s not stupid Rae not by any means” Lexa reassuring told Raven as she leant forward gently grabbing Ravens hand and squeezing it 

 

“Lexa’s right Rae, Me and her have both felt what your feeling, I don’t know about Lexa but for me with Octavia, from the first moment I saw her she’s all I could think about no matter how hard I tried to get her out of my head she was there, her smile, her laugh, her voice all the time just spiralling around in my head non-stop like a song on repeat it still is that’s how you know what you feel is real, even the smallest thing can remind me of her something as small as her favourite drink or an advert on TV…so trust me when I say it’s nothing to be ashamed of”

 

Before Raven could respond Octavia walked into the kitchen as she asked “What’s nothing to be ashamed of?”

 

“Nothing babe” Sasha responded as Octavia stopped next to Lexa looking over at Raven and Sasha she asked

 

“Is there something I need to be worried about?” As she finished her question she pointed motioning between the two women

 

“Of course not, I only have eyes for you” Sasha responded winking at Octavia

 

“Good” Octavia smiled as she lowered herself down onto Lexa’s lap

 

“Um ex-squeeze me, is there something I need to be worried about?” Sasha asked faking a shocked expression as she motioned between Octavia and Lexa

 

“Of course not, I only have eyes for you” Octavia giggled as Sasha raised her eyebrows at the use of the words she had spoken seconds ago

 

“Good” Sasha paused as she looked at Lexa firmly saying “You watch your hands Twinsy, or you lose them”

 

“Oh I’m so scared” Lexa dryly said looking at Sasha laughing softly as she raised her hand up rubbing it up and down Octavia’s arm jokingly

 

“I’m so going to hurt you”

 

“No you’re not”

 

“Fair point” Sasha responded causing all four women in the kitchen to giggle softly at the cousins’ interaction with each other

 

“Well on that note” Raven began as she stood up from Sasha’s lap smiling she leant down and whispered in Sasha’s ear ‘Thanks for listening’ Sasha smiled brightly and winked at her softly saying ‘sure’ as she stood up straight again Raven looked to the others before saying “I’m gonna go see if Harper is awake” Smiling she walked out of the kitchen leaving the three women alone

 

“Finally” Octavia said getting off Lexa’s lap and quickly moving around the table sitting herself down on Sasha’s lap as she landed she leaned down kissing Sasha gently on the lips for a few seconds before pulling back and softly saying “Good morning”

 

“Good morning Beautiful” Sasha responded leaning into Octavia and kissing her again this time the kiss was a little more passionate than the first

 

“Ok I’m taking that as my cue to leave you two alone” Lexa said getting up and walking out of the kitchen not waiting for a response

 

“How’s your head this morning?” Sasha asked ten minutes later when her and Octavia had managed to stop kissing each other

 

“Pounding, but I feel a little better now I’ve seen you”

 

“You are a charmer”

 

“Well your abs anyway”

 

“I see how it is huh using me for my body”

 

“Yes”

 

“At least your honest about it”

 

“Well it is an amazing body” Octavia seductively smiled as she turned herself so she was straddling Sasha’s waist her hands moving slowly down Sasha’s chest over her breasts and onto her abdomen her eyes following her fingers as she traced and gently pressing into every part of Sasha’s abs as she brought her eyes up to look into Sasha’s lust filling up both their eyes she leant down passionately capturing Sasha lips with her own as Sasha’s hands instantly moved to her hips underneath the t-shirt she had on and continued up her back until Sasha realised that she wasn’t wearing a bra underneath the t-shirt her hands quickly moving around to the front of Octavia before anything else could happen there was a loud cough at the kitchen door causing the both to break apart and look at the door seeing Lexa with her phone in her hand;

 

“Sorry to interrupt but I have someone on the phone who wants to talk to you…. actually see you” Lexa explained handing her phone to Sasha as she removed her hands from underneath Octavia’s shirt, she watched as Sasha’s face lit up as she saw Costia looking back at her on the screen

 

“Hey Mini me” Sasha softly said looking at the screen in front of her, she could instantly tell there was something wrong with Costia “Hey what’s wrong?” When the little girl remained quiet she sat up straight looking down the camera she again asked “Costia what’s wrong?” The change of tone in Sasha’s voice caused the worry to rise in Lexa and Octavia as they watched on

 

“Ek is bang” _(I’m Scared)_

 

“Why are you scared Cos?” Sasha asked now noticing the tear stains on Costia’s cheeks

 

“die hospitaal is skrikwekkend” _(the hospital is scary)_

 

“Hospital? Why are you at the hospital Costia?” Sasha noticed as the little girls face filled with fear “Its ok Cos, jy kan my vertel” _(you can tell me)_

“Ek kry my spesiale medisyne , sê Mama Ek kan jou ... maar sy regtig skrikwekkend Ali nie vertel” _(I’m getting my special medicine, mama said I can’t tell you...but its really scary Ali)_

 

“Special Medicine?”

 

* * *

 

Thank you for reading everyone.....please feel free to leave a comment or inbox me your thoughts....


	18. Truth Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha finds out Costia is sick

Chapter Eighteen-Truth Time

Sasha stared at the screen trying to comprehend what Costia could mean by ‘Special Medicine’ the two words spinning in her head over and over again the more she thought about them and all the small things she had noticed about Costia’s behaviour over the last few months, from her wetting the bed to her clinginess when she was around her all the way to her lack of appetite, the more she thought about the numerous things the more the unwelcome feeling of fear inside her rose up, as she continued the think her eyes moved to the kitchen door looking at Lexa she could see something was off with her she look almost nervous her hands rubbing together constantly, she dismissed it instantly thinking there was no way Lexa could know and not tell her remembering the call was still connected to Costia she plastered a smile on her face looking back into the screen she welcomed the comforting hand that Octavia placed on her shoulders as she began talking to Costia again:

 

“Cos, where’s Mama?”

 

“With the Magic Doctor”

 

“Cos, do you know where you are?”

 

“At the hospital silly” Costia responded giggling innocently not realising the seriousness of Sasha’s question

 

“I know that Cos, but do you know where the hospital is?” When Costia looked at her a little confused and sad she continued not wanting to upset her little sister “Don’t worry Mini Me it doesn’t matter I’ll ask Mama”

 

“NO…you can’t tell Mama she said not to tell you…I’ll be in BIG trouble” Costia responded getting a little upset at Sasha’s comment, tears running down her eyes from a mixture or fear and upset

 

“Cos Calm down, you’re not in trouble I’ll deal with Mama ok, I promise you’re not in trouble” 

 

“But Mama didn’t want me to tell you”

 

“I know Cos, but you wanted to tell me right?” When Costia nodded she continued “How long have you been getting special medicine for?” Costia shrugged at the question “Ok it doesn’t matter now…. What matters is yo, Do you want me to come and see you?” When Costia nodded as she rubbed her eyes gently Sasha asked “Then I’ll be there soon” Sasha’s eyes moved again to Lexa who was still acting a little weird before she had a chance to say anything to her she heard Octavia asked;

 

“Hey Cos, are there any signs on the walls?”

 

“Hi Tavi” The little girl excitedly said waving at the screen in front of her “There’s funny pictures Tavi”

 

"Can I see them?”

 

“Of course you can Tavi” Costia responded giggling softly as she moved the camera slightly to show the wall behind her the walls were covered from corner to corner with pictures of different cartoon characters from the Disney characters like Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse and Goofy to Cartoon Network Cartoon Characters like The powerpuff Girls and Adventure Time there were even a few Looney tunes characters- “it's funny isn't it Tavi?”

 

“Very” Octavia smiled at the little one before looking at Sasha “Cosi do you remember seeing any parks or anything when you were driving there?”

 

Costia shook her head at the question “we walked though Tavi” she corrected Octavia as she smiled

 

"You walked"

 

“Yes silly, from Mema and Papa’s home” Before anyone else could say another word they all heard someone call Costia’s name “Mama is coming” Costia informed them the fear on her voice paramount

 

"Ok Cos, just stay calm for me ok? I'll be there soon I promise and Mama isn't gonna be angry not at my Mini Me” Sasha soothingly commented as she smiled brightly in to the camera at her little sister “I’m going to hang up now Cos, but I'll see you soon alright?”

 

“Ok bye Ali…. Bye Tavi” Before Sasha could reach for the button Costia said “Wait…. I love you Ali…” Costia completed as she blew a kiss at Sasha

 

“I love you too Cos” Sasha responded catching the kiss making Costia giggle softly “See you later Cos”

 

“Bye Cosi” Octavia added in waving gently at the screen until Sasha pressed the end call button. Once she was 100% sure the call had ended Sasha gently tapped Octavia’s lower back trying to stand up at the same time but Octavia didn't move she just looked st her and said “Where are you going?”

 

“To call my mama”

 

“No you’re not” When Sasha looked at her sternly she continued “You need to calm down if you call her now we both know it's going to turn into a massive fight and then she won't tell you where Costia is and then you’ll have to break your promise to Costia” Octavia brought her right hand up to rest on the left side of Sasha’s face

 

“I…”

 

“I know ok, your angry and upset at the same time but getting in your mama’s face isn't going to help anyone especially Costia” Octavia responded soothingly tracing her two forefingers up and down the side of Sasha’s face, she could see Sasha’s jaw release and her face relax a little more the longer she did it “Ok?”

 

“Ok, I’ll calm down before I call her” Sasha said taking a deep breath in leaning her head forward until it rested on Octavia's shoulder, she knew she was right she needed to calm down not only to make sure she found out what she wanted to know but also to stop the chances of her having another flashback she could already feel her stress levels rise up not knowing what was wrong with Costia, she could also feel the dark cloud hoovering in the back of her mind getting a little closer the more angry and upset she felt herself getting

 

“Thank you” Octavia replied as she moved her left hand up to the back of Sasha’s head soothingly moving her hand up and down, after a few minutes Sasha raised her head up looking Octavia in the eyes she softly said;

 

“I’m going to get ready” She looked at Octavia who merely nodded at her sentence removing herself from Sasha’s lap she smiled when Sasha placed a gentle kiss on her cheek softly saying “Thanks” As Sasha walked towards the kitchen door she looked at Lexa again she noticed that something still seemed off with Lexa her hands were still rubbing together over and over again, now she was paying more attention to Lexa she noticed her face was almost blank like she was trying too hard to not give anything away she couldn’t fight the feeling that was churning in her stomach Lexa had been hiding something from her and up until yesterday she was sure it was something to do with Clarke, but now she knew it wasn’t anything to do with Clarke and that Costia was in the hospital for some reason her brain began to go in hyper drive and all she could think was Lexa knew exactly what was wrong with Costia, she knew if she was wrong Lexa would be pissed at her massively but she needed to know stopping in front of Lexa she looked at her asking “Do you know what’s wrong with Costia?”

 

“Sasha” Octavia said her voice filled with shock “Lexa wouldn’t hide that from you”

 

“I never thought my Mama would hide something this important from me” As Sasha was concentrating on Octavia, Lexa walked out of the kitchen into the living room, seconds later Sasha and Octavia had followed Lexa into the living room watching as Lexa walked in the direction of her room before she could past the back of the couch Sasha quickly moved forward gently grabbing Lexa’s wrist saying “I’m sorry I just….” Sasha stopped half way through her sentence when she came face to face with Lexa again she noticed the tears running down Lexa’s face as she took in Lexa’s expression, guilt and sadness. As she released her grip on Lexa’s wrist she stood up straight again looking at Lexa the tears in her own eyes brimming as a heartbreaking realisation hit her, “You knew”

 

“Alexis it isn’t as simple as that”

 

“What you actually knew and you didn’t say a word to Sasha” Octavia shouted at Lexa, nobody in the room noticing that Clarke was now awake and sitting on the couch listening to all that was being said

 

“I didn’t have a choice, I wanted to tell you but they all made me promise not to say anything to you”

 

“They?”

 

“My mama, your mama and…...”

 

“And……” Sasha asked

 

“Mema and Papa” Lexa explained her voice filling with sadness as she began to explain her family’s lies

 

“How long have you known?”

 

“Since just before my car crash”

 

“A month, you’ve known she’s been sick for a MONTH” Sasha stopped herself from shouting as she noticed Clarke on one of the couches “You could have told me at any point she’s my little sister Lexa I have a right to know” Seeing the look that filled Clarke’s face another realisation hit Sasha as she let out a fake laugh “You knew as well didn’t you?” She said looking at Clarke she heard Octavia let out a ‘you’re kidding me’ those three words weren’t a match for anything she was thinking or feeling but they pretty much summed up her state of mind at the moment none of this was making sense, however, when Clarke remained quiet her face betraying her Sasha finally formed a sentence “Un-fucking-believable all that rubbish you told me yesterday and what you were really apologising for was lying to me”

 

“Alexis this isn’t Clarke’s fault she was just doing as I asked her too by not telling you” Lexa said regaining Alexis’ attention she could see that Sasha was angry and she had every right to be but she didn’t want Clarke getting caught up in her lies

 

“Whatever Alexandra…you think all of this is ok…. you think that lying to me was ok especially about Costia…did you see the look on her face Lexa…she was terrified my Mama left her alone in a hospital…she hates them you know that so why would you continue to lie to me…on top of that making Costia lie to me is just plain sick”

 

“Alexis it wasn’t my place to tell you”

 

“Your place…. your meant to be my cousin, my best friend, my twin…. the one person that would never lie to me but all you’ve been doing for the last month is lying to me…”

 

“Your mama didn’t want to stress you out, she thought the extra stress of Costia being sick would make your PTSD worse”

 

“When are you all gonna stop using my PTSD as an excuse for your own pathetic and disgusting decisions…. Why is it Octavia is the only person that understands that even though I have this thing wrong with my brain I’m still me”

 

“I do understand”

 

“If you did you wouldn’t have hidden this from me”

 

“I’m sorry ok…I really am but they made me promise”

 

“That’s a bunch of bullshit and you know it Lexa…you could have told me but you didn’t want to be the one to break the news to me….” Sasha bluntly said her eyes catching Clarke “So how the hell does Clarke know?”

 

“I noticed something was wrong with Costia and I asked Clarke for her help, she told me what she thought it was and unfortunately she was right”

 

As the words left Lexa’s lips there was only one thing that Sasha wanted to know, “What’s wrong with Costia?” Lexa looked hesitantly at Sasha still not wanting to reveal the truth and break her promise to her mum when Lexa remained quiet the anger inside Sasha rose quickly “TELL ME”

 

“She has Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma” Clarke interjected seeing that Lexa was struggling to break her promise to her mother she knew how much that meant to Lexa

 

“Clarke…” Lexa began before she was cut off by Clarke looking at her and saying

 

“You made a promise…. I didn’t Lexa…. Sasha deserves to know” Clarke softly smiled at Lexa before looking at Sasha and continuing “Costia has Stage 2 B-Cell Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, She’s being treated at the Mattel Children’s Hospital”

 

“How bad is it?” Sasha asked tears building quickly in her eyes

 

“I don’t know it depends on the course of treatment that she’s on, but a Stage 2 diagnosis usually means 4 to 8 courses of intense chemotherapy, maybe more for a child of Costia’s age to reduce the stress it would put her body under, B cell Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is mainly to do with the lymph nodes in the abdomen, intestines and the head and neck”

 

Sasha remained quiet as Clarke finished taking a deep breath in as the tears escaped her eyes as everything Clarke had just told her started to register in her head, she turned her back to Clarke and Lexa feeling the anger burning brighter inside her the more she looked at them both knowing they could have told her at any moment that Costia had cancer her fist naturally balled up into a fist as she continued to think about how if Costia hadn’t told her about her ‘Special Medicine’ she could have lost her sister without being to say goodbye.

 

“Alexis….” Lexa began before Sasha put her hand up not moving from her position “I just want to tell you my side of things….” Lexa stopped again when Sasha turned to face her the anger in her eyes clear for all the women in the room to see, it was almost like Lexa was looking into the eyes of a viper so cold so full of venom and hatred for the person she was looking at…her. She stopped herself talking when she noticed Sasha take a step forward her body language changing instantly as the anger controlled every move she made her body almost ridged she watched as Sasha tilted her head slightly as she looked at her saying:

 

“Your side…” Sasha said she couldn’t believe what she was hearing Lexa actually had an excuse she actually thought she had a side that there was a justified reason for not telling her about Costia’s illness as her next sentence left her lips she couldn’t help the additional volume she spoke with “YOU don’t get a side Lexa, my little sister who is terrified in a hospital treatment room having chemo pumped into her tiny body gets a side, you don’t, my so called Mama doesn’t, Mema and Papa don’t get a side, she does because she's the only one that matters in all of this…” Sasha continued as she moved closer and closer to Lexa with every step “Imagine what that’s like having to keep a secret from someone you love a secret that you don’t understand….she is six years old Lexa she shouldn’t have to lie about anything like this…she shouldn’t have been made to keep a secret from me of all people…I could have helped her…”

 

“I tried to get them to tell you”

 

“THEM……forget about them Lexa…. what about YOU?” Sasha almost shouted the anger inside her burning through her skin as she began clenching her fists her face slowly turning red as she tried to control herself “After everything we’ve been through together after all the years saying we were one in the same you lie about something as serious as this…. we made a promise the day I told you about my PTSD the day I broke down in your arms because I couldn’t take hiding it from you anymore……we promised we would NEVER lie to each other about anything….and you hide the one thing in this world you knew I’d never forgive….” Not finishing her thought Sasha turned her back on Lexa walking towards the front door she could feel the explosion that was about to go of inside her and she knew she needed to walk away before something bad happened

 

Lexa took cautious steps following Sasha as she headed to the door wiping the tears that had escaped her eyes as Sasha had rightfully ripped into her “Alexis…I’m sorry ok…. we didn’t think you were strong enough to handle it….” Lexa completed as she reached forward gently grabbing Sasha’s left wrist forcefully turning Sasha around, as Sasha turned around she pulled her right arm back punching Lexa with all the force she had in her body instantly causing Lexa to break the grip on her left wrist as she stumbled backwards with the force of the punch “Don’t you dare make this about me…this is about you being a coward” Sasha retorted her hand still balled up in a fist

 

Lexa brought her hand up to her left cheek rubbing it softly as the pain shoot through her she knew she deserved it in fact she deserved ten times more, standing up she opened her mouth saying something she knew would make Sasha dish out the punishment she deserved “Jy kan my alles wat jy wil blameer ... jy is die een wat nie iets was verkeerd het opgemerk met jou suster , so as jy wil blameer iemand jouself blameer " _(You can blame me all you want…YOU’RE the one that didn’t notice something was wrong with your sister so if you want to blame someone blame yourself)_

 

Lexa’s comment did as intended as Sasha flew into a fit of rage, she rushed at Lexa punching her again with her right hand sending Lexa crashing to the floor as Lexa hit the floor she sat up slightly as she did Sasha punched her with full force again causing Lexa to roll slightly onto her side Sasha leaned forward grabbing Lexa’s bare shoulder pulling her upper body upwards then punching her again full force, again the force of the punch sent Lexa’s upper body backwards into the floor Lexa’s head hitting the floor slightly, Sasha this time climbed onto Lexa’s chest ignoring the cries from Octavia and Clarke for her to stop she began raining down punches on Lexa who brought both her arms up using them to protect her face from Sasha’s rage fuelled attack

 

Octavia continued to watch Sasha’s unrelenting attack on Lexa she wanted to jump in but she couldn’t be one hundred percent sure that Sasha wasn’t in the middle of a flashback and she had made a promise to Sasha to never try and restrain her if she did have a flashback in front of her, she couldn’t help but feel torn about what to do as she watched on looking over to Clarke who looked just as helpless as she looked at Clarke a picture behind her caught her eye it was a picture of an 18 year old Lexa, Sasha and Raven in their army uniforms. Rushing to the beginning of the hallway that lead to the guest room she shouted “RAVEN” a second later the guest room door opened revealing Raven who was pulling on a t-shirt as she looked to see who was calling her name seeing the look on Octavia’s face raising her shoulders as if saying what “I need you out here NOW”

 

Raven let out a massive sigh as she took a few steps forward until she was almost at the end of the hall “WH--” She began before she saw Sasha on top of Lexa raining down punch after punch as Lexa just managed to keep her face protected with her arms, instantly she rushed forward grabbing hold of Sasha she wrapped her arms around Sasha’s torso her chest pressing against Sasha’s back as she locked her right hand around her left wrist she used all her power to pull Sasha up and off of Lexa taking a few steps backwards until they reached the wall near the front door spinning Sasha until her back was against the wall she pressed her hand against Sasha’s chest stopping her from moving as she looked at her firmly asking “What the hell are you doing?”

 

Sasha looked at Raven her breathes short and sharp as a result of the combination of anger and adrenaline rushing thought her body “Costia has cancer” Sasha watched as Raven tried to process the words “She knew and didn’t tell me” She added as she pointed at Lexa who was being helped off the floor by Clarke and Octavia who were asking her if she was ok

 

Raven let her hand drop from Sasha’s chest looking at Lexa asking “Is that true?” When Lexa nodded shamefully lowering her head then raising it back up slowly, Raven looked back at Sasha she didn’t know what she should say she to her she knew sorry wasn’t gonna be anywhere near enough and it would more than likely make Sasha angrier

 

“Ek is klaar met jou sover dit my aangaan is jy nie my familie nie” _(I’m DONE with you as far as I’m concerned you’re not my family anymore)_ Sasha angrily shouted at Lexa before turning pulling the door open full force sending it swinging round until it hit the wall. Raven went to go after Sasha but was stopped by Octavia who quickly walked past her saying ‘I’ll go’ Octavia rushed through the front door of the apartment, into the landing and down the stairs walking down one flight of stairs she saw Sasha curled up against one of the walls on the platform between of the stairs her knees pressed against her chest as her head rested against her knees her hands on her the back of her head with her fingers clasped together, Octavia slowed herself down walking down the stairs as she reached the last step she took a few steps forward the sound of her bare feet on the cement causing Sasha to look up at her as she did she noticed instantly that Sasha’s eye were red and she had several tears running down her face before she could say a word to her Sasha spoke “I shouldn’t have done that”

 

“No you shouldn’t have no matter what she said” Octavia agreed as she knelt down in front of Sasha who continued to look at her with sorrow filled eyes she gently brought her hands to Sasha’s cheeks wiping away her tears away she softly said “I know your heart is breaking right now but you need to be strong for Costia she needs her big sister, did you see her face she’s scared out of her mind”

 

“What if I can’t be strong enough for her?” Sasha asked as fresh tears rushed down her cheeks and onto Octavia’s hands “I’m not even strong enough to handle my own problems”

 

“You can…I know you better than I know myself sometimes…you are the strongest person I know, the strongest I’ve ever known you take everything that’s thrown at you and you keep going…. it’s one of the many reasons I love you…you can be strong for Costia we both can, when she’s around we will be every ounce of strength she needs to beat this and when it’s just you and me you can break down and then I can break down and we can do this together you know we can” Sasha softly smiled at Octavia leaning forward placing a gentle kiss on her cheek before she gently removed Octavia’s hands from her cheek standing up “We better get ready then, don’t think the nurses or doctors will appreciate a half-naked women turning up asking to see a child”

 

As they both stood up looking at each other Sasha held her right hand in the air her palm facing upwards looking at Octavia she gently smiled “Together?”

 

“Together” Octavia answered placing her left hand on top of Sasha interlocking their fingers as she lowered their hands in between them instantly feeling Sasha’s grip tighten as they began walking up the stairs and back to the apartment as they reached the door which was still open they walked back inside the apartment they both instantly noticed Clarke and Lexa sat on the nearest couch to the door as they walked through it, “You go get ready I’ll be in there in a minute” Octavia softly whispered into Sasha’s ear as she unlocked their hands, she watched as Sasha walked to the hallway being meet by Raven who wrapped her arm around Sasha, who wrapped her arm around Raven’s waist as they walked to her bedroom. Octavia turned her attention to Lexa who looked up at her, she could now see that Lexa’s bottom lip was split just before the corner of her mouth as well as slight bruising around her left eye and a slight gash above the same eye she also noticed a small cut on the right side of Lexa’s jaw, she softly spoke to Lexa ignoring Clarke who was sitting next to her “She shouldn’t have done that and she knows it, but you shouldn’t have said what you did to her either”

 

“Nothing Lexa said warranted this” Clarke jumped in defending Lexa because she knew Lexa wouldn’t defend herself

 

“She told Sasha if she wanted someone to blame then she should blame herself” Octavia bluntly responded watching as Clarke looked down at Lexa her face filling with confusion “We’re going to the hospital and before you ask No that’s not an invitation, I’m just letting you know, once we’re back I’ll tell you how Costia is I assume you still care about her” Without another word Octavia walked towards Sasha’s room closing the door loudly behind her making sure that Clarke and Lexa knew she was pissed with them both.

 

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Sasha’s Clothes-Navy Blue jogging bottoms, Plain Black T-shirt and Black Nike trainers with her army jacket

Octavia’s Clothes-Loose black jeans, Red Adidas T-shirt and Blue converse with a Black hoody

 

Twenty-Five Minutes Later (Mattel Children’s Hospital)

Sasha and Octavia walked into the main entrance of the hospital after Sasha had parked her car (Navy Blue Lexus CT200) in the visitor’s car park, following the instructions the receptionist had given them they found the receptionist had directed them to, they wondered whether they were in the correct place or not and were about to ask for help when Sasha’s Mama (Madalyn) appeared coming around one of the corners stopping dead in her tracks when she saw Sasha and Octavia standing in front of her. Sasha instantly felt Octavia place her right hand into her left squeezing it slightly she knew that was Octavia’s way of telling her to stay calm gently squeezing Octavia’s hand back she was about to talk when a man walked around the corner calling out her mama’s name she instantly recognised the man as her mama’s husband and Costia’s father, Titus, he looked straight at her before stopping next to Madalyn placing a hand on her lower back before returning his attention to Sasha and saying “Nice of you to finally show up”

 

“skroef jy” _(Screw you)_ Sasha bluntly responded, she had never had an issue with Titus in fact she encouraged him and her mama to get married but when Costia and Tristan were born things changed between them it was almost like now he had his own kids she wasn’t good enough to get his time and attention

 

“What did you say?” Titus asked Sasha knew he didn’t understand Afrikaans it was the reason he didn’t want Costia and Tristan learning Afrikaans in the first place

 

“Nothing” Sasha responded when Octavia squeezed her hand gently “I just want to see Costia” When her mother looked at her slightly confused she continued “Costia called me on her iPad and I forced Lexa to tell me everything, I know she has Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma I don’t care about the lies right now I just wanna see my sister”

 

“You didn’t tell her” Titus shockingly asked looking at his wife who softly shook her head “I told you lying would cause problems” He added before his face became a little softer as he looked at Sasha and Octavia “She’s this way I’ll take you too her, she’s been asking about you”

 

Sasha and Octavia walked past Madalyn following Titus down the hallway they walked for a minute before they came to Room Number 3, watching as Titus opened the door and walked inside the room before they had a chance to look around Titus rushed forward causing them both to follow his lead and do the same, as they followed him they saw Costia laying on a bed crying and struggling as a male nurse was trying to gently hold her still as she continued to try and remove the tubes in her arms, Sasha instantly released Octavia’s hand rushing forward and past Titus ,who had stopped not quite knowing what he could do to help, Sasha reached Costia leaning down next to her she gently placed her hands on Costia’s forearms so she didn’t remove or disturb the tubes in her sisters arms Costia fought her for less than a second when she realised it was Sasha

 

“Ali jy gekom” _(Ali You came?)_ Costia weakly asked smiling softly at her big sister

 

“Natuurlik het ek het ek belowe” _(Of course I did I promised)_ Sasha smiled down at Costia before saying “No more fighting ok?” When Costia nodded her head she removed her gentle grip from Costia’s forearm “Good girl” Sasha stood back up and went to talk back to Octavia but was stopped by Costia grabbing her hand “Hey I’m not leaving I’ll just be here, your daddy’s here”

 

“Ek wil nie pappa ek wil hê jy” _(I don’t want daddy I want you)_ Costia responded several tears rushing from her eyes as she leaned forward almost whispering at Sasha “I’m scared”

 

“Hey hey Mini Me, you don’t need to be scared because I’m here now” Sasha replied moving forward a little more until she was sat on the edge of Costia’s bed before she had a chance to say anything else Costia leant forward leaning her head onto Sasha’s chest, Sasha brought her hand up to gently rest on the back of Costia’s head gently rubbing her hair after a few seconds she gently moved Costia’s head backwards until she was looking her in the eyes softly saying “jy spesiale drukkies hê?” _(You want special cuddles?)_ Costia looked up at Sasha softly nodding her head at the question causing Sasha to smile brightly down at her removing herself from the bed she took of her jacket gently throwing it onto the chair next to Costia’s bed she climbed onto the bed until she was level with Costia, she then gently placed one of her arms around Costia’s back and the other underneath Costia’s knees making sure she was careful not to knock any of the tubes in Costia’s arms loose she placed Costia on her lap removing her hands as the little girls legs dangled over her thighs, as soon as she had her placed correctly Costia leaned her head against Sasha’s chest instantly gripping onto her T-shirt as she snuggled herself into Sasha’s chest even more “No more being scared Cos, I’ve got you now ok?” Sasha placed a gentle kiss on the top of Costia’s head as the little girl nodded gently at her words she could feel the little girl’s body relax against hers, as she continued to hold her little sister all she could think about was the possible endings to Costia’s illness

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Back at Lexa and Sasha’s Apartment

Lexa was sat on the couch furthest from the front door waiting for Clarke to return with medical supplies to clean her injuries up, she had tried to argue with Clarke but she knew it was pointless and gave up seconds into the attempted argument. All she could think about was the last time Clarke had patched someone up in this apartment that being Sasha, whenever she thought of it she was forced to remember the conversation between Clarke and Sasha that she had overheard and that made her think about everything that was wrong with her life at the moment. Lexa was brought out of her thoughts when Clarke re-entered the room caring the first aid kit from the bathroom along with a small towel a bottle of antiseptic fluid and a bowl filled with a small amount of water inside it placing them all on the small table that was on the side of couch next to where Lexa was sitting making all the items easy for her to get to. She looked down at Lexa who looked up at her giving her a weak smile, sitting herself down next to Lexa she removed a cotton bud from the first aid kit with her right hand placing it in bowl of water wetting it slightly she squeezing it before bringing her left hand up to gently hold Lexa’s chin still so she didn’t move, bringing the wet cotton bud up to the cut on Lexa’s bottom lip she gently wiping all the blood away she placed the cotton bud to the side she retrieved a new one repeating her action before this time she added a small drop of antiseptic to the cotton bud before placing it to the cut on Lexa’s lip as soon as it touched the cut Lexa pulled back slightly squirming in her place. Clarke had a feeling this would happen getting up she stood up looking at Lexa sending her a firm look she said:

 

“Sit up straight” Lexa did as Clarke asked and sat herself up straight on the couch her back straight against the back of the couch as she bowed her head not wanting to look Clarke in the eyes, Clarke smiled softly at Lexa’s actions and slowly moved closer to Lexa slowly climbing onto Lexa’s lap she moved forward on her knees stopping when she reached the middle of Lexa’s thighs sitting herself back on Lexa’s knees she felt Lexa’s breathing slow down slightly before she slowly lifted her head to look her in the eyes “This used to be the only way I could get you to keep still while I was patching up when we were together” Clarke began noticing that Lexa was concentrating on her completely she began to clean all the wounds on Lexa’s face starting again with her lip she continued to talk as she did so “I remember when those two guys in grounders wouldn’t leave me and Octavia alone, you and Sasha had to step in when they called you dykes you both looked at each other and laughed, then they made some comment about me and O looking like whores or something and you both looked at each other and punched them at the same time……” Finishing cleaning Lexa’s lip she moved to the cut above her eye “I remember you and her being so close I almost wished I had a sister or cousin who I was as close too, but I soon realised that you two being close wasn’t anything to do with you being related you and her are soulmates I know people think soulmates is a sexual thing but I don’t I think its two people who are incomplete without each other who are almost one in the same….that’s why I know you and Sasha will be ok” Clarke stopped as she removed a new cotton bud from the first aid kit before repeating her previous actions and moving to the cut on Lexa’s jaw before continuing “You just need to give her time” Clarke finished as she placed they now used cotton bud with the others next to the small bowl before Clarke could move she felt Lexa’s hands on her thighs making her breathing slow down dramatically she looked slowly to Lexa;

 

“She won’t forgive me for this, you were right I should have told her as soon as I found out” Lexa honestly spoke as tears ran down her cheeks

 

“She will come around Lexa you just have to let her be for a while” Clarke responded placing a gentle hand on each of Lexa’s cheek wiping away the tears on Lexa’s cheeks “It’s a lot for her to take in you need to give her time Lex, it’s a lot to take in finding out a family member is sick, so just take it slow with her and she’ll come around sooner or later”

 

“What if she doesn’t?”

 

“Don’t think about that you have to be patient…. you and Sasha are soulmates…just give her time ok?” Clarke finished looking Lexa in the eyes, when Lexa nodded at her looking her in the eyes softly saying;

 

“Thank you Clarke”

 

“No problem” Clarke responded going to remove her hands from Lexa’s cheeks, before she could remove them she felt Lexa’s hands on top her own holding them in place, her eyes not daring to move from the gaze they were locked in with Lexa’s, as their eyes stayed locked together Clarke felt Lexa sit up slightly forcing their hips a little closer together her mind was a complete blank something that only ever happened to her when she was near Lexa, she could feel their chests getting closer and closer together until they were pressed together their lips only centimetres apart, she couldn’t stop herself any longer as she used her hands to pull Lexa into her until she felt their lips connect………


	19. Rewind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback central chapter

Chapter Nineteen-Rewind

So many emotions were running through Clarke’s mind as her lips were pressed against Lexa’s the main being happiness, however, that was until Lexa’s words to her in the toilet of Grounders began swirling in her mind a she went to pull back she felt Lexa start to kiss her back their lips meshing together effortlessly with every second that went past she more it felt like nothing had changed between them. As the kiss continued Lexa’s hands moved from on top of Clarke’s hands to Clarke’s cheeks pulling her into the kiss a little more their chests pressed tightly together causing Clarke to remove her hands from Lexa’s cheeks wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck resting them on her shoulders, minutes passed until Lexa slowly pulled out of the kiss gently resting her forehead against Clarke’s, after a second she pulled back looking at Clarke not saying a word not because she didn’t want to but because her mind was a complete blank.

 

Clarke looked down at Lexa not sure what to say or do she couldn’t read Lexa’s facial expression it was completely blank she had only seen that expression on Lexa’s face twice before, once when they broke up and the other was when Lexa’s dad turned up at her and Sasha’s apartment. Looking Lexa in the eyes she couldn’t help but think that maybe the blank look was due to the fact that she didn’t know how to let her down, making the decision for them both Clarke removed herself from Lexa not daring to look Lexa in the eyes she turned heading towards to door opening it and walking out not attempting to find her phone, jacket or anything else.

 

Lexa quickly snapped out of her own thoughts and rushed out of the door after Clarke not caring that she wasn’t wearing anything to cover her top half, she rushed down two flights of steps until she caught up to Clarke as she went to walk down the next set of stairs “Clarke” She softly shouted trying to get Clarke to stop which she didn’t “Clarke wait please” She tried again as Clarke walked down the stairs, she quickly moved in front of Clarke stopping her from moving down the staircase any further, she looked up at Clarke seeing that Clarke had tears forming in her eyes “Clarke I’m….”

 

“I know it was a mistake….”

 

“No it wasn’t Clarke, if it was a mistake I would have pulled back”

 

“You did” Clarke reminded Lexa attempting to move past Lexa who continued to block her path “Lexa move please”

 

“No, I’m sorry I pulled back but I’m already in Sasha’s bad books if she walked in on us or if Raven saw and told her, no doubt she’d probably flip out again” Lexa honestly replied placing her hand on top of Clarkes hand, which was resting on the railing to her side, smiling up at Clarke she continued “And kissing you was kind of painful….not because I didn’t want you to kiss me but more because of this” As Lexa finished her sentence she pointed to her bottom lip and the cut on it, her actions causing Clarke to softly laugh

 

“I’m sorry I ran out I just….”

 

“It’s ok I understand, so what do you wanna do now?”

 

“We could go back inside and talk about what’s next I suppose”

 

“Sounds like a plan” Lexa responded smiling at Clarke softly, as Clarke turned and began walking up the stairs back towards Lexa’s apartment, Lexa followed Clarke’s lead and walked up the stairs behind her as she followed Clarke up the stairs she couldn’t help but let her eyes drift to Clarke’s ass, the smiled spreading across her face as she did. Once they got back into the apartment they came face to face with Raven and Harper who were making their way through the living room.

 

“For god’s sake Lex put a shirt on” Raven jokingly said looking at Lexa and giggling softly, as she got a little closer to Clarke and Lexa she noticed Clarke’s teary eyes she figured it must have been down to Sasha’s outburst earlier in the day. As she reached Lexa she opened her arms moving to hug Lexa, who stepped into Raven she wrapped her arms around Raven’s waist, Raven wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders pulling her into a tight hug. Gently saying in her ear “You need me to stay?”

 

“No I’m fine” Lexa replied squeezing Raven’s waist gently “But thanks” She added pulling back smiling at Raven softly

 

“No problem Miss abs” Raven replied winking at Lexa as she opened the door allowing Harper to walk through before she did, as Lexa came to the door holding it open as she waited for Raven to disappear downstairs “jy seker dat jou ok?” _(you sure your ok?)_

“Ek is seker” _(I’m sure)_ Lexa smiled at Raven’s use of Afrikaans, Raven very rarely spoke Afrikaans and everytime she did it made Lexa and Sasha smile nowing Raven loved their family enough to learn their native tongue “moet jy Afrikaans praat hoe meer jy klink super sexy” _(You should speak Afrikaans more you sound super sexy)_

“Ek klink altyd sexy” _(I always sound sexy)_

“ware” _(True)_ Lexa smiled as Raven winked at her again before turning and walking to the staircase she stopped turning around looking and Lexa and saying

 

“I’ll catch up with you later Lex” She took a few steps down before turning back and shouting “lief jou” _(Love ya)_

 

“natuurlik doen jy” _(Of course you do)_ Lexa shouted back as she watched Raven and Harper walk down the stairs and out of her sightline, she couldnt help but smile at Raven it was just like Raven to try make her smile when she was feeling a little down or upset it was one of the reasons she loved Raven and was best friends with her. Closing the door she turned around seeing Clarke was now sat on the same couch they had been on previously moving foward she sat herself down on the couch next to the one Clarke was seated on looking to Clarke she soflty said “Sorry about that”

 

“Don’t be...Raven’s just being a good friend” Clarke paused “Soooo”

 

“Yeah…so where do you wanna start?” Lexa asked nervously

 

“Um I don't know…” Clarke paused trying to find her words instead she remembered what her and Sasha had talked about yesterday “Were you really going to give up your career for me?” She figured that was as good a place to begin their conversation as anything else

 

Lexa paused for a second not sure how to answer the question she decided that honestly was definitely the way to go “Yeah”

 

“I’m sorry….” When Lexa looked at her a little confused she explained “For my dad…for messing with your head the last month and before that…and I'm sorry for being the reason you could have lost the thing you love the most”

 

“Clarke…. you don't need to apologise to me for any of that…. what your dad did to me sucks yeah but that's not on you, and the only reason my heads been messed up lately is because as always I can't get you out of my head…and just to clarify the army isn't the thing I love the most my family comes before my career and so did you…I only did what your dad asked because he threatened Sasha…my family”

 

“I'm still sorry for messing with your head”

 

“Please don't be” Lexa smiled softly at Clarke before continuing “I have to be honest with you”

 

“I wouldn't want you to be anything but”

 

“I don't want to lose you again….and if I have to be friends only then I'm ok with that even though I’m still madly in love you with”

 

“You still love me?”

 

“Yeah” Clarke felt her heart flutter intensely hearing Lexa’s response as a massive smile spread across her face

 

“Can I be honest with you now?” When Lexa nodded her approval Clarke continued “When I told you at the hospital that I thought I was still in love with you…. I lied…. I know I still love you…. I still get those butterflies in my stomach when I see you and that rush of electric when you touch me”

 

“Me too” Lexa replied as she watched Clarke stand up and walk until was in front of her carefully sitting herself down on the edge of the table in front of the couch Lexa was sat on. Once Clarke was close enough she reached forward taking hold of Clarke’s left hand with her right. “I know I don’t have any right to even think about asking you this let alone actually asking you but……” Lexa paused for a second struggling to find the courage she needed to say what she felt, that was until Clarke squeezed her hand gently making her look up from the floor and into Clarke’s eyes finding the words she needed to say “Do you think that you’ll ever forgive me?”

 

“There's nothing to forgive Lexa, I know why you ended it with and I know there's a lot more to it than I’ve been told but I understand that you put your family before us and I’m ok with that because it's one of the reasons I feel in love with you in the first place” Clarke paused smiling brightly at Lexa before continuing “So if you need me to say I forgive you then even though there's nothing for me to forgive…..I forgive you” As Clarke finished her sentence she noticed the smile spread across Lexa’s face before she could filter herself she said “I’ve really missed your smile”

 

“My smile?” Lexa asked amused when Clarke nodded blushing slightly with embarrassment she added “I thought you missed my mouth” Lexa couldn't stop with cheeky grin that filled her face when Clarke laughed softly and blushed even more as the laughter subsided Lexa’s thoughts became more serious as she asked “So what are we?” As she saw Clarke’s face fall slightly she continued “I mean are we friends who are in love with each other or are we more? do you speak? Do we not speak? I just need to know”

 

“Like I said I love you Lexa I want us to be like we were before….” Before Clarke could continue Lexa cut in

 

“But we’re not like before are we?” When Clarke looked at her raising her eyebrows she added “You never had a boyfriend before”

 

“I know but I want to be with you just you and nobody else”

 

“Then you need to make a choice Clarke…me or Mitch…because you can't have the both of us” Lexa finished looking at Clarke as she tried to analyse her reaction to her ultimatum, she knew it was unfair to throw all of this on Clarke but she couldn’t be the other woman sneaking around behind everyone’s back it wasn’t that Clarke wasn’t worth sneaking around for it was the lies, she was just plan sick of all the lies.

 

 

Back at the hospital

Sasha had laid with Costia, as Octavia sat on the chair next to the bed, for thirty five minutes of her chemotherapy Costia had fallen asleep in her arms after asking her to tell her a story which she happily did she told Costia the story of the Tortoise and the Hare one she knew Costia loved hearing, once Costia was asleep she asked the male nurse who she found out was called Micky if Costia was allowed to sleep he assured her it was ok as long as the little girl didn't pull out any of the tubes and someone kept an eye on her breathing while she slept, having seen the worry on Sasha and Octavia’s faces he talked them through the whole chemotherapy plan and what to expect it to do to Costia’s body, he also explained that she had 6 more treatments to go over the next six months each treatment was split into an hour and a twenty minutes each session with a twenty minute break half way through they decided this after the doctors had talked in depth with Titus and Madilyn about all of Costia’s options and which would cause the least amount of stress on her tiny body but at the same time would have the desired effect against the cancer. Micky had just finished explaining everything to them around 5 minutes ago and they had been talking about what he had said until Costia began to wiggle around a little on her lap as Sasha looked down at her to see her little eyes opening up as she gently rubbed them she began to softly cry her tiny chest rising up and down from the sobs as she gripped harder at Sasha’s t-shirt, seeing and feeling the sobs Sasha gently turned Costia so she was still on her lap but was now facing her reaching her hand up to the little girls face she wiped her tears gently asking:

 

“Hey, what's wrong Cos?”

 

“I feel sick” The little girl replied sniffing back tears as she looked up at her big sister

 

“Aww my poor mini me…what hurts?”

 

“My head and my stomach”

 

“Oh Cos, does it always hurt like this after your special medicine?” When Costia nodded she continued gently rubbing her fingers through Costia’s hair “How about I teach you a trick only me and Tavi know?”

 

“A secret trick?” When Sasha nodded Costia beamed up at her as she looked to Octavia who nodded as well “yes please”

 

“Ok so what you do is you lay down and you close your eyes and wrap yourself up all nice and warm and safe and then you sing in your head a song that makes you feel strong and then slowly you start to feel better”

 

"Does it work Tavi?” Costia whispered to Octavia almost as if she didn't want to upset Sasha by asking Octavia

 

“It does….it makes all the pain go away” Octavia replied leaning forward looking into Costia's eyes and smiling

 

Costia looked from Octavia to Sasha and then back again not sure what to do looking back to Sasha she looked up sadly saying “But I don’t know any strong songs”

 

“How about I teach you one?” Sasha smiled down at Costia who nodded up at her “Ok so you have to lay down” Costia looked at Sasha unsure about whether to get off her lap or not “It’s ok I’m not going anywhere, I’m gonna stay here” Costia looked up at Sasha giving her a small smile “Want to see something secret?” When Costia nodded Sasha removed the little girl from her lap placing her carefully on the bed before she took a step back carefully lowering her jogging bottoms then pulling up her T-shirt she revealed her ‘ _Octavia’_ tattoo to Costia who’s face instantly filled with excitement and happiness as she looked back at Octavia shouting in excitement,

 

“TAVI Look it’s your name” She said getting onto her knees in excitement as she reached out to Octavia who quickly got up moving to the little girl and taking hold of her hand

 

“I know Cos, it’s really pretty isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah” Costia smiled up at Octavia wrapping her arms around Octavia’s waist “That means Ali will love you forever…and you don’t have to leave again Tavi” Costia finished looking up at Octavia keeping her arms wrapped firmly around her waist

 

“It does mean that” Octavia started before realising the final part of Costia’s sentence was perhaps a little more revealing than the little girl intended, looking down at Costia and smiling she softly said “I’m not going anywhere ever again I promise” As she finished her sentence the little girl smiled broadly at her squeezing her a little tighter, Octavia looked up from Costia her eyes instantly locked with Sasha’s both women smiling happily at each other

 

“Hey Cos, you wanna see another secret?” When Costia nodded at her still not removing her grip on Octavia’s waist she continued “Well firstly you know why I get tattoo’s right?”

 

Costia removed her arms from around Octavia’s waist still kneeling on the bed she looked at Sasha as she bit her lower lip trying to remember what Sasha had told her before “I forgot”

 

“It’s ok” Sasha smiled down at Costia before leaning forward on to the bed placing her hands on the bed to hold herself up so she was level with Costia she explained “Each one means something different, each of them is about someone I love, So for Tavi I have her name because she makes me feel like I have butterflies flying around in my stomach all the time” Sasha paused as Costia began giggling softly at the way Sasha explained “And for Lexa I have my tribal tattoo on my bicep right?” Costia nodded at Sasha’s words as her hand reached up, her fingers gently tracing the exposed tattoo on Sasha’s right bicep “And I’ve got another one, one that means something SO much more…wanna see it?” With those words Costia’s head popped up looking at Sasha she excitedly nodded her head, Sasha turned around showing her little sister the rest of the tribal vine design that lead around to her back and revealing another new tattoo she hadn’t even shown Octavia yet it read: _11-11-09_ _Costia/Tristan._ As Costia looked at the name on Sasha’s lower back she began to jump up and down on the bed in excitement causing Sasha to turn around “Cos calm down” Sasha softly said laughing softly at her sister’s excitement when Costia stopped herself jumping around she gently said:

 

“Sorry”

 

“Hey no need to be sorry you just have to be careful ok?” When Costia nodded at Sasha’s words she smiled down at her and softly continued “Do you want to know what your tattoo means to me?” Costia smiled brightly nodding excitedly before sitting down on the bed crossing her legs as she looked up at Sasha “It means you’re my little solider, when I’m scared or I feel like I need a hug I think of you” Sasha honestly explained tapping Costia on the nose lightly causing the little girl to giggle softly “And you know what it means to be a solider”

 

“Sacrifice?” The little girl responded

 

“Nope” Sasha replied she knew Costia had heard their mama use that word when talking about her job before but she only now realised how much the little girl must have taken in “It means being brave and strong and having faith in yourself even when everyone else is scared even when you’re scared…. That’s why you’re my little solider because you make me feel strong and brave” Sasha finished looking down at Costia who was smiling brightly at her

 

“But I’m not brave like you Ali” Costia softly spoke her words a million times more grown up than she was, Sasha walked forward readjusting her T-shirt and jogging bottoms as she did so, she stopped in front of Costia sitting down on the bed next to Costia she gently placed her hand on the little girl’s cheek wiping away the remainder of tears

 

“You are brave Cos, telling me about your special medicine was brave” Sasha turned her attention to the chair Octavia had been sitting in softly looking at Octavia she asked “Can you pass me my jacket?” Octavia quickly obliged handing the jacket to Sasha who looked down at Costia and began “You like Harry Potter right?” The little girl nodded “Well you know how Harry has an invisibility cloak?” Costia again nodded her head “This is your invisibility cloak, whenever you need to hide or you feel really scared you put this on and it’ll make all of that go away and make you feel safe” Sasha softly finished placing the jacket around Costia’s shoulders the little girls soft smile making a smile spread across her own face “So how about me and Tavi teach you our secret now?” Costia nodded softly as she looked up at her big sister “Ok lay down, I’ll be right here I Promise”

 

“Tavi?” The little girl question as she remained say upright on the bed looking to Octavia with tears in her eyes

 

“Cos, it’s ok I’ll be right here as well I promise” Octavia said stepping forward taking Costia’s small hand in her own pulling the chair on the side of the bed closer so she could sit down and hold the little girls hand at the same time

 

"Here pick a song Costia” Sasha smiled as she pulled out her phone opening up her music app before she handed it to Costia “Any song you want and that will be your strong song” Costia took the phone from Sasha and began looking through the songs before she found one showing Sasha she excitedly said;

 

“This one Ali”

 

“You sure?” Sasha asked, Costia softly nodding at the question making Sasha and Octavia smile brightly at her, “Babe do you have any headphones?” Sasha asked Octavia after she double checked her pockets realising she had left her headphones at home, she smiled as Octavia pulled a set of headphones from her pocket and handed them to her “Here Cos, put these in” Sasha explained untangling the headphones and plugging them into the phone then placing the phone on the bed in between them before she handed each bud of the headphone to Costia who gently put them into her ears;

 

“What should I think about Ali?” Costia shyly asked smiling up at her sister

 

“Whatever you want to Cos it’s your choice”

 

“Ok” Costia replied her smile spreading across her face as she laid back on the bed waiting as Sasha had told her too, she gently reached for Sasha’s hand at the same time she reached for Octavia’s hand grabbing hold of it.

 

Octavia and Sasha looked at each other smiling softly at each other both hating how upset and fragile Costia was at the moment, Octavia reached across Costia’s legs with her free hand holding it out for Sasha who almost instantly took hold of it keeping hold of it gently placing their locked hands on the part of the bed near Costia’s legs careful not to lean or put pressure on the little girls legs, they both got lost in their thoughts as they continued to think about how hard this must be for the little girl unaware that Costia was happy inside as she remembered one of her favourite days as the song began – Disclosure feat Sam Smith-Latch

 

__

**_Note: Sasha and Lexa are 21 and Octavia and Clarke are 20 in this flashback_ **

****

_ 15th July 2012-Lexa and Sasha’s Apartment _

_Octavia and Sasha were lying in bed together Sasha was laying on her back with Octavia laying across her, her head resting just above Sasha’s breasts with her arm resting on Sasha’s stomach her hand just under Sasha’s left breast, one of her legs was in between Sasha’s legs and the other was on the outside of Sasha’s legs. They had spent most of the previous night making love after Sasha and Lexa had returned from their latest tour of duty her and Sasha had gone back to Sasha and Lexa’s place while Clarke and Lexa had gone back to her and Clarke’s apartment so that neither couple had to listen to the others moans of ecstasy all night Clarke and Octavia had unknowingly to Sasha and Lexa already made the arrangements before they meet them at the airport they had joked about how the moans of ecstasy would no doubt lead to the cousins trying to outdo each other all night long._

_Octavia slowly woke up her body was aching in so many ways she wasn’t even sure if it was good or bad all she knew was that she enjoyed every minute of last night’s love making and of having Sasha all to herself, just being in the same room as her made her feel better like everything was perfect again, she didn’t think about when she had to leave again or the possibility that she might not come back none of that mattered when they were together, as she began to get lost in her thoughts she felt Sasha begin to move underneath her causing her to look up to see the slightly older woman opening her eyes and looking down at her, moving herself a little further up Sasha’s body she gently kissed her on the lips happily saying;_

_“Good morning”_

_“Yeah it is” Sasha paused as she looked down at Octavia, she had missed waking up the brunette laying on top of her, she’d missed her like crazy even small things like how she always finished the orange juice or how she’d leave her toothbrush on the side instead of putting it back, as she smiled brightly down at Octavia she honestly replied “I’ll never get over how beautiful you are” Octavia smiled brightly at her kissing her again this time the kiss was more passionate and loving than the last one as she pulled out of the kiss her tone became more serious as she continued “I’ve really missed you”_

_“I missed you too babe” Octavia responded again kissing Sasha “You have no idea how much”_

_“I think last night gave me an idea” Sasha responded lightening the conversation, she could see the upset in Octavia’s eyes and she didn’t want the younger brunette getting upset_

_“That was only a taster”_

_“A taster huh?”_

_“Uh-huh” Octavia replied leaning in to kiss Sasha again as she pulled back she glanced towards the clock on the wall to the left of them seeing the time she stopped Sasha from kissing her softly saying “But you’re going to have to wait for the rest as something more important demands my attention” With that Octavia removed herself from on top of Sasha getting out of the bed before Sasha could pull her back she slowly walked to the draw Sasha had given her getting some clean clothes from the draw she pulled on her panties she had purposely picked out her Navy Blue and Black Lace panties knowing they were Sasha’s favourite she smiled at the expression on Sasha’s face her eyes solely focused on Octavia and every move she made, once she had her bra and a pair of jeans on Octavia walked back towards Sasha_

_“So that’s how it is huh, your gonna make love to me and leave me……that’s heartless babe”_

_“I know but I have a more pressing issue to attend to”_

_“Oh you do, do you?” Sasha responded sitting up in the bed, the bed cover clinging gently to her skin_

_“Yes I do…. I’m going to pick up Costia” She smiled brightly at the shocked expression on Sasha’s face before Sasha could speak she continued “I know how much you miss her and Tristan when you’re not on tour and I know it must be a million times worse when you’re on tour…so I thought it’d be nice for you to spend some time with them, Lexa and Clarke are coming over a little later to see her…. I spoke to your mom and she said Costia can stay with you for two weeks, and then we have to drive her back to Boston, Tristan was meant to come as well but he’s not been well”_

_“I love you so much” Sasha responded she couldn’t seem to think of any other words that explained how grateful she was to Octavia_

_“I know you do…. I love you too” Octavia smiled as she leaned forward on the bed kissing Sasha gently on the lips before pulling back and smiling “I have to go…. you shower and get dressed and work out how your gonna surprise Costia because she may not know you’re here” She explained as she walked over to the draw pulling out a top to wear, going with a plain red tight fit t-shirt she quickly put it on._

_“She doesn't know I'm back?”_

_“No me and your mum thought it'd be better to surprise her so she didn't get overly excited on the way here” Octavia smiled as she reached Sasha’s bedroom for turning to look at Sasha she softly said “I have to go but I’ll see you soon…. oh and get thinking babe” With that Octavia closed the door, as Sasha heard the front door open and close she threw herself backwards on the bed thinking to herself how lucky she was to have Octavia_

_ Meanwhile (15 minutes later) at Clarke and Octavia’s apartment _

_Clarke and Lexa both flopped on the bed exhausted from the hour long love making session they had just engaged in, they had both woken up still craving the touch of the other, having spent most of the night talking about all the things they had missed out on while Lexa had been on tour after some persistence from Clarke, Lexa had opened up about what had actually happened on tour and how their unit had been ambushed whilst on patrol on more than one occasion however once she saw how upset Clarke was getting while she was talking she changed the subject, Clarke told her all about Octavia’s decision to not become a paramedic and to start dancing a decision that had made her think about maybe dropping out of med school and following what she wanted to originally do that conversation lead them to talk about Clarke’s dad which then lead to Clarke's mom and on and on until they had nothing more to catch up on except for all the love making they had missed._

_Lexa laid back trying to get her breathing back to normal as she looked at Clarke “I forgot how much stamina you have”_

_“You did huh?” Clarke softly laughed as she moved across the bed until she was right next to Lexa laying on her front she rested her head softly on Lexa’s right bicep as she interlocked her left hand with Lexa’s right as Lexa’s right arm stretched out on the pillows next to the one laying under her head, leaning in closer “I’m gonna have to refresh your memory” Clarke playfully responded leaning into Lexa a little more before placing a gentle kiss on Lexa’s jaw the kiss made Lexa smile as she leaned down capturing Clarke’s lips this time the kiss lasted longer before they pulled back_

_“Do you have any classes today?” Lexa asked as she brought her left hand from where it was resting on the bed to gently stroke Clarke’s cheek_

_“No I have the whole week off, but I do have something I have to take care of today” When Lexa frowned at her she laughed softly before continuing “Octavia is arranging a surprise for Sasha and needs my help…sorry babe but Best friend trumps lover”_

_“Lover?” Lexa smiled at Clarke “So I’ve been demoted from Girlfriend to Lover…. that’s just heartless babe”_

_“Would I ever be heartless to you?” Clarke sweetly smiled as she unlocked her and Lexa’s hands then slowly moved herself slightly to her right pressing her chest into Lexa’s side, Lexa turned herself into Clarke switching their positions until she was on top of Clarke, her right leg resting in between Clarke’s legs pressing her hips into Clarke’s a little using her hands to hold herself up “Ok ok” Clarke smiled up at Lexa placing her hands on each of Lexa’s cheeks she softly said “How about girlfriend in the streets Lover in the sheets” Lexa laughed softly at Clarke’s words leaning her head against Clarke’s bare shoulder gently after a little while she brought her head back up looking down at Clarke saying;_

_“I think I can work with that….as long as I’m your only one” Lexa leant down kissing Clarke on the cheek before pushing herself back up_

_“Of course, you’re my one and only love” Clarke smiled back biting her lip gently before she leant up kissing Lexa passionately, Lexa instantly kissed her back with just as much passion as always as she lowered herself carefully onto Clarke a rush of electricity spreading through both their bodies as their chests connected together. As she felt Lexa bring her hand to rest on her stomach as she felt Lexa’s hand begin to move down her stomach she quickly placed a firm hand on Lexa’s chest pushing her upwards creating a little space between them “Nuh uh, I have to go before we get carried away” She said gently continuing to push Lexa until Lexa rolled off her and onto the bed again, she quickly removed herself from the bed walking over to her wardrobe grabbing some clean clothes and throwing them on, as she pulled her jeans on she looked over to Lexa who was looking at her unimpressed “I’m sorry babe but I promised Octavia I’d help her with her surprise”_

_“That’s so unfair its almost unbelievable” Lexa responded frowning as she watched Clarke button up the plain dark grey shirt she had picked out of the wardrobe, Lexa couldn’t help but vocalise what she was thinking as she looked over at Clarke “Your boobs look amazing in that shirt”_

_“I know, that’s why I bought it to impress a certain solider I happen to be madly in love with” Clarke laughed as she made her way bad to the bed removing her phone from charge on the side cabinet as she looked at the screen she noticed that Octavia had texted her saying: **On route be ready in thirty minutes**. As she replied to the message with a simply ‘Ok’ she realised that it was sent twenty-five minutes ago looking at Lexa she softly said “Babe you have to get ready”_

_“Why? You’re the one going out I have no plans what so ever today”_

_Clarke looked at Lexa unimpressed before softly saying “I know I’m a terrible girlfriend leaving you all alone, but Octavia will be here in about five minutes with Sasha’s surprise and I don’t want my best friend seeing my girlfriend naked”_

_“Maybe I want her to see me naked”_

_“You better not if you want to remain in my good side…. Plus, I don’t think Sasha would want that” Clarke paused for a second before crawling on the bed again stopping just next to Lexa “If you get dressed now I promise I’ll make it up to you later on” Clarke seductively said winking at Lexa before crawling back of the bed and walking to the door walking out of it, “I’ll be two minutes” Lexa shouted as Clarke disappeared out of her sight. Clarke softly smiled to herself at Lexa’s words before turning her attention as her phone vibrated in her hand looking at the message she smiled brightly when she read the message: **Octavia: We’re here** , as she finished reading the message she quickly made her way to the door_

_Two minutes later and Lexa was fully dressed wearing Black combats with a dark red Burberry t-shirt she decided not to put her shoes on at the moment and instead went for socks she knew Octavia and Clarke were terrible when it came to cleaning their apartment, as she walked out of Clarkes room into the living room she softly shouted “Clarke, babe where are you?” She couldn’t see Clarke anywhere she was just approaching the bathroom when she heard Clarke respond_

_“I’m in the kitchen babe, I have a surprise for you”_

_Walking towards the kitchen Lexa walked in finding a very smiley Clarke standing near the open door of the refrigerator she smiled as she looked at her softly smiling as she asked “What surprise?” She was intrigued when Clarke smiled even brighter looking down at what she assumed was the contents of the refrigerator_

_Clarke continued looking downwards as she said “Now?” Lexa was confused and slightly amused until she heard a little voice say ‘yeah’ she felt a burst of happiness explode inside her as Clarke closed the refrigerator revealing her little brother Atom as soon as he saw Lexa the 4 year old ran at her full force, as soon as he was close enough she lifted him up in her arms wrapping her arms around him as they both buried their heads in each other’s necks, as she hugged her little brother tightly she couldn’t help the tears that built up inside her eyes she hadn’t seen Atom in person for a least eight months and she missed him more each day as she controlled herself she looked up at Clarke who was holding back watching the siblings reunion Lexa smiled brightly at Clarke mouthing a genuine ‘Thank you’ to which Clarke simply smiled even brighter at her letting her enjoy this moment._

_ Back at Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment (20 Minutes later) _

_Sasha had got herself dressed opting for something simple she went with Dark Grey combats and a Navy Blue Burberry t-shirt she had just finished pulling on her Lion King socks (Because the Lion King rocks) when she got a text message through on her phone stretching across the bed she grabbed her phone unlocking it she read the message from Octavia: **Thought of anything?** She smiled at her girlfriend’s message before she replied: **I’m thinking you sit her down to watch a film and I’ll just walk in or something. What you think?** She was no good at surprises when it came to Costia and Tristan mainly because they were would always see or mainly because they were always asking about her and expecting her to be there. It wasn’t like surprising Octavia it wasn’t completely different she had to go to a whole different level she was brought out of her thoughts when her phone vibrated again: **Octavia:** **That could work…I’ll improvise**. Sasha smiled at the message before she had time to do anything else she got another message on her phone **Octavia: Just stay in the bedroom** She smiled even more responding to the message: **Yes, Ma’am** Continuing to smile to herself she placed the phone in her pocket looking around her room as she got up walking around the room almost re-familiarising herself with it, it was weird whenever she would go on tour coming home didn’t feel like coming home it was like going somewhere new even if it was the same place she’d lived for the last two years, even when she lived with her mama and Titus it still felt the same it didn’t feel like home she missed being with the guys in her unit, it was like she was so used to being away from home that being in Afghanistan felt more like home than America it was something her and Lexa both experienced but never fully understood why. But something about Octavia made her forget all of that she felt different with Octavia like the sun was always shining when they were together she never told anyone because she knew they’d make fun of her but she knew that her and Octavia was End game for her, she was all she thought about when she was away except for her family of course but the first person she wanted to see was Octavia. _

_Sasha was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the front door close with a small bang, she guessed Octavia did that on purpose to let her know that she was back, she smiled to herself as she continued walking around the room until she got to the bed sitting down she listened to the conversation from the living room it was faint but with only silence in the room with her she could just make out the conversation between Octavia and Costia_

_ -In the living room- _

_Octavia laughed softly as she sat on the couch facing the TV, she watched Costia run into the kitchen seconds later re-emerging with one bottle of coke and a cartoon of Orange juice running until she got to Octavia she stopped in front of Octavia holding out the bottle of coke she sweetly said “Here you go Tavi” Octavia smiled as she took the bottle from the 2 ½ year old_

_“Thank you Cos” Octavia moved backwards in her seat watching the little just standing in one spot not moving “So what film do you want to watch?” She asked the little girl she laughed softly when Costia brought her hand up to her chin and gently began rubbing it she would never get over how alike Sasha and Costia were even little movements they made like rubbing their chin she was snapped out of her thoughts when Costia excitedly shouted:_

_“JUNGLE BOOK”_

_“Jungle Book it is” Octavia smiled getting up from the couch and walking over to the TV finding the DVD on the shelf underneath the TV that hung on the wall, turning the TV on and placing the DVD in the built in DVD player she grabbed the remote and made her way back to the couch sitting down as she was before, as soon as she sat down Costia climbed onto her lap leaning her back against Octavia’s torso as she rested her head on Octavia’s chest_

_“I’ve miss you Tavi”_

_“I’ve missed you too Cos” Octavia replied trying to stop herself getting too emotional at the little girl’s words she’d never heard Costia say that to her before, she brought her hand up gently stroking it through Costia’s hair as she pressed play on the remote with her other free hand_

_“Tavi?”_

_“Yeah”_

_“You miss Ali?” Costia asked gently turning her head to look up at Octavia_

_“All the time” Octavia honestly answered looking at the little girl who had turned her head back to the TV “Do you miss Ali?” She felt Costia nod her head at the question gently turning around she looked down at Costia she said “You can talk about her” Costia turned herself around even more on Octavia’s lap until she sitting facing her “What do you miss?”_

_“Cuddles” Costia smiled brightly her smile almost a replica of Sasha’s as she smiled brightly down at the little girl she softly asked “What else?” When Costia just shrugged her shoulders her cheeks going a little red from what Octavia guessed was from embarrassment “praat?” (talking?) Costia nodded at Octavia,_

_“met my suster” (having my sister)_

_“You miss having your sister?” Costia nodded her head at Octavia’s words, Octavia instantly decided that she couldn’t hide Sasha from the little girl anymore not after what Costia had just said to her, pausing the film she softly looked at Costia softly saying “I’ve got a special surprise for you” When Costia’s mouth dropped open in excitement and surprise Octavia asked “Want it now?” Costia looked up at Octavia nodding her head smiling and giggling at the same time. “Ok, give me two minutes” Octavia said carefully removed Costia from her lap placing her on the couch “Wait here and close your eyes ok” She said looking at the little girl who instantly closed her eyes and covered them with her hands_

_Octavia quickly walked out of the living room quickly heading to Sasha’s bedroom opening the door she found Sasha waiting on the bed she instantly noticed how nervous and slightly upset Sasha was, she guessed that she must have heard some of the conversation she had just had with Costia “Come on” She simply whispered holding her hand out for Sasha who stood up walked towards her taking her hand gently before following her in to the living room as they walked back into the room they both smiled at Costia who was still sitting on couch her eyes still covered, Sasha released Octavia’s hand her nerves disappearing as she saw her little sister sitting a few feet away from her, walking forward she knelt down near the right side arm of the couch looking to Octavia she nodded her gently “Open your eyes Costia” Octavia happily said the smile on her face still firmly there._

_As Costia slowly opened her eyes Sasha softly said “Hey there Mini Me” As her eyes opened fully Costia let out a massive gasp as she instantly recognised Sasha, opening her eyes and closing them quickly she looked as Sasha almost as if she was dreaming, looking at Octavia for confirmation and when Octavia nodded her head at her Costia stood up on the couch running as fast as her tiny legs could carry her as she reached the arm of the couch she stepped on it jumping onto Sasha wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck as she caught her, the force and unexpectedness of Costia’s body hitting hers sent Sasha backwards on to her bum causing her to place her left hand behind her on the floor to stabilise herself once she was stable she wrapped her arms around Costia “So does that mean you missed me?” She asked laughing softly as she pulled back slightly so she could see her sister’s face_

_“Ja” (Yes) Costia replied pulling her head back with her arms still wrapped around Sasha’s neck she smiled at Sasha before leaning forward gently laying the side of her head on Sasha’s left shoulder “Ek jy regtig gemis” (I really missed you) Costia almost whispered not moving her head from its place on Sasha’s shoulder_

_“jy my regtig gemis?” (you really missed me?) Sasha repeated, Costia softly laughed nodding still not moving her head “Beteken dit dat ek kan die film te kyk met jou” (Does that mean I can watch the film with you?) As the final word left Sasha’s lips Costia’s head popped up from her shoulder she laughed softly at the quickness of Costia’s motion as the little girl excitedly said;_

_“Ja ja” (Yes yes) Costia jumped off of Sasha running over to Octavia she grabbed her hand pulling her towards Sasha as she said “Kom Tavi dis film tyd” (Come on Tavi it’s film time) as Costia pulled Octavia to Sasha she stopped in front of her sister “Staan op Ali vining” (Get up Ali quickly) she half dramatically said, Sasha decided to oblige and do what she asked, standing up she looked down at the little girl but before she had a chance to say anything Costia grabbed hold of Sasha’s hand still not releasing Octavia’s hand she pulled them both along until they were in front of the couch gently pushing them backwards until they sat down on the couch both of them laughing as the hit the couch sitting themselves up properly they both smiled more when Costia climbed onto their laps sitting herself on both of their laps her right side on Sasha and her left side on Octavia. As she looked up at them both saying “Play it Ali” She excitedly said, Sasha and Octavia looked at each other both smiling at the little girl’s behaviour and clear excitement, as they both turned their attention back to the movie as Sasha pressed play on the remote placing the remote on the table she gently placed her left arm around Octavia’s shoulders the action making Octavia lean into her side a little more as they sat back and turned their attention to the screen in front of them also enjoying be back together._


	20. Painful Reset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More flashbacks plus A shock at the end

Chapter Twenty-Painful Reset

_ 15th July 2012 Continued _

_Sasha and Octavia were still sitting on the couch they had finished watching Jungle Book and now were watching the Lady and the Tramp as soon as Costia saw the dogs on the DVD cover she had gotten excited and begun jumping up and down shouting about how much she wanted to watch it. Sasha and Octavia had just laughed gently as Sasha quickly relented placing the DVD into the player. As soon as she sat back down Costia jumped back onto her lap snuggling into Sasha her tiny hands gripping onto Sasha’s shirt._

_They were thirty minutes into the film when they all heard the sound of someone placing a key in the front door all three of them turned their attention to the door waiting to see who was going to come through it, before the door opened Costia buried her head in Sasha’s chest, seconds later the door opened Clarke was the first to walk through the door she softly smiled at Octavia and Sasha, gently stepping into the apartment she made her way to the free couch that was in line with the door, seconds later Lexa appeared at the front door dressed in almost an identical outfit to Sasha before she could say anything her attention snapped to the 2 ½ year old on Sasha’s lap,_

_“Costia” She shockingly said looking at Clarke and then Octavia who was smiling brightly, as Atom’s head popped around the corner having heard Costia’s name_

_“ALEX” Costia shouted in excitement having looked up from Sasha’s chest seeing her older cousin at the door, she jumped off of Sasha’s lap and ran full force at Lexa as she reached Lexa’s legs the brunette picked her up hugging her tightly_

_“ALEXIS” Atom shouted as he ran into the apartment after pecking around the corner had led to him seeing Sasha sitting on the couch, once he got close enough to Sasha he jumped onto her lap wrapping his arms around her neck tightly squeezing her “I missed seeing you”_

_“I missed you too buddy” Looking up at Lexa she asked “So you got a surprise as well this morning?”_

_“Yep the terrible twosome ganged up on us”_

_"Hey we were being good no great girlfriends thank you” Octavia responded gently tapping Sasha on the left arm_

_“I'm sorry baby yes you were” Sasha replied smiling sweetly as she leant into Octavia kissing her gently on the lips, as she went in for another kiss Atom placed his hand over her mouth causing her to turn her attention towards him “What was that for? I was getting me some sugar” She jokingly added looking at the little boy_

_“I want sugar” He replied giggling softly at Sasha_

_“Oh you do?” When Atom nodded at her knowing he wanted her to do what she always did, she grabbed him on the side of his stomach and began tickling gently causing him to shuffle around until her was laying across her and Octavia his head on Sasha’s lap and his legs on Octavia's lap, seeing her opportunity Sasha grabbed each side of Atoms neck gently softly lifting him up she began to plant gentle kissing all over his face causing the little boy to laugh underneath her_

_“Save me Clarkey” The little boy laughed out as he continued to wiggle underneath Sasha’s hands, Clarke laughed at the little boy not moving an inch_

_“Clarke can’t save you little man” Sasha responded lifting her head up for a second stopping her attack on the little boy for a second, she paused for a second before moving down to continue her playful attack on the little boy but before she could Atom rolled off of her and Octavia’s laps on to the floor placing his hands down stopping himself from getting hurt. Atom got up laughing as he ran diving onto Clarke’s lap as Sasha pretended that he had escaped her grasp at the last second “Next time little man” She laughed leaning back in her seat her attention turning back to Lexa and Costia, Costia was hiding her face in Lexa’s shoulder standing up she gently walked to where Lexa was standing gently tapping Costia’s back the little girl didn’t move an inch she just shuffled slightly in Lexa’s arms “Hey Mini me what’s wrong?” Costia didn't say anything instead she shifted her head slightly so half her face was exposed “You want cuddles like Atom?” Costia shyly nodded her head rubbing her eyes softly “I'm sorry cos” Sasha softly said realising Costia must have felt left out by her interaction with Atom, holding her arms out to the little girl, without hesitation Costia reached out for Sasha who placed her hands under Costia’s arms picking her up out of Lexa’s arms moving her right arm underneath Costia bum so she didn't fall as she did so Costia placed her hands on her cheeks she leaned forward placing a kiss on the little girls cheeks instantly seeing a smile appear on Costia’s face, placing her arms gently under Costia’s arms again she lifted the girl in the air bringing her stomach down on to her face gently blowing raspberries on the little girls stomach when Costia burst out laughing she repeated her action numerous times until she could see a resting smile on Costia’s face, Sasha and Lexa both sat down next to their respective girlfriends as all of them agreed to continued watching the film together, Sasha pressed play and lent back with Costia again placed on her lap as the movie played she looked over to Lexa who had her right arm wrapped around Clarke’s shoulders as Atom laid across them both, they both exchanged a knowing look this was everything they had talked about and hoped for while they were on tour_

 

Lexa and Sasha’s Apartment

Clarke and Lexa had ended up talking about Clarke’s decision for an hour before the calls to Clarke’s phone became more and more frequent until they were almost every minute, Clarke ended up telling Lexa she better go and talk to Mitch after turning down a lift from Lexa, Clarke had left to head to her apartment leaving Lexa alone with her thoughts about what decision Clarke would make, Lexa had sat down on the couch that faced the TV and proceeded to turn on the TV flicking through the channels to try and distract herself but it didn’t work as she continued to think about Clarke, she was thankful that she wasn’t left alone for long as Raven returned as she said she would pushing the door shut with her foot giving Lexa an amused ‘don’t you own a shirt’ comment she dramatically flopped down next to the right of Lexa on the couch after a few minutes of silence she asked:

 

“Where’s Clarke?”

 

“She went back home” Lexa calmly responded not taking her attention off of the TV

 

“Cool” Raven replied scrunching up her face she stayed silent for a few seconds until her thoughts got the better of her “Ok so I may be completely off base here which is highly unlikely as I know you but……is there something going on between you and Clarke again?”

 

“No why?” Lexa asked still not taking her attention away from the TV

 

“Because I’m your best friend and I can tell when something is up with you, plus when me and Harper walked in I could tell we walked in on something” After a few minutes of silence Raven grabbed the remote from Lexa’s hand turning the TV onto mute she looked at Lexa

 

“Raven…. what the hell?” Lexa said looking to her suddenly

 

“I know something’s up between you and Clarke, Lex were friends you can tell me anything I’m here for you no strings attached”

 

Lexa took in a deep breath, lifting her right foot to rest on the table in front of her looking at Raven she softly said “It’s complicated” Raven didn’t say a word she just looked at her placing a supportive hand on Lexa’s right forearm before bringing it away again, Lexa took in a deep breath “Ok I’ll tell you but you can’t tell Sasha not right now, well not a least until I know what exactly is going on between me and Clarke” When Raven simply nodded she added “You have to promise Rae”

 

“I promise Lex; I won’t say a word to Sasha”

 

“Me and Clarke kissed” Lexa softly explained when Raven didn’t respond she knew it was a sign for her to continue what she was saying “We got talking about us and how we feel about each other, we both admitted we still love each other…and she basically said she was going to dump Mitch to be with me”

 

“Wow”

 

“Yeah, I told her she can’t end it with Mitch because of me because she could end up resenting me for it, she agreed that it had to be about her and what she wanted and not about me and her being together in some capacity other than friends, she said she’s still going to end it with him but that she understands if I want to take it slow between us”

 

“And do you?” Raven asked looking Lexa dead in the eyes

 

“Do I what?”

 

“Do you want to take it slow with Clarke?”

 

“I don’t know, it’s strange but nothing seems to have changed between us I still get butterflies in my stomach whenever she's around and I can’t get her out of my head no matter how hard I try too, it’s just so complicated between us and I know if me and her got back together it would cause so many problems for a lot of people but……”

 

“But what Lexa?”

 

“I love her” Lexa honestly said, Raven didn’t respond she simply just put her hand on top of Lexa’s gently squeezing it supportively

 

After a few minutes of silence Raven let go of Lexa’s hand she was happy to help Lexa come to a decision but before she helped her anymore she need to know the answer to a question that had burning inside her brain since she had pulled Sasha off of Lexa earlier on in the day, she leant forward leaning her elbows on her knees as she looked slightly to her left not moving her head she asked “Why didn’t you tell Sasha about Costia? …you must have known she’d flip out when she found out, she loves Costia to death you know that better than anyone else”

 

“I didn’t have a choice”

 

“That’s bullshit Lexa and you know it”

 

“I didn’t Rae, my mum my aunt and my grandparents made me promise I couldn’t break my promise to my Mum I just couldn’t”

 

“That’s a fucking terrible excuse”

 

“Rae…”

 

“No Lex it is; how many times have you told Sasha something that you were told not to tell her by your mum?”

 

“I don’t know quite a few”

 

“Then why hide this from her especially something so serious, it’s not right no matter how much you try and dress it up”

 

“I know that and I wanted to tell her honestly I did but….”

 

“But what?”

 

“Honestly it was too hard for me, every time I thought about how she would react it broke my heart I know Sasha I knew that she’d flip and go off the rails but more than anything I didn’t want her PTSD to get worse, I hate myself for not telling her but it was easier for me not to say anything to her, Aunt Madilyn said she would tell her soon and before I knew it soon turned into a month and I just couldn’t help but not say anything when I saw how happy she was, I just wanted to protect her for as long as I could”

 

“I kind of understand that but that doesn’t mean that I agree with what you did Lex not by any means” Raven paused for a second trying to find the right words to say “But I understand you wanting to protect Sasha but you have to know that you went about it the wrong way”

 

“I know I did One hundred percent; I just don’t know how to fix it”

 

“Are you sure you can fix it?”

 

“I have no idea” Lexa honestly answered leaning forward and her head falling into her hands as she contemplated her and Sasha’s now fragile relationship, before her and Raven had a chance to talk further the front door to their left opened slowly her attention and Raven’s turning to the door as they both heard Octavia and Sasha’s voices seemingly talking to someone else, as Sasha walked through the door laughing softly holding a small my Little Pony suitcase, she stopped talking seeing Lexa and Raven sitting on the couch

 

Before either Raven or Lexa had a chance to say a word to her Sasha placed the suitcase on the floor next to the couch turning her attention back to the door, seconds later Octavia appeared in the frame of the doorway holding Costia in her arms as the little girl giggled seemingly at something that Octavia had said or done, Lexa could instantly see the difference in the little girl compared to the last time she saw her weeks ago her tanned skin was several shades later than it usually was and she looked like she had lost weight.

 

Costia smiled brightly when she saw Lexa sitting on the couch instantly she began wriggling in Octavia’s arms until Octavia reluctantly put the little girl on the floor, as soon as her feet hit the ground she ran over to Lexa, who was still leant forward, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder as she hugged her tightly Lexa instantly wrapped her arms around the little girl gently resting her hands on Costia’s back, she was unable to suppress the tears that began falling from her eyes she hadn’t seen Costia since she found out the little girl was sick she had made a point of not seeing her because she knew that if she did she would break and tell Sasha everything, after a few minutes Lexa pulled back about to ask Costia how she was feeling but before she could Costia spoke;

 

“Moenie huil Alex” _(Don’t cry Alex)_ She softly said reaching up with her little hands wiping away the tears from Lexa’s cheeks leaving her hands on Lexa’s cheeks smiling at her older cousin she added “It’s gonna be ok” She added making all the adults in the room laugh softly at the grown up sentence

 

“Listen to her Lex she’s a smart kid” Raven laughed out

 

“RAE RAE” Costia shouted dropping her hands from Lexa’s face and taking a few steps to her left jumping excitedly onto Raven, who she hadn’t noticed until right now, Raven leant back slightly allowing Costia to climb on to her lap seeing the excitement in the little girl made her smile brightly as Costia moved herself until she was kneeling on Raven’s thighs gently grabbing hold of Raven’s shoulder she said “Ek mis jou voëltjie” _(_ _I missed you little bird)_ the seriousness in Costia’s voice making Sasha and Raven both laugh softly

 

“jy my gemis?” _(You missed me?)_ Raven asked, seeing the smile on Costia’s face at her use of Afrikaans she smiled at the little girl who nodded repeatedly at her question “goeie rede is ek ook mis jou” _(Good cause I missed you too)_ As she finished her sentence Costia wrapped her arms around her neck hugging her tightly her little arms not relenting in their grip for a few minutes

 

As Costia pulled out of the hug she placed her hands on Raven’s cheeks just as she did with Lexa and almost whispered “Are you staying Rae Rae?”

 

“You want me too?” Costia again nodded excitedly “Then I’m staying”

 

“YAY” Costia cheered her arms shooting up into the air and then back to Raven’s cheeks

 

“Come on Cos, time for you to get changed and then medicine” Sasha interjected not looking at Lexa not quite knowing herself how she would react to her cousin at this moment in time

 

“Ok” Costia cheerfully answered looking to Sasha and then back to Raven, keeping her hands on Raven’s cheeks she turned to Sasha asking “Can Rae Rae and Alex watch the films with us?” Sasha hesitated in answering causing Costia to look at her saying “Please Ali”

 

“Sure they can”

 

“Yes” Costia replied looking back to Raven she said “I’ll be back in one minute Rae Rae”

 

“Ok I’ll see you in a minute then” Raven replied, she smiled when Costia kissed her on the lips quickly it was something that the little girl did to everyone she got attached to it was a small and simple sign of love and affection, she watched as Costia jumped off her thighs carefully onto the floor stopping in front of Lexa who had stood up ready to leave the room tugging at Lexa’s lounge pants she raised onto her tip toes the action causing Lexa to lean down and pick Costia up lifting her onto her chest Costia instantly wrapped her legs around Lexa’s waist wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck at the same time, Costia did as she just did with Raven and placed a loving kiss on Lexa’s lips pulling back she rested her head on Lexa’s right shoulder moving her arms from around Lexa’s neck placing her left arm underneath Lexa’s right armpit and her right arm on Lexa’s bare chest listening to her heartbeat;

 

After a few seconds Sasha softly said “Come on Costia, time to get changed” Reminding her little sister she knew Costia always did this when she stayed over anything to avoid getting in her pyjamas and she was guessing that it was now to avoid having to take her medicine as well

 

"NO”

 

“Costia” Sasha firmly said sending a stern look at Costia

 

“I want Alex to help me” Costia said almost whinging at Sasha not moving her head from Lexa’s chest

 

Lexa looked at Sasha she couldn’t see any anger in her cousins face it was almost the opposite she could swear Sasha was suppressing a smile, ignoring her thoughts she softly said “I don’t mind if its ok with you” Sasha looked to Octavia who nodded at her supportively then looking at her little sister and how content and happy she gave a simple nod in Lexa’s direction. Seeing the nod of approval Lexa walked forward leaning carefully down she picked up Costia’s my Little Pony suitcase and walked off in the direction of the guest bedroom she couldn’t help but smile to herself at Sasha’s actions, it wasn’t a lot and she knew that but maybe Sasha could forgive her in time…

 

 

 

Clarke and Octavia’s Apartment

Clarke made her way nervously into her apartment carefully turning the key inside the lock she pushed the door open as quietly as she could, before stepping inside and just as carefully closing the door, as she walked into the living room she was startled to find Mitch sitting on the couch in front of her his phone in his right hand while his empty left hand was balled up in a fist his eyes menacingly staring into her as he angrily asked;

 

“Where have you been?”

 

“How did you get in here? You don’t have a key?”

 

“Your father gave me his spare when I told him you weren’t answering my calls” Mitch coldly responded his face remaining ice cold as he continued to stare at Clarke not blinking “Now answer my question Clarke?”

 

“I was at a friend’s house not that its anything to do with you”

 

“It’s everything to do with me you’re my woman Clarke”

 

“I’m not your anything Mitch, I’m not a piece of meat or something you can own, I’m a person with feelings” Clarke shouted back she was sick of being talked to like she was an object by Mitch, the anger inside her bubbled up even more when Mitch began to laugh at her “Are you seriously laughing at me right now?”

 

“You were with those bunch of dykes weren’t you?” Mitch asked, not getting an answer he raised his voice “WEREN’T YOU?”

 

“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me?” Clarke instantly retorted the anger in her voice just as clear as Mitch’s

 

“I’ll do what I damn well like woman, and not you or any dyke bitch is going to stop me”

 

“I have no idea what you are talking about Mitch?” She paused for a second trying to decide which option was the best lying or telling the truth she knew if she told Mitch the truth about where she was last night that he’d get even angrier and she’d never be able to break up with him “I stayed at Bellamy’s ok, you know Octavia’s brother” When Mitch seemed to calm down slightly she continued “He didn’t want me to come back here until the morning he was worried that you’d start an argument with me” She lied although it was kind of true except instead of Bellamy it was Sasha that had made her stay the night.

 

“Did you fuck him?” Mitch bluntly asked standing up from his seat moving towards Clarke his fist still balled up

 

“WHAT? NO Bellamy is like a brother to me”

 

“Good” Was all Mitch said he could tell something was on Clarke’s mind and was sure he knew that it was and he would be damned if he was going to be dumped by Marcus Kane’s daughter not when he was so close to a promotion “Look I’m sorry about yesterday I just got a little upset, seeing you looking at the pictures of you and…. her….it just got me angry”

 

“I know you got angry I was there Mitch, but it isn’t the first time is it” When he angrily looked at her causing her to continue “Your always angry Mitch, maybe it’s a sign that this isn’t meant to be” She said motioning between them

 

“What do you mean not meant to be?” He asked taking a step closer to Clarke again

 

“We don’t work together Mitch we both know that, we don’t match Mitch we don’t have anything in common, I’m not attracted to you and you’re not attracted to me, we both know that I agreed to go out with you to please my dad and you asked me out to get yourself a promotion” She paused as she tried to take in Mitch’s expression “Maybe it’s best if we just call it quits now”

 

“WHAT?” Mitch angrily responded stepping even closer to Clarke who took a step backwards creating some space between them

 

“I don’t love you Mitch, I’m not saying this time upset you or make you angry I’m just being honest with you, we haven’t been intimate in a while and we’ve never had sex and to be honest I can’t see us ever getting to a place where I’d want to take that step…” Mitch still remained silent not saying a word to Clarke but she could see the anger filling up his face “I know that this isn’t what you want to hear but we can’t carry on like this, I’m miserable Mitch all we do is argue all the time and we both know why Mitch….” Clarke paused as her conversation with Sasha flashed in her head and she suddenly found the strength to say the words she knew had to be said “I’m gay Mitch and I know you don’t want to hear that but it’s the truth....” Still Mitch didn’t say a word to her “I think maybe it’s best if we call it quits now and you leave” Clarke waited for a response but she still didn’t get one so she decided that leaving was probably the best option at the moment as she turned heading towards her room

 

Before she could reach her room she felt a firm hand grab a hold of her right wrist forcing her roughly around until she came face to face with a furious Mitch his face was completely filled with rage and malicious as he looked Clarke in the eyes his grip on her wrist got tighter and tighter causing Clarke to wince as she said “Mitch let me go” Mitch remained silent gripping tighter and tighter on her wrist until she could feel the circulation cut off from the amount of pressure he was applying “Mitch Please” Clarke felt her a rush of relief come over her as Mitch let go of her wrist her relief was short lived when Mitch grabbed her by the throat with his left hand instantly bringing her hands to Mitch’s wrist trying effortlessly to get him to release his grip on her throat, his eyes were unlike anything Clarke had seen before so filled with venom and hatred, a smile filling his face as she choked gasping for air helplessly extending his arm pushing Clarke backwards on her feet slightly as he released his hold on Clarke’s throat he pulled his right arm back before releasing it bringing his fist crashing into Clarke’s left cheek sending Clarke crashing to the ground, the force of the punch rattled Clarke’s brain as she looked up trying to regain her bearings placing her hands on the floor trying to get up unsuccessfully she felt so weak her vision was blurry and her stomach was whirly around and around she decided standing up was a bad idea and instead turned herself around looking up at Mitch she crawled backwards until she hit the wall helplessly watching as he got closer and closer to her, Mitch stalked his way towards her removing his belt as he did a pervious smile spread across his face as he sickly said “You don’t get a choice in this…..Not anymore”

 

 

_ 15th July 2012 _

_Lexa and Clarke stood in the kitchen Lexa was removing bowls and glasses from the cupboards as Clarke grabbed the big bag of Cheetos, the popcorn and the chocolate and drinks her and Octavia had placed in the apartment in preparation for their surprise, Clarke had offered to get the snacks ready for everyone while the others had tried to decide which film they wanted to watch next after she had left the room Lexa had decided to help her out, she couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong with Clarke they had all been chatting like normal but Clarke seemed to be upset with her over something, as she finished emptying the Cheetos in a big bowl for everyone to share placing the wrapping in the bin she moved behind Clarke placing her hands on Clarke’s hips her thoughts were confirmed when Clarke shifted herself forward out of Lexa’s grip,_

_“Ok, what have I done? Somethings up”_

_“Nothing” Clarke plainly answered, causing Lexa to gently take hold of her hips turning her around so she was facing her looking Clarke in the eyes she said “There’s nothing wrong at all”_

_“Yes there is, I know you Clarke and there’s something wrong”_

_“No there isn’t” She again replied trying to turn around but Lexa had a firm but gentle hold on her hips stopping her from turning around_

_“Clarke please just talk to me” Looking into Clarke’s eyes she moved her right hand from Clarke’s hip to her cheek “I know something is wrong and that your upset but I don’t know what it is or if I did something to upset you, please just tell me”_

_“What is tomorrow?” Clarke asked completely expecting Lexa to not remember_

_“It’s our two-year anniversary” Everything clicked in her head when she saw the look of surprise spread across Clarke’s face a smile filling as she looked at Clarke moving closer to her as she said “You thought I forgot?”_

_“Maybe” Clarke responded her face going a bright red_

_“SASHA” Lexa shouted not moving from her position, seconds later Sasha appeared at the kitchen door looking at Lexa expectantly_

_“What?” Sasha asked_

_“What are you doing tomorrow?”_

_“Ok Lex, I know I’ve punched you in the head a couple times but we discussed this like twenty minutes ago when Clarke was in the toilet your memory can't be that bad” Sasha responded unamused_

_“Alexis”_

_“Alright alright, Me and Octavia are taking Atom and Costia to the movies and then spending all day keeping them occupied here so that you and Clarke can get your anniversary freak on at her apartment” As Sasha finished her sentence Lexa looked at Clarke whose face was even redder than before she leant forward covering her face by burying it in Lexa’s shoulder “Can I go back to my missus please? You interrupted me I was getting some sugar”_

_“Yeah you can go back…. Thanks”_

_“Whatever…. weirdos” Sasha laughed as she moved forward grabbing the bowl of Cheetos from on the counter next to Lexa “Get you some sugar Twinsy” Sasha added jumping out of reach as Lexa went to slap her_

_“See I didn’t forget” Lexa softly said lifting Clarke’s face up so they were face to face again “It’s kind of hard to forget an anniversary when your girlfriend is one of the most beautiful women on the planet” Lexa said her comment doing as she intended as a smile spread across Clarke’s face “So no more grumpy Clarke?”_

_“No more grumpy Clarke I promise” Clarke responded leaning up and capturing Lexa’s lip with her own she smiled in the kiss pulling back she said “I’m so happy your back” Lexa giggle softly as she leant down recapturing Clarke’s lips the passion instantly seeping into the kiss as they both got lost in each other, Clarke instinctively wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck pulling her into the kiss more their hips pressing into each other’s she laughed as Lexa lifted her onto the side wrapping her arms around Clarke’s waist pulling them closer together until their hips were pressed together “LEXA CLARKE HURRY THE HELL UP” Octavia’s voice broke them apart causing them to both laugh softly leaning their foreheads against each other’s as Lexa gently lifted Clarke of the counter placing her carefully down until her feet were safely on the ground, bringing her hands up resting one on each of Clarke’s cheeks she softly whispered “I love you Clarke”_

_“I love you too Lex”_

 

Lexa and Sasha’s Apartment

Lexa had spent twenty minutes getting Costia changed as well as putting on some jogging bottoms and a t-shirt, after all it was only 2pm in the afternoon, once she had got herself dressed Costia had asked her if she could wear her ‘special’ t-shirt and Lexa knew she meant her army t-shirt, she obliged the girl finding one of her spare t-shirts in her draw she helped Costia put the shirt on both of them laughing softly at how big the shirt was on Costia. After they returned to the living room Sasha had to literally carry Costia into the kitchen to get her to take her medicine, seeing Sasha struggle Lexa decided to interject even if Sasha didn’t want her help she needed it, they both managed to convince Costia that the pills she was taking were just candy and after a while Costia agreed to take the pills but not without making sure she got to pick the film if she took her medicine.

 

When they all returned to the living room Costia instantly asked where Octavia was, Sasha then had to explain that Octavia had to go home for a little while before reassuring the little girl that Octavia would be back soon. Costia then gave a massive smile with a simple ‘ok’ before running off to look at the collection of films that were on the DVD shelf when Sasha said they could just watch Netflix Costia insisted it wasn’t the same, Sasha choose not to argue with the little girl because she knew she’d ultimately lose. After five minutes Costia settled on Despicable Me running over to Lexa and showing her asking her to put the DVD in the player which Lexa happily did walking over to the DVD player Costia holding her hand the whole way. As they walked back to sit on the couch with Sasha who was sat on the couch that faced the TV, where her and Lexa had both naturally sat down once entering the room, Raven entered the room returning from the toilet she laid down on the free couch her head on one end of the couch and her legs on the other, Costia had watched Raven and stopped in her tracks laughing at Raven she let go of Lexa’s hand;

 

“Rae Rae” Costia softly said

 

“What’s up Munchkin?” Raven asked turning her attention to Costia noticing the little girl was stood a little awkwardly

 

“Can I cuddle with you Rae Rae?”

 

Raven couldn’t suppress the massive smile that spread across her face as she looked at Sasha and Lexa who were both laughing softly at her reaction “Of course you can Munchkin” She replied opening her arms to an excited Costia who quickly moved to her carefully climbing onto Raven’s chest, Raven carefully moved Costia so she was between her and the back of the couch stretching her right arm out she brought it to rest underneath Costia’s head. Costia instantly cuddled into Raven’s side her hands gripping onto Raven’s t-shirt.

 

Twenty minutes in to the film they all jumped when the buzzer for their door began to go off continuously Lexa, Sasha and Raven all looked at each other not quite sure who it could be Sasha had given Octavia a key to let herself in later on in the night. Sasha was the first to get up pressing the button she asked;

 

“Who is it?”

 

“It’s…. It’s Clarke” Sasha looked at Lexa both of them raising their eyebrows it was definitely Clarke’s voice but something was different

 

“Clarke, are you ok?” Sasha asked softly as Lexa stood up walking over to her

 

“No…. I ne…. I need…. help”

 

“Lex something isn’t right” Sasha stated looking at Lexa who nodded in agreement they both looked to Raven and Costia who had turned their attention back to the film “Rae can you take Costia into the guest room she can watch the rest of the film in there”

 

“Sure, everything ok?” Raven asked lifting Costia up with her as she stood up

 

“Not sure” Sasha honestly answered, Raven didn’t need anything more than that she walked over to the DVD player ejecting the DVD she grabbed the case and placed the DVD inside it telling Costia to hold on tightly while she did so, as she closed the case holding it in her hand as she carried Costia down the hallway and into the guest room, Sasha and Lexa both waited to hear the guest room door close before Sasha opened the front door her and Lexa both darting down the stairs until they came to the entrance of the apartment complex Sasha was the first to reach the door pushing it open she looked to the intercom then downwards seeing a bloody and beaten Clarke curled up on the floor she stopped dead in her tracks she felt Lexa bump into her side the bump from Lexa seemed to kick her into hyper drive as she leaned down next to Clarke “What happened Clarke?”

 

“Mitch” Clarke managed to spit out her mouth was filled with blood, Clarke winced slightly as Sasha began to look her over she could see a massive bruise forming on Clarke’s left cheek, a deep cut above Clarke’s right eye and another cut a few centimetres above it, Clarke’s top lip was split open on the left side the skin around and underneath it was swollen. Sasha moved her gaze lower seeing that Clarke had blood all over her pants and all over her shirt, she knew she couldn’t help Clarke if she was outside their apartment block on the floor, looking up at Lexa she simply said “We need to get her upstairs”

 

“Clarke can you get up? Can you walk?” Lexa asked kneeling down next to Clarke, she gently took Clarke’s hand in hers seeing a tear spill from Clarke’s eyes as Clarke shook her head indicating she couldn’t stand or walk.

 

“I’ll carry her” Sasha stated when Lexa looked at her she added “We both know I’m stronger” Lexa nodded she knew Sasha was right Sasha had always been the stronger of the two, Lexa moved out of the way letting Sasha kneel next to Clarke, Sasha softly said to Clarke “I’m gonna lift you up and carry you upstairs ok?” Clarke looked into Sasha’s eyes giving her a small nod of approval, with the nod of approval Sasha scooped her arm carefully underneath Clarke’s knees before carefully lifting Clarke’s arm around her shoulder once she was sure she had a firm grip on Clarke she stood up lifting Clarke off the ground, walking inside she began climbing the multiple sets of stairs, a minute later Sasha was walking through their front door closely followed by Lexa who closed the door behind herself, Sasha carefully placed Clarke down on the couch closest to the door Clarke looked around not seeing Octavia she tried to get up only to be stopped by Lexa,

 

“Octavia” Clarke managed to say through the blood still swirling in her mouth still trying to look around for her best friend

 

As Sasha heard the name leave Clarke’s lips she stood up looking to Clarke the panic in her face was clear for Clarke to see “She went back to yours” As the words left Sasha’s lips Clarke tried to get up only to again be stopped by Lexa

 

“It’s ok I’m sure she’ll be fine”

 

“No….” Clarke forced herself to swallow the blood in her mouth allowing herself to say a sentence she needed to “He’s still there…”

 

Lexa looked to Sasha she didn’t know what to say to Clarke or what to do, seeing Clarke in this state knocked her for six seeing the look on Lexa’s face she stepped forward kneeling down next to Clarke she said “It’s ok Clarke I’ll call Bellamy he lives five minutes away from you guys he can get to Octavia and make sure she’s ok” Sasha’s words worked as Clarke laid back on the couch she closed her eyes as the pain she was feeling began to take over her

 

Sasha pulled her phone out of her pocket pulling up Bellamy’s contact she pressed call within seconds he answered the phone:

 

“Hey Sash what’s up?”

 

“Are you at your apartment?”

 

“Yeah I am why?”

 

“Long story short Mitch beat up Clarke….”  


“What?” Bellamy almost shouted not letting Sasha finished

 

“I know I know, look Mitch is still at their apartment and Octavia is heading there”

 

“Say no more I’m on my way, I’ll call when I get there” Bellamy said hanging up the phone knowing Sasha didn’t care about manners at the moment, he grabbed his keys rushing out of the door running to his car hoping his sister was ok.

 

“Bellamy’s on his way now she’ll be fine Clarke” Sasha soothingly said looking at Clarke

 

“I’m gonna go get the first aid kit” Lexa said getting up from next to Clarke and rushing towards the bathroom

 

Once she was sure that Lexa was in the bathroom and couldn’t hear what she was going to say carefully she knelt down next to Clarke looking at Clarke who looked at her trying her best to smile at Sasha, “Clarke I have to ask you something?” Clarke looked at Sasha giving her a nod the best she could, Sasha took a deep breath in before looking Clarke in the eyes before asking “Clarke…. Did Mitch rape you?”


	21. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Mitch's Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that left a comment and that took time to read the last ten chapters :-) I'm just wrapping up this story on Fanfiction.net so should be able to upload a chapter a day sometimes two if I can so that this story is completed in time for the sequel FanFic I have planned. I am also working on another FanFic which will be CLEXA based more info will be put in coming chapters. Anyway hope you all enjoy this story and please feel free to comment or inbox me, all comments are welcome :-) 
> 
> OHHHHH ALSO I hope you all had a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS :-)

Chapter 21-Comfort

Before Clarke could answer the question she began coughing as the blood refilled her mouth, seeing this Sasha stood up quickly walking in to the kitchen she got a bowl they used for cleaning from under the sink then retrieving a glass of water for Clarke she re-entered the living room walking back to where she had been moments before again kneeling down in front of Clarke she placed the bowl in front of Clarke as she handed her the glass of water at the same time, Clarke gladly accepted both items carefully sitting herself up a little she took a sip of the water swishing it around her mouth before spitting it carefully into the bowl in front of her, Sasha kept her eyes on Clarke waiting to hear her answer the question she had asked moments ago, gently taking hold of Clarke’s hand she squeezed it supportively as Clarke opened her mouth slowly answering;

 

“No”

 

“Clarke, you don’t have to be ashamed….” Before she could continue her sentence Clarke cut her off squeezing her hand gently,

 

“He tried to…. I um…I did what you taught me” Clarke replied a grimace (painful smile) filling her face as she looked up at Sasha who was smiling at her “Once he was on the floor I ran, and didn’t stop until I got here” Clarke continued explaining stopping there she couldn’t form anymore words as the pain began to overtake her

 

“It’s ok Clarke you don’t have to explain any further I just had to ask” Sasha softly said seeing the pain fill Clarke’s face “You rest up I’ll go make sure Lexa has everything I need” Sasha stood up looking Clarke over once more now seeing the dark red marking around Clarke’s neck then scanning the rest of her body making sure she hadn’t missed an injury she softly said “We need to call the police Clarke” When Clarke went to talk Sasha continued “No arguments Clarke, he needs to be punished for this, I’ll clean you up a bit after they leave and then take you to the hospital”

 

“No hospital” Clarke stated firmly looking at Sasha

 

“Ok no hospital once the police leave I’ll clean you up. I’ll get you a change of clothes for after the police leave” Sasha turned on her heels walking towards the bathroom before she reached the hallway she heard Clarke speak turning around she asked “Sorry Clarke what was that?”

 

“I said thank you” Clarke honestly replied lifting her head slightly before placing it back on the arm of the couch

 

“Your welcome” Sasha honestly replied walking to the hallway turning left and heading towards the bathroom where she knew she’d find Lexa, she watched as Lexa just stared down at her hands which were covered in a small amount of Clarke’s blood she could tell from the way Lexa was holding herself that she was upset, moving forward she placed a gentle hand on Lexa’s left shoulder the feeling of Sasha’s hand on her shoulder shook Lexa out of her daze as she leant forward turning on the tap washing the blood roughly of her hands “She’s gonna be ok Lex” Sasha supportively said, even though she was still angry at Lexa for lying about Costia she couldn’t let her suffer on her own like this she knew Lexa and she knew how much she loved Clarke she knew how she’d feel if that was Octavia lying on their couch right now, “He didn’t rape her Lex” Sasha’s words caused Lexa to spin around the relief clear on her face as she let out a massive breath as the tears fell down her cheeks

 

“He didn’t?” Lexa tearfully asked not sure she’d heard Sasha correctly

 

“No he didn’t” Sasha confirmed placing each of her hands on Lexa’s shoulders squeezing them gently “You need to hold it together Alexandra, I know that you love her and this is killing you seeing her like this but she came to us…to you, because she needs someone to be strong for her…she needs you Lex” Lexa nodded at Sasha’s words taking a deep breath in “You go back in there hold her hand and don’t let go until she forces you to, I’m gonna call the police when they get here she’s gonna need that hand more than ever” Lexa again nodded at Sasha’s words wiping the tears from her cheeks she went to walk past Sasha before she could move past her Sasha held her hand up “Wash and dry your face otherwise she’ll know you’ve been crying” Sasha gently ventured watching as Lexa nodded turning and walking back to the sink and began washing her face with cold water, as Lexa began drying her face she softly ventured “If you need to talk then I’m here for you”

 

“But I…”

 

“We have a lot to talk about….” Sasha started cutting Lexa off “I’m not saying I forgive you but you are my family and I love you unconditionally, I know this is going to be hard for you so I’m just letting you know that I’m here for you” Sasha stepped forward placing her right hand on Lexa’s left trap gently saying “You can do this, you can be there for her” Sasha reassuringly said using her right hand to pull Lexa into a hug which Lexa greatly accepted wrapping her arms around Sasha gripping onto her t-shirt as Sasha tightly gripped onto her “I’ve always got your back Lex you know that” Sasha whispered into Lexa’s ear before pulling out of the hug “Now go be there for the women you love” Sasha smiles standing out of the way so Lexa can walk past.

 

Lexa re-enters the living room seeing Clarke saying helplessly on the couch she slowly walks over to her kneeling down next to her she gently moves a strand of Clarke’s hair out of her face smiling brightly at her she says “I think you’re the only woman who can be beaten up and still look beautiful” The comment makes Clarke smile softly at her as she reaches for Lexa’s hand holding onto it tightly tears spilling out of her eyes as the mask she had put on in front of Sasha crumbled as Lexa looked at her, seeing the tears Lexa used her free hand wiping away the tears careful not to hurt Clarke by touching one of her open wounds she softly said “You can cry in front of me Clarke, nothing you do or say will make me love you any less than I do. You don’t need to be strong for me” as Lexa finished her sentence Clarke began to sob uncontrollably causing Lexa to stand up and move forward gently lifting Clarke upwards she sat behind Clarke wrapping her arms around Clarke who turned into her chest let the shock and upset of what had happened a mere hour ago out as she finally felt safe wrapped in Lexa’s arms

 

Clarke and Octavia’s Apartment

Bellamy pulled his car up outside Octavia and Clarke’s apartment complex it had taken him about 8 minutes to get there in his car he had hit traffic light after traffic light on route, every second that passed his worry for his sister grew and grew, he’d tried on numerous occasions to call her mobile but she didn’t answer the phone even worse was that everytime he called it rang out which meant Octavia more than likely couldn’t get to the phone, he turned the engine off jumping out of the car and running the short distance to Octavia and Clarke’s front door he was about to get his key out when he noticed the door was wide open as he pushed it open slightly more he noticed that there was a bloody hand print on it, ignoring his fears he walked inside the apartment hearing muffled screaming he called out for his little sister;

 

“OCTAVIA” He shouted at the top of his lungs he wasn’t 100% sure what he was walking to but fear wasn’t an option for him as he continued to walk further into the apartment, “O, Call out if you’re here” As he finished his sentence he heard a thump and a shuffling noise coming from Clarke’s room rushing forward he opened the door finding Mitch scrambling to his feet his pants undone as Octavia laid on the bed tears rushing down her face mixing with the mascara she had as a massive bruise became visible on the right side of her jaw along with a red mark on her forehead, her Adidas top was ripped at the top exposing her breasts while her black jeans had been unbuttoned with force the button no longer where it should be. “O” Was all Bellamy could manage before Mitch was on his feet attempting to rush past Bellamy, he barely made it one step past Bellamy before Bellamy jumped on his back sending them both crashing to the ground Bellamy got himself up onto his knees and began landing punch after punch into Mitch’s stomach when Mitch turned himself underneath Bellamy turning to get free Bellamy pulled back his right hand punching Mitch as hard as he could the force of the punch knocked Mitch unconscious, standing up his anger turned into worry for his little sister as he stood up to walk towards her;

 

“O, are you ok? Did he?” Bellamy asked rushing to get to Octavia, as he reached the end of the bed Octavia stood up rushing past him her shoulder knocking his slightly as she did so “O” He called out following her, He watched as she rushed down the tiny hall and into her room slamming the door firmly shut Bellamy heard the door lock shut soft sobs coming from behind the door, walking up to the door he banged hard on it “O, open up I just want to check you’re ok” Bellamy rested his head against the door not knowing how to go about getting Octavia out of her room. His attention was brought back to Mitch when he heard him grunt in pain walking back to where Mitch had been knocked out his anger surged to the top again when he found Mitch was no longer there hearing the front door slam shut he contemplated running after Mitch but decided quickly that his little sister was way more important

 

Minutes later Bellamy was back at Octavia’s door trying still trying to get her to let him in but to no success Octavia wasn’t even responding to him verbally he decided that it was time to call in the big guns and call the one person that he knew Octavia could never hide herself away from pulling out his phone he brought up his recent calls list hitting Sis-In-Law he held the phone to his ear waiting for someone to answer two rings in and the call was answered;

 

“Bell, How’s Octavia?” Sasha asked the concern in her voice clear

 

“Not good”

 

“Bellamy, what happened?” Sasha asked she could tell from Bellamy’s voice that something wasn’t right that he was holding something back

 

“There was nothing I could do when I got here he was already…”

 

“What? Bellamy what the hell are you talking about?”

 

“I’m not sure, when I got here I heard something in Clarke’s room and when I opened the door Mitch was on the floor and O…” Bellamy paused as his voice began to crack thinking about what Mitch could have done to his sister, wiping away a stray tear he continued “Octavia was on the bed her clothes were torn and she was crying”

 

“He raped her?”

 

“I don’t know for sure but something happened”

 

“Where’s Octavia?”

 

“Mitch tried to run out I tackled him we fought and I knocked him out, when I went to see O was ok she rushed off to her room the doors locked and she won’t let me in, she won’t even talk to me”

 

“I’m coming now” Sasha responded hanging up the phone grabbing her hoody and heading to her car, she didn’t need Bellamy to say the words she knew that he needed some help and she needed to see Octavia in person before she could believe an ounce of what she was hearing.

 

-Fifthteen minutes later-

Sasha pulled her Lexus to a sharp stop just behind Bellamy’s car turning off the engine she rushed to get out of the car her mind was working triple time as she couldn’t stop thinking about how bad Octavia could be hurt or the numerous ways Mitch could have hurt her, she ran down into Clarke and Octavia’s apartment complex running up the stairs as fast as she could she came to their front door rushing inside not seeing the blood that was on the front door, rushing down through the apartment until she meet Bellamy who was still at Octavia’s door trying to get her to let him in when Bellamy saw her he turned to her hugging her quickly but firmly as he released the hug Sasha turned to the door gently knocking on the door she took a deep breath before she spoke;

 

“Octavia babe, it’s Sasha” When she heard nothing she continued “O, I just need to know you’re ok please just talk to me even if it’s just one word” Sasha sighed when again there was nothing response, she was about speak again when her and Bellamy heard the door unlock a second later the handle turned and the door opened slightly as it came to a stop Octavia’s eyes appeared in the space between the frame and the edge of the door, they both heard Octavia voice softly saw;

 

“Just you” Both Bellamy and Sasha looked at Octavia’s eyes seeing she was looking at Sasha, Bellamy nodded at her to go inside right now he and Sasha wanted the same thing and that was to make sure that Octavia was ok and find out exactly what Mitch had done to her

 

“Ok whatever you want” Sasha softly responded, when Octavia disappeared from the crack in the door Sasha stepped forward pushing the door gently open she walked into Octavia’s room closing it behind her as her eyes caught Octavia she noticed that Octavia was in her underwear, Sasha instantly noticed a red hand print on her right hip as she looked to see the clothes pushing the anger she felt inside down, she noticed the clothes Octavia was wearing earlier on the floor looking at Octavia she watched as Octavia walked to the corner of her room sitting herself down in the corner tucking her knees to her chest, Sasha didn’t say a word she just walked over to her lowering herself down onto the floor until she was next to Octavia she just sat next to her girlfriend not saying a word she just sat in silence letting Octavia move at her own pace.

 

Ten minutes later Octavia finally ventured “I don’t want to talk about it” her words causing Sasha to turn her head to look at her, she smiled at Octavia softly responding,

 

“You don’t have to” Sasha didn’t do anything else she just kept looking at Octavia her eyes filled with nothing but the love she felt for Octavia

 

“Then stop doing that”

 

“Doing what?” Sasha asked genuinely confused as to what Octavia was talking about

 

“Looking at me like that” Octavia answered tears welling up in her eyes as she closed her eyes trying to stop the effect Sasha had on her, she didn’t want to let her guard down she didn’t want her walls to come crumbling down she wanted to forget everything that had just happened she didn’t want to see the pain she felt creep into Sasha’s eyes she couldn’t bear to see her girlfriend look back at her with pity and shame, wiping her eyes she choked back more tears as she heard Sasha say her name, opening her eyes she looked at Sasha grabbing hold of her hand “I don’t want you to be ashamed or to pity me”

 

“I could never be ashamed of you, babe” Sasha honestly answered holding her hand in the air for Octavia to take hold of when she was ready to take it “We don’t have to talk about anything until you’re ready, I just want you to know I’m not going anywhere and I'm not gonna let anything else happen to you…. we can get through this together” Sasha softly spoke repeating what Octavia had said to her earlier in the day she felt Octavia shuffle gently into her taking hold of her hand as she leant against her side her hand holding on tightly to Sasha’s hand. Octavia knew that Sasha’s words were true that she would protect her with every breath in her body to avoid any harm coming to her.

 

“Together” Octavia reiterated before she found the words she knew she needed to say “……. he didn’t rape me” Octavia softly said she knew that was what was in Sasha’s mind, she knew because it would have been what she would be thinking about if it had been the other way around, she didn’t want to talk about what happened but she wanted Sasha to know she hadn’t been violated the way she thought she had been “He probably would have if Bellamy didn’t come in when he did…. but he didn’t”

 

“You don’t have to do this babe” Sasha honestly replied looking down at Octavia gently kissing her on the top of the head

 

“I tried to fight him off but I couldn’t he pinned me down and tore my shirt and…I…I …” Octavia stopped talking as the emotion took over her body as the tears began to take control of her body as it finally hit her how close she had come to being raped “I tried I really…”

 

“Hey……its ok” Sasha soothed turning herself she gently placed her hands on each of Octavia’s cheeks looking her dead in the eyes she gently said “You don’t have to talk about it until your ready…. nobody is rushing you to tell us what happened”

 

“I don’t want you to pity me…” Octavia looked up at her the tears in her eyes still spilling down onto her cheeks “I can take everyone else pitying me but not you….”

 

“I don’t pity you Octavia…. I love you” Sasha honestly replied looking into Octavia’s eyes she found it highly weird that Octavia didn’t seem to be worrying about anything other than what she was feeling at the moment, she put it down the shock of what had just happened to her finally sinking in. She didn’t want to pressure her anymore she could see that talking about it was still fresh for her and whatever had happened had obviously shaken and scared the hell out of Octavia, the only thing she was thankful at the moment was that Mitch hadn’t raped either Clarke or Octavia.

 

“I love you too” Octavia whispered gripping Sasha’s arm she lifted it up and over her head moving in closer to the side of Sasha, just Sasha being in the same room as her made her feel safe like she could take on the world without a second thought, she felt Sasha turn herself slightly to the right allowing her to snuggle into her a little bit more shifting herself to her left a little more she rested her head on Sasha’s right shoulder, bringing her hands to rest near her own waist before she reached forward grabbing hold of Sasha’s shirt gripping onto it tightly she turned her head into Sasha’s shoulder a little more so her forehead was resting gently on Sasha’s neck she closed her eyes taking in the smell of Sasha’s perfume “Thank you”

 

“What for?” Sasha asked her hands gently and soothingly combing through Octavia’s hair

 

“Coming to me”

 

“Always”

 

Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment

Lexa and Clarke had been sat on the couch in the same position as before for the last twenty minutes Clarke’s sobs had stopped roughly ten minutes ago just before, they had both seen Sasha rush out of the door they had no idea why all they knew was that someone called her phone and after she hung up she seemed to be in auto pilot only stopping to let Raven know she had to go out, Lexa had called the police shortly after Sasha had left she knew that the conversation was going to be hard for Clarke probably harder than any words she could think of could explain. Even though Clarke had stopped sobbing Lexa didn’t remove her grip instead she just held onto Clarke hoping that it would bring her some sort of comfort.

 

“Do you remember when we used to do this?” Clarke softly ventured trying to take her mind off of the pain that was circulating her body at this moment in time, along with the looming visit from the police.

 

“I do, it was one of my favourite things to do with you”

 

“What were the others?” Clarke asked raising her eyebrows as she tried to turn and look at Lexa slightly

 

“You mean apart from our hour long love making sessions?” Lexa responded gently giggling at the underlying tone of Clarke’s voice, when Clarke nodded at her she continued “Well let’s see, the nights we would spend just talking about anything and everything from food to the future, then there was anytime we spent with Atom….and Costia of course…Then there were the phone calls and video calls when I was on tour…. Our special showers were definitely one of my favourites…. Then there were the birthday celebrations and the New year celebrations of course”

 

“Of course” Clarke mockingly added placing her hands on top of Lexa’s

 

“Ok come on then Miss Poetic…. What were your favourite things to do with me?”

 

“Honestly……. Everything”

 

“Well I walked into that one”

 

“Yes you did….” Clarke joked softly before she seriously answered “I don’t think I have a favourite thing as long as we were together and you were safe I was happy…because you made me happy….so I guess you could say my favourite thing to do with you was to just be with you”

 

“That is so cheesy……and very sweet…. Thank you” Lexa honestly replied

 

“I know it was cheesy and sweet it was intended to be…and your welcome” There were a few moments of silence before Clarke asked softly “Lex….do you think I’d be able to crash here tonight?”

 

“Of course, you can take my room”

 

“Here is fine”

 

“No arguments Clarke you can take my room and I’ll sleep on one of these couches…It won’t be the first time I sleep on a couch to help out a beautiful woman”

 

“Smooth talker” Clarke smiled, she couldn’t but think how it could be that she was smiling right now it shouldn’t be that was she should be a complete mess but she wasn’t she felt strong and unbreakable like nobody in the world could stop her, as she looked at her and Lexa’s hands she suddenly realised the reason she felt so strong and unbreakable was Lexa, just thinking about Lexa made all the bad thoughts disappear from her mind there was no Mitch , there was no pain, there were no bruises or cuts there was just a warm happy feeling bubbling inside her….Love…

 

“Oh I forgot one of my favourite things” Lexa suddenly announced not thinking anything into Clarke’s movements

 

“What did you forget?”

 

“Octavia’s bed” Lexa stated before they both burst into a fir of laughter, Clarke was the first to stop mainly due the amount of pain that she was feeling, seeing Clarke stop and feeling her body stiffen slightly against her own Lexa softly offered “Sorry”

 

“Don’t be” Clarke softly responded leaning her head and back against Lexa’s chest and shoulder before turning her head slightly so her forehead was touching Lexa’s chin “It was a great night…. even if we did end up breaking O’s bed and not telling her”

 

“Well if we told her then we wouldn’t have got to walk in to see her and Sasha sprawled out half naked on the floor”

 

“Very true…that was hilarious” Clarke responded before they both went silent thinking about all the good times they had spent together in their four-year relationship

 

Minutes later the buzzer went off removing herself from carefully from Clarke she got up answering it she buzzed up the police officers that had been sent to the address, as she waited for them to get to the front door she pulled her phone out quickly sending Bellamy a text message she knew that he was with Octavia and more than likely Sasha as well, as she heard a gentle knock at the door she opened it holding it open for them to enter the apartment her attention was fully on the blonde laying on the couch her eyes looking directly at her, not thinking about anything other than how much she loved Clarke and how much she wanted to make sure she was ok no matter what happened as a result. Lexa was snapped out of her thoughts when one male police officer and one female police officer stood at the door waiting to be let inside by the brunette before she invited them in she looked to Clarke asking her softly:

 

“Are you ready for this?” Clarke didn’t say a word she simply nodded in Lexa’s direction, with Clarke’s nod of approval Lexa looked back to the police officers inviting them inside with a simple “Come on in” Walking them to Clarke who she could see was trying not to reveal that she was scared, kneeling down next to Clarke she softly spoke so only the two of them could hear “Do you want me to stay?”

 

“Please” Clarke weakly answered reaching forward and taking hold of Lexa’s hand, she knew it wasn’t really fair of her to ask Lexa to stay even though they weren’t a couple anymore but she knew she couldn’t do this on her own and there was only person she trusted enough to let them hear what Mitch had done to her and that was Lexa. Clarke carefully sat herself up straight as she watched Lexa motion for the two officers to take a seat on the free couch, as she slowly sat herself completely upright Lexa sat down next to her their legs almost touching each other’s, a second later Lexa brought her right hand up taking hold of Clarke’s hand squeezing it gently.

 

“When you’re ready ma’am could you tell us exactly what happened to you this evening?” The male officer gently softly said

 

Clarke nervously looked at Lexa tightening her grip her Lexa’s hand a little she felt relieved when Lexa squeezed back, when Lexa smiled at her it seemed to give her the strength she needed to find the words to explain Mitch’s savage attack on her, softly smiling at Lexa she softly began talking “I arrived at my apartment around…….” Lexa looked at Clarke watching intently as she listened to every detail of what Clarke had been through.

 

 

Clarke and Octavia’s Apartment

Sasha and Octavia had been sat in Octavia’s room for the last ten minutes, Sasha had continued to hold Octavia not pressuring her to speak about what had happened with Mitch any further she could tell that something had shaken Octavia and she knew it wasn’t just to do with the marks on her forehead and jaw that she guessed where to do with Mitch, she was trying to think of things to do to help ease Octavia’s suffering but she decided that the only thing she could do was just to be there with her. When she had felt Octavia begin to try into her she just tightened her grip even more bringing them closer together. They were interrupted by a gentle knock at the door;

 

“Guys, I’m sorry but Lexa just texted me she called the police, they just started taking Clarke’s statement” Bellamy gently shouted through door “O, if you want to make a statement you need to go to Sasha and Lexa’s now”

 

Sasha felt Octavia shift in her grip slightly, gently pulling Octavia back so she was looking down at her she gently moved her hands to brush the hair out of Octavia’s face so she could look into Octavia’s eyes, taking a small breath she softly said “This is your decision babe, whether you do or you don’t want to talk to the police I’ll support you 100% I promise” She gently lent forward placing a soft kiss on Octavia’s cheek, she was surprised that Octavia let her kiss her at all she was expecting her to pull back

 

“I want to talk to them” Octavia replied she knew that Mitch couldn’t get away with it and he needed to be arrested but at the same time she felt conflicted about talking about what he had done to her as Sasha went to remove her hands from her face she reached up holding them in place, as a few tears escaped her eyes running down her cheeks on to both their hands she asked “Will you stay with me?”

 

Sasha had to hold back her own tears at how broken Octavia’s question sounded, this wasn’t the women she knew whatever Mitch had done to her had shaken her to the core and she hated seeing it, but she knew that she had to be the strong one this wasn’t the time for her to be breaking down, Octavia needed her to be there for her no matter what she heard. “Of course….” Sasha paused looking into Octavia’s eyes “I’m not going anywhere I promise” Sasha gently removed herself from Octavia standing up she walked over to Octavia’s wardrobe she opened it up finding a pair of her joggers that she had left there the last time she stayed over she walked back to where Octavia was still sat against the wall stopping in front of Octavia she held her hand out in the air smiling down at Octavia, slowly Octavia reached her own hand up allowing Sasha to gently pull her to her feet until they were standing in front of each other Sasha let go of Octavia’s hand bringing her right hand up to wipe away the tears that were still on Octavia’s cheeks smiling she held the jogging bottoms in the air Octavia didn’t say a word to her she just nodded and lifted her right foot off the ground allowing Sasha to lean down slightly and slip the right leg of the joggers on to Octavia she repeated the action with Octavia’s other leg gently but quickly pulling the joggers up to cover Octavia’s lower half, as she finished she brought both her hands to the zip on her hoody undoing the zip she removed the hoody holding it up to Octavia she said “Here” Octavia smiled as she slipped each of her arms into the sleeves of the hoody smiling as Sasha zipped it up for her, as Sasha removed her hands from the hoody Octavia brought her hands up to Sasha’s t-shirt gripping onto it tightly pulling her girlfriend closer to her until their chests were gently touching leaning her head forward until their foreheads were lightly pressed against each other’s taking a few breaths Octavia weakly said;

 

“I don’t think I can do this without you”

 

Sasha again brought her hands to rest on Octavia’s cheeks gently pulling Octavia’s forehead to her lips she placed a loving kiss on Octavia’s forehead as Octavia brought her hands to softly grip both of Sasha’s lips as she softly responded “You don’t have to do it without me” Sasha pulled herself back so that she could look Octavia in the eyes before she continued “I’m not leaving you for a second unless I have too, I’ll hold your hand every second your talking to the police and I won’t let go until I have to…your strong enough to get through this baby I know you are”

 

“I can’t stop thinking about what he did” Octavia admitted tears running down her eyes again this time they were more fluid and frequent

 

“I know it doesn’t feel like it, but that’s a good thing. It means your processing everything that happened and your mind is catching up with your emotions, I know it’s scary and terrifying more than you can say and it seems like it’s not going to end but it will and until it does I’m not going anywhere” Octavia weakly smiled at Sasha’s words tears falling from her eyes again as she leant her head forward resting it against Sasha’s chest “I’ve got you no matter what O” Sasha whispered into Octavia’s ear, her words caused Octavia to lift her head up looking at her with a make-up stained face and water filled eyes “We need to go now ok?” Octavia nodded softly sniffing back her tears as Sasha gently wiped away the tears on her cheeks, Sasha smiled softly as she removed her hands from Octavia’s cheeks bringing them to rest at her side.

 

Octavia took in a deep breath releasing her grip of Sasha’s top her hands gently move to the left until she found Sasha’s right hand instantly grabbing the hand, her left hand locking with Sasha’s right as she felt a sudden rush of safeness come over her like, bringing her other to rest over the back of Sasha’s hand Sasha gently squeezed her hand to which she softly nodded, they both knew that her nod meant she was as ready as she would be to leave the room and face the world again. Sasha lead Octavia to her bedroom door opening it slowly as she watched Sasha open the door she couldn’t help the fear that rose inside her gripping onto Sasha’s hand even tighter causing the older of the two women to look at her reassuringly, as they walked out of Octavia’s bedroom they were meet a worried looking Bellamy who was even more anxious than he did before Sasha entered the bedroom.

 

Seeing them both he quickly stepped forward attempting to hug his sister “Octavia, thank god you’re ok” Before his arms were able to reach her Octavia stepped backwards until she was behind Sasha’s back both her hands still holding onto Sasha’s hand like they were her lifeline, Bellamy stopped in his tracks slightly shocked at the fear he could see in his sister’s eyes “O, I wouldn’t hurt you”

 

“I’m sorry” Octavia weakly responded, she knew that Bellamy would never hurt her physically or emotionally but she couldn’t help her reaction, the only person that made her feel safe was Sasha she always had been the one person she could trust with anything no matter how big or small

 

“Bell, she just needs time to process everything that’s happened, she knows you wouldn’t hurt her” Sasha said as she saw the look of upset on Bellamy’s face “I’m going to take her to talk to the police now once I know more I’ll call you straight away”

 

“Ok. Just look after her” Bellamy replied tears in his eyes, he could see the pain in Octavia’s every move even the way she spoke was different. It broke his heart to see her like this so broken and fragile.

 

“I will I promise” Sasha honestly replied smiling at Bellamy before she led Octavia outside and to her car helping her fragile girlfriend into the car, their hands still connected as she knelt down in front of Octavia softly saying “You have to let go of my hand babe” When she noticed the fear creep into Octavia’s face again she continued “Just until I get in the driver’s seat I promise” With her words Octavia relented releasing her grip on Sasha’s hand she turned so she was facing the windscreen completely allowing Sasha to close the door properly, as the door closed Sasha ran round to the driver’s side of the car opening her door and jumping in, she held her free hand out to Octavia who quickly took a hold of it again.

 

Twenty minutes later Sasha parked up in her apartments car lot turning off the engine she looked to Octavia smiling at the younger brunette she softly said “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

 

“I have to be” Octavia lowly responded gently releasing Sasha’s hand so she could get out of the car, the quicker she let go the sooner she’d be able to hold it again

 

“Ok” Sasha responded before getting out of the car jogging around to Octavia’s side she opened the door for Octavia who jumped out and instantly grabbed on to Sasha’s hand again taking a deep breath in they walked to the stairwell that lead to Sasha and Lexa’s apartment. Walking up the stairs they both felt like they were walking in slow motion when they finally got outside of the front door they both stopped in front of it as Sasha looked to Octavia smiling softly as she held her key in her hand she gently squeezed her hand before she lifted the key up placing it in the lock she turned it opening the door they were meet with Clarke and Lexa, who were sitting on the couch nearest to them while two police officers were sitting on the couch that faced the front door as they walked in Clarke stood up tears in her eyes as she looked at her best friend, Bellamy had called her and told her what he had walked in on and the state Octavia was in but now she was seeing it in front of her it had sunk in, not saying a word she turned and walked down the hallway that lead to Lexa’s bedroom rushing inside it she closed the door firmly behind her, Lexa looked at them both softly mouthing ‘I’m sorry’ as she walked towards her bedroom to check on Clarke.

 

Sasha took a deep breath in and then out before stepping forward closing the door behind her she led Octavia to the couch that Lexa and Clarke had just vacated Sasha lowered herself down gently pulling Octavia with her, as Octavia sat down she moved her right hand from on top of Sasha’s hand upwards gripping gently onto her forearm as she looked at the female police officer who was looking at her sympathetically after a second the male police officer softly asked;

 

“Is one of you…...” He paused looking at his notepad for the name Clarke had given her whilst he was taking her statement “Miss Octavia Blake”

 

“I am”

 

“Am I correct in believing you may have been assaulted by Mr Mitch Markers?”

 

“Yeah”

 

“Before we start I have to ask are you ok for….” He paused as he looked at Sasha not sure of her name, seeing his pause Sasha softly said

 

“Sasha Woods, I’m her girlfriend”

 

“Right…Are you ok for Miss Woods to remain with you while we interview you?”

 

“Yeah” Octavia softly responded squeezing Sasha’s arm a little tighter

 

“Ok Miss Blake, firstly I understand that Mr Markers attempted to rape you and assaulted you in the process” When Octavia nodded softly the officer asked “Because of that I have to ask the assault that took place, was it of a sexual nature?”

 

“Ummmm….”

 

“That simply means was there any point during the attack that Mr Markers forcefully touched you in a sexual manner”

 

Octavia took a deep breath in before she truthfully answered “Yes he did” ……….


	22. Backlash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Mitch's attack continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You to everyone that left a comment on the last chapter :-) I appreciate it so much :-) Hope you all enjoy this chapter and as always please feel free to leave a comment :-)

Chapter 22-Backlash

Sasha remained quiet sitting next to Octavia her hand holding on tightly to Octavia’s as she listened to every detail of Mitch’s attack on Octavia right now she was finding it hard to hold back her anger as she listened to Octavia continue to explain what Mitch had done to her;

 

“When I didn’t tell him where Clarke was he just stood there so I asked him to leave and he refused to, I went to walk to the door and he stood in front of me, I pulled my phone out to call Sasha and he grabbed it from me and threw it on the floor” Octavia paused as she looked to Sasha she could see the anger in her eyes and could feel the grip on her hand tightening as Sasha looked at her she smiled softly when she saw the anger fade as Sasha realised that she needed her to be strong for both of them, when Sasha’s grip relaxed a little more and Sasha smiled back at her nodding for her to continue she did so “He threw my phone across the living room it landed near Clarke’s bedroom door when I went to get it he came up behind me, when I stood up he was there he grabbed my phone again and dropped it then kicked it to the side and pushed me against the wall next to Clarke’s door, he told me he was going to teach me how to be straight…” Octavia paused as the rawness of what she was feeling overtook her and she began to gently sob

 

“You’re doing really well Miss Blake take your time” The female officer gently encouraging Octavia

 

Sasha brought her free hand up to Octavia’s cheeks wiping away the tears she gently held her hand on Octavia’s right cheek softly saying “You can do this babe; the officers right just take your time nobody is rushing you ok”

 

Octavia nodded taking a few seconds to get control of herself before she continued “He held me against the wall when I tried to get away he just laughed at me, he said he was going to make me suffer for teasing him the last six months. He threw me on the floor when I managed to get my phone again he laughed and grabbed it from me and started taking pictures of me on it his laugh was so scary it was like he was possessed or something, I grabbed the phone from him and tried to call Sasha but he punched me on the jaw, I hit the ground and I started seeing flashes of black I couldn’t control it, it was like someone was turning the lights on and off continuously and the next thing I knew we were on Clarke’s bed and he was on top of me, he was talking but I couldn’t hear what he was saying my ears just kept buzzing, I managed to hit him a few times but he didn’t move he just stayed on top off me, I could see the anger in his eyes, I shouted at him to get off me but he just laughed and ripped my shirt then he um…he..” Sasha squeezed Octavia’s hand softly the small movement gave her the strength to continue with her words “He ripped my jeans open, I remember hearing the button hit the floor and then he…. he……he….” Looking at Sasha she softly said “I can’t say it Sasha I can’t”

 

“You can babe just look at me and nobody else…. Pretend it’s just me and you in here” Sasha quickly looked at the police officers asking “That’s ok right?”

 

“Of course, right now is just about us finding out what took place so we can file charges against Mr Markers”

 

“See, you can just concentrate on me ok?” Sasha continued looking into Octavia’s eyes her free hand moving on top of Octavia’s right hand that was still gripped onto her forearms gently taking hold of the hand she gently squeezed it supportively, Octavia looked at her nodding as she kept her eyes firmly looked with Sasha’s as she continued;

 

“He shoved his hand down my panties and….” Pausing she looked into Sasha’s eyes seeing the love that the women felt for her it was weird but seeing that look made it easier for her to continue talking she trusted Sasha and she knew that she wouldn’t judge her for anything that came out of her mouth “He started touching me down there rubbing his hand up and down, I started to scream and fight back so he put his hand over my mouth and pressed his knee into my hip then he said he knew I wanted him and that I was just pretending to be in love with you, he pulled his hand out of my pants to undo his pants so I took the opportunity to bite the hand that was over my mouth he just got even angrier and then the door opened and I heard Bellamy it didn’t stop him I think it turned him on more cause he pressed his hand down hard on my hip and pushed his pelvis against mine and started to grind against me…..when he brought his head close to mine like he was going to kiss me I head-butted him and he fell off the bed…and that’s when Bellamy walked in..” Octavia finished speaking tears rushing from her eyes as she looked into Sasha’s eyes she leant forward releasing Sasha’s hand and forearm from her grip as she collapsed against Sasha’s chest, she felt a surge of relief and safety rush over her when Sasha wrapped her arms around her pulling her against her chest a little more.

 

The two police officers looked at each other both knowing they had enough evidence from Octavia and Clarke’s statements to file Sexual Misconduct charges against Mr Markers nodded at each other they both stood up looking to Sasha the male officer pulled out his card gently saying “We have all we need for now, we have Miss Griffin and Miss Woods details, under this address” He gently handed the card to Sasha continuing “Contact us when Miss Blake is feeling up to come to the station to make an official statement” When Sasha went to remove herself from Octavia he held his hand up in the air gently “It’s ok we can let ourselves out….Goodnight Miss Woods…Miss Blake”

 

“Thank you” Sasha gently said to the police officers then watching them open the door and walk out of the apartment closing the door shut behind them gently leaning back into the couch she pulled Octavia with her letting her get all of her tears and emotion out

 

 

Lexa Bedroom

Lexa sat watching as Clarke sat on her bed not saying a word staring blindly at the wall, she had been sat like that since Lexa had entered her bedroom she didn't know what to do she so she just watched Clarke after a while she worked out that Clarke was blaming herself for Mitch attaching Octavia, this was nothing to do with the army teaching her how to read people to judge what their next move would be this was simply because she knew Clarke and the way she thought about most things, slowly walking over to the bed she sat down next to Clarke she back leaning against the backboard of the bed as she stretched her legs out in front of herself after a couple minutes she turned looking at Clarke she softly said “None of this is your fault” Clarke didn't say anything back to her she just looked at Lexa shook her head softly as a tear escaped her eyes then looked back to the wall “I know that's what you’re thinking and that you don't want to hear it right now but it's the truth none of this is your fault Clarke”

 

“Yes it is”

 

“Clarke….”

 

“I’m the reason Mitch was angry, I’m the one that wanted to make my dad love me by dating a guy, he wouldn’t have been in our apartment and he wouldn’t have attacked her if it wasn't for me…. this is all my fault Lexa”

 

“Clarke look at me” When Clarke didn’t move her head Lexa reached up with her hand gently turning Clarke’s chin until she was looking at her “This is all on Mitch, He attacked you and Octavia nobody else here is to blame for that, and as far as dating him to make your dad love you more that’s on your dad he should love you unconditionally instead of making you feel like you need to be with someone you don’t want to be with to earn his love”

 

There were a few moments of silence before Clarke looked at Lexa smiling softly she asked “How do you do that?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Make me feel like I’m the greatest person on the planet”

 

“I didn’t know I did”

 

“Well you do” Clarke honestly replied reaching her hand to take hold of Lexa’s she felt that rush of energy through her body as she looked into Lexa’s eyes smiling “You’re the only person that can make me smile when I feel like I’ve just been ten rounds with Sugar Ray Leonard”

 

“Sugar Ray huh?” Lexa smiled at Clarke she knew Clarke didn’t know anything about boxing and that she had only remembered the name because of the Sugar Ray nickname

 

“Yes Sugar Ray, you have a problem with that?”

 

“Nope not at all” Lexa smiled before adding “And for the record I think you’re the only person that would be able to look flawless after going ten rounds with Sugar Ray”

 

“Thanks but I'm pretty sure this” Clarke motioned up and down herself “Is far from flawless right now”

 

“You’re always flawless to me Clarke” Lexa blurted out before she could control herself

 

“Lex….” Before Clarke could respond there was a gentle knock on the door at the door;

 

“Come in” Lexa softly shouted her and Clarke both waited to see who it was as the handle rattled gently a few times before it finally turned around engaging the lock and opening the door to reveal a sleepy looking Costia numerous tears running down the little girls face, seeing her younger cousin Lexa instantly climbed off the bed walking up to Costia and lifting her up into her arms as she wiped away the tears on Costia’s face she looked at the clock seeing it was now 8pm and past Costia’s bedtime she softly asked “Hey sleepy what's wrong?”

 

“I had a nightmare”

 

“You did?” Costia nodded her head before leaning it against Lexa’s shoulder as Lexa soothingly rubbed her back “You wanna lie with me and Clarke for a little bit” As soon as Costia heard Clarke's name her head popped up her eyes darting around the room until she saw Clarke on the bed

 

“Clarkey” Costia excitedly released sniffing back more tears as she held her arms out to Clarke, when Clarke held her arms up Lexa moved forward allowing Costia to move into Clarke's arms, once there Costia hugged Clarke tightly pulling back she looked at her noticing the marks on Clarke’s face she asked “What happened Clarkey you have a boo boo?” Lexa watched their interaction as she walked back around the bed sitting back where she was a moment ago

 

“I just got into an accident that's all I’m ok”

 

Costia looked from Clarke to Lexa as if to ask if Clarke was telling the truth seeing the look Lexa gently said “Clarke is fine Cos, and she’s still beautiful right?”

 

The little girl giggles before nodding “Very Beautiful” Costia laughed leaning forward hugging Clarke gently, pulling back she turned herself slightly before crawling over to Lexa’s lap sitting herself up on Lexa’s lap she softly said “Can you make all the monsters go away?”

 

“Monsters?”

 

“The monsters are in my sleep they say mean things and make me feel sad and upset” Costia explained getting visibly upset as she talked about it

 

“What do they do to upset you Cos?”

 

“They hurt Alexis then take her away and tell me I never get to see her again” The little girl started crying as she completed the words, Lexa instantly knew this was serious to the little girl mainly due to Costia’s use of Sasha’s real name and not her nickname of Ali, Costia paused before she went to continue, seeing the hesitation Lexa gently said;

 

“It's ok Cos, you can tell me”

 

“They say that I'm sick because I'm a bad girl….” Before Lexa could respond to the little girls comment she began rushing out her words in a panic “But I’m not Alex I promise I've been a good girl just like Ali told me to be”

 

“Hey Cos it's ok I know you’re a good girl”

 

“Then why am I sick? Are the monsters right?” The little girl sadly asked her eyes brimming with more tears as she leant forward burying her head in Lexa’s chest

 

Lexa softly brought her hand up gently stroking the little girls hair as she contemplated how to answer Costia’s question, it was such a grown up question Costia seemed to be asking a lot of grown up questions for a 6 year old, maybe she was hearing more than any of the adults around her realised when they were talking in front of her, as she thought about how to word her answer she felt her own sadness raise inside herself, how do you explain why people get cancer to a 6 year old when she didn't really understand it herself gently lifting the little girl’s head she smiled at her softly as she began to explain;

 

“Sometimes people get sick for no reason Cos, it doesn’t mean that they are bad or good it just means that something is wrong with their body and it needs to be fixed” When the little girl looked at her confused still she stopped softly looking at her removing a stray hair that had fallen from Costia’s ponytail she smiled down at her younger cousin, “Did mama not explain it to you?” Lexa asked she assumed that her Aunt Madilyn would have spoken to Costia at some point to ease the little girl’s worries “You remember when Sasha was sick” Costia sadly nodded her head at Lexa her face filling with sadness “Remember we had to let her sleep forever and ever” Lexa said making a funny face making Costia and Clarke both smile “Well that was because she was sick and she needed to get better and the only way her body could get better was to stay asleep...”

 

“So I need to sleep to get better?” Costia curiously asked looking up at Lexa

 

“No…you see your sick in a different way…” As she looked at Costia she paused feeling Clarke smiling contently at her, she wanted to turn and talk to her but right now Costia needed her undivided attention “Your body is different to mine and Ali’s…” Before Lexa could continue Costia quickly asked

 

“What about Clarkey and Tavi’s?”

 

“Yes its different to theirs as well” Lexa answered giggling softly at the innocent question “You see because your smaller than us you get sick a little easier because sometimes our bodies have something wrong with them something that has nothing to do with us being good or bad but is because a part of us doesn't work properly…” Clarke continued to watch Lexa interact with Costia she’d seen Lexa interact with her younger family before and just like now it made her think about the kind of mother Lexa would make if she had kids, she watched as Lexa noticed the unsure look on Costia’s face “Do you think Ali was bad?” Costia shook her head at Lexa “But she was sick right?” Costia nodded her head “See it doesn’t matter if a person is good or bad everyone gets sick”

 

"So the monsters are being silly?" Costia asked rubbing her eyes gently as she looked up at Lexa

 

“Yes they are….do you want me to put you back to bed now?” Lexa asked when Costia looked at her unsure she asked “Or do you want some Alex and Costia cuddle time?” Costia smiled and nodded her head before she stopped looking to Clarke

 

“Clarkey do you want cuddle time as well?” She innocently asked

 

“Yes please that’d be lovely” Clarke responded holding back a tear that had formed in her eyes at the little girl’s sweetness, Costia had always been a sweet little girl but she had always been more affectionate and talkative with Octavia than her

 

Costia smiled at Clarke removing herself from Lexa’s lap crawling under the covers of Lexa’s bed she moved a little closer to Lexa snuggling into Lexa’s side her right arm laying gently on Lexa’s stomach “Sing the special song Alex….” She said lifting her head of Lexa’s stomach looking behind herself Costia reached out for Clarke’s hand when Clarke placed her hand in the little girls she allowed Costia to pull her a little forcing her to move so she was just behind the little girl her leg brushing up against Lexa’s “Please please please” Costia frantically asked

 

“Ok” Lexa relented gently removing Costia’s hair bands from her hair, she knew the little girl always forgot to take them out brushing Costia’s now loose hair back with her hand she began singing:

 

-CHOURS-

Jy is my sonskyn , my enigste sonskyn _(You are my sunshine, my only sunshine)_

Jy maak my gelukkig wanneer wolke is grys _(You make me happy when skies are grey)_

Jy sal nooit weet liewe ; hoe lief ek jou _(You'll never know dear; how much I love you)_

Moet asseblief nie my sonskyn wegneem _(Please don't take my sunshine away)_

 

Die ander nag liewe , as ek lê slaap _(The other night dear, as I lay sleeping)_  

Ek het gedroom , ek het jou _(I dreamed, I held you in my arms)_

Toe ek liewe wakker , was ek verkeerd _(When I awoke dear, I was mistaken)_

So ek hang my kop en ek roep _(So I hung my head and I cry)_

 

-CHOURS-

Jy het vir my gesê sodra liewe , jy regtig lief vir my _(You told me once dear, you really loved me)_

En niemand anders kon kom tussen ons _(And no one else could come between us)_

Maar nou het jy my verlaat het en jy is lief vir 'n ander _(But now you've left me and you love another)_

En jy het al my drome verpletter _(And you have shattered all my dreams)_

-CHOURS FADING OUT-

 

Lexa softly stopped singing as she looked down at her younger cousin who was now sleeping on her stomach her breathing soft and gentle, as she took in just how much Costia had changed since the last time she saw her it showed even more on the little girl now she was relaxed and asleep, she felt the tears build up in her eyes as she continued to look at the little girl, suddenly remembering that Clarke was in the room she looked over to see if Clarke had spotted her tears as her eyes meet the spot Clarke was laying in she soon realised that Clarke just like Costia was fast asleep her body completely relaxed.

 

Lexa stayed where she was for about twenty minutes letting Clarke and Costia get into a deeper sleep before she attempted to move the whole twenty minutes she found herself staring at Clarke taking in every feature of the blonde that she had missed seeing every day for the last nineteen months, a lot had happened to her and to Sasha in those months and every single time she found herself struggling she would always want to call Clarke even if it was just a simple hello, she knew that just the sound of the blondes voice would make her feel a million times better, nine times out of ten she would just sit and stare at pictures on her phone or watch videos of everyone that she had on her phone just to ease her own mind.

 

She was brought out of her thoughts when there was a gentle knock at the door, carefully removing herself from Costia’s small but strong grip she managed to get off the bed without waking either Clarke or Costia, tip toeing to the door she opened it up stepping through it and closing it behind her she looked up from the door to find Raven standing in front of her looking a little worried;

 

“Rae, what’s up?”

 

“You need to talk some sense into Sasha”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“She’s going back to Octavia’s apartment”

 

“What the hell, why would she do that?”

 

“I don’t know, Octavia freaked about something she left there and Sasha promised her she’d go get it for her”

 

“That’s a stupid idea…. Mitch could be there”

 

“That’s the point” When Lexa looked at her slightly confused by the comment she continued “I think Sash wants him to be there…. She’s fuming Lex…I know that look in her eyes”

 

“Where is she?”

 

“She just left”

 

“Damn it” Lexa let out before looking to Raven and saying “Can you keep an eye on Costia, she had a nightmare it scared her a bit…” When Raven nodded at her she walked past her heading for the door stopping in her tracks she turned to face Raven again “Sing her back to sleep it usually works you know the song right?”

 

“Yeah I know it” Raven responded watching as Lexa again went to walk but stopped herself turning back around again before Lexa could speak though she softly said “I’ll keep an eye on Clarke as well”

 

“Thanks”

 

“No problem” Raven responded smiling, with that Lexa walked towards the door seeing a sleeping Octavia as she reached the door grabbing her jacket from the hanger near the door she opened the door carefully rushing through it closing it as quietly as she could behind her she sprinted down the stairs turning right after the first flight of stairs she walked into the car lot running to where she knew Sasha parked her car, seeing Sasha getting into her car she ran as fast as she could stopping at the passenger’s side of the car she opened the door jumping in, when she got an unimpressed look from Sasha, looking into Sasha eyes she could see the look Raven was talking about taking a breath in she spoke;

 

“You’re not doing this on your own, someone has to have your back” She calmly explained placing her seatbelt

 

“Whatever” Sasha coldly responded the anger in her voice was 100% clear for Lexa to hear, placing the car in drive she pulled out of her space heading towards Clarke and Octavia’s apartment.

 

-Twenty Minutes Later-

Lexa and Sasha got out of the car walking in silence until they reached the door of Clarke and Octavia’s apartment, Sasha pulled out the spare keys Octavia left at hers placing the key in the door she slowly opened it hoping that Mitch was waiting inside, the anger inside her wasn’t something she’d able to keep in for a long time and she knew it, she could feel the red vale of anger beginning to cover her thoughts and her whole mind, the last thing she wanted was to snap on Clarke or Octavia or even Lexa or Raven, she wanted to be able to control the dark red cloud but she knew something was going to snap and in her mind it should be Mitch and nobody else that took the full brunt of her anger and nobody else. As they walked into the living room they were meet with the signs of Mitch’s struggle with Clarke, the couch and been flipped over and right next to it was a small puddle of blood which they both knew had to have come from Clarke’s facial injuries as they both looked around taking in the mess Sasha noticed Octavia’s phone on the floor walking over she bent down to pick it up but before she could Lexa spoke;

 

“Don’t touch anything” Sasha turned her head to look at Lexa over her shoulder, seeing the look Lexa continued her sentence “The police said not to disturb the crime scene, moving anything could disturb the evidence of what happened” Sasha stood up shaking her head she walked forward until she reached Clarke’s bedroom the wooden doors still open, looking inside she noticed the bed sheets were all crumpled up and messy looking around the room she noticed a drop of blood on the side cabinet which she assumed was from Octavia, she found herself staring at the blood her mind playing out the scene without her wanting it to visions flashing in front of her eyes of Octavia laying on Clarke’s bed with Mitch on top of her as she struggled to get him off of her, she felt the anger inside herself boiling over as tears spilled out of her eyes thinking of how scared Octavia must have been thinking that Mitch was going to rape her, that he was going to make the decision to take something from her that couldn’t ever be replaced.

 

While Sasha was fixated on Clarke’s bedroom Lexa was fixated on the living room as she looked around at the destruction that Mitch had caused, she knew from listening to Clarke talking to the police that Mitch had lifted her off the ground at one point and thrown her when she had tried to get away from him, as she looked up at the wall she could see a small indentation from what she knew was Clarke’s body, she kept looking at it trying to contemplate how much force Mitch must have used to make that kind of mark in the wall with someone as small as Clarke. Her mind began to do exactly as Sasha was doing as visions of Clarke being beaten around the room flashed in her mind her mind playing it out the way Clarke had told the police officers, as she felt the emotion rising inside herself she felt a smile fill up her face as she envisioned Clarke kicking Mitch’s knee out from underneath him before punching him in the throat just like Sasha had taught her a few years ago.

 

Both women were brought out of their visions as they heard the front door being opened, Sasha stayed standing on the spot she was as she turned her head looking over her shoulder, her eyes filled with pure anger and venom as they landed on Mitch with a six pack of beers in his right hand he stopped in his tracks as he noticed the two women in the room his eyes scanning over Lexa before they settled on Sasha he looked at her a smug smile filling his face as he opened it;

 

“Guess your girlfriend told you about us” Seeing the look on Sasha’s face he continued “It’s ok she just needed a man all this time and now you two can stop living a lie” Sasha remained silent not saying a word to him “What no comeback” Laughing he placed the six pack on the table near the flipped over couch leaning down he removed one of the beers from the six pack opening it and holding it up in Sasha’s direction he laughed again “Here’s to Octavia….what a sweet tasting pussy” Mitch laughed uncontrollably taking a sip of the beer, as he swallowed the beer his jaw was meet with a force of Sasha’s right fist sending him crashing to the ground, standing up quickly not fazed by the punch due to a combination of beer and adrenaline he squared up to Sasha who just stood in front of him not moving an inch smirking at her he pulled back his right hand punching her hard in the stomach, the force causing her to bend forward coughing slightly

 

Sasha stood herself back up seconds later laughing softly as she looked at Mitch confusion filling his face as she smiled letting out a simple ‘Thank you’ before she rushed at him driving her shoulder hard into his stomach taking them both down onto the table behind them pulling up Sasha rained down three punches with her right hand to Mitch’s stomach before he tried to turn the tables on her rolling them both until they were on the ground as they hit the ground Mitch was on top of Sasha struggling to position himself so he could punch her, a second later he was on his knees as he pulled his arm back bringing it down with full force he was caught off guard when Sasha caught his right arm with her left her as her right hand grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him down she head-butted him as hard as she could the force causing him to fall backwards off of her, Sasha was quickly back on her feet as Mitch got back to his knees she delivered a right hook to his jaw grabbing him by the shirt pulling him back up to her level she connected with a left hook to the opposite side of his jaw again pulling him up she connected with her right again this time as he laid on the ground she continued to hit him again and again, she had connected with nine or ten punches when Lexa grabbed her pulling her off and away from Mitch, she kept a hold of her pulling her backwards until they meet a wall turning herself around she pushed Sasha against the wall

 

Sasha fought against her trying to get back to Mitch her eyes were filled with pure rage she’d seen it on a few occasions, as much as she wanted to let Sasha beat the holy hell out of Mitch she knew what Sasha’s actions meant she watched the whole situation unfold and she saw Sasha change and switch gears after she head-butted Mitch, she that changed was the first sign of Sasha losing control of her temper the last time she had lost it like that she had a flashback and nearly choked her out. Lexa pressed her right forearm hard into Sasha’s chest bringing her left hand up to grip onto Sasha’s right cheek forcing her to look into her eyes

 

“You need to stop this Alexis”

 

“Let me go Lexa…I’m gonna kill that cunt” Sasha firmly said turning her head forcing Lexa’s hand to move with it

 

“Listen to me” Lexa back just as firmly, she turned Sasha’s head forcing Sasha to look at her again, their eyes locking onto each other’s “I know you want to kill him, I know because I want to kill him too but none of this is going to help Octavia or Clarke….” Holding Sasha’s face in place firmly with her hand she continued to talk as their eyes stayed looked on each other’s “You being locked up for killing him isn’t going to help anyone…What about Costia huh? …She worships the ground you walk on and I know that the only reason she was happy after her treatment was because of you…she needs you Alexis…so does Octavia.” Lexa stopped talking feeling Sasha stop fighting against her she pulled back slightly removing herself completely from Sasha she looked at Sasha she noticed the tears that had escaped Sasha’s eyes, she watched as Sasha reached up wiping away the tears she took a deep breath in before she looked at Lexa simply nodding her head before walking off in the direction of Octavia’s room going to retrieve the items Octavia had made her promise to get, Lexa turned walking to Clarke’s room she looked at the scene again she took a deep breath in before moving over to Clarke’s wardrobe she went to open it to retrieve some clothes for Clarke before she realised that opening it could disturb any evidence that could be there, turning and walking back into the living room to wait for Sasha

 

“I’m getting that dyke arrested” She heard Mitch shout as she re-entered the living room looking at him she could see his face was a mess she couldn’t help the pleasure seeing it gave her as she opened her mouth and said

 

“No you’re not”

 

“Yes I am and none of you dykes are going to stop me” He responded before falling back to the ground unable to stand from the injuries Sasha had inflicted on him

 

“You don’t have a case” When Mitch looked at her in shock she smirked at him continuing “You provoked her….plus you’ve already smashed a bottle over her head which by the way we have about thirty witness ready to back us over if needed…plus on top of that you punched her which means she was well within her rights to defend herself” Lexa knew that she was stretching the truth a little in regards to Sasha beating on Mitch moments ago, but everything was true and she knew that Mitch knew it was as well “So I suggest you wait until we leave then you get whatever crap you have here together and you walk out that door and start running before the police catch up with you….” She paused as she walked a little closer to Mitch looking him dead in the eyes from a distance she added “Because if they arrest you the inmates in whatever prison you go to aren’t going to go easy on you after what you’ve done, and let’s just say me and my cousin know a few people who will do us a favour no questions asked”

 

“Are you threatening me?” Mitch firmly said standing up, before Lexa could answer the question Sasha reappeared in the hallway with a holdall in her hand

 

“No Mr Markers I’m not threatening anything……I’m promising” Lexa responded the anger thick in her voice as Sasha came up next to her gently placing her hand on Lexa’s arm she whispered to her

 

“Come on Lex time to go” Gently pulling on Lexa’s arm pulling her with her until they reached the door walking through it Sasha let go of Lexa’s arm, she knew what that change in Lexa’s voice could mean and she saw it as only far that she remove Lexa from that situation seeing as Lexa had more than likely stopped her having a flashback moments ago “Let’s get back” She simply said as Lexa sent her a thankful look before nodding her head and walking a step behind Sasha as they walked back to her car.

 

 

Lexa and Sasha’s Apartment

Raven was sat on the couch in the living room watching TV, she’d started watching some TV series about killer women once Octavia had woken up and walked into Sasha’s room closing the door without saying a word to her, she didn’t hold it against her in fact she understood that she wanted to be alone so decided to just sit and watch TV while listening out for Costia. She had the TV on low so the noise of the show didn’t wake anyone. She was about twenty minutes into one of the episodes when she heard a door open looking over the couch she waited to see who had emerged from what room seconds later she smiled when Costia appeared at the end of Lexa’s hallway the little girl looked sleepy as she stood still rubbing her eyes her face filled with sadness seeing the look of sadness Raven stood up walking over to Costia;

 

“Hey Munchkin, why are you awake?” Raven asked as she knelt down in front of her, Costia didn’t say a word to her she just looked at her like she was going to cry “Did you have a bad dream?” When Costia nodded tears falling from her eyes she stood up lifting the little girl with her “How about you come lie with me?” Costia nodded softly at Raven’s comment resting her head on Raven’s shoulder, Raven sat down on the couch she had previously been sat, leaning all the way back with Costia firmly attached to her chest, she began to soothingly rub Costia’s back her hand moving in small circles on the middle of the little girls back.

 

Raven had been sitting like that with Costia for about Fifthteen minutes when Costia lifted her head off of Raven’s shoulder looking at Raven her small voice softly asked “Can I sleep with you Rae Rae?” 

 

“If you want to…. but don’t you want to sleep with Ali or Alex” When Costia shook her head she softly asked “Why not?”

 

“Because Tavi and Clarkey are sick”

 

“That doesn’t mean you can’t sleep with Ali or Alex”

 

“I know but I want to sleep with you then everyone will be happy” Costia responded her voice clear and confident as she gave her answer

 

“Ok then” Raven smiled “You wanna go to bed now?” Costia nodded her head at the question, as Raven stood up lifting the little girl with her she heard the door open seeing Lexa and Sasha walk through the door as Sasha dropped a holdall on the floor she noticed Sasha had a red mark on her head and her knuckles were scuffed up a little, as the door closed she was surprised that Costia hadn’t wriggled out of her arms yet “Everything ok?” She softly asked getting a small nod from both cousins she added “Costia wants to sleep with me tonight that ok?”

 

“Sure” Sasha responded walking up to Raven, looking down at her little sister who’s head was again resting on Raven’s shoulder she leant down placing a loving kiss on Costia’s head she whispered “Goodnight Mini Me”  Lexa waited until Sasha had stepped back slightly before she stepped forward doing the same and placing a loving kiss on Costia’s head she whispered “Goodnight sunshine” before taking a step back as well, as Raven walked towards the guest room Costia brought her head up looking at Sasha and Lexa she softly said “Night, love you” as she offered a tiny wave at them both

 

“Love you too Cos” They both responded waving gently back at Costia before her and Raven disappeared down the hallway the sound of a door closing gently followed a few seconds later

 

Lexa and Sasha sat down next to each other on the couch both leaning forward their elbows propped on their knees as their hands brushed over their faces and into their hair stopping half way through their hair as they both contemplated the day’s events and the events that were going to unfold as a result……

 


	23. Truama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all those that left a comment or took the time to read the last chapter. Here is the next one, which was originally in two parts as you'll see below, but I put them into one chapter to reduce the amount of uploads I had to do. Hope you all enjoy this chapter :-)

Chapter 23-Trauma Part One

Sasha and Lexa sat on the couch both continuing to think over everything that had happen in the last few days, just when it seemed like things were finally going well everything turned on a dime and the Shit really hit the fan, the world just seemed like it was out to get them and the people they loved at the moment and there didn’t seem to be anything they could do to stop it. Lexa was the first to raise her head her eyes catching sight of Sasha’s hands she stood up walking into the kitchen she found the bowl and all the medical stuff Sasha had intended to use on Clarke’s wounds, picking up all the items she walked back into the living room sitting down next to Sasha placing all the items on the table in front of her she gently took hold of Sasha’s hands removing them from their place in her hair she looked at her slightly younger cousin, Sasha looked at the medical supplies on the table before looking back to Lexa and simply nodding her head. Lexa slowly began cleaning out the wounds on Sasha’s hands the main wounds were on her right hand Lexa carefully cleaned out the wound and placed a square cotton pad over them before she firmly wrapped up Sasha’s right hand making sure she did it as Clarke had taught her so it wasn’t tight enough to cut off the circulation from Sasha’s wrist to her hand as she finished Sasha looked at her smiling as she gave her a small;

 

“Thanks”

 

“Your welcome” She replied picking up the dirty cotton balls, all the medical supplies and the bowl and taking them back into the kitchen emptying the bowl and placing it in the sink to be cleaned she left the medical supplies on the side deciding she’d place them back later walking back into the living room she was about to say something to Sasha when she saw Clarke walk into the living room softly looking at the blonde she asked “Are you ok Clarke?” The sentence caused Sasha to look up from the floor her attention turning to Clarke before she returned her gaze to the floor

 

“Do you have any pain relief?” Clarke asked cautiously she could see something was wrong with Sasha and she guessed it had to do with whatever had happened to Octavia

 

“Yeah it’s in the bathroom, I’ll show you” She responded walking forward stopping as she reached Clarke she looked back at Sasha asking “Are you going to be ok?” When Sasha didn’t answer but gave a small nod she knew she just need time alone to process what had happened and everything she had found out over the last few days, Lexa gently placed her hand on Clarke’s lower back hoping she didn’t cause her any pain she guided Clarke to the bathroom once they reached the bathroom she opened the cabinet she reached up to the top shelf retrieving the painkillers for Clarke then turning and handing them to Clarke she softly said “I’ll get you a bottle of water” Before she could take a step Clarke placed a hand on top of hers stopping her from moving;

 

“It’s ok, the water from the tap is fine” She explained trying to smile to no avail when Lexa gave her a faint smile she leant forward picking up the clean glass that Lexa always left on the sink, filling it up with water she removed two pills from the packaging placing them on her tongue she placed her tongue back in her mouth taking a massive swig of the water she swallowed the pills before taking another sip of water then tipping the remainder of the drink into the sink gently washing the glass placing it back in the spot she had retrieved it from

 

“Better?”

 

“Not yet but hopefully they’ll kick in soon”

 

“Can I do anything to help?” Lexa asked she honestly would have done anything to help Clarke at this moment in time if Clarke wanted her to drive to New York to get something she needed she would have done it without a second thought

 

“Umm” Clarke hesitated slightly she knew what she wanted but she wasn’t one hundred percent sure if it was fair of her to ask it of Lexa

 

“It’s ok Clarke just ask, I said anything”

 

“Would you hold me?”

 

“Sure if that’s what you want” Lexa answered she had to admit just hearing Clarke ask the question made her heart skip a beat

 

“It is…. You make me feel safe…. I just need that right now…I really need it”

 

“Then say no more” Lexa smiled easing Clarke’s worries she gently took Clarke’s hand in hers guiding her to her bedroom, as she closed the door to her bedroom she released Clarke’s hand turning and looking at Clarke she softly asked “Do you want a change of clothes?” When Clarke nodded her head Lexa moved to her wardrobe removing her Boston University t shirt and jogging bottoms she walked over to Clarke handing them to Clarke who smiled and thanked her, Lexa cautiously turned her back so Clarke could change into the clothes, a minute later Clarke softly told Lexa she could turn around, turning around Lexa felt her heart skip a beat at the sight of Clarke in her Boston Clothing her hair flowing freely down onto her shoulders, it felt just like when they used to date, snapping herself out of her thoughts she walked to the bed reaching down and pulling the covers completely back, turning to Clarke she softly said “Climb in”

 

“Are you sure? I know I asked but I…” Before Clarke could finish what she was going to say Lexa cut in knowing what she was going to say

 

“I’m not doing this out of pity Clarke, you said I make you feel safe and that you need to feel safe…. I want you to feel safe” Lexa paused for a second seeing the still hesitant look on Clarke’s face she crawled onto her bed laying back she looked at Clarke softly adding “Plus I like holding you”

 

“You’re sure it’s not asking too much?”

 

“If it was I’d tell you I promise” Clarke looked Lexa in the eyes, she could see that the words were real and genuine and decided not to argue with Lexa anymore and instead got onto the bed crawling up it until she reached Lexa who as she reached her leant forward and pulled the covers back covering them both she laid all the way back stretching her right arm out along the pillows she waited for Clarke to lay down next to her, which seconds later Clarke did laying backwards she turned onto her left side as she rested her head on Lexa’s right shoulder, she felt instantly safe as Lexa’s right arm wrapped around her shoulders pulling their bodies a little closer together, as she pressed a little closer to Lexa Clarke brought her right hand up to rest gently on Lexa’s waist closing her eyes she began to relax knowing that she was completely safe lying in Lexa’s arms

 

 

In The Living Room

Sasha was still sat in the living room her head looking down at the floor as she felt her mind bobbing and weaving in and out it was like she was in the room one second and then the next second she was somewhere else; she didn’t know what it meant it wasn’t like any flashback she’d experienced in the past it was different all the memories flashing in her mind were good ones some of them were even great it was like she was thinking so hard about the happy times that it was all her mind could handle at the moment. And every single memory she saw kept leading back to one person Octavia and how much pain she must be in at the moment, she wanted to be there for her but she had no idea what to say or what to do, the last thing she wanted was to upset her girlfriend even more.  As she sat trying to her mind spiralling she heard a scream come from the direction of her room jumping up she ran to her bedroom seeing Raven standing at the guest room door she signalled that everything was ok before opening the door unsure what she was going to be meet with.

 

As she opened the door she saw Octavia sitting up on her bed sweat covering every visible part of her body, closing the door behind her she slowly walked towards the bed she stopped when Octavia looked at her “O, baby it’s just me” Sasha held both her hands up she saw Octavia let out a massive breath of relief as she broke down into tears looking at Sasha as she stretched out a hand to her, instantly rushing forward she grabbed hold of Octavia’s hand sitting down next to her as soon as she was close enough Octavia leant in to her chest her wrapping her arms around Sasha’s waist her right hand grabbing onto Sasha’s top, Sasha wrapped her free arm around Octavia’s back pulling her into her body a little more she brought her free hand to Octavia’s hair soothingly running her fingers lightly up and down whispering “I’ve got you”

 

After ten minutes Octavia seemed to calm down a little more as her sobs seemed to become less frequent and her breathing even out more and more ever minute, along with her grip on her shirt becoming less tight, however, Sasha didn’t remove her arms or move an inch she knew it was important to let Octavia get everything out and for Octavia to feel safe and pushing her to release her hold on her wasn’t the correct way to go, after a few minutes more Octavia softly spoke “I’m sorry”

 

“Hey…” Sasha began pulling her head and chest backwards slightly looking down at Octavia moving her free hand from Octavia’s hair to gently rest on Octavia’s cheek gently rubbing her thumb up and down she continued “You have nothing to be sorry for” Seeing the somewhat ashamed look in Octavia’s eyes she spoke again “Nightmares are your minds way of processing a traumatic event” When Octavia gave her a small unsure nod she added “Trust me I’ve had loads” Sasha enforced jokingly, Sasha’s comment did as she hoped as a small smile appeared on Octavia’s face

 

“What happened to your hand?” Octavia asked now noticing the bandaging on Sasha’s right hand

 

“It’s nothing” Sasha said trying to brush off the question, but when Octavia looked at her unconvinced she explained “Mitch came back to your apartment when I was getting the things you asked me too, he said something and I snapped”

 

“And?”

 

“I may have got into a mini fight with him”

 

“What if he gets you arrested?” Octavia asked suddenly removing herself from Sasha, standing up she began pacing backwards and forwards “You have to apologise to him…. you have to because I can’t lose you not now…I need you…I can’t do this without you I know I can’t” Octavia mumbled out as she paced fresh tears spilling from her eyes running down her cheeks

 

Sasha quickly stood up walking over to Octavia standing in front of her she gently placed her left hand on Octavia’s shoulders and her right hand on Octavia’s cheek stopping Octavia from moving and forcing her to look into her eyes “There is no way he’s going to call the police on me….and it’ll be a cold day in hell before I apologise to him especially after what he did to you…. he deserved what I did to him he’s just lucky Lexa pulled me off him before I did more damage”

 

“But…”

 

“But nothing Octavia, he won’t call the police on me because he knows one word from me and he goes to prison for smashing a bottle over my head….and he has more people to worry about more than me” Seeing more tears building up in Octavia’s eyes she continued “I’m not going anywhere not if I have a choice in the matter, I’ll be here for you no matter what ok?” When Octavia nodded at her she gently pulled her closer to her wrapping her arms around Octavia as Octavia wrapped her arms around her waist again, this time burying her head in Sasha’s shoulder taking in the perfume she was wearing she felt so safe with Sasha like she’d take on the world before she let anything happen to her and she knew that if it came to it she truly would, pulling back slightly she rested her forehead against Sasha’s closing her eyes taking in the contact she wanted to kiss her but she didn’t feel ready for that not yet anyway

 

After minutes of silence Sasha opened her eyes and softly spoke “I got that thing you asked me to get” Opening her eyes Octavia looked at Sasha seeing the look in Sasha’s eyes she gave her a small smile “It’s in the living room, we can go get it” When Octavia looked at her hesitantly Sasha added “Everyone else is asleep it’s just you and me”

 

“Ok” Octavia softly said removing her hands from around Sasha’s waist and her forehead from Sasha’s, as Sasha unwrapped her hands she held her hand up in the air Octavia instantly took hold it interlocking their fingers she let Sasha guide her out of the bedroom and into the living room. Walking over to the door Sasha picked up the holdall with her free hand before moving them over the couch closest to them sitting down she placed the bag on the floor in front of her before she looked up at Octavia her eyes letting her know everything was ok, Octavia slowly sat down on the couch next to her looking down at the bag “Where are they?”

 

“They’re just in the bag” Sasha responded knowing exactly what Octavia was talking about, leaning forward she opened the zip to the side pocket of the holdall reaching her hand inside it she pulled out the item Octavia had asked her no made her promise to retrieve, she looked at Octavia as she removed her hand from the side pocket revealing the dog tags she had given to Octavia years ago – One was a personalised dog tag and the other was one of Sasha a replica of Sasha’s army issued dog tag- she watched as Octavia’s face filled with a smile, holding the dog tags in the air she moved them until they were hovering over Octavia’s free hand. She couldn’t help the smile on her own face at the thought of Octavia keeping the dog tags even after they had broken up “Can I ask you something?” Octavia didn’t answer the question verbally she simply nodded at Sasha her eyes looked on the dog tags now in her hand as she gently rubbed her thumb them “Why did you keep them?”

 

“They reminded me of you…” Octavia honestly replied her eyes still on the dog tags in her hand, she was relieved that the question hadn’t been Mitch related and was deeply happy at the distraction as she remember the reason she kept them “I wore them all the time from the moment you gave them to me, whenever I’d be missing you or the way you smelt or even just the way you’d look at me I’d hold these in my hand and it was almost like you were here it’s stupid I know but I know you had yours on, it made me feel connected to you…..when we broke up I used to sleep holding it in my hand like it was going to suddenly turn in to you if I held it tight enough” Octavia paused as she kept rubbing her finger over the dog tag her thumb running over ever indent and every chance of texture in the metal, it made her smile something about it was comforting, maybe it was because it reminded her of the past or maybe it was because it reminded her of Sasha or maybe it was just because Sasha had brought it for her she didn’t know all she knew was that she felt safe and content holding it in her hand remembering the day Sasha had given them to her…...

 

 

_ Flashback-Thursday 10th January 2013 _

_Sasha and Lexa were stood in the airplane hangar with the other soldiers from their unit they watched as they all said goodbye to their loved ones they had just said goodbye to their mama’s and their mema and papa and had watched them walk away both upset that they didn’t get to say goodbye to their younger siblings it was hard enough as it was knowing that they had to go a whole year missing out on seeing them grow up but not being able to say goodbye to them made things a million times worse for them and on top of that Octavia and Clarke had told them they didn’t want to say goodbye at the hangar because it’d be too hard for them both. Sasha and Lexa turned around heading towards the plane to take their seats as they begin walking to the plane they both heard a voice they knew as Ravens shouting out ‘WOODS TWINS’ they both laughed softly turning around fully expecting to see only Raven standing there they were both blown away with happiness when they saw their respective girlfriends walking on either side of Raven._

_As they both stood still looking at Clarke and Octavia the smiles on their faces were uncontrollable, Octavia was the first of the women to move running full force towards Sasha who caught her as their chests meet Sasha's arms wrapping around Octavia's waist as Octavia's hands wrapped around her neck she gently lifted Octavia off the ground the action causing Octavia to jump on to Sasha wrapping her legs around Sasha's waist as she hugged her tightly, Clarke wasn’t far behind Octavia but she was meet halfway by Lexa who had begun quickly walking towards Clarke as they meet Lexa engulfed Clarke in a hug wrapping her arms firmly around Clarke’s waist, as they were hugging she could feel Kane’s eyes firmly burning into her. Ignoring Kane’s glare she hold onto Clarke tightly burying her head into Clarke’s shoulder as she whispered “Thank you for coming” Clarke pulled back a little placing each of her hands on Lexa’s cheeks kissing her lovingly as she pulled back she softly said_

_“Nobody was going to stop me from being here” They both knew that Clarke was referring to her parents who thought that it would be too traumatic for her to say goodbye to Lexa and watch her get on the plane and then watch that plane slowly fly away knowing it may be the last time they ever see each other, in the beginning Clarke thought that maybe they were right and it wasn’t a good idea but the more she talked to Octavia about it the more she realised if something happened to Lexa while she was on tour and she never got to say goodbye that would hurt her a million times more than watching a plane slowly take off ever could. As she looked up at Lexa she couldn’t help but smile brightly at the slightly taller women and how perfect she looked staring down at her leaning up she softly kissed Lexa on the lips allowing the kiss to deepen slightly as she felt Lexa lift her slightly off the floor._

_At the same time Octavia and Sasha were locked in a loving kiss as Sasha still had Octavia hanging off her, her legs still tightly wrapped around Sasha’s waist as her arms were draped around her neck softly pulling her into the kiss more, as they both felt a need for air they both gently pulled their  heads back as Octavia smiled lovingly at Sasha softly saying “I think I might actually miss you” She softly giggled when she felt Sasha gently tighten her grip around her waist as she whispered back_

_“You better miss me…. because I’m sure as hell gonna miss you…your smile…. your eyes…that cute noise you make when you come…. I may even miss your tendency to wake up at 11am”_

_Octavia couldn’t help the massive smile that spread across her face at the words that left Sasha’s lips the way Sasha’s eyes sparkled when she looked at her like they were the stars at night, the smile slowly left her face as she remembered it’d be a whole year before she saw those eyes in person before she got to touch Sasha and feel her arms wrap around her again before she got to kiss her or even just see her. Seeing the disappearance of Octavia’s smile Sasha softly whispered into her ear “But we can talk every week plus we can text and sext all the time…….and I promise to send you those pics of me you like” The comment did as she intended and got a massive smile from Octavia who leaned into Sasha’s embrace moving her head until her mouth was at Sasha’s ear she softly replied_

_“You mean your work out pictures, the ones where your all sweaty with your abs all exposed and ripped”_

_“Uh Huh” Sasha softly smiled as she saw the smile reappear on Octavia’s face, she softly whispered “Provided I get some pictures in return of course”_

_“I think I can arrange something” Octavia replied closing the gap between her and Sasha’s lips as she was pulling back she softly said “I Love you”_

_“I love you too” Sasha softly responded releasing one of her hands from Octavia’s waist she softly reached inside one of her side pockets as she held Octavia up with her other hand, pulling out the small rectangular box she had placed in her pocket in hope that Octavia would come and say goodbye, she held the small black rectangular box that had Octavia written on the top in between them smiling when Octavia released her legs and arms from around her as she landed on the ground Sasha placed the box in her awaiting hand. As she opened up the box she was meet with a pair of Silver dog tags as she studied the tags in the box Sasha began to explain “They are a set they go with a pair I have...” Sasha paused as she placed her right hand through the neck of her shirt pulling out her matching dog tags holding them in her hand for Octavia to see she continued “The idea is I have one set and you have the other so they are only complete when together…..see they have half of the infinity symbol on the second tag when you put them both together their complete, they both have dates on them that are special to us….well to me….” Sasha paused as her nerves began to make it harder for her to explain the meaning behind the dog tags taking a short deep breath she continued again “See yours has my name on it along with the date we shared our first kiss and the first part of that Shakespeare saying you told me makes you think of me, and then mine has the other half of the saying along with the date I first told you I loved you and then your name. It’s so that no matter what there will always be something that we can physically touch to remind us that what we have is worth waiting a year for” When Octavia didn't do or say anything Sasha quickly asked “Was it a stupid idea?”_

_Octavia suddenly snapped out of her shock kissing Sasha passionately wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck pulling their chests together as she pulled out of the kiss she kept her arms around Sasha’s neck holding the jewellery box carefully in her hand. As she pulled back allowing herself to look into Sasha’s eyes she softly added “Their amazing” she couldn’t stop the mixture of happy and sad tears that formed in her eyes as she pulled Sasha into a hug “It’s just I’m……I’m gonna miss you so much”_

_“I’m going to miss you too” Sasha smiled as her hands rested gently on the waistband of Octavia’s jeans as she looked into Octavia’s eyes as Octavia removed her arms from around her shoulders so she could examine the dog tags properly. Octavia took the dog tags out of the box running her fingers gently over the wording:_

**_Octavia’s Dog Tag:_ ** **_Dit is nie in                          Sasha’s Dog Tag:   ons lot maar_ **

**** **_ons sterre om                                                        hou in onsself_ **

**_18-09-2010                                                           05-08-2011_ **

**_Alexis Sasha Woods                                                 Octavia Blake_ **

****

**_Quote translation: It is not in our stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves_ **

****

_“I love you …... so much more than you’ll ever know” Octavia added as the tears spilled out of her eyes rushing gently down her cheeks pulling back she wiped her tears away before leaning in and giving Sasha a gentle kiss on the lips as Sasha kissed her back her arms wrapped tighter around Sasha’s neck forcing the whole of their bodies closer together sending chills through both of their bodies. “You better come back safe” Octavia whispered as she pulled back looking Sasha in the eyes she could see the tears that were building in them, “I will……I promise” Sasha softly said leaning down gently placing a kiss on Octavia’s lips pulling their chests together_

_“I thought you said….”_

_“I know I said No promises but I’d promise you the world if I knew it’d make you feel happier and safer with my decision to go back over there” Sasha honestly replied bringing her right hand up to gently caress Octavia’s cheek “I know this is easy for me but I want you to know that I know how hard it is for you, and that I know not a lot of women would wait a year for me especially while I’m off doing something they don’t want me to do…so I want you to know I realise just how lucky I am to have you in my life”_

_“I’m the lucky one” Octavia replied closing the gap between their lips putting every ounce of passion and energy she had into it she wanted Sasha to remember exactly how much she cared about her_

_“Sasha, can you stop sucking Octavia’s face and give me Clarke’s present please” Lexa asked looking over at Octavia and Sasha as Clarke stayed wrapped around Lexa, her arms wrapped around Lexa’s waist as her head rested on Lexa’s chest taking in Lexa’s perfume with every intake of breath she took as she let out a soft giggle at Lexa’s comment. Ignoring Lexa’s request and Clarke’s soft giggle Sasha and Octavia remained kissing with Sasha simply removing one of her hands from Octavia’s waist and giving Lexa the middle finger. Lexa laughed softly at her cousin before softly saying “maak nie vir my Octavia vertel jou bynaam soos 'n kind” (Don’t make me tell Octavia your nickname as a kid)_

_Sasha pulled out of the kiss looking at Lexa her face filled with a blank look on her face as she looked over at Lexa and softly said “You wouldn’t dare”_

_“I would, unless you give me Clarke's present”_

_“Fine, fine geezs can’t a girl get some sexy time with her women without getting threatened” Sasha stated throwing in a fake massive sigh at the end of her sentence as she pulled out a box identical to the one she had just given Octavia only this one was slightly bigger and had Clarke written on the top instead of Octavia gently throwing it to Lexa who caught it in her free hand._

_Seeing the box in Lexa’s hand Clarke lifted her head off Lexa’s chest looking up at her questioningly the action caused Lexa to hand the box to Clarke all of a sudden she felt seriously nervous about giving the box to Clarke, as Clarke removed herself from Lexa’s chest releasing the grip her hands had on around Lexa’s waist taking a small step backwards so she had enough space to open the gift. Lexa suddenly started rambling a small explanation for giving her the box and for what it actually was “I got the idea from Sasha for jewellery but I went with something I thought was a little more you…Sasha helped me pick it out because you too like the same kind of things but if you don’t like it I can take it back or bin it or what---” Lexa was stopped from continuing her rambling when Clarke placed two fingers over her mouth_

_“Stop talking Babe” Clarke sweetly said smiling up at Lexa she made a mental note at how adorable Lexa looked when she was nervous about something as she closed the gap between her lips and Lexa’s gently kissing Lexa on the lips for a second before pulling back, she continued to smile as she looked back down at the box still in her hand, opening it up she was meet with a silver Rolex watch she let out a small gasp the watch must have been worth at least a few thousand dollars she looked at Lexa and asked “Lexa this must have cost you a fortune, I can’t accept it”_

_“Clarke it honestly didn’t cost that much, plus I can’t really give it to anyone else” When Clarke looked at her raising her eyebrows she added “Look at the back of it” As Lexa completed the words Clarke obliged taking the watch out of the box removing the small pillow that the watch was placed around she turned it over seeing a message engraved on the back of the watch she smiled brightly as she read what it said:_

**_Yours forever_ **

**_and a lifetime_ **

**_xx Lexa xx_ **

**_17-07-2010_ **

_Clarke looked at Lexa her mouth hanging slightly open as her eyes fill with happy tears as she looks into Lexa’s eyes she softly says “It’s beautiful Lexa, you didn’t have to”_

_Lexa gently reached up wiping the tears that had fell down Clarke's cheeks away before softly replying “I know I didn’t have to but I wanted to, I wanted you to have something physical to remind you how much I love you” As the words escaped her mouth she reached her hand up to wipe away Clarke’s tears she softly said “I didn’t mean to upset you”_

_“You didn’t” Clarke replied smiling as she tried to re-control her breathing “Their happy tears. Nobody’s ever put this much thought into a gift for me…” Clarke honestly replied leaning into Lexa kissing her softly on the lips as she pulled back she pulled her into a hug gently whispering into Lexa’s ear “I’m gonna miss you so much”_

_"Well that's kind of the idea of the watch” When Clarke looked at her with raised eyebrows she continued “Whenever you feel like you’re missing me more than normal and we can't talk to ease that feeling you have the watch to look at and feel and you’ll know that I'll be thinking about you at the exact same time because…” Lexa stopped as she removed her left arm from around Clarke and lifted it in the air jerking it slightly making the sleeve up her arm slightly revealing a watch almost similar to Clarke’s “See I have an almost identical one” Lexa smiled down at Clarke seeing the smile on her face get even wider before she closed the gap between them placing a gentle kiss on Lexa’s lips before pulling back and biting her bottom lip as she softly asked_

_“You’re like the perfect girlfriend aren’t you?”_

_“Well I try” Lexa responded as she winked at Clarke then placing her left arm back around Clarke’s waist pulling her hips into her own a little more, leaning down she kissed Clarke gently taking in the feeling of their lips together something she knew she wouldn’t feel for a long time because that was exactly what a year was without Clarke was going to be and she knew it all too much, she was pulled out of her thoughts when Clarke pulled out of the kiss looking down at her she asked “What?”_

_“Your ruining our romantic moment Lexa”_

_“How?”_

_“I can feel you thinking when your kissing me” Clarke responded pouting at Lexa “You’re not meant to be thinking about anything except kissing me and how awesome it feels”_

_“I was thinking about how awesome it feels” When Clarke looked at her unconvinced she continued “I just happened to be thinking about how much I’m gonna miss it over the next year” Lexa honestly finished trying to push her tears back_

_“You’ll be back in no time and….” Clarke paused as she moved in closer to Lex until her mouth was pressed gently to Lexa’s ear “We’ll be doing a lot more than just kissing when you get back I promise you that”_

_“Oh yeah like what?” Lexa asked feeling the desire inside her raise up a little more as she felt Clarke’s breath on her ear_

_“I’m not giving that surprise away but let’s say it’ll definitely be worth the year wait….and I may even do that thing you like”_

_Lexa pulled back at Clarke’s words looking at her in the eyes her voice one hundred percent serious as she asked “Really?” When Clarke nodded at her she reached forward lifting Clarke off the ground making Clarke giggle softly before she wrapped her legs around Lexa’s waist her arms instantly moving to wrap around Lexa’s neck making sure she didn’t drop the watch in her hand as their lips meet in a fierce kiss that told the either just how much they cared about each other Clarke was the first to pull out of the kiss as she looked up at Lexa “Me and Octavia actually have a surprise for you and Sasha”_

_“Really what surprise?”_

 

Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment-Living Room

Octavia and Sasha were still sat in the living room Octavia’s hand still holding onto the dog tags in her hand as she continued to remember the day Sasha gave them to her it was one of the hardest days of her life but at the same time it was one of the happiest days of her life. She smiled looking at the dog tags before placing them over her head letting them drop down to rest on her chest she gently ran her index finger over the tags again looking at Sasha who was intently watching her with a simply loving expression on her face reaching forward taking hold of Sasha’s hand she squeezed it softly;

 

“Thank you for getting these…I just needed to have them with me”

 

“Your welcome…anything I can do to help I will” Sasha softly and honestly replied

 

“There’s something else I want to do”

 

“Name it”

 

“I need to wash this feeling away or scrub it or something…” Octavia paused as she suddenly struggled with the words her voice cracking slightly from the raw emotions she was feeling as fresh tears rushed from her eyes down her cheeks “I feel so…dirty and cheap…all I can smell his him…that nasty aftershave he uses and the smell of that cheap beer he drinks I just need it to go away…” Octavia paused as she struggled to describe it any further feeling Sasha squeeze her hand gently she looked into her girlfriends eyes

 

“It’s ok you don’t need to explain anything….I’ll run you a bath and get some fresh clothes from my room” Sasha answered looking at Octavia she squeezed her hand again gently before standing up, picking up the holdall she carried it to her room placing it in the corner near her chest of drawers then removing some new clothing for Octavia to change into she walked back into the living room continuing on to the bathroom this time, giving the bath a quick rinse she placed the plug in the plughole and ran the water before placing some bubble bath in the water to make it smell good hoping the smell would attach to Octavia and help her get rid of the smell reminders of Mitch Octavia and mentioned letting it run for about ten minutes until the water was high enough and at the right temperature she walked back into the living room she smiled softly at Octavia “Your baths ready”

 

Octavia didn’t say a word to Sasha she just nodded standing up slowly she walked towards Sasha stopping next to her she took hold of her hand before walking towards the bathroom Sasha walking side by side with her until they reached the bathroom, releasing Sasha’s hand Octavia stepped forward into the bathroom she looked at Sasha who softly said; “Give me a shout if you need anything ok?”

 

 Octavia nodded softly at Sasha who taking the nod as a sign that she was to leave reached forward placing her hand on the handle of the door she began pulling it towards her she stopped when Octavia placed her hand on the door looking at her as she softly said “Stay” Sasha looked at her a little worried and concerned she again spoke “Stay with me please…. I don’t want to be alone”

 

“Ok” Sasha simply responded stepping into the bathroom she turned closing the door and locking it so nobody could get into the bathroom she turned on the spot looking at Octavia she noticed how fragile Octavia suddenly seemed to look she wasn’t sure if it was the bathroom lighting or if it was Octavia’s body reacting to the trauma it had been through hours before. Sasha didn’t move from her spot near the door she didn’t want to rush Octavia at all she wanted to let her go at her own pace, she wasn’t going to move or act until she watched as Octavia brought her hand up until it reached the zipper of the hoody she was wearing her hand stopping as it made contact with the zipper tears spilling from Octavia’s eyes. She couldn’t handle it anymore so she took a few steps forward until she was in front of Octavia reaching her hand up she placed it gently on top of Octavia’s feeling the contact Octavia looked into her eyes, keeping her their eyes locked Sasha began to unzip the hoody slowly until it was completely unzipped she then carefully removed the hoody from Octavia’s top half letting it drop to the floor, making sure she was looking Octavia in the eyes she softly warned “I’m going to remove your bottoms ok” When Octavia softly nodded she placed her hands gently on the waistband slowly moving the joggers down Octavia’s legs until they were at her ankles without a word to each other Octavia lifted her feet off the ground one by one allowing Sasha to remove the jogging bottoms from her completely she threw them on top of the hoody she had removed seconds prior. Standing back up she looked at Octavia who was now only in her bra and panties only now could she see all the bruises and marks that Mitch had inflicted on Octavia’s body, she was about to ask whether Octavia wanted to leave them on or off when Octavia reached out taking Sasha’s right hand in her left then moving it slowly until their hands reached her left hip still looking into Sasha’s eyes she softly spoke “Keep going” her voice was so low it broke Sasha’s heart a little more as the tears built up in her eyes, biting back her own emotions she moved her left hand slowly until it was on Octavia’s right hip keeping her eyes locked with Octavia’s she slowly moved her hands downwards bringing the material downwards with her hands slowly she moved the material down Octavia’s legs she bent down as the material moved past Octavia’s knees continuing to move the material downwards until she reached Octavia’s ankles as the material grazed against the skin on both ankles Octavia placed her hands on Sasha’s shoulders before stepping out of the panties with her left foot followed by her right, Sasha placed the panties on top of the other removed items of clothing before she stood back up so she was eye to eye with Octavia again Octavia’s hands still resting on her shoulders she carefully placed her hands on Octavia’s hips where they had been before looking at Octavia she slowly moved her hands upwards until they reached the bottom material of the bra Octavia was wearing making sure she looked Octavia in the eyes in case of any hint that Octavia wanted her to stop, continuing she moved her hands around to Octavia’s back slowly moving them up until she reached the strap of the bra unhooking it slowly she moved the material bringing it towards her chest as she removed the bra from Octavia’s breasts she slowly continued to remove the bra, moving the straps down Octavia’s arms until it reached her hands which were still on Sasha’s shoulders without a word Octavia removed her hands dropping them to her side the bra dropping to the floor as she did so.

 

Sasha looked at the water in the bath quickly before looking at Octavia taking her hand gently she walked with her to the side of the bath Octavia held onto her hand tightly as she lifted her left leg off the ground lifting it over the side of the bath placing her foot carefully into the bath, using Sasha’s hand as support she placed her other hand on Sasha’s left shoulder pushing on it gently she lifted her right leg into the bath removing both her hands from Sasha’s hand and shoulder she placed a hand on either side of the bath carefully lowering herself down into the water, she sat there for a few seconds before she brought her knees up against her chest clutching onto them as the tears rushed down her cheeks again. Sasha continued to watch Octavia not sure what to do to help Octavia kneeling down next to the side of the bath resting her arms on it she let her right hand hang down a little bit hoping Octavia would take hold of it if she needed to, she didn’t speak at first she just watched Octavia not moving or washing herself in anyway as she scanned her eyes down Octavia’s back seeing the bruising that was beginning to show she assumed it was from Mitch pushing Octavia against the wall as her eyes continued to scan Octavia’s body the bruises that angered her the most where the ones showing up on her hip in the form of Mitch’s hand. She was brought out of her thoughts when Octavia’s hand came into contact with hers.

 

As soon as Octavia’s hand connected with Sasha’s she released all the tears and emotions she had been holding inside she emotions she had been trying to bury ever since they started building inside of her, without a second thought Sasha stood up removing her hand from Octavia’s she removed her shoes and socks then she removed her joggers thankful she was wearing boy shorts underwear today and not her usual brief like underwear she decided to keep her top on in case the skin contact was too much for Octavia, carefully stepping forward she looked to Octavia who was still sobbing her heart out hoping this didn’t upset Octavia more she carefully stepped into the bath placing herself carefully behind Octavia each of her legs on either side of Octavia so Octavia was sat in between her legs as the water hit the material of the clothing wetting it through instantly she felt reached her hands around Octavia wrapping her arms around her, her hands stopping on top of Octavia’s instantly Octavia opened her hands up interlocking their fingers she leant back against Sasha feeling Sasha’s chest against her back made her feel secure and safe it shouldn’t have but it did and she liked that feeling. As Sasha leant backwards until her back gently touched the back of the bath she leant against it, Octavia leant back against her even more her head resting on Sasha’s chest Sasha softly took in the smell of Octavia’s hair it was only know she understood what Octavia was talking about she didn’t smell like she usually did she smelt like cheap beer and cheap aftershave as tears softly ran down her own cheeks she took a breath in before whispering in Octavia’s ear;

 

“Do you remember that song you used to make me sing after I got out of the Rehab unit?”

 

“Yeah I remember it” Octavia softly replied a small smiled crossing her lips, it felt good to smile that’s why she needed Sasha because without her she was sure she wouldn’t smile again not for anyone or anything but Sasha was different “Can you sing it to me?”

 

“Now?”

 

“Yeah”

 

“Sure” Sasha softly replied she didn’t feel like now was an appropriate time to be singing love songs but Octavia wanted her to sing a song to her and right now Octavia was the only thing that matter to her and in this moment if Octavia wanted her to sing The Chicken Song or run naked through the streets she would have done it especially if it would ease Octavia’s mind slightly, she took a deep breath she began softly singing the song:

 

“Heart beats fast

 Colours and promises

 How to be brave?

 How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

 But watching you stand alone,

 All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow”

 

Sasha looked down at Octavia noticing that she had her eyes closed and had stopped sobbing her cheeks stained with make-up and tears, she continued to sing as she watched Octavia:

 

 “One step closer

 I have died every day waiting for you

 Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you

 For a thousand years

 I'll love you for a thousand more”

 

The words spoke for themselves in her and Octavia’s minds when they had first heard the song, she knew that now more than either if she’d give anything to help Octavia get over what Mitch had done even if it took a thousand years to get Octavia through it because she knew Octavia was worth waiting a thousand years for…...

 

Chapter 24-Trauma Part Two

Sasha and Octavia had been in the bath for twenty minutes Octavia hadn’t moved from her position against Sasha’s chest instead of forcing the movement Sasha carefully washed Octavia’s body lathering it in cherry scented body wash then rinsing it all off she washed Octavia’s hair as well which was a task with Octavia’s head against her chest but she did it none the less completely covering her bra and bandaged hand with shampoo, conditioner and water in the process but that didn’t bother her in the slightest, once she was done she just continued leaning against the bath waiting until Octavia was ready to remove herself from the bath, the water became too cold for them to sit in any longer once they had both got out of the bath Sasha helped Octavia get dressed placing the clothes she had got from her room for Octavia on her fragile girlfriend she remembered that she hadn’t retrieved any underwear for Octavia and went to get some from her room but had been stopped by Octavia who told her it didn’t matter she didn’t argue with the younger women instead she just finished helping Octavia getting dressed once she was completely dressed Sasha placed her joggers back on along with her top not caring that they would get wet once they came into contact with her underwear.

 

They made their way into Sasha’s bedroom once they were in there Octavia laid back on the bed keeping hold of Sasha’s hand she pulled her gently onto the bed with her Sasha didn’t need Octavia to tell her what she wanted or needed at that moment she knew that she wanted to be held to feel safe, Sasha climbed onto the bed with Octavia laying herself down she positioned herself as she usually did within seconds Octavia was wrapped around her, her head resting on Sasha’s chest listening to her heart beat as she felt Sasha’s chest calmly rising and falling, she curled her legs up into a ball next to Sasha’s legs as her right arm was stretched out across Sasha’s waist her hand gently holding on to Sasha’s left hip her left hand tucked in between her stomach and Sasha’s right hip. Sasha let Octavia move herself until she was comfortable not moving her hands from the pillows where she had rested them, after a few minutes of Octavia laying on her she felt the younger brunette shift turning herself slightly reaching out Octavia gently grabbed Sasha’s right hand pulling it gently towards her until Sasha’s whole arm was wrapped around her upper body, as she tightened her grip around Octavia’s upper body slightly she brought her left hand to rest on her stomach feeling Octavia move her hand on top of hers gently interlocking their fingers together she felt Octavia take a few deep breaths before her breathing seemed to level out she looked down at Octavia seeing the younger woman’s eyes were shut and she looked completely relaxed taking a careful breath out she closed her own eyes resting her head against the pillow behind it her mind wondered to the day she had given Octavia the dog tags she was wearing smiling softly as she remembered the surprise that Clarke and Octavia had arranged for her and Lexa…..

 

 

_ Flashback-Thursday 10th January 2013 Continued _

_Clarke didn't say a word as she removed herself from Lexa’s waist carefully placing herself on the ground as she did so she just looked over at Octavia who was hugging Sasha tightly as Octavia noticed her looking she looked at her raising her eyebrows as if asking ‘now?’ When Octavia nodded and softly pulled out of the hug pulling Sasha to stand next to Clarke and Lexa as Sasha looked at them both unimpressed and then looked at Lexa both looking each other slightly unsure as to what was going on, Octavia and Clarke noticed the looks and both smiled stepping back before Clarke pulled out her phone and called someone placing the phone to her ear within a second she said “Now” Then hanging the phone up and placing it back in her pocket her action made the cousins look at each other again this time in slight amusement_

_Lexa was looking at Clarke still confused and slightly annoyed that they weren't still making out, she was about to aka what was going on but before she could get the words out Sasha’s hand was on her right shoulder squeezing it gently, as she looked to Sasha she noticed her attention was on something in the direction Clarke, Octavia and Raven had come from, frowning in confusion slightly she turned her head to look in the same direction as Sasha. As her eyes landed on the air strip she felt a smile fill up her face as she saw Raven walking towards them this time she had Atom on her left side and Tristan on her right side holding on firmly to her hand while Costia was in her arms, as soon as Atom saw Lexa he took off in a sprint until he crashed into Lexa’s legs wrapping his arms around them tightly. A second after Atom had taken off running Tristan did the same running as fast as his legs could go until he met Sasha’s waiting arms as he reached her she lifted him up hugging him tightly as he clung onto her. Both of them were speechless no words could describe how happy and thankful they were to be able to see their siblings before they left for a whole year._

_Lexa leant down slightly gently moving Atom’s head back she snaked her arms underneath his arms lifting him off the ground and onto her chest looking at him she could see how upset he was “Hey little one what's with the tears?” She knew what was wrong but she also wanted to make sure nothing else was wrong_

_As Atom looked up from her chest his eyes filled with tears and a sad frown on his face he softly said “I’m gonna miss you groot een” (big one)_

_"You are?”_

_“Yeah” Atom replied frowning even more as he looked up at Lexa_

_"I'm gonna miss you too…” Not able to handle the sad frown on her little brothers face anymore Lexa tried to make him smile “But if you ask nicely I’m sure Clarke will help you video chat with me or you can ask mama”_

_“Mama’s no fun she asks the silly questions”_

_“She does doesn't she” Lexa played along knowing that questions about health and happiness weren't high on a five year olds list of important conversations “So do you want me to ask Clarke to help you talk to me on video?” She asked when Atom nodded slowly she smiled replying “Ok I’ll ask her but your gonna have to give her loads of hugs on the way home ok?”_

_“Deal” He softly replied, he paused his face contorting like he was thinking about something serious he then reached up with both his hands placing one hand on each of Lexa’s cheeks he pulled her face down slightly so she was looking him in the eyes a little more before he firmly said “Be safe groot een” (Big One)_

_“I’ll try”_

_“NO…no try just be safe”_

_Lexa couldn't help the smile the filled her face at her little brother’s words and the expression on his face both so serious for a five-year-old “Ok I'll be safe I promise”_

_"Good Lexa" He replied leaning up and gently and lovingly pecking his sister on the lips pulling back he gently wrapped his arms around Lexa’s neck turning his head and resting it on Lexa’s shoulder as Lexa wrapped her arms around his back tightly hugging him_

_A few steps away from her Sasha is still hugging Tristan who’s grip on her was tighter than she’d ever experienced before from the three year old she didn’t rush him to let go she just soothingly rubbed her hand in a circular motion on his back, she knew how hard it was for her emotionally to deal with having to leave for a year she had no idea how a three year old would be able to deal with it, all Tristan and Costia knew was that she was leaving they didn’t understand what the army was or why she needed to go away for so long because of it. After a few minutes of rubbing Tristan’s back she moved her hand from his back to his head gently rubbing her fingers over his short brown hair, seconds later Tristan lifted his head up looking at Sasha he smiled before softly saying:_

_“Ek het jou lief” (I love you)_

_Sasha smiled brightly at her little brother’s sudden declaration of love to her gently ruffling his hair making him laugh she replied “ek is lief vir jou ook” (I love you too) When Tristan just smiled at her then rested his head on her shoulder she looked down at him asking “What’s wrong Tris? Don’t feel like talking today?”_

_“Ek is te hartseer”_ ( _I’m too sad)_

_“Ok we’ll just cuddle instead yeah?” When Tristan nodded his head Sasha moved her hand back to his back gently rubbing his back again remaining like that for a few minutes until Tristan lifted his head again looking up at Sasha again he said;_

_“Kan jy Cosi gelukkig weer” (Can you make Cosi happy again?)_

_“What do you mean Tris?” Sasha asked slightly confused by the question her brother had asked_

_“Mama het vir haar gesê dat jy nie terugkom…” (Mama told her you’re not coming back) Tristan sadly explained looking into Sasha’s eyes “Nou sy is regtig hartseer ... jy haar glimlag maak .... Ek hou daarvan as sy glimlag” (Now she’s really sad…you make her smile…. I like it when she smiles) The little boy explained his words made Sasha’s heart hurt slightly for numerous reasons the main one being Tristan’s thoughtfulness when it came to his twin the other was her mama’s cruelness in telling her little sister she wasn’t coming back_

_“I’ll see what I can do” Sasha responded, as she finished her sentence Tristan reached out for Octavia who had been stood nearby watching Sasha’s interaction with her younger brother, Octavia took a few steps forward until she was close enough to lift Tristan out of Sasha’s arm, once her was firmly in Octavia’s arms he looked over at Sasha and said;_

_“Now Sashi”_

_Sasha didn’t dare argue with her little brother there were many things he got from their mother and his stubbornness was definitely one of them, turning her attention to Raven who still had Costia in her arms she looked at her younger sister who still had her head buried in Raven’s shoulder walking over she noticed the tears on Costia’s cheeks smiling at Raven who was rubbing the little girls back soothingly she stopped right in front of them she leant forward until she was level with Costia’s face, looking at the sad expression on Costia’s face she softly asked:_

_“What’s wrong Cos?” When Costia didn’t say anything back she softly ventured “So does that mean I don’t get any cuddles from you?” Sasha watched as Costia lifted her head up from Raven’s shoulder the frown on her face more adorable than perhaps it should have been to Sasha, slowly Costia reached out her arms to Sasha the motion causing a smile to spread across Sasha’s face as she reached out lifting Costia out of Raven’s arms and in her own as soon as Costia hit her chest she wrapped her arms around Sasha’s neck tightly squeezing her as she began crying in Sasha’s arms. The sound of her little sister’s tears was something that she hated hearing, readjusting Costia in her arms she moved away from everyone else who she could feel were watching her every move she kept walking until she found a nice quite spot just to the side of where all the soldiers were waiting to board the plane finding a wall she carefully sat down on the floor keeping Costia on her chest she brought her knees up so the little girl had something to lean her back against. Gently she pulled Costia back looking down at her little sister who was still crying; “Hey Mini Me, tell me what’s wrong?”_

_“I don’t want you go” Costia sadly responded her frown still fixed on her face as the tears continued to spill from her eyes_

_“But I have to”_

_“NO”_

_“Cos....” Sasha began as she tried to think of the correct way to describe it to Costia “You know I’m a solider right…” When Costia sadly nodded at her wiping her tears away only for them to be replaced by fresh ones “Well that means that it’s my job to protect people, like you, Tristan, Mama, Mema and Papa…” Before Sasha could continue her sentence Costia cut her off_

_“And Tavi?” She innocently asked as she wiped the fresh tears from her eyes_

_“Yeah it's my job to protect everyone that I care about but to protect you I have to leave sometimes for a long long time….it doesn’t mean that I don’t think about you or that I’m not coming back or that I want to leave because I would rather stay at home and watch films and eat loads and loads of sweets with my mini me” Costia giggle softly at Sasha “But I have to, you know how you don’t like going to see the doctor when he gives you those medicines…”_

_“It hurts”_

_“I know it does, but you have to go right?”_

_“So don’t get sick” Costia replied as she nodded her head at Sasha_

_"Exactly, well it's kind of the same for me and my job, if I don't go away then I can't keep everyone I care about safe but I’ll still see you it’s just that instead of it being like this it’ll be on Mama’s computer”_

_"But don't want you go”_

_“I know Cos, but I have to and you know sometimes you have to do things you don't want to right?”_

_“Like seeing doctor?”_

_“Exactly…but I promise I’ll talk to you every week and I’ll send you letters and funny pictures and I’ll even bring you back your own mini uniform” Sasha smiled as a sad smile appeared on Costia’s face_

_“Can I write letters?”_

_“Of course you can…you can write me a letter everyday if you want”_

_"I can?” Costia asked her face filling with what Sasha could only describe as happy_

_“Yeah, but Mama will have to help you with the words”_

_“No I do it” Costia protested her face filled with so much determination it was unbelievably adorable to Sasha_

_“If you’re sure…. But you have to let mama help with the address ok?”_

_“Ok”_

_“Will that help you stop missing me?” When Costia shook her head “Not even a little bit?” When Costia again shook her head in response Sasha continued “What about if you had a picture of me?”_

_“Mama has pictures…. pictures aren’t same”_

_“What about if I give you a special picture?” She smiled as Costia’s eyes lit up at her question before the three-year-old began nodding at her, reaching inside the pocket of her combats on the left side pulling out the picture she had placed in her pocket holding it to her chest so Costia couldn’t what the picture was she looked at Costia seeing the excitement on her face she asked “You wanna see it?” As expected Costia nodded her head excitedly at Sasha who smiled and slowly turned the picture around revealing a picture that had been taken of her, Octavia, Tristan and Costia on Christmas day 2010 “This is my most favourite picture in the whole wide world…...whenever I feel sad or upset I look at it and it makes me feel happy” She smiled as Costia reached forward gripping onto the sides of the picture with her tiny hands a smile filling up her face as she looked at the picture before she looked up at Sasha_

_“Me” She said excitedly pointing at the picture_

_“Yeah”_

_“Tavi...” Costia continued to point at each person in the picture looking up at Sasha for confirmation when Sasha nodded she pointed to the next person “Tris…...You”_

_“Yep that’s why it’s my favourite picture”_

_“Christmas?” The little girl added pointing to the Christmas tree in the background_

_“Yeah…you were one…. you remember that?” Sasha replied looking at the smile on her little sisters face, when Costia looked at her shaking her head softly “Well that was the day you met Tavi” Looking at her little sister who was still looking at the picture she softly spoke “Do you wanna keep it?” She laughed softly as she watched Costia’s mouth drop open in excitement as she looked at her big sister nodding her head excitedly “You have to promise me something though” Costia looked at her big sister “You have to be a good girl”_

_“I am”_

_“For me you are…but you have to be good for mama ok…that means eating all your food so you get even stronger and learning your English” When Costia looked down at her lap a sad expression filling her face Sasha reached up lifting Costia’s chin gently upwards until she was looking at her again “I know that you struggle with learning your words sometimes…just like me…but you have to try for me ok?” When Costia nodded her head at her small tears spilling out of her eyes again “I bet when I come back you’ll be talking just like me” The sentence caused the little girl to laugh at her older sister “There’s my Mini me” Sasha had to hold back her own tears when Costia suddenly jumped into her wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck, she was secretly happy she had leant forward so her little sister didn’t end up smashing her face on the wall, as Costia pulled back she looked at her still sensing the sadness in her sister she asked “You still gonna miss me?” When Costia nodded her head she picked the picture, that had dropped onto her lap, back up placing it again in Costia’s hand she explained “Whenever you’re missing me all you have to do is look at this picture and it’ll help you stop missing me a little bit at a time….and if you really really really really miss me then Tavi said you can call her and talk to her because she’s going to miss me too….”_

_“But I still miss you”_

_“I know you will but all you have to do is look at the picture and think about me and then it’ll be like I’m there”_

_“Coming back?” The little girl asked tears again spilling from her eyes_

_Sasha paused for a second as she tried to think of the words the reply to Costia “Of course I am” Thinking about what Tristan had said to her minutes ago she asked “Did someone say I wasn’t?” Costia nodded sadly at Sasha causing her to ask “Who?” She didn’t want to put words into the little girls’ mouth_

_“Mama said”_

_“Well Mama is being silly” When Costia’s face still remained filled with sadness she continued “Mama thinks I’m not going to come back but I am…because I have to come back don’t I?” When Costia nodded her head Sasha continued “See Mama was being silly if I have to come back then I’m coming back right” Sasha smiled as Costia giggled at her words she knew saying something that sounded a little confusing would make the little girl start giggling and she hoped that it made her stop thinking that she wasn't coming back “so, no more sad Costia right?”_

_“No lies”_

_“No lies” Sasha repeated knowing that Costia was asking her if she was lying, when Costia nodded at her repeat of her words she asked again “No more sad Costia?”_

_“Happy Costia” The little girl excitedly said rocking up and down on Sasha’s lap until she reached forward wrapping her arms around Sasha's neck pulling her into a hug her arms squeezing tightly around her big sister, after a few minutes Costia pulled back looking at Sasha saying “See Alex”_

_“You wanna see Lexa?”_

_“Say bye” Costia replied nodding her head softly_

_“Ok let's go see Lexa” Sasha responded placing her right hand on Costia’s back to support her as she bent her knees and used her left hand to push against the wall so she could stand up once she was stood up as wiped her bottom with her left hand before heading back to where they had left the others, as they walked around the corner Sasha saw that Tristan was now in Lexa’s arms hugging her as Atom was stood with Clarke his arms wrapped around her knees as they all watched Lexa and Tristan, as Costia’s eyes settled on Lexa she looked at Sasha firmly saying “Down” Sasha didn't argue with her she just placed her carefully onto the floor and watched as Costia walked over to Lexa walking as fast as her little legs would allow her too, she continued to watch as Costia reached Lexa’s legs and gently tugged on her combats causing Lexa’s attention to turn from Tristan to Costia once she realised it was indeed Costia she smiled brightly carefully placing Tristan on the ground before she knelt down as soon as Lexa was level with her Costia leapt forward wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck as Lexa caught her wrapping her arms around the little girls back before standing up as she hugged Costia back tightly_

_When her eyes caught sight of Octavia, who was standing looking at the dog tags she had just given her walking over to her she stopped in front of her bringing her left hand up to Octavia’s face she gently tucked a stray hair behind Octavia’s ear she asked “Are you ok?” Before Octavia answered she added “And I mean really ok, no sugar coating it to make me feel better”_

_“I’m ok now…” When Sasha looked at her raising her eyebrows at her she continued “I am but I’m not sure how I’ll feel once you’re on that plane”_

_“I’m sorry you have to go through this” Sasha responded moving forward a little more so she could wrap her arms around Octavia’s waist pulling her closer until their hips were pressed together as she did so Octavia instantly brought her arms up to wrap around Sasha’s neck “I hate that me leaving makes you feel like this”_

_“Don’t be, you’re doing your job protecting this country and the people in it including me…. It’s one of the reasons I love you so much” Sasha smiled at Octavia’s words as she looked down at her girlfriend_

_“Thank you”_

_“What for?”_

_“For being you…you are one in a million and I love you so much more than you’ll ever know” Sasha responded leaning down kissing Octavia softly before she pulled back “I’m gonna miss you so much” Sasha replied as a tear escaped her eyes and ran down her cheeks “Sorry” She instantly replied going to move her hand to wipe the tears away but before she could even remove her hand from Octavia’s waist she felt and saw Octavia’s right hand move from her shoulder to wipe away the tears on both her cheeks_

_“Don’t be sorry” Octavia responded moving her hand back to its previous place on Sasha’s shoulder “What happened with Costia?” She knew that more than likely the little girl unknowingly said something that triggered Sasha emotions to go into hyper drive, she usually didn’t cry while she was being deployed no matter who was there she always cried in private when she knew she was either alone or with Lexa only, while it always flattered her when Sasha let her guard down in front of her it was also very worrying_

_“My mama told her I wasn’t coming back” Sasha responded trying to control her emotions, she hated crying in front of Octavia it made her feel weak for not protecting her from her mind_

_“I can’t believe she would say that”_

_“Me either I had no idea what to say to her to comfort her…. I had to make up some stupid confusing sentence so she believed me”_

_“Is she ok?”_

_“I think so she seemed to accept what I said, and she said she’s gonna send me a letter everyday” Sasha softly laughed imagining Costia sitting and writing her letters, taking a deep breath she looked into Octavia’s eyes “Thank you”_

_“Your welcome” Octavia responded leaning up at kissing Sasha lovingly, she decided that now was probably the best time to give Sasha the letter she had prepared for her, pulling back she looked into Sasha’s eyes softly saying “I want to give you something” She started before reaching into her back pocket and pulling out the folded letter holding it in front of Sasha “But you can’t open it now you have to wait until you get to your camp and you’re in your bunk or wherever you sleep” She paused as Sasha’s hand gripped onto one side of the envelope “Promise….”_

_“What is it?”_

_“Just promise”_

_“Ok I promise” Sasha relented deciding agreeing with Octavia was easier than arguing with her, when Octavia released her hold on the envelope Sasha placed the envelope in to now empty pocket on the left side of her combats closing the pocket so the envelope didn’t fall out she looked back to Octavia_

_“I like it when you do what I ask”_

_“I bet you do” Sasha responded unable to suppress a smirk from appearing on her face_

_“Shut up and give me some sugar” Octavia laughed pulling Sasha into her their lips lovingly joining together Sasha’s arms naturally tightening around Octavia’s waist as their kiss deepened instantly Sasha was about to move her hand underneath Octavia’s shirt when they both felt something pushing their legs apart, breaking apart they both looked down seeing Atom trying to create enough space between their legs for him to fit in between them, they both laughed softly as Sasha released her arms from around Octavia’s waist kneeling down so she was level with Atom_

_“Always blocking me from getting my sugar fix” She laughed when Atom just shrugged his shoulders at her “What’s up buddy?” She asked looking at him_

_“Can you look after her”_

_“Look after who?”_

_“Look after Lexa” Atom sweetly looked at his older cousin_

_“Of course”_

_“Make sure she’s safe”_

_“I will protect her with my life ok?”_

_“belowe my” (Promise me) Atom stated reaching his hands up and grabbing hold of Sasha’s cheeks forcing her to look at him his face stern_

_“ek belowe” (I promise)_

_“Good Alexis” He smiled leaning forward into a hug wrapping his arms tightly around Sasha’s neck, he hugged her like that for a few minutes before he pulled back placing a kiss on her cheek before looking at her then softly saying “You can get sugar now” Without another word he ran off not stopping until he reached Clarke again stopping next to her leg his arms gripping onto them as he watched Lexa interact with Costia and Tristan_

_Sasha didn't waste any time as she stood up and wrapped her arms around Octavia’s waist pulling her close until their hips were pressed together “Now where were we?” She asked raising her eyebrows at Octavia_

_“Mmmm I think we were here…” Octavia started before leaning into Sasha capturing Sasha’s lips with her own wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck pulling her in so their breasts were pressed tightly together_

_- Five Minutes Later-_

_Lexa had just finished having her goodbye talk with Tristan and Costia she walked them over to Raven who instantly reached down lifting Costia off the ground and onto her chest, she watched and smiled as Tristan moved to stand next to Raven his hands holding onto the material of her jeans as she walked towards Clarke she watched Atom remove himself from Clarke’s leg and walk over to stand on Raven’s free side stopping in front of Clarke she softly said”We have to be on the plane in five minutes”_

_“I know” Clarke sadly responded stepping forward she wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist and burying her head Lexa’s shoulder as she took in the feeling and smell of her girlfriend something she wouldn't experience for at least a year she couldn't stop herself thinking about how much she was going to miss Lexa from the her smile to the way she walked to the way she made her heart skip a beat when she walked into a room, lifting her head up she looked at Lexa as a stray tear ran down her cheek “I love you”_

_“I love you too” Lexa responded reaching up and wiping away Clarke’s stray tear she leant down kissing her gently_

_“I have something else for you” When Lexa looked at her tilting her head to the side questioningly she pulled out an envelope from her back pocket it was folded just like the one Octavia gave to Sasha except this one was coloured light blue and had Lexa written on the front of it “Me and O came up with a way to help the time fly for you and Sasha but also to help us say things that we can't but we want you both to know so we wrote these…. just don't open it until you get to your bunk…ok?”_

_“Ok” Lexa instantly responded taking the envelope from Clarke and folding it carefully before placing it into one of the pockets of her combats “I’m gonna miss you like crazy” She honestly said leaning down and kissing Clarke again before pulling back as she caught sight of Atom sobbing gently into Ravens leg she looked at Clarke asking “Can you keep an eye on him for me please? He likes you and he won't tell me if somethings wrong while I'm over there”_

_“Of course I will” Clarke responded she was about to say something else when they heard the siren sound signalling for all soldiers to board the plane “Be safe” She simply say leaning in and slowly kissing Lexa taking in every moment of the kiss hoping it would last her a year as she pulled out Lexa released her hold on Clarke she moved over to say a final goodbye to everyone she was joined by Sasha who knelt down next to her and said goodbye as Lexa was to, Tristan and Atom once they were done they both hugged Raven who still had Costia in her arms thanking her for everything and telling her to be safe they both kissed Costia on the head before walking to the other soldiers and grabbing their rack sacks before they all walked in an orderly line onto the plane both a little more prepared for the unknown that laid ahead…………………._

 

The Next Morning

Sasha was in the kitchen holding a glass of water in her hand she’d managed to get about an hours sleep over the night she had spent most of the night watching Octavia and making sure that her girlfriend didn’t awake from a nightmare she didn't regret it but now she was feeling the effects of a lack of sleep as she popped her daily pills in her mouth swallowing them she took a deep breath in as she tried to get rid of the dizzy feeling that was clouding her mind sitting down on one of the chairs near the table she closed her eyes taking a few deep breaths her body filled with relief as the dizziness she was experiencing finally disappeared leaning back against the wall she continued to slowly drink her glass of water, she opened her eyes when she heard footsteps looking to the door she saw Clarke walking into the kitchen;

 

“Morning” She mumbled leaning her head back closing her eyes again

“Morning Sash” Clarke replied walking to the cupboard removing a glass and filling it up with water from the fridge she swallowed the two pain killers she had retrieved from the bathroom on her way to the kitchen, once she swallowed the pill she sat on the only other free chair in the kitchen across the table from Sasha “How’s Octavia?” She asked resting her back against the wall

 

“She’s ok I suppose…. She had a nightmare the first time she tried to sleep last night but I laid with her all night after that and she didn’t have any more which I suppose is a good sign” Sasha explained opening her eyes and looking over to Clarke “How’d you sleep?”

 

“Okay I suppose Lexa held me which helped a lot and the pain killers kicked in pretty quickly so that probably explains why I slept so well”

 

“And how are you feeling now?”

 

“Sore and thankful”

 

“Thankful?”

 

“What happened to Octavia…. that could have so easily been me” Clarke paused looking at Sasha “I can’t imagine what she’s going through I don’t think I’d be able to cope”

 

“Of course you would Clarke”

 

“I don’t know I’m not as strong as her…. when Lexa broke up with me I fell apart she was the one that picked me up and stopped me staring endlessly at the watch Lexa gave me she helped me deal with it”

 

“That reminds me” Sasha stood up disappearing out of the kitchen she walked to her bedroom quietly grabbing Octavia’s holdall she retrieved the watch Octavia had mentioned to her out of the bag closing the bag she checked that Octavia was still asleep and exited her room walking back to the kitchen she sat down where she had been sitting moments before hand, handing the watch over to Clarke she softly said “Octavia made me promise to give this to you” She explained remembering the promise Octavia had asked her to make about retrieving the dog tags and the watch and returning the watch to Clarke, she had no idea why she had to return Clarke’s watch but she promised Octavia none the less

 

“I haven’t seen this for  a long time….”

 

“Why did O have it though?”

 

“When me and Lexa broke up I would just lay in my bed crying my eyes out eating strawberries and then watching terrible movies, anyway anytime I’d start to feel a little better I’d look at my watch and burst into tears” Clarke paused as she blushed slightly at the admission “after a while she took the watch off me to stop me from crying”

 

"Sounds like O” Sasha laughed remembering the numerous times Octavia would take something away from her to regain her attention

 

“She's a good friend”

 

“Even better girlfriend” Sasha added her and Clarke both giggling at her sentence, Sasha paused for a second as she hesitated in what she was about to say after thinking about it for a minute or so she asked “Do you think you'd be able to talk to her?” When Clarke looked at her unsure she explained more “You know, let her know you went through something similar with Mitch I know it wasn't the same but maybe if she knows she has someone who understands on some level that she can talk to it’ll help her”

 

“If you think it’ll help her then sure”

 

“Thanks Clarke”

 

“Your always welcome Sash” Clarke paused this time she was the one unsure whether to ask the question or not but deciding she needed to know the answer she asked the question “How was Costia’s treatment?”

 

“As good as Chemo can be for a six year old I suppose, when we got there she was trying to remove the tubes once I calmed her down I sat her on my lap and she slept through the rest of it”

 

“So they think her chances are good…I mean for like a full recovery”

 

“Apparently all the signs are that the treatment is working they said she has to have an exam to confirm if the treatment is working next week and if it is then they’ll keep her on the same course of treatment for the remaining four courses she has if not then they’ll decide the best treatment course once they know what their dealing with”

 

“That’s a good thing right?”

 

“I guess so yeah” When Clarke looked at her confused she explained “My mama said that Costia has been playing up during her treatment sessions, at school and at home…. she’s not sure if it's the treatment or something else that's why she's letting her stay with me for the week”

 

“Maybe she’s been scared…it had to be hard for her having to lie to you” Clarke replied before continuing “I mean she tells you everything so maybe she was just scared and didn’t know how to deal with it, fear is a weird emotion Sasha even adults don’t know how to handle it sometimes imagine what it feels like for a six-year-old”

 

Sasha took a deep breath in looking Clarke in the eyes she said “Thanks…I guess I just needed someone to tell me what I already knew”

 

“Makes sense” Clarke added laughing slightly

 

“Yeah oddly enough it does” Sasha added laughing softly at her Clarke’s comment, there’s a moment of silence before she looks at Clarke and honestly asked “Are you gonna tell your parents the truth?”

 

“What about?”

 

“Mitch and everything that happened yesterday”

 

“I don’t know…I wanna tell me mom but not my dad, I feel safe here Lexa said I can stay as long as I want but I know that my dad will make me go back home with him…. I love them I do but I know if I go back with them I’ll end up hating my dad for everything that happened because of how he made me feel pressured into dating Mitch and I don’t want that”

 

Sasha removed herself from the wall and turned herself in the chair so she was leaning her forearms on the table and looking at Clarke she honestly spoke “Mitch is the only person accountable for what he did to you…and I promise that if you staying here will help you and is what you need to be able to get over it then I will personally stop your dad from making you go anywhere physically if I have to……but keeping this from them is wrong Clarke”

 

“I know it’s Mitch's fault and I appreciate your offer but I need time to process it first I don’t need them fussing around me”

 

“We both know that’s not what your mum would do”

 

Before Clarke had a chance to respond Lexa walked into the kitchen looking at Sasha and Clarke she asked “Anyone want coffee?”

 

“Please” They both answered looking at each other and remaining silent not even thinking about continuing the conversation in front of Lexa

 

Minutes later Lexa handed them both a coffee before picking up her own from near the kettle as they both thanked her as she stood leaning against the counter in front of the table, Clarke was the first one of the three to move she stood up walking to the door looking at the cousins she explained “I’m going to lay down…Give you two time to talk things through” Neither Lexa or Sasha had a chance to protest as Clarke turned and walked out of the kitchen seconds later they both heard a door close which they guessed must have been Lexa’s from the volume of the sound, Lexa moved forward slowly sitting in the chair Clarke had been seated moments ago;

 

“So…” She ventured

 

“So…” Sasha duplicated not really sure where they should start, they had so much to talk about not just Lexa’s lies but everything that had happened between Mitch, Clarke and Octavia and what that meant for them all over the next few weeks “Let’s start of simple yeah?” When Lexa looked at her nodding softly as she nursed her cup of coffee “Why lie? And don’t give me that crap about you promised your mama…I know when you’re lying Lexa you know I do”

 

Lexa looked Sasha in the eyes contemplating sugar coating her explanation so that Sasha didn’t hear the full extent of her families lies, she decided that now Sasha wasn’t in a rage she would definitely be able to tell if she was lying about anything she said, looking at Sasha she sat herself so she was facing her “It was easier to go along with what they wanted me to…I know that’s a cop out but your mama promised me that she was going to tell you she promised me Alexis when I found out I wanted to tell you one hundred percent but then I found out the other lies and I didn’t want to be the one you hated”

 

“I need you to be the honest one now Lexa I need you to tell me everything that they lied about” Sasha looked at Lexa reaching her right hand across to take hold of Lexa’s right hand she took hold of it squeezing it she said “Just tell me please…. I wanna forgive you but I need to know everything you know and I need you to be fully honest with me especially if you want me to forgive you for this…. I can’t forgive you if I don’t know everything”

 

“You remember why we came back to LA right?” Lexa began the best way that she knew to do this was to ask Sasha and deal with it from there

 

“Papa had an angina attack”

 

“He didn’t Lexi”

 

“He faked it…” when Lexa nodded in confirmation she asked “Why?”

 

“Your mama already knew Costia was sick but she couldn't think of a way for Costia to start treatment without you noticing something was wrong”

 

"So they told papa and he decided to fake an angina attack in hopes of what? Me coming down here?” Sasha asked as she started remembering the events that lead to her and Lexa returning to LA “My mama pretty much pushed me out the door I thought she was worried about papa but I guess she was just worried about making sure I wasn't in the way” She paused for a second looking at Lexa before asking “I take it papa didn't have an angina attack the day you crashed my car?”

 

“No….I only said that so you wouldn't find out about Costia”

 

"Anything else I need to know?”

 

"Your mama was in LA before Papas party, I found some pills in Costia’s bag and I found out that she been going to the hospital for a month before the party”

 

“A month?”

 

“Yeah”

 

“So they’ve been hiding this from me purposely keeping me out of the way for three months nearly” Sasha paused as she looked at Lexa who nodded confirmation of her sentence taking a breath in she looked at her asking but again “Anything else?”

 

“Not that I can think of” Lexa replied deciding to keep her and Clarke’s kiss from the day before a secret, when Sasha continued to look at her like she knew she was lying about something she said the first thing that came to her mind “Nothing major except last night Costia had a nightmare…”

 

“A nightmare?”

 

“Yeah she came to my room and told me she’d had a bad dream and she cuddled with me and Clarke”

 

“Clarke didn't mention it”

 

“I asked her not too…. I wanted to tell you myself”

 

“What kind of nightmare?”

 

“She said that the monsters were saying she was a bad girl and that's why she was sick…. I calmed her down and found out your mama hadn't really explained to her why she was sick I explained it to her and she seemed to process it”

 

“What do you mean she didn’t know why she was sick?”

 

“In her dreams the monsters took you away and told her she was sick because she was a bad girl she asked me if that was true…obviously I said it wasn’t but when I asked her if your mama told her why she was sick she said no”

 

“So my mama didn’t explain what it all meant to her……no wonder she’s been acting up lately” Sasha responded as Lexa shook her head in response Sasha began rubbing her forehead roughly with her palm, she couldn’t imagine how scared Costia must have been having to go through all the visits to the doctor and all the treatment and no knowing what was going on “Thank you for explaining it to her” She honestly said removing her hand from her forehead and looking at Lexa

 

“Always”

 

Sasha smiled at her slightly older cousin getting from her seat she walked towards the door looking to Lexa she looked at her softly leaning against the frame of the door she looked at Lexa exhaling softly as she said “You should talk to Clarke she doesn’t want to tell her parents what happened with Mitch”

 

“That’s her decision I can’t go against what she wants”

 

“Maybe not Lexa but you need to talk some sense into her I know better than anyone else that hiding away from a problem doesn’t make it disappear…... hiding this from her parents isn’t gonna do anyone any good” When she saw the look on Lexa’s face she added “I’m just saying talk to her… sometimes people need a small push in the right direction…” Sasha smiled at Lexa as she walked out of the kitchen leaving Lexa to her decide what to do for herself

 

Lexa sat at the table removing her phone from her pocket she pulled up Abby’s phone number thinking through all the possible outcomes of her calling Abby behind Clarke’s back she knew deep down that Sasha was right but she didn’t want to loss Clarke she knew it was unlikely but she wasn’t sure she wanted to take that risk she continued to look at the contact on her screen her finger hovering over the call button……


	24. Push

Chapter 24-Push

Lexa had sat in the kitchen for ten minutes just staring at the contact number in front of her she couldn’t knowingly go behind Clarke’s back and call her mum she knew Clarke and she knew that Clarke wouldn’t forgive her easily not after everything that she had just been through, she knew she want to be with Clarke just like they used to more than she wanted anything at this moment in time but she knew that right know she just needed to be there for Clarke no strings attached and she was determined to be that even if it meant pushing her feeling aside, standing up from the table she placed the phone in her pocket she walked into the living room seeing Clarke dressed in her Boston Celtics jersey and a pair of jogging shorts walking over to her she sat down next to her on the couch as she leaned back Clarke looked at her and asked

 

“How did your talk with Sasha go?”

 

“It went good thanks I told her everything I know about our families lies, she’s not forgiven me yet but I think it’s a start”

 

“See told you…soulmates”

 

Lexa giggled softly at Clarke’s comment “Thanks” She paused thinking over Sasha’s words about Clarke “Actually you came up in our conversation”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yeah Sasha told me you don’t wanna tell your parents what happened, how come? Cause if it’s to do with me I can back off you know...” Lexa smiled when Clarke wrapped her arms around her right arm

 

“I don’t want you to back off in any way shape or form please”

 

“Good because I don’t wanna go anywhere to be honest with you” Lexa honestly replied looking down into Clarke’s eyes she asked “So why don’t you want to tell your parents though”

 

“I can’t handle them both at the moment it’s enough trying to get over what Mitch did physically to me let alone mentally I just need a day or two to process then I’ll call them, I know they’d mean well but my dad is selfish at the best of times I know he doesn’t mean to be but he is and my mom would just worry about all the what if’s and I don’t have the energy to keep reassuring her”

 

“Ok… whatever you want”

 

Clarke and Lexa fell into a comfortable silence as Clarke leant her head gently against Lexa’s shoulder both of them thinking about how good it felt to be back together

 

 

_ Flashback Friday 11th January 2013-Afghanistan  _

_Lexa and Sasha had just arrived at their base camp the journey had been long and painful as usual they had endured 16 hour plus flight then the two hour bumpy jeep journey to the camp and they were now finally at camp and where being shown where they would be sleeping as usual they were bunked in with their unit both of them taking the bunks at the back of the make shift rooms placing their backpacks on their beds they toured the camp it hadn’t changed much in the year they had been away but a few changes had been made to the catering tent and the communications unit so they made a point of seeing the changes now so they knew where to go when they needed said places. They both began unpacking their rucksacks placing all their items into their lockers one by one once their rucksacks were empty they both sat on their beds laying back looking up at the ceiling, Sasha was the first to talk out of them both;_

_“Did Clarke give you a letter?” She asked as her hand rested over the pocket that held the letter Octavia had given her_

_“Yeah she did….” Lexa responded pausing as she too placed her hand over the pocket the letter was in, lifting her head up so she could see Sasha, who too had lifted her head up to look at Lexa “Did Octavia give you one?”_

_“Yeah, she said to wait until I got to my bunk” Sasha laughed out_

_“Same” Lexa said as she and Sasha sat up at the same time letting their legs rest on the floor as they both leant forward resting their elbows on their knees “Wanna read them at the same time?” She asked her and Sasha did most things together anyway so why not read the letters at the same time as well_

_“Yeah, then maybe chat afterwards?” Sasha asked as her and Lexa both removed the letters from their pockets and held them in their hands looking down intently at them_

_“Sounds like a plan Twinsy” Lexa comfortingly smiled_

_They both took a deep breath opening the envelopes that they had been given by their girlfriends completely going into their own worlds as they both took in the contents of the envelopes they were holding in their hands_

_Lexa opened up her envelope pulling out the paper inside she opened the pages up finding two pages with writing on and another which was folded up so she couldn’t see the contents, she kept her attention on the two-page letter beginning to read it:_

_Lexa’s Letter:_

_Dear Lexa,_

_I know it’s kind of a cliché to write a letter and a little bit of a cop out to write down all the things I wanna say but everytime I try and tell you all these things I look into your eyes and I’m either overcome with passion or tears so I decided to take this route which is surprisingly less easy to do, trying to find the right words to express how much I really love you is almost impossible but I’ll try my best to do my feelings justice._

_When we first met I told myself that you weren’t as amazing as I thought you were and as everyone said you were, I did that because I knew you were in the army and I already knew what that felt like, having someone you love so much someone who is your whole world thousands and thousands of miles away in danger every second of the day not knowing if your gonna wake up to a phone call saying they were dead and gone without you being able to say so much as a goodbye, I didn’t want to feel that twice over but the more time we spent together the more I knew I couldn’t fight it, the more I knew that what we have wasn’t just a fling or something that would die out after a few months I knew, no I know that you’re the one I wanna be with for the rest of my life, I know that might be a little weird for you to read because we’ve never talked about our future but it’s true and I know it because I’m writing this letter and your laying in my bed a few feet from me and all I can think about is finishing this letter and getting back into bed with you because I miss being near you, I miss the way you smell the way you wrap your arms around me and make me feel like they’re the safest place in the world I know that’s incredibly cheesy of me but whenever you hold me I feel like I can take on the world no matter what it might throw at me, like I could you save the world from almost certain destruction._

_I know I’m rambling on a little but I have to get all these thoughts and feelings out of my head because I know I can’t say them to you without one of us getting emotional, I love everything about you from the way you smile to how I can see how much you love Sasha and your family I love feeling like you’d do anything in the world just to make me happy I feel like that because I know you would. You are one of the most incredible people I have ever meet in my life and the thought of losing you makes me feel like my whole world is going to collapse because without you it probably would, you’re probably thinking why let me go then right? Well to answer you because I love you so much I can’t be the one to ruin all your dreams and plans for the future especially when I want to be involved in those future plans, I know how hard you work to shut everything off when you’re out there fighting to survive, doing the job you love but in your darkest moments when you’re thinking about giving up and not even Sasha can pull you through it I want you to close your eyes and think about me and how much I NEED you to come back to me how much I wanna marry you one day and move into our own house, maybe even have kids of our own and then I want you to remember that I can only have all of that if I have you in my life because without you I don’t want it. I don’t want marriage I don’t want my own house and I don’t want kids not if I can’t have you at the same time. I watch how much you care about everyone else how much you make sure everyone else is loved and knows their loved and I’m blown away by it but I need you to know that your loved too so much by so many people that if you were gone more than just my life would be ruined, so as your girlfriend and your future wife (which you have no say in) I am ORDERING you not to get hurt when you’re out there I’M ORDERING you to come back to me so we can make our own perfect life together a reality_

_I’m going to stop writing now partly because I don’t want to get too emotional because your waking up and there are a few things I wanna do to and with you before the sun comes up, so I’m going to say the one thing I’m gonna miss saying to the most over the next year and that is_

_I love you more than you’ll ever know_

_Love from the Love of your life_

_Yours Forever and A lifetime_

_Clarke_

_xxxxx_

_Lexa smiled as she held back the tears in her eyes the last thing she wanted was for any of the other guys in the unit to come in and see their leader the person who was meant to be the strongest of them in tears on their first day of the tour. Turning her attention to the folded up piece of paper that was in the envelope with the letter carefully opening it up she smiled brightly as she took in the hand drawn image on the page it was a sketch of numerous of Lexa’s pictures that she kept on the wall in her bedroom there was the picture of her Clarke and Atom on Christmas day 2010 that picture mixed into a picture of her, Raven and Sasha in their army uniforms just after they had all joined up and that picture mixed into one of her, her Mama, Atom, Costia, Tristan, her mema and papa she smiled brightly at the sketch in her hands she could feel the love and care that Clarke had put into each and every part of the sketch, gently running her finger over the signature in the bottom right hand corner of the sketch she couldn’t help but feel happy.  She stared at the picture for a few minutes before she stood up walking over to her locker she opened it up placing the letter carefully underneath her spare uniform she removed one of the magnets from the door and placed the sketch onto the door securing it with the magnet she carefully closed the door her mind travelling to Clarke as she felt a sudden urge to talk to her girlfriend, as the locker door closed in her hand she sat down on her bunk again her attention turning to her slightly younger cousin who she could see was wiping away tears from her cheeks as she read her letter she couldn’t help but feel an urge to comfort Sasha but she decided to bite back that urge and let Sasha finishing reading the letter because she knew whatever was in it was going to bring Sasha comfort just as hers had brought her……_

 

 

Sasha and Lexa’s Living Room

Clarke and Lexa had been sitting in silence for about twenty minutes both lost in their own thoughts as they enjoyed being in each other’s arms again;

“Sasha wants me to talk to Octavia…do you think it’s a good idea?”

 

“Yeah I do…O’s been through a lot and you’re the only one that understands her and the pain she went through, yeah me and Sasha have been in fights and been hit but we can’t really understand what you both went through because it’s different that fear that knowing that shock at what happened is something you both share that we’ll never be able to understand…and right now Octavia needs someone that understands what Mitch’s grip felt like”

 

“How are you so good at giving advice?” Clarke asked it was like Lexa always knew the right thing to say to her no matter the situation

 

“It’s a Wood’s Twin thing I guess” Lexa responded smiling down at Clarke who snuggled into her side a little “How’s the pain today?”

 

“Bearable I suppose I just took some painkillers their helping at the moment”

 

“Are you sure? Cause I can drive to the hospital and wait with you to see a doctor it’s no trouble”

 

“I don’t need a doctor Lexa I’m fine I promise I just need to give myself time to heal”

 

“As long as you’re sure”

 

“I’m sure I promised didn’t I?”

 

“Yes you did” Lexa responded laughing softly as she looked down at Clarke both their faces stonewalling slightly as they both felt the same urge to kiss the other looking into each other’s eyes they slowly moved closer to each other. Before their lips could touch they both heard a loud scream come from behind them causing them to both move backwards

 

“MORNING” Costia shouted as she ran into the living room rushing to where Lexa and Clarke were sitting and jumping in between them both “Morning Alex…Morning Clarkey”

 

“Morning” They said in unison smiling at each other

 

“Your very happy this morning” Lexa said poking the little girl gently in the stomach

 

“I didn’t have any bad dreams…you made the monsters go away” The little girl happily responded smiling at her older cousin leaning forward and wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck

 

“That’s awesome did you have a good dream then?” Lexa smiled as Costia nodded her head pushing herself up to look at Lexa her hands on Lexa’s shoulders

 

“Can I have breakfast please?” Costia sweetly asked looking up at Lexa sweetly smiling at her

 

“Of course you can Sunshine...” Lexa responded making Costia smile brightly at her wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck squeezing her tightly Lexa stood up carefully looking back at Clarke she asked “You coming?”

 

“I’m gonna rest up here if that’s ok”

 

“Of course you need anything just call me ok?”

 

“Ok” Clarke responded smiling as best as she could at Lexa before closing her eyes resting her head against the back of the couch

 

Lexa carried Costia in her arms she smiled when Costia shouted over her shoulder “Bye Clarkey” When Clarke responded her with a ‘bye Cos’ Costia buried her head in Lexa’s shoulder as they walked through the kitchen doorframe walking up to the fridge she looked to Costia asking “What do you want?”

 

“Pancakes”

 

“Pancakes?” Lexa questioned, when Costia nodded at her she asked “How many do you want?”

 

"Loads”

 

“Loads?” Lexa responded laughing softly at the little girl’s word

 

“For everyone”

 

“Loads for everyone?”

 

“Yeah” Costia responded nodding her head shyly as she rested it again on Lexa’s shoulder

 

“Ok loads for everyone it is” She responded placing the little girl on one of the chairs next to the table before walking over and removing all the items she needed from the cabinet and the fridge putting them on the side she looked at Costia noticing the sad look on her little cousins face she softly asked “You wanna help make them?”

 

“YEAH” Costia yelled jumping out of her seat and onto the ground jumping up and down the excitement massively clear for Lexa to see, she walked up to the little girl kneeling down in front of Costia she softly said

 

“You know the rules right?”

 

“YES” Costia shouted as she jumped in the air in excitement again

 

“And the rules are?”

 

“Rule One: Wash your hands, Rule Two: No being silly, Rule Three: No touching hot things”

 

“Good” Lexa paused looking into her younger cousins features and added “You forgot one rule…” When Costia looked at her a little upset and confused she added “Rule Four: We have to have loads and loads of fun” She watched as the smile spread across Costia’s face as she laughed at Lexa and jumped forward wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck hugging her tightly, Lexa pulled back looking at Costia she asked “How about you wash your hands and I’ll get your apron” Costia nodded her head excitedly pulling the chair from near the table to just below the sink she climbed onto it washing her hands excitedly

 

Lexa walked over to Costia who quickly dried her hands holding them in front of her for Lexa to inspect them, Lexa screwed her face up a little pretending to be inspecting the hands like a judge would, she turned over the little hands with one of her own as she held the apron behind her back with her other hand after she had turned Costia’s hands numerous times she brought her other hand around revealing Costia’s apron holding it forward she handed the apron to Costia who excitedly placed it over her head and looped the strings of fabric around her before tying them in a knot at the front of her then looking to Lexa who said “Hold on” to her, she smiled as Lexa bent down lifting the chair and the little girl off the ground for a second placing it next to all the ingredients and kitchen appliances that she had prepared moments before

 

“Ready?” Lexa asked the little girl

 

“Yes” Costia responded smiling brightly at Lexa

 

“Go on then” Lexa said to Costia who looked at her not sure where she was meant to start smiling at Costia she placed a small bowl with milk, eggs and melted butter inside it she looked to Costia softly whispering “Mix it together” She explained as she handed Costia the whisk, watching as Costia mixed the ingredients together, once they were mixed together enough she slide another bowl in front of Costia she then placed the flour, baking powder, salt and caster sugar inside the bowl looking to Costia “Pour that one into this big one” She softly said watching as her younger cousin carefully did as she was told.

 

Lexa continued to guide Costia in making pancakes letting the little girl do almost everything for herself the only time she stepped in was when it came to cooking the pancakes in the frying pan then she told Costia to be careful ten minutes after placing the first batch of pancakes in the frying pan they finished making the fifth and final batch placing them all on a plate Lexa let Costia carry them to the table and place them in the middle of it as she grabbed two plates and knives and forks placing them on either side of the table she moved the chair Costia had been standing on back to its rightful place at the table she watched as Costia sat at the table getting herself a pancake and began carefully eating them, she could see the happiness and pride on the little girls face when she bit into the pancake and it actually tasted good, there had been a time when they had tried making pancakes and they had to be thrown away because they were inedible.

 

“Thank you Alex” Costia sweetly smiled at her as she finished her first bite of her pancake

 

“You’re welcome Sunshine” Lexa responded beginning to eat as she did she noticed Sasha walking towards them she noticed that she was on the phone so didn’t attempt to talk to her until she knew she had finished talking, she watched as Sasha stood just in front of the doorframe talking intently to someone after a few minutes Sasha hung up the phone placing it in the her jeans pocket as she walked into the kitchen instantly walking up to Costia she leant down kissing her little sister on the head

 

“Morning Mini Me” She said as she stood up “Once you’re finished eating you have to take your medicine ok?”

 

“Can Alex help me again?”

 

“Of course she can” Sasha smiled she loved that Costia is was opening up to other people not just her, she loved that her and Costia were close she always had and always would but especially after everything that had happened with Octavia the night before it was nice knowing that she had two other people in Raven and Lexa that Costia loved and trusted enough to be left alone with.

 

Grabbing a pancake from the plate she rolled it up slowly placing it in her mouth she looked at her younger sister “Nice Cos, you’re getting better you’ll be a chef in no time” she said winking at Costia smiling at the bright goofy smile that appeared on her young sister’s face

 

"Can I go get Rae Rae?” Costia asked sweetly her legs swing on the edge of her chair as she looked hopefully at her big sister

 

“Course you can…go on” Sasha responded smiling as her little sister excitedly pushed her chair back jumping down and running out of the kitchen in the direction of the guest room, Sasha took the opportunity to sit in the empty chair leaning forward placing an elbow on either side of the plate Costia had left on the table she let out a deep breath causing Lexa to ask;

 

“Everything ok?”

 

“Not really sure…” Sasha started looking Lexa in the eyes “I just spoke to Bellamy, he wants to talk to Octavia but she won't talk to him She just flat out refused to when I asked her just know, It’s just hard telling him something like that he got so upset about it I promised I'd try and talk to her but I don't think she’ll budge on it”

 

“Just give her time Lexi, she just needs to get her head around what happened before she's bombarded with relentless questions from her protective older brother”

 

“Maybe, I just don’t want her to close off everyone else in the world…I know her and I know that it’s easier for her to open up to me but I know that her depending on me won’t help her get over what he did to her, she needs to talk about it with other people not just me”

 

“I know it’s easy for me to say give her time but that’s what she needs this all happened less than 24 hours ago…let her process ok”

 

Sasha nodded at Lexa’s words before looking up at her slightly older cousin “Thanks”

 

“Don’t mention it” Lexa softly replied smiling at Sasha, she was about to speak again when she noticed and heard Costia running towards the kitchen dragging Raven by her hand behind her

 

“Look Rae Rae Pancakes” The little girl excitedly said stopping once she and Raven were in front of the table

 

“Good looking out Munchkin” Raven responded pinching Costia's cheek before she stretched out her upper body her actions making Costia giggle loudly, when Raven went to pick up one of the pancakes Costia grabbed her hand the action causing her to look down at the little girl “Can’t I have some?”

 

“Can you help with my medicine first please?” She sweetly asked holding onto Raven’s hand with her both of hers as she looked up at Raven innocently

 

“Sure I can, why don’t you go get it for me”

 

“OK” Costia shouted running out of the kitchen and to the bathroom where she knew Sasha had put her medication

 

“You don’t mind do you?” Sasha asked looking over at Lexa who shook her head

 

“Why would Lexa mind?” Raven asked slightly confused

 

“Because Costia asked Lexa to help her earlier”

 

“Well looks like you got left behind for the upgrade Lex” Raven winked playfully at Lexa

 

“Upgrade? In your dreams Reyes” Lexa responded winking back at Raven as she softly giggled

 

Neither of them could continue the conversation as Costia came running back into the kitchen a pack of medication in her hand as she stopped in front of Raven looking up at her adorably pulling on Raven’s lounge pants she held the pack in the air for Raven to take hold of, which she did before she looked down at Costia and asked:

 

“So how many do you have to take now?”

 

“I take one now then one in the after….” Costia began looking at Sasha who nodded in her direction giving the little girl the confidence to continue with her sentence “Afternoon…. but I have to eat before I take them Rae Rae”

 

“And have you eaten?” Costia nodded up at Raven who leant down picking the little girl up and lifting her until she was sitting on the counter her little legs hanging off of the side of the countertop her feet gently tapping the cabinets underneath the counter “Juice or water?”

 

“Water please”

 

“Yes madam” Raven responded bowing in front of Costia causing the little girl to giggle loudly at Raven’s actions as she watched Raven retrieve a glass from one of the top cabinets filling it up with water from the fridge before she walked back over to Costia stopping in front of the little girl she stopped placing the glass next to the little girl before she removed the slip of tablets from the packaging removing one pill as Costia had mentioned to her placing the pill in her hand she placed the packaging on the side and picked up the glass of water with her free hand she then held her hand in the air for the little girl to take the pill, Costia smiled sweetly at Raven before she picked the pill up from Raven’s hand and placed it in her mouth a second later Raven handed her the glass of water, the little girl drank the whole contents of the glass handing the now empty glass to Raven she giggled softly as she stuck her tongue out showing she’d swallowed the pill “Oh sticking your tongue out at me huh?” Raven said placing the glass in the sink she moved back to Costia as she stopped in front of her she reached her hands forward beginning to softly tickle the little girl lifting her off the counter and into the air as she did so.

 

Lexa and Sasha watched on as Raven played around with the little girl they couldn’t help the smiles that appeared on their faces and the laughs that erupted in their stomachs as they watched Costia wriggle and laugh loudly as Raven continued to tickle her, Raven placed Costia carefully on the floor and continued to tickle her, the little girl let out numerous no’s in between laughs as she wriggled around on the floor underneath Raven’s hands her laugh getting louder and louder as Raven continued to tickle her, after a minute or so Raven’s attention was brought to the door of the kitchen causing her to stop tickling Costia and look up seeing an amused Clarke standing in the door causing all three of the older women that were in the kitchen to watch her intently after a second she softly laughed stepping over Costia laughing as she heard Costia shout out ‘help me Clarkey’ she walked over to Lexa not thinking about what she was doing she sat down on Lexa’s lap a second later once she had realised what she had done she looked down at Lexa attempting to get up;

 

“I’m so sorry”

 

“Clarke its ok, it’s not like you can sit anywhere else” Lexa responded easing the blonde’s worries as she smiled up at her, she didn’t think too much into it as Sasha’s voice filled the room

 

“Rae she’s trying to escape” Sasha pointed out as Costia stood up and ran away from Raven and into the living room, all three women laughed as Raven darted to her feet running into the living room and they heard footsteps running around the living room the most amusing thing to Sasha was that she could tell the difference between the two thanks to Raven’s heavy footing, Sasha stood up walking towards the kitchen door about to watch Costia and Raven playing around when she saw Octavia standing at the end of the hallway that lead to her bedroom and the guest room walking over to Octavia she smiled at her softly smiling at her she said “Morning”

 

“Morning” Octavia responded smiling softly at Sasha

 

“You want some breakfast?”

 

“Yeah that’d be nice” Octavia responded her hand slipping forward and into Sasha’s hand their fingers interlocking together she smiled softly at Sasha as they slowly moved towards the kitchen, before they could get there Costia’s voice filled up the room

 

“TAVI” Costia shouted from her place standing on the couch as she looked excitedly at Octavia and Sasha jumping down she ran towards Octavia not stopping until her body hit Octavia’s legs her arms out wide ready to hug Octavia, as Costia’s body hit her legs Octavia instantly pushed the little girl backwards sending Costia flying to the floor the force of her body hitting the ground Costia instantly started crying removing her hand from Octavia’s Sasha rushed forward kneeling down next to Costia she picked up her little sister checking she wasn’t physically hurt,

 

“What the hell Octavia?” Raven loudly exclaimed as she rushed forward and knelt down next to Costia, who was still crying loudly as Sasha tried to calm her little sister down to no avail, she watched as Octavia’s eyes filled up with tears as she backed herself to the wall she could see that Octavia’s whole body was shaking softly as she held in the tears. She was about to speak when Clarke and Lexa darted into the living room Lexa instantly moved closer to Costia when she saw the little girl sobbing, while Clarke’s attention was focused on Octavia completely she could tell something was wrong but she didn’t know what it was.

 

“What happened?” Clarke finally asked looking from Octavia to the little girl sobbing in between Raven and Sasha

 

“Tavi pushed me” The little girl cried out

 

“You WHAT?” Lexa let out as she looked at Octavia her face filling with anger before she could move Sasha interrupted

 

“She didn’t mean to”

 

“How do you not mean to push a six-year-old?” Lexa asked looking at her cousin slightly shocked that she was defending Octavia over her sister

 

“Don’t start Lexa” Sasha retorted as she watched Octavia burst into tears and run in the direction of her bedroom

 

“Don’t start, are you kidding me?”

 

“GUYS” Raven interrupted gaining their attention as she motioned to Costia “Now isn’t the time for an argument” Raven firmly said making sure the tone of her voice told them both that they didn’t have a choice in the matter, she sat on the floor crossing her legs she looked at Costia softly asking “Are you hurt anywhere?” Costia gently shook her head her crying beginning to soften a little as she looked at Raven rubbing her eyes gently with her hands as a sad pout filled up her face “Does it hurt?” Costia nodded at her moving a little closer to Raven placing her hand to rest of Raven’s shoulder gripping onto Ravens shirt slightly “Where does it hurt?” Costia hesitated in telling Raven as she looked around at all the other people in the room “It’s ok munchkin you can tell me” She ventured gently tapping the little girl on the nose making Costia smile for a second as she sniffed back tears looking at Raven she pointed to her heart “Your heart?” Costia nodded softly at Raven, “Oh Cos…come here” She softly said opening her arms to Costia, who looked at her moving forward slowly she climbed onto Raven’s lap curling up she rested her head on Raven’s chest “It’s ok Cos” She softly said gently rubbing Costia’s back, looking up from the little girl she looked at Sasha mouthing ‘go’ before she motioned towards Sasha’s bedroom, Sasha hesitated for a second before Raven mouthed ‘It’s ok’ at her smiling Sasha stood up walking towards her bedroom knowing that her little sister was physically unhurt and was safe with her best friend

 

Raven sat with Costia curled up in her lap for a few minutes as Lexa sat next to her just watching her younger cousin as the little girls crying softened even more until it eventually stopped, Lexa herself had calmed down a little more now she was calm she didn’t feel as much anger towards Octavia as she had done she knew Octavia wouldn’t hurt Costia on purpose but she was still unsure as to what exactly had made Octavia push Costia, she was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Costia’s voice

 

“Why did Tavi hurt me?” The little girl asked looking up at Raven, Raven looked at Lexa both of them unsure what to say to the little girl, Raven carefully lifted the little girl carefully turning her around so she was looking at her some of Costia’s hair had fallen from on to her face, the little girls face was filled with so much sadness that it was almost painful to look at

 

“Tavi didn’t mean to hurt you Cos” Raven softly said gently brushed the hairs out of Costia’s face

 

“But she pushed me” Costia argued confused by Raven’s comment

 

“Tavi isn’t well at the moment…. something happened to her last night and now she’s a little sick and that’s why she pushed you” Raven tried to explain she knew she’d used the wrong words when Costia looked at her confused, she looked to Lexa for help seeing Raven struggle Lexa softly ventured

 

“You know how sometimes we do things without meaning to or wanting to…” Lexa started stopping softly as she noticed Costia turn towards her and look at her anticipating her words “Like how you laugh when someone tickles you like Rae Rae did earlier…” Costia nodded at Lexa’s words “It’s kind of like that, Tavi didn’t mean to push you it was just her reaction to you running at her”

 

“But I did it before”

 

“I know you did…but it’s different now because Tavi is sick”

 

“So I can’t hug Tavi anymore?” Costia asked looking softly the confusion on her face was clear for Lexa to see, seeing the look she couldn’t find any words to tell Costia

 

“Hey Cos” Raven softly began seeing the look on Lexa’s face she decided to step in, Costia turned looking at Raven expectantly “Come here” Raven softly said Costia instantly moved until she was standing in front of Raven moving forward she sat herself down on the floor innocently looking up at Raven “It doesn’t mean that you can’t hug Tavi anymore it just means that you have to be careful around her and that means that you have to get permission before you hug her as well because she’s a little scared at the moment…” Seeing the look of slight understanding on Costia’s face Raven continued “Just like everyone is with you because you’re sick….”

 

“Does Tavi have to go to the hospital like I do?” Costia innocently moving so her hands were resting on Raven’s legs

 

“No…you see she’s a different kind of sick than you are…so sometimes you have to ask her before you hug her because otherwise she might push you again without meaning to…does that make sense?”

 

“So I can still hug her?”

 

“Yes you can”

 

“But I have to ask first?”

 

“Exactly” When Costia went to speak but stopped Raven softly said “It’s ok Cos you can ask anything you want”

 

“Do I have to ask to hug you?”

 

“You never have to ask” Raven smiled at the little girl, she watched as Costia stood up and launched herself onto her wrapping her arms around her neck holding onto her tightly before she pulled back and sat down on Raven’s lap again

 

“I love you Rae Rae”

 

“I love you too Munchkin” Raven responded smiling brightly at the little girl’s innocent declaration of love “How about we go eat some of those pancakes?”

 

“Yeah” Costia softly responded removing herself from Raven’s lap she stood up watching Raven stand up once Raven was on her feet she reached up taking hold of Raven’s hand smiling when Raven smiled and winked down at her

 

 

Sasha’s bedroom 

Sasha walked into the room finding Octavia crying on her bed she paused for a second as she looked at how distraught Octavia was, she didn’t know what to say to her this wasn’t something she ever wanted or expected to happen but she knew that Octavia didn’t mean what she did but at the same time she needed to know why it happened after a second or two she took a deep breath then walked over sitting down on the bed so she was next to Octavia she gently rubbed her back

 

“It's ok O”

 

“No it's not…” Octavia released as she continued to sob gently her face buried into the pillow under her

 

“I know nothing I say can make sure you feel better just talk to me please….” Sasha softly said her hand resting gently on Octavia’s back rubbing gently up and down, the motion caused Octavia’s sobs to soften slightly as she removed her face from the pillow looking sadly at Sasha “Please just tell me what happened to make you push her like that?” Sasha asked softly smiling as she looked into Octavia’s eyes ignoring her phone buzzing in her pocket she took hold of Octavia’s hand squeezing it softly, Octavia looked into Sasha’s eyes she slowly sat herself up crossing her legs she kept hold of Sasha’s hand wiping her cheeks with her free hand she softly spoke;

 

“I didn’t mean to push her I just reacted I couldn’t stop myself…. you know I’d never hurt her on purpose”

 

“I know you wouldn’t babe and so does Costia she’s just upset that’s all she’ll be ok in a little while” Sasha assured her again gently squeezing Octavia’s hand she reached her free hand up to wipe away more tears that had escaped Octavia’s eyes “Why did you push her though?”

 

“When she hit my legs something from last night flashed in front of my eyes” Octavia began to explain when Sasha didn’t stop her or even flinch at the mention of the previous night she continued “When he dropped himself onto me I felt his weight on my legs and I suppose Costia running into my legs triggered something in my mind and I just pushed back…. I really didn’t mean to hurt her”

 

“I know you didn’t babe….do you think I’d be in here if for one second I thought you pushed her on purpose” When Octavia shook her head at her she continued “I know you Octavia better than I know most of my family and I know that what happened to you last night isn’t something you’re going to be able to get over easily…. but you can’t hide away from it because it won’t get better”

 

“I know honestly I do…it’s just everytime I think about him and what he did it feels so real it scares me” She looked at Sasha the compassion on Sasha’s face was comforting and made her feel at ease to talk about what she was feeling “I can’t even kiss you or think about kissing you without the thought of him popping into my head…I don’t want you to leave me because you think I don’t love you or that I don’t want to kiss you because I do but I can’t because all I can think about is him”

 

“I’m not going anywhere because you don’t want to kiss me right now”

 

“That’s the thing I want to but I can’t” Octavia explained fresh tears rushing down her cheeks as she looked into Sasha’s eyes

 

“Look…...” Sasha began, she climbed onto the bed moving until she was resting against the headboard of her bed holding out her hand to Octavia who took hold of her hand quickly she pulled her towards her until Octavia was sat between her legs with Octavia’s back pressed against her chest, she wrapped her arms around Octavia her right arm wrapping over Octavia’s right shoulder then around her chest while her left hand wrapped around Octavia’s waist from her left side crossing over her right arm “This is enough for me….When we were apart I wished more times than I could count that you were there with me just so I could wrap my arms around you, you always made me feel grounded like I had a place in the middle of all the madness that was going on……if you can’t kiss me then you can’t kiss me I love you for more reasons than being able to kiss you in fact that’s pretty low on my list of things that I love about you….”

 

“Tell me some of them…” Octavia ventured looking back at Sasha “Please”

 

“Well…there’s how soft your hands are for a start…” Sasha started as Octavia brought her left hand up to Sasha’s right hand their fingers interlocking “Then there’s the way you smile at me like I’m the most amazing and perfect person in the world…then there’s the way you say my name and how you call me Alexis when I’ve done something wrong or something not to your standard….I love the sound of your voice in general….the way you make me feel like the luckiest person in the world when you hold my hand…” Sasha was interrupted from continuing when she heard someone knock on the door softly she looked down at Octavia asking “You ok?” When Octavia nodded at her she removed herself from Octavia and climbed off the bed walking over to the door opening it up she saw Raven standing at the door looking down at her she saw her little sister holding a plate of pancakes in her tiny hands “Who’s that for Cos?”

 

“It’s for Tavi to make her feel better” Costia sweetly said looking up at Sasha

 

Kneeling down in front of Costia she softly said “That’s really sweet Cos, I’ll give them to her for you” When she went to take the pancakes Costia stepped back stopping Sasha from taking the plate from her hands

 

“No I want to give them to Tavi” Costia defiantly said looking at her big sister

 

“Ok” Sasha released looking at Raven who winked at her, she stepped to the side letting Costia walk into her bedroom she had no idea how Raven had managed to get Costia to calm especially enough for Costia to actually come and offer Octavia pancakes she watched as Costia walked up to the bed and held the pancakes up in the air for Octavia

 

“Here Tavi, I made you these” The little girl sweetly said

 

“Thank you Cos, they look delicious” Octavia responded softly taking the plate from Costia as she tried to stop tears from falling from her eyes

 

“I’m sorry I upset you Tavi…. I didn’t mean too”

 

“It’s ok…I’m really sorry I pushed you Cos”

 

“It’s ok Tavi, Rae Rae told me that you didn’t mean to so I forgive you” Costia turned to talk away but stopped herself turning to face Octavia again she sweetly said “I’m sorry I didn’t ask to hug you…I didn’t know you weren't feeling good”

 

“You don’t need to be sorry Cos” Octavia responded she was guessing that Raven had explained her behaviour as her being sick and she honestly didn’t mind or disagree with anything that Raven may have said she was just happy that Costia didn’t fear or hate her as she watched the little girl walk back to the door tears ran down her cheeks as she thought about how upsetting and confusing everything must have been for the little girl as Costia got to Sasha she softly spoke calling out to Costia “Hey Cos…” Costia turned looking in Octavia’s direction “Can I get a cuddle please?” She asked moving forward until she was at the edge of the bed when Costia’s face filled with happiness and she nodded her approval Octavia got up off of the bed kneeling down so she was about Costia’s height she held her arms open she watched as Costia looked up at Sasha who nodded at her with Sasha’s nod Costia jogged quickly toward Octavia stopping in front of her she slowly leant forward wrapping her arms around Octavia who instantly wrapped her arms around Costia hugging the little girl she felt a burst of happiness inside herself as she felt the little girl squeeze her a little as she rested her head on her shoulder “I’m really sorry Cos…I never meant to push or hurt you” She whispered to the little girl, after a minute or two Costia pulled back seeing the tears the little girl gently reached her hand up wiping the tears away from Octavia’s eyes

 

“Don’t cry Tavi…it’s ok” Costia’s words made her feel a million times better about the whole messed up situation that had occurred minutes ago, as she softly laughed at the little girls words “I have something that will make you feel better” Costia excitedly said turning and running past Sasha and Raven out of the bedroom they all looked at each other amused as they heard footsteps coming from the guest room seconds later they heard footsteps coming back towards them and sure enough Costia came running through the door hiding something behind her back once she was a few steps from Octavia she stopped herself in her tracks slowly taking the steps until she was next to Octavia she said “Close your eyes Tavi”

 

“Cos….” Sasha went to intervene but was stopped when Octavia looked at her and spoke

 

“No it's ok Sasha honestly” She assured Sasha as she smiled, she had no idea how she could ever be scared or nasty to the little girl in front of her the sweet Mini version of Sasha she loved just as much as she loved her own brother smiling at the look of contained excitement on Costia’s face she closed her eyes

 

“Hands out please Tavi” Costia politely directed when Octavia held her hands out in the air Costia placed the item she had retrieved from the guest roll into Octavia’s hand “Open your eyes”

 

Octavia slowly opened her eyes looking down to see a picture sitting in her hands she carefully held on to the picture holding it in between her fingers she knew exactly what it was, it was from Christmas Day 2010, and she knew it was the picture that Sasha had given to her little sister years ago looking from the picture to Costia “Cos I can’t take this”

 

“Don’t you like it?”

 

“I love it Cos but it’s yours”

 

“I want you to have it Tavi...” The little girl sweetly said looking at Octavia “When your sad you can look at it and be happy”

 

“Are you sure?” Octavia asked looking at the little girl that happiness inside her growing more and more and all thanks to the little girl

 

“Yeah” Costia said nodding her head softly at Octavia “Look Tavi it’s you and me” Costia said pointing at the picture as she smiled giggling softly at the same time

 

“Come look at the picture with me” Octavia said softly smiling at Costia, the little girl smiled seeming to forgot all about the earlier incident she sat down on Octavia’s lap with her back pressed against Octavia’s chest Octavia placed the picture in front of her and Costia listening to the little girl tell her everything about the picture

 

Sasha watched as her little sister and Octavia interacted she couldn’t believe that of all people Costia was the person that seemed to be able to get through to Octavia maybe it was the fact that she was completely innocent in most of the things she said and she only cared that Octavia was happy, she was brought out of her thoughts when her phone began to continuously buzz in her pocket pulling her phone out of her pocket she looked at the number on her screen she didn’t know the number looking at Raven she signalled that she was gonna answer it to which Raven simply nodded before turning her attention protectively back to Costia, Sasha walked to the end of her bedroom hallway she slide the screen to the right answering the call she placed the phone to her ear cautiously saying;

 

“Hello…”

 

“Hey is this Sasha Woods?”

 

“Yeah who’s calling?”

 

“It’s Anya…...I know it’s been a while but I need to see you” 

 


	25. Reboot

Chapter 25 -Reboot

Sasha paused for a second not fully sure if she’d heard correctly was it actually Anya on the other end of the phone and even more if it was Anya then what exactly did Anya want from her, looking behind her she saw Raven watching Costia and Octavia intently she couldn’t help but smile at her best friend while thinking about the last time Raven had ran into Anya she decided that to walk into the living room seeing the room was empty she walked further in asking;

 

“Anya….as in Raven’s ex?”

 

“Yes”

 

“You said you need to see me, why?”

 

“I can’t really discuss why on the phone but it’s important”

 

“Umm…look I don’t want to sound rude but I’ve got a lot going on at the moment”

 

“I’m really sorry but it is important…. I need your help”

 

“I don’t know what exactly I can help you with”

 

“I really can’t talk about it over the phone it needs to be in person”

 

“Look Anya I can’t say I’ll meet you but I’ll think about it”

 

“Thank you”

 

“Your welcome”

 

“I’ll text you in a few days if that’s ok”

 

“That’s fine” Sasha responded hanging up the phone call and placing the phone in her pocket she sat down on one of the couches letting out a sigh she closed her eyes resting her head on the couch she felt the weight of the couch shift causing her to open her eyes and look around looking around she saw Lexa sitting on her right hand side she knew the look that Lexa had on her face and it was completely judgemental “Ok out with it” She said wanting to get it over and done with

 

“Anya?”

 

“Sorry what?” That wasn’t the name Sasha was expecting Lexa to say

 

“You were just talking to Anya, why Lexi?” Lexa asked keeping her voice low so only her and Raven could hear what she was saying

 

“She called me what was I meant to do just hang up”

 

“Yeah” Lexa seriously answered looking at Sasha “Especially after what she did to Raven…. she broke Raven’s heart and then she trampled all over it by telling Raven that everything they had was a lie”

 

“I remember what she did Lexa I was there as well”

 

“Well how the hell can you give her the time of day then?”

 

“She said she needed my help with something…” Seeing the look on Lexa’s face Sasha spoke before Lexa could answer “And before you even say it I didn’t say I was going to actually meet her ok…I would never do that to Rae she may not be biologically related to us but she’s family and I love her, and if I did decide to meet Anya then I’d ask her first for that exact same reason”

 

“I know you love Rae ok I do too, I just don’t want you taking on even more than you already have at the moment Lexi…we have enough going on without Anya adding her stupid whatever as well” Lexa responded looking at Sasha she gently tapped her on the thigh not moving from her spot on the couch “I’m just trying to look out for you” Seeing the look on Sasha’s face she said what they were both thinking “I know a month too late but I’m trying ok”

 

“Ok” Sasha said gently tapping Lexa on the shoulder Lexa instantly hit her back lightly making her do the same they went back and forth for a minute or two when Clarke walked from the kitchen into the living room looking at them both she stopped in her tracks;

 

“Is everything ok with O?”

 

“Everything’s good thanks Clarke” Sasha responded smiling at the blonde

 

“Good…I’m going to have a bath if that’s ok with you both”

 

“Sure you know where everything is…” Lexa started before Sasha cut her off

 

“Yeah only because you put everything in the same place all the time” Sasha said softly laughing earning her a shove from Lexa who ignored her looking at Clarke and continuing her sentence

 

“Help yourself to any of my clothes...and if you need anything then give me a shout” Lexa responded looking at Clarke, they exchanged a look as a smile spread across Clarke’s face at Lexa’s words

 

“Thank you”

 

“No worries” Lexa responded ignoring the ‘seriously’ look Sasha was giving her unknown to Clarke

 

“I shouldn’t be long so I’ll see you both in a bit” Clarke smiled before walking towards the bathroom smiling to herself as she thought about the look her and Lexa had exchanged moments ago, it gave her hope for numerous things but mainly it gave her hope that she could get past this and possibly have Lexa in her life as well

 

Sasha waited until she heard the door to the bathroom close shut, turning to Lexa she shook her head at her slightly older cousin “No worries?”

 

“What’s wrong with No worries?”

 

“Nothing if you’re talking to a friend”

 

“Clarke is a friend” Lexa pointed out tapping Sasha’s shoulder again

 

“Oh please you and Clarke aren’t friends” When Lexa looked at her questioningly she continued “You’ve never been friends…you love each other and we both know that you would have never broken up with her in a million years if it wasn’t for that dickhead Kane”

 

“Maybe”

 

“There’s no maybe about it Lexa…you love her and she loves you and everything else is just irrelevant…look I’m not saying that you should go jump her bones right now not by any means all I’m saying is that…. Loving someone like you love Clarke that never goes away what’s the point in kidding yourself that it will…”

 

“It’s not that simple is it?”

 

“Yeah it is….if the last few months have taught me anything it’s that life is a lot shorter and a lot darker than I could have ever imagined it would be…you were there for me when nobody else was when I couldn’t get myself out of bed because my head was hurting from the flashbacks, you held me when I couldn’t stand the noise anymore and I wanted an out, when I would curl up in the corner of my room because I was scared to leave it you'd stay with me, you stood by me and took every punch I throw at you during my flashbacks and made sure I didn't hurt myself, you helped me accept that something was wrong and that it wasn't because I was losing my mind and when I decided I wanted to see Octavia you supported me even though you were terrified of what it'd do to us both…there is nothing I can ever do that can repay you for that… I’m here and…. I’m ok because of you I get to hold the love of my life in my arms and play around with my little sister because of you….if I have to give up the army so you can be with the love of your life then I’ll do that Alexandra….”

 

“Alexis…” Lexa began tears running down her cheeks as she took in Sasha’s words to her

 

“Lex…I’m not saying that it’ll be easy but I know you love Clarke, I know that you’ve been miserable without her and I know she’s your future…I thought that I couldn’t be anything other than a solider but I know I can be…I can be anything I choose to be because you helped me through the darkest time in my life…the army isn’t everything Lex…family is” Sasha took a deep breath in reaching forward with her right hand she wiped away Lexa’s tears looking into Lexa’s eyes she asked “Do you wanna be with Clarke?” When Lexa didn’t answer she said “Just be honest”

 

“Yeah…that's all I've wanted since I broke up with her”

 

“Then when the times right when she’s ready to start over with you…. you don’t give up on her no matter what because if I’m giving up my career she better be the woman you end up marrying” Sasha commented making Lexa laugh softly at her words

 

“I can’t ask you to give up your career so I can be with Clarke”

 

“You’re not asking anything Lexa, I’m offering…well I’m telling you, you don’t really get a say in it” Sasha confirmed winking at Lexa she placed her hand gently on Lexa’s left shoulder pulling her towards her and into a hug she “I love you Lex”

 

“I love you too Sash” Lexa honestly responded wrapping her arms around Sasha squeezing her gently

 

They both pulled back when they heard the sound of someone running towards them they could both tell from the sound of the footsteps that it was Costia seeing the little girl appear at the end of the hallway, they watched as Costia ran into the kitchen excitedly looking at each other they both laughed softly, seconds later Costia came running back into the living room seeing Lexa and Sasha sitting on the couch she ran to them stopping in between them she put her hands on the space on the couch in between them looking up at Sasha she said;

 

“I need chocolate sauce” The little girl said matter of factly as she let out a massive breath of air

 

“Chocolate sauce?” Lexa asked amused at the little girl’s actions

 

“Yeah silly for Tavi’s pancakes” Costia explained as if Lexa should have already known

 

“Ok I’ll get it for you” Sasha replied laughing softly, as she stood up Costia tugged at her jeans before holding her arms up in the air “What’s up Mini Me?”

 

“I want cuddles”

 

“See you in a minute” Sasha said looking to Lexa who nodded at her giggling softly, turning to Costia Sasha smiled at her little sister before bending down slightly and picking her up, Costia wrapped her arms around Sasha’s neck at the same time wrapping her legs around Sasha’s waist resting her head on Sasha’s shoulder hugging her older sister squeezing her tightly as they walked into the kitchen, Sasha went to place Costia on the counter but the little girl clung onto her not letting her put her down, looking at Costia she asked;

 

“You ok?”

 

“I like cuddling you” Costia innocently explained gripping onto Sasha’s t-shirt a little tighter

 

“I like cuddling you too” Sasha smiled in response poking Costia gently in the stomach making the little girl giggle and wriggle softly in her arms, holding Costia in her arms she opened the cabinet where her and Lexa kept all of the sauces and toppings seeing the Dr Pepper Chocolate Sauce that she had brought for Octavia at the top of the cabinet she reached up removing it from the cabinet and placing it on the counter she looked down at Costia asking “How you feeling today Cos?”

 

“I feel happy”

 

“Happy, what about your stomach? Do you feel sick?”

 

“Nope”

 

“Really? Mama said that you feel bad in the morning after your special medicine” Sasha asked, she wanted to make sure that Costia was telling her the truth about she was feeling, when Costia shrugged her shoulders at her she added “You can tell me if you’re not feeling well”

 

“I feel fine Ali” Costia responded her tiny hand moving upwards to rest on Sasha’s jawline as she said “I feel better because I'm with you and you make me feel better” Costia reached up kissing Sasha on the cheek softly

 

“Are you sure?” When Costia nodded her head at her question she kissed her softly on the top of her head “Ok…why don’t you go give Tavi her chocolate sauce” She laughed when the little girl gasped wriggling in Sasha’s arms, the action caused Sasha to place Costia on the ground as her feet hit the ground Costia moved to the counter that had the sauce in question on it and reached up unsuccessfully trying to get the bottle, Sasha softly laughed leaning over and retrieving the bottle then handing it to Costia who smiled up at her

 

“Dankie” ( _Thank you)_ Costia sweetly said before turning around and running out of the kitchen to Sasha’s bedroom

 

 

Sasha’s Bedroom

Raven stood at the door still standing and leaning against it she hadn’t said a word to Octavia since Costia ran out of the bedroom more than five minutes, it wasn’t that she didn’t know what to say it was more that the only times they had really been alone together was when they slept together and after that it was when they were meeting up to discuss whether or not to tell Sasha what had happened between them, and she realised that her and Octavia had never really spoken or talked about anything non Sasha related she was about to speak when Costia came bounding back into the room;

 

“I got it Tavi” The little girl proudly said holding up the chocolate sauce in the air as she stood next to Raven

 

“Is it my special one?” Octavia asked she could see that it was indeed the sauce she was referencing to

 

“Yes” Costia proudly said as walked towards Octavia, who was still sitting on the floor leaning her back against the bed, the little girl stopped in front of Octavia holding the bottle of sauce in the air smiling when Octavia took the bottle from her, Octavia reached behind her grabbing the plate of pancakes from the bed she smiled at Costia looking at Octavia waiting to see if she liked the pancakes. Octavia poured some of the sauce onto the pancakes before she picked up one of the pancakes biting into it she smiled at Costia saying “These are amazing Cos”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, best pancakes ever” Octavia softly said smiling uncontrollably as Costia jumped up and down in excitement her face the picture of happiness as she looked dough eyed at Octavia “How about we share them?”

 

“Yay” Costia excitedly responded moving forward stopping as she got a little closer to Octavia, she looked at Octavia asking “Can I sit with you?”

 

“Of course you can” Octavia responded pushing the sadness inside her down she knew why Costia was cautious of her, holding the plate in the air so Costia could sit on her lap as Costia smiled softly letting out an innocent giggle of excitement as she walked forward and sat down on Octavia’s lap, once Costia was sat properly on her lap she placed the plate on the little girls lap she lifted the bottle of chocolate sauce from the floor handing it to Costia she softly said “Here Cos” As Costia took the bottle from her she read the label letting out a gasp that made Octavia ask her “What’s wrong Cos?”

 

“It says Doctor Pepper”

 

“I know it does”

 

“Does that mean its gonna make you all better Tavi?” Costia innocently answered in her mind it was simple if you’re sick you see the doctor and the doctor made you better, she didn’t know what a brand was or why different foods and drinks had different names to her everything was the same one bottle of water was the same as another bottle of water

 

“No Cos”

 

“But it says doctor which means its medicine”

 

“Cos look at me” Octavia began as she placed the plate on the floor turning the little girl on her lap so she was facing her instantly seeing the sadness in Costia’s face she explained “Doctor Pepper isn’t a real doctor, it’s just a name for the flavour of the sauce…they give it a different name because it tastes a little different to the other sauces you can buy”

 

“So you won’t get better?”

 

“I will get better just not from eating the sauce even though it is nice sauce”

 

“But I want you to be better now Tavi”

 

“I know you do Cos but I’m sick in a way that takes a little longer to get better and it means I have to go see a real doctor and tell him how I feel and then he will tell me what is wrong with me”

 

“Will he make you happy again?” Costia innocently asking looking expectantly at Octavia “Because I don't like it when your sad Tavi”

 

“I know you don’t, I don't either but we have to be patient”

 

“Like with a surprise?”

 

“Just like a surprise we have to make sure we get everything right” Octavia noticed the look on Costia’s face and softly asked “Does that make sense?”

 

“Ya” Costia gently placed her hand on Octavia’s shoulder “Will the doctor make you stop pushing?”

 

Octavia held back the tears she felt inside at the little girls question it was obvious that when she pushed Costia it had more of an emotional effect on her than a physical effect “No he can't help me with that…. see I did that because yesterday someone did a very very bad thing to me and when you hugged me it scared me a little bit…. but it wasn’t you that scared me at all it was remembering what the bad man did to me”

 

“I’m sorry Tavi”

 

“You don’t need to be sorry Cos”

 

“I can beat up the bad man for you”

 

“You don’t need to do that Cos...” When Costia looked sad again she added “But you can do something for me if you want…” When Costia looked at her all attention on her she continued “Every morning when I come and have breakfast you can give me a hug and sit with me…how does that sound?”

 

“It sounds Awesome” Costia softly replied as she smiled brightly at Octavia gently resting her head on Octavia’s shoulder

 

“Good because I’m pretty sure that the doctor is going to tell me that cuddles with my favourite person will help me get better faster” Octavia softly spoke wrapping her arms around Costia and gently rubbing her back, seeing Raven still standing at the door she softly said “You can leave me alone with her you know? I wouldn’t hurt her”

 

“I thought that you wouldn’t before you pushed her and now that you have I’m not going to risk it” Raven bluntly said at this moment she didn’t really care about Octavia’s feelings she cared about looking after Costia and making sure that she wasn’t hurt any further

 

“Raven that was a once off”

 

“That’s what you say but I’d rather be on the safe side” Raven coldly responded she knew it wasn’t nice of her to be so cold and heartless to Octavia but right now she didn’t care about Octavia’s feeling she wanted to keep Costia safe it was bad enough that the little girl was sick, and she guessed a part of her was angry because she knew that Octavia lied on more than one occasion to Sasha and that just made her distrust Octavia’s words even more

 

Costia lifted her head from Octavia’s shoulder removing herself from Octavia’s lap having heard Raven’s words she walked over to Raven grabbing at Raven’s lounge pants she tugged them softly the action causing Raven to kneel down so she was face to face with Costia who gently moved her hand to Raven’s shirt holding on tightly “Don’t be mean Rae Rae” When Raven went to talk but was stopped when Costia placed her hand on Raven’s mouth stopping her from being able to speak “It’s ok Rae Rae, Tavi will look after me” As Costia finished talking she removed her hand from over Raven’s mouth

 

Raven looked at the little girl in front of her raising her eyebrows she couldn’t help but laugh a little at Costia’s adult wording “Are you sure?”

 

“Yes” Costia softly responded leaning forward placing a kiss on Raven’s cheek she looked at her “Now go get ready”

 

Raven laughed softly at Costia, reaching forward she pinched Costia’s chin softly “Your just like your big sister” Raven softly said making the little girl smile brightly, standing up she walked out of the bedroom leaving Octavia and Costia alone hoping that she wasn’t making a mistake.

 

Costia skipped over to Octavia stopping in front of her she watched as Octavia stood up off of the floor sitting on the edge of the bed opening her arms for Costia, who stepped forward wrapping her arms around Octavia’s waist leaning her head gently to Octavia’s stomach her hands holding onto Octavia like her life depended on it.

 

 

Lexa’s Bedroom

Lexa walked into her bedroom letting out a tired sigh she smiled as she noticed the messed up bed covers she knew that it was Clarke that had left the bed covers she knew mainly because when they were together Clarke would always argue that there was no point in fixing the bed covers because they would just get messed up at night. Still smiling she moved to the bed and began fixing the bed covers as she finished fixing them she heard the door to the bedroom open up turning around she looked behind her to see Clarke, her hair was wet and she was only covered by Lexa’s favourite towel, it was a dark Blue towel with their unit’s shoulder sleeve insignia (11th Armoured Cavalry Regiment) embroidered on it with their motto _ALLONS (Let’s Go)_ embroidered underneath it in bold Red writing, as her eyes took in the towel wrapped around Clarke;

 

“You were quick” She softly said her eyes quickly darting back to the bed as she finished fixing the bed sheets

 

“Yeah I just needed to wash off…can’t go stinking up your apartment right?”

 

“Please don’t and you better have washed properly I’m not a fan of my towels stinking…especially my fav…”

 

“Favourite towel…I know…I remember…” Clarke responded moving forward stopping behind Lexa, as Lexa stood up her back softly pressed against Clarke’s chest “You can have it back now if you want….” Clarke’s comment made Lexa stand up straight as she took in a breath before looking at Clarke, as she was about to say something Clarke pulled back softly laughing she said “I was kidding Lex” Looking at Lexa who smirked at her sending her an unimpressed look “You know you never used to complain when I offered to give you back your towel” Clarke added as she reached Lexa’s chest of drawers looking for something of Lexa’s to wear

 

“I know I never complained before but now is different right?”

 

“What exactly is different?”

 

“I don’t want you to think that I'm rushing you, or that I don’t know that you need time to heal, because I do”

 

“Lex, I’m not expecting you to grab me and throw me on the bed and ravish me, I’m not ready for that not yet anyway” Clarke seriously explained as she removed a light blue pair of jogging bottoms from the draw she was looking through, closing the draw she opened the bottom draw which she knew was Lexa’s underwear draw, she smiled when she instantly saw her old panties removing them she placed them on knowing they had to be clean for Lexa to place them back in one of her draws, pulling on the joggers she turned her attention to Lexa as she heard her speak;

 

“What do you mean not yet?”

 

“I mean…I was serious when I said that I love you…I know this whole thing between us is complicated because of my dad and I understand that you might not want to give us another go because of him but I can’t pretend like the whole time we’ve been apart I’ve been thinking about the moment we’d be back together because I have…” Clarke started she knew that to get better she had to get everything off of her chest even if she heard something back that she didn’t want to hear

 

“Clarke I…”

 

“Let me get this all out please…” Clarke began, when Lexa nodded softly she continued speaking “When you broke up with me I can’t explain it but I knew it wasn’t what you wanted but you ignored my calls and gave Octavia all of my things well almost all of my things” Clarke smirked pointing to panties she was wearing “You didn’t see me from the day we broke up ‘til we bumped into each other in Grounders eighteen months later, I was so angry at you for being such a bitch to me when I didn’t do anything wrong to you…..but now I understand why it felt like you didn’t want it, it was because you didn’t want to….It wasn’t my Lexa that walked away from me as I was begging her not to leave me, I know now that it was Solider Lexa protecting her family protecting her soulmate, when I said I forgive you I meant it….what we have I can never duplicate it in a million years…I’m not even sure I would want to attempt it….I broke up with Mitch because I love you and I want to be with you I would take everything he did to me all over again if it meant I got to be with you….I’m asking you to go back like we were not at all…I know we need to talk about it properly, I don’t want you to give up your career for me and I don’t want you to have to put up with my dad either…I’m not sure I’m worth whatever he’d through at you…” Before Clarke could continue Lexa cut her off

 

“You are worth it Clarke…” Lexa softly spoke reaching forward a gently taking hold of Clarke’s hand “When I broke up with you I wanted to change my mind so much but I couldn’t because it wasn’t my career on the line, I know your dad hates me and I can live with that I can live without the army…Since you kissed me I can’t stop thinking about what ifs, what if I told you about your dad instead of breaking up with you, what if you never met Mitch, what if Sasha didn’t get shot…there are so many what ifs but none of them matter because I love you and you love me and the rest of it is irrelevant…” When Clarke went to speak she continued quickly “I know that things are different now but I don’t care about your dad and whatever he thinks he can do to ruin us or my career…. when you’re ready and all healed up I’m going to earn back your trust and make you remember why you wanted a happy ever after with me”

 

“I remember exactly why I wanted a happy ever after with you…because your you Lexa” Clarke smiled at Lexa as she brought her other hand up to gently caress Lexa’s cheek, after a second Lexa brought her other free hand up placing it on top of Clarke's she moved them to rest between them both

 

“Clarke there's a lot that you need to know before you get to invested in us getting back together...”

 

“Like what?”

 

“What Sasha told you about your dad is only the tip of the iceberg there's things you don't know things even Sasha doesn't know, and I want you to know everything even if it may mean you don't want me after learning it all….”

 

“I don't understand Lex, I thought you wanted this…I thought you wanted us…”

 

“I do Clarke…. I really do but I think it's only fair you know the whole story about your dad, even the stuff that might make you hate me…”

 

“I could never hate you”

 

“You can't say that for sure”

 

“Lexa I know you, I know that breaking up with me wasn’t something you did lightly whatever my dad was doing to you I know that breaking up with me was the last straw…I want to know everything and if you’re not ready to tell me then that’s fine, but since Sasha told me my dad blackmailed you I’ve wanted you to tell me the whole thing, I could tell Sasha wasn’t telling me everything and I want to know if it means I have to wait to hear it then I’ll wait…but I want you to know that I’m ready to hear it…”

 

Clarke looked into Lexa’s eyes she could see the look of conviction and determination in them, she knew she should keep her mind on track but she couldn’t help but get lost in Lexa’s eyes in how much emotional expression they had, it was like she could look into Lexa’s soul and see everything that she hid inside it used to be one of the things she loved the most about her but now it was more distracting than anything she got so lost in Lexa’s eyes she didn’t hear Lexa speaking;

 

“Sorry what did you say?” Clarke asked looking apologetically at Lexa

 

“I was just saying I’m ready to tell you everything…. now…. if you want that is”

 

“Yes”

 

“Ok, I’m just gonna grab a drink and then we can talk…. It’ll give you a chance to finish getting dressed” Lexa softly responded releasing her gentle grip on Clarke’s hand, when Clarke smiled at her softly nodding she turned walking to the door opening it up she walked out of her room closing the door behind her as she headed towards the kitchen

 

 

Sasha and Lexa’s Kitchen

Sasha was sat back in the kitchen on the counter that faced the kitchen door she had been sitting there since Costia ran back into her bedroom, holding the letter in her hand that Octavia had given her years ago she had read and read it over and over in the last ten minutes she remembered every word that she read even before today she could remember every word on the piece of paper each word that gave her so much comfort and hope when she was away from Octavia not just when she was in Afghanistan but also during the year they had been apart, every night she’d think about Octavia and how much she must have hurt her how much of a bad person she was and then she’d remember the words from the letter and everything would feel a little better it made her hopefully for the future for her future or more specifically her future with Octavia, she’d got the letter out of its resting place when she’d got ready in the morning there was something about holding the letter in her hands that gave her hope again knowing the words wasn’t enough for her anymore not with everything that was going on between Mitch’s attack on Octavia and Costia’s cancer she didn’t feel hopeful for a lot, it was like she couldn’t turn her brain off anymore it was like there was this cloud looming over her waiting to strike her at the exact moment the stress became too much for her, she knew she should talk to someone, Lexa or Raven, but now wasn’t the right time Lexa was trying to help Clarke and Raven seemed to be a massive comfort to Costia and she couldn’t be the one to ruin that not in a million years, maybe her family was right maybe her not knowing about Costia’s illness was a good thing but then again maybe her family were wrong, she didn’t know anymore, taking a deep breath she opened the letter up again ready every word that Octavia had written on;

 

_ Flashback Friday 11th January 2013-Afghanistan  _

_Sasha watched as Lexa began reading her letter following her cousin’s lead slowly opening the envelope pulling out the paper inside as she moved the paper in her hand she realised that there was something underneath the letter shuffling the paper in her hand so she could see what was underneath it she smiled as she saw a picture of her leaning against a kitchen counter in her mema and papa’s house Octavia was leant against her, her back pressed against Sasha’s chest as she rested her chin on Octavia’s shoulder while Costia was in Octavia’s arms cuddling her with her head resting on Octavia’s chest just below her neck while Tristan was on the floor his arms gently holding onto both Sasha and Octavia’s left leg his head resting on Octavia’s knee, as she looked at the picture she knew exactly when it was taken it was about two weeks ago just before Christmas everyone knew Lexa and Sasha were being shipped out so they had made sure that the Christmas celebration was bigger than before just in case they didn’t make it back for the next Christmas, gently rubbing her fingers over the picture Sasha smiled brightly just the picture on its own would have been enough for her, turning her attention to the letter still in her hand she placed the picture and the envelope on the bunk before taking a deep breath opening the letter and beginning to read it;_

_Dear Sasha,_

_I don’t really know how I’m supposed to start writing this letter in my mind it was so clear what I wanted to say to you but know it’s so different I can’t think of the right words, I didn’t even know whether to write Sasha or Alexis how pathetic is that, I can just imagine you now sitting there thinking that it’s not pathetic that’s one of the reasons I fell for you if I’m honest, I know that’s an odd change in topic but I’m writing this without really planning it so you have to deal with it, but like I was saying one of the reasons I fell for you was that you didn’t let me get down on myself no matter what the situation was you would always tell me not to put myself down I don’t think I’ve ever had that with anyone before not even Clarke or Bellamy encourage me or tell me to stop being down on myself but you, NO MATTER what you love me for me and you encouraged me to follow my dreams and be what I want to be not what everyone else wants me to be and when I pursued my dreams you supported me financially when you didn’t have to, you love me for me including all of my faults and I know there are a few but you love me for them and that’s something that I can never get over. I’ve never told you this but I think I loved you from the first time we meet when you shook my hand whilst I was waiting in line with Clarke it felt like a rush of electricity ran through my body and from that moment on I couldn’t think of anything or anyone else most days I feel like loving you makes me a better person in so many ways. They say that there are certain moments in your life moments in time that define who we are as a person and who we will be in the future and I think that for me the most defining moment was when I meet you there was a moment where I didn’t want to pull my hand away because you felt like home,_

_That probably sounds stupid but I don’t care it’s the truth, sitting here and thinking about what to say to you is a lot harder than I thought that was until about a minute ago you don’t realise this but I just had to stop writing for a few minutes because you called me up, it’s almost 3am and you called me just to tell me that you love me and can’t wait to see me in the morning. Its moments like that I realise just how much you mean to me and just how hard it’s going to be to not see you for a year, thinking about not being able to kiss you whenever I want not being able to touch you in any way shape or form for a year doesn’t seem right, but then I see you with your family with Costia and Tristan and it reminds me what exactly why you do it I understand that you feel a sense of duty I know that you’ve never wanted to be anything other than a solider and I understand that completely in fact it makes me love you more you risk your life everyday you’re out there so that I can do silly things like going to the supermarket, I love how whenever we talk about it you just say you’re doing your job your so humble about it. You know there are moments that you say things that make me love you even more, moments that make me feel like you’re the most perfect person in the world, moments that make me wonder if I deserve to have you but I do and I’m not letting you go lightly. Being with you every day is a gift every kiss every hug every touch is a gift, I know it’s selfish to want you here with me all the time but I’m not ashamed to say it because I love you, like I’ve never loved someone before or will again the kind of love that hurts in your chest for all the right reasons. That’s why I wanted it to be you that took my virginity I know it probably sounds stupid but I know that loving you is right and nothing else in this world can beat that._

_I know that a few words on a piece of paper can’t stop you being fearful or thinking about all the possibilities of what can happen but I wanted you to know everything that I feel I know sometimes you avoid telling me how you feel because you don’t want me to be scared, I know you keep things inside so that I don’t get upset so I wanted to give you something to come home for something more than just a person,_

_When we’re together I feel like I’m invincible like I could take on anything in the world, it reminds me of what we have ahead of us we’ve never really talked about our future not properly anyway I know what I want, I want you forever for as long as I’m alive, I see you with Cos and Tris and how loving and caring you are with them and it makes me realise what I want, I want to wake up in your arms every morning, buy a house in Boston and settle down with you get married have kids the whole nine yards because your MY LIFE your everything I think about all I think about day in and day out no matter what I’m doing your there in my mind like an annoying song you can’t get rid of but in a good way I know we’ve never really talked about kids or marriage before but I want you to know that I want it all for us, and if you don’t want kids or the house thing then I don’t want it either because I don’t think I can stand the thought of being without you and I’d sacrifice anything to be with you._

_I know I’m babbling now and very close to balling my eyes out, there are more things about you that I love and that make me love you more, but that’s for another time and maybe another letter. Please stay safe and make sure I get back the love of my universe._

_Love you to the moon and back_

_Octavia_

_xxxxxx_

_P.S. Hope you love the picture as much as I do, I’ve got one on my bedside cabinet so we’ll be looking at the same picture day in and day out. Love You_

_End of Flashback_

Lexa walked into the kitchen stopping in her tracks when she notices Sasha sitting on the counter lost in reading a letter that was in her hand she knew it was Octavia’s letter because she’d seen it numerous times before whenever Sasha would get stressed or she just needed to stop her brain from working she’d read the letter over and over until she felt herself relax more, she stood back watching Sasha until she folded up the letter up and took a deep breath in before her attention turned fell to the floor underneath her feet. Slowly walking up to Sasha she gently tapped Sasha on the thigh before she leant against the counter next to her. Looking at her she softly asked;

 

“Everything ok?”

 

“Yeah everything’s good” Sasha lied looking at Lexa nodding at her before jumping down off of the counter

 

“You’re a terrible liar Sasha”

 

“I’m ok Lex, you have other things to worry about I’m a big girl I can handle it by myself” Sasha half-heartedly said as she smiled and went to walk out of the kitchen, before she could leave Lexa gently grabbed her hand making her stop and look at her

 

“You’re not ok…and I get it you wanna keep it all to yourself at the moment because it’s raw and I haven’t earned back your trust yet, but so you know I’ll never stop helping and protecting you because you’re my family and I love you Lexi, so when you’re ready I’m here”

 

“I know Lex, I just need time to process things on my own way and I know looking at an old letter isn’t the best way but right now I just need to get through this on my own not because I don’t want or need your help but because I just need to know that I can do it on my own” Sasha honestly answered looking at Lexa

 

“Ok but…” Lexa paused as she reached her right hand up and placed it on the back of Sasha’s neck squeezing it softly as she continued “Promise me that if it gets too much or too stressful, if things start to become too cloudy then you’ll come to me…”

 

“I promise” Sasha confirmed as she looked into Lexa’s eyes, Lexa nodded softly at her words before she gently pulled her into a hug wrapped her right arm around Sasha’s back her other arm wrapping under Sasha’s right arm gripping onto her right hand she squeezed on her slightly younger cousin who squeezed her back tightly, as she pulled back Sasha looked at her thankfully saying “Thanks Lex”

 

“What for?”

 

“Not giving up on me”

 

“oh shut up you weirdo” Lexa started as she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge she walked back to Sasha, as they walked out of the kitchen she wrapped her right arm around Sasha’s shoulders pulling her into her side “I’ll never give up on you, you’re my Twinsy together forever” She smiled placing a kiss on Sasha’s forehead then removing her hand from around Sasha’s shoulders she winked at her before saying “Now wish me luck because I’m about to tell Clarke everything”

 

“You mean everything?”

 

“Yep”

 

“Good luck”

 

“Thanks” Lexa laughed softly as she walked towards her room internally psyching herself up for what she was about to tell Clarke, she knew it needed to be done but that didn’t mean that it made it any easier to do

 

Sasha watched Lexa walk into her room she could see how nervous Lexa was and she was hoping that it went well Lexa deserved to be happy and if she had to sacrifice her own career to make that happen then she would, walking into her room she smiled at herself as she saw Costia and Octavia laying in the middle of her bed Costia was laying in Octavia’s arms both of them were fast asleep, deciding not to bother them she turned around walking towards the guest room knocking on the door she opened it seeing Raven sitting on the bed placing her phone back in the her pocket;

 

“sorry did I interrupt you?”

 

“Nah course not what’s up?”

 

“Nothing I just wondered if you wanted to hang out?”

 

“Yeah that’d be cool…. Oh we can catch up on Pretty Little Liars”

 

“Sure sounds cool” Sasha responded laughing gently at Raven’s excitement as they walked towards the living room, they both sat down on the couch facing the TV, Sasha quickly picked up the remote opening the Netflix app she quickly found Pretty Little Liars loading up the first episode of Season Six the leant back relaxing as her and Raven began bickering jokingly about their theories and how the others theory was wrong.

 

Two episodes into the season and the season they were still arguing and joking around with each other regarding the show, they had even continued their discussion as they loaded up on snacks and drink which they had laid out on the table in front of them now they were stuck in a debate about who A was going to be;

 

“No way is it going to be Jason” Sasha argued

 

“What it makes so much sense, the jealous older brother who was always second best to his younger sister come on its perfect”

 

“But Charles is A, and Charles is meant to be a DiLaurentis right so that means it’s not Jason because Jason and Charles were in the same film role”

 

“You’re talking nonsense you know that right?” When Sasha looked at her confused to she explained “Right think about it, where has Charles been? Why doesn’t anyone know about him? That whole denial thing from Mr D was a massive red flag come on, I mean what if Charles was killed by Jason when they were kids because he was hurting Alison…right and Jason flipped when Alison became the favourite”

 

“That actually makes sense” Sasha started laughing at the look of pride on Raven’s face “But I still think that CeCe Drake has something to do with it” Sasha finished as she heard someone knock on the door, thinking it was one of the neighbours from either above or below them wanting something, standing up she walked to the door looking at Raven as she spoke;

 

“You only want CeCe to be involved because she’s a sexy bitch”

 

“And Your point…” Pointing at Raven as she added “It’s a valid and legitimate reason” She laughed when Raven raised her eyebrows and nodded her head in agreement, keeping her attention on the episode playing on the TV as the credits conveniently rolled up the screen as she pulled the door open as she turned her attention to whoever was at the door “How can I h----, your fucking kidding me” She let out as her eyes fell on to the person standing on the other side of the door;

 

Sasha looked at Kane and Abby as Kane’s voice loudly proclaimed

 

“Where is my daughter?”

 


	26. Good Advice

Chapter 26 Good Advice

Raven looked at Sasha not one hundred percent sure who exactly was at the door, pushing herself back further back on the couch until she was almost sitting on the top of the backrest of the couch, she finally saw who was at the door swearing at herself before sitting herself back down pretending to now be paying attention as she listened into the conversation;

 

“Good Morning Staff Sergeant Kane…Mrs Kane…How can I be of assistance?”

 

“Don’t be a smart ass, tell me where Clarke is” Kane bluntly responded looking at Sasha his face filled with anger

 

“You know manners maketh the man…. you should be more courteous when asking someone for information” Sasha continued she loved pulling Kane’s strings and especially now Clarke was going to know everything she didn’t really care if he tried to punish her. She was concentrating so much on Kane, that she didn’t see Raven duck out of the front room and head towards Lexa’s bedroom

 

“Listen to me you little d…...”

 

“Marcus…. there’s no need for this” Abby interrupted placing a hand on Kane’s chest pushing him backwards she stood in front of him stopping him from interjecting anymore, looking at Sasha she softly said “Sasha, it’s been a long time” Abby softly said smiling brightly as she reached gently hugging Sasha who accepted the hug, she’d never had any issues with Sasha or Lexa and she knew that shouting wasn’t the way to go about anything “It’s good to see you…your looking well”

 

“Thanks Mrs Kane, you look well too”

 

“I’m sorry for Marcus he’s just worried about Clarke, we went to her apartment and there were police officers taking evidence, we asked them what happened but they didn’t tell us anything…” Abby paused as tears brimmed in her eyes thinking about what she and Marcus had been through a mere hour ago “We saw the blood on the door…we just want to see Clarke and check she’s ok”

 

“Clarke is fine…I don’t know if she wants to see you guys I can get her but my little sister is in the other room so any raised voices and your both out” Sasha explained softly looking at Abby, she knew Abby had guilt tripped her into her response but she also knew that Abby was a good mother and no matter what she didn’t deserve to be kept away from her daughter

 

“I promise, any signs of trouble from Marcus and I’ll drag him out myself” Abby honestly responded, Sasha stepped to the side motioning for them to come inside as she did Clarke appeared at the end of the hallway her face was red and slightly stained from crying moments before, as her eyes falling onto her mother

 

“Mom” She unintentionally released, as the word left her lips Abby’s eyes darted to the location of the voice seeing Clarke standing there her face covered in marks, the bruise on her left cheek not as bad as the night before but still was pretty fresh, the two cuts above her right eye slightly worse than the night before due to its depth the skin around both cuts was a dark red, the spilt on the left side of her top lip had closed up and the swelling had gone down almost completely since she’d slept, after she had taken in the injuries she could see on Clarke she moved forward until she was in front of Clarke her hand hovered in the air over Clarke’s bruised cheek tears brimming in her own eyes, her hand moved from hoovering in the air to wrapping it around Clarke pulling her into a hug Clarke’s arms wrapped instantly around her mom, after a few minutes Abby pulled back looking down at Clarke she asked

 

“What happened to you Clarke?”

 

“Mitch…I tried to break up with him I was honest with him and told him I was gay and he flipped out”

 

“Did you call the police?”

 

“Lexa did, they took mine and Octavia’s statements last night, we have to wait to hear back from them”

 

“Octavia?”

 

“Once I managed to get away from Mitch I came straight here, at the same time Octavia had gone back to ours and Mitch laid into her as well but much worse” Clarke finished as her eyes fell to her father who was looking at her his eyes wide in shock as he took in her appearance

 

“Have you been to the hospital?”

 

“She wouldn’t let us take her” Sasha interjected softly she could see Clarke looking at her dad, she knew the look wasn’t one of needed comfort it was one of building anger she was guessing that Clarke’s look had something to do with everything that Lexa had told her in the hour and a half that they had been talking, she watched as Kane walked towards Clarke as he went to hug Clarke she placed her hand on his chest stopping him in his tracks as she took a step back

 

“Clarke what’s wrong?”

 

“What’s wrong…. you really wanna know dad?” She asked her emphasis on the word dad, she couldn’t believe that after everything he had done to make Lexa break up with her in effect breaking his own daughters heart, that he had the guts to walk up to her and pretend that she meant the world to him, he was meant to protect her not be the one that hurt her

 

“Of course I do Clarke…. You’re my daughter and I love you”

 

“Bullshit”

 

“Clarke…don’t speak to your father like that” Abby interjected, she couldn’t believe Clarke was being so angry towards her father

 

“So I guess she doesn’t know” Clarke said looking at her dad who was still completely dumbfounded by her anger towards him, he watched as Clarke turned her attention fully to him “You said you love me right?” He nodded at the question “How can you when you made Lexa break up with me?” Kane’s face fell completely as the realisation hit him that Clarke had been told about what he had done to her and Sasha “Lexa told me everything”

 

“Clarke...I... I...” Kane stuttered as he tried to find the words to defend himself

 

“You what dad…you can’t possibly have a good enough reason for making Lexa break my heart…because that’s exactly what you did…” When her father didn’t respond but instead looking at her his face completely blank, as everyone in the room looked at him, at this moment Lexa and Raven reappeared at the end of the hallway walking into the room they exchanged knowing looks before Raven walked over to stand next to Sasha and Lexa stood in between Clarke and Sasha not sure which one of them would explode first, as Clarke looked at her she gave her a small smile hoping it would help her calm down a little “You must have been really ashamed of me being gay to go through all of this……making Lexa’s life a living hell at work and personally…making sure they were gone for a whole year hoping that being away for that long would break us up….what was it dad when it made us stronger when I told you I wanted to move in with her, marry her you decided what? That the only way to get rid of her was to try and kill her….” Still Kane remained silent not saying a word, still looking like a deer in headlights huffing out a breath she looked him in the eyes saying “Do you have any idea what it would have done to me if she’d have died? ....it would have ruined my life…. how did you feel when Sasha got shot instead of Lexa? Did it feel good dad HUH?” Clarke couldn’t help the raise in her voice at her dad

 

“I was trying to protect you Clarke”

 

“PROTECT ME” Clarke shouted stepping forward angrily stepped towards her dad, her action caused Lexa to quickly move forward stepping in front of her as she looked at Clarke she softly said;

 

“Clarke you don’t need to do this” Lexa knew everything that Clarke was feeling but she also knew that it had to be ten times worse than anything that she had felt

 

“I do Lexa, everything that’s happened in the last few years is because of him, you breaking up with me…Sasha getting shot….”

 

“It doesn’t matter Clarke, Sasha’s ok and we’re back talking to each other again what he did was terrible yeah it was and yes it was something a father should never ever do to their daughter but that’s the past there’s nothing we can do to change it now”

 

“There shouldn't be anything to change Lexa, he should have never threatened you...” Clarke stopped herself talking when she felt the year brimming in her eyes

 

“Clarke…you shouldn't be doing this, you’re not in the right mind frame to be doing any of this right now”

 

“I need to know why he did it Lex” Clarke replied as she looked into Lexa’s eyes the tears slowly spilling out of her own “You could have been killed Lexa…Sasha nearly died” She took a deep breath as Lexa brought her hand up to her cheek gently wiping away her tears then gently move it back to rest at her side “He can’t use loving me as an excuse for threatening you and your family…Atom, Costia and Tristan are innocent in this they haven’t got anything to do with us….” Clarke stopped herself talking looking over at Sasha she could see the look of confusion on her face realising she had just let out the one thing Lexa had never told Sasha when it came to Marcus, looking at Lexa she let out “I’m sorry”

 

“It’s ok” Lexa softly said looking at Clarke looking at Sasha she softly explained “I never told you because I knew you’d flip out”

 

“I don’t get what you’re talking about Lexa”

 

“Just before I broke up with Clarke, He pulled me aside at training he…he…. he umm….”

 

“He what Lex?”

 

“He threatened to hurt Cos, Tris and Atom if I didn’t end it straight away…. I ended it the next day”

 

“He threatened them” Sasha confirmed when Lexa gave her an ashamed nod, she clenched her jaw nodding her head twice before taking a deep breath as she let out the breath she launched herself forward her right fist connected with Kane’s jaw sending him stumbling back before she had a chance to pull back and punch him again Raven and Lexa jumped forward both grabbing one side and pulling her backwards until they were next to the TV struggling against them both she pulled out of their grip pushing them back before holding her arms up in the air angrily letting out a breath “I’m fine”

 

“I’m gonna get you arrested you stupid little dyke” Kane shouted at Sasha pointing his finger firmly at her as he held onto his jaw with his other hand

 

“You’ll do nothing of the sort” Abby said looking at her husband she had listened to every word that had left Clarke’s mouth and watched her husband’s reaction and she knew he had done everything that she had said “Is all of this true?” She needed to hear the words from Kane himself “Look at me Marcus” Kane looked at his wife directly looking into her eyes

 

“Yes”

 

“Leave now…. don’t you even think about arguing with me you threatened a minor no wonder Clarke can barely look at you I’m ashamed to call you my husband…if you have one ounce of humanity left inside you you’ll go outside and wait in the car while I make sure our daughter is ok” Kane looked at his wife the look in her eyes was one of pure anger and shame he knew arguing with her wasn’t the best thing to do now yeah he wanted to give her his side of things but in front of everyone wasn’t the right time, turning around he walked through the door loudly slamming the door closed as he walked out

 

Abby looked to Clarke trying to find the right words she tears running down her cheeks at the thought of how much heartbreak Clarke had been through seemingly at the hands of her husband and Clarke’s father, images of Clarke crying her eyes out in the weeks after Lexa broke up with her ran through her mind how upset Clarke was and how Lexa seemingly disappeared “I am so sorry Clarke…” Looking to Lexa and then Sasha she softly said “and to you both I can’t apologise enough…I had no idea he was threatening you both and your family his actions are completely unforgivable…I’m so sorry…” Abby finished turning and walking to the door before she could reach it though Sasha’s voice hit her ears

 

“Wait” Abby turned around looking at Sasha who looked at her letting out a breath she continued “Like I said Clarke wouldn’t let us take her to the hospital, maybe you can look her over and Octavia as well if she’ll let you”

 

“Sure” Abby softly said turning at looking at Clarke who nodded softly at her, she walked back over to Clarke who let out a small smile as she looked at her mother who looked at her asking “Is there somewhere we can go so I can look you over thoroughly?”

 

“You can use my room” Lexa offered softly smiling at Clarke, Clarke smiled brightly back at her the same smile that always made her burst with happiness inside

 

Before anyone could say anything their attention was brought to Costia who came running down the hallway tears in her eyes as more tears covered her cheeks stopping for a second seeing Sasha she ran towards her big sister who scooped her up into her arms, looking worriedly at Costia Sasha asked;

 

“What’s wrong Costia?”

 

“Tavi’s having a bad dream I couldn’t wake her up” Costia responded reaching her arms out to Raven who picked the little girl out of Sasha’s arms once her legs where wrapped around Raven’s waist she looked back to Sasha “Go see she’s ok Ali” Costia added before turning to look at Raven as she wrapped her arms around Raven’s neck resting her chin on Raven’s shoulder in between Raven’s neck and her own arm

 

“You heard her Sash, get to stepping” Raven smiled in Sasha’s direction laughing softly at the unamused smirk on Sasha’s face as she turned and jogged towards her bedroom to check on Octavia

 

“Mom, Lexa’s room is this way” Clarke ventured motioning for her mum to follow her to Lexa’s bedroom which Abby did without a word leaving Lexa Raven and Costia in the living room.

 

 Raven walked to the nearest couch to her sitting down carefully she kept herself leaning forward so Costia’s face didn't hit the back of couch. Seconds later Lexa sat down next to Raven leaning all the way back she could see half of Costia’s face looking at her, she poked her tongue out at her younger cousin who softly giggled lifting her head up softly as a result of said action leaning forward Lexa wiped Costia’s face with her hand once she had got rid of all the tears that were on Costia’s face she leant forward kissing the little girl softly on the side of the head before she looked at her trying not to make her voice sound to stern and serious she asked “Did Tavi hurt you?” When Costia shook her head at her she smiled softly at the little girl adding “Good because nobody can hurt my Sunshine can they?” Again Costia shook her head letting out a small giggle, noticing the snacks on the table and the episode of Pretty Little Liars that was on the TV she looked at Costia smiling she asked “You wanna watch a film?” Costia nodded at the question removing her arms from around Raven’s neck turning herself around so she was sat looking at the TV, she watched attentively as Lexa reached forward grabbing the remote, exiting the episode she went to the kids films section and began looking through the selection as she landed on Bee Movie Costia’s voice excitedly said

 

“That one Alex that one…. the Bee Movie”

 

Lexa laughed softly leaning in and tapping Costia softly on the nose before she softly whispered asking “Would you like a Hot Chocolate to drink during the film”

 

“Yes please” Costia whispered back smiling widely at Lexa who winked at her

 

“Ok” Lexa responded getting up looking at Raven she asked “You want one?”

 

“What do you think Cos, should I have one?” Raven asked looking down at the little girl, who smiled up and her nodding excitedly at her as she said

 

“You have to Rae Rae, Alex’s hot chocolates are the best ever”

 

“Well when you say it like that I have to don’t I?” Raven answered looking at Costia who giggled at her and softly nodded her head before leaning back against Raven’s chest

 

“I guess that’s sorted then” Lexa laughed standing up from her seat and walking into the kitchen to make the hot chocolates

 

Inside Sasha’s Bedroom

Sasha quickly walked into her room closing the door behind her she instantly saw Octavia on her bed tossing and turning violently as she mumbled something moving forward she gently reached for Octavia calling out her name a few times getting no response she moved onto the bed she didn’t want to grab Octavia so hard that she scared her or caused her to have a flashback she knew from experience that flashbacks weren’t something good in anyway, gently placing her hands on either side of Octavia’s shoulders keeping the rest of her body off of Octavia’s;

 

“O…Octavia, Its Sash you’re having a bad dream baby…it’s time to wake up now” When Octavia didn’t respond to her she squeezed her a little tighter on the shoulders, when Octavia slowly stopped resisting her, within a second she removed her hands from Octavia’s shoulders holding in the air as she moved herself backwards, before she could get off the bed Octavia shot up sitting up straight on the bed her eyes still closed, seeing this Sasha moved closer to her softly saying “Octavia” reaching her right hand forward she placed it softly on Octavia’s shoulder as soon as her hand landed Octavia’s left hand pushed Sasha’s arm away as her head flew forward until it connected with Sasha’s jaw sending her flying backwards until she hit the floor next to the bed the sound of Sasha hitting the ground pulled Octavia out of her nightmare her body stiffening up as she took in her surroundings until her attention turned to her left her eyes falling to Sasha as she stood up from the floor her right hand holding and gently rubbing her jaw, instantly realising what must have happened Octavia moved off of the bed repeatedly saying

 

“Sash…. I’m so sorry” The tears rushing from her eyes down her cheeks, attempting to reach out and touch Sasha her hand was shaking violently as she held it in the air, seeing Octavia’s actions Sasha moved forward her left hand taking hold of Octavia's extended shaking hand

 

"It's ok you were asleep” She reassured Octavia's, she’d been in the situation Octavia was now in waking up seeing someone you love and care about hurt with nobody else in the room she knew that feeling of fear at what you could have done without even knowing you were doing it “I’m fine just a small cut” She added pulling gently on Octavia’s hand until she was right in front of her as soon as she was close enough Octavia wrapped her arms around her as if she was her lifeline as Octavia’s chest came close to hers she removed her right hand from her chin to her side allowing their chests to press together, she could feel how scared Octavia was from the stiffness of her body, wrapping her right arm around Octavia's lower back a little higher than she normally would place it she did the same with her left arm squeezing tightly enough so that Octavia felt safe but not tight to the point that it might trigger something else in Octavia's memory, after a few moments she felt Octavia relax into her embrace her sobbing slowly stopping as she looked up at Sasha softly saying;

 

“I’m so so sorry…I didn’t mean to hit you”

 

“I know you didn’t baby” Sasha softly said placing a small loving kiss on Octavia’s forehead keeping her arms wrapped around Octavia taking a deep breath “It’s gonna be ok O” She reassuring whispered to Octavia

 

Octavia looked up at her a look of pure fear filling her face as she asked “How do you know?” Sasha didn’t say anything instead she unwrapped her arms taking hold of Octavia’s left wrist she gently pulled her towards the bed sitting on the edge of the bed looking pulling Octavia closer to her until Octavia’s thighs were softly pressed against her knees releasing Octavia’s wrist she took Octavia’s hands in her own looking up her she honestly said

 

“For a long time, I didn’t think this…” She explained motioning between them “Would ever happen again…After we broke up I was in a dark place for a very long time I let my PTSD take control and there’s things that happened to me that you don’t know about and one day I’ll tell you I promise but I want you to know that I know how hard it is to see the light in the middle of all the darkness….whatever was happening to you in that dream must have felt pretty real to you, I’m not saying you have to relive every single detail but you don’t have to be afraid anymore because I’m here to help you with whatever you need…you’re not alone O”

 

“I’m scared”

 

“Of what?” Sasha was pretty sure she knew the answer to her question but she also knew that Octavia needed to get the words out herself

 

“That I’ll always feel like this…scared like I have to watch every move I make…I hate feeling this fear inside me no matter what I do…. the only time I feel safe is when I’m with you …. I don’t want to ruin what we have because I can’t get over this stupid fear…”

 

“Hey it’s not a stupid fear”

 

“It is…. I could have hurt Costia earlier…” Octavia paused for a second as she remembered the little girl who had fallen asleep on her “Oh my god Costia…. I didn’t…”

 

“She’s fine….” Sasha interrupted knowing what Octavia was going to say “You didn’t hurt her…she was crying a little but she was fine enough to order me to come in here and check on you”

 

“She did?”

 

“Yeah practically jumped into Rae’s arms and stared at me until I came in here” When Octavia softly smiled at her words she felt Octavia squeeze her hands gently “I promise it won't be like this forever….”

 

“You can’t promise me that”

 

“You want me to be blunt with you?” Octavia nodded at her before she tightened her grip on her hands a little more “You can’t control your dreams it’s impossible to stop yourself from reliving things especially when they are fresh in your memory, this happened to you yesterday O you need to give yourself time to process, but the best thing is to accept it and get help…..I waited way too long to get help I’ll help anyway I can but you’re not going to get better by hiding yourself away from the world and stopping yourself from being touched…I mean..” Sasha paused holding their hands up in the air so they were in Octavia’s eye line “Doesn’t this feel good….” Octavia nodded softly at her a tear falling from her eyes “Will that’s a start…. shutting yourself off isn’t going to help in anyway babe trust me I know”

 

“I know it won’t but I don’t know what to do, I’m scared every minute I’m awake even when I’m asleep I can’t relax I don’t know how to”

 

“You relaxed enough to fall asleep last night and earlier with Costia…surely that’s a start”

 

“It’s different”

 

“How so?”

 

“You and Costia are my family, nearly hurting her earlier broke my heart I love her like she’s my little sister she reminds me of you so much…. I trust you both”

 

“Maybe that’s what you need more people you can trust around you….”

 

“I don’t trust anyone but you and Cos…you’ve always looked after me always put me first no matter what…I can’t trust anyone else”

 

“O, there are loads of people that you can trust not just me, what about Clarke, Raven, Lexa and Bellamy they would never let you get hurt”

 

“Bellamy chose to beat up Mitch instead of checking I was ok…. I was so scared I just needed someone to scoop me up and protect me…and he preferred to beat up Mitch instead”

 

“You can’t hold that against him babe…you need to talk to him at some point I know you don’t want to now and I get it but he didn’t do that because he doesn’t love you or care for you, you know as well as I do that Bellamy loves you whole heartedly but he was angry he saw something that no brother or sister ever thinks they’ll see and he did the natural thing for him and he flipped…I’m not pressuring you into talking to him you know I never would but you need to remember that he’s your brother and when your mum’s drinking was out of control he’s the one that protected you” Seeing the look of hesitation on Octavia’s face she added “I’m not saying talk to him now I'm just saying at some point you have to talk to him because he’s your brother and he loves you and I know you love him” Pausing she smiled softly continuing to look into Octavia’s eyes “Don't be afraid to talk about it ok? If you don't wanna talk to me then there's always Clarke it's just as fresh for her and she’s your best friend she needs you just as much as you need her, I know it's hard but you can't close off from everyone don't be afraid to touch people or hug them, the more you fear something the more likely it is to happen”

 

“Your right”

 

“I know” Sasha added winking at Octavia smiling when the younger girl softly giggled at her before she leaned forward sitting gently on Sasha’s thighs before she rested her head softly on Sasha’s right shoulder taking in the smell of her girlfriend

 

 

Lexa’s bedroom 

Clarke and Abby were sat on Lexa’s bed Abby had just finished cleaning Clarke’s wounds agenda checked Clarke over examining the bruises on her and making sure that she had sustained any further injuries like breaks or fractures, after a few minutes of persuading Clarke had finally caved and told her mum everything about the attack everything Mitch had done to her including throwing her against the wall which had led to Abby examining Clarke's back to make sure she hadn't suffered injuries that could prove problematic after Abby had finished they had both sat on the bed in complete silence Abby was the first to break the silence between them;

 

“Can I ask you something?” When Clarke nodded her approval she continued “Why did you come here? Why not call me or your father?”

 

After a few seconds thinking a massive smile spread across Clarke’s face even though it hurt a little to smile she couldn't suppress it “Lexa…” When her mum raised her eyebrows at her she explained “She’s always protected me, made me feel like she could defend me against anything, I feel safe with her even being in the same building as her makes me feel safer, I knew if I could get here she’d protect me and she has”

 

“Are you back together?”

 

“No”

 

“Clarke you can tell me if you are and I won't tell your father if you don't want me too, I saw you out there the tears in your eyes were from anger and your anger wasn't solely because of what your father had done”

 

“My anger was at my dad ruining my life for a second time without even knowing it….” When Abby looked at her confused she explained “Lexa doesn't want to get back with me if dad is going to threaten her again she told me she's not willing to sacrifice Sasha’s career”

 

“That doesn't sound like Lexa”

 

“I know it doesn't….” Clarke paused as a tear fell from her eyes as she thought about the conversation her and Lexa had moments ago

 

“Maybe she's still trying to protect you”

 

“How?”

 

"She knows what you've been through in the last day, maybe she doesn't want you to lose your father as well” Abby explained moving closer to Clarke she wiped her daughter’s tears away “Maybe she's trying to give you time to process everything without rushing you”

 

"That does sound more like Lexa” Clarke smiled sniffing back tears “Always trying to protect me”

 

“Use the time she's giving you Clarke, process everything that's happened and when you feel like the time is right then you know she’ll be there waiting for you”

 

“What if she meets someone else?”

 

“She’s waited nearly two years for you Clarke I don't think she's going to give up on you now”

 

"Your right…. Thanks mom” Clarke smiled wiping the fresh tears that had fallen from her eyes as she leaned in hugging her mother, the stayed in that embrace for a few minutes until there was a knock at the door pulling back looking towards the door she softly said “Come in” Clarke’s eyes looked directly at the door as it slowly creeped open, the door continued to open until it revealed Octavia;

 

“Sorry if I’m interrupting”

 

“No you’re not Octavia its fine come on in” Abby softly reassured her

 

“Sasha told me you were in here looking Clarke over…” Octavia paused hesitating with her words until she finally found them and began saying “Would you mind maybe looking me over as well…it’s just Sasha….and me we’re worried there could be more damage than I feel”

 

“Of course I can, why don’t you take a seat on the bed and I’ll take a look at you” Abby soothingly responded patting the space on the bed near where her and Clarke were sitting

 

“Ok” Octavia simply replied moving forward sitting down on the space Abby had patted she felt nervous and slightly scared as Abby stood up walking over until she was stood in front of her.

 

Abby spent the next ten minutes thoroughly examining Octavia looking over ever bruise and cut on her body as Octavia briefly explained what Mitch had done to her not mentioning anything to detailed she didn’t want Abby to think of her like that in any way, once Abby was done she told Octavia what to do to ensure the bruising and cuts healed and faded away without causing any kind of scarring to her, looking down at Octavia who had just placed her shirt back on she softly said;

 

“So just follow what I told you and they’ll heal fine, the injuries on your back I wouldn’t recommend trying to tend to them on your own get someone to help you apply the cream and make sure it’s massaged in properly that should relieve your pain”

 

“Ok, I’ll do everything you said…Thanks Abby” She gratefully replied standing up and gently hugging Abby, Sasha was right stopping herself from touching or hugging people wasn’t going to help her get over what Mitch did to her, it was better to face things head on, pulling out of the hug she looked to Clarke nervously asking “Can we talk alone please Clarke?”

 

“Umm yeah sure we can O” Clarke responded she’d sat back and watched as her mum examined Octavia, looking to her mum she softly asked “Do you mind?”

 

“Of course not I’ll leave you to it” Abby replied smiling before picking up the supplies she had used she walked to the bedroom door opening it and walking through it she closed it firmly before walking nervously back to the living room

 

“So what did you want to talk about O?” Clarke ventured looking nervously at her best friend

 

“What happened between you and Mitch?”

 

“You mean physically?”

 

“No, I know he got physical with you but how far did he go?”

 

“He hit then choked me and threw me against the wall, he hit me a few more times until I got a chance to do what Sasha taught me, then I ran and didn’t stop until I got her” Clarke explained she knew it was a very brief explanation of what had actually happened to her but she wanted to make sure Octavia was ok and going into detail about what Mitch had done to her “He probably would have gone further if I didn’t take my opportunity when I did” Pausing for a second she could see the look of confliction on her best friends face “What did he do to you O?”

 

“He did what he did to you but worse, I tried to get away but he wouldn’t let me he held me against the wall laughed at me. He punched me then everything started flashing in front of my eyes and then the next thing I knew I was on your bed and he was trying to….to um you know…. force me to sleep with him”

 

“What happened? Did he?”

 

“No, Bellamy interrupted him” Octavia continued to try and hold in the tears that were brimming inside her as she relieved it again in her mind looking at Clarke she took a deep breath in and said “But Sasha saved me again” She managed to release a small giggle as she saw Clarke smile brightly

 

“It must be a family thing”

 

“Why didn’t you warn me you were going to break up with him Clarke?” Octavia seriously asked

 

“I didn’t plan it O, if I had I would have told you and I should have called you after he attacked me but all I could think of was getting here”

 

“I don’t get why he flipped though Clarke”

 

“He’d been drinking and when I told him I was gay he took it a million times worse than I imagined, never in a million years did I think that he would go as far as he did”

 

“But why then? Why not wait until he was sober? Why was it so sudden?”

 

“Me and Lexa had this really great talk we cleared the air and she told me she still loved me but that we couldn’t be together if I was still with Mitch, I went home intending to think everything through but then he was there he wouldn’t leave when I asked and he kept pushing and pushing, all I could think about was Lexa and us being together again and I….”

 

“Hang on…” Octavia started cutting Clarke off before she could finish her sentence “He beat me up and nearly raped me because you want Lexa…. because you finally realised playing straight wasn’t going to make things any better for you…. I WAS NEARLY RAPED CLARKE BECAUSE OF YOU” Octavia shockingly and angrily responded standing up looking at Clarke

 

“O…It wasn’t like that I never thought he’d….”

 

“NO I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY…I DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU”


	27. Forgiveness

Chapter 27: Forgiveness

Clarke stood on the spot staring at Octavia she couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her mouth the hatred she seemed to have towards her all of a sudden, maybe some of things Octavia had said to her applied but there was no way she was taking the blame for what Mitch had done to Octavia, watching as Octavia went to walk out of the room she responded;

 

“HELL NO” She shouted, the volume of her voice caused Octavia to release her hold on the door handle and turn around to face Clarke, her face filled with shock and anger almost exactly the same as Clarke’s, looking Octavia firmly in the eyes she continued lowering her voice “I’m not to blame for any of this Octavia, Mitch was the one that crossed the line NOT me”

 

“You’re the one that made the decision to pretend to be straight because you have daddy issues, all those years you told me not to hid who I was that being Gay wasn’t something to be ashamed of and deny who you are”

 

“I wasn’t playing or pretending to be straight I thought he was a nice guy and yeah maybe my dad played a massive part in me deciding but it wasn’t because I was trying to be something I’m not all I know is that he was nice for a few seconds when I’d speak to him he made me forget about Lexa about how much it hurt not to be with her and to not know why she broke up with me” Clarke paused a tear running down her cheek as she looked at Octavia not able to bite her tongue she spat out the words she needed to “I understand why your angry at me I get it I should have been a better friend and warned you Mitch was on the war path but I was scared and in pain and I needed her, it wasn’t about you or my dad or even wanting more than just to be in the same room as her because she makes me feel safe, safer than I thought anyone that wasn’t my dad could make me feel” Seeing the look of distain on Octavia’s face at the mention of her dad she added “Lexa told me why she broke up with me, that it was all my dad he’s the reason for so much of the bad stuff that’s happened in the last few years, but I love him he’s my dad I can’t turn that off no matter what he’s done”

 

“Sasha nearly died because of him, that’s not acceptable”

 

“I never said it was acceptable O, I said he’s my dad and I can’t stop loving him because he made a serious of messed up mistakes”

 

“Mistakes? Threatening someone isn’t a mistake Clarke, getting someone shot isn’t a mistake its attempted murder”

 

Clarke paused as she looked at Octavia realising that her best friend must have known exactly what Lexa had told her for a while “Have you known all this time?”

 

“What no”

 

“But you knew?”

 

“Sasha and Lexa told me the night of Papa Woods’ party….and before you even think of having a go at me I didn’t tell you because I knew how upset you’d be at your dad because I’m your best friend and I know how much you love him” Octavia explained as she looked at the hurt on Clarke’s face all if a sudden the anger she felt evaporated, watching as Clarke sat on the bed she walked over and sat on the opposite end of the bed “Maybe I should have told you but I just got Sasha back and knowing he nearly killed her it made things seem so much more clearer than they had been”

 

“I don’t blame you for not telling me, you didn’t tell me because you were being a good best friend to me I can’t be angry at you for that”

 

“Why are we arguing then?” Octavia asked she was slightly confused herself as to why she had started shouting at Clarke

 

“You said you wanted nothing to do with me anymore and I shouted back” Clarke smiled as she noticed Octavia softly giggle at her comment “I’ve learned from years of friendship that sometimes shouting at you is the only way to snap you out of somethings”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that I just don’t know how to handle any of this…There are so many emotions running through me and I can’t handle them all at the same time”

 

“What emotions?”

 

“Hatred, anger, love, confusion”

 

“I'm guessing anger is the main one at the moment” Octavia nodded at Clarke's statement making her continue “Have you talked to Sasha?”

 

“No, she's dealing with so much at the moment it's not fair to add more”

 

“You know she won't mind in fact I'm pretty sure she'd be upset with you if you hid anything from her”

 

"I know it's just when I'm with her it feels so good she makes me forget and feel safe and normal I don't want to lose that”

 

“You said she saved you, what did you mean?”

 

“She called Bellamy right?” Clarke nodded at her question “If she hadn't called him Mitch would have raped me and I know there's no guarantee that says that but I know he would have we both know he would have, and on top of that when I was sitting in my room not sure what to do feeling scared and wanting for everything to disappear she was there, I heard her voice and it made me feel like everything would be OK…I know that sounds ridiculous but...”

 

“It doesn't sound ridiculous O, I know that feeling it's one of the most real things I've ever felt” When Octavia looked at her unconvinced she continued “I feel the same about Lexa, I didn't run here because I thought you were here I ran here because I knew Lexa would be here and I feel safe when I'm with her”

 

“It really must be a family thing then”

 

“Must be…” They both smiled at each other feeling a massive sense of relief come over them knowing they were ok “You really should tell her how you feel O; she won't judge you for any of it if anything she’ll help you….”

 

“She thinks you can help me more”

 

“That's because we went through the same thing but at the same time we went through something completely different, I can't tell you how to feel or act O because Mitch hurt you a million times more than he hurt me with you it was mental and physical but more than anything the mental side of things is what your gonna struggle with, bruises and cuts fade with time but memories don't they stay there in your mind and jump out on you when you least expect them too, and we both know there's only one person in this apartment that know what mental trauma does to you and how it can ruin your life…” Seeing the look of deep thought on Octavia’s face she added “Just talk to her tell her your scared tell her that you don't know how to handle it, she’ll be there for you we both know it and maybe she can even help you or if not then maybe she can help you get help....”

 

“She already does...” Clarke looked at her slightly confused “When she holds me it's like we’re in our own little world our own bubble where nothing can hurt us or even come near us but then when she lets go it feels like my whole world has been pulled from underneath me...”

 

“Tell her that O”

 

“Your right” Octavia replied suddenly feeling a rush of happiness inside her like she could see a solution to her problem, maybe it wasn't a bad thing to lean on Sasha after all she had told she was there for her no matter what and she knew how Octavia was feeling in a way, standing up she looked at Clarke sheepishly saying “I’m sorry about what I said, I don't blame you for any of this I know you love Lexa and breaking up with Mitch was the right thing to do especially if you and her have a chance of being together again”

 

“Don't worry about it O I know you didn't mean it”

 

“Thanks” She released smiling at Clarke before she looked at her asking “So what is going on with you and Lexa then?”

 

“Nothing” Clarke honestly responded

 

“Seriously?” When Clarke nodded her head she looked at her “Ok Best friend time” She replied climbing onto Lexa’s bed she crawled to the space next to Clarke at the top of the bed spreading herself out she rested her head against the headboard looking at Clarke who followed her lead and did the same thing shuffling herself inwards a little more “So tell me what's going on?”

 

“There's nothing going on, we agreed to maybe try again once I was single and then Mitch did what he did and Lexa felt bad that I still wanted her without knowing about my dad so she told all about it then said that she wanted to wait until I was ready and all healed up”

 

“Sounds like the woods protective gene kicked in” Octavia responded making Clarke nod her head in agreement, she liked this sitting with Clarke talking about things they normally would it made her feel like her again “But I still don't understand how you decided to try again out of nowhere I mean you were barely speaking”

 

“After you and Sash left to go see Costia, I cleaned up Lexa’s cuts and we had a heart to heart and we kind of kissed”

 

“WHAT? No way”

 

“Yes way...” Clarke responded unable to hide the smile on her face as she thought about the kiss her and Lexa had shared only a day or so ago

 

“So what happened afterwards?”

 

“She pulled back so I ran off and she chased after me half naked down the stairs and told me she only pulled away because of her lip so we went back inside and talked it felt really good not worrying about saying the wrong thing to someone, it felt right and then she said it was either her or Mitch so I decided I wanted her…”

 

“Like you ever stopped”

 

“We both know it's not that easy to move on from someone you love that deeply so Yeah your right I never stopped wanting her…”

 

“I didn't mean it in a nasty way Clarke, I know you can't turn off that kind of attraction and love that we both get from Sasha and Lexa...it's not a bad thing in anyway” Octavia replied smiling at Clarke as she softly nudged her

 

“Well it doesn't matter now”

 

“Why doesn't it?”

 

“Lexa doesn't want to be with me now she thinks we should wait until I'm ready”

 

“That doesn't sound like Lexa”

 

“That's what my mom said”

 

“Maybe she's trying to protect you from something she isn't sure you’re ready for, that's more like the Lexa I know”

 

“I think she's scared I'll rush into something with her and regret it, I think that's why she told me about everything my dad did to her”

 

"Then that means you have two options Clarke, Option one: you wait until it feels right for you and Lexa or Option Two: You follow your heart”

 

“I can't force Lexa into a relationship O”

 

“I'm not saying force her in any way I'm saying if you’re ready now then make her see that you’re ready” Octavia looked at Clarke seeing the conflict on her face she continued “If I know anything about Lexa it's that she protects the people she loves even at the cost of her own happiness sometimes, so if you really want this your gonna have to make her see your ready to be with her again”

 

“How am I meant to do that?”

 

“That’s up to you Clarke, but you and Lexa are meant to be together….” Octavia paused as she smiled thinking to herself before saying “just like me and Sasha” Octavia smiled gently tapping Clarke on the leg with her foot, smirking at Clarke who smiled softly at her letting out a small giggle

 

Clarke’s face began serious as she looked at Octavia and said “Is that why you haven’t told her about you and Raven?”

 

Octavia looked at Clarke her face dropping the smile that had been on her face she hadn’t told Clarke anything that had happened between her and Raven. “Who told you about that?”

 

“Nobody told me O” Clarke explained seeing the confused look on Octavia’s face she continued “I was at that party as well, I felt a little tipsy at one point so I went to use the bathroom…I saw you and Raven kissing I thought you’d come to your senses so I walked outside to get some fresh air and the next thing I knew were back dancing…I only realised that you went all the way with Raven because I overheard you and her arguing when she picked up Sasha’s things from ours”

 

“You can’t tell her Clarke, I can’t lose her and if she finds out she’ll never forgive me”

 

“I’m not telling her anything O…. It’s not my secret to tell”

 

“I want to tell her but I don’t want to lose her not again I don’t think I could handle that on top of everything else” Octavia honestly explained turning herself slightly to look at Clarke “I know it makes me a terrible person not telling her but Raven’s her best friend if she found out it’d break her heart and I’d never stand a chance at winning her back and I need her right now it’s selfish I know but I’m protecting myself as well as her”

 

“O…you don’t need to explain yourself like I said it’s not my secret to tell…but when it comes out and believe me it will come out sooner or later you can’t mention that I knew especially to Lexa because she’d be royally pissed off at me”

 

"If I have it my way nobody is going to find out EVER”

 

“As long as you’re sure you can live with that O”

 

“I hate and I mean hate lying to Sasha but this secret is one that needs to stay a secret if she found out its ruin her and us and I waited too long to get her back to let my own stupid mistake ruin us”

 

“Then I won't say a word”

 

“Thank you”

 

“Your welcome”

 

Both women sat in silence not really sure what to say they had got everything they both wanted to off their chests and now there was silence, as they sat there Clarke smiled at the memory that flashed in her head of her and Octavia sitting on Lexa’s bed talking to Sasha and Lexa via a video call with Costia and Atom sitting on their laps as the laptop rested on the space of the bed between them

 

“What's got you smiling?” Octavia asked intrigued by Clarke's sudden smiley expression

 

"I was just thinking of the video chats that we used to have in this room”

 

The response caused a smile to form on Octavia’s face as well “There were a few of those…. you know I’m glad they didn't give this place up; it holds a lot of memories”

 

“I agree; I don't know how they got the owner to hold it for them for a year rent free”

 

“Nobody can refuse a solider” Octavia smiled out before continuing “I think he just wanted shot of it to be honest that's probably why he sold it to them for such a low price”

 

“Probably” Clarke agreed before laughing softly to herself as she looked around the room “Do you remember the first video chat we did with Costia Tristan and Atom?”

 

Octavia laughed out loud perhaps a little louder than she intended to as the memory flashed in front of her eyes……

 

 

_ Flashback-February 17th 2013 _

_Octavia and Clarke were sat at the laptop Costia was sat on Octavia laps her head resting now against her chest as Tristan was sat in between Clarke and Octavia while Atom was sat on Clarke's lap leaning forward eager to see his big sister, both women had received a message from Sasha and Lexa telling them they were going to video call them both at 1pm American time this was the first time for both of them that they had done more than just text their girlfriends since they had deployed, they had both talked their respective girlfriends mothers and came to an agreement about seeing Atom Costia and Tristan once every few months for a couple days and this week was the first weekend they had all three of them and they had chosen Lexa and Sasha’s apartment to look after them for numerous reasons the main one was all three younger woods’ were used to the apartment, within minutes of getting comfy on the bed the laptop began to give out a ringing sound as a picture of a phone with signal bars coming from the top and bottom flashed on the screen, a second later two buttons appeared **Accept** and **Decline** reaching forward Octavia moved the curser to the **Accept** button clicking on it the screen flashed black for a second before Sasha and Lexa appeared on the screen their hair slicked back tight into a ponytail their skin visibly darker than usual but they smiles on their faces as bright as always, they didn't appear to have an injuries or to have lost any weight in fact if anything they looked healthier;_

_“Hey” Sasha and Lexa said in unison looking at the screen smiling brighter at the image in front of them_

_The sound of their voices caused their younger siblings to sit up the excitement in them clear as Costia was the first to speak “ALI” She shouted leaning forward trying to hug her sister through the screen, Octavia quickly and gently grabbed Costia stopping her from moving forward_

_“You can't hug through the screen Cos” She explained looking down at the little girl’s sad face_

_“But I want to hug Ali”_

_“I know but you can't not for a little while”_

_“Hey Cos…” Sasha voice came from the screen, causing Costia’s attention to instantly turn from Octavia to the screen “I know you miss our cuddles, I miss them too but right now we can't cuddle but if you feel sad or like you wanna cuddle me then you can cuddle someone else and it’ll make you feel better”_

_“Wie kan ek koester?” (Who do I cuddle?) Costia asked her attention completely on the screen that_

_“You can cuddle anyone”_

_“Kan ek koester Tavi?” (Can I cuddle Tavi?)_

_“You have to ask Tavi…”_

_Costia nervously looked at Sasha biting her bottom lip softly she turned back to look up at Octavia before turning and looking at Sasha again softly asking “kan jy vra Ali?” (Can you ask Ali?)_

_“Babe, Cos wants to know if she can cuddle you?” Sasha asked smiling as she looked from Costia to Octavia_

_“Of course she can” Octavia happily responded as she finished her sentence Costia looked up her smiling brightly she turned herself on Octavia’s lap wrapping her arms around Octavia’s shoulders squeezing her tightly after a few seconds she released the hug turning around on Octavia’s lap to face the screen again looking expectantly at her big sister_

_“Did you feel that Ali?”_

_“Yeah I did Cos; do you feel better?”_

_“Ja” (Yes)_

_“So how long do we have to talk to you both?” Octavia softly asked looking at both women on the screen as she wrapped her arms around Costia holding the little girl close to her_

_“About 30 maybe 40 minutes give or take a few minutes” Lexa replied her attention fully on Atom and Clarke_

_“So should we split it or what?” Clarke asked looking at all people in the room one by one_

_“We can do I suppose, ten minutes each then rest of the time as a group” Sasha responded looking to Lexa and shrugging softly “Flip a coin?” She asked before Lexa nodded and giggled softly at her before disappearing of screen for a few seconds reappearing she held to coin in the air flipping it in the air “Heads” Sasha called out before Lexa had a chance to call out her choice, the coin landed on the floor both Woods’ women looking down at it “Damn it” Sasha let out making everyone laugh softly “Babe I’ll talk to you in ten” She smiled sticking her tongue out at Costia and Tristan as she stood up from her seat disappearing off screen_

_“We’ll leave you too it” Octavia softly said smirking at Clarke softly before she removed herself from the bed careful not to drop Costia, once she was stood up properly she held her hand out to Tristan who happily took it jumping off the bed and onto the ground, “Come on Atom, you can talk to Lexa later, let’s let Clarke and Lexa have a little alone time”_

_“Ok” Atom sweetly said smiling at Clarke and then Lexa before jumping off the bed and happily skipping through Lexa’s bedroom door and into the living room, Octavia followed him with the twins closing the door behind her allowing Clarke and Lexa a tiny bit more privacy_

_“So we’re alone” Lexa cautiously said smiling brightly at Clarke_

_“Yes we are”_

_“How are you doing?” Lexa asked genuinely wanting to know the answer_

_“I’m not the one in the desert fighting for their life”_

_“I’m hardly fighting for my life Clarke”_

_“You are to me so just shut up” Clarke responded laughing softly_

_“Yes Ma’am”_

_“I love that your good at taking orders”_

_“Well I have to be seeing as someone ordered me to come back to them so we can make our own perfect life together a reality” Lexa said using the words from Clarke’s letter that she had memorised over the last month seeing the deep red that was filling up Clarke’s face she continued “And only a fool would disobey the order of a beautiful women”_

_“You’ve got a point” Clarke responded the embarrassment in her disappearing as Lexa’s voice hit her ears “You look good”_

_“We have a lot of time in between patrols so me and Sasha tend to go for a run or work out in some form” Lexa explained looking into Clarke’s eyes getting slightly lost in them she found herself unable to stop her words “God I really miss you”_

_“I miss you too”_

_“How’s college going?”_

_“Good, classes are stressing me out so not having you around to distract me is a plus I suppose”_

_“You Clarke Griffin are a charmer” Lexa laughed softly as Clarke shrugged her shoulders at her “You’re not letting yourself get too snowed under though are you?” She asked she knew what Clarke was like_

_“No more than usual”_

_“Clarke...”_

_“I know Lex ok but what can I do its Med school I’m snowed under with work all the time if I wasn’t then it wouldn’t be Med school”_

_“Just don’t work yourself to hard Clarke, I don’t want to come back to a girlfriend who is completely insane because she doesn’t know how to take a break from studying...”_

_“I am taking breaks...what do you think today is?” Clarke smugly responded looking at Lexa smirking widely at her_

_“Alright smarty pants…just promise me you’ll look after yourself”_

_“I promise babe”_

_“Good because there is no way I’m marrying a crazy woman”_

_“Marrying?”_

_“Yeah, all the stuff you said in your letter, I feel the same way Clarke you are my world without you I feel like I’m missing a part of me or something, I want exactly what you want Marriage our own place and one day our own family. When you smile at me I get this explosion of happiness inside me I don’t think I’ve ever felt that with anyone in my entire life”_

_“And you call me a charmer Miss Woods”_

_“What can I say I learned from the best” Lexa responded winking at Clarke as she smiled at her_

_“Thank you”_

_“I was talking about Sasha”_

_“Very funny Alexandra”_

_“Ouch the full name treatment”_

_“That’s what you get” Clarke responded before both she and Lexa jumped softly at the sound of an explosion that erupted through the laptop to Clarke’s ears, even though Lexa tried to hide it she saw the look of fear that flashed across Lexa’s face it was only there for a spilt second but she still saw it looking into Lexa’s eyes the best she could through the laptop screen “Are you ok?”_

_“Yeah I’m fine”_

_“Lex, this is me you can tell me anything you know that”_

_“I know I’m just….”_

_“Scared?”_

_“No not scared…. I don’t know what it is…unnerved I guess”_

_“what about?”_

_“I don’t know something feels off Clarke, I can’t explain it but it’s like this feeling in the pit of my stomach like something bad is coming I can't shake it”_

_“And you’ve never felt that before?”_

_“Only once when I was younger yeah”_

_"And we're you right when you felt it before?”_

_“Yeah”_

_“Lexa I want you to promise me something”_

_“What is it?”_

_“Promise me you won't get hurt…Promise me that if you feel that feeling rising in your stomach you’ll make sure your extra careful for me”_

_“Clarke I can't promise that”_

_“If you promise me something you could never break it right?”_

_“Of course not that’s why I wouldn’t promise you something like that Clarke” Lexa explained looking down at the keyboard of the laptop_

_“Lexa look at me” Lexa complied with Clarke’s request and looked back to the screen looking at Clarke “Promise me that if that feeling gets worse if it gets stronger that you’ll be extra careful and you’ll talk to Sasha and tell her how your feeling because I need you Lexa and I need you to come back to me” Clarke finished her voice cracking slightly as she thought about losing Lexa_

_“I promise Clarke” Lexa reluctantly spoke the words looking into Clarke’s eyes through the screen hearing the emotion in Clarke’s voice she knew that she needed to make the promise even if deep down she knew she might not be able to keep it because she knew that Clarke needed something to hold onto for the remaining eleven months of her tour. As she continued to look at Clarke she hoped that she wouldn’t be put in a position that would call for her to break her promise but even more she hoped that the feeling she had in the pit of her stomach was nothing more than just a feeling…_

Sasha and Lexa’s Living Room

Sasha was sat on the couch while Lexa and Costia were the kitchen making more Hot chocolate for the four of them after Costia had excitedly asked Lexa to teach her how to make Hot Chocolate like she did and after ten minutes Lexa had given in to the little girl she called Sunshine. After Sasha and Lexa had spoken to Abby for a few minutes about Clarke and Octavia and anything they could do to help either of them with their injuries Raven had opted to sit next to her best friend on the couch they’d been sat there for a few minutes Raven gently nudged Sasha in the side causing her best friend to turn her head to look at her expectantly;

 

“So um are you ok?”

 

“I’m fine Rae”

 

“Really because I thought you were going to destroy Kane”

 

“You mean you thought I was gonna have a flashback”

 

“Perhaps…” Seeing the look of annoyance on Sasha’s face she added “I didn’t mean it like that Sash, I just I don’t know what it’s like for you…you never really talk to me about it with me”

 

“It doesn’t work the way you think it does Rae”  


“Then tell me what it’s like…” When Sasha looked at her unsure she added “We’re best friends but I don’t know anything about the hardest thing you’ve ever been through…I wanna be able to help you Sash…I’m not gonna judge you I just want to know more about it”

 

“It’s not completely to do with anger, it’s more to do with my brain matching something someone says or something that happens around me to a traumatic event” When Raven looked at her slightly confused by her explanation she leant forward leaning her elbows on her knees she closed her eyes thinking of the right words “When I got shot I had this feeling inside me that I was going to die, I kept seeing this flash of white in front of my eyes it covered my sight completely but I could hear everything around me every noise every word spoken by everyone there hell every smell. There was nothing I could do to stop it all I wanted to do was to wake up and tell everyone I was fine but I couldn’t because I was the furthest from fine I would be, I thought that for sure I was going to die Rae…. the flashbacks started after an explosion during a patrol on my first tour back it made me feel that same fear that I was going to die, everytime its triggered by something that relates or matches up to when I was shot to that feeling of fear I got and it triggers a flashback….”

 

“So stress has nothing to do with it?” Raven asked looking at her best friend genuinely wanting to know the answer

 

“It doesn’t help but it isn’t the main cause…. I get these warning signs I suppose you could call them it’s like my mind becomes cloudy my thoughts become jumbled up and I can’t think properly if I’m more stressed it can make it harder to stop myself from having a flashback”

 

“So you can stop them?”

 

“Sometimes it depends on what the flashback is about sometimes I can’t stop them but most times I manage to lock myself away or warn Lexa and she gets me out of the way to make sure I don’t hurt myself or anyone else, sometimes she can even pull me out of them”

 

“You can be pulled out of them?”

 

“Yeah sometimes, it depends on what the flashback is and how deep I’m into them”

 

“How does she do it?”

 

“I don’t know mainly she just makes me look into her eyes and talks to me, she talks about our childhood mostly stupid things but they make me feel happy inside and it seems to bring me back” She honestly replied looking back at Raven smiling at her best friend “Why do you wanna know all this?”

 

“Because you are my best friend…my bestie….my first love…my sugar foot” Raven said the last nickname making both her and Sasha laugh at the old nickname Raven used for her “I just want to be able to look after you if it ever happens and we’re alone…your my best friend but more than that we’re family and I wanna understand what you’re going through because I love you”

 

“I love you too Rae” Sasha honestly replied looking at Raven she felt a sudden urge of guilt rush over her as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket reminding her who she had been talking to an hour or so before “Rae I need to talk to you about something…”

 

“You mean something other than what we’re already talking about…” Raven responded laughing softly as she looked at the sudden change in Sasha’s body language

 

“It’s about Anya…”


	28. Fast-Forward & Rewind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Raven react to Sasha's revelation regarding Anya

Chapter 28: Fast-Forward & Rewind

Sasha sat on the couch still looking at Raven waiting for a response to the mention of Anya’s name she wasn't sure if it would be a good one or a bad one but judging on the drunken mess that Raven had got herself into the last time she had seen Anya the bad reaction was looking more likely than a good one. Sasha continued to look at Raven not wanting to push a response, after a minute or two she was about to speak when Raven finally spoke;

 

“What about her?” Raven nervously asked, had Anya told Sasha about her and Octavia sleeping together it couldn't be possible not in her mind because she knew Sasha she wouldn't take something like that so calmly she was more likely to punch first and ask for specific details later

 

“She called me earlier….”

 

“What did she want?”

 

“She said something about wanting to meet up with me to discuss something important...”

 

“She couldn't just tell you over the phone?”

 

“Apparently not no…. Look I'm not telling you because I wanna upset you or anything I’m telling you because we’re best friends and that's what we do right? We’re honest with each other no matter what…right?”

 

“Right”

 

“So I just wanted to put it out there and see what you think”

 

“You’re actually thinking about meeting her?”

 

“I haven't really thought about it to be honest I've had other things to worry about but I wanted to check whether it’d be ok with you if I did go and meet her?”

 

“Umm” Raven contemplated her response if she said yes that would mean that Sasha would almost definitely find out about her and Octavia sleeping together which would more than likely ruin their friendship and Sasha and Octavia’s relationship but at the same time she knew it'd feel good to not have the guilt weighing her down inside

 

“Look don't answer now…. think about it for a while and let me know and whatever you decide I’ll respect ok?”

 

“Ok” Raven answered nervously, what was she meant to do now she couldn’t talk to Octavia not with everything she was going through and she could hardly ask Lexa for advice because Lexa didn’t know, she was on her own and it was time decide what to do tell the truth and lose her best friend of over ten years or lie and keep her best friend.

 

“Are you ok Rae?” Sasha softly asked causing Raven to snap out of the haze of thoughts that she was caught in

 

“Yeah…. yeah I’m fine” Seeing the unconvinced look on Sasha’s face she continued “I’m fine honestly I’m just thinking that’s all, I’m not angry or anything at you. I mean she called you not the other way around”

 

“Are you sure we’re cool?”

 

“Yeah we’re fine Sash” Raven responded releasing a soft giggle before nudging Sasha in the side, the action caused Sasha to smile at Raven releasing a small sigh of relief as both of their attention was brought to the Kitchen as Costia and Lexa re-entered the living room Lexa was holding two cups of Hot chocolate in her hands, while Costia was in front of her carefully carrying one cup with both of her hands, Sasha smiled brightly as did Raven as they both watched the little girl until she reached the table in front of the both of them turning she held the cup up for Sasha looking at her before she sweetly said;

 

“For you Ali”

 

“Thanks Cos” Sasha smiled at the little girl brightly as she took the cup from her as Lexa handed one of the cups she had in her hands to Raven, who softly thanked her, before taking a seat on the free couch gently blowing the drink in her hand before taking a sip, noticing that there was one cup missing Sasha looked at Lexa asking “Where’s Costia’s?”

 

“We had just enough for four cups but Costia wanted to save some Hot chocolate for Octavia so she ordered me to only make three cups” Lexa explained looking at the little girl and smiling as she remembered the conversation her and Costia had in the kitchen moments ago

 

“You’re a thoughtful little munchkin aren’t you?” Raven smiled looking at the little girl she thought of like a little sister, she smiled even more when Costia simply shrugged at her words before looking at Raven and innocently saying;

 

“Tavi likes Hot Chocolate it might make her feel better”

 

“Rae Rae’s right Cos that’s very thoughtful of you…” Sasha added holding the cup with one hand she reached forward gently pinching Costia’s cheek making the little girl giggle “You wanna share my Hot Chocolate with me?” She asked her little sister seeing a massive smile spread across Costia’s face

 

“Can I?” Costia asked looking at Sasha the excitement in her face clear for all in the room to see when Sasha nodded at her the smile on her face got even wider as she jumped up in the air clapping her hands excitedly before she moved forward stopping in between Sasha and Raven leaning against the sofa she leant her head softly on Sasha’s left arm her small right hand reaching around to hold onto Sasha’s forearm

 

 

Lexa’s Bedroom

Clarke and Octavia had been reminiscing about the first video chat they had with Sasha and Lexa on their yearlong deployment to Afghanistan, they had both giggled out loud when they remembered Costia thinking she could hug Sasha through the screen and how adorable she looked when she was trying to understand why she couldn’t hug through the screen only for Sasha to be the brilliant sister she was and tell the little girl that she could hug someone else and she would feel it in Afghanistan. Clarke told Octavia about Lexa and the promise she made to her along with the mention of marriage, that had got them onto the talk of marriage;

 

“So do you think that you and Lexa would be married by now if you hadn’t broken up?” Octavia asked intrigued to find out the answer

 

“Maybe…. when I pictured it in my mind Lexa was always the one that proposed she was always the most romantic one of us both so that part was always the same, I’m not sure to be honest we never really spoke about marriage in depth I think we both knew we wanted it but there were other steps we talked about…”

 

“Like moving in together?”

 

“Yeah I mean you and Sash practically lived here and me and Lexa practically live in our apartment so it was the next natural step I suppose….” Clarke honestly answered she’d never really thought about where her and Lexa would be now if they hadn’t broken up “What about you and Sasha?”

 

“We would definitely have been living together obviously because that was the plan before Sasha got hurt and when she broke up with me we were pretty much living together anyway so that’s a given really…and I know she was planning on proposing I assume she would have got around to it within the year so we’d probably be engaged as well…”

“Hang on O, Sasha was gonna propose to you?”

 

“I thought you knew”

 

“I had no idea”

 

“That tattoo of my name she has on her waist….” Octavia paused as she looked at Clarke only continuing when Clarke nodded softly at her signalling that she knew the tattoo she was talking about “She started it before we broke up, she was in the chair and Lexa called her upset and she had to leave to meet her so she only had the O completed, she told me that she planned to get my whole name done and it was gonna be part of her proposal”

 

“Wow…that’s pretty Romantic”

 

“That’s Sasha, she’s always thinking of other people and trying to think of ways to make sure everyone else is ok, she hasn’t told me much more because if she had it’d ruin it if she ever wanted to propose again”

 

“She actually said that?”

 

“Yeah...that’s why I can’t tell her about Raven because I can’t risk losing her not ever...”

 

“What makes you think that she would just dump you?”

 

“I know how close she is to Raven and I know how much she loves her; Raven is family to her me sleeping with Raven is almost as bad as if I slept with Lexa”

 

“Except if you slept with Lexa I’d whip your ass”

 

“Except that of course” Octavia softly laughed trying to stop the images in her head, she had pictured herself telling Sasha about her and Raven on numerous times and every single time she pictured Sasha going completely crazy and beating the hell out of Raven then breaking up with her and each time she pushed the idea out of her head trying more and more not to think about it as she felt the guilt inside everytime she looked at Sasha or saw Sasha and Raven together….

 

 

_ Flashback 17th February 2013 _

_Clarke had just finished talking to Lexa and had walked into the living room telling Octavia that Sasha was waiting for her on the laptop, after a minute of convincing Costia to release her old on her so she could go talk to Sasha eventually the little girl relented once Octavia told her the sooner she let go the sooner she got to talk to Sasha, walking into Lexa’s bedroom Octavia suddenly felt a rush of nerves come over her and all she could think about was whether she looked good whether she looked as good as Sasha remembered her to look sitting down in front of the laptop she placed it on her lap all her nerves evaporating as soon as she saw Sasha smiling at her through the screen;_

_“Hey beautiful” Sasha beamed as she looked lovingly at Octavia_

_“Hey” Octavia replied, she could feel the tears filling up inside her eyes as she looked at Sasha, she wasn’t sure how but now they were alone and she could really look and see Sasha it made her realise just how much she missed her_

_“Babe, are you ok?”_

_“I’m fine” Octavia tried unsuccessfully to sniff back as a few tears fell from her eyes rolling down her cheek as she looked at her girlfriend seeing that signature smile looking back at her with so much love in her eyes_

_“Your crying O you can’t be fine if your crying”_

_“I’m fine I promise I……I just really miss you” Octavia honestly answered wiping the tears from her cheeks as she saw the smile spread across Sasha’s face even more_

_“And seeing me makes you cry...” Sasha asked slightly amused and touched at Octavia’s reaction to seeing her, knowing Octavia was probably feeling a little upset inside she added “I mean I know I’m not drop dead gorgeous like you but I didn’t think I was so ugly it brought women to tears” She added laughing softly when she saw Octavia giggle at her as she wiped the remainder of the tears from her cheeks_

_“Shut up” Octavia laughed out softly_

_“Ouch Candy pants that hurt” Sasha jokingly said holding her hands over her heart, seeing Octavia’s tears completely stop and the smile reappear on her face “Better?”_

_“Much better……. baby cakes”_

_“I aim to please…in more ways than one”_

_“I’m sorry tears aren’t what you need from me I should be strong for you not weak…”_

_“You’re not weak babe, it takes a strong woman to love someone who they know could die any moment, I mean I know you don’t ultimately choose who you fall in love with but from the beginning you’ve known I was a solider and you accept it you didn’t question me on it or turn your back on me because there was a chance that you’d get hurt if something happened to me”_

_“But look at me crying my eyes out in front of you I must look a mess”_

_“You don’t look like a mess O; you look beautiful as always”_

_“Charmer…” She smiled out looking at Sasha she softly asked “How’s it going over there?”_

_“Same as always…wake up at 6am get showered get dressed go on patrol at 6:30am return at 10am wait for the second patrol to come back whilst I daydream about what I could be doing at home mainly you of course” Sasha paused looking at Octavia seeing the small tint of red that appeared on her cheeks smirking and winking at Octavia she continued “1pm commence second patrol complete said patrol at 4pm come back and that keeps going on until about midnight and then I go to bed and dream about you…in fact you’re on my mind a lot actually”_

_“Good I don’t want you forgetting about me…especially all the fun we have together”_

_“I could never forget the fun we have….” Sasha started before a massive smirk appeared on her face as images of her and Octavia making love appeared in her mind making her blank out from the conversation slightly_

_“Sasha….” Octavia started getting no response “Sasha…focus baby” She said a little louder causing Sasha to shake her head trying to rid herself of the distracting thoughts in her mind_

_“Sorry…I got a little preoccupied there”_

_“I noticed”_

_“What can I say I love you so much you’re in my brain all the time and sometimes those thoughts just take over”_

_“And loving me was what you were thinking of was it”_

_“Well…I was thinking of making love to you so technically yeah I was thinking of loving you”_

_“You are so lucky I love you”_

_“I know right” Sasha added laughing softly as she winked at Octavia “So how’s the auditioning going?”_

_“Slow…most people only want experienced dancers but nobody is willing to give me a shoot so I can get that experience, I’ve been to over thirty auditions in the last few months and they all say the same thing, you need more experience this you need more experience that its more frustrating than anything”_

_“That sucks babe”_

_“Yeah but I suppose it’s given me time to spend with Costia…your mama’s been really good apparently Costia told her that she loves me to the moon and back and Tristan has been playing up a little so she asked if I’d mind watching Costia once every few days just to give Tristan some alone time with her and Titus”_

_“As long as you remember who your number one Woods is” Sasha added cocking her right eyebrow at Octavia_

_“Of course…. Lexa will always be my favourite….”_

_“That is so not funny….” Sasha answered keeping her face stern looking even though she knew Octavia was joking_

_“I’m joking baby…you’ll always be my favourite Woods”_

_“I better be...”_

_“I think, you are my favourite person in the whole world, so your definitely my favourite Woods”_

_“Favourite in the whole world huh?” Sasha teased raising her eyebrows at Octavia before Octavia could do more than blush, someone shouted something at Sasha making her attention shoot from the screen to behind it laughing softly she shouted at the person “Don’t be jealous Linc, it’s not my fault your women aren’t as sexy as mine...” As Sasha softly laughs a man Octavia knows to be Lincoln appears on the screen looking at Octavia then to Sasha a couple times he places his hands on Sasha’s shoulders squeezing them gently before he jokingly says;_

_“She’s still way out of your league Sash….” He softly laughed as Sasha tried to grab hold of him as he dodged her and disappears off screen and into the part of the room that the camera doesn’t show_

_“Jealously doesn’t suit you Linc...” Sasha jokingly responded her eyes returning to the screen in front of her as she looked at Octavia softly saying “He’s just jealous that he’s never had a woman as beautiful as you”_

_“Are you deliberately throwing compliments at me so I’ll blush?”_

_“Perhaps…” When Octavia sent her a stern look she added “But you look so adorable and sexy when you blush baby”_

_“I think you’re the only person that thinks so”_

_“We both know that’s a lie…your too humble O you’re an amazing person outside and in” Sasha adds knowing it’ll make the red blush on Octavia’s cheeks deepen even more_

_“Stop it” Octavia responded covering her cheeks so Sasha couldn’t see the deepening red colour that they were turning_

_“Oh come on baby, stop covering your face from me”_

_“No, you always do this and you know I hate it”_

_“Admit it you don’t hate it you love it, because it’s me teasing you and you love me” Sasha smiled even brighter as she watched Octavia removed her hands from her cheeks looking at her as she tried to suppress the smile inside her “See you look so sexy its making me think bad thoughts”_

_“You always think bad thoughts”_

_“True, but only when it comes to you…you make my mind race in a way no other woman has or ever will”_

_“You say the nicest things to me”_

_“I know right” Sasha said winking at Octavia before her face turned a little more serious as she contemplated the words “So I um…I read your letter”_

_Octavia felt a sudden burst of nerves explode inside her stomach again before she looked down at her hands resting on the laptop softly, looking back up and at Sasha she softly asked “What did you think?”_

_“I think I am extremely lucky to have such an amazing woman in my life….” Sasha honestly replied her hand brushing the pocket that held the picture Octavia had placed in the letter for her “I never knew you thought all those things about me”_

_“What things? I said a lot of things in that letter”_

_“That you want to get married move to Boston buy a house and have kids…. And that I was your life”_

_“You are…” Octavia ventured seeing the look of uncertainty on Sasha’s face she explained “You make me feel like me…I don’t have to pretend to be fine if I’m not if I want to cry you let me ruin your favourite shirt with my mascara…. if I’m having a down day you can tell from a text and you’ll spend the whole day making me feel better… I don’t have to worry that you’ll judge me on anything I say because you respect it no matter if you like or agree with it”_

_“You do all those things for me as well”_

_“We both know I don’t…I’m judgemental messy slightly insecure lazy at the best of times I get angry and jealous really easily…...but you don’t care about any of those things…you just accept them and love me anyway”_

_“Well no matter how much you disagree there’s a lot to love about you”_

_“Is there now?” Octavia replied willingly changing the subject, she could see the embarrassment that Sasha was hiding from her and she knew that Sasha didn't like talking about her feelings in front of any of her squadron except Lexa she always thought it'd make them see her as weak_

_“There is”_

_“Like what exactly?” She asked as she say Sasha looking around the room before she replied “Come on baby tell me…. please”_

_“Well there’s the feeling I get inside me when you walk into a room it’s like an explosion of happiness, there’s how much you love my family and how you take care of them without a second thought, there’s the way you make me feel like the greatest person alive….and then there’s the way you make me feel like I have something to survive for…”_

_Before Octavia could formulate a sentence in response she heard the door open looking to see an excited Costia come bounding into the room and onto the bed ready to talk to her big sister……_

Lexa’s Bedroom

Clarke and Octavia sat on Lexa’s bed still reminiscing about their relationships with Lexa and Sasha, they had talked more about Sasha’s proposal the main thing they had talked about regarding said proposal was Octavia’s reaction, she had told Clarke that she’d say yes no matter what she wanted to be with Sasha until she took her last breath but at this moment in time the one thing that was weighing her down inside was lying about Raven, yeah she’d been honest about cheating with someone but she knew that if Sasha it was actually Raven and not Beth a person she had made up she would have a completely different reaction, one that might mean they’d break up and never get back together;

 

“Enough about me and Sasha anyway” Octavia started looking at Clarke “How are you going to get Lexa back? Or at least get her to accept that you’re ready?”

 

“I don’t know O, this whole situation with my dad is so messed up, if I was her I wouldn’t want anything to do with me or my dad”

 

“But you’re not her…she loves you, you don’t find that kind of love often Clarke the kind that makes your heart skip a beat everytime you see them…the kind that makes you miss them so much that it actually hurts…”

 

“The kind where you’d give anything just to see them for a second...”

 

“Exactly…I know Lexa almost as well as I know you and I know that she’s backing off to give you time to process everything that’s happened over the last few days…. take the time Clarke...” When Clarke looked at her confused she explained her point even more “I know you probably wanna walk up to her grab her and pull her into a massively passionate and longing kiss…” When Clarke softly nodded her head at her she continued “But that isn’t going to solve anything that Lexa’s worried about…. maybe she wants you to take time because she needs it as well…your dad did a lot of messed up things to her maybe she needs to process as well….”

 

“I’ve never really thought about it like that…”

 

“Me neither but thinking about Sasha and thinking back to those times they were both on tour I know what you felt…I mean we both waited nearly a year for them and we never really thought about what it must have been like for them both not knowing if you’re going to live or die…. Look all I’m saying is maybe a few more months isn’t that bad when your gonna have the rest of your lives together...”

 

“Your right O…Thanks…”

 

Before either women could get out another word there was a small knock at the door “Come in” Both women shouted at the same time making them both laugh softly as they turned their attention to the door as it opened revealing Sasha with a crying Costia in her arms the little girl was sobbing softly with her head buried in Sasha’s shoulder once she had stepped inside the room enough to see Octavia and Clarke sitting relaxed on the bed she softly said to Costia;

 

“See I told you Tavi was fine” The words made her little sister look up from her shoulder tears rushing down her cheeks as she looked around for Octavia, looking from Her to Clarke and Octavia she softly explained “Sorry I interrupted but she wanted to make Octavia a drink and when I told her you were busy she started to cry…somehow she convinced herself you were being hurt….”

 

“Oh Cos….” Octavia softly spoke leaning forward until her gaze meet Costia “I’m fine Cos….me and Clarke were just talking that’s all…” Costia continued to look at Octavia as she gently rubbed her eyes taking a few quick breaths in before she reached her arms out for Octavia, who quickly raised onto her knees so she could lift the little girl from Sasha’s arms once her hands were under Costia’s arms she lifted the little girl onto her chest noting how light she was for a six year old, she felt a warmth of love rise inside her as the little girl wrapped her arms around her neck and her legs around her waist her small body clinging onto Octavia’s with what felt like every ounce of energy she had gently rubbing Costia’s back she lowered herself backwards until she was sitting back where she had been before “It’s all ok Cos…” Sitting Costia gently on her lap forcing the little girl to remove her hold around her neck she looked at her asking “Why are you upset Cos?”

 

“I thought the bad man hurt you again”

 

“Why did you think that?”

 

“Because Ali said I couldn’t make you a Hot Chocolate because you were busy”

 

“Cos…. when she said I was busy she didn’t mean I was being hurt…because Ali would never let me get hurt would she?”

 

“No”

 

“Of course she wouldn’t…all she meant was that I wasn’t free to talk because I was talking to someone else”

“So the bad man won’t hurt you again?”

 

“No he won’t….so no more getting upset ok?” Costia nodded her head softly before she leaned forward resting her head on Octavia’s chest “What’s this I heard about Hot Chocolate?” She asked looking down at the little girl who was still resting her chest, smiling softly as Costia lifted her head up to look at her she reached up with her right hand wiping away the tears that were still running down the little girl’s cheeks

 

“I wanted to make you one of Alex’s special Hot Chocolates to make you feel better” Costia innocently replied looking up at Octavia with tears in her eyes still

 

“How about we go and make one now…Will that make you feel better?” Octavia laughed softly as Costia nodded at her whilst rubbing her eyes with her hands “Let’s go make some Hot Chocolate then” Wrapping her arms around Costia she looked down at her as she stood up holding Costia in her arms as they walked to the kitchen past walking past Sasha, she knew that what she was feeling right now was all the reason she needed to make sure she got help with the aftermath of Mitch’s attack on her, the little girl that loved her so much that the thought of her being hurt made her cry that along with the possibility of a life with Sasha was worth whatever she’d have to go through….

 

 

- **Months Later (2 nd August 2016)-**

It had been months since Mitch had attacked Clarke and Octavia they had both spent most of the months that followed at Lexa and Sasha’s apartment the police had finished with their apartment but Mitch hadn’t been caught for the first month and then had been released on a bail until the trail this month thanks to one of his army buddies paying his bail fee so Sasha and Lexa had offered for them both to stay with them, they offered Clarke the guest bedroom so that she had her own space and didn’t feel like she was imposing on them. Sasha and Lexa had started training again it was only three times a week in the lead up to them going back to training full time in a few months they hadn’t been told why they but their unit along with a few others weren’t being deployed at the moment it didn’t bother them being home for so long but at the same time it was unnerving to not know the exact reason.

 

In the months past Sasha had been there for Octavia through every step of the aftermath of Mitch’s attack she’d managed to convince Octavia to go to see a counsellor after a few more incidents where Octavia had hit Sasha whilst she was sleeping even though Sasha knew that it wasn’t being done in a malicious way after the fourth time it had started to take its toll on Sasha mentally more than anything so Octavia agreed to go and see Dr Jaha for a least a few sessions to see if it could help after the first few sessions her nightmares had calmed down and would only occur once every few weeks but in all her sessions with Dr Jaha had made it easier for her to open up to Sasha along with being able to be more physical with her she wasn’t ready for them to have sex yet but she was making progress she didn’t feel scared or threatened when people would touch her even though she would still have moments when people would sneak up on her and it’d freak her out and scare her a little but she’d talk to Sasha and then Dr Jaha and she’d end up feeling better about the situation and knowing that it was a sign that she was processing everything. Sasha was being more than helpful with anything she needed especially when it came to them being physical with each other they would occasionally kiss but Sasha never tried to push her not once she was letting her go at her own pace as well as making her love Sasha more it also made her feel even more guilty about what she and Raven had done behind Sasha’s back there were moments when she wanted to tell her everything but then as always the thought of losing Sasha was too much to handle so she’d chicken out. She didn’t want to lose Sasha at all but also she didn’t want to lose Costia they had been spending more and more time together everytime Costia would have treatment she would stay with them for a few days and in that time if she wasn’t attached to Sasha she’d be attached to Octavia, they all thought it was because she wanted to protect Octavia along with Octavia making her feel safe and protected, Octavia wasn’t sure how but she’d grown to love Costia more and more everytime she spent time with the little girl

 

Clarke and Lexa on the other hand still hadn’t got back together but were spending most days together they had even gotten into a routine as soon as Lexa would get back from training or working out Clarke would have food of some form waiting for her along with a coffee or a cold drink depending on the how hot it was outside, Sasha would always joke about how they acted like a married couple and should get back together already but they’d just brush it off and pretend that she wasn’t right. But the more time they spent together the more they both wanted to get back together but no matter how normal they felt around each other no matter how easy it felt neither could find the right words to tell the other exactly what they were feeling. Instead of pushing each other they were just enjoying being around each other without any secrets between them without any boyfriends to worry about it was just them again and it felt good to both of them. The more time they spent together the more they went back to the old them as it was called, and for the last two weeks they had actually been sharing a bed together they hadn’t had sex or done anything more than cuddling but they were both honest with each other when they told the other that it felt good to have someone else sleeping next to them.

 

It was a Tuesday morning and the whole apartment was filled up with the sound of the buzzer from the intercom of their door, Sasha was the first to be woken up by the noise she was only wearing her blue lounge pants with Octavia next to her wearing Sasha’s army t-shirt along with a pair of her own shorts, as usual Sasha was sleeping with Octavia curled into her right side letting a massive groan out as she carefully removed herself from Octavia as her left foot was about to hit the floor she felt Octavia’s hand gently grab hold of her wrist causing her to look back at her girlfriend leaning down she placed a gentle kiss on Octavia’s forehead softly saying “I’m just gonna answer the buzzer” Octavia released a small smile at Sasha releasing her wrist before she laid back down in the bed she watched Sasha lovingly as Sasha grabbed one of her vests placing it on before she exited the bedroom heading towards the intercom. Sasha slowly walked up to the intercom releasing a yawn she looked at the clock on the wall noting that it was 8am she knew she wasn’t meant to be at training so there was no way it was one of her majors or her squadron, she wasn’t sure who it was but she knew she wanted them to go away so she could go back to laying with Octavia. As she was just about to reach the intercom the buzzing stopped letting out a sigh she turned around heading back towards the bedroom just as she reached her bedroom door loud knocking came from the front door releasing another massive sigh she turned around walking back to the door once she reached the door she opened it up she was about to have a go at whoever it was until her eyes fell on her mama standing there looking a little flustered and out of breath;

 

“Mama, what are you doing here so early?”

 

“It’s Costia” Her mama breathlessly replied

 

“What about her? Is she ok?” Sasha quickly asked the instant fear inside her was something she’d never felt before, she hadn’t seen her little sister in just over two weeks when she had taken her back to her Mema and Papa’s house a few days after her chemotherapy

 

“She’s not ok but don’t panic ok”

 

“What do you mean don’t panic, what's wrong with her?”

 

“She’s been up all night throwing up and shaking I can’t calm her down she keeps asking for you, I didn’t want to bring her here out of the blue but she’s getting really worked up and the doctor told me that it isn’t good for her”

 

“Where is she?”

 

“She’s in the car with Titus she can barely walk and she won’t even try and get out of the car because she’s scared”

 

“Where’s the car?”

 

“It’s parked in the car park downstairs next to your car”

 

Without another word from her mama Sasha ran past her down the two flights of stairs until she reached the stairwell that lead down to the car park for their apartment complex her bare feet hitting the floor with force as she kept going ignoring the coldness of the concrete under her feet as she reached the door to the car park she pulled it open with more force than intended looking around she instantly noticed Titus’ dark red 6 seater people carrier instantly she noticed Titus hunched over looking into the back seats of the car as he leaned on the open door as she moved forward Titus turned to look at her not saying a word to her he moved out of the way knowing what his daughter needed right now wasn’t him or his wife it was the one person she had a stronger connection with than anyone else and that was her big sister, nervously leaning forward Sasha saw her little sister laying across the backseat of the car she could instantly see that Costia was sweating heavily so much so her clothes were drenched from it, she could see that the colour in Costia’s face as well as that she noticed that Costia’s face looked gaunt and withdrawn as if she had lost at least a few pounds in weight climbing in to the space between the back of the front seat and the back seat Costia was laying on, kneeling down she gently brushed Costia’s hair out of her face “Hey Mini Me, I heard you’re feeling sick”

 

“Ali” Costia weakly said opening her eyes and looking up at her big sister as soon as she saw Sasha tears began to rapidly fall from her eyes as she softly said “Ek is bang” _(I’m scared)_

 

“Hoekom is jy bang?” _(Why are you scared?)_

 

“dit maak seer” _(It hurts)_

 

 “beteken dit meer as die normale seer?” _(Does it hurt more than normal?)_

 

“Ja” (Yes)

 

“It's ok Cos because I'm here now and everything's gonna be ok” She knew it was a big thing to say but she knew that one of the keys to making any form of pain go away was to calm down and let the medicine work its magic, looking at Costia she softly said “Mama said you were asking for me”

 

 “jy maak die pyn weg te gaan” _(You make the pain go away)_

 

“I know I do and that's what I’m gonna do again….do you think you can walk?” When Costia softly shakes her head at her she continued “How about I carry you upstairs?” When Costia softly moved her head up and down motioning it was ok for Sasha to lift her up, carefully Sasha did so snake her hands underneath her little sister fragile body until she was able to lift her from the backseat safely into her arms then carefully stepping out of the car she looked at Titus who simply offered her a small nod of the head as she walked past him and towards the stairwell slowly until she came to the flights of stairs that lead to her and Lexa’s apartment continuing until she reached her apartment stopping when she was meet with her mama who was now sitting on the couch as soon as she saw Sasha carrying Costia she stood up walking towards them as Sasha walked over the threshold before heading to the couch closest to the door when her mama went to speak she cut her off softly speaking first “I’m not in the mood to argue, she needs me and I’m not letting her down if you wanna stay you can but she’s staying with me because that’s what she wants”  

 

“I wasn’t going to argue, I just wanted to say thank you” When Sasha looked at her confused she continued “I was wrong to hide her illness from you, you’ve been a tower of strength for her since you found out I’m pretty sure you’re her world, it reminds me of me and your auntie when we were younger. She loves you so much if being with you makes her better, then me and Titus both agree that she should stay with you until she feels better and when she does we will let her choose where she wants to stay until her treatments over” 

 

“You’d really do that?”

 

“Yes, Costia is the most important thing here and if this helps her then we will have to survive with missing her for a little while…” Madilyn smiled brightly at her oldest daughter still holding her youngest daughter in her arms “I packed her a small bag of things she’ll need I’ll go and get it for you….”

 

“I’ll grab it” Sasha and Madilyn’s eyes both darted to the hallway to Sasha’s room seeing Octavia standing there looking at them both as she walked forward smiling at them both “It’ll save you coming back up all those stairs again”

 

“Thank you Octavia” Madilyn genuinely replied before moving forward leaning down she placed a gentle loving kiss on Costia’s forehead whispering “Goodbye my little star”

 

“Bye Bye Mama” Costia weakly replied her hands gripping onto Sasha a little tighter

 

Madilyn didn’t say another word Sasha could tell it was because she was holding back tears as her mother smiled softly at her nodding before turning and walking out of the door followed by Octavia who smiled softly at her girlfriend before placing the door on the latch and pulling it until it closed. Sasha slowly moved to the couch nearest to her carefully laying Costia on the sofa she went to remove her hand but was stopped when Costia grabbed hold of her arm firmly;

 

“Don’t go Ali”

 

“I’m not going anywhere mini me, I just wanted to get you some water quickly”

 

“Be quick”

 

“Ok” Sasha did as the little girl said and quickly went into the kitchen retrieving a bottle of water from the fridge returning to her little sister she knelt down next to her when Costia looked at her with tears in her eyes she softly asked “Does it still hurt?” When Costia sadly nodded at her she then asked “Do you think some cuddles will make you feel better?” Costia looked at her again nodding, standing up Sasha gently laid down on the empty part of the couch without word Costia crawled onto her big sisters chest her small body clinging to Sasha with everything they had, once she had moved herself onto the couch even more Sasha repositioned Costia so Costia’s head was resting on her chest with her back against the back of the couch her legs curled up over Sasha’s thighs she could instantly feel the amount of heat coming of her little sisters body it wasn’t anything she’d felt from her before, yeah Costia had been sick before and she’s looked after her and cuddled like this but Costia had never been this hot before it was almost as if her whole body was on fire reached for the bottle of water she opened it lifting her little sisters head softly she made her drink a small amount of the water before letting her head rest on her chest again

 

“Sing Ali”

 

“Sing what?”

 

“My Strong song” The little girls fragile voice stated not moving from her position laying on her big sister “Please Ali just a little bit”

 

“Ok a little bit….” Sasha agreed though she had to admit that she’d sing the whole song if it made Costia feel better, taking a deep breath in closing her eyes she softly stroked Costia’s hair as she began softly singing the words of the song she knew was her little sister’s strong song…

 

Latch(Acoustic)-Sam Smith

You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down You, you enchant me even when you're not around If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down I’m latching on, babe, now I know what I have found I feel we're close enough Could I lock in your love? I feel we’re close enough Could I lock in your love? Now I’ve got you in my space I won’t let go of you Got you shackled in my embrace I’m latching on to you I’m so en-captured, got me wrapped up in your touch Feel so enamored, hold me tight within your clutch How do you do it? You got me losing every breath What did you give me to make my heart bleed out my chest? I feel we're close enough Could I lock in your love? I feel we’re close enough Could I lock in your love?

 

Sasha slowly stopped as she felt Costia’s breathing level out looking down she noticed the little girl was now fast asleep her small hands gripped onto Sasha’s vest she couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face seeing that the singing had done the trick and Costia seemed to have calmed down, she wasn’t sure what to do now she knew that she wasn’t gonna move because moving would mean waking up Costia and she wasn’t willing to do that now, she was brought out of her thoughts when she saw Octavia standing near the front door looking at her with a massive smile on her face, Octavia kept smiling as she quietly released the latch of the door before walking over to the couch where Sasha was laying with Costia leaning over Costia she softly kissed Sasha on the lips;

 

“That was beautiful”

 

“I aim to please”

 

“Well from the look of Costia I’d say you completed your aim”

 

“I’m sorry if my mama kept you awake”

 

“She didn’t its ok” Octavia smiled at Sasha before honestly adding “I can't really sleep without you by my side anyway”

 

“It's a good thing you don't have to then isn't it?”

 

“Yes it is”

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course”

 

“What would you say if I asked you to move in with me? ...and I mean properly not just because you can't go back to you….”

 

“You mean for real? Like move all my stuff in here?”

 

“Yeah…you don't have to answer straight away you can think about it for a bit…”

 

“Ok I'll think about it for a little while”

 

“Ok” Sasha responded smiling brightly as Octavia smiled at her as she sat on the free couch she reached out her hand which Sasha instantly took hold of before they both closed their eyes and relaxed thinking about how such a short conversation between them had made them both so happy in so many ways

 

About an hour later Costia was still sleeping on Sasha’s chest for the whole hour Sasha hadn't even attempted to move from the spot she was in, now she had finally decided to try moving after two attempts she finally managed to place Costia onto the couch allowing herself to stand up and move around the room getting rid of the pins and needles in her right leg and her left arm as she walked about she could feel Octavia watching her every move looking over at her she smirked at her jokingly asking;

 

“See something you like?”

 

“Always” Octavia smiled before standing up from where she was sitting walking over to Sasha who was just watching her movements, as she stopped in front of Sasha she placed her hand on Sasha’s neck pulling her into her wrapping her arms around her smiling into the hug when Sasha wrapped her arms around her resting them on her lower back pulling herself slightly back until her mouth was next to Sasha’s ear she whispered “Yes”

 

“Yes?” Sasha asked she wasn't one hundred percent what they were actually talking about now she was so lost in the hug and their moment

 

“I’ll move in with you”

 

"Really?"

 

“Yes…. but there's a few things we have to clarify first and Clarke has to be ok with it”

 

“Of course I wouldn't have it any other way” Sasha smiled a smile that was a little brighter than normal it was the kind of smile that said she’d gotten something she’d been waiting a long time she knew it was all that Octavia could do and she was fine with that especially after going almost two months Octavia just wanted to be held which she loved but when they’d hug it didn’t feel like it used to she could tell that Octavia was always nervous and that something was wrong but this hug was the first in a weeks that Octavia had initiated between them and the first one where she could actually felt the love that used to be in every hug they had

 

“I’ve missed this” Octavia whispered into Sasha’s ear genuinely

 

“Me too” Sasha responded smiling softly as Octavia slowly pulled back her breath tracing along Sasha’s cheek as she did so, until her lips were hovering over Sasha’s as their eyes locked Octavia felt a rush of arousal rush through her body it was something that she hadn’t felt since Mitch attacked her it was something she used to feel everytime she was around Sasha that instant almost primal instinct to kiss her girlfriend to touch her and feel her it was almost over powering her from the inside out. It got to the point where she had to lean in to Sasha their lips softly connecting sending a rush through both of them Sasha was the first to pull back looking at Octavia she looked at Octavia softly stating “I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything”

 

“You’re not I want to kiss you” Octavia quickly responded her hands moving to Sasha’s shoulders using the positioning of them she pulled Sasha into her again connecting their lips together again the kiss was gentle and loving for a minute or two, Octavia couldn’t help it but the feelings of arousal that were following through her were almost too much to handle after so long of not feeling them, gently pushing her hips forward until they connected with Sasha’s she felt the anger and frustration rise inside her when Sasha pulled her hips back forcing their hips to separate from one and another’s, quickly Octavia turned them so that Sasha’s back was facing the wall next to the front door walking forwards she pressed her chest into Sasha’s feeling Sasha’s grip on her back tighten slightly she kept moving forward until Sasha’s back hit the wall making a small thud as it hit, at this point Sasha pulled out of the kiss looking at Octavia she managed to release a weak sounding “O we shouldn’t…” Before Octavia’s lips were on hers again not thinking or caring about Sasha’s thoughts Octavia felt overcome with a longing she didn’t quite understand it was almost as if she couldn’t control herself again Sasha tried to pull away managing to only get out “Octavia…” before Octavia pressed her lips forcefully against hers again this time Sasha had had enough and removing her hands from Octavia’s back moving them to Octavia’s waist she gently pushed forward trying to create small gap between them

 

As soon as Sasha’s hand had landed on her waist Octavia felt a wave of rage come over her as the memory of Mitch pressing his hand into her waist flashed in her mind and without a second thought as if it was an instinct she moved her hands from Sasha’s shoulders down to her chest pushing her away as hard, the force of her shove sent Sasha flying backwards into the wall behind her as Sasha’s back hit the wall her she was unable to control her body as her head hit the wall with full force as her head bounced off of the wall she instantly brought her hand up to grip the back of her head clutching onto it as she slide down the wall until she was sitting on the floor, Octavia stood in front of Sasha her body shaking as she began to realise what she had just done all of the rage evaporating from her body as she looked down at Sasha clutching the back of her head with her hands “Sash…I’m sorry I didn’t…” Octavia began as she moved forward attempting to reach out for Sasha before she could complete her sentence Sasha held her left hand in the air stopping Octavia instantly in her tracks;

 

“I’m fine…” She lied she knew she was the furthest thing from fine right now it wasn’t even that she was upset at Octavia for pushing her it was more what she was feeling in her head she knew what this feeling was it was something she went through on almost a daily basis when her PTSD first started kicking in, the haziness she felt the constant coming and going of the past incidents flashing in front of her eyes to the churning feeling inside her stomach as she tried desperately to stop the flashback that she knew was looming closer and closer with every second that passed by, using every ounce of strength she had she stood herself up using the wall to assist her she looked to Octavia trying not to let on that something was wrong she softly said “I’m fine babe, just keep an eye on Costia for me” Without even a word of confirmation Sasha walked from where she was near the front door to the hallway that lead to Lexa’s bedroom she could feel herself slowly losing the small amount of control that she had at the moment she didn’t know how she managed to do it but she reached Lexa’s bedroom door knocking on it she softly shouted “Lex” Taking a few breaths she felt the same pain she felt during the exact moment she was flashing back to feeling the panic rising inside her she shouted again this time it wasn’t soft or low it was loud and more than anything it was desperate it was the sole definition of a cry for help “LEXA” Within seconds Lexa opened the door finding Sasha leaning against the frame of the door looking at Sasha she could tell something was wrong so she asked;

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m having a flashback….”


	29. Relapse Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha experiences a flashback to the moment she was shot

Chapter Thirty-Relapse Part One

Lexa looked at Sasha for a second she thought that Sasha was joking she hadn’t had a relapse for at least three months and now here she was at her bedroom door saying she was having one, she was about to question her slightly younger cousin when she noticed Sasha’s eyes were glazed over and her right hand was gripping onto the door frame so tightly that she could see the paint coming off of the wood and sticking to Sasha’s nails. Instantly she went into action mode reaching forward she wrapped her arm under and around Sasha’s torso before taking almost all of her cousin’s weight and carrying her forward into her room until they were near Lexa’s bed carefully leaning down she placed Sasha on the floor with the back leaning against the frame that the mattress laid on looking up seeing an amused but worried looking Clarke sitting reading on her bed she looked at her saying;

 

“You need to leave now”

 

“Lexa what’s….” Was all the Clarke managed to say before Lexa spoke again this time her voice was firm and serious

 

“I don’t have time to explain babe just get out now” Noting the seriousness in Lexa’s voice Clarke quickly stood up walking over to the door before she stopped looking back at Lexa who must have sensed her stop because now Lexa was looking at her questioningly

 

“Be careful”

 

“I will just go please, and don’t come back in no matter what you hear” Lexa said she approached the door closing it shut forcing Clarke to step back to avoid being hit by the closing door, turning back to look at Sasha she could see her younger cousins jaw beginning to clench and unclench as all her attention was focused on the chest of draws in front of her, once Lexa’s eyes landed on the chest of drawers an idea hit her she knew that if Clarke or Octavia heard an crashes they’d come rushing in putting them both in danger so she quickly rushed to the side of the chest of drawers pushing it until it was in front of her bedroom door blocking anyone from coming in.

 

Turning her attention back to Sasha she could see that tears were rushing down Sasha’s cheeks moving forward she did as she always did she pulled Sasha forward a little knowing that she had a matter of minutes until her flashback was in full throttle positioning herself behind Sasha with her chest against Sasha’s back she wrapped her arms around Sasha’s shoulders pulling her backwards onto her chest even more once she was in a position where she felt she had enough grip to hold onto Sasha she softly whispered “It’s ok Alexis I’ve got you….You can let go I won’t let anything happen to you” She instantly felt Sasha’s body relax like it always did when she let go, when she trusted Lexa to look after her when the flashbacks took over, she knew right now what was going to happen it had happened numerous times before she had to wait for the calm to pass and then came the hardest part trying to hold Sasha still trying to keep her somewhere she couldn’t get hurt and couldn’t hurt anyone else and then eventually it would pass just like it always did, the only thing she didn’t know was exactly what Sasha’s mind was flashback to and how traumatising it would be for her cousin experiencing whatever the flashback was over again……..

 

 

_ Flashback-6th September 2013 (09:00 Afghanistan _ _)_

_Lexa and Sasha had just finished their first patrol of the day with their squadron and were heading back to their bunks both eager to get to their phones so they could talk to Clarke and Octavia, neither of them realised how much they missed their girlfriends until they about two months into their tour when they and all of their squadron were granted permission to use their phones on base after they had been cleared for any bugs and were placed on the army’s official hack proof network, it was a lot of trouble to get it cleared but they both knew it was worth it but they also both felt as if it was only fair all the majors and chiefs and top bosses had access so why shouldn’t they be allowed especially considering they were the only squadron not going home for at least a year. As their whole squadron entered their bunk each and every one of them went to their phones most laughing out loud at a joke someone had sent them and the occasional one bragging about a picture of their kids that their wife sent to them, Sasha and Lexa on the other hand grabbed their phones and left the bunk walking together until they reached a part of their base camp that was hidden away from prying eyes after they checked the area for any spiders or snakes they both sat down on the fold up chairs they had hidden there a few weeks ago before they winked and softly laughed in the others direction then turning their attention to their phones, Sasha was the first to type out a message and send it;_

**_Sasha: Hey Candy Pants, how’s my favourite dancer this morning or evening? xx_ **

_Within twenty seconds she got a response_

**_Candy Pants: I’m pretty sure I’m the only dancer you know ;-P_ **

****

**_Sasha: Not true Echo is a dancer and I know her_ **

****

**_Candy Pants: She’s your cousin that doesn’t count_ **

****

**_Sasha: How does it not count? I know her don’t I?_ **

****

**_Candy Pants: Can’t you just let me be right…just once_ **

****

**_Sasha: Ok you’re the only dancer I know…but still my favourite ;-)_ **

****

**_Candy Pants: You’re such a good girlfriend…. How’s things with you? You seem happy?_ **

****

**_Sasha: I’m always happy when I’m talking to you plus I got another letter from Costia today_ **

****

**_Candy Pants: Ah babe I’m happy when I talk to you too ;-)_ **

****

**_Sasha: So tell me how did the audition go?”_ **

****

**_Candy Pants: I got the job_** ** _J_** **_J_** **_J_**

****

_Sasha earned herself an amused look from Lexa when she released a small ‘Yes’ without warning, looking to her cousin she simply said “What?” Before Lexa shook her head at her turning her attention back to her conversation with Clarke, the look caused Sasha to quickly send Clarke a message;_

**_Sasha: Hey Sweet Cheeks, keep your woman occupied she keeps giving me funny looks…control her please_ **

****

_Before Clarke responded Sasha received another message from Octavia_

**_Candy Pants: Don’t congratulate me then_ **

****

**_Sasha: I’m sorry Baby, Lexa gave me a funny look so I had to tell Clarke to keep her in check_ **

****

**_Candy Pants: So your telling me you can’t multitask_ **

****

**_Sasha: You know fully well that I CAN multitask ;-P_ **

****

**_Candy Pants: I will never forget…. It’s one of the reasons I love you so much_ **

****

**_Sasha: I thought as much_ **

****

**_Candy Pants: That and your abs of course_ **

****

**_Sasha: Of Course…._ ** _Sasha smirked as she exited the message going into her pictures she found the picture she had taken after her workout with Lexa two days ago selecting it she chose the message button before clicking Octavia’s name and sending it with the attachment **“These Abs?”** When her phone vibrated seconds later she was surprised to see that the message was from Clarke_

**_Sweet Cheeks: I control my woman fine thanks…you should control yours more_ **

****

**_Sasha: Ok I’ll bite; why would I need to control her?_ **

****

**_Sweet Cheeks: Because she is blushing uncontrollably right now and biting her lip a little too hard…. its freaking me out_ **

****

_Sasha paused thinking over her response as she looked at Lexa seeing her cousin’s checks go a deep shade of red one she knew was from something sexual and Clarke related laughing to herself softly before feeling another message come through on her phone she again turned her attention to her phone_

****

**_Sweet Cheeks: And now she’s disappeared…you tease her way too much_ **

****

**_Sasha: Please like you don’t tease Lexa_ **

****

**_Sweet Cheeks: Hell yeah I do…I’d be a terrible girlfriend if I didn’t lol_ **

****

**_Sasha: Agreed *Virtual High Five*_ **

****

**_Sweet Cheeks: Hell yeah *Virtual High Five*_ **

****

_Sasha smiled at Clarke’s message laughing softly as she looked to Lexa seeing her cheeks were still a deep red as another message came through on her phone she was about to start teasing her when her phone vibrated seeing she had received a picture message from Octavia softly giggling to herself she turned herself to the side slightly so Lexa couldn’t see her phone then opening the picture she was meet with a picture of Octavia laying standing looking at the mirror that was in her bedroom with nothing but a pair of her dark pink panties on she was half turned away so Sasha could see her whole ass and all of her legs along with half of her back her right elbow holding her breasts as her other hand held her phone allowing her to take the picture, pushing down the burn of desire she felt inside her she typed out a message to Octavia_

**_Sasha: And everyone calls me the tease_ **

****

**_Candy Pants: You started it :-P_ **

****

**_Sasha: I knew there was a reason I loved you so much_ **

****

_There was about a few minutes of silence until Sasha’s phone buzzed again_

****

**_Candy Pants: Can we FaceTime?_ **

**_Candy Pants: Nothing dirty I just wanna see your face_ **

****

_Sasha instantly felt the worry rise inside at the seeming change in Octavia’s texts without a second thought she pulled her headphones out of her pocket, she always kept them in her pocket in case someone started rambling about something stupid then she could put her headphones in and ignore them until whoever it was shut up, placing them in her ears she pressed the FaceTime button waiting as she listened to the dialling tone that it rung twice before the screen flashed black and then Octavia appeared on the screen she smiled brightly as she studied her girlfriends face;_

_“What’s wrong O?” Sasha asked as she watched Lexa get up from her seat signalling that she was gonna give her some privacy she nodded softly at her cousin noting that later she’d have to thank her_

_“Nothing”_

_“Octavia Blake…. the love of my life please tell me you didn’t just lie to me”_

_“It’s nothing…I feel stupid now”_

_“O…tell me and I’ll tell you if it’s stupid or not”_

_“The audition I went to today for the six-month job...”_

_“The one you got…What about it? ...they didn’t change their mind did they?”_

_“No…they emailed me all the details just now…”_

_“So what’s wrong?”_

_“It says that the job is in New York for the whole six months”_

_“So what’s the problem O? that’s a massive opportunity and it’ll look amazing on your CV”_

_“The problem is it means I won’t be here when you get back…. I wouldn’t be able to be there when you land” Octavia explained tears softly running from her eyes down her cheeks as she tried unsuccessfully to wipe them away without Sasha seeing them_

_“O…baby please don’t cry….it doesn’t matter to me if your there when I land and before you even think it, it’s not that I don’t want you there because I do I mean I miss you like crazy everyday but a few extras hours aren’t gonna make a difference to me…I’m still gonna miss you and I’m still gonna be insanely in love with you”_

_“But it wouldn’t be hours it’d be months”_

_“It doesn’t take months to fly from LA to New York babe” Seeing the look of slight confusion on Octavia’s face Sasha explained “I could land spend a few hours with my family and then catch the first plane out of LA that’s heading to New York”_

_“You’d do that for me”_

_“Why wouldn’t I?”_

_“I thought you were gonna be angry at me or something”_

_“Why would I be babe, most successful dancers travel around the world all the time I know that”_

_“So you’re not upset”_

_“Upset? Not really, I’m happy for you babe it’s the first step to you getting to your dream why would I be upset at that?”_

_“I don’t know” Octavia softly giggling as she realised she’d got herself upset for no reason looking at Sasha and smiling she softly said “Thank you”_

_“Your welcome, so are you going out with Clarke to celebrate or what? It is a Friday that’s like fate...”_

_“I don’t think so; we might get takeout, have a few drinks and watch a film to celebrate”_

_“Babe, you don’t have to stay in just because I can’t go clubbing”_

_“I know but I feel bad…plus I don’t have as much fun without you”_

_“You liar…”_

_“I am not lying”_

_“Sure you’re not…. either way if you don’t suggest to Clarke that you go out and celebrate I’m gonna ask her myself and if that doesn’t work I’ll text Bell and you know he won’t take no for an answer”_

_“Fine I’ll go out and celebrate”_

_“Good make sure you have one for me…...now a more serious question…. are you still topless?” Octavia released a massive smile biting her lip as she looked at Sasha but before Octavia could speak Lexa appeared calling Sasha’s name_

_“Lexi…. come on we have to go”_

_“What? Where?”_

_“Kane wants our squadron in the briefing room now”_

_“Oh come on right now? I’m talking to O”_

_“He said now, its important come on you can sex time her later”_

_“Ahhhh…” Sasha released loudly before looking down at the screen “I’m sorry baby I have to go…”_

_“Oh we were just getting to the good stuff….” Octavia smiled as she saw Sasha’s face frown_

_“I know it sucks”_

_“Well maybe this will keep you going….” Octavia huskily said as she flipped the screen scanning it down her bare legs stopping at her panties she slowly moved the camera up her stomach until they revealed her bare breasts_

_“Holy shit…. I love you so much you have no idea” Sasha responded her mouth hanging open slightly as she swallowed hard as her eyes stayed attached to the screen as it scanned up to Octavia’s face again this time she was smirking brightly knowing what she had just shown Sasha was gonna be in her head for the rest of the day and probably the night as well_

_“I have a rough idea my love…now you heard your cousin get to that meeting…and make sure you send me some more pictures so I can have some fun of my own later on….” Octavia added before she looked at the screen softly saying “I love you Sasha…”_

_“I love you too Octavia”_

_“You better stay safe”_

_“I will I promise…” Sasha softly responded before softly adding “Bye Candy Pants”_

_“Bye baby cakes” Octavia added before Sasha tapped the button on the screen ending the FaceTime between them instantly Sasha felt the sadness inside her rise she loved talking to Octavia but now she just missed her even more than before the call, remembering that Lexa was still waiting for her she shook off her thoughts walking over to her cousin who wrapped her right arm around Sasha’s shoulders pulling her into her side squeezing her gently as she did so_

_“You ok?” Lexa asked they walked towards the briefing room_

_“Yeah I’m fine” She replied wrapping her arm around Lexa’s waist “Thanks for giving us privacy earlier”_

_“No worries I wanted to call Clarke anyway”_

_“You ok?”_

_“Yeah I’m fine too Lexi”_

_“Good, let’s go see what this douchebag wants” Sasha softly replied squeezing Lexa’s waist a little more before they both continued to walk to the briefing room both a little anxious to hear what Kane had to say, both trying to fight the anxious feeling they had in their stomachs…._

 

Lexa and Sasha’s Living Room

Clarke walked into the living room not one hundred percent sure what to do, did she go back to Lexa’s bedroom and help Lexa with Sasha or did she do as Lexa asked her too and stay away and leave Lexa to handle her cousin the way she would without them there. As she continued to walk into the living room she couldn’t help but keep looking back as the concern inside her growing she’d never seen that look on Lexa’s face it was like a combination of fear and determination, she was snapped out of her worry when Octavia appeared in front of her gently touching her wrist;

 

“Clarke what’s going on?”  Octavia asked trying to walk past Clarke, but before she could step past Clarke gently grabbed Octavia’s wrist stopping her from going anywhere

 

“Lexa said to stay out……no matter what I hear”

 

“Well she never told me that” Octavia retorted before attempting to get past Clarke only to be stopped “Clarke move” She let out as tears began to fall from her eyes knowing that whatever was going on in Lexa’s bedroom wasn’t good and it was her fault

 

“O what happened?”

 

“I don’t know, we were kissing and she wanted me to stop and she kept trying saying something and I kept kissing her, I couldn’t stop…. then she put her hand on my waist to push me away…” Octavia paused trying to stop herself getting too emotional as the tears continued to spill out of her eyes “Her hand….it….it landed on the exact spot that Mitch had his and the next thing I knew Sasha was on the floor holding her head…I couldn’t control it…”

 

“What happened after that?”

 

“I went to help her up but she wouldn’t let me, then she got up told me she was fine and asked me to look after Costia”

 

“Costia?”  


“Yeah her mama dropped her off she’s not well” Octavia answered when every ounce of her realised that as bad as she felt she’d feel ten times worse than she did if she left Costia alone on the couch when the little girl needed someone to make sure she was ok, taking a deep breath in she wiped her face forcing herself to stop the tears from falling from her eyes once she was sure she’d wiped all the tears off of her face, slowly she walked over to the couch Costia was lying on and sat herself down on the floor in front of the couch so that her face was level with Costia’s she smiled as she noticed the little girl was still sleeping however the panic began taking over as she noticed how clammy and sweaty Costia was how much more paler her skin was along with the fact that Costia looked like she had lost weight since she saw her a few weeks ago, looking up at Clarke she softly said “Is this normal? She’s boiling up and she's really clammy?”

 

Sensing Octavia’s obvious worry regarding the little girl Clarke moved next to Octavia kneeling down next to her she gently placed her hand on Costia’s forehead “She’s a little hot and clammy, but that can be normal with Chemotherapy especially with Costia’s age, it’s just her body reacting to the chemicals they pump into her I know it doesn’t seem like it but it’s a good sign it means the treatment is working and her body is fighting the cancer”

 

“So I don’t need to be worried? She’s gonna be ok?”

 

“She should be fine O; she just needs to ride it out until her fever breaks”

 

“Is there anything we can do to help her?”

 

“Not really just be there for her, make sure she knows it’ll be ok and if her fever gets higher then you can give her a cold bath that should help break her fever”

 

“You’re sure?”

 

“Yeah, it’s normal for cancer patients to become more open to infections and colds or fevers because their immune system is weaker than the average persons”

 

Before Octavia had a chance to ask Clarke any more questions she heard a tiny voice speak next to her “Tavi” Even though Costia was sick the happiness and excitement was still in her voice only it was lower and softer than normal but still so innocent and loving, Octavia turned her attention to Costia smiling down softly at the little girl softly saying;

 

“Hey sleepy….”

 

“I missed you”

 

“I missed you too my little solider” Octavia’s words managed to make Costia smile sleepily at her “How you feeling?”

 

“My tummy still hurts”

 

“It does…. well that’s not good is it?” When Costia shook her head softly Octavia rested her chin on the couch turning it so she was eye to eye with Costia “Is your medicine not working?” When Costia again shook her head she asked again “What do you think will make you feel better?” Costia’s face turned into a frown as she looked sadly at Octavia “What about…. some Tavi cuddles?” She asked getting a smile and a small nod from the little girl she thought of as a sister “Ok then” Octavia smiled standing up from the floor she sat herself on the couch in the space just above Costia’s head where Sasha had been sitting moments ago, as soon as she sat down Costia tried to lift herself off of the couch so she could crawl onto Octavia’s lap seeing the action Octavia reached down gently picking up the little girl lifting her onto her lap wrapping her arm around Costia’s back so that the little girls head was resting on her right shoulder with her torso resting against Octavia’s chest her bottom resting on Octavia’s lap (upper thighs) with her legs draped over Octavia’s thighs her feet resting on the couch, seeing a small smile appear on Costia’s face and feeling the little girl’s body relax against her Octavia looked down at her asking “Better?”

 

“Ja” _(Yes)_ Costia softly responded smiling a little more and readjusting her head in Octavia’s shoulder once she was comfortable Costia noticed Clarke who was now standing at the end of the couch watching Octavia and Costia’s interactions, bringing her hand up she softly waved at Clarke before softly saying “Hi Clarkey”

 

“Hey Cos” Clarke ventured as she moved forward sitting down on the space left at the end of the couch reaching forward she gently squeezed Costia’s feet as she said “I hear you’re a little poorly” When Costia nodded her head at her question she asked “Would you like some water?”

 

“Ja asseblief” _(Yes please)_ Costia naturally responded as her eyes began to feel heavy again

 

Clarke looked to Octavia not sure what the little girl had said, seeing the look Octavia smiled softly at Clarke before softly saying “She said yes please”

 

“Ok…good” Clarke responded leaning forward grabbing the bottle of water from the table she picked it up softly making sure it was still cold, feeling it was still cold she took the lid of the bottle off she handed the now open bottle of water to Octavia’s free left hand watching as Octavia moved the bottle of water to Costia’s lips tipping it softly as Costia drank it, after Costia had taken a few sips she removed the bottle handing it back to Clarke who placed the lid back on the bottle and placed it back on the table. As she leant back into the couch again Clarke noticed the worried expression on Octavia’s face softly she said “She’ll be ok Octavia” Looking at Octavia both of them knowing that Clarke was talking about Costia and Sasha

 

“Ja Tavi dit sal ok wees” _(Yeah Tavi it’ll be ok)_ The little girl said sleepily looking up with tired eyes at Octavia as she reached her right hand up to Octavia’s cheek as she closed her eyes her hand remaining on Octavia’s face

 

“I know it will be” Octavia whispered bringing her hand up taking hold of Costia’s hand lifting it up from her cheek she placed a gentle kiss on the palm of the little girl’s hand placing it gently on the little girl’s chest being careful not to move too fast in case the fastness of the motion caused Costia to awake again, smiling to herself looking down at the little girl she leant down kissing her softly on the forehead…

 

 

_ Flashback-6th September 2013  _

_ 21:04 Los Angeles-Clarke and Octavia’s apartment _

_Octavia walked into the living room looking around for Clarke not seeing her she noticed movement in Clarke’s room walking to the door she knocked once before she opened to door meet with Clarke who was laying on her bed typing out a text message that Octavia guessed was to Lexa, walking forward she flopped onto the bed next to Clarke laying down she nudged her softly, they both stayed laying down not speaking for a while until Octavia finally ventured;_

_“So Sasha wants me to go to New York”_

_“New York?”_

_“Yep, you were right that job I got was in New York…but not for three months it’s for the whole six months”_

_“And she wants you to go?”_

_“Yeah she even said that once she lands she’ll spend a few hours and then she’ll get the first plane to New York to see me”_

_“That girl is one romantic”_

_“She is, isn’t she”_

_“Not many women would be ok with that especially when their already half way around the world”_

_“I think that’s why she’s so ok with it, she wants me to achieve all my dreams and not feel held back by her being in the army”_

_“No wonder you love her so much”_

_“I’m sure Lexa is the same”_

_“She is, she keeps pushing me to follow my heart and become a paramedic...”_

_“She’s right Clarke, life’s too short to not go for what you love” Octavia paused for a second hesitating before she looked at Clarke shyly asking “Is it bad that I’m happy she wants me to go?”_

_“No it’s not O, you’re getting closer to your dream don’t question it just accept it” Clarke paused for a second as she saw Octavia’s eyes begin to glisten over like she was about to start crying “What’s wrong O?”_

_“I just never thought I’d be this lucky, I’m with the woman of my dreams I just got a job that can help me complete my dream but there’s still something missing….”_

_“Sasha?”_

_“I know it’s stupid but I can’t turn it off...”_

_“It’s not stupid O, I know what you mean…I feel the same everything I do my mind always goes to Lexa no matter what it is she’s in my mind all the time”_

_“I can’t stop thinking about her, she’s in every thought I have sometimes good sometimes bad but she’s always there her eyes her smile just everything about her, and if I think about her too much it feels like someone’s pulling at my heart so much it physically hurts”_

_“Ok stop it…Sasha told me to stop you getting all mushy….”_

_“When did she tell you this?” Octavia asked turning and looking at Clarke raising her eyebrow at her all the sadness she felt evaporating_

_“Just before you came in, she asked me to make sure you go out and celebrate tonight and that you drink for her as well but also that you stay safe and keep smiling…...oh and that you don’t get too emotional”_

_“She did?”_

_“Yeah, guess she knows you too well”_

_“Perhaps she does” Octavia softly released smiling softly at Clarke, feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket she looked down at it seeing a message from Sasha_

**_Baby Cakes: Stop talking and get dressed for your night out_ **

_Smiling at the message as she read it before gently biting her lip and writing out a message_

**_Octavia: How do you know that I’m not already dressed…for all you know I could be naked right now_ **

_Octavia smiled at the response she sent as a message came through within seconds_

**_Baby Cakes: I demand photographic evidence_ **

_“O stop sexting and go and get ready...” Clarke responded nudging Octavia’s legs softly with her left leg the action causing Octavia to nudge her back leading to them exchanging in a nudging fight for a few minutes before they both agreed to stop so they could get ready Octavia got off of the bed looking at Clarke she smiled softly before saying;_

_“I’m gonna go sext my girlfriend whilst I get dressed”_

_“You’ve got thirty minutes until I drag you out in whatever your wearing”_

_“Fine…geez your so grumpy without Lexa here” Octavia softly said regretting it as she noticed the tears in Clarke’s eyes at the mention of Lexa’s name_

_“I know” Clarke responded lifting her pillow and throwing it at Octavia trying to hide the tears in her eyes, the motion caused Octavia to rush out of Clarke’s bedroom door laughing softly as she disappeared down the hallway into her bedroom. Hearing Octavia’s bedroom door close she threw herself back letting the tears she had been holding in flow like a river as she thought about Lexa and how much she missed her girlfriend more and more every day, after a few minutes she felt her phone buzz looking down at it she noticed a message on the phone seeing her nickname for Lexa she smiled opening the message;_

**_My Solider: Are you ok? Octavia said you seemed a little upset_ **

_Clarke smiled maybe she hadn’t hidden her upset from her best friend after all either that or Octavia had noticed her tears even though she hadn’t mentioned it to her it was at moments like this that she knew it was the right decision for her and Octavia to live together_

**_Clarke: I’m fine just missing someone I love very much_ **

****

**_My Solider: Mmmm who is this person you miss and love very much_ **

****

**_Clarke: Oh you wouldn’t know her_ **

****

**_My Solider: Whoever she is…I will find her and possibly torture her…but first I need more information_ **

****

**_Clarke: What kind of information do you require Specialist Woods_ **

****

**_My Solider: Everything…tell me about her_ **

****

**_Clarke: Well she’s a solider…. she’s about 5ft 5 has this amazing hair that she loves to braid almost all the time…_ **

****

**_My Solider: Mmmm…I think I’ll need more_ **

****

**_Clarke: Ok…. She has the most amazing smile I have ever seen in my life, she’s kind, a massive family person, she makes me smile even when I don’t want too…and when she holds me in her arms it feels like the safest place in the world_ **

****

**_My Solider: She sounds pretty amazing_ **

****

**_Clarke: She is…I might introduce you to her one day…_ **

****

**_My Solider: I look forward to it…_ **

**_My Solider: Better?_ **

****

**_Clarke: Much better…thank you_ **

****

**_My Solider: So what exactly upset you?_ **

****

**_Clarke: Nothing_ **

****

**_My Solider: CLARKE_ **

****

**_Clarke: Geez ok…. I miss you and I can’t stop thinking about you.…that’s why I was upset_ **

****

**_My Solider: I’m sorry you have to go through this…I hate that being with me means you go through this_ **

****

**_Clarke: If going through this means I get my forever with you then I’ll deal with it_ **

****

**_My Solider: As long as you’re sure_ **

****

**_Clarke: Well even if I wasn’t sure it’s too late now_ **

****

**_My Solider: How so?_ **

****

**_Clarke: I couldn't imagine my life without you_ **

****

**_My Solider: Same here My love…sorry can't talk gotta go on patrol I'll call you soon…Love you xx_ **

****

**_Clarke: love you too xx Stay safe_ **

_Smiling brightly Clarke dropped her phone on the bed next to her before taking a deep breath and getting deciding to get dressed and make sure Octavia had a good night just like Sasha had asked her……._

__

_ (09:33 Afghanistan) _

_Lexa, Sasha and the four other members of their squadron had been in the briefing room for a few minutes waiting for Kane to come and brief them on whatever he needed to, they were all looking at each other sending amused looks to each other as they all thought about how stupid it was that they were waiting when Kane had originally said that it was an urgent for them to be briefed. Sasha was about to open her mouth to say something when the door to the briefing room opened and Kane walked in holding a folder under his right arm, the whole squadron stood to attention until he stopped in front of them giving them a ‘at ease’ he then slowly placed the folder on the desk next to him and opened it before speaking;_

_“I’m sure your all wondering why I called you in here and why it was so urgent” Removing a picture from the folder he had placed on the table he handed it Lexa who in turn passed it back and around the whole squadron before it was returned to her and she looked at it again, it was a picture of an abandoned looking building which was surrounded by what looked like more abandoned buildings some of which were missing the roof or doors or various other parts to their structure “We received intel that there is a terror cell operating out of this building and your squadron has been selected to go and clear the area and confirm whether or not the intel is correct and if it is then we are to apprehend the suspects and bring them back to base for questioning, I will supply you with all the correct co-ordinates it is a little out of our territory but we have been working closely with the Afghanistan army and they have given us full permission to take charge and conduct the search of the buildings……any questions?” Looking around none of the squadron spoke all looking to Lexa who was studying the picture, looking to each member they all nodded their approval to her as they always did during a briefing_

_“No questions Staff Sargent”_

_“Good…you are all dismissed be ready to leave at eleven hundred hours...” And that was it without another word Kane turned picking up the folder and taking the picture from Lexa before walking out of the briefing room_

__

_ -1 hour and 57 minutes later (11:30)- _

_The whole squadron was packed into their units Humvee, Sasha was driving to the co-ordinates that Kane had given them just before they got into the vehicle, Lexa was in the passenger’s seat while the rest of the squadron was in the back. As they continued to drive Lexa couldn’t help the feeling bubbling inside her stomach something didn’t feel right about this patrol something felt off it wasn’t often that Kane was even nice to their unit but now he was going out of his way to ensure they had to correct information for the mission, maybe she was overthinking it but she couldn’t shake that feeling no matter how hard she tried even talking to Clarke hadn’t managed to get rid of it and that usually worked every single time, feeling someone nudge her in her side she knew it was Sasha looking at her she gave her a small smile and wink before her eyes returned to the road in front of them, they had been driving to the location for at least thirty minutes and the longer they drove the further away they got from everything she knew that the location they were going to was abandoned and in the middle of nowhere but it wasn’t right something wasn’t right but she couldn’t put her finger on it and it was making it harder and harder to concentrate_

_Minutes later the engine of the vehicle cut off looking around at every one of the squadron members they all nodded their readiness before jumping out of the vehicle and looking around taking in the surroundings around them it was nothing but an abandoned village empty building after empty building instantly Sasha and Lincoln peeled off of the squadron checking the first two houses they came into contact with after they had cleared them the rest of the squadron meet in the second of the houses they had cleared ready to be briefed holding the map Kane had given her in the middle of the assembled squadron, informing them that they were going to clear the village house by house floor by floor as a unit until they came to the abandoned house that Kane had informed them was their target on this patrol. After going over the plan again and again they make sure everyone knew that they were to never break their formation they made sure their radios were working. Once the whole of the squadron had confirmed that they understood their instructions getting into their usual formation filing out of the building into the empty streets that lead to the other houses, Lexa was at the front of the formation with Sasha behind her to the right and Lincoln behind her to the left, behind Sasha and Lincoln were Nyko and Ritchie, and finally behind them was Robin and Wick, as they panned out in their usual formation leaving space between them all so that their weren’t so obvious to spot but not far enough away that if one of them were to get hurt they couldn’t jump in and pull them to safety._

_They continued in this formation clearing every house that they came to witnessing the blood on the walls and the decomposed bodies that had been left behind by whoever was last there, the smell in each room enough to make them want to run outside and throw the whole of their stomach contents up but yet with each room the smell became less strong as if their bodies were becoming accustomed to the stench something that they all hoped wasn't the case they didn't ever want that smell to be something they didn't flinch at something that became a normal smell for them. As they reached the final house before the whole village turned to the left they came across a sight that none of them would ever be able to forgot, they had approached the house just like the others with Lexa standing looking out around the rest of the village and into the desert looking around for any signs of hostiles while she covered the whole squadron Sasha and Lincoln stepped forward guns held high ready to defend themselves if needed, as they stepped through the door the first thing they were both meet with was the sight of a child laying on the floor in front of the door the child's body half decomposed half of their face missing from what they knew was more than likely a rifle bullet, they both had to stop for a second as the shock overrode them that was the last thing either of them expected to see when they opened the door, closing their eyes at the exact same time and then opening them they looked at each other both nodding at the other before Sasha took the lead stepping over the body blocking out thoughts about how the child could have only been 3 maybe 4 years old at best walking forward slowly she could feel her heart beating faster than she knew it should be before she came to a closed door signalling to Lincoln to cover her, he raised his gun ready to fire at will gently pushing the door open Sasha darted into the room her whole body freezing as she came across a sight even worse than the one she had just seen, the room was bare except for a makeshift bed in the corner and on the makeshift bed laid something that she would never be able to erase from her mind, laying there was a slightly decomposed man and woman lying in each other’s arms bullet wounds in both of their heads and in between them in the woman’s arms was what was left of a baby no older than a year old as Sasha stood staring at the three bodies in front of her it was like she was completely frozen as she felt the tears inside her at the sight she could hear Lexa calling her and Lincoln over the radio asking what was going on she wanted to answer but she couldn’t pull herself out her gaze it was hypnotising in the worst of ways, without thinking about it she knelt down onto one knee lowering her head she said a prayer for the two children she was used to seeing adults dead it had become something she could handle but children they were innocent they didn’t have any malice in their hearts they were pure and did nothing but love that was the hardest thing about this._

_Lincoln called through to Lexa letting her know everything was fine before he walked over to Sasha kneeling down next to her placing his hand on her shoulder supportively as Sasha finished saying her prayer, once she finished she raised herself up as did Lincoln wiping the tears from her cheeks she took a few breaths before turning to walk out of the room before she could exit the room she felt Lincolns hand on her shoulder causing her to turn around to look at him he let out a soft;_

_“I’ll check the top floor you finish this floor then take a minute, ok?”_

_Sasha gave him a small nod before he disappeared up a flight of stairs she knew it was against what Lexa had ordered but Lincoln was more than capable of looking after himself and they spilt up more times than often just to make their checks of houses quicker, once she had cleared the final room on the lower floor Sasha checked the back yard seeing no signs of activity she walked back into what she assumed was the kitchen of the house, leaning against one of the walls she pulled the picture she kept in her pocket out looking at it she ran her thumb over Costia and Tristan’s faces just seeing the picture made her smile it had been months since she had seen them as her thumb ran over Octavia’s face she felt the smile rise from inside her until it was plastered on her face, she felt a sudden rush of clarity come over as she realised she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Octavia that she wanted to marry her she wanted everything that Octavia had mentioned in her letter now all she wanted was to finish this patrol so she could text or call Octavia and ask her, it made her realise that no matter how tragic whatever had happened in this house was she had a future one that didn’t include seeing decomposing bodies for months on end she knew with every ounce of her being that as long as she had Octavia and their future she could bare anything even the sight that had been in front of her eyes moments ago before she had a chance to think about anything else she heard Lincoln coming down the staircase placing the picture in her pocket and closing the pocket up she walked into the hallway seeing Lincoln standing there waiting for her as he looked at her he asked;_

_“You good?”_

_“Yeah I’m all good thanks” She smiled winking at him making him smile and giggle softly before she walked forward both of them walking out of the house doorway and back into formation, they continued around the corner of the village seeing more and more houses appear in front of their eyes_

_Ten minutes later Sasha and Lincoln emerged from inside the fifth house on the left side of the village road they re-joined the formation walking across the road to check to opposite house searching the house Lincoln and Sasha emerged re-joining the formation again as they returned Sasha’s attention was brought to the house at the end of the row they were currently searching looking to Lexa she said_

_“Isn’t that the house we’re looking for?”_

_Lexa quickly looked in the direction that Sasha was looking before confirming her cousins suspicions “Yeah it is..” Taking a second she looked around trying to evaluate the best decision to make did they continue searching each house which could take them over an hour or did they proceed to the house in question, looking at Sasha who gave her a nod of confidence she spoke “Alright, new plan…keep formation…keep an eye on each other…Let’s go” She confirmed each of the squadron members give a ‘let’s do this SPW’ on the radio before they began to walk in formation towards the house in question, they were approximately five metres away from it when Sasha called out on the radio for them to come to a stand “Sasha…what’s going on?”_

_“I thought I saw something”_

_“You thought?”_

_“It’s gone now”_

_“Where?”_

_“In front of you it looked like it was coming from in the building”_

_“Are you sure it was nothing?”_

_“No I’m not” Sasha called turning and looking over her shoulder at her cousin “Switch” Without a second thought her and Lexa switched positions, something they had done probably hundreds of times on patrols it was second nature to them when one of the saw something the other didn’t they trusted each other enough to switch positions and nine times out of ten they were both right in whatever they saw, as Sasha stood in Lexa’s former position she held her hand up in the air signalling for all the others to stop in their positions as she took a few steps forward before kneeling down as she began looking for what she had seen placing her rifle lens to her eyes she focused it where she had seen activity coming from moments ago as her eyes focused in she scanned the seemingly abandoned house in front of them she was just about to give the all clear when her attention was brought to a red light flickering in what seemed to be nothing but dirt as she adjusted her lens she suddenly became aware that the red light actually belonged to a sniper rifle as she began to see a figure lying behind the rifle just in time to see the whole figure jerk back signalling that whoever it was had just pulled the trigger of the weapon and sure enough less than a second later the sound of a gun being fired erupted as Sasha stood up shouting “INCOMING” Knowing that would make everyone run for cover as she stood up attempting to run for cover herself she got one step out before she felt a fire erupt in her right thigh as the force of something sent her flying to the floor face first…………._


	30. Relapse Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continuation of Sasha's flashback and the aftermath

Chapter Thirty: Relapse Part Two

Lexa’s Bedroom

Lexa laid on the floor still gripping onto her younger cousin as she struggled against her grip she hadn’t seen Sasha go through this before usually she could hold her still until the flashback finished but this was different for the most part Sasha was still not moving except for a few seconds when her legs would move as if she was walking but other than that she was still until about a minute ago when Sasha had released a scream that she was all too familiar with a scream she had heard as she had screamed Sasha had reached up grabbing hold of Lexa’s right arm gripping onto her so tight that Lexa could feel the circulation in her arm cut off at the amount of pressure Sasha was applying with her hands, a second later Sasha released Lexa’s arm her hands shooting to her right thigh clutching it as she applied pressure so much pressure that Lexa could see all the muscles and veins in Sasha’s arms pressing against her skin, she knew she shouldn’t interrupt Sasha’s movements when she was having a flashback but she was beginning to wonder whether she should step in and stop Sasha from hurting herself. As she got lost in her thoughts Sasha struggled against her arms forcing her to focus completely on her cousin she felt the fear rise inside of her when Sasha began to try and get up forcing her to tighten her grip even more before wrapping her right leg around Sasha’s waist placing her left leg over her right ankle locking Sasha between her legs forcing her to stay in place. A few minutes past when Sasha began to sweat profusely like she was standing in front of the sun itself then suddenly her body shoot up trying to stand up only to be held in place by Lexa who pulled her back against her chest she was quickly running out of the strength needed to hold Sasha down she was thankful when Sasha stopped fighting against her but instead went completely limp as if she was unconscious, that’s when it hit her what the flashback was Sasha was flashing back to when she’d been shot it all made sense now the sweating the fighting against her the holding her thigh like extremely tightly she hated that Sasha was going through this again because she knew exactly how bad what she had gone through was…

 

_ Flashback-6th September 2013 _

_ Afghanistan 12:04 _

_Sasha stayed laying on the ground all she could hear was shoots being fired and she knew if she got up she was a bigger target for whoever was shooting at them to hit bringing her hands up to cover her the back of her head she hoped that her uniform being almost the same colour as the dirt she was laying on would camouflage her from whoever was so passionately shooting at her and the rest of the squadron. Managing to pull her goggles from on top of her helmet she pulled them over her eyes making it possible for her to open her eyes and look around, looking down at her leg she could see a small puddle of blood underneath it, as she looked to her left she saw Lexa being held back by Lincoln and Ritchie in an abandoned house to her right moving her hand down to her radio she felt it happy to find it was still in one piece taking a deep breath in she managed to call over the radio “I’m fine Lex, stay where you are” making sure she was looking at Lexa when she said it she saw her cousin relax shrugging off Lincoln and Ritchie. When she was sure that Lexa wasn’t gonna move she began looking around turning to her left she noticed the gun she had dropped reaching over she grabbed it managing to place it in front of herself before turning to her left again she noticed Robin laying on the ground clutching his arm trying to get off some shoots unsuccessfully behind him was Nyko and Wick who were in one of the rooms of an abandoned house firing shoot after shoot in the direction of the abandoned house trying to hit something, without thinking she turned looking through the scope lens of her rifle finding the person who had shoot she felt an urge of rage rush through her whole body until she pulled the trigger, the bullet flying through the air and hitting the person in between the eyes, scanning the rest of the house her eyes catching another sniper on the right hand side of the roof aiming she took a small breath before she pulled the trigger again this bullet flew through the air exactly the same hitting the sniper in the right shoulder causing them to cease fire and run for cover, finally hearing the bullets stop she scrambled to her feet rushing over to Robin’s side ignoring the shooting pain in her right leg she quickly began looking him over she looked to his left arm she noticed that he had one wound in his forearm and one in his bicep grabbing him by the front of his uniform jacket she lifted him off the ground she placed herself under his right arm taking the whole of his body weight she carried him a few steps until she reached Nyko and Wicks placing him on the ground pulling of her goggles she looked around the room seeing a door leading into the back walking towards it she peaked carefully out of it seeing nothing but a back alley she looking to her right she noticed that the alleyway was covered by the other houses therefore nobody would see anyone leaving walking back over to Nyko and Wicks who were checking on Robin she knelt down next to him taking a bandage Nyko handed her she noticed that one of the bullets of the wound was beginning to pop out looking at Nyko he nodded knowing what she was thinking looking at Robin softly saying;_

_“This is gonna hurt but don’t scream no matter what”_

_He looked at her nervously before nodding softly with that Sasha repositioned her placing her knee on Rabin’s left shoulder making sure he didn’t move at the pressure she was about to apply to his bicep looking at Nyko she nodded the motion causing him to lean forward and grab hold of Robin’s left wrist effectively holding the arm in place, Sasha then placed her finger over the bullet she took a deep breath and then pressed down on it as hard as she could forcing it back into the wound, as she did so Robin let out a scream his voice loud for a second before Wick placed his hands over Robin’s mouth muffling the sound once she was sure the bullet was in far enough Sasha wrapped the bandage tightly around the wound tying of the end before she removed her knee from Robin’s shoulder falling back onto her backside she looked at him explaining “It needs to stay in until you get to base, if it nicked an artery and then fell out you’d be dead in seconds”_

_“Thanks” Robin exhaustedly realised trying to get his breathing back to normal as Wick and Nyko both removed themselves from him “What now?” He asked looking at Sasha everyone knew that if any of them were made for any of this it was Sasha she was always the quickest one of them when it came to thinking on her feet and making decisions that could be life or death_

_“You, Nyko and Wick are gonna go out that backdoor and follow it back to the Humvee, your gonna start it up and if we’re not there in ten minutes you leave without us”_

_“What about Lex and Lincoln?”_

_“That’s why I’m staying I’ll get to them…. I can’t leave her behind”_

_“We’re not leaving you behind” Nyko protested looking sternly at Sasha_

_“Easy papa bear, I’ll be right behind you but Robin needs to get out of here and I can’t carry him or provide good enough cover…You can carry him while Wick covers you…”_

_“Sash this is insane; we can wait for you”_

_“He can’t ok…he needs medical supplies…supplies that are in the Humvee…look no more arguing Nyko you pick Robin up and you get him to the DAMN HUMVEE YOU HEAR ME?”_

_“Loud and clear Sasha…” Nyko responded walking forward leaning down he wrapped his arms around Sasha pulling back and smiling at her he whispered “Be safe Kid” Before he leaned down carefully picking Robin up and placing him on his shoulders by now Robin was completely unconscious from the pain of the bullet wounds, once he had Robin firmly on his shoulders Nyko walked over to the door followed by Wick who simply smirked at Sasha muttering out;_

_“Always the superhero”_

_“You know it” Sasha responded smirking back at Wick smiling when he winked at her. She watched as Nyko and Wick disappeared out of the back door with Robin, feeling a sense of relief that she was alone she grabbed her rifle looking into the clip of the rifle she reloaded it until she had filled up the clip with 12 bullets each one she was more than willing to use to end someone life especially if it meant that she was able to save the life of her cousin taking a few quick but deep breaths she lifted the weapon up to her chest knowing she had her pistol on her right hip if worse came to worse, lowering herself until she was knelt down completely her knees hovering over the ground as she made her way to the door she had come through moments ago with Robin, concealing herself on the side of the door frame she peaked out trying to spot her cousin hearing more shoots so off she looked in the direction she was about to move when she heard a sound she recognised as the sound of a brakes being pressed, looking around she noticed a green jeep had pulled up next to the spot she had been in when she had come under fire. Kicking into high gear she looked around trying to remain as calm as she could until her eyes fell on Lexa, Lincoln and Ritchie they were a few houses down from where they had previously been before Sasha had gone to Robin’s aid, seeing Sasha looking at them Lexa motioned for her to stay where she was nodding at Lexa’s motion she stayed where she was._

_It had been minutes and Sasha was beginning to feel an uneasy feeling rising inside of her something felt wrong something felt odd looking around she noticed the uniforms of the men that had stepped out of the jeep it was the Afghanistan army the same army that was meant to be ok with them searching the area, why would they try and kill them if they were ok’d to be there? Had they been tricked? Was it a corrupt unit of the Afghanistan army? She was brought out of the thoughts when she heard a gun go off again her attention turning straight to Lexa she could see that one of the men from the jeep had his gun pointed at Lexa, Lincoln and Ritchie looking around she noticed Lexa looking at her, her eyes telling her to run shaking her head at Lexa she turned counting each and every person that had stepped out of the jeep counting six she assessed them and their positions they were all close to Lexa, Lincoln and Ritchie one stray bullet and they could both be dead, heading to the door she had sent Nyko, Wick and Robin out of she walked through it walking cautiously down the alleyway until she had passed four houses working out that would put her behind Lexa, Lincoln and Ritchie’s position she entered the house walking through the house up the stairs and into the only room that had a window facing the road, lifting her rifle she rested the tip of the barrel on the window frame taking her time to line up the shoot through the rifles scope she waited for a second waiting to see if the man she had aim on the same man that was pointing a gun at Lexa, Lincoln and Ritchie would move when he didn’t she took one breath and pulled the trigger the sound of the shoot rippling through the air like a firework on Guy Fawkes night seeing the man fall to the ground her attention turned to the other five men she noticed all of them looking not sure what house the shoot had come from, lining up the second closest man she again aimed pulling the trigger the same pop of noise rippling through the air as the second man fell to the floor, before there was a chance for the other men to react Sasha found the next man and pulled the trigger he too fell to the ground, looking at the others she noticed them looking at the house she was inside of removing the rifle form the window she ran down the stairs rushing out of the back door completely ignoring the pain still shooting through her body she ran to the left running to the next house she stopped in her tracks just as she reached the backdoor to the house hearing what sounded like someone kicking in a wooden door she shuffled backwards on her feet turning and running until she got to the end of the alleyway peaking her head out into the street she couldn’t see any signs of the Afghanistan soldiers double checking both her left and right and finding nothing she slowly exited the alleyway turning to the left walked as quickly as her legs could move her stopping as she came to the end she peaked around the corner seeing Lexa, Lincoln and Ritchie still knelt down in the road but now there was a soldier who looked to Sasha to be higher up than the ones that she had shoot and killed moments beforehand, looking behind him she noticed that more soldiers had appeared she counted three more than before, quietly letting out a heavy breath she pulled back leaning against wall she tried to think of the safest and best way to help them._

_Deciding that the best option wasn’t to begin shooting because if she missed one shot they would know where she was and that would get all four of them killed, looking around she tried to find something to cover her but there was nothing. Closing her eyes she looked around the corner as she did she noticed Ritchie looking back seeing Sasha he nodded at her letting her know that he was game for anything she was gonna do, taking a deep breath in Sasha crouched down before moving slowly around the corner slowly moving step by step noticing that the solider that was in front of Lexa, Lincoln and Ritchie had his back to her making sure she didn’t make any noise she kept crawling until she was behind one of the soldiers closest to her grabbing him from behind she placed her left hand over his mouth at the same time her right arm wrapped around his throat squeezing tightly his body went limp within seconds dragging him through one of the doors she left him lying in the hallway of that house so he was out of sight removing the soldiers handheld gun, knife and three grenades, she peaked out of the door again seeing that she was again outnumbered retrieving into the house she headed to the backdoor walking through she removed the pin from one of the grenades before waiting for five seconds and lobbing it as far as she could in a straight direction she repeated the action with the other two grenades only aiming one further left and the other right throwing it over one of the houses so that it landed near the house where all the shooting had started hearing the explosions go off within seconds of each other she moved quickly back to the door seeing that all attention was on where the explosions had come from she watched patiently as the soldier holding the gun at Lexa, Lincoln and Ritchie heading turned his attention to the explosions as all the others had done taking the opportunity Sasha sprinted across the road running into the house opposite the one she had previously been inside of, stopping she looked cautiously out of the door again noting that attention was back on Lexa and the others walking outside into the backyard doing as she had done before she exited that house entering the other walking through it she walked upstairs into the room facing the road she didn’t have time to position herself or the gun as she looked out of the window hearing shouting she looked out seeing a soldier looking into the hallway where she had left the soldier she had choked out seeing him stiffen up and turn around she heard him shout something which she knew could only be bad watching him raise up his gun in Lexa’s direction she felt herself kick into hyper gear lifting her gun up she looked through the scope within a split second she took aim and fired the bullet, the bullet flying through the air and straight through his heart hearing loud cries coming from the other soldiers she ran down the stairs her gun still lifted in front of her face as she peaked around the front doorway as she stepped out a bullet whizzed past her head hitting the wall to her right hand side lowering her weapon she crouched down moving as fast as she could until she was about only a few feet away from the others. Raising her weapon again she peered around she saw a soldier running towards her aiming and firing as quick as she could she shot at his leg before aiming and shooting him in the head looking up she saw Lexa, Lincoln and Ritchie all laying on the floor covering their heads with their hands running over and kneeling down next to them she looked at them saying;_

_“Come on” Without another word she grabbed Lexa lifting her off the ground with her right arm, all four of them rushed off into the house Sasha had been moments before leading them to the backroom she put Lexa down looking at Lincoln and Ritchie checking they were ok, before she could say anything Lincoln rushed forward wrapping his arms around Sasha she instantly wrapped her arms around him hearing him whispered a small ‘thank you’ into her ear, she didn’t say a word back she just squeezed him softly, once Lincoln unwrapped his arms Ritchie stepped into her doing as Lincoln had done with Sasha moments beforehand wrapping his arms around her squeezing her softly he too whispered a small ‘thank you’ just as she did with Lincoln she didn’t verbally respond she just squeezed him softly before they separated, Sasha looked to Lexa seeing the angry look on her cousins face she knew what was going to come;_

_“Why the hell did you come back for us?” When Sasha remained quiet Lexa continued “You could have been killed”_

_“Well I wasn’t”_

_“You’re an idiot, look at your leg Lexi you should have left without us”_

_“I promised Atom nothing would happen to you that’d I’d keep you safe I’m not breaking that promise and besides…” Sasha paused as she hobbled a few steps closer to Lexa before continuing “As long as there’s a breath in my body I’d never leave you behind…we’re family and I love you”_

_Lexa didn’t say anything she moved forward grabbing Sasha by the neck with her right hand she pulled her cousin into a loving hug wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck feeling Sasha’s arms wrap around her waist she softly whispered into her ear “I love you too” Seconds later they both pulled out of the hug before Lexa looked at Lincoln and Ritchie firmly saying “Let’s get out of here”_

_Nobody disagreed with the sentence they wanted to get out of this desert more and more every minute, they automatically went into formation heading to the back door of the house Lexa going first followed by Sasha then Lincoln and finally Ritchie was bringing up the rear, the walked to the end of the alleyway until they came to the road they had patrolled down what seemed like forever ago. Stopping Lexa looked to her right seeing a Humvee she knew belong to their unit, she looked closer at it seeing Nyko knelt down near the driver’s door his gun aiming in their direction she signalled for the others to head in the direction of their Humvee as they began to move still in formation they were about Fifthteen feet away from the Humvee when they came under fire Sasha instantly turned around lifting her rifle up she opening up firing letting off shot after shot seeing someone fall to the ground, Lexa, Lincoln and Ritchie all turned their attention to where Sasha was shooting all of them getting off shoot until their clips on their guns were empty, Sasha dropped her now empty rifle pulling her pistol from her hip she got off two shots before she began back pedalling towards the Humvee, as she fired another shot her attention was brought to something landing in front of her a little to the right as her eyes saw what it was she let out a massive shout “GRENADE” Hearing the call Ritchie and Lincoln took off towards the Humvee as Nyko stood up jumping inside the Humvee, Lexa on the other hand was looking at the Sasha as Sasha began running she too took off running in her head she was counting down…5….…4….….seeing Sasha struggling as the pain in her leg seemed to be kicking in she rushed to her side gripping her around her waist supporting her enough so the Sasha could run a little faster …3 ……2 ……. 1…… BOOM…_

_Lexa and Sasha were sent flying through the air as a result of the force of the explosion , every single thought in Lexa’s head was scrambled the feeling of being thrown through the air wasn’t something she had felt before and before she knew it she felt her back hit something solid but soft at the same time and then she was face first on the ground her whole body hurt from the force of hitting whatever she hit, as her vision blurred slightly rolled on to her back forgetting where she was for a moment she looked to up at the sky the colour reminded her of Clarke how Clarke smiled at her how her life had changed since that night she and Sasha meet Clarke and Octavia, and that’s when everything changed her mind began to swirl as she remembered what had happened moments before…Alexis…the one word in her head…Alexis…sitting up she looked at her legs and everywhere she could she checked there were no injuries to herself she felt up all the way up her neck feeling a few cuts on her neck she ignored them feeling that they weren’t major injures continuing she felt her face she felt a few marks on her left cheek and a cut on her forehead knowing she wasn’t seriously injured she began turning around on her side she could see the back of the Humvee was dented ‘that must have been what I slammed into’ she thought to herself as she continued to scan to where she had been moments before her eyes came to Nyko, Lincoln and Ritchie bent over what looked like someone scrambling to her feet she stumbled forward Lincoln stepped in front of her trying to stop her seeing what they had, pushing him softly he moved out of the way with little effort on Lexa’s part moving forward she placed her hand on Ritchie’s left shoulder looking over him she swear she felt her heart stop and her stomach sink as her eyes landed on Sasha laying on the ground her head bleeding from a deep gash to her forehead, a piece of that looked like metal sticking out of Sasha’s right thigh just above where she had been shoot, the uniform jacket that covered her torso was half covered in blood it covered from her right shoulder down half of her abdomen looking back up Lexa could see Sasha’s right arm was covered in blood all the way down…Lexa snapped herself out of her daze when she noticed that Sasha was awake her eyes looking up at the sky as if trying to concentrate on anything other than what she was feeling in her body right now, rushing forward she knelt down next to Sasha she leant over Sasha’s face looking down at her cousin she softly whispered “Its ok Alexis I’ve got you…”_

Lexa’s Bedroom

Lexa continued to hold onto Sasha until she felt her cousin’s movements cease completely looking down at Sasha’s face she could a blank expression plastered on it the same expression she knew always graced Sasha’s face after a flashback removing her arm from around Sasha’s neck and chest she used it to turn her cousins face towards her as their eyes connected she could see the Sasha she knew the one that looked back at her and never dreamed of hurting her, the eyes that were warm and welcoming filled with love and affection for those she loved most. Untangling her legs from Sasha’s waist she let go of her completely, watching as crawled forward sitting against the chest of drawers Lexa had placed in front of the door watching as Sasha brought her knees up resting her hands on her knees she could see Sasha’s face began to process everything she’d seen over the last thirty minutes she been locked in the flashback her eyes where closed as she took small steady breaths, Lexa watched Sasha closely as she always did make sure her cousin didn’t go into another flashback or get too down on herself. Shuffling over she sat next to Sasha waiting for a few moments before she reached over placing her hand on top of Sasha’s left knee the action causing Sasha to look at her

 

“You good?” Lexa softly asked looking at Sasha’s facial expression

 

“I’m cool, I just need a minute”

 

“Sure thing, take as long as you need”

 

Ten minutes later and Sasha seemed to have calmed down more and more to the point that her breathing was back to normal and she was visually more relaxed than minutes before hand looking at Lexa she softly spoke as she opened her eyes

 

“I didn’t hurt you did I?”

 

“No” Lexa responded seeing Sasha release a breath of relief “It was the shortest one so far if that makes you feel any better”

 

“Oddly it does” Sasha smiled before she stood up looking down at Lexa she held her hand out for her cousin who took it allowing Sasha to pull her up from the floor, she pulled Lexa into a hug wrapping her arms around her “Thank you for being there”

 

“Always” Lexa responded hugging Sasha back gently as Sasha released her she stepped back looking at her cousin she smiled “Let’s move this thing then” Lexa added laughing softly as her and Sasha moved to either side of the chest of draws moving it back to the spot it had been before Lexa moved it

 

“Thanks again Lex” Sasha genuinely said as she walked to the door stopping and looking at Lexa with a genuine smile on her face

 

“No worries” Lexa responded winking at Sasha as she walked out of her bedroom leaving the bedroom door open, Lexa walked to the door seeing Sasha walk straight to her bedroom not looking or acknowledging anyone in the Living room, walking out of her bedroom Lexa was intending to walk to the kitchen and get a drink of water as she walking into their Living room she instantly noticed Octavia laying with Costia on one of the couches noticing how fragile Costia walking over she noticed Clarke standing in the kitchen deciding not to disturb Octavia or Costia she slowly walked to the kitchen being careful not to make any noise as she did so, once she was in the kitchen she walked over leaning on the counter watching as Clarke did the same resting next to her after a few seconds she softly asked Clarke “What’s wrong with Costia?”

 

“Sasha didn’t tell you?”

 

“No…she um...she had a flashback...” Seeing Clarke’s face fall slightly she added “She’s fine just after one she doesn’t talk much and needs an hour or so to sort herself out” When Clarke nodded her understanding she asked again “So what’s wrong with Costia?”

 

“She’s got a fever your auntie dropped her off earlier and told Sasha that she had been throwing up all night and was really weak so Octavia says, I’ve looked at her and it’s nothing major she just needs to be looked after until her fever breaks and then she’ll start to get better”

 

“Thanks”

 

“You don’t need to thank me”

 

“Well I did so there” Lexa responded sticking her tongue out at Clarke getting a laugh from Clarke “I’m sorry if I was rude to you earlier”

 

“You weren’t”

 

“Good but I’m still sorry I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you”

 

“Well you did call me babe so I guess that makes up for it” Clarke smiled at Lexa seeing the nervous expression fill her face

 

“I’m sorry”

 

“Stop apologising…. I like it when you call me babe”

 

“You do?” Lexa asked quirking her eyebrow a little

 

“Yeah I always have…it gives me this tingly happy feeling in my stomach”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah” Clarke left out nodding softly as suddenly the air in the room was thick with tension between them and all the things they hadn’t talked about in the last few months, there were minutes of silence that filled the air as neither of them knew what to say to the other they knew what they wanted to say but was the other ready to hear it, Clarke finally decided to say something turning her head to look at Lexa she was pleasantly surprised when Lexa’s lips pressed against hers she didn’t know how to respond it was almost as if she was frozen, not feeling a response Lexa pulled back her face filled with guilt as she mumbled a small ‘sorry’ to Clarke and turned to walk out of the kitchen Clarke managed to recover quick enough to grab Lexa’s wrist and pull at it gently turning Lexa around to face her as soon as Lexa was facing her Clarke stepped forward crashing their lips together a kiss that said everything she wanted to from I’ve missed you to I still love you every emotion she was feeling every thought about this moment in her head flowing into the kiss all the way to passion as Clarke moved her hands to Lexa’s tank top pulling on it pulling Lexa’s chest against hers as their chests connected Lexa moved forward gently forcing Clarke to move backwards until her back gently hit the counter they had previously been leant against as Lexa’s hands rested on Clarke’s hips.

 

They kissed for what felt like hours but was in reality only a minute or two when the sound of Costia crying broke them apart without a word to each other they both darted into the Living room seeing Octavia standing up as a crying Costia stood in front of her trying to calm her down telling her it was ok, they could both clearly see that Costia and Octavia’s shirts were covered in vomit Lexa instantly moved towards them looking down at Costia she held her arms out to the little who shook her head at her;

 

“I was sick; I’ll make your clothes dirty”

 

“You can go change O, I’ll look after Cos” Lexa smiled at Octavia, kneeling down in front of her little cousin Lexa moved forward removing the little girls vomit covered shirt and rolling it into a ball careful not to get vomit on herself she placed it on the floor not worrying about it at the moment, continuing to look at Costia she smiled removing her tank top she carefully placed it over the little girls head rolling the material down her chest, carefully removing Costia’s pyjama trousers that had gotten a little vomit on them she placed them on top of the top she had placed on the floor looking at the girl, letting the rest of the tank top roll down Costia the material stopped just at Costia’s knees before she could say anything to Costia the little girl spoke

 

“Dankie Alex” _(Thank you Alex)_

“Your welcome sunshine” Lexa smiled back before opening her arms looking at Costia softly asking “Can I get cuddles now?” Costia nodded her head at Lexa slowly walking forward until she was in front of Lexa her face filled with pure sadness as she looked at her “You still feel sick?” Costia nodded as tears fell from her eyes “Come here” Lexa softly spoke wrapping her arms around Costia she lifted the little girl onto her chest before standing up she smiled as Costia softly laughed causing her to ask “What’s funny?”

 

“jou naak” _(Your naked)_ Costia said giggling again

 

“I’m not” Lexa laughed back looking down at Costia as the little girl rested her head on her shoulder, seeing the slightly confused look on Clarke’s face she looked at her explaining “Sunshine here thinks I’m naked” Lexa smiled even more as she heard the little girl giggle again at the word naked as Clarke watched them laughing softly at Lexa’s interaction with Costia “You hungry Cos?” Lexa asked earning a small head shake from Costia “Ok” She softly responded before moving to the couch to her left, the one next to where Octavia had been sleeping with Costia, picking up the tv remote from the table she turned on the tv pulling up one of Costia’s favourite films she looked down at the little softly saying “How about we watch The Smurfs and you rest up?”

 

“Ek is lief vir Smurfs” _(I love smurfs)_

“I know you do” Lexa laughed softly shifting slightly allowing Costia to lay down on the couch so her back was against the back of the couch as she intended to get up only for Costia to grip onto her tightly

 

“Don’t go Alex”

 

“I’m just gonna get you come juice”

 

Before Costia could say anything to her older cousin Clarke softly said “I’ll get it for her”

 

“Thanks” Lexa softly replied as Costia climbed back onto Lexa and softly cuddled into Lexa her small frame resting on Lexa as her hands rested on Lexa’s stomach as her head gently leant on the top of Lexa’s chest just near her shoulders Lexa wrapped her right arm around Costia’s back making sure she could hold the little girl in place knowing that when Costia was sick she liked to be cuddled because the contact made her feel safer, a few seconds later Clarke appeared next to her holding a glass of Orange Juice she carefully handed it to Lexa before Lexa could thank her Costia’s tiny voice let out a;

 

“Thanks Clarkey”

 

“Your welcome Cos” Clarke smiled leaning down placing a kiss on Costia’s head before softly saying “You rest up ok” Costia nodded her head softly at Clarke before the blonde turned her attention to Lexa “I’ve just gotta run to the store do you need anything?”

 

“Can you grab my phone from my room please and a blanket?”

 

“Sure” Clarke smiled walking to Lexa’s bedroom and retrieving the items Lexa had asked for before walking back to where Lexa and Costia were laying down she placed the blanket over them both before handing Lexa her phone and asking “Anything else?”

 

“We’re good thanks”

 

“Ok I won’t be long”

 

“Ok” Lexa smiled watching as Clarke grabbed the keys Sasha had made up for her and walked out of the front door closing it, as all the thoughts in her mind went to her decision to kiss Clarke and how good it had felt they also went to wondering if it was the right decision and whether or not Clarke was thinking the same about the kiss that followed the one Lexa initiated between them, Lexa shook her head turning her attention back to the film on the TV and her younger cousin laying on her chest deciding that Costia was more important at this moment in time……

 

__

_  Flashback-6th September 2013 _

_ Afghanistan 13:23 (Los Angeles 00:23) _

_Lexa and the rest of her squadron waited patiently as they watched the team on site trying to tend to Sasha and the numerous injuries she had suffered, after she had recovered and realised that Sasha was serious injured Lexa ordered Lincoln to call for a medical evacuation which he did, within ten minutes a helicopter arrived a few feet away from them rushing towards them Nyko told them what had happened and they went to work physically forcing Lexa to move so they could tend to her cousin not even a few minutes after they had arrived they had Sasha strapped to a stretcher and were carrying her to the helicopter as Robin was assisted to the helicopter by Nyko before they were all informed that they were flying back to the base and that the rest of the squadron had to drive back to base because there was no room for them in the helicopter so that’s what they did they got into their slightly damaged Humvee and drove as fast as the vehicle would go until they reached the base jumping out of the Humvee they all rushed to the medical tent on base as they approached the tent they were told to wait outside for an update, that was over twenty minutes ago and all they could hear from inside was shuffling and beeping from some machines by now Lexa’s patience was beginning to run out nobody had told her anything and she could feel the anger and the worry rising inside of herself she pushed it down thinking about how important it was that Sasha got the treatment she needed and her getting angry wasn’t gonna help anyone._

_Another ten minutes later and Lexa had finally done waiting walking into the medical tent she noticed Sasha on a gurney with around four people holding her down while two others tried to tend to her rushing forward she pushed one of the doctors out of the way when he tried to stop her, once she was passed him she rushed to Sasha’s said moving her face in front of Sasha softly whispering “Alexis, you have to calm down and let them help you” Lexa could feel the pain and fear rise inside herself as she looked into Sasha’s eyes she could see how scared her cousin she reached down taking hold of Sasha’s left hand squeezing it gently “It’s gonna be ok but you have to let them help you”_

_Lexa watched as Sasha convulsed slightly coughing once or twice blood slipping out of her mouth Lexa smiled thankfully when one of the nurse wiped the blood from Sasha’s mouth as she tried to speak, Lexa leant a little closer to Sasha so her cousin didn’t have to speak as loudly as normal, after a few seconds she heard Sasha speak “Octavia” As Lexa stood up a little she looked at Sasha seeing the tears that had formed in Sasha’s eyes and begun falling out of the corners of her eyes wiping the tears away she responded_

_“What about Octavia?”_

_“Tell her…” Sasha managed to get out before she felt her chest tighten and then release again causing her to cough again coughing up more blood as she did so a few seconds later once she had stopped coughing she looked at Lexa her face filled with frustration as well as pure pain “Phone”_

_“You want your phone” When Sasha nodded at her knowing that arguing with Sasha wasn’t the right thing to do at the moment so she took off in a sprint towards their bunks rushing to Sasha’s bed she managed to find Sasha’s phone pushing the middle button she groaned in frustration when the empty battery sign flashed before the phone shut down again she realised Sasha must have forgotten to put it on charge putting it in her pocket she rushed over to her bunk removing her phone from her locker she ran back to the medical bay rushing to Sasha side she looked down at her “Your phone’s dead but you can use mine”_

_“Call….O” Sasha managed to get out the pain she was feeling inside was beginning to overwhelm her, dialling the number Lexa held the phone to Sasha’s ear as she watched her cousin leave a message for Octavia she didn’t know how Sasha was even managing to speak let alone stay conscious, when Sasha looked at her she hung up the phone call placing the phone in her pocket she was about to order Sasha to let the nurses and doctors help her when she noticed her eyes roll back in her head as she began to convulse on the gurney this time the convulsions were more intense Sasha’s body was violently shaking up and down, stepping back and out of the way Lexa watched as the medical team went to work on her cousin._

_Thirty minutes later Lexa was still watching the medical team work Sasha’s heart had stopped on two occasions but they had managed to get it beating without an difficulty she’d never been one to pray but could feel the urge burning inside herself if praying would help her cousin survive she’d do it, she watched as Sasha’s top was cut apart so they could access her chest that was the point she had turned around she couldn’t see Sasha like that, that couldn’t be the last image she had of her ‘Twinsy’ as she called her, she felt a soft hand on her shoulder forcing her to turn around the only thing going through her mind being ‘don’t be dead Sasha’ as she turned her eyes landed on the male doctor she had pushed out of the way she braced herself as he spoke_

_“She has stabilised, her heart stopped twice but we got it started again and her heart rate has levelled out, we’ve managed to stop the internal bleeding for now, her gun shot is deep but we haven’t treated it as of yet, the reason being her body is under a significant amount of pressure as it is and removing the bullet could cause her to go in to shock again, her injuries are very serious and need to be handled in hospital so we’re doing a medical evacuation within the hour”_

_“Where are you taking her?”_

_“We’re flying her back to the US”_

_“Isn’t that dangerous?”_

_“Yes, but her going to any hospital or staying here is just as dangerous…. I’ll speak to your first sergeant and arrange for you to go with her”_

_“Thank you”_

_While she was in the helicopter flying to the airport Lexa dialled Clarke’s phone on three occasions but there was no answer she knew that Clarke and Octavia were out celebrating Octavia’s new job, deciding the third time that leaving a message on Clarke’s voicemail she didn’t go into detail she just asked Clarke to text her when she was free, all the medical staff (two nurses and one doctor) that were travelling with them she had to sit and watch it had only been thirty minutes and she was almost 100% sure that she wouldn’t be able to do nothing if Sasha took a turn for the worse, but at the moment she was just trying to keep herself calm. Her hand had been in her pocket on her phone for the last ten minutes she could feel the tears brimming in her eyes everytime that she looked at Sasha hooked up to machines unconscious, as she sat down she finally pulled out her phone she pulled up Clarke’s number dialling it again and again she got no answer leaving another message telling Clarke it was important she placed the phone in her pocket_

_-7 Hours later- (Afghanistan 20:55 /Los Angeles 06:58)-_

_Lexa woke up feeling the plane shake with what she hoped was only turbulence wiping her eyes she checked on Sasha before walking to the toilet that was on the plane it wasn’t the nicest toilet but she had seen worse especially on base but as long as it had a flushing toilet and somewhere to wash her hands she was happy. A few minutes later she returned to her seat pulling out her phone she pushed the power button waiting for it to turn back on, she’d decided to turn it off earlier to save her battery for when they landed because she knew that there would be a few people she needed to call and her phone was an important part of those calls. Before she had turned her phone off hour earlier she had tried on countless occasions to get through to Octavia each time the phone had gone through to Octavia’s voicemail along with calls she left Octavia about just near enough twenty texts she had mentioned anything about Sasha being hurt but she made sure Octavia knew it was important and she needed to talk to her. Seconds after the phone had powered back on she felt the phone begin to vibrate uncontrollably in her hand looking at the phone she noticed a few text messages from Clarke asking what was wrong along with a few telling her to call her no matter the time. Bringing up Clarke’s contact in her phone she rung the number waiting for a few seconds before she heard the call engage and a small sound of shuffling on the other end before she heard Clarke’s crackling voice;_

_“Hello”_

_“Hey” Was all Lexa could manage to get out something about hearing Clarke’s voice as she looked over at her broken looking cousin she could feel the tears building and burning inside her throat and eyes_

_“Lex…is that you?” Clarke asked Lexa could hear her pull the phone away from her ear and then place it back “Lexa…what’s going on?”_

_“Clarke…um something…. something happened” Lexa had to stop herself talking as the tears ran freely down her cheeks making her take in a deep breath_

_“Lex, your worrying me now what’s happened? What’s wrong?”_

_“Ummmm…. Sasha’s hurt” Lexa let out a massive breath as she felt her barriers break and the tears came flooding out as small involuntary sobs escaped her body_

_“Hurt” Clarke responded her voice suddenly more alert and awake “What do you mean hurt?” Clarke could hear Lexa sobbing softly as on the other end of the phone causing her to softly say “Lex, baby its ok just breath it’s gonna be ok…just take a few breaths…” about a minute later Lexa’s sobbing subsided and she spoke_

_“I’m sorry I just…. I don’t know what to do Clarke”_

_“Let’s start with you telling me what exactly happened?”_

_Lexa took in a few deep breaths wiping the tears from her cheeks before she spoke “I don’t know…we were patrolling this village it was completely abandoned…well I thought it was…Sasha noticed something so we switched and then the next thing I knew we were under fire and Sasha was on the floor with blood coming from her leg…she told me she was fine and then some guy had us at gun point I told her to leave me but she didn’t listen” Lexa paused as the anger seeped into her voice as she relived what had happened in her head “She came back for us, she took out a few of the soldiers shooting at us and we were just about to get to the Humvee and then a grenade went off…I don’t remember what happened I just remember hitting something I think it was the Humvee and when I gathered by baring’s there she was blooded and broken…”_

_“How um…. how is she?” Clarke asked softly_

_“You mean is she alive?”_

_“Yeah...I’m sorry I didn’t wanna sound insensitive”_

_“It’s fine…. they told me her heart stopped twice but they got it restarted and managed to control the internal bleeding but because of the other injuries she sustained they couldn’t treat her to the degree she needs so they’re flying her back”_

_“Back?”_

_“To LA…. they let me come with her I think it was to keep her calm if she woke up again” Lexa suddenly remembered Sasha using her phone “Clarke, Sasha left a voicemail on Octavia’s phone I think it’d be better if you’d stop her listening to it”_

_“I’ll try…. have you told her?”_

_“No I haven’t been able to get through I’ve tried calling I even sent texts but nothing I guessed you were still out partying”_

_“We were we got in at 5”_

_“I’m sorry I woke you…. I just needed to hear your voice I suppose”_

_“It’s fine…. when does the plane land?”_

_“About 1pm LA time there taking us straight to the hospital once we land”_

_“We’ll meet you at the hospital, do you want me to tell Octavia?”_

_“No I’ll call her but maybe be there when I call”_

_“Of course” Clarke paused for a second before hesitantly asking “Are you hurt?”_

_“No I’m fine Clarke they checked me over before we left I’m fine just bruises and a few marks”_

_“You promise”_

_“I promise Clarke I’m fine”_

_“Ok, I’ll let you hang up and call O but let me know if anything changes”_

_“I will”_

_“Ok…I love you Lexa”_

_“I love you too Clarke…bye”_

_“Bye” With that Lexa hung up the phone bringing it down to rest in front of her thinking it over she pulled up Octavia’s number calling it she held the phone to her ear she wasn’t sure what she was gonna saw but she knew that she had to tell Octavia what was going on because Sasha would want her there and right now Sasha needed everyone she loved and cared for around her…._

Lexa and Sasha’s Apartment Staircase

Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she walked down the staircase that lead to the exit/entrance of the apartment complex she couldn’t believe how today had turned around first something happened with Sasha that something she now knew was a flashback which was a terrible start in her opinion on only thing that she was happy about regarding that was Lexa calling her babe, and then everything changed Lexa actually kissed her something she’d been thinking about for months on end the one time she didn’t think through what to say to her or how to drop any hints in their conversations was the one time Lexa actually made a move on her, and when she kissed her back it felt like time stood still like it always did when her and Lexa would kiss. Things felt like they were looking up even more than they had been recently Mitch was being charged for what he did and now this maybe her and Lexa could pick up where they left of now they’d both had time to think about things properly and now they were like they used to be no stranded conversations no secrets between them it was just them again and it felt amazing even more than it used to feel, she was removed from her thoughts when some bumped past her as they did they apologised that was what brought Clarke out of her thoughts more than anything she knew that voice moving quickly after the person she gently placed her hand on their arm grabbing their attention causing them to turn around and look at her she was slightly shocked when she realised she was right about who it was

 

“Anya?” She asked almost checking she was right

 

“Clarke…it’s good to see you”

 

“What are you doing here? Raven isn’t here if that’s who you’re looking for”

 

“It’s not I’m here to talk to Sasha she’s stopped answering my messages”

 

“She’s not free at the moment”

 

“Don’t lie Clarke”

 

“I’m not, her little sister is sick she’s looking after her”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that but she deserves to know and I’m not covering for your bestie anymore”

 

“Covering?” Clarke asked before it hit her Anya must of knew about Octavia and Raven her face gave away what she knew causing Anya to say

 

“Unbelievable how many people do they have covering for them”

 

“They who?” Clarke asked trying to cover up that she knew what Anya was talking about

 

“Raven and Octavia slept together you know it I know it…...and in a few minutes Sasha will know it as well” Anya went to walk up the stairs but Clarke ran in front of her stopping her from moving

 

“Look I know you probably don’t care but Sasha is going through a lot at the moment we all are….” When Anya went to walk around her Clarke again blocked her way “Please just give me twenty minutes to try and convince you if I don’t then I’ll take you up myself to tell her….”

 

Anya was silent for a few minutes before she looked at Clarke clenching her jaw and letting out a sigh of frustration when she noticed Clarke straighten up a little suggesting she wouldn’t get past her without a fight she let out a low “Twenty Minutes”


	31. Forced Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Sasha's Flashback

Chapter Thirty-Forced Truth

_ Saturday 7th September 2013 Los Angeles 07:00am-Octavia and Clarke’s Apartment _

_Octavia woke up suddenly feeling a sudden rush come over her she couldn’t describe the feeling but all she knew was that she needed to talk to Sasha, that was what her gut was telling her she just got this feeling that something wasn’t right. She was still feeling the effect of the alcohol in her system but she needed to speak to Sasha as her mind became occupied with thought of Sasha and nothing else, rolling over in her bed she lifted her head up looking for her phone finding it on her bedside cabinet she noticed it was on charge internally thanking Clarke she unplugged the phone turning it over she noticed she had 34 missed calls from Lexa and 20 texts from her along with 14 missed calls from Sasha’s mama instantly a feeling of fear built up inside of her unlocking her phone she read the messages noticing that they all said almost the same thing that she needed to call Lexa when she could, she was about to call Lexa’s number when her phone began ringing Lexa’s name popping up on the screen, answering it she didn’t speak she just waited for Lexa to talk first;_

_“Octavia are you there?”_

_“Yeah, I’m here Lexa”_

_“O, um I’m not really sure how to tell you this”_

_“Just say it Lexa”_

_“Sasha’s been hurt”_

_“How bad?” Octavia asked tears streaming from her eyes as Lexa’s words sunk in_

_“They’re not sure O we’re on a plane back to LA now”_

_“What happened?”_

_“We were patrolling and we came under fire and she was shot”_

_“Where?”_

_“O, I’m not sure knowing this is gonna help you”_

_“LEXA TELL ME” Octavia all but shouted through the phone as her bedroom door opened, looking up she saw Clarke come through the door walking to sit next to her on the bed_

_“She was shoot in the leg, then we were caught in an explosion and she was banged up a little”_

_“How bad is it?”_

_“I don’t know”_

_“Don’t lie to me Lexa”_

_“I’m not O they don’t have the equipment to tell how bad the damage is”_

_“Is she awake? Can I talk to her?”_

_“They sedated her for the journey”_

_“That’s a bad sign isn’t it though” Octavia asked more and more tears running down her cheeks as she tried to stop herself from bursting out sobbing, looking at Clarke before Clarke could answer Lexa spoke on the other end_

_“Not really she was fighting them as they tried to treat her so they had to sedate her otherwise she could have caused herself more injuries”_

_“What hospital are they taking her?”_

_“I’m not sure at the moment O, once we land and I know I’ll call I promise but until then there isn’t really anything you can do”_

_“You promise as soon as you find out anything you’ll call me”_

_“I promise, just try not to worry too much O I’m sure everything will be ok”_

_“You don’t know that”_

_“No I don’t but I know Sasha and she’ll fight this”_

_“Does her mama know?” Octavia suddenly asked remembering she had missed calls on her phone from Sasha’s mama_

_“No”_

_“Why has she been calling me then?”_

_“I’m not sure maybe something to do with the twins but don’t answer I’ll call her once I have a full picture of what’s going on”_

_“Ok”_

_“Ok, I’ve gotta go ok I need to save my battery”_

_“Ok if anything changes let me know please”_

_“I will….as soon as we get there and they update me I’ll call back alright but I really have to go…..bye” With that Lexa hung up the phone not giving herself a chance to lie even more to Octavia, once Lexa had hung up Octavia let all her emotions out as she burst into tears feeling Clarke’s arms wrap around her holding onto her tightly_

_FOUR HOURS LATER (Los Angeles 11:00)_

_Once Octavia had composed herself she took a quick shower probably the quickest she’d ever taken in her life before getting dressed picking up the first t-shirt she came across along with a pair of jeans and her trainers. About two hours after talking to Lexa, Lexa called back telling her the name of the hospital and where it was she texted the zip code to Clarke’s phone but warned them to leave it another hour and drink another coffee before attempting to drive, Clarke had the coffee as her girlfriend mentioned but they both decided that waiting an hour wasn’t something they could handle, Clarke hadn’t drunk a lot the night before plus she’d not drunk after midnight because she couldn’t deal with the hangover that would come with more drunks especially out of the both of them she’d had more sleep after they got in at 5am even though Octavia had an after party with Bellamy and a few other people when Grounders had shut Clarke had secretly snuck into the staff room with Gustus’ permission and fell asleep for an hour or two before returning pretending she was charging her phone. Clarke tried calling Lexa but got no response after waiting for five minutes for Lexa to call back they decided to just go to the hospital, they packed a bag with a few clothes and some other essentials along with a charger and toothbrushes for Sasha and Lexa before they finally left the apartment getting into Clarke’s car punching the zip code into the sat nav they followed the directions for about forty five minutes until they reached the hospital as they got out of the car they asked at reception for Sasha’s whereabouts but because they weren’t family or married to either woman the receptionist wouldn’t give them any information. After numerous attempts Clarke decided to text Lexa as she sent the message she noticed that the message didn’t come up as sent which she was assuming meant that Lexa’s phone had died. So they sat and waited for about ten minutes until Clarke decided to look up hospital numbers on her phone googling the hospital name she noticed there was a number for the emergency department calling it up she asked if they could pass a message on to a patients relative to her surprise when she mentioned that the patient was a soldier who had just been brought in the man on the other end of the phone agreed to pass on a message, so she just asked him to tell her to go to the reception of the hospital, her promised her that he would pass the message on all they could do now was wait._

_Ten minutes later Octavia had gone outside to get some fresh air as Clarke was making the phone call just as Octavia was coming back inside Lexa appeared in the reception area seeing her Clarke instantly jumper up from her seat rushing to her girlfriend engulfing her in a hug Lexa instantly wrapped her arms around Clarke her whole body relaxed as she felt Clarke’s body against hers they stayed wrapped in each other’s arms for a few minutes before Lexa and Clarke both loosened their grip on the other, Lexa looked to Octavia giving her a weak smile the brunette stepped forward wrapping her arms around Lexa hugging her softly;_

_“I’m glad you guys came” Lexa softly said as she felt Clarke’s hand slide into hers their fingers interlocking squeezing Clarke’s hand she softly continued “They woke Sasha up”_

_“How is she?”_

_“They wanna operate and she doesn’t wanna go in without seeing you first” Lexa replied avoiding the question Octavia had asked “Do you think you’re up to that?”_

_“Yes, where is she?”_

_“She’s in ICU”_

_“Intensive Care?”_

_“It’s because of the internal bleeding and the bullet wound”_

_“Could she die?” Octavia asked watching Lexa’s face as it contorted and then dropped slightly, she could see that Lexa was contemplating lying to her “Please don’t lie to me Lexa”_

_“They said its 50/50 whether or not she’ll survive, they said there’s a lot of internal bleeding seems that whatever they did to stem the bleeding on base it only made things worse, along with the damage to her right thigh from the bullet and the shrapnel she also dislocated her right shoulder that same shoulder was cut up pretty bad from the shrapnel, she had some pieces of shrapnel in her chest that they don’t think has caused anything more than surface damage and she has a gash to her head so they wanna run a CT scan before the operation to make sure there’s no damage to her brain”_

_“Why didn’t you tell me it was that bad I would have left straight away”_

_“That’s why O, there was nothing more you could do expect wait around for her to be transferred and then checked over by doctor after doctor believe me it would have only upset you more than your already upset and I didn’t want that and neither would Sasha”_

_“Can I see her? While I can keep myself together”_

_“Sure I’ll show you to her room” Lexa said slowly turning and walking in the direction of the ICU room that Sasha was being kept in walking through three corridors in an elevator and then through another corridor until they came to a room that had no windows in the corridor side there was only a door to the room looking at the room that was numbered ICU3 Lexa added “This is the room” She knocked gently before opening the door looking at the doctor she said “Her girlfriends here” The doctor told them to come in Lexa walked through the door seeing her cousin still laid out on the hospital bed she still had what remained of her uniform on looking behind her Lexa could see Octavia hesitate if she’d seen what Octavia was seeing now an hour ago when she was allowed in to see Sasha she be a million times more pleased than she was with the image of an hour ago that was imbedded in her head, But she could understand what a shock to Octavia it would have been especially as she hadn’t really told her the full extent of the injured Sasha had suffered and on top of that Sasha wasn’t moving in fact the doctors had told her not to move to avoid any further injury to herself all she could do was keep looking up at ceiling trying not to panic, when Octavia stopped in her tracks Lexa moved next to her softly saying “O, its ok she’s not allowed to move but she’s awake”_

_“Octavia” Sasha’s voice seemed to be all Octavia needed to convince her to approach the bed, she walked towards the bed still cautious of all the equipment that was beeping around Sasha stepping forward she stopped next to Sasha’s head she smiled when she noticed Sasha looking at her in the corner of eyes “Hey” Sasha managed to breath out, noticing the strain Sasha was putting on her eyes the nurse stepped forward lowering the bed carefully so that Sasha could simply look up and see Octavia “Thank you” Sasha softly said earning a smile from the nurse as she turned to the only other nurse in the room motioning for her to follow they both walked to door exiting the room giving the four women some privacy. Sasha looked back from where her attention back to Octavia seeing the tears she softly said “Don’t cry…”_

_“Sorry”_

_“You don’t need to be sorry…. I’m sorry I should have paid more attention then I wouldn’t have got injured…you shouldn’t have to go through this” Sasha managed to get out, each word causing her pain as the medication they had given her seemed to be wearing off every breath she took began to feel like a gunshot, but it was worth it she needed to speak to Octavia in case the operation failed and in case she didn’t make it_

_“Don’t apologise for being brave……”_

_“You saved Lexa’s life Sasha” Clarke interjected seeing Octavia turn back smiling at her softly before turning her attention back to Sasha_

_“See you’re a hero in my eyes and the sooner you have this operation the sooner you can recover”_

_“O…they said...”_

_“I know what they said but I know you as well…you’re a fighter you always have been you fight for what you love and you love me right?”_

_“More than you’ll probably ever know” Sasha released smiling as her body tightened as the pain continued to shoot through her body with every breath_

_“So if you see a white light or whatever don’t you dare give up on me and walk towards that light ok?”_

_“Ok…”_

_“Promise me”_

_“My track record with promises to you isn’t good” Sasha softly added managing to get out a smile looking at Octavia_

_“Promise me” Octavia added sternly looking down at Sasha_

_“I promise I won’t follow any light”_

_“Good because I love you too much for you to give up on me now”_

_“Yes boss” Sasha smiled as she lifted her left hand up in the air for Octavia to hold which she did reaching over Octavia took hold of Sasha’s hand “Thanks for coming”_

_“Like I wouldn't”_

_“How was your night out?” Sasha asked trying to ignore the pain stabbing in her leg_

_“Don't change the subject”_

_“I’m not”_

_“You are” Leaning down she whispered into Sasha’s ear “Your scared and you’re trying not to show it, but you don't need to pretend to me” Standing back up she looked down at her girlfriend_

_“I don't wanna die O” Sasha managed to choke out as the emotion built in her throat at the same time as tears rolled from her eyes down her face as she concert rated on Octavia “I’m scared….If I die whose gonna take of Costia and look after her who's gonna know the right song to sing her to make her feel better, whose gonna stop Lexa making terrible fashion mistakes and tell her when she has to apologise to Clarke for doing something wrong……who’s gonna be there for Raven when she forgives Anya again and gets her heart broken again or when she can't fix a machine and gets all depressed who's gonna pull her out of it…..who’s gonna tell you how amazingly talented you are and how beautiful you are everyday….”_

_“You know who’s gonna do all that…. you are because you can get through this you’re the strongest person I've ever meet and the most caring and loving as well as the sexiest women I've meet…. you just have to stop fighting everyone and let them help…. ok”_

_Sasha swallowed back her emotions as she looked at Octavia “ok” She let out she tried to stop herself from moving as she felt a jolt of pain rush through her body the pain caused her whole body to tense up instantly_

_Seeing Sasha tense up Octavia softly squeezed Sasha’s hand looking back to Lexa “Tell the doctors she’s ready for the operation” She watched Lexa and Clarke walk out of the door closing it behind them she looked down at Sasha softly saying “You’re in pain and they need to operate now…. I know you’re scared but I’m gonna be here no matter what happens and I promise when you wake up I'll be here…I might even hold your hand as well…”_

_“Thank you”_

_“You can thank me when you wake up” Octavia smiled as she heard the door to the room open looking back quickly she noticed the nurses and the doctors, removing her hand from Sasha’s she carefully placed both her hands on Sasha’s cheeks leaning down she placed a loving tentative kiss on her lips Sasha instantly brought her left hand placing it over Octavia’s right hand she kissed her back with as much strength as she could after about twenty seconds Octavia pulled back looking down at her_

_“Nice Shirt” Sasha smiled finally seeing Octavia’s TAKEN….by a solider T-shirt_

_“Thanks”_

_“I love you”_

_“I love you too…. Alexis”_

_Sasha smiled softly at the use of her real name as Octavia stepped back allowing the nurses and doctors to approach the bed they confirmed with Sasha that she was giving consent for Lexa to sign all the related documents as well as for the operations to be carried out at the same time, she confirmed everything they asked her or said, they then placed the monitor attached to Sasha on the end of bed before carefully making sure all the other wires and machines were ready to be transported within a minute they were done and Sasha was being wheeled out of the hospital room with Lexa by her side walking to her waiting until the door was closed Octavia held in her emotions, but as soon as it clicked shut she let the tears rush from her eyes almost collapsing until Clarke caught her wrapping her arms around her….._

 

Unity Café

Clarke convinced Anya to walk with her to the next street to a new café that had opened up so they could talk and she could try and convince Anya that telling Sasha was the worst possible decision she could make for everyone involved, they walked in silence the whole five minutes to the café even remaining silent until the waitress came to them asking what they’d like Anya order a coffee while Clarke ordered a tea which thanks to Sasha she’d become addicted to over the last month living with her and Lexa, Clarke was brought from thinking about how to convince Anya to keep quit when her phone went off pulling it out of her pocket she noticed a text message from Lexa opening it she smiled reading the message;

 

**Lexa: Is everything ok? xx**

**Clarke: Yeah everything’s fine just taking my time xx** **J**

**Lexa: Ok :-) Don’t take too long xxx**

**Clarke: I won’t I promise xxx :-D**

Turning her attention back to Anya just as their drinks arrived at their table thanking the waitress Clarke took a sip of her drink seeing Anya looking at her almost impatiently as she opened her mouth and said

 

“Times ticking Clarke”

 

Taking a deep breath in she softly began to speak not having the first clue how she was going to convince Anya to keep quiet about Raven and Octavia “Ok, I know you said that you wanna tell Sasha what happened between Raven and Octavia but I just don’t understand your sudden urge to tell her it’s not like you and Raven were together or anything when it happened and Sasha broke up with Octavia the next day and I know that isn’t the point but it’s not something that should be dragged up not when their only just beginning to get back on track…they’ve been through a lot in the last month and they deserve to be happy”

 

“And Sasha deserves to know how good of a best friend Raven is to her or isn’t in this case”

 

“Raven…this is about Raven?”

 

“No it’s about Sasha deserving to know even if it was one night”

 

“That didn’t sound too convincing”

 

“Fine…. I just found out my husband slept with my best friend after she told him I was sleeping with someone…. the ironic thing is when she said it I actually wasn’t sleeping with anyone behind his back…So I know how much it hurts but at the same time I’m glad I know because it gives me clarity on a lot of things but also let me know that not everyone can be trusted, and from what I know of Sasha she’d die for Raven and Octavia she deserves to know what they did behind her back”

 

“So this is because you want to unburden yourself so that you feel better”

 

“No this is about Sasha being lied to by someone she obviously loves more than they love her”

 

“That’s bullshit Anya you can’t unburden yourself because of something you think you have no idea how much Octavia or Raven care and love Sasha…none of them deserve to lose each other especially after everything that’s happened to them in the last month…”

 

“You keep mentioning the last damn month Clarke what the hell could have happened that was that bad huh?”

 

“Well you see these faint marks on my face, there from where my boyfriend well ex-boyfriend beat me up if you think this is bad you should have seen what he did to Octavia not to mention that fact that he nearly raped her…and on top of that Sasha’s six-year-old sister is fighting for her life to beat cancer….so THAT is what is more important than some stupid secret about one-night hell not even one night one hour of madness that they both regret more than you’ll ever know”

 

“Look I’m sorry to hear about Sasha’s little sister I really am and what Octavia went through but that doesn’t make lying to Sasha ok any more than it makes what they did ok, they both knew what they were doing and they both know how wrong it was otherwise they wouldn’t be keeping it from her”

 

“How can you be so heartless….and furthermore this isn’t any of your business Anya yeah its sucks what your husband did with your friend but that’s no reason to completely mess up someone else’s relationship it’s not fair and it’s not right either, if Sasha is meant to find out then it shouldn’t be you that tells her in the first place….” Clarke finished trying to control her temper as the thought of Sasha finding out about Raven and Octavia simply because Anya was upset about her husband cheating “You pushing this on Sasha is unfair”

 

“Fine….”

 

“What?” Clarke asked slightly unsure she’d heard correctly she was almost 100% sure that Anya was going to tell Sasha no matter what she said to her

 

“Sasha should find out from Raven or Octavia…” Anya stopped speaking picking up her coffee she downed the rest of it pulling out five dollars from her pocket she placed it on the table, looking at Clarke she began speaking again “They have one week to tell her or I do” Without another word Anya walked out of the café leaving Clarke to deliver the message to Raven and Octavia

 

 

Sasha’s Bedroom

Sasha was sitting in her bedroom removing her sweat covered clothes letting them drop to the floor she grabbed a towel from one of the drawers using it she wiped away all the sweat still on her body her hands running over scars that only she could see and feel little changes in her skin pigment that she knew were there as a result of the explosion she had just revisited during her last flashback they weren’t obvious scars in anyway but she could always see them she knew it was because every day that went past in her recovery the nurse would change her bandaging allowing her to see the marks that would forever be in her mind and on her body. Blocking the annoyance at the thought of the scars she finished removing the sweat from the whole of her body placing on a new bra and pair of women’s briefs she pulled on a pair of her black combats she was looking for a shirt to put on when she heard the bedroom door open looking back she saw Octavia close the door before taking a few steps only stopping in her tracks when she saw Sasha standing half-naked looking through her wardrobe;

 

“I’m sorry I’ll go” Octavia quickly let out before turning and going to walk out

 

“Octavia” Sasha quickly said rushing in front of Octavia looking at her she softly said “It’s fine honestly…and it looks like you need to change badly” Sasha softly giggled motioning to the sick on Octavia’s shirt

 

“Yeah Costia throw up in her sleep” Octavia explained turning around and walking towards the draw filled with her clothes

 

“I didn’t even know that was possible”

 

“Me neither, she woke up after and started crying Lexa’s looking after her now” There was complete silence for a few minutes before Sasha sat on the end of what she now viewed as her and Octavia’s bed watching as Octavia pulled out a t-shirt from her draw before she used the towel Sasha had used moments ago to wipe away a small amount of moisture that had stuck to her chest wiping the moisture away she dropped the towel as she was about to put her top on she heard Sasha ask

 

“Have you put your cream on today?”

 

“No”

 

“And how’s your back?”

 

“It hurts a little” Octavia honestly responded turning to face Sasha seeing the smirk creeping onto Sasha’s face “I know if I use it then it'll help with the pain”

 

“I’m not saying anything” Holding her right hand up in the air she clicked her fingers twice looking at Octavia saying “Come on give me the cream” Seeing the look on Octavia’s face she added “I’m fine O, We’re fine honestly”

 

“Ok” Octavia complied walking to the bedside cabinet removing the cream Abby had told her to take before walking to Sasha who shuffled back so she could sit between her legs which she did once she was sat with her back to Sasha she handed her the cream keeping her t-shirt in her hand fiddling with it as she watched for the coldness of the cream to hit her back

 

“How’s the pain been?” Sasha asked purposely distracting Octavia while she pulled the top of the cream open placing some cream in her palm she placed she cream on Octavia’s back and began softly massaging it in as Octavia responded to her

 

“It’s getting better every day; these massages are helping”

 

“Of course they are these hands are magic”

 

“If you say so babe” Octavia started to feel more relaxed as Sasha’s hands worked on her back massaging the cream in properly

 

“So what exactly happened then?” Sasha continued when she felt Octavia stiffen under her hands “Relax O I’m not gonna break up with you or get angry I just wanna help you….and believe me it helps to talk about it”

 

“I don’t know one minute we were kissing and then this urge came over me like I wanted you so badly that I couldn’t control my own emotions, I could hear you saying we should stop but I couldn’t it was like all those nights wanting to get physical with you and wanting to do more than kiss but not being able to boiled over and I couldn’t stop”

 

“And pushing me was because of what?”

 

“You put your hand where Mitch had his and it was like an instinct to push you away”

 

“So it was unintentional then?”

 

“Of course it was”

 

“Good just checking”

 

“I would never hurt you on purpose” Octavia said turning around looking at Sasha “These last few months have been terrible and I wouldn’t have got through them without you I know that and you know that…”

 

“I know” Sasha responded looking Octavia in her eyes before continuing “Babe I just wanna help you understand that you can’t push yourself when it comes to these things, I know your counselling is going good but Dr Jaha told you not to push things because this is what can happen”

 

“I know I should have listened but I was so happy that you want me to move in it kind of clouded my mind and when we were kissing it was the first time I’d felt properly turned on since what happened and I couldn’t stop it I really didn’t mean to hurt you…”

 

“You hurt me because I turned you on huh?” Sasha asked raising her eyebrows at her girlfriend

 

“I guess so yeah”

 

“I suppose that kind of makes me ok with it” Sasha let out seeing the smile on Octavia’s face “I’m not gonna push you or anything but promise that next time you see Dr Jaha you’ll talk to him about it”

 

“I promise” Octavia said looking at Sasha before she asked “Do you forgive me?”

 

“There’s nothing to forgive O, I’ve been there and I know that sometimes you can’t control things”

 

“What happened in Lexa’s room?”

 

“I had a flashback….” As Octavia heard the words come out of Sasha’s mouth she stood up trying to walk out of the room causing Sasha to roll across the bed and stop in front of Octavia stopping her moving “O don’t run from me please….” Octavia looked at Sasha as tears fell from her eyes looking into Sasha’s eyes “I’m not angry at you I don’t blame you for pushing back if you weren’t in control of course I don’t but running from me isn’t gonna help anything”

 

“How can you not hate me? I’m the reason you just had a flashback”

 

“Hate you…O baby I don’t hate you because I love you and because I understand that your upset but I want you to know the flashback wasn’t your fault…it wasn’t because you pushed me it was because my head hit the wall no other reason”

 

“I pushed you into the wall though”

 

“O, there are many ways you pushing me could have ended, I stumbled and I hit the wall the push wasn’t a factor ok?”

 

“Ok” Octavia responded as Sasha reached up wiping away the tears from Octavia’s cheeks “I am sorry though”

 

“I know” Sasha took hold of Octavia’s hand guiding her backwards onto the bed sitting down she looked up at Octavia asking “Where was my hand?” Octavia placed her own hand on the spot Sasha’s hand was before, looking at Sasha she watched her bring her hand up hold it over the spot looking at Octavia for approval before saying “I’ve heard of this thing called Replacement Memories it’s basically where you take a traumatic event or thing that happened and you replace it with another memory that is similar but fills you with happiness not fear...” Sasha continued to talk as her hand landed on Octavia’s hip she knew that her talking would distract Octavia from feeling of her hand landing “I’ve done it with Dr Jaha I know how much fear creeps in when you feel something similar to what happened that day, but the trick is to not be scared of any of it then without the fear their just bad thoughts that you can push away until one day they don’t affect you anymore…” Sasha held back the smile inside of her as her and Octavia’s eyes stayed locked on each other’s as Octavia moved forward straddling her lap something she hadn’t done for months “Sometimes you just need someone to come in and wipe away the cobwebs in your mind you know…”

 

“I know, just sometimes I can’t control it and the fear of reliving it controls me”

 

“I’ve been there O; I was scared to leave my room at one point because I thought I’d have a flashback at the slightest thing but I got through it”

 

“How?”

 

“By letting someone come in and wipe away the cobwebs”

 

“Who did that for you?”

 

“Lexa, once she found out she was there for me everytime I needed her when I had bad days and good she was there to make sure that I didn’t get lost in the darkness” Octavia looked at Sasha hesitation in her eyes as if she wanted to ask a question but didn’t know how to before she could speak Sasha continued “I’m more than happy to be that for you, if you want me to be of course”

 

“I do…” Octavia smiled pausing before asking “So where do we start?”

 

“It doesn’t work exactly like that babe it’s more about just letting you know that I’m here for you when you feel unsafe or scared you come to me”

 

“I do already”

 

“Exactly so we keep doing what we already do” Looking into Octavia’s eyes she softly said “Look down” Octavia did as Sasha said instantly noticing that she was straddling Sasha with Sasha’s hands gently resting on her thighs “See it’s a start right?”

 

“Right…” Octavia smiled realising that there was no fear inside of her at the moment, leaning down she gently kissed Sasha on the lips before pulling back and softly saying “Thank you…for everything, your amazing”

 

“I know” Sasha cheekily smiled getting a little slap on the arm from Octavia “There’s the woman I love” That earned her another slap on the arm from Octavia who laughed softly as she slapped Sasha playfully, leaning in she kissed her again pulling back “It’s a long road O, but you’ll get there I promise you will” Only now did Sasha see the t-shirt that Octavia had dropped on the floor smiling she remembered the first time she had seen the top, it was a dark red skinny fit top with white writing that read TAKEN on it with by a solider written underneath it, she had forgotten that Octavia still had the shirt “I remember that top….” She smiled looking from the shirt to Octavia as the memory flashed in her mind although it was mostly a bad memory as always Octavia was the light even in her darkest memories….

 

 

_ Saturday 7th September 2013 21:00 _

_Lexa, Clarke and Octavia were sat waiting in the relative’s room for news of Sasha she’d been in surgery for that last Nine and a half hours a few hours ago one of the nurses had come and updated them telling them that everything was going as good as expected. Once they had been shown to the relatives room one of the nurses appeared carrying Sasha’s items in a clear plastic bag stating that Sasha had asked for them to be given to Lexa until she was out of surgery, placing the bag down next to her Lexa took a seat on one of the couches not bothering to look through the bag knowing most of what was in it already along with the fact that some of the clothes were covered in Sasha’s blood, relaxing into the couch she closed her eyes praying to herself that Sasha would make it through the surgery and the next thing she knew she was asleep her hands clutching onto what Sasha had given her before she was taken to surgery. Octavia had ended up doing the same Clarke took that moment to go to the car and grab the bag her and Octavia had packed from the boot it only took her ten minutes once she returned she decided to do as Lexa and Octavia had done and catch up on sleep for some reason she couldn’t seem to sleep thinking about what Sasha and Lexa had been through after about thirty minutes of trying to sleep she began to miss feeling Lexa’s hand in her own so she stood up quietly walking over to Lexa she carefully moved Lexa’s lower body onto the couch so she was more relaxed, carefully moving onto the couch lying next to Lexa instantly feeling more relaxed as her body gently pressed against Lexa’s within a minute she was sound asleep._

_Sasha had gone into surgery at 16:55 it was now four hours later and Octavia woke up seeing Clarke and Lexa asleep on the couch she sat herself up stretching out her back which was aching slightly from sleeping on the chair in an awkward position, sitting back down she looked back to Clarke and Lexa she wished so much that she could do that with Sasha at that moment in time but she couldn’t Sasha was being operated on and would be for at least the next few hours. She tried to think of anything other than Sasha grabbing every magazine in the room attempting to read each one only to give up seconds later when everything she read reminded her of Sasha in some way shape or form, pulling out her phone she tried to use Facebook to distract herself but it was unsuccessful when she read comments on a picture she’d uploaded the night before of her and Clarke all dressed up as she read each comment she couldn’t help but think about Sasha especially when some of them mentioned Sasha by name:_

**_Jasper J Jordon: Look at what you’re missing out on Cuz…Join FB already_ **

****

**_Jackson Miller: Almost enough to turn me…. ALMOST lol_ ** **_J_ **

****

**_Monty Green: Looking hella fine O…. don’t tell Sasha I said that haha_ **

****

**_Finn Collins: Looking HOT Ladies_ **

****

**_Derrick Marshal: Damn those Woods Twins are lucky_ **

****

_She liked all the comments and of course was flattered by them all but it only made everything that was happening right now with Sasha worse, it was nothing nobody knew about except for the three people in the relative’s room right now and the rest of the squadron, she wanted to tell everyone but there wasn’t much to tell them at the moment not until Sasha was out of surgery and they had a better idea of what was going on. Feeling her phone buzz again she looked down noticing a message from Sasha’s mama asking if she’d heard from Sasha looking at the phone she realised that there was in fact someone other than the three people in that room that deserved to know, making sure Clarke and Lexa were still asleep she snuck out of the room walking until she was outside of the hospital after taking a minute to think through what she was going to say she called Sasha’s mama._

_Ten minutes later she walked back into the hospital wiping the tears that had escaped from her eyes after she had spoken to Sasha’s mama and then to Costia who innocently asked when she could talk to Sasha, she’d never had to tell the little girl such a big lie and she didn’t have any idea what she was supposed to say to her so she just said soon that was all her brain could formulate and while it was a terrible answer the little girl seemed to be happy with it. Walking slowly back to the Relatives room she smiled softly as she noticed that Lexa and Clarke had changed the position they were laying, Lexa was now facing the door with her back pressed against the back of the couch with Clarke’s back pressed against Lexa’s chest with Lexa’s left arm wrapped around Clarke’s stomach with her right arm underneath Clarke’s head her hand resting just below Clarke’s breasts. Sitting back where she was before she pulled out her phone noticing the bag Clarke had brought into the relatives’ room she removed a pair of headphones she had placed in the bag, placing them in her ears then plugging them into her phone she went into her videos seeing the numerous videos she had recorded of Sasha she pulled up the second video smiling as she watched it;_

_ Video-15th December 2012 _

_The camera panned up from the floor showing Sasha sitting in the living room it was decorated in Christmas decorations with a tree up and decorated in the corner of the living room, Sasha was watching TV in a pair of black jeans and her army t-shirt her attention was completely on the TV until the camera got closer looking to the camera she let out a laugh before she softly smiled at the camera;_

_“Babe what are you doing?”_

_“Recording you”_

_“I can see that but why….and what is it with you and recording me lately?”_

_“It is to do with the fact that your leaving for a year in a few weeks so I’m gathering memories”_

_“And pictures aren’t enough for you?” Sasha asked as the camera got closer and closer to her until there was a shuffle as Octavia moved forward until she was straddling Sasha’s lap moving the camera she leant over it “I want this video just for that cleavage shoot” Sasha softly laughed as her eyes kept on Octavia’s backside as the woman continued to lean over the camera making sure the shoot was perfect and that the phone wouldn’t fall over picking up Sasha’s phone she placed it next to hers to stop it from falling before she finally moved back to Sasha’s lap placing her hands on Sasha’s stomach as she looked into her eyes_

_“To answer your statements no pictures aren’t enough and I will send you the video just for that cleavage shoot” Octavia smiled leaning forward as Sasha leant forward at the same time, until their lips were inches away from each other’s “So you like my cleavage?”_

_Sasha leant back looking at Octavia’s outfit taking in the younger brunette’s Mini shorts that showed off her legs but mainly her thighs, looking upwards seeing the dark pink vest with Soul Cal written across the chest of it, while the vest showed off Octavia’s arms and shoulders Sasha could also see Octavia’s bra straps which were Navy blue letting her eyes move down Octavia’s chest she smiled seeing that the vest she was wearing showed her cleavage in a massive way showing off her breasts and the beginning of her bra looking up at Octavia and looking into her eyes she closed the gap between them until their lips were only a few centimetres apart wrapping her arms around Octavia’s waist bringing their bodies closer together she softly whispered “I love your cleavage”_

_“Good because it’s all yours” Sasha smiled at Octavia’s words lowering her mouth slowly placing a kiss on Octavia’s collarbone before placing a gentle kiss at the beginning of Octavia’s breasts before she smiled softly leaning up and capturing Octavia’s lips with her own using her arms she pulled Octavia against her even more feeling the younger brunette smile into the kiss._

_“I don’t know what I’m gonna miss more your cleavage or kissing you” Sasha smiled out before she could say anything else Octavia slapped her softly on the arm “Ouch, what was that for?”_

_“Your meant to say your gonna miss me the most not my body parts”_

_“But that goes without saying”_

_“Don’t try and charm me Alexis” Octavia pouted pushing Sasha’s shoulders back with her hands creating space between them_

_“Ouch again…really the full name treatment” Octavia didn’t respond to her she just continued to pout crossing her arms on her chest “You know I’m gonna miss you…I tell you everyday…. I’m sorry babe I should’ve thought before I spoke”_

_“Yeah you should have” Octavia responded as she looked at Sasha seeing that sparkle in her eyes she tried to suppress the urge she had inside to smile_

_“I’m really sorry…tell me how to make it up to you”_

_“I’m not sure you can…that one really hurt” Octavia faked continuing to pout at Sasha as she looked down at her that sparkle in Sasha’s eyes continuing to make it hard for her not to smile, without warning Sasha stood up from the couch lifting Octavia with her as she did so earning a small squeal to escape Octavia’s mouth “Sasha put me down” She gasped out before feeling Sasha turn them around lower her down onto the couch leaning over Octavia Sasha knelt down on the floor in front of the younger brunette instantly Octavia sat herself back up her hands moving to rest on Sasha’s shoulders as Sasha’s hands rested on the couch Sasha softly smiled up at her a smile she would never get used to or bored of seeing in front of her_

_“I’m really sorry I upset you baby let me make it up to you properly…” Sasha started as she placed her hands on Octavia’s hips pulling her closer until their hips were almost pressed together their lips hoovering over each other’s, Sasha smiled softly as she felt Octavia’s breaths deepen slightly leaning forward she softly pecked Octavia on the lips before pulling back and looking her in the eyes “You know Lexa isn’t back for at least an hour so I could really make it up to you in ANY way you like…”_

_“Lock the door” Octavia managed to get up within a second Sasha had stood up moved off camera and then reappeared kneeling back to where she was before between Octavia’s legs as she straightened her back up Octavia wrapped her legs around Sasha’s back pulling them together “Do that thing I like and I’ll forgive you”_

_“How long?” Sasha asked her lips hoovering over Octavia’s_

_“30 minutes and then you can sing to me as well”_

_“Yes Ma’am” Sasha responded leaning into Octavia kissing her the kiss was loving and sweet for a few seconds until the passion they both felt snuck into the kiss Octavia’s hands moved from Sasha’s shoulders down grabbing onto the hem of her shirt pulling it up and over Sasha’s head letting drop to the floor as soon as her hands dropped the t-shirt Sasha’s hand were on her vest pulling up and over her head letting it drop to the floor along her own, leaning into Octavia softly pressing her body against Octavia’s until Octavia was lying back on the couch Sasha leant forward kissing Octavia on the lips before making her way slowly down the brunettes neck placing kisses along her collarbone all until she reached the middle of it beginning her decent she placed gentle loving kisses down Octavia’s chest then on her breasts continuing down Octavia’s stomach kissing her way down Octavia’s abdomen until she reached her Mini shorts placing her hands on the waistband of the material pulling it down and off Octavia’s legs exposing the Navy blue panties she was wearing underneath the shorts she was about to remove the panties when Octavia stopped her panting softly “The camera..” Without a word Sasha reached over her hand reaching at the lens picking it up and turning the camera there was a shuffle noise before the camera stopped_

_ Back in the Relatives Room _

_Octavia finished watching the video for about the twelfth time before she closed the video before it used up all the power of her phone smiling at the wallpaper on her phone, it was a picture of her and Sasha lying in bed together it was of nothing but their faces but it was her favourite picture of them just because it was so natural it was just them like it was meant to be how it always was, whenever they were together Sasha made her feel like she was the only person in the world that mattered. Smiling as she continued to look at the picture she went into her music pulling up the song that Sasha had sung to her after they recorded the video she’d just been watching pressing play she closed her eyes listening to it, it wasn’t her favourite song not by a long shot but it had great memories for her she was only thankful that the song was Maroon 5-One more night and not a song that she hated that had been in the charts that year. Listening to the song she closed her eyes thinking about Sasha and all the videos that they made together and almost everything that they had done together._

_The hours flew by as Octavia continued to wait for news of Sasha’s surgery everytime she’d open her eyes the clock would have moved by thirty minutes or an hour but still there was no news the last time she’d opened her eyes Clarke and Lexa had been awake sitting next to each other holding hands as they softly talked she assumed they thought that she was sleeping so were leaving her to it she felt bad for letting them think that but the last thing she wanted to do right now was talk to anyone especially Lexa and Clarke mainly because she wanted the next person she spoke to, to be one person and one person only and that was Sasha. Keeping her eyes closed she placed her hand under her shirt feeling the dog tags Sasha had given her she pulled them out from under her shirt gently holding them in her hands running her thumb over the writing her mind wondered to where Sasha’s could be where they around her neck had she lost them or not she had no idea all she knew was she’d been sat in the same room for 8 hours not knowing how Sasha was not knowing if she was going to survive the operations being carried out on her not knowing if she'd survive at all the only thing she knew was that she wanted this to all be a dream but of course like most of the bad things in her life it was one hundred percent real._

_It was only now that Octavia noticed how lost Lexa looked even though she was talking to Clarke she looked lost like there was something not right or like something was missing her eyes avoiding looking at anything other than Clarke and the door. She didn’t really know what was missing with Lexa it wasn’t something she’d seen before on Lexa but she brushed it off not thinking about it too much as Sasha continued to control her every thought, she was brought out of her thoughts when the door to the relative’s room opened up all three women turning their attention to the door as the doctor walked through it holding his scrub cap in his hand_

_“How is she?” Lexa was the first to get the words out_

_“Miss Woods is stable and in recovery she can’t have any visitors until the anaesthetic wears off from what we can tell all aspects of the operation were successful, in regards to recovery times and so on we won’t know that for a few days and once we have a better idea of how much rehab she may need then we can come up with a plan but until then it is a waiting game…”_

_“But she should be fine” Octavia asked nervously_

_“Yes” The doctor smiled “Once she is awake I’ll have someone come and get you but it will be only one visitor at a time”_

_“Thank you” Octavia smiled out feeling the happiness rising inside her as tears ran from her eyes before she knew it Lexa was in front of her smiling at her stepping forward wrapping her arms around her, now it made sense now she knew what was wrong with Lexa was she had lost or what was missing with her it was Sasha the women she called her Twinsy stepping into the hug she wrapped her arms around Lexa hugging her back and holding onto her tight knowing that they both knew what the other was feeling at the moment…_

 

The Living Room

Clarke opened the front door to the apartment she now thought of as home smiling as her eyes connected with the image of Lexa standing up with a sleeping Costia held in her arms as Lexa looked at her she felt her heart skip a beat and her stomach fill with butterflies as she remembered the kiss they shared the one that gave her hope that everything would be ok in the end. That good feeling didn’t last long as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket knowing it was probably Raven or Octavia replying to her messages she’d tried to call them both to no success so ended up sending text messages to them both, pulling the phone out of her pocket looking at the message she saw she had a text from Raven sighing she quickly replied telling Raven that her and Octavia would call her later on. Seeing Lexa look at her questioningly she smiled softly at her;

 

“Sorry just thinking”

 

“Umm…I was thinking actually maybe we can talk about earlier if you want that is…”

 

“That’d be good”

 

“I’m just gonna put Costia in my room then we can talk yeah?”

 

“Yeah” Clarke responded smiling brightly watching Lexa walk down the hallway to her bedroom to lay the little girl down to rest, quickly walking to Sasha’s bedroom she opened the door as she did she was meet with the image of Octavia straddled on Sasha’s lap as they were looked in what looked like a tamed and loving kiss “I’m sorry” She let out as the two women broke apart looking at her “I really need to talk to O”

 

“Clarke can’t it wait”

 

“No it can’t O its important I tried calling and texting you…. look it is really important”

 

“Ok” Octavia responded noticing that Clarke was acting a little weird turning her attention to Sasha she softly said “I’ll be back soon ok don’t go anywhere”

 

“I won’t” Sasha smiled as Octavia leant down kissing her on the lips softly before removing herself from Sasha’s lap and walking out of the room closing the door behind her

 

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

 

“I put it on the side when me and Sasha started making out why? .... What’s up Clarke?” Octavia asked not getting a response as Clarke gently grabbed her hand pulling her into the guestroom “Seriously Clarke what’s going on?”

 

“Anya...”

 

“What about her?”

 

“She’s back, she was on her way to tell Sasha when I bumped into her”

 

“What did she say?” Octavia asked feeling the panic rise inside her

 

“I talked her out of telling Sasha for now…. but she said you have a week for either you or Raven to tell Sasha or she’s going to tell her”

 

“I can’t do that Clarke I can’t lose her”

 

“You don’t have a choice anymore O”

 

As Octavia and Clarke continued to argue over their options neither of them had any idea that inside Sasha’s bedroom Sasha was laying on her bed waiting for Octavia to come back into their room as she scrolled through her phone knowing that Lexa was looking after Costia, after ten minutes or so she got bored of Facebook and anything else she was looking at on her phone placing the phone down on the bed she waited, closing her eyes she tried to relax letting all the angst that came after her flashbacks wash away as her eyes were closed she heard something vibrating ignoring the sound she kept her eyes closed until she the noise continued over and over and over again letting out a massive breath she opened her eyes sitting up and looking around trying to locate where the vibration was coming from hearing it again she noticed Octavia’s phone on the side walking up to it she had no intention of reading the message she was aiming to take the phone to Octavia but as she turned the phone over in her hand it buzzed again she hated herself for looking but once she noticed Clarke and Raven’s names on the phone it peaked her interest and she smiled softly maybe Octavia was surprising her with something in some way, the smile instantly feel from her face as she unread the messages on the screen;

 

**Raven: Anya can’t tell Sasha**

**Clarke: Octavia answer the phone**

**Raven: Seriously Octavia Anya is serious about this**

**Clarke: O Your gonna have to tell Sasha**

**Raven: Clarke’s right we have to tell her**

**Raven: She can’t hear that we slept together from Anya**

 

The last message was the message that blew her world apart and left her body shaking with rage as the only thing she could thinking of was the betrayal of her Best Friend and her girlfriend it sent her mind spinning as she tried to work out what to do with the information…...


	32. Tell The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will Sasha do after seeing the messages on Octavia's phone

Chapter Thirty-Two: Tell The Truth

Sasha held the phone in her hand not sure what to do she was stuck between two emotions anger and complete heartbreak she didn’t know what to make of the text she wanted to know everything but at the same time she didn’t want to hear it. Stray tears rushed from her eyes leading her to reach up wiping her eyes as she continued to process hearing Octavia’s voice get closer to her placing the phone back where she had picked it up from she crawled back onto the bed laying as she had been moments before closing her eyes she pretended to be asleep feeling Octavia crawl onto the bed again laying down next to her she tensed up as she felt Octavia’s hand run down her arm until it reached her hand and interlock their fingers before Octavia rested her head on her shoulder Octavia’s other arm resting on Sasha’s waist making her tense even more than before. Her mind continued to spiral crazily the feeling of Octavia resting on her making it harder for her to control her emotions after an amount of time she wasn’t even sure of Sasha opened her eyes removing herself from Octavia she stood up attempting to walk out of the room undetected by Octavia just as she was about to reach for the door when she heard Octavia speak;

 

“Where you going?”

 

“Just to check on Costia” Sasha pretended managing to stay calm to her own surprise as she looked at Octavia

 

“She’s asleep…Clarke told me when we were talking Lexa put Costia in her bedroom”

 

“I should still check on her”

 

“Are you ok?” Octavia asked sitting up in the bed she could sense something was wrong with Sasha she’d suddenly changed, what could have changed in the five minutes she’d been talking to Clarke had Sasha overheard them talking or did she read the messages on her phone, with every possibility she thought of there was always the counter argument in her head that said if Sasha knew she’d flip out especially if she found out the Raven part. Pausing for a second she contemplated what to say to her before finally asking “Are we ok?”

 

“We’re fine”

 

“Are you sure? because your acting weird”

 

“I’m fine your fine we’re fine” Sasha suddenly felt bad as she looked at Octavia noticing the worried and scared expression on her face, she didn’t know why she felt the way she did or even how she was controlling her temper right now maybe it was because she knew Costia was in the apartment maybe she was protecting herself from a further flashback or maybe she was holding out in hope that what she read wasn’t true. Biting back every piece of doubt she had in her mind she moved forward crawling on the bed until she was again next to Octavia looking at her she softly said “I’m sorry my brain is a little scrambled after the flashback, I didn’t wanna worry you so I thought I’d just get some fresh air and you know clear my head a little”

 

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?” Octavia asked the amount of relief rushing through her body was unmeasurable

 

“Like I said I didn’t wanna worry you”

 

“You’re really amazing you know that”

 

“I am? How so?”

 

“You care so much about people” Octavia started reaching down and gently gripping onto Sasha’s right hand as she leant against Sasha’s chest feeling Sasha wrap her left arm around her shoulders “There are these moments when I look at you or you say something and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you after everything that happened with Mitch everything was so blank whenever you weren’t there, but when you’d call my name or say something to me it was like a burst of light and then boom there was hope that everything would be ok. Everytime you’d tell me I’d be ok and that I’d get through it after every nightmare I believed you, you’re the only constant safety I’ve felt since we meet even when you were hurt you’d make sure that everyone else was ok…I remember that when you woke up from your surgery the first thing you asked was if Lexa was ok the last thing on your mind was yourself, I didn’t know someone could love people so much”

 

“When I love someone no matter the kind of love I’m all in…”

 

“I know that’s why I love you so much” Octavia honestly replied looking up at Sasha smiling at her, seeing the soft smile on Sasha’s face she leant up kissing her softly when Sasha didn’t kiss her back she pulled back looking at her the worry clear in her face, she was about to say something when Sasha leant down kissing her softly a kiss filled with love

 

“Can I ask you something?” Sasha paused ready to ask Octavia about the text seeing Octavia nod sweetly at her she rethought the question “You’d never lie to me right?”

 

“Not unless I thought whatever I was keeping would hurt you more than not knowing” Octavia answered maybe a little too honestly “Why?”

 

“Nothing just wondered” Sasha lied as she realised that she hadn’t misread the message and she wasn’t wrong in her gut feeling Raven and Octavia had slept together they must have; Octavia answer was so revealing in so many ways but the real question now was what did she do. Ignoring her thoughts, she pushed them aside enjoying in her mind that last time her and Octavia would be like this for possibly the rest of her life wrapping her arms around Octavia a little more she felt Octavia latch onto her resting her head on her chest Sasha stopped herself from thinking as she just laid there holding onto the future she would lose soon enough

 

 

Sasha and Lexa’s Living Room

Lexa was sat on one of the couches waiting for Clarke to return so they could talk about everything that had happened today between them she had to admit that kissing Clarke again felt so good like it was meant to be, she had no idea just how much she’d missed Clarke until their lips connected. She was brought out of her thoughts when Clarke re-entered the living room moving and sitting next to her as she smiled at Lexa, they sat there for a few minutes not really sure what to say to each other or even how to start the conversation after a while Lexa got bored of the silence and looked to Clarke letting out a simple;

 

“So” She let out a smile when Clarke laughed softly at her once Clarke’s laughter subsided Lexa asked “So where should we start?”

 

“I don’t know you’re the one that wanted to talk”

 

“Alright smarty pants…” Lexa laughed poking Clarke gently in the side “I just didn’t want to assume anything just because we kissed…”

 

“Twice”

 

“Twice…” Lexa softly smiled at Clarke’s correction “I should’ve spoken to you before I kissed you really”

 

“Well I’m not complaining” Clarke replied both of them falling silent as they thought about the kiss with smiles on their faces “You know I forgot how soft your lips are” Clarke spat out without thinking she would have been nervous about such a statement if she couldn’t see Lexa’s smile spreading across her face looking at Lexa she noticed the amused look on her face “What?” She asked looking at Lexa properly

 

“Nothing, just I didn’t realise you were such a fan of my lips”

 

“Like hell you didn’t…. why do you think we used to kiss so much huh?”

 

“Well until now I thought it was because I was a good no scratch that a great kisser”

 

“Well there was that as well” Clarke laughed softly before she leant in kissing Lexa softly on the lips “Though great may be pushing it”

 

“Oh really” Lexa started reaching her hand up gently caressing Clarke’s cheek leaning in she connected their lips gently using her hand to deepen the kiss softly after a minute or two she pulled back smiling at the slightly dazed look on Clarke’s face “Is great still pushing it?”

 

“No I think great is very accurate” Clarke retorted biting her lower lip softly leaning back in the couch until her back hit the back of it, she couldn’t help but feel happiness spread through her whole body but at the same time she knew they actually had things they needed to talk about “There was something I wanted to talk about actually”

 

“Sure what is it?”

 

“If we did get back together what does that mean for me and my dad?”

 

“How do you mean?”

 

“I know what he did to you was terrible and I’m not forgiving him by any means at all but I can’t change that he’s my dad I might not have his name but he’s my dad and I can’t just cut him out of my life...I don’t wanna get back with you if you’re expecting something I can’t give you….”

 

“I would never expect you to do that…” When Clarke looked at her somewhat surprised she turned herself on the couch bringing her leg up onto the couch bending it slightly allowing her to look at Clarke head on, reaching for Clarke’s hand she softly took hold of it smiling as she began explaining “I didn’t tell you everything I did because I wanted you to never speak to your dad again, that’s not my decision Clarke that’s yours I wasn’t there for the 21 years of your life that he was a good dad who brought you up and helped mould you into the woman you are…an amazing one at that…I told you what he did because loving you wasn’t something I could turn off and you told me you wanted me back that you wanted us back and I couldn’t agree to that without you knowing why I broke up with you and knowing that I never wanted it but I had to protect by family and not just Sasha but all of them…there wasn’t a moment in the nineteen months and nine days that we were apart where I didn’t think about picking up the phone and making that call to you telling you that I changed my mind…”

 

“Why didn’t you?” Clarke asked her attention completely on Lexa as she squeezed her hand softly

 

“I wanted to even before we broke up but it was about my career and making sure he didn’t cut off your funds to become a medic and then after Sasha got hurt nearly losing her it shook me up badly I couldn’t stand the idea of being alone in this world and I know I would have had you and my family but with Sasha it’s different it’s this bond I don’t even have to tell her I’m struggling or feeling low she just notices and swoops in picks me up brushes me off and makes sure that I’m ok long before you and Octavia, even long before Raven the twins and Atom we had each other we were in the same classes in school and we spent most of our spare time together because our moms lived a few doors down from each other, She’s like this part of me that is just there without her I feel incomplete and as much as I loved you losing Sasha wasn’t something I could stand and your dad knew that he watched us at every training session when I didn't feel like I could carry on he'd watch as she’d pick me up and carry me and when she couldn’t keep going I’d do the same for her and your dad targeted that I’m not saying I’m ever going to forgive him because I don’t think I could but I’m sick of him feeling like he has a hold over me…”

 

“Meaning me?”

 

“No meaning my career…. I don’t care about being in the army anymore Sasha respects my decision whether I stay or leave and that’s all the approval I need if being with you means that I can’t have the army then I can live with that as long as she’s ok with it then that’s ok if being with you means I have to leave the army then I’ll do it because these last twenty two months have been hell….I know you want me to tell you that I’m ok with everything regarding your dad but I can’t tell you that Clarke, Sasha nearly died her threatened my family and all because he didn’t want you to find something out that I have no idea about. He took what we had and he tried to use it to ruin me I can’t forget that as much as I might want to I can’t because it’s something that’s embedded in my memory and will be until I die…He took the two things I loved the most You and my family and he used them against me…”

 

“You’re really willing to give the army up for me?”

 

“Yeah I always have been I just never wanted to ruin Sasha’s career”

 

“So what’s changed?”

 

“Me and Sasha talked and she’s ok with not being in the army, I think having Octavia back in her life and having her PTSD somewhat under control and on top with everything that Costia is going through she realises that there’s more to the life than the army I guess she just needed something to show her how much life is worth living” Lexa paused for a second before looking at Clarke and shaking her head softly “But anyway to answer your question Sasha told me to go with my heart and that if she loses the army then that’s ok as long as I’m happy”

 

“So your happy dealing with my dad?”

 

“I don’t like your dad but I don’t hate him either if anything I pity him whatever he thought I knew it was something that he thought would make you hate him a secret that was so big that he felt me dying and breaking your heart would be better than you finding out the truth that secret is going to weigh him down and one day he’s going to realise that no matter what the secret is he went too far and almost lost you because of it so I pity him for that….” Lexa smiled at Clarke softly before continuing “When we broke up it crushed me I knew how mad I was about you and how much I loved you before but not having you in my life, you not being there when I woke up not being able to send you a text or even call you up it was hell I nearly caved and told you everything about a month after but then we got a call saying we were being shipped out again and it seemed like everything and everyone was doing their best to keep us apart so I did what every good solider does…I did my job and then we walked into that ambush”

 

“You were ambushed?”

 

“Yeah remember I was about to tell you something before we heard voices in the living room” Clarke nodded her head at Lexa’s statement confirming she remembered “When we got deployed back to Afghanistan we were on patrol in this village about 20 miles from where Sasha was shot, we were only there for about two minutes when we were ambushed they set of a grenade behind us and in front and before we knew it there were about ten gas canisters all around us we managed to throw a few back but not enough for us all to stay conscious, when I came too they had be tied up arms behind my back and a blindfold on so I couldn’t see anything all I could hear was talking and someone being hit I couldn’t manage to get up or remove the ties so I listened until they grabbed me, they pulled off my blindfold I looked around and the whole unit was there tied and blindfolded just like I was and then there was Sasha laying on the floor face all cut up blood dripping from her mouth and from her hip which I learned was from another bullet anyway they told us that she was going to pay for killing the soldiers she did, they noticed that are names were almost the same apart from my rank and then of course the fact that  we look alike so they thought that shooting her in the side and then punishing me was better than killing her….”

 

“Punishing you?” Clarke asked wiping a tear from her cheek as she listened to Lexa telling the story

 

“Torturing me cutting my arm slapping punching me anything to make sure I suffered so that she did…it got to a point where Sasha snapped somehow she managed to untie herself and Lincoln without anyone noticing and as one of our captures held a knife up and pointed to my throat she just went for him speared him in the gut and took him down Lincoln untied Ritchie just as she speared the guy, then Lincoln untied me while Ritchie held of the other captures once I was free I noticed Sasha was getting off the guy she checked on me and then the guy got back up and choked her from behind and she did what we’re trained to do she got out of it and got on top of him and choked him until he wasn’t breathing anymore….”

 

“Were you hurt?”

 

“Not really it was more of a mental thing to be honest, I thought that was why Sasha was acting strange obviously now I know the real reason”

 

“Not really?”

 

“I just had a few cuts and bruises”

 

“Cuts?”

 

“Yeah from the knives they used to cut me…the blade on the knife they used was thick and sharp they cut through my skin with ease so there was no chance I wasn’t getting opened up with them”

 

“Were you hurt badly?”

 

“No, I’ve got a couple scars from it but nothing other than that”

 

“You do?”

 

“Yeah…. You can see them if you want” Lexa ventured she could see the wheels in Clarke’s mind over working and over thinking her injuries, when Clarke nodded her head at the suggestion Lexa shuffled forward lifting up her shirt showing Clarke the three small straight marks on her hips before pulling up her jeans exposing a five inch scar from her ankle upwards lowering her jeans back down her calf, leaning back she looked at Clarke before lowering the lining of her t-shirt exposing her shoulder then moving her bra strap to the side exposing the three inch scar that went from the end of her collarbone (beginning of shoulder joint) downwards stopping a few inches above her breasts looking into Clarke’s eyes regaining her attention she softly said “See not that bad right?”

 

“Right…I mean I never noticed them and I’ve seen you in shorts and vests over the last few months” Clarke answered trying unsuccessfully to hide the tears that feel from her eyes down trying to wipe them away

 

“Clarke are you ok?” Lexa asked noticing the tears reaching up and wiping away the tears with her hand

 

“I’m fine” Seeing the unconvinced look on Lexa’s face she explained “I just don’t like to think about you being hurt and alone”

 

“I wasn’t alone Clarke…I had Sasha, Lincoln and my whole unit and I wasn’t badly hurt I promise it wasn’t as bad as it sounds when I describe…and they don’t hurt or anything sometimes I even forget that I have them” Lexa softly reached up again gently caressing Clarke’s cheek as the blonde looked into her eyes, without warning Clarke moved to straddle Lexa’s lap shocking Lexa a little bit looking up at Clarke she softly said “Clarke are you...” Before she could say anything else Clarke spoke

 

“Shhhh I’m coming to terms with your scars” Smiling at Lexa she gently placed her hand next to the exposed skin on of Lexa’s shoulder bringing her hand over the scar it hovered in the air for a second before she gently ran her hand over the scar on Lexa’s chest taking in the change in texture she smiled at Lexa who smiled softly back at her, slowly Clarke leant down kissing the scar softly before lifting her head back up and leaning into Lexa kissing her softly their lips staying connected for minutes on end until Clarke pulled back slowly looking down at Lexa once she had opened her eyes “If you can accept everything my dad did and still wanna be with me I think I can handle a few scars…which I’m actually thinking they make you a little hotter”

 

“You think so?”

 

“Uh Huh” Clarke smiled softly kissing Lexa again before she seriously asked her “So are we back together officially or not?”

 

“Are you ready for that?”

 

“I’ve been ready for a long time Lex…I’ve missed being with you this last month probably more than the months after we broke up seeing you everyday, getting those butterflies in my stomach and feeling my heart flutter when every you look at me and not being able to do anything about it has been driving me crazy”

 

“So it’s unanimous then we’re officially back together”

 

“Yes it is” Clarke smiled brightly at Lexa leaning forward kissing her passionately her hands moving to Lexa’s neck just below her neckline pulling her forward until their chests were touching lightly smiling into the kiss she pulled back biting her lip and looking at Lexa she softly said “Don’t think all this making out means you get my cookie…you have to earn that”

 

“Again?”

 

“Is that a problem?” Clarke asked smiling as she faked attempting to remove herself from Lexa, before she could continue the movement Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist pulling her back in before softly whispering;

 

“No that’s fine”

 

“Good…. just checking” Clarke and Lexa both smiled softly giggling as they both leant in their lips connecting as they both smiled into the kiss Lexa’s arms tightening her hold around Clarke’s waist causing their chests to press against each other’s a little more as Clarke’s arms wrapped around Lexa’s neck

 

 

Three Days Later

Three days had passed by and Sasha still hadn’t brought up anything she’d seen on the phone if anything she’d been avoiding Clarke and Octavia as much as she could mainly spending time with Costia or on her own, she wasn’t avoiding Lexa but Lexa had told her about her and Clarke getting back together so needless to say they were with each other almost all the time so unfortunately avoiding Clarke meant avoiding Lexa as well. Even though she hadn’t spent much time with Octavia other than sleeping in the same bed together and even that was difficult to deal with, she was still trying to think about how to deal with what she’d learnt of a few days ago there were moments when she thought about not saying anything to Octavia or Raven but then she’d feel the anger at the betrayal burn inside her and it made her want to find out every detail of what happened but whatever option she was going to decide on she had to make sure that she could live with for the rest of her life and the more she thought about it the more the option was clear to her.

 

It was about 8am and Sasha just walked through the Front door her t-shirt covered in sweat from the two hour run she’d just completed closing the door quietly she hoped nobody else was awake. Standing still for a seconds she took a few breaths in before finally venturing into the kitchen finding Lexa and Clarke locked in a passionate kiss Lexa was leant against the counter her hands around Clarke’s waist as her hands rested gently on the top of Clarke’s ass letting out a loud cough as she walked towards the fridge she smiled as the two broke apart looking at her apologetically as Clarke turned around in Lexa’s arms leaning against Lexa she softly asked;

 

“Good run?”

 

Hearing the question Sasha looked around from the fridge as she removed a bottle of water “Yeah it was ok” Closing the fridge she opened it drinking half the contents of it before placing the lid back on and attempting to walk out only to be stopped by Lexa’s voice;

 

“Are you ok?” Before Sasha could respond Clarke softly removed herself from Lexa turning to her explaining

 

“I’m gonna get changed I’ll talk to you in a bit” Clarke finished kissing Lexa quickly before smiling at Sasha as she exited the living room walking towards Lexa’s bedroom

 

“So are you ok?” Lexa asked as she watched Sasha take a seat at the table walking and sitting in the chair opposite she looked expectantly at Sasha who after a few seconds relented

 

“I’m ok just a little stressed…” When Lexa looked at her for an explanation she continued “I found something out and I’m not really sure how I’m meant to handle it”

 

“You don’t look like your handling it at all”

 

“Well I am” Sasha bluntly said standing up and trying to walk past Lexa only for her cousin to grab her wrist stopping her from leaving the room “Let me go Lexa”

 

“No…somethings wrong and you’re going to tell me”

 

“I’m handling it Lexa I don’t need mollycoddling”

 

“I know you don’t but we’re family” Lexa removed her hands from Sasha’s wrist placing them on her cheeks forcing Sasha to look into her eyes seeing the tears instantly building in Sasha’s eyes she asked “Tell me what’s wrong what did you find out?”

 

“It’s Octavia”

 

“What about her?”

 

“I found out who she cheated with” Sasha answered her hands gripping onto Lexa’s wrist as if they were a safety blanket “I’m just trying to decide what to do”

 

“I thought you already knew everything”

 

“So did I” Sasha bluntly answered managing to sniff back the tears that were trying to escape her eyes

 

“Who was it then?” Lexa asked she could feel the anger inside herself rising up at the thought of Octavia cheating on Sasha, she had no idea how Sasha wasn’t flipping out right now. Before Sasha could answer Lexa’s question there was a knock at the door hearing Clarke say she’d answer it Lexa asked again “So who was it?”

 

“It was R….” Was all Sasha managed to say before Clarke appeared at the kitchen door looking at them both apologetically she explained

 

“It’s Raven”

 

Suddenly feeling a burst of rage inside her she broke Lexa’s grip on her face walking into the living room seeing Raven standing near the couch with Costia clinging to her chest, seeing her little sister instantly calmed any anger Sasha was feeling clenching her jaw she softly asked “What are you doing here Raven?”

 

“I just wanted to check in on my munchkin” She answered noticing Sasha’s jaw clenching she placed Costia on the floor carefully "You feeling better Munchkin?"

 

“Yeah”

 

“Cos, why don’t you go get ready” Sasha interrupted getting an upset look from Costia

 

“But I wanna see Rae Rae”

 

“You can see her later right now me and Rae need to talk ok…” Seeing Costia’s sad face she added “Please for me”

 

“Ok Ali” Costia sweetly responded rushing off down the hallway that lead to the guestroom, where she’d been sleeping since Clarke started sleeping in Lexa’s room days ago

 

“Is everything ok Sash?”

 

“You tell me” Sasha started trying to keep her anger under control knowing Costia could walk in at any minute, suddenly Octavia appeared at the end of the hallway smiling as she mentions something about Costia being back normal “Let’s talk shall we?” Turning and looking at Octavia she added “All three of us”

 

“Babe are you ok?” Octavia asked moving next to Sasha only for her to instantly move to the couch in front of the door while Raven sat down on the couch in front of the TV Octavia debated where to sit Sasha was acting odd and at this moment sitting next to her didn’t seem like the best option so she went for option B and sat on the same couch as Raven sitting right at the end making sure there was a massive amount of space between them, Sasha couldn’t help but laugh softly letting out “Well isn’t this nice and cosy”

 

“Sasha what’s going on?” Raven asked Sasha’s behaviour was weird in more ways than one even though she had an idea of what it was about she was holding out hope that she was wrong

 

“Sasha, is everything ok?” Lexa’s voice softly interrupted, her and Clarke had been watching the whole exchange between the three women while Clarke had a feeling she knew what it was about Lexa was unsure as well as being slightly confused but she could tell something was wrong from the way Sasha was holding herself it was almost as if she was trying to stop herself from losing her temper. When she got no answer from Sasha she walked forward kneeling down in front of Sasha looking her in the eyes “Alexis” The use of her name was enough to make Sasha look into Lexa’s eyes and answer

 

“No it’s not…. Can you stay while we talk please?”

 

“Sure” Lexa responded standing up and sitting next to Sasha on the couch so they were only a few inches away from each other

 

“You too Clarke” Sasha added knowing that having more people in the room that she cared about on top of knowing Costia wasn’t far away would help her keep calm during this conversation. Clarke didn’t respond to Sasha vocally she just nodded softly walking over and sitting on the arm of the couch next to Lexa “So do either of you wanna start off or not?” Raven and Octavia looked at each other nervously knowing for sure that Sasha knew something about what happened between them

 

“We should tell her” Raven gestured looking to Octavia who nervously shook her head her body stiffening as she tried to signal for Raven to shut up when she didn’t take the hint Octavia verbally said

 

“Shut up Raven there’s nothing to tell”

 

“So your just gonna lie to my face like that” Sasha interjected she was hoping that they would both just tell her what had happened

 

“Sasha…” Raven started attempting to move forward to enable her to talk to Sasha properly

 

“Don’t” Sasha coldly stated holding her hands up in the air so that Raven got the message “Seeing as neither of you respect me enough to tell me I’ll lay out what I already know” She paused seeing both Raven and Octavia stiffen up slightly “I know something is going on or has gone on between you both”

 

“There’s n…”

 

“Don’t even think about lying to me Octavia, there’s only one way out of this now and that’s the truth” Looking at them both she firmly said “The only reason your both getting a chance to explain is because my little sister is in the next room and she loves you both…so that is the only reason I haven’t jumped to conclusions kicked O out jumped over there and battered you Raven because of that little girl in there so will one of you fucking MAN UP” The last two words Sasha spoke came out a lot louder than she intended as her body began to the rage she was feeling inside herself

 

“We slept together…” Raven blurted out she’d seen that look in Sasha’s eyes before and it only spelled trouble

 

“Raven…” Octavia butted in, seeing Raven look at her she knew that they’d been found out and that it was best to tell Sasha what happened quickly she added “Raven’s telling the truth We did…but it was only once Sasha…”

 

Sasha turned her head to the side looking at anything other than Octavia and Raven part of her wanted to burst into tears and the other part wanted to punch Raven repeatedly until she couldn’t feel her hand anymore, feeling the rage continue to raise inside herself as her fist uncontrollably balled up in her lap she was trying to breathe through it but she couldn’t this was a betrayal she wasn’t sure she could get over, feeling someone’s hand on her forearm instantly knowing it was Lexa she didn’t know how she knew she just did looking to Lexa she looked into her eyes she swallowed before taking a deep breath looking at Octavia and Raven and asking “Tell me everything” Her eyes got across to them both that she wasn’t messing around

 

“It only happened once I swear…” Raven started only to be interrupted she was hoping she didn’t have to go into all the details of that night

 

“She said tell her everything Raven, so one of you have the decently and respect to tell her everything” Lexa firmly said looking at Octavia and Raven she was more than disgusted with them both for betraying Sasha like they had

 

“It was the night before you broke up with Octavia we were both at Lincoln’s party and we were drunk, you two had just had an argument and I was pissed at you for everything with Anya and how right you were, we were talking about you and how pissed we both were at you and then the next thing we knew we were in the bathroom having sex, we didn’t have a chance to tell you about anything because you ended it with Octavia the next day after she told you she kissed Lincoln we didn't see the point in hurting you more by telling you what happened”

 

“So you two sleeping together was my fault?”

 

“No I’m not saying that, it was our fault of course we were drunk and it just happened”

 

“Did you actually kiss Lincoln?” Sasha asked looking at Octavia

 

“No”

 

“And was that Beth woman real or a cover up?”

 

“She was a cover up I wanted to tell you what I did but I didn’t want you to lose your best friend”

 

“Too late”

 

“Sasha we can talk through this…” Raven started to speak as she reached forward for Sasha’s hand

 

“Talk…” Sasha started standing up and walking towards the kitchen “Talking to you OR HER is the last thing I want right now” Raven stood up following Sasha grabbing onto her wrist before Lexa could stop, turning around Sasha removed her wrist from Raven’s grip pushing her firmly with her right hand sending Raven backwards “DON’T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN”

 

“Sasha please just talk to me, let me explain…” Raven begged

 

“Explain away Rae…. Explain how I’m meant to be ok with you fucking my girlfriend the women you knew I wanted to marry explain how I’m meant to touch her without thinking about what you two did…tell me Rae because I’m dying to know”

 

"I was pissed at you ok like I said we were drunk it didn't mean anything it was just ten minutes of madness that we both wish we could change, I don't wanna lose you Sash that's why I…that's why we didn't tell you”

 

“You keep saying you were pissed at me, why? Because I don't remember doing anything that warrants what you did”

 

"I was pissed because all that stuff you said about Anya was right she was using me for sex, she never really loved me and I found out the hard way and when you found out you were right all I got from you was ‘I warned you’ not I'm sorry your hearts broken Rae or you’ll be ok Rae just I warned you”

 

“So because I didn't pat you on the back for making the same mistake you made multiple times before I'm a bad friend and I deserve what you did huh? Did you ever think that I was trying not to be honest? I didn't say any of the things I really wanted to that night because I knew you were heartbroken and I didn't think reminding you of everything I was right about and warned you about was ok…. but hey that's you all over isn't it….I just hope Harper knows the bullshit she's in for with you”

 

“Leave Harper out of this”

 

“Why? I mean you've never felt what you feel for her with anyone before right, so it only sounds far to me…. maybe I’ll go see her when she's working see if she fancies helping me get even with you, I mean she's always told me she fancies me…” With that Raven lunged forward only for Lexa to grab her and pull her back “Don't feel good does it Rae to think that the person you think of as family could betray you like that” Sasha glared at Raven as Lexa let her go pushing her giving her a

 

“What's wrong with you? You betray her and now you wanna hit her seriously” Lexa couldn't believe Raven right now

 

"Harper isn't involved in this Lex”

 

“No she isn't but maybe now you have an inkling a tiny inkling into how I feel…” Sasha paused trying to pause as she tried to control the emotions inside herself the anger and sadness the had merged into one “To know that you hated me in one moment more than you obviously ever loved me, you could have got back at me so many other ways but this…this is the one thing I can't forgive…”

 

“Sasha please” This time it wasn't Raven who had interrupted it was Octavia who had watched the exchange between Raven and Sasha, standing up she walked around the couch trying to get closer to Sasha who simply held her hand up in the air for her to stop “It was a massive mistake I promise it wasn't an affair of any sorts we didn't tell you because it meant losing you, I was gonna tell you the night of your Papas party but then you both told me everything about Kane and then there you were as romantic and perfect as you used to be, knowing everything that you'd been through and knowing that it wasn't me you were running from made me wanna protect you from what we did even more, me and Raven hadn't spoken since Lincolns party and then we got back together and everything was perfect….I wanted to tell you I really did but then I saw your tattoo and everything changed….” Octavia paused for a second when the tears falling from her eyes became almost uncontrollable wiping them away she took a breath “Knowing you wanted to marry me that you were even planning it meant everything to me it, that's when we decided not to tell you because telling you meant losing you and everything that our future could be…that's why I made up Beth because I wanted you to know but not to lose Raven as well because I know how much she loves you and how much you love her”

 

"If you knew how much I loved her why do it to me huh?” Sasha asked moving closer to Octavia

 

“Because I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me because I was angry at you for being so off and angry with me all the time, I know why now but then I didn't have a clue I just thought you didn't love me anymore and I wanted to make you pay for it” Octavia moved closer to Sasha reaching out for her hands she was surprised when Sasha didn't pull her hand away “I didn't know what you were going through and now I feel absolutely terrible about it now I know but at the time I didn't know and I was so angry…I know it was the wrong thing to do and I wish I could take it back I really do but I can't…I just wanted to protect you from what we did…”

 

“Maybe if you weren't a slut it wouldn't have happened in the first place...” Raven jumped in earning Sasha attention instantly she wanted Sasha to hit her or push her or shout even more at her she wanted something from her best friend something to make herself feel less of a terrible friend than she felt at the moment

 

“What did you just say?” Sasha asked her eyes narrowing in her anger as she released Octavia’s hand and walked back to Raven who was stepping towards her

 

“You heard…. she’s a slut I wouldn't be surprised if she actually kissed Lincoln because believe me it was her that did all the work between us…” Raven paused ignoring Lexa and Clarke’s pleas for her to shut up

 

“Says the woman that fell for a married woman and not just any married woman but her boss’s wife…hey maybe that's your type ya know women that are taken”

 

"Fuck you…. you’ve always been a gluten for punishment when it comes to Octavia no matter what she did you always forgave her even when she’d flirt with other women…maybe you should look into that because I might not be the only person she cheated with I mean it's a high possibility”

 

“Shut up” Sasha warned looking firmly at Raven

 

Ignoring Sasha’s wanting Raven continued trying to get Sasha to lose her temper “You know I wouldn't be surprised if she actually came on to Mitch and changed her mind last minute poor bloke...” That was the final trigger for Sasha as she reached forward grabbing Raven by her shirt and spinning her pinning her against the wall “Come on Sash you know I'm right she's a tease pretending she's all prim and proper when she's anything but…. not that I’m complaining because I have to admit our time together was amazing mind blowing even the things she can do...” Pushing on Raven even more Sasha finally snapped holding Raven with her left hand she pulled her right hand back hearing Lexa shout her name as her right hand hoovered in the air, before her hand could connect with Raven’s jaw she used her left hand pulling Raven forward sending her on to the floor as her left hand became free she brought her right hand forward punching the wall as hard as she could feeling her skin cut open as every muscle and bone in her body shook from the force of hitting the wall, shaking her hand trying to relieve the pain in some way Sasha turned looking down at Raven

 

“Next time I won't pull you out the way” She knew what Raven was doing trying to make her lose her temper so she’d hit her but right now she was so angry she didn’t care that Raven was doing this on purpose, seeing Lexa looking at her she took a breath in watching as Lexa stepped past Raven before Lexa could get to her Raven spoke again

 

“You can hit me as much as you want but it won’t change the fact that Octavia’s a slut and everything that happened with Mitch she deserved it” Raven knew it was a horrible thing to say but she needed Sasha to hit her or do something to her and using Octavia was the only route she could go down she didn’t believe a word of what she was saying and she was gonna apologise to Octavia but right now she needed to get a reaction from Sasha somehow.

 

Raven’s comments had done what she aimed for them to as Sasha lunged forward pulling her right arm back ready to swing at Raven, before she could take more than two steps forward Lexa was in front of her grabbing onto her waist with her right arm at the same time grabbing onto Sasha’s right hand pushing her backwards until they were at the kitchen door “Clam down Lexi” Sasha struggled against Lexa for a few moments until Lexa pulled back looking into Sasha’s eyes forcing her to do the same after a minute or two Sasha stopped struggling against Lexa relaxing slightly she continued to take a few breaths in before Lexa moved her hands to Sasha’s cheeks firmly gripping them, Sasha leant forward resting her forehead against Lexa’s closing her eyes trying to drown out the anger. Minutes later she opened her eyes lifting her head she took another deep breath before giving Lexa a small nod that she was ok seeing it Lexa pulled her into a small hug which Sasha accepted wrapping her arms around Lexa for a second before she let go of her. Walking towards Raven she walked past her not looking at either of the women she stopped at the beginning of the hallway to the guestroom she turned back letting out one simple sentence one she hoped would help her;

 

“Get out of my apartment…. Both of you”


	33. Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Sasha finding out the truth

Chapter Thirty-Three: Butterflies

Once the sentence was out of her mouth Sasha walked down the hallway going to check on her little sister and make sure she hadn’t heard anything that had happened moments ago she had to get away from the two women who had betrayed her before she exploded and lost all control. Lexa, Clarke, Raven and Octavia were still in the living room after a few minutes Raven attempted to walk towards the guestroom only for Lexa to move quickly in front of her blocking her path before firmly saying;

 

“You heard what she said…so leave” Lexa looked Raven dead in the eyes making sure that Raven knew she was deadly serious

 

“Lex...”

 

“Don’t Raven…she asked you to leave so leave before I physically drag you out”

 

“Fine just tell her I’m sorry…. please” Raven didn’t wait for a response she just turned around and walked towards the door opening it and closing it with a small amount of force enough for the door to make a small amount of noise.

 

Lexa looked from the door to Octavia who was sat down on the couch where she had been sat previously crying softly trying to control herself, even though she felt bad for her she’d still betrayed Sasha and broke her heart and right now she was backing Sasha one hundred percent and if that meant kicking someone she loved and cared for out on the street then that’s what she was going to do. “You too O” As the sentence left her lips Octavia looked to Lexa wiping her tears she went to stand up but was stopped by Clarke who gently placed her hand on Octavia’s shoulder;

 

“Don’t move O” Clarke instantly felt Lexa’s look of disapproval land on her walking over to her she gently pulled Lexa to the hallway softly explaining “I’m sorry I know Sasha wants her out but please just let me check she’s ok to go back to the apartment if she isn’t then I’ll take her to a hotel…please…. for me”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes letting out a sigh at Clarke’s request softly she responded “Fine but if Sasha comes back out here you’re taking the heat”

 

“Thank You” Clarke smiling beaming up at Lexa grabbing hold of Lexa’s cheeks pulling her forward and kissing her softly

 

“Mmmm whatever” Lexa smirked before walking off and into the kitchen sitting down in one of the chairs at the table hoping Sasha wouldn’t talk into the living room anytime soon she listened to Clarke trying calm down her best friend as she panicked about having to go back to where she was attached over a month ago

 

Thirty Minutes later Clarke appeared in the kitchen tears staining her cheeks instantly seeing it Lexa stood up walking over to her wrapping her arms around Clarke who thankfully returned the embrace holding onto Lexa tightly softly mumbling “I’m gonna go with her”

 

“Are you sure?” Lexa asked pulling back slightly brushing Clarke's hair out of the way before resting them on Clarke’s cheeks looking into her eyes

 

"I can't let her go on her own Lexa she’s terrified”

 

“As long as you’re sure…. I’ll drive you wherever you wanna go”

 

“Thank you”

 

“Don't mention it” Lexa smiled pulling Clarke into a hug again after a minute or two they pulled apart Clarke instantly reached down for Lexa’s hands interlocking their fingers as she gently gripped onto Lexa’s arm, as they walked back into the living room they were meet with the image of Sasha sitting next to Octavia on the couch Sasha had her arms around Octavia gently rubbing her back trying to calm her down gently pulling on Clarke’s hand Lexa noticed the unsure look on Clarke’s face softly she said “Let's leave them to talk…Sasha won't hurt her” Not giving Clarke a chance to argue she pulled Clarke back into the kitchen continuing to tell her Sasha wouldn't hurt Octavia

 

Sasha continued to run her hand up and down Octavia’s back as her head resting softly on her shoulder after a while Sasha leant down lifting Octavia’s head up she wiped away the tears, Octavia looked into her eyes sniffling back more tears

 

“I’m sorry I’ll pack my things now” Before she could stand up Sasha stopped her gently placing her hand on Octavia’s thigh, noticing that Sasha’s hand was bleeding she softly added “Your hand….it needs to be checked out”

 

“I’m fine O…. I’m more worried about you”

 

“Why…. why would you care after what you found out?”

 

“Because no matter how hard I may want to I can’t just switch of loving you now any more than I could when I found out three days ago”

 

"I don't deserve your concern”

 

“Maybe you do maybe you don't, who knows but you’ve got it….so tell me what's upsetting you…. other than the obvious of course”

 

“Nothing I’ll be out of your hair soon”

 

“It's going to your flat right? …that’s what’s upsetting you”

 

"Yes I haven't been there since and the idea of seeing that room again let alone being in that flat with everything that happened it's….”

 

“Scary?”

 

“Kind of yeah but it’s more terrifying”

 

Sasha was silent for a while before she opened her mouth to speak "Then stay here"

 

“I thought you said you wanted me out”

 

“I’m not gonna pretend that you staying here means we’re ok, because we are a long way away from being ok and I can’t sit here and tell you that we’re one hundred percent together or that we’re gonna stay together because I don’t really know what’s going to happen, but what I do know is I still love you and I’m not gonna send you back to a place that your terrified of going, Costia’s missing Tristan so I’m taking her home anyway so you can stay in our…I mean my room and I’ll sleep in the guest room”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah I’m sure…so please stop panicking”

 

“Thank you” Octavia added as Sasha stood up walking towards the kitchen only stopping for a second to look back and say

 

“No problem” Walking into the kitchen Sasha noticed Clarke and Lexa sitting at the table their arms stretched over the table so they could hold hands leaning on the counter in front of the table “I didn't hurt her…in case you were wondering” Sasha stated looking directly at Clarke before looking to Lexa and softly saying “Octavia is gonna stay if that's ok with you…” When Lexa nodded softly she continued “She’s gonna take my room and I’ll take the guest room as long as Clarke’s OK to continue sharing with you Lex”

 

Lexa looked expectantly at Clarke for an answer “Yeah that's fine with me but what about Costia?”

 

“She’s missing Tristan so I’m taking her home…she wants to come back for the weekend but we’ll see”

 

“Sure…I'm cool with all that if you’re sure Octavia staying is ok with you”

 

"I'm sure"

 

“What about your hand?”

 

“It’s fine Lex” Sasha added her eyes catching Clarke looking at her clenching her jaw she held back the questions she wanted to ask Clarke, noticing the look Lexa didn't waste any time asking Sasha

 

“What’s with you eye balling Clarke?”

 

“Nothing” Sasha quickly said not knowing that telling Lexa that Clarke knew about Raven and Octavia it was Clarke’s decision to hide it from her and Lexa so Clarke had to be the one that explained it to her why she hid it

 

“Don’t lie Alexis…. I can tell when you’re lying remember”

 

Before Sasha could open her mouth to confirm or deny what Lexa’s was saying Clarke’s voice filled the room “I knew about Octavia and Raven”

 

“You what?” Lexa asked slightly stunned at the admission but now it all made sense Clarke didn’t seem shocked by anything that had been said by Raven and Octavia she thought that maybe she just wasn’t surprised for numerous reasons but now it made sense of course she’d know Octavia was her best friend so she would be the one that Octavia would go to talk about anything especially something she was keeping a secret “You knew and you didn’t say anything”

 

“Lexa”

 

“No Clarke, that’s not fair” Lexa started pulling her hand away from Clarke’s looking up at Sasha, seeing the look in Lexa’s eyes Sasha stepped forward kneeling in front of her slightly older cousin

 

“Lex I’m begging you…please hear her out and don’t let this ruin your relationship you’ve both lost so much time together because of Kane…don’t let something this trivial come between you, yeah she shouldn’t have lied but Octavia is her best friend and we both know we’d do the same for each other...So promise me you’ll hear her out and stop being a hot head…” Sasha laughed and softly smiled when Lexa gently tapped her on the side of her head in reaction to being called a hot head

 

“I promise”

 

“Good…I’ll be in with Costia making sure she’s actually getting ready” Sasha stood up winking softly at Lexa and turning to look at Clarke who was smiling gratefully at her smiling back she walked out of the room through the living room and into the guestroom leaving Clarke and Lexa alone to talk

 

Lexa turned in her seat so she was sitting completely head on with Clarke softly she asked “How long did you know? Since it happened or after?”

 

“I’m not gonna lie to you but please you have to hear me out completely….ok” Lexa softly nodded at Clarke’s words continuing to look straight into her eyes “I’ve known since it happened, I was at Lincoln’s party and I went to use the bathroom and there was O and Raven kissing I walked out hoping she would come to her senses and the next thing I knew Octavia was back dancing I hoped that meant they stopped before they went all the way but months later Raven stopped off at ours to collect Sasha’s things for her and they got into an argument Octavia wanted to tell Sasha what happened, I think mainly just to hurt her for breaking up with her but Raven managed to talk her down…I think ultimately O didn’t want to ruin any chance of a reunion between them…I never told her that I knew until last month when I realised that she’d only told Sasha half of the truth about her cheating…”

 

“Why not tell Sasha when they got back together?”

 

“Because it wasn’t my place, it wasn’t my secret to spill…and more important I didn’t want to ruin my best friends happiness no matter how wrong I think her actions were” Leaning forward a little more she softly added “Octavia was there for me through everything after we broke up I was an absolute mess for a good few weeks and she was there for me making sure I showered and that I ate properly and that I didn’t reminisce too much she even took my watch from me which wasn’t an easy task...” Clarke let out a soft laugh instantly regretting it as she noticed the anger in Lexa’s eyes

 

“This isn’t funny Clarke, Sasha’s heartbroken and you’re making a joke out of this” Lexa stood herself up moving to lean against the counter Sasha had been leaning on moments ago, Clarke instantly stood up walking over to stand in front of Lexa taking her hands hoping she wasn’t going to end their newly decided reunion

 

“I know it’s not funny I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that I just meant I loved that watch and Octavia knew that it would remind me of you and until all the reminders were out of the way I wouldn’t get over you. She’s my best friend Lex I couldn’t betray her like that after everything she did for me after everything she’s ever done for me, I know that me and Octavia isn’t the same as you and Sasha but she is the closest thing to family that I have we’ve known each other for a long time, long before either of us realised we were gay but she was there when I struggled with it, I had to listen to my dad use homophobic remarks all the time I thought for so long that being gay was wrong and Octavia she helped me through that, she helped me tell my mom and dad I was gay and she told me to have faith in my parents love for me…..and she was right….” Clarke paused as she wiped away tears that had escaped her eyes as she relived the memories of her early teen years “I know hiding what I did was wrong but I was just trying to be a good best friend the best friend she deserves…. I don’t wanna lose you because of this…”

 

“Lose me?”

 

“Sasha’s your family I wouldn’t blame you for breaking up with me because I hid this from her”

 

“Clarke breaking up with you is the last thing on my mind right now”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes really, I’ve only just got you back after one hell of a fight so there’s no way I’m letting you go because you were being a good best friend…I was just upset I suppose because you let Octavia do the wrong thing for so long, but I understand why…like Sasha said if it was me and her I would have hid it for her as well”

 

“You’re really not gonna break up with me?”

 

“No I’m not Clarke I promise…I’m just angry seeing Sasha so upset I hate what she’s going through and I don’t really know how to help….it was just a shock hearing that you knew that’s all breaking up with you never even crossed my mind” Lexa finished reaching forward grabbing the waistband of Clarke’s jeans pulling her forward until Clarke’s hips were pressed against her own wrapping her arms around Clarke’s waist she smiled when Clarke wrapped her arms wound her neck pulling their chests together hugging her tightly she softly whispered into Clarke’s ear “But your gonna have to earn access to my cookie jar” The comment did as intended making Clarke laugh softly effectively lightening the mood between the two of them, as Clarke pulled her chest back slightly allowing her to look at Lexa properly smiling she wanted to lean in and kiss her but she wasn’t one hundred percent sure as if reading her mind Lexa leaned forward kissing Clarke softly, their lips staying locked together for minutes until Clarke pulled back looking up at Lexa smiling she softly leant forward resting her head on Lexa’s vest softly whispering “I’ve missed this”

 

“Me too” Lexa softly replied kissing Clarke softly in the top of the head before she softly whispered “I hate to ruin this moment but I’ve gotta check on Sasha”

 

Pulling back Clarke looked into Lexa’s eyes seeing that glimmer of worry shining through “Let me guess you've got a bad feeling”

 

“Something like that, more I know Sasha and I need to be there for her…. sorry”

 

“Don't be…. I should be with O anyway” Clarke smiled removing herself from Lexa she smiled at her quickly kissing her on the cheek before turning and walking out of the kitchen to walk and sit next to Octavia

 

 

Lexa walked through the living room into the guest room finding Costia jumping up and down on the bed as she watched something on the TV seeing Lexa enter the room Costia instantly stopped jumping letting out a small giggle as she looked at the innocent little girl completely clueless to everything that had happened outside between Sasha, Raven and Octavia. Walking into the room when she couldn’t see Sasha she walked to the bed bringing one of her knees to rest against the edge of the bed keeping her other foot planted on the floor as she smiled at her youngest cousin softly asking;

 

“What are you watching?”

 

“My little pony”

 

“Is it good?”

 

“It’s great Alex” The little girl smiled brightly as she looked up at Lexa

 

“Good, Cos where’s Sasha?”

 

The little girl shrugged her shoulders before she softly said “But I got ready like she said”

 

“You’re a good kid” Lexa smiled before leaning forward and kissing the little girl on the forehead, she smiled brightly when Costia leant up and kissed her softly on the cheek “You keep watching your show and I’ll come get you in a bit ok?” Costia nodded her head looking sweetly up at her before she laid back on the bed resting her head on the pillows her attention turning back to the TV walking out of the room Lexa closed the door too before turning around and deciding to check out Sasha’s bedroom in case she was in there. As she opened the door seeing a holdall full of clothes she continued to scan the room instantly she noticed Sasha sitting on the floor leaning against the wall that faced the bedroom door walking through the door Lexa closed it shut before she turned around seeing the lock on the door she locked it before walking over to Sasha she sat herself down on the floor sitting next to Sasha noticing the tears that stained Sasha’s cheeks she remained silent for a few minutes before she asked “You ok?” When Sasha looked at her raising her eyebrows she answered her own question “I know stupid question”

 

“I feel numb” Sasha explained as fresh tears ran down her as she honestly spoke looking at Lexa “A few days ago everything felt perfect like it had all fallen into place and things finally felt good, Octavia was making progress and Bam just like that everything’s falling apart and I can’t stop it or control it, it’s all gone from zero to one hundred and I can’t stop thinking about anything except them together…..it’s like this constant loop in my head, I thought that hearing everything they had to say would make it ok that it’d be fine and I could forgive them both and we could move on from there”

 

“And how do you feel now?”

 

“Confused, I don’t know what to do my heart tells me one thing but my brain tells me another thing…. you know of all the things I thought me and Octavia where gonna be fine that nothing could come between us and now everything is just a mess…I can’t make head nor tail of anything all I know is I can’t look at her without seeing her and Raven together…you know when we came back here I was hoping that everything was gonna go back to how it was but what chance did I have huh?” Sasha continued as she took in a deep breath trying to control the tears rushing down her cheeks “For a moment just a moment I thought I could be happy…that I’d be enough for someone just to love me and accept me even through the hard times…. I know I treated her badly but did I really deserve this…”

 

“Of course you didn’t” Lexa responded reaching forward and wiping Sasha’s tears from her cheeks

 

“Then why does it feel like no matter how hard I try my past keeps coming back to bite me”

 

“This isn’t on you Lexi, Octavia and Raven should have told you a long time ago what happened between them if anyone is to blame it’s both of them not you”

 

“Why does it feel like it’s my fault then” Sasha looked at Lexa who was looking at her sadly Lexa wasn’t able to speak as Sasha continued “Maybe because I was stupid enough to believe I could get my happy ever after with Octavia after all we’ve been through”

 

“Why are you being so hard on yourself Lexi, you should be being hard on Octavia and Raven and I know you love them both but they deserve every bit of anger that you throw at them”

 

Sasha let out a massive sigh before she stood up reaching into the holdall she removed something hiding it in her hand before sitting back down next to Lexa taking hold of Lexa’s right hand she placed the item in her hand, slowly Lexa opened her hand taking in the item in her hand a small purple velvet box it was obviously a ring box slowly opening the box she sadly smiled seeing a ring with a small topaz crystal resting on top she knew the crystal from a conversation her and Sasha had a long time ago, looking to her cousin she closed the lid handing it back to Sasha before softly saying “You were gonna propose” It was a statement more than a question she knew Sasha and this wasn’t the reaction that she would normally have and now it made sense to her all of it “When did you get it?”

 

“About a month ago”

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“I was waiting on the right time I’ve had it hidden in with my medals I know Octavia would never go in there, I was trying to come up with the perfect way to propose now that the tattoo idea couldn’t be used I was trying to think of a new way to do it” Sasha took a breath in looking at Lexa before she shrugged and let out a small laugh “Irony is the day I found out about them was the day I came up with the perfect way to propose”

 

“Sash, I’d say I’m sorry but I know you’d hate that…” Lexa paused before gently placing her hand on Sasha’s chin turning it so she was looking at her “You’re gonna get through this maybe you and Octavia can work out but maybe not, the point is just because you don’t give that ring to Octavia doesn’t mean you can’t give it to someone else”

 

“You don’t get it do you Lex…you got Clarke back and I’m over the moon for both of you I am but imagine in theory that Clarke slept with Raven or even me and just as your about to propose you find out would you be able to move on and propose to someone else would you even think about it…..Clarke is your one true love just like Octavia is mine I can’t move on from that…” Sasha stood up holding the box in her hand walking up to the bed she pulled her arm up and back bringing it down hard and fast she threw the box into the holdall bag before walking to the door unlocking it she opened it up turning back to Lexa who she could see was standing up she held her hand up “I’m gonna take Costia home”

 

Walking into the guest room she found Costia sitting watching My little pony smiling sweetly as she looked to the door “Ready to go?” She asked her little sister who nodded excitedly at her before jumping off the bed and beginning to drag her bag to the door where Sasha stood at her laughing slightly before lifting the bag up from the floor looking down at her sister who moved close to her leg hugging her softly before they began walking down the hallway as they reached the living room Costia noticed Octavia sitting on the couch and shouted loudly “TAVI” before she took off running and jumping onto Octavia who caught her wrapping her arms around the little girl so she didn’t fall backwards off of her lap pushing her own sadness and emotions to the side she smiled down at the little girl

 

“Why are you so excited?” She asked poking the little girl softly in the side as Costia excitedly placed her hands on Octavia’s shoulders

 

“Ali is taking me to get ice cream, then we’re gonna see Mema and Papa then I’m gonna see my mama and Tris”

 

“Wow that’s a lot of excitement” Octavia smiled as Costia nodded at her excitedly

 

“Can you come Tavi?” Costia softly asked just as Sasha entered the living room stopping as she heard the words come from her little sister’s mouth

 

“I’m sorry Cos I can’t I have to stay here and make sure Clarke doesn’t eat all the cake”

 

“Hey” Clarke protested nudging Octavia softly in the side

 

"But I want you to come Tavi”

 

“I know Cos but I have to stay here today cause I’m still not all better yet ok?”

 

Costia softly nodded at Octavia before wrapping her arms around her hugging her tightly “I love you Tavi”

 

“I love you too Cos”

 

Costia smiled brightly up at Octavia as she pulled back leaning up and kissing her on the cheek as Sasha walked over to the couch stopping next to the door patiently as Octavia and Costia talked to each other

 

“When I come back can we watch movies Tavi?”

 

“Of course we can, I’ll see if I can find some new ones to watch”

 

“YES” Costia excitedly let out clapping her hands softly

 

“Come on Cos time to go” Sasha interjected she knew if she didn’t interrupt then Costia would stay with Octavia all day, and right now she needed to get out of that apartment, she watched as Costia let out a small sign as she hugged Octavia tightly kissing her again on the cheek before climbing down from Octavia’s lap she moved over to Clarke hugging her quickly also saying goodbye before she walked over to Sasha grabbing her hand gently tugging it causing Sasha to look down at her “Good to go?” Costia nodded her head softly looking up at her big sister before speaking as Sasha went to open the door

 

“Say bye to Tavi, Ali”

 

Looking down at the little girl who was sweetly and innocently looking up at her Sasha softly smiled looking to Octavia “Bye Octavia” She was about to turn for the door again when Costia tapped her leg again this time a little harder

 

“Say goodbye properly Ali…you have to kiss and hug her like you always do” Costia insistently stated looking up her older sister her face stern and convincing

 

Sasha let out a sigh before moving to stand in front of Octavia holding her hand in the air for her to take it standing up she smiled at the younger woman before leaning in and kissing her gently on the cheek trying to ignore that same spark that drove her crazy in the greatest of ways the same spark that now reminded her of everything she had lost, quickly removing her lips from Octavia’s cheeks she wrapped her arms gently around Octavia’s waist feeling Octavia instantly wrap her arms around her neck pulling them closer together burying her face in Sasha’s shoulder taking in the her smell and the feeling of Sasha’s arms around her, Sasha tried her best not to tighten her grip but almost instantly she gave in tightening the hold she had around Octavia’s waist pulling them closer until their hips were almost touching each other’s. Sasha let out a small sigh when she heard Octavia whisper a small “I’m sorry” into her ear after a second or two she softly replied “I know” Pulling back she looked at Octavia seeing the tears that had escaped from her eyes and were now running down her cheeks reaching up she wiped the tears away gently from Octavia’s cheeks her hand lingering for a second before she pulled it back removing her other hand from the Octavia’s hip she stood back smiling softly at Octavia she moved back over to Costia looking down at the little girl “Better?” Costia nodded sweetly at her Sasha opened the door wide for them to walk through looking down at her little sister “Come on Costia let’s go” Sasha firmly stated as she walked out of the door turning back she could see Lexa coming into the living room knowing what was about to happen she looked down at Costia watching as her little sister ran back into the apartment running full force as she ran towards Lexa shouting

 

“ALEX” As Costia reached her feet Lexa lifted her off of the ground into her arms, Costia wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders hugging her tightly her head resting on Lexa’s right shoulder her arms still wrapped around her neck “Bye Alex” Costia sadly let out as she leant back looking at Lexa leaning in kissing her on the lips quickly “I’m gonna miss you”

 

“I’m gonna miss you too Sunshine but I’ll see you soon won’t I?” Costia nodded excitedly at the words as she looked at Lexa letting out an excited giggle as she hung onto Lexa “How about I come with you to the car?”

 

“Yeah” Costia let out excitedly bouncing in Lexa’s arms as she hugged her again not releasing her hold on her older cousin

 

“Did you say goodbye to Clarke and Octavia?”

 

“I did”

 

“Good girl” Lexa smiled out as she kissed the little girl on the cheek seeing a small sad expression appear on Costia’s face, not wanting Costia to get upset at having to leave she peppered the little girl with kisses all over her face feeling the little girl wriggle in her firm grip as the laughter took over her body “Come on then let’s get going” Lexa smiled still hearing Costia’s giggles in her ear as she walked over to Clarke leaning down she softly kissed her on the lips softly stating “I’ll be back in few minutes” Clarke kissed her back nodding softly before she stood back up feeling Costia laugh even more at the feeling of being held in the air and being move up and down in the air as Lexa had leant down and kissed Clarke, as she reached the door she smiled softly before walking through the door to Sasha turning back she grabbed the door winking at Clarke before holding the door and walking out closing it too

 

They walked down the stairs and too Sasha’s Lexus not saying a word to each other until they reached the car as Sasha placed Costia’s bag in the boot of the car she looked to Lexa expectantly, Lexa carefully placed the little girl on the ground she knelt down looking at her as the sad expression again spread across the little girl’s face looking at her she softly said “Don’t be upset Sunshine it’s only for a few days and then you’ll be back right?” Lexa softly added gently poking the little girl in the side and the stomach a few times making Costia move on the spot giggling and trying and avoid Lexa’s hands, this was usually what Sasha would do but she knew she wasn’t in the right frame of mind right now smiling at her younger cousin she softly added “Go on then jump in the car so you can go get your ice cream” Costia smiled brightly as she lunged forward wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck kissing her on the cheek before telling her she loved her and running around to the car door that Sasha was holding open for her jumping in she let Sasha help her with the seatbelt until it was properly clicked in, closing the door Sasha closed the door walking around to the driver’s side stopping in front of Lexa who was looking at her

 

“Are you sure you’re ok to drive?”

 

“I’m fine Lexa, I won’t be back for a few hours though”

 

“Sure…. look if you need anything then promise you’ll call me”

 

“I promise” Sasha responded looking Lexa in her eyes as her hands landed on Lexa’s shoulders pulling her gently forward into a hug Lexa’s arms wrapping around her tightly squeezing Sasha as Sasha squeezed her back before releasing the hug and looking at Lexa “I just need a few hours to clear my head…I’ll be fine” Sasha finished her sentence winking at Lexa before turning and getting into the driver’s side of the car pressing the power button she placed her seatbelt on before driving off as Costia excitedly waved at Lexa as the car drove off Lexa watched until the car was completely out of sight.

 

 

In the Living Room

Clarke and Octavia sat next to each other on the couch they had been in complete silence since Lexa had shut the door neither of them knew what to say to each other, on Clarke’s part she felt slightly bad that everything was going great with her and Lexa and wasn’t going so great for Octavia and Sasha, she just wished that they could all be like they used to be years ago. Clarke was pulled from her thoughts when Octavia finally spoke;

 

“I’m really happy for you and Lexa” Octavia genuinely said turning and smiling at Clarke as she leant back in the couch resting her back against the back of the couch “It’s nice seeing you smile like you used to before”

 

“Thanks…. It feels so surreal”

 

“But it feels great right?” Octavia softly asked seeing Clarke smile softly and nod “When me and Sasha got back together I remember thinking how perfect it felt like everything was back to normal and there was nothing that could tear us apart, from the first night she came back we were like we used to be she just has this way of making time almost stop…. there were so many things that I missed not being with her...”

 

“Like smiling?” Clarke asked she remembered almost that who year Octavia was away from Sasha that she didn’t smile much and when she did she was either drunk or thinking about Sasha in some form whether it be that someone reminded her of something they had done or if someone said something that trigger a good memory in her mind she knew herself why, it was the same thing that happened whenever she’d think about Lexa

 

“Yeah, there was something about her that made me smile just being in the same room as her I can’t explain it…” Octavia paused looking at Clarke softly adding “I know you get it”

 

“I do, I remember thinking that maybe I’d start to feel what I felt for Lexa with Mitch if I tried hard enough to but I never did get that feeling with him not matter how he treated me good or bad nothing could match the way Lexa makes me feel like I’m walking on water or something it sounds super cheesy but whenever she’s around I can feel this happiness burning inside me. You know when I was about Fifthteen I asked my mom what love felt like and she told me all the cliché things parents say and then she told me that with my dad whenever he walked into a room she would get these butterflies in her stomach and this explosion of happiness just from looking at him I always thought she was joking with me because no matter what guys I dated none of them made me feel like that even when I lost my virginity to Finn there was nothing there no butterflies or anything then just after I turned Sixteen just before your birthday we had that talk when you told me that you thought you were gay and it was like something clicked in my head and it made sense I’d always liked girls I mean I even had a little crush on you remember?”

 

“I do remember…you were my first ever kiss”

 

“But still when we kissed I didn’t feel what my mom said but I felt like this fluttering in my stomach not what she told me but similar to it and I knew what it meant, but I also knew I couldn’t be that so I continued to date guys so my dad didn’t find out and call me all those names I’d heard him call so many gay people over the years so from Sixteen until I moved out I had to deal with guys wanted to go further than I wanted to and it got to me that’s why I moved out…I went years without knowing anything other than the smallest part of that feeling and then we meet Sasha and Lexa, the moment she touched my hand I felt everything my mom told me about and a million times more than anything I could have imagined, she was everything I could have dreamed of she was beautiful polite loyal and loving and more than anything she made me feel like a princess….” Clarke stopped speaking as she heard the door open causing her to look to the door seeing Lexa walk through it she smiled as the brunette looked at her smiling back at her, Lexa closed the door walking around the back of the couch she stopped behind Clarke leaning over she softly asked

 

“I’m grabbing a drink you want something?”

 

“A water would be great thanks” Clarke responded leaning up and kissing Lexa quickly watching as the brunette nodded smiling softly and went to walk away

 

“Octavia, how about you?”

 

“Water as well please” Octavia responded looking at Clarke in slight surprise that Lexa was talking to her in any form let alone offering her a drink

 

Within seconds Lexa emerged from the kitchen holding two bottles of water in one hand and a bottle of coke in the other hand handing the bottles to Clarke and Octavia she took a seat on the free couch slouching down so she was comfortable opening her bottle and taking a sip she smirked at Clarke asking “So what were you both talking about?”

 

“Nothing” Clarke quickly answered undoing her bottle cap and drinking some of her water wondering to herself why Lexa was smirking at her

 

“Nothing huh? ...If you say so Princess”

 

“Oh my god you heard what I said didn’t you?” Clarke asked her face turning a deep red as the embarrassment rose inside her, bringing her hands over her face dropping her bottle of water onto her lap she peaked through her hands to see Lexa nodding her head softly at her question “That’s so embarrassing”

 

“No it’s not Clarke, It’s nice to know that I made you feel like a princess”

 

“You still do” Clarke responded pushing her embarrassment aside as she removed her hands from her face looking over at Lexa who was smiling at her brightly her eyes shining just as bright, forcing herself not to get lost in Lexa’s eyes Clarke turned her attention back to Octavia “So anyway what I was trying to say is that I know how you feel, I know your upset and that you wanna make Sasha see how much you regret what you did but you have to give her time to process everything O, it’s a lot for her to take in”

 

“Clarke’s right O” Hearing Lexa’s voice chime in both Clarke and Octavia looked to Lexa watching her intently as she continued “Sasha loves you more than I’ve ever seen her love someone before, when you and her meet she was determined not to get involved with someone after everything that happened between her and Ontari she didn’t want a relationship let alone with someone who’s name began with O as well, but no matter how much she tried to fight it you were everything she thought about from the moment you shook hands she told me she felt this spark of electricity rush through her body when your hands touched and she knew you and her were meant to be” Lexa stopped for a second seeing tears falling from Octavia’s eyes “I’m not trying to upset you Octavia I’m just letting you know that there is hope for you and her, the kind of love you and her have isn’t something that can be turned off or forgotten instantly you just have to give her time to get her head around this, hearing what she just did she needs time more than anything……when you and her broke up it crushed her the PTSD got worse in fact the only reason I noticed was because it got worse, she would shut herself off from everyone including me because she was scared she told me numerous times that she wished she could trust herself to be around you because she missed you so much to the point it physically hurt her thinking about someone else touching you or kissing you especially after everything you and her went through together…finding out that she wasn’t the only person you’d had sex with and that you’d slept with someone else was hard for her it shattered everything she thought was special about your relationship is gone now and I’m not saying that’s on you because she knew there was a possibility that you’d sleep with someone else but she never thought that, that person would be her best friend and it was during your relationship even if it was a day before your break up it’s still crushing for her”

 

“I know…. You have no idea how much I regret that night Lexa”

 

Lexa looked at Clarke smiling softly then replying “I have a small idea…. look O all I’m saying is just give her time and space and eventually she’ll come to you when she’s ready”

 

“I will….” Octavia replied standing up walking past Lexa she looked down at her “Thank you Lexa”

 

“You’re welcome” Lexa softly responded, readjusting herself on the couch pushing herself back on the couch so she could stretch her legs out as she rested her back on the arm rest of the couch as she watched Octavia walk towards Sasha’s bedroom hearing the door open and close she was happy that she’d made the choice to move Sasha’s holdall, which had the ring inside it, to the guest room where Sasha was now going to sleep. She was brought out of what she was thinking about when she felt the couch move instantly seeing Clarke crawling up the couch over Lexa’s left leg which was stretched out on the couch the whole time she was crawling upwards Clarke smiled at her, she watched as Clarke kept crawling until she was right in front of her, her lips hoovering over Lexa’s as they both smiled. “You look happy” Lexa softly whispered at Clarke, who in turn leant into her connecting their lips together instantly Lexa’s hands came to cup Clarke’s jaw gently as Clarke dropped her hips letting her chest press against Lexa’s as her hips pressed against one of Lexa’s thighs purposely she pressed her hips onto Lexa’s thigh a little more than she knew was needed feeling Lexa’s hands move from her jaw to her waist gently pulling Clarke a little closer to her pulling back Clarke looked into Lexa’s eyes seeing the same desire that was burning in hers

 

"I am happy" She softly spoke smiling at Lexa “Thank you for speaking to O”

 

“No problem she needed to hear it….and it's not like it isn't true” Lexa replied smiling at Clarke as she moved a stray hair that had fallen in front of Clarke’s behind Clarke’s ear

 

“But still thanks” Clarke smiled kissing Lexa softly on the lips before resting her hands on Lexa’s waist as she rested her head on Lexa’s chest softly breathing in Lexa’s perfume smiling more as Lexa wrapped her arms around her placing a gentle kiss on her temple closing her eyes Clarke couldn’t help but get lost in how great it felt to be back in Lexa’s arms even though Lexa had held her on numerous occasions after Mitch attacked her this felt different she didn’t have to watch where her hands where and she didn’t have to stop herself from saying something to serious this was just her and Lexa like they used to be no interruptions and no trouble well at least between them

 

The hours flew by and before she knew it Clarke was opening her eyes quickly realising that she and Lexa must have feel asleep whilst laying on the couch together as she moved she could feel the couch underneath her instantly she sat herself up a small amount of worry shooting into her mind, her fears were calmed when her eyes ran over the kitchen door seeing Lexa leaning on the frame of the door smiling at her with a small smirk on her face “I’m just making a coffee” She explained before she turned around walking back into the kitchen readjusting herself so she was sitting properly on the couch she sat waiting for Lexa to reappear and minutes later she did exactly that holding a mug of coffee in each hand walking over and sitting next to Clarke she smiled at her handing her one of the coffees as she took the mug Clarke looked at Lexa softly asking;

 

“How long have you been awake?”

 

“About an hour and a half, my mama called me and I missed it so I had to call her back and you looked so peaceful I didn’t want to wake you so I let you sleep”

 

“Your so thoughtful” Clarke smiled leaning in and kissing Lexa quickly before she leant back blowing gently on the coffee before sipping it “How’s your mama?”

 

“She’s fine. She called because she wanted to know what was up with Sasha?” Lexa responded doing as Clarke had sipping her coffee slowly

 

“Sasha?”

 

“Yeah she said that she seemed a little rattled and uneasy when she dropped Costia off at Mema and Papa’s and she wanted to know why”

 

“Did you tell her?”

 

“It’s not my place to tell anything to anyone…that’s Sasha’s choice”

 

“See so thoughtful”

 

“If you say so sugar”

 

“Sugar?” Clarke questioningly asked looking at Lexa with a raised eyebrow she was about to move in to kiss Lexa when she heard the sound of Lexa’s phone vibrate, watching she saw Lexa pull the phone out of her pocket her face contorting slightly as she read a text

 

Looking down at her phone Lexa re-read the message still not quite sure how to respond

 

**Raven: You need to come and get Sasha**

**Lexa: I need to do what now? And why? your text lacks clarity**

**Raven: She’s at Grounders and she’s smashed. I tried to get her to leave with me but she refuses**

**Raven: She says she’s gonna drive home**

**Lexa: Fine I’m on my way just leave her be until I get there**

Letting out a massive sigh Lexa placed her mug on the table before she stood herself up walking over to the door she grabbed her jacket placing it on she noticed the look on Clarke’s face walking back over to her she knelt down in front of the blonde softly saying “I need to go get Sasha….I won’t be long” Kissing Clarke quickly she stood back up grabbing her keys from the hook she placed them in her pocket before opening the door and walking out her mind working overtime as she wondered what kind of state her cousin was in and if she would truly be able to get over what she had found out…….


	34. 21st Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback chapter

Chapter Thirty-Four: 21st Birthday

Lexa took a deep breath in as the taxi she had opted to get a taxi to Grounders seeing as Sasha’s car was seemingly at Grounders it made more sense for her to get a taxi then drive back. Paying the driver, she got out of the car closing the door and walking forward to the door seeing Miller standing on the door she walked up to him hugging him and saying a small hello she walked inside walking to the bar asking one of the barmaids if she’d seen Raven she was directed to Harper and Raven at the end of the bar instantly seeing them both she walked over to them stopping in front of Raven bluntly asking;

 

“Where is she?” She followed Raven’s arm as it raised in the air looking behind her she noticed Sasha in the corner of the bar leaning against the wall with her right arm while talking to a small petite Blonde woman who looked to be a year or so younger than them. Walking over to them she stood waiting for Sasha to notice her which she did almost instantly

 

“TWINSY…” Sasha let out probably a little louder than she had actually intended, before she walked over to Lexa throwing her left arm around Lexa’s shoulders “This is Lexa…. the cousin I mentioned” Sasha loudly stated looking at the blonde who for some reason seemed to know who she was, Lexa could see that Sasha was as Raven had said drunk though this wasn’t the worse she’d seen her in fact she seemed able to walk and talk fine but driving was something completely different all together. Wrapping her arm around Sasha’s waist she firmly gripped her turning her around;

 

“We have to go…” Looking back at the small blonde she apologised “Sorry, we’ve gotta go…see you around” Not thinking anymore about the woman she turned around walking with Sasha towards the exit happy that Sasha was at least able to walk. As they reached the bar Sasha noticed Harper and Raven removing herself from Lexa at the same time brushing Lexa off of her she walked over to them

 

“Harper...” Sasha happily pronounced walking over to Harper her arms out wide, seeing the woman Harper smiled walking forward and hugging Sasha a little surprised at the tightness of the hug she’d been drinking as well and she wasn’t as bad as drunk as Sasha but she was merry to say the least, as Sasha pulled out of the hug she kept her arm wrapped around Harper looking down at the slightly smaller woman she spoke “You look HOT tonight”

 

“Thanks Sasha, you look good yourself”

 

“You know if you weren’t dating Raven I’d think you were flirting with me” Sasha softly laughed out waving off Lexa as she tried to get her to leave

 

“Dating someone doesn’t mean I can’t flirt right?”

 

“Right…. You know you need to tell Octavia that she gets SUPER jealous when I start talking to someone else and it looks remotely like I’m flirting then she gets all moody with me”

 

“I bet that’s often you are super fit...”

 

“You think I’m fit?”

 

“Yeah I’ve always had a crush on you”

 

“Say WHAT…Seriously?” Sasha drunkenly asked she wasn’t even trying to flirt with Harper but somehow they were now exchanging compliments, she knew she should probably pull back on her flirting but she knew it wasn’t serious and she was slightly drunk so right now she wasn’t really bothered about what kind of trouble it’d get her in

 

“You seriously didn’t know”

 

“I had NO idea” Sasha smiled before turning removing her arm from around Harpers shoulders standing in front of Harper smiling as she asked “How long have you fancied me?”

 

“Since we first meet…so about three years”

 

“Three years…. wow”

 

“Yeah and I liked you before I realised you had a six pack”

 

Sasha smirked at Harper before carefully lifting up her shirt exposing her mentioned six pack “You mean this six pack” Seeing Harper blush slightly and nod she jokingly asked “You wanna feel them?” Harper laughed softly at the question before moving forward she was about to touch Sasha’s abs when Raven appeared standing in between them giving Sasha the dirtiest look she’d even seen grace Raven’s face pulling back Sasha held her hands in the air simply uttering two words “My bad” She softly laughed as she finished speaking she was about to turn and walk out with Lexa when Raven spoke

 

“Just because your woman is a slut doesn’t mean mine is….so drunk or not keep away from her”

 

“I’m not the one that needs to stay away from other people’s women” Sasha firmly stated suddenly feeling herself sober up a little at Raven’s words as she looked at her dead in the eyes

 

“Whatever she was gagging for it probably was with Mitch as well…obviously you weren’t pleasing her enough”

 

Sasha let out a small giggle before she pulled her left arm back swinging at Raven her fist catching Raven on the jaw sending her spinning to her left and almost in to a heap on the floor, there was a part of her that instantly regretted punching Raven but then there was another part, the drunk part, that didn’t care Raven crossed the line with what she said about Octavia and she needed to be put back in line and being drunk definitely helped with any remorse or guilt she felt. Turning and looking to Lexa she waved her arm through the air motioning towards the exit before walking towards it Lexa joined her wrapping her arm around her waist as she tried to suppress a smile at the exchange that had taken place between Sasha and Raven once they reached the door Sasha pulled her keys from her pocket instantly they were removed from her hand by Lexa who raised her eyebrows at her before looking around for Sasha’s car not seeing it she looked to Sasha who simply said ‘Car park’ taking almost all of Sasha’s weight she dragged her to the car unlocking it and almost literally throwing Sasha in the back seat before placing the seatbelts around Sasha who was almost asleep curling up on the back seat getting into the driver’s seat Lexa drove them home listening to Sasha mumbled on and on about Octavia and all the things she loved about her.

 

 

The Next Morning-Sasha/Lexa’s Apartment

Lexa and Sasha had got back to their apartment about half past midnight thankfully the journey home had been quick thanks to the time of night, once she had parked up Lexa managed to lift Sasha out of the back seat taking the whole of her body weight seeing as Sasha had fallen asleep locking the car she dragged her upstairs hating the fact their building didn’t have an elevator once she finally got to the front door she opened it placing Sasha on the couch next to the door before she closed the door locking it, removing her jacket then walking to her bedroom finding Clarke asleep she quickly changed before crawling into bed with her.

 

At around 7am Sasha let out a small groan as she opened her eyes her head banging slightly as she felt the sun beating down on her face from the windows that shone through the hallways, her right leg had somehow ended up bent up and pressed against the back of the couch as her left leg was stretched out straight down the couch and her arms were wrapped around her head acting as a cushion. Rolling herself onto her back she let out a massive breath slowly and slightly painfully opening her eyes taking in the change in light she looked up at the ceiling for a few minutes before she felt someone walk past her legs lifting her head slightly she saw Octavia as soon as her eyes landed on her she couldn’t help the smile that graced her face as she felt that familiar flutter in her chest, as Octavia walked until she was next to her head bending down placing a glass of water on the table along with two pills Sasha knew to be paracetamols drawing in a sharp breath she looked up at Octavia softly saying “Thank you”

 

“You’re welcome…I um I’m cooking breakfast…pancakes if you want some”

 

“That’d be nice thanks”

 

“Ok…. you lay there I’ll bring them in once their ready” Sasha didn’t respond she just nodded softly before leaning over picking up the pills she threw them in her mouth picking up the glass of water and drinking it all before placing the empty glass back on the table, laying back she closed her eyes relaxing a little as she felt her knuckles as she opened and closed her fists. She could remember most parts of her night after she started drinking her seventh beer she remembered talking to Harper and pulling her top up to expose her stomach then the next thing she remembered was Raven mentioning Octavia and then hitting her after that the next thing she remembers is waking up moments ago.

 

Hearing footsteps emerging she opens her eyes up again she looked around seeing Lexa sitting on the other couch looking at her smirking slightly sitting up on the couch Sasha lifted her legs off the couch on to the floor putting pressure on her hands as she shifted herself around causing her to wince at the pain that shot through both her hands but mainly her right hand shaking them both in the air hoping that would somehow elevate the pain. Leaning back against the back of the couch she looked at Lexa asking “So I punched Raven?” It was more of a question that a statement at this moment mainly because she wasn’t sure if she was actually remembering punching Raven or if she was imagining it. Just as the question left her lips Octavia walked back into the living room closely followed by Clarke, moving to Sasha she placed the pancakes she had made Sasha on the table with a knife and fork for her Sasha subconsciously smiled as she noticed that the pancakes were covered in syrup and blueberries done just as she loved them to be.

 

Octavia sat down in the space next to Sasha making sure she was at the other end of the couch so that she wasn’t too close to Sasha while Clarke walked around to sit next to Lexa her back against the arm rest of the couch as she lifted her legs over Lexa’s lap before Lexa’s hands came down to gently rest on them, they all remained silent for a few moments before Clarke finally broke the silence looking at Sasha asking “You hit Raven?”

 

Sasha looked at her raising her eyebrows at Lexa, seeing the look Lexa smiled letting out a small laugh before she leant back looking at Clarke before looking back over to Sasha “She did but Raven deserved it”

 

“She did?” Sasha asked as she picked up her plate and began eating them content at how quickly food made her feel

 

“Yeah…. she said that when her and Octavia slept together that she was gagging for it and she probably was with Mitch as well…then she made a remarks about Sasha not pleasing Octavia properly and that’s when Sasha punched her”

 

“Why would she say that?” Clarke asked as Lexa turned her attention to her continuing to rub her legs

 

“No idea, but she’s lucky Sasha’s right hand isn’t one hundred percent cause that punch would have knocked her out”

 

“Guess that explains why my left hand hurts…” Sasha softly laughed as she continued to munch on her pancakes trying her best not to look at Octavia instead fixing her eyesight on Clarke and Lexa just as Clarke softly said

 

“If she said what you said she did, then she deserved to be punched with your right hand” Clarke watched as the cousins exchanged a look “What was that look about?”

 

Sasha paused for a moment taking a small sharp breath in before softly saying “She wanted me to hit her”

 

“Raven?” Clarke asked before Sasha and Lexa both nodded at her “Why would she want that?”

 

“She feels bad for what she did, and she knows I’d never hit her not unless she pushed me to the point I couldn’t control my temper….and she knows there are only two things that will make me snap and that’s mentioning my family or Octavia and she'd never mention my family because she considers them to be hers as well”

 

“So she deliberately provoked you so you’d punch her?” Clarke asked slightly confused as to why someone would want to be punched by anyone let alone their best friend they were trying to make up with

 

“Yeah she does that when she feels bad about something and doesn’t know what to do to make things ok, usually I don’t take the bait I just calm her down and talk it out but I was drunk and I couldn’t stop myself plus the stuff she was saying she deserved completely to be punched even if she didn’t mean any of it”

 

“I guess she really regrets everything that happened then”

 

“Probably but I vaguely remember something about Harper so I have a feeling that may have contributed as well”

 

“What about you and Harper would contribute I don’t get it”

 

“Well I think she thought I was flirting with Harper to get back at her for what her and Octavia did”

 

“You were flirting with Harper?” Octavia jumped in she couldn’t stop herself from asking the question as she looked at Sasha

 

“I wasn’t” Sasha started turning her attention to Octavia making sure she was looking into Octavia’s eyes so she knew she was telling the truth “We were just talking I don’t remember one hundred percent of everything but I know I wasn’t flirting with her I was being friendly just like I always am with her, I would never sleep with Raven’s girlfriend to get back at you both that’s not how I operate”

 

“I know I ju….”

 

“I know O, honestly it’s fine”

 

“So are you going to talk to Raven at some point?” Lexa interrupted seeing Sasha was struggling to find her words without falsely saying something to Octavia, when Sasha turned to her sending her an unimpressed and slightly pissed off look “Well?”

 

“I don’t know Lexa, right now I just wanna relax and watch TV until this thumping in my head stops completely”

 

“I know you need time but if you’re willing to give Octavia a chance then Raven deserves the same thing”

 

“It’s different and you know it”

 

“How is it different you love them both”

 

“It’s different because she was my first because she should be THE ONE person other than you that I should be able to trust around the woman I love, no matter what I said about her and Anya no matter how right I was she should have NEVER in a million years gone that far to get back at me”

 

“I know that and you know that but maybe there was more to it than just that you have to talk to her”

 

“NO…. Seriously Lexa just leave it alone when I’m ready I’ll call her and I’ll talk to her but not until then just leave me be” Sasha finally let out placing the plate on the table before walking off in the direction of the bathroom closing and locking the door behind herself.

 

Lexa let out a sigh as she heard the shower turn on and the water begin to run looking to Octavia she softly said “Your welcome” Seeing the confused look on Octavia’s face she continued “She’s pissed at me and she’ll want to vent and who does she vent to…you…. look when she comes back out remind her of a good memory it’ll help her relax and then maybe you two can talk”

 

“A good memory…. that’ll work?”

 

“Yeah…Like your 21st when she surprised you returning early” Lexa saw the nervous look on Octavia’s face “Turn the TV on and watch a show and then when she starts talking just remind her of it and she’ll open up like a flower” Lexa completed smiling as she felt Clarke lean forward and kiss her gently on the cheek

 

“You’re so smart”

 

“I know” She smirked looking at Clarke before removing Clarke’s legs from her lap standing up she reached down holding her hand out for Clarke who smiled placing her hand in hers, pulling Clarke up from the couch she wrapped her arms wound Clarke’s waist softly whispering “You’re coming with me to my room” Clarke smiled at the words quickly walking in front of Lexa her hand pulling gently on Lexa’s as Lexa looked back at Octavia smiling as she said “Good Luck” As the second word left her lips Clarke pulled her down the hallway towards her room and out of Octavia’s sight

 

“I’m gonna need it….” Octavia softly said to herself hoping that Lexa’s idea would work

 

-Thirty Minutes Later-

Octavia was sat on the couch her attention on the TV as she watched Family Guy she had looked for something else but at the moment she needed some comedy and this seemed like the only thing that would work and she knew Sasha loved Family Guy so that was just a bonus. Moments ago she’d heard the bathroom door open using every ounce of will power she had she kept her attention on the TV and minutes later Sasha sat down next to her dressed in her Muppets lounge pants and Supergirl vest on all her muscles in her arms exposed for Octavia to see. Doing as Lexa said she waited for Sasha not thinking about anything other than the watching Family Guy listening as Sasha sang along to the theme song of the show as a new episode started it was almost like it was fate when the episode included everyone planning a surprise party for Lois. Smiling and giggling out loud she felt Sasha’s eyes on her causing her to turn and look at her softly

 

“Sorry it just reminded me of my 21st that’s all”

 

Sasha nodded softly remaining silent as she smiled to at the memory after a moment of silence she softly spoke “That was a good day” She completed unable to stop the smile that graced her face as she thought about the memory

                                                                                                           

“It was…maybe my favourite birthday we spent together”

 

“Really? Of all the birthdays?” Sasha asked turning her attention to Octavia looking into her eyes as she asked the question

 

“Yeah…” Octavia started turning slightly on the couch so she was sitting on her side slightly allowing her to look at Sasha better “It was the first time I saw that mushy side of yours, the first time I realised that I was important to you and just how much I loved you. Nobody had ever done that for me…. I woke up that morning feeling like something was missing hoping that you’d call at some point even if it was just for a few seconds I knew just hearing your voice would make me feel happier that it’d make my day…it sounds sappy but I was hoping that you’d call me up say you loved me and then hang up…just to know you loved me back would have been the only present I needed…”

 

“That video was a bad idea really wasn’t it?”

 

“The video was a good idea cutting the video wasn’t such a good idea”

 

“Yeah” Sasha softly laughed as she got a little lost in Octavia’s eyes as they both thought about and remembered the day of Octavia’s 21st Birthday

 

Octavia-Before Changing: Sasha’s ACDC T-shirt and Small Black Shorts

 After Changing: Light Grey skinny jeans and Black pleather t-shirt with Dark grey boots

Sasha-Army Uniform

 

Octavia’s 21st Birthday-Thursday 18th August 2011 

Octavia was lying in her bed alone not wanting to get up as she faced the thought of having to celebrate her birthday without Sasha they had been together for about a year now but for the last four months of their relationship Sasha had been on tour with the army in Afghanistan. She knew when they decided to start dating that Sasha was in the army but she had no idea that it would be this hard not being around her for four months, it was something she’d never felt before and it honestly scared her. She’d had girlfriends before but none of them made her feel the way Sasha did, she couldn’t help but miss everything about her from the way she smiled at her whenever she walked into the room to the way she’d cover her face with her arm when she slept, everything up to the way she smelt when she’d hug her. The fact of the matter was that she loved Sasha and she’d told her so the night before Sasha had to leave for training before deployment but she wasn’t sure if Sasha had heard her or if she just didn’t feel the same way back. The more she thought about it the more she thought that Sasha just didn’t love her back she’d only spoken to her a handful of times over a video chat and even then the signal wasn’t always great so she could barely hear what Sasha would say and she hadn’t received anything from Sasha for her birthday she knew she was probably busy with her duties on base but still a message would have been something just to let her know that she was thinking about her and that she was safe.

 

She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard a knock at the door wiping her eyes and face she sat herself up shouting at the door “Come in” When the door opened slowly she smiled when Clarke entered the room holding a tray she carefully made her way to where Octavia was sitting up. “Happy Birthday O”

 

“Thanks Clarke” She smiled back as the tray was placed onto her lap she watched in slight confusion as Clarke moved quickly outside of the room then quickly ran back inside hiding something behind her back.

 

“What are you doing Clarke?” She quizzed as Clarke moved closer to her

 

“Sasha asked me to keep this safe until this morning” Clarke explained revealing the dark pink box that was behind her back. “She didn’t know if their connection would be good enough to chat to you so she got that for you, what it is I have no idea but I promised I’d give it to you so I did” Clarke completed smiling at Octavia “I’ll leave you to it” She smiled walking towards the door

 

“Thank You Clarke” Octavia responded not taking her eyes away from the box in her hands the breakfast tray on her lap no longer held her interest as she heard her bedroom door shut she carefully placed the breakfast tray on the empty part of the bed to her right as she ran her hands over the box part of her didn’t want to open it in case it was something bad. After five minutes of staring at the box she slowly un tied the bow then removing the lid to the box, smiling she looked through the contents the first item she came across was a photo of her and Sasha about a month before Sasha left the picture was of the two of them, in the picture they were sitting on the couch in the living room she was seated in between Sasha’s legs their hands locked together with their fingers intertwined both were smiling as Sasha placed a kiss on her cheek she wondered a few things mainly she wondered who took the actual picture and how Sasha got hold of it. Picking it up she ran her finger over the picture stopping at her girlfriends face it was a nice photo but seeing Sasha’s face only made it harder that she wasn't there. Snapping herself out of her own thoughts she continued looking in the box, the second item she found was a t shirt which she recognised instantly as one of Sasha’s army t shirts pulling it out she smelled it and smiled brightly as she smelt her girlfriends scent (perfume) on it breathing it in she noticed a note fall from the shirt causing her to put the shirt down, picking up the note she read it: So You Don’t Have Too Keep Stealing My Only Spare xxx S xxx. Laughing softly she turned her attention back to the box noticing there was only one thing left a black rectangular box picking it up she slowly opened it up expecting to find a necklace inside she was slightly confused when she found a USB stick with the word PLAY written on it inside the box instead picking it up she held it in her hand not knowing what was on it she debating watching it instead of watching it she picked up her phone and wrote out an email to Sasha she quickly thanked her for not forgetting her birthday and hoped she was ok and well and looking after Lexa. As she sent it her attention was brought to the picture again she picked it up laying back down she gripped onto the t shirt even harder staring at the picture as the tears ran down her cheeks she couldn’t help but miss the woman every minute of the day she hated it but couldn’t control it any longer.

 

SIX HOURS LATER: 16:00

Octavia was in her room getting ready she had been for the last hour or so since Clarke had told her she was going out to pick up Bellamy and sort out some final party things, looking through her outfits she picked out a tight black pleather t shirt and her tight black denim jeans, she looked in the mirror suddenly realising that she had picked out Sasha’s favourite pair of jeans, she had told her on numerous occasions that she loved how the jeans showed off her legs and her bum and made her think dirty thoughts non-stop. She smiled as she thought about her girlfriend’s comments on her jeans as her mind continued to think about Sasha she found herself sitting at her laptop with the USB stick in her hand, after a minute or two of thinking it through she placed it in the USB socket in her laptop opening it up she found only one file it was a video file which was name HEY BABE she smiled at the name of the file as she double clicked it and waited for the file to play, as the video opened she saw Sasha sitting in a room she knew to be Sasha’s living room as she sat down on the sofa looking directly at the camera as she began speaking;

 

“So this is the twenty something time I’ve tried to do this video and after some words of encouragement shall we say from Lexa and Clarke I realised that I wasn’t really being honest in the other videos…..See I was trying to say whatever would make you feel safe and unafraid but as Lexa pointed out you’d know if I was holding something back so I decided to be 100% candid with you……..Firstly I’m scared, before I meet I didn’t have to worry about having someone other than family that worried about me when I was on tour it hurts thinking about you lying in bed alone crying because you’ve been told I’ve been killed in the line of duty, I know you said you’re ok but just like you can with me I can tell when you’re lying trying to make things better for me, so I don’t feel worse about having to leave you. So I just wanted you to know that you’re not the only one that’s scared by this whole thing. Secondly don’t be mad at Clarke for hiding this present for me she hasn’t even seen this, or what’s inside she was being a good potential cousin in law to me by holding it for the last few months. And Thirdly and Finally, I just wanted to say Happy Birthday, I know I won’t be there for your party but I know that Clarke and Bellamy will look after you and make sure you have the best day and as much as I would love to be able to give you the ultimate present of Birthday Sex, I guess I’m going to have to just think about it instead which believe me I will……...” Octavia smiled at the grin on Sasha’s face as she as well thought about Birthday Sex with Sasha as she continued to watch the video “I know it doesn’t make it easier knowing I’ll be thinking about you, but I want you to know that I appreciate you caring enough to let me do what I feel I have to I know you don’t understand it, but It’s one of the many things I appreciate about you”

 

‘What are the others?’ Octavia thought to herself

 

“I knew you’d think that” Octavia smiled as Sasha pointed at the screen and winked continuing “Well for starters…..the way you smile, the way you smell, the way that when I walk into a room I can feel your eyes on me and the smile that’s on your face it always makes me smile uncontrollably, then there’s the way who always lay your head on the back of my shoulders after we’ve finished having sex and my favourite is the way you make me feel inside like I’m the greatest person in the world and maybe the luckiest at the same time, I guess they’re all reasons that I Lo--------------“ The video finished as she Octavia wiped away the tears on her cheek as she hit at random keys and buttons trying to get the video get the video to extend for a few seconds but it was no use no matter how many times she replayed it the video would cut out at the exact same time, she was sure that Sasha was gonna say she loved her she’d been waiting to hear it for months and now technology was standing in her way. She continued to re watch the video as the tears again began running down her cheeks as the frustration built up inside her as she picked up the laptop and threw it onto the floor hearing a smash as it hit the ground before she had a chance to process her actions she heard a knock at the door.

 

“Hey Octavia We’re here” Clarke said through the door.

 

“Ok Tell Bell I’ll be out in a minute; I’m just doing my make-up” Octavia lied as she stood in front of the mirror staring at her appearance she internally scolded herself Sasha wouldn’t be happy with her she’d tell her to out on a brave face and make sure she looked ten times hotter than usual just to make a point to everyone. The advice swirling in her head as she continued to think about Sasha more tears falling down her cheek, all she wanted to do was be with Sasha she didn’t care about presents and a party she was only doing the party because of Bellamy and Clarke. She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard her bedroom door open quickly moving to her make up bag not looking at the door assuming it was Clarke or Bellamy “Sorry I’m coming now” She said her voice crackling slightly room the emotions running through her body

 

“You’re not meant to cry on your birthday” Octavia stopped in her tracks she knew that voice anywhere turning around slowly her eyes widened as she saw Sasha standing near her bedroom door she was in her full army uniform. A million thoughts ran through her mind the main one was that she missed Sasha so much she was now hallucinating, as she looked at Sasha she saw the recognisable smile on Sasha’s face as all the thoughts evaporated from her mind she moved quickly wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck tightly squeezing her as Sasha wrapped her arms around her waist she took a deep breath taking in Sasha’s perfume, this was definitely real she pulled back slightly looking in Sasha’s eyes she asked “What are you doing here?”

 

Sasha paused for a second as she brought one of her hands up from Octavia’s waist to wipe away the tears that were still on Octavia’s cheeks she honestly replied “I missed you” She placed a gentle kiss on Octavia’s right cheek then softly pulling her back into a hug.

 

“I missed you too” Octavia responded burying her head in Sasha’s shoulder this had to be the best present she’d ever had. As she pulled herself back slightly as her eyes connected with Sasha’s she closed the gap back between their lips she had waited for four months to be able to kiss her girlfriend again and deep down she admitted it was worth the wait to finally be feeling Sasha lips against hers again they’d been kissing for a few minutes when they finally pulled apart Sasha smiled down at her brightly before softly saying;

 

“Happy Birthday”

 

Octavia let out a massive smile along with a tiny giggle “You came all this way to say Happy Birthday” Her happiness was quickly replaced with slight worry as she asked “Wait, You’re not hurt are you? Or AWOL?”

 

“No to both”

 

“So why are you here?”

 

“I told you I Missed you” When Octavia raised her eyebrows at her she added “My tour ended early they told us that there was a chance the tour would be only four months but I didn’t tell you because it changes sometimes” Octavia released a soft slap to Sasha’s arm “It wasn’t 100% and I didn’t wanna upset you if it changed” Sasha paused for a second as the box she had given Clarke caught her sight “I see you got my gift” Octavia nodded “Did you watch the video?” Octavia nodded again “You like it?”

 

“Yes” She found herself playing with some of Sasha’s hairs that had slipped out of place as she spoke to her “It cut out at the end though……. But I loved it to know how you really feel for me”

 

“How I really feel for you” Sasha responded seeing the unamused looked on Octavia’s she smiled softly “You mean what I said about how you lay on my back after we have sex or about how you smell or was it when I said that……” Sasha paused as she moved her head forward until her mouth was right next to Octavia’s right ear “I Love You” Her words rested in the air for a moment and for a second she thought maybe she was wrong when she thought she’d heard Octavia say it to her the night before she left.

 

“You love me?” Octavia asked pulling back not believing she’d heard the words she’d been longing to hear for months now, Sasha nervously nodded at her “I Love you too” Octavia replied as the smile spread uncontrollably across her face quickly closing the gap between her and Sasha’s lips, this time the kiss was purely filled with love the love they had both been waiting for months to reveal to each other. As Octavia pulled out of the kiss she smiled before she removed one of her arms from around Sasha’s neck softly slapping her on the arm.

 

“Ouch” Sasha released breaking out of the hold she and Octavia were wrapped in, taking a step back to look at Octavia with a fake hurt look on her face “What was that for? I tell you I love you and you slap me”

 

“That was for making me wait four months to hear it”

 

“OH” Seeing Octavia was trying to hold back a smile she added “Ok but I wasn’t sure that you said it and then I made the video, in my defence it’s your fault your birthday was so far away” Her comment did as she intended and Octavia’s smile spread across her face her eyes filling up with happiness and love.

 

“I hate you so much”

 

“You do huh?” It was only now that Sasha took in Octavia’s outfit as her eyes scanned their way over Octavia’s body the smile spread even wider on Sasha’s face. “Is that why you’re wearing my favourite outfit of yours?” Her smile spread even wider when she saw Octavia blush and then bite her lip moving a little closer to Octavia who was now looking in the mirror at herself as she walked behind her wrapping her arms around Octavia’s waist and resting her chin on her shoulder, as she looked in the mirror her eyes catching sight of the now broken laptop on the floor. “May I ask what did the laptop ever do to you to deserve such treatment?” She watched as Octavia’s face filled with shame and embarrassment as she studied Octavia’s face she had a feeling she knew what had made Octavia lose her temper “My video?” Octavia softly nodded “Because it cut out” again Octavia nodded “Lexa said that wasn’t a good idea”

 

“You cut it on purpose” Octavia shockingly asked turning around breaking the contact between her and Sasha even though she had to admit that she missed the contact instantly

 

“I thought I'd be back before you opened it but my plane was delayed" Sasha honestly replied, when Octavia's face stayed stern and unimpressed she reached forward gently grabbed hold of Octavia's jeans waistline she gently placed half of her hand on the inside of the jeans as she closed her grip her palm pushed against the button of the jeans, as her fingers pressed against Octavia's skin the contact sending thrills through both their bodies, she gently pulled Octavia until she was pressed up against her "I'll buy you a new one I promise" She softly said placing a quick kiss on Octavia's lip then slowly placing kisses along her cheek continuing down her neck until she reached what she knew was Octavia's pulse point, pulling back she looked into Octavia's eyes seeing the desire now burning in them she whispered "I can make it up to you in other ways….." Before she could continue any sentence she may have been thinking about Octavia pulled her into a searing kiss grabbing either side of Sasha's cheeks, the force of the kiss was so powerful that it moved Sasha backwards a few steps before she was able to steady herself placing her hands on Octavia's waist moving her hands underneath the back of Octavia's top moving both hands upwards taking in the feeling of the skin her hands were now running over, as the kiss became more passionate Octavia's hands moved to Sasha's neck then slowly to the front of her jacket as her hands ran over the buttons, slowly unbuttoning them one by one until she reached the last button, moving her hand back up to Sasha's shoulders as Sasha removed her hands from Octavia's back, Octavia gripped on to the material as she pushed it gently backwards until it was completely removed from Sasha's shoulders then her arms letting the shirt drop to the ground, her hands moved quickly down to the hem at the bottom of the t shirt that was underneath Sasha's jacket moving her hands under the shirt she smiled into the kiss as her hands ran over Sasha's toned abdomen ,moving her hands upwards as she reached Sasha's breasts she ran her hands over them before breaking the kiss, quickly taking a step back and removing the t shirt throwing it to the floor. Before Octavia could make another move Sasha closed the gap that was now between them as their chests touched together their lips reconnected as Sasha's hands found Octavia's ass as her hands landed she lifted Octavia in the air, their lips still connected as Sasha made her way to Octavia's bed laying Octavia down on the bed carefully breaking their kiss they both smiled at each other, as Sasha leant down to kiss Octavia she was stopped by Octavia's hand on her chest looking up at her Octavia smiled brightly as she softly said "I really do Love you

 

The smile on Sasha face got wider than she thought possible as she leaned down kissing Octavia on the lips once before pulling back softly replying “I really Love you too” Placing her hands on Sasha’s waist one either side Octavia pulled the brunette onto her letting out an involuntary moan when Sasha’s thigh pressed in between her thighs their hips pressing together. Recapturing Sasha’s lips her hands roamed all over Sasha’s body as they settled on Sasha’s belt as she begun to unbuckle the belt before she could they were interrupted by a knock on the door, Sasha broke the kiss her head falling onto Octavia’s shoulder as Octavia shouted at the door:

 

“Whoever it is I’m kind of busy at the moment”

 

“I guessed as much which is why I’m interrupting you now, Bellamy just pulled up with your car Sasha”

 

“I hate you Clarke” Octavia shouted through the door

 

“I know, but you've got two minutes or your leaving with whatever clothes you do or do not have on” Clarke responded the amusement in her voice clear

 

Sasha lifted her head of Octavia's shoulder looking into her eyes “I think she's being serious”

 

“She is but….”

 

“Nope no buts Clarke and Bellamy will kill me if I ruin your party because you can't keep your hands off me” Sasha said removing herself from Octavia then finding her shirt on the floor she picked it up.

 

“I've never heard you complain” Octavia explained as she watched Sasha put her t shirt on then her jacket

 

“I'm not complaining just observing” Sasha responded winking at Octavia as she buttoned up her jacket “Plus we need to stay in Clarke’s good books especially because I need you to keep Clarke busy while I run an errand later on”

 

“What kind of errand?” Octavia asked intrigued walking up to Sasha and wrapping her arms around her waist quickly pecking her on the lips

 

“I have to pick someone up” When Octavia looked at her raising an eyebrow she almost whispered her response “Lexa” when it looked like Octavia was about to scream in excitement she placed her hand gently over Octavia's mouth “She wants to surprise Clarke at the party so you can't say anything promise” when Octavia looked at her not saying a word she removed her hand from Octavia's mouth and placing it back on her hip “Promise”

 

“On one condition”

 

“And what's that?”

 

“Stay with me tonight” Octavia asked nervously she had no idea why she was nervous about asking

 

“Ok I mean I was gonna ask you to stay at mine but if you wanna listen to Clarke and Lexa going at it then sure babe whatever floats your boat”

 

“But I've never stayed at your new place?”

 

“I know I thought tonight would be the perfect night plus I finally finished the decorating before I left so it looks fit for a princess” she proudly beamed

 

“Are you saying I'm your princess?” Octavia asked biting her lip as she looked up at her girlfriend

 

“Maybe” she replied pecking Octavia on the lips quickly before releasing her grip around Octavia's waist “We have to go come on” 

 

“Spoil Sport” Octavia responded as she walked past Sasha winking at her causing Sasha to quickly move behind her gently touching her ass causing Octavia to jump up softly before turning back and grabbing Sasha’s hands stepping in front of Sasha pulling Sasha forward until her chest was pressed against her back smiling brightly as they walked into the living room.

 

 

Lexa’s Bedroom

Clarke and Lexa were sat on Lexa’s bed looked in a kiss Clarke’s legs sprawled over Lexa’s thighs as Lexa’s hand rested softly on the outside of Clarke’s thigh her right hand on Lexa’s left cheek as her left hand rested on Lexa’s lower back. As soon as Lexa had closed the door Clarke had almost jumped on her their lips locking together slowly they had worked their way backwards to the bed where they had ended up in the position they were now in the passion in the kiss building and building inside both of them. Seconds pasted then minutes until Lexa finally managed to pull herself back breathlessly looking at Clarke who seemed to look a little panicked

 

“Sorry…It’s just been a long time since we’re had sex and it’s not that I don’t want to or that I’m saying we have to wait for months I just don’t want to risk Sasha or Octavia walking in on us mid act you know?”

 

“I do know” Clarke smiled leaning up and kissing Lexa quickly before leaning back laying against the pillows as her hands found Lexa’s as Lexa too laid back on the pillows “I wonder how it’s going out there”

 

“Sasha’s probably calmed herself down and their more than likely taking a trip down memory lane”

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure you can” Lexa responded looking at Clarke moving a little closer to her

 

“Yesterday you told Octavia to give Sasha space right?” Lexa nodded at Clarke’s question “But now your pushing her and Sasha to talk why?”

 

“Last night after I got Sasha into the car all she talked about was Octavia…. Octavia’s amazing, I love her so much she’s my world…Octavia has the greatest smile…. Octavia makes the most amazing noise when she comes….” Lexa laughed as Clarke let out a grunting as she let out a small

 

“Eww Lexa I don’t need to know that”

 

“Just be happy that you weren’t in that car, I think I know everything about Octavia including sexual stuff which believe me I don’t want to….Anyway as I was saying, all she could talk about was Octavia I know Sasha better than anyone and when she’s drunk she’s extremely blunt with everyone especially people who have upset her but not one bad word about Octavia came out of her mouth, I don’t think she realises it yet but I think deep down she’s already forgiven Octavia she just doesn’t know how to process it and say the words without misleading Octavia” Pausing softly she looked at Clarke smiling brightly at her before continuing “I think the hardest part of all of this is Raven, she forgave the cheating because she knew she had a part to play in it but I think finding out it was Raven was worse mainly because of the lies and because her and Raven have always been honest with each other no matter what, I mean sometimes they sugar coat what they say but they still tell the truth…and they never go for each other’s women”

 

 

“So you think the main person she’s angry at is Raven”

 

“I know the main person she’s angry at is Raven, She loves Octavia you know before she got with Octavia she never wanted to take anyone’s virginity she always said it was because she felt it was a massive responsibility one that she could never fulfil most of the girls that wanted her to take their virginity were expecting her to commit to them forever and she knew she couldn’t do that, until she meet Octavia and everything changed for her by the time she found out that O was a virgin it was too late she loved her too much to turn away. She told me that whenever she was with her it felt like time stood still for them. She loves the idea of being the only person that Octavia let touch her like that and knowing that someone else had it broke her heart but she got past it but now to find out that the only other person to touch the love of your life is your best friend…it’s like a knife in the heart for her”

 

“So you think them spending time together will help her process?”

 

“I think it will…. I know Sasha pretty well”

 

“Of course you do…. The Woods Twins right”

 

“Exactly” Lexa laughed leaning down kissing Clarke softly pulling back quickly smiling as Clarke pouted at her

 

“You know I remember the day of Octavia’s 21st Birthday as well”

 

“You do?” Lexa asked softly smirked raising her eyebrows at Clarke “I don’t really remember much other than someone screaming my name of course”

 

“Really now….” Clarke responded standing up on her knees before moving until she was sitting Lexa’s thighs her hands on Lexa’s hips “I remember someone surprising me as they waited outside of Grounders”

 

“I have no recollection of that ever happening Clarke”

 

Clarke looked at Lexa her mouth hanging slightly open in fake shock she knew that Lexa was joking but she played along with it anyway, bringing her hand up to Lexa’s stomach running her hand underneath Lexa’s shirt the motion caused Lexa to sit up slightly placing her arms behind herself using her hands to steady herself she looked into Clarke’s eyes she continued to look into Clarke’s eyes until she felt her the strap of her bra snap against her back causing a small split second on pain against her skin. Looking at Clarke in shock she flipped their positions bringing her hands to Clarke’s stomach as she began tickling every inch of Clarke’s stomach as the blonde wriggled and laughed under her hands shouting at her to stop

 

Clarke-Little Black dress and Black heels

Lexa-Plain Black skinny shirt, Black denim jeans and Black boots

Sasha-Dark Red t-shirt, Blue jeans and Red converse

Octavia-Light Grey skinny jeans and Black pleather t-shirt with Dark grey boots

Octavia’s 21st Birthday-Thursday 18th August 2011

Hours later and it was about 8pm, Clarke and Bellamy where inside Grounders they had both spent the last ten minutes looking around for Octavia not finding her anywhere they tried calling her to no luck so decided that they would bring out her cake later on, they decided that was the best option after they had both realised that Sasha was nowhere to be found either and they both knew it was more than likely that the two women were in Sasha’s car or hidden away somewhere inside catching up on all the alone time they had missed together and more than likely that alone time wouldn’t involve any clothing of any form. Not thinking anything into Octavia and Sasha’s disappearance Clarke and Bellamy both went back to dancing to the music that was playing loudly.

 

Minutes past as Clarke continued to dance she wasn’t sure how long had passed all she knew was she needed a drink walking up to the bar she grabbed a bottle of water deciding that water was the best option this early in the night especially seeing as she was due to talk to Lexa in a little while, pulling her phone out she noticed she had a missed call from Octavia also noting she’d been dancing for about Fifthteen minutes, unlocking her phone she walked to the back garden calling her back she waited for Octavia to answer the phone not quite sure why Octavia would be calling her, as Octavia answered the phone she asked;

 

“Hey O, what’s up?”

 

“Clarkey, nothings up I just need you to come out front”

 

“Why O, is something wrong?”

 

“Clarke nothing’s wrong it’s just….me and Sasha were kind of making out and getting hot and heavy and I may have had a wardrobe malfunction”

 

“A wardrobe malfunction?”

 

“Yeah…I’ll explain properly in a minute Clarke but please hurry up I’m a little exposed here…. I need my best friends help”

 

“Fine…and by the way I don’t need to know how you did it…. I’ll be there in a minute”

 

“Thanks Clarke…. I love you”

 

“Yeah yeah whatever O…I love you too” She ended the call smirking and laughing to herself as she placed the phone in her pocket walking back into Grounders walking through the dancefloor and out the front door hoping this wouldn’t take long so she could called Lexa and talk to her like she planned to originally, as the door closed she could see Octavia standing anywhere looking around she wasn’t sure what was going on but guessing that Sasha and Octavia would have been in Sasha’s car she walked the short distance to the car park instantly seeing Sasha’s car and more importantly Sasha sitting on her bonnet as Octavia was stood between her legs their chests pressed together as they kissed Sasha’s hands resting on Octavia’s thighs just below her ass. Shaking her head as she walks towards them noticing the boot of the car was open she shouted out “O…what the hell you call me for help and your just here making out…what’s going on?”

 

Breaking apart Octavia looked at Clarke a slightly guilty look on her face as she stepped away from Sasha slightly as she held her hands in the air “I’m sorry Clarke, I needed to get you outside”

 

“And you couldn’t just say that like a normal person”

 

“One I’m not normal we all know that and Two We both know that you wouldn’t have come out here not on my birthday you would have insisted I come inside”

 

“Fair enough but you still could have just been honest O…you’re such a pain…anyway why did you call me out here”

 

“I got you a surprise”

 

“A surprise…. are you serious Octavia you couldn’t just come inside and talk to me…” Clarke almost shouted the anger in her voice clear, she was already missing talking to Lexa and now it was for a stupid reason

 

“You look sexy when your angry”

 

Clarke stood still for a minute even though she knew that voice it didn’t place in the situation right now she was looking at Octavia and Sasha who were just looking at her smirking, suddenly it hit her Octavia had a surprise for her. Feeling her heartbeat increase massively as she turned her head in the direction of the car seeing Lexa leaning against the side of the car her elbow resting on the roof of it as she smiled brightly at her “Lexa” She muttered almost as if she was dreaming

 

“Hey babe” Hearing Lexa’s voice again was all that was needed for Clarke to finally realise that what was happening was real, as it hit her the smile broke out on Clarke’s face and she ran full force at Lexa who pushed herself off the car ready to embrace Clarke. Within under a second Clarke’s body crashed against Lexa’s her arms wrapping around Lexa’s neck as Lexa’s arms wrapped around her waist burying her face in Clarke’s neck as she took in the smell of her girlfriend something she had missed the last few months.

 

Pulling back Clarke looked up at Lexa, tears in her eyes as she softly asked “What are you doing here?”

 

“We got early return”

 

Looking at Sasha she noticed the smile, noting that Sasha must have fibbed to her when she said it was only her that was granted an early return, leaning up she connected her lips with Lexa’s smiling as she pulled back “I missed you so much”

 

“I missed you too” Lexa responded smiling as Clarke again closed the gap between them this time the kiss was a little more passionate than the first

 

“We’re gonna head back inside” Sasha interrupted before her and Octavia walked hand in hand back towards the entrance of Grounders

 

They had both heard the comment however their lips were still locked together as Clarke’s hands ran over Lexa’s body mainly her stomach taking in the feel of the women as she pushed against her a little more causing Lexa to lean back against the car door, minutes on end went past as they continued to kiss with each minute the passion and love in them both rose more and more to the point that Clarke’s hands were underneath Lexa’s shirt resting against the wiring in her bra as Lexa’s hands had made their way up Clarke’s dress, as they continued to kiss Lexa’s hands move further and further up Clarke’s thighs as they were about to reach Clarke’s underwear Clarke pressed her hands on Lexa’s chest pushing herself back breaking their kiss.

 

“Sorry but this is Octavia’s party we can’t”  


“I knew you’d say that...Octavia gave us 30 minutes to ‘catch up’ as she put it”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yep and Sasha even gave me….” Pulling the car keys out of her pocket she jingled them in the air smiling at Clarke “These and told me to be careful with her baby”

 

“30 minutes?”

 

“Uh Huh”

 

“I’m not having sex with you in the back of your car”

 

“I know Clarke….” Lexa softly laughed “Mine and Sasha’s new apartment isn’t far from here”

 

“so what exactly are we waiting for?” Clarke smiled biting her lip as she moved Lexa to the side opening the passenger’s door getting inside instantly placing her seatbelt on 

 

“Nothing I guess” Lexa smiled as she climbed into the Driver’s side starting the engine and quickly driving off in the direction of her new apartment excitement and happiness bubbling inside her…

 


	35. Striptease

Chapter Thirty-Five: Striptease

Sasha and Octavia sat on the couch laughing about the events that had taken place on Octavia’s 21st Birthday all the tension between them seemingly evaporating as they relived every moment from the surprise itself onwards both their hands had found their way to each other’s occasionally before separating moments later neither of them noticing the movements of their hands. It felt good for both of them to just relax and forget everything that had happened between them over the last few days, to just enjoy being around each other just like they used to. Sasha softly laughed as they both talked about surprising Clarke in the car park;

 

“You remember how angry she looked?” Sasha softly giggled as she shifted on to her left leg on to the couch a little more at the same time lifting her left arm to rest on the top of the back of the couch

 

“I do, I remember thinking she was about to beat me up or something”

 

“I’m just glad Lexa spoke when she did, before Clarke had a chance to have a go at you fully”

 

“Yeah that would have ended nastily” Octavia smiled out as she and Sasha both laughed softly at the comment as their laughter came to an end Octavia bit her bottom lip softly as she remembered what took place in Grounders after her and Sasha had re-entered “You remember giving me that strip tease?”

 

“I’ll never forget that….it went a lot better than I thought considering it was a spur of the moment thing”

 

“Best present ever”

 

“Oh I see how it is….to be the best it has to involve some stripping huh” Sasha jokingly stated as she looked at Octavia smiling softly as she noticed Octavia was biting on her bottom lip

 

“Nope…. just you stripping” Octavia honestly replied as she remembered how Sasha had surprised her again only this time with an unplanned strip tease

 

 

Octavia’s 21st Birthday-Inside Grounders

Octavia and Sasha had been back inside Grounders for about forty minutes both of them knowing Clarke and Lexa wouldn’t be back for a while even though Lexa promised that she would be back after Thirty minutes, however, as soon as the words had left Lexa’s mouth they both knew neither Clarke or Lexa would probably be able to control themselves enough to stick to the time Lexa promised. If she was honest Octavia didn’t really mind she had Sasha which was more than enough entertainment for her in more ways than one but more than anything just having Sasha there in itself made the whole night perfect and everything she wanted for her 21st. As they danced the DJ suddenly stopped and the spotlight shone on Octavia as everyone started singing Happy Birthday to her, Sasha smirked softly at her as she sang along with everyone else as everyone sang Bellamy walked through everyone holding a cake in the shape of an O, the icing on the cake was Purple with two white candles that made 21 stuck in the corner of the cake as Bellamy stopped in front of her smiling at his little sister he leant forward kissing her on the cheek making sure that the cake was to his side as he leant forward standing back up he looked at Octavia motioning for her to blow out the candles, taking in a deep breath Octavia did just that blowing the flame on top of each candle out with ease. Watching as Bellamy placed the cake on a table a few feet away from them before he walked onto the stage walking up to the mic stand he tapped it checking it was working;

 

“So obviously everyone knows why we’re here tonight…” Bellamy stopped talking as everyone cheered or whooped after a second he continued “My baby sister is turning 21 which means she's all grown up…for any of you that know Octavia which should be everyone she’s always been grown up though she didn't have a choice really because we both grew up in a difficult situation but we always had each other….and this sounds stupid but I never really brought women home or got serious with people because I never wanted to leave her….but now she's the one who's madly in love and leaving me behind…” Bellamy softly laughed as he saw the frown on Octavia’s face “I’m kidding O….I’m over the moon for you an Sasha you know when you came out to me, I didn't care you were gay I was more worried about whether you'd find someone who loved you as much as you deserve to be loved….and Sasha is everything I could have imagined for you, I know how much you love her I can see it every time you mention her name and that stupid trademark grin appears on your face….so that brings me to this Sasha….” Bellamy started instantly Sasha’s attention shoot from Octavia to Bellamy wondering what he was about to say “You asked me if you have my approval to date my baby sister and you do…. on one condition….” Sasha’s face contorted slightly as her eyebrows rose up “It's tradition in this place that ever 21st features a striptease and I don't think my sister wants anyone teasing her but you….” Bellamy laughed grabbing the mic and walking to Sasha as she bowed her head looking at the floor “So if you want my approval you have to give her a grounder 21st special…and singing is a must” Bellamy smirked at Sasha handing her the mic as she shook her head

 

“No…. Bell…” Sasha stuttered out as she looked around the room until her eyes came to Octavia who was looking at her with full puppy eye’s, seeing the look Sasha’s face fell slightly as she titled her head slightly looking down at Octavia

 

“Please baby…. It’ll be the best present ever...” When Sasha looked at her unconvinced she continued “Plus its tradition…unless you want someone else rubbing on me of course”

 

Sasha couldn’t help the half smirk that spread across her face, looking down at Octavia she laughed softly saying “Fine...I’ll do it” Everyone cheered softly at Sasha’s words clapping as she shook her head making her way to the stage stopping after Bellamy half hugged her, as he patted her on the shoulder whispering ‘Good Luck’ in her ear as he did. As he looked around the dance floor he grabbed a chair dragging it behind him, to the middle of the dancefloor he stopped behind Octavia placing the chair behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders he pushed down gently until she was sitting down

 

Holding the mic up Sasha softly spoke “So seeing as a certain someone used her puppy eyes to get me to do this I guess I have no choice….so let’s get this over with…” Sasha moved the mic to her side walking to the band behind her, whispering into their ears the song she was gonna sing, she nodded softly at them and with that they began playing;

 

Tell Me something Good-Glee Version

You ain't got no kind of feeling inside

I got something that will sure 'nuff set your stuff on fire

You refuse to put anything before your pride

I got something that will knock all your pride aside [CHORUS:] Tell me something good –Sasha jumps off the stage moving to Octavia- Tell me that you love me, yeah Tell me something good Tell me that you like it, yeah Got no time is what you're known to say –Stops infront of Octavia- (Got no time, no, got no time) –Sasha slowly removes her top/Black Bra underneath- I'll make you wish there was 48 hours to each day Your problem is you ain't been loved like you should What I got to give will sho nuff do you good –Octavia’s hands move to Sasha’s jeans button- Tell me somethin good –Sasha removes Octavia’s hands smirking down at her- (tell me tell me tell me) tell me that you love me, yeah –Sasha slowly undoes her jeans button- tell me somethin good (tell me tell me tell me) tell me that you like it, yeah

 

(CHOURUS)  


Sasha lowered the mic walking back to the stage a little out of breath and sweaty placing the mic back on the stand, she thanked the band before jumping down from the stage to a round of applause from everyone watching, walking back towards Octavia picking up her t-shirt as she did so, she stopped in front of her attempting to lean down, before she could Octavia stood up crashing their lips together her hands instantly moving to Sasha’s undone jeans button, either of her hands on either side of the open jeans pulling Sasha closer to her. As she pulled out of the kiss Octavia hoovered her lips over Sasha’s as she softly whispered;

 

“That was such a turn on”

 

“Yeah?” Sasha asked raising her eyebrow softly as she looked into Octavia’s eyes

 

“Yeah…you have no idea how wet I am”

 

“Oh my…” Before Sasha could get out another word out Octavia leant forward more reconnecting their lips, this time the kiss had a little more urgency to it than the last. Sasha felt Octavia do up her jean buttons pulling out of the kiss she looked at her confusingly, seeing the look Octavia spoke;

 

“That’s for me to see only…” Smirking she quickly pecked Sasha on the lips before reaching down grabbing her hand, turning around she was glad that everyone had dispersed from the dancefloor and weren’t paying them anymore attention, quickly scanning the room she headed towards the staff room pulling Sasha with her fully intending to make love to the woman once they got to the security room, a place they knew from past encounters was empty all night and had a door thick enough for them both to make enough noise as possible…..

 

 

Living Room

Sasha and Octavia continued to reminisce about the striptease and everything that happened that night from Lexa and Sasha singing a few more songs after Octavia and Clarke gave them puppy dog eyes for an hour on end to Raven surprising Lexa and Sasha at Grounders, that was when Sasha’s face had fallen one name bringing back all the anger and pain that she felt before they had started reminiscing, all those feelings swirling around and around until Octavia reminded her of the day after when they went to see Costia and Tristan, and how Costia had jumped into Sasha arms hugging her big sister as tight as she could for minutes on end until she noticed Octavia and stretched her arms out wide in the air, that was the first time the little girl had ever been excited to see her, and it was the first time she got called her nickname ‘Tavi’

 

“She was so upset she couldn’t say my name; do you remember?” Octavia smiled completely aware that her and Sasha’s hands were connected

 

“Yeah…” Sasha softly laughed “The frustration on her face was so funny…. you kept saying it over and over and then boom she got the Tavi part and just stuck to her guns and kept calling you it…”

 

“You remember just after you got released from rehab and we...”

 

“Told her your name was Octavia not Tavi…. I remember….” Sasha laughed out “She plain refused to believe Tavi wasn’t your full name”

 

“She was so adorable…. that look of cute anger on her face was the best…” Octavia looked to Sasha their eyes catching each other’s for a moment or two before she continued “Then she asked me if she can call me Tavi…and when I said yes she hugged me gave me a kiss, told me she loved me then ran off to play with Tristan”

 

“What can I say that little girl loves you”

 

“I love her too” Octavia paused as she felt the words she wanted to say hoovering on her tongue, this was nice her and Sasha talking no worry about any problems, no anger towards her for anything, and saying what she wanted to say could ruin this all. She tried her best to keep it in but it was like something she couldn’t control and the words came rolling out of her mouth “I love you as well”

 

“I know you do” Sasha paused for a second her mind clouded with thoughts of Raven and Octavia together, it’d been the only thing she’d been able to think about since she found out and nothing seemed to be able to stop that, not even alcohol in a way it made things worse because when she was drunk all she could think about was Octavia, and the more the brunette was in the thoughts the harder it was for her to process anything that had happened. Taking a breath in she decided to let her heart speak for her and not her mind “I love you too”

 

The smile on Octavia’s face was all the proof that Sasha needed to know that she’d made the right choice letting her heart speak instead of listening to her mind and staying silent. Looking at Octavia she smiled softly back at the younger brunette, before either of them could say a word there was a small rustling sound at the door that gained both their attention. The rustling sound was followed by a pile of letters hitting the floor, as Sasha stood up to retrieve the letters Lexa and Clarke appeared at the end of the hallway Lexa was standing behind Clarke her arms wrapped tightly around her waist as Clarke’s back pressed lightly against her chest, walking forward they disconnected from each other sitting down on the couch they had been sat moments ago, both watching Sasha walk to the door and pick up the letters. Looking through the letters one by one Sasha separated them handing one to Octavia and another to Clarke, before handing Lexa the two letters that were addressed to her, leaving her with three letters in her hand, sitting back down next to Octavia she softly smiled at her watching Octavia opened the letter.

 

At the same time Clarke opened hers both of their faces falling slightly as they read the letter in their hands, Clarke was the first to close the letter and place it back in the envelope dropping it on the table. As the letter landed on the table she looked back at Lexa who was looking at her smiling softly at her, leaning back she moved a little closer to Lexa snuggling into her side before softly speaking;

 

“It’s just a letter confirming the court date is on the 16th of August and when I’ll be called”

 

“It’s gonna be fine Clarke…your lawyer talked you through everything right?”

 

“Yeah he did…. it’s just different I suppose, no matter how much you think your prepared for it, having a set date and knowing it for sure is gonna happen…I don’t know it makes it more…. Real” Clarke explained looking up at Lexa who leant down kissing her on the forehead lightly

 

 “I know it’s gonna be hard and terrifying reliving it all but I’ll be there every step of the way I promise”

 

“I know you will” Clarke smiled up at Lexa before leaning up and kissing her quickly and gently, resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder as she pulled back. Looking over to Octavia who was still reading the letter she softly asked “O, are you ok?”

 

Hearing Clarke call her Octavia’s head snapped up from the letter looking at Clarke she gave her a weak smile, nodding her head softly she took a small breath before replying “I’m fine” Looking to her side she noticed Sasha was still reading on of her letters “Everything ok babe?” She couldn’t help the last word that came out her mouth, but still Sasha looked from the letter to Octavia sighing softly

 

“It’s from the army” She stated holding the letter up in the air before throwing it forward onto the table “Their blocking me from giving evidence at your trail”

 

“Seriously?” Lexa asked sitting forward as Clarke sat up on the couch, placing her own letters on the table next to Clarke’s reaching forward she picked up the letter she read through it

 

“Yeah” Sasha responded looking at Lexa as the anger inside her bubbled away “It says that due to reasons relating to an ongoing investigation into my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I am not allowed to give evidence in any form as it may result in exposure of classified information”

 

“Are you being serious? ...they can’t do that can they?” Lexa asked as her eyes read over the letter reading over every word, her eyes running over the sentence Sasha had just quoted “They can’t seriously do this though isn’t there a law or something against it”

 

“No, remember all the paperwork we signed there was a section that says they have the right to oppose us appearing in a court case should they deem it a possibility that any confidential information could be revealed…I can’t oppose it if I did it’d push the whole court case back and if I went ahead with giving evidence then I’ll be brought up on a court Marshall for Treason” Sasha paused looking to Octavia “I’m sorry”

 

“Don’t be it’s your job” Octavia replied reaching her hand up to rest on Sasha’s shoulder squeezing it softly “It’s not like you did it on purpose”

 

“Did you read the last paragraph?” Lexa asked looking from the letter to her cousin the shock and anger creeping into her facial expression, as Sasha nodded her head at the question Lexa shook her head softly before saying “Asshole”

 

“Yeah…Look it’s cool I can still be there to support everyone and it means I can sit in when he gives evidence and tell you guys how he plays it”

 

“It’s still not right Sash” Clarke softly interjected leaning forward, her left arm wrapping around Lexa’s lower back as she rested leant into Lexa’s side laying her head on Lexa’s right shoulder as her right hand rested on Lexa’s right thigh, looking down at the letter her eyes scanned it sticking as they came to one name in particular “Why is my dad’s name there?” She asked lifting her head from Lexa’s shoulder and looking at Lexa and then Sasha

 

Sasha took a small breath in reaching up and taking Octavia’s hand without a second thought interlocking their fingers as she looked to Clarke slowly opening her mouth to talk, as she felt Octavia squeeze her hand slightly ignoring the slight shoot of pain in her hand “It says the situation was brought to their attention by Staff Sargent Marcus Kane who raised concerns for my mental health”

 

“What do you mean brought to their attention?”

 

“I’m not on active duty at the moment, which means any cases that I am a witness in provided they don’t involve homicide I’m not obliged to inform them that I’m giving evidence unless it’s something that could result in me being forced under oath to discuss Army related information and then it’s up to the judge to inform the army if he deemed it relevant…I’m guessing that the defence was planning on bringing up my PTSD and contacted my First Sargent and the shooting came up….in which your father was caught on gross misconduct…I’m guessing that they think stopping me from giving evidence will completely stop any possibilities of me releasing classified information…I’m guessing the court contacted them then they called your dad and so on”

 

“That’s bullshit…what the hell would you reveal?” Octavia asked looking questioningly at Sasha;

 

“I’m guessing that they are nervous that I could reveal the gross misconduct when they question me regarding my PTSD because they’d have to ask what I do for a living then establish how I got hurt and why which would leave Kane open to charges”

 

“I’m sorry to all of you” Clarke honestly stated

 

“You have nothing to be sorry about babe” Lexa replied turning to look at Clarke her hand resting on top of Clarke’s hand that was still resting on her thigh “This is the army covering themselves…. yeah it sucks Sasha can’t go on the stand but I still can and we all know you and Octavia are the most important people testifying….as for your dad he’ll get what he deserves eventually”

 

“It’s still not fair that Sasha doesn’t get her say”

 

“Clarke, Lexa’s right…and honestly it’s fine, this way I can be there for you all and make sure your all ok” Sasha interjected looking at Clarke smiling softly “Honestly its fine”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I’m one hundred percent sure…you have nothing to be sorry about” Sasha smiled at the blonde knowing she must have felt guilty about her father’s involvement in stopping her from testifying “Can we stop with all the depressing stuff now please…. you two have killed our mood”

 

“Your mood huh?” Clarke asked raising her eyebrows at Sasha, as Lexa did the same thing looking at her cousin expectantly

 

“You are such a dirty bitch Clarke”

 

“I know but you love it” Clarke smiled winking at Sasha who nodded at her softly laughing at Clarke’s response “So come on what mood?”

 

“Nothing dirty…we were just reminiscing”

 

“About?”

 

“Seriously Clarke?”

 

“Ah yeah seriously Sash, come on tell me”

 

“We were remembering Octavia’s 21st Birthday”

 

“What a coincidence we were talking about that as well”

 

“Coincidence huh?” Sasha asked looking at Lexa raising her eyebrows “I knew it”

 

“You knew what exactly?”  Lexa asked raising her eyebrows at Sasha challengingly

 

“That you wound me up on purpose”

 

“I did not”

 

“You’re such a bad liar Alexandra”

 

“I am not”

 

“When it comes to me you are”

 

“Really now?”

 

“Uh huh”

 

“You’re lying”

 

“No I’m not, I can prove it”

 

“Oh yeah how?” Lexa asked leaning forward even more looking at Sasha intrigued

 

“Tell me something and I’ll tell you if you’re lying or not”

 

“Ok I’ll play……I lost my virginity at 18”

 

“Lie…. that was way too easy Lex, we went to school together and practically lived together and I was the first person you told you plank”

 

“Fair point ok……” Lexa thought to herself for a minute before saying “It was my idea to lock you and Octavia outside of grounders so you’d talk”

 

“Lie”

 

“What? How do you know that?”

 

“Because you aren’t stupid enough to lock me outside because you know I’d whip your ass”

 

“Damn it…. ok I’ve got one…. I’ve never slept with an ex of yours”

 

“Lie” Sasha instantly responded looking at Lexa smirking at her, they’d never discussed it properly because as long as she wasn’t with the person she had no problem with Lexa sleeping with her ex’s, standing up she walked behind the couch looking at Lexa and smirking even more, Clarke removed her hands from Lexa sitting back smiling at the cousins knowing where this was going to lead she’d seen it numerous times, she exchanged a look with Octavia as they both smiled returning to watch the cousin.

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“No reason” Sasha smirked laughing softly as she smirked at Lexa, seeing Lexa walked forward a few steps and cocked her eyebrow at her

 

“Now you’re lying…tell me how you know that”

 

“Ok…. Ontari says Hi”

 

“Ontari says….” Lexa paused looking at her cousin suddenly realising that Sasha must have spoken to Ontari without telling her

 

“I may have bumped into Ontari last night”

 

“And she told you then”

 

“Nope…. she told me the night after it happened”

 

“Hang on….” Lexa started as the night from nearly six and a half years ago flashed in her mind, it was the same night she got covered in paint by the other security working with them “That’s the night all the guys in the unit covered me with paint” Lexa’s face dropped when Sasha started laughing after failing miserably the stifle the laughs “You little bitch you let that happen”

 

“I’m…I…” Sasha stopped herself from talking as the laughter took over her body, leaning forward she held onto her stomach as tears of laughter spilled from her eyes as the memory flashed in her eyes. After a few minutes she managed to stand herself back up, wiping the tears she stopped herself laughing taking in a few breaths, before looking at Lexa and speaking “I’m sorry ok…. but I was pissed at you I know me and Ontari were over but you still didn’t tell me….”

 

“And the paint?”

 

“Everyone wanted to give you an initiation of some sort to welcome you to Grounders…. I just didn’t stop them” Sasha again had to stop herself from laughing, as she looked at Lexa she noticed the look on her cousins face “Lexa…. don’t” She warned pointing at Lexa who shook her head lunging forward Sasha quickly dodged Lexa rushing around stopping next to the TV, smirking at Lexa as she moved forward quickly moving to Clarke she jumped behind her, either of her legs alongside Clarke’s as her stomach touched Clarke’s back, wrapping herself around Clarke who softly laughed not resisting Sasha knowing she was only joking, as she noticed Lexa stop in her tracks

 

“I’ll get you back”

 

“Sure you will…plus I’m pretty sure when they drenched me in water that made us even”

 

“True” Lexa laughed softly taking a seat next to Octavia smiling a little brighter than normal, it’d been a while since her and Sasha had messed around like that and it felt good, to just have fun and not worry about anything else. Watching as Sasha continued to hug Clarke she raised her eyebrows looking over at Sasha before jokingly saying “Watch your hands Twinsy”

 

“And if I don’t?”

 

“You’ll lose them…. completely”

 

“Oh I’m so scared” Sasha smirked at Lexa bringing her hands in the air wiggling her fingers in the air, as she pointed them in Lexa’s direction, looking down at Clarke she wrapped her arms around her squeezing her a little

 

“Your so close to a slap” Lexa muttered playfully glaring at Sasha

 

“Alright…. Alright…” Sasha smirked holding her hands up in the air, removing herself from the couch and behind Clarke, before sitting back down next to Clarke “Better?”

 

“Much…Thank you”

 

“Hey…. I was enjoying that” Clarke interjected laughing when Lexa pouted at her and Sasha burst in to a fit of laughter holding up her hand, seeing the hand Clarke high fived her before they both controlled their laughter as they looked at Lexa, holding her hands in the air Clarke smiled at Lexa “Just kidding…I promise babe”

 

“She promises…...babe” Sasha added her and Clarke again laughing at Lexa’s facial reaction

 

Lexa turned to Octavia softly saying “Control your woman please Octavia” She was about to retract the comment when she realised it might upset Sasha a little, before she could apologise or say anything else Sasha spoke

 

“She doesn’t need to control me, do you baby?”

 

“No, I love her the way she is….” Octavia couldn’t help the smile the appeared on her face hearing Sasha call her baby even though it hadn’t been long since the last time she heard it, she didn’t expect to hear it ever again.

 

“Damn Skippy she does…I….am…. A…MAZ…ING…”

 

“And so modest” Lexa smirked looking at her cousin winking at her laughing softly

 

“I love you too Lex”

 

There were a few moments of silence before Clarke softly spoke “I’ve missed this…hanging out with each other” Smirking she turned to Sasha who was giggling softly slapping her on the bicep “I’m being serious it’s been ages since we just hung out like this with each other”

 

“You mean since we were both couples right?” Lexa asked raising an eyebrow at her girlfriend, who nodded softly at her “It’s been a while yeah…. It just feels right though like its fate”

 

“Oh my days can you two stop please…. you’re like a cheesy romance novel with all these lines” Octavia laughed out, getting an unimpressed look from both Lexa and Clarke, while Sasha laughed along with her.

 

“Whatever O I think Lexa is a poet” Clarke smirked

 

“A poet…. she is the furthest possible thing from a poet ever Clarke” Sasha added receiving an unamused look from Lexa and another slap on the arm from Clarke “Seriously Clarke slapping that’s highly childish”

 

“Says the biggest child in this room”

 

“I may be the biggest child in the room but I’m also the greatest lover….” Sasha paused seeing Clarke begin to open her mouth she continued “Isn’t that right babe?” Looking over at Octavia;

 

“Definitely…. the things she can do with her tongue are beyond comprehension”

 

“Lexa’s great with her tongue as well from what I remember…. must be a family thing”

 

“That’s disgusting” Lexa and Sasha said in unison, air high fiving each other smirking at their respective girlfriends

 

“Whatever…. anyway I agree with Clarke…it’s nice it being the four of us again…. like it used to be,” Octavia added smiling at Sasha as she got lost in her own thoughts “It’s been a long time”

 

“Yeah it has hasn’t it” Sasha smiled her eyes locked on Octavia almost intoxicatingly

 

“Hang on so when O says it it’s ok but when I say it I get picked on” Clarke asked pouting turning her upper body slightly and pouting at Sasha

 

“Well she’s a million times hotter than you Soooo…yeah”

 

“Watch your mouth Twinsy, don’t make me beat you for insulting my woman like that”

 

“Your woman?” Clarke interjected raising her eyebrow smirking at Lexa who turned her attention to her

 

“Yes my woman...” Lexa paused leaning forward slightly “It’s a term of endearment babe” Clarke smiled at Lexa quickly moving forward almost jumping on Lexa, their lips locking together as Lexa leant backwards making sure to pull Clarke onto her lap so she didn’t fall onto the floor, they kissed for a few seconds before Clarke pulled back her lips still hovering over Lexa’s for a second before she pecked her lips over and over, until Lexa leant into her a little more their lips lingering against each other’s until Sasha interrupted

 

“Hello…. guys seriously….” When Clarke and Lexa broke apart looking at her unimpressed she added “I am over the moon you two are back together but I don’t need to see any of this” She motioned with her hand

 

“Oh please this is nothing compared to stuff I’ve walked in on with you and O” Clarke added mimicking the hand motion Sasha had performed seconds ago

 

“Can I help it if she gets my motor running?” Sasha smirked feeling Octavia’s eyes on her “No I cannot, but anyway can we watch a film or something so I have something to distract me from your mushiness”

 

“You can do whatever you want to distract yourself” Lexa smirked looking at her cousin, before Sasha could respond to Lexa, Octavia laughed softly standing up she picked up the remote from where it had been next to her, walking over to Sasha she handed the remote to her, their fingers grazing each other’s as Sasha took the remote from her. She was about to walk back to sit next to Clarke and Lexa when Sasha gently held onto her wrist looking up at her;

 

“You can sit with me if you like”

 

“Sure thanks” Octavia smiled brightly sitting down where Clarke had been sat moments before, turning herself slightly trying to ignore the stomach ache she had the same one that had been bothering her since last night when she got her period, she really wanted to go lie down but being close to Sasha made her feel a million times better than lying down on her own would. Lying her head on the back of the couch she smiled softly at Sasha before turning her attention to the TV.

 

Sasha looked over at Lexa and Clarke about to ask if they wanted to watch anything in particular she smirked when she realised that the two women were already back to making out their attention on each other not her and Octavia, turning to look at Octavia she softly asked “Is there anything you wanna watch?” When Octavia shook her head she turned her attention back to the TV bringing up their planner seeing if there was anything saved worth watching finding nothing she pressed the Netflix button going to her list she flicked through the films not seeing anything she wanted to watch she went to the home page looking through the films, after a few seconds her eyes caught a film she knew was one of Octavia’s favourites, Labyrinth, clicking on it she heard Octavia comment;

 

“I love this film”

 

“I know...” Sasha started before standing up pausing the film before softly looking at Octavia explaining “I’ll be back in two minutes” Sasha walked out of the living room towards her bedroom returning a minute later with a blanket and two pillows dropping on the floor she walked into the kitchen, again reappearing moments later this time with a bag of Reese’s pieces and a glass of milk placing them on the table in front of Octavia smiling at her softly before walking back to where she’d dropped the blanket and pillows. Picking them up she stopped next to Octavia placing one pillow against the arm rest she lifted her leg onto the couch seeing it Octavia moved forward allowing her leg to go behind her, not questioning what Sasha was doing but still unsure. Sasha lowered herself onto the couch leaning against the pillow she noticed the look on Octavia’s face softly she said “You’re on, right?” When Octavia nodded softly at her she placed the pillow against her chest and stomach she continued “This always makes you feel better, so if you’re comfortable then so am I”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I wouldn’t suggest it if I wasn’t”

 

“If you’re sure” Octavia added looking back at Sasha wanting her to know that it was completely her choice

 

“I am” Sasha softly smiled patting the pillow softly for Octavia to lean on which she did once she was lying down Sasha lifted the blanket over Octavia tucking her in gently like she always did, once she was done she naturally wrapped her arms around Octavia’s chest, instantly thinking she’d gone too far she went to remove her hands just as her right arm was about to lift from Octavia’s chest she felt Octavia’s arms wrap around her own, the action made her smile as she felt the tightness of Octavia’s grip, shuffling herself a little closer she held onto Octavia a little more thinking to herself, that maybe forgiving Octavia and getting over everything wasn’t gonna be as hard as she expected because at this moment everything felt right. Turning her attention to the TV she pressed play concentrating on the film smirking as Lexa and Clarke ran behind her towards Lexa’s bedroom giggling to themselves.

 

-Hours Later-

Octavia and Sasha had finished watching Labyrinth and decided to watch Ghost, Sasha had protested because she knew Octavia always got upset when they watched it, but just like every other time Octavia won and Sasha eventually gave in and put the film on silently waiting for Octavia to get upset. As the film played out she readied herself as the main character was stabbed and died once the scene had changed, she leant side wards over Octavia wiping away the tears that had escaped the motion causing Octavia to look back at her sending her a look that said don’t say anything. Sasha simply scrunched up her face laughed softly and turned her attention back to the film. As she watched the film she couldn’t help but whisper in Octavia’s ear;

 

“We should try that pottery thingy” Octavia didn’t verbally speak she just turned to look at Sasha raising her eyebrow questioningly before looking back to the TV “What? ...I think I’d be great at it”

 

“You just want me topless don’t you?” Octavia instantly closed her eyes regretting the comment

 

“Well that would be a bonus…. but I’d be topless too so….”

 

“In that case I’m in” Octavia responded glad her and Sasha could still do this and that nothing seemed to be different between them, looking up at Sasha looking into her eyes she felt her breath hitch slightly trying to stop herself from leaning forward and kissing Sasha, but before she could tell herself all the reasons not to kiss Sasha, Sasha leant forward slightly their lips were about to connect when Octavia felt that familiar and unexplainable feeling standing up quickly she looked down apologetically saying “I’m sorry I have to go to the toilet”

 

“It’s fine go”

 

Octavia rushed off to the toilet the whole time cursing herself and mother nature with every move she made, waiting in the bathroom for a minute or two extra composing herself trying to hide the embarrassment she finally flushed the toilet and walked back into the living room sheepishly looking at Sasha softly saying “I’m so sorry” Stopping next to Sasha who had stretched her legs out on the couch

 

“Babe, it’s fine honest this isn’t my first rodeo….” Seeing the embarrassment on Octavia’s face she continued “I even paused the film for you”

 

“You never pause the film for me….” Octavia smirked watching as Sasha gently tapped her own leg signalling for her to lay on her, she wasn’t gonna argue one bit moving onto the couch she carefully laid on Sasha positioning herself so that she could see the TV she looked up at Sasha for a second jokingly stating “You only pause a film when you want something”

 

“Ok…. guilty as caught and charged…I may be after something”

 

“What exactly are you after?”

 

“A kiss”

 

“Seriously?” Sasha nodded her head softly at Octavia, pushing herself up slightly her lips hovered over Sasha for a second before Sasha leant in their lips connecting sending that spark through their bodies, Sasha softly placed her hands on Octavia’s cheeks keeping their lips connected for a little longer until they both pulled back smiling at each other, when Sasha went to lean in against Octavia pulled back slightly looking at her softly saying;

 

“Not that I’m complaining but what exactly does this mean for us?”

 

“It means that I missed kissing you…..and that I still forgive you I think just finding out it was my best friend not a stranger was a shock to me I was angry at you and Raven for lying for so long and even making things up, I can’t promise that I can forget it happened because I’m not sure I can, but we’ve lost enough time together because of my own stupid decisions to hide away instead of getting help….but right now all I know is I love you and you love me and with the court case in Nine days I think we need each other”

 

“I think your right”

 

“I am” Sasha smirked leaning forward again capturing Octavia’s lip the film they were watching completely forgotten once again

 

 

Friday 12th August 2016 22:00

Sasha, Octavia, Clarke and Lexa were in Grounders where they had been for the last hour after all of them had decided to go to Grounders Karaoke /Disco night to help them all relax in the lead up to Mitch’s court case, with it being only a few days before Octavia’s birthday it seemed to be ruining the happiness that usually filled Octavia, noticing Octavia’s down mood Clarke and Sasha suggested the night out, after a while talking over it they had all decided it was a good idea. So here they were in Grounders sitting at a table in the corner watching everyone take turns in singing along to their chosen songs. Sasha had told them that she’d be the designated driver so the others could relax and have a drink or two without worrying about how they’d get home. A few minutes after they had sat down they all saw Raven and Harper walking to the bar obviously dressed for a night out, they all noticed how Harper seemed to be angry at Raven, Sasha being the only one that didn’t seem to care what was going on instead she just went and got herself a Coke avoiding the couple before sitting back down next to Octavia. The last week had been great for her and Octavia they had spent a little more time together and even though she would occasionally pull back from a kiss or a hug things seemed to be better between them, they were still sleeping in different rooms but they both decided it was better that way. Clarke and Lexa on the other hand had been doing everything together the only time they seemed to separate was when one of them needed the bathroom or when they were cooking, each day was getting better and better for them their kissing becoming even more passionate than before, while neither said anything to the other at times it was hard for them both to pull back as the desire to feel the others skin against their own became almost too much to bare.

 

They were sat in silence since they had noticed Raven and Harper walk in which had been about 30 minutes ago, all four of them watching everyone else, when she’d finally had enough of the silence Lexa spoke; “So anyone gonna sing a song tonight?” Octavia and Clarke both shook their heads looking at Lexa as they both took a sip of their drinks, Lexa looked expectantly at Sasha

 

“Maybe…I’m not sure at the moment”

 

“Oh come on, you always sing”

 

“I’m not in the mood” Sasha responded leaning forward placing her forearms on her the table leaning on them “Maybe later on we’ll see”

 

“Ok whatever…” Lexa paused as she heard music start to play obviously signalling that the Karaoke was over for another hour or so, changing what she was originally going to say she looked at Clarke asking “Wanna dance babe?” Clarke smiled brightly nodding her head at Lexa who stood up holding her hand out in the air, Clarke happily took it standing up, walking off Lexa and Clarke headed to the dancefloor.

 

After a moment Octavia moved a little closer to Sasha their bodies touching slightly as Octavia leant forward resting her forearms on the table next to Sasha looking at the woman for a second before looking at the dancefloor seeing Clarke and Lexa dancing together, looking back down at the table trying to think over what to say she looked down at her hands seeing one of Sasha’s hand open invitingly she placed her hand on top, their fingers interlocking together as they were about to stand up Harper approached their table

 

“Hey” She softly said

 

“Hi” Sasha and Octavia replied in unison

 

“I just wanted to apologise to you for flirting with you the other night” She said looking directly at Sasha

 

“It’s fine it was just a little harmless flirting” Sasha smiled motioning for Harper to take a seat which she did

 

“Raven didn’t seem to think so; she keeps bringing it up telling me how out of line I was…then I remind her I wasn’t the one out of line she was” Harper stated her eyes catching Octavia’s and the disapproval in her eyes was clear

 

“She told you then”

 

“Yeah she did, she didn’t really have a choice I knew she was hiding something so I kept on until she told me…. I’m sorry”

 

“Don’t be, look I’m sorry she’s giving you grief for flirting with me”

 

“It’s fine, we both know it was harmless, she just assumed you were doing it out of spite, I know you weren’t but I have to admit it was good seeing that look on her face”

 

“It was” Sasha confirmed laughing softly as she smirked slightly

 

“Anyway I just wanted to say I’m sorry she got all angry and said what she did…and nice left hook” Harper softly said standing up looking at Sasha as she softly giggled smiling sweetly at Sasha and Octavia before turning and walking back to Raven

 

Sasha watched as Harper walked back to Raven noticing the tension between them both, she shook her head turning her attention to Octavia noticing the younger woman seemed fixated on Harper gently nudging her with her shoulder she smiled at her raising her eyebrows she asked “You alright?”

 

“I’m fine” Octavia lied her right arm snaking around Sasha’s left arm as she leant her head on Sasha’s shoulder softly

 

“No you’re not, what’s up?” Sasha asked lifting her shoulder slightly causing Octavia to lift her head and look at her

 

“Harmless flirting?”

 

“Babe, how many conversations have we had about this? I’m a friendly person I talk to most people just because I’m being nice doesn’t mean I’m flirting, even if I am doesn’t mean I’d do anything…” Seeing the look on Octavia’s face she added “There’s only one person I flirt with and then follow through with”

 

“And who would that be?”

 

“Oh just the love of my life”

 

“A mirror?”

 

“Oh you got jokes huh” Sasha laughed poking Octavia in the side softly, as she pulled back Octavia leant in kissing her quickly before pulling back

 

“So this love of your life…what’s she like?”

 

“Well…” Sasha started bringing her hand up to move a stray hair of Octavia’s behind her ear before continuing “She’s beautiful, smarter than she gives herself credit for, she can make me smile just from walking into a room even when I don’t want to, she makes me pancakes when I’m hungover…. Oh she’s great in bed, she’s an amazing dancer, she’s the person I wanna spend the rest of my life with, and most importantly she loves me for me even with the bad things included”

 

Octavia looked at Sasha not knowing what to say, she wasn’t expecting Sasha to say so many things to her let alone so many nice things about her, she couldn’t hold back the smile that spread across her face, unlocking their fingers she placed both her hands on Sasha’s cheeks pulling her into a searing kiss, instantly Sasha kissed her back her hands moving to Octavia’s hips almost instinctively. Sasha was about to move when someone cleared their throat expecting it to be Lexa or Clarke they broke apart smirking turning to where the noise had come from, both of their faces fell when they saw Raven standing at the table looking at them intently.

 

“So she gets forgiven but I don’t huh?” She asked almost angrily staring at Sasha

 

“Now isn’t the time Raven” Octavia interjected feeling the tension in Sasha’s body rise slightly as soon as Raven spoke

 

“It seems like the perfect time to me…you two are over here being all loved up while I’m out in the cold” Raven coldly stated turning her attention back to Sasha “How is that fair to me? I know what I did was wrong…. what WE did was wrong, but why do I get shut out and she doesn’t, that’s complete bullshit, I’ve known you for over ten years and I can’t even get five minutes”

 

“Walk away Raven, I’m not in the mood” Sasha harshly responded not looking from the table her eyes had focused on

 

“NO…I’m not walking away not until you hear me out. Just like you’ve heard her out” Raven paused seeing Sasha wasn’t looking at her at all “I get your pissed at me Sasha but what happened between you and Harper was out of line, you know how I feel about her and you still flirted openly with her, that was out of line”

 

“WHAT?” Sasha shouted standing up her hand balling up into fists as she stepped closer to Raven “I was out of line, ME, that’s rich coming from you, you go on about how you feel about Harper…. When you fucked my girlfriend you knew exactly how I felt and you still did it” Sasha found herself stepping forward as the anger she felt towards her best friend began to bubble over, she could feel the control she had over it slipping from her hands.

 

Just as she stopped in front of Raven, Lexa appeared between them pushing them both backwards looking at them both she asked “When the hell are you two gonna just talk and stop getting physical?”

 

“NEVER” Raven and Sasha both stated at the same time

 

“Right that’s it” Lexa stated before placing her right hand on Raven’s neck and her left hand on Sasha’s neck squeezing their necks getting a loud ‘ouch’ from them both she applied more pressure pushing them both through the crowd of people until they were outside in the garden moving to the back of the garden, pushing them both forward as she realised her grip on their necks she looked at them both “This is getting sorted tonight”

 

Sasha shook her head attempting to walk past Lexa, as she walked forward Lexa grabbed hold of Sasha’s inner left thigh causing Sasha to stop in her tracks, looking her in the eyes she stated “Don’t make me go higher”

 

“AHH, alright ok…let me go” Sasha painfully released trying to break Lexa’s grip unsuccessfully

 

“Promise me” Lexa stated as she tightened her grip slightly

 

“ARGHHHH…. I promise I promise” Sasha quickly stated, feeling an instant rush of relief fill her body when her cousin released her grip, instantly she bent over rubbing on the spot Lexa had just grabbed her, after a second she stood up walking and sitting down on one of the table benches in the garden.

 

“Do I need to do the same with you?” Lexa asked looking at Raven, who instantly shook her head walking and sitting across from Sasha so they were face to face “Good” Lexa commented smirking a little as Sasha shoot her an unimpressed look “I’ll give you two twenty minutes, but I’ll be waiting at the door so don’t try and worm out of this” Lexa firmly commented, when both Raven and Sasha nodded softly she turned around walking to the door to the back garden hoping Sasha would finally open up and talk to Raven about what the real problem was…..


	36. Justice

Chapter 36: Justice

Raven and Sasha sat opposite each other neither knowing exactly how to start their conversation, even though she’d wanted Sasha to talk to her now she actually had what she wanted she had no idea how to correctly word what she wanted to say to say. She knew that an apology was the least she owed her but to get Sasha to understand was almost an impossible task because she herself didn’t understand why herself. Seeing Sasha looking at her with that same look she’d seen thousands of times from her best friend, in all the time they’d known each other though she’d only ever seen that look directed towards other people but never directed at her, that look that was pure unfiltered anger the same look that filled Sasha’s face when some douche at their school had called her out for being gay and called her ever foul offensive name he could think of, the same look that plastered her face before she knocked said douche out cold an action that had resulted in her get suspended for a week. As she remembered the memory she held the smile inside her knowing now would be the worse time to start smiling goofily at Sasha.

 

Bringing her hands onto the table looking at them as she began to softly tap them on the table, she couldn’t think of anything to say and it was beginning to annoy her, letting out a sigh her attention was brought away from her thoughts when she heard Lexa’s voice;

 

“Seriously…one of you talk” Lexa impatiently stated as she watched her cousin and her best friend just sitting not saying a word to each other. Not moving her continued to watch them both.

 

“Where should we start?” Raven nervously ventured, she knew where they were more than likely to start but either way she thought she’d let Sasha make the decision

 

After a few moments Sasha swallowed softly before taking a breath out and speaking “Lincolns party I suppose”

 

“Ok…. what do you want to know?”

 

“There are lots of things I wanna know Raven…” Sasha stated the anger in her voice as she looked into Raven’s eyes “Let’s start with why you were so pissed at me?”

 

“Before I got to Lincoln’s party I got a call from Anya asking to meet me, so I went to meet her and we ended up sleeping together, as I was getting ready afterwards I asked her when I could see her again and she was just completely cold with me, she told me that I was nothing to her and that her husband was worth a million times more than I was, I didn’t get why she was being such a bitch so I called her on it. She told me that you were right about everything that you said about her using me, then she started to rip into everything about me, how I talk about pointless things for hours on end…” Raven paused for a second as she remembered all the harsh things that Anya had said that night “As I was walking out of that apartment, my own apartment at that, all I could think of was how right you were and how I should have listened to you”

 

“And that lead to you sleeping with Octavia?”

 

“No…you remember when I got to the party I wanted to talk to you?” When Sasha nodded her head at her she continued “That’s why I wanted to talk to you, but you just brushed me off saying you had more important things to do, that made me feel like I was worthless like you didn’t give a shit about me”

 

“That doesn’t mean its ok to go sleep with my girlfriend”

 

“I know it doesn’t” Pausing for a second she looked down at the table before looking back to Sasha “I got angry and I reacted, I started drinking more than I usually drink and I tried to call you and you ignored my calls and my texts, I know it’s stupid that I got so angry but I couldn’t stop it, I think I just choose to be angry at you because it was easier than being truthful to myself and ultimately hating myself. I saw you and O get into an argument I saw she was upset and I went to see she was ok”

 

“So how did that lead to you two fucking?” Sasha bluntly asked

 

“We got talking and starting venting to each other about how weird you’d been, then the next thing we were talking about what a bitch you were to us both, we kept drinking and drinking, then we were in the bathroom talking and we kissed, one thing lead to another and we had sex. It lasted five minutes not even that and we both instantly regretted it, we didn’t say a word to each other we just readjusted our clothes and went back to dancing. The next thing I knew you told me you broke up with her over her kissing someone else, when I realised you didn’t know about me and her…I decided I didn’t want to break your heart like that so I kept quiet” Seeing the look on Sasha’s face she added “I could see how heartbroken you were and Lexa wasn’t able to be there for you one hundred percent, I didn’t want you to be alone so I kept hiding it from you, and if I’m honest I needed you as well”

 

“To get over Anya?”

 

“Kind of yeah” When Sasha raised her eyebrow at her she explained “Me and Anya was a colossal mistake from start to finish but she made me feel things I hadn’t felt since we dated, when me and her would hook up we’d just have sex and nine times out of ten she’d go home that night, I mean the whole time we were together we only spent the night together three times and each time her husband was on the phone checking up on her” Pausing for a second she looked up at Sasha seeing a small amount of warmth coming through her best friends eyes “It was like this part of me, the part that made who I was changed completely and it was almost like she made me someone I didn’t know anymore. And being around you made me feel like the old me”

 

“I didn’t know you felt like that”

 

“I never said because I felt stupid about it, but when I was around you and Lex it made me feel like I was me again, and we both know if I’d told you that you would have ripped into me”

 

“True”

 

“I just thought keeping quiet was the best option not just for me but for all of us”

 

“I get that Rae…” Sasha started leaning forward slightly resting her forearms on the table as she looked at Raven “But why keep it up, why not just tell me once O came back into my life, once you knew we were back together?”

 

“I didn’t wanna ruin your happiness, I only just found out about your PTSD and it made me feel a million times worse than I already did, but it also made me more determined for you to not find out”

 

“So you left this up to Anya to spill?”

 

“No, I told her to mind her own business, I told her it was a one-night thing and wasn’t EVER going to happen again and it won’t I swear, but she was hell bent on sticking her nose in our business”

 

“So you’d never have told me?”

 

“Probably not…I know how that sounds but you’re my best friend we’ve been friends for over ten years and I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. I knew how much it’d upset you so keeping it a secret was the only option I could see”

 

Sasha took a deep breath in closing her eyes for a second before reopening them looking at Raven “I can understand all of that, but still Rae that’s a massive betrayal and you know that. You should have been honest no matter how much it would have upset me or broken my heart, as my BEST FRIEND it was your job to tell me, to not hide anything from me no matter what it is. I would have forgiven you, yeah maybe it would have taken me a little time but it would have been completely different, it would feel completely different than it does now”

 

“I know ok…why do you think I feel so bad, everytime I saw you or you and O together I remembered what I did and how much of a rubbish friend I was to you that night”

 

“But still Rae you should have manned up and fucking told me, this whole situation could have been stopped by you and Octavia being completely honest with me….” Pausing for a second as she controlled the anger inside herself “And damn sure as hell shouldn’t have run your mouth about Octavia”

 

“I know that was wrong but I needed to get a reaction from you somehow, you weren’t talking to me and you refused to hit me, I knew you wouldn’t hit me unless I provoked you and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything bad about our family, so Octavia was the only root I had to go down I didn’t mean any of it but I needed you to do something”

 

“And hitting you was the only thing you could think of”

 

“The only thing that might make us both feel better”

 

“Again hitting is the best you could come up with?”

 

“Honestly yeah, we both know that I’ve never been a massive thinker plus I panicked when you wouldn’t let me talk so I antagonised you”

 

“You were always good at that” Sasha softly commented, as Raven had explained her reasoning she couldn’t help the compassion and love that rushed to the surface, she never knew how Raven felt about her time with Anya, she knew she regretted it but she never realised how much it affected her

 

“Yeah” Raven replied softly giggling as she looked at Sasha seeing that her best friend’s features had softened slightly “I really am sorry you know?”

 

“I know you are; I know you both are. It’s just hard for me to think about without getting this rage inside me” Pausing for a second she took a breath before continuing “You know how hard it is for me to open up to people, I thought I could trust with anything but turns out I can trust you with my life, but not my girlfriend” Seeing Raven look down at the bench she added “I’m not saying I can’t forgive you, I’m saying I can’t forget it not yet, and to be honest I’m not sure I ever will. This probably sounds ridiculous but it’s easier for me to forgive her because it’s different, not because I’ve known her less time or because I care less because we both know it’s the opposite, it’s because I can’t get over the fact that I trusted you Rae I let you into so many parts of my life and then you turn around and sleep with my girlfriend because you were angry at me, that’s not good enough for me Rae”

 

“I know it’s not good enough, why do you think I wanted to keep it a secret, because I knew you would hate me for it, you Lex, Cos, Tristan, Atom, Mema and Papa you guys are all the family I have, I don’t have anyone else and I couldn’t risk losing you all”

 

“You’re not losing anything Rae, I just need you to let me process and come to terms with this in my own time” Seeing the doubt in Raven’s eyes Sasha continued “I forgive you for lying to me, but I can’t forgive the actual act…. just not yet, I need time”

 

“Sure” Raven stood up stopping looking at Sasha softly saying “I’m sorry again”

 

As Raven walked towards Lexa, numerous things flashed in Sasha’s mind all the times Raven had been there for her, the times she stood up for her, the times she listened when to her go on and on about her decisions, taking a deep breath in she knew that Raven needed a little more from her to give her hope that they could get through it, she knew Raven and she knew that even though she’d told her in so many words that she could get over it, she knew that Raven would only take the bad out of what she stood up “Wait Rae” Moving over to Raven stopping in front of her as Raven looked down at their feet she softly said “It’s gonna take me time, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still spend time with us” The words made Raven look up from their feet and to Sasha’s face “Just do something for me…”

 

“Anything” Raven responded without hesitation

 

“You and O, no being alone or dancing together, I know that might make me sound paranoid but this is still fresh for me, I need to know I can trust you”

 

“That’s fine I promise I won’t be alone with her at anytime”

 

“Good, then for now we’re kind of ok” She honestly responded seeing the small smile on Raven’s face she placed her right hand on Raven’s left shoulder, smiling softly at Raven she gently pulled her into a hug their arms firmly wrapping around each other as they held on, their chins resting against each other’s shoulders. Pulling back slowly Sasha noticed the tears that had escaped Raven’s eyes, she understood why the tears were there and what they meant, moving her hand to wipe the tears away she softly said “You’re not losing anyone Rae, I promise” The words were true and genuine she knew that even if she couldn’t get past what Raven and Octavia did which was unlikely considering everything that contributed to the whole situation, she knew her family wouldn’t turn their back on Raven because even though she didn’t have their name she was one of them, and she would be until the day they died.

 

They both walked to Lexa seeing the smirk on Lexa’s face they both punched her on the arm (Raven hit her left and Sasha hit her right) the punches caused Lexa to let out a loud ‘OUCH’ rubbing both arms with the opposite hand, looking at the both she firmly stated “What? It worked didn’t it?” When neither of them responded she added “Someone had to do something, your both to stubborn for your own good, your both my family and it’s my job to make sure you both see sense” They both just looked at Lexa laughing softly before they walked past her and onto the dancefloor as Lexa shouted “IT WORKED THOUGH” at them as she followed them back inside with a smug look on her face.

 

 

Back Inside Grounders

Octavia and Clarke were sat back at the table waiting for Raven and Sasha to re-enter Grounders, both hoping that this night wouldn’t turn into a brawl, as they continued to wait they noticed Lexa was standing at the door leaning gently against the door frame not moving as her attention was trained on what they assumed was Sasha and Raven. Clarke wouldn’t help but smile everytime her eyes landed on Lexa, something about the woman was so intoxicated something about her just made her smile and feel happy, even more now they were back together and were finally back on track. Occasionally she would look away from Lexa and towards the dancefloor noticing Harper dancing with some of her friends, then noticing Bellamy serving drinks at the bar along with Gustus and his wife Indra, when she did bring her attention back to Lexa that same smile graced her face, as her eyes would again scan the slightly older brunette’s body taking in how tight her jeans were and how her shirt hugged her body just right, the latest time she’d looked back to Lexa her attention had been brought away from her girlfriend when she felt Octavia poking her in the side, turning and looking at O she softly mumbled “Huh, what was that?”

 

“I said...” Octavia started with a smirk on her face “How are things going with Lexa?”

 

“Oh sorry”

 

“Daydreaming?” Octavia asked with raised eyebrows

 

“Yeah”

 

“So that must mean things are good between you two”

 

"They are” Clarke answered as her mind went to the few times over the last week where things had gotten heated and neither her or Lexa had made a move

 

“Come on Clarke spill”

 

“It’s just…. the last week things have been getting heated...”

 

“Heated?”

 

“Yeah, when we’re kissing you know?”

 

“Oh, yeah what about it?”

 

"It's just hard…. trying to keep myself from getting to heated, she doesn't move or try and take things further so I don't either, but I'm telling you O, I haven't felt this turned on since we broke up, it's gonna drive me crazy if I don't relieve it”

 

“Does Lexa know?”

 

“No I don't wanna ruin it”

 

“Please ruin it, I'm pretty sure you could become a master mind criminal and she’d still love you, just talk to her, maybe she's feeling the same”

 

“Yeah your right”

 

“I know”

 

Clarke and Octavia laughed softly at Octavia’s response “Your starting to sound like your woman…but you are right, I’ll wait ‘til after the trail though it's gonna be stressful enough, and I know she probably won't be angry or anything but I just need her this week”

 

“I get it, if Sasha wasn't here I don't think I'd be able to cope, even her just being here makes me feel calmer and in more control”

 

“How are things between you two?”

 

“We’re doing good, she’s pulled away a few times when we’ve been kissing but I can't blame her for it, she still sits up with me when I have nightmares and she holds me, I’m just glad she didn't break up with me”

 

“I…” Before Clarke could complete her words she heard Sasha and Raven’s laughter in the air looking to where Lexa was previously standing, seeing Raven and Sasha walking towards them she smiled looking at Octavia noticing the smile that was on her face as Sasha walked towards her. Seeing Lexa walking in behind the two women she stood up rushing over to Lexa wrapping her arms around her as Lexa did the same, she spoke into Lexa’s ear “Wanna dance?”

 

Lexa smirked at Clarke before leaning forward until her lips were next to Clarke’s ear “With you wearing those jeans? …Hell yeah I wanna dance” Lexa smiled as she looked down her eyes scanning over Clarke’s skinny jeans as the blonde turned around and began to walk in front of her allowing Lexa to eye up her ass as they walked hand in hand to the dancefloor

 

“Those two haven't changed” Raven laughed looking at Sasha, smiling softly she said “I better go apologise to Harper, catch you later maybe”

 

“Yeah sure, you know where we are Rae Rae” Sasha smiled as Raven walked off to the dance floor looking through the mass of people trying to find her girlfriend and hopefully apologise before she got dumped

 

Sasha smiled softly as she watched Raven disappear into the crowd, looking back at Octavia she smiled walking over to her and sitting next to her she nudged her softly with her shoulder seeing the younger brunette seemed to be deep in thought, the nudge did as she intended, as Octavia turned slowly to look at her, a small smile gracing her face as she looked at Sasha

 

“You ok?” Sasha softly asked reaching her left hand up onto the table to take hold of Octavia’s right hand

 

“I’m fine, just thinking”

 

“About?”

 

“Us mainly”

 

“Good thoughts?” Sasha asked raising her eyebrows at Octavia who smiled at her as she let out a small laugh

 

“Their always good thoughts” Octavia smiled removing her hand from Sasha’s before leaning in and kissing Sasha softly before pulling back looking into Sasha’s eyes “Wanna dance?”

 

“Are you gonna be ok? …you know with all the people around you pushing into you”

 

“I’ll be fine, just don’t let go” Octavia replied, the words having a little more meaning than just to do with the dancing that was to follow

 

Sasha smiled standing up holding her right hand in the air for Octavia to take, which she did with her left, as Octavia stood up she pulled her a little closer until their faces were mere inches away from each other. “I’ll never let you go, I promise” She replied seeing the smile spread across Octavia’s lips, leaning in she pecked her on the lips before using their connected hands to guide Octavia to the dancefloor. Octavia couldn’t help the smile that continued to graced her face as Sasha continued to guide her to the dancefloor, as they walked they passed a few regulars they knew stopping to say a quick hello to them all, the whole time their hands stayed connected together.

 

Once they finally reached the dancefloor Mase-Tell me what you want, began playing though the speakers Sasha and Octavia both smirked this song was one of their favourite songs to dance to, as moved further onto the dancefloor Sasha let Octavia walk in front of her their hands staying connected as Sasha spun Octavia under her arm slightly stepping forward as Octavia stopped so her back was in front of Sasha, moving forward Sasha’s chest softly connected with Octavia’s back her hips connecting with Octavia’s ass, feeling the connection Octavia moved her free hand backwards grabbing hold of Sasha’s free hand, as their hands connected she used the contact to pull Sasha closer to her letting her know that she was fine to be close together, she knew why Sasha wasn’t pushing forward as much as she used to and it was because this was the first time since the attack that she’d been out drinking and dancing and Sasha didn’t want to push her too far by grinding on her. Octavia pulled Sasha’s hands forward until Sasha’s arms wrapped around her waist, as she realised Sasha’s hands she moved her hands on top of them as she softly began to grind her ass against Sasha’s waist, instantly feeling Sasha’s hands twitch slightly before they relaxed against her waist, as she continued to grind against Sasha she could feel that Sasha’s body was a little tense she turned around so she was facing Sasha, Sasha’s hand still firmly wrapped around her waist bringing her arms up to wrap around Sasha’s neck moving even closer she leant her forehead forward resting against Sasha’s forehead as their foreheads connected she looked into Sasha’s eyes, leaning in their lips connected together softly, after a few minutes they pulled back smiling at each other softly, Octavia decided not to push her limits with Sasha maybe the grinding was a little too much for both of them at this moment in time, so until they were both ready dancing like this was more than enough.

 

-Two Hours Later-

Hours later Octavia and Sasha made their way to the bar not stopping until they reached it, asking Bellamy for their usual drinks he began to make them for them, as Octavia and Sasha talked to him about the night and how he’d been thanks mainly to Sasha, Octavia had started making an effort to talk to Bellamy at least once a week even if they only talked about a TV show she made sure that she talked to him to make sure that once she was comfortable talking about what happened with Mitch she’d feel comfortable talking to Bellamy as well. Bellamy told them how at the beginning of the night a fight broke out and he had to jump in, he told them how some Blonde had begun hitting on her girlfriend at around 8pm before any security had started their shift, as he finished telling the story he placed the drinks on the bar holding his hand up when Sasha went to pay

 

“It’s on me” Bellamy softly spoke smiling at Sasha and Octavia

 

“Oh, I see…. keeping me sweet in case the lesbians start fighting again huh”

 

“You know me well” Bellamy joked back laughing softly

 

“I’ll see what I can do for ya” Sasha softly responded laughing along with Bellamy as Octavia laughed with them, picking up her soft drink she took a sip as she swallowed the sip, placing the glass back on the table she felt someone push on her left shoulder, ignoring the feeling and holding the anger inside, she felt the same action again, again she ignored it, the third time was the final time she allowed the action to go without reaction as she turned around fully ready to rip into whoever it was, as she turned around her eyes fell on someone she didn’t expect to see, dressed in a tight red pleather vest and skinny black jeans hair down resting on her shoulders, there she was in all her glory her ex Ontari. Her face fell slightly as she took in the brunette in front of her “Ontari?”

 

“Hey Sash” Ontari responded the smile spreading across her face, stepping forward she wrapped her arms around Sasha hugging her tightly, Sasha wrapped her arms around her lifting her off the ground slightly, they’d seen each other the week before but hadn’t really spoken as Ontari was with her new girlfriend, Nia, and Sasha wasn’t in the right frame of mind for that kind of drama at the time. Pulling back, she looked at Sasha seeing the brunette next to her eyeing her every move “This must be Octavia”

 

“Yeah, this is Octavia…O this is Ontari”

 

“Nice to meet you Octavia” Ontari genuinely responded reaching her hand out to Octavia

 

“Nice to meet you too, I’ve heard a lot about you” Octavia answered accepting Ontari’s hand shaking it gently but firmly

 

“All bad I bet huh” Ontari smirked looking at Sasha

 

“Not all, Sasha’s told me a lot about you good and bad…she’s nice that way”

 

“I bet she has; believe me I could tell you some stories”

 

“Hang on I don’t like the way this is going….no ganging up on me” Sasha interjected laughing softly as Octavia gently took hold of her hand placing a soft kiss on Sasha’s cheek as all three women laughed softly

 

“We should talk Octavia; I can probably give you some ammo to use against her”

 

“Hell no…that’s not happening” Sasha again added this time stepping forward and placing her hand on Ontari’s exposed arm gently, moving forward she whispered softly “Remember what you promised”

 

"I know I won't reveal that you’re a softie” Ontari whispered back nudging Sasha softly in the stomach making separating them slightly, looking to her right she noticed her girlfriend Nia watching her, looking quickly back to Sasha she added “It was good seeing you, we should catch up properly soon, but I've gotta get back to Nia”

 

“Sure, message me and we can meet up”

 

“I will” Ontari replied smiling as she looked to Octavia softly saying “It was nice meeting you Octavia”

 

“You too”

 

“See you later” Ontari smiled before walking off and towards her angry faced girlfriend

 

Turning her attention back to Octavia she noticed the look on her face the one that usually meant she had done something wrong “What did I do?” She asked raising her left eyebrow

 

“Nothing”

 

“Whatever it is I'm sorry” Sasha replied looking Octavia in the eyes only for the brunette to look away “Seriously what did I do?”

 

“She has your number?”

 

“Yeah, I haven't changed my number in over six years of course she has my number”

 

“So you didn't give it to her the other night?”

 

“Ohhhh…” Sasha let out smiling and giggling softly as she continued “Your jealous”

 

“I am not”

 

“You are…. you think because she has my number she wants more than friendship with me”

 

“Well…. does she?”

 

“No she just needs a friend she doesn't have any family or many friends, I'm just being a friend to her, I promise” Sasha made a cross mark motion across her heart adding “Cross my heart”

 

“Just friends?”

 

“Just friends, and if she messages me then you’re more than welcome to read the messages” Sasha replied giving Octavia her signature smile before winking at her “Oh come on babe you know it makes sense” She continued placing her hands on Octavia’s hips pulling her towards her until they were hip to hip, leaning forward she leant in her lips hoovering over Octavia’s, after a second Octavia smiled softly leaning in kissing Sasha, pulling back a second later she responded

 

“Fine, but if she moves beyond friendship then you cut her off”

 

“I promise” Sasha responded kissing Octavia again their lips staying locked together for a minute or two before they both pulled back turning their attention back to Bellamy, as they did he looked at Sasha asking;

 

“So do you know the brunette then Sash?”

 

“The one from just now?” She asked, when Bellamy nodded his head she answered “Yeah that’s Ontari, my ex”

 

“Trust you to know the troublemakers” Bellamy laughed, seeing the confused look on Sasha’s face he explained what he meant “The two women fighting earlier…” Sasha nodded knowing what he was referring to “The Blonde with your ex, she was one of them”

 

“Was Ontari involved”

 

"Yeah she was the one getting hit"

 

That comment peaked Sasha’s interest turning and looking at Ontari, seeing her being dragged out of Grounders by the Blonde she knew as Ontari’s girlfriend Nia, watching intently as felt an urge to go and help her ex but as she looked at Octavia she noticed the jealously brimming in her eyes, shrugging her shoulders she pushed back her guy feeling looking from Octavia to Bellamy saying “Probably nothing” Turning her attention back to her drink she knew it wasn't gonna be that easy for her to push the gut feeling she had back, it was gonna stay with her until she knew exactly what was going on

 

 

Tuesday 16th August-Mitch’s Trail Day 1

Sasha, Lexa, Clarke and Octavia sat in an office in the back of the courthouse waiting for their lawyer to come into the office and brief them on the coming events of the next day, Mr Jacobs, their lawyer had already briefed them about what to expect from the defence and how they’d play dirty and try their best to antagonise the women into getting angry and making mistakes in their statements, he was currently briefing Bellamy for his turn on the stand he was the next person being called into the court room, Lexa had been the first person called why nobody knew but she'd remained calm as the defence tried to poke holes in everything she said, everytime she’d felt her temper bubbling she thought of Octavia and Clarke and how they both needed this court case to go in their favour, that was an hour ago and now they had called Bellamy. As the door opened they all felt the angst rise inside them, Octavia squeezed Sasha’s hand which was locked with hers. At the same time Clarke was doing the same with Lexa’s hand both Lexa and Sasha squeezed back supportively.

The door opened and closed their lawyer stepping through it and looking at them both smiling supportively he sat down in front of them all. Clasping his hands together he took a breath before he spoke;

 

“I’ve briefed Mr Blake on what to expect from the defence, I’m pretty confident that he’s going to handle himself fine. When I question him I'll keep it as simple as it needs to be, once I'm done the defence will cross examine him, and more than likely they will try and pull his story to pieces, which he will hopefully refrain from letting them do, at this point once both the prosecution and the defence have been able to cross examine Mr Blake, he will step down from stand and come back here. At this point from what I've been informed of Mr Markers will take the stand…”

 

“Wait I thought you got to take the stand before he did” Octavia jumped in sitting forward in her chair

 

“That was the initial plan yes Miss Blake, however, I believe that this will work favourably for us”

 

“How will it?”

 

“Mr Markers is going to claim that he had consensual sexual contact with you, having you take the stand after means the judge will hear your side and be able to see the discrepancies between the two stories”

“And you think that he’ll slip up at some point” Clarke asked sitting forward as Octavia had done moments before

 

“I believe that he may slip up at some point, but that isn’t guaranteed so please don’t get your hopes up too much ladies” Pausing for a second he looks at both women before continuing “Our aim at the moment is to establish that he was intoxicated and therefore was not able to grasp the full severity of the situation”

 

“Will that be enough?”

 

“It’s a start, once we establish he wasn’t sober enough to comprehend that you didn’t consent to anything, then we can establish reasonable doubt, that’s when your testimonies will become more vital to the case, that’s why I’ve been briefing you to expect the defence to try and rip your stories apart, even more than Miss Woods or My Blake’s testimony, the more they try to rip your story apart the more worried they are” Silence filled up the room as all parties in the room took in what had been sent

 

-Thirty Minutes Later-

The silence in the room had continued to until Bellamy had returned to the room moments before, his testimony had been the quickest of them all so far, the defence didn’t seem interested in bringing up the violence that had occurred between him and Mitch and had instead opted just to ask him the standard questions that he expected them to ask, it should have been a good thing but for some reason it unnerved him, why didn’t they address his attack on Mitch, why didn’t they ask so many other questions, was it a sign that they were intending to play dirty or was Mitch having a crisis of conscience all of a sudden, no matter what the reason was it unsettled Bellamy a great deal.

 

As Bellamy walked into the room Octavia jumped up realising Sasha’s hand and walking over to her brother wrapping her arms around his neck, instantly his hands wrapped around her waist, it had been a long time since he had hugged his sister, for numerous reasons but the main one being she didn’t like being touched by people she didn’t know but mainly by men ever since the attack it had made her more cautious the only person she really allowed to touch her without warning was Sasha, and while he understood that and respected it he still missed his sister. Squeezing her a little Bellamy took in the moment not wanting to let Octavia go but knowing he had to before she became uncomfortable with the embrace.

 

As he left go of the hug Octavia stepped back looking up at him, with that same innocent smile he’d see year after year whenever it was her birthday or Christmas morning and she’d run up to him asking when she could open her presents, but now was different now she wanted to know if he’d done everything in his power to make sure he didn’t slip up. And now he had to decide how much of the truth to tell her, did he lay it all out all of his suspicious thoughts and maybe make her more anxious than she already was or did he do like he used to with their mothers drinking and sugar coat it a little for her to make sure she was any more anxious that needed as he looked into her eyes she asked the simple question the one that would make him instantly decide;

 

“How did it go?”

 

“It went fine O”

 

“Really, they didn’t try and catch you out?”

 

“No they just asked me a bunch of question about what I saw when I got there, how I knew something was wrong, if I believed you were in danger when I arrived, they didn’t even bring up me knocking him out”

 

“Is that a good thing?” Octavia asked turning and looking at Mr Jacobs questioningly

 

“It depends, it could very well be a good thing, they didn’t ask about the situation Mr Blake had walked in on like I did, therefore, that means they are probably aware that asking anything about what Mr Blake saw as he entered Miss Griffin’s bedroom would open up the possibility of doubt in the judge’s eyes”

 

“See told you it went fine” Bellamy smiled nudging his sister softly in the stomach, looking up at him she smiled softly at him before letting out a small breath and stepping forward hugging her older brother again this time her arms wrapped around his waist, they gripped on a little tighter to him, as he wrapped his arms around her back hugging her a little tighter than before but carefully not to squeeze to tightly.

 

“Thanks Bell” Octavia softly spoke into his chest

 

Leaning down placing a small kiss on the top of Octavia’s head he softly said “Your welcome sis” his arms staying wrapped around Octavia, bringing an unknown comfort to them both

 

Bellamy and Octavia released each other from their embrace moments later, as Bellamy walked over to talk a seat at the table in the room while Octavia walked back over to Sasha sitting down next to her taking her hand instantly, as she sat down there was a small knock on the door, Mr Jacobs called for the person to enter which they did, a small red headed woman peered through the door holding an envelope stepping into the room she walked up to Mr Jacobs handing him the envelope before turning and walking back out of the room, opening the letter all the people in the room noticed the look of confusion on Mr Jacobs face as he read the piece of paper that was inside the envelope

 

“What’s wrong Mr Jacobs?” Sasha was the first to muster up the voice to ask the question that they all wanted to know the answer to

 

“The defence has added another witness to their defence list” Mr Jacobs explained

 

“Who?”

 

“Mr Marcus Kane”


	37. A Father's Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: Apologies for any dialogue that isn’t correct in the courtroom or lawyer involved scenes, I am not a lawyer lol so all my knowledge comes from TV 

Chapter 37-A Fathers Love

Bellamy, Clarke, Octavia, Sasha and Lexa all remained quiet as they all took in the name Mr Jacobs had just mentioned as the new addition to the defences witness list, all of them trying to comprehend why Marcus would give evidence for the defence, in defence of a man who beat his own daughter black and blue. Clarke began to think about the numerous reasons and only one kept reoccurring in her head, because of her and Lexa because she was gay and he didn’t approve, but how could he not care just because she was into women because she loved who she loved, it made her so angry she could feel her blood starting to bubble. Her attention was brought from her own thoughts when she heard Bellamy’s voice;

 

“How is that fair, how can he testify but Sasha can’t?”

 

“Bell’s right. They’re both in the army how is that fair?” Octavia added her hand holding onto Sasha’s a little tighter than moments before

 

“It states here that they are calling Mr Kane as a character witness, Miss Woods isn’t eligible to testify as a character witness because of the sexual nature of her relationship with Miss Blake. Mr Kane’s career will only be mentioned at the most when he is asked what he does for a living and how he knows of Mr Markers, we can’t protest or deny him the opportunity to testify due to the late notice seeing as he’s due to take the stand in an hour if we were to protest or put forward a motion to dismiss Mr Kane as a witness it would delay the trail for at least three days”

“So we can’t do anything but sit back and watch him back up the man who nearly raped my sister” Bellamy almost shouted out, seeing this Sasha stood up releasing Octavia’s hand and walking over to Bellamy she wrapped her arm around his shoulders whispering in his ear

 

“Let’s go for a walk huh?” Bellamy didn’t verbally respond he just looked at Sasha nodding his head softly, looking over at Octavia Sasha softly said “We won’t be long babe” Without another word Sasha and Bellamy walked to the door opening it and walking through it, closing it behind them.

 

Lexa watched the door open and close, as it closed she turned her attention to Clarke who was squeezing her hand a lot harder than was normal for Clarke in any situation, leaning into her girlfriend she whispered in her ear “You wanna go for a walk?” Clarke looked at her nodding her head softly “Ok then let’s go” She softly whispered using their connected hands to help pull Clarke up from her seat. Looking over to Mr Jacobs she said “Clarke needs some air, don’t worry we’ll stay away from the defences rooms” Mr Jacobs didn’t answer her verbally he just nodded his head at her words knowing that being confined to one room for so long wasn’t easy for any person, and as long as Clarke stayed away from the other side of the court house then there wouldn’t be any issues arising

 

Lexa and Clarke walked out of the stuffy room they had been stuck in for hours on end without a chance to leave it until now, walking hand in hand Lexa guided Clarke to the peace garden she knew was outside, she had seen the signs pointing towards it on her way into the room hours before. It took them a few minutes to find it but once they did, they walked through the door as the fresh air hit them they both let out a breath neither knew they were holding in, the fresh air was ironically refreshing, it brought a little light to the day just feeling the air rushing past them instantly cooling them down.

 

The garden was the emphasis of peaceful which seemed impossible as it was in walls of the courthouse surrounded it, but it was the walls weren’t just plain brick and malta they had been covered with vines and flowers from top to bottom all the plants flowing up and down the wall until it flowed of one wall onto the other, flowers placed lovingly and caringly in between the vines every colour you could think of from Pink to Blue in every different shade of the colour imaginable, the flowers ran from the wall down onto the floor into a bed of more flowers. In front of those bed of flowers was a bench that started at one end of the garden and curved around the whole garden to the other opposite side forming a semi-circle, a small circle pond in the middle of the garden in the semi-circle created by the bench.

Clarke and Lexa walked over to the middle part of the bench sitting down so they were facing the door that showed only a portion of the hallway that lead to the garden. As they sat down Lexa leant backwards as did Clarke, as their backs connected with the back of the bench Lexa lifted her arm over Clarke’s head and wrapped it around her shoulders, as Lexa’s arm wrapped around her shoulders Clarke leant her head to the side resting it gently on Lexa’s shoulder. Taking small breathes in and out taking in the fresh air that filled her lungs and made her feel free and careless. Lexa didn’t say a word she knew that Clarke needed time to process everything she had just heard from Mr Jacobs. Moments later Clarke let out a small sigh before she softly asked;

 

“Why would he do this Lex?”

 

“I don’t know Clarke” Lexa honestly responded as she gently rubbed her hand soothingly up and down Clarke’s back

 

“I don’t get it Lex, is me being gay that bad that he wants to help the guy who beat me up get away with what he did”

 

“This has nothing to do with you or you being gay Clarke, this is all on your dad, I don’t know why he’s doing this but you can’t let this get you off track I know that sounds ridiculous in the grand scale of things but you have to make sure that this doesn’t take up all your mind, you need to stay focused on your testimony whatever he says doesn’t matter he’s just a character witness he’s only there to make sure the jury gets a certain image of him, the defence wants you to get distracted and the easy way to do that is to use your dad, this is just their attempt to derail your confidence and make you not want to testify”

 

“Your right, can we just sit here for a bit so I can clear my head” Clarke asked looking up at Lexa kissing her softly on the cheek

 

“Sure we can”

 

“Do you think he’ll be convicted?” Clarke asked, when she heard no response from Lexa she added “Be honest please”

 

“I’m not sure, even with your testimony the case is kind of hanging in the balance, it all depends on the jury and whether he believes Mitch was in full control or not that night, then it all hangs on which side is more convincing, the fact that neither of you went to the hospital works against you and I know you know that, but honestly I can see him at least being dishonourably discharged which may not seem like anything but he’d lose his only career and he would lose all the benefits that come with it. Honestly this all hangs on Octavia…”

 

“Why Octavia?”

 

“Because she wasn’t involved with him sexually...”

 

“Neither was I”

 

“You may not have physically been with him but you kissed him and for all intense purposes you and him were sexually involved because your relationship was of a sexual nature because you were boyfriend and girlfriend, I know that sounds horrible but that’s how they are pitching it and that’s the only way they can justify what he did in anyway by making it seem as if it’s just a domestic dispute and Octavia was just collateral damage. And that doesn’t mean that your lying with what you say it just means that they have no other option in which he stays a free man”

 

“And Octavia’s testimony will make them see the truth?”

 

“The fact that she’s never been with a man will work in her favour they’ll make sure to try and make it look like she was experimenting but then when Mr Jacobs begins to question her about her feelings for men that should settle that, and then the way she speaks about what he did to her, the way her face contorts when she thinks about it, and then the way her face lights up when she talks about Sasha, all of that will add up and paint a picture for the jury that will spell out that what Mitch did whether he was sober or not was not ok in anyway because he had full knowledge of the fact she was gay”

 

“So I’m being judged because I’ve had sex with a man?”

 

“Unfortunately so Clarke, I know it’s unfair but Mitch is trying to save himself and the only way he can do that is to throw you and Octavia under the bus, more you than her though, because he knows you better than he knows Octavia…” Lexa paused for a second as she could feel Clarke’s shoulders tense up more and more taking a small breath in she turned her head slightly placing a small kiss on the top of Clarke’s head before continuing “Try not to think about it…just relax and take a few deep breaths and think about something else”

 

“Like what?”

 

“I don’t know…. think about us….and how sexual frustrated you’ve been lately” At Lexa’s words Clarke’s head shot up from Lexa’s shoulder looking her in the eyes seeing the small smirk on her face, Clarke’s mouth hung open slightly not sure how Lexa would know that when they’d never spoken about it and she actually done anything she could to stop Lexa finding out, seeing the look on Clarke’s face Lexa spoke “Your terrible at hiding your sexual frustration Clarke, especially when you pull away from me and suddenly walk out of the room, then reappear a few minutes later and sit across the room from me”

 

“I can be mad at you for numerous reasons Lexa, doesn’t mean it’s sexual frustration”

 

“Mad at me? ...why would you be mad at me I mean I’m awesome…” Lexa paused seeing the amusement on Clarke’s face “Look at this face Clarke who could be angry at this face huh?”

 

“You’re so full of yourself” Clarke stated turning her attention to the door of the garden trying to stop the smile spreading across her face as she felt Lexa’s eyes on her

 

“I am but you love me so that makes it ok”

 

“Mmmm maybe I do” Clarke started feeling Lexa’s arm retract from her shoulders she turned to look at Lexa who was now leant back against the bench her arms folded across her chest a sad frown on her face, looking at Lexa she raised her eyebrows at her giving her a small pout “Do you love me?”

 

“Maybe”

 

“Ok…I love you…” Clarke started, when Lexa didn’t move from her position Clarke reached forward kissing Lexa on the cheek gently, when Lexa still didn’t respond or move she gently grabbed Lexa’s arms pulling them apart and pulling Lexa forwards until they were face to face “Come on Lex…I’m sorry…. you know I love you….” Clarke kissed her softly on the lips pulling back she looked at Lexa who was still stone faced not revealing anything to Clarke. Shaking Lexa’s arms softly looking at her pouting even more “Lex…”

 

“Ok...ok…. I love you too”

 

“See not so hard to say was it” Clarke smirked as she let go of Lexa’s arms, she couldn’t help but smile and lean forward kissing Lexa firmly on the lips, Lexa’s hands instantly came up to rest on Clarke’s cheeks keeping their lips locked together. This was one of the many reasons she loved Lexa, the woman could read her so well that she couldn’t hide when she was upset or even sexually frustrated, and now on one of the most stressful days in her life Lexa could read how stressed she was and was doing whatever she could to take her mind off of it. As they continued to kiss her own hands moved up to Lexa’s cheeks pulling her into the kiss even more, after a few seconds Lexa pulled back looking slightly breathlessly at Clarke she managed to say;

 

“We should stop now”

 

“But why? ...kissing you is so much fun” Clarke teased before attempting to lean into Lexa again only for Lexa to move backwards placing her hand Clarke’s shoulder holding her back. When Clarke pouted at her again she leant forward leaning forward until her mouth was next to Clarke’s ear, softly she whispered;

 

“Because we don’t want you to get to sexually frustrated” Lexa couldn’t help the smirk that graced her mouth as Clarke looked at her frowning at her before she spoke;

 

“Can you not tease me please? I feel stressed and your kisses de-stress me…. if you were a good girlfriend you’d help me de-stress…”

 

“I’m sorry I’m a terrible girlfriend, here let me make it up to you” Lexa smiled again this time capturing Clarke’s lips, her arms wrapping around Clarke’s waist pulling her closer, as she did Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders deepening the kiss a little more just enjoying the relaxation that having Lexa’s lips against hers brought her.

 

 

Front of the Courthouse

Bellamy and Sasha were sat on a small wall to the left hand side of the courthouse, Sasha had managed to get Bellamy outside and sitting down without his temper being too much of a problem. They had been sat down on the wall for about Fifthteen minutes without saying a word to each other, Sasha knew better than most people how hard it could be to control her temper at times especially when it came to Octavia. So she let him take in the fresh air and calm himself down his own way. When she was sure that Bellamy was calm she looked at him softly speaking;

 

“You ok now?”

 

“Better yeah…just knowing that asshole gets a say but you don’t just got to me” Sasha didn’t say a word she knew he needed to vent and if she had to let him speak for hours she was ok with that as long as he felt better afterwards she was willing to listen to every word “It’s just so frustrating you’re the one person that knows Octavia better than Clarke, the one person that can get through to her when she’s being stubborn and angry or when she doesn’t wanna do something, you can calm her down and convince her like nobody else can. She wouldn’t have got though any of this if it wasn’t for you, and you don’t get a chance to have your say….” Bellamy paused for a second before continuing “But that son of a bitch gets to say anything he wants, he gets to defend that asshole against his own daughter how is any of the ok…I don’t get how he could do that, to Clarke and to Octavia, he’s known O since she was ten years old, how can he condone anything that Mitch did to her, I mean for fuck sake he nearly raped my sister” Finally Bellamy took a breath in taking in some fresh air after he had expelled all the air in his lungs. After a few minutes of additional silence, he looked at Sasha who raised her eyebrows at her softly

 

“Feel better?” She softly asked the care in her voice was clear for Bellamy to hear

 

“A little yeah…” Bellamy looked at Sasha softly smiling at her “I just feel so useless, no matter what I say or do nothing can make this better for O, I wish that I could go back and stop myself from going after HIM, and made sure she was ok before anything else”

 

“We both know you went with instinct, you can’t keep looking backwards Bell, the past is the past we can’t change it so there’s no point in regretting it or wishing you could change it because you can’t, and the only thing thinking about it will do is drive you crazy”

 

“What would you have done?” He asked honestly wanting to know the answer to the question

 

“I don’t know, part of me says I would have done the same as you but then there’s another part of me that would go straight to Octavia, I can’t sit here and tell you what I would do one hundred percent Bell, who knows everyone is different and I might think I’d react a certain way but come the situation I might react completely different”

 

“I just hate myself so much, I should have been a better brother, I should have protected her…”

 

“Bell…you can’t think like that because believe me if you live on what if’s your whole life will revolve around it, there’s nothing you can do to change the past, but you can change the future go back inside and be there for O. Make sure that she knows when she’s ready to talk your there for her.” Pausing she placed her hand on his shoulder squeezing it softly “She’s doing good, she only has nightmares every few days not every night anymore. That’s a really good sign, her sessions with Dr Jaha are helping her and soon really soon she’s gonna be ready to talk to you, but she won’t if she thinks she’s protecting you by not talking to you” Giving Bellamy a small smile she added “She’s stronger than we give credit, she can handle all of this all she needs is someone’s hand to hold. We both need to worry about the future not the past ok?”

 

“Your right” Bellamy smiled back, he knew everything that Sasha had said was true, he needed to be there for Octavia and place his own worries to the side and be there for his little sister “I’m good to go back inside now…. thanks”

 

“No worries Bro” Sasha laughed standing up earning a small smile from Bellamy as he stood up from the wall they were sat on, they both turned and walked back into the courthouse, walking through the hallways they approached the room Octavia and Clarke’s prosecution team had been assigned.

 

 As they approached it Sasha’s attention was caught by a man heading towards the defence’s assigned room as she turned her full attention towards the man she noticed that it was Marcus Kane, the man who was about to give evidence against it his own daughter, seeing the man brought a rush of anger inside herself pushing down the anger inside herself she continued to walk not mentioning it to Bellamy. As they continued to walk to the room they were previously in, Bellamy turned back noticing Kane was near them his body tensed up instantly, his hand balling into a fist as his eyes locked on Kane, the man brought him so much anger inside, he loved Clarke like a sister and knowing her own father could turn his back on her like that made him want to punch Kane’s face in. Seeing the tension and anger fill up Bellamy’s body Sasha instantly places her right hand around Bellamy’s left bicep squeezing it she softly looks at him saying “Now’s not the time, Octavia needs us”

 

At the mention of his sister’s name Bellamy’s whole body relaxed and his facial expression softened as he thought about her, deciding that Sasha was right Octavia needed them both now and getting into a fight with Kane wasn’t going to help anyone at the moment. Walking until they reached the room they had left Octavia in over twenty minutes ago, opening the door they walked inside Sasha entering first as Bellamy entered after her closing the door behind him. As Sasha stepped further into the room Octavia stood up from her chair rushing over to her girlfriend wrapping her arms around her engulfing her in a hug as she buried her face in Sasha’s neck taking in her perfume, as soon as their bodies connected Sasha wrapped her arms around Octavia’s waist worryingly holding her close. After a few moments holding onto Sasha, Octavia released her hold on Sasha pulling back and looking into the older brunette’s eyes as she asked;

 

“What’s wrong O?”

 

“You guys took ages, I thought something had happened”

 

“We’re fine we just needed some fresh air…. sorry we didn’t mean to scare you” Sasha responded as Octavia took hold of her hand and lead her back to the couch they had been sat at beforehand

 

“It’s fine, I just heard Kane’s voice outside then there was a small commotion, I wanted to open the door and check but I couldn’t”

 

“Sorry babe” Sasha apologised again as Octavia leant her forehead onto Sasha’s shoulder closing her eyes for a few peaceful moments until she heard Mr Jacobs clearing his throat, opening her eyes and looking at him she waited for him to speak;

 

“Where is Miss Griffin?” He asked, and as if on cue the door to the room opened and a much more relaxed Clarke walked into the room followed by Lexa, their hands interlocked as they walked to the table, Lexa sat on one of the chairs with Clarke taking a seat on her lap “Ok, now that everyone is here, Mr Kane is due to give his testimony in approximately ten minutes’ time. Obviously Miss Griffin and Miss Blake are unable to watch in on the testimony and I myself will be questioning Mr Kane. Therefore, I would advise that someone stay in here with Miss Griffin and Miss Blake, and anyone else who wanted to see Mr Kane’s testimony would obviously be able to watch from the observation box” Pausing for a second he looked around the room trying to gauge everyone’s response, after a moment he added “This decision is entirely up to you all, if none of you want to see Mr Kane testify then that’s fine as well, anyway I’m going to prepare so I’ll leave you all to decide.” Smiling softly Mr Jacobs picked up his files from on the table walked to the door and opened it walking through it then closing it shut.

 

A few moments went by without anyone saying a word until Bellamy softly asked “What does everyone want to do?” Again silence filled the room as Lexa and Sasha both contemplated what would be better for their respective girlfriends, they both wanted to see what Kane had to say but at the same time neither wanted to leave their girlfriends worrying and alone in a cold wood filled room. Before either of them could voice theirselves Octavia’s voice filled up the room;

 

“I want you to go and listen to him testify” She began gaining Sasha’s attention as she lifted her head from her girlfriend’s shoulder looking her in the eyes “I wanna know what he has to say, and you have insane memory recall”

 

“Babe……” Sasha began before Octavia cut her off again

 

“I know you wanna be here for me, but Bellamy won’t leave my side for one second, will you Bell?” She asked looking over at her brother who shook his head in Sasha and Octavia’s direction “He’ll make sure me and Clarke are ok, if we need anything he’ll be there for us. You and Lexa are better off out there listening in on what Kane has to say” Octavia stopped herself talking looking over at Clarke making sure that she wasn’t speaking on behalf of the blonde

 

“O, is right” Clarke started looking down at Lexa who had her arms wrapped around Clarke’s waist “You both have amazing memories so if there’s anything that might affect what we say or that we should be aware of you both can let us know, plus I wanna know what my dad has to say for himself and if I can’t be in there myself then the next best thing is you being in there” Clarke finished smiling down at Lexa before she leant down kissing her softly before pulling back seeing Lexa give her a small nod

 

“Are you sure about this babe?” Sasha asked looking at Octavia, when Octavia nodded her head she added “Ok, then I’ll do it for you” Octavia smiled at the words leaning forward kissing Sasha softly on the lips before pulling back and whispering a small

 

“Thank you” Kissing Sasha on the cheek she again whispered “I love you”

 

“I love you too” Sasha softly responded leaning forward kissing Octavia on the cheek she pulled back softly saying “Everything will be ok” The sound of Sasha’s voice was more than enough to convince Octavia that everything was going to be ok. Smiling at her girlfriend she watched as Lexa and Sasha stood up looked at each other for a second then walked towards the door both walking through at the same time looking back at their respective girlfriends giving them a small smile each before opening the door and disappearing though it closing it behind them. Closing her eyes Octavia leant backwards resting her head against the back of the couch

 

Sasha and Lexa walked along the corridors of the courthouse until they reached the courtroom they knew the case against Mitch was being tried, stopping in front of the door they were to enter they both looked at each other giving the other a small nod they both knew was a reminder for the other to keep them in line if they looked like they were going to lose their temper at any point. Walking into the courthouse they opted to sit at the back of the courtroom, it allowed them to hear what was being said but also the perfect spot for them to seen everything and everyone in the room. Making themselves as comfortable as they could be on the benches their attention was brought to the door on the right hand side of the court room, watching the door Mitch came into their view, his wrists bounded by a pair of metal handcuffs he was dressed in a black suit with a light blue shirt and a dark blue tie. As her eyes landed on Mitch Sasha felt that all too familiar rage bubbling inside herself, everything about Mitch made her want to smash his face in, what he did to Octavia and Clarke didn’t seem to bother him, nor was the apparent time he was facing in prison, he was still smirking as ever.

 

Taking a deep breath, she leant back closing her eyes picturing Octavia smiling at her with that signature smile she gave her, as always when she thought about Octavia the anger quickly began to dissolve inside her being replaced by happiness and love. At the same time Lexa was doing the same thing except she was thinking about Clarke and her smile, the way she felt sparks rush through her body everytime they touched in anyway. They were both pulled from their thoughts of their respective girlfriend’s when the judge entered the courtroom raising up they waited for their queue to sit, when it was given they sat back down, moments later the same door the judge came through opened up and the jury walked into the courtroom, walking into the jury box and taking their respective seats, they all listened to the judge speak;

 

“I am lead to believe that the defence has added a witness to their list, am I correct in this Mr Wallace?”  


Cage Wallace, Mitch’s defence lawyer, stood from his seat his jet black hair slicked all the way back, his suit Navy Blue without black shirt and blue tie not one crease visible in the suit, running his hand down his jacket suit he cleared his throat before speaking “Yes, your honour”

 

“Then please proceed with calling your witness Mr Wallace”

 

“Yes your honour, the defence calls Mr Marcus Kane” Mr Wallace stated a small smirk forming on his face, the door to the courtroom opened and in Kane walked in his army uniform suit with seemingly not a care in the world even a small smile gracing his face. Walking into the witness box he sat down, his posture immaculate in every way, adjusting his jacket making sure it was without crease as was with most soldiers it was a habit, on base if a superior officer saw your uniform with any part of it out of place they would make a point of giving out some form of punishment.

 

“Mr Kane, please place your right on the bible, your left hand over your heart and read this card” One of the court clergies stated as she stepped forward placing a bible on the ledge of the box, then holding up a card with writing on it.

 

“I do solemnly swear that the evidence I give shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me god”

 

“Please state your full legal name and your occupation for the record”

 

“Staff Sargent Marcus Justin Ian Kane, I am a United States Staff Sargent with the 11th Armoured Cavalry Regiment”

 

“Are you any relation to the defendant Mr sorry, Staff Sargent Kane?”

 

“No I am no relation of the defendant Mr Markers”

 

“Then, how do you know the defendant Staff Sargent”

 

“Mr Markers was one of the many soldiers that train at the barracks I am based at”

 

“And is Mr Markers a competent solider would you say?”

 

“Very much so, his test scores are well above average in every aspect of his training. His communication skills are exceptional and his physical capabilities are second to none”

 

“And other than on your barracks at work, defending this country, have you had much involvement with Mr Markers”

 

“Yes”

 

“And what shape did that involvement come in?”

 

“Mr Markers was in a sexual relationship with my daughter, Clarke.”

 

“Would that be the same Miss Clarke Diane Griffin that is accusing Mr Markers of Aggravated Assault?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Do you believe that Mr Markers assaulted your daughter?”

 

“Your Honour, speculation…the witness’ opinion is neither fact nor matter” Mr Jacobs shouted standing up looking over at the judge and then Mr Wallace

 

“Your Honour, Staff Sargent Kane is one of Mr Markers senior officers, I am simply trying to ascertain whether from his contact with Mr Markers, he believes this assault to have taken place…” Mr Wallace stated as he stepped forward towards the witness box

 

“Overruled…I’ll allow it…continue Mr Wallace”

 

“Thank you your honour, Staff Sargent please answer the question…”

 

“No, I do not believe that Mr Markers was capable of such a heinous crime”

 

“Thank Staff Sargent Kane, and to your knowledge did Miss Griffin have any reservations about dating a man?”

 

“No, why would she?”

 

“So at no point did Miss Griffin…. I believe the phrase is… come out to you?”

 

“No she did not”

 

“So at no point did your daughter tell you that she did not find men sexually attractive, or that she was only attracted the females?”

 

“No not at any point” As the words left Kane’s mouth Lexa’s whole body let out a small jolt of anger causing Sasha to place her hand over Lexa’s, which was on her left thigh, squeezing it softly keeping her cousin literally grounded.

 

“So just to reiterate Staff Sargent Kane¸ at no point did your daughter Miss Griffin, one of the prosecution, state that she was not willing to commit to a male?”

 

“No she did not”

 

“Thank you Staff Sargent… No further questions your honour”

 

The judge gave a small courteous nod at the Mr Wallace before turning his attention to the prosecution and Mr Jacobs taking a small breath in before stating “Mr Jacobs, your witness”

 

“Thank you your honour” Mr Jacobs took a sip of his water before standing up looking down at his papers before straightening out his jacket suit and taking a small step forward “Staff Sargent Kane, May I ask how your daughter Miss Clarke Griffin came to meet Mr Markers...”

 

“Objection Your honour… relevance...” Mr Wallace stood up waving his hand in the air like it would make his sentence more meaningful

 

“Your honour, I am simply trying to establish whether or not Staff Sargent Kane was a factor in this development”

 

“Overruled…. But Mr Jacobs get to the point… quickly...”

 

“Of course your honour…” Mr Jacobs responded turning his attention back to Kane “Staff Sargent please answer the question”

 

“I introduced them to each other”

 

“Tell me Staff Sargent, why did you introduce them?”

 

“Clarke was heartbroken after a relationship she was in ended, I brought her to an army gathering on barracks in hopes of cheering her up and Mr Markers expressed his interest in her, therefore I introduced them to each other”

 

“Did Miss Griffin show any interest in Mr Markers before you introduced them?”

 

“No she did not”

 

“So it is possible that Miss Griffin simply agreed to talk to Mr Markers to make you, her father, happy”  


“I couldn’t say”

 

“None of us can say for sure Staff Sargent Kane but it is possible is it not?”

 

“Yes it is possible”

 

“The relationship Miss Griffin was getting over was it a short romance?”

 

“No they had been together for numerous years”

 

“So she was in love?”

 

“I believe so yes”

 

“One would believe that after being in a relationship for numerous years, one is almost certain to be in love are they not?”

 

“I suppose so”

 

“You suppose so… this is your daughter we are talking about after all, nobody knows a child better than their parents, So I’ll ask again Staff Sargent Kane, was Miss Griffin in love with the person she was in that numerous year relationship”

 

“Yes” Kane released letting out a frustrated sigh

 

“This relationship she was in, was it with anyone you knew”

 

“OBJECTION....” Mr Wallace interrupted “This is meant to be about Mr Markers character, this isn’t about Miss Griffin and her father’s relationship”

 

“Your honour I am simply trying to establish whether Miss Griffin and Staff Sargent Kane’s relationship is as perfect as the defence will lead us to believe”

 

“Objection overruled”

 

“Thank you your honour” Mr Jacobs let out smirking as Wallace sat down letting out an angered sigh “So Staff Sargent please answer the question”

 

“Yes”

 

“That would be a yes, you knew the person she was in a relationship with?”

 

“Yes”

 

“And could you please state the person’s full name for the record?”

 

“Specialist Alexandra Marilyn Woods”

 

“And how exactly did you know Specialist Woods?”

 

“She was one of the soldiers that worked underneath me”

 

“And other than Specialist Woods, had your daughter dated other women to your knowledge…” When Kane paused hesitantly looking at Mr Wallace, Mr Jacobs added “May I remind you, you are under oath Staff Sargent Kane”

 

“Yes, on numerous occasions she had informed me that she was dating women…. But they were all just phases”

 

“What an odd use of words…. a phase…. So you believed that your daughter wasn’t actually gay even though she had informed you of such in numerous occasions…”

 

“Yes…I mean No...”

 

“Well which is it Staff Sargent, yes or no…. Had your daughter ever told you that she was a gay woman...”

 

 “Yes… but it was a phase, it was all Lexa twisting her mind and making her think she was a homo…”

 

“No further questions your honour…” Mr Jacobs exclaimed noticing the disgusted look on the jury’s face

 

“NO HANG ON, YOU CAN’T DO THAT, YOU CAN’T TWIST MY WORDS” Kane started to shout out, two security officers rushed forward violently grabbing hold of Kane and forcibly removing him from the witness box, as they dragged him off he angrily shouted out “MY DAUGHTER ISNT A HOMO...” He was dragged out through the door by the security officers his voice becoming inaudible to anyone inside the courtroom.

 

Lexa and Sasha watched Kane in disbelief at his outburst, both shaking their heads at the man who seemed to defy everything that a father was meant to be, as the doors swung shut Sasha let out a small “What an asshole…. what happened to a fathers love..” getting a small nod of agreement from Lexa as they turned their attention back to the judge

 

The Judge let out a sigh pausing before turning his attention to the jury “All members of the jury allow me to take this opportunity to apologise for Staff Sargent Kane’s outburst, you will disregard it.” He paused as he turned to look at the defence and prosecution tables respectively “At this time we will recess until the morning, court will recommence at 9am tomorrow morning, I strongly advise that both parties inform their witnesses that outburst such as Staff Sargent Kane’s will not be tolerated in my courtroom”

 

“Yes your honour” Mr Jacobs and Mr Wallace both stated at the same time nodding softly in the judge’s direction as he stood up turning and walking towards the door he had entered via, moments after he had exited the courtroom the jury stood up and exited through the same door. Once the jury was out of the courtroom Mr Wallace tapped Mitch on the shoulder causing the man to turn and walk towards the door he had entered via, a smug smile still evident on his face. Once they were sure he was gone Lexa and Sasha stood up walking through the door they had entered via, Mr Jacobs closely behind them, they didn’t stop until they got to the room they knew Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia were still sat in.

 

Opening the door Lexa and Sasha walked into the room both instantly meet with their respective girlfriends rushing forward and wrapping their arms around them. As Clarke pulled back she looked Lexa in the eyes before leaning up and kissing her lovingly her arms around Lexa’s neck allowing her to pull Lexa’s chest flush against her own, Lexa’s arms wrapping around Clarke’s waist holding them together almost. Their lips meet again this time they stayed connected for a few moments before Lexa pulled back looking lovingly into Clarke’s eyes as Clarke softly asked;

 

“So how did it go?”

 

Lexa remained silent at the question turning to look at Sasha who was holding Octavia in a gentle embrace, her eyes pleading with her cousin for an answer to the question. Seeing the look on Sasha’s face Octavia moved backwards out of the embrace slightly looking up at Sasha

 

“Well, how did it go?” She asked looking her girlfriend straight in the eyes knowing her girlfriend wouldn’t be able to lie to her, she watched as Sasha took in a deep breath her body slumping slightly as she blinked wiping her face with her right hand before looking at Clarke apologetically;

 

“He tried to throw you under the bus Clarke”

 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked, taking a step backwards removing herself from Lexa’s arms and looking from Sasha to Lexa and then back again “Tell me”

 

“He told them that at no point did you ever tell him you were gay, and that you had never told him that you don’t find men sexually attractive”

 

“He actually said that?”

 

“Yeah, he said a whole lot of things along with it to Clarke”

 

“Like what?”

 

“He painted Mitch as the perfect solider and the perfect man, He also stated that he didn’t believe that Mitch was capable of and I quote such a heinous crime, it looked pretty bad until Mr Jacobs got the jump on him and made your pops lose his cool” Sasha stated trying to suppress the smile on her face at the thought of Kane being one upped

 

“How do you mean he lost his cool”

 

“Mr Jacobs asked about your relationship before Mitch and that lead to him having to mention Lexa, and the fact that you’d dated other women before her and when your dad tried the whole it was a phase thing Mr Jacobs shut him down and your dad just flipped, started shouting about his daughter wasn’t a homo, he had to be dragged out of the courtroom by the security guards”

 

“He really had to be dragged out?” Clarke asked not sure what to say or think about what she’d just been told

 

“Yeah, I know you probably don’t wanna hear this but his outburst worked in your favour, you should have seen the jury’s faces they were disgusted”

 

“There not the only ones” Clarke stated the sadness and tears building up inside herself, as she looked at Lexa again

 

“Look, court reconvenes tomorrow at 9am, let’s go home and get some food” Lexa calmly stated as she looked at Clarke noticing the look in Clarke’s eyes. She knew Clarke was struggling with everything she was hearing and it couldn’t be helpful sitting in a stuffy room.

 

“Lex, is right let’s get out of here, go home and try and relax” Sasha added looking at Clarke and Octavia, both of them nodding their heads at them. Turning around and looking at Bellamy who nodded at her confirming he agreed, they all turned to look at Mr Jacobs;

 

“I will meet you all here at 8:30am tomorrow morning, I will brief Miss Griffin for her testimony tomorrow, they will call you into court around 9:30/10am once you are finished, I will brief Miss Blake and the process will repeat itself. But until then I advise going home and trying to relax” Mr Jacobs completed smiling at all people in the room before picking up his briefcase and file and exiting the room closing the door behind them.

 

“You heard the man” Bellamy smiled looking at the others smiling at them both.

 

All five of them exited the room, Sasha’s hand intertwined with Octavia’s, as Lexa and Clarke walked behind them Lexa’s arm wrapped around Clarke’s waist as Clarke’s arm wrapped around Lexa’s waist, her head leant slightly on Lexa’s shoulder as they walked to the car park of the courthouse. As they walked down the last staircase they walked towards Bellamy and Sasha’s cars which were parked in the middle line of cars, as they reached Bellamy’s Ford Fiesta and Sasha’s Lexus they stopped at their respective cars, standing still for a moment they all looked at each other, Sasha was the first to speak;

 

“Bell, would you mind dropping Lexa and Clarke off for me?”

 

“Of course not” Bellamy stated unlocking his car, opening the door and standing leaning on it as he waited for Lexa and Clarke

 

“Hang on, why can’t you drive us home?” Lexa asked retracting her arm from Clarke’s shoulders looking at her cousin

 

“I wanna show Octavia something, I don’t know how long it’ll take and also it’s kind of private”

 

“Ok” Lexa responded not asking anything more, knowing her cousin obviously wanted some privacy

 

“We’ll see you a little later” Sasha softly responded smiling as she watched Lexa and Clarke got into the back seat of Bellamy’s car, moments later the car pulled out and drove towards the exit.

 

“So where are we going?” Octavia asked as she removed her hand from her girlfriends moving around to the passenger’s side eyeing her girlfriend as they both got into the car

 

“It’s a surprise” Sasha smiled looking at Octavia as she started the engine of the car

 

“No clues at all”

 

“No clues babe…well except that it’s just me and you for the next few hours” Sasha smiled as she looked left and right, then pulling out of the space she was parked in driving towards the exit.

 

“Sounds perfect” Octavia honestly smiled unable to take her eyes off her girlfriend as she began wondering where they were going


	38. Shining Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha has a surprise for Octavia  
> Clarke and Lexa get some quality time alone  
> And the Court Case continues

Chapter 38-Shining Light

Octavia and Sasha had been driving for around thirty minutes and Octavia still hadn’t stopped yet, the longer the drive went on the more curious she became as to where exactly they were going. And if she was honest she didn’t care about where they were going as long as they were together she’d be happy and perfectly content. The continued driving for another ten minutes, her eyes staying on Sasha and not moving from her girlfriend. She noticed Sasha look at her for a split second before quickly turning her attention back to the road in front of them, a small smile appearing on her face as she did so, moments later Sasha softly asking;

 

“Why are you staring at me?”

 

“I’m not staring at you”

 

“Yeah you are babe, you’ve been staring at me since we left the courthouse”

 

“I’m not staring at you, you are my woman, I’m just protectively observing”

 

“Protectively observing?” Sasha asked letting out a small laugh as she looked back to Octavia for a mere second, long enough to see Octavia nod her head “You and Lexa are spending too much time together”

 

“Perhaps…. but who else is meant to keep me company when you’re on a run and Clarke is busy sketching”

 

“Valid point” Sasha softly smiled as she took a right turn then a left driving for a few seconds before the car came to a stop “We’re here” She softly stated turning the high beams on before placing the car in standby mode, allowing her to have the beams from the car lights on but also allowing her to turn the engine off. Getting out of the car she smiled as she watched Octavia looking around trying to figure out where they were.

 

Octavia continued to look around seeing nothing but green around her, trees after trees, on top of endless grass that continued on as far as she could see. Her attention was brought to her door when it opened up revealing Sasha behind it holding it open for her. Stepping out of the car she smiled at Sasha as her left hand naturally rested on Sasha’s right hip, as Sasha closed the door behind her she continued to look around taking in everything she could see including some hiking paths she could now see off to the right, she was guessing that this was some sort of nature park, looking to Sasha she softly asked;

 

“Where are we?”

 

“This is Weather park, and really far back over there…” Sasha began pointing to the continuous amount of trees in front of them she continued “Is Mount Weather.” Sasha finished as she walked around to the front of the car with Octavia behind her, both of them stopped in front of her car bonnet.

 

“Didn’t your training involve a Mount Weather?”

 

“Yep, it was the mountain Kane made us climb up and down three times a day, he said it was to improve our cardiovascular skills”

 

“So why are we here?”

 

“It also happens to be a nature park, well to United States Army and Military personnel anyway. They hire it out for private functions and all that”

 

“Again why are we here?”

 

“I hired it out for the night”

 

“You did what?” Octavia asked turning to look at her girlfriend before stating “That must have cost you a fortune”

 

“Not really no, I have a friend who helps with the bookings and seeing as I’m a veteran and I was injured in the line of duty, he managed to get the manager to give me a 50% discount on the booking, especially considering I didn’t get the date I originally asked for...”

 

“What Original date?”

 

“I wanted to hire it for your birthday, I was hoping the trail would be over and we could come here and spend the whole day here with Costia and Tristan, and Clarke and Lexa, and basically all the family but they cancelled on me last minute and said this was the only day they had”

 

“You’d do all that for me?”

 

“Of course, you deserve to be treated like the princess you are”

 

“You’re so romantic” Octavia smiled stepping forward until her chest was pressed against Sasha’s, her arms wrapping around Sasha’s neck as Sasha’s arms wrapped around Octavia’s waist

 

“I try” Sasha smiled as Octavia leant forward kissing her softly on the lips before pulling back her forehead resting against Sasha’s as their lips hoovered over each other’s “So, the plan is you get changed, then we eat some food which should be here soon, and then we relax and enjoy nature whilst watching a film...”

 

“A film? …. how are we going to watch a film in the middle of the forest?” Octavia sceptically asked looking at her girlfriend before looking around the field they were in

 

“Don’t worry about that, you get changed I’ll handle everything else” Sasha responded as she untangled her arms from around Octavia’s waist smirking as she walked to the boot of her car, Octavia followed behind her intrigued to find out what her girlfriend was up to. Stopping next to Sasha she smiled when Sasha handed her a small rucksack, opening it up to find some of her joggers and a t-shirt inside, as she looked back to the boot she noticed a projector and what looked like a projector screen making her smile a little more, as her attention turned back to Sasha she noticed her girlfriend removing an army t-shirt from the boot as she removed the button up shirt she was wearing to put the t-shirt on now it made sense to her why Sasha was wearing looser jeans than normal, turning her attention back to the boot Octavia was about to ask what was going on when she heard another vehicle approaching them seeing a red truck driving towards them, she would have felt nervous if she hadn’t seen the smirk on Sasha’s face, she watched as her girlfriend walked off towards the truck shouting at the people inside it;

 

“What took you so long... your twenty minutes late, you were meant to have it all set up...” She smirked as Lincoln and Ritchie jumped out of the truck,

 

“Sorry Sash…someone got us lost” Ritchie apologised looking at Lincoln who simply smiled at them and responded

 

“Hey I knew where I was going…..mostly” He laughed walking over to Sasha and hugging the woman softly before realising her “Come on let’s get this fixed up then” He huffed out as he and Ritchie made their way to the back of the truck removing numerous poles and a massive white sheet, she watched as Sasha, Lincoln and Ritchie went about placing the poles through some parts of the white sheet, after a few minutes she took the opportunity to jump inside the car and change thankful for the blacked out windows in the back, once she was dressed she jumped out of the car noticing that they had placed all the poles and were now slowly beginning to hammer the end of each pole into the ground tying it down and completing the action on all of the poles until the material formed into a small gazebo that covered the whole of the car and the ground around it. Octavia couldn’t help but smile at how much effort Sasha seemingly had put into this night. She continued to watch as Lincoln lifted small cement blocks from the back of the truck and placed them next to the four corner poles tying them to the poles as well, in case the wind picked up, they all then worked together to set up the projector connecting it to a weather protected electrical outlet not far from the car, then placing the projector on top of the car, they set up the screen making sure the picture was in focus.

 

“Right we’re all done, we are going to leave you lovely ladies to it” Ritchie softly smirked as he walked forward wrapping his arms around Sasha “Don’t be a stranger Woods” He added patting her softly on the back

 

“I won’t I promise…we’ll catch up soon” She softly replied, before moving over to Lincoln wrapping her arms around the bigger man, feeling him squeeze her softly “We’re fine Linc, honestly stop worrying” She whispered into his ear, as he pulled back she noticed the genuine smile on his face as he looked at her

 

“Thanks…see you soon Sash” He added before turning and walking towards his truck with Ritchie jumping in the passenger’s side, once the truck was out of sight Sasha turned around seeing Octavia smiling at her she couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her own face. Sasha was about to speak when a bike drove towards them, it pulled up in front of Sasha stepping off of the seat before removing a bag from the box that was on the back of the bike, walking over to Sasha the delivery man handed the bag to Sasha who removed some money from her back pocket handing it to the delivery man asking “The other order is being taken care of correct?”

 

“Yes ma’am, one delivery to this address and another to Ark Apartment Complex on Vermont Avenue correct?”

 

“Yeah that’s perfect. And the other delivery man knows I’m paying now?”

 

“Yes Ma’am”

 

“Brilliant, thank you” Sasha smiled as she handed over the money that was in her back pocket “There’s a tip in there for both delivery men”

 

“Thank you very much Ma’am” The delivery man happily said as he counted the tip Sasha had given.

 

“Your welcome. Have a good night” Sasha smiled as the delivery man smiled turning around placing his helmet back on before jumping onto the seat and turning the engine back on, driving back the way he had entered. Sasha turned around looking at Octavia who was still standing at the boot waiting for her. Walking over to her she placed the bag of food in the boot while she reached inside revealing a black bag, opening it up she pulled out two knives, forks and spoons, before pulling out a thick blanket that was inside the bag walking around to the driver’s seat she opened her car door turning the car off standby mode the headlights of the car turned off as the steering wheel collapsed forward into the dashboard, quickly removing the pillows she had hidden in the foot space behind her seat earlier on after Lexa and Clarke had gone into the courthouse with Octavia, she began moving the seats around until they formed a makeshift bed then throwing the blanket over the seats she placed the pillows next the headrest of the back seats, she climbed back out of the car walking back to Octavia she smiled at her holding her hand out;

 

“Your carriage awaits me lady” She smiled as Octavia took her hand and walked in the direction Sasha guided her in, as she looked inside the car noticing the effort Sasha had gone to she stood back up looking at Sasha

 

“You really did all this for me?”

 

“Of course I did, I know how stressed you’ve been and while it’s a few days early I thought that maybe this would help to relax you a little…” Sasha paused softly biting her lower lip “You know, just you me and a film nobody and nothing else”

 

“Thank you…” Octavia replied leaning forward and kissing Sasha lovingly on the lips, pulling back she smiled as she said “I don’t deserve you”

 

“You do, you just don’t see it” Sasha reaffirmed before motioning to the seats behind them “Come on climb in” Octavia smiled at her before turning and doing as she was told and climbing into the car moving to lay on the passenger’s side of the car, she was slightly amazed at how comfortable it was with the seats placed as they were.

 

Once Octavia was inside the car Sasha moved to the boot, removing the bag of food and the cutlery from the boot her eyes caught the box she had placed inside the bag, sighing softly she zipped the bag shut and closed the boot hoping Octavia hadn’t seen the box, walking to the driver’s seat she climbed into the car closing the door behind her careful not to spill any of the food or drop the cutlery she had in her hands, once she was sat next to Octavia she opened the bag removing the food from inside it, after she worked out which was which she handed Octavia the food she’d ordered for her before placing her own on her lap, placing the sides she had ordered on her lap as she removed the drinks she had ordered as well handing Octavia her drink, her favourite Orangina, she then handed Octavia one set of Cutlery before looking at Octavia seeing the smile on her face, reaching into her pocket careful not to knock any of the food from her lap, retrieving her phone from her pocket she pulled up the app that connected wirelessly to the Projector that was sitting on top of the car, opening it she selected the first movie she had downloaded for them to watch watching as the movie started playing on the screen in front of them;

 

“Pocahontas…. are you serious Sash?” Octavia excitedly as she instantly recognised the movie playing

 

“Yeah, I know it’s your favourite Disney film so I thought why not”

 

“My favourite movie and my favourite Indian food…you are amazing” She completed smiling brightly as she leant forward kissing Sasha softly, their lips staying connected for a few seconds before Sasha pulled back looking at Octavia softly saying;

 

“I didn’t go to all this effort to have it ruined by a make out session…. come on eat and watch the film”

 

“Yes Ma’am” Octavia smirked giving Sasha a small salute before turning her attention back to the film on the screen in front of them, silently thinking about how lucky she was to have someone love her as much as Sasha did.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment

Lexa and Clarke had just been dropped off at the apartment by Bellamy it had taken them about thirty minutes to get back to the apartment which wasn’t bad considering how care the apartment was from the courthouse, they hadn’t said a word to each other the whole journey, Lexa and Bellamy spent the journey talking about what tomorrow was gonna be like along with talk about Grounders and how Bellamy wanted Sasha and Lexa to come back due to security sucking at their jobs, Clarke just sat in the back holding Lexa’s hand and thinking about the day mainly about her father and why her being Gay was so bad that he sided with the man that beat her black and blue literally, she didn’t understand any of it why would her dad do that, why didn’t her mum talk him out of it, why didn’t either of them tell her that he was going to testify as a character witness, there were so many questions she didn’t know the answer to so many that she needed the answer to. Lexa didn’t push her to talk or to do anything else instead she just walked in front of Clarke up the flights of stairs that lead to her and Sasha’s apartment. She didn’t walk to far in front of Clarke but also didn’t walk to close to her either, she just wanted to give Clarke space to think without her having to feel like she had to hold her hand or that there was any pressure for her to do anything but process what her dad had done.

 

As she reached the door she noticed Clarke was coming up the last step of the staircase, turning her attention back to the door she placed the key in the door unlocking it and opening the door, holding the door open to held the door open for Clarke, who walked past her giving her a small ‘thanks’ as she walked past her. Closing the door placing the latch on she turned around seeing Clarke sitting on the couch removing her shoes and jacket placing them on the side of the couch, walking over she picked up the shoes and jacket placing them in their designated places near the door. Removing her own boots and jacket she walked over to Clarke sighing softly as she sat down next to her, looking at her girlfriend she could see the tears building in Clarke’s eyes, gently reaching her hand over to take Clarke’s hoping it would give her a small amount of comfort. Not moving another inch, she moved just looked at their connected hands, minutes later she looked to Clarke as she did is was like the flood gates opened and all of a sudden Clarke was in tears her body shaking softly as the sobs began to control her. Gently pulling Clarke towards her she wrapped her arms around her holding her tightly and lovingly.

 

They stayed like that for about thirty minutes not saying a word to each other, Lexa letting Clarke get all of her emotions out without worrying about having to talk things through, it was a times like this that she was thankful she didn’t have a dad to turn against her, her heart broke for Clarke thinking about how hard this had to be for her to have her dad turn her back on her. How could any father turn their back on their child for something they couldn’t control, she was brought out of her thoughts when she felt Clarke move against her chest, looking down at Clarke seeing her tear stained face she reached down wiping the tears away smiling softly at her, Clarke smiled back before sniffing softly sitting herself up looking at Lexa she spoke;

 

“I’m sorry”

 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for” Lexa smiled as she reached stood up walking into the kitchen grabbing some tissue before quickly walking back to sit in front of Clarke, handing her the tissue she smiled at her.

 

“This is hardly the most romantic sight is it” Clarke stated looking at Lexa as she used the tissues to wipe her face

 

“Don’t be silly Clarke, you can cry in front of me, that’s one of the perks of being in love”

 

“I suppose so”

 

“There’s no suppose about it, love is a marvellous thing babe” Lexa smiled winking at Clarke, the comment mixed in with the wink brought a smile to Clarke’s face as she giggled softly moving forward closing the space between her and Lexa, lifting her legs fully onto the couch she curled into Lexa as Lexa wrapped her right arm around her shoulders holding her firmly.

 

“Your truly amazing Lex, your like this shining light in the mist of all the darkness”

 

“Firstly Clarke that was extremely poetic, and Secondly I know I am…it’s a genetic trait” Lexa smiled looking down at Clarke, who smiled up at her before leaning up and kissing her softly on the cheek her lips lingering for a second before she pulled back smiling at Lexa before resting her head on Lexa’s chest again, they relaxed into each other’s embrace, Lexa could feel Clarke’s right hand playing with the material of her shirt. They were both pulled out of the silent moment when the buzzer rang. Standing up Lexa walked over to the intercom pressing the button she asked “Who is it?”

 

“It’s Green’s takeaway Ma’am we have a delivery for Lexa”

 

“I didn’t order anything” Lexa answered slightly confused not knowing what was going on

 

“The order was placed by Miss Sasha Woods, she said to deliver to this address as well, she told us not to take no for an answer Ma’am” Lexa smiled at the delivery man’s words, she knew that was one hundred percent Sasha especially the demand not to take no for an answer

 

“Ok I’ll buzz you up” Lexa softly answered pressing the button to unlock to door, allowing the delivery man to enter the building, waiting at the door she heard a faint knock on the door, opening it up she smiled at the delivery man noticing the bag in his hand she asked “How much do I owe you?”

 

“It’s all paid for Ma’am, including the tip. She said not take any money from poor little Lexa” The delivery man smiled from under his cap trying not to laugh, holding the bag in the air for Lexa

 

“That sounds like my cousin” Lexa said as she smiled taking the bag of food from the delivery man

 

“Your cousin is a very generous woman, I hope you enjoy your meal and the rest of your evening ma’am” The delivery man politely stated as he turned around heading towards the staircase

 

“I will and thank you” Lexa shouted after the delivery man who turned and smiled at her before continuing down the stairs disappearing from her sight, smiling and softly giggling to herself as she closed the door relocking the latch as she did so. Turning around her eyes feel on Clarke who was staring at her lovingly whilst biting on her bottom lip slightly, crunching up her face in confusion she looked at Clarke asking “What are you staring at?”

 

“You”

 

“Well that was obvious but why?”

 

“Maybe I just like staring at my, what is it you say, that’s it…my woman”

 

“That may be true but you don’t usually stare at me”

 

“The view I had was too tempting to pass up”

 

“The view?” Lexa asked amused walking forward placing the food on the table as she sat down next to Clarke, her right hand resting on the back of the couch as she looked at Clarke she raised her eyebrows at her girlfriend

 

“Let’s just say that your army suit leaves little to the imagination” Clarke responded smirking as she leant forward kissing Lexa softly on the cheek before pulling back

 

“Imagination? …. I think you’ve seen every part of me there is to see Clarke, I don’t think you need your imagination anymore” Lexa replied smirking at Clarke raising her eyebrows at her, wriggling them a few times as she held in her laugh

 

“You’re so funny Lex”

 

“I know…its genetic too”

 

Clarke couldn’t help but smile and softly laugh at the comment, she’d missed having proper alone time with Lexa, they spent time alone but mostly that meant they would make out in Lexa’s room on Lexa’s bed and when they’d get too heavy she’d break the kiss and make up some excuse about wanting to watch TV and then they’d spend the rest of the night with Sasha and Octavia watching TV or some film. Stopping herself getting too lost in her own thoughts she forced herself to look away from Lexa, her attention turning to the bag on the table;

 

“What is it?” Clarke asked seeing the wheels begin to turn in Lexa’s mind so before the brunette could get the words out she spoke “Don’t you dare say food”

 

“Damn it, you know me too well” Clarke nodded softly and laughed at the comment “It’s Chinese, it would seem that my lovely cousin ordered us food as a surprise while her and Octavia do whatever they are doing”

 

“That was nice of her”

 

“Yep, she has her moments” Lexa smiled before leaning forward and beginning to remove the food from the bag, one container at a time.

 

“I’ll get the knives and forks” Clarke smiled standing up and walking away, as she did Lexa couldn’t help but follow Clarke with her eyes, her eyes stayed firmly locked on Clarke’s ass with every step she took, as Clarke reached the door she turned back noticing Lexa looking she asked “What are you staring at?”

 

“Nothing, just enjoying the view” Lexa smirked as Clarke laughed and disappeared into the kitchen, re-emerging moments later with the mentioned cutlery in her hand along with a few pieces of kitchen roll, walking back to sit next to Lexa she smiled at her girlfriend before handing her one set of cutlery, then placing the kitchen roll on the table. “Sasha went all out, she even brought us drinks” Lexa laughed softly as she handed Clarke the 7up that was in the bag smiling at her before pointing to the food she had checked whilst Clarke was in the kitchen, she had quickly worked out that her cousin had ordered Clarke’s favourite and her own favourite for them along with a side of Curry sauce and prawn crackers.

 

“I love your cousin” Clarke softly said as she picked up the container Lexa had pointed to leaning back on the couch before beginning to eat, she didn’t normally like eating on the couch but right now just wanted to relax and prepare for tomorrow night

 

“Do I need to be jealous?” Lexa asked raising her eyebrows as she did as Clarke had done moments ago and sat back on the couch with her own food

 

“Never in a million years” Clarke smirked winking at Lexa as she watched Lexa smile and carefully lean forward grabbing the remote control and turning the TV on so they could watch it whilst they ate, Clarke continued eating enjoying the happiness she felt inside at this precise moment in time, she had thought she could be this happy and relaxed the day before she was due to give evidence

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weather Park

Sasha and Octavia had watched Pocahontas all the way through the film gaining both of their attentions for the whole film, they had finished their food and placed all the rubbish into the bag the food came in before Sasha opened the door and placed the rubbish outside, when Octavia had given her an unamused look she retrieved the bag from outside placing it in the small space between the pedals of the car and the driver’s seat, she then told Octavia that if the car smelt she had to buy her air freshener for the car, which had led to Octavia promising she would before they both turned their attention back to the film. Sasha now had her phone in her hand looking through all the films on her list unable to find one she thought they would both like;

 

“Babe please just pick a film” Octavia said, she’d been watching Sasha as she was sat up looking through films on her phone for the last ten minutes

 

“Hey, don’t rush me, because if I pick one you don’t like you know you’ll get all upset and moody with me” Sasha stated raising her eyebrow smugly looking at Octavia

 

“Fine, but can you be quick please”

 

“GOT IT” Sasha excitedly let out as she looked at Octavia smirking before pressing play on the film “You are going to love this film”

 

“Am I?” Octavia asked laughing when Sasha nodded her head before shuffling back and laying back next to Octavia, kissing her softly on the cheek before making herself comfortable on the makeshift bed. She couldn’t help but watch Octavia’s face as the title picture for the film rolled, seeing the smile on Octavia’s face as she turned to her “The Rocky Horror Picture Show…” She smiled looking to Sasha “I’ve wanted to see this for ages”

 

“I know, and I can’t have you being a bad lesbian”

 

“How does bad lesbian come into this?”

 

“Any lesbian that hasn’t watched Rocky Horror is a bad lesbian in my books” Sasha laughed out seeing Octavia’s expression

 

“Your ridiculous” Octavia laughed when she realised Sasha was joking, leaning in she kissed Sasha on the lips softly before turning her attention back to the screen, feeling Sasha’s hand resting naturally on her thigh, the feeling sent a rush through her body one that she had missed for over the weeks that had passed, Sasha would very rarely rest her hand on any part of her body through fear it would upset her or make her feel uncomfortable. Not wanting Sasha to remove her hand she kept her attention trained on the screen in front of them, wrapping her arms around Sasha’s left arm the same arm that belonged to the hand that was resting on her thigh, snuggling into Sasha a little more as Sasha’s hand moved a little higher on her thigh, it didn’t bother her one bit in fact it made her feel more relaxed, resting her head on Sasha’s shoulder she smiled to herself, giving the movie in front of her all of her attention.

 

Just under two hours later and the end credits of the film ran up the screen, Octavia sat forward stretching her arms and upper body as she let out a yawn, once she’d stretched she looked back at Sasha who was looking at her with raised eyebrows anticipating her opinion of the film. But she didn’t say a word to her she just smirked at her grabbing Sasha’s phone unlocking it going through the films on the already open app, picking Ghost she sat back placing the phone between her and Sasha she could feel Sasha’s eyes on her, when Sasha went to pick up the phone between them she placed her hand on top of Sasha’s stopping her picking the phone up;

 

“Babe, come on we’ve watched this film hundreds of times” Sasha moaned out, leaning back slouching more as she let out a small huff of air

 

“It’s a classic”

 

“But you cry everytime babe, it makes no sense”

 

“It reminds me of us”

 

Sasha’s face instantly filled with intrigue as she asked “How does it remind you of us?”

 

“You remember we watched it on our first official date”

 

“I remember that, and I remember you forcing me to watch it”

 

“I did, but we’d been together for two months and it was Christmas and you wanted to watch it as well so don’t pretend you didn’t” Octavia let out turning and facing Sasha moving closer to her until their faces were only a few inches from each other’s

 

“I’m not pretending about anything babe; I’m just saying you watch this film too much…”

 

“Well maybe you should distract me then…” Octavia huskily stated continuing to look into Sasha’s eyes as she bit her lower lip

 

“Distract you huh...” Sasha asked raising her eyebrows at Octavia who nodded and her softly, Sasha smirked softly before leaning forward and kissing Octavia their lips connecting softly, Octavia straightened her back up deepening the kiss slightly after a second or two she felt Sasha’s hand retract itself from her thigh, knowing exactly why Sasha had moved her hand she moved forward more inch by inch until she was straddling Sasha the older woman's hands still not coming into contact with her thighs or any other body part of hers.

 

Sitting backwards breaking the kiss, her head nearly hitting the roof of the car as she did so, she looked at Sasha “You can touch me, I’m not going to break”

 

"I know I just….”

 

“Don't wanna push me, I get it, but if you don't place your hands on some part of me I may be forced to go back to watching the film”

 

The comment did as intended and Sasha let out a smile and a small laugh of relief before nodding and leaning into Octavia recapturing her lips this time a little more passionate than even she expected it to be, the kiss as moments before lead to their bodies moving closer to each other’s, this time Sasha’s hands came to rest on Octavia’s thighs as she heeded Octavia's warning, as they continued to kiss as the minutes went past the harder she was finding it not to love her hands around to Octavia’s ass, Octavia’s hands had found their way to rest on her neck gently gripping just above her collarbone

 

More time passed with their lips staying connected to each other's every now and then Octavia would deepen the kiss and her hips would naturally thrust into Sasha’s causing the orders brunettes hands to twitch against Octavia’s thighs causing Sasha to clench her hands into a fist before unclenching them placing them on Octavia’s thighs again. They continued to kiss as Sasha felt Octavia’s hands move down her arms until they were on top of her hands, she felt the confusion rise inside her when Octavia gripped her hands and lifted them up guiding them around until she rested them on her backside as soon as Octavia let go of her hands Sasha broke the kiss leaning backwards so she could look at Octavia properly before she could speak Octavia beat her to it;

 

“I’m fine ok…. I know it seems like a big jump, but it isn’t for me, everytime we kiss things feel different each kiss it’s like a breakthrough, me and Dr Jaha have been talking about sexual feelings after the attack, I told him how I felt when we were kissing and he told me that it’s natural and that the worse thing to do was block them out. He said if it feels right then go with it….” Octavia paused moving her hands down to hold Sasha’s hand in place again as she continued looking Sasha in the eyes “This feels right, the last few make out sessions we’ve had I finally started to feel what I used to feel, it finally feels normal kissing you and having your hands on me, I’m not saying that I’m ready to go all the way again because I don’t think I am, but I am ready for you to be more…. hands on”

 

Sasha paused for a second taking in all the information Octavia had just told her she slowly let out a smile before smirking at Octavia and repeating “Hands on…” When Octavia nodded her head at the words smiling softly she added “I think I can handle that” Sasha smirked leaning forward recapturing Octavia’s lips with her own, her hands squeezing Octavia’s ass softly electing a small moan into the kiss from Octavia, the sound made Sasha smile a little into the kiss, her hands enjoying being on Octavia’s ass again, the kiss continuing on as the film playing in the background was forgotten by the both of them.

 

 

Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment

Clarke and Lexa had finished their food and had begun watching a documentary about war that Lexa had been waiting to watch, after Clarke began to comment on how backwards war was her and Lexa’s conversation had become slightly heated leading to the both deciding to stop watching it and to place something else on, they went for the new Netflix original programme The Get Down, about a third the way into the first episode Clarke made a comment about how she wished she could have become a famous singer, which lead to Lexa making a playful comment that Clarke would need to be able to sing first to become a famous singer, both comments lead to both women playfully hitting each other with Lexa holding back on each playful hit a little more than normal, after a few hits Clarke had straddled Lexa’s thighs and lap holding Lexa’s hands with her own above Lexa’s head, the motion caused for her and Lexa’s faces to end up a mere inch away from each other’s the playful mood in the air suddenly changing and becoming a more serious one as both felt the lust rise inside them;

 

“What are you gonna do now Solider?” Clarke asked trying to ignore the building lust inside herself, hoping the fire that was spreading throughout her entire body, into places she didn’t want it to spread at the moment, would burn out if the mood in the air changed. She didn’t know if Lexa was ready for them to start making love again and she wasn’t going to push her in anyway.

 

“Well civilian there are numerous plans of actions I could execute, I could stand up and perhaps drop you, then I could thrust my hips up which would break your grip on my hands or I could just execute the Woods Family favourite...” Lexa reeled out staying close to Clarke, so much so her breath was brushing over Clarke’s skin

 

“And what might that be?”

 

“Are you sure you want to know?” Clarke didn’t verbally answer the question instead she nodded her head softly, seeing this Lexa smirked leaning forward slowly until her lips connected with Clarke’s, Clarke instantly kissed her back pushing against her slightly until her back was pressed firmly against the back of the couch, the kiss continued on the passion in them both seeping into the kiss until a minute or so later Clarke’s hands released Lexa’s moving slowly up her arms until they were at her cheeks pulling the brunette into the kiss even more. All of a sudden Lexa pushed gently against Clarke’s chest breaking the kiss causing Clarke to look at her in confusion “To answer your question that is what I’m gonna do now, civilian” She finished off with a smirk as she held her hands in between her and Clarke’s chests, Clarke looked at her shocked slapping her softly on the arm “Ouch, you started it”

 

“And I’m ending it to…” Clarke started as she went to get off of Lexa’s lap only to be pulled back down and held in place by Lexa

 

“Oh come on babe, don’t be a sore loser….” Lexa stated smirking softly at Clarke, who continued to pout at her “Come on Clarke” Still the pout stayed firmly on Clarke’s face, Lexa softly giggle leaning forward kissing Clarke softly on cheek right next to her ear before whispering “I’ll make it all better” Without another word she softly began placing kiss after kiss along Clarke’s jawline, the sensation from the kisses caused Clarke to bring her hands up the grip onto Lexa’s shoulders softly, clinging to the material of Lexa’s shirt. Lexa continued to kiss along Clarke’s jawline continuing until she reached Clarke’s chin placing a soft kiss on Clarke’s chin she moved her mouth to hoover over Clarke’s, feeling the blonde’s breathing had become a little heavier, she kept her lips where they were for a second before she was able to move forward and close the gap between them, Clarke beat her to it and leant forwards connecting their lips together

 

The kiss escalated a lot quicker than either of them expected it to as the passion inside them boiled to the surface, it made it ten times harder for both of them to control themselves, while Clarke’s hands continued stayed gripping onto the material at the top of Lexa’s shirt her grip loosening and tightening again every few seconds. Moments later Lexa’s hand had found its way to the bottom of the back of Clarke’s shirts her hand hoovered for a second before it slowly began moving up her hand moving up Clarke’s back as if it had a mind of its own. As her hand came into contact with the strap of Clarke’s bra, it was almost as if coming into contact with Clarke’s bra snapped her back to reality, causing her to remove her hand from Clarke’s back and breaking the kiss looking up at Clarke a little flustered. After a few seconds Clarke took a few breaths levelling her breathing out before she asked;

 

“Why did you stop?”

 

“Because now isn’t the time”

 

“Now seems like the perfect time to me” Clarke smirked catching the unimpressed look in Lexa’s eyes before she brought her hands to grab Lexa’s hands bringing them to rest between both of them as she looked at Lexa “If I felt uncomfortable or like we were moving too fast or it wasn’t the right time I’d tell you, and right now isn’t any of those times, so if you don’t remove my clothes then I’m gonna strip myself in front of you until you lose all control and are blinded by a mist of pure lust”

 

“I….I kind want to see you strip…” Lexa smirked seeing the unimpressed look on Clarke’s face, she watched as Clarke removed herself from her lap, standing in front of her smirking at Lexa as she began to unbutton her shirt one button at a time as slow as she could possibly go, after about thirty seconds and only two buttons being undone, two buttons that revealed Clarke’s cleavage in all its glory, that was as much of Clarke’s attempted teasing as Lexa could take as she stood up placing her hands on top of Clarke’s hands stopping the blonde from continuing, stepping forward until she was only an inch away from Clarke she leant forward pecking Clarke on the lips before pulling back smirking as Clarke huskily asked;

 

“What took you so long?” She added with a small soft giggle as Lexa began to unbutton her shirt as Lexa undid the final button on the shirt, their lips reconnecting as Clarke grabbed hold of Lexa’s shirt pulling her forward she began to unbutton Lexa’s shirt quickly making work of the buttons, swiftly removing the shirt pushing it down Lexa’s arms until the material dropped to the floor, once Lexa’s hands were free from the sleeves of her shirt, she brought her hands back to Clarke’s shirt grabbing the material she peeled it backwards running the material down Clarke’s arms just as Clarke had done with her shirt moments ago, pushing the material until it fell from Clarke’s body onto the floor.

 

Deepening the kiss Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist pulling her into her a little more until their hips connected together, their lips continuing to move together this continued for a few minutes until Lexa used her arms to lift Clarke off the ground by her waist, as she lifted her Clarke wrapped her legs around Lexa’s waist as Lexa hesitated whether or not to carry Clarke to her bedroom, very quickly she decided that would waste too much of her time. Carrying Clarke, the few steps to the couch they were sitting on moments ago, carefully placing Clarke onto the couch she broke the kiss for a second she just looked into Clarke’s eyes the both of them sharing a silent moment, before Clarke leant up recapturing Lexa’s lips using her legs to pull Lexa down onto her even more.

 

Clarke slowly moved her hand from around Lexa’s neck down the brunettes chest, brushing her fingertips over the material of Lexa’s bra, she continued moving her hand downwards until she reached the belt on Lexa’s trousers undoing it she began to unbutton the trousers when BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ rang out through the apartment, Lexa broke their kiss looking back at the door, before she could process the buzzing Clarke turned her head back to her reconnecting their lips together, again the same buzz rung out through the apartment causing Lexa to again break the kiss;

 

“Ignore it, whoever it is will get the message soon enough” Clarke let out the frustration clear in her voice as she tried to pull Lexa back on top of her she let out an annoyed sigh when Lexa held herself up and moved to untangled Clarke’s legs from around her waist

 

“That's rude on so many levels….and it could be important” Lexa said as she managed to untangle Clarke’s legs allowing her to stand up and walk towards the door, pressing the buzzer she asked “Who is it?”

 

“Lexa, Hi, it's um Its Abby….”

 

Lexa and Sasha’s Apartment –The Next Morning

It's was roughly 7am when Sasha opened the door to her and Lexa’s apartment her other hand still interlocked with Octavia’s as her girlfriend walked through the door after her, turning and closing it before walking straight to their respective rooms to get changed for court, Sasha walked Octavia to her room kissing her quickly before turning and walking towards the guest room where all her stuff was, her and Octavia had spent most of the night watching films and making out with some mild touching until they had fallen asleep around 1am and woken up at 6am to sound of Lincolns truck pulling up next to Sasha’s, they quickly disassembled the gazebo and Sasha and Octavia headed back to the apartment thankfully my hitting any traffic. Sasha smiled at the thought of the events of the previous nights as she walked towards the guest room door placing her hand on the handle opening the door she stopped in her tracks when she was meet with the image of a sleeping Abby Griffin, scrunching up her face in confusion she turned and walked until she came to Lexa’s room opening the door without knocking she smirked when she was meet with image of Clarke and Lexa jumping apart both looking kind of flushed, letting out a little giggle she looked at a very unimpressed Lexa;

 

“No need to stop on my account…. I was just wondering what Clarke’s mother is doing sleeping in the guest room”

 

“Firstly we weren't doing anything for you to interrupt...” Lexa started as she climbed out of the covers and walked over to grab her towel “Secondly use the manners you were taught and knock. And thirdly Abby has left Kane”

 

“Wow”

 

“I know and on that note I'm taking a shower” Looking to Clarke she softly said “I won't be long babe” Continuing to walk towards the door where Sasha was standing as Lexa walked past her Sasha smirked winking at Clarke jokingly saying;

 

“I can tag in for Lexa if you want Clarke” Sasha and Clarke both laughed at the comment as Lexa reached forward grabbing Sasha’s neck with her free hand, Sasha closed the door to as Lexa turned her around pulling her towards her until her arm was wrapped around Sasha’s shoulders, squeezing her a little as they continued to walk, smirking Sasha looked at Lexa asking “so things are good with you both?”

 

“Very good, probably as good as things are with you and Octavia….” When Sasha raised her eyebrows at her she added “Staying out all night”

 

“I arranged something for her and I wanted some alone time with her before today, nothing naughty happened…” When Lexa looked at her raising her eyebrows she added “Well nothing naughty by our standards anyway” She laughed as her and Lexa reached the bathroom door

 

“I’m happy for you”

 

“Thanks, I’m happy for you too Twinsy” She smiled as Lexa opened the bathroom door “I’ll see you in twenty” She smirked at Lexa as she watched Lexa wink at her and close the bathroom door, walking to her bedroom she opened the door stopping in her tracks “Fuck Me” She let out unable to hold in the words as her eyes landed on a half-dressed Octavia standing in front of her wardrobe in nothing but her fresh bra and panties, at hearing the words Octavia turned around smiling as she saw Sasha standing in the doorway her mouth slightly open as she looked at her, a few seconds past maybe even a minute before Sasha regathered her thoughts shaking her head softly she stammered out “Sorry um….I um…I….” Sasha shook her head again entering the room closing the door behind her she looked directly at Octavia’s face concentrating on her eyes “I didn’t mean to interrupt…. I ah I just need to grab something to wear…Dr Griffin is in the guest room and I don’t want to wake her”

 

“You don’t need to apologise Sasha…it’s your room” Octavia ventured hoping Sasha would correct her wording and call the room theirs again, when she noticed Sasha’s eyes looking everywhere but down at her half naked body she added “Sorry I’ll cover up”

 

“No, it’s not that its…” Sasha began suddenly snapping herself out of her trance like state “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you THIS naked” Seeing the look on Octavia’s face she added “Not in a bad way…in an I forgot how perfect you are kind of way” Sasha kicked herself inside at how stupid that must have sounded, all her thoughts where instantly pushed to the back of her mind when Octavia’s lips crashed against hers, instantly she kissed her back as Octavia stepped forward pushing their hips together instinctively Sasha’s hands came up landing and resting on Octavia’s bare hips.

 

Minutes passed by until they both pulled back both a little out of breath from the kissing that had just incurred. Looking at each other a little breathless they both smiled, before Sasha took a step back looking down at her hands she removed them quickly not wanting Octavia to experience any discomfort. Licking her lips subconsciously she looked at Octavia softly saying “We better get ready before Lexa and Clarke storm in here”

 

“Your right” Octavia smiled before turning her attention back to the wardrobe she had been looking through moments before.

 

-Thirty Minutes Later-

Sasha and Octavia exited the bedroom walking hand in hand towards the living room, Sasha was wearing skinny black jeans with her Wonder Woman belt, with a plain blue skinny top underneath a plain black waistcoat, she was wearing shiny Black shoes with it, she had opted not to go with a full suit mainly because they made her feel uncomfortable in general and she wasn’t allowed to wear her army suit because she wasn’t there to testify. Octavia was wearing an all-black fitted suit with a fitted blue button up shirt underneath, with shiny black boots to go with it, her and Sasha had laughed about how they unknowingly matched their shirts as they were walking out the room. Walking into the living room seeing Lexa standing in a fitted pin stripe Navy blue suit with a dark red button up shirt underneath a pinstripe black waistcoat over it she just as Sasha had, had opted for shiny black shoes. Clarke was stood next to her wearing something similar the only difference was her suit was a little less hugging on her body and she was wearing Black high heels that gave her an extra inch or two in height. As they stopped in front of them Sasha softly squeezed Octavia’s hand before looking at Lexa and Clarke and asking “Everyone ready?” They all nodded at her, all turning and walking towards the front door somewhat ready for probably one of the worst days of their lives.

 

Courtroom 09:30am

They had all arrived at the courthouse on time, none of them worrying too much about Abby being left behind at their apartment, unknown to Clarke Lexa had written Abby a note explaining where they were along with a spare set of keys and directions to the courthouse, she had no idea how Abby had no knowledge of the court case or of Kane giving evidence but she knew from speaking to Abby the night before that she was deeply upset and shocked by everything that had taken place including Kane giving evidence and subsequently ripping into their daughter on the stand, but she knew that Abby loved Clarke and no matter how much Clarke pretended she didn’t want Abby there she secretly hoped that she’d turn up. And leaving a note was one way of trying to make sure that happened. Once they had gotten to the courthouse they had meet Mr Jacobs and Bellamy in the same room as the day before, he instantly began briefing Clarke on her testimony, and before they all knew it time had flown and Clarke was being called to the stand as Clarke walked to the entrance she had to come through with Mr Jacobs, Sasha and Lexa headed to the courtroom while Bellamy stayed with Octavia in the briefing room, as they were walking they both caught a glimpse of a tallish man with slicked back medium length black hair both instantly looking to each other both believing it was Kane, before they could do anything else the man was gone. Thinking no more of it than mistaken identity they walked into the courtroom this time walking to the front of the court taking a seat right behind Mr Jacobs desk, Mitch and his attorney were already sat at the defence’s table and the judge and jury were just entering the courtroom.

 

Sitting down once they were instructed to they both waited as the judge gave an opening statement along with both sides giving a brief statement as to what the jury were going to see today. A few minutes later the judge cleared his voice looked to Mr Jacobs as clearly stated;

 

“Mr Jacobs, please call your next witness”

 

“Thank you your honour, the prosecution calls Miss Clarke Griffin” On cure the door behind them opened up and Clarke walked through guided to the witness box by one of the security officers, as her father did yesterday she placed her hand on the bible placed her other hand over her heart and read from the card held in front of her.

 

“Good Morning Miss Griffin, could you please confirm you full name and occupation for the court” Mr Jacobs softly spoke

 

Before Clarke could answer there was a loud bang though the courtroom everyone turned their attention to the direction the noise had come from finding out quickly it was the sound of the doors of the courtroom banging together after someone had pushed them opened and then let them go, Lexa and Sasha looked at the door neither sure what to do, as Lexa turned to look at Clarke seeing the look on Clarke’s face as she stared at the person standing at the door………


	39. Misleading Testimony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Octavia both take the stand against Mitch and his defence team

Chapter 39-Misleading Testimony

Clarke’s eyes were glued to the doors that had opened and slammed shut moments beforehand, taking in the sight of her mother standing a few feet away from her, she felt a rush of relief rush over her almost as if she was a little safer and a little more secure in anything she’d say. She was still a little angry with her mother but she genuinely believed her mother when she told her she had no idea what her father had been up to. Seeing the emotion in her mother’s eyes she took in a deep breath letting out a small smile one aimed solely for her mother to let her know she was thankful she was there. In the front row Lexa noticed the smile Clarke had sent in her mother’s direction standing up she walked over to Abby holding her hand out for her, Abby smiled at her thankfully taking hold of the hand offered to her following Lexa to where she was previously sat. As Abby sat down Mr Jacobs cleared his throat and repeated himself pulling Clarke from her own thoughts;

 

“Miss Griffin, please state your full name and occupation for the court”

 

“Sorry” Clarke apologised looking apologetically at the jury the judge and Mr Jacobs, the judge and jury all looked at her softly almost as if offering her a look of compassion and understanding. Taking a small breath in she answered spoke “My full name is Clarke Diane Griffin and I work as a full time Emergency Medical Technician for the Los Angeles Medical Department”

 

“Thank you Miss Griffin, On the night in question Saturday 7th May 2016, can you talk me through the events that took place…” Seeing the hesitation and worry on Clarke’s face Mr Jacobs added “Let’s start with you waking up...”

 

“I woke up around 9am in the morning at Sasha’s apartment, I’d been out with them the night before after me and Mitch had gotten into an argument. I spent a few hours there hanging about with everyone and then I decided to go home to my apartment”

 

“And when you arrived home Miss Griffin what happened?”

 

“I got back to my apartment about 12:30 in the afternoon Mitch was already there waiting for me drinking beer” Clarke began as she removed the watch Lexa had given her years ago from her pocket, gently she held it in her right hand rubbing her thumb over the engraving on the back

 

“How did Mr Markers get access to your apartment? …Did you give him a key?”

 

“No, He told me that my father gave him my spare key”

 

“Did your father give this key with your permission?”

 

“No, that key was for my parents in case I was out of town or there was an emergency of forms”

 

“Once you established how Mr Markers gained entry to your apartment, what happened from there?”

 

“He asked me where I’d been all night, I told him I stayed at a friend’s house”

 

“Which friend’s house did you tell him you stayed?”

 

“Bellamy”

 

“Was there a specific reason for this Miss Griffin, after all Miss Alexis Sasha Woods is indeed your friend correct?”

 

“Yeah she is” Clarke softly answered seeing Sasha smiled at the comment in the corner of her eye before she continued “Mitch didn’t like her, and I knew that mentioning that I stayed with her and my other friends would cause all kinds of problems”

 

“What kind of problems would those be Miss Griffin?”

 

“Mitch and Sasha had a run in at a pub we go to, he made some unwelcome comments and he ended up smashing a bottle over Sasha’s head, when Sasha came to, he antagonised her again and she got the better of him and nearly choked him out. Since then he referred to her as that bitch dyke”

 

“Why exactly is that?”

 

“I’m not sure only he knows but I know he’s never been the most censored person”

 

“How do you mean Miss Griffin?”

 

“Mitch always made it clear that he didn’t like lesbians or Gay people or anyone that wasn’t a straight person. He used to call Octavia my best dyke, or he’d call her the dyke. He found it amusing but he was the only one I think.”

 

“Miss Griffin, did Mr Markers know you had been in relationships with women before him?”

 

“Yes, I told him the first night. I think he got off on it”

 

“What makes you say that Miss Griffin?”

 

“The first time we kissed he made a comment about being a real man because he turned a dyke” Clarke answered as she recalled the conversation she’d had with Mitch after they kissed

 

“So Mr Markers was not a fan of lesbians in general?”

 

“No”

 

“Miss Griffin what happened after you told Mr Markers where you had been what happened?”

 

“He asked me if I had sex with Bellamy, I told him no and he seemed to calm down a tiny amount. He told me he was sorry for the argument we had that he was a little upset because he caught me looking at old pictures of me and Lexa.”  


“Lexa being Specialist Alexandra Woods?”

 

“Yes”

 

“What happened after that Miss Griffin?”

 

“I told him I knew he got angry that it wasn’t the first time, that he was always angry and maybe it was a sign that me and him weren’t meant to be together. He asked what I meant and I told him that we didn’t work together, that we didn’t match we didn’t have anything in common, I wasn’t attracted to him that I only went out with him to please my dad and that he asked me out to get a promotion and that It was best we called it quits”

 

“How did Mr Markers react to this?”

 

“He just said What”

 

“And then Miss Griffin?”

 

“I told him I didn’t love him, that I wasn’t saying it to make him upset or angry but because I wanted to be honest with him, I told that I couldn’t see us ever having sex because I couldn’t see myself wanting to take that step with him. I told that I knew it wasn’t what he wanted to hear but that I couldn’t carry on like we were, being miserable arguing all the time and that we both knew the reason none of it would change”

 

“And what was that reason Miss Griffin?”

 

“I’m gay”

 

“What happened after that Miss Griffin?” Mr Jacobs softly asked walking forward to the witness box so he was stood in front of Clarke stopping her from having to look at Mitch whilst she retold what had happened to her

 

“I turned to walk towards my bedroom, which is just off of the living room, and he grabbed my right wrist”

 

“And then what happened Miss Griffin?” He softly asked looking Clarke in the eyes offering her a soft smile of encouragement, noticing her eyes meet Lexa’s for a second before she took a small breath in and looked back into his eyes

 

“I told him to let me go….” Clarke paused for a second as the images and the physical memory of the beating played in her mind, taking a breath and thinking of Lexa she held back the tears looking at her mother for a split second before continuing “He held onto my wrist even tighter I could feel the circulation cutting off, I pleaded with him again and he let my wrist go, I thought he was going to leave”

 

“And did he Miss Griffin?”

 

“No…. he grabbed me by the throat, I grabbed his wrists trying to get him to let go but I couldn’t, I’d never seen that look in his eyes before, like I was the person he hated most in the world, I remember struggling to breath and he was smiling at it like it was turning him on or something. I kept trying to get him to release his grip on my throat when he punched me in the face, it sent me to the ground I remember being a little rattled I think my head must have hit the floor because I couldn’t think straight everything was blurry and my stomach was whirling around I wanted to try and stand but I knew I probably would just fall back down….” Clarke paused for a second wiping away the tears that had escaped her eyes and were running down her cheeks, looking over to Lexa again she noticed her mother was being comforted by Lexa as she sobbed softly at Clarke’s description, just as her eyes landed on Lexa, the brunette looked up at her softly nodding giving her the courage to complete her account of events “As I turned around I saw Mitch coming towards me, I tried to crawl backwards until I hit the wall he smirked at me and began undoing his belt telling me I didn’t have a choice anymore…”

 

“Was this the end of Mr Markers attack?”

 

“No”

 

“Could you tell the court what Mr Markers did next Miss Griffin?”

 

“He grabbed me by the throat and threw me against the wall, I remember feeling the plaster give way against my back, I fell to the floor and he walked over and started kicking me in the stomach, when I tried to get up he kicked me in the face, the force sent me onto my back and he stalked over to me again undoing his jeans button, I waited until he was close enough then I kicked his knee out, he fell to the ground and as he got back up onto one knee I punched him in the throat, he went down so I got up and ran I didn’t stop until I got to Sasha’s apartment”

 

“Thank you Miss Griffin, May I ask is there any possibility that you are making up this story to help your best friend Miss Octavia Blake’s accusation against Mr Markers?”

 

“No, Firstly I was taught by my parents not to lie especially about things that mean so much and under oath. Secondly I wish I was making it up because all the pain I went through is something I don’t ever want to experience ever again”

 

“Thank you Miss Griffin…” Mr Jacobs gently smiled at Clarke before turning to look at the judge “No further questions Your Honour”

 

“Thank Mr Jacobs…. Mr Wallace Your witness” The judge loudly claimed as he looked to Mitch’s defence lawyer

 

“Thank you your honour” Mr Wallace nodded to the judge standing up and straightening his suit jacket as he walked forward towards the witness box “Miss Griffin, we have heard you talk in depth about how all of this felt for you…. I ask you for one moment to place yourself in Mr Markers shoes, a woman who by all accounts he loved breaks his heart and intoxicated by alcohol he makes a very bad mistake and attacks her. Does that make Mr Markers a bad person? …” He paused looking at the jury before turning back to Clarke “Perhaps it does Miss Griffin, but we have heard numerous people state that Mr Markers is an outstanding officer who has full control of all his faculties, there is no denying that you sustained some serious injuries but I ask you this Miss Griffin…. when you called out Mr Markers name did he respond?”

 

“No, he kept hi….”

 

“Yes or no will suffice Miss Griffin” Mr Wallace stated stone faced as he again said “So Miss Griffin, when you called out Mr Markers name did he respond? …a yes or a no please Miss Griffin”

 

“No” Clarke reluctantly answered

 

“So it could be said that he wasn’t in control…. I mean you yourself stated he was drinking beer which we all know is an alcoholic beverage….it is possible Miss Griffin that Mr Markers was intoxicated to the point he was not in full control of his actions?”

 

“I suppose so”

 

“Indeed…. therefore, that means he was not fully responsibly for anything that happened to you” Mr Wallace smirked, hiding the smirk for a second as he looked at the jury seeing that some of them were buying into his words “Tell me this Miss Griffin, had you ever gave Mr Markers any indicators that you might break up with him before you seemingly did so?”

 

“How do you mean?”

 

“I mean Miss Griffin; did you tell Mr Markers at any point other than that night that you were not happy with him?”

 

“Not in so many words no”

 

“Miss Griffin, please a simple yes or no”

 

“No”

 

“Thank you Miss Griffin. Mr Markers and yourself were in a sexual relationship correct?”

 

“Correct”

 

“But you stated moments before that you were a gay woman, is that correct?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Miss Griffin, to my knowledge being a gay women meant that you did not date men, but however you seem to be the opposite, could you explain to me why you as a gay woman were dating a straight man?”

 

“I um I did for my dad”

 

“So you were using Mr Markers”

 

“No”

 

“But you felt no sexual attraction to Mr Markers and the most you ever did with him is kiss whilst topless is that correct?”

 

“Yes” Clarke responded she’s expected this turn in questioning but she never thought about Lexa having to hear about what exactly her and Mitch had done together

 

“So it is reasonable to think Mr Markers would be extremely upset after finding out that you had indeed been using him to make your father happy and that you in fact never cared for him, and in that state of upset whilst intoxicated and not in full control of his faculties he lost control, is it not?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Let me ask this Miss Griffin, other than when he was intoxicated had Mr Markers ever exhibited signs of violence around you?”

 

“No”

 

“So this could all simply be a break up gone completely bad due to mistreatment of Mr Markers and a high amount of alcohol that exploded into a fight that granted should have never happened, but saying that only happened due to the combination of the before mentioned, is that correct Miss Griffin? …. a yes or no answer please Miss Griffin”

 

“Yes”

 

“Thank you Miss Griffin, no further questions Your Honour” Mr Wallace smirked at Mr Jacobs as he returned to his seat next to Mitch, he sat down continuing to smirk as he looked at Clarke and the jury’s faces

 

“Redirect your honour” Mr Jacobs voice projected through the court snapping Mr Wallace out of his smugness instantly he jumped up

 

“OBJECTION”

 

“Approach the bar” The judge instructed them both, following the judge’s words they walked forward until they were both a few inches from the judge “Explain your reasoning Mr Jacobs”

 

“Your Honour, there seems to be a lot of focus on Miss Griffins sexuality and her misleading Mr Markers with said sexuality, I believe she deserves a chance to explain exactly why she did so”

 

“Your argument Mr Wallace?” The judge asked, only to be meet with silence by Mr Wallace “Objection overruled, please proceed Mr Jacobs”

 

“Thank you Your Honour” This time Mr Jacobs was the one smirking as he walked back to his desk, glancing down at his paperwork he took a small sip of water and turned around to look at Clarke, who was looking at him slightly confused as to what was going on “Miss Griffin, May I ask where exactly you meet Mr Markers?”

 

“We meet at a function on my father’s base camp”

 

“May I ask are you a member of the United States Army Miss Griffin?”

 

“No I’m not”

 

“Then what exactly where you doing on base for a base camp function?”

 

“My dad arranged for me to attend it as his plus one instead of my mother”

 

“That was nice of your father, was there a specific reason your father went to so much trouble to make sure you attended the function?”

 

“He thought I needed it to get over my break up”

 

“And with whom had you broken up may I ask?”

 

“Specialist Alexandra Woods”

 

“Did you end the relationship Miss Griffin?”

 

“OBJECTION…. Relevance your honour” Mr Wallace stood up knowing exactly where the questioning was going

 

“Your honour I am simply trying to establish who made the first move between Miss Griffin and Mr Markers”

 

“Overruled…. continue Mr Jacobs” The judge stated nodding at Mr Jacobs as Mr Wallace sat back down letting out a huh in frustration

 

Mr Jacobs nodded his head at the judge before turning back to Clarke and softly saying “Miss Griffin. Please answer the question”

 

“Lexa broke up with me”

 

“And you were heartbroken yes?”

 

“Yes I was”

 

“And this function took place how long after your break up?”

 

“About a seven months after”

 

“But you were still heartbroken?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Why is that Miss Griffin?”

 

“Lexa was…is the love of my love, she made me feel like I was the greatest person alive, like she’d walk through a million storms just to see me. I’d never felt that with anyone else in my entire life”

 

“So at this function you were not intending to start anything romantic with anyone?”

 

“No and I didn’t”

 

“Hang on Miss Griffin, your father and Mr Markers insisted that you and Mr Markers were dating from that night onwards, is this not correct?”

 

“No it’s not correct”

 

“Then what is the truth Miss Griffin?”

 

“I went to that function with my father, I thought it was just going to be me and him having a father and daughter night, but then he started introducing me as his newly single beautiful daughter to all the guys that were there. I told him to stop but he wouldn’t so when we finally got round to Mitch, he introduced me and we started talking, he was nice charming and seemed level headed, so I agreed to swap our numbers. But I told him I was gay”

 

“And his response was what exactly Miss Griffin?”

 

“He said that everyone was gay until they were wet, I thought he was kidding but now looking back on it I think he was serious”

 

“So who was the first to text the other?”

 

“He texted me that night, but I didn’t respond”

 

“Why not Miss Griffin?”

 

“I was still in a bad place, Octavia and Sasha broke up and she was a mess I needed to be there for her and I was gay I knew he wanted something sexual and I wasn’t looking for that”

 

“So what exactly made you change your mind?

 

“I went to my mother and fathers house for Sunday dinner and when I was there my father told me that he was proud of me for getting over my Lexa phase that he was proud to be my father, he’d never said that to me before, all I ever wanted was for him to be proud, we’re not alike in so many ways, I’ve always been more like my mother wanting to help people medically plus the blonde hair, I never really felt loved by him. He started making some comments about Mitch and what an excellent man he was, how he was perfect for me…and then he asked me to go on with Mitch for him”

 

“So you only ever agreed to go on a date with Mr Markers because your father in effect emotionally blackmailed you into doing so?”

 

“Yes”

 

“And Mr Markers had been told on occasion before you started dating that you were gay?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Thank You Miss Griffin….” Mr Jacobs softly smiled at Clarke “No further questions your honour” Mr Jacobs turned and walked to his desk sitting down in his chair

 

“Mr Wallace would you like to redirect?” The judge asked looking from Mr Jacobs to Mr Wallace

 

“No Your Honour” He solemnly answered looking down at the desk defeated at the fact most of his argument had been dismissed, if Mitch had knowledge of Clarke’s sexuality that took away most of the argument he had just made.

 

“Miss Griffin, you may step down” The judge softly spoke looking down at Clarke who stood and walked out of the door she had come from heading straight towards the room Octavia and Bellamy where in. “We will take a small recess and reconvene at 11:30” With that the judge banged his mallet on his podium stood and exited the room all those in the room rising as he did so.

 

Lexa, Sasha and Abby didn’t wait for anyone else to leave, they stood up and walked to Clarke and Octavia’s defence room, Abby following the two women not really sure where they were going, but as long as it took her to her daughter she didn’t care, she kept following them until they reached a room Lexa was the first through the door followed by Sasha, hesitating she stood still in front of the open door for a moment. Sasha noticed her cease in movement and turned around to face her giving her a small smile she softly said;

 

“It’s fine Dr Griffin, Clarke will be happy to see you” She confidentially informed Abby before turning and placing her arm in the air motioning for Abby to enter the room.

 

“Thank You Sasha” Abby softly responded walking past Sasha placing a thankful hand on her Sasha’s shoulder as she walked past her entering the room her eyes looking around the room taking in her surroundings as she noticed Clarke and Lexa hugging over in one part of the room. She was brought out of her own mind when she heard Octavia call out;

 

“Abby” There was a tinge of excitement in her voice as she stood up from the couch and walked over wrapping her arms around Abby hugging her tightly, Abby instantly wrapped her arms around Octavia embracing the women that was in many ways like a second daughter to her “What are you doing here? How comes you didn’t come yesterday?” Octavia asked as she released her hold on Abby and pulled back looking at Abby

 

“I didn’t know the court case was today, Marcus told me the date had been changed and I haven’t spoken to Clarke for a few weeks”

 

“Marcus lied to you?” Octavia asked getting a small nod from Abby before adding “So you didn’t know he was testifying as a character witness for Mitch?”

 

“I had no idea until I found the letter last night, then I left him and that’s why I was at Lexa and Sasha’s apartment. Lexa kindly agreed to let me stay there until I can get Marcus removed from the house” Abby responded forcing herself not to let any of the tears out.

 

“What an asshole” Octavia let out, suddenly catching herself before looking at Abby and saying “Sorry Abby”

 

“It’s ok Octavia” She softly smiled at the small brunette, before she turned her attention to Clarke who was staring at her, taking a step forward she saw Clarke speak;

 

“How did you know where we were and what courtroom we were in?”

 

“Lexa left me a note, she said a few things in it as well that made me realise that you needed me even if you don’t think you need me, I’m your mother and I failed you by being blinded by my love for your father” She honestly responded looking apologetically at her daughter

 

“You really didn’t know everything that was going on?”

 

“No I didn’t. I didn’t think your father would lie to me about something so serious so when he told me the court case had been moved back I believed him”

 

“I believe you” Clarke softly spoke, her eyes staying on her mother as she stepped forward wrapping her arms around her mother squeezing her tightly “I’ve missed you, mom”

 

“I’ve missed you too sweetie” Abby softly said as she pulled out of the hug she softly ran her hand through her daughter’s hair kissing her lovingly on the cheek, as Clarke leant forward again resting her head on her mother’s shoulder enjoying the comfort it brought her as she looked at Lexa and smiled mouthing ‘thank you’ in her direction to which Lexa simply smiled and nodded her head

 

 

Thirty Minutes Later

Bellamy, Clarke, Octavia, Sasha, Lexa, Abby and Mr Jacobs had been in that room for the last thirty minutes, after a few minutes Clarke had removed herself from Abby before walking over and taking a seat on Lexa’s lap, Lexa was now sat on one of the chairs at the table in the room. Abby took a seat next to her smiling at how happy Clarke seemed to be just being next to Lexa, the two were whispering away to each other what they were talking about she didn’t know but from the blushing of her cheeks that Lexa was trying unsuccessfully to hide that the conversation was of a sexual nature something no parent wanted to think about when it came to their child. She also noticed how much more relaxed Octavia seemed than the last time she’d seen her, after Abby and Clarke had talked and hugged, Octavia had welcomed her girlfriend back in to the room wrapping her arms around her and whispering something in Sasha’s ear that made her girlfriend smile and kiss her softly on the cheek before Octavia grabbed Sasha’s hand gently and pulled her with her towards the couch she had been sat on previously, Octavia sat down pulling her girlfriend with her, Bellamy sat on the other side of Octavia, as Sasha readjusted herself resting her arm on the armrest Octavia wrapped arms around Sasha’s arm and leant on her girlfriend. She couldn’t believe the change in both women in such an amount of time, she had no doubt that it was down to Lexa and Sasha supporting them and for that she would forever be in debt to the women.

 

There was a knock at the door that was answered moments later by Mr Jacobs, he opened it to be meet with the same lady who delivered a note to him the day before taking the note he opened it and read it, smiling softly as he read it. Closing the letter, he nodded softly at the women in front of him before closing the door. Mr Jacobs softly cleared his throat coughing to gain the attention of all the people in the room, his action was successful as all everyone in the room turned their attention to him. All waiting to hear what exactly it was he wanted their attention for, not making them wait he spoke “I just got a letter from the defence”

 

“Saying what?” Sasha instantly asked “Please tell me that dickhead is asking for a plea deal”

 

“No he isn’t” Mr Jacobs answered, looking at Sasha before looking to Octavia and answering the question Sasha had originally asked him “Mr Markers has requested to give evidence next”

 

“What?” Everyone in the room bar Mr Jacobs confusingly asked looking at him

 

“He has asked that himself and Miss Blake switch testimonial times”

 

“And who decides this?” Octavia nervously asked gripping onto Sasha’s arm a little tighter

 

“The judge, I have to go and meet with the judge and Mr Wallace now to hear Mr Wallace’s proposal”

 

“What are you going to say?”

 

“I speak for you and Miss Griffin, Miss Blake, whatever you would like me to is what I will say”

 

“What do you think?” Octavia asked turning and looking at Sasha, who was still leant back on the couch her and Lexa exchanging looks

 

“I think that it’s a good and a bad idea” Sasha honestly answered looking at her girlfriend

 

“Why good and bad?”

 

“It’s good because going first means that whatever you say will be fresh in the jury’s memories along with any emotions that you show, it’s also good because he’s almost inadvertently admitting guilt by asking to say his side first, like a child that tells their mum they did something wrong first to avoid the punishment”

 

“And the Bad idea reasons”

 

“He could be able to convince them beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s telling the truth, all he has to do is play to a certain part of every person that exists” Seeing the look of confusion on Octavia and everyone else’s face’s she explained “Empathy…. All it takes is for a certain amount of them to view him as a solider lost in a whirlwind of addiction and broken-hearted by the big bad lesbian pretending to be straight”

 

“But that’s not how it was” Clarke jumped in defensively as Lexa soothingly rubbed her back

 

“We know that, hell even he knows that, but he doesn’t want to go to prison and the best way to make sure he doesn’t is to get into the jury’s heads and make them able to empathize with him”

 

“And you think that’s what he’s gonna do?”

 

“Yeah. Mr Jacobs just ruined every chance he had of denying that he knew you were Gay or any ounce of doubt the jury had about whether or not you were gay and completely erased everything your dad said, everything that you said made it clear that your dad doesn’t like the fact your gay and did all of this for some reason only he knows”

 

“Will it work? What he’s gonna do will it work?”

 

“It depends on the angle he takes, he can either continue to deny that he knew you were gay or, he can admit that he knew and was I don’t know living in denial of the fact, that’s when the drink would come into it, he could argue that he was drinking so much because he was in love with you and he knew you couldn’t love him back, and then Lexa came back into your life and he went spinning into a circle of alcohol induced mist not knowing what he was doing from day to day”

 

“Will the jury buy it though?”

 

“It depends on how convincing he is”

 

“So it can go either way?” Clarke asked this time looking solely to Mr Jacobs who was still stood in the same place

 

“Yes Miss Griffin. That is why I want you and Miss Blake to be the ones to decide what I say to the judge”

 

“I say let him go first” Octavia quickly and firmly said leaning back onto Sasha

 

Clarke remained silent for a moment before looking to Lexa her eyes beginning for an answer “What do you think?”

 

“This is your decision babe, do what you think is best?” Lexa honestly replied smiling softly up at Clarke

 

Again Clarke went silent for a few moments her eyes staying on Lexa before she closed them thinking through both scenarios that could play out, thinking about the jury’s faces when they were listening to her speak during her testimony, finally finding her answer she opened her eyes looking at Octavia smiling before looking to Mr Jacobs “I’m with Octavia. Let him go first”

 

“Understood.” Mr Jacobs spoke before nodded once at them both, picking up his files from the table he turned and walked towards the door, opening it and walking through it closing it behind himself, leaving everyone in the room in silence

 

 

Courtroom-11:30-Mitch’s Testimony

Sasha, Abby, Clarke and Lexa were sat back in the courtroom watching as Mitch made his way to the witness box, Clarke was sat in between Abby and Lexa, her right arm wrapped around Lexa’s arm as her left hand was holding onto protectively sandwiched between both her mother’s hands, Sasha was sat on the other side of Lexa her eyes locked on Mitch and his every move. Lexa’s free hand was leant on the back of the wooden bench resting behind Sasha’s shoulders ready to hold her cousin back if needed during Mitch’s testimony. Sasha had wanted to stay with Octavia but after a ten-minute conversation with her Octavia convinced her girlfriend listen to Mitch’s testimony and in addition made Lexa promise to keep an eye on Sasha which Lexa obviously agreed to do. She watched as Sasha’s whole body tense up as she continued to watch her. They all watched as Mitch took the stand on placed his hand over his heart and placed the other hand on the bible and spoke;

 

“I do solemnly swear that the evidence I give shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me god”

 

“Thank you Mr Markers” Mr Wallace stated standing and doing his signature of straightening his jacket before walking forward “Mr Markers, could you please state your full name and your occupation”

 

“My Full name is Mitchell Marshall Markers and I’m a Private for the 11th Armoured Cavalry Regiment based at Fort Irwin”

 

“Thank you Mr Markers, is it ok with you if I call you Mitch during this testimony?”

 

“Of course not that’s fine” As the words left Mitch’s lips Sasha shook her head knowing exactly what he and Wallace were planning to do, they were one hundred percent going for the empathy vote from the jury

 

“Thank you” Mr Wallace paused for a second before turning to the jury and asking his next question “Mitch, on the night in question, do you deny assaulting Miss Griffin?”

 

“No” Clarke, Lexa, Abby and even Sasha were all shocked if he wasn’t denying it then what was the point of the court case

 

“So you admit that you did everything Miss Griffin spoke of earlier?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Is there a specific reason for you assaulting Miss Griffin?”

 

“I was extremely intoxicated and when she said all the things she did it confirmed things I’d been thinking for months, and I just lost control”

 

“So you were aware that Miss Griffin was gay?”

 

“Yes I was”

 

“And who told you this Mitch?”

 

“She did”

 

“But you openly went into a relationship with her?”

 

“Yes, it sounds stupid but it’s every guys dream to turn a gay woman and I thought that I had done that”

 

“Thank you for your honestly Mitch.” Mr Wallace softly said as he turned to look at Mitch “May I ask why you asked to testify before Miss Blake?”

 

“I wanted the jury to hear the truth”

 

“How do you mean the truth Mitch?”

 

“I did assault Clarke, but everything that happened between me and Miss Blake was concessional”

 

“So you did not sexually assault Miss Blake?”

 

“No I didn’t”

 

“Would you please tell me what happened that night Mitch?”

 

“After what happened with Clarke I was ashamed with myself, my parents brought me up better than to lay a hand on a woman, so I went for a walk to clear my head, when I came back I thought Clarke might be back”  


“And was Miss Griffin back?”

 

“No, it was Miss Blake. I asked where Clarke was and she refused to answer me”

 

“What happened after that Mitch?”

 

“I was slightly intoxicated, so I went to lay down on couch and she stopped me and told me to leave”

 

“And did you?”

 

“No I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes”

 

“What happened next?”

 

“She poked me and woke me up…. we started talking about a lot of things”

 

“What things were you talking about Mitch?”

 

“Everything, she talked a lot about how Clarke was lucky to have me, we talked about the army and why I joined up. The whole time we were talking she got closer and closer” Mitch paused looking over at Sasha, supressing the smirk inside himself, Mr Wallace was right this was the best defence and seeing the look on Sasha’s face as she supressed her anger was priceless “We kept talking for a while and she kissed me”

 

As the words left his lips Sasha’s body jolted forward causing Lexa to quickly remove her left arm from Clarke placing it quickly on Sasha’s chest pushing her backwards as she used her right, moving it forward quickly wrapping it around Sasha’s neck using it to pull her backwards forcing her to stay sitting. Using her right arm she pulled Sasha towards her until Sasha’s chest was resting slightly against her chest their heads next to each other's, leaning into Sasha’s ear she softly whispered “You need to stay calm” She heard Sasha huff out a breath of anger making her add “For Octavia” She felt Sasha’s body slightly relax as she softly sat back up straightening her back and looking at Mitch making sure she was looking him in the eyes, knowing as soon as he looked her way he’d be forced to look into hers.

 

“After Miss Blake kissed you what happened?”

 

“I pushed her away”

 

“And why was this Mitch?”

 

“She has a girlfriend”

 

“Miss Alexis Sasha Woods?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Are you friends with Miss Woods?”

 

“No I am not”

 

“Then why push back the advances of a beautiful woman?”

 

“Because she’s gay, and no matter whether I like her girlfriend she is a fellow solider, I couldn’t do that to a fellow solider”

 

“So you have no quarrel with Miss Woods’ in fact you respect her enough to rebuff her girlfriend’s advance’s”

 

"None what so ever”

 

“So the accusation of you smashing a bottle over Miss Woods head is false?”

 

“100%, I would never perform such a cowardly act against anyone let alone a woman”

 

“Indeed, so Mitch please continue with your account of events of the night in question? So Miss Blake kissed you, you pushed her back and then what happened?”

 

“She got angry at me calling me a tease, saying I wasn’t a real man because I pushed her away, she kept going on and on so I kissed her”

 

“Did she push you away at any point?”

 

“No” The one word was more than enough to send Sasha over the edge as she began to struggle against Lexa’s arm, which was still around her shoulders, thankfully Lexa held on to her tightly standing up she pulled Sasha with her forcefully until they were at the door, opening it she pushed through the door pushing her cousin into the hallway

 

“What the hell are you doing Lexa?” Sasha instantly asked the anger in her face was clear for Lexa to see, it was a look she’d seen from her cousin on numerous occasions

 

“Stopping you from ruining Octavia’s chance to have her say”

 

“He is making her out to be something she isn’t, how the HELL am I meant to sit there and listen to that, huh? Please tell me because all I want to do is jump that barrier and beat the hell out of him”

 

“You think I don’t wanna do that as well…. because I would love to finish what you started that night, but that won’t solve anything it’ll only make things worse for Clarke and Octavia” Lexa paused for a second moving forward and placing her hands on Sasha’s shoulders “Go and be with Octavia, I’ll go back in and when you’re ready I’ll tell you everything he said”

 

“No, I promised O I’d do this”

 

“She’ll understand, just explain it to her” Squeezing Sasha’s shoulders she leant forward their foreheads pressing gently against each other’s “I’ve got you on this, but this isn’t good for you. Sometimes we have to walk away for our own good” When Sasha lifted her head up looking Lexa in the eyes, the sadness in her own clearer than moments before hand, softly she clenched her jaw before nodding at Lexa “Good, now go see O”

 

“Thanks Lex”

 

“You’re welcome Twinsy” Lexa softly responded hugging Sasha softly before releasing her and pushing her cousin in the direction of the defences briefing room, watching for a second as Sasha walked around the corner towards the room. Turning around she took a deep breath in before walking through the courtroom doors.

 

 

Minutes Later-Prosecutions Room

Octavia and Bellamy were sitting in silence in the room as they had been since the others had left the room, Bellamy couldn’t think of anything to say, nothing that he thought Octavia would want to hear. Octavia on the other hand wasn’t in the mood to talk about anything not because she was over thinking her testimony but more because her mind kept racing back to the night before in Sasha’s car, the feeling that rose in her chest as she felt Sasha’s hands on her again. The feelings of arousal she hadn’t felt for months that came rushing back with full force at one simple gesture from Sasha, a gesture that wasn’t meant for anything other than making her feel relaxed and making her forget about the court case as much as she could. Every now and then she’d feel the smile rush onto her lips each time it was impossible for her suppress, the thought of anything to do with Sasha made her smile uncontrollable, a smile that made her feel like she was an idiot but at the same time, she didn’t care if she did look like an idiot because she was happier than she could have imagined she could be after the attack. There were occasional moments when what Mitch had done would flood her mind and she’s find herself thinking about Sasha again and the memories would flood out of her mind just as quickly. She was brought out of her thoughts when the door to the room opened and she looked up seeing Sasha entering the room she could instantly see that something was wrong, she watched as Sasha walked over and sat down next to her leaving a space between them on the couch, she knew she was right when Sasha didn’t look at her but instead looked down at her knees.

 

“Bell, would you mind giving us a few minutes alone please?” Octavia asked looking up at her older brother who had stood from his seat once Sasha entered the room

 

“Sure, I’m gonna go for a walk” Bellamy responded smiling softly at his sister before turning and walking out of the room closing the door behind himself

 

“What’s wrong?” Octavia softly asked shuffling closer to Sasha until there was no space between them, her right hand coming up to play with Sasha’s braided ponytail “I know somethings wrong” She added seeing Sasha close her eyes and let out a small side smile

 

“I messed up, I’m sorry”

 

“How…. How exactly did you mess up?” Octavia nervously asker, had Sasha slept with someone else because of the whole Raven thing, or was there something else completely

 

“I lost control in there, I couldn’t stand listening to him lie, all those things he was saying they just made something switch inside me….” Sasha paused as she looked up from her hands to her right a small smile gracing her face as her eyes meet Octavia’s, closing her eyes again she continued “Lexa had to push me out the court room otherwise I would have jumped the prick” Catching herself she opened her eyes and looked at Octavia “I’m so sorry”

 

Octavia smiled at Sasha, she was so sure something was going to be wrong between them that it never crossed her mind that Sasha would be upset because of something Mitch said. Standing up she moved until she was gently straddling Sasha’s waist, the older brunette’s hands coming to rest around her waist, as her own rested on Sasha’s shoulders “Look at me” She ordered, instantly Sasha looked up into her eyes “You have nothing to be sorry for, I love you for you and one of the things that makes you who you are is that you care so much for all the people you love, I’m not angry at you because you got upset and angry about his lies, or because you wanted to beat him up because I know it’s because you love me” Octavia smiled down at her girlfriend as her hands began to pull gently at the material of Sasha’s waistcoat. Looking down at Sasha she couldn’t help but feel happy and content in this moment, she didn’t care about anything else in this moment nothing else mattered to her.

 

“I am sorry though, I promised you that I’d stay in there and listen to everything he said”

 

“Look it doesn’t matter to me, in fact I think I prefer that you’re here right now” When Sasha looked at her questioningly so she continued “When you’re with me, it’s like this mass of happiness that I can’t control. All the bad stuff disappears and I can be happy. Sometimes my mind goes back to that night and every single time do you know what I think about?” Sasha didn’t say a word she just looked up at Octavia shaking her head softly, as Octavia’s eyes concentrated on her hands as they continued to play with the material of Sasha’s clothing “I think about us, well you mainly, and things you say or do that make me smile even the way you look at me sometimes, how it makes all the fear inside me disappear”

 

“So you’re not mad at me?”

 

“No” Octavia laughed out looking down at Sasha as her girlfriend looked up at her slightly confused “Your allowed to be angry at him, I know you wanna be strong for me all the time but you don’t have to be. Your allowed to feel things as well you know?”

 

“I know but I just wanna be there for you, I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you”

 

“Yes it’s hard and I get scared. But just because it’s all those things and a million more things doesn’t mean you can’t feel things. You just being here is more than enough for me….” Octavia stopped speaking as she leant forward kissing Sasha softly on the cheek “You make me feel safe, like I can walk on water or walk through the Sahara Desert without any water”

 

“Both those options sound really dangerous”

 

Octavia rolled her eyes gently slapping Sasha on the arm “Shut up, you know what I mean”

 

“I do, but I’m still sorry I didn’t stay in there longer”

 

“Don’t be, because now I get to spend some more time with my favourite person”

 

“And who might that be then?” Sasha joked out seeing the smile on Octavia’s face spread a little wider as she laughed softly at her comment “I love your smile….” Octavia looked her slightly confused by the sudden admission “You said one of the things you love about me is that I care so much, well one of the things that I love about you most is your smile. Whenever I was on tour I had moments when I couldn’t shake this feeling something bad would happen, and then I’d look at my phone and a picture of you and your smile would make me feel better, more grounded I suppose, I remember waking up after I was shot and there you were smiling down at me, a sad smile but a smile none the less. And it made me feel grounded like everything would be ok. I remember seeing…” Sasha paused for a second for as she reached into her pocket removing a set of dogtags from her pocket, seeing the smile on Octavia’s face as she realised they were the dogtags Sasha had given her years ago “I saw these hanging from your neck, I remember the feeling of them touching my skin when you leant down to kiss me”

 

“Where were they? I was looking everywhere for them this morning” Octavia asked as her hand grabbed hold of the dogtags, her fingers running over the engraving as she held them in her palm

 

“I found them in our bed when I was changing the sheets the day before yesterday, I forgot to give them back, and then I found them on the side this morning…Here...” She softly started taking them from Octavia’s palm holding them up in the air by the chain, carefully moving them forward over Octavia’s head as the younger brunette leant her head down a little, feeling the chain come into contact with her skin she looked into Sasha’s eyes, silence filling the air as they looked into each other’s eyes, as her hands held onto the dogtags now clinging to her chest. Still looking into Sasha’s eyes she leant forward stopping herself slightly when she noticed Sasha flinch as her eyes flickered again “And your cleavage...” She started seeing the amused and intrigued look on Octavia’s face “I love your smile….and your cleavage, your cleavage is A... MAZ…ING” She smiled out as Octavia laughed softly at her comment

 

“You like my cleavage?”

 

“I love your cleavage” Sasha responded smiling up at Octavia, who shook her head at her “What it’s nice cleavage”

 

“Almost as nice as your abs”

 

“Only almost though right?” Sasha asked as she smirked, Octavia nodded her head her hands moving to grip Sasha’s waistcoat pulling her towards her as she nodded her head even more and leant forward her lips connecting against Sasha’s, the kiss was soft and gentle, Sasha instantly kissed Octavia back wrapping her arms around Octavia’s waist pulling her against her a little more. Slowly pulling back she looked up at Octavia, the question she had been so close to asking weeks ago on the edge of her tongue, as she took a deep breath in ready to ask hoping Octavia wouldn’t think she was an idiot to choose right now to ask, as she was about to speak the door the room opened up as it did she let out a massive breath of air.

 

Both her and Octavia turned their attention to the door seeing Clarke, Abby, Lexa, Bellamy and Mr Jacobs enter the room, Octavia moved herself from Sasha’s lap to the left of her girlfriend her arm holding onto Sasha’s arm as her head rested on her shoulder, Sasha placed a small kiss on her forehead as she looked at Lexa expectantly asking;

 

“What happened?”

 

She watched as Lexa sighed softly before answering “He tried to rip into Octavia, claimed she was the one that made the move, he then went on to say that this whole thing was Octavia trying to cover this all up from you because she didn’t want you to know she cheated on you…again…”

 

“Hang on again?”

 

“They mentioned a Beth…they obviously don’t know anything about Raven but their trying to paint this picture that O is some kind of sexually uncontrollable lesbian who wanted to have sex with a man, but decided to change her mind last minute and beat herself up to cover up everything”

 

“There’s no way this is a last minute defence”

 

“No way, they probably planned it. Makes sense seeing as Bellamy didn’t get asked to many question about that night and they didn’t rip into me either. I’m guessing this was their plan the whole time”

 

“What else did he say?”

 

“A whole bunch of things about Octavia being promiscuous around him, making sexual comments always telling him he looked sexy and fit. A bunch of rubbish but not anything we can disprove”

 

“So what’s the plan Mr Jacobs?” Sasha asked sitting forward slightly as Octavia moved forward with her

 

“The plan is we stick to what we originally planned, Octavia goes out there and tells the truth, everything that happened unedited. Only this time, I’m letting the defence go first…”

 

“WHAT?” Sasha shouted out “You’re just going to through her to the wolves?”

 

“No, I’m going to let them think I’m throwing her to the wolves, and then when I question her I’ll make sure there isn’t a shred of doubt in their minds, and by the time that time the prosecution won’t be able to do a thing, because they would have waived their right to re-question Octavia for the chance to question her first”

 

“And how do you plan on doing making sure there’s no doubt in their mind?”

 

“I…” Mr Jacobs was about to speak when he noticed the time, the judge had only given him thirty minutes to prepare Octavia for her testimony and he needed the whole twenty-three minutes he had left “I would love to explain this Miss Woods, and I apologise for this but I am going to have to ask everyone to please leave the room so I can prepare Miss Blake for her testimony”

 

Nobody said a word they just looked to each other all of them knowing that this was important, Sasha looked back to Octavia who gave a her a small reassuring nod that she was fine before leaning forward kissing her softly on the cheek, Sasha looked up noticing all the others leaving the room Lexa being the last one, looking at Octavia she softly said “If I don’t get to see you beforehand, just remember when you’re struggling with anything you have to say or relive, just look at me ok?” Sasha softly said, earning a small nod from Octavia, who slowly released a smile leaning forward slightly and capturing her lips with her own, both enjoying the connection for a few seconds before Sasha pulled back looking Octavia in the eyes softly saying “I’ll see you out there”

 

Without another word Sasha stood up nodding softly at Mr Jacobs before walking out of the door closing it gently behind walking off towards where Lexa was standing a few metres in front of her. Walking up to Lexa she stood next to her, her cousin reaching around her shoulders wrapping her arms around her pulling her into a gentle side hug

 

 

Twenty-Seven Minutes Later

Clarke, Bellamy, Abby, Lexa and Sasha were sitting in the same row of seats Sasha and the others had been sitting when they watched Mitch give his testimony they sat in the same order, only now Bellamy was sat on Sasha’s right hand side, they had just watched the judge and jury enter the room and now Mitch was being escorted into the room, he made a point of looking over at Clarke and winking at her, an action which caused Lexa to jolt in her seat only for her to be held in place by Sasha earning her a thankful look from Clarke and Lexa. It was at that point that Mr Jacobs entered the court room, walking past them all he gave a small courtesy nod before walking on to the table that was assigned to the prosecution. They all heard the conversation albeit a small one between the judge and Mr Jacobs, the conversation led to Mr Jacobs calling his next witness, and the final witness in the case: Miss Octavia Eleous Blake. At that point the doors opened as they had done numerous times before hand, and for the first time in walked Octavia she walked down at a steady pace, her eyes keeping on the floor in front of her until she reached the witness box, stepping up inside it she stood as she was meet with a bible and a piece of paper:

 

“Miss Blake, please read out the statement placing one hand on the bible and the other over your heart”

 

“I do solemnly swear that the evidence I give shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me god”

 

Mr Jacobs stood from his seat, taking a small breath in her walked over until he was a few feet away from Octavia “Miss Blake, please state your full name and occupation for the court”

 

“My full name is Octavia Eleous Blake, I’m a professional dancer but I’m also a trained Paramedic”

 

“Thank you Miss Blake” Mr Jacobs paused for a second looking to Octavia giving her a small smile and nod before turning to the judge “Your Honour, as you are aware myself and the defence have come to an agreement that they will question Miss Blake first in exchange for them wavering their ability to re-question Miss Blake”

 

“Indeed I am aware of this agreement Mr Jacobs, I have advised Mr Wallace but he has informed me that he is completely aware of his choice and that his client is also approving of this decision, so Mr Jacobs if you are ready…” Mr Jacobs looked at the judge nodding his approval at him “Then we shall proceed, Mr Wallace your witness…”

 

Mr Wallace stood up wiping his jacket as he always did when he stood it, looking down at the notes he had on the table along with his files and numerous other files on Miss Blake, he felt the smirk rise in himself as he looked at Octavia and thought to himself;

 

‘I’m going to enjoy every minute of this’


	40. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia's testimony continues

Chapter 40: The Truth

Mr Wallace looked down at his papers again before taking a few steps forward each step almost methodical as if he was a snake stalking its prey. The smirk covering his face wasn’t obvious to many but to those that saw it they knew exactly what it meant whatever he was about to say was fully intentional. Taking a deep breath in he approached the jury box, leaning forward placing his hand on the ledge of the box taking a deep breath in scanning the jury noticing eight out of the ten were older in age. Turning his head slightly towards Octavia he looked at her for a few seconds before speaking;

“Miss Blake, can I ask you how you know Mr Markers?”

“He was in a relationship with my best friend”

“That best friend would be a one Miss Clarke Griffin, correct?”

“Correct”

“How long have you known Miss Griffin?”

“Since we were about twelve, we went to all the same schools but we weren’t in the same class until we were about twelve”

“So would you say you two are close?”

“Yes”

“How close would you say you were?”

“As close as all best friends I suppose”

“Are you close enough to lie for Miss Griffin?”

“OBJECTION” Mr Jacobs shouted standing up looking at the judge “Mr Wallace is leading the witness your honour”

“Your honour I am simply establishing how close Miss Griffin and Miss Blake are” Mr Wallace defended looking at the judge 

“Objection overruled” The judge responded, his response made Mr Jacobs sit back down in his seat “But make it quick Mr Wallace”

“Understood your honour” Mr Wallace nodded quickly before turning his attention back to Octavia “So Miss Blake, allow me to reword my question, have you ever lied for Miss Griffin?”

“On occasion yes”

“Could you give us an example please?”

“Sure um…when we were seventeen she went out on a date with a girl in our school called Niylah and she didn’t want to tell her parents so I covered for her”

“How so?”

“I told her parents she was staying with me”

“And she wasn’t?”

“She came over after the date, and stayed the night so we could go to school the next day”

“And did her parents ever find out?”

“No”

“And that was over ten years ago yes?”

“About eight years ago”

“So you have kept a secret for Miss Griffin for eight years?”

“I guess so yeah”

“There’s no guessing involved Miss Blake you said so moments ago, So the next question I’m thinking of is would Miss Griffin do the same for you?”

“I’d like to think so would”

“But she already did didn’t she?” Mr Wallace asked walking towards the desk not stopping until he had his hands on a file, picking it up he opened it removing a piece of paper holding it and walking over to Octavia “Miss Blake, please have a look at this picture” He stated handing it over to Octavia, it was a picture of young Finn Collins with a black eye “Do you know the person in the picture?”

“Yes”

“Could you state his name please?”

“Finn Collins”

“And how do you know Mr Collins?”

“I went to school with him”

“And in the picture what do you see?”

“He has a black eye”

“Do you know how he got this Black eye Miss Blake?” Mr Wallace smirked at her knowing she had only two options lie under oath or tell the truth, he could see the wheels turning in Octavia’s mind, not giving her time to think or decide he added “Miss Blake, please answer the question and may I remind you that you are under oath”

“I punched him” Octavia spoke her voice a little lower than normal

“Could you repeat that a little louder please Miss Blake?”

“I said I punched him” As Octavia spoke again there was a small amount of gasps from the jury along with a few of the older members shaking their head softly

“But in this report…” Mr Wallace stated holding up the light brown folder in his right hand “A report filed by the police and by the school, states that Miss Griffin was the defendant meaning she was the person that and I quote ‘assaulted Mr Collin causing temporary blindness in his right eye’ so please clarify for us Miss Blake who was the actual assailant?”

“I was”

“Then why is Miss Griffin’s name on the police and school report?”

“She covered for me” As she released the words she looked at Clarke who gave her a small smile of support, she knew this was the whole point of Mr Wallace’s defence even if her and Clarke both knew the truth, and she just handed him exactly what he wanted and with it she handed the jury the perfect reason to believe Mitch

“So, Miss Griffin, your best friend was more than happy to lie to the police to protect her best friend, you?” As soon as the question left his lips he noticed the look on Octavia’s face, speaking quickly to make sure that Octavia didn’t have a chance to explain he firmly stated “A yes or no will suffice Miss Blake”

“Yes” She noticed how almost all of the jury shook their heads at her words, feeling the frustration rise inside herself she looked over to Sasha seeing the older brunette had her right arm wrapped around Bellamy’s shoulders and her left hand was holding onto her set of dogtags, as she noticed her looking at her she smiled softly at her winking at her, the frustration disappearing as she concentrated on Sasha’s eyes and the love that was flowing through them. Their exchange didn’t go unnoticed by Mr Jacobs who smiled to himself softly at the two women.

“So Miss Griffin lied to law enforcement to protect you….and how old where you at the time?”

“16 years old”

“So old enough to know better?”

“It’s not that simple”

“Yes or no Miss Blake”

“Yes”

“Thank you” Looking at the jury again Mr Wallace continued “So Miss Griffin has continued to lie to numerous people for eight years’ people who include her own parents regarding this issue, so would it be such a stretch for Miss Griffin to twist what happened to her to support something you claim happened to you?”

“I don’t know”

“Is it possible Miss Blake, Yes or No?” Mr Wallace stated more firmly his voice sounding how a fathers would when he was telling off his child

Octavia let out a massive sigh of defeat as she opened her mouth and said “Yes”

“Thank you Miss Blake” Mr Wallace responded smirking at Octavia’s answer continuing on her spun on his heels turning to face her again, he remained silent for a moment before the smirk on his face spread a little wider as he took pleasure in the next few sentences that would come out of his mouth “Have you ever cheated on anyone you’ve been in a relationship with?”

“I’m sorry” Octavia asked not really understanding where Mr Wallace was going to with the question

“You are in a relationship with Miss Sasha Woods correct?”

“That’s correct”

“You’ve been in a relationship with Miss Woods since you were 20 years old correct?”

“Correct”

“And how old are you know?”

“I turn 25 tomorrow”

“So you’ve been with Miss Woods for five years?”

“We were together for four years; we broke up for a year but we’ve been back together for nearly six months now”

“Why did you break up?”

“She ended it, for personal reasons”

“Oh…” Mr Wallace let out faking a surprised look on her face before continuing “So there wasn’t any cheating involved in your break up?”

“No”

“So Now we both have a better understanding of the question; I’ll ask again Have you ever cheated on any of your partners?”

“Yes”

“Who did you cheat on Miss Blake?”

“Sasha”

“That would be your current girlfriend, who is sitting just over there, is that correct?” He asked as he pointed over to where Sasha was sitting still holding onto Bellamy with a firm arm

“Yes” Octavia responded not able to hold the smile inside herself as she looked over at Sasha, she watched as Sasha smiled at her almost silently letting her know it was ok

“When did this happen?”

“A day before she broke up with me”

“And did you tell her you had slept with someone else?”

“No”

“Does she know now?”

“Yes”

“So when exactly did you tell Miss Woods?”

“Just over a month ago”

“So you lied to her even after you got back together?”

“I didn’t wanna….”

“Miss Blake, please answer with a Yes or No”

“Yes”

“So you lied to someone you love about something they had every right to know, to protect yourself?” Mr Wallace asked turning and looking at Octavia raising his eyebrow before adding “Yes or No”

“Yes”

“So Ladies and gentlemen of the jury I ask you, if she would lie to the woman she loved about something so serious, if she would allow her best friend to cover for her and face criminal prosecution, is it such a stretch that she would make a move on Mr Markers and when…..and when he pushed her back when HE…” Mr Wallace stated pointing at Mitch before continuing “When he rebuffed her sexual advances she panicked, she panicked and decided the only way out was to lie on Mr Markers to save her girlfriend from finding out that she was a serial cheat…” When he noticed Octavia go to defend herself he quickly spoke “No further questions Miss Blake” Smugly turning around to look at Mr Jacobs knowing the Jury had completely brought into every word he said “Your witness Mr Jacobs”

Standing up Mr Jacobs noticed the look on Octavia’s face, he looked at her discreetly motioning with his right hand for her to breath, they had talked about this before and he knew that saying something and then doing it were completely different things. Knowing exactly how to combat what he himself thought was a weak defence on Mr Wallace’s part. Taking a deep breath in he walked forward giving Octavia a small smile of support he opened his mouth and spoke;

“Are you ok to continue Miss Blake?”

“I’m fine thank you”

“Ok, I know you are probably quite upset at the implications that Mr Wallace just made, is that a correct assumption?”

“Yes”

“And why exactly are you upset Miss Blake?”

“Because he didn’t let me explain”

“What exactly is there to explain?”

“OBJECTION YOUR HONOUR” Mr Wallace shouted standing up “Relevance?”

“Your Honour Mr Wallace opened the door, I think it’s only fair that Miss Blake have the chance to tell the whole story”

“Objection Overruled” The judge firmly stated looking at Mr Wallace who let out a sigh of frustration before he sat down

“Miss Blake, as I asked, what exactly is there to explain?”

“The whole situation with Finn was complicated”

“Would you mind explaining the situation to us?”

“Of course not”

“Thank you Miss Blake, please go on”

“At the time that Clarke was arrested her and Finn were dating, one day we were talking and he came up to us acting all jealous, he’d heard a rumour from someone that me and Clarke were sleeping together behind his back, everyone knew I was gay I didn’t care about them knowing because I couldn’t change it and neither did I want to. Anyway someone told him that they saw me and Clarke kissing under the bleachers, which was completely false, he didn’t think in to it he just came and found us straight away, Clarke was hugging me consoling me about some girl not liking me back, and he came rushing up grabbed her arm and pulled her up….” Octavia took a small breath in looking at Clarke who smiled and nodded at her giving her a little more courage to continue “He started screaming at her calling her a dyke and a whole bunch of other names, I grabbed him and told him to let her go he wouldn’t so I followed them and grabbed him again this time I dug my nails into his arm. He let go of Clarke and came towards me, my instinct was to punch him so I did”

“You felt threatened?”

“Yes. Clarke was yelling at him to let her go and when he did there was this look in his eyes and I got scared and punched out to protect myself”

“And how did it come to be that Clarke was the person arrested?”

“None of us wanted the police to get involved but one of the teachers saw it and called the police, so we didn’t have any choice. Once the officers got there they asked what had happened and who hit who and before I could say anything Clarke said she hit Finn. He went along with it, he apologised to me and told me he overreacted, and everytime I’d try and tell the truth Clarke and Finn would stop me. The charges were dropped and nothing more came of it”

“Thank you for explaining that to me Miss Blake” 

“You’re welcome”

“Seeing as we are placing some clarity on subjects Mr Wallace opened up for discussion, you cheated on Miss Woods correct?”

“Correct”

“From sitting there and listening I can’t help but feel there is more to the story, am I correct Miss Blake?”

“Yes”

“So you cheated on Miss Woods the night before you broke up, I’m sure you can understand why the jury would believe you are a liar, but I know you’re not. Therefore, would you please explain for the jury what happened?”

“Sure. We were going through a rough patch, we hadn’t made love for a month which I know doesn’t seem like much but for me and Sasha it was a long time, we used to make love at least every two days, it wasn’t about the sex itself it was about us, at that time me and Sasha were arguing a lot it was like she all of sudden hated me when I’d kiss her she’d pull away quicker than normal, she’d get up half way through the night and when I’d wake up she’d be gone. As it went on it started to hurt more and more she was so different than the women I loved, I could see the love in her eyes but her actions were completely the opposite. The more it hurt the angrier I got, then we went to one of her army friend’s parties and I slept with someone else, the next day she broke up with me after someone told her they saw me kissing someone from her squadron”

“Did you kiss someone from her squadron?”

“No, whoever told her that mistook me for someone else. And I never corrected her”

“Because you had slept with someone else”

“Yes. I’ve never seen her that angry before something inside her snapped and as angry at her as I was I couldn’t break her heart even more than it was already broken”

“Surely she couldn’t have been more heartbroken”

“The person I slept with was her best friend, if she found out she’d have lost her mind. And she would have lost her friend and she didn’t deserve that”

“But she knows now?”

“I told her last month”

“Why did you wait five months to tell her?”

“I didn’t, I told her I slept with someone at the party after a month of us being back together”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to lose her, after finding out what she went through I didn’t want her to find out”

“What exactly did Miss Woods go through?”

Octavia paused for a second looking over to Sasha, not wanting to reveal anything that Sasha didn’t want revealed, as their eyes connected Sasha looked at her nodding her head softly giving her permission for Octavia to tell everyone “She has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, all those times she was being rude to me and would pull away from me was because she didn’t know what was happening to her and she didn’t want to hurt me”

“How did Miss Woods develop PTSD, was it work related?”

“Yes”

“What does she do for a living?”

“She’s a solider in the 11th Armoured Cavalry Regiment, she’s a Private First Class”

“She is in the same regiment as Specialist Woods, Staff Sargent Kane and Mr Markers?”

“She is”

“Interesting. Anyways, apologies Miss Blake we reared of topic a little there” Mr Jacobs stated smiling internally knowing exactly what he had just done, everything Octavia had just said would make the jury feel a personal connect to Octavia and Sasha. “You were saying that you didn’t tell Private First Class Woods about your one night stand with her best friend because you didn’t want to lose her, correct?”

“Yes”

“But you did at some point tell her you had a one-night stand?”

“I did, I wanted to come clean to her but I didn’t want her to lose her best friend because of one stupid drunken mistake”

“And did she forgive you?”

“Yes, she did.” Octavia couldn’t help but look at Sasha and smile at the mixture of a smile and smirk on her face 

“And you’ve since told Miss…sorry Private First Class Woods that the person you slept with was in fact her best friend?”

“Yes”

“And how are things with you?”

“As good as can be I suppose”

“How so?”

“Since the attack we haven’t made love or done more than kiss, everytime we move a little further it’s like I get pushed back because I think about his hands on me how he hit me, and I have to stop”

“And is Private First Class Woods ok with stopping?”

“Of course she is, she isn’t like that she wouldn’t force me to do something I didn’t want to do”

“Of course she isn’t, I didn’t mean to imply she would”

“I know, I’m sorry”

“It’s not a problem Miss Blake, everyone understands your only human and all of this...” He paused for a second motioning around the whole courtroom “Is a little much for you. I couldn’t help but notice when Mr Wallace was asking you questions that you look over at Private First Class Woods, may I ask why?”

“She helps me keep my mind focused”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean…. she’s like the port in a storm. She takes all the bad weather, all the emotional and physical strain and she doesn’t leave my side no matter what, if I’m having a bad day she’ll hold me in bed for hours without expecting anything from me not even conversation” Octavia paused for a second as her eyes caught Sasha’s and a smile spread across her face, she didn’t realise it but that was exactly what Mr Jacobs was after the more the jury saw that they were both in love and that they were actually people with feelings the better. “She’s always there when I need her, even if it’s just to sit there so I’m not alone, she makes me smile just from being in the same room as me”

“Have things always been like that between you both?”

“From our first kiss she’s been there no matter what, I told her I hated spending Christmas with my mom and whatever stepdad I have that week, and on Christmas day she turns up at my mom’s apartment and invites me to her family’s dinner, it was the best Christmas I’ve ever had it was the first time I ever watched the film Ghost. She was always doing small things like that to make me smile”

“That sounds amazing Miss Blake, so it’s safe to say you love Private First Class Woods?”

“Yes, I love her a lot”

“I love you too baby” Sasha shouted out, looking behind her pretending that it was the woman behind her, her outburst only seemed to work in their favour when all of the jury laughed softly smiling at Sasha and then at Octavia who’s smile had formed into a small shy smile, even the judge was trying to hide his smile “I’m sorry” Sasha shouted out holding her hands in the air as Lexa shook her head and Clarke, Bellamy and Abby laughed softly at her

“At the time of the attack, were things as you stated, were they ok between you both?”

“They were great, I found out a while before that Sasha was going to propose to me before she broke up with me, and the day before Mitch attacked me I found out she’d had my name tattooed on her hip”

“So things were more than ok between you then? Especially if Private First Class Woods had your name permanently placed on her body”

“They were; they were going great”

“I’m sorry to have to do this Miss Blake, but I think it’s important that everyone hears your version of events from the aforementioned night. We know that Mr Markers and Mr Wallace would have the jury believe that you came onto Mr Markers but it is only fair you have your say, are you ok to speak about that night Miss Blake?”

“Yes”

“Let’s start with why you were at your apartment alone?”

“It was my apartment; I didn’t think there was a reason or cause to not go there alone. I needed some clothes to change into, Sasha asked me to stay over for a few more nights to spend time with her and her little sister, Costia” Octavia’s face filled with a smile at the mention of Costia’s name “I ran out of clean clothes so I decided to get a cab back, Sasha wanted to drop me off but I convinced her I’d be ok in a cab, so she walked me downstairs and made sure I got in the cab”

“What happened after that Miss Blake?”

“I got to the apartment door opened it, nothing seemed to be out of place everything was normal until I walked in to the living room”

“And what did you notice?”

“There was an indent in one of the walls like someone had been thrown into it, there was blood on the floor and some of the furniture was tipped over”

“What happened then?”

“I looked into Clarke’s room and I couldn’t see anything in there so I assumed that she’d left for some reason. Something felt wrong so I decided to just get my stuff and try to call Clarke on the way back to Sasha’s apartment. I turned around and Mitch was standing there. He asked me where Clarke was, I told him I didn’t know that’d I’d only just got there. He called me a liar, I told him he needed to leave because Clarke wasn’t there. He refused to leave so I thought I could just leave and find Clarke without anything getting too escalated.”

“And what happened when you tried to leave Miss Blake?”

“He stood in my way, I tried to move around him but everytime I tried to get past him he blocked my way, so I tried to pull out my phone to call Sasha”

“Did you manage to call Private First Class Woods?”

“No, before I even had a chance to unlock my phone he grabbed it from me and threw it on the floor, it landed near Clarke’s bedroom door so I went to go get it”

“Did you feel like you were in danger at that point?”

“No. I knew he’d been violent to Sasha and yeah he made me feel uncomfortable at times but I didn’t think I had anything to fear from him”

“What happened next Miss Blake?”

“I knelt down to pick it up and he came up behind me as I stood up, as I turned around he grabbed my phone, dropped it and then kicked it to the side, before I had a chance to do anything he pushed me against the wall next to Clarke’s bedroom door”

“Did he say anything as he was doing this?”

“He said that he was going to teach me how to be straight”

“What happened after that?”

“He held me against the wall I tried to get away and he laughed at me, he said he was going to make me suffer for ‘teasing’ him over the six months he was with Clarke.”

“Once he said that what happened Miss Blake?” 

“He threw me onto the floor, I managed to get my phone as I hit the floor and he laughed at me, grabbed my phone from me and started taking pictures of me as he laughed, it was like he was possessed or like he was getting turned on by it. I grabbed my phone from me again when I tried to call Sasha and punched me on my jaw. I hit the ground and then I started to see flashes of black. I couldn’t control it, it was as if someone was constantly turning the lights on and off, it was so hard to concentrate on anything but the flashes” Octavia paused as the tears ran down her cheeks

Mr Jacobs took a small breath in, moving towards Octavia he removed the hankie from his jacket handing it to Octavia as she wiped the tears from her cheeks he softly asked “Are you ok to continue?” When Octavia nodded her head at the question he asked “What happened after this?”

“The next thing I knew I was on Clarke’s bed; I knew it was hers because of the layout of her room. Mitch was on top of me, he was saying something but my ears were buzzing so I couldn’t hear anything. I began to struggle against him and I managed to hit him a few times but he didn’t move at all. It seemed to amuse him because he smirked down at me but I could see the anger in his eyes, I shouted at him to get off me and he just laughed again”

“What happened after that Miss Blake?” Mr Jacobs asked, his face soft and filled with compassion as he looked to the jury seeing that all of them were glued to Octavia

“He a…” Octavia paused for a second wiping away more tears that had fallen from her eyes, looking to Sasha she exchanged a look with her girlfriend who smiled softly at her, the smile giving her the strength she needed to continue, taking a deep breath in she closed her eyes for a second before exhaling and continuing “He ripped at my top, then he moved his hands downwards and began to rip at my jeans until the button came off, I remember that through the buzzing in my ears I could still hear the button hit the floor.”

“Did Mr Markers stop there?”

“No he didn’t”

“What happened Miss Blake?”

“He shoved his hands into my pants and down my panties, He ummm” Closing her eyes again she paused as everything she felt that night came rushing back to her, swallowing back everything she was feeling she pictured Sasha’s hand in her own, her hand shoot up to grab a hold of the dogtags that were hanging around her neck she held onto them tightly opening her eyes “He started rubbing his hand up and down my vagina, I started to scream out and fight back so he placed his hand over my mouth and pressed his knee into my right hip. He said he knew that I wanted him and I was pretending to be in love with Sasha, he pulled his hand out of my pants and began to undo his own pants. As he was undoing his pants I took the opportunity and I bit his hand that was covering my mouth, it only made him angrier he looked like he was going to kill me, that’s when the front door open”

“Did that stop Mr Markers?”

“No, in fact it seemed to turn him on even more, he pressed his hand down hard on my hip and pushed his pelvis into mine and started grinding his hips into mine. He brought his head closer to mine like he was going to kiss me so I head butted him and he fell off of the bed onto the floor and that’s when my brother walked into the room”

“What happened after this Miss Blake?”

“Mitch tried to run out but Bellamy tackled him and started hitting him, I stood up and everything felt to fresh and real I couldn’t take it, when Bell came towards me I couldn’t stay there anymore so I ran to my bedroom”

“Once you were in your room what did you do?”

“I took of my clothes, I felt so dirty and violated I couldn’t stay in them. Then I just sat on the floor leant against the wall”

“How did you end up back at Private First Class Woods’ apartment?”

“I’m not sure, Sasha told me but I don’t know first-hand”

“Your brother, Mr Bellamy Blake, stated for the record that he called Private First Class Woods to inform her of what happened, that would explain how she came to be at your apartment, what happened once she arrived at your apartment?”

“I heard a knock at the door, and then I heard her voice I stood up and let her into the room, I couldn’t see anyone but her”

“Why not Miss Blake?”

“She makes me feel safe”

“But doesn’t your brother make you feel safe too?”

“Yeah he does, but it’s in a different way. With Sasha its pure it’s not because of DNA she chooses to protect me, as soon as I heard her voice I knew I was safe and that she’d protect me no matter what”

“Once she was in your bedroom what happened?”

“She sat with me for a while, and then she just held me and let me talk when I was ready. I was in pilot mode but she got me up and dressed me after Bellamy told us the police were with Clarke at Sasha and Lexa’s apartment. Once she got me dressed we walked to the car, she held my hand the whole way and she didn’t let me go unless she had to”

“Thank you Miss Blake, that must have been extremely hard for you to say” Mr Jacobs turned around catching Mr Wallace looking at him with a full scowl on his face, looking at him an idea popped into his head, Mr Wallace made it clear that Mitch apparently was lead on by Octavia “Miss Blake did you have any interaction with Mr Markers without Miss Griffin present before this incident occurred?”

“Not much but a few times we were alone yes”

“Did anything happen that made you feel uncomfortable around him?”

“He would make comments about my sexuality, he’d call me a dyke and then tell me I was teasing him. And that one day if him and Clarke weren’t together he’d make a real woman out of me”

“Thank You Miss Blake, have you ever had sexual attraction to men?”

“OBJECTION” Mr Wallace shouted standing up holding his arms in the air as he looked at the judge “RELEVANCE YOUR HONOUR”

The judge looked to Mr Jacobs awaiting his response to the objection “Your honour, Mr Wallace claims Miss Blake was leading Mr Markers on that in fact she made an advance to him, I feel it only fair to establish if Miss Blake is in fact attracted to men, surely that would help the jury tell which version of that night is in fact true”

The judge paused for a minute looking at the jury as he took a few moments inside his own head to think over what he believed as best, looking at an expectant Mr Wallace and Mr Jacobs he opened his mouth to respond “Objection overruled. Proceed Mr Jacobs”

“Thank you your honour” Mr Jacobs responded nodding softly at the judge before turning to look at Octavia “Miss Blake, I’ll repeat the question. Have you ever been sexually attracted to men?”

“No”

“Not even when you were younger, perhaps when you were a teenager?”

“No never”

“I’m sure you can understand how this might sound from someone else’s point of view how that would be unbelievable. Perhaps you could explain it further for us, if you wouldn’t mind of course, would that be ok with you Miss Blake?”

“Sure” Octavia responded taking a deep breath in before looking at the jury and then to Mr Jacobs speaking softly she explained “Growing up I didn’t have a stable home life my mom was always drunk and with some man who was only with her because he was drunk and she’d put out. My brother Bellamy did the best he could to make everything normal for us but I always knew something wasn’t ok, that’s why I thought that not being attracted to men was normal for everyone. When I was thirteen I realised that I felt for girls the way I should for boys, that everything people would explain as their feelings for their boyfriends, the way Bellamy said he felt about his girlfriends was how I felt about girls. I never said anything because I knew my mom wasn’t big on gay people in general. It got to me one day so I spoke to Bellamy and he explained it and what it meant for me, everything made sense why when I was younger I’d imagine my wedding but the person I married would always be a blur, looking back it makes so much sense to me now what it all meant.”

“So you’ve never even kissed a man?”

“Never”

“How old were you when you had your first relationship with a girl?”

“I was seventeen”

“Have you dated many women?”

“No. I’ve dated five women”

“How many have you had sexual intercourse with?”

“Two”

“And one of them is Private First Class Woods, is that correct?”

“Yes”

“Can I ask why?”

“OBJECTION…. RELEVANCE” Mr Wallace stood up waving his hands in the air at the judge 

“Your honour Mr Wallace claimed Miss Blake lead Mr Markers on that insinuated Miss Blake was promiscuous, I feel it only fair that Miss Blake be able to clear this insinuation up”

“Objection overruled” The judge simply commented he didn’t need to think this time; he could tell the only reason Mr Wallace was objecting was because he could see his case falling apart with Octavia’s answers, looking at Mr Jacobs he gave him a simple nod to continue with his questioning

Mr Jacobs nodded back to the judge turning to look back to Octavia softly stated “Allow me to reword my question Miss Blake, is there a reason you have only had sexual intercourse with two women?”

“There is”

“Would you please explain the reason to us Miss Blake”

“It never felt right with anyone else, no matter how far we’d get whether it was them touching my breasts or doing other things, it never felt right with them”

“How do you mean, right, Miss Blake?”

“Whenever we’d get to that point when it would turn into intercourse, It’d feel wrong like I had to stop so I would”

“But it wasn’t like that with Private First Class Woods?”

“No, it was different. Even from the first kiss everything felt different even when we shook hands everything was different to anyone else I’d ever dated”

“How so?”

“When she introduced herself to me we shook hands, and I felt these sparks rush through my body I’ve never felt it before or with anyone else since then. And our first kiss was out of this world that spark was insane I couldn’t control it, whenever I was around her I’d get the same feeling through my body whenever she’d touch me, and the butterflies were ridiculous everytime she’d look at me it was like an explosion inside me”

“And Private First Class Woods was the first women you had sexual intercourse with?”

“She was, yes”

“And other than your girlfriend who was the other person you had sexual intercourse with?”

“Her best friend Raven Reyes”

“And you had sexual intercourse with Miss Reyes for what reason?”

“It sounds stupid but it was revenge, for Sasha being so horrible to me and I was angry and really drunk, looking back now it was so stupid I wish I’d just talked to her and got her to tell me what was wrong”

“So with Miss Reyes it wasn’t like it was with your girlfriend?”

“No it was the opposite, I don’t even remember most of it. With Raven it was rushed, sloppy and drink fuelled”

“And with Private First Class Woods?”

“It’s not about sex or rushing things. It’s making love every touch every kiss every word means something”

“And even though you risked losing your girlfriend the woman you love; you came clean to her regarding your sexual encounter with her best friend Miss Reyes?”

“Yes”

“Why Miss Blake?” 

Octavia looked over to Sasha not knowing exactly how honest she should be, her and Sasha had talked about this the night before and Sasha told her that she thought it was best to keep out the part where she read Raven’s text and just told a version of the events that wasn’t one hundred percent true but was at least a partially true “Raven’s ex Anya came into the picture again, she knew about me and Raven and she wanted us to tell Sasha. When she threatened us it became too much and we decided to tell Sasha the truth. So that’s what we did”

“How did she react?”

“She was angry and upset. But a day or so later she told me that she didn’t want to lose me, and that she forgave me”

“She sounds like an exceptional woman”

“She is”

“So how comes she doesn’t want to testify?” At the question Octavia had to suppress the smile from spreading across her face, as the way Mr Jacobs had been asking her questions in the way and order he had been asking her 

“She does”

“But she isn’t on either of the witness lists”

“She was blocked from testifying by the army”

“Why would the army stop her giving testimony?”

“There’s things that they don’t want revealed about Marcus Kane that anyone questioning Sasha would unknowingly end up revealing””

“Things that Staff Sargent Kane wouldn’t want revealed?”

“Yes”

“Something that Staff Sargent Kane would perhaps go to great lengths to cover up”

“Perhaps yes”

“Lengths such as slandering his own daughters name?”

“Yes”

“From your experience Miss Blake, was Staff Sargent Kane ok with Miss Griffin’s sexuality?”

“No he wasn’t. He would always call me a dyke whenever I was around, he used all those words that homophobic people use all the time”

“Thank you. Miss Blake.” Pausing for a second he looked to the jury seeing all the looks on their faces looks that said they believed every word that Octavia was saying. “One more question Miss Blake, what Mr Markers did to you was any of it ok by you, was any of it consensual?”

“No it was not. He forced himself on me” Octavia stated for the first time looking at Mitch and looking into his eyes making sure he knew his time was up. When she didn’t look away from him when she didn’t show him any fear and when he looked at the jury it was like a switch went off inside him and Mitch erupted from his chair

“YOU LYING BITCH” He shouted out as Mr Wallace tried to push him back down onto his seat, Shrugging Mr Wallace’s hands off of him he pushed him back with his left hand, kicking his chair back with his legs he moved around the table looking at Octavia shouting “YOU WANTED ME YOU DYKE BITCH” Taking another step forward he was stopped by the security guards of the courthouse grabbing him and forcing him onto the floor, the two guards pulled him roughly to his feet dragging him towards the exit, as he looked over to see Bellamy being held back by Sasha who looked just as angry as him looking at them he smirked shouting “SHE DESERVED EVERYTHING I GAVE HER” He continued to shout the same sentence over and over again until his voice was drowned out as the doors closed shut.

Mr Jacobs looked at Octavia sympathetically before looking to the judge and softly saying “No further questions Your Honour”

“Thank you Mr Jacobs. Miss Blake you may step down” He softly smiled down at Octavia who nodded thanking him before stepping down from the witness box and walking off with the two new security officers who walked her through a different door than the one she came in through. Waiting until Octavia had left the room he spoke “Ladies and Gentleman, please disregard Mr Markers outburst moments ago. It is at this point that you, the jury, will retire to your chambers to come to a decision on whether or not Mr Markers is guilty of the accused crimes, I advise you all to take your time, think about all the evidence provided to you and the testimonies you have heard over the last two days, it is important that you all come to a decision on which you all agree. We will reconvene when you have reached a decision. Thank you all. You may retire to your chambers” 

Without a further word all members of the jury stood up and walked towards the door that led to their chambers. Once they were all gone the judge stood up and walked to the same door walking through it as everyone stood why he did so. Once the judge was out of the court room everyone began to filter out of the courtroom, Sasha, Clarke, Abby, Lexa and Bellamy all stood up walking out, Sasha was walking in front of them egger to find Octavia and see if she was ok. Walking out of the room she looked in the direction of the room she knew Octavia would have been walked to, as she walked towards it she heard her name being called ignoring it she assumed it was Lexa or one of the others calling after her. She kept on walking until she reached the room opening the door within seconds Octavia was in her arms before she even had a chance to step into the room properly as Octavia jumped into her arms wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck as Sasha’s arms instantly wrapped around Octavia’s waist holding onto her tightly, after a few moments Sasha pulled back looking down at Octavia she asked

“How are you feeling?”

Octavia smiled at the question as she softly answered “I’m ok. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, but I’m glad it’s over now” Leaning up she kissed Sasha on the cheek before adding “But thank you for asking”

“ALEXIS SASHA WOODS” Sasha’s face contorted as her name was shouted out from behind her, looking at Octavia raising an eyebrow as if asking if she was actually hearing what she thought she was, removing her hands from around Octavia’s waist as Octavia removed her arms from around Sasha’s neck, Sasha turned around her face filling with surprise as her eyes feel on the owner of the voice

“Ma”


	41. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of the Wood's Family turn up at the court house to show support to Clarke and Octavia

Chapter 41-Family

Sasha stood looking at her mama not understanding why her mama was there right now, she’d made a point of not telling her the time and date of the court case mainly because she didn’t think having more people around would make it easier for Clarke and Octavia to go through what they were. So how her mama was actually there right now she had no idea but she knew from the look in her mama’s eyes that she was in trouble and she was guessing it was for not telling the truth. As she stepped closer to her mama she finally found her voice;

 

“Mama, what are you doing here?”

 

“I’m here to support Octavia” Madilyn firmly stated walking past her daughter walking to Octavia her arms open, Octavia took a few steps towards her hugging Madilyn as the older woman wrapped her arms around her squeezing her tightly, before pulling back her hands moving them to either side of Octavia’s head looking her in the eyes as she asked “How are you doing?”

 

“I’m fine Madilyn” She replied a small smile on her face as she noticed the unsure look on Madilyn’s face she added “It was really hard but I’m ok. Especially now it’s almost over”

 

“You’re sure”

 

“I’m sure” Octavia responded smiling as Madilyn leant forward kissing her softly on the cheek

 

“I have a surprise for you”

 

“A surprise?”

 

“Yes” Madilyn smiled before walking back through the door giving her daughter a firm look making sure she knew she was in trouble, as she was just outside of the door she motioned with her hand for someone to come to her. Smiling brightly, she watched them until seconds later Costia came running into the room, dressed in black jeans, a purple button up shirt, Black shoes and a black denim jacket.

 

“TAVI” Costia excitedly shouted as she ran past her big sister ignoring her completely until she reached Octavia, who caught her, as she jumped into her arms. Octavia lifted the little girl of the ground smiling as Costia clung to her chest her small arms wrapping around Octavia’s neck squeezing her tightly wrapping her legs around Octavia’s waist. Octavia couldn’t help the massive smile that spread across her face as she hugged the little girl she thought of as a sister tightly. After a few minutes had passed Costia pulled back her small hands resting on the back of Octavia’s neck as she pushed herself back looking at Octavia excitedly saying “I missed you Tavi” She let out with a small giggle and a massive smile;

 

“I missed you too Cos” Octavia responded leaning forward kissing the little girl on the cheek before peppering her face with quick kisses causing Costia to wriggle around in her arms before she giggled loudly leaning forward resting her head on Octavia’s shoulder.

 

“So that’s how it is huh Mini Me? Not even a hello to your big sister” Sasha laughed out, her sentence gained Costia’s attention as she turned her head in Octavia’s arms to look at her big sister

 

“Hi Ali” Costia softly said smiling as she waved at her big sister who tried and failed to keep a straight face

 

“Hi Mini Me” She replied stepping forward leaning down and kissing her little sister on the cheek before stepping back again, her attention turning to her mama “How did you know we were here?”

 

“Your Mema told me. And Raven confirmed it after a little persuasion” Madilyn looked seriously at her daughter slowly walking towards her to close the gap between them, Sasha instantly caught onto the look and began walking backwards as she reached the door frame Madilyn said “You should have told me Alexis”

 

“Mama…it wasn’t that serious” Sasha responded she knew she was in trouble “I was trying to protect everyone”

 

“Uh Huh” Madilyn responded still walking towards her daughter

 

“It wasn’t just her Aunt Madilyn we both decided it was best to keep it between us” Lexa interjected as Sasha retreated out into the empty hallway next to the room as Sasha and Madilyn reached the hallway, Octavia appeared at the door frame with Costia still in her arms. Madilyn stopped at Lexa’s comment looking at her niece smiling as she stopped walking and stated “Don’t think you’re off the hook, I’m not the only one here”

 

Lexa was about to comment when a small voice erupted behind her “CLARKEY” Instantly she recognised the voice as her little brother’s turning around her eyes landed on Atom dressed a Navy blue suit with a Red button up shirt underneath with a black tie and black shoes. She smiled as Atom ran towards them at full force Lexa was fully prepared to catch her little brother when he got close enough but just as Costia had done with Sasha, Atom ran straight past her ignoring his big sister as he jumped into Clarke’s arms. Clarke lifted him off the ground laughing softly as Atom hugged her tightly pulling back he looked at her saying “I missed you loads Clarke”

 

“I missed you too buddy” Clarke responded laughing as she noticed the look on Lexa’s face

 

“So disrespectful…...little traitors” Lexa laughed shaking her head looking at Sasha who nodded in agreement at her words

 

“I Missed you lots and lots Lexa” Atom piped up as Lexa noticed her mama walking towards them. Turning her attention back to Atom she stepped forward leaning down kissing her little brother on the cheek softly saying

 

“I missed you too Little one” She softly said as she pulled back standing up right and ruffling her brother’s hair making him laugh before using his hands to make his hair as it was before. Looking to her Mama she noticed the look she was being given the same one Sasha had been on the receiving end of from her Mama before she had a chance to say anything she heard that tone in her Mama’s voice that she knew meant she was in trouble;

 

“Alexandra Marilyn Woods” Lexa closed her eyes hoping that somehow that would change her mama’s tone of voice, opening her eyes she looked back to her Mama, her face as innocent and apologetic as she could manage knowing she had done something wrong “Don’t you try that look with me Alexandra”

 

“But Mama…”

 

“Don’t you but Mama me, you hid something important from us” Rosalyn firmly stated looking from her daughter to her niece and her sister who were a few metres away from them “Your in big trouble too Alexis”

 

“But I…” Before Sasha could get out another word her Mama slapped her on the arm “Ouch Mama” She knew straight away that was the wrong thing to say, that she should have remained quiet. As soon as the words entered Madilyn’s ears she began to repeatedly hit her daughter not with any force but making sure she knew she was in real trouble.

 

Lexa was about to start laughing when all of a sudden her Rosalyn began doing the same thing to her causing her to try and move out of the way only to be hit even more on point by her Mama 

 

“OUCH” Both Lexa and Sasha let out as they tried unsuccessfully to avoid their mama’s attacks, as they continued to try and dodge the attacks they both loudly proclaimed “Goed, jammer” _(Ok Sorry)_ As the stood up trying to hold their Mam’s hands to stop the attacks again to no success, they got hit on the back at the exact same time causing them to try and dodge the next hit only to get hit on their lower backs causing them to arch their backs as they stood up.

 

Everyone else watched on as this continued for a few minutes, Costia and Atom both giggling loudly as they stayed in Clarke and Octavia’s arms. The laughter continued to fill the air of the soulless courthouse as Lexa and Sasha continued to try and avoid their mama’s on occasion crossing each other’s paths trying to stop their mama’s to no success. After a few minutes Sasha and Lexa both stopped running around holding their hands up as they looked at their Mama’s both stating at the same time “Ok ek is jammer ek moet dit vir julle gesê” _(Ok I'm sorry I should have told you)_

 

“I hate when you two do that” Marilyn and Rosalyn both stated at the same time making both their daughters burst out laughing at the irony of what just happened with their Mama’s. Earning them both a stern look that killed their laughter instantly

 

“Sorry” They both said in unison hiding the smirk they both felt inside them

 

“You were both in the wrong. Clarke and Octavia are family to us. You should have told us what was happening” Rosalyn said firmly looking at both her daughter and her niece

 

“We know but we thought we were doing what was best” Lexa explained looking at her Mama and her Aunt

 

“It wasn’t their fault they were trying to do the best for us” Octavia interrupted stepping forward smiling when her girlfriend sent her a thankful smile “They were idiots for hiding it from you but their hearts were in the right place” Smirking seeing the look on Sasha’s face she walked over to her girlfriend kissing her softly on the cheek careful not to drop Costia as she did so “You know you were wrong”

 

“She’s right. It was stupid to hide it from you. I was just trying to do the right thing for Octavia and Clarke” Sasha honestly replied looking at her Mama

 

“Fine I forgive you” Her Mama responded walking forward smiling at her daughter as she pulled her into a hug

 

Lexa stood still nervously looking at her Mama as she walked towards her, the nerves leaving her body as her Mama wrapped her arms around her hugging her tightly “I forgive you too” Rosalyn whispered into Lexa’s ear making Lexa smile softly.

 

Releasing their daughters from their embraces they both swapped hugging their respective nieces. Once they had both released Sasha and Lexa, Rosalyn looked to around walking to Clarke she smiled hugging her as she carefully avoided crushing her son between them both. “Has everyone eaten?” She asked looking around at everyone, watching them all shake their heads at the question “Well it’s a good thing we came prepared” she stated looking at her sister who smiled at her “You all go inside that room and we’ll bring the food in” She smiled watching as nobody argued with her comment but instead they all walked into the room Octavia had been in moments ago

 

“Can I help Mama?” Atom shouted out excitedly, when his Mama nodded her head at him, he kissed Clarke on the cheek making the Blonde’s heart melt slightly as she placed him on the floor allowing him to run to his Mama and Auntie. Watching they began walking away Clarke turned and walked into the room following the others

 

Octavia carried Costia over to the couch sitting down with the little girl still in her arms, as she sat down Costia adjusted herself on Octavia’s lap her hands resting on Octavia’s chest and gently beginning to play with the dogtags before she leant forward resting her head on Octavia’s chest, Octavia couldn’t help but smile at the little girl’s action it was so pure and filled with love. Bringing her hands around to rest on Costia’s back gently rubbing the little girls back

 

“I love you Tavi” Costia’s tiny voice let out as she continued to keep her head on Octavia’s chest

 

“I love you too Cos”

 

Octavia smiled at the words that Costia let out and how innocent the words were. It was the thing she loved the most about the little girl, how she’d just say things without thinking about them. Looking down at the little girl she felt the happiness rise inside her, she knew it was down to the little girl leaning against her chest. Her attention was brought to her right hand side looking to see Sasha sitting down next to her, smiling at her girlfriend as she smiled back at her.

 

“You ok?” Sasha softly asked her left arm resting her on the back of the couch, her left hand gently running through Octavia’s hair, her eyes so genuine and pure it made Octavia’s heart race even more than it already did around Sasha

 

“I’m good” She smiled removing her right hand from Costia’s back moving it to Sasha’s shirt she gripped onto it gently pulling Sasha towards her, leaning in and kissing her on the lips lovingly once Sasha was close enough. Their lips stayed connected for a few moments before Octavia slowly pulled back looking Sasha in the eyes “Believe me now?”

 

“I don’t really have a choice do I?” Sasha retorted raising her eyebrow at Octavia smirking slightly

 

“No you don’t” Octavia laughed leaning forward to kiss Sasha again this time they broke apart when Octavia felt Costia lift her head up, turning her attention back to Costia as the little girl looked at her. Smiling as she noticed the little girl seemed to have something on her mind she was about to ask her when Costia opened her mouth

 

“Tavi, are you my sister?” The question took both Sasha and Octavia by surprise as they looked at Costia, Sasha was the first to find her voice and ask

 

“How do you mean Cos?”

 

“Daddy said that Aunt Rosa is his sister-in-law. That it means that Mama’s sister is his because they are in love”

 

“Yeah that’s right”

 

“Mama and Daddy are in love like you and Tavi, does that mean Tavi is my sister like Aunt Rosa is to Daddy?”

 

Sasha paused for a moment looking at Octavia not quite knowing to what to say to her little sister, she was about to say something when Octavia began to speak

 

“Well Me and Ali are in love but it’s not exactly the same as your Mama and Daddy”

 

“Why Tavi?”

 

“Because we’re not married like your Mama and Daddy”

 

“Will you be married one day like Mama and Daddy?”

 

“Maybe one day we will be”

 

“But why not now Tavi?” Costia asked her face filling with sadness as she frowned at Octavia and Sasha, the sadness on her face was almost heartbreaking for the both of them to see “I want Tavi to be my sister”

 

“But me marrying Tavi wouldn’t change anything” Sasha stated not realising how the sentence sounded like rejection of marriage to Octavia, she mainly didn’t notice due to her attention being solely on Costia “You already love Tavi right?”

 

“Millions and millions” Costia replied throwing her arms out to show how much she loved Octavia before returning her hands to grip on Octavia’s shirt

 

“And could you love her more?” Costia shook her head at the question so Sasha continued “Do you love me more than you love Tavi?”

 

“No, I love you both the same”

 

“See that means she’s already like your sister” Sasha watched as her little sister’s face filled with a massive smile as she looked to Octavia leaning forward and hugging her tightly

 

Octavia wanted to bring up the subject of marriage and she wanted to be mad at Sasha but her explanation to Costia wasn’t what she expected it was the complete opposite and it made her heart melt knowing Costia loved her as much as she loved her big sister. She looked up hearing the door open again she saw Marilyn and Rosalyn entering the room with two bags of food in their hands, she smiled as she watched both women walked towards the table Clarke and all the others had sat at when they entered the room. Sasha stood up walking towards her Mama grabbing the bags from her as Lexa did the same with her Mama, they both moved over to the table placing the bags on the table and beginning to remove the containers of food and drink inside them.

 

As Sasha and Lexa finished removing all the items in the bag onto the table looking back at Octavia, even though Octavia sent her a small smile Sasha could see something was up with her and she was guessing it was something to do with something she had just said to Costia. Before she had a chance to see what was wrong with Octavia she caught sight of Atom happily bouncing over to her. Looking down at the little boy she smiled as he asked;

 

“kan ek sit met jou?” ( _Can I sit with you?)_

“Of course you can”

 

“YES” Atom let out jumping up and down on the spot before holding his arms up to Sasha, laughing softly she lifted him up making a note of how big he was now and how quickly he was growing up “Ek mis jou Sashi” _(I missed you Sashi)_ Atom adorably stated as he poked her gently in the cheek laughing when Sasha raised his eyebrow at him before she smiled softly responding

 

“Ek mis jou te min man” _(I missed you too little man)_ Sasha genuinely responded pulling the chair in front of her out from under the table sitting down on it, smiling when Atom moved himself around on her lap until he was sat comfortably on Sasha’s lap so he was facing everyone else his hands resting on the table as he looked at his Mama asking “Kan ek sê genade Mama” _(Can I say grace Mama?)_  

 

“Of course you can Atom” Rosalyn responded smiling as she watched Sasha tickle Atom in his sides as he excitedly moved about on her lap

 

Atom smiled as her clasped his hands together looking around the table making sure everyone did the same thing before he bowed his head and began speaking “Liewe God” _(Dear God)_ He innocently started before Sasha poked him gently in the side reminding him

 

“In Engels Atom” _(In English Atom)_

_“_ Jammer” ( _Sorry)_ He let out looking up at Sasha and then looking back down “Dear God high up in the sky, thank you for blessing us with food and drink for all my family and Thank you for being you. Amen” Everyone softly giggled and smiled at the little boys wording, all of them beginning to place the food they wanted on their plates.

 

Sasha looked back at Octavia she was about to ask Octavia if she wanted something to eat when Octavia spoke “I’m not hungry thanks” Sasha didn’t say a word because she knew what was coming, turning back she looked at her Mama seeing her stand from her seat

 

“Octavia Blake jy iets eet geen bespreking” _(Octavia Blake you will eat something no discussion)_ Madilyn firmly stated looking at Octavia making sure she knew how serious she was

 

“Yes Ma’am” Octavia responded unable to stop the smile that appeared on the face, she had at times had issues with things that Madilyn had done but she knew the woman cared about her children and her family and knowing she felt of her as family made her want to smile. Carefully going to stand up but stopping not wanting to disturb Costia

 

“Costia afklim Octavia, kom sit met Mama” _(Costia get off Octavia, come sit with Mama)_ Madilyn’s words caused Costia to lift her head up her small face filled with a sad frown as she looked up at Octavia before climbing off of her lap and walking sadly over to her Mama. Octavia stood up and walked to the chair to the left of Sasha and the right of Clarke, not that she minded but it was the only free chair left at the table, looking around she noticed everyone else was eating the food provided for them. She smiled when Sasha handed her an empty plate the two exchanging a small smile. Placing some rice and meat on her plate she reached out for a knife and fork smiling when Lexa handed a pair to her. As she began eating she couldn’t help but notice how sad Costia looked sitting with her Mama, she could see Madilyn was trying to make the girl smile at her words but she wasn’t getting anywhere.

 

“Costia can sit with me Madilyn, its honestly not a problem” She said looking over at the two women at the other end of the table, she watched as Costia looked up at her Mama her small eyes pleading with her Mama as she said

 

“Please Mama, I’ll be good I promise” Costia pleaded with her Mama her eyes almost puppy dog like

 

“Are you sure?” Madilyn asked looking over at Octavia

 

“een honderd present” _(One Hundred Percent)_ Octavia smiled brightly seeing Costia’s face light up at her words looking up at her Mama for permission to go sit with Octavia, when her Mama nodded her head Costia excitedly jumped off of her Mama’s lap and ran around the table until she reached her Octavia jumped onto her lap excitedly hugging her, after a second she released the hug turning around making herself comfortable her eyes turning to the food on the table, as she looked to her left she noticed Clarke making her smile brightly she waved at Clarke before her eyes fell to the left of Clarke seeing Lexa sitting next to her

 

“ALEX” She excited let out, she’d seen Lexa earlier but hadn’t spoke to her and had forgotten she was there, jumping down from Octavia’s lap she ran behind Clarke until she reached Lexa, once she was close enough Lexa lifted her onto her lap, Costia’s arms instantly wrapping around Lexa’s neck hugging her tightly squeezing for a few moments, everyone at the table Octavia included, smiled and softly laughed at the little girl’s actions. A few moments later Costia released her grip around her cousin’s neck looking up at her and sweetly saying “I missed you Alex”

 

“You did?” Lexa asked smiling down at her cousin, when Costia nodded her head smiling at her she added “How much?”

 

“To the moon and back” Costia giggled as she looked at Lexa, her hands resting on Lexa’s shoulders

 

“The moon and back?” Costia nodded at the question, Lexa smiled at the nod and added “Well I missed you to the stars and back, Sunshine”

 

Costia turned around on Lexa’s lap looking to everyone at the table again, looking at Octavia her face filled with a frown looking over at her she sadly said “Sorry Tavi”

 

“It’s ok Cos, we can have more cuddles later” Octavia answered knowing the little girl didn’t mean to be rude to her, smiling at Costia she began to eat the food that she had placed on her plate. Watching as the little girl smiled before looking at Sasha and the food on her plate.

 

“What food would you like Cos?” Sasha asked noticing the look on her little sister’s face when Costia didn’t answer and in fact looked a little lost at the question Sasha looked down at her plate noticing there was about half of her food left she asked Costia “You want some of mine?”

 

Costia nervously nibbled at her fingers before looking to Lexa and Octavia, both women giving her an encouraging nod, after a second she slowly nodded her head at Sasha “Yes Please” Sasha smiled at the polite comment before standing up picking her plate and walking behind Octavia and Clarke’s chairs until she was next to her little sister and Lexa, carefully placing the plate next to Lexa’s she grabbed a clean fork for Costia knowing that she had to be careful of exchanging too many germs especially with Costia’s treatment still on going. As she gave Costia the clean fork her little sister looked up at her saying “Thank you Ali”

 

“Your welcome Mini Me” Sasha smiled attempting to remove her hand from the table only for it to be grabbed onto by Costia, the little girl pulled her down towards her leaning up pursing her lips together indicating she wanted to give her sister a thank you kiss, Sasha knew exactly would was to come looking at her Mama cautiously, when her Mama gave her a nod she leant down kissing her little sister very quickly on the lips like she always did. It wasn’t that Costia was getting to old to kiss her on the lips is was more that she didn’t want to make her little sister sick as a result. As Sasha walked back to her seat she heard Costia say;

 

“Lief vir jou Ali” _(Love you Ali)_

 

“I love you too Mini Me” She smiled as she reached Octavia’s chair noticing the slight cold shoulder Octavia was giving her she leant down until she was at her girlfriend’s ear asking “Can we talk outside?” She wouldn’t usually have asked but she knew Octavia was only eating because everyone was watching her especially her Mama. Octavia nodded her head softly standing up, noticing the unimpressed look on her Mama’s face she explained “I’m sorry everyone but I really need to talk to Octavia in private. Apologies”

 

Octavia walked to the door of the room opening it and walking through it not looking back at anyone in the room. Sasha followed suit looking at everyone apologetically before turning around completely and heading out of the room, closing the door behind her she looked to her left seeing Octavia walking off, quickly speeding up she caught up to her “Let’s go to the peace garden” Octavia simply said not even waiting for response from Sasha before she continued walking to the peace garden. It only took them a matter of minutes to find it and once they were their Octavia took a seat causing Sasha to sit down next to her. After a minute or two of silence she looked at Octavia asking;

 

“So what exactly did I do wrong?

 

“Nothing”

 

“Don’t lie to me Octavia, I know I’ve upset you somehow. Just tell me how so I can try and fix it……please”

 

“It can’t be fixed”

 

“Seriously what did I do, I have no idea”

 

“You don’t want to marry me”

 

“What?” Sasha asked slightly confused at where Octavia got that this was an unfixable problem

 

“You completely shot down anything about marriage when you were talking to Costia”

 

“No I didn’t”

 

“Yes you did. She asked when we’d get married and you basically said never when you said we didn’t need to be married for her to be my sister” Octavia’s face turned even more serious when Sasha laughed softly at her words “This isn’t funny Sasha I’m being serious”

 

“That wasn’t what I meant when I said that”

 

“You’re just saying that”

 

“No I’m not, If I’d have told Costia that I wanted to marry you but I had to wait for the right time and place to propose and then that we had to plan our wedding. Do you think she’d have understood any of that?”

 

“I suppose not”

 

“You know she wouldn’t, she’d get all excited and then not understand why it takes so long. Plus I thought what I said was the perfect answer” When Octavia raised her eyebrows at her she explained “Well, you wouldn’t love Costia more if we got married would you? I mean more than you already love her?” Octavia shook her head at the question “See, I was right us getting married wouldn’t change the fact that you’re already a sister to her”

 

Octavia’s face softened as she realised she may have overreacted a little when it came to the whole situation, reaching her hands up she cupped Sasha’s face pulling her into her kissing her lovingly before pulling back and looking at her apologetically “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just a little stressed and overreacted a little”

 

“It’s ok. I know your stress, no matter how much you want to tell me you’re ok I know when things are getting to you”

 

“I’m honestly feeling better I just…. I don’t know this isn’t really over, there’s the verdict then there’s the sentencing I just want it to be over already”

 

“I know you do but holding it in isn’t good for you. I know you don’t like stressing me out, but you never could no matter what, so if you get stressed or it’s too much you have to talk to me ok?” Octavia nodded her head softly leaning forward pecking her on the lips a few times before Sasha pulled back and looked at her “For the record I do want to marry you…. still”

 

“You do?”

 

“Yeah of course. Nothing’s changed I know we’ve been through a lot but I still want that, I still want the future we talked about”

 

“I want that too” Octavia smiled leaning kissing Sasha this time a little more passionately than before, her arms snaking her arms around Sasha’s neck pulling them closer together.

 

 

In the Briefing room

Everyone had finished eating and were talking amongst themselves about various things, Bellamy, Abby, Madilyn and Rosalyn were in one corner of the room talking about the court case and what they all thought the outcome would be along with numerous other things about the court case. Clarke and Lexa had made their way over to the couch after they had finished eating, Atom and Costia had stayed with them Atom sitting on Clarke’s lap while Costia sat on Lexa’s lap both of the sat so they were face to face with Clarke and Lexa. Once they had sat down Lexa asked her little brother how school had been which lead to a Fifthteen minute conversation that was all Atom, he had only just finished talking. Rosalyn had decided to move to LA after her and her husband hit a rough patch and decided some time apart would be good for them, and being around her parents and being closer to Lexa was a bonus they were all enjoying. She had told Lexa about her decision after Madilyn and Titus had relocated permanently to LA, they ended up finding houses to rent that were only a few doors away from each other, and they were in a nice area that wasn’t too far away from the schools the kids attended or from the nearest hospital. Atom seemed to be loving living in LA more than Lexa expected him to, she loved seeing how happy her little brother was.

 

As Atom stopped speaking Clarke looked at Costia noticing that she was quietly and politely waiting for Atom to finish but also that she was a little quieter than normal “You ok Cos?” She softly asked tapping the little girl on the chin. Costia nodded her head softly at Clarke’s question, Lexa studied her little cousin noticing the nod wasn’t as convincing as perhaps the little girl intended

 

“What’s wrong Sunshine?” Lexa asked pulling her little cousin forward gently, wrapping her arms around her and squeezing her, when Costia didn’t answer but instead rested her head on Lexa’s chest “You can tell us what’s wrong, Cos, you won’t be in trouble”

 

“Yeah, tell us Cos, its ok” Atom added reaching over and gently rubbing his cousins back for a second before removing it and leaning back against Clarke’s chest, Clarke’s arm wrapping around him and holding him firmly as she kissed him gently on the top of his head

 

Costia looked up at Lexa her eyes slightly watery Lexa reached her hand up gently stroking Costia’s hair before asking “What is it Cos?”

 

“I miss Ali”

 

“You miss her?”

 

“And Tavi, and you and Clarkey….and….”

 

“And who else?”

 

“Rae Rae”

 

“You miss us all?” Lexa asked watching as Costia nodded her head softly against her chest, now she thought about it her and Sasha had been so caught up with the court case and making sure Clarke and Octavia were doing ok that they hadn’t spent much time with Costia, it must have been hard for the little girl she’d usually spend the weekend with them every few weeks but since everything had happened they hadn’t been doing that, in fact the last time she saw them was when she was sick “Why do you miss us?”

 

“Because I love you” Costia answered as if it was the most obvious answer in the world

 

“I’m sorry Sunshine” Lexa started before carefully moving Costia so she was sat up again looking at her “How about next weekend after you finish school, I come pick you up from school and you can come and stay with me, Ali, Clarke and Tavi”

 

“But I don’t go to school anymore”

 

“Even better, how about I pick you up in the morning and we can go get breakfast together and then you can come stay with us for the WHOLE weekend?”

 

Costia placed her right hand on her chin rubbing it gently indicating that she was thinking about it, looking up at Lexa she asked her “Will Rae Rae be there?”

 

“I don’t know, I’m sure I can ask her” Lexa honestly replied not wanting to get the little girls hopes up too much, noticing the sad look on Costia’s face she added “But we can call Rae Rae now if you want” Lexa smiled as Costia let out a massive gasp both her hands on her cheeks as she looked at Lexa and asked;

 

“Really?”

 

“Of course if you want to”

 

“Yes please”

 

“Then we’ll call her now” She smiled pulling her phone out of her pocket and turning it on. After a minute the phone was powered up and she unlocked it pulling up Raven’s number she pressed call, waiting and silently hoping that Raven would answer the phone. After about ten seconds the call answered and Raven’s voice came through the phone “Hey Rae, I’ve got someone who wants to talk to you?”

 

**_“Who?” Raven asked through the phone not unsure who it could be_ **

****

Lexa handed the phone to Costia, watching as Costia quickly climbed off of her lap onto the floor the excitement filling up her face as she took the phone from her and placed it to her ear;

 

**_“Hello”_ **

****

**_“Costia?”_ **

****

**_“RAE RAE”_ **

****

**_“Hey Munchkin, how’s my favourite little person?”_ **

****

**_“I miss you Rae Rae”_ **

****

**_“You miss me?”_ **

****

**_“Uh huh loads and loads, like a billion million stars” Lexa couldn’t help but laugh at the little girl’s description and how expressive she was being with her hands_ **

****

**_“I miss you too Munchkin”_ **

****

**_“Rae Rae, can you come see me next weekend?”_ **

****

**_“I have to check with your Mama first but I’d love to”_ **

****

**_“But I’ll be with Ali and Alex, so you can come and we can watch movies. Pretty please Rae Rae, I really miss you”_ **

****

**_“Ok, If Ali says its ok then I wouldn’t miss it for the world”_ **

****

**_“YES” Costia shouted out jumping around in a circle, causing her Mama to look over at her questioningly, looking at her Mama she shouted “I’M TALKING TO RAE RAE MAMA” Madilyn smiled lovingly at her daughter knowing how much she loved Raven_ **

****

**_“So what has my Munchkin been up to?” Raven asked revelling in the unexpected conversation with the little girl, her day so far had sucked and hearing Costia’s voice just made today the best she’d had in a while._ **

****

Lexa and Clarke watched on as Costia sat down on the floor crossing her legs as she continued to talk to Raven on the phone, it amused them both how happy the little girl was speaking to Raven. As they watched Atom jumped off of Clarke’s lap walking over to the table and climbing up on one of the chairs and beginning to eat what was left of the food. Clarke turned looking at Lexa unable to stop the smiling spreading across her face, when Lexa looked at her confused she leant forward kissing Lexa loving on the lips before pulling back smiling up at her.

 

“What’s with the weird smile?” Lexa asked intrigued at Clarke’s actions

 

“Nothing”

 

“Really?” Lexa added raising her right eyebrow at Clarke, who laughed softly leaning forward and kissing Lexa again a few more times before pulling back and looking at her again, still seeing the unconvinced look on Lexa’s face

 

“Ok. It’s just nice watching you being all motherly with Costia and Atom”

 

“Motherly?”

 

“Yeah, you know making sure they stay happy and looking after them”

 

“You mean being a good sibling and cousin?” Lexa asked knowingly as she smirked at Clarke

 

“Oh ha ha, you know what I mean” Lexa raised her eyebrows at her before nodding softly at Clarke’s comment “It’s just been a while since I’ve seen you like this, it makes me think that’s all”

 

“About what exactly?” Lexa asked intrigued moving a little closer to Clarke, moving her left arm behind Clarke resting it on the back of the couch, she smiled when Clarke moved closer to her placing her left hand on her stomach instinctively

 

“Just about the future and us, you know what it holds for us”

 

“Ooooo, you mean marriage and kids right?”

 

“Maybe”

 

“Well, I’m guessing it’s not just me being motherly with those two terrors that’s got you thinking this right?” Clarke shook her head at her softly “You heard the marriage conversation I heard as well huh?” Clarke nodded her head almost shyly at Lexa “Well as I’m sure Sasha is telling Octavia now, I’ll tell you that when it comes to marriage and children, I stand exactly where I stood before we broke up”

 

“You still want all of that?”

 

“Yeah” Suddenly the nerves rose up inside Lexa and she quickly added “Why do you not want that anymore? I know everything that happened with your dad was messed up and I could have done so much more to fix …” Before Lexa could get out another word Clarkes lips were against hers, Clarke’s right hand on her cheek holding their lips firmly together, Lexa instantly reacted kissing Clarke back with just as much love and passion as Clarke was putting into the kiss. Minutes later the broke apart when Rosalyn shouted out ‘CHILDREN PRESENT’ Lexa knew that was a warning from her Mama to keep it PG as she called it. Looking at Clarke she couldn’t help but bite her bottom lip and look at the Blonde in front of her the smile taking up the whole of her face.

 

Before either of them had a chance to say anything to the other, Lexa noticed Costia running towards her in the corner of her eye turning herself quickly, she turned just in time to catch Costia as the little girl jumped onto her lap hugging her tightly. After a few seconds Costia relented with her grip and let go of Lexa pushing on Lexa’s shoulders she looked down happily at her cousin happily and little breathlessly saying “Thank you Alex” leaning forward she quickly kissed Lexa on the lips happily giggling as she pulled back looking at her older cousin

 

“Your welcome. Did you and Rae Rae have a good talk?”

 

“Yeah” Costia excitedly let out jumping up and down a little on Lexa’s lap “Rae Rae is going to stay with me when I stay with you and Ali…. it’s going to be SUPER fun”

 

“She is?”

 

“Yes.” Costia answered before she remembered what Raven had said “But she said that Ali has to say ok first”

 

“Ok. We’ll have to ask Ali when she gets back won’t we?” Costia nodded at the question before her attention turned to Clarke, climbing from Lexa’s lap onto Clarke’s her tiny hands moving to gently touch Clarke’s cheeks

 

“Your boo boos are gone Clarkey”

 

“Yes they are”

 

“Does that mean your all better now?”

 

“It does. I’m in tip top shape” Clarke stated making Costia giggle at the words

 

“Your still beautiful Clarkey” The little girl innocently stated before looking to Lexa “Right Alex?” She asked looking to Lexa remembering what Lexa had said to her the night she saw Clarke’s boo boos

 

“She is indeed. Very beautiful”

 

“Well thank you” Clarke responded looking at Costia and smiling at the little girl before looking at Lexa and saying “And thank you too”

 

“Your welcome Clarkey” Costia smiled looking at Clarke, before Lexa or Clarke could get out another word Costia’s face lit up and she let out a massive gasp climbing down from Clarke’s lap she moved in front of Lexa grabbing her hand and pulling on it “Come on Alex, we have to go”

 

Lexa looked at her amused slightly as she asked “Where exactly are we going, sunshine?”

 

“We have to find Ali” Costia dramatically stated looking at Lexa as if she should have known the answer to the question, before pulling on Lexa’s hand even more. Lexa let out a dramatic sigh before letting the little girl pull her up from the couch as she stood up she let her Costia pull her to the door, Costia stopped walking turning around and looking at Clarke “Come on Clarkey” She excitedly stating not moving until Clarke stood up walking towards them with a smile of amusement on her face.

 

Lexa watched as Costia reached up to the door handle turning it to open it as they were about to walk through it Atom’s voice came from behind them “Clarkey” He let out before running towards her stopping at her legs his hands reaching up and resting on Clarke’s thighs looking up at her he asked “Where are you going Clarkey?”

 

“We’re going to find Sasha and Octavia”

 

“Can I come?” He sweetly asked looking up at Clarke. Clarke turned looking at Lexa before looking down at Costia, as she looked at Costia the little girl nodded her head at her before pushing the door and pulling Lexa through it

 

“Of course you can” She smiled down at him, Atom removed his hands from Clarke’s thighs moving one of his hands to grab onto Clarke’s hand, turning they walked out of the room following Lexa and Costia. As her and Atom walked out of the room they noticed Costia had let go of Lexa’s hand and had run in front of her only to stop and wait for Lexa to catch up, she watched as Lexa reached Costia and the little girl pulled on her hand making her kneel in front of her, as her and Atom got closer she realised that Costia and Lexa were having a conversation about something, they came to a stop just next to Lexa and Costia hearing the end of the conversation;

 

“So I think we should look in the peace garden” Lexa finished saying to her younger cousin, Costia thought for a moment before nodding her head and looking to Lexa for directions. Pointing to the right of them she looked encouragingly at Costia and said “It’s that way Sunshine” Costia smiled brightly before heading off in the direction Lexa had pointed to. Lexa stood up as Atom looked up at Clarke his eyes asking permission to run off with Costia, nodding softly down at him she let go of his hand watching as he excitedly ran off to catch up to Costia. As she turned around to look at Clarke she felt the blonde’s hand slip into hers interlocking their fingers she looked at Clarke smiling before beginning to walk in the direction of Atom and Costia, the last thing they needed right now was for Atom and Costia to get lost in the courthouse.

 

They walked hand in hand down the corridor their pace picking up slightly when Atom and Costia disappeared around the corner after Atom had read the sign pointing to the peace garden, Lexa was about to speak to when she heard crying coming from around the corner, letting go of each other’s hand they both ran around the corner seeing Costia on the floor crying as Atom rushed over to her side, Lexa instantly ran forward to help her cousin not noticing that who was standing a foot or so away from Costia. Clarke however noticed instantly who it was stopping in her tracks

 

“Dad?” She let out looking at her father, stunned that her father was actually here but at the same time she was more sceptical than anything “What are you doing here?”

 

“I was looking for your mother until this little brat ran into me”

 

“Watch your mouth” Lexa let out as looked up from Costia, she was more than willing to let Clarke deal with Kane but she wouldn’t tolerate him bad mouthing her little cousin especially considering her just seemingly knocked the little girl over. Looking down at Costia she ignored Kane asking her little cousin “Are you ok, Cos?”

 

“I hurt my head” Costia cried out as she held the back of her head with her hands rubbing it as if the rubbing would somehow make the pain go away

 

“Oh cos, does anything else hurt?”

 

“Here and Here” Costia cried out pointing to her left ankle and her right hip looking up at Lexa tears running down her cheeks.

 

“It’s ok Cos, it’s just a little bump you’ll be ok”

 

“But it hurts”

 

“Serves her right” Kane let out looking down at Costia and Lexa, his face was as cold as it was when he was in the witness box spouting all the rubbish he said about Clarke. Before Lexa or Clarke could say a word Atom stood up looking angrily at Kane and firmly shouted at him

 

“STOP BEING MEAN MISTER” Looking back down at Costia he knelt down next to Costia gently tapping her on the shoulder “It’s ok Cos, it’s gonna be ok” Holding his hand out to Costia he helped lifted her off of the ground reaching up and wiping the tears away only for more tears to appear in their place. Stepping forward he hugged his younger cousin tightly rubbing her back soothingly.

 

“Atom’s right Cos, it’s all gonna be fine” Lexa soothingly added as Atom released Costia from the hug and stepped back looking over to Clarke as Costia moved forwards into Lexa’s arms burying her head in Lexa’s chest and neck Lexa’s arms wrapping around the younger girl.

 

“Why are you here dad?” Clarke asked trying her best not to walk over to her dad and slap him after everything he had said about her

 

“Like I said I was looking for your mother”

 

“Well she doesn’t want to see you”

 

“She’s my wife, MINE Clarke not YOURS nor anyone else’s, you don’t get a say in this”

 

“Why not dad? Because I’m gay or because I didn’t follow you into the army or is it something else I’m not aware of”

 

“You’re talking nonsense Clarke, where is your mother? I don’t want to talk to anyone but her right now”

 

“Well tough luck because she doesn’t want anything to do with you. And as far as I’m concerned the only time she should see you again is to finalise a divorce”

 

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that”

 

“Why not Marcus? No matter what I do to make you proud you never are because of something I can’t control. I didn’t ask to be gay and I didn’t ask to fall in love with Lexa, but I wouldn’t change it for the world because everything bad in my life hasn’t been because of me being gay, or because I fell in love with Lexa, it’s been because of you and your need to mess with my life because you can’t get over the fact I’m gay”

 

Before Marcus could get out a response Sasha’s voice filled the hallway they were all in “Well said Clarke” Clarke looked behind her father where the voice had come from seeing Sasha and Octavia walking towards her as they got closer Sasha noticed Costia being held by Lexa, looking at Octavia slightly confused she called out to Costia as Octavia squeezed her hand supportively “Cos, are you ok?”

 

As Sasha’s voice hit her ears Costia lifted her head up quickly only just missing Lexa’s chin. Looking around until her eyes landed on her big sister as soon as she saw where Sasha was she took off running full force at her until Sasha lifted her onto her chest her arms wrapping around her little sister as the little girl continued to cry, pulling back she sniffled back tears sadly looking at Sasha as she let out “I fell over”

 

“You did? Are you hurt?”

 

Costia nodded her head at the question before pointing to her head “I hurt here” then to her left ankle “And here” And then her right hip “And here”

 

“It’s ok. I’ll make it all better I promise” Sasha smiled at her little sister reaching up and wiping the fresh tears from Costia’s cheeks “How did you fall over Cos?”

 

“I wanted to find you and Tavi, then I ran into the bad man”

 

“Ok don’t worry Cos it’s all over now. The bad man will be gone soon and you’re gonna be fine”

 

“But it hurts Ali”

 

“I know it does Mini Me but I’ll make it go away I promise” Sasha soothingly said looking at her little sister, Costia sniffed back more tears before she leant forward her chin resting on Sasha’s shoulder looking behind Sasha seeing Octavia, who had moved behind Sasha to make sure the little girl was ok reaching up and wiping the little girls face comfortingly. “I don’t know about the rest of you but I’ve had enough of this douchebag, I’m going back to our room”

 

“Same I’m done with this” Octavia added placing her hand gently on Sasha’s lower back Sasha’s left hand moved backwards hanging in the air for Octavia to take, which she did. Looking over to Lexa and Atom Octavia held her hand out for the little boy figuring that Lexa would want to stay behind with Clarke and that Atom would be best of away from the whole situation, seeing Octavia’s hand Atom looked at Lexa getting her nod of approval he ran over to Octavia taking hold of her hand tightly as they walked off with Costia and Sasha.

 

Lexa moved forward stopping next to Clarke as she stopped next to her Clarke reached her hand down grabbing hold of Lexa’s interlocking their hands she looked coldly at her father “We’re done here” Looking to Lexa her face softened and the cold filtered from her eyes being replaced with love and happiness as she looked at Lexa. Her voice becoming softly as she looked up at her saying “Let’s go I’m done wasting my time” Lexa didn’t say anything she just nodded softly, leading to Clarke turning gently pulling on Lexa’s hand the action making Lexa walk begin to walk behind her. As she walked behind Clarke Lexa turned back giving Kane a look of discontent and anger warning him not to follow them, a warning that Kane heeded turning and walking in the direction of the other courtrooms.

 

They walked back to the prosecutions preparation room where everyone else was, before Clarke could walk through the door Lexa pulled on her hand making her turn around “Are you ok?” She asked, she knew that Clarke may hate her father at the moment but she also knew that Clarke could never stop loving her father no matter what he did because he was her father he was a part of her.

 

“I’m fine” Clarke insisted smiling softly at Lex releasing her hand and moving both her hands to rest on the material of Lexa’s shirt, stepping closer to Lexa

 

“You know you don’t have to pretend around me”

 

“I know I don’t but I’m ok” Clarke honestly replied, she was fine she knew her father wasn’t a nice person and she was past it now yeah it hurt but she was done living in the past she just wanted to think about the future. Pushing on Lexa’s abdomen she moved Lexa backwards until Lexa was against the wall next to the door of the prosecutions room leaning in close to her, Lexa’s hands coming to rest of Clarke’s hips as Clarke leant into her even more until their lips were only an inch away from each other’s “I’m not pretending to be ok I promise, I’m over my dad and whatever issue he has this week. All I wanna think about is you and me our future and watching Mitch get sent down for as long as possible”

 

“If you’re sure”

 

“I’m more than sure” Clarke smiled leaning into Lexa capturing her lips with her own before Lexa could say another word on the subject, their lips melting together with a kiss filled with pure love, pulling back she looked at Lexa smirking at her saying “Now I need some de-stressing” Lexa laughed at the comment complying with the request pulling Clarke into her a little more wrapping her arms around Clarke’s waist leaning forward reconnecting their lips.

 

-10 minutes later-

Clarke and Lexa were still against the wall their lips still connected together, both of them trying to control their hands and keep them in appropriate places considering they were in a public place no matter how quiet it was neither of them wanted to risk Lexa’s mama and auntie catching them off guard. Neither of them noticed Sasha open the door to the prosecutions room, nor did either of them notice her exit the room and walk until she was next to them, leaning against the wall making sure her weight was felt by the both of them, as her back hit the wall Clarke and Lexa broke apart instinctively;

 

“Here’s me worrying a fight had started and here you two are just macking on each other’s faces” She said the amusement in her voice clear for Clarke and Lexa to hear

 

Lexa removed her hands from around Clarke’s waist standing off of the wall before leaning over and slapping Sasha playfully on the arm, getting an amused laugh out of Sasha as she did so.

 

“Anyways, onto the serious business. Mr Jacobs just told us the jury have come back to the judge with a decision”

 

“Are you serious?” Clarke asked looking at Sasha the blush that was covering her cheeks disappearing completely

 

“Yeah I’m serious”

 

“That’s a good sign right?”

 

“Depends on what side of the story they believed. It could be that they couldn’t come to a unanimous decision and instead are asking to retire for the night. There are numerous things it could be”

 

“Your right. So what now?”

 

“We do back into the courtroom and we find out, and then we go from there” Sasha stated looking from Lexa to Clarke smiling at them both, smiling a little more when Octavia walked out of the room, Octavia smiled at her girlfriend walking over to Sasha she took her hand looking to Sasha and then to the others saying;

 

“Let’s do this”

 

They all smiled at each other before they turned and began walking towards the courtroom they had spent the past few days in. Each of them hoping that what they were about to hear was the news they all were wishing for.


	42. The Verdict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Marcus Finally have a showdown.  
> And The Jury have reached a VERDICT

Chapter 42-The Verdict

Clarke, Lexa, Sasha and Octavia walked into the courtroom walking to the front and sitting down on the cold wooden bench their eyes scanning the courtroom seeing Mr Jacobs and Mr Wallace already sitting at their respective desks, within seconds of them sitting down the clergy announced the judges entrance all of them stood as the judge entered the courtroom closely followed by the jury, as the jury were taking their seats the doors to the sound of the courtroom doors opened leading the four women to look backwards seeing Madilyn, Bellamy and Abby walking through the doors, the four new entrants of the courtroom walked to the front bench Abby sat on Clarke’s left side, Madilyn sat in between Lexa and Sasha on Sasha’s left side, and Bellamy sat on Octavia’s right side holding his hand in the air for Octavia, who smiled at him softly before taking hold of his hand and squeezing her brothers hand.

 

They all watched in anger as Mitch entered the room walking to sit next to Mr Wallace who looked at his Client before leaning forward and whispering in his ear then leaning back and getting a small nod from Mitch. Turning their attention to the judge as he cleared his voice and began to speak;

 

“Mr Markers, I have been informed by Mr Wallace that your outburst was a result of stress caused by this trial however let me make it clear an outburst such as that will not be tolerated any further and will be dealt with by way of criminal prosecution, as I am sure you have been informed by Mr Wallace the jury has come back with a decision. No matter the outcome I ask that you keep full control of your emotions no matter how stressful this may be on you, do you understand Mr Markers?”

 

“Yes Your honour, I sincerely apologise” Mitch responded trying his best to give an innocent look to the judge. As Mitch finished his sentence the door to the courtroom opened everyone’s attention turning to the door to see Marcus Kane walking into the courtroom the arrogance in his face was unmeasurable, as he took a seat on the right hand side of the courtroom benches nodding softly in Mitch’s direction.

 

“Now we have made sure Mr Markers is in full understanding of the result of another outburst shall we continue” The judge stated looking towards the jury “Would the foreman for the jury please stand?” As the judge spoke the closest member of the jury to the judge stood up, it was a tanned skinned woman in her late 30’s maybe her early 40’s her black hair was in a slicked back pony tail, holding a piece of paper in her hand she handed it to the clergy who held the paper in his hand taking it over to judge and handing it to him, opening it he read what it said “The jury has reached a verdict is that correct?”

 

“Yes your honour”

 

“Have you reached a verdict in which you are all agreed?”

 

“We have your honour”

 

“In the case of Clarke Griffin & Octavia Blake vs Mitchell Markers, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty of the Assault of Miss Clarke Griffin?”

 

“Guilty”

 

Clarke felt all the relief inside her raise as all the angst and stress seemed to disappear completely at that one word, she could hear her mom let out a massive yes before a wave of yes’s came from the bench of people she was sat on along with a few from people behind her. Taking a deep breath in she looked to Lexa smiling at the brunette as she squeezed her hand.

 

“ORDER IN THE COURT” The judge loudly shouted banging on his desk a few times until silence filled the room, and every waited with baited breath as the judge turned his attention back to the foreman of the jury “In the case of Assault and Sexual Assault how do you mind the defendant?”

 

The foreman took a breath in before she spoke “Guilty”

 

“YES, Damn right” Bellamy let out standing up throwing his fist in the air before he was pulled back down by Octavia looking at his sister apologetically before she leant forward wrapping her arms around her brother, his eyes catching with Sasha’s the happiness in his own reflected in hers

 

“Ladies and Gentleman of the jury thank you for your service you may now step down” With that all of the jury stood up turning and walking out of the door that they had entered though not ten minutes earlier. All of them smiling at the relief and happiness that had come from Octavia and Clarke knowing they had all made the right choice with their decisions. “Mr Markers you have been found guilty by a jury of your peers, you will now be taken to holding were you will remain until a date is set for your sentencing, do you understand?” Mitch didn’t verbally respond instead he just nodded his head at the judge “Very well. Take him away” The judge directed the officers of the court who did so stepping forward and taking Mitch under the arm firmly before guiding him in the direction of the holding cells.

 

“With that being said, Mr Jacobs and Mr Wallace a date will be provided to the both of you within 24 hours. Court dismissed” Without another word the judge stood up, everyone else stood with him until he was no longer in court room. Mr Jacobs and Mr Wallace looked knowingly before picking up their files and briefcases and walking to the exits.

 

Octavia and the others stood up and walked towards the exit, the relief in her body was unmeasurable it was like nothing she’d never felt before the only time something came close was when Sasha forgave her for sleeping with Raven and still is wasn’t anything close knowing that Mitch had been found guilty was probably the best feeling she’d had in a very long time. Walking out of the courtroom walking for a few seconds before she stopped in her track turning and waiting for the others, she waited patiently as Sasha was the last person to come through the door having held open the door for everyone else including Bellamy, Octavia kept her eyes on her girlfriend watching as she smiled at her before walking past a hugging Clarke and Abby, and Lexa and Madilyn walking up to Octavia she stopped in front of her unable to get out a word as Octavia stepped forward wrapping her arms around Sasha breathing in her perfume before looking at Sasha and softly saying;

 

“Thank you for everything”

 

“What do you mean I haven’t done anything?” Sasha asked slightly confused at what she was being thanked for

 

“You’ve been here for me every step of the way, you’ve not left my side once and even when I got mad at you for stupid little things you still stood by me” Octavia leant forward kissing Sasha on the cheek “Thank you, for being so amazing and for just being you”

 

“Well your more than welcome, I’m not leaving anytime soon if I can help it”

 

Octavia couldn’t help the smile that graced her face as she leant forward kissing Sasha softly their lips connecting for a few seconds before she pulled back removing her arms from around Sasha as she noticed Madilyn approaching them with a massive smile on her face

 

“I’m so happy for you Octavia” Madilyn beamed leaning forward and wrapping her arms around the young brunette squeezing her tightly as Octavia wrapped her arms around her and squeezed back

 

“Thank you, and thank you for coming today”

 

“Your welcome, your family now no matter what happens” Madilyn smiled her hands moving up to cup Octavia’s cheeks squeezing her hands together softly “Now ladies what are we going to do to celebrate this amazing news” She asked turning around and looking at Clarke

 

“I just wanna see Costia right now, and then I wanna spend the night with my amazing woman and just enjoy knowing he’s gonna get what he deserves” Octavia honestly responded looking to Sasha who had a massive smile spread across her face “I’m not sure about Clarke though”

 

“I wanna spend a little time with my little terror in there and then I want to go home order some food and chill and watch a movie with MY amazing woman” Clarke responded smiling at Octavia “I just wanna relax and enjoy not having to worry about him because now I know he’s gonna get what he deserves”

 

“Well then ladies your wish is our command” Lexa smiled at both of them motioning to the room where Atom and Costia were with Rosalyn. Bellamy was the first to walk forward leading the way for the others, who followed him.

 

 

Prosecutions Room-Minutes before

Rosalyn, Atom and Costia were still waiting on the others to come back into the room. Costia was sat on the couch with Sasha’s jacket covering her small body, Sasha had left it behind and as soon as the door closed Costia grabbed hold of the jacket jumped onto the couch and stayed their dried tears on her cheeks and she closed her eyes waiting for her big sister to come back. Atom on the other hand was sitting on his mama’s lap at the table occasionally eating some of the remaining food while he was looking up at his mama asking her question after question about too many subjects for his mama to keep track of.

 

As Atom was talking Rosalyn would occasionally look over and cheek Costia was ok, she would have been worried by the little girl’s actions but Madilyn had told her that Costia got like that sometimes when she was missing Sasha a little more than normal and she was guessing that the little girl was missing her sister even though they had been together a mere twenty minutes ago. She decided to leave Costia to her own devices for a while rather than try and force the little girl to make conversation with her and Atom. She couldn’t help but think about how unfair it was that though that the little girl was battling one of the biggest killers in the world and she was only six years old.

 

Sitting Atom on the chair next to her she decided to go and check on her niece when she noticed fresh tears running down her cheeks, walking over she sat down next to her niece smiling softly at her getting a small smile back, she shuffled a little closer to Costia leaning down so their faces were level she softly asked “What’s wrong Cos?”

 

“Nothing, Auntie Rosa I’m ok” She responded her voice slightly worn and sleepy

 

“Are you sure?” She asked moving so she was lying next to Costia on the empty part of the sofa her left foot on the ground holding her up, whispering to Costia she added “You can tell me if you’re not” Costia looked at cautiously before looking away and then back to her auntie

 

“I feel sleepy”

 

“Just sleepy?” When Costia shook her head she asked “Are you missing Sasha a little more than normal?” Costia nodded her head at her auntie’s question “You miss her a lot don’t you?” Costia nodded her head at the question again

 

“I love her, loads and loads”

 

“Maybe Mama will let you have dinner with Sasha tonight and then she can bring you home after?” Rosalyn looked down at her niece seeing the smile and hope appear on her face as she looked up at her “And maybe you can tell Sasha how much you miss her, that way maybe she’ll be able to see you more” Costia looked up at her aunt her face filled with more hope than it was moments ago

 

“But will Ali get mad?”

 

“Of course she won’t, she loves you and if you miss her she’d wanted to know. Because she’s your big sister and she wants to look after you” Rosalyn softly spoke hoping her words would sooth her niece slightly with her words

 

Before she had a chance to say anything else she heard the door handle rattle and make noise as someone turned it the door slowly opening up. Bellamy was the first one to enter the room followed by Abby then Clarke who smiled at Costia before making a beeline for Atom who jumped up from his seat when he saw Clarke enter the room, Lexa was the next one into the room walking over to Costia she leant down tickling her little cousin with her left hand quickly “You ok Cos?” Costia nodded her head at Lexa’s question, standing back up Lexa walked over to Clarke and Atom smiling at her little brother’s toothy grin. Octavia was the next one into the room her appearance making Costia giggle and smile softly she was closely followed by Sasha who closed the door behind her before turning to look at her little sister watching as Costia threw the jacket off onto the couch and ran across the space on the couch jumping on the armrest and onto her sister who caught her with an oomph

 

“Hey Mini me someone’s happy” Sasha smiled at her little sister as the little girl wrapped her legs around her waist and her arms around her neck resting her head on her shoulder

 

“I missed you”

 

“You did? But I was only gone for…” Pausing for a second she looked up at the clock on the wall “Twenty-three minutes” Costia shrugged her shoulder at the sentence still keeping her head resting on Sasha’s shoulder leaning more into her neck feeling instant comfort as she did so

 

“Why don’t you take Costia for a walk I’m sure she’d love that” Rosalyn interjected as she stood up from the couch looking at Sasha “Wouldn’t you Cos?” Costia lifted her head up from Sasha’s shoulder looking at her aunt before looking up to her big sister and nodding her head softly

 

“But can Tavi come?”

 

“You have to ask Tavi” Sasha added looking from Costia to her aunt, it wasn’t like her aunt to speak for Costia. She was hoping that whatever was wrong wasn’t too serious

 

“Tavi, will you come for a walk with us?”

 

“Of course I will, I love spending time with my little solider” Octavia smiled brightly at the little girl before returning to Sasha’s side “Where shall we walk to?”

 

“Anywhere” Costia softly answered smiling at Octavia as the older woman got closer

 

“But what about if Mr Jacobs comes back with an update?” Clarke asked looking over from where she was sitting with Atom happily on her lap

 

“Just write down what he says and then tell me. He’s going down that’s all I care about, anything else can wait as I have some time to spend with this little one” Octavia responded turning to smile at Costia as she reached forward and gently stroke the little girl’s cheek “Isn’t that right Cos?”

 

“Yeah” Costia smiled brightly at Octavia before burying her head in her sister’s shoulder again

 

“Well that’s settled, we’ll see you soon” Octavia said before turning and walking out of the door followed closely by Sasha and Costia, as Sasha stepped her out of the room she kept her left arm wrapped around Costia holding the little girl up while her right hand come down to take hold of Octavia’s left hand interlocking their fingers, they walked to the exit of the court house she looked around before turning and asking Sasha “Where do you wanna walk?”

 

“Um I’m not sure, there’s a park a little further up I think we could go there”

 

“Sounds good to me, Cos that ok by you?” She asked the little girl getting a small nod from her she smiled at Sasha as they walked to the park hand in hand.

 

It took them about ten minutes to get to the park, it wasn’t a massive park but it had everything that a small child would need, swings, a slide, a roundabout and a few other things. Along with a stretch of grass that had benches placed along it. There were only two other families in the park at the moment which was perfect for them, stopping Sasha released Octavia’s hand then placed Costia carefully on the ground. Her little sister simply looked up at her with a sad face

 

“What’s wrong Mini me? You wanted to come for a walk right?” Costia nodded her head at the questions before she reached up holding onto her sister’s hand with her left hand before reaching up and taking Octavia’s left hand with her right hand, looking up at them innocently she began to walk “Ok so walking it is” Sasha smiled softly as they began to walk along the pathway that curved its way around the park.

 

As they walked along the pathway Sasha looked over at Octavia seeing the brunette turn to her she smiled at her unable to stop herself, she was about to say something when she felt Costia tug on her hand looking down she noticed her little sister looking up at her “Ali?” She questioningly asked before stopping herself from talking completely looking forward

 

“What’s up Mini me? You can tell me anything you know that” She added stopping herself from walking using the hand that was holding Costia’s to guide the little girl to the side of the path, kneeling down in front of Costia she noticed the hesitant look on Costia’s face “Come on tell your big sister what’s wrong” She soothingly gently tugging on Costia’s jacket pulling the little girl a little closer to her the action causing Octavia to let go of Costia’s hand as she got closer to her big sister Costia placed her hands on Sasha’s shoulders shuffling softly on her feet before looking up at her sister

 

“Can I see you more?” Costia softly said her voice only a little higher than a whisper, as if she was scared to ask the question

 

“How do you mean see me more?”

 

“I really miss you and Tavi….and Alex and Rae Rae and Clarkey” Costia answered the calmness of her older sister making it easier for her to speak and me honest with Sasha

 

“You want to spend more time with me?”

 

“Yeah, I really miss you loads and loads” Costia looked down at the ground when Sasha didn’t say a word, still looking at the ground she added “But I’m not mad, I know Tavi is still sick cause of the bad man. I just really miss you and Mama said now we live closer we can see you more”

 

Sasha looked to Octavia she had no idea what to say to her sister, right now she was angry at herself for not spending as much time with her little sister as she should have been, she knew it was all her fault and she had no idea how to apologise to Costia. Before she could say another word Octavia knelt down beside them poking Costia softly in the side making the little girl look up from the ground and look to her

 

“You remember how I was sick because of a bad man right?” Costia nodded her head so she continued “Well the bad man is going to go to prison for a while, and that means that I won’t be scared anymore which means that very soon I’ll be all better” Seeing Costia’s face fill with slight confusion she continued “That means now he’s going to prison it means we’ll have more time to spend with you……like loads and loads”

 

“Really?” Costia asked standing on her tip toes as she raised her eyebrows hopefully in Octavia’s direction

 

“Yep” The smile spread across Costia’s face and she looked to Sasha almost seeking confirmation from her big sister her hands gently gripping on the material that covered Sasha’s shoulders. Sasha looked at her little sister smiling and nodding her confirmation to the little girl. Without another word Costia jumped forward wrapping her arms around Sasha and squeezing her sister tightly pulling away and looking at her big sister she felt confident enough to ask “Can I have dinner with you tonight?”

 

“Of course you can. We’ll ask Mama when we see her yeah?”

 

“Yeah” Costia excitedly nodded her head at her sister before turning to Octavia walking forward and wrapping her arms around her hugging her tightly. Octavia returned the hug before pulling back and looking at the little girl;

 

“Is this why you wanted to come for a walk?” Costia nodded her head softly at the question “Ok. Well now that’s sorted out, do you wanna keep walking or should we go back to everyone else?”

 

“Can we walk for a little bit?”

 

“Of course we can, right babe?” Octavia stated looking to Sasha who nodded her head leaning over pecking Octavia on the lips before kissing her little sister on the temple and standing up holding her hand out for her sister who smiled at her jumping up and grabbing hold of the extended hand before grabbing Octavia’s hand before Octavia could even stand up making both older women laugh. Standing up Octavia couldn’t help but smile when she heard a woman softly say ‘What a beautiful family’ as she walked past with a man who Octavia assumed was her husband. While it was an innocent and lovely comment she couldn’t help how it kicked her brain into high gear.

 

 

Prosecution Room

Bellamy, Abby, Madilyn, Rosalyn, Clarke, Lexa and Atom were still in the prosecutions room everyone was still talking and catching up with each other as always Abby was getting really well with Rosalyn and Madilyn as they talked about their daughters with the occasional comment from Clarke and Lexa of ‘Mom/Mama/Auntie Seriously?’ when one of them would say something embarrassing about them. Bellamy was sitting at the table showing Atom a game on his phone that seemed to have the little boy’s complete undivided attention as he would wow and argh along with the game as Bellamy played. Lexa and Clarke were sat on the couch Lexa was had her left arm on the arm rest her body positioned slightly diagonally as Clarke was laid across her one of her legs curled over Lexa’s right thigh resting between Lexa’s legs and her right hand contently playing with the material of Lexa’s shirt, part of her back resting against half of Lexa’s chest and her right shoulder as Lexa’s right arm rested on the back of the couch and her right hand played with Clarke’s loose hair, Clarke hadn’t been able to stop her mind thinking over time since Lexa had told her she still wanted marriage and kids for them in the future and now Mitch had been found guilty the thoughts in her mind were moving around even faster. She kept thinking about how long it’d be until Lexa asked her to go back to her apartment, how long it’d be before her dad came up with something else to try and split up her and Lexa. She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Lexa’s voice;

 

“How you holding up?”

 

Turning to look up at Lexa she smiled at the thoughtfulness of the brunette “I’m ok just overthinking”

 

“Overthinking about what?”

 

“Just stuff. Nothing important”

 

“O that’s not good” When Clarke raised her eyebrows at her she explained “Whenever you say whatever your thinking is nothing important it usually means it’s really important”

 

“It doesn’t”

 

“It does babe”

 

“Lexa…” Clarke exclaimed as she sat up poking Lexa in the side earning an amused laugh from the older woman “Don’t laugh, I am not that readable”

 

“To me you are”

 

“Good save” Clarke let out unable to stop the smile spreading on her face as she leaned in kissing Lexa softly before pulling back and readjusting herself so she could lean her head against Lexa’s shoulder “I wanna ask something but I don’t want you to think I’m being presumptuous or assuming anything, I just wanna know, ok?”

 

“Sure whatever you want”

 

“Lexa I’m being serious”

 

“Ok. I promise I won’t think that your being presumptuous or anything”

 

“Thank you” Clarke smiled her hand moving back to play with the material of Lexa’s shirt “Now this trial is over and Mitch is going to prison for however long, our apartment is safe to go back to, so how long until we have to leave?”

 

“Clarke, you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to” Feeling Clarke shuffle slight under her right hand, removing her hand so Clarke could sit up and look at her

 

“Are you sure? I know that we’ve only just got back together and I’m not the easiest person to live with”

 

“Look I love you and you love me, the rest of it like how long we’ve been apart, why we were apart, aren’t important now, what matters is that we do what is best for the both of us, if you want to go back to your apartment then you can, I won’t be upset or angry or anything else I promise, I just think that you need…” Lexa hesitated for a second unsure whether to say the next part of not

 

“I need what Lexa?”

 

“You need to do what’s best for you. And you need to be sure that you’re ok doing it alone” Seeing the look instantly on Clarke’s face she quickly added “I don’t mean that I won’t be there for you because I will, I mean I don’t think Octavia is ever going to be able to go back into that apartment and feel one hundred percent safe in it”

 

“Your right, I’ll talk to her” Clarke smiled leaning up and kissing Lexa on the cheek softly “Do you really think she won’t be able to go back there?”

 

“I don’t know, only Octavia knows the answer to that. I know she’s doing better and the nightmares aren’t as regular as they were at the start. And from what Sasha’s told me they can be a little more physical with each other now than when it first happened so that’s a start and it’s definitely progress, but she really is the only person that can tell you for sure, I do know that before Sasha found out about Octavia and Raven she wanted Octavia to move in properly along with planning to propos…….” Lexa instantly mentally punched herself realising she’d just slipped up closing her eyes and biting her lip she quickly opened them looking down at Clarke, who was staring at her with her mouth hanging open, as she struggled to find the words before Clarke could say a word Lexa quickly spoke “Look you can’t tell anyone and you really can’t start screaming in excitement please…”

 

After a few seconds Clarke blinked her eyes finally finding the words to speak “What the hell Lexa, why didn’t you tell me before?”

 

“Because it went belly up and she found out her best friend slept with the love of her life, she wanted to forget that she wanted to propose, She’s my family so I promised her that I wouldn’t say anything, she felt like an idiot.”

 

“Why because she wanted to marry Octavia?”

 

“No because she was so happy, she thought that nothing would go wrong and she’d get her happy ever after and then she found out what she did” Lexa paused looking down at Clarke taking a breath she made sure to keep her voice at the same level “I wasn’t even meant to know I walked in on her after she punched the wall and she had the box in her hand. I know you don’t like lying to Octavia but her knowing would only upset her and make her hate herself a little more than we both know she does, so please I’m begging you please don’t tell her”

 

“You don’t need to beg me Lex” Clarke softly said leaning up kissing Lexa softly before pulling back looking at Lexa softly adding “But you can do something for me”

 

“I can?”

 

“Yes…. move in with me”

 

Lexa’s mouth hung open at the statement before a small began to spread across her face, she struggled to form an actual sentence to answer Clarke when she finally swallowed back going to speak, before she was able to say a word there was a knock on the door and everyone’s attention turned to it. Lexa watched as her mama walked over to the door opening it and saying “Can I help you?”

 

“You can let me through” Lexa’s attention instantly turned to the door knowing that the voice belonged to Kane her full attention on the door “Move or I’ll move you” With that Lexa stood up rushing over to stand next to her Mama her body stiffened and tenses up as she stopped next to her Mama

 

“Don’t ever threaten my mother like that” She firmly let out feeling her Mama place a calming hand on her arm looking to her Mama trying to control the bubbling temper inside herself at Kane’s words to her Mama, she could handle herself being threatened but she drew the line at her Mama.

 

“Alexandra, it’s ok” Rosalyn comfortingly said bringing her hand up to her daughter’s cheek cupping it gently rubbing up and down with her thumb soothingly as she looked into Lexa’s eyes seeing the rage burning inside them. “Go sit down with Clarke” Lexa shook her head at her Mama looking at her dead in the eyes, she was about to speak again when Clarke appeared next to Lexa taking hold of her hand smiling at Rosalyn she turned Lexa’s head with her left hand making Lexa look her in the eyes

 

“Listen to your Mama Lexa, come and sit with me” She firmly stating making sure Lexa knew she was one hundred percent serious in her words and arguing wasn’t a good idea right now. Lexa relented nodding softly at Clarke and her Mama walking over to the couch sitting down her left arm on the armrest and her right hand on her right thigh as she began to tap her foot repetitively hoping the anger inside her would fade away somehow.

 

“Now sir, if you could tell me how I could help without threatening me or upsetting my daughter”

 

“Of course she’s your child, delinquent little dyke”

 

“I’m going to assume you are the infamous Marcus Kane, the man who threatened my children and my niece, I respect your opinion and I understand you have an issue with homosexuality but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t speak about my child like that. Now if you could form an appropriate sentence explaining why you are here then I can help you”

 

“Whatever. I wanna see my wife”

 

“Abigail?”

 

“Well I don’t have any other wives”

 

“I’m sure you don’t Mr Kane”

 

“Listen lady…” The tone of his voice was enough for Lexa to try and move to stand up only to be stopped by Clarke placing her hand on Lexa’s thigh pressing and holding her down stopping her from moving. As Lexa looked at her the anger clear on her face, Clarke forced the brunette to look into her eyes as she gently rubbed her cheek with her hand.

 

“You need to stay calm Lex” Clarke soothingly stated leaning forward into Lexa a little more so they were face to face. Before Clarke could get out another word she heard her mother’s voice say

 

“Marcus would you please control yourself like the adult you are” Clarke turned looking at her mom seeing that her mom had made her way to the door and was now stood next to Rosalyn looking at her father standing in the doorway “We can talk but not here, we’ll talk out there away from OUR daughter”

 

Marcus didn’t say a word he nodded his head gave Rosalyn a dirty look and turned around walking away from the two women standing at the door. Abby turned to look at her daughter softly smiling before walking out of the door following her husband, as she watched Marcus continue to walk following him she heard the door to the Prosecution room close, walking towards the exit of the courthouse she decided to follow him outside, as she stepped out of the courthouse she saw her husband sitting on one of the walls near the entrance to the courthouse. Sitting down next to him she waiting in silence as five minutes past by and she impatiently asked “Why did you come here Marcus?”

 

“Because I wanted to see you…...you explain everything to you” Marcus ventured reaching out and trying to take Abby’s hand only for Abby to retract her hand and look at him the upset and anger in her eyes

 

“Well talk then” Seeing the surprised look on Marcus’ face she continued “Why are you shocked Marcus? You took the stand and tried to help the man who attacked OUR daughter get away with everything he did to her. That isn’t something a real father would do Marcus”

 

“It wasn’t like that Abby, I never meant for him to get away with it”

 

“DON’T YOU DARE LIE TO ME” Abby shouted at Marcus standing up as she did so, quickly he stood up taking her hands only for her to pull them away from him and continue “A real father wouldn’t take the stand as a character witness for the man who beat his daughter black and blue, your so wrapped up in the fact that Clarke is gay that you don’t seem to care how much it breaks her heart seeing you do the things you do.”

 

“It’s……”

 

“If you dare say her being gay is wrong I will slap you Marcus I promise” Hearing the words Marcus stopped himself from talking and looked down at the floor “She didn’t chose to be gay any more than Jake chose it. And if all of this boilies down to your problems with Jake then you really need to man up, you can’t keep blaming your daughter for something she can’t control” Pausing for a second she waiting for her husband to speak but when he didn’t she continued “For a fully grown man your acting like a complete child you need to do some serious thinking Marcus because holding something Jake did or was over Clarke isn’t right and it sure as hell isn’t ok. And I sure as hell am not coming home until your either gone or until you man up and become a real father to our daughter”

 

“Abby” Marcus stated as Abby turned around and began walking away and back to the courthouse before she could take two steps he grabbed her roughly by the wrist turning her around forcing her to look at him “Why don’t you ever listen to what I’m saying?”

 

“Marcus let me go now” She firmly stated she wasn’t worried about him hitting her but at this moment he was crossing a line he hadn’t ever crossed before and she needed him to know that.

 

“Just listen to me Abby, I did it all for a reason” He started the tone of his voice changing as he began almost begging Abby to listen to him “She needs to know how wrong it is, it ruined Jake’s life it look everything good and crashed it into the ground”

 

“Marcus LET GO OF ME…. NOW”

 

“NO…. Just LISTEN” Marcus shouted out as he gripped onto Abby’s wrist even more, as she tried to pull her wrist free, just as Marcus was about to speak again he was interrupted

 

“HEY” Sasha’s voice loudly proclaimed as she ran over to where Abby and Kane were stood next to the wall as she got closer to them she added “She said to let her go”

 

“This is none of your business you little dyke, now go back to whatever you were doing”

 

“Not until you let go of her” Sasha firmly stated stepping forward a little more so she was almost right next to Abby, seeing Marcus’ attention was on Sasha, Abby pulled down hard with her hand breaking Marcus’ grip on her wrist. Rubbing her wrist, she stepped back looking at her husband as he tried to step forward only to be blocked by Sasha “She doesn’t want to talk to you, so walk away” Marcus again went to talk past Sasha only for her to place her left hand on his chest and firmly push him backwards “For once do the right thing and put your wife and daughter first” Sasha kept her face emotionless but completely serious at the same time.

 

Kane looked Sasha dead in the eyes seeing she was serious in her words, heeding the words he turned beginning to walk away from Sasha, slowly turning back seeing his wife disappear into the courthouse, Sasha continued to watch Kane walk away until he was no longer in her sight. Shaking her head in disbelief she turned walking back towards the courthouse entrance were Octavia and Costia had enter moments before she approached Kane and Abby. As she was halfway up the steps she heard her name being called out turning around she saw Raven running up the stairs towards her. “Rae?”

 

“Hey” Raven let out slightly breathless as she reached Sasha, noticing the shocked look on Sasha’s face she asked “Costia didn’t tell you she spoke to me, did she?”

 

“No she didn’t, when did you talk?”

 

“Earlier, Lexa called me and said someone wanted to talk to me and it was Cos”

 

“What did she say?”

 

“She said a lot, but she told me she was scared of the bad man that hurt Octavia. She asked me to come, I tried to call you to see if it was ok but your phone was off. I tried Lexa’s phone as well and nothing. She sounded really upset”

 

“She hasn’t seen Mitch so I don’t know who she saw”

 

“I can go if you want me to” Raven honestly answered looking at her best friend waiting for an answer

 

“No its ok. She wants to see you from what I can gather”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Of course, come inside” Sasha smiled gently patted her best friend on the shoulder continuing to walk up the stairs and into the courthouse, she instantly noticed her girlfriend and Costia sitting on a bench not far from the entrance, Octavia was sat with Costia on her lap as the little girl had her head buried in her neck hiding her face completely. Octavia looked over at the two women watching as they walked over to her. “Hey Cos, what’s wrong?”

 

Sasha got no answer from her sister as she looked down at her, seeing Sasha’s worry Octavia softly explained “Kane scared her with his shouting, she thinks he’s the bad man that hurt me. She’s scared he’s gonna come after me”

 

“That’s not the bad man Mini Me, he’s behind bars and he can’t get to Tavi”

 

Costia shook her head in Octavia’s chest “No, he was being bad earlier he was rude to Mama. He called her an idiot Ali, that’s really bad” Sasha looked down at her little sister confused at her words, her Mama hadn’t told her about any exchange of words with Kane. But now she understood why her sister seemed to be so shaken by the exchange she’d seen outside.

 

“Hey Cos, I’ve got someone here to protect you” Costia didn’t move or say anything so Sasha continued “I heard that you called someone earlier and told them you were scared, is that right?” Costia’s head slowly nodded against Octavia’s chest. Sasha looked to Raven giving her a small nod to which the other brunette softly smiled moving a little closer to Costia and softly spoke;

 

“Hey Munchkin” As soon as the words left Raven’s mouth, Costia’s head popped up from Octavia’s chest revealing tear stained cheeks, sniffling she blinked her eyes a couple times before jumping down from Octavia’s lap running full force until she was close enough for the Raven to lift her up onto her chest her arms wrapping around Raven squeezing her tightly. She gently rubbed her hand up and down Costia’s back hoping to sooth the little girl a bit. After a few minutes Costia finally popped her head up looking at Raven the tears still evident on her cheeks, Raven reached up her right hand keeping her left arm under Costia so she didn’t drop her, wiping away the tears with her right hand, she wiped away the fresh tears that replaced them looking at Costia she softly asked “What’s wrong Munchkin?”

 

“The bad man is here”

 

“Is that why your upset?” Costia nodded her head at the question a sad pout still clear on her face “Why didn’t you tell Ali or Tavi?”

 

“Because Mama said they were stressed and not to be bad or too much, because Tavi was waiting for the bad man to be put in jail”

 

“You should have told someone”

 

“I’m sorry Rae Rae, but I missed you and you make me feel safe”

 

“Ok, well you have to promise me that next time you tell Tavi or Ali or even Lexa ok?” Costia nodded her head at the question before leaning forward burying her head in Raven’s shoulder squeezing her arms a little more around Raven’s neck.

 

“I’m Sorry Rae Rae” Costia softly mumbled into Raven’s neck not moving her head from its position

 

“It’s ok Munchkin” Raven soothingly stated gently kissing Costia on the side of the head, she smiled when Costia lifted her head up looking at her pursing her lips at the older girl, the little girl quickly leant forward pecking Raven lovingly on the lips before pulling back smiling at her “Your happy again huh?”

 

Costia nodded her head looking at Raven “You make me happy”

 

“I do…Good, now…” She started carefully placing the little girl on the floor she knelt in front of her seeing Costia tense up a little a being placed on the floor “Why don’t you show me where Mama and all that amazing food you talked about is”

 

“Yeah” Costia excitedly let out grabbing hold of Raven’s hand as the older girl stood up and allowed herself to be pulled by Costia, turning and smiling at Sasha and Octavia who were smiling at the whole interaction between the two moments ago. “die kos is die beste Rae Rae” _(The food is the best Rae Rae)_ Costia excitedly let out continuing to pull on Raven’s hand her little feet going faster than Raven’s were causing Raven to be pulled forward a little

 

Octavia and Sasha watched the two walk off towards the room, slowly following behind them Octavia snaked her arm down Sasha’s until her hand reached Sasha’s hand intertwining their fingers she leant her head against Sasha’s shoulder softly asking “Are you ok with her being here?” Sasha turned her head to look at Octavia questioningly “You know after everything between me and her?”

 

“It doesn’t matter anymore, what matters is family and yeah it still hurts but sometimes Costia needs someone other than me or Lexa, and if Raven can help her then what I feel or think isn’t important, and besides I trust you” Sasha smiled softly kissing Octavia’s head as they continued to walk to the room, they both softly giggled out loud as they entered the room haring Costia’s excited voice shouting out at her Mama

 

“Rae Rae’s here Mama…. Look” Costia stated as she jumped excitedly up and down in the air, her arms shouting up and down in the air before darting back to hold Raven’s hand “Look Alex, Rae Rae’s here” The little girl giggled dropping Raven’s hand and running over to Lexa her hands on Lexa’s knees

 

“I know I can see her can’t I…” Lexa laughed out reaching forward and tickling Costia’s stomach causing the little girl to bend over in an effort to stop her, seeing the little girl’s motion she reached forward grabbing hols of the little girl lifting her in the air and onto her lap tickling her as she did so, making sure she was careful not to drop Costia.

 

“Hey there Slick Lex, nobody tickles my munchkin when I’m here” Raven laughed jogging forward and reaching down lifting Costia out of Lexa’s grip and lifting her into the air and onto her chest.

 

“Super Rae Rae” Costia giggled out as Raven carried her over to the table, seeing the food on the table “Look Rae Rae they have your favourite” She let out pointing to the biltong on the table “Rae Rae loves Biltong”

 

“Yes I do. Let’s get some of that before it gets eaten” She stated poking the little girl in the stomach softly making her laugh

 

“Hey no fair, save me some” Sasha laughed out stepping forward reaching for the table

 

“No they are for Rae Rae” Costia laughed out looking over at Sasha and giggling at the shocked look on Sasha’s face

 

“We’ll see about that won’t we?” Sasha started moving forward quickly trying to get to the Biltong only to be beaten by Raven and Costia who laughed at Sasha along with everyone else in the room. The laughter that had filled the room slightly died down when the door opened and Mr Jacobs entered the room looking around

 

“Miss Blake…. Miss Griffin, could I speak with you both for a moment please?”

 


	43. Forceful Collision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Verdict  
> There's an accident outside the Courthouse but is it really an accident?

Chapter 43-Forceful Collision

Clarke and Octavia followed Mr Jacobs out of the Prosecution room after telling both Sasha and Lexa to stay inside with the family while they spoke to Mr Jacobs out into the emptiness that was the massive hallway of the courthouse. Both of them looking at Mr Jacobs their minds running wild with what he could say to them. They followed him for a few metres until he stopped turned around and looked at them both. There was a moment of silence before Mr Jacobs spoke;

 

“Ladies, myself and Mr Wallace have just met with the Judge we had a lengthy discussion and Mr Wallace informed me that Mr Markers has refused a plea deal”

 

“What does that mean?” Octavia asked slightly confused as to what that meant

 

“It means that it will be solely down to the judge to decide how long if any time in jail Mr Markers does”

 

“If any?” Clarke asked her face dropping at the words Mr Jacobs had spoken

 

“It means that at the least he will receive a Dishonourable discharge, but he may not be forced to do any actual jail time”

 

“How likely is it that he won’t go to jail at all?”

 

“Honestly?” Mr Jacobs asked seeing both women nod that they wanted him to be honest he continued “This Judge is one of the more lenient that most judges but when it comes to Military cases or sexual assault cases he is extremely harsh on people, and considering the fact that he is both of those things I believe he will be Dishonourably discharged and have to serve at least five years in prison”

 

“So we have nothing to be worried about?” Clarke asked knowing that Octavia was probably wondering the same thing

 

“In my professional opinion, no you have nothing to worry about”

 

Both women let out a massive breath that neither of them knew they were holding in, looking at each other they both let out a massive smile before jumping forward wrapping their arms tightly around each other. Both of them feeling the relief rush through their bodies at the thought of Mitch actually getting the punishment he deserved. As they both pulled out of the hug they thanked Mr Jacobs stepping forward, both of the hugging him at the same time. Before stepping back and smiling at him;

 

“Your more than welcome Ladies, I have some other cases to prepare for but you can both go home and I’ll be in contact in due course” Mr Jacobs smiled at them before walking off towards the exit of the courthouse. They both watched him disappear through the doors.

 

Looking at each other they couldn’t believe how great today had turned out considering how the case had actually started out, Clarke took hold of Octavia’s hand gently pulling her to a nearby bench as they both sat down she softly asked her best friend “How you holding up?”

 

“Surprisingly great, knowing he’s going away is an awesome thing.” Octavia honestly answered smiling as she looked to Clarke and asked “How about you?”

 

“The same really, everything seems to be going so well. Mitch is going to get what he deserves, my mom has left my dad after seeing the light and Me and Lexa are doing great, things feel like their finally back on track”

 

“Have you asked her yet?” Octavia asked, her and Clarke had talked numerous times over the last few days about living arrangements for her once the trail was over, Sasha had already told Octavia she still wanted her to move in with her and Lexa, and Clarke was more than happy for her best friend but it only had asking Lexa a little more difficult for her.

 

“Yes. But I didn’t get to hear her answer because my amazing father started banging on the door”

 

“CLARKE…”

 

“What O? I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet”

 

“Please don’t put it off, I know how you get your scared she’ll say no so you won’t ask”

 

“I do not do that”

 

“Yes you do, stop with the self-pitying doubt now” Octavia smirked looking at Clarke before taking her best friends hand and gently squeezing it “You and Lexa are meant to be, your destined for each other, just ask her if she’s not ready then she isn’t, but make sure you ask, I can see that love in Lexa’s eyes and believe me that kind of love isn’t something you see everyday”

 

“Your right…I just have to ask her again”

 

“I know I’m right…” Octavia smirked out, before Clarke could get out another word the door to the prosecutions room opened and Lexa’s head appeared in between the door and the frame of the door looking over at them. “Speak of the devil”

 

“What have I done?” Lexa asked amused raising her eyebrows as she stood up properly opening the door and walking towards the two women sitting herself down between them Octavia and Clarke and leaning back against the bench “So come on spill what have I done now?”

 

“Nothing, Anyway I miss my woman so I’m gonna leave you two too it” Octavia smiled getting up turning around and looking at the two women and winking at them

 

“Sash will be happy she was just saying she missed you” Lexa smirked winking back at Octavia as she watched the younger brunette disappear into the room she had emerged from moments before hand. Looking to Clarke she moved her right arm to wrap around Clarke’s shoulders turning slightly to look at the blonde she asked “So really what did I do?”

 

“Nothing she was just saying how nauseous it made her seeing us all lovey dovey again” Clarke lied looking up at Lexa before leaning forward kissing her softly pulling back and looking Lexa in the eyes “I have to admit I did miss you though”

 

“Mmmm your becoming an Octavia aren’t you?” Lexa softly laughed out raising her right eyebrow at Clarke who looked at her unimpressed

 

“And what is that meant to mean exactly?”

 

“You know how when Octavia and Sasha are always together Octavia can’t tear herself away from her, like if she lets go all of a sudden she’s gonna wake up and this is all gonna be a dream”

 

“You think your my dream girl, is that what you’re trying to say Lex?” Clarke retorted she knew that Lexa was only joking to make her smile and she wasn’t going to fight her girlfriend at this present moment

 

“We both know I’m your dream girl”

 

“We do huh?” Clarke teased leaning closer to Lexa and smirking

 

“We do. I have good career, my family aren’t mean or nasty to you, I have a six pack and I’m sexy as hell. What more could you want in a dream girl?”

 

“You forgot that your modest too”

 

“Oh yes I did babe, good call” Lexa laughed out as Clarke gripped on to her shirt gently closing the gap between them kissing Lexa softly, their lips staying connected together for a few minutes. Before Lexa pulled back smiling at Clarke before she softly said “Yes, by the way” Clarke squinted her eyes slightly confused at Lexa’s last sentence raising her eyebrows at Lexa until Lexa laughed and softly said “To moving in with you…. the answer is yes”

 

Clarke’s face lit up with a smile Lexa had only rarely seen, she didn’t have too much time to take in the smile as Clarke lunged forward catching of balance slightly as their lips connected together “Really?” Clarke asked pulling back as her arms wrapped around Lexa’s neck, when Lexa nodded her head she kissed her again, pulling back and asking “Your being completely serious right?” Again Lexa nodded her head and again their lips connected together this time with a little more passion than previously. Their lips stayed connected as their hands roamed freely on each other’s until the door of the Prosecution room swung open and hit the wall with a massive thud shocking them both and causing them to break apart.

 

Fully expecting to see someone smirking at them, they both took a few seconds to take a few breathes in. Lexa was the first to look up, she looked up just in time to see Sasha walking off angrily somewhere before she had a chance to contemplate any further Octavia appeared at the door frame her face filled with worry as she looked to the left seeing Sasha, as Octavia stepped forward about to run after her girlfriend Lexa quickly jumped up and stopped Octavia in her tracks gently placing her hands on Octavia’s arms forcing her to stop, as Clarke stood and walked over to them stopping next to Lexa her face filled with worry;

 

“Get off of me Lexa” Octavia all but shouted at Lexa trying to shake her arms free

 

“O, what the hell is going on?”

 

“Kane is what’s going on Lexa now move?”

 

“What are you talking about Kane?”

 

“Her threatened Madilyn and Costia earlier”

 

“HE DID WHAT?” Lexa asked a little louder than she intended as the anger filled her body and she naturally let go of Octavia’s arms

 

“When they parked up, Atom and Rosalyn came to the entrance to find out where we were and apparently Kane saw them and cornered them, he made some remark about Costia’s cancer…. Look I don’t have time to explain in full Sasha’s flipped and I need to stop her before she kills him”

 

“No…. Let me go, I can handle her better than anyone else”

 

“I’m not standing back Lexa”

 

“I’m not asking you too, just let me try and don’t get too close please” When Octavia nodded her head softly at her, Lexa turned on her feet running as fast as she could go towards the doors Sasha had burst through moments ago. As they stood outside not knowing where Sasha had gone looking around Lexa noticed Sasha walking towards the car park entrance, running as fast as she could down the stairs she caught up to her cousin stopping when she got in front of her cousin instantly seeing the anger on her face she placed her hands on Sasha’s shoulders looking at her in the eyes “You can’t do this Sash, now isn’t the time or place”

 

“Do you know what he said?”

 

“I know he threatened Costia, I’m not saying its ok but I’m saying now isn’t the time or place for any of this”

 

“He threatened my little sister Lexa”

 

“I know and believe me I’m just as pissed but beating the hell out of him for a few seconds isn’t gonna do anything but put you in prison for a long time. Now isn’t the time or place ok?” Sasha didn’t answer her she just gritted her teeth, clenched her jaw and nodded once. Seeing the motion Lexa placed her right hand on the back of Sasha’s neck pulling her towards her until Sasha’s head was resting on her shoulder wrapping her right arm around her cousin holding onto her

 

Lexa just holds onto her cousin for a few minutes feeling the anger disappear from her cousin’s body more and more until she felt almost completely relaxed. Removing her arm from around Sasha, she let her cousin stand back up Sasha looked at her and stepped forward wrapping her arms around her hugging her tightly whispering a small thank you to her. Pulling back, she noticed a worried looking Octavia looking at them taking a step, looking over at her Sasha softly said;

 

“I’m sorry babe, I just kind of snapped” Octavia smiled at the older woman quickly moving over to her wrapping her arms around her girlfriend before pulling back and kissing her softly before asking

 

“You’re ok now though?”

 

“I’m fine. Still pissed but the pure anger is under control I promise”

 

“Good, even though you do look really sexy when your angry”

 

“I do huh?”

 

“Very sexy” Octavia smiled kissing Sasha again this time their lips stayed connected for a few seconds longer than before, when she pulled back she smiled at her softly saying “Let’s go back inside so Lexa and Clarke can get back to making out”

 

“Hey we weren’t making out” Clarke defensively as she moved towards the three women

 

“You so were” Octavia smiled back laughing as she unwrapped her arms from around Sasha and stood next to her girlfriend

 

“Were they maccing on each other babe?” Sasha asked smirking as Lexa sent her an unimpressed look

 

“They were babe it took them a good few seconds before they were able to even look up”

 

“Ohh yeah Lex, mmm get it get it” Sasha laughed out wiggling her hips and fake smacking the air as she looked at her cousin “So tell me Clarke did you enjoy the special of today?”

 

“What special?” Clarke asked instantly regretting it when she noticed the smirk on Octavia and Sasha’s faces

 

“The Woods special”

 

“Sasha….” Lexa warned her cousin

 

“It comes with a three course meal and a dessert of Woods Sundae baby” Sasha couldn’t help but laugh at the look on Lexa’s face “One hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed Griffin…”

 

“Sasha I’m warning you”

 

“Oh Lex, have I been misled this whole time is Clarke not the freak. Are you freak in the sheets Lex…” Sasha laughed out enjoying the chance to laugh and have fun, she moved backwards as she noticed Lexa beginning to playfully come after her, they messed around with each other jogging and dodging each other as they made more jokes about each other’s sex lives as their girlfriends looked on watching them call each other names from ‘freaks in between sheets’ to ‘all out sex addict’ to ‘bottom bitch’ they continued to mess around with each other until they both called a truce due to tiredness both agreeing to continue on with this argument later.

 

Realising that they had found their way into the road path that lead to the car park, they both began walking towards Octavia and Clarke both laughing softly as they did so. Lexa pulled out her phone when she felt her phone vibrate, hearing a small ding she looked behind her seeing her keys on the floor she bent down picking them up shaking her head a giving Sasha a ‘whatever’ look when Sasha called her a clumsy bitch she began walking back to others when she heard a car’s wheels screeching she turned her head seeing a black Mazda speeding towards her at full speed. Her brain froze as her eyes feel on the driver and before she knew it the car was a few feet away

 

“LEXA” Sasha shouted out running forward as fast as she could pushing Lexa out of the way as hard as she could, but it was too late as they both hit the car the impact sending them both into the air. Lexa’s body got hit by the side of the car bonnet rolling up it and off the car her back and neck smashing into wind mirror as her body was thrown from the car. Sasha however seemed to take the brunt of the car she managed to jump a tiny amount sending her body rolling over the bonnet of the car up over the roof of the car across the boot then sending her body crashing to concrete underneath it. Everything inside her brain became jumbled and blurred as she laid on the floor trying to sort out her thoughts, after a few seconds she felt someone’s hand on her arm her eyes shoot up seeing Octavia’s worried face looking down at her, she could she Octavia’s lips moving but she couldn’t hear anything her ears were buzzing, after half a minute of laying on the ground she softly shook her head she sat herself up sound suddenly filling her ears looking at Octavia she could now hear her girlfriend’s words;

 

“Sasha are you ok?” She asked leaning forward a little as she placed her hand on Sasha’s cheek trying to check the back of her head to see if she was injured or bleeding at all

 

“I’m good” Sasha quickly responded gently brushing Octavia’s hand away before standing up, as she stumbled slightly she caught sight of Clarke and everything she was feeling disappeared as she noticed Clarke was kneeling next to someone, taking off as fast as she could take she stumbled over her feet on the first steps before finally finding her balance and rushing until she was next to Clarke leaning down her eyes landed on Lexa

 

She took in the sight of her cousin noticing the pain in her face that she was obviously trying to hide from Clarke, she could see that Lexa’s right arm was badly grazed all the way from her bicep down to her wrist and part of her hand. Her trousers were scuffed and exposed the skin underneath which was a little red, she couldn’t notice anymore injures on Lexa’s lower body, however, as she looked up looking at Lexa’s face and neck she now noticed a bruise forming on Lexa’s neck and slight grazing around it, it didn’t look to serious but she knew it’d mean a visit to the hospital. She did notice that Lexa’s left arm was firmly gripping onto the material that was covering her stomach as if she was trying to stop Clarke from looking.  Looking down at her cousin she asked her:

 

“Het jy seergekry?” ( _Are you hurt?)_

 

“My maag” (My stomach) Lexa began taking a breath only to grimace at the pain it sent shooting through her body  

“Ek wil nie met haar te sien” (I don’t want her to see) Lexa stated knowing Sasha would know she meant Clarke.

 

Sasha looked to Clarke thinking on her feet she cleared her throat before telling the blonde “We need your mom” When Clarke didn’t respond but instead continued to stare tearfully down at Lexa “Clarke...” Sasha said a little louder this time “Your mom…. Now”

 

“Yeah sorry, I’ll go get her now” Clarke responded shaking her head softly before quickly standing up and running into the courthouse, once she was sure Clarke was gone Sasha looked down at Lexa.

 

“Let me see” She demanded the tone of her voice telling Lexa not to even think about arguing with her at this moment in time, doing as she was told Lexa removed her hand with an expression Sasha could only describe as pure pain, lifting up the material of Lexa’s shirt she noticed grazes on Lexa’s sides, placing her hands on her cousins stomach she looked Lexa in the eyes, when Lexa gave her a small nod she softly pressed down on Lexa’s stomach she felt along Lexa’s stomach feeling the muscle’s underneath felt harder than it should have, as she pressed down more she felt Lexa squirm underneath her, removing her hands she looked at her cousin “I think you may have a minor internal bleed or some deep muscle bruising. You have to let Abby look you over ok?” Lexa just about managed to nod her head at Sasha before resting it against the concrete beneath her

 

Sasha was about to say something she heard Abby’s voice coming from behind her asking her daughter what was wrong, her words stopped with an instance when she laid eyes upon the scene in front of her, Sasha knelt down next to Lexa as Lexa laid in the road on her back visible wounds on her upper body as her head rested on the concrete underneath it. Sasha watched as Abby and Clarke began jogging quickly towards them, as Abby came to a stop next to her and Lexa, Sasha moved to the side letting Abby look over Lexa as she looked over Abby as she checked over Lexa Sasha’s attention was drawn to the corner of her eye and Clarke. Turning her attention to Clarke she noticed the blonde was looking at the car that had hit both herself and her cousin, seeing the look of shock on Clarke’s face she slowly turned her head to look in the direction Clarke was looking, her eyes falling onto a man’s figure standing next to the open driver’s car door. And that was when it hit her, when it clicked in her brain that she hadn’t imagined who the driver was, that she wasn’t seeing things moments before the car hit her. She felt the anger rushing back to the surface inside her as she took in the sight in front of her, the man driving the car was none other than the man that had been trying to ruin her and Lexa’s lives for years because of something neither of them could control…. Marcus Kane.

 

Before the anger could burst out of her Sasha was brought back when she heard Lexa let out a groan of what Sasha could only describe as pure pain, the sound causing her to shoot her eyes back in Lexa’s direction. Her attention only stayed there for a moment when she heard Clarke call out Octavia’s name, her eyes shot back to Clarke only to realise that Clarke was no longer there, turning quickly she noticed the blonde moving quickly towards where her father was still stood next to his car. Continuing to move her eyes she now noticed the reason Clarke was moving so fast, Octavia was moving very quickly and aggressively towards Kane, without thinking Sasha took off running knowing Lexa was in safe hands, she ran full force sprinting past Clarke within a second then continuing to run until she was in front of Octavia and only a foot or two in front of Kane and the car, placing her hands on each of Octavia’s arms she held the brunette still stopping her from moving forward

 

“O, this isn’t going to solve anything?”

 

“He could have killed you and Lexa” Octavia emotionally let out her body shaking softly with rage as tears of anger spilled out of her eyes and down her cheeks as she looked past Sasha her eyes locked on Kane

 

“Hey look at me” Sasha softly said, moving her hands from Octavia’s arms up to her cheeks turning Octavia’s head so the younger brunette was looking at her “I’m ok, I’m one hundred percent ok. I know your angry but hurting him won’t solve anything”

 

“I don’t care; he’s got away with too much”

 

“And now he won’t, there’s cameras everywhere and all the witnesses. He’s going to jail” Still seeing the anger in her girlfriends eyes she added on “If you let him inside your head it will ruin you, and it’ll ruin us…. you do what you want to in your head and you’ll be in prison just like he will be” Seeing Octavia’s eyes soften slightly she added “For me…. please just walk away with me”

 

“I could have lost you” Octavia emotionally croaked out as another tear fell from her eyes

 

“You didn’t lose me and you won’t I promise you that” Sasha knew it was a promise she would one hundred percent keep because she didn’t know what the future would hold but she knew that as long as she had a choice in the matter she would keep it. Wiping the tears from Octavia’s cheeks Sasha looked into her eyes again making sure her girlfriend knew she was being honest, after a second Octavia stepped forward wrapping her arms around Sasha’s shoulders pressing their bodies tightly together burying her face in Sasha’s shoulder she took in everything about her girlfriend she loved from the way she smelt to how firmly she held onto her. Octavia slowly pulled back looking into Sasha’s eyes before leaning forward and kissing her softly on the lips, it was nothing more than for her to confirm Sasha was ok and wasn’t hurt. When it didn’t ease her worry Octavia softly looked at Sasha and asked;

 

“You’re sure you’re ok?”

 

“I’m fine. Lexa’s hurt more than I am”

 

“But your hurt?” Octavia asked pushing back off of Sasha slightly as her eyes began to scan over her girlfriends trying to spot any injuries

 

“Just a few scratches and grazes that’s all” Sasha answered quickly seeing Octavia’s facial expression change instantly. As she let her sentence out she held her arms up showing Octavia the grazes on her forearms and the back of her biceps, and some of her shoulders and her back.

 

“And you’ll let the doctor check you out?”

 

“I will I promise. I just wanna make sure that Lexa is ok” Sasha honestly replied her eyes moving over to her cousin who was still being checked over by Abby, looking back at Clarke she noticed the blonde was no longer there but was now running over to Lexa. As the sound of the ambulance sirens filled the air, none of them had actually called an ambulance due to them being caught up in the events as they had unfolded but they were glad that someone had taken the time to call someone to help anyone who was injured.

 

-An Hour Later-

Clarke, Sasha, Octavia, Abby and Rosalyn were in the waiting area of the hospital Lexa had been taken too. Once the ambulance had arrived at the scene Sasha ran into the court room rushing to the room their family was in calling her Mama and her aunt to come outside she explained what was going on, Madilyn then offered to look after Atom while Rosalyn went to the hospital with Lexa to make sure everything was fine, once Raven heard she offered to look after Costia for Sasha, to which Sasha gladly accepted telling Raven to use her spare keys to get into the apartment. Sasha and Rosalyn then rushed back to where the paramedics were looking after Lexa as they came back outside they arrived just in time to see Kane being read his rights by two police officers.

 

As much as she wanted to enjoy the moment Sasha was more worried about Lexa’s heath at this moment in time, after refusing to let the paramedics look over her she finally agreed to let Octavia drive her, Rosalyn and Abby to the hospital while Clarke rode in the back of the ambulance with Lexa. Once they got to the hospital Lexa was rushed off to an emergency room to be checked over while Sasha was forced to do the same thing when Octavia sent her a firm look. Once her grazes and cuts were checked over and cleaned and wrapped up she found her way to the waiting room where the other women were waiting. They had been waiting for an update for about an hour now and Clarke was beginning to get really anxious so much so she had been pacing backwards and forwards for the last ten minutes, Octavia finally had enough and gently grabbed hold of Clarke’s wrist pulling her to sit between her and Sasha

 

“She’ll be fine” Octavia reassuringly said rubbing her best friends back gently as she turned her head to look at Clarke

 

“You don’t know that, the way that car hit her was vicious” Clarke stated looking back at Octavia as her hands began to tap on her legs

 

“She’s been through worse, I know it looked horrible but Sasha took the brunt of the force and she’s fine”

 

“I know but…. did you see that wing mirror? it was in pieces”

 

“I know………Lexa’s a strong person she’s fine….”

 

Before Clarke or anyone else could get out another word the dirty blonde male doctor knocked on the door entering slowly with his clipboard in his hand “Is one of you here the next of kin for Miss Alexandra Woods?”

 

“That’s me. I’m her cousin Alexis Sasha Woods” Sasha softly spoke up sitting forward slowly leaning her elbows on her lower thighs just above her knees “How is she?” She noticed the doctor looking around at everyone in the room answering the question she knew was in his mind she spoke “Their all family, It’s ok to say in front of them”

 

“Ok. Miss Woods is doing fine she was severe bruising to her upper body but mainly to her stomach area, we ran some scans and they have revealed that she has some internal bleeding and bruising from the forced of what we believe to be the wing mirror of the car hitting her, we’re going to keep her in hospital for a few days to observe the injury and make sure no further damage is done, she also has a concussion from her head hitting the floor so we are going to monitor that as well. Considering Miss Woods was in a car crash a few months ago, and sustained a minor internal bleed at that time as well, we are making sure we are extra careful this time around”

 

“So she’ll be fine?” Sasha asked wanting to confirm what the doctor was saying

 

“Yes she should be fine as long as she listens to the doctor’s orders she’ll be fine” The doctor stated softly smiling going to turn around only to stop himself and look to Sasha “I almost forgot, Miss Woods is asking to see a Clarke”

 

“That’s me” Clarke softly spoke standing up perhaps a little too quick for her brains liking as the dizziness filled her head, shaking her head and blocking it out she looked at the doctor expectantly

 

“Follow me Clarke, I’ll show you where she is” The doctor politely stated motioning in the direction Lexa was, Clarke looked to Rosalyn and then Sasha for confirmation, both of them nodded their heads at her to which she quickly moved forward following the doctor.

 

Within a few seconds she was at a room down the hall from the waiting room they had been sat in, watching as the doctor opened the door she cautiously walked into the room not sure what was waiting for her on the other side of the door, taking a deep breath in she brushed off her own fears pushing on and walking into the room until she came to the only bed in the room seeing Lexa laying on the bed in a hospital gown, her arms now exposed and showing off the many grazes, bruises and cuts all over them. Lexa looked a little paler than normal which wasn’t normal by any means but it wasn’t the first time Clarke had seen her like that. She was half sat up and half laid down which Clarke knew was to avoid any further stretching of Lexa’s stomach that might cause any further internal bleeding or bruising, slowly walking forward she coughed slightly causing the older woman to open her eyes a smiled filling her face as she noticed Clarke in the room

 

“Hey…” Lexa softly let out her voice a little dry from lack of hydration as she held out her hand to Clarke, who gingerly took a hold of it and moved forward, gently kissing the back of Lexa’s hand “That’s all I get huh?” Lexa joked seeing the smile she loved so much appear on Clarke’s face as the blonde leant down carefully placing a kiss on her lips “So much better…. you have an amazing bedside manner you know that?”

 

“I’ve never had any complaints” Clarke smiled back before her face filled with seriousness as she looked at Lexa “Are you really ok?”

 

“I’m fine, it’s gonna take more than a car to get rid of me"

 

“Lexa this isn’t a joke you could have died”

 

“I know it isn’t a joke Clarke, believe me the poking and prodding the nurses and doctors have been doing I know it’s very serious, I know from the pain shooting through my body that its serious…. BUT…. I also know that this isn’t your fault just because your asshole father was driving the car”

 

“You remember he was driving?”

 

“Kind of, I thought I was seeing things but then when the paramedics placed me on the stretcher I noticed him with the police. It’s not your fault so please stop blaming yourself” Lexa responded leaning her head back to lean against the pillow underneath it that was a welcome change from the concrete that was there hour before

 

“How’d you know I’d blame myself?”

 

Lexa lifted her head up from the pillow looking at Clarke and softly smiling “Because you’re you, you think that your responsible for everything bad that your dad’s actions, I’ve told you once and I’ll keep telling you for the rest of our lives if I have too…. you are not to blame for ANYTHING your father does…. ok?”

 

“Ok…. I hate that you know me so well”

 

“No you don’t”

 

“Damn it” Clarke softly responded smiling softly at her girlfriend before leaning forward and kissing the injured brunette softly before saying “I should let everyone know you’re ok”

 

“Don’t go please” Lexa softly said holding onto Clarke’s hand “I just wanna lay here for a while with you” Clarke nodded her head unable to hide the smile that spread across her face at the brunette’s words to her, moving forward she sat on the edge of the bed allowing Lexa to pull her against her chest she made sure she wasn’t hurting her

 

 

Two Hours Later-Lexa and Sasha’s Apartment

Sasha and Octavia entered the apartment both exhausted at everything that had happened today, Sasha gingerly walked into the apartment behind Octavia trying to brush off the fuzzy feeling that was clouding her mind at the moment, she’d been feeling like this for that last hour or two and she was sure she was about to have another flashback but at the same time this felt different, as Raven appeared from the kitchen she shook her head ignoring what she was feeling. Looking around she couldn’t see Costia, that was until the little girl came running out of the kitchen excitedly with a bag of popcorn in her hands skipping over to the couch she jumped onto it giggling as she placed the popcorn on the couch next to her and climbed under the blanket. Sasha laughed at the actions of her sister looking at Raven for an answer;

 

“We’re watching Ghostbusters…. she’s a little excited” Raven explained hearing Costia shout out ‘GHOSTBUSTERS’ “She keeps singing the song” Raven laughed out looking at Sasha then noticing the pale look on Sasha’s face “Everything ok with Lexa?”

 

“Yeah, she’s got a concussion and internal bleeding and bruising the doctors wanna keep her in for a couple days to be safe considering she was in a crash a few months back”

 

“That seems fair enough…. wanna watch the film with us?”

 

“Nah I’m gonna shower quickly then lay down, my head is pounding….do you mind looking after Cos for another hour or so?”

 

“Of course not, you and O go relax and I’ll keep this munchkin entertained”

 

“Thanks Rae” Sasha softly let out stepping forward without a second thought and hugging her best friend before releasing her and walking off to her bedroom grabbing her towel then walking back to the bathroom

 

Twenty Minutes later Sasha walked into her bedroom seeing Octavia laying down on the bed she smiled softly when the brunette opened her eyes and looked at her and smiled tapping the space next to her on the bed, moving forward she crawled onto the bed all but collapsing on the space next to Octavia she cuddled into Octavia’s side taking in the smell of her girlfriend she closed her eyes relaxing almost instantly “You smell great” Sasha softly said feeling Octavia’s arm wrap around her pulling her closer. She didn’t know how long had passed by but the next thing she knew she was opening her eyes as if she had been asleep for hours, taking a sleepy breath in she looked up seeing Octavia smiling down at her she smiled back at the brunette. Octavia placed a small kiss on her forehead as she gently stroked her hair with one of her hands, leaning up Sasha kissed her softly on the lips her lips hovering over Octavia’s letting out another tired breath she leant her head forward feeling uncomfortable at how heavy her head felt.

 

“You feeling ok, baby?” Octavia asked looking down at Sasha noticing her girlfriend’s actions

 

“I’m ok. Just…. just...tir…tired” Sasha managed to get out the words seemed so simple to say in her head but actually punctuating them was harder for some reason and she didn’t get why.

 

The sentence seemed to kick Octavia into high gear as she looked into Sasha’s eyes seeing the glazed look in them she carefully removed herself from Sasha “I’ll be right back baby” She let out, Sasha wanted to say something but she couldn’t verbalise what she wanted to say right away as the fuzziness returned to her brain. Within seconds Octavia reappeared with Raven closely following behind her, Raven looked down at her best friend noticing instantly something was wrong she looked at Octavia softly saying;

 

“Someone should be with Costia; do you mind? I’ll take care of Sasha”

 

Octavia nodded her head at the statement turning and walking out of the room her face filled with worry at what had just happened. Once the door was closed Raven moved forward checking Sasha’s pupils and her responses she noticed how out of it Sasha seemed to be. As she tried to look her friend over more wondering if this was to do with the PTSD but before she had a moment to do anything Sasha began to fight her off standing herself up with what was more a fight with herself than with Raven, Raven tried her best to help her best friend but everytime she got close Sasha pushed her away finally holding her hands up she looked at her best friend her eyes pleading to let her help but again Sasha didn’t accept the help instead she tried to walk forward stumbling as if she was drunk.

 

Raven watched on as Sasha continued to refuse help she approached the door of the bedroom and that was it, everything was a blur all Raven saw was Sasha reach out for the handle and then her whole body was shaking with force and the next thing she was on the ground convulsing………

 


	44. Convulsions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven helps Sasha after her seizure  
> Can Raven convince Sasha to go to the hospital?  
> Lexa and Clarke spend time together in the Hospital

Chapter 44-Convulsions

Raven stood watching on as Sasha continued to convulse on the floor, she knew from experience in the past that grabbed someone when they were convulsing was dangerous but at this present moment Sasha’s head was dangerously close to the door, moving forward slowly she moved between her best friend and the door making sure not to hurt Sasha as she did so. Kneeling down that Sasha’s convulsing was starting to slow down carefully lifting her leg over her best friend keeping her other knee firmly pressed against the floor underneath it, so Sasha’s body was between her legs. She waited patiently as the minutes passed and Sasha’s convulsing slowly began to stop Raven watched Sasha tentatively making sure that no injuries were caused by the convulsing. She continued to watch over Sasha until what felt like an eternity passed by and Sasha became still, her body covered in sweat from her head to her toes, her clothes sticking to her body as her breathing stayed harsh her stomach rising and falling hard with every breath.

 

Raven watched as slowly but surely Sasha began to come around her breathing levelling out as she looked around the room her eyes darting around the room as she tried to work out what had happened. Her eyes continued to flutter open and shut until they came to rest on Raven who was still stood over her making sure no harm came to her. Minutes passed until Sasha finally stayed laying on her back the lights in the room suddenly becoming too bright for her to handle, bringing her arms up she laid them across her face covering her eyes. Sasha took in a few deep breaths feeling her stomach begin to turn as if she was going to be sick. Taking a few more breaths in this time deeper breaths she felt the feeling fade away slowly until her stomach felt like normal.

 

“How you feeling? Better” Raven softly asked after Sasha’s breathing seemed to be levelling out until it was almost normal

 

“I think so” Sasha softly answered, internally happy that she didn’t stutter or stumble over any words like she had done with Octavia beforehand

 

“What’s wrong?” Raven asked looking down at Sasha as her best friend shrugged her shoulders keeping her arms over her eyes “We need to get you to a hospital” When Sasha went to argue Raven quickly spoke her voice staying firm “No arguments Sasha you just had what I can only guess was a seizure”

 

“You don’t know”

 

“I’ve seen enough people have seizures to know that what just happened to you was pretty damn close” Seeing Sasha’s face crease up underneath her arms “Like I said no arguments Sasha, it’s better to be safe than sorry…. for Octavia and Costia’s sakes as well as the whole families”

 

“Ok” Sasha simply let out, right now she was so tired and scared about what had just happened to right Raven or Octavia and she knew if she said no to Raven her best friend would go to her girlfriend next and Octavia wouldn’t let up until she went to the hospital to get checked out

 

“Good…. just take your time getting up don’t rush it” Raven softly said as Sasha removed her arms from across her face placing her hands on the floor and pushing herself up until she was in an upright position her eyes still closed firmly as she brought her knees up to rest just near her chest. She took a few deep breaths in again before opening her eyes and holding her left hand in the air signalling for Raven to help her up which her best friend did. Taking Sasha’s hand in her own leaning down a little placing her other arm underneath Sasha’s right arm using it to help her off of the floor, once Sasha was on her feet she held onto her for a few seconds as she felt Sasha’s body tense up which she was guessing was due suddenly standing up. When Sasha took a breath in lifting her head up to look at Raven her eyes connecting with Raven’s “You ready?”

 

“Yeah, just don’t tell O I’m going to the hospital”

 

“Sash, I don’t know about that”

 

“Look she’ll get all worried and start stressing, she needs to be calm for Costia…” Sasha continued to look into Raven’s eyes her eyes pleading with her best friend not to argue with her.  “Please”

 

“Ok, I’ll say we’re going for a walk but if the docs say something serious is wrong then I’m telling her, alright?” Sasha nodded her head softly at her best friend’s request, keeping a firm hold on her best friend she looked to her best friend asking “Do you wanna change your clothes first?” Sasha nodded her head at the question, turning herself and Sasha around she carried Sasha to the bed letting her sit down on the bed “Stay there I’ll get something for you to change in to”

 

“Thank you” Sasha managed to get out as her eyes stayed glued to the floor underneath her feet unable to hold her head up as the hazy feeling that again began to cloud her mind once again.

 

Raven walked over to Sasha’s chest of drawers grabbing a pair of jogging bottoms and the first t-shirt she came across, walking back over to Sasha she noticed that her best friend seemed to be spaced out her concentration completely on the floor underneath her feet. Deciding that disturbing Sasha’s concentration might have been the worst thing to do at this moment, placing the clothes on the bed next to Sasha she moved in front of her best friend and began to slowly undress her starting with her shirt she quickly removed the shirt from Sasha’s chest letting it fall to the floor noting how sweaty the shirt felt and continuing to undress her best friend, moving to her lower body she rolled Sasha’s trousers down her legs taking off Sasha’s shoes as she did so. Grabbing the t-shirt, she had pulled out of the draw she carefully placed it over Sasha’s arms then pulling it over her head until it covered Sasha’s chest, then grabbing the joggers she lowered herself down placing Sasha’s feet into them one at a time then slowly pulling them up her best friend’s legs until they were resting on her waist.

 

Standing back up she looked at her best friend who had raised her head looking up at Raven her eyes slightly wider than normal, holding her hands in the air she waited as Sasha lifted her own hands into the air and placed them on Raven’s using them as support to stand up her legs gently shaking as she stood causing her to press a little harder on Ravens hands, thankful Raven could hold her weight. Making sure Sasha was stable Raven let Sasha remove her hands in her own time, minutes later Sasha removed her hand from Raven’s giving her best friend a small nod letting her know she was ok. Slowly she walked towards the door taking a deep breath in as her hand connected with the door handle, when she was sure she’d be able to walk to the front door unassisted she opened the door walking through it closing her eyes and standing still for a moment as the light from outside her room hit her eyes shocking her slightly. Taking a few more breaths in she opened her eyes straightening her back up and putting on her best ‘I’m fine’ face walking into the front room hearing Raven’s footsteps behind her.

 

As she walked into the room she instantly heard a film playing on the TV the noise was almost deafening, she knew that the volume wasn’t that loud neither Costia nor Octavia watched the TV with the volume up loud, as she took a few more steps the floor creaked underneath her the sound grabbing Octavia and Costia’s attention, as Octavia looked back at her, her little sister turned around excitedly on the couch standing up leaning on the back of the couch as she looked happily at her big sister her face lit up with a massive smile. Walking forward Sasha smiled at her little sister stopping in front of her, Costia’s little hands shooting into the air reaching out for her signalling she wanted to hug her big sister, once she was close enough she leant forward bending down a little so she could hug Costia, the little girl wrapping her arms tightly around her waist squeezing her tightly as she rested her head on Sasha’s chest. Pulling back, she placed a kiss on her little sister’s forehead gently stroking her hair as Costia sweetly looked at her and asked;

 

“Are you gonna watch the film with me and Tavi?”

 

“Not at the moment Cos, I’m gonna go for a walk with Rae Rae” Sasha responded feeling guilty as she looked down at the frown now gracing her small face

 

“But I want you and Rae Rae to stay with me” Costia sadly let out looking up at her big sister sending her best sad pout face at Sasha

 

“Hey don’t start the pouty face with me Mini Me, I invented that face”

 

“Will you be back soon?”

 

“Of course I will” Sasha smiled gently poking her little sister in the stomach making her giggle softly before she retreated jumping quickly on to Octavia’s lap, moving around so she could face Octavia she leant down kissing her girlfriend quickly as Costia giggled away on Octavia’s lap “We’re just gonna go for a walk I need some air”

 

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

 

“I’m fine. Just a little overheated”

 

“Ok. Be careful ok?”

 

“I will be I promise” Sasha agreed nodding her head slowly before leaning down pecking Octavia on the lips again before standing up smiling as her little sister looked up at her pursing her lips at her big sister, giggling softly she leant down kissing Costia quickly laughing as her little sister jumped down from Octavia’s lap and ran over to Raven holding her arms in the air jumping up as Raven lifted her onto her chest

 

“Don’t go Rae Rae” She let out giving Rae Rae the same sad pout she had just given Sasha a few moments before, resting her head on Raven’s shoulder squeezing her arms tightly around Raven’s neck

 

“Nice try Munchkin but your sister invented that look. I’m immune to it” Raven smirked out as Sasha looked at her laughing softly, the laugh disappearing quickly and turning into a look of mild pain, which she guessed was to do with the fit she had moments beforehand. Carefully shuffling Costia in her arms so she could look the little girl in the face, once she was looking at Costia she softly spoke “When I get back I promise we can watch loads of movies together and then we can eat loads of popcorn, if you’re lucky I’ll let you watch Ghostbusters again” Raven watched as Costia placed her right hand on her chin rubbing it gently for a few seconds before the little girl spoke

 

“Can we watch Despicable me as well?” When Raven nodded her head at the question a small smile appeared on Costia’s face, quickly it was replaced with a small frown as she nervously tapped Raven’s shoulder with her right hand and asked “And can you come with me to get my special medicine next time I have to go?”

 

“If you want me there then I’ll be there, I’ll ask Mama when it is”

 

“It’s in three days Rae Rae” Costia firmly let out holding up three of her fingers and showing them to Raven

 

“Ok, then I’ll be there I promise”

 

“Yes” Costia excitedly let out leaning forward hugging Raven again as she whispered “Thank you Rae Rae”

 

“You’re welcome Munchkin……Now go back to watching your film with Tavi and me and Sasha will be back before you know it ok?” Raven softly said looking at the little girl in her arms, Costia nodded her head at Raven’s words leaning forward kissing Raven quickly. Raven gently placed the little girl down on the floor watching as she ran off to Octavia jumping onto the older girl and laughing as she did so. Standing up Raven walked over to the door waiting patiently at the door for her best friend. Seeing Raven’s motions Sasha let out a half smile before looking down at the two ladies near her softly speaking

 

“We’re gonna go now….I’ll see you both later on” She finished leaning down kissing Octavia softly their lips lingering together for a few moments as Costia ducked down between their chests, as Sasha pulled back seeing the smirk on Octavia’s face, smirking herself as she noticed Octavia softly bite her bottom lip as she leant back she looked down at her little sister raising her right eyebrow at her little sisters facial expression, Costia was looking up at her with a small smile on her face she had her left hand on her face two fingers in her mouth between her teeth and her thumb on her chin. Leaning down Sasha let out a small Mmmm she leant a little closer to her little sister so they were face to face she knew what this look meant “What you after Mini Me?”

 

“Can…. Can you bring me back a milkshake please?” Costia sweetly asked as she removed her hand from her mouth and chin looking at her big sister

 

“A milkshake?”

 

“Uh huh, please”

 

“What flavour?”

 

“Mmmm…” Costia softly started looking to Octavia, biting her lip softly she looked back to Sasha softly smiling as she softly said “One Chocolate and One Strawberry”

 

“So you want two milkshakes?”

 

“Yes please…” When Sasha looked at her raising both her eyebrows at her she continued “Chocolate for me and Strawberry for Tavi because its Tavi’s favourite”

 

“Oh that’s how it is huh? ...Tavi is your favourite now”

 

“I love everyone the same Ali....” Costia instantly said thinking she’d got herself into trouble with Sasha

 

“It’s ok Cos, Ali is only joking with you…. She’s just jealous that she doesn’t get to watch movies with us” Octavia quickly responded gently placing her hand on Costia’s back and rubbing her hand up and down gently so the little girl knew she wasn’t in trouble “Aren’t you Sasha?”

 

“I am TOT…. AAAA…LLYYYY jealous that I can’t watch movies with you” She dramatically let out ignoring the pain rushing through her to make sure her little sister didn’t feel sad or like she was in trouble, reaching forward she poked Costia gently in the stomach “Just make sure you save our favourite for me and you…. yeah?” She asked referring to The Jungle Book

 

“Yeah” Costia excitedly let out jumping up and down a little before leaning forward hugging her sister tightly, pushing herself back she kissed her sister quickly before leaning back against Octavia snuggling herself into Octavia’s chest. Looking at Sasha who was still kneeling down looking at her and Octavia softly Costia said “Go Ali, Me and Tavi are gonna watch loads of movies…Go” Leaning forwards she gently pushed Sasha’s shoulder towards the door “Go Ali quickly”

 

“Ok ok Cos” Sasha let out raising her arms into the air as she laughed softly at her little sister’s actions, standing up she ignored the dizzy feeling she got from standing up too soon, she smiled down at the two women before stopping next to Raven nodding her head at her best friend signalling she was ready to go to the hospital.

 

* * *

 

Lexa’s Hospital Room

Lexa and Clarke had cuddled for a small amount of time before Lexa felt ok enough to see her other family members, the first person she spoke to as everyone expected was Sasha they spoke in Afrikaans for a few sentences before they both snapped out of it apologising to Clarke, who didn’t understand the language, once they were both satisfied that the other was telling them the truth about their injuries they began talking about other things including Kane and having to give their statements to the police the next day. After a while Lexa all but forced Sasha and Octavia to go back to the apartment so that they both could get some rest after the day’s events that had passed after some argument from the slightly younger cousin Sasha eventually agreed to go home. Once Sasha and Octavia had gone Lexa was bombarded with question after question from her Mama who was extremely worried about Lexa’s medical condition after roughly an hour of telling her she was ok and wasn’t seriously hurt Rosalyn finally agreed to stop asking her if she was ok, looking at the time Lexa told her Mama to go collect Atom before it got too late, again after numerous times telling her Mama she was more than ok it took for Clarke to promise that if anything changed or Lexa felt worse that she would call her instantly, with Clarke’s promise she agreed to leave the hospital promising to check in on Lexa the next day. Just seconds after Rosalyn had left Abby had to leave to grab something to eat before she had to start her night shift at the hospital they were in by coincidence.

 

It had been about twenty minutes since Rosalyn had left Lexa’s room and Lexa was laying on the bed laying back as best she could, thankful that the pain killers the doctors had given her were actually kicking in now. Her doctor told her that they were going to be running more tests in the morning just to be on the safe side. So right now she was doing her best to stay relaxed so that tonight would be the only night that she would have to stay in the hospital, she hated these places especially since everything that had happened with Sasha, coming in to one every day for weeks on end was more than enough times for her liking, and she felt no desire to spend any more time in this hospital than was needed. One of the nurses had just finished checking Lexa’s obs under the watchful and slightly jealous eye of Clarke who thought the nurse was being overly friendly with Lexa. Sitting in her the chair next to Lexa’s bed watching every move that the nurse made, once the nurse was out of the room Clarke’s eyes remained on the door until she was brought out of her thoughts when Lexa spoke;

 

“Do I need to be worried, Clarke?”

 

“No…...do I?” Clarke retorted raising her right eyebrow as she turned in the chair to look at Lexa properly

 

“Why would you have to be worried?” Lexa asked raising both her eyebrows at Lexa as she contorted her face slightly

 

“That nurse was flirting with you”

 

“No she wasn’t”

 

“She was Lexa”

 

“Clarke she wasn’t; she was just being friendly with me. It’s her job after all you should know that, you know bedside manner and all that stuff”

 

“That wasn’t bedside manner Lexa, that was plain flirting”

 

“You look sexy when your jealous you know that”

 

“Lexa” Clarke moaned out as she looked at Lexa letting out a breath as she slouched slightly in the chair “I’m being serious, and you were flirting back”

 

“No I wasn’t Clarke, I was being friendly, you know having manners like most people have” When Clarke huffed out another breath and slouched even more in her chair, Lexa pushed herself up in her bed slightly looking over at Clarke she softly said “I honestly wasn’t flirting Clarke, and I don’t think she was flirting with me. BUT if it makes you feel better then I’m sorry and I want you to know that it was completely one sided, I only have eyes for you” Lexa looked seriously at Clarke smiling softly as she noticed Clarke relax slightly her face softening slightly at her words

 

“I’m sorry” Clarke softly let out as she straightened herself up in the chair sending Lexa her best apologetic smile “I guess I was just never good at the whole jealously thing”

 

“You have nothing to be jealous about Clarke, I’ve never loved someone the way I love you and I don’t think I ever will, plus I don’t have eyes for anyone else other than you, you are my world”

 

“Your high”

 

“No I’m not, slightly buzzed from the pain killers but I am in full control of my mind”

 

“You’re such a charmer you know that?”

 

“So I’ve been told” Lexa softly laughed out looking over at Clarke pausing for a second before letting out a slightly painful breath before patting the space on the bed next to her and saying “Now Miss Jealous…sorry I mean Griffin…will you come and lie next to me so I can get some sleep” Clarke didn’t speak instead she let out a small smile at Lexa’s words, getting up she walked over to the bed carefully climbing onto the bed she looked up at Lexa kissing her softly their lips lingering together for a few seconds before Clarke pulled back gently resting her head on Lexa’s chest as Lexa’s arms wrapped around her.

 

They laid together like that for a few hours both of them drifting off to sleep as they felt at home in each other’s embrace, the feeling of their skin against each other’s, feeling the others breaths as they listened to the silence that filled the air of the room they were in. The stresses of the whole of today along with the last few days finally taking its toll on them both and on their bodies. Clarke was the first to wake up when she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket effectively waking her up. Pulling the phone out of her pocket she tiredly answered it without looking at the Caller ID;

 

“Hello” She sleepily got out

 

“Hi Clarke”

 

“What’s up?” She asked her eyes opening and looking around the room settling on the clock on the wall noticing it was now 9pm, wondering why Octavia was calling her so late at night also taking note of how worried Octavia sounded “Is everything ok?”

 

“Um, I’m not sure”

 

“What do you mean you’re not sure?” Clarke asked out carefully removing herself from Lexa jumping off of the bed and walking over to the door opening it and quietly walking outside into the corridor so she didn’t wake Lexa up

 

“I think something is seriously wrong with Sasha”

 

“What makes you think that?”

 

“She was acting all weird earlier, when we got back she took a shower and then we were laying together, she was laying on my stomach for about an hour and when she woke up she could barely form a sentence and when she did she struggled to speak”

 

“Ok…. anything else?”

 

“No, except she said she was going for a walk with Raven about three hours ago and she hasn’t come back yet”

 

“Have you tried calling them both?”

 

“Yeah I have but neither is answering their phones…. I think that she might have gone to the hospital”

 

“Why do you think that?”

 

“When she was acting weird I called Raven into the room, she asked me to leave the room to look after Costia when as I was walking away from the bedroom I heard a thumb, I didn’t go and check because I wanted to make sure Costia was ok and Raven was in there with Sasha. And then she came back out with Raven and told me she was going for a walk so I thought she was ok”

 

“Don’t worry too much O, If Raven is with her then I’m sure she’s ok”

 

“Could you maybe call your Mom and see if she can see if anyone under Sasha’s name has been admitted or checked into the system? I hate asking but I’m….”

 

“O its fine, I know you’re really worried about her I’d be the same if it were Lexa” Pausing for a second Clarke turned back looking into Lexa’s room seeing the older woman was still sleeping “I’ll find my mom and see what I can find out”

 

“Thank you Clarke”

 

“No thanks needed O, I’ll call you back once I find something out”

 

“Ok. Bye Clarke”

 

“Bye O” Clarke responded hanging up the phone she placed it back in her pocket again making sure that Lexa was asleep she headed off into the direction of the Emergency Room where she knew her mom was working tonight, it took her a few minutes until she reached it she was slightly taken aback when she noticed how many people were waiting to be seen, most of them looked like they didn’t have anything serious wrong with them but some of them. Thinking about turning around and not bothering her mom she was unable to do so when her mom appeared in the eye line waving at her softly. Within seconds her mom as in front of her asking her what was wrong taking a deep breath in she softly said “I’m sorry Mom, your busy I’m sure this can wait”

 

“Clarke, honestly this place looks busier than it actually is……what’s wrong honey?”

 

“Ummmm, Octavia called me”

 

“Is she ok?”

 

“Yeah she’s fine, it’s Sasha she thinks something is wrong with her”

 

“Why does she think that?”

 

“Something happened earlier, Sasha couldn’t get her words out and was slurring. Then she went for a walk and hasn’t come back, that was three hours ago”

 

“How can I help?”

 

“I was wondering if you could maybe check the system and see if she’d been entered into the system”

 

“Of course I can”

 

“Thanks Mom, I know it’s asking a lot”

 

“It’s not asking anything Clarke, come with me” Abby softly smiled at her daughter placing a comforting hand on her shoulder as they walked towards the emergency departments desk, grabbing a tablet from behind the desk she opened up one of the apps that had full access to the whole of the hospitals database, entering Sasha’s name she borrowed her face in confusion as several results popped up on the screen when Clarke noticed the look on her Mom’s face she asked

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Umm…” Abby paused looking at Clarke unsure whether or not to tell Clarke the information, Clarke was at this present time a civilian and wasn’t allowed access to public files, but technically she was a paramedic so was cleared to see all patient files and she was almost family to Sasha, deciding to be on her daughters side this time she took a breath continuing “It says that Sasha was checked over earlier today but left before receiving the complete results of her head CT, they weren’t able to inform her that she had a severe concussion along with a high chance of seizures as a what could be a minor bleed on the brain”

 

“They think she has a bleed on the brain and they let her leave”

 

“I doubt they had any choice, it says that she left whilst one of the nurses was going to get the doctor”

 

“Sounds like typical Sasha, more worried about checking Lexa was ok to make sure she was ok herself” Clarke paused for a second as Abby’s face contorted in surprise “What is it Mom?” She asking thinking her head what could be worse than Sasha potentially having a bleed on the brain

 

“It says here that Sasha was checking into Sycamore Ward just over an hour and a half ago”

 

“Does is say how she is?”

 

“No, just that she is currently undergoing tests to further diagnose what is wrong with her, it says that she admitted herself and informed her doctor that she suffered what she believed was a seizure approximately four hours ago”

 

“Is she awake?”

 

“Yes it says here that she isn’t allowed to sleep for the next four hours”

 

“Does that mean I can go check on her?”

 

“What Clarke means to say is does that mean can WE can go check on her” They both turned to see Lexa standing behind them her body still covered in the paper shirt and trousers the nurses had given to her when she was admitted, looking at the disapproving look on Clarke’s face she added “Firstly you should have told me something was wrong with Sasha whether I was sleeping or not, and Secondly she’s not going to listen to anyone but me at this moment so please don’t argue with me, let me help make sure my little cousin is ok”

 

“Fine, but please be really carefully. You should be resting right now”

 

“I will be extra careful I promise”

 

“You’re so lying” Clarke answered seeing that hint of mischief in Lexa’s eyes the same hint that was always there although sometimes it was hidden

 

“Clarke I’m not lying, I promise you that I will be extra careful not make my injuries worse, but we both know that Sasha won’t let anyone help her unless I make her, so please can we go check she’s ok”

 

“You know you can’t break a promise to me right?” When Lexa nodded her head at the question Clarke let out a small smile and nodded her head “Ok, let’s go” Clarke finished off pointing in the direction of the ward she knew Sasha was being kept, turning to her mom she softly said “Thanks Mom, I really appreciate it”

 

“Yeah Thanks Abby, WE really appreciate you helping us” Lexa added on moving forward and hugging Abby gently, smiling into the hug when Abby squeezed her lightly returning the hug, pulling back she smiled at Abby seeing the guilty look now gracing Abby’s face softly speaking she honestly answered “None of this is your fault….and you don’t need to apologise for any of it” Lexa smiled softly before turning looking at Clarke then kissing her girlfriend on cheek smiling as she walked off in the direction Clarke had pointed.

 

Laughing softly at Lexa’s actions Clarke watched her girlfriend slowly walk off turning her attention back to her Mom she softly said “Lexa is right Mom, none of this is your fault this is all down to Dad” Leaning forward Clarke hugged her mom tightly before smiling at her brightly “See you later Mom, I better catch to Lexa before she gets lost”

 

“Thank you sweetie, I’ll see you soon” Abby smiled watching as Clarke turned around and quickly walked in the direction Lexa had gone trying to catch up to her girlfriend,

 

 

Sycamore Ward

Sasha and Raven were waiting in Room 4 for Sasha to receive the results of all the tests that the doctors and nurses had ran when she and Raven entered the hospital hours before hand. It took even more convincing on Raven’s part to actually get Sasha to go to the hospital seeing Costia’s sad face had made her want to stay at home, even more so when she was out of the door, she convinced Raven to go for a walk with her to see if that would make her feel better, and once they had been walking for thirty minutes she tried in vain to tell Raven she was ok, it didn’t work one bit as Raven firmly told her that she was going to hospital whether she liked it or not, after agreeing to walk to the hospital only they reached the emergency room about forty minutes later. As soon as she checked into the hospital the doctor she had seen hours before hand came down after being informed that Sasha had checked back into the hospital, he then showed them up to Sycamore Ward and began running tests seeing as Sasha wasn’t being very helpful with informing them of what had happened failing to mention the seizure and forcing Raven to keep quiet even talking over her everytime she tried to tell the doctor.

 

They ran scans, MRI’s and blood tests to check what was going on and to find out if they could fix whatever was wrong. Sasha had been all but forced by Raven to change into the trousers and shirt that the nurse had brought into her room for her. Once she was in the room she was again forced to lay on the bed by Raven who would push her back into a laying position everytime she tried to get up and leave the room. For the last ten minutes Raven and Sasha had been engaged in a back and forth of pushing, with Sasha trying to get out of the bed and Raven pushing her back every single time. They were both pulled out of their exchange when the door opened and a voice filled the room;

 

“Alexis stop fighting Raven” The voice was firm but at a normal volume letting them both know that she was serious and could get louder at any minute. Raven raised her hands in the air taking a step back as she looked over at Lexa, slightly surprised to see her best friend. Seeing Raven back off she moved forward looking her slightly younger cousin in the eyes her voice staying as firm as moments before as she asked “Why are you fighting her off?”

 

“Because I want to go home Lexa”

 

“And you can once the doctors check you over and make sure you’re ok”

 

“I’m fine Lexa” Sasha stated her voice a little louder than normal almost like a teenager when they are arguing with their parents

 

“No you’re not” Raven interjected looking over at Lexa and Sasha

 

“I am completely fine” Sasha retorted sending a warning glance that ultimately went unnoticed by her best friend

 

“Sy het 'n beslaglegging” ( _She had a seizure)_ Raven informed Lexa choosing to speak in Afrikaans in case any of the doctors entered the room, not wanting to break her promise to Sasha to not tell the doctors she had a seizure and if she told Lexa she wasn’t breaking any promise she made.

 

“Het sy vertel die dokter wat??” _(Did she tell the doctor that?)_

 

“geen” _(No)_

“Is jy 'n volledige idioot?” _(Are you a complete idiot?)_ Lexa firmly asked looking shockingly at her younger cousin, not understanding how she could keep something so serious from her doctors and nurses “Jy moet hulle vertel dit kan 'n teken wees dat daar iets is regtig verkeerd” _(You should have told them it could be a sign that something is really wrong)_

“Ek is fine LEXA, ek weet my eie liggaam en dit is my eie besluit” _(I'm fine Lexa, I know my own body and this is my own decision)_

“Jy kan jou eie liggaam weet maar jy kan soms verkeerd wees, vir hulle sê wat gebeur het of ek sal” _(You may know your own body but you can be wrong sometimes, tell them what happened or I will)_

“Jy sal niks sê nie jy nie 'n reg dit is my besluit het, net respekteer dit soos Rae het” _(You won't say anything you don't have a right this is my decision, just respect it like Rae did)_

Clarke watched on in slightly confusion not knowing what exactly was being said between the two cousins but whatever it was she knew that Sasha wasn’t happy with anything that Lexa was saying to her, she could tell that just from Sasha’s body language. She was trying to make out some of the words but was unsuccessful unless it was a name or a word Lexa had told her the meaning for she didn’t have clue what was being said so she waited patiently for them all to get out what they so clearly needed to say to each other

 

“Ek sal alles doen wat ek moet, om seker te maak jou regtig ok. En ons albei weet dat Rae net stilbly omdat sy nie die geval wil jy weer ontsteld, en jou gebruik te maak van dit” _(I'll do whatever I have to, to make sure you’re really ok. And we both know that Rae is only keeping quiet because she doesn’t want to upset you again, and your taking advantage of it)_

“Wat de hel bedoel jy ek is nie gebruik te maak van enigiets” _What the hell do you mean I'm not taking advantage of anything_

“Jou gebruik van die feit dat sy wil hê jy moet haar vergewe oor wat gebeur het met kraai sodat sy gewoond die dokter vertel” _(Your using the fact that she wants you to forgive her over what happened with Raven so she won’t tell the doctor)_

“Ek is nie die gebruik van enige iets teen haar, ophou probeer om my mamma wees ek is ten volle in staat om my eie besluite I dont jy nodig het om in te meng” _(I'm not using anything against her, stop trying to be my mama I am fully capable of making my own decisions I don’t need you to interfere)_

“Ek is uit op soek na jou, ons albei weet ek, as jy wil so hardkoppig wees nie, maar ek kan nie nou beskerm jou nie minder” _(I'm looking out for you, we both know I am, if you wanna be stubborn so be it but I'm gonna protect you none the less)_

“Ek kry dit, maar ek vra nie dat jy nodig het om te kyk na my Ek is fine ok as ek gedink het ek was nie Ek sal die dokter vertel, maar niks is fout met my” _(I get it but I don't need you to look after me I'm fine ok if I thought I wasn't I'd tell the doctor but nothing is wrong with me)_

“Hoe lank was sy beslag vir?” _(How long was she seizing for?)_ Lexa turned her attention to Raven who was standing quietly next to the chair near Sasha’s bed, she watched as Raven looked to Sasha ignoring the warning glance she gave her, taking a small breath in she looked to Lexa honestly answering

 

“Minstens tien minute” _(At least ten minutes)_

 

“RAVEN” Sasha let out a lot louder than any of them expected her too as she leant forward looking at her older cousin her face filled with a mixture of emotions

 

“Wat? Ek belowe om nie na die dokter vertel, sy is nie die dokter sy is familie” _(What? I promised not to tell the doctor, she's not the doctor she's family)_

“Whatever” Sasha stated leaning back against the bed in defeat resting her head against the pillow, her headache beginning to start up again more vicious than any of the others she’d experienced over the last few hours

 

Before Raven or Lexa could get another word out the door opened and the doctor walked into the room holding a tablet in his right hand. They all watched the doctor walk forward to the bed stopping at the end of Sasha’s bed. Holding the tablet in his hand he used his other hand to again look at the image on the screen. Looking up from the tablet he noticed the new additions to the room looking to Sasha his eyes seeking approval.

 

“Their family, it’s fine to talk in front of them” Sasha confirmed for him lifting her head off of the pillow for a second

 

“Ok, so we need to talk about what the tests discovered”

 


	45. Visting Time

Chapter 45-Visiting Time

Sasha sat anxiously waiting for the doctor to tell her what the tests had revealed she tried to judge his expression but the doctor seemed to know how hide any trace of emotions. Looking to Lexa she noticed the look of worry and pain on her cousins face, then looking to Raven she noticed that her best friend’s face was filled with pure worry. Taking a deep breath in sending a reassuring smile to both Raven and Lexa she looked at the doctor and confidently said;

 

“Lay it on me Doc”

 

“Well, you have sustained what we believe at this present moment to be a very severe concussion”

 

“And that’s why I’ve been feeling how I have?”

 

“It could very well be; you haven’t really been the most co-operative with our nurses or myself Miss Woods”

 

“I know I’m sorry, it’s just…”

 

“She gets scared…” Lexa butted in noticing the embarrassed look that was creeping onto Sasha’s face, looking at the doctor she continued “She hates hospitals, since she got shot and was in one for months on end she can’t stand them, so she keeps back information thinking she knows her body better than anyone else”

 

“I completely understand I read Miss Wood’s file regarding her previous injuries…. now I have to ask, is there any further information that I need to know that may affect my diagnose”

 

Lexa paused for a second taking a breath in as she looked to Sasha not sure whether to actually tell the doctor everything, when Sasha closed her eyes and then opened them a few seconds after nodding in her direction Lexa spoke “She had a seizure, about an hour before she came in”

 

“Is that all I need to know or is there more?” The doctor asked looking at Sasha his face soft and gentle almost inviting her to open up, seeing the look on the doctors face Lexa looked to Sasha reaching over and grabbing her hand gently squeezing it gently encouraging her to speak, taking a deep breath Sasha squeezed Lexa’s hand as she looked at the doctor and spoke;

 

“Since I got hit by the car my heads been pounding, worse than I’ve ever experienced before…. then there’s the sounds everything I hear is amplified to like a billion everything is hyper sensitive…then there’s the lights everything feels like its cranked up to a hundred…even standing up was painful, I felt really dizzy and drowsy….and Ummm when I came too from the seizure I couldn’t remember anything that happened or how I got into the bedroom”

 

“Is that all?”

 

“Yeah”

 

“What you just informed me of along with everything I already had knowledge of including the results of all the tests that we ran, I believe that you have a Grade 3 Concussion”

 

“Grade 3?”

 

“A grade 3 concussion is the worse find of concussion you can get, it basically means that the trauma suffered to your brain was severe, it can mean numerous things but mainly it means that your brain rattled in your skull so much and with such force that it caused you to become extremely disorientated along, I believe that the force of your head hitting the ground sent your brain into the wall of your skull with immense force, so much force it caused minor bruising to your frontal cortex, that is the part of your brain that controls voluntary movement”

 

“Is that really bad or not?” Sasha asked looking from the doctor over to Clarke then to Lexa and back to the doctor

 

“At present it isn’t life threatening, but over the next few days you’ll experience everything that you’ve already been experiencing, however, all of these can be avoided if you get plenty of rest and keep all activity to a minimum. The bruising should begin to heal in about a week or at most two, each day you’ll find that all the symptoms will begin to ease up gradually and the pain will become a lot more bearable that it is now”

 

“So other than the concussion there’s nothing seriously wrong with me?”

 

“No, all the bruising to your back, neck, stomach, shoulders and our hip is all minor, the pain your experiencing is a result of all your injuries combined the pain medicine should help but keep to the dosages otherwise you’ll experience side effects as a result of your other medication, other than the bruises and the head injury you are fine. We will discharge you within the next few hours provided we have someone sign documents confirming they will watch over you for the next few days to ensure that you don’t overexert yourself and that you get plenty of rest”

 

“And that’s it?”

 

“Yes, you’ll be advised on what to do once at home, things such as how to avoid making the headaches unbearable and what not to do”

 

“Thank you” Lexa and Sasha stated at the same time looking at each other and smiling softly both of them feeling a massive amount of relief inside themselves

 

“Your both very welcome. I will make arrangements for the paperwork to be brought to you along with your clothes” The doctor softly smiled at the two women placing his tablet against his outer thigh as he turned and walked towards the door of the room walking out of it.

 

Once the doctor was out of the room the whole of the room remained silent as everyone thought through what the doctor had just said, Lexa and Raven looked at each other both raising their eyebrows at each other before they shook their heads, looked to Sasha and said “YOU IDIOT” Their joint words caused Clarke to giggle softly in the corner, when Sasha looked at her sending her an unimpressed look causing Clarke to stifle her laughter instantly

 

“You know most people are sympathetic to loved ones when their injured”

 

“And most people have loved ones that aren’t stupid enough to lie to the doctor” Lexa retorted looking sternly at Sasha

 

“I thought it was nothing”

 

“You’re a terrible liar”

 

“Only to you”

 

“True, but seriously Alexis you can’t hide serious things like this from anyone…. we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s wrong”

 

“I know ok, I was just worried that something serious could be wrong and that my previous injuries would affect me somehow”

 

Lexa paused for a second knowing that Sasha was genuinely worried about her previous injuries affecting anything that happened to her, deciding that now wasn’t the time to be having a go at Sasha instead she should be supporting her cousin, sending her a small half smile softly saying “You know what you are right?” When Sasha nodded her head she looked at her she added “Say it Alexis or I won’t give…. What are you?”

 

Sasha took a deep breath in and looked at Lexa before softly muttering “I’m an idiot”

 

“Sorry what was that?”

 

“I’m an idiot” Sasha said again this time a little louder than before so that everyone in the room could hear her speak, looking at Lexa who was now smirking at her

 

“Good, at least we all agree on that” When Sasha went to protest and say something else, Lexa placed her hand gently over her cousin’s mouth looking in dead in the eyes and saying “No more talking, close your eyes and relax while we wait for you to be discharged….” When Sasha went to talk despite having Lexa’s hand over her mouth Lexa spoke knowing what her cousin wanted to say “I’m fine nothing major they just want to observe me, now stop talking before I get Clarke to call Octavia” Hearing Sasha mumble a fine underneath her hand she watched Sasha relax slightly laying back into the bed even more than she already was, closing her eyes and trying to handle the thumping pain in her head.

 

* * *

 

Sasha & Lexa’s Apartment (Twenty Minutes Earlier)

Octavia and Costia were still laying on the couch in the same spot that they had been in since Raven and Sasha left to go on their walk. After an hour of laying on the couch watching Finding Nemo at Costia’s request, once the film was on Costia laid herself out on the couch resting her head on Octavia’s lap holding onto the material of the jogging bottoms Octavia had changed into once Sasha left. Octavia pressed play laughing at the little giggle of excitement that came from Costia, laughing softly she brought her left hand to gentle stroke through Costia’s now loose hair, about forty minutes into the film she noticed that the little girl was asleep. Carefully removing Costia from her lap she stood up retrieving her phone from the table checking and seeing that there were now new messages or missed calls on it from Sasha, noticing a message from Clarke telling her she was staying the night with Lexa a thought ran through Octavia’s mind.

 

She had a feeling that Sasha was lying about going for a walk, it wasn’t anything that Sasha had said or done it was more how Raven was watching Sasha almost intently as if something had happened that they hadn’t told her. Thinking back to when she was walking away from Sasha’s bedroom she remembered the sound of shuffling on the floor as if someone had fallen over and was moving about on the floor. That’s when it hit her, Sasha’s demeanour her reluctance to leave, her stuttered works they all added up to one thing, Sasha must have had a seizure which meant a brain injury of some form. Bringing up Clarke’s contact details she pressed the call button hoping her best friend would answer the phone.

 

To her relief Clarke answered spending the next few minutes on the phone to Clarke she explained everything that she thought and was scared of asking before asking Clarke if she could check if Sasha had been admitted to the hospital, she was relieved when Clarke agreed to check for her. Ending the call, she took a few breaths in placing the phone in her pocket walking back into the living room she felt a slight panic rise inside her when she noticed Costia was no longer lying on the couch asleep. Looking instantly to the door she felt relief inside her when she noticed that the door was still looked, she quickly walked towards Sasha’s bedroom knowing that Costia usually went to her big sister’s bedroom whenever she was sleepy.

 

As she walked to the door she noticed it was slightly ajar, smiling to herself she heard Costia’s voice coming from inside the room, the little girl was talking about a secret and mumbling something else to herself her mumblings were so low that she couldn’t make out most of what she was saying. She continued to listened until she heard a rumbling sound thinking something was about to fall down she slowly opened the door her eyes falling onto Costia who was sat on the top of Sasha’s chest of drawers now wearing Sasha’s army t-shirt, as soon as she noticed Octavia she froze in her place her face filling with a guilty look. Giggling softly, she moved forward stopping in front of the chest of drawers holding her arms up to the little girl giving her an unimpressed look, Costia leant forward letting Octavia lift her off of the chest of drawers and onto her chest. Looking at the little girl in her arms she asked;

 

“What were you trying to do trouble?”

 

“I was looking for Ali’s special medals” Costia answered her small face filled with a sad expression as she looked at Octavia

 

“And why are you looking for them?”

 

“Cause I wanna see them”

 

“I guessed that silly…” Octavia let out softly tickling Costia in the stomach wanting to make the little girl smile and feel more relaxed than she was moments before “What I mean is why do you want to see them?”

 

“It stops me missing Ali and they are really shiny and pretty”

 

“But you know that you can’t just look at them, you have to ask someone”

 

“I’m sorry Tavi”

 

“Don’t be, you wanna know something?” She asked the little girl walking over to Sasha’s bed and sitting herself down on the bed moving Costia so the little girl was sitting on her lap. Costia looked up at her innocently before nodding her head at the question “Whenever Sasha isn’t here I really really really miss her, even if she leaves the room for a few minutes I really miss her”

 

“Me too” Costia softly let out leaning forward resting her head on Octavia’s chest wrapping her arms around Octavia’s upper body. Bringing her hands up to Costia’s head gently stroking the little girl’s hair, pushing aside her own discomfort regarding the medals she brought her chest backwards looking into Costia’s eyes she softly said;

 

“Does looking at the medals make you feel happy?” Costia looked up at her and nodded her head at the question “Ok, let’s look at them then” She softly said knowing Sasha usually didn’t have a problem with Costia or her looking at the medals, moving Costia and sitting the little girl on the bed she stood up walking over to the chest of drawers looking back she noticed Costia was sitting on her knees excitedly watching her every move. Opening the top draw she moved a few of Sasha’s clothes out of the way finding the Black Box which was about the size of an Xbox, it had a lock code on it along with Sasha’s unit’s coat of arms embroidered on to the top of it, lifting the box out of the draw she walked over the bed placing the box on the bed in front of Costia seeing the little girl’s face light up with happiness and excitement.

 

Sitting down next to the box she turned it towards her putting in the code that she knew unlocked the box, it was the date her and Sasha meet combined with the date Costia and Tristan were born. Opening up the box she was meet with numerous more boxes three of them were rectangular shaped she knew those were Sasha’s medals of bravery along with her medal of honour for the two incidents that occurred on her tours, then there was a black velvet rectangular shaped bag which she knew held Sasha’s ranking and career achievement bars. Picking up the first box she carefully opened it up revealing the shiny medal inside the box, as she opened it she heard Costia gasp at the sight of the medal as she always did when Sasha showed her the medals, placing the box down in the larger box she picked up the next box repeating the action before going to continue it on more time to reveal the final medal in its box. Picking up the velvet bag she noticed a small purple velvet box underneath it, her eyes catching it making her heart almost literally jump into her throat as it registered in her mind exactly the kind of box it was.

 

“Look Tavi” Costia’s voice bellowed out making Octavia turn her attention to the little girl who was pointing to the box that had just caught Octavia’s attention “It’s your favourite colour Tavi”

 

“I know, but I don’t think we should touch that one for now”

 

“But why not?”

 

“Because maybe that is something Sasha doesn’t want me to see”

 

“What about that?” Costia stated moving forward and placing her hand under the box lifting up a little from behind it, revealing an envelope “Look what I found Tavi” She stated excitedly holding the envelope in her hand

 

“Cos, we shouldn’t be going through your sister’s things like this”

 

“But it says your name Tavi”

 

“Does it?” Octavia asked peaking at the letter seeing her name written in Black ink on the envelope, she knew the handwriting was Sasha just by looking at it. As the curiosity began to take over her she carefully took the envelope and placed it back in the black box, lifting up the small purple velvet box so she could place the envelope where it was originally placed. Holding the purple box in her hand she was about to open it when she felt her phone ringing in her pocket removing it she noticed it was a call from Bellamy. She hadn’t spoken to her brother since Sasha and Lexa got run over and he was probably looking for an update, looking to Costia she softly said “I’m just gonna take this call ok Cos, be very careful with the medals”

 

“Ok Tavi. I’ll be extra careful I promise”

 

“Good Girl” Octavia smiled standing up and moving towards the door opening it and walking out of it closing it so it was only ajar allowing her to hear if anything happened in the room.

 

As she looked at the medals in the boxes Costia couldn’t help but feel curious she wanted to know what was in the box and even though Octavia told her not to, she really wanted to see what was in it, she knew she might be in trouble but like any other six-year-old she didn’t know how to curb or control her curiosity. Reaching forward her tiny hand grabbing hold of the purple velvet box she lifted it out of the black box wanting to know what was inside it. Grabbing the box, she opened it up her eyes becoming wider as they fell onto the sparkling diamond inside it, Costia let out an excited and slightly shocked ‘wow’ as she continued to look at the diamond. Hearing Octavia’s footsteps coming towards the room sound and slight fear of being caught caused her body to jump and her hands to scramble sending the box onto the bed. Before she had a chance to look around Octavia walked through the door causing the little girls face to fill with a guilty look.

 

Raising her eyebrows Octavia looked at the young brunette intriguingly asking “What are you up to trouble?”

 

“Nothing Tavi…...I promise”

 

“Mmmm sure you aren’t” Octavia responded slightly amused, she could see that Costia was guilty about something she’d seen the look on the little girls plenty of times to know what that look was. Moving back to the bed and sitting back down where she had been sat previously she watched curiously as Costia crossed her legs placing her hands on her knees, looking down at the bed avoiding looking at Octavia. Laughing softly, she turned her attention to the box the laugh dying in her throat as she noticed the purple box was now missing, turning around and looking at the little girl she realised that Costia must have picked up the box and done something with it. “Cos do you know where the box is?”

 

“I don’t know Tavi” Costia softly said her hands playing with the material of her trousers

 

“It’s ok Cos, I’m not mad I just wanna put it back before Ali gets back home” Octavia leant forward ducking her head so she could look at the little girls face, leaning on her elbows she reached forward lifting Costia’s head up with her left hand she looked at the little girls face as she did something caught her attention on the floor on other part of the bed, standing up and walking around to that side she picked up the box, which was closed, quickly walking back around she sat back where she was moments beforehand, seeing Costia’s head was again looking at the bed she held the box in Costia’s eye line, once Costia noticed the box she let out a gasp looking up instantly looking to Octavia and saying;

 

“I only wanted to look at it Tavi, I promise I didn’t touch it”

 

“It’s ok Cos, no harm done you just have to be careful when handling things like this because you could lose whatever was inside”

 

“It was sparkly sparkle jewellery Tavi”

 

“Sparkly Sparkle huh?”

 

“Yeah, look at it Tavi…it’s magical”

 

Octavia looked at the box contemplating what Costia was saying, her ability to control her curiosity was always bad that’s why she wasn’t good at being on the receiving end of any surprises, looking at the box and then to Costia’s face seeing the excitement on the little girls face she couldn’t resist the urge holding the box in her hand, she was thinking about what could be inside the box it looked like a box for a ring but she didn’t think that for once second that Sasha would have brought her an engagement ring especially after everything they had been through together over the last few months and everything that she has put Sasha through. But there was still that tiny part of her that was hoping it was a ring inside the box. Slowly opening the box, she was slightly confused when she noticed the box was now empty, looking to Costia she asked;

 

“Cos, did you take the sparkly jewellery from the box?”

 

“No Tavi I promise I didn’t” Costia stated standing up on the bed and walking over to Octavia placing her hands on Octavia’s shoulders and looking down at her sweetly her face filled with slight worry “I promise it was there Tavi, I wouldn’t take it, Ali says taking without asking is bad. And I’m not bad Tavi I promise”

 

“Hey its ok Cos, I believe you” Octavia answering wrapping her arms around Costia hugging the little girl tightly hoping it would relax the little girl a little more. Once her arms were wrapped tightly around Costia she lifted the girl dropping the empty box on the bed as she stood up lifting the little girl onto her chest. “I know you don’t take without permission Cos, but do you think you can help me with something?” Costia lifted her head up looking at Octavia she nodded her head at the question, seeing the nod Octavia continued “Can you help me look for it?” Costia nodded her head again at the question Octavia carefully placed the little girl on the ground

 

“You look on the bed Tavi and I’ll look on the floor, because I’m small and your big” Costia sweetly said looking at Octavia her arms expressively moving all over the place.

 

“Yes boss” Octavia smiled seeing the little girl giggle and then drop onto her knees lower her head to the ground so she could see the floor.

 

Octavia went about doing as she was told to by the younger girl moving back to the bed she moved the black box placing it on the top of the chest of drawers, then moving back to the bed she placed her hand on the material pressing down on it and moving her hands up and down the bed fabric trying to feel for the item even though she wasn’t sure what it was she had a very vague idea what it was and she was hoping that it was what she thought it was. Continuing to look and feel over the bed she had just finished when she heard Costia’s voice;

 

“I FOUND IT TAVI, QUICK” The little girl shouted from under the bed, Octavia jumped off of the bed walking around and kneeling down on the floor to find Costia completely underneath the bed amongst a box or two that Sasha had placed under the bed “SAVE ME TAVI I’M STUCK” Costia half giggled and half shouted out causing Octavia to gently grabbing Costia’s calves she pulled on them, Costia slid on the floor until she reached Octavia, letting out a huff of air Costia got up holding something tightly in her hand she looked at Octavia “Here Tavi I found it” She stated holding her clenched fist in the air in front of Octavia, when Octavia held her hand in the air her palm facing upwards, seeing the hand Costia opened her fist placing what was in it into Octavia’s hand

 

Looking down at the item in her hand she looked at it her brain unable to contemplate what she was seeing a small Topaz crystal she could tell from the cut and the shine on the crystal that it was real crystal and not a fake one that numerous of her mother’s boyfriends had got her mother when she was a child. Picking up the ring with two of her fingers holding it up to look at it even more she could see why Costia would call it Sparkly, the way the light of the bedroom hit the crystal made it shine even more, as she continued to stare at the ring she couldn’t help but get lost in her thoughts she had no idea how to process finding the ring or what it meant, there was no actual proof that it was an engagement ring at all for all she knew it could have just been a normal ring that was a present and meant nothing more than any present did. She was brought out of her thoughts when Costia’s voice cut through all the words circling her brain causing her to shake her head softly looking at the little girl;

 

“Sorry Cos, what did you say?” She asked turning her attention to the little girl who was still standing in front of her, her face filled with a mixture of fear and worry

 

“Am I in trouble?” Costia asked as she brought her right hand up to her mouth softly beginning to bite on the tip of her fingers

 

“Of course you’re not in trouble Cos, why would you be?” Octavia quickly said moving forward on her knees gently keeping the ring firmly in her hand, she gently wrapped her hand around Costia’s wrist pulling the little girls hand down gently stopping Costia from biting her fingers, again she asked “Why would you be in trouble Cos?”

 

“Because I nearly lost the sparkly jewellery”

 

“But you didn’t lose it did you?” When Costia shook her head at the question Octavia continued “Then you’re not gonna be in trouble, in fact how about me and you keep us looking at the medals a secret, how does that sound?”

 

“And I won’t get in trouble for keeping a secret”

 

“Of course you won’t”

 

“You promise Tavi?”

 

“I double quadruple promise you won’t get in trouble” Octavia watched as Costia pondered her answer after a couple seconds Costia smiled moving forward and wrapping her arms around Octavia’s shoulders resting her head on Octavia’s shoulder

 

“Ok Tavi. I trust you”

 

“Good” Octavia smiled wrapping her arms around the little girl lifting Costia onto her chest she smiled when Costia hugged her tightly snuggling into her even more burying her head into her neck. Carefully Octavia stood up making sure she didn’t drop Costia as she stood up. Moving around to where she had left the purple velvet box picking it up she carefully placed Costia down on the bed seeing the sad look on Costia’s face she softly smiled at the little girl, quickly placing the ring back into the box making sure it wasn’t marked or scratched or had any fluff or anything else on it, closing the box she placed in back into the black box it was in before. Making sure she placed the box in the correct position she closed the lid locking the box, lifting it carrying it over to the drawer it was always kept in placing it in its space she had retrieved it from, covering it with some of Sasha’s clothes she covered it up just as Sasha always did then pushing the draw to closing it completely.

 

Walking back over to Costia she smiled when the little girl stood up on the bed holding her arms in the air in Octavia’s direction, Octavia walked towards Costia stopping at the end of the bed she held her arms up for Costia, seeing Octavia’s arms Costia ran as fast as she could across the bed jumping into Octavia’s arms giggling softly when Octavia caught her and lifted her onto her chest wrapping her arms again around Octavia’s neck and holding onto her tightly as she again buried her head in Octavia’s neck “How about we watch another movie?” Octavia asked softly as she carried the younger girl to the door of the bedroom opening it slowly with her left hand holding Costia up with her right arm. When the little girl nodded her head at her she smiled walking through the door heading to the living room.

 

* * *

 

 Back at the Hospital

-Lexa’s Hospital Room-

Lexa and Clarke had made their way back to Lexa’s room after Lexa made Raven promise to force Sasha to comply with everything the doctors told her to do, once Raven agreed Lexa made Sasha promise her she wouldn’t ignore the doctors’ advice or anything they told her to do after a ten-minute lecture Sasha relented and gave Lexa a moany ‘ok’ promising her she would do everything she was told to do. With a final push of encouragement from Clarke Lexa finally relented and agreed to go back to the room she was currently supposed to be. Once Lexa had hugged her cousin and the Raven she was pulled gently out of the room by Clarke earning a laugh from her best friend and her cousin slowly they walked back to the room hand in hand Clarke controlling how fast they were walking to ensure Lexa didn’t cause herself any injuries. Eventually they got to the room and Lexa instantly made her way to the bed laying down on it, she looked over to Clarke who told her that she was just going to drop a text message to Octavia, Lexa smiled and nodded her head softly before laying it back against the bed underneath her. Smiling softly at the sight of her girlfriend in front of her Clarke left the room, walking down the hall a little she walked into the relative’s room she came across pulling out her phone she sent Octavia a message;

 

**Clarke: Sasha is here BUT before you panic she is fine...stupid but fine. Their gonna discharge her soon xxCxx**

Sending the message, she looked at her phone seeing the screensaver of her and Costia from Papa Woods’ Birthday party months ago, it made her think about all of the things that had taken place over the months that had followed that party. All the things she had learnt of, everything that had taken place between her and Lexa, her and Mitch, and even everything she had learned about her father’s part in Lexa breaking up with her along with everything else she’d learned of him doing. The more she thought about everything that had happened the more it made her think of how lucky she was to have Lexa in her life again let alone for them to be back together. She was brought out of her thoughts as she felt her phone buzzing in her hands, her attention snapped back to the phone seeing that Octavia was calling her, she let out a small smile in the back of her mind she was expecting Octavia to call her, she knew her best friend and she knew a text wouldn’t be enough for her. Sliding the phone to answer it she placed the phone to her ear;

 

“Hey O”

 

“Hey, so how is she?”

“Like I said O she’s fine”

 

“Fine can mean anything Clarke, I need to know one hundred percent that what’s going on?”

 

“She is really fine O, she has a severe concussion and some minor bruising over her body. But other than that she is perfectly fine, she’s gonna be discharged in the next few hours”

 

“You’re not lying are you?”

 

“Of course not O, I wouldn’t lie about something like that I know how much you love her”

 

“Ok. But she’s definitely coming home tonight?”

 

“Yeah she is. But she’s not allowed to do anything to physical for a few weeks. So no getting plans in your head alright?”

 

“I know Clarke, I asked for Costia she really wants to see Sasha” Octavia paused for a second a laugh coming down the line and connecting with Clarke’s ear “In fact she wants to talk to you”

 

“Put her on” Clarke responded smiling brightly listening as the phone shuffled

 

“Hi Clarkey”

 

“Hey Cos, what’s up?”

 

“Tavi said that Alex is in the hospital, is Tavi telling the truth?”

 

“She is but Alex is fine she’ll be home tomorrow”

 

“Can you give her a present from me?”

 

“What present do I have to give her?”

 

“Can you give her this…” Costia blew a kiss through the phone making a noise with her lips “Did you catch it Clarkey?”

 

“I did Cos…. I’ll give it to her when I see her in a minute”

 

“And can you tell her I love her and I’ll see her tomorrow please?”

 

“Of course I can”

 

“Thank you Clarkey…. Bye Clarkey……I love you”

 

“I love you too Cos” Clarke said in response smiling when she heard Costia continue to say ‘bye’ until her voice faded and the phone shuffled again “O?”

 

“Yeah it’s me, little miss chatty as gone back to watching her film”

 

“So you told her Lexa was in hospital instead of Sasha?”

 

“Yeah, you said Sasha would be released later right so no need to worry Cos. She’ll just get upset and make herself sick”

 

“Fair enough…. anyway I better get back to Lexa before she tries escaping”

 

“Alright…I chat to you soon Clarke……and Thanks”

 

“Don’t mention it O, see you soon” Clarke responded listening as Octavia ended the phone call, smiling to herself she placed the phone in her pocket standing up she couldn’t get rid of the smile on her face after talking to Costia, walking until she got to Lexa’s room she sent a quick text to Lexa’s mama, making sure the phone was on silent she entered the room she had left Lexa in. Walking through the door she smiled when she came across Lexa staring blankly at the wall in front of her bed, as the door closed Lexa’s attention turned to Clarke a smile breaking out and spreading across her face “Why are you smiling so much?” Clare teased as she got closer to the bed

 

“Am I not allowed to smile when I see my beautiful girlfriend?”

 

“You are indeed” Clarke smiled stopping as she reached the edge of the bed leaning forward she kissed Lexa on the cheek pulling back smiling at Lexa “That was from Costia” Seeing the smile on Lexa’s face she added “She said to tell you that she loves you and she’ll see you tomorrow”

 

“I love that little girl so much” Lexa smiled looking at Clarke, just hearing those words and receiving that kiss knowing that they were from Costia even if not physically but only in thought it meant a lot to her. Unable to stop herself from smiling the same way Clarke was unable to moments before hand. She kept thinking about Costia which lead her to think about Tristan and Atom, she missed her brother a lot and this accident just made her want to see them even more. She was pulled out of her thoughts when she felt Clarke squeeze her hand softly looking at her girlfriend, Clarke smiled at her making her smile even more.

 

“And this…” Clarke started leaning forward and connecting her lips with Lexa’s keeping their lips connected for a few minutes before pulling back looking into Lexa’s eyes seeing the dazed look on her face she smiled adding “That was from me” She couldn’t hide the smirk that spread across her lips as Lexa’s face filled with a massive smile.

 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve that but whatever it is please tell me so I can do it again”

 

“You deserved it for being you, so…. keep being you and I’ll be sure to keep rewarding you” Clarke softly said her voice almost seductive as she leant forward kissing Lexa again this time Lexa leant forward wrapping her arms around Clarke’s waist deepening the kiss, Clarke smirked into the kiss carefully climbing onto the bed letting Lexa assist her in doing so. Once she was completely on the bed she moved until she was straddling Lexa’s lap, sitting on Lexa’s upper thighs she rested her hands on Lexa’s neck careful not to apply too much pressure, they continued to kiss like this for minutes upon minutes Lexa’s hands wondered up the back of Clarke’s shirt resting them against Clarke’s skin. As Lexa’s hands slowly began to work their way up Clarke felt Lexa winch into the kiss making her pull out of the kiss, when Lexa looked at her a sad expression filling her face raising her eyebrow at Lexa she firmly said “Nope no more making out Lexa…. you’re in pain and you feeling me up isn’t gonna help that”

 

“But I like feeling you up”

 

“And I like you feeling me up but you need to rest otherwise you’ll be in here for more than a day….and then you won’t be able to touch me at all”

 

“You make a good argument” Lexa smiled looked up at Clarke, avoiding looking into Clarke’s eyes knowing she’d get lost in them and then they would end up making out all over again “Can you at least cuddle with me please?”

 

“I think I can arrange something” Clarke smirked leaning forward pecking Lexa on the lips quickly before carefully moving from on Lexa’s thighs, moving herself into Lexa’s side she felt Lexa wrap her arm around her shoulders pulling her into her side a little, making sure she was pressed against Lexa’s ribs she rested her head on Lexa’s chest, taking in the smell of her girlfriends perfume, even though she’d been through hell and she had been through numerous tests in the hospital Lexa still managed to smell like Lexa. Smiling at her thoughts she felt Lexa shuffle underneath her looking up to look at Lexa she asked “Is this too painful?”

 

“No, your fine Clarke. It’s just hard to be comfortable in any way at all with a bruised stomach a minor concussion and internal bleeding” Lexa smirked looking down at Clarke and seeing the unamused look on Clarke’s face

 

“You’re such a smart ass”

 

“I know I am but that’s one of the reasons you love me”

 

“Arghhhh you’re such a pain, I don’t even know why I suggested moving in together”

 

“You’re such a liar, you know as well as I do that you wanna wake up every morning to all of this” Lexa smirked motioning up and down her whole body whilst looking at Clarke

 

“Perhaps, or maybe I’m just using you for your body”

 

“You can use me all you want Clarke…. just not until I’m one hundred percent”

 

“Don’t worry I fully plan to” Clarke smirked looking up at Lexa, laughing softly as Lexa leant down pecking her on the lips softly before pulling back and smiling down at her. The two fell into a comfortable silence enjoying being in each other’s company after all of the events of the day. Clarke found herself closing her eyes and thinking about all the positives of the day blocking out the negatives and trying to erase them from her memory especially every memory of the day that involved her father. She didn’t know how much time passed but the next thing she knew Lexa was calling her name softly, giving her a small Uh-huh she heard Lexa speak again;

 

“Are you sure that you want to move in with me, like properly?”

 

“Of course I’m sure I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure” She responded peaking up to look at Lexa

 

“So how would you feel about moving your stuff into the apartment in a few days?”

 

“How do you mean?”

 

“I mean like once I’m able to lift and move things without feeling like I’m being punched in the rib cage, how would you feel about emptying your apartment of all your stuff and moving in completely to mine and Sasha’s apartment”

 

“Are you being serious?”

 

“Yeah One hundred percent”

 

Clarke smiled up at Lexa her eyes locking with Lexa’s she could feel the urge to kiss Lexa rising inside her “You’re making it really hard not to make out with you right now”

 

“I’m sorry but you might not want to kiss me after I tell you this….” Lexa paused for a second as Clarke adjusted herself to look up at her properly taking a breath she continued “When we do move, I wanna stay close to Sasha I know we’re both adults but she still needs me, we’ve always been close together and I don’t think that after everything we’ve been through I can’t leave her…. I know moving in together is meant to be a new start but I can’t just leave her al….” Lexa was cut off by the feeling of Clarke’s lips against her own the kiss was fierce and almost forced her backwards it only lasted for a few seconds until Clarke pulled back looking Lexa in the eyes

 

“I’m sorry but I couldn’t hold myself back anymore”

 

“You’re not mad?”

 

“No, why would I be?”

 

“I don’t know; most people would be. I was hoping you wouldn’t be but we never really talked in depth about what would happen with us when we did move in together”

 

“I’ve always thought we’d live near Sasha and Octavia, in fact I hoped we would. Octavia doesn’t really have anyone but Bellamy and I think of her as family and when I think about having my own house I can’t imagine being that far away from her, mainly because if she’s in trouble or whatever I wanna be able to be there for her at the drop of a hat”

 

“You’re so amazing I can’t even verbalise it” Lexa smiled brightly still not believing how lucky she felt inside, she knew Clarke was an amazing person but she was more than sure Clarke wouldn’t wanna live too close to Sasha she didn’t know why she thought it but she did.

 

“I try my best” Clarke smirked leaning up and kissing Lexa softly keeping them connected for a few seconds before she pulled back resting her head on Lexa’s chest “Now shut up and get some sleep” She enforced her voice firm, she heard Lexa’s chest rise and fall from a giggle before her breathing levelled out, the rise and fall of Lexa’s chest soothingly her and helping her drift off to sleep.

 

* * *

 Sycamore Ward-Reception Area

Raven and Sasha were sat on a row of chair waiting for the doctors to sign off for Sasha to go home, since Lexa had left the room Sasha was more than happy when a few minutes later the nurse came back into her room holding onto her clothes, the nurse handed them to her and told her she could get dressed. Sasha got dressed in the clothes she had come into the hospital wearing, only now she was wearing a loose black beanie hat that Raven had given her to cover her messy hair, once she was dressed her and Raven waited until the doctor appeared around twenty minutes later telling her they were ready to discharge her, he explained everything to her along with all the medications she would have to take to ensure that her injuries didn’t get worse. He had then shown them to the reception area where they were told to wait for all the necessary paperwork along with waiting for all the medication to be delivered to reception from the pharmacy. They had been sat in silence for the last five minutes after they both ran out of things to say, Sasha looked at Raven noticing the look of nervousness on Raven’s face, deciding now was as good a time as any she spoke;

 

“Do you think I’m gonna hold what happened with you and O against you?” She asked turning to look at Raven slightly

 

“No”

 

“Rae you can be honest if you feel like I’m holding it over you tell me”

 

“Maybe yeah….” Seeing the look on Sasha’s face she let out a sigh and explained more “I suppose it still feels like I’m walking on egg shells sometimes, like I have to make sure that everything I say is on point and that I don’t say something that could upset you, and then you give me this look like if I get what I should say wrong then it’s gonna be brought up again”  


“I didn’t know I was doing that”

 

“It’s fine I deserve it after what me and O did…”

 

“You don’t deserve it….I forgive you guys I do it’s just……” Pausing Sasha tried to find the right words to say “I guess that even though I forgave you both it was easier for me and O, it was easier because me and her were going through so much at the time and me and O aren’t family, when I think of you I don’t think of a best friend Rae I think of family”

 

“I know and I know I fucked up and I’m so sorry”

 

“No…you don’t need to be sorry anymore I forgive you…. It’s just hard not knowing exactly what you and her did, everytime I place my hands on her all I can think is, Am I touching a place that you touched or am I kissing her the way you kissed her”

 

“Sash….it honestly wasn’t like that….”

 

“Tell me…”

 

“Sorry?”

 

“Tell me what it was like….the only way we can start again is if I know exactly what happened”

 

“Well…...The kiss it wasn’t loving or passionate even it was sloppy and drunken all lips and tongue no real kissing….and for the most part she was in control….I just let her do whatever she wanted…”

 

“You didn’t touch her…. you know lick her out or anything?”

 

“No….Sash….honestly it was a quick finger bang more than it was anything else….We kissed sloppily for a while and then she fingered me and kissed me a little all over ya know…”

 

“So you didn’t have full on sex?”

 

“No if anything she finger fucked me” Raven answered lowering her voice so only her and Sasha could hear what she was saying “It’s still a betrayal I know that but….”

 

“You didn’t sleep together…. why didn’t you both tell me this?”

 

“Everytime we talked about it you got upset and angry, and how me and Octavia saw it we cheated on you either way”

 

“Look it is still technically sleeping together but somehow knowing that she fucked you and you didn’t touch her somehow it makes me feel…. I don’t know…. almost better…”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah I know it’s weird but one of the reasons I loved O so much is because she trusted me…. she trusted me enough to take her virginity…and she loved me enough to make me the only woman that was worthy of touching her, the only one worthy of seeing every inch of her body….and thinking about you touching her made everything worse for me…. but now that I know it’s almost easier to forgive…that doesn’t make any sense does it?”

 

“It does to me…you and her are different than anything you’ve ever felt and her letting you in, in ways nobody else has ever done makes your relationship mean more, it makes it more tense. I get it…. look I don’t wanna tell you what to do but maybe talk to her…I’m guessing that you were holding yourself back a little when you too were intimate?”

 

“A little yeah, she thinks it’s because I don’t wanna push her, and it’s that as well it’s just everytime we kiss I think about her and you, don’t get me wrong there’s memories and thoughts of me and her but when it gets heavy and I can feel my heartbeat racing I can’t stop thinking about you and her, and it drives me insane. The only time I haven’t thought about the two of you was when I surprised her in Mount Weather and then at the courthouse but other than that I couldn’t stop the thoughts of your hands all over her”

 

“Tell her Sasha…. She’s gonna be upset and angry but not at you, at herself more than anything. Get her to tell you what happened and let her know that you can truly forgive her”

 

“Your right…. I need to talk to her and tell her….and let her know I forgive and that she’s my Destiny no matter what’s happened”

 

“There’s the best friend I know” Raven smiled seeing Sasha’s face relax completely, seeing the nurse walking over to them she nudged her best friend in the side

 

“What the hell Rae?” Sasha started before she looked up seeing the nurse approaching them, seeing the smirk Raven was sending her she looked dryly at her friend “Hardy Ha” Both best friends laughed out softly watching as the nurse came to a stop in front of them. They both listened to the nurse as she explained all the medications along with what signing all the paperwork meant for them both. Sasha and Raven both nodded their heads indicating that they knew what all of it meant once the paperwork was signed the nurse handed over the bag of medication for Sasha, Raven and Sasha exchanged a look when the nurse sent a flirtatious smile Sasha’s way, both watching slightly confused as the nurse motioned to the bag winked at Sasha and then walked away heading towards the desk.

 

The best friends looked at each other laughing softly as they began walking towards the entrance heading towards the Accident and Emergency entrance, following the signs they walked as they talked over that the nurse did “Hang on” Raven stated grabbing the bag from Sasha going inside it lifting out the first box of painkillers that were in it she let out a massive smile looking at Sasha in disbelief, when Sasha looked at her not sure why she was laughing she stopped walking holding up the box “Only you could get hit by a car sustain a severe concussion and still look good enough to get a nurses number” Raven explained pointing to the number written on the medication box, Sasha grabbed the box back placing it in the bag pushing Raven forward forcing her to walk “You have got some serious game Sash…”

 

“That she has”

 

Both women stopped in their tracks hearing the familiar voice knowing exactly who it belonged to they both looked around noting that they were now in the emergence room, looking to each other they both confirmed what they heard with a look before turning towards the direction the voice came from, both of their mouths falling open slightly as their eyes came to rest on a broken looking women covered in bruises and cuts, her face bleeding heavily from a cut above her eye the blood flowing over her eye, her lip split wide open at the bottom right hand side, her cheeks a dark red from what looked like a fist imprint. Sasha was the first to vocalise the name...

 

“Ontari?”


	46. A Helping Hand

Chapter 46-A Helping Hand

Sasha and Raven both looked at each other in shock neither fully sure that they were actually seeing Ontari in front of them. The look the two shared only confirmed what they were both seeing both of them turned their attention to Ontari taking in the injuries they had already seen, they both noticed Ontari’s arms had numerous bruises both of them noting that the bruises looked like hand prints, looking down Ontari’s arms they noticed more handprints over her wrists as if someone had held her with extreme force. Their eyes continue to move downwards noticing the blood that covered Ontari’s previously light blue jeans, the blood covered almost all of the jeans in patches and drips from Ontari’s upper thighs all the way down to her calves stopping near her ankles. Sasha was the first to fully process what exactly she was seeing shaking out of her daze she looked back to ex-girlfriend’s face looking at the seats beside Ontari she noticed her girlfriend, Nia, wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Moving forward she knelt down in front of Ontari looking up into her ex-girlfriend’s eyes seeing all the pain in them clearing her thought she softly asked;

 

“What happened?” She asked noticing the look of fear and hesitation that appeared on Ontari’s face

 

“Nothing I’m fine”

 

“Apart from the fact that I know when you’re lying, your covered in blood…. that’s not my idea of fine”

 

“I fell over, that’s all that happened Sash I’m honestly fine” Ontari replied looking up into Sasha’s eyes seeing the doubt shining brightly in them, biting her lower lip the tears welling up in her eyes as she looked around.

 

“What really happened?”

 

“I told you”

 

“Tar, look at me……I can read you, you know I can…” Pausing Sasha reached up with her right hand she placed it over Ontari’s hands, which were clasped together on Ontari’s knees, looking into her ex’s eyes she added “Whatever it is I can help, if you need my help all you need to do is tell me”

 

“Sash…. I…It was…”

 

“Here baby…” The cold cruel voice cut through the air making Ontari go completely silent instantly, as Sasha turned to look at who the voice came from Ontari pulled her hands from underneath Sasha’s pulling her hands until they were tucked on her upper thighs as far away from Sasha’s hands as she could get them. The ice blonde woman approached them looking her over Sasha remembered her to be, Nia, Ontari’s new girlfriend looking over the woman she took in everything about her, the woman was easily 5ft 11inches tall her body her body type was normal, but she looked as if she was big enough to out power most people if she wanted to. Sasha watched as Nia walked over to them sending Sasha what she could only describe as the evil eye taking the hint Sasha looked at Ontari noticing the woman’s change in demeanour she stood up taking a step back so she was again standing next to Raven, watching as Nia handed Ontari a cup of water “This will help with your throat baby” Nia looked from Ontari to Sasha her face staying cold “Do we know each other?”

 

“I’m Sasha Woods….” Turning slightly, she motioned to Raven “And This is Raven Reyes…. we went to school with Ontari” Sasha noticed how Nia’s face instantly changed and became softer almost as if she was trying to cover up something

 

“Sasha?” Nia asked getting a nod of confirmation from Sasha “You and Ontari used to date, you’re the solider right?” Again Sasha nodded her head in confirmation “Oh…Pleasure to meet you” Nia said extending her right hand to Sasha, her voice one hundred percent softer than when she originally spoke moments ago, Sasha lifted her hand up shaking Nia’s hand she took on the bruising and slight cuts to Nia’s hand, letting go of Nia’s hand she let her hand fall to rest next to her thigh.

 

“Nice to meet you too…. Ontari was just telling us how she got robbed” Sasha quickly stated watching the fear fill up instantly in Ontari, as she waited for an answer she took in every move that Nia made whether it was facial or physically she watched them all, she noticed how Nia’s hand twitched slightly before she placed it in her hoody pocket she noticed how Nia let out a huff of air half smiling as she turned looking at Ontari quickly then turning back to her and answering;

 

“Yeah, she was lucky she wasn’t seriously injured”

 

“She was very lucky…. they could have killed her; I mean she’s in bad shape but she’s lucky in general…. a lot of people will kill to get what they want”

 

“I agree…. I was actually telling her the same thing but before I went to get her something to drink” Nia answered keeping her face the same as she looked at Sasha, noticing the bag in Sasha’s hand she decided to change the topic and asked “So what brings you guys here?”

 

“I got run over by a car earlier today”

 

Before Nia had a chance to respond Ontari’s eyes shoot to Sasha and she quickly asked “What? Are you ok?” The worry inside her increasing as she noticed the medication bag and her eyes came to meet Sasha’s again.

 

“I’m fine, I’ve just got a severe concussion and some bruising to some of my body…. I feel a lot better than you look”

 

“Not hard though is it” Ontari joked instantly regretting it as she felt Nia sit down next to her and place her hand on her thigh

 

“Not at the moment it isn’t no” Sasha honestly answered, she had noticed Nia sit down and place her hand on Ontari’s thigh she also noticed the look on Ontari’s face change to one of complete fear

 

“We should go Sash, Octavia’s probably waiting for you” Raven interjected, she could see exactly what Sasha was seeing but right now she needed to be worried about her best friend, Sasha wasn’t in any state to do anything other than rest and that included fighting. Sasha looked at her knowing exactly where her best friend was coming from.

 

“You’re right, no doubt she’s already talked to Clarke…so the clocks probably ticking for me” Sasha responded looking to Ontari feeling the guilt rise inside her at the look on Ontari’s face “I’ll call you soon to check in on you, if that’s cool?” Sasha asked looking at both Nia and Ontari genuinely not wanting to make things any worse

 

“Of course that’s fine. Once her phone’s working again I’ll make sure she calls you” Nia stated squeezing Ontari’s thigh a little too hard for Sasha’s liking “Right babe?” She added again squeezing Ontari’s thigh this time Sasha noticed the brunette hold in a yelp of pain as she grimaced looking up at her

 

“Yeah of course” Ontari continued to look at Sasha trying to keep her face from giving or revealing how she was actually feeling inside forcing herself to smile even though the drying blood on her face made it harder for her to complete the task.

 

“Anyway Rae’s right, we better get going before Octavia sends out a search party” Sending a soft warm smile to Ontari she softly said “If you need me you know where I am…” Seeing the look on Nia’s face she added “Both of you” Seeing the look of anger disappear from Nia’s face she felt relief inside, smiling at the both she turned and headed towards the exit with Raven close to her side once they were both outside Sasha looked at Raven asking “That was weird right?”

 

“Hell yeah it was…. but you’re in no condition to be worrying about anyone other than you” Raven stated haling down a taxi that was about to drive past them. Sasha didn’t say a word to Raven she just nodded her head knowing her best friend was right, now really wasn’t the time to be worrying about anyone other than herself, getting into the taxi resting her head on the headrest of the backseat she tried in vain to stop her mind thinking about Ontari and what could be going on between her and Nia, and she had a nasty feeling that she knew exactly what was going on between them and it didn’t sit well with her one bit.

* * *

 Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment (One Hour Later)

Octavia and Costia had gone back to the living room they were now sat on the couch Costia was curled up on Octavia’s lap while Octavia softly ran her hand through the little girl’s hair, she knew Costia was worrying about getting in trouble and brushing her hair was soothing for the little girl, it helped her calm down and relax. They were half way through watching Sleeping Beauty, every now and again Costia would look up and ask Octavia a question about the film most of the time it was asking her what the names of the Seven dwarfs were and everytime Octavia would giggle at her then smile softly and tell her all the names. Turning her attention to her phone she picked it up from the armrest of the couch, where she had placed it when her and Costia sat down, checking it she noticed it had been over an hour since she spoke to Clarke and there was still no message from Sasha or Raven letting her know any updates. She already had an idea that Raven wouldn’t message her for obvious reasons, but she was at least hoping she’d get a message from someone letting her know what was going on.

 

She couldn’t help but worry that perhaps something else was wrong with Sasha, she knew Sasha was hiding how bad she felt hours before so maybe now she was getting Clarke to cover for her when something was really wrong. Shaking the thoughts out of her head she looked down at Costia noticing the little girl was now fast asleep. Placing the phone back on the armrest she looked down at Costia, she wasn’t sure how long Costia had been asleep but either way she decided to move the little girl to one of the bedrooms, repositioning her arms she wrapped one under Costia’s head and shoulders then wrapped her other arm under Costia’s knees, once she had a good hold on the little girl’s body she shuffled herself forward slightly until she could stand up, once she was stood up she slowly carried Costia to Sasha’s bedroom opening the door quietly she placed Costia in the bed watching with a smile as the little girl wriggled on the bed for a few seconds until she stopped moving grabbing onto the pillow under her head. Octavia slowly and quietly walked out of the room leaving the door slightly ajar so the noise of closing the door didn’t wake the little girl up.

 

Walking back into the living room she sat down on the couch turning the film and the TV off she leant back resting her head against the back of the couch letting out a breath of air, picking her phone back up from the armrest she unlocked it thinking about sending a text message to Clarke asking her to find out what was going on, as she contemplated sending the text thinking to herself about not wanting to take advantage of Clarke, especially considering Lexa was in hospital herself and she was sure that Clarke was probably worrying about Lexa. Letting out a huff in frustration she placed the phone on the empty space next to her on the couch, as she closed her eyes she still couldn’t stop herself from thinking about Sasha and asking for Clarke’s help, picking up the phone she was still deciding whether or not to call Clarke when she heard the lock on the door being turned, turning her attention to the door she watched as it opened up revealing Raven closely followed by Sasha who looked a little better than she did hours beforehand.

 

Deciding not to shout at Sasha she instead turned her attention to the TV turning it back on she kept her attention on the TV ignoring her girlfriend, Sasha looked at Raven giving her a look that simply said ‘Oh no’ Raven couldn’t help but laugh softly earning her a look from Sasha, seeing the look she held the bag of medication in the air saying;

 

“I’m gonna take these to the bathroom” Without a further word Raven walked out of the room holding her hand over her mouth trying to stop the laughter spilling out.

 

Sasha stood on the spot for a second turning around and closing the door she locked it tapping her hand on it before turning around slowly looking at Octavia who was still not paying her any attention, she knew what this was she’d experienced it numerous times with Octavia, when she was mad at her or if she’d done something wrong then Octavia wouldn’t bother getting angry unless it was something serious, instead she would remain quiet and not say a word to Sasha most of the time she wouldn’t look at her. Making a clicking noise with her mouth then tapping her thighs she regretted it as the actions caused her head to thumb slightly, as she sat down on the couch next to Octavia she was thankful that the painkillers the doctors had given her were now kicking in.

 

“I’m sorry” She stated her eyes staying glued to Octavia nothing about her changed at all instead Octavia kept looking straight on at the TV, letting out a loud breath she continued “I know I was stupid for not telling you how bad I felt, and I know it was even more stupid of me to go to the hospital and not tell you I was going…..I am really sorry O….I just didn’t want to worry you” Silence continued to fill the air looking around she tried to think of something else to say when she heard Octavia’s voice;

 

“Stupider”

 

“Sorry”

 

“It was stupider of you to go to hospital and not tell me…. not more stupid” Octavia explained turning the TV off, placing the remote and the table and then turning her head to the side and looking at Sasha

 

“Right, it was even stupider of me to go to the hospital and not tell you” Sasha stated moving a little closer to Octavia turning her body so her right leg was bent on the couch leaning forward she tried to take Octavia’s hand only for Octavia to pull her hand away

 

“You can’t just say sorry, take my hand and make everything happen, you could have been hurt really bad and you didn’t tell me….Sasha that isn’t ok” Octavia stated turning to her left so she could look at Sasha properly “If we’re gonna be honest with each other that includes everything….what if it was worse than a concussion and bruising, what if you could have died from your injuries what if I lost you and didn’t even know because you’re stupid and stubborn” Octavia honestly replied trying to stop her voice from croaking and the tears from falling from her eyes

 

“O…. baby I’m sorry” Sasha stated shuffling forward even more bringing her hand up and tucking a strand of Octavia’s hair behind her ear “I wasn’t thinking properly I was trying to protect you and I did it in the stupidest of ways I know that now…. I guess I just wanted to protect you seeing how upset you were earlier I didn’t wanna make it worse for you”

 

“You don’t need to be sorry, I understand you wanting to protect me but sometimes I have to get hurt or I have to feel things I don’t want to because that’s life, I just want us to be equal and for you to get that it’s not ok to hide things from me” Octavia stated she could see the guilty look on Sasha’s face and the emotion spilling into her girlfriend’s expression “You’re a protector and I love you for it but when it comes to all of this stuff…the important stuff you can’t hide it from me. I love you with all my heart but I can’t continue to think about Marriage and all that comes with it if you’re not going to be completely honest with me…. ok?”

 

“I promise you that I won’t keep anything like this from you again, I want everything we talked about….and I mean EVERYTHING…I wanna marry you and have kids and I know I screwed up hiding this from you, but I really am sorry”

 

“So you still wanna marry me? After everything that’s happened between us?”

 

“You mean you and Raven right?”

 

“Yeah”

 

“Even after everything I still really wanna marry you…. still….Me and Raven spoke about what happened and now that I know exactly what happened between the both of you, now that I know exactly what happened I can deal’ with it and I’m honestly ok with it, I’m not massively excited about any of it either but I can get over it”

 

“Just like that?”

 

“No not just like that, it’s gonna take a while until I feel ok for you both to be alone and I’m not trying to be nasty or be a bitch about it, I’m just trying to be honest with you, now that I know exactly what went on it’s easier for me to process”

 

“What do you mean what really happened?”

 

“Raven told me that you were in control of most of it and while that still doesn’t make it ok, I guess it makes it…”

 

“What ok? ...so you’re ok if I go out and finger fuck anyone I want then…”

 

“What the hell O?.....No it doesn’t make it ok….what do you want from me I try and make you understand that I’m accepting it and you switch on me, do you want me to hold it against you for the rest of our lives because if that’s what your after, then your gonna get a shock because that’s not what’s gonna happen, if I wanna forgive you that’s my choice, you made it my choice when you decided to FUCK my best friend” Sasha angrily let out usually she wouldn’t have said anything negative go Octavia she knew what Octavia was doing trying to make Sasha snap because she was feeling guilty “I’m not gonna do this with you, yeah I haven’t been ok with any of it until we spent the night at Mount Weather, if you want me to hate you then keep going because with the day I’ve had I’m really not in the mood” Sasha finished standing up from the couch and walking to the door, after everything she’d felt today, the seizure and finding out she had a severe concussion she wasn’t able to hold it back especially seeing as her mind kept going back to Ontari and what was going on with her ex.

 

Octavia internally kicked herself she shouldn’t have pushed Sasha, especially not right now after everything she had been through but she didn’t want to be forgiven, in her mind what happened between her and Raven was unforgivable. Even though hearing the words coming from Sasha made her feel relief she couldn’t push the hatred inside herself to the side, especially having seen the ring that Sasha had brought her, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking she didn’t deserve to marry Sasha. Watching her girlfriend pacing backwards and forwards near the front door, she suddenly felt a burst of worry inside herself what if Sasha left, what if she broke up with her that was the opposite of what she wanted but she was letting her own self-hatred get the better of her. Standing up she walked over to Sasha standing in front of her, she gently grabbed hold of Sasha’s wrists with her hands moving her girlfriend until she was pressed against the wall, leaning gently against Sasha she rested their foreheads together “I’m sorry...” When Sasha didn’t speak but instead closed her eyes resting her head against the wall behind her she added “I guess I haven’t forgiven myself for what me and Raven did, especially knowing what you were going through it makes it harder for me to forgive myself I guess”

 

Sasha opened her eyes holding back all the emotion she was feeling along with all the pain and pressure that was building inside her, letting out a breath of air she looked into Octavia’s eyes “None of what I was going through was your fault, you need to stop blaming yourself…. I’ve always been able to hide things, when I know there gonna hurt people I love I hide them, you know me and you know that nobody can help me if I don’t want to be helped”

 

“I know but I’ve always been able to read you, and I knew something was wrong and I just thought it was me, I should have known”

 

“Babe I can’t tell you how to feel but maybe you need to talk to Dr Jaha about this because nothing I say seems to make you feel better, and it’s bringing you down” Sasha reached up her hand stroking Octavia’s hair gently before adding “Your blaming yourself for something that wasn’t in your control, maybe talking to someone who isn’t involved will help you get some closure”

 

“Maybe your right”

 

Sasha took the opportunity to lighten the mood raising her eyebrows she replied “Maybe huh….” The comment did as she intended as Octavia laughed softly leaning her head forward resting it on Sasha’s shoulder

 

“Ok your right” Octavia responded lifting her head up looking Sasha in the eyes her face fell serious as she said “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be trying to get you angry when you’re not 100%”

 

“No you shouldn’t but I’m sure you can make it up to me somehow”

 

“I know I can” Octavia smirked closing the gap until their chests were pressed together, quickly she closed the gap between their lips kissing Sasha softly bring her hands up to rest on either side of Sasha’s neck, pulling back she looked at Sasha noticing the cocky grin on Sasha’s face making her smile herself. “I really am sorry”

 

“I know, and it’s ok your entitled to have emotions just remember don’t take it out on your sexy ass girlfriend” Sasha smirked pulling Octavia closer to her, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around her burying half her face in Octavia’s shoulder, there was something about Octavia and how her body felt against her own that made her relax instantly her arms holding onto Octavia firmly.

 

As she wrapped her own arms around Sasha, Octavia could feel how tense her girlfriend was pulling back slightly she looked into Sasha’s eyes asking “Are you sure you’re ok?”

 

“Yeah I’m fine I promise”

 

“You can tell me if you’re not, I won’t shout at you”

 

“I’m fine my head hurts a little but I'm honestly fine”

 

Octavia moved backwards bringing Sasha with her to until they were at the couch breaking her girlfriends grip around her waist she gently pushed Sasha until her girlfriend was sitting in the middle of the couch moving forward she sat herself on Sasha’s thighs effectively straddling her, looking in her the eyes she smiled softly saying “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I will crush you with my thighs”

 

“I don’t think it counts as a threat of I want it to happen babe” Sasha softly laughed out bringing her hands up instinctively to rest on Octavia’s hips running them gently down to rest just above Octavia’s knees

 

“Ok if you don’t tell me then I won’t crush you with my thighs” Octavia retorted smirking leaning forward kissing Sasha softly pulling back and looking at her expectantly

 

“It’s not about me”

 

“What’s it about then?”

 

“When me and Raven left the hospital we ran into Ontari” Sasha paused looking at Octavia seeing the unsure look on her girlfriends face she continued “She’d been beaten up, like really badly…. anyway I didn’t think about it at first but as I looked over her, the marks on her didn’t match up to what she told me”

 

“What did she tell you happened?”

 

“She said she fell over”

 

“Maybe she did”

 

“No it doesn’t feel right…. she had handprints all over her arms and even on her face, then when her girlfriend came back with a drink, I told her that Ontari told me she was robbed and she went along with it”

 

“Maybe they had a fight and Ontari fell over”

 

“No, O I’m telling you I know Ontari if her and Nia fought one on one Nia would have marks on her, but all she had was grazes on her right hand….and something about her rubs me up the wrong way, she sets off all my senses”

 

“Are you sure this isn’t just you being protective of an ex?”

 

“I’m sure…look...” Sasha stated before turning to the right shouting out “RAE, COME IN HERE” Within a few seconds Raven appeared in the hallway, looking at Sasha she walked forward until she was standing next to the couch looking at them both “Do you think that Ontari fell over?”

 

“Hell no, someone beat the hell out of her”

 

“Neither of you know that for sure” Octavia interjected looking at them both before turning her attention back to Raven as she spoke

 

“We both know Ontari we’ve known her since we were in school and that was not the Ontari we know, she was scared and her girlfriend is insanely crazy she gives of this angry energy like she’s mad at the world or something…. it’s weird”

 

“See…. I’m not the only one thinking something is up…. what about what Bellamy told us as well?”

 

“What do you mean?” Octavia asked looking at her girlfriend slightly confused as to what her brother had to do with this all

 

“Remember when we went out and we saw Ontari, Bellamy told us that Ontari was involved in the fight that she got hit and Nia was fighting as well, he said only two women were involved maths tells me that if Ontari was hit and Nia was involved Nia was doing the hitting…”

 

“I forgot about that”

 

“I’m telling you something isn’t right and I can’t shake it, and on top of the fight remember as soon as Nia appeared that night Ontari had to go straight away”

 

“Babe, I’m not saying you’re wrong but I’m not saying you’re right. Do I like you hanging around your ex? not really but if you feel like something is wrong in your gut, then you have to follow what you feel and whatever that means I’ll support your decision”

 

“And you’d be ok with me helping her out maybe giving her a place to stay, if she needed it?”

 

“It’s not ideal but if she really needs your help then yeah, of course Lexa and Clarke would have to be ok with it”

 

“Of course, I just wanna help her O…something’s really wrong I know it is”

 

“And that’s why I love you” Octavia smiled leaning forward connecting her lips with Sasha’s their lips staying connected both of them forgetting Raven was in the room until

 

“RAE RAE” Costia’s voice sounded through the room breaking Sasha and Octavia apart, as they both looked to the direction the voice came from, their eyes meeting a running Costia the little girl ran full force until she hit Raven’s legs hugging them tightly, Raven giggled softly and leant down lifting Costia up onto her chest as Costia wrapped her legs around Raven’s waist and her arms around Raven’s neck looking Raven in the eyes she softly said “I missed you Rae Rae”

 

“Oh and you didn’t miss your big sister huh?” Sasha interjected looking up at Costia

 

“Leave her alone, she missed her Rae Rae leave her be” Octavia stated pushing back on Sasha’s shoulders leaning forward until her lips were an inch away from Sasha’s, so close Sasha could feel Octavia’s breath against her lips

 

“Well I guess I know who gave her my shirt then” She retorted referring to the army t-shirt her little sister was now wearing

 

“Is that a problem?”

 

“Not at all” Sasha smirked leaning forward closing the gap between their lips their lips staying connected in a loving kiss while Raven and Costia continued their conversation ignoring Sasha and Octavia’s embracing

 

“So you missed me huh Munchkin?”

 

“I did, I like watching films with Tavi, but It’s better watching films with you Rae Rae because you love them like I do”

 

“Hell yeah I do” Raven smiled, Costia leant forward hugging Raven tightly her small arms squeezing Raven as tightly as she could, the little girl pulled back looking at Raven softly laughing looking at Raven she said;

 

“Rae Rae your vibrating”

 

“I am, am I?” Raven asked getting a small nod from Costia, holding Costia with one arm she reached into her pocket pulling her phone out of her pocket she smiled noticing that she had a new text message from Harper “Nice spot Cos, it’s just Harper”

 

“Is Harper your girlfriend Rae Rae?”

 

“She is indeed, I was meant to pick her up but I forgot because I was having too much fun with my favourite person and now she’s not very happy with me”

 

“Didn’t you call her to warn her?” Sasha’s voice interjected looking up at her best friend and her little sister

 

“No, I completely forgot to call her”

 

“Call her now…. if you need to you can go see her and come back later”

 

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

 

“Of course I’ve got my own personal nurse here to make sure I’m ok…. right babe?” Sasha smirked turning her attention to Octavia, who nodded her head leaning forward kissing Sasha softly before pulling back smiling at her.

 

“That’s gross” Costia loudly exclaimed burying her head in Raven’s shoulder so she didn’t see her sister and Octavia making out

 

“Whatever Cos, we’ve stopped now so you can look” Sasha retorted laughing at her little sister’s actions as she pulled Octavia closer to her wrapping her arms around the brunette, as she pulled Octavia closer she smiled when Octavia moved off of her lap sliding until she was nuzzled into her side her head resting on Sasha’s shoulder as Sasha’s wrapped her left arm around Octavia’s shoulders, Octavia’s left arm resting across Sasha’s stomach as her hand gently gripped onto Sasha’s shirt.

 

“Don’t worry Cos, you get used to that after a while….and you’ve got me” Raven smiled ruffling the little girl’s hair with the hand that was holding her phone, moving her head so she could kiss the little girl on the forehead as she placed the kiss on Costia’s head she softly said “Just give me a few minutes to call Harper and say sorry”

 

“Ok Rae Rae, make sure you say sorry loads and loads” Costia smiled lifting her head off of Raven’s shoulder

 

“I will” Raven agreed placing the little girl on her floor watching as she ran off jumping onto her big sister’s lap snuggling into Sasha’s chest “I’ll be five minutes” Raven let out walking out of the living room and walking to the kitchen, once she was inside the room she dialled her girlfriends number waiting for her to answer the phone

 

“So you finally decided to call me huh?” Harpers voice asked, it wasn’t the usual normal bubbly tone that Raven was used too, it was harsh and cold a tone she had only heard from her girlfriend when they were arguing

 

“I’m sorry ok, I didn’t wanna call you for us just to get into another fight Harper”

 

“The only reason we fight is because you don’t listen and you refuse to see my side of things”

 

“I know ok I’m sorry I really am, I know you didn’t have an intention of sleeping with Sasha but this works both ways Harper, you can’t expect me to be ok with you flirting with other people especially my best friend”

 

“Raven I told you that I was only doing it to make you jealous and that I knew it was wrong but you refuse to believe me”

 

“I do, I…...I’ve just been struggling I guess, and I know this is all my fault but I can’t turn it off, Sasha is my family and I know it’s stupid but not having her around it messed with my head”

 

“That doesn’t mean you can shout and take everything out on me”

 

“I know that and I told you I was sorry”

 

“I know you did but then you no show today when we’re meant to be meeting to talk things over”

 

“I’m sorry ok…. I got a call from Costia…she told me she was scared and then everything got crazy”

 

“If you didn’t want to come just say don’t use a child as an excuse”

 

“I’m not”

 

“Whatever Raven...”

 

“Hang on I can prove it….” Raven stated quickly exiting the kitchen walking into the living room she stopped in front of Sasha looking at her holding the phone in the air she said “Can you please tell Harper what happened today, she thinks I’m making it up…” She felt a relief inside her body as Sasha nodded her head softly, handing the phone over to Sasha, Raven was cheered up slightly when Costia held her arms in the air lifting the little girl up she smiled when Costia kissed her on the cheek and hugged her tightly resting her head on Raven’s shoulder, seemingly the little girl could tell she was a little upset. Moving over to the free couch Raven sat down Costia staying connected to her chest as she did so, once she was sat down Costia stayed on her chest moving her arms onto Raven’s chest holding onto the material of Raven’s top. Raven smiled at the little girl’s action as she looked over watching Sasha talk on the phone;

 

“Hey Harper”

 

“Sasha?” Harper asked not quite sure she was hearing the voice she was

 

“Yeah it’s me”

 

“So Raven was telling the truth”

 

“I presume so”

 

“She told me that Costia called her and said she was scared about something”

 

“She was telling the truth, Costia loves her Rae Rae and she was missing her and scared of Kane. Then me and Lexa got run over, I had a seizure Rae took me to hospital to get checked over then we ran into my ex and came back to mine after we had a talk and cleared the air”

 

“So she was telling the truth when she said things got crazy then”

 

“That she was…. look don’t be too hard on her, she’s not good at all the emotional talking stuff she finds it hard to talk to people about what she’s feeling….It’s easier for her to talk to me because we’re family”

 

“I know but sometimes it feels like she doesn’t care about me or about our relationship”

 

“She does she’s just not great with expressing it, and after everything that happened with Anya she finds it even harder to follow what she feels inside”

 

“I understand I do but I can’t stop how I feel inside, I just wanna talk to her and be honest”

 

“Then talk to her, look I’ll send her over to pick you up. You can come hang with us see her around Costia and really relaxed and calm, and hopefully she’ll be relaxed enough for her to open up to you…. you honestly have to see her with Costia it’s amazing”

 

“I couldn’t do that Sasha I don’t wanna ruin your night in”

 

“Honestly you’re not me and Octavia wanna make out and I actually intend to spend my whole night making out with her and having you here will distract Raven and Costia”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Of course I am….I’m hanging up now Raven will be with you in however long it takes to get to your apartment from here”

 

“Twenty-Five minutes” Raven softly interjected looking over at Sasha, Costia still clinging to her chest

 

“Raven says twenty-five minutes”

 

“Ok Tell her I’ll see her in twenty-five minutes….and Thanks Sasha” Harper softly said her voice coming a little softer than it had been at the beginning of the conversation

 

“No worries Harper” Sasha smiled listening as the call ended, looking at the phone to confirm Harper had hung up she held the phone out for Raven to take, she watched as her best friend stood up lifting Costia with her walking over to Sasha she took hold of the phone “You can take the Lexus if you need to”

 

“Are you sure about that?”

 

“Of course I’m sure I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t, plus you drove it back here safely so what could go wrong”

 

“Thanks” Raven softly said lifting Costia from her chest placing her on the floor, the little girl looked up at her sadly making her feel sad herself. “I’ll be back soon Cos, so no sad faces”

 

“You can take her with you if she wants to go and if you don’t mind as well”

 

“Of course I don’t mind I love my Munchkin” Raven beamed looking down at Costia “You wanna come with me for a drive Costia?”

 

“Yes please Rae” Costia smiled running to the door and grabbing her trainers quickly placing them on before grabbing her jacket, she paused as she was placing her arm in one of the sleeves, walking over to Sasha she asked “Can I keep your special t-shirt on?”

 

“Of course you can” Sasha smiled at her sister feeling Octavia squeeze her arm

 

“Yay” Costia excitedly let out before finishing placing her jacket on completely walking up to Raven she grabbed hold of her hand looking up at her waiting expectantly. As they walked towards the door, Raven grabbed the keys from where she had placed them earlier in the day, the little girl looked back softly waving with her free hand and saying “See you soon” They both waved at the little girl watching as Raven and Costia walked out of the apartment closing the door behind them.

 

“So now they are gone where were we?” Sasha smirked turning to Octavia closing the gap between their lips, Octavia kissed her back with just as much love as Sasha was putting into the kiss. Pulling back, she looked into Octavia’s eyes seeing the love in them she smiled softly noticing the look on Octavia’s face she asked “Everything ok?”

 

“Yeah I’m fine…..it’s just something happened earlier and now I can’t stop thinking about the past”

 

“What happened?”

 

Octavia paused for a second instantly deciding that it would be better not to bring up the ring she found, for all she knew Lexa could have asked Sasha to hold her but at this moment in time she was more worried about her and Sasha arguing again she just wanted to enjoy being with Sasha and being happy in this moment. “Nothing just me and Costia were talking about the past, I found that picture that was taken at Christmas before you got deployed in 2013 and it made me think about our first Christmas together”

 

* * *

 

_ Christmas Day 2010 _

_It was Christmas day, Octavia sat in her mum’s living room listening to the latest of her stepdads try and make conversation with Bellamy, he had completely ignored her once she had told him that she was gay it wasn’t unusual her mum seemed to have a tendency to date men’s men, guys that only liked the thought of women with women when it came to aiding them in getting themselves off, it didn’t bother her one bit hell she didn’t even want to be there but Bellamy guilt tripped her into it and it wasn’t like she had anyone else she could spend the day with especially seeing as Sasha was in Boston with Lexa and their family and Clarke was at her parents’ new house which meant she didn’t have Clarke either. She hated not wanting to be with her family but it wasn’t like it used to be when she was younger since her mum’s parents had died three years ago things had changed dramatically her mum spent most days drunk and whatever man she was dating would be exactly the same, and of course Christmas day wasn’t an exception except that her mum would wait until she had cooked dinner to get drunk, not that being sober helped the food actually taste any good._

_She decided she’d had enough and went into her old bedroom to call up Sasha, she’d spoken to her for twenty minutes in the morning, it made her smile hearing the joy in everyone’s voices in the background the laughter and happiness that she could hear just from the laughter in the air it was like a proper family no sitting around waiting for your mum to get completely hammered to the point you had to carry her to bed and undress her. Just hearing the noises in the background made miss that family unit she used to have before her grandparents passed away. The more the day had gone on the more she wanted more and more to hear Sasha’s voice it worried her a little she’d never fallen for someone like this before it was a great feeling, whenever she’d see Sasha or hear her voice she’d feel this burst of happiness inside herself like she was about to explode but it was bad at the same time because she had no idea if Sasha felt the same way as she did. She was brought out of her thoughts when the phone call was picked up;_

_“Hello”_

_“Hallo” (Hello) Octavia stopped herself speaking for a second when she heard the tiny voice speak, she recognised the voice as Atom’s instantly, she’d heard Sasha talk on the phone to him a few times when Lexa had been calling him to check in on her mama_

_“Hi Atom”_

_“Hi Octavia” The two-year-old slowly said before he could say anything else Octavia heard Sasha’s voice in the background ‘Atom you little terror what are doing with my phone’ She smiled as she heard laughter in the background ‘come here you…’ She heard more laughter from Atom before she heard a shuffling sound “Octavia?”_

_“Hey”_

_“Hey babe, What’s up?”_

_“Nothing I just wanted to talk to you”_

_“You did.... good because I love the sound of your voice and my family are stressing me out”_

_“Same…. I’m sure my mum dates homophobes on purpose”_

_“Want me to beat him up for you?” Sasha asked half seriously_

_“No its ok I’ll survive” Octavia laughed pausing softly, she felt like a school girl all over again she didn’t know why but Sasha seemed to have this effect on her_

_“If you’re sure but just say the word and I’ll drop him like a bad habit” Sasha laughed out as she smiled waiting for a response from Octavia_

_“I knew there was a reason I liked you” Octavia subconsciously bit her bottom lip as she thought over all the over things that she liked about Sasha “I’ll add it to my list”_

_“Oh your list huh” Sasha started intrigued at Octavia’s mention of a list “So what exactly is on this list?” She asked as she walked out of the front door_

_“Did you just walk outside?” Octavia unable to hold in her curiosity asked hearing the sudden sound of the wind hitting the microphone of Sasha’s phone_

_“Yeah I did but no changing the subject Miss Blake”_

_“Fine, well there’s your smile of course”_

_“Of course” As she got into her car quietly opening and closing the door signalling for the others in the car to remain silent while she was on the phone_

_“Then there’s the way you make me feel inside whenever your near me….” Octavia paused feeling the redness rising in her cheeks as she revealed her list to Sasha_

_“Keep going”_

_“The way you kiss me…the way I can feel how much you care in each and every kiss we share, I’ve never had that before” Octavia paused again “and finally the way you make me feel like I’m the most important person in the world”_

_“Maybe I make you feel like that because you are”_

_“Oh that reminds me another thing on my list…. some of the things you say to me that make my heart skip a beat”_

_“I’m not sure your doctor would thank me for that”_

_“Well my doctor doesn’t matter I do”_

_“Damn right you matter baby, which is why I have to ask if you like that I make your heart skip a beat”_

_“I love it…you make me feel a million times more special than I know I am”_

_“Your wrong…. you are special O…”_

_“Special needs maybe”_

_“Hey, don’t do that, don’t put yourself down like that”_

_“See…always making sure I feel special and wanted”_

_“Maybe I make you feel like that because you are a very special and unique person who is wanted by many people including myself”_

_“I think you’re the only person that thinks so”_

_“I’m not, there’s Bellamy Lexa Clarke’s parents and Clarke for starters plus Atom who by the way I think is in love with you…oh and my mama she can’t wait to meet the women who makes me smile like a kid in a candy store as she puts it”_

_“See that’s why I called you…. you make me feel happy inside”_

_“Oh so you used me?”_

_“Maybe…. but you know you love it”_

_“Perhaps I do Perhaps I don’t” The line went silent for a second as Octavia listened she could have sworn she heard the sound of an engine in the background but she assumed it was just a car near Sasha’s garden or something but now she had heard a car door shut and the sound of a car locking then the sound of numerous footsteps and on top of that it sounded like Sasha was walking as well “Babe you ok?” Sasha’s voice asked snapping Octavia out of her daze of thoughts_

_“Yeah sorry just zoned out a little that’s all”_

_“I can let you go if you want”_

_“NO…. I mean I like talking to you”_

_“Glad to hear it”_

_“Are you going somewhere?”_

_“I’m just visiting a friend who lives near my Mama’s house”_

_“Ok so I’m not going mad and hearing things”_

_Sasha laughed softly at the comment before answering “No you’re not going mad” Sasha smiled as she began walking up a flight of stairs “Sorry buddy” Sasha apologised after she bumped into someone as she reached the top of the stairs_

_“So who is this friend your visiting? …is it an ex that I need to be worried about?”_

_“No it isn’t an ex”_

_“And do I need to be worried?”_

_“Mmmm well this friend is someone I know through a sexual nature I suppose…but no you have nothing to worry about”_

_“I’m not sure that’s comforting enough….” Octavia paused as she heard her mum’s doorbell ring letting out a deep sigh she knew she was the only one that would answer the door on account of everyone else being too involved in what they were doing; her thoughts were confirmed when her mum shouted through ‘OCTAVIA ANSWER THE DOOR’ letting out a massive sigh she sat up lifting herself off the bed_

_“You should probably get that” Sasha laughed having heard Octavia’s deep sigh, she could hear how heavy Octavia’s footsteps were as she walked to answer the door, “I’ll leave you too it babe…I’ll call you later”_

_“No you….” Before she could protest Sasha had ended the phone call, letting out a massive sigh she reached the door looking back at her brother and stepdad arm wrestling on the kitchen table while her mum was in the kitchen visibly downing another glass of wine, turning the latch of the door she opened it before she looked at the person at the door she asked “How can I help you on Christmas Day?” She wanted whoever it was to know she was pissed at being disturbed on Christmas Day, as she turned her head to the door looking at the back of the person who had rang the doorbell she paused instantly feeling like she knew who that back belonged to,_

_“I was hoping to give you your present” The voice replied, as soon as the voice hit Octavia’s ears she knew who it was a massive smile spreading across her face as the person turned around revealing a smiling Sasha holding a card in her hand, “So do you want your present?” Sasha asked the smile on her face just as wide as the one on Octavia’s, after a second of silence Octavia moved forward wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck, Sasha instantly wrapped her arms around her waist lifting her off the ground slightly as she placed her back on the ground Octavia pulled back smiling at her before leaning up kissing her fiercely on the lips Sasha instantly returning the kiss just as fiercely as Octavia, pulling out of the kiss minutes later Sasha looked down at her softly saying “Happy Christmas”_

_“Happy Christmas” Octavia brightly smiled leaning in and capturing Sasha lips again giving her a quick kiss before pulling back and asking “What are you doing here?”_

_“I wanted to see you” Sasha honestly replied unable to suppress the smile on her face_

_“So you drove from Boston?”_

_“Well I wasn’t technically in Boston the whole time” When Octavia raised her eyebrows at her she explained “We were in Boston until yesterday morning when we flew back to Los Angeles we got to my Mema and Papa’s house at around 9pm last night, we usually don’t spend that much time with my grandparents so our moms decided that this year we’d spend Christmas Day with them they live like ten minutes from here”_

_“So how long do I have you for?”_

_“Actually that depends on your answer to my question”_

_“What question?”_

_“My family is sick of me and Lexa going on about you and Clarke so they told us to invite you both over for dinner today” Suddenly realising that it might be a little too much a little too quick taking a step back Sasha continued “That's only if you want to come of course there's no pressure or anything”_

_“I’d love to come to dinner tonight my mum’s food is inedible at the best of times”_

_“So that’s a yes?”_

_“It’s a….” Octavia started before she reached forward grabbing hold of Sasha’s t-shirt pulling her forwards until their lips crashed together after a few seconds she pulled back looking into Sasha’s eyes she saw the glint of passion she had seen on numerous occasions after they had kissed “I can’t wait to meet them” As she watched the smile spread across Sasha’s face her attention was caught by the card still in Sasha’s hand “So you mentioned a present?”_

_“Well that’s gonna have to wait because in our family we do presents after dinner and if you’re coming then I don’t want you to feel left out not having anything to open”_

_“So you just wanted to tease me with the card huh?” Octavia asked raising her eyebrows as she wrapped her arms slowly around Sasha’s neck, as her hands landed on Sasha’s neck she felt Sasha’s arms wrap around her waist pulling her their hips a little closer until they were lightly pressed together_

_“Maybe” Sasha responded shrugging her shoulder as she leaned down gently kissing Octavia on the lips “I really missed you” Sasha honestly replied slightly kicking herself for being too emotional, she was relieved when Octavia smiled at her_

_“I…” But before Octavia could finish her sentence her mother’s voice came from inside the apartment_

_“OCTAVIA WHO IS IT?”_

_“IT’S FOR ME MOM” She shouted back hoping her mother would stay inside and not even think about coming outside the last thing she wanted was for Sasha to meet her drunk of a mother and be scared, turning her attention back to Sasha she softly smiled stating “I’m just gonna grab my jacket…”_

_“Ok…...I’ll wait here for you”_

_“Great” Before Octavia could turn and walk into the apartment Bellamy appeared in front of her_

_“O who is….” Bellamy stopped talking when he saw Sasha standing behind Octavia “Sash…hey Happy Christmas” He happily stated moving past Octavia and hugging Sasha before pulling back_

_“Happy Christmas Bell”_

_“So what are doing here?”_

_“I just came to invite Octavia to my families Christmas dinner…. My mama’s orders”_

_“Cool…” Bellamy turned to look at Octavia “Have fun O”_

_“You’re not mad?” Octavia asked looking at Bellamy_

_“Of course not…. I know this can’t be fun for you, Craig insulting you and those stupid comments about gay people and soldiers, I put up with it for mum but it’s different for you and I know that it’s got to get aggravating after a while trying to bite your tongue when he keeps going on and on”_

_“What about Mom, you think she’ll be mad?”_

_“She’s already had a bottle to herself, in ten minutes she won’t even notice you’re not there”_

_Octavia stepped forward hugging Bellamy “Thanks Bell”_

_“No probs little sis” He smiled pulling out of the hug looking back to Sasha he jokingly said “You better feed her up”_

_“I will, The Wood’s Christmas Dinner is legendary” Sasha responded smiling at Bellamy before he and Octavia disappeared back inside the apartment, a few seconds later and Octavia reappeared with her jacket in her hand walking up to Sasha she stopped in front of her smiling up at her as her free hand gripped gently onto the bottom of Sasha’s t shirt leaning up she kissed Sasha gently on the lips pulling back she softly bit her bottom lip, Sasha smiled down at her taking a deep breath in she asked “Ready?”_

_“More than” Octavia enthusiastically replied as Sasha wrapped her arm around her shoulders like she always did whenever they would walk somewhere together, as they walked down the stairs of the apartment block walking in the direction of the car park that was behind the building “I kind of have a surprise for you…other than myself of course” Sasha whispered into Octavia’s ear_

_“Well I don’t think any surprise can top you” Octavia whispered back, she was really really hoping that Sasha wanted them to finally sleep together she wasn’t sure how much longer she could take the kissing and touching before she would actually explode from sexual frustration,_

_Sasha placed a gentle loving kiss on Octavia’s cheek as she smiled at her softly saying “You say the sweetest things”_

_“I've got loads more where those came from” Octavia responded looking up at Sasha smiling as her girlfriend giggled softly at her words she was about to say something when her and Sasha entered the car park and she instantly noticed Clarke and Lexa, Lexa was leant against the side door of Sasha’s Chevy Camero her legs slightly apart as Clarke stood between Lexa’s legs leant against Lexa her hips and chest pressed against Lexa's as her hands where gripping into Lexa’s neck as they kissed passionately as Lexa’s hands moved underneath Clarke’s shirt_

_Octavia felt herself shiver softly inside as Sasha spoke into her ear again “Clarke was meant to jump out and say surprise but I think they got side tracked” She softly giggled as she straightened up a little more taking a few steps she shouted “HEY LEX PUT HER DOWN” The words worked quickly as Lexa retracted her hands and Clarke removed herself from Lexa as she turned seeing Octavia she ran at her full force not stopping until their bodies meet each other’s Clarke’s arms wrapping around her best friend pulling back she looked at Octavia saying “Merry Christmas O”_

_"Merry Christmas Clarke” Octavia managed to blurt out as she watched Sasha walk over to where Lexa was standing blushing slightly, she wasn't really sure what was going on “I thought you were spending today at your parents’ house”_

_“I was until my mom and dad insisted on me going to get something out of the car and guess who was waiting for me” She responded turning and looking lovingly at Lexa_

_“So I’m not so special then” Octavia retorted half seriously_

_“Yeah you are O this was all Sasha’s idea O Lexa just borrowed it, Sasha really likes you…” Seeing unsure look on Octavia’s face she continued “She does O, between you and me she told Lexa that she’s falling for you” Clarke finished before turning her attention back in the direction of Sasha and Lexa who were both leaning against the side of Sasha’s car talking about something “What’s bothering you O?” Clarke asked she knew something was wrong she could tell just from the way Octavia was talking_

_“I think I love her”_

_“And that's a problem?”_

_“No she's amazing I mean look at today I tell her I hate spending Christmas with my mum and her latest homophobe of a man and she surprises me and invites me to dinner with her family” When Clarke looked at her slightly confused she continued “What if it ruins everything when I tell her”_

_“It won't O she's not like that, like I said she's falling for you”_

_“Then why hasn't she told me or shown me in some way …. I mean look at you and Lexa you’ve slept together right?” When Clarke nodded at her she added “Everytime I get too heated with her she finds a reason to pull away or for us to stop”_

_“Maybe she doesn't realise that it upsets you”_

_“Maybe I ju…” Before Octavia could complete her sentence their conversation was interrupted when they heard Sasha’s voice let out a loud ‘Ouch’ turning their attention to the cousins they both softly laughed when they saw their girlfriends involved in a playful fight_

_“Lex be a grown up” Sasha released as Lexa grabbed her in a front face lock_

_“Take it back” Lexa retorted using her free hand to poke Sasha in the side_

_“Arghhhh no it's the truth” Sasha returned as she managed to grab Lexa’s forearm and pull it down allowing her to remove Lexa’s grip around her neck as she stood up keeping her hold on Lexa’s forearm she slapped Lexa in the stomach with her free hand causing Lexa to bend over as soon as Lexa was bent forward Sasha grabbed Lexa in a front face lock wrapping her right arm over Lexa’s left so she couldn't use it after a few seconds of struggling Lexa punch Sasha in the vagina not with full force but with more force than intended and enough to get her to release the hold, “OHHHHHH” Sasha unwillingly released as she staggered backwards her hands protectively moving to her vagina bending forward “Your such a bitch” she coughed out not looking up_

_"That was a low blow babe…. literally” Clarke released looking at Lexa as her and Octavia walked to Lexa and Sasha_

_“Yeah listen to your woman” Sasha retorted looking up and sending Lexa an unimpressed look_

_“It was pretty entertaining though” Clarke added laughing softly as she reached Lexa wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck kissing her gently as she pushed back some of Lexa’s hair that had come loose_

_“Hey that's totally uncalled Clarke…. Lexa only cheated cause she knew Sasha would win” Octavia responded jokingly as she reached Sasha gently rubbing her back she asked “You ok baby?”_

_Sasha stood up looking at Octavia her face a little red from a mixture of leaning forward and the pain of the blow “I don't know babe I need an ice pack or something” She breathed out as she continued to hold her hands over her vagina “Oh it really hurts”_

_“Maybe I can help rub it better for you” Octavia responded trying her best to sound seductive in hopes it would make Sasha realise she wanted to go all the way with her_

_“Woman up Sasha I didn't hit you that hard” Lexa responded_

_“You’re so driving you ass” Sasha responded throwing the keys at Lexa ignoring Octavia’s comment she walked to the car climbing into the back seat closely followed by Octavia who sat next to her and softly whispered into her ear_

_“Sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable”_

_Sasha wrapped her arm around Octavia’s shoulders before looking at her raising her eyebrows and saying “you didn't why do you think I'm letting Lexa drive?” She smiled softly at Octavia leaning in kissing her passionately on the lips instantly Octavia’s hands where on Sasha’s jaw pulling her into the kiss even more_

_“Seriously guys” Lexa said getting in the car her comment caused Octavia to pull out of the kiss moving so there was space between her and Sasha_

“ _Ek haat jou so baie” (I hate you so much) Sasha said as her eyes locked with Lexa’s in the windscreen mirror_

_“I love it when you speak Afrikaans it's such a turn on” Octavia half whispered into Sasha’s ear_

_“Really?” Sasha huskily asked looking at Octavia as she bit her lip softly leaning into Octavia kissing her gently as keeping her lips hovering over Octavia’s hearing the car door open they both heard Clarke cue over how cute they looked together Lexa softly laughed at Clarke’s comment leaning over kissing her quickly before starting the engine and pulling the car out of the space Sasha had parked up. Once the car was moving Octavia removed herself from Sasha to put her seatbelt on Sasha looked at her raising her eyebrows at her “What do I smell or something?”_

_“Safety first right” Octavia stated using the words Sasha had used on her to end their make out session at the beach a few weeks ago_

_“Forgot safety….” Sasha responded sliding closer to Octavia until she was next to her placing her left hand on Octavia’s upper left thigh moving her arm to rest on the top of the back seat softly saying “I meant it when I said I missed you” Noticing the look on Octavia’s face she whispered “Have I upset you or something?”_

_“Of course not why?”_

_“Your being really on off with me…. If you wanna stay with your mum for Christmas, then we can take you back I don’t mind I just want you to be happy”_

_“I am happy”_

_“Then what’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing I promise it’s fine…” Octavia responded pushing her sexual frustration to one side she closed the gap between her and Sasha’s lips kissing her passionately as she pulled her into the kiss more than as she wrapped her right hand around Sasha’s neck as she pulled back she looked into Sasha’s eyes she softly whispered “I missed you too”_

_“Good…you’re sure you’re ok”_

_“I’m sure” Octavia responded lifting her legs until they were across Sasha’s thighs, Sasha’s hand instantly coming to rest on Octavia’s outer right thigh as Octavia leaned into her kissing her again this time she was the one trying to push her sexual feelings down inside her_

* * *

 

Lexa’s Hospital Room

Clarke and Lexa were still laying in the hospital bed; Lexa’s arms were wrapped around Clarke holding her tightly but firmly. Clarke had been awake for at least the last twenty minutes, waking up like this was everything Clarke had wanted for so long. The longer she laid there the longer she thought about the future and what that possibly meant for them, she imagined a Mini her or a Mini Lexa running around their own house, she imagined their wedding day and how it would be, she imagined a perfect mix of her and Lexa’s likes then she thought about Mema and Papa Wood’s telling embarrassing stories about Lexa as a child while Lexa tried to cover her embarrassment. She imagined Sasha jumping in afterwards and telling embarrassing stories about a teenage Lexa during school. She was pulled out of her thoughts when she felt Lexa shuffle underneath her peaking up she noticed Lexa looking down at her smiling softly, leaning up she kissed Lexa softly their lips staying connected for a few seconds before she pulled back looking at Lexa;

 

“How you feeling?”

 

“Better actually, the painkillers seem to be kicking in now so my head feels clearer”

 

“Good I’m glad” Clarke smiled leaning up kissing Lexa softly again their lips lingering softly, noticing the look of concentration on Lexa’s face she asked “What are you thinking?”

 

“Just thinking about you”

 

“What are you thinking about me exactly?”

 

“Nothing really just general things”

 

“What general things?”

 

“How amazing you are….and how lucky I am to have you back in my life”

 

“Mmmm, sleeping in hospital is making you all sentimental”

 

“Oh hardy Ha Clarke actually thinking about moving in with you has got me all sentimental”

 

“Oh yeah, and what exactly has this sentimental turn made you think about me?”

 

“Well it’s made me thing about how amazing smart you are, how your loyal, beautiful, compassionate, passionate and you’re very forgiving…. all things that I massively value and love about you” Lexa honestly responded leaning down kissing Clarke again

 

“You’re such a smooth talker”

 

“Sure I am; you were smooth talker me earlier if I remember correctly”

 

“So what if I was?” Clarke asked looking up at Lexa and smirking as she watched a smile spread across Lexa’s face

 

“Nothing, I liked it……all I’m saying is perhaps we’re both smooth talkers….and maybe that’s why were perfect together”

 

“Maybe it is” Clarke smiled leaning up her lips capturing Lexa’s the kiss was passionate, but slow and loving at the same time their lips stayed connected together taking in the feeling of each other as they always did, they continued to kiss for minutes until they were broken up when they heard a knock coming from the door, breaking apart they stayed how they were with Lexa’s arms wrapped around Clarke “Come in” Clarke shouted out before resting her head on Lexa’s chest and shoulder. Both looked at the door watching as it slowly opened, they both woke up a little more when they realised that it was Abby who had entered the room “Mom is everything ok?” She asked suddenly worrying that the tests had revealed something was wrong with Lexa

 

“Everything’s ok Clarke…. Lexa’s fine”

 

“Then why are you here?”

 

“I just got a phone call”

 

“Ok”

 

“It was from your father…. he wants to see you”


	47. One Call Away

Chapter 47-One Call Away

Clarke couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her mother’s mouth right now. She was doubting that she was actually awake right now, only reason she knew it was real was because she could feel Lexa squeezing her tighter. She was trying to formulate an answer to her mother’s words but all she could feel was confused. Looking up at Lexa she felt the tears beginning to burn her eyes, for a second she couldn’t think of why she was upset and then it hit her, it was Lexa, looking at her girlfriend and seeing her made her remember everything that had just happened and everything that Lexa had been through at the hands of her own father. Forcing herself to smile she do so looking up at Lexa seeing a confused smile grace Lexa’s face. Turning and looking at her mother she finally spoke;

 

“I don’t care what he wants Mom, I don’t want to see him”

 

“Clarke just give him a chance” Abby quickly stated knowing her daughter was more than likely not going to agree, if there was one thing that Clarke had inherited from her it was her stubbornness and she knew it

 

“How can you even defend him Mom? He could have killed Sasha and Lexa earlier, not to mention all the other things he’s done to her and on top of that he gave evidence to help the guy that beat me black and blue”

 

“Clarke, I know he’s been a terrible father to you in so many ways. But he wants to explain everything to you”

 

“I don’t care what he wants, what he wants isn’t something I am EVER going to care about” Clarke retorted her voice getting louder as she sat up on the bed, internally missing the feeling of Lexa’s arms around her “If he loved me if he really loved with all of his heart then he would have loved me NO MATTER what, he would love me for me”

 

“He does love you Clarke, there is a lot that you don’t know about. Things that happened up a long time before you were born, they don’t make anything he did right in anyway but I think hearing them all will help you make things clearer in your mind”

 

“Things are perfectly clear in my mind Mom, my father carried more about his own feelings than he did about breaking my heart or hurting my feelings. So I don’t care about his anymore”

 

“Clarke please just think about it” Abby gently gestured before smiling at Lexa who was quietly sitting back not getting involved in the discussion between them “I’ll leave you two to get some rest…. I’ll come by in the morning before Lexa is discharged” Abby finished walking back to the door she walked through minutes beforehand looking back she softly smiled at Clarke “Please think about it Clarke” Without another word Abby walked through the door closing the door behind her.

 

Clarke stayed leaning forward on the bed, moving her feet so they were dangling over the edge of the bed, she could feel Lexa looking at her back. She knew what her girlfriend was going to say to her and she didn’t wanna hear it right now. But she knew Lexa and she knew that as soon as she turned around and looked into Lexa’s eyes Lexa would begin talking and right now she wasn’t sure she wanted to have this conversation right now. Deciding that turning around was the only thing she needed to do to avoid this conversation, she lowered herself down onto her right side keeping her back to Lexa. As she rested her side of her head on the pillow closing her eyes and hoping Lexa wouldn’t push her into talking about her father. She felt an amazing about of relief when she felt Lexa shuffle closer to her, placing her chest against Clarke’s back and moving her arms to wrap around Clarke, she placed her right arm underneath Clarke’s head as she did so Clarke lifted her head up wrapping her arms around Lexa’s arm leaning her head on Lexa’s bicep, she relaxed into the embrace as Lexa’s left arm wrapped around her resting over her and Clarke’s arms. She lifted her head placing a gentle loving kiss on Clarke’s cheek the action made Clarke want more than anything to turn around and look Lexa in the eyes, as Lexa rested her gently against Clarke’s she softly said;

 

“We don’t have to talk about it until you’re ready Clarke….Take all the time in the world, I’m here for you all the way” When Clarke went to turn around Lexa stopped her from moving squeezing her a little before speaking again “Just relax and get some rest Clarke” Lexa placed another kiss on Clarke’s cheek before resting her head against Clarke’s again hearing her girlfriends breathing level out as she took steady breaths in and out, she continued to listen until she felt the blonde fall asleep in her arms, giving into the pain and exhaustion she was feeling herself Lexa drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Harper’s Apartment

Raven walked out of the elevator that lead to Harper’s apartment floor taking the turn she walked up to Harper’s door knocking on the door as Costia held onto her hand tightly, as they stood waiting at the door Costia leant her head against Raven’s hip, the action made Raven smile as she released Costia’s hand and gently stroked the little girl’s hair. They continued to wait, when Raven knocked the door again this time a little louder she smiled and softly laughed when she heard Harper shout out ‘Give me a minute babe’ looking down at Costia she noticed the little girl’s confused look, laughing again she looked down at her softly saying;

 

“Harper’s getting dressed”

 

“Why isn’t she dressed Rae Rae? it’s night time” Costia asked looking up at Raven her expression questioning

 

“I don’t know why, maybe you can ask her…. ok?”

 

“Ok Rae Rae” Costia sweetly answered looking back to the door. They continued to wait patiently at the door for a few minutes until Harper opened the door, Raven couldn’t help but smile when she noticed Harper was wearing make-up which her girlfriend very rarely did when it was just them, she noticed the skinny jeans and the tight red vest with a black jumper over it, the straps to the vest showing as the shoulders of the jumper rested just off of her shoulders. She wanted to smirked right there and then but she chose to hold it in, she knew she was in Harpers bad books at the moments and she needed to make sure she didn’t do anything else to anger her girlfriend. Smiling she softly said “Hey Harper”

 

“Raven” Harper let out before standing to the side and adding “Come in, I just need to do my hair” She finished motioning to the half straightened hair

 

“Ok….” Raven softly responded walking through the door as Costia grabbed hold of her hand again, once Raven and Costia had walked into the apartment Harper closed the door behind them walking past Raven

 

“You know where everything is, I won’t be long I promise”

 

“No problem, no rush” Raven smiled, she felt Costia tug on her bottoms, looking down at the little girl she asked “What’s up Munchkin?”

 

“Is that your girlfriend?”

 

“It is indeed”

 

Raven watched as Costia smiled at her before letting go of her bottoms and walking over to Harper who was watching Raven and Costia’s interactions, Costia stopped in front of Harper extending her hand up in the air “I’m Costia…. nice to meet you”

 

Harper couldn’t hide the smile the burst onto her face at the little girls introduction kneeling down she accepted the little girls hand before responded “Nice to meet you too Costia, I’m Harper…Raven has told me loads about you” She smiled when Costia looked to Raven almost asking for confirmation when Raven nodded her head smiling at the little girl Harper continued “She told me how you look just like your big sister Sasha, and I have to say in person you look exactly like a smaller Sasha…” Harper smiled as Costia giggled softly moving on the spot “She told me that you’re her little munchkin because whenever she sees you she wants to give you cuddles and when you were a baby you loved when people would pretend to nibble on you, she told me that you give everyone a nickname, and she also told me that you’re her favourite person in the whole world” She stopped speaking when Costia let out a massive gasp before turning and running over to Raven pulling at her bottoms until the older brunette knelt down in front of her

 

“Is that true Rae Rae?”

 

“Of course it is….” Raven started smiling at the little girl’s expression before continuing “You always make me smile whenever I see you even if I’m sad, you give the best hugs in the world, we watch the best movies together, your super smart and you give the best movie cuddles in the world”

 

“Your my favourite person as well Rae Rae”

 

“Thanks Munchkin”

 

“You’re welcome” Costia smiled jumping forward and hugging Raven tightly before pulling back and kissing her quickly. As she stood back she looked up at Raven watching the older woman stand up before turning and walking back to Harper who was still knelt down stopping in front of Harper she softly smiled and asked “Are you coming to Ali’s to watch films with Tavi and Ali and Rae Rae?”

 

“Yes I am”

 

“I know that Rae Rae is your girlfriend, but could I maybe borrow her for cuddles while we watch a film?”

 

“Of course you can, as long as you promise to make her keep quiet through the whole film…. deal?”

 

“Deal” Costia smiled out leaning forward, stopping herself she looked nervously at Harper before turning and looking to Raven “Kan ek haar 'n drukkie?” (Can I hug her?) Costia nervously asked

 

“Vra haar?” (Ask Her?) Raven responded seeing the nervous look on Costia’s face and the way she was standing she asked “Wil jy my vra?” (Do you want me to ask?) Costia nodded her head at the question, Raven looked at her confused girlfriend before asking “Cos wants to give you a hug, she wants to know if that’s ok”

 

“Of Course it is” Harper happily responded smiling at the little girl before opening her arms, Costia rushed over to Harper hugging her softly before releasing the hug and running over to Raven hugging the older woman’s leg softly her left hand gripping onto Raven’s bottoms as Raven looked down at her

 

“ek hou van haar” (I like her)

 

“Good as long as I have your approval” Raven responded smiling as the little girl continued to grip onto her bottoms nodding her head at Raven leaning her head against Raven’s leg, Raven looked up from Costia noticing that Harper was looking at her with a confused expression “I’ll explain later” She stated seeing Harper nod her head and walk over off towards the direction Raven knew was her bedroom. Feeling Costia tug on her bottoms again she looked at the little girl asking “What’s wrong Munchkin?”

 

“I need the toilet”

 

“Ok, I’ll show you were it is” Smiling she took hold of Costia’s hand guiding her to the left side of the apartment walking Costia to the bathroom door “You don’t need any help do you?” She joked with the little girl, her question partially serious, she’d been told about Costia wetting herself on numerous occasions due to her medication

 

“No silly…” Costia laughed out clasping her hands together and looking up at Raven “I’m a big girl Rae Rae”

 

“Ok well if shout if you change your mind ok? I’m only one call away”

 

“Ok Rae Rae” Costia sweetly smiled before closing the door of the bathroom shut. Raven smiled as she walked away staying close to the bathroom at the same time in case something happened or the little girl called out to her at any time. Walking back into Harpers living room she waited patiently for the Harper and Costia to return, within a minute or two Harper entered the room her hair tied up in a tight ponytail, the ponytail looked as straight as Raven had ever seen it before. She couldn’t supress the smirk any longer and let it take over her face

 

“What?” Harper asked as she got a little closer to Raven trying to hold the smile off of her own face, she was still angry with Raven about all the arguments and how different things had been between them recently or more specifically since she flirted with Sasha to make Raven jealous

 

“Just you’re going to a lot of trouble for a movie night”

 

“Am I not allowed to look nice around your friends?”

 

“Of course not…. I mean of course you can look nice…” Raven responded instantly correcting her wording as she noticed Harpers expression hardened as she was looking at her “I mean you always look nice babe I just…. argh I didn’t mean it like that”

 

“How did you mean it?”

 

“I meant, are you over dressing for any particular reason?” Raven instantly realised she’d said the wrong thing when Harpers face fell completely and filled up with disbelief

 

“Seriously you gonna throw the whole Sasha thing back at me with her little sister in the next room”

 

“I’m not throwing anything back at you I didn’t mean it like that…. see this is why we have arguments because you always think that I’m throwing things back at you when I’m not doing anything like that”

 

“How the hell am I meant to take that comment Raven?”

 

“Your meant to take it how you would without thinking about what happened with Sasha…. you flirted with my best friend to wind me up and I forgave you I told you it was in the past” Raven explained she was getting more than sick and tired of Harper throwing the same thing into any argument they had “Look all I was trying to say was are you nervous about hanging out with everyone tonight, I wasn’t taking a pop at you or anything like that I promise”

 

“You weren’t?” Harper asked her facial expression softening slightly as she looked at Raven and the genuine look on Raven’s face, thinking to herself that maybe it was her own guilt making her think that Raven was trying to argue with her. She watched as Raven shook her head at her question, letting out a soft sigh she added “I’m sorry, I just keep expecting you to throw the flirting situation back in my face”

 

“I know you do…” Raven started before slowly moving forward stopping in front of Harper gently grabbing both of her girlfriend’s hands interlocking their fingers she pulled Harper a little closer “I promise that I’m not going to bring up you flirting with Sasha up again, I just want to go back to what we had before no arguing just me and you and all the amazing things that come with being with you”

 

“Seriously? You’re not angry at me anymore?

 

“I wasn’t really angry at you I was angrier at myself, it was stupid I was struggling with me and Sasha not talking and I took it out on you which was really wrong of me, but me and Sasha talked things over and I think that now that I have her back and she’s forgiven me……. I don’t know I feel clearer if that makes sense”

 

“It does, but are you sure that you’re not gonna throw anything in my face? I was wrong”

 

“We were both wrong, it’s time to move on from it aren’t you tired of us fighting?”

 

“Sooooo tired” Harper chuckled out leaning her head forward resting her forehead on Raven’s shoulder, after a second or so she lifted her head up looking at her girlfriend “I am really sorry though, I know we both wanna move on but I really want you to know I wasn’t flirting with her with any intention of sleeping with her”

 

“I know you weren’t, look we both agree it was wrong and that we wanna move forward so let’s move forward” Raven responded making sure she was looking Harper in the eyes with every word that she said. Harper smiled nodding her head agreeing with Raven’s words. As Raven lowered their hands to the side of them keeping their hands locked and their fingers intertwined Harper lent forward her lips connecting with Raven’s softly, as their lips stayed connected Raven let go of Harper’s hands wrapping her arms around Harpers waist pulling her into her a little more. Keeping their lips connected Raven did her best to stop her hands from roaming over Harpers body knowing that Costia was in the other room. The two of them kept kissing for minutes on end until Harper finally pulled back unable to supress the smile inside her any longer, looking into Raven’s eyes she softly said “I missed this you”

 

“I missed this me too” Raven softly responded hugging Harper her arms gripping onto Harper gently. They were hugging for a moment or two when Raven heard Costia’s voice shouting out

 

“Rae Rae”

 

Instantly Raven noticed the upset in the little girl’s voice releasing her arms from around Harpers waist looking at Harper smiling softly before she turned and looked in the direction of the bathroom, after not hearing a response “Cos…are you ok Munchkin?” She asked as she jogged towards the bathroom the worry inside her for Costia rising inside her. As she reached the door she softly knocked on the bathroom door “Cos you ok?”

 

“Is it just you Rae Rae?” Raven looked around making sure that Harper hadn’t followed her to the bathroom when she confirmed it was just her she replied to the little girl;

 

“Yeah it’s just me Munchkin” After a second Raven heard a shuffle and then she heard the door unlock and watched as the handle slowly turned, the door opened pushing it gently she walked through the door closing it behind her she noticed a sad and nervous looking Costia. Costia was facing away from her facing the bathroom wall, stopping behind Costia she knelt down softly tapping her on the back. “Hey Munchkin, it’s only me what’s wrong?” After a second Costia turned around her face covered in tears looking at Raven, Raven couldn’t see anything visually wrong with the little girl “Why are you crying Cos?” She softly asked reaching up wiping the tears from Costia’s cheek

 

“I can’t do them up” Costia softly explained showing Raven the button on her trousers, Raven softly smiled shuffling forward on her knees, as she reached forward grabbing hold of the waist of Costia’s trousers she carefully did the button up as Costia lifted her hands up resting each of them on Raven’s shoulders, sniffling back more tears she looked down at the trousers seeing they were now done up she smiled at Raven “Thank you Rae Rae”

 

“Your welcome”

 

Raven smiled at Costia leaning forward placing a kiss on Costia’s forehead, standing up she held her hand out for Costia who smiled softly wiping her face with her left hand as she took hold of Raven’s hand with her right. Raven guided the little girl out of the bathroom only stopping when Costia tugged on her hand once they were a few footsteps away from the living room, turning and looking down at the little girl she softly knelt down so she was level with Costia again softly asking “You ok Munchkin?” She was really starting to worry about Costia now the little girl was acting weird

 

“My tummy hurts really badly Rae Rae” Costia said as fresh tears rushed from her eyes down her cheeks

 

“How long has it been hurting?” When Costia didn’t speak but looked at her like she was scared to get in trouble she softly said “You’re not in trouble Cos, I promise”

 

“Since we knocked at Harper’s door”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I wanted to be a big girl……but it really hurts now Rae Rae” Costia explained as more tears fell from her eyes down her cheeks covering the slightly older tears that graced her cheeks already

 

“Hey even big girls feel pain”

 

“Really?” Costia asked sniffing back more and more tears as she looked sorrowfully at Raven

 

“Of course, see when you’re a big girl your allowed to be in pain as well, being a big girl is about being honest and brave no matter what happens or how you feel” Raven watched as Costia processed the words she had just let out, she was hoping that the sentence made sense to Costia enough for the little girl to feel safe

 

“My head hurts really bad as well” Costia softly let out moving forward a little more her hands moving to play with the material on Raven’s shirt

 

“Has your head been hurting since your tummy hurt as well?” When Costia nodded her head Raven realised that the little girl must have experienced a drop in her sugar levels, looking at the time she noticed it was nearly midnight, and the last time she had seen Costia eat any of the popcorn was half way through Ghostbusters and that was about 5pm just before she went to the hospital with Sasha, she knew that the treatment Costia was getting for her cancer meant that any change the little girl experienced in her body was amped up by a million, and when her blood sugar was low it made her feel sicker than it would a non-sick 6 year old “When did you last eat?”

 

“Mmmm when Mama gave us food before the bad man and then some of the popcorn”

 

“Did you eat enough or did you not feel hungry?” When Costia bowed her head looking at the floor, using two of her fingers Raven gently lifted the little girls head up so she was looking at her again “Its ok you’re not in trouble Munchkin I promise you”

 

“I’m not?”

 

“Of Course not” Raven smiled softly at Costia before standing up holding her arms out for Costia, she watched the little girl hold her arms up in the air, lifting her up onto her chest she placed a soft kiss on Costia’s head “How about we go get you a milkshake or a cherry pie huh?” Raven asked looking down at Costia, who nodded her head at the question “Ok that’s what we’re gonna do then” Raven smiled feeling Costia grip onto her wrapping her arms around her neck “It’s ok Munchkin I’ve got you…it’s all gonna be ok” She soothingly said as she turned around walking back towards the living room seeing a smiling and awestruck Harper looking at her.

 

* * *

 Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment

Octavia and Sasha were laying on the couch Octavia was resting her head on Sasha’s chest and her left hand on Sasha’s stomach as Sasha ran her hand gently through Octavia’s hair repeatedly, her own head leaning against the arm of the couch as her left leg stretched out on the couch and her other leg rested on the edge of the couch. Octavia had her left leg wrapped around Sasha’s left leg resting between Sasha’s legs as her other leg stretched out down the couch. After they had finished talking about their first Christmas together they continued to talk about that night and every Christmas that they had spent together both jokingly arguing about which one they thought was the better Christmas, after half an hour of discussing it they changed the subject. No matter what they talked about Octavia couldn’t seem to find the right moment to talk about finding the ring to Sasha, the more she thought about it the more it sounded like a bad idea not because she wanted to hide finding the ring from Sasha but more because she didn’t want to upset her girlfriend at this moment in time not after the day they had just had. The more she thought about it the more she struggled to understand how such a good day could turn into such a bad day, everything was going so good for her Mitch was going to prison her and Sasha were back on track and she was going to spend the next day with Costia looking after the little girl and now everything was upside down.

 

She knew the reason she was thinking so much right now was because she was forcing herself to, the more Sasha ran her hand through her hair the more it soothed her and relaxed her, she felt almost too relaxed like this was too perfect to be true. Her and Sasha just seemed to be getting stronger and stronger every day, the stronger they seemed to get the more it scared Octavia, not because she didn’t want them to be strong but more because she was expecting something to happen between them that would weaken that strength. She continued to think to herself listening to Sasha’s steady breathing as she felt Sasha’s stomach rising up and down against her hand. After a while she forced herself to stop thinking and to just enjoy the relaxing time her and Sasha were getting together without any interruptions. She only managed to get a minute of silence in her head before she heard Sasha’s voice asking;

 

“How did you know about my injuries?”

 

Lifting her head to look up at her girlfriend she slowly opened her eyes peaking to look at Sasha slightly confused at the question “Huh?” Was all she could manage to get out

 

“You said I had a severe concussion and bruising, but I hadn’t told you my injuries yet. So how did you know?”

 

The comment made her come to a little more as she shuffled upwards on the couch a little more her leg moving up with her and resting against Sasha’s waist, once her and Sasha were all but face to face she explained “I knew that something was wrong with you, I didn’t know what exactly but when you didn’t come back I waited, when it got to three hours I called Clarke”

 

“And how did that lead to you knowing my injuries?”

 

“Because Clarke asked her mom to help look for you then she did, didn’t you wonder how Lexa knew you were in hospital and where you were?”

 

“I don’t know I assumed they just found me somehow, I don’t know Lexa always knows where I am it’s weird. So what once Clarke found out she called you?”

 

“No she texted me saying you were fine, stupid but fine. So I called her because I was worried about you and she told me what was wrong with you and that you would be home soon”

 

“So you were spying on me huh?” Sasha asked jokingly smirking at Octavia

 

“No If I was, do you think I would have let you anywhere near your ex no matter her injuries?”

 

“Good Point” Sasha laughed smirking leaning forward slighting capturing Octavia’s lips with her own for a second before Octavia pulled back looking at her seeing the frown on Sasha’s face she pecked her on the lips before explaining

 

“I need the toilet babe…. I’ll be two minutes I promise” Octavia smiled kissing Sasha again, forcing her girlfriend to break the kiss again by placing her hand on Sasha’s chest using her knee and pressing it against Sasha’s pelvis making her girlfriend break the kiss with a gasp, Sasha looked up at her shock covering her face. As she walked towards the bathroom she heard Sasha shout;

 

“You’re a tease Octavia Blake”

 

“I learnt from the best” She shouted back walking into the bathroom locking the door as she did so. Once she was finished using the toilet she washed her hands looking at herself in the mirror she noticed how messy her hair now was, she patted down her hair do the best she could with her hair but still not happy with how it looked she remembered Sasha always kept a comb in the cabinet for when Tristan or Atom would stay over or even for when she wanted to slick her ponytail back more. As she opened the cabinet door which the mirror was nailed onto, grabbing the comb she closed the cabinet too combing her hair quickly so it looked presentable for Sasha. Placing the comb back where she had found it she noticed Sasha’s new medication in the hospital bag on the top shelve of the cabinet reaching up she grabbed the bag opening up deciding to have the look and make sure that she knew the times that the medication was meant to be taken. Opening up the bag she looked at some of the medication noticing that two of the boxes were the same and were antibiotics which she was guessing was for the grazes on the back of Sasha’s biceps. Lifting out the next set of boxes that were also in a pair instantly knowing they were painkillers, ones that Sasha had been prescribed when she was released from the hospital rehab centre after she’d been shot years ago. As she looked at the other boxes in the bag she noticed that they were anti-inflammatory pills to reduce the change of Sasha’s injuries inflaming or getting worse than they were. Placing the boxes back in the bag she placed the last one in the bag, as she did she noticed some writing on the box she looked at it squinted her eyes as if that would make her work out what it was, as she continued to look at the writing she realised it was a proscription number or a batch number but was actually a phone number.

 

Keeping the box in her hand she turned around storming out of the bathroom and into the living room she stopped sharply next to Sasha noticing her eyes were closed she harshly pushed Sasha’s shoulder making the woman grimace and let out a yelp before she asked ‘What the hell?’ looking at Octavia, her words falling flat when Octavia held the box in the air looking at her and asking;

 

“Who’s number is this?”

 

“Babe, calm down ok this isn’t what you think?”

 

“Don’t you dare babe me Sasha, why am I only finding out about this now?”

 

“Because I forgot about it, I was more concerned about Ontari”

 

“Bull, who’s number is it?”

 

“Nobody’s”

 

“So you won’t mind if I call her then” Octavia stated pulling her phone out of her back pocket holding it in the air

 

“O wait…” Sasha started going to stand up only to be pushed back onto the couch by Octavia, she didn’t move as Octavia held her down moving to sit on her hips her hand staying on Sasha’s chest

 

“Tell me who she is, or I will call her, meet her and beat her up”

 

“She’s a nurse ok” Sasha let out trying to ignore how sexy Octavia looked to her right now

 

“A nurse….” Octavia started placing her phone back into her back pocket moving her now free hand to Sasha’s chest resting it on the opposite side of her other hand that was still on Sasha’s chest holding her girlfriend down, as the aggravation filled her face “So you’re telling me you go to get checked over to make sure you’re ok, and you end up chatting up a nurse”

 

“Wow wow wow babe, I didn’t chat up anyone”

 

“Then how the hell did you get her number?”

 

“I don’t know ok, she came over to talk to me and explain all the medication and then next thing I know Raven pulls out my meds and it’s got a phone number on it”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yeah I promise babe; I didn’t even know her I swear. Ask Raven if you don’t believe me, hell you can even use my phone”

 

“Fine I will…. give me your phone then” Octavia stated holding her hand out for Sasha to hand her phone over to her, Sasha let out a sigh doing as she was told removing her phone from her pocket and handing it to her girlfriend. Unlocking the phone with the code Sasha had told her when they got back together she pulled up Raven’s contact typing out a text message she sent it making sure the message sounded like Sasha wrote it:

 

**Sasha aka Octavia: Why do I have a number on my medication again? I can’t remember by brains a little fried**

**Raven: Your brain’s always fried, and she wrote her number on the meds that’s how you got it**

**Octavia: So I asked for it?**

**Raven: No you idiot she just wrote it on the box, remember I said you had some serious game then we ran into Ontari**

**Octavia: Oh yeah…I remember haha my bad**

**Raven: Idiot lol Oh, Me and Harper are taking Costia to get something to eat so we’ll be back about half past midnight**

**Octavia: Ok**

Octavia looked up from the phone noticing the smirk on Sasha’s face, looking down at her girlfriend she felt her face flush in embarrassment at her over reaction to seeing the number. Lowering her head on to Sasha’s chest she let out a massive grown of frustration and embarrassment as her hands rested gently on Sasha’s hips. She felt Sasha’s hands move from on her own chest moving them until they were resting on Octavia’s chest, she could feel Sasha’s chest rising and falling which from what she could tell was softly giggling, lifting her head up her face scrunched up as she looked down frowning sticking out her bottom lip she looked down at Sasha softly saying;

 

“I’m sorry”

 

“It’s fine O”

 

“No it isn’t fine I should have believed you”

 

“I wouldn’t have believed me either…though saying that you should realise that not even I would chat someone else up at a hospital” Sasha smiled out before pushing herself up a little so leaning on her elbows so her face was a little closer to Octavia’s

 

“I know I’m sorry I just….my brains a little jumbled since earlier”

 

“It’s fine honestly” Sasha smiled at Octavia, letting out a wince of pain when she leant on the grazes on the back of her biceps, laying back to how she was moments. Seeing the wince Octavia brought her hands up to grip onto Sasha’s shirt just underneath Sasha’s breasts leaning forward she captured Sasha’s lips with her own instantly she felt Sasha’s hands grip onto her hips a little more, after a minute or two she pulled back summing every ounce of will power and honesty she had she decided that seeing as Sasha was in a forgiving mood now was the probably the best time to reveal what she found, pushing back against Sasha’s chest she sat up straight looking at Sasha she blurted out;

 

“I found the ring”

 

Sasha paused for a second looking at Octavia not quite sure what she was meant to say or even what exactly Octavia was talking about, blinking her eyes a couple times she took a few breaths in before she looked at Octavia and asked “What ring?”

 

“My engagement ring…. I think”

 

“How the.... you found it? How did you find it? Were you looking for it?”

 

“No I wasn’t looking for it I promise” Octavia nervously removing herself from Sasha lap, the motion making Sasha instantly sit up on the couch. As she did so Octavia sat down on the new space on the couch.

 

“Octavia…” Sasha softly started bending her left leg until her foot was underneath her right thigh, bringing her right foot to rest on the ground reaching forward she took hold of Octavia’s hand bringing her a little closer “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to accuse you…...just tell me what you’re talking about please”

 

“Me and Costia were watching a film she fell asleep so I left her on the couch for a minute or two, I went into the kitchen and I phoned Clarke and spoke to her about checking if you were in hospital and when I got off of the phone I noticed that Costia wasn’t on the couch anymore so I thought of checking our room because that’s where she would always go when she was sleepy. As I got to the door I heard her mumbling to herself about a secret so I opened the door and she was sat on the top of the chest of drawers trying to get into the top draw” Octavia stopped for a second when she noticed Sasha giggle softly at her words, she knew her girlfriend was probably picturing Costia sitting on top of the chest of drawers “I lifted her off of the chest of drawers, I noticed she was wearing your army t-shirt so I thought maybe she was missing you. I sat on the bed with her and she told me she missed you and wanted to see your medals because they make her miss you less and because they are shiny…. I didn’t think it’d be a problem so I got the box out opened it and showed her the medals”

 

“And saw the box?” Sasha asked looking up into Octavia’s eyes holding onto Octavia’s hand a little tighter her own hand gently moving up and down the back of Octavia’s hand

 

“I didn’t notice it at first but then Costia did, she noticed it because it was purple…. she shouted that it was my favourite colour so I looked and I saw it…. I didn’t open it I put it back and then Bellamy called me so I answered it and went into the hallway…. when I came back Costia was acting weird and I realised she’d opened the box and looked at it…. long story short she dropped the ring under the bed by accident we found it and put it back…”

 

“Did you look at it?”

 

“For a minute or two yeah….” When Sasha didn’t say a word she felt the nerves building more and more inside her moving forward a little more she softly added “Please don’t be mad at me…I swear it wasn’t on purpose”

 

Sasha looked at her taking a deep breath in she looked up at Octavia, so many thoughts were running through her mind right now, taking another deep breath in she looked into Octavia’s eyes she stood up their hands naturally untangling from each other’s. Seeing the upset look on Octavia’s face she held her hand in the air watching as Octavia accepted it not saying a word to Octavia, Sasha lead her to their bedroom walking through the door she walked Octavia to the bed moving Octavia gently until Octavia was sat on the bed letting go of Octavia’s hand she walked over to the draw that held her box of medals, opening it she found the box opening it up she found the velvet box they had been discussing moments beforehand. Walking back over to Octavia she knelt down bending both her knees in front of Octavia deciding to ignore all of the negative thoughts in her mind she spoke;

 

“I’m not mad at you in any way shape or form, I brought this ring about a week before I found out about you and Raven, there were so many things in my mind that I wanted to say, so many ways I wanted to propose and none of them felt right to me, the day I found out about you and Raven was the day I worked out the perfect way to propose…I was gonna book somewhere for your birthday invite the whole family and then get down on one knee and propose….I even got Bellamy’s approval to propose to you…” Seeing the tears beginning to well up in Octavia’s eyes she softly continued reaching up for Octavia’s hand taking hold of both her hands with the one free hand she had “You’ve probably figured out that I was planning on proposing at Mount Weather, but I found out what I did and I don’t want you to think that’s the only reason I didn’t propose it was one of the main ones yeah but it didn’t feel like it was right….with everything that you were going through and the court case being so close to your birthday I didn’t wanna pressure you or make everything about me so I decided to wait and leave the box in with my medals….I didn’t think you’d ever look at them because of what they remind you of”

 

“I’m sorry I messed it all up” Octavia let out standing up and going to walk out of the bedroom only to be stopped by who had quickly stood up, turning Octavia around Sasha continue looking Octavia in the eyes

 

“You didn’t ruin anything I promise you…just hear me out please….” When Octavia gave her a little nod she continued taking hold of her girlfriend’s hand “When I planned to propose everytime I came up with something I tried to think of what I would say to you and what you would do back or what you would say, and each time I could never hear your voice or see your beautiful face looking back at me. I don’t know what any of the means but I know right now I really have to do this, and I know it is probably the least romantic thing I will ever do for you but this is the single purest and most honest thing I’ve ever done…so I’m just gonna follow my heart so….” Sasha took a small sharp breath in before she looked into Octavia’s eyes seemingly finding every ounce of passion she needed, letting go of Octavia’s hand she lowered herself until she was on one knee looking up at Octavia “Octavia Blake, you are the most loving, talent, beautiful, intelligent and all around insanely amazing person I have ever meet, when I first meet you like officially we shook hands and there was this jolt that surged through my body, I thought it was just passion but looking back on it I think it was a warning sign, a warning that what I was going to feel for you would be like electricity but in the best way possible……When you smile at me, it doesn’t matter what mood I’m in or how angry I wanna be at you I can’t stop myself smiling back, when I was down and I wanted it all to be over because the pain was too much you would hold me and all that pain would disappear like you were my own form of painkiller….I know I’ve messed up way too many times that I should have and we both know I’m not the only one that’s made mistakes but I don’t care anymore because if I don’t have you then I don’t think my life is worth much….the year I spent without you was the worst of my life every day I missed you so much words can’t even express it…I think that’s why this is just something that feels right to me, I don’t EVER want to spend another moment without you for the rest of my life….I know your my destiny and that we’re meant to be together because without you I don’t think I’m me….Soooo I’m gonna ask this before I lose the guts and before I began to sound like a complete idiot…..Octavia…” Sasha paused bringing the box up in her hands opening it revealing the ring inside it she noticed Octavia’s mouth fall open and her hands move to her neck taking a final deep breath in she looked dead into Octavia’s eyes before asking “Will you marry me?”

  

* * *

 

Lexa’s Hospital Room

Clarke and Lexa were still laying in Lexa’s hospital bed Clarke was still wrapped up in Lexa’s arms enjoying feeling the woman’s arms around her. She’d been awake for about thirty minutes unable to sleep she stayed where she was in Lexa’s arms safe. She looked up at the clock noticing it was one in the morning. Laying there she just listening to the silence that filled the hospital hallways and rooms, she’d spent plenty of time in hospitals but it was still strange to her that a place that was filled with so much noise and mayhem during the day could suddenly become silent and almost peaceful at night. The more she listened to the silence she more she thought about her father and whether or not it was right to go and see him or whether so she should stay away from him completely. She was pulled from her thoughts after an unsure amount of time when she heard Lexa’s voice whisper;

 

“I can hear you thinking Clarke…. It’s hurting my brain”

 

“I’m sorry” Clarke whispered back reaching her hand downwards and resting it on top of Lexa’s hand locking their fingers together pulling their hands upwards until they were resting on her stomach

 

“It’s ok…. what’s wrong?” Lexa soothingly replied keeping her voice to a whisper as she placed a gentle loving kiss on Clarke’s neck

 

“Nothing…well not really”

 

“Thinking about your dad?”

 

“Yeah…. I don’t know what to do Lexa. Part of me wants to hear him out because he’s my dad and then part of me wants to never see him again….because he’s my dad it’s so stupid”

 

“It’s not stupid Clarke” Lexa again placed a loving kiss on the back of Clarke’s neck before she continued “You want answers and that’s only human Clarke, you can’t blame yourself for that…. did I ever tell you about my dad?”

 

“Other than he left you and your Mama….no” Clarke asked slightly intrigued looking back at Lexa who smiled at her causing her to look back in the direction she was moments beforehand letting Lexa decide whether or not she was going to continue talking about her dad or not

 

“When I was about 18 he got back in contact with us, gave some bullshit excuse that he was in a bad place and was depressed so he left because it was the right thing for me and my Mama, considering we had all my Mama’s side of the family to support us. He went on about how he finally found Jesus and he had been born again years before, he said that he was sorry for leaving me but it was for my own benefit…..anyway my Mama told me to give him a chance and you know her….you don’t argue with her or you’re in big trouble so I did what she told me and I gave him a chance…..we talked on the phone a few times but more than anything he wrote me emails, one every few days that was until I finally told him I was Gay….he wrote back telling me that him leaving had invited the devil into my soul and my sins will devoir me until the day I die and Satan opened up the doors of hell to me”

 

“Lexa I’m so sorry I never knew that” Clarke soothingly responded leaning back placing a gentle kiss on Lexa’s cheek before turning back again

 

“It’s ok Clarke, anyway I told him that if he couldn’t accept me for who I was that the next time he saw me would be in hell……anyway I’m not trying to upset you or anything I just mean…maybe giving your father a chance isn’t a terrible idea…not a chance to come back in your life but a chance to explain to you why he has such a problem with you being gay…. the only person that knows why is him and I think that you need to know the answers he has before you can move on yourself….”

 

“Maybe your right…Would you come with me if I went to see him?”

 

“Of course”

 

“Good…then I’ll go and see my dad…tomorrow”

 


	48. Answers & More Questions

Chapter 48-Answers & More Questions

-Arkadia Diner-

Raven, Harper and Costia were in Arkadia Diner Raven had opted to stop at this diner mainly because she knew it was open 24 hours and Costia loved this diner. They did Costia’s favourite Pancakes, they would cover the pancakes in cherries and cherry sauce with whip cream around the edges of the pancakes, she had a feeling that right now she’d have to stop Costia from ordering them, the little girl needed sugar but that would send the little girl over the edge and onto a sugar high that would last for at least six hours. They had just sat down in one of the booths when Costia asked to go to the toilet, Harper offered to take her as she needed to go as well. The waitress had come over and asked if they were ready to order, Raven asked her to come back in a moment apologising as the others were in the toilet the waitress said it wasn’t a problem and walked back to the counter, the rest of the diner was empty except for two other people who were deep in conversation on the other side of the diner.

 

She patiently waited shuffling herself over to the end of the booth so she was right next to the wall, leaning her back against it turning herself placing her left leg on the bench her foot hanging off of the edge of the bench she was sat on. After a few minutes Harper and Costia reappeared, Costia was giggling happily as she appeared at the bottom of the bench Raven was seated on, Harper watched the little girl smiling at her behaviour she sat on the bench opposite Raven smiling at her girlfriend winking at her as she sat opposite her. Raven smirked at Harper before her attention was turned back to Costia as the little girl climbed up on to the bench crawling up it until she was in front of Raven. Placing her hands on Raven’s knees she looked up sweetly at her excitedly saying;

 

“Can I get the pancakes Rae Rae? The special ones”

 

“I don’t know Munchkin, that’s a lot of sugar for you this late”

 

“Ok Rae Rae” Costia sweetly responded removing her hands from Raven’s knees sitting herself down next to Raven her small face filled with sadness and upset.

 

Raven noticed the change in the little girl, she was a good kid who did what she was told and very rarely said no when she was told no by anyone. But she was still a child who didn’t like being told no when she wanted something. Raven looked at Harper seeing the almost tense look on Harper’s face obviously from the fact she’d only seen the happy go lucky Costia who had more energy than the energizer bunny. Reaching forward Raven wrapped her arms around Costia from behind lifting her and pulling her back with her until the smaller brunette was sat on her lap her back against Raven’s chest as Raven kept her arms wrapped tightly around the little girl “How about we reach a compromise huh?”

 

Costia turned herself slightly to look up at Raven “What is a compromise?”

 

“A compromise is when two people can’t reach a decision but instead they make a decision that fits them both”

 

“What compromise are we reaching Rae Rae?”

 

“Well how about right now you eat something proper for dinner and then tomorrow after we drive Harper home we stop here and me and you have breakfast together”

 

“Pancakes?” Costia asked the excitement in her voice clear for Harper and Raven to hear

 

“Whatever you want” Raven smiled out looking down at Costia who smiled back up at her brightly “So have we got a compromise?”

 

“Yes…. it’s a compromise Rae Rae”

 

“Good…now what do you want to eat?”

 

“Mmmm” Costia let out as she reached forward for the menu, she hadn’t planned on not being allowed to eat pancakes looking at the menu she pointed to the kid’s meals “They are too small Rae Rae” She said looking up at Raven with a sad frown on her face

 

“They are huh?” She asked looking down at the little girl sat on her lap, she smirked when Costia nodded her head at the comment “Well how about you and me share something then?”

 

Costia let out a massive gasp before looking up at Raven excitedly and saying “That’s the best idea Rae Rae…. what do you want?”

 

“You pick for us Munchkin as long as I get a milkshake”

 

“Ok Rae Rae” Costia sweetly let out before going back to looking at the menu in front of her, leaning back to rest her head on Raven’s chest. Raven looked down lovingly at the little girl as she hummed along her finger tracing over the words on the menu, after a minute or two Costia looked up at Raven not removing her head from Raven’s chest but instead turning her head slightly to the side and upwards. “Do you like Pizza Rae Rae?”

 

“I LOVE pizza” Raven responded guessing the little girl wanted one of the pizza meals the diner did, it wasn’t a whole pizza it was basically a mini pizza that was served with a side of French fries and it came with a drink.

 

“Can we get the pizza one please Rae Rae? It says it is a mini pizza” Costia let out giggling softly as she said the last part of the sentence

 

“Of course we can, as long as we get some chicken nuggets with it” She smiled when Costia let out a small gasp looking up at her

 

“That’s the best idea EVER Rae”

 

“I know it is” Raven smiled squeezing her arms around the little girl making Costia let out a small giggle as Raven squeezed her again. Harper watched on in amazement she’d never seen Raven like this ever before, she knew Raven was different around her than she was most people but now she knew that Sasha was right there was something different about Raven when she was around Costia she was almost a different person. Seeing Harper was almost staring at her she looked over at her girlfriend raising her eyebrows and asking “You ok?” Harper looked at her girlfriend smiling brightly and nodding her head

 

“What would you like Harper?” Costia sweetly asked looking over at Harper gently leaning forward she held the menu over the table “You can use my menu” She sweetly handed the menu to Harper who smiled at her

 

“Thank you Costia”

 

“Your welcome” Costia sweetly answered leaning back against Raven her small hands grabbing onto Raven’s arms shuffling back a little more into Raven. Harper and Raven exchanged a look before looking back down at the little girl in her arms holding onto her, she forgot how much she had missed Costia and how happy she felt being around her. The little girl was so pure and innocent it gave her a sense of hope and meaning, one she didn’t quite understand but still she liked it.

 

* * *

 

 Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment

Sasha looked up nervously at Octavia watching as her girlfriend just continued to look down at her, hands gripping onto her neck as her mouth hung slightly open and her eyes started to fill up with tears. At this point Sasha couldn’t tell if the tears were of happiness or of upset. Taking a breath in she shuffled on the ground a little, the action seemed to snap Octavia out of the daze as she looked down at Sasha instantly wiping her cheeks as the tears fell from her eyes. Taking a breath in then harshly letting the breath out Octavia walked over to the bed busying herself pulling the covers so there wasn’t a crease in sight. Sasha looked at her dumbfounded at her girlfriend’s reaction, standing up she walked over to Octavia stopping behind her but leaving about an arm’s length of space between them both.

 

“O, that wasn’t the response I was expecting” Octavia remained silent keeping her attention forward and on the bed in front of her. Sasha looked on in confusion her face contorting slightly before shaking her head and placing her hand on Octavia’s arm “O, talk to me what is going on?” Again Octavia didn’t say anything she just turned brushing past Sasha attempting to walk towards the bedroom door, before she could reach it Sasha rushed forward gently grabbing hold of Octavia’s wrist turning her so she was looking at her, as her eyes moved up to Octavia’s face she noticed the younger woman had tears running down her face “Babe, I really don’t understand what’s going on, please talk to me”

 

"You don't need to propose to me to prove a point”

 

“What are talking about? What point?”

 

“I get it ok I shouldn't have opened it and looked. But proposing to me now is just cruel Sasha it's not funny”

 

“Wow wait up I'm not doing this to prove a point”

 

“Don't do that, don't pretend it's not to prove a point and then turn around and tell me you don't mean it”

 

“I wouldn't do that….it wouldn't be even remotely funny to me or anyone else babe” Sasha moved forward a little more taking Octavia’s hand in her own “I meant ever single word of it, It never felt right any time I picture it or thought about it until just now…” Octavia remained silent not saying a word her face still showing she was not fully convinced “Look at the time…” Octavia looked at Sasha raising her eyebrows “Just look at the time please” Octavia did as she was told and looked at the alarm clock on the bedside cabinet

 

“It’s nearly half past midnight so what?”

 

“It’s officially your birthday” Octavia looked at Sasha her mouth falling open slightly as the shock filled her face “It didn't feel right until I noticed the clock and I thought about you looking at the ring, that stupid grin of pure happiness you get, the same smile I'm always trying to put on your face. Holding this ring in my hand and looking at you I knew it was right and that this was how I was meant to propose”

 

“This isn't a joke”

 

“No, not in any way”

 

"You’re actually proposing to me?”

 

“Well I was yeah”

 

"Oh my god….” Octavia let out her hands shooting up to cover her face as she let out a massive groan in embarrassment “I'm so sorry I thought it was to prove a point”

 

“Yeah you said” Sasha softly laughed pulling Octavia’s hands from over her face

 

"I'm an idiot I completely ruined the moment……do it again”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Propose again”

 

“No…”

 

“Sasha”

 

“You want me to propose again so what you can prove a point” Sasha responded smirking at Octavia unable to resist the chance to tease her a little “I’m not gonna embarrass myself by getting down on one knee again only for you to say no…. again”

 

“I never said no”

 

“Well you didn’t say yes either”

 

“SASHA” Octavia loudly and firmly stated looking at Sasha her face showing how serious she was “I’m sorry I messed up your proposal…but if you do it again I’ll give you a proper answer”

 

“Nope not happening”

 

“Baby please for me…. I messed up your proposal so please just ask again…now I know that your serious I can answer properly”

 

Sasha looked at Octavia raising her eyebrow at her girlfriend removing her phone from her back pocket placing it on the chest of drawers next to them before turning back to Octavia, smirking at her letting out a small breath letting go of Octavia’s hand and kneeling down until she was again on one knee, holding the box up in the air clearing her throat she looked up at Octavia and asked “Octavia Eleous Blake, will you marry me?”

 

Octavia couldn’t contain the smile that burst onto her face as she launched herself forwards onto Sasha, sending them both crashing to the floor underneath them with a thud. As they both hit the ground Sasha let out a massive gasp as the air was forced out of her lungs. Before she had a chance to do or say anything else Octavia’s lips were crashing onto hers, instantly she kissed her back dropping the box in her hand bringing both her hands up to either side of Octavia’s face her hands moving to rest in Octavia’s hair pulling her deeper into the kiss. After minutes of their bodies pressing against each other’s Octavia broke the kiss looking down breathlessly at Sasha before softly saying “In case you were wondering, my answer is a big fat yes”

 

“Are you sure about that or do you want me to ask again to be sure?”

 

“Shut up and kiss me” Sasha laughed at Octavia’s comment before leaning up and closing the gap between their lips, this kiss unlike the one before it was one filled with pure love Sasha’s hands stayed in Octavia’s hair. Octavia’s hands were pressed on Sasha’s chest, slowly she moved her hands from Sasha’s chest downwards until they were resting just above Sasha’s waist. They continued to kiss the longer their lips were connected the more the passion in both of them began to rise. Without a second thought Sasha moved switching their positions rolling to her left so she was on top of Octavia her hands moving quickly from Octavia’s hair on to the floor to stop them both smashing into the floor with force, she was slightly surprised when Octavia didn’t break the kiss but instead moved her legs to wrap around her waist pulling their hips together a little more than they had been in the last few months. As she felt herself getting a little too excited Sasha forced herself to pull backwards breaking the kiss causing Octavia to look up at her in frustration

 

“I’m sorry but if I don’t stop now I don’t think I’ll be able to”

 

“I don’t want you to stop” Octavia responded her eyes filled with lust and wanting, something Sasha hadn’t seen in them for months. Octavia’s hand came to rest on Sasha’s neck, seeing the hesitation in Sasha’s eyes she used the hand to pull Sasha down on to her until their lips were hovering over each other’s “I think I’m ready”

 

“Are you sure?” Sasha asked pushing herself up a little more only for Octavia to pulled Sasha back towards her with her legs, squeezing Sasha’s waist a little more. Looking into Sasha’s eyes she smiled bit her bottom lip and nodded softly at Sasha not giving her now fiancée had a chance to respond she leant up capturing Sasha’s lips in a searing and passionate kiss. They continued to kiss for a minute or two before Sasha forced Octavia to break the kiss getting an annoyed look from Octavia, smirking at the look she explained “If we’re doing this for the first time in months, it isn’t gonna be on the floor” Without a second thought or another word to Octavia, she leant forward wrapping her arms around Octavia’s waist, she was helped by the fact that Octavia’s waist was partially off of the floor as a result of her legs being wrapped around Sasha’s waist, lifting Octavia off of the floor moving backwards until she was on her knees.

 

Making sure she had a proper grip around Octavia before carefully standing herself up one knee at a time, once she was completely on her feet Octavia wrapped her arms around Sasha’s neck pulling them closer together. Sasha smiled at Octavia who in turn smiled back leaning in connecting their lips together, as they continued to kiss Sasha carried Octavia to their bed kneeling on the bed she moved forward until they were in the middle of the bed laying Octavia carefully down. As she removed her arms from around Octavia’s waist her hands found their way to Octavia’s waist as her hands connected Octavia’s hands found the bottom of Sasha’s shirt pulling it slowly up Sasha’s torso her hands moving under the material, pushing it further and further up Sasha’s torso until the shirt was at Sasha’s underarms, gripping onto the shirt she lifted it swiftly moving it over Sasha’s arms and head roughly throwing the shirt onto the floor. Reclaiming Sasha’s lips as soon as her head was free of the shirt.

 

As soon as the shirt left her hand Octavia brought her hand up to Sasha’s neck pulling the older brunette down against her, her hands found their way to Sasha’s stomach running her fingertips over every inch of Sasha’s abs, she deepened the kiss a little more her hands making their way down to Sasha’s jogging bottoms. As she stopped her hand taking in the feeling of Sasha’s body against her skin, Sasha’s hand began to move for Octavia’s shirt she couldn’t help the hesitation than ran through her brain her hand coming to a rest as it gripped onto the edge of Octavia’s t-shirt. As her hand hovered in the air, Octavia switched their positions so she was on top of Sasha pressing her hands on Sasha’s chest so her fiancée was laying on the bed she sat herself up her lust filled eyes staying connected with Sasha’s, keeping her eyes locked with Sasha’s she moved her hands down to the edge of her shirt slowly pulling it up her torso until it was completely off of her, doing as she had with Sasha’s shirt and throwing it to the floor. Looking back down at Sasha she quickly lowered herself down stopping herself when she was about an inch away from Sasha’s lips, bringing her left hand up to Sasha’s right cheek gently resting her hand on Sasha’s cheek she softly whispered “Stop holding back”

 

Sasha contemplated for a second before nodding her head and leaning up closing the small amount of space between them until their lips connected softly together. As their lips connected Sasha’s hand moved almost instantly to Octavia’s hips her hands running over hands over Octavia’s skins. The feeling was something she’d missed more than she’d actually realised, she’d been holding back whenever her and Octavia would kiss, and it wasn’t just because of what had happened with Mitch but also everything that she had found out and everything that had gone on. But now that everything was out in the air and all the court case drama had been put to bed, it was like the cloud of hesitation had been lifted from her. As they kissed Octavia deepened the kiss Octavia rolled her hips over Sasha’s waist, feeling the gasp of breath escape from Sasha’s mouth she broke the kiss smirking breathlessly at her fiancée. Seeing the smirk Sasha smirked back closing the gap between them, as their lips connected Sasha switched their position so she was again on top of Octavia, Octavia’s right leg round it’s way to Sasha’s waist wrapping it around Sasha’s waist pulling her down a little more as her hands moved to Sasha’s abs again unable to stop herself touching Sasha.

 

Sasha’s hands moved lowered her hands until they were resting on Octavia’s ass gently gripping them, feeling as Octavia had felt moments beforehand she felt Octavia gasp into their kiss, breaking their kiss she slowly moved downward placing kisses down Octavia’s neck moving to her collarbone slowing the kisses down as she got to just above Octavia’s breast. As she was placing kiss after kiss on Octavia’s body her hands found their way inside Octavia’s jogging bottoms resting on Octavia’s ass again but this time over the material of Octavia’s underwear. As she kissed lower and lower she felt Octavia’s body tense up underneath her slightly, she felt Octavia’s hands stop moving against her stomach. She quickly realised that maybe Octavia was only telling her she was ready to try and force herself to actually be ready. Sitting herself up she looked down at her “You’re not ready babe”

 

“I am Sasha” Octavia retorted sitting up and trying to kiss Sasha only for her to be stopped, Sasha looked at her unsure before she added “I am….so can you please make love to me” She stated the words did as intended as she leant forward kissing Sasha, and Sasha this time let her kiss her, their lips connected together and the passion again flowed into the kiss as their lips stayed connected Octavia pulled Sasha down with her, as Sasha’s hips pressed against Octavia’s she moved her hand to Octavia’s hips making, moving her hand slowly under Octavia’s waistband. As her hand made its way underneath Octavia’s underwear Octavia’s hand jumped grabbing hold of Sasha’s hand stopping it from moving any further, breaking the kiss she looked up at Sasha allowing her breathing to slow down she softly said “Ok…so your right” When Sasha raised her eyebrows at her she added “I thought I was ready, I just wanted this to be the perfect night…. but instead I ruined it.” Octavia responded the tears building in her eyes as the emotion filled her voice

 

Sasha let out a sigh before moving backwards on the bed jumping off she grabbed both of their shirts throwing them on the bed she looked around the room finding the ring she picked it up moving back over to the bed climbing onto it she crawled up the bed until she was again hovering over Octavia, leaning down she kissed her lovingly before lifting herself back up “You didn’t ruin a thing” She honestly replied moving to lay on the bed on Octavia’s left side, gently grabbing Octavia’s hand with her own she looked at the unconvinced look on her face “You didn’t ruin anything I promise….I mean you still wanna marry me right?”

 

“Of course I do”

 

“See…. nothing’s ruined then” Sasha smiled leaning into Octavia and kissing her softly on the cheek, before holding up the box in her hand, opening the box revealing the ring inside it she softly spoke “Try it on…I think I got it right”

 

“You’re not very good at this whole proposal thing are you?”

 

“Between me and you I’ve never done it before…”

 

“Well here’s a tip, your meant to give me the ring after I say yes”

 

“Well technically you haven’t said yes yet”

 

“Really?” Octavia responded smirking and raising her eyebrow at Sasha who bit her bottom lip and nodded at her, letting out a small single laugh of amusement she looked at Sasha, kissing her lovingly pulling back looking into Sasha’s eyes “Yes, I will marry you”

 

“Just had to check” Sasha smirked before removing the ring from the box, she held her other hand out in the air waiting for Octavia’s, Octavia lifted her hand up placing it in Sasha’s watching as Sasha carefully placed the ring on her wedding finger. Sasha slid the ring onto Octavia’s finger, to her relief the ring was a perfect fit. She watched as Octavia stared down at the ring for a few seconds a massive smile breaking out on her face, leaning in she captured Sasha’s lips her hands coming to rest on either of Sasha’s cheeks using her hands she pulled Sasha towards her connecting their lips together in a searing kiss. Sasha smirked into the kiss pulling back she quickly kissed Octavia three times in a row before looking her in the eyes and saying “Told you, you didn’t ruin anything”

 

“Thank you…. I’m lucky to have you” Octavia seriously responded shuffling herself to rest her head on Sasha’s shoulder and chest, her hand resting smoothly on Sasha’s abdomen her fingers softly tracing over Sasha’s skin “You’ve stood by me through everything”

 

“I’m pretty sure that I’m the lucky one”

 

“How so?” Octavia asked peaking up to look at Sasha

 

“When we meet something was missing, I had everything I could have wanted but nothing seemed to complete my life. Then I meet you and from that first kiss hell from that first handshake I knew that you were what I’d been waiting all that time for”

 

“You’re making it really hard to not force myself to go further with you”

 

“We don’t need to make love for this to be special, I mean I’m pretty sure you jumping on me in response to me asking you to marry me is a good enough story to tell don’t you”

 

“I suppose so, but people always ask did you spend the night making sweet music”

 

“I don’t know who you know that is asking that, because the people I know would never ask that” Sasha let out looking down at Octavia and smirking at the ‘whatever’ look Octavia gave her “Anyway you can tell them whatever you want to tell them babe” She added softly stroking Octavia’s hair

 

“What about everyone? I mean when are we going to tell everyone else?”

 

“Whenever you want, we can text and call everyone now or we can wait, what do you want?”

 

“Maybe waiting is the best option, everything is a little crazy at the moment. And the two most important people know so that’s all that matters right?”

 

“Right” Sasha smiled leaning down and kissing Octavia once before pulling back looking down at Octavia she couldn’t help but smile at her “That might mean you having to take the ring off”

 

Octavia looked up at Sasha looking back down at the ring on her finger she looked up at Sasha “As long as you keep it safe for me”

 

“I promise”

 

“I think I’m gonna keep it on for a little longer…. just until the others get back then I’ll give it back to you until we officially announce it”

 

“Whatever you want babe”

 

Octavia looked at Sasha smiling at her, she couldn’t believe how happy she felt at this moment in time compared to worry that had filled her body hours ago, it all still felt like a dream like she was going to wake up at any moment. Smiling up at Sasha she leant up kissing her lovingly their lips staying connected, after a few seconds Octavia moved up the bed slightly so Sasha was no longer leaning down. Moving her hand up to Sasha’s neck she gently held onto Sasha as they continued to kiss, as the kiss deepened slightly Octavia moved onto her knees moving keeping their lips locked together using her hand on the back of Sasha’s neck to stop her fiancée from breaking the kiss. Slowly she lifted her leg over both of Sasha’s leg until she was sat on her fiancée’s thighs, moving herself upwards slightly so her hips were pressed against Sasha’s, she knew now she wasn’t ready to go all the way with Sasha, she knew that she wanted something more than just kissing, she knew that she couldn’t stand kissing Sasha and not touching her and even more than that she missed being close to Sasha, since her and Sasha had spent together in Mount Weather Park she had done nothing but think about the next time she could be close to Sasha again, and with everything that had happened since then they hadn’t had a chance to be alone properly. And now she and Sasha were alone she was more than willing to take advantage of it, that was until Octavia moved her hand away from Sasha’s neck and Sasha pulled back slightly looking up at Octavia;

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“I thought that would have been obvious” Octavia quickly retorted trying to lean in and kiss Sasha only to be stopped by a gentle hand on her chest “Seriously?”

 

“Yes seriously Octavia……we just had to stop because it was too much for you, you know I’m ok waiting so you don’t need to push yourself”

 

“I’m not pushing myself, and believe me I’m more than aware that your happy to wait”

 

“And what exactly is that meant to mean?”

 

“It means that when you touch me, I have to force you to be like you used to be with me….and I know that it’s because you love me but it’s different and it reminds me of why your holding back.”

 

“I don’t want you to feel pressured”

 

“I know you don't, and you have no idea how much harder it makes it when you don’t touch me like you normally would, I love you for it even more than I already do which is crazy but I can’t help that it doesn’t feel normal, like your holding back for more reasons than that” When Sasha looked at her unsure she leant forward softly kissing Sasha before pulling back holding her hand up showing her ring she said “We’re engaged now…so can you please be honest with me, no matter what it is I wanna hear it”

 

Sasha took a deep breath in before bringing her hands up she grabbed onto Octavia’s hands, gently interlocking their fingers on both their hands she looked up at Octavia softly speaking “I have been holding back, not on purpose I promise, but I guess I can’t help it after everything that happened with Mitch I was finding it hard to touch you without it feeling wrong because I didn’t wanna hurt you or freak you out, and then I found out about you and Raven, and I hate myself for it but I couldn’t help but be thankful that we hadn’t gone all the way because I honestly don’t think I could have, not until Mount Weather it was like everything that had been hanging over us even before everything happened with Mitch, it was like it all disappeared instantly I can't explain it. It was just like it used to be me and you nobody else to worry or think about and it just felt normal….it felt like we were us again…. I know that probably sounds stupid”

 

“It’s not stupid I understand….” Octavia softly stated laughing softly before moving her and Sasha’s hands so they were behind her back “I think since I told you about Beth as I called her, things have been different I think we were so caught up with everything and with making sure that everyone else was ok that we didn’t have a chance to really talk things over…...to really hash things out so maybe there was a little resentment there”

 

“Maybe…. but I don’t resent you at all especially now everything is out in the open”

 

“I know you don’t resent me baby…. but you never really reacted to what I told you, maybe now we have the perfect opportunity to be ourselves again and for it to finally be about us again…you know?”

 

“You mean concentrate on our future and not our past”

 

“Exactly….as long as your happy to do that”

 

“I’m more than happy….in fact it sounds like the perfect thing to do” Sasha responded leaning up kissing Octavia softly, Octavia untwined their hands moving her hands to Sasha’s neck their chests pressing together, without thinking Sasha switched their positions moving her hand to Octavia’s hips moving them around so she was grabbing her ass squeezing it gently as their lips continued to move against each other’s. Her hips pressing against Octavia’s thinking solely about nothing but kissing her fiancée. Octavia’s hands moved to Sasha jogging bottoms her hands moving under the material of the jogging bottoms moving to Sasha’s hips running down her hips stopping and taking in the feeling of Sasha’s skin against her hands, she could feel Sasha stomach harshly rising and falling as she got more turned on. As the kisses got a little more passionate they both pulled back at the same time looking at each other breathlessly, Octavia was the first to speak as she looked up at Sasha breathlessly saying;

 

“That’s more like it” Both her and Sasha softly laughed at the comment leaning into each other a little more Sasha stopped a little short of Octavia’s lips, leaning down she closed the gap between them, their lips about to touch when her Sasha’s phone began to loudly vibrate filling the room. Letting out a massive groan of frustration Sasha dropped her head onto Octavia’s shoulder “You better get it, it might be important” When Sasha lifted her head going to protest she firmly spoke again “Go…. Now…. answer it”

 

“You’re so bossy” Sasha answered rolling her eyes laughing softly kissing Octavia once before rolling off of the bed and walking over to her phone, looking back she noticed Octavia was watching her every move turning around she tensed her stomach slightly smirking at Octavia who rolled her eyes and let out a giggle, turning to where her phone was resting picking it up she looked at the caller ID looking to Octavia she shockingly said;

 

“It’s Ontari”

 

* * *

 

 The Next Morning

Arkadia Diner

Clarke and Lexa walked into the diner seeing Abby sitting a booth over in a quiet corner of the diner, Clarke gripped onto Lexa’s hand a little tighter. After she had told Abby she wanted to see her father on the condition that Lexa was there every step of the way. Once Abby agreed she explained that Marcus had been released on bail by the police pending an official police or army investigation, due to the fact that the victims and the offender were all current serving members of the US Army there was to be a decision made by both parties on who would try the case, but seeing as Marcus had no previous arrests on file the police agreed on releasing him. She asked Clarke where they should meet suggesting her and Kane’s house but Clarke plain refused informing her mother that it had to be somewhere neutral for them all, including Abby who Clarke insisted would stay as well during the conversation.

 

And now here they were walking into the diner at 10am in the morning, they had spent the last few hours at the hospital eventually the doctors discharged Lexa, giving her medication to take to ease the pain before advising her what to do and what not to do. After Clarke had tried to stop herself from having to go telling Lexa that she could do it another time, Lexa then spent the next hour convincing Clarke that she was fine and that she deserved the answers only her father could provide to her, she also told Clarke that no matter how much she pushed back having to see her father it would still hurt just as much when she eventually did.

 

Pulling on Lexa’s hand she turned to her looking into her eyes “I don't think I can do this Lex”

 

“Hey of course you can, you can do anything….and I’ll be here no matter what I promise” Lexa soothingly said moving her hands to Clarke’s cheeks stepping closer to her until their chests and hips were together

 

“Your right…. I can do it” Clarke smiled leaning forward kissing Lexa lovingly pulling back and smiling softly “Thank You”

 

“You can thank me later” Lexa let out winking at Clarke before stepping back and holding her hand in the air for Clarke to take hold of, which she did leaning into Lexa a little more placing a kiss on Lexa’s shoulder before leaning up whispering

 

“I will…. but once your healed”

 

“You’re a tease, Clarke Griffin” Lexa whispered back kissing Clarke on the cheek as she giggled softly at her comment

 

“I know…I learned all my skills from your cousin” The comment made them both burst into laughter, they both knew how Clarke meant it to sound and how it actually sounded when she said it. As they approached the table they both controlled their laughter before talking a seat at the table. Seeing her father again made everything instantly tense for Clarke she instantly regretted climbing into the seat she was in as she realised that she was between Lexa and the wall, and she knew that Lexa wouldn’t let her run away and not it seemed she didn’t have any choice but to stay and hear her father out completely. Looking over at the waitress she called her over ordering a coffee for herself and her mom, while Lexa ordered an orange juice. Clarke waited for the waitress to come back over with their order a few minutes ago, once the waitress had placed the drinks on the table she turned walking away leaving them all alone again. Looking at her father she coldly asking “So what is this about?”

 

“No, dad huh? No, how are you dad?” Marcus responded trying to lighten Clarke’s mood towards him, he could tell that the only reason she hadn’t started shouting was because of the looks and touches Lexa kept sending her way

 

“To be frank dad, I really don’t care how you’ve been. Seeing as because of you I’ve spent the last 18 hours in a hospital worried sick about Lexa and Sasha after you ran them over with a car” Marcus for once had a guilty look in his eyes as if he had finally realised that he had taken things too far with Sasha and Lexa. Staying silent in defeat he simply waited for Clarke to speak, which she did almost instantly “What am I here for dad? And by the way I want you to know the only reason I am actually here is because Lexa convinced me it was worth hearing you out because you are my dad”

 

“And I’m thankful to you for that Lexa” Marcus genuinely said looking at Lexa a smiling plainly at her, looking at Clarke he tried to find the words to explain to Clarke what he wanted to say “And I appreciate you coming Clarke…. Is Sasha ok?” He asked looking at Clarke, seeing the anger fill his daughter’s eyes

 

“She’s fine, a really bad concussion and bruising and cuts on her body….and Octavia isn’t very happy with you ever, she was ready to kill you dad, but Sasha stopped her from doing anything, another thing you have to thank those dykes for right?”

 

“Clarke, I am so ashamed of myself for everything that I’ve done. Losing your mother made me finally see how terrible everything I did truly was, and when I got behind the wheel of that car it’s no excuse but that day I had been drinking, I sobered up before I came to find your mother but then after we talked I realised how much I had messed up and how it had more than likely cost me you and your mother, I started to drink again and as I was driving out I saw Lexa and Sasha messing around in the road and I couldn’t stop myself, my foot pressed down on the accelerator and I hit them”

 

“So you brought me here to explain that you basically weren’t to blame for you hitting them, it was actually all the alcohols fault, seriously?”

 

“No, I wanted to explain my resentment towards you being Gay, because you deserve to know”

 

“Ok, then get talking dad because my patience is wearing thin right now” Clarke let out feeling a little of her anger disperse as Lexa intertwined their fingers squeezing her hand gently

 

“You know I have two brothers right?” Clarke nodded at her father’s question “Well you know we all have the same mother and different fathers, anyway none of our fathers were ever there and we stuck together we did everything together all the time, I was the oldest and then there was Peter and the baby of us was Jake, we were all born one year apart so we were pretty close, when Jake was 20 he called a family meeting between us three and our Mom, once we were all there he was acting really weird and eventually we told him it was ok and to just tell us what was wrong, and that’s when he told us he was Gay” Seeing that Clarke was about to speak he quickly added “Please just let me finish Clarke” When Clarke nodded her head he continued “Thank you…..anyway you have to remember that this was back in the 80’s being gay wasn’t that accepted and our Mom was brought up as a catholic god fearing woman, she kicked him out straight away didn’t give him a chance to say anything…..and we had to help her kick him out, for years we didn’t speak to him or even mention his name. My mom instilled into me that being Gay was sinful thing, and she may have changed her views now but back then she didn’t she was cut and dry, and I think Jake’s dad was the real main reason she was so harsh he treated her so badly that I think she always blamed him for his dad’s actions”

 

“That sucks dad, but it doesn’t justify anything that you’ve done to Lexa or Sasha, nor does it make up for the fact that you’ve been nothing but a terrible father to me over the last few months.”

 

“I know it doesn’t Clarke”

 

“Exactly, I know Grandma didn’t understand being Gay or any of that years ago she told me she didn’t, but she accepted me and loved me even with me being Gay. So don’t you dare blame this on my Grandma she loved me undyingly and unconditionally and she still does”

 

“I’m not trying to blame your Grandma Clarke not by any means”

 

“Then what the HELL are you saying Dad?”

 

“Clarke, honey let your father continue please” Abby interjected looking to Lexa for help as she looked at her visibly angry daughter

 

“Clarke…” Lexa began seeing Abby’s look for help, bringing her hand up to Clarke’s chin gently turning her girlfriend to face her she softly said “Stop being a hothead and let him speak, I’m sure there’s a lot more to it. Please just stay calm until he’s finished explaining” Lexa looked into Clarke’s eyes seeing the emotion bubbling inside them, Clarke gave her a small nod “Thank you” Pecking Clarke on the lips quickly she noticed Clarke supress the smile from her face, letting her hand drop she leant back in her seat looking at Marcus waiting for him to continue “Go on”

 

“Thank you” Marcus politely nodded at Lexa “We didn’t see Jake for years after that, we cut him off completely, and his name was never brought up. When I met your mother she was in college studying to become a doctor, turned out we grew up near each other and our parents were good friends, I know you know that but what you don’t know is the part where Jake was involved. When he was kicked out unknown to our family Abby’s parents took Jake in and never said a word to us about it. They told him it was ok to be Gay and to be who he was, that’s why your mom’s parents never liked me much, they thought it was wrong that I disowned my brother because of something he couldn’t change about himself.”

 

“How does all this lead to you hating Gay people dad?”

 

“When I found out where Jake was, at the same time I got in contact with my father, he came looking for me and wanted to reconcile with me. He was big on religion even more than my mother was, when I went to him for advice he told me Jake was a sinner and didn’t deserve a second chance. Then I joined the army and most of the soldiers I served with would throw all those hateful words around they would bully the Gay soldiers that didn’t want to hide who they were, physically and mentally, and I would join in. One day your mother arranged for me and Jake to meet without telling me, Jake had so much hatred towards me I couldn’t see anything that resembled the old Jake I knew, I thought it was all to do with him being Gay…” Seeing Clarke roll his eyes at the comment “I know it was stupid to even think like that, but you have to understand growing up and being in the army all I ever heard was how Gay people were sinners and deserved to burn in hell, Anyway during this meeting Jake laid into me blaming me for everything that had ever happened to him. He told me that when he got kicked out before he moved in with Abby and her parents, he was beaten up so bad that he was in hospital for a month, when he was released he was in a really bad state he ran into your mother who was doing a portion of her work experience for her course at the same hospital he was in and she invited him to stay with her.” Taking a deep breath in he was thankful when Abby took hold of his hand squeezing it softly “At some point I accused him of using being Gay as a cover to get into your mother’s panties and he flipped out, punched me over and over and over again, he was so angry at me he just didn’t stop, everyone in the unit I was in heard about it and my Mom she called me a disgrace to our family, and when my dad found out he would constantly remind me of  it all the time, so I took that hatred out on everyone Gay I came across”

 

“That’s wrong….”

 

“I know Clarke just let me say the last part please….” When Clarke nodded her head he continued “Your mother didn’t talk to me for over a month, she was so angry at me for all the things I would say. Me and your Mom got back on track and we invited Jake to the wedding, he plain refused to come not even for your mother. I heard that he had HIV and was dying, when I heard that I went off at him on the phone. I hung up and never spoke to him again, the next time I heard from him was when I received a letter from someone he dated telling me they were getting married and Jake was sick, that was a couple weeks after you and Octavia had that car crash years ago. It brought everything back up for me, for so long I hated Gay people as a whole because I hated something inside me that was forced into me. And mainly because I hated myself for failing my brother”

 

“You told me Uncle Jake died” That was the only thing Clarke could think to mention there was so much about her father’s story that made no sense and that she hated

 

“Because I thought he had”

 

“None of what you said makes anything you did ok dad; you know that right?”

 

“I know Clarke…...but I was scared”

 

“I know scared of me being gay”

 

“No scared of you ending up like Jake”

 

“What are you talking about I’m nothing like him…...am I?” Clarke asked, she realised that she didn’t know anything about her uncle, and she was sure that everything she’d been told about him wasn’t real

 

“You are so much like him Clarke” Marcus let out a massive smile filling his face as he looked at her, it was one of the most genuine smiles she’d seen on her father’s face ever “So many things you do remind me of him, in so many ways, your hair colour is exactly the same as his and your eyes, god your eyes are the same as his were the same shade and everything. Your bubbly just like him, he was like it twenty four seven all the time no matter what he was happy. Even the way you say things sometimes reminds me of him. Then there’s the drawing, he was an amazing artist Clarke just like you are. And he was caring, he cared about everyone that he met and everyone he knew, and if you needed him he would move heaven and earth for you”

 

“He sounds like an amazing person”

 

“He was the best….” Seeing the unconvinced look on Lexa’s face he looked to her and added “I know none of this makes what I did ok by any means what so ever. But I’m asking you to understand that seeing you and Clarke together and seeing how happy she was in the life style that Jake used to live in, it made me fear for her. I didn’t want her to end up sick and dying in pain without anyone she loved around her. Everything that I did was to protect her in my own stupidly foolish way, and I can never tell you how ashamed I am of myself. Especially the things I threatened and said regarding your younger siblings, nothing can justify what I said. I see that now, I see that I have been pushing my own guilt onto you hoping that if you and Clarke weren’t together it would take away everything I felt about myself and mainly the shame I felt”

 

 Lexa looked to Clarke who she could see was still struggling to process and understand all the information she had heard from Marcus in the last ten minutes, squeezing her hand softly Clarke looked at her leaning against her resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder. Marcus watched on and for the first time ever Lexa saw him smiling at her and Clarke’s interaction, gently kissing Clarke on the top of her head she heard Marcus’ voice speak “I know I don’t have any right to ask you this Lexa, but I want to ask for your forgiveness, for everything that I have done to you and to Sasha, all of the horrible and terrible names I have called you both. And mostly the pain that I’ve caused you both emotionally and physically…. So Lexa……” Marcus took in a breath before he looked Lexa in the eyes and asked “Can you forgive me?”

* * *

 


	49. A Promise/Calming Influence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ontari and Sasha talk. Costia experiences emotional turmoil & Sasha comforts her little sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone, Hope your all doing great. I haven't proof read this so I apologise if there are any mistakes.  
> Also a small note, this chapter was originally two parts but I have placed the two together.

Chapter 49

PART ONE -A Promise **** ~~~~

Sasha and Lexa’s Apartment

Octavia woke up in her and Sasha’s bed she was in nothing but a vest and her panties, stretching out her arms she felt around the bed feeling nothing but cold sheets under her hand she unhappily opened her arms. Looking around she looked at the bed seeing that Sasha’s part of the bed was empty, the sight made her release a massive groan before turning to her left she saw a note on the bed side cabinet, picking it up she smiled as she read it: _‘ **Don’t be grumpy, stop frowning, get dressed and come get some breakfast xx S & C xx’ **_She couldn’t help how happy the note made her feel inside, it was always simple things like that with Sasha like waking up to a note instead of an empty bed and nothing but questions was something she loved about her new fiancée. Rolling out of the bed she looked around the room making her way to the chest of draws where Sasha kept all of her t-shirts, she hadn’t been back to her apartment to pick up the rest of her clothes yet so most of the time she would wear Sasha’s shirts while she was just around the house.

 

Looking through the draw she smiled coming across one of Sasha’s numerous Army shirts, she couldn’t resist putting the shirt on, picking it up and putting the t-shirt on she smiled to herself before going in the draw underneath it pulling out a pair of mini shorts that Sasha never wore, grabbing a pair of her clean panties and a clean bra she quickly changed putting the underwear and the shorts on she looked around trying to find her phone, she realised that Sasha must have took her phone to make sure she came into the kitchen. She wanted to be angry but she couldn’t be not after the night her and Sasha had the night before, they hadn’t gone all the way but the way Sasha was touching her last night it was just like they were before everything got crazy between them. Her mind didn’t even once go to what Mitch had done to her. It had been the only time she’d gone further than Sasha just touching her, when Sasha touched her she thought solely about how it made her feel and more important how good that feeling was.

 

Shaking her head, she bit the corner of her bottom lip as she forced herself to stop thinking about Sasha’s touches and how they felt, deciding that not thinking about it was the best option of all considering Sasha was in the kitchen cooking with Costia. Turning to the bedroom door she opened it and walked out heading towards the kitchen as she got closer to it she could hear Sasha and Costia both dressed in their checkered pyjamas singing along to the radio, peaking around the corner she smiled giggling softly as she saw Costia standing on a chair as Sasha stood in front of her singing softly as her little sister sang along with her, listening to Sasha sing she recognised the song as Flashlight by Jessie J. Noticing both Sasha and Costia had their hair braided back into a ponytail. She laughed more as the chorus hit and Sasha lifted Costia up in the air above her head moving the little girl gently side to side in the air making her laugh, she continued to watch on as Sasha lowered the little girl onto her chest. Sasha placed a kiss on her little sister’s cheek as Costia laughed hugging her sister, her eyes catching Octavia peaking around the corner, as she saw Octavia the little girl pushed herself back looking at her big sister and saying something. Sasha turned around still holding her sister in her arms, her eyes landed on Octavia and for the first time in a long time Octavia saw Sasha’s eyes light up as she looked over at her.

 

Placing Costia on the chair she was originally standing, turning around Sasha continued to sing to the song as she moved forward dancing softly as she moved towards Octavia, seeing Sasha dancing towards her she laughed walking towards her girlfriend she let out a small laugh when Sasha reached her and lifted her into the air, placing a kiss on Octavia’s cheek before placing her back on the floor. Octavia’s arms wrapping around Sasha’s neck as Sasha’s arms wrapped around her waist pulling her closer so their hips were pressed together, looking down at Octavia Sasha looked directly into her eyes her left hand coming up rest on Octavia’s cheek she continued to sing;

 

“I got all I need when I got you and I

I look around me, and see a sweet life

I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight

You're getting me, getting me, through the night

Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes

Can't lie, it's a sweet life

Stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight

You're getting me, getting me, through the night

'Cause you're my flashlight (flashlight)

You're my flashlight (flashlight), you're my flashlight”

 

I see the shadows long beneath the mountain top

I'm not afraid when the rain won't stop

'Cause you light the way

You light the way,

You light the way”

 

That was as much of Sasha singing that Octavia could take as she leant forward crashing their lips together fiercely, her hips rising off of the ground as she stood on her tip toes pulling Sasha into her more deepening the kiss as her forearms rested against Sasha’s chest, Sasha’s arms wrapping around Octavia even more her hand resting just below Octavia’s bra strap her arms crossing over slightly as she held on tightly but gently to Octavia. Whispering into Sasha’s ear Octavia softly said “You’re such a romantic aren’t you?”

 

“I try my best baby”

 

“Well I can assure you that your best is more than good enough” Octavia huskily let out pulling back “What time is it?”

 

“It’s 8:30 babe”

 

“Thank you” She smiled back biting her lip for a second before kissing Sasha lustfully before pulling back as she heard Costia let out a yuck sound

 

“Some people are so jealous” Sasha added releasing her arms from around Octavia’s waist kissing her softly on the cheek before looking over to her little sister, who sent her a firm look before she jumped down from the chair running towards Octavia, jumping up into Octavia’s waiting arms, as Octavia lifted her up off of the ground she looked at her happily saying

 

“Morning Tavi”

 

“Morning Cos, someone is really happy today, whys that huh?”

 

“Because I’m with you silly”

 

“Oh of course” Octavia retorted giving Costia a serious face before kissing the little girl on the cheek placing her back on the ground smiling when the little girl took hold of her hands pulling her into the kitchen

 

“We made you breakfast Tavi…. A Birthday breakfast Tavi” Costia excitedly let out, she stopped pulling Octavia’s arm once they reached the table, motioning with her hand for Octavia to sit down at the table “Me and Ali made your favourite…. Crispy bacon and pancakes with scrambled eggs”

 

 "Can I get the surprise Ali?" Costia sweetly asked looking up at her big sister with a sweet smile on her face. When Sasha nodded her head she quickly ran into the living room rushing to the couch where she had left the card she had made for Octavia, picking up the card she turned running back into the kitchen she stopped in front of Octavia holding the card in front of her, a massive smile covering her face "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAVI..........I made you this" She smiled brightly as Octavia took the handmade card from her looking it over, the card was made from Purple card and on the front Costia had drawn a picture of her and Octavia on the front, grass around them and what looked like dvds all over the grass, and behind them in the picture was what was meant to be her Mema and Papa's house. Octavia opened the card looking at the writing inside it smiling at the message Costia had written for her:

**To my Tavi,**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY**

**Thank you for always making me smile**

**I LOVE YOU A BILLION**

**LOVE COS**

**xxxxxxxxx**

“Thank you Cos.....You are so sweet” Octavia smiled trying to hold in her emotions as she looked up, watching as Sasha walked over to the counter and made up a plate of the aforementioned food for her, Costia ran behind her big sister carefully taking the plate from her she slowly walked over to Octavia making sure she didn’t drop it on the floor, handing it carefully to Octavia she smiled brightly at her, placing the plate on the table Octavia leant down gently grabbing Costia pulling her into a hug squeezing her softly “You’re the best Cos” She peppered kisses all over the little girls cheeks making her wriggle and laugh at her actions

 

“That’s just charming isn’t it, I do all the hard work and I get no reward” Sasha joked looking at Costia who stuck her tongue out at her before turning and taking a seat in front of Octavia.

 

“Come over here and I’ll reward you” Octavia smirked seeing Sasha raise her eyebrows and smirk back at her before she walked over to her, resting one of her hands on the back of Octavia’s chair and the other on the table she looked down at her ‘secret’ fiancée “Costia, cover your eyes” Octavia said not taking her eyes off of Sasha, in the corner of her eye seeing Costia cover her face with her hands. Leaning up Octavia captured Sasha’s lips quickly and firmly bring her hands to Sasha’s cheeks quickly, pulling back she looked into Sasha’s eyes before kissing her twice more and removing her hands smiling before turning her attention back to Costia “You can look now Cos” Octavia smiled when Costia removed her hands from her face, turning her attention to the plate in front of her Octavia began to eat feeling Sasha’s eyes on her the whole time. After she’d took a few bites she looked up seeing Sasha bringing her over a cup of coffee, as Sasha placed it in front of her Octavia caught her hand pulling her down towards her capturing Sasha’s lips with her own, she could feel Sasha smile into the kiss a little before she began kissing her back a little more

 

“Eww that’s disgusting” Costia let out making the two women laugh into the kiss both breaking the kiss, Sasha kept her lips hoovering over Octavia’s as she softly whispered something to her that Costia wouldn’t hear

 

“What’s disgusting Munchkin?” Raven’s voice tiredly asked from the living room, as she heard the voice a smile broke out onto Costia’s face as she jumped down from her chair running forward through the space between Sasha and Octavia making both women laugh softly as they turned watching her run to Raven, who leant down as Costia got closer to her, as Costia crashed into her chest she stood up straight lifting the little girl with her “Good Morning”

 

“Morning Rae Rae” Costia sweetly said hugging Raven tightly before pulling back and looking at Raven “Ali and Tavi are eating each other’s faces”

 

“That is disgusting” Raven laughed softly replying getting a nod from the little girl “I should have warned you that they do that in the mornings, it’s really gross isn’t it?” Costia nodded her head softly at the question giggling softly “You had breakfast?”

 

Costia shook her head viciously looking at Raven “You said we’re going for pancakes; we’re still going aren’t we Rae Rae?” She sweetly asked a sad frown covering her face as she looked at Raven

 

“Of course we’re still going, Harper’s getting dressed right now…. Soooo…. why don’t you go get dressed as well huh?”

 

“Ok Rae Rae” Costia smiled, Raven leant down placing Costia back on the floor. The little girl smiled at her looking up Raven studying what she was wearing before running off towards Sasha’s bedroom where her clothes were kept whenever she stayed the night.

 

Raven watched the little girl disappear down the hallway before she turned walking into the kitchen laughing as she came upon the image that Costia had called disgusting moments before hand, Sasha was leaning down over Octavia her hands just under Octavia’s chin her thumbs resting on Octavia’s cheeks, Octavia’s hands were resting on Sasha’s hips her hands gripping gently onto the material of Sasha’s pyjama bottoms as they kissed. Raven cleared her throat coughing loudly causing the two women to break apart, Sasha jumped back a little in surprise causing Raven to laugh at her. Turning around Sasha punched Raven playfully in the arm that turned into an exchange between the women until they ended up with Raven holding Sasha in a headlock, Sasha quickly pinched the skin on Raven’s hip making her best friend release her grip around her head. Both of them raised their arms signalling a truce for now anyway, Raven sat down opposite Octavia smiling softly over at her as Sasha began doing something at the counter, seconds later there was a coffee in from of Raven looking up at Sasha she softly said:

 

“Oh Thanks Sash”

 

“No worries Rae” Sasha smiled retrieving her own coffee from side she moved back to the table, Octavia stood up instantly allowing Sasha to sit down at the table her back to the wall as she always sat, Octavia carefully sat on her lap smiling at her before turning her attention back to the plate on the table “So where’s Harper?” Sasha asked sipping her coffee as she awaited an answer from Raven

 

“She’s just getting ready, I’ve gotta take her back once she’s ready her parents are visiting her today, apparently it’s all last minute so she wants to be there on time in case it’s important”

 

“Ok, cool. You can borrow the Lexus again if you like, I’m not allowed to drive for the next few days and this one….” Sasha started gently motioning to Octavia with her hand “Won’t let me leave the house anyway”

 

“I promised Costia I’d take her to Arkadia if that’s cool I know you don’t spend too much time together so I can cancel……”

 

“Rae it’s fine, I heard her talking to you just now…. she sounds really excited” Laughing softly she added “She didn’t even attempt to eat anything as I was cooking so she must be looking forward to it” Sasha paused for a minute smiling at her best friend “Thanks for everything yesterday Rae, especially going to the hospital with me”

 

“No need to thank me you know that, we’re family that’s what we do” Raven smiled before softly asking “So what are you going to do about Ontari?”

 

“I’m actually meeting her today at some point, she called me last night told me she wanted to tell me everything”

 

“Where are you meeting her?”

 

“I’m not sure yet, nowhere too far….” Sasha paused looking to Octavia again before continuing “The Warden here has been very strict with her instructions”

 

“Excuse me…The Warden?” Octavia asked looking at Sasha her eyebrows raised as she questioningly looked down at her secret fiancée

 

“It’s a good thing babe…”

 

“A term of endearment right…” Raven added getting a thankful look from Sasha and a not so thankful yet playful look from Octavia

 

“Exactly…. see that’s why we’re besties” Sasha responded looking at Raven forcing herself not to laugh as they fist bumped over the table before looking back to Octavia “Rae’s right, It’s a term of endearment babe”

 

“Term of endearment huh?” Octavia asked getting a small nod from Sasha she leant forward so her lips were next to Sasha’s ear softly she whispered in her ear “Wait until we’re alone and I’ll show you Warden” Pulling back she noticed the wide eyed look covering Sasha’s face as a small smirk began to creep onto Sasha’s face, unable to stop herself she wrapped her right arm around Sasha’s shoulders as she leant down kissing Sasha softly on the lips. They broke apart when they heard footsteps quickly padding against the floor towards them. Octavia turned around slightly seeing Costia running in wearing a pair of jeans that were a dark grey and light grey mixture the same colour as Raven’s jeans, she was wearing a button up dark pink checkered shirt with long sleeves.

 

Costia continued walking forward until she was next to Raven her hands resting on Raven’s legs just above her knees, Raven reached down gently tucking a loose hair of Costia’s behind her ear. Costia smiled and giggled softly at the action before reaching up doing the same for Raven, helped by Raven leaning down a little so she could complete the action. After Costia finished Raven lifted the little girl onto her lap hugging her softly, smiling as the little girl leant forward wrapping her arms around her and resting her head on her chest. Placing a kiss on Costia’s head she softly said “I love your jeans Cos”

 

Costia laughed at the comment looking up and replying “I wanted to match Rae Rae”

 

“That is such a good idea……are you ready to go?”

 

“Yes…. but we have to wait for H…...”

 

“H?” Raven asked raising her eyebrows, just as Sasha and Octavia had done when they too heard the little girl speak

 

“For Harper, because everyone has to have a nickname Rae Rae and I couldn’t think of any other nicknames”

 

“I’m sure she’ll like it…. Munchkin”

 

“She will?”

 

Raven was about to answer Costia when she noticed a smiling Harper appear in the doorway of the kitchen “Why don’t you ask her if she likes it?” Costia lifted her head turning to look at Harper smiling softly she stayed where she was holding onto Raven’s shirt a little more

 

“Harper…...is it ok if I call you H? I promise I’ll think of a better name”

 

“Are you kidding….H is a perfect nickname Costia” Harper sweetly responded smiling over at the little girl seeing the nervousness disappear and her face fill with a smile

 

“Ok then now that’s all sorted, let’s get going shall we?” Raven interjected laughing softly at Costia’s behaviour over the last few minutes

 

“Yeah” Costia excitedly let out jumping off of Raven’s lap moving quickly to her sister and Octavia hugging Octavia who steadied herself using Sasha “I’ll see you soon Tavi”

 

“Where are you going trouble?”

 

“I’m going to take H home and then Me and Rae Rae are going to get pancakes”

 

“Oh really huh?” Octavia softly stated leaning forward hugging the little girl before looking back at Sasha “See this babe, going for pancakes without us”

 

“I know right, just plain damn disrespectful” Sasha joked reaching forward to poke her sister in the stomach gently

 

“It’s not disrespectful Ali, me and Rae are going for pancakes because I was a good girl yesterday. If you want pancakes then you can go as well” Costia retorted, it was the first time in a long time that Sasha had heard Costia actually retort something back to her, usually she would apologise and think she did something wrong but now she seemed more confident and she knew it was more than likely down to be around Raven and Octavia, plus everyone else “But I’ll be back soon” Costia added hugging Octavia back squeezing her before pulling back and kissing her on the cheek. Releasing the hug, she turned and ran past Harper who was still at the doorway, they all laughed when seconds later Costia reappeared pulling her jacket onto her shoulders “Come on Rae Rae” She excitedly let out making Raven laugh and stand herself up walking over to her

 

“We’ll see you soon” Raven responded as she walked past Octavia and Sasha seeing the smirk on their faces, ignoring their looks at her she stopped at the door as Costia grabbed onto her hand holding it tightly. Kissing Harper on the cheek they all turned walking out of the kitchen. Seconds later Octavia and Sasha heard the front door open and close again. After a minute or two passed by Sasha looked up at Octavia smirking she said;

 

“What was it you said about showing me who’s the Warden when we were alone again?”

 

Octavia stood up making sure that Sasha got a full glimpse of her ass as she began to walk away, stopping at the door she looked over her shoulder biting the corner of her bottom lip she half smirked at Sasha over her shoulder “I don’t recall saying anything….maybe you should remind me…” Turning around she disappeared out of the kitchen, within a second Sasha grabbed the plate and cups that were on the table tossing them into the kitchen sink before she turned around almost sprinting out of the living room, as she reached the hallway that lead to her room she found the shirt Octavia was wearing moments before hand on the floor, picking it up she bit her bottom lip throwing the shirt over her shoulder she jogged quickly to her room excited for what may be awaiting her once she reached it.

* * *

Arkadia Diner 10:43am

Abby, Marcus and Clarke were all looking at Lexa waiting for an answer to Marcus’ question, he’d put her on the spot and the more she’d thought about it the more she thought that she couldn’t forgive him, the things he’d done to her and her family were unforgivable and if she said that she forgave him then to her she was saying that what he did was ok because he experienced but in her mind that didn’t make any of it ok. Closing her eyes for a second knowing exactly what she was going to say she hoped that Clarke didn’t hold it against her;

 

“I’m sorry but no” Lexa let out her voice a little lower than it normally was

 

“What was that Lexa?” Marcus asked looking over at her, he could see Clarke looking at Lexa that love in her eyes that he’d never seen in her eyes other than when she was with Lexa

 

“I said I’m sorry but No, I can’t forgive you” Before anyone else had a chance to talk she looked to Clarke speaking softly “I’m sorry ok, I’m all for you forgiving him and reconciling I want you and your father to have that relationship you used to, but I can’t forgive him”

 

“May I ask why Lexa?” Marcus asked looking at Lexa his hands gently tapping on the table underneath them

 

“If this whole thing was about everything you just said then I’d forgive you, but you went way too far when you brought my mother into this, when you threatened my little brother and my little cousin, when you verbally attacked my Auntie Madilyn and my little cousin in the courtroom car park….even if you hadn’t done all those things you nearly KILLED Sasha, the one person in the world that understands me better than Clarke, you nearly killed us both because you couldn’t handle the fact that your brother was gay and sick. No matter the reason I can’t forgive that…I’m sorry but I can’t”

 

“Lex” Clarke started before Lexa quickly spoke stopping her from saying anything further

 

“Clarke, I’m not saying that you can’t forgive him. In fact, I want you to, but I can’t forgive him for nearly killing Sasha I watched as she nearly died, I was thrown through the air and sent crashing into her, do you know that the only reason that I didn’t die was because she was where she was, then I came to and I watched as she struggled to breath, I watched as her heart stopped…. I looked into her eyes as she struggled to get out words to ask me to call Octavia…I saw the fear in her eyes….” Lexa paused wiping away tears that escaped her eyes “Twice they had to restart her heart Clarke…..I sat on a plane for nearly a day watching a heart monitor hoping and praying that it didn’t flat line, hoping that I wouldn’t have to call her Mama and tell her that she died and I lived…..I had to call Octavia and tell her that the woman she loved had been hurt and then I had to tell her she might not make it….I can’t change any of that Clarke….and I wish to high heaven that I could change it all that I could forget and stop the nightmares….but I can’t, I can’t forget how it felt having her blood on my hands and I can’t forget how it felt Clarke…..”

 

“Hey…...Look at me” Clarke softly said placing her hands on Lexa’s cheeks wiping away more tears that had escaped Lexa’s cheeks, forgetting that her mother and father were across the table from her she shuffled forward a little getting a little closer to Lexa “It’s ok…. I understand…. you don’t have to say anything else I get it” She soothingly said looking into Lexa’s eyes seeing the sadness that was inside them

 

“I’m sorry” Lexa softly mumbled to Clarke so only they could hear her words

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for babe…I promise” Clarke softly responded leaning forward lovingly kissing Lexa keeping their lips together for a few seconds before pulling back and gently tucking a few loose strands of hair behind Lexa’s ear before she softly said “Ok?” Lexa nodded at the question softly before leaning forward and kissing Clarke softly on the cheek whispering a ‘Thank you’ into Clarke’s ear, pulling back Clarke smiled at her softly responding “Your welcome” Kissing her one more time she let her hands fall back to where they were moments before Lexa opened up, taking Lexa’s right hand in her left as she turned her attention back to her father

 

“I’m genuinely sorry Lexa, I know an apology isn’t anywhere near enough to make up for everything that I’ve said and done to you and your family, All I can do is try and make it up to all of you, nothing I say will ever make you fully understand how sorry I truly am. But I respect that you aren’t able to forgive me, but I want to reassure you that I will not be menacing to you or your family in anyway ever again I promise you that, I plan on reaching out to Sasha to apologise personally as well as reaching out to Octavia and your and Sasha’s mothers.”

 

“An apology isn’t going to make up for anything you did Dad”

 

“I know that Clarke, but I can’t express enough how sorry I am. And the first part of earning people’s forgiveness is by being honest with them in every single way I can. I have a lot of people to apologise to and I have a lot to make up to people I know that…...I am not asking for your forgiveness by any means Clarke…. I’m asking for your time….to prove to you that I mean what I’m saying, I know that what nothing I did was ok because of my past with Jake but I can only try to make it up to people in time…...so Clarke I’m asking you…. can you give me time to make up for everything?”

 

“ALEX” Before Clarke had a chance to respond the sound of Costia’s voice filled the whole of the diner, Lexa turned around just in time for Costia to hit her chest hugging her a hell of a lot tighter than she used to do. Lexa nor Clarke had a chance to say or do anything before Costia shuffled down pulling on her hand hardly trying to get her to move as she looked up at her and spoke again her voice raised and filled with fear “Run Alex, it’s the bad man we have to go now quick” Standing up Lexa looked down at her frightened cousin, seeing Raven standing a few feet away from them at the counter of the diner, the fear in Costia so obvious for her and the whole diner to see, tears began to escape Costia’s eyes as she continued to pull on Lexa’s hand “Hurry Alex before he hurts you and Ali and Mama and Papa and Mema….” Lexa stopped the little girl from continuing moving forward lifting her up onto her chest feeling her cousin’s small body beginning shaking against her as the sobs got worse and worse “CLARKEY…” She began to call out, seeing how upset Costia was Clarke jumped up rushing forward gently rubbing the little girl’s hair, the upset in herself rising as Costia reached out for her with one of her hands, reaching her hand up she let Costia grabbed hold of it just as Raven stopped next to them gently rubbing Costia’s back soothingly.

 

“This is why Lexa can’t forgive you” Clarke sadly explained looking at her father, looking back to Costia she could see the tears rushing quickly and fiercely down her cheeks as she clung onto Lexa’s neck with everything she had. Looking back to her father knowing this was all his fault she tried to keep the coldness from her voice as she said “Can you leave please? You’re really upsetting her…it’s not fair on her”

 

Marcus softly nodded his head he could see how upset the little girl was and was feeling ashamed of himself more than he had ever done before which he didn’t think was possible. Looking at Abby, who nodded at him softly before sliding out of the booth so he could stand up. As Marcus stood he placed a gentle kiss on Abby’s cheek before looking to Clarke softly smiling her picked up his jacket before walking past her, Lexa, Costia and Raven. Walking out of the diner standing outside obviously waiting for Abby to join him, knowing she would more than likely speak to Clarke before leaving. Abby walked up to Clarke and softly side hugged her daughter;

 

“I’m going back to the house with your father, I know you might not approve but I love him and I can’t turn that off….” Seeing the small nod that Clarke gave her she softly smiled adding “Please think about what he said….He really wants to make amends with everyone, you have no idea how hard it is for him to talk about Jake” Seeing Clarke go to roll her eyes at her words an unimpressed look gracing her face, Abby added “…just think about it please…..I’ll see you soon” Abby finished kissing Clarke on the cheek smiling softly at Lexa, who was still trying to calm Costia down, she walked past them all going to join Marcus outside his hand finding its way into hers as they walked off.

 

Once Abby and Marcus were out of sight Lexa moved back to the booth sliding herself into the booth, staying on the outer part of the booth, Costia was still in her arms holding onto her for dear life but she had now let go of Clarke’s hand, wrapping both her arms around Lexa’s neck her small hand locking together as she buried her head in Lexa’s neck and chest. Her sobbing had stopped and she was just now silently clinging to her older cousin. Raven and Clarke sat down opposite them both, Clarke on the inside of the booth and Raven on the outside, Lexa looked worryingly at Raven the both of them not sure what to do to ease Costia’s fear. So they both just let the little girl continue to do what she was, hoping that she would open up to them once she realised she was safe.

 

Fifthteen minutes passed before Costia finally began to release her tight grip on Lexa, lifting her head up she looked up at Lexa, who gently reached down wiping her tears away before placing a gentle kiss on the little girl’s forehead before softly asking her “Better?” Costia shrugged her shoulders at the question just looking up sadly at Lexa. “You wanna get down?” She asked attempting to place Costia on the seat next to her only for Costia to plant her weight and grip onto Lexa’s top so Lexa couldn’t lift her up properly. She had no idea what to do, her thoughts were suddenly pulled elsewhere when one of the waitresses approached the table with two plates of Arkadia Diner’s special pancakes, having seen the whole scene that had taken place she noticed Raven, who had ordered the pancakes, had moved to another booth and decide to take the pancakes over to them remembering how excited Costia had been yesterday about the pancakes and getting to have them today. Smiling at Raven she placed the plates on the table disappearing and reappearing a few seconds later with a coffee and an Orange Juice, placing them on the table as well before leaving them to it.

 

Once they were alone again Lexa was happy for the waitress’ interruption as she noticed the pancakes that were in front of her knowing they were Costia’s favourite, gently leaning down she whispered to her little cousin “Your pancakes are here Cos” Costia sniffled still not moving an inch just holding onto Lexa, as the waitress returned one final time and placed the cutlery on the table

 

Seeing Costia’s motion Raven stood up from her seat moving over and kneeling next to Lexa she softly spoke “Cos…” The little girl turned her head to face Raven her cheeks and eyes red from the sudden burst of tears, her hand reached out for Raven grabbing gently on to Ravens hair “Your hungry right?” Costia nodded her head at the question “So how about this…. you don't have to speak to us, how about you just eat your pancakes, and you can choose who you eat with how does that sound…good?” Costia nodded her head that the end of Raven’s statement.

 

After a few moments passed Raven smiled when Costia turned herself in Lexa’s lap, assuming the little girl was choosing to sit with Lexa she stood up going to move back to her seat she was stopped when Costia emotionally called out “Rae Rae” Her arms shooting into the air without a second thought Raven lifted the little girl on to her chest she heard Costia softly mumble the words “Safe” walking back to her seat she sat down in the seat next to Clarke, Costia sitting on her lap naturally, pulling one of the plates towards her and Costia, looking down at the little girl she asked “You want your own plate?” As expected Costia shook her head, one of the many things that she knew about the little girl was that when she was upset or scared she would never eat on her own she would instead share with someone else, the whole family had come to the conclusion that it must have made Costia feel even more safe “You wanna share mine?” She asked wanting to make sure without presuming, when Costia nodded her head at the question leaning into Raven’s chest a little more before the smell of the pancakes began reaching her nose making her moved slightly around on her lap.

 

Looking down at the little girl on her lap she placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, suddenly remembering that Sasha had once told her that whenever Costia was upset she liked to hide her face from people because she would get embarrassed. Making sure that Costia was sitting properly on her lap so she didn’t fall off, reaching up with both her hands she picked up one pair of cutlery pulling one of the plates a little closer to her and Costia she looked to Lexa softly saying “You can eat the other plate if you’re hungry, me and my Munchkin are gonna share” Lexa smiled and nodded before shuffling to her right so she was sat opposite Clarke pulling the other plate so it was between the both of them. Deciding to let Raven look after Costia and not pay too much attention to them knowing that Costia got embarrassed sometimes. Smiling at Clarke nodded at her encouraging her to eat, Clarke did as she was encouraged to by Lexa and began to eat quickly grabbing the last set of cutlery before Lexa could the two falling into their own little bubble.

 

Raven noticed Clarke and Lexa’s attention on each other and not Costia, she was more than grateful that they were leaving her to look after Costia, carefully cutting up the pancakes before setting down the cutlery and softly whispering to Costia “You ready to eat?” When Costia didn’t remove her face from her chest but instead just shrugged into her she softly whispered “I know you don’t want people to see your face, so how about you look this way…” She softly began suggesting bring her right hand up waving it at Costia who peaked her eye out from Raven’s chest “That way Clarke and Lexa won’t see you upset” Costia softly mumbled into her chest “What was that Cos?” She asked leaning down a little more so she could hear what Costia was saying;

 

“Clarkey and Alex”

 

“Ok, my bad….so that Clarkey and Alex don’t see you upset….” Raven responded seeing the smile on Lexa’s face in the corner of her eye. Leaning down she placed a gentle kiss on the top of Costia’s head adding “You can even keep your eyes closed if you like and I’ll feed you, Is that ok?” Costia softly nodded her head turning it completely so she was looking in the direction that Raven had told her, her eyes staying closed also as Raven had suggested. Gently rubbing circles in Costia’s back hoping they would keep the little girl calm, reaching up she picked up a piece of pancake placing some of the cherry sauce Costia loved on top of it she moved it in front of Costia’s mouth “Open up then” Costia did as told and opened her mouth allowing Raven to place the pancake into Costia’s mouth watching as the little girls face filled with a small smile as she ate the piece of pancake. Costia slowly opened her eyes looking at Raven at the same time pulling herself even closer to Raven’s chest before resting her head on Raven’s chest a little more to Raven’s left side, making it easier for Raven to see her face clearer seeing that her eyes were open now. Smiling softly at the little girl Raven continued to feed the little girl, ignoring the looks that some of the customers were giving her at the fact she was feeding a child who was visibly upset as well as old enough to eat on her own, but she didn’t care she just sent them all dirty looks until they stopped staring, her attention on Costia completely.

* * *

Sasha’s Bedroom

After Sasha had followed Octavia into the bedroom she was meet with the image of Octavia laying on the bed, nothing but a bra covering her upper body while she still had her mini shorts on. Sasha slowly moved forward crawling onto the bed, she didn’t have a chance to move as she was meet by Octavia who captured her lips her hands moving to the Sasha’s cheeks straight away pulling her fiancée up the bed until they were at the pillows. Instantly Octavia switched their positions pulling Sasha’s vest up and off of her girlfriend, capturing her lips quickly the kiss built more and more and more until Sasha couldn’t handle it anymore and switched their positions. Over the last forty minutes’ things had got a lot more heated, the two of them only stopping when Sasha’s phone went off and she rushed to answer it in case it was important once she was done she rushed straight back to Octavia. Who took advantage of the situation and stopped Sasha from reconnecting their lips her hands on Sasha’s chest as she informed her that the only way she was getting any more ‘sugar’ was if she removed her lounge pants, Sasha very quickly decided that it was a good compromise and removed them as instructed slowly crawling up the bed, throwing them to the floor reconnecting their lips, as they kissed Octavia’s hands moving down her body running over her scar on her thigh, Sasha didn’t react or pull away or say anything she just let Octavia’s hand move over her scar, knowing that this was probably Octavia’s own way of coming to terms with the scar.

 

The passion inside them both continued to build and build until Sasha found herself underneath Octavia again her hands finding their way to the waistband of Octavia’s mini shorts, without thinking her hands moved the shorts down Octavia’s legs, as Octavia began to shift backwards and forwards she was about to stop when Octavia broke the kiss Sasha realised that Octavia was actually shuffling herself around to remove her shorts from her lower legs. Once the shorts were off of her legs she looked to Sasha and let out a laugh as she crawled her way back up Sasha’s body recapturing her lips. More and more time passed between them and Sasha again ended up on top of Octavia her hands moving without a second thought to Octavia’s bra, unclasping the hook of the bra she was thinking about anything other than how much she wanted to be closer to Octavia, how it felt to have Octavia’s bare stomach pressed against hers, to have their hips pressed together, the pain she felt with every movement wasn’t even a thought in her mind all she cared about in this moment wasn’t the pain or the problems they had been through it was simply….OCTAVIA. And before she knew it Octavia’s bra was on the floor.

 

And now here they were laying on Sasha’s bed Octavia was almost completely naked except for her panties, Sasha’s hands roaming all over Octavia’s body until her left hand settled on Octavia’s right breast, while her right hand found its way to Octavia’s waist pulling her into her a little more. Octavia deepened the kiss more her tongue passionately dancing along with Sasha’s, both of them were breathing deeper than they had been just minutes beforehand as it seemed like the heat between them had been turned up by a million. As Sasha’s right hand moved from Octavia’s breast to her neck pulling her into the kiss a tiny bit more than they already were, her mind began to worry slightly when Octavia’s hand moved upwards her hand grabbing hold of Sasha’s right hand, lifting the hand up she kept it on her skin sliding it down body over her breasts, Sasha’s worries evaporating as she realised Octavia wasn’t overwhelm but in fact was turned on, letting Octavia move her hand she felt herself get more excited as her hand went lower and lower until she felt her fingertips touch the waistband of Octavia’s panties before her hands could go underneath Octavia’s panties;

 

BUZZZZZZZ

 

Breaking apart they both looked at the bedroom door then at each other, trying to calm their breathing down slightly, Octavia looked down at Sasha softly saying “Who the hell is that?” Looking down at Sasha who just shrugged her shoulders before turning to her attention to her phone on the side as it lit up noticing a message from Ontari throwing her head back onto the pillow she said;

 

“It’s Ontari…. I told her to come here to talk” Sasha let out still slightly out of breath as she took in deep breaths after she finished speaking, looking up at Octavia she let out a “I’m sorry”

 

Octavia softly smiled trying to steady her breathing as well, leaning down she placed a kiss on Sasha’s shoulder trailing kisses up Sasha’s neck until she was at her mouth kissing her again as the buzzer sounded out again through the apartment and Sasha’s phone buzzed again, letting out a massive groan in frustration she kissed Sasha lovingly before pulling back “It’s ok go answer it…..she needs you and I can wait….I think” She added laughing softly before kissing Sasha again removing herself from on top of Sasha sitting herself on the side of the bed she felt the bed move as Sasha stood up, looking back she noticed her fiancée pulling a pair of jogging bottoms out of one of the drawers and placing them on. She watched as Sasha grabbed her vest, clearing her throat as Sasha grabbed her phone and texted Ontari back, turning to walk out of the room obviously not hearing Octavia clear her throat “Excuse me” Octavia stated the sentence getting Sasha’s attention as she turned around to look at her

 

“Yeah babe?”

 

“I’m ok with you helping your ex…. but no vests and you need to cover up that cleavage of yours” She smirked seeing Sasha nodding and stepping forward picking up the top that Octavia had been wearing during breakfast. Removing the vest Sasha threw it at Octavia smirking at the smile that graced her face, placing the t-shirt she'd thrown on the floor when she was chasing Octavia earlier, on she crawled over the bed kissing Octavia quickly asking;

“Better?”

 

“Yes…. thank you” She responded kissing Sasha one more time before hearing Sasha’s phone went off again, kissing her one final time this time a little deeper than the last time she softly added “I’ll stay in here and give you some privacy to talk to her….”

 

“Thanks Babe” Sasha lovingly responded crawling off of the bed walking to the door getting to the door frame before Octavia’s voice again filled the room

 

“Sasha….” Sasha stopped in her tracks turning around looking expectantly at her “I love you” She honestly let out unable to stop herself from saying the words

 

“I love you too O” Sasha responded smiling as she watched Octavia beginning to get herself dressed, it was almost impossible for her to pull herself away but she knew she had to, because Ontari was waiting for her at the front door. Pulling the door closed behind her so Octavia didn’t get disturbed by her and Ontari talking. Walking to the door she tried to look as normal as possible glad her hair was braided at the moment, walking up the door she unlocked it opening it up revealing nobody looking around in confusion she pulled her phone out looking at the last message from Ontari:

 

**Ontari: do you have an elevator? Stairs are a little difficult for me right now**

Shaking her head softly at how her ex had let herself be treated by someone who was meant to love her, she placed the door on the latch so it didn't lock when she closed it pulling it to she began descending the stairs ignoring the pain shooting through her body knowing she was due her pain meds round about now. She continued down the flights of stairs until she reached he bottom seeing Ontari waiting at the bottom her face filled with upset, dressed in a loose over the head hoody and plain black jogging bottoms. Looking at her unsure of what to say her ex spoke first:

 

“My ankle is a little mashed up” She stated pulling up her jogging bottoms revealing a dark purple bruise leading from half way up her calf all the way down the back of it disappearing into her trainer “That's why it's a little hard to do stairs….it took me Fifthteen minutes to hobble from where the cab left me to here”

 

“We don't have a lift Tar” Sasha let out, it was the only thing she could think to say. Seeing the dishevelled look on Ontari’s face as she went to move forward she held her hand up, turning around so her back was facing Ontari, imagining the confused look on Ontari's face she explained “Jump on my back, I’ll carry you up”

 

“Sash, you were hit by a car yesterday you can't carry me”

 

“Carry you like normal no…. but I can give you a piggy back up a few slights of stairs just don't actually jump on me…. cause that shit will hurt” She added her hands closing and opening signalling for Ontari to get on “Come on, I don't have all day Tar”

 

“Oh shut up you drama queen” Ontari laughed out, thinking to herself even though it hurt to laugh it felt good, she also thought that this must have been the first time that she’d smiled and laughed since everything with Nia had started in fact the only times she smiled for any reason since then was Sasha, lifting her injured ankle into the air Sasha gently grabbed onto her thigh, placing her arm on the same side around Sasha’s shoulders she used the rail of the stairs to help her lift herself so Sasha could grab her other thigh, once Sasha had hold of her thigh firmly but gently she wrapped her other arm around her Sasha’s neck locking her hands so she didn’t fall back.

 

Five minutes later Sasha and Ontari were walking into the apartment after Sasha had carefully cared Ontari up the stairs, and then gently placed her back on the ground. Closing the door behind them and locking it she watched Ontari take a seat on the nearest available couch, Sasha smiled at her ex before turning and walking towards the bathroom looking at Ontari;

 

“You want a paracetmal or something?”

 

“Please that’d be great…. I never got to pick up my painkillers”

 

Sasha didn’t respond to the comment guessing that Nia was somehow behind it, walking to the bathroom she removed the pills she needed to take holding them in her hand as she grabbed the paracetmal turning around and walking out of the bathroom, walking back into the kitchen she handed the paracetmal to Ontari who smiled thankfully at her, walking into the kitchen she retrieved two bottles of water walking back to sit next to Ontari on the couch handing her one of the waters she smiled at her before opening her water and beginning to take the pills she needed to, seeing Ontari do the same in the corner of her eye.

 

The two of them sat there like that for a little while in silence neither approaching the subject that was the reason that Ontari was there right now, after a while Sasha grew bored of the silence in the room and finally spoke “So what is going on?”

 

“Nothing Sasha”

 

“Tar, I know you and I know when something is wrong”

 

“So?”

 

“So…. I know when your lying and when your trying to hide something, and your hiding something”

 

“I’m not hiding anything”

 

“Ok….then why are you here? Because it sure as hell isn’t for a catch up, I mean it can’t be cause you’re not really talking”

 

“Nia told me to come here”

 

Sasha let out a sarcastic laugh before speaking “Of course she did…. why exactly did she send you to speak to me?”

 

“She wants me to convince you”

 

“Convince me of what?”

 

“You know what Sasha”

 

Sasha took a deep breath in reaching her hand out and going to take Ontari’s only for her to retract seemingly on instinct “I don’t know anything Ontari, I know what I think…...but even I can be wrong”

 

“Not very often….” Ontari responded this time reaching out and taking hold of Sasha’s hand as tears spilled down her cheeks as she looked into Sasha’s eyes and said “She beats me” She could see the anger burst into Sasha’s eyes as she looked at her “Please don’t go crazy…...I only came because you’re the only person I trust Sasha…. the only person I love enough to tell the truth”

 

“How long has she been beating you?”

 

“I…..”

 

When Ontari failed to find the words Sasha squeezed her hand before looking at her and saying “Start from the beginning if that’s easier”

 

“Me and Nia meet in Grounders….at first we were just friends I gave her my number but I was still with you…”

 

“You meet her that long ago?”

 

“Yeah….I meet her about a year before we broke up…I was so in love with you back then that I was actually annoyed and slightly offended when she kept messaging me all the time….I warned her I was taken and I wasn’t one to cheat so she stopped the messages….after we broke up I left town for a while as you know, even though it was kind of mutual I still wasn’t over it and then I slept with Lexa and it all became too much and I had to go….so I went home and came back six months later and you were with Octavia and Lexa was with Clarke….and there wasn’t really any room for me anymore….”

 

“You know I still wanted to be friends?”

 

“I know Sasha….but I was still in love you, you underestimate how hard you make it for women to get over you, remember we dated in high school and when we broke up then I didn’t speak to you for months and then when I eventually did we would hook up now and then….that time around I just needed space so I didn’t mess up your life”

 

“You could never do that you know that”

 

“I know Sash I know but I was still mad about you….anyway I left and went to Vegas and when I was there I bumped into Nia, she was there with her friend who was getting married or something, anyway, we ended up sleeping together and she gave me her new number….we talked for about a year on the phone until I decided that coming back to LA was a good idea especially as none of my family were in Boston anymore, so I did, I got a new job working for this lawyer and things between me and her just got friendlier”

 

“Friendlier?”

 

“We started out just hooking up and then she told me she was falling for me…...I didn’t feel the same and I told her that I didn’t…. but she told me she didn’t care that she wanted to be exclusive that she wanted it to be me and her and nobody else…. It should have raised a red flag for me but it didn’t, I was flattered more than anything that she liked me enough to not care that I didn’t love her like I loved you….” Looking at Sasha she noticed how all Sasha’s attention was on her, taking a swig of water she swallowed before continuing “Anyway we started dating and soon enough I was falling for her, she was so kind and caring when I’d have a bad day at work she’d hold me and not expect anything in return…the months turned into a year and one day…” Ontari stopped as the tears began to swell in her eyes even more

 

“Hey look at me” Sasha softly said making Ontari looked her in the eyes “Just take your time, if you need to stop then you can….”

 

“No….” Ontari started shaking her head as she wiped the tears on her cheeks with her free hand “I can do this…...” Taking in a deep breath she began speaking again “One day it was your birthday and I’d just got off of the phone to you after wishing you a happy birthday and…..and she got crazy jealous asking me if I was having an affair with you…asking me if she wasn’t enough and I wanted you again…I told her no, that she was being stupid and she punched me, like a full on punch…..that was two years ago”

 

“She’s been beating you for two years?”

 

“Not continuously no…. after the first time she was so apologetic buying me flowers and presents every day until I finally gave in and believed it was a once off…”

 

“But it wasn’t?”

 

“Far from it….it came to Christmas and we were just talking normally and I asked her what she wanted the most and she told me that she wanted to move out of LA, so it was just me and her”

 

“And you went along with it?”

 

“Looking back now I realise that it was a sign but then I thought it was romantic, she talked about moving to Boston to be near all my old friends, we ended up moving to Nebraska near all her family and friends….I felt so isolated and alone…I wasn’t me I was the version of me she wanted…I told her I wanted to go back to LA or back home, I told her I was unhappy and that I didn’t feel like me…..and she punched me….and that time she didn’t stop…each punch she threw she told me that I was hers and nobody else’s….that I wasn’t your anymore so I couldn’t be saved….she told me you wouldn’t want me anymore because you had upgraded to Octavia…”

 

“That’s not how it is….”

 

“I know Sasha…. I hadn’t spoken to you in nearly a year and yet she still would bring you up…. I didn’t understand it then I started to notice other things….”

 

“You forgave her…. just like that?”

 

“It wasn’t that simple Sasha…. I didn’t have anyone to support me, I changed my number, I deactivated my Facebook all my social media…she took my license, I didn’t have a job so she was the only one bringing in any money…. she used to love throwing that in my face…...and after she’d hit me she’d leave and come back with a bowl of water and stuff to clean me up….it confused me…. I thought that it was just an anger problem….” Ontari paused wincing slightly at the pain that shoot through her as she tried to move backwards on the couch slightly, taking a drink of water she continued “But a few weeks after just after my wounds had healed and my bruises had faded, she took me out to dinner, and as we were walking down the street this man smiled at me….nothing sexual or anything just a friendly smile like any nice person in the world, she looked at him and squeezed my hand really tightly I could feel all the bones in my hand pressing together I thought she was going to break my hand….that’s when it started to make sense to me…..”

 

“What started to make sense?”

 

“It was never about anything other than her wanting me to herself….hitting me, scarring me making me look unattractive to other people…..it wasn’t that she couldn’t control her anger, it was that she wanted to control me and everything I did….every move every look even every breath I took….If I breath too fast she tells me to breath slower or vice versa…it was like she took pleasure in controlling me trying to mould me into someone else…..the beatings got worse and worse until eventually I didn’t cover up anymore I just let her hit me with whatever hoping that one of the blows would kill me and end all of this….” Ontari looked at Sasha gently smiling at her “Then I ran into you again…. remember?”

 

“Yeah…. your hair was different and you were way thinner…. I remember thinking it was weird, I’ve known you for nearly Fifthteen years and not once have you changed your hair…. I remember we had a conversation about it once, that’s why it was so weird to me”

 

“She made me change it…...she beat me so bad one time that I passed out…when I came too she had put bleach in my hair and it had turned blonde, some of it even fell out…I’d just sorted it out when I saw you, you said that you liked the blonde highlights…. it’s the only reason I didn’t dye it back as soon as I saw you…. sounds stupid but you probably saved me being beaten for dying it back…. Alexis Sasha Woods always saving people without knowing it….”

 

“How many times has she beaten you?”

 

“I can’t remember…. I lost count at fifty times……” Pausing for a second seeing the look of anger seeping into Sasha’s expression she continued “I didn’t think that anyone cared about me anymore…. there was another time I bumped into you, I don’t think you remember because you were a little out of it, I think you were drunk or something…”

 

“When was this?”

 

“It was March 2015, I think you had just spoken up with Octavia or something…..Me and Nia were back in LA for the month because of her work and she gave me the ok to go out while she was doing what she was...I guessed she was probably cheating on me because I refused to let her touch me after we fought….and we fought a lot so she didn’t get a lot of loving from me…Anyways I went to Grounders and there you were dancing with some woman, I had no idea that you were single so I pulled you away from her and you started shouting at me…” She started stopping and seeing the concentration on Sasha’s face guessing that she was more than likely trying to remember what had happened that night “I got you outside and you told me you ended it with Octavia and then you started to get upset so I started talking to you about everything but Octavia, it worked I suppose because you started talking about us and the past…. you made me remember who I was more than anything you kept going on about how much you loved me and how much of an awesome person I was….” Ontari couldn’t help but laugh and add “Even though I slept with your cousin…. but then you went back to saying how much you loved me….and you kissed me”

 

Ontari couldn’t help the smile that filled her face when she heard Sasha let out an audible moan in frustration and slight pain before bringing her hand up to cover her face in embarrassment, laughing she thought to herself that she couldn’t actually remember the last time that she laughed without getting punished, so much so she stopped laughing all together just to make sure that she didn’t get beaten or shouted out like a little child. She was brought out of her deep thoughts when Sasha spoke;

 

“I am so sorry…. I don’t even remember that”

 

“I know you don’t, you were drunk and nothing you did really warranted an apology…. you kissed me and I liked it….it reminded me of high school and being wanted and loved, all those things that I missed so much with her…”

 

“Did you tell her?”

 

“Yeah, but I didn’t tell her it was you I kissed…. she went to hit me and something inside me burst and I shouted at her and hit her back, for the first time ever I stood up for myself and she seemed to level out…”

 

“Level out?”

 

“The anger wasn’t there as much and she didn’t beat me…well for the first two months anyway, I thought she actually changed she even suggested moving back here so we did…everytime we went to Grounders I hoped I’d see you again and that you’d give me that boost I need to keep fighting back…. but months went past and I never saw you or heard from you…. I saw Octavia and Clarke occasionally but they never knew who I was so I never went and said hello…. another few months passed and then….”

 

“The beatings started again…. she told me that I was worthless and all the other words she would use…. each beating is worse than the last and that kind of brings us to now and yesterday…”

 

“So she did beat you yesterday…”

 

“Actually this is all from a day or two ago, the day after a saw you at Grounders and we spoke, we were talking about when we were younger, I walked right into it….I started talking about you and High School, the next thing I knew she was shouting at me telling me it wasn’t fair that I was comparing her to you….I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t like that but she wasn’t listening….I went to stand up and she stamped on my ankle, I went to the ground and she kept stomping on it until it went numb….It was so painful , I was screaming at her to stop and she just wouldn’t she kept stomping away until she couldn’t lift her foot anymore, then she got on top of me and started punching away with all she had….she punched me all over and when I started to react and protect myself she grabbed my hands and my neck and started choking me…..I passed out and then when I came too she was still punching my stomach….”

 

“Why didn’t you call the police or an ambulance?”

 

“She told me if I did she’d kill me…. After a few days the pain was getting worse and worse I couldn’t walk properly, I was finding it hard to breath or talk, she tried playing nurse like she always did but I didn’t talk to her or say anything to her at all, then she decided yesterday to take me to the hospital and that’s when I saw you….”

 

“But your wounds looked fresh…”

 

“She told me the only way she could take me was if she reopened the wounds so that they looked fresh, that way the doctors wouldn’t question me too much….When we got there she told me to say that I fell over and she found me at the bottom of the stairs…it was the only thing she could think of that would explain the ankle injury….When I saw you and Raven, it felt like a sign or something…..and then you noticed straight away that I was lying, It was probably obvious but I still needed someone to show me the way….after you and Raven left she was over the top trying to make me forgive her and telling me that it would never happen again….then she told me that I had to come and see you first to explain that you misunderstood what you saw….”

 

“So…. after everything you’ve told me, you expect me to let you go back to her?” Sasha asked looking Ontari in the eyes moving a little closer to her ex “You know me, I’m in a lot of pain right now but if I see her I’m going to beat the hell out of her….so what exactly do you expect me to do?”

 

There was silence in the air for a moment as Sasha studied Ontari’s face for a reaction, she could see the emotion fill her face as she looked at her almost as if everything was hitting her at once, then all of a sudden it was like the flood gates had been opened as tears began to rush from her eyes down her cheeks and her body began to shake with emotion, Sasha moved over releasing Ontari’s hand and wrapping her arm around Ontari’s shoulders pulling her closer to her, her head resting on Sasha’s shoulder as her body shook uncontrollably as she sobbed all the emotion she was feeling escaping from her at once, Sasha didn’t force her to speak at all she just held her gently her hand rubbing her hand up and down Ontari’s back, letting the woman finally release everything she’d been holding in for what she now realised was years. After ten minutes Ontari’s body began to stop shaking, now she was just leant against Sasha her hand coming up to gently grip onto Sasha’s top. Taking a breath in she softly looked up at Sasha softly saying;

 

“Help me” When Sasha gave her a look of confusion she added “That’s what I need you to do…help me…because I don’t think I can do this alone…. I’m scared Sasha”

 

Sasha pulled herself back gently placing her hands on Ontari’s cheeks looking her in the eyes she softly spoke “I will help you…I promise I will…. with whatever you need me to help you with…I’ll help you leave her, I’ll help you get away from her completely, I’ll help you find somewhere to go to after the dust has settled…. I’ll be there for you every step of the way, but you have to promise me something…...”

 

“What?”

 

“Promise me that you’re doing this for you and not for anyone else…. this has to be about you Tar”

 

“It is…...I miss being me…. I wanna be me again”

 

“Promise me….and I’ll help you right away I swear it…”

 

“I promise”

* * *

 

Chapter 49

PART TWO-Calming Influence

Sasha thought over everything that Ontari had said over the last ten plus minutes all the information that Ontari had told her, while it was detailed she also heard the part where Ontari told her that Nia sent her there to convince her that she wasn’t being beaten, yet she opened up to her without much of a push from her. Was she playing her so she didn’t go to the police or did she really want help. Did she really want Sasha to save her from Nia? Sasha honestly didn’t know what to think or how to go about finding out. Her hands were still on Ontari’s cheeks the tears from her eyes rushing down and onto Sasha’s hands, Sasha looked at her ex trying to work up the courage to ask what she needed to, as she was thinking about the words and how to word them she opened her mouth to speak only to be cut off by Ontari speaking;

 

“This isn’t about her” She firmly stated looking to Sasha as she brought her hands up to rest on both of Sasha’s wrists, seeing the look on Sasha’s face she continued “I know your thinking that this is all sudden and was way too easy but you’ve always been someone I can talk to Sasha…..ever since we were in school together I’ve trusted you more than I trust anyone in the whole world, you know I don’t really have any family anymore….none of that has ever changed I just…..I didn’t have anyone that I could turn to” Looking into Sasha’s eyes she added “I’ve wanted help for a long time I just never had anyone that I could go to until I saw you again”

 

“So this is honestly about you? Wanting Help for real?”

 

“Yes…. I don’t want this to be my life, scared that if I say something wrong I’m going to get hit. That’s not how I wanna live my life, I wanna be something…. someone again”

 

Sasha looked into Ontari’s eyes looking deep into her eyes trying to judge whether or not she was being lied to by her ex, she’d always been able to tell when Ontari was lying but she couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t the Ontari she knew it wasn’t the same women she had grown up knowing and loving. But the more she looked into Ontari’s eyes the more she saw that girl shining underneath all the pain and all the suffering she was still that, holding her hand out beginning someone for help. Nodding her head softly letting out a breath of air she softly said:

 

“Ok…. I’ll help you, I’m not going to force you to do anything but the police is a must Tar, even if it’s only for a restraining order…. Look I won’t tell you what you have to do by any means this is One Hundred Percent your choice in every single way…. but I can tell you…I know people like that and I know that they don’t change” Pausing for a second she took another breath and lowered her hands from Ontari’s face, Ontari’s hands moving down with Sasha’s arms. “You remember my cousin Echo right?” Ontari nodded her head in confirmation “One of her boyfriends used to beat her, like really badly, to the point where she couldn’t dance because her body was covered in bruises and every move she made hurt. She told my Mama one night and my Mama told me….and well you can probably guess what I did to him…. but the point is I ran into him a few years later and he was with another woman and I noticed bruises and marks all over her arms and legs, I watched her move around and I noticed that every step she would take she would wince in pain…...”

 

“He was beating her?”

 

“Yeah…. I told her to run while she still could”

 

“Did she?”

 

“I don’t know Tar, I left before he could see me because I knew if I saw him then I’d whip his ass again, and my career was worth more to than smashing his face in again…. Anyway I found out that she left him and got him arrested…turns out he wasn’t just beating her, he was forcing her to have sex with him as well.”

 

“Wow”

 

“Yeah….” Sasha took a breath in looking at Ontari knowing she had to ask the question swirling in her mind “Did…Um…. Did Nia ever make you do anything like that?”

 

“You mean did she rape me?” Sasha nodded her head at the question “No, she nearly did once but I fought back and she stopped herself”

 

“You promise?”

 

“I promise Sasha…. If she ever went that far I would have walked away no matter what kind of beating I had to take”

 

“Ok” Sasha accepted, she was still internally trying to decide whether or not Ontari was actually doing this for real and for herself but the one thing she had decided was that she needed to help her friend either way, maybe if she knew she still had people in her life that cared about her then if she was faking then she would see there was more to life than being beaten by someone even if they said they loved you. “Look um…. room wise….”

 

“Sasha…you don’t have to put me up if that’s what you’re thinking”

 

“I know I don’t have to do anything…. but you promised me that this is about you, that this isn’t a trick of some kind….and if it is real like you said then you can’t go back to her…. if you do she’ll do ten times worse to you than she did a few days ago”

 

“I know you don’t believe me one hundred percent right now….and I get it I honestly do…but I promise you that this isn’t just out of nowhere and I’m sure about leaving her”

 

“Ok…...” Sasha responded, that was all she could verbalise at this moment in time. Taking a breath in she continued with what she was originally going to say “So, Costia is staying with us tonight and going home tomorrow after her chemo session, so you can have the guest room and she can share with me and Octavia…. Lex and Clarke should be fine with it…”

 

“Ok thanks” Ontari responded leaning forward hugging Sasha softly, her ex wrapping her arms around her comfortably, she wanted to pull away but there was something about Sasha that made her feel safe and secure. When Sasha went to release the hug she held onto her ex softly asking “Can you just hold me for a while please?”

 

Sasha hesitated for a second wondering what would happen if Octavia walked in and found her holding her ex, she wanted to say no just to be on the safe side but then she analysed the tone of Ontari’s voice and how desperate her ex sounded, and how fragile Ontari looked as she looked down at her. A soft smile graced her face as she decided that Ontari needed her right now, hoping that Octavia wouldn’t get too upset with her. “Ok” She finally responded before pushing herself back a little so she was laying down on the couch, motioning with her hands for Ontari to move up the couch, her ex followed the motion knowing what Sasha meant. Ontari moved up the couch slowly trying her best not to aggravate her injuries and cause herself pain, once she was high enough she rested her head on Sasha’s shoulder, her forehead pressing softly against part of Sasha’s neck, Sasha’s arms came to wrap around her holding her firmly but gently. Closing her eyes Ontari let herself relax for the first time in a long time, it had been so long that she could actually remember the last time she felt relaxed, she tried to stop herself falling asleep but she wasn’t able to control it any longer as her eyelids became heavier and heavier and relaxation and peace took over her body.

* * *

Abby and Marcus’ House

Marcus and Abby had arrived home around ten minutes ago, Marcus went to the toilet while Abby went and made them coffees, she wasn’t able to get over the thoughts that swirled her mind, all the thoughts that were now occupying her mind were about Costia and how frightened the little girl was of Marcus, how she was trying to protect Lexa and Clarke, she wanted to know what Marcus had said to her to scare her so much. Part of her wanted to ask him but the other part of her didn’t, she didn’t want to know how evil the man she loved could be, she’d only seen a small glimpse of it over the last few weeks and what she had seen she didn’t like one bit. She tried in vain to push all of the thoughts out of her mind as she continued to make the coffees for her and Marcus.

 

Once she was finished making both mugs she carried them into the living room sitting down on the couch she was only sat down for a moment when Marcus returned, sitting next to her on the couch he leant over to kiss her on the cheek only for her to pull away to the side. She had decided to forgiven him in a sense but she knew it was going to be hard, and seeing Costia’s reaction today just made her realise even more just how many bad things her husband had done. As she shuffled over a little so there was a space between her and Marcus, as she looked at him she could see the upset clearly on his face, while she understood another part of her wanted to slap him and make him realise that all of this, Clarke’s hatred and confusion, Costia’s emotional turmoil and everything she herself was feeling was all done to Marcus and all of the stupid decisions he had made. Taking a breath in she placed the mug of coffee on the table in front of them, turning slightly to look at her husband, clearing her throat slightly before speaking;

 

“I told you I wanted this to work….and I do….But it’s not going to be like it was before, you have to give me time Marcus….This man I found out had done terrible things, terrible things to our daughter, to her girlfriend, to her friends the people she thinks of as family….I don’t know him, and I don’t want to know him” She could see Marcus struggling to look at her, gently placing her hand on his chin and lifting his head up with her hand she looked him in the eyes and finished “That man wasn’t you, but somewhere along the way you got lost and caused a lot of damage to a lot of people to OUR daughter….I need time to process all of it, we’re not over….but we’re not back to how we are” Marcus nodded his head at her words “That’s why I think it’s best if you stay in the guest room….not forever but I just need some space between us so I can handle this my way”

 

“Ok…. I’ll move some of my stuff into the guest room” Marcus calmly responded, smiling at Abby before drinking some of the coffee and placing it on the table before standing up and walking off to their bedroom. Taking in the pictures and memories that filled their house, memories of Clarke and their family. Every picture he passed reminded him of a memory, that memory reminded him of a time when he wasn’t consumed with something that had taken over him to the point he didn’t care about hurting his daughter. He couldn’t understand how he did that to her, to his little girl he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to understand it, all he knew was he had to find a way to fix what he had done, every ounce of his body hoped that Clarke would forgive him but the smart rational part of his mind knew she loved Lexa too much to forgive him quickly, and if he was honest he knew he never deserved her forgiveness at all, and if she never spoke to him again he knew it would be what he deserved completely.

* * *

 

Sasha & Lexa’s Apartment

Octavia walked into the living room after spending the last hour in the bedroom she finally had to go and use the toilet, unable to hold it any longer, once she had finished using the bathroom she walked past the living room, trying her best to look in the room or trying to eavesdrop on Ontari and Sasha’s conversation. But as she heard a silence in the room she couldn’t help but be curious and walk into the living room. Walking towards the kitchen door when she noticed that the couch facing the door was empty, as she reached the door she noticed a foot hanging off of the couch. The interest inside her took over as she moved forward peaking over the couch she was meet with the image of Sasha and Ontari lying on the couch, instantly she noticed that Ontari was asleep while Sasha was wide awake just looking up at the ceiling. As she moved a little closer to the couch trying to check to see where Sasha’s hands were, as she noticed that Sasha’s arms were wrapped around Ontari’s torso her hands resting on Ontari’s back. Before she had a chance to look at Ontari’s hands she noticed Sasha’s head move in the corner of her eye. Sasha was smiling up at her nervously almost as if she was waiting for Octavia to start shouting at her.

 

Moving around the couch she stopped in front of Sasha’s face kneeling down she leant forward kissing her softly before pulling back seeing the confused look on Sasha’s face she softly spoke knowing exactly what Sasha was thinking;

 

“You told me you two are friends, so I trust you” A massive smile spread across Sasha’s face as the words came out of Octavia’s face, her eyes filled with love as she tried to sit herself up but was instantly held down by Ontari’s body, stopping herself from moving in case she was woke up her ex. Octavia noticed the motion and laughed softly and silently before leaning forward placing her hands on Sasha’s cheeks and kissing her lovingly.

 

“I am so lucky”

 

“Yeah you are…” Octavia retorted leaning forward and kissing Sasha again “You need anything baby”

 

“A hot drink would be great”

 

“I’ll make you a tea now”

 

“Thanks babe” Sasha responded watching Octavia smile at her before turning and walking to the kitchen, Octavia purposely walked in away so her ass was in full view for Sasha to see, Sasha knew it was a deliberate move but if she was honest she didn’t care in fact she was slightly grateful for such an amazing view considering she couldn’t move a muscle without waking up Ontari. Leaning her head back and resting it against the arm rest of the couch she waited patiently, a few minutes later Octavia emerged with two mugs of tea, one in each hand. Carefully walking over to Sasha she smiled when she noticed Sasha carefully shuffling her body up the couch, Ontari’s body sliding down hers the light brunette still not waking up from her slumber. Once she was further up the couch enough to be able to drink and not spill anything on Ontari, the last thing Ontari needed was to be burnt awake and scared half to death.

 

Octavia stopped next to her carefully handing her the cup of tea, smiling up at Octavia she softly said “Thank you” Octavia smiled down at her before placing her cup on the table, sitting herself down on the floor her back resting against the bottom of the couch that Ontari and Sasha were laying on. Sitting herself up so her back didn’t begin to hurt. She smiled when she felt Sasha begin to massage one of her shoulders with her free hand, she smiled when Sasha caringly asked her “How’s your back been lately?”

 

“It’s fine, I need some more cream but Abby said to stay off of it for a few weeks before using it again, just to see if the pain is bearable without it”

 

“When did you run out?”

 

“Two days ago”

 

“And is the pain bearable?”

 

“It hurts a bit but I’ve not been able to think about the pain the last few days….” She softly said closing her eyes enjoying the relief that came with Sasha’s massage. “Today was the first day I could really think about the pain, but I think I was distracted again because of someone’s gentle touches”

 

“Ummmm…ex-squeeze me who in the hell is touching on you…. huh…” Sasha responded jokingly feeling Octavia’s body raise and fall slightly as she laughed, Octavia looked around her smirking at her before turning her attention to the table reaching forward and picking up her cup of tea, taking a sip before placing it back down and speaking

 

“Oh it’s nobody just this solider that I know…. She’s an amazing person, loving, caring, passionate, tentative…”

 

“She sounds pretty awesome”

 

“Oh she is….and she has a body to die for” Both women laughed at the words that fell out of Octavia’s mouth, Octavia loved the sound of Sasha’s laugh the way it sounded like it filled up her whole body and just exploded out of her. Turning around she looked loving up at her fiancée bringing her hand up to stroke Sasha’s cheek leaning up aiming to kiss Sasha’s cheek, at the last minute Sasha turned her head their lips connecting, Octavia smiled into the kiss at Sasha’s quick move. Pulling back, she smirked at Sasha seeing the massive grin on her face, turning back around she leant forward grabbing her cup again suddenly feeling thirsty. As she was drinking she smiled when she felt Sasha wrap her arm around her, draping it gently over her chest her hand resting against Octavia’s left side, Sasha’s bicep resting on her shoulder an inch or so away from Octavia’s neck, holding the cup in her left hand she placed her right hand on Sasha’s arm her hand instantly beginning to rub up and down against Sasha’s skin. Looking to Ontari she studied the woman making sure she was asleep before she gently placed a kiss on Sasha’s bicep resting her head against it as she softly said “I can’t wait to marry you” She couldn’t help but smile even more when she heard Sasha respond

 

“Ditto” She knew it was genuine and honest, that Sasha meant it and the thought of them getting married made her stomach begin to flip flop, she knew her and Sasha was endgame and if she was honest she was excited and nervous at the prospect of spending the rest of her life with Sasha. And that fact that Sasha felt the same made her wanna burst with excitement.

* * *

-Thirty Minutes Later-

Sasha and Octavia were sitting exactly the same as they had been thirty minutes ago, the both of the them content with sitting there with each other not a word needed at all. They just stayed as they were holding onto each other occasionally drinking their teas. Sasha had finished her tea about ten minutes ago and had handed Octavia the cup, now Octavia had just finished her own tea and was placing the cup on the table next to Sasha’s when they both heard a key turn being placed into the lock, the small noise caused Ontari to stir slightly on Sasha’s stomach. Seconds later they heard the latch engage as the key turned in the lock, the door opened up and Lexa was the first to walk into the apartment closely followed by Clarke, then Raven who was carrying Costia, as her eyes landed on Costia, Sasha instantly noticed something was wrong with the little girl. Completely forgetting that Ontari was laying on her she sat herself up, instantly waking up her ex whose upper body shot up in the air a wince filling her face at the sudden movement, noticing the worried look on Sasha’s face she sat herself up removing her body from on top of Sasha’s, as Lexa and Clarke removed their jackets and hung them up on the rack next to the door.

 

Octavia let go of Sasha’s arm having also noticed something was wrong with Costia and knowing the little girl would probably want her big sister. Moving herself forward a little allowing her to allow Sasha to stand up. Sasha did exactly that quickly moving forward until she was next to Raven, the two women exchanging a knowing look as Lexa closed the door before walking back around the table moving past Octavia and joining Clarke who had sat on the couch facing the door moments ago. Lexa reached out reassuringly taking Clarke’s hand in her own knowing Clarke was more than likely blaming herself for Costia being upset. They watched on as Sasha raised her eyebrows at her best friend her facial expression asking what happened, Raven looked at her soothingly rubbing Costia’s back her eyes landing on Ontari who looked extremely awkward at the being involved in such a situation with Sasha’s family, seeing Raven’s attention on her Ontari spoke clearing her voice;

 

“I’m gonna go wait in the guest room, to let you sort this out…” As Ontari’s voice filled the room Costia gripped onto Raven even more not sure who the voice belonged to at this present moment in time. Sasha’s attention turned to Ontari as her ex stood up from the couch “She’s needs you more than I do right now” She added her attention turning to the little girl in Raven’s arms for a moment before looking back to Sasha and smiling softly at her.

 

“Ok…thanks…. the guest room is to the right down the hall all the way at the end” Sasha explained thankfully smiling at Ontari watching as the lighter brunette walking over to the hallway following the directions she was given moments ago. Once she heard the guest room door open and then close shut, turning her attention back to Raven who was looking worriedly at Lexa and Clarke, look at all of them before her eyes settled on Raven again “What happened? Why is Costia so upset?”

 

“ALI” Costia’s voice shouted out as she lifted her head up and looked in the direction that the voice had come from, throwing herself from Raven onto her big sister, Sasha instinctively caught her little sister lifting her onto her chest, her little sister’s arms wrapping instantly around her big sister’s neck squeezing her tightly, burying her head in her Sasha’s neck. It was almost as if she hadn’t believed it was actually Sasha in the room until she heard her sister say her name. Soothingly rubbing her sisters back, she softly asked “What’s wrong Cos?” Still Costia remained silent just gripping onto her big sister with all she had in her. Looking over to Lexa then again to Raven she firmly said “Someone tell me what the hell happened”

 

“My dad happened” Clarke stated the shame in her voice was clear for Sasha and all the others to hear

 

“We were at Arkadia Diner with Abby and Kane, he wanted to explain why he did everything he did to Clarke, as we were talking Costia and Raven arrived and she saw him talking to us and just went into meltdown” Lexa jumped in squeezing Clarke’s hand again reassuringly, she wasn’t sure what she could say or do that would make the blonde understand it wasn’t her fault

 

“What do you mean she went into meltdown?”

 

“She came running across the diner shouted my name jumped on my chest, then grabbed my hand and pulled it hard until I got up and let her pull me away, she was shouting that it was the bad man and I needed to run before he hurt all of us”

 

“What happened after?”

 

“I picked her up and hugged her and she wouldn’t let go, she was really scared, she shouted Clarke’s name, even after Clarke was next to us she was terrified, she just held onto me like her life depended on it. Clarke asked for Kane to leave and once he was gone, Costia didn’t change she just held onto me until she went to Raven”

 

“Has she said anything?”

 

“Only a few words, no full sentences from what I heard” Lexa responded looking over questioningly at Raven who noticed the look and looked at Sasha responding to Lexa’s look and Sasha’s comment

 

“She hasn’t said a full sentence yet, she said Clarkey and Alex, plus Safe and she’s mumbled a few other words. My main thing was getting her to eat, which she did so she’s better than when she’s usually upset I suppose”

 

“You got her to eat?” Sasha asked her best friend slightly surprised, she knew that it was a struggle to get the girl to eat when she was sick, that was unless you knew the small tricks to make her.

 

“Yeah. I remembered that you said she doesn’t like showing her face when she’s upset, so I told her to look away from Clarke and Lexa, then I just feed her until she finished her pancakes” Raven explained to Sasha, hoping that Sasha could ease Costia’s worries a little more. She knew Sasha was a calming influence on her little sister whenever she was upset or angry, and she knew that was what the little girl needed right now.

 

Sasha smiled softly at her best friend before sitting herself down on the couch trying to move her little sister further back on her lap, she was unsuccessful though as Costia continued to hold onto her, not releasing her grip a bit. Going back to rubbing Costia’s back gently she titled her head slightly so she could whisper into her sister’s ear, gently placing a kiss on the side of her sisters face, she softly whispered “Jy voel bang?” _(Are you scared?)_ Costia softly nodded her head at the question not lifting it from Sasha’s neck, the tears from her cheeks wiping off onto Sasha’s shirt and neck “Wat sal maak dat jy veilig voel?” _(What will make you feel safe?)_

 

“jy” _(You)_ Costia’s tiny voice whispered back to Sasha

 

“regtig?” _(Really?)_ Sasha asked lovingly looking down at her little sister, seeing Costia softly nodded her head at her sister, her head lifting slightly up from Sasha’s shoulder. “sou 'n warm sjokolade te maak jy beter voel?” _“Would a hot chocolate make you feel better?”_ Costia looked up at her sister her face unsure softly responding to her sister

 

“Maar ek wil by jou bly” _(But I wanna stay with you)_

“I’ll make it for you Cos” Raven softly interjected stepping forward and leaning down next to Costia “Is that ok?” She asked, Costia nodded her head at the question turning her head to face Raven leaning forward she kissed Raven on the lips quickly

 

“Dankie voëltjie” _(Thank you Little bird)_

“Jou welkom Munchkin” _(Your welcome Munchkin)_ Raven sweetly responded standing up heading towards the kitchen to make the drink for the little girl.

 

“So hoekom is jy so ontsteld?” _(So why are you so upset?)_ Sasha asked regaining her little sister’s attention. Costia hesitated for a moment before she lifted her head off of Sasha’s shoulder nervously looking up at her big sister

 

“Die slegte ou my bang” _(The bad man scared me)_

“Hoe het hy bang jy?” _(How did he scare you?)_

“Hy was vir jou beteken en Mama” _(He was mean to you and Mama)_ Costia paused for a second looking at her sister tears in her eyes as she moved her hands to grip onto Sasha’s t-shirt “Hy het gesê dat hy gaan om jou seer te maak” _(He said that he was going to hurt you)_

 

“Wanneer het hy dit sê?” _(When did he say this?)_

 

“Met mama by die groot huis” _(With mama at the big house)_

 

“Wat 'n groot huis?” _(What big house?)_ Sasha asked her little sister, her hands resting on Costia’s sides. After thinking about it for a second when Costia shrugged her shoulders, she realised the reason she had been outside of the courthouse when she was run over, realising that was the place Costia was talking about. She smiled reassuringly at her sister before adding “Wel, hy sal nie seermaak jy” _(Well, he will not hurt you)_

“belowe?” _(Promise?)_

“ek belowe” _(I promise)_ Sasha responded leaning forward and wrapping her arms around her little sister, hugging her softly placing a kiss on her head at the same time “Ek sal nie toelaat dat iemand jou seergemaak” _(I will not let anyone hurt you)_ Feeling her little sister smiled against her sister, her grip releasing slightly “nooit ooit in 'n miljoen jaar” _(Never ever in a million years)_ Costia held on contently to her big sister for minutes on end, silence filling the room as ever tentatively watched the little girl with Sasha.

 

Raven re-entered the room holding two cups of hot chocolate, one in each hand walking forward she carefully placed them on the table. Seeing Raven’s movements Sasha softly nudged her little sister softly saying “Cos your hot chocolate is here” Costia lifted up her head slowly looking up at Sasha before holding onto Sasha’s shirt she peaked backwards seeing the drink on the table, the steam coming up from inside the cup making a smile spread across her face as she saw it. Looking back to her sister she leaned up whispering in Sasha’s ear “Is my gesig ok?” _(Is my face ok?)_ Sasha couldn’t help the smirk of amusement that filled her face at her sister’s question, she knew she was seriously but the way her sister worded the sentence was slightly off.

 

“Jy lyk pragtig, mini my” _(You look beautiful, mini me)_ Sasha responded wrapping her arms around her sister, squeezing her softly “die mooiste meisie in die wêreld” _(The most beautiful girl in the world)_ She added feeling Costia laugh softly against her sister’s cheek, pulling back Sasha looked at Costia smiling at her softly winking at her before bringing one of her hands up to her sisters face, keeping one arm wrapped around Costia still. Wiping the tears away from Costia’s cheek, seeing her face was still slightly red she stood up lifting her sister up with her, re-wrapping her free arm around her sister, walking towards the kitchen she softly said to the others “Give us a minute” Walking into the kitchen she walked over to the sink sitting her little sister on the counter next to the sink, Costia’s left hand quickly gripped onto her sister’s shoulder and the material that covered it. Leaning over her sister slightly she turned on the cold tap letting it run for a second before turning on the hot tap, allowing the water to run while she retrieved a soft napkin to wipe her sister’s face with from one of the draws near where Costia sat on the counter.

 

Standing back up in front of Costia she stopped in front of her, she smiled down at her before placing the napkin underneath the tap wetting it slightly, leaving the taps running she reached her hand up to Costia’s face wiping her face gently with the napkin, wiping away the tears that were still evident on her face. Repeating the action a few times making sure Costia’s face wasn’t getting worse from her actions, she noticed Costia start to relax a little more. Placing the napkin on the counter she leant forward grabbing her sister’s cheeks gently before leaning forward, kissing her on the lips quickly, pulling back and smiling when she noticed Costia was smiling and softly giggling at her action. Letting go of Costia’s cheeks she laughed herself before leaning forward placing her hands underneath the taps, wetting them before turning of the taps with the back of her hand. Holding her hands in the air wiggling them in front of Costia’s face, her little sister let out a massive laugh her legs kicking softly against the cabinet underneath her feet. Sasha moved her hands forward wiping them over Costia’s face as the little girl wriggled on the counter, trying to avoid her sister’s hands after about half a minute Sasha moved her hands back looking at Costia “Feeling better?”

 

“Yeah” Costia responded throwing her arms forward around her big sister’s neck, laughing as she did so, she laughed more when Sasha placed one arm around her waist lifting her off of the counter, a dirty laugh escaping her mouth as she kept her legs dangling in the air not wrapping them around Sasha’s waist, but instead letting her sister hold her weight up. Sasha smiled brightly as she held Costia up, she smiled and laughed as Costia’s legs dangled and softly hit her legs. They both laughed as Sasha carried her little sister back into the living room, she walked back to where she sitting before, lowering Costia on to the floor she smiled when Costia stepped towards the table and the slightly cooler cup of Hot chocolate on the table, kneeling down shuffling herself forward as much as she could until she was as close as she could be to the table, looking across the table she noticed Raven sitting on the floor with her legs crossed drinking the cup of Hot Chocolate she had prepared for herself, Costia smiled brightly before speaking “Jy het warm sjokolade te Rae Rae” _(You have hot chocolate too Rae Rae)_  

 

“yep ek gesmag one” _(Yep, I craved one)_

“Wat beteken dit?” _(What does it mean?)_

 

“Gesmag?” _(Craved?)_ Raven asked, Costia nodded her head excitedly her attention on Raven her hands coming up to rest on the table, either hand on a side of the cup. “Dit beteken dat jy iets wil” _(It means that you want something)_

 

“As ek wil iets wat dit beteken dat ek smag na dit?” _(If I want something it means I crave it?)_ The little girl asked looking back at her sister for confirmation of what she was asking. Sasha nodded her head at her, Costia just smiled then turned her attention back to Raven “dit is cool genoeg nou Rae Rae?” _(Is it cool enough now Rae Rae?)_

 

“Give it five more minutes Cos” Lexa interjected, hoping everyone would take the quiet hint to talk English, she had understood everything that had been said but she was having to translate so that Clarke didn’t feel left out. Sasha looked at her apologetically understanding the sudden interjection from her cousin. Costia however didn’t think anything of the comment and happily smiled at Lexa and responded

 

“Ok Alex” Costia’s attention turned to Octavia, letting out a small giggle and smile she shuffled along the floor until she was next to Octavia, who was still sat on the floor, standing up she looked down at Octavia asking “Can I sit on your lap Tavi?”

 

“Of course you can trouble” Octavia responded reaching up and grabbing hold of Costia pulling her onto her lap, tickling the little girl before wrapping her arms around her and squeezed her tightly before releasing her grip, leaning down she placed a kiss on the little girl’s cheek. Sitting herself back up, she smiled when Costia stood up and turned around sitting herself down on Octavia’s lap, her back pressed to Octavia’s front and her legs draped over each of Octavia’s leg the heels of her feet resting on the floor. She sat patiently on Octavia’s lap for a few minutes, unknown to everyone else she was actually counting to 60 five times in her head, taking Lexa’s words perhaps a little more seriously than she should have. Once she had finished counting in her head she turned excitedly to face her sister

 

“Can I have my hot chocolate now Ali?” Sasha nodded her head at the question leaning forward lifting up the cup she placed it in front of Costia and Octavia on the table. Costia excitedly sat forward on Octavia’s lap letting out a small giggle of pure excitement. Placing her hands on either side of the cup pressing her chest against the edge of the table, she lifted the cup up to her lips taking a small sip placing the cup back on the table, as she swallowed the sip she smiled brightly turning around and facing Octavia, her face turning suddenly serious as she moved forward again until her chest was only about an inch away from Octavia’s her hands resting in the small space between them “Is Clarkey veilig?” _(Is Clarkey safe?)_ She seriously asked looked worriedly at Octavia, who soothingly reached her hands up placing them on the little girls back, soothingly rubbing circles on the little girl’s back

 

“Natuurlik is sy, hoekom vra jy?” _(Of course she is, why do you ask?)_

 

“omdat die slegte ou is haar pa” _(Because the bad man is her daddy)_

“Jy dink hy gaan haar seermaak?” _(You think he’s going to hurt her?)_

“Ja” _(Yeah)_ Octavia paused for a second her face filling with part heartbreak and part worry, as she tried to think about what to say to the little girl to reassure her. Before she could say anything else Costia spoke again “Ek is lief vir haar, ek wil nie met haar te seerkry” _(I love her, I don’t want her to get hurt)_ The words were so sweet and pure that everyone but Clarke couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Why don’t you ask Clarke? If you’re really worried”

 

“Can I?” She asked her attention turning to Lexa, who smiled and nodded motioning for her to come and ask Clarke, turning back to Sasha her big sister nodded her head, with the permission of her big sister she smiled standing up and carefully stepping over Octavia, quickly walking over to Clarke and Lexa, she stopped in front of Lexa climbing up onto her lap without a word, Lexa smiled letting the little girl move around and sit herself her on her lap so she was facing Clarke, after a while she vocalised her worries looking at Clarke as she asked “Clarkey…..are you safe?”

 

“Safe?” Clarke asked looking at Costia unsure what the little girl meant by her question.

 

“Your daddy is a bad man……. are you safe from him?”

 

“My daddy is a bad man, but he would never hurt me…...my mommy wouldn’t let him. You see…sometimes my daddy does bad things but he never does them to hurt me, he thinks that doing bad things will make me happy…he thinks he’s protecting me by doing all those bad things”

“But that’s silly Clarkey…. you shouldn’t do bad things, Mama says that if you do bad things then bad things happen to you, because……” Costia paused for a second trying to find the words “Bad is bad and is not good” She finished remembering what her Mama had told her

“Your mama is right….my daddy has done some very bad things to you and to everyone in this room…. but he will never hurt me because I don’t wanna see him again”

 

“You promise he can’t hurt you Clarkey?”

 

“I promise; he won’t hurt me….” Clarke responded touched at how much the little girl seemed to care about her so much. Looking lovingly at her she softly added “You don’t need to be worried Cos”

 

“But I love you Clarkey”

 

“You love me?” Clarke asked needing to confirm what the little girl had said, she’d heard people say Costia loved her but the little girl had never said it to her personally. She could feel herself getting teared up as the words sunk in.

“Of course I love you Clarkey, your family that’s why I worry” Costia responded her tone a lot more grown up that anyone in the room had ever heard it.

“Well your six, so you don’t need to worry about anything…. because I have Lexa to look after me”

 

“Will she protect you?” Costia asked Clarke, when Clarke nodded her head Costia’s face contorted slightly before turning and looking at her older cousin. Standing herself up on the couch so she was looking down on Lexa slightly she asked her older cousin “Will you protect Clarkey?”

 

“I will”

 

“You promise Alex?”

 

“I promise Cos; I will never ever let anyone hurt Clarke”

 

“Not in a million years?”

 

“Not in a million years, I swear it” Lexa responded smiling at how Costia had copied her older sister’s words from earlier, moving a little closer to Costia so they were almost eye to eye she reiterated “I promise you Cos, ok?” Costia nodded her head at Lexa, and without warning Lexa quickly reached up beginning to tickle her little cousin, Costia instantly tried to sit down wriggling around on the couch, as she continued to wriggle Lexa lifted Costia onto her lap continuing to tickle her

 

“Mercy Alex...” Costia let out in between laughs, she continued to wriggle around trying to get out of Lexa’s grip. When Lexa didn’t let her go she spoke again this time a little louder “ALEX, I GIVE…. PLEASE” Lexa stopped tickling the little girl, lifting Costia up so she was sitting on her lap again, Lexa smiled when Costia lunged forward wrapping her arms around Lexa and hugging her tightly “Thank you Alex”

 

“Your welcome Sunshine…...can you do something for me?” She asked Costia who pulled back and looked at her older cousin nodding her head “Clarke thinks that you getting upset was her fault. Can you tell her it wasn’t her fault?”

 

“Ok Alex” Costia quickly let out not needing Lexa to tell her anymore. Carefully moving off of Lexa’s lap she moved across the couch, climbing onto Clarke’s lap, as she sat down Clarke leant forward a little Costia reached up placing her hands on Clarke’s cheeks she looked at her, her face one hundred percent serious “Clarkey, it wasn’t your fault that your daddy upset me……he was bad and I am scared of him Clarkey not you” Costia firmly let out making Clarke smiled softly.

 

“Listen to her Clarke, she’s smart….” Sasha interjected smiling over at Clarke who smiled thankfully back at her “Her intelligence is genetic…she gets it from me….so you know she is really smart…. isn’t that right Mini me?”

 

“Yeah” Costia excitedly let out jumping up and down once on Clarke’s lap, her hands dropping to her side as she did so.

 

“See……so no more blaming yourself ok Clarke?”

 

“Ok, I won’t blame myself anymore…. I promise”

 

“Good Clarkey” Costia responded leaning forward hugging Clarke tightly. Costia hugged Clarke tightly resting her head against Clarke’s shoulder. Remembering suddenly that she had hot chocolate on the table she let out a gasp and looked up at Clarke softly saying “I’ll be back Clarkey, I have to drink my chocolate before it gets too cold” She let out releasing Clarke she jumped off of Clarke’s lap and the couch quickly and excitedly moving over to Octavia sitting herself on Octavia’s lap how she had been sitting moments before. Octavia reached forward grabbing the cup and handing it to the little girl, who looked up at her and smiled “Thank you Tavi” She sweetly responded, before Octavia had a chance to respond the buzzer rang out through the apartment, after a pointed look from Sasha Raven stood up letting out a fake massive huff as she walked to the door pressing the buzzer

 

“Hello…Wood’s residence” She said making Sasha laugh and smirk at her best friend, standing up and walking beside her best friend she was about to say something to her when the voice on the person who had pressed the button spoke through the intercom

 

“Hi I’m looking for someone…. her name is Ontari Wilson…”

 

Sasha’s eyebrows raised as she looked at Raven both of them recognising the voice that had just spoken “Who’s asking?”

 

“I’m her girlfriend…. My name is Nia Winters”

* * *

 


	50. Final Countdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The FINAL chapter of Destiny Has No Path....Sasha deals with Nia, plus loads of Wood's Family fun and some flashbacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a pre-warning this chapter is about 20,000 words long. :-)   
> Thank you all for reading, I will be posting another story in a few hours that will be CLEXA based like fully lol   
> But again thank you to you all for reading and hope you enjoyed it :-)

Chapter 50-The Final Countdown

Raven and Sasha looked at each other both unsure what to say to Nia, Ontari was indeed there but whether or not she wanted to see her girlfriend or not was another thing. Looking at Raven, Sasha raised her eyebrows before turning and looking at Clarke and Lexa who were engaged in a quiet conversation, as she turned her attention back to the door her eyes scanned past Octavia and Costia, her little sister was contently drinking her hot chocolate holding the cup with both of her hands. Seeing her sister gave her the answer she needed as she answered Nia

 

“Give me a second I’ll be down”

 

“Ok” Nia calmly answered not another word coming from her mouth.

 

When Raven looked at her confused Sasha explained “I'm not having a bully in my apartment especially with my little sister here” Turning around she walked towards the guest bedroom taking a small breath as she opened knocked on the door, hearing Ontari say she could come in, she opened the door seeing her ex sitting on the bed looking at the door. Walking into the room she closed the door too walking up to the bed stopping at the edge she decided it was easier to just get out what she wanted to say “Nia is here”

“What?”

 

“Your abusive girlfriend is downstairs”

 

“How the hell does she know where I am?”

 

“I don’t know Tar; did you tell her where I live?”

 

“What? ...NO, I wanted to get away from her not have her come looking for me” Ontari retorted standing up and beginning to pace the room backwards and forwards, biting the nail on her right thumb as she paced.

 

Sasha watched Ontari’s behaviour and studied her body language for a few minutes, realising that Ontari had obviously hid something from her she asked her “What’s wrong Ontari?” Sasha’s voice made Ontari stop in her tracks completely looking over at Sasha before nervously rubbing her hands together taking a breath and then speaking

 

“I may have lied slightly….” Seeing the judgmental look that filled Sasha’s face she quickly continued “Not about what she was doing to me, or about wanting to get away from her…. I lied about her making me come here”

 

“She didn’t send you here?”

 

“No, I told her that I needed to go back to the hospital to get my medication, I convinced her to let me come here alone and she actually did…...I thought she wouldn’t even bother coming after me…”

 

“You should have known she would…. this all about her controlling you Tar, making you into someone that will submit to her and do anything and everything she asks without a second thought…...so what do you want?”

 

“I don’t want to see her”

 

“Ok…. I’ll tell her you don’t wanna see her right now”

 

“She’s gonna get angry…. I can’t put that on you, especially when your little sister is here”

 

“I’ll handle her, you stay here and make sure you don’t come out of this room until I come back. Me and Raven will go talk to her, so I’ll be safe Raven won’t let anything happen to me…. Just stay here ok I’ll deal with her….” Sasha responded turning to walk away only to stop in her tracks after a second, turning back to Ontari “How did she get my address?”

 

“I don’t know…you texted me the address once I’d left the house”

 

“So how does she know….” Sasha stopped for a second as she recalled Nia’s surname “Her surname is Winters right?” Ontari nodded confirmation at her “Is she related to Roan Winters?”

 

“He’s her brother”

 

“That’s how she got my address then…” Sasha responded seeing the confused look on Ontari’s face “Roan Winters is the deputy chief of police for Los Angeles”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“I’m a solider, we’re given all this information about local authorities, I literally have a pack in my room with every single person in authority in it…. We’re supposed to memorise it in case of emergencies or something….”

 

“So you think her brother got her the address?”

 

“It’d make sense…. anyway we can think about this all later, I’ll be back soon…” Sasha smiled at Ontari, who nodded her head moving forward quickly and wrapping her arms around Sasha hugging her tightly, Sasha hugged her back softly responding “Don’t worry ok, I got your back” Releasing the hug she looked at Ontari softly smiling at her ex before nodding softly before turning around and walking out of the room walking back into the living room, she kept walking until she was next to Octavia kneeling down next to her she softly said “I have to go deal with Ontari’s ex…” She noticed the worried look that filled Octavia’s face leaning forward she kissed Octavia quickly before adding “I’ll be careful I promise you”

 

“Babe, you’re not 100%, you can’t be fighting….”

 

“I don’t plan on fighting anyone I swear…...Raven’s coming with me just in case ok?”

 

Octavia paused for a second before reaching up with her right hand, her left still wrapped around Costia, placing her hand on Sasha’s neck she pulled her closer, until they were face to face only an inch between their faces looking into Sasha’s eyes she softly said “You better not do anything stupid” Pecking Sasha on the lips quickly before pulling back “Remember what happened last night…...and earlier.... I need you to be healthy as soon as possible ok?”

 

“Ok, I promise…. I won’t do anything stupid…I wouldn’t want to miss out on more of our….” Sasha stopped herself speaking when she noticed Costia was looking up at her and Octavia, curiously listening to what her sister was saying choosing her words carefully she smiled before looking back to Octavia and continuing “Special cuddle sessions” She finished smirking before leaning down and pecking Octavia on the lips a few more times before Octavia finally removed her hand from Sasha’s neck. Letting her secret fiancée stand up, before Sasha could stand up fully Costia held her hands in the air at her big sister “What’s up?” Costia didn’t respond she just held her arms up still, leaning down again Sasha picked Costia up lifting her sister onto her chest “You ok?”

 

“Yeah” Costia quickly let out wrapping her arms around Sasha’s neck, hugging her tightly as her legs wrapped around Sasha’s waist.

 

“Ok….so why did you want me to pick you up?”

 

“Because I wanted a cuddle”

 

“Oh ok…. well in that case then” Sasha smiled squeezing her little sister tightly, moving side to side shaking Costia slightly, making the little girl giggle out loudly as she held onto Sasha, Sasha continued this for a minute or two before she placed her sister back on the floor placing a kiss on the little girls cheek before standing up her attention drawn to Clarke and Lexa, noticing the look of disapproval that Lexa was sending her way she rolled her eyes speaking “I’ll be fine Lex, someone has to stand up for Ontari she has nobody else”

 

“I know that, just let me come with you in case something kicks off”

 

“Lex, Raven’s got my back if anything happens she’ll back me up. I promise there won’t be any problems if I have my way”

 

“Fine….” Turning her attention to Raven who was watching the two of them talk “You better keep an eye on her”

 

“I will…. I won’t let her do anything stupid”

 

“Seriously what is it with all of you thinking I’ll do something stupid”

 

“We know you that’s what”

 

“Yeah whatever, can we go get this over with please?”

 

“Let’s do it” Raven responded as Sasha walked towards her, smiling at Costia she turned and opened the door waiting until Sasha was next to her to walk through it. The two walked through the door closing it behind them and walking down the flights of stairs until they reached the door Nia was waiting at. Opening it Sasha stepped out first followed by Raven who made sure the door closed and locked behind them. Once she was sure the door was closed she stepped a little closer to Sasha as Nia looked at them both and spoke;

 

“So where is Ontari?”

 

“She’s upstairs….” Before Nia could say another word Sasha continued speaking “She doesn’t want to see you”

 

“What?”

 

“Look we both know that your relationship isn’t perfect, she told me she wants some time alone to think things through, that she doesn’t want to see you not yet”

 

“But we live together, all her things are at OUR apartment she can’t just abandon me”

 

“She’s not abandoning anyone, she needs time to be herself, to think about her and nobody else this is her decision and she has every right to make it” Sasha noticed the instant change in Nia’s facial expression as the older dirty blonde looked her in the eyes her face filling with anger, though Sasha could tell she was trying to hide it

 

“What has she been saying?”

 

“She hasn’t been saying anything, except that she needs some alone time”

 

“Bull…. Tell me what lies she’s spreading”

 

“Look, I’m not sure what the issue is between you and her” Sasha lied through her back teeth, trying her hardest not to let Nia know exactly what she thought about her and what she had done to Ontari “Quite frankly I don’t want to know, just like I don’t know how the hell you got my address considering I’ve never given it to Ontari before today…. I don’t really care to be honest, All I care about is she says she doesn’t want to see you right now. Whether she’ll want to see you ever again I can’t say, the only person who can answer that is Ontari and right now the answer she’s given me is she doesn’t want to see you right now”

 

“Fine…. But tell her that I WILL see her soon”

 

Sasha was about to ask Nia if that was intended to be a threat but before she could get the words out she felt Raven’s hand on her arm squeezing it making sure she didn’t lose her cool. Taking a breath in and looking at Raven who gave her a pointed look, she looked at Nia and said “Dually noted…. I’ll let her know” Smiling as much as she could force herself to, her and Raven watched as Nia smirked at them then turned around and walked away, they watched her until she was no longer in sight. Turning around they walked back into the apartment complex, every step back to her apartment Sasha couldn’t help but think about all the ways this could end for Ontari, she didn’t know how she was going to manage it but she was going to make sure that Ontari never went back to Nia, and on top of it she was going to make sure Nia went to prison for every punch she threw at Ontari

* * *

 

 3 Months Later-November 11th 2016 

Sasha, Clarke, Lexa and Octavia pulled up to Mema and Papa’s house, Sasha parked the car in her usual spot turning off the ignition and placing the handbrake on she got out of the car heading towards the boot opening it and removing the presents she had brought for Tristan and Costia. Feeling a hand brush across her ass looking behind her she smiled seeing Octavia coming up behind her, leaning back she kissed her quickly before turning her attention back to the boot. Her attention was brought back to Octavia when the younger brunette placed either of her hands on Sasha’s open jacket pulling on it, Sasha placed her hands out her left hand landing on the car just above the headlight, her right hand moving quickly to Octavia's waist, their lips connected as Sasha smiled in to the kiss her hands finding their way to Sasha’s cheeks.

 

Sasha knew exactly why Octavia was like this right now, over two months that had passed her and Octavia’s sessions had only gotten hotter and hotter until November 1st when they had finally made love again. Sasha had brought Octavia tickets to see a movie she had been waiting months to see, she planned a whole evening around the movie, booking a table for them at O’Hara’s Restaurant after that they had gone back to the apartment, again Sasha had made sure it was only them. When Octavia eventually asked her why she had gone to all this trouble, Sasha explained to her that she thought that Octavia deserved the whole evening and night to be about her and nobody else, that she deserved the night that should have come with her proposing. She also told Octavia that it was a thank you to her for not pressuring her into telling everyone they were engaged. They had talked numerous times about when to tell everyone but no matter what whenever they tried to tell someone something else would come up or they wouldn't go through with actually telling everyone. That night Octavia told Sasha she didn't need to keep thanking her and that she understood why it was taking time to tell everyone, she jokingly agreed to forgive her if Sasha gave her a back massage as her back was playing up.

 

That had led to Octavia getting a little more excited than Sasha had anticipated her getting, that obviously led to them getting hot and heavy on the bed, after a few false starts, all of them being Sasha not wanting Octavia to push herself too much, Octavia had eventually taken control over Sasha making sure she knew that nothing was stopping them making love that night, in fact they made love numerous times that night until they heard Clarke and Lexa return and decided being caught in the act wasn’t how they wanted to end their night……

* * *

 

_ November 1st 00:13-Sasha’s Bedroom _

_Sasha and Octavia were lying in bed wrapped up in each other’s arms, Octavia’s head was resting on Sasha’s bare shoulder her right hand stroking up and down Sasha’s bare toned stomach. While Sasha’s left hand was behind her head her arm bent as her right arm was wrapped protectively around Octavia’s back. Octavia’s right leg was wrapped around Sasha’s right leg, her left leg stretched out on the mattress while Sasha’s left leg was slightly bent while it rested on the mattress as well. Both women were slightly breathless having spent the last few hours making love over and over again unable to stop themselves as passion over ran their bodies. They had abruptly stopped their love making session ten minutes ago when they heard Clarke and Lexa come back into the apartment. They’d remained silent as they listened to the sound of Lexa and Clarke laughing as they walked towards Lexa’s bedroom. Sasha was hoping that Octavia wouldn’t give her a smart remark or comment but when she felt Octavia pressed a kiss on her chest she knew one was coming;_

_“You think they’ll go at it again?...... or are they gonna hold out in case you catch them again?”_

_“Baaaaaaaaaaabe…. can you not remind me that I walked in on your best friend literally riding my cousin”_

_“I’m sorry baby but it’s funny”_

_“Oh god, I know exactly how Lexa felt all those years ago now”_

_“Lexa’s walked in on you having sex?”_

_“Yeah, when me and Ontari were dating she walked in on us one night after deciding to come to my mama’s house unannounced”_

__

_“So you two are even then huh?”_

_Sasha looked down at Octavia raising her eyebrow at her fiancée before smirking and softly saying “Yeah I suppose so yeah”_

_“I’m sure it won’t be in your mind forever”_

_“I hope not…...in fact…” Sasha paused looking down at Octavia reaching with her left hand she lifted up the cover over them and looked underneath it smirking before looking back to Octavia’s face and answering “I think I’ll replace them with different images of naked people”_

_“Naked people huh?”_

_“Yeah, I think I might have to, in order to stop the trauma becoming so bad that I can’t have sex anymore”_

_“Well I can’t have that can I?” Octavia amusingly let out smirking up at Sasha before moving her right leg, unwrapping it from Sasha’s leg, leaning up she captured Sasha’s lips with her own her bring her right hand further up Sasha’s chest brushing over Sasha’s breast stopping at Sasha’s neck. Pulling Sasha into the kiss even more she moved her leg around to wrap Sasha’s waist, as they continued to kiss more and more she moved her hips until she was straddling Sasha’s hips her bare body pressing against Sasha’s. Pulling back when she felt Sasha’s hands resting softly on her lower back, the covers still covering their lower bodies, she looked into Sasha’s eyes smirking at her before asking “Does this help at all?”_

_“A little bit yeah” Sasha smirked aback, the smirk fell from her face when she felt Octavia slap her gently on the neck “Ouch…...babe what was that?”_

_“A little bit” Octavia repeated looking down at Sasha as she placed her hands on the mattress on either side of Sasha’s head, pushing herself up off of Sasha seeing the pout that quickly appeared on her fiancée’s face. “You can pout all you want; you should think about your words”_

_“Oh come on baby, you know I didn’t mean anything by it”_

_“You said it only helped a little bit…...am I that unappealing to you?”_

_“What no…... Of course your appealing to me”_

_“Only just a little bit though huh?” The question had started off as a joke but now she was felt that doubt creeping into her mind. The same doubt that had been there since her and Sasha had started go further and further sexually, she knew that Sasha was holding back because she didn’t want to push her after everything that happened with Mitch, but the longer they had gone without making love the more the doubts had creeped into her mind. So much so that she was all but certain that Sasha was going to break off the engagement and their relationship completely. Before she could gather her thoughts enough to stop Sasha from seeing something was on her mind, she felt Sasha’s hand gently stroking her cheek;_

_“What’s wrong Octavia?”_

_“Nothing”_

_“You’re a horrible liar, I know something’s wrong”_

_“How do know Sherlock?”_

_Sasha smiled softly at the question leaning into Octavia, kissing her softly on the cheek then the lips before pulling back and looking Octavia in the eyes, continuing to stroke Octavia’s cheek her attention on her fiancée’s flawless skin as she spoke “When your upset your attention fades from me to anything but me…..you bite your bottom lip ever so slightly, then your face becomes emotionless almost like your thinking so hard that your face can’t pick an emotion” Octavia’s face contorted slightly at the words, she went to say something but was stopped by Sasha “Then you do this…..denial pretending that you have to be perfect for me, like you can’t make a mistake or be emotional….that’s usually when you think that something is about to happen but you don’t really wanna talk about it”_

_“I don’t do any of that”_

_“You do babe”_

_“So I’m predictable now as well huh?”_

_“That’s not what I’m saying, and you know I’m right because your being defensive…. O I’m not trying to attack you I just want you to talk to me because that’s what I’m here for. I can’t make you feel better or tell you if your wrong if you don’t tell me what’s wrong”_

_“Ah fine” Octavia gave in, looking into Sasha’s eyes was too much for her to resist right now and she needed someone to tell her that everything was in her mind, she knew it was but that didn’t stop her from thinking it, seeing Sasha smirk softly she tapped her shoulder “Stop smirking” Sasha’s smirk quickly fell from her face “I’ve been feeling a little weird lately”_

_“Weird?”_

_“No weird isn’t the word…...more doubtful…. about us I suppose”_

_“Doubtful, how like you wanna break up or not get married?”_

_“Neither…. more doubtful that you still wanted me”_

_“Of course I still want you, I’d have to be crazy not to want you”_

_“I know that now…...especially after the seven long love making sessions we just went through moments ago”_

_“But before tonight you felt doubtful that I wanted you?”_

_“Yeah, I can’t explain it and I knew I was being stupid but the more we would get closer to making love again, the more I would feel like you didn’t wanna do it because you didn’t want me anymore”_

_“Wanting you wasn’t anything to do with us not making love, you know that”_

_“I know but I couldn’t stop the thoughts, especially with Ontari around, I tried not to get jealous I swear but you two have this insane connection and I would watch you both and think that maybe you’d suddenly realise that you wanted her and not me. That she was the one you wanted to marry and not me”_

_“I’m sorry”_

_“Why are you sorry?”_

_“I was paying too much attention to Ontari and not enough attention to you. I knew that she needed me, that she needed someone to stand up for her and stand by her at the same time. I was concentrating on her so much that I didn't see that you needed me as well…. O your sooooo strong, when we’re together I feel like I can tell you anything and you won’t judge me for it, that no matter what you’ll love me the same…..I wanted to help Ontari so much that I guess I forgot that you need me too”_

_“So you don’t feel anything but friendship for Ontari then?”_

_“No…. I promise you I don’t”_

_“I’m sorry…. I was so stupid I knew it was in my mind I just…”_

_“Hey…” Sasha started bringing her hand to a stop, her thumb gently moving to gently trace Octavia’s lower lip, smiling wholeheartedly she continued explaining “You don’t need to apologise for being jealous babe, your allowed to be jealous your only human, just because we’re engaged doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to think or feel anymore”_

_“I feel stupid, it’s not that I don’t trust you because I do…”_

_“Jealously has nothing to do with trust babe……it’s more about love, loving someone so much that the thought of someone else being with them or touching them even, can drive you crazy…. it’s passion and love rolled into one. I know that you trust me O, I know that and I trust you, but that doesn’t stop me being jealous either…. I’m not immune to it”_

_“You get jealous?”_

_“Of course I do, have you looked at yourself in the mirror, you’re as hot as hell O and when I see guys flirting with you yeah I get jealous, I know it would never happen because your gay but I still can’t help what I feel. Not just with guys either but with girls too, I love you so much that the thought of someone else kissing you makes me homicidal”_

_“Homicidal?”_

_“Hell yeah, I’d kill for you babe, without a second thought”_

_“Would you?”_

_“Yeah….” Sasha paused for a second before leaning forward kissing Octavia softly before pulling back and adding “After Mitch attacked you, when you asked me to go back to the apartment to get your stuff” Octavia nodded her head at Sasha “I didn’t wanna go, because I know what I’m capable of but you begged me to go, so I did. When he turned up and starting making comments about you, something inside me snapped. Ask Lexa she’d never seen that look in my eyes before, and I’d never felt that angry before. The thought of him touching you against your will, I was ready to kill him, I was ready to watch the life fade from his eyes.”_

_Octavia couldn’t help but smile at Sasha’s words, though she hated the thought of Sasha going to prison she knew that the sentiment was pure and honest. That Sasha would actually kill for her, and that thought made her smile brighter than she probably should have at that moment. Tightening her grip on Sasha’s neck she pulled her towards her, their stomachs touching each other’s as she did so. Looking into Sasha’s eyes she spoke “I’m glad you didn’t kill him, he isn’t worth ruining your life for”_

_“He isn’t……but you are. I can’t imagine being with anyone else for the rest of my life…...the way I love you is different than anything I’ve ever felt before…. I never wanted a future with anyone because the army was my life and I couldn’t live without it…. but now….”_

_“But now what?”_

_“Now, you are my life…………. I’ve never felt like that with anyone”_

_“Not even Ontari?”_

_“Especially not with Ontari, yeah I loved her in a sexual way and I thought about a future with her but I never thought about marriage or kids with her not once”_

_“You didn’t?”_

_“No…. I’ve only ever wanted to marry one person, and that’s you”_

_“Seriously…...even though I’m jealous and insecure”_

_“Everyone is jealous and insecure babe, even if they don’t want to admit it or even if they don’t fully know they are, they are, because it’s human nature, being those things isn’t something to be ashamed of O, it just means that what you feel is pure and real”_

_“You have a way with words you know?”_

_“But it’s true, a baby isn’t considered over the top or naughty because it craves a mother’s love is it?” When Octavia shook her head Sasha continued “A baby only knows its mother for the first 9 months of its existence, so it’s only natural that when it comes into a word that it doesn’t know, after being safe in the womb, that all it wants is its mother. Because it loves her without even knowing what love is”_

_“How are you so smart?”_

_“Genetics mostly” Sasha responded shrugging her shoulders, they both laughed softly at her words and Octavia leant forward pecking Sasha on the lips quickly, before pulling back and nervously asking_

_“So I’m forgiven?”_

_“I’m not even sure there’s anything to be forgiven to be honest babe…. your human your allowed to feel things”_

_“So your giving me permission to be jealous?”_

_“Suppose so”_

_“You know that means I can ask you anything without having to give a reason why I want to know?”_

_“I don’t think that’s right somehow” Sasha smirked as Octavia moved so she was straddling Sasha again, this time she sat herself up her chest instantly missing the warmth of Sasha’s, she couldn’t help but smile and smirk when she noticed Sasha’s attention instantly turn to her bare breasts_

_“How about this……I can be jealous and ask you anything I want as a result and in exchange you get to touch me anywhere, anytime and anyplace you want”_

_“Can’t I do that already?”_

_“Kind of, but this is different I mean under the clothing…. provided there’s no youngsters in the room with us”_

_“Youngsters?” Sasha retorted raising her eyebrows at Octavia and laughing softly, her laughter stopped slightly when Octavia gave her a firm look and poked her stomach softly._

_“Shut up, you know what I meant…...so do we have a deal”_

_Sasha looked up at Octavia thinking for a second before she quickly rolled to her right until she was over Octavia, her bare hips pressing gently into Octavia’s, Octavia’s legs rested on either side of Sasha. Octavia leant on her elbows automatically making her chest rise so it was only inches away from Sasha’s “This deal…. does it mean your mine forever?”_

_“Yes it does…...and it means that your mine forever and eternity”_

_“I think I can deal with that” Sasha smiled down at Octavia “How about we seal this deal huh?”_

_“With a kiss?”_

_“I was thinking about more than a kiss…” Sasha leant down capturing Octavia’s lips with her own, Octavia instantly kissed her back, pulling back she looked at Sasha a question in her mind seeing the look Sasha spoke quickly “If either of them walks in on us, especially with the noises I plan on making come from you, then they deserve to see us in all our sexy amazing love making glory…” Without another word, or a chance to say another word, Sasha’s lips were connected with Octavia’s the passion flowing into the kiss instantly, the kiss built and built quickly as Sasha’s hands roamed Octavia’s body like there was no tomorrow, as her hand moved lower on Octavia’s body Octavia suddenly pushed against Sasha’s chest breaking the kiss. As she looked up at Sasha she asked;_

_“How is Ontari?”_

_“What? ……are you being serious right now?” Sasha asked slightly breathless as she looked down at Octavia in shock and confusion at what Octavia had just asked_

_“Yes I’m serious…. why wouldn’t I be?”_

_“You couldn’t just wait until after we’re done making love to ask that”_

_“Ahhhh is my baby sexual frustrated?” Octavia teased leaning up and placing gentle kisses along Sasha’s jaw before laying back again_

_“With you underneath me? …. of course I am” Sasha responded leaning down trying to recapture Octavia’s lips only for Octavia to again push her up “Seriously can we not talk about this later?”_

_“No…. I want to know now”_

_“Fine…” Sasha let out removing herself from on top of Octavia rolling over to the side of the bed she reached into one of the draws of the bedside cabinet next to the bed, removing a pair of shorts she sat on the edge of the bed placing them on, turning back she noticed the look of confusion and fear on Octavia’s face, as she reached down grabbing another pair of shorts she explained “If we’re doing this now then you need to put some clothes on because otherwise I won’t be held responsible for my actions” As she heard Octavia laughing softly she turned playfully throwing the shorts in her hand at Octavia, keeping her back to Octavia whilst her fiancée got dressed_

_“You can turn around now…. I’m covered up”_

_“Good” Sasha let out rolling back into the covers then shuffling herself across the bed until she was lying next to Octavia again, leaning on her right hand she looked at Octavia watching as Octavia rolled onto her side and into her a little more, bringing her left hand to wrap around Octavia’s waist she smiled when Octavia placed gentle kisses on her shoulder before placing one on her cheek_

_“So Ontari, how is she?”_

_“She’s good, the police told her that the restraining order expires January 20 th but their hoping that by then Nia will be locked up. Unless of course her brother can pull some strings for her to get her off of all the charges that Ontari had filed against her”_

_“Could she find a way out of it?”_

_“Her brother is the deputy chief of the LAPD, if anyone could get her off it would be him. People do crazy things for family, they even risk losing their jobs”_

_“So Nia could get off completely unpunished?”_

_“Maybe, but legally if she does Ontari can get the restraining order restored and she can look into filing more charges against Nia. It’s all dependant on whether or not Ontari would want to go through that all again”_

_“Would she?”_

_“Knowing Ontari…probably yeah, she’s stubborn and once she sets her mind to something she makes sure she gets it. And I think until Nia is in prison she can’t consider anything she has as closure, and she hates not having closure”_

_“How is she though? I mean Ontari mentally, how is she coping with everything, you know that aftermath?”_

_“She’s doing ok; her therapy sessions seem to be helping her. She said she doesn’t have any nightmares, and she doesn’t think about Nia that much anymore so I suppose that’s a good thing”_

_“It is; no nightmares are always a good thing”_

_Sasha smiled down at Octavia leaning down kissing her softly on the cheek placing kisses along Octavia’s face until she reached her lips, kissing her once she pulled back looking into her eyes “We don’t have to talk about it”_

_“No I want to, Ontari is a nice person I was just wondering how she’s doing”_

_“Well other than all of that, she’s fine from what I know, Raven’s loving living with her, apparently it’s just like when we were in high school, Harper told me she walked in on them playing twister, beer bottles scattered all over the living room……” Seeing Octavia’s face contort slightly she added “It wasn’t sexual in anyway…if it was anyone else I probably would have thought that but for Raven and Ontari it’s a normal night in” She finished explaining laughing softly “Anyway, all Ontari’s injuries have healed and she’s doing really good, she’s even got a job lined up from next week”_

_“Wow so she’s doing really good”_

_“Yeah, she seems to be back to the old Ontari”_

_“That’s really good” Octavia genuinely replied looking into Sasha’s eyes, as always she was blown away by the love that was shining in Sasha’s eyes as she looked at her. Leaning up she kissed Sasha lovingly her hand moving to wrap around Sasha’s hips resting on her back, breaking the kiss her eyes moved down to where she knew Sasha’s tattoo of her name was, moving her hand from Sasha’s back she brought it back to Sasha’s stomach gently dragging her hand down Sasha’s stomach until it reached her hips, pushing the shorts Sasha was now wearing down slightly as it was partially covering the tattoo. Once the shorts were pushed down enough she gently ran her fingertips over the tattoo following the writing that spell out her name, she did this over and over, her and Sasha remaining in complete silence for the next twenty minutes as she continued her actions, finally she looked up at Sasha and thoughtfully said “I think I wanna get a tattoo”_

_“Yeah, what you thinking of getting?”_

_“I was thinking your name”_

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah, I like the idea of having your name on me”_

_“I think that’d be great, but its ultimately your choice babe, you don’t have to”_

_“I know I don’t, I’ll think about it a little more” Octavia responded leaning into Sasha capturing her lips lovingly her hand staying where it was, as they continued to kiss she could feel herself getting turned on and she could tell Sasha was feeling the same as well, but everything inside her just wanted something else right now, and she knew from their talk moments ago that telling Sasha was the best option instead of hiding it, breaking the kiss she smiled softly at Sasha and asked “Would you mind if we just cuddled? I just really want you to hold me right now”_

_“Of course I don’t mind…. are you ok?”_

_“I’m fine I promise; I just want you to hold me” Octavia honestly responded as she felt Sasha move herself a little so she was laying down, smiling she quickly moved laying herself against Sasha chest wrapping her right arm around Sasha’s waist her left arm resting on the bed slightly against Sasha’s thigh. She smiled and gripped onto Sasha a little more as she felt Sasha’s arms wrap around her lovingly and protectively, closing her eyes she relaxed knowing no nightmares were awaiting her but what was awaiting her were the dreams of her and Sasha, and more importantly the dreams of their future together._

* * *

 

_ Lexa’s Bedroom-At the same time _

_Lexa and Clarke were laying completely naked in Lexa’s bed after having just finished their own love making session, Clarke had somehow managed to keep herself quiet so they didn’t bother Octavia and Sasha, she most definitely didn’t want a repeat of Sasha walking in on them. Her and Lexa were laying on what had become their sides of the bed both of them breathing a little heavier than they had been when they had entered the apartment over an hour ago, after taking a few breaths in Clarke turned her head to look at Lexa smiling brightly she said;_

_“I’ve really missed that”_

_“After two days, babe I think you’re a sex addict”_

_“Oh Ha ha, you know what I mean, I’ve missed being this close to you. It still feels like a dream”_

_“Well it’s not, but I mean I can pinch you if you want to be sure”_

_“Don’t you dare” Clarke let out glaring at Lexa as she rolled onto her front, the covers of Lexa’s bed wrapping around her naturally and covering her body. She smiled as Lexa lowered herself slightly the covers moving upwards to cover her body as well, she stopped moving once they were face to face Clarke smiled, laughing softly before leaning forward and kissing Lexa lovingly before pulling back and looking at her smiling “You think they heard us?”_

_“Nah…you were surprisingly quiet baby” Lexa laughed her nose twitching slightly as she grabbed Clarke’s left hand with both of hers and began to gently stroke the back of Clarke’s hand_

_“Are you trying to say I’m normally loud?”_

_“Clarke, you are loud. You know you are”_

_“Maybe”_

_“Really babe, you can’t even pretend you’re not, remember when we had to stop because we nearly woke up O and Lexi”_

_“Oh I forgot about that” Clarke let out dropping her face into the pillows underneath her, she laughed softly into the pillow her face turning a bright red from the laughter “Sasha called us out the next morning”_

_“Yeah, maybe her walking in on us last week was karma coming back to bite her”_

_“Don’t remind me”_

_“You don’t need to be embarrassed babe”_

_“Yes I do, it’s almost as bad as O walking in on us, worse probably because once she gets over the shock you know the jokes will follow” Looking at Lexa she noticed her girlfriend was trying to supress the laughter “Lexa….this isn’t funny it’s embarrassing”_

_“So making love to me is embarrassing huh?”_

_“No, stop it…” Clarke let out playfully slapping Lexa on the chest, just next to her scar trying her best to not laugh as she looked at Lexa “You know what I meant”_

_“I did. Babe honestly she won’t be that bad, she’s way to busy right now to be remembering that. Plus, I think she’s more embarrassed than you are”_

_“You think so?”_

_“Yeah…...now if it was me on top then she’d be killing me with the jokes, in fact I’m pretty sure that I’ll be getting the brunt of the jokes anyway”_

_“Why you and not me?”_

_“Because you were riding me, that means in her mind I’m a bottom. And that is something she’ll enjoy knowing in a non-perverted way of course”_

_“Of course” Clarke agreed laughing before leaning over Lexa and kissing her softly, her hand resting on Lexa’s chest and gently tracing up and down over the three-inch scar just above Lexa’s chest “You know I think your scars are kind of growing on me”_

_“They are huh?”_

_“Yeah, I think they make you a little mysterious and dangerous”_

_“Is that code for ‘Lexa you’re really boring and I wanna break up because even though your amazing in bed your just not enough for me’ because if it is then please just tell me now before I go ahead with my surprise”_

_“Firstly, you’re not boring. Secondly, that has to be the longest code I have ever heard and Thirdly…...what surprise?”_

_“I don’t think I wanna tell you…you could be pretending you love me just to get your surprise”_

_“I could never pretend to love you…. it’s just natural like……breathing”_

_“Ok Shakespeare, nice try”_

_“Hey I thought that was very…poetic” Clarke let out smirking as her hand traced its way down Lexa’s bare chest going underneath the covers with immense ease._

_“Poetic…. wow you’re on a roll today huh?” Clarke just grinned at her and nodded softly leaning forward and kissing her on the shoulder as Clarke lifted her head up, Lexa turned herself to her left bending her left elbow and resting her head on her left hand she looked down at Clarke and explained “Ok so you really wanna know what the surprise is?” Clarke nodded softly at the question “Fine but if it falls through it’s your fault…. I was looking into apartments near here for us and I came across a place in this complex”_

_“What....” Clarke let out the excitement in her voice was clear as she pushed herself up slightly “Are you being serious?”_

_“I wasn’t sure if you’d wanna be that close to O and Lexi”_

_“Are you kidding? I wanna live as close to them as possible. I told you Octavia is family to me and I wanna be there as much as possible”_

_“Good….so the apartment that is available is on the top floor and I looked into it a little more and found out we can co lease it, like have both our names on the lease but if we do that then we need to choose an account to have the money come out of. But that’s all things we can work out in time I suppose….”_

_“We could just get a bank account together I suppose”_

_“Yeah” Was all Lexa managed to get out she didn’t even want to think about what that could mean for her and Clarke, she didn’t wanna press the issue too much right now. Instead she just thought of the best thing to say in this moment “Anyways, we can look into it more tomorrow”_

_“Yeah we can” Leaning up Clarke kissed Lexa lovingly before pulling back her face becoming thoughtful as she remembered the conversation she had with her mother hours before Lexa had picked her up from work. She wanted to tell Lexa and to be completely honest with her about the decision she had come to “I have to tell you something”_

_“Ok, go for it”_

_“I spoke to my mom tonight, she asked me about forgiving my dad again, I told her that it wasn’t that simple. So anyway she continued talking about me going to see her and my dad, I know you hate my dad but would you be ok with me seeing him?”_

_“Clarke, of course. You can see him if you want I told you before you’re his daughter and he’s your father, I get it if you wanna see him then you can”_

_“And could you come with me maybe?”_

_“Sure, but you’re driving and your buying me coffee…. oh and making me breakfast as well”_

_“Deal” Clarke smiled leaning back into Lexa, kissing her again before resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder closing her eyes, feeling her body relax again. As the tiredness of the day and their love making took over her and Lexa, Lexa’s arms moving to wrap around her as she naturally turned herself around so her back was pressed to Lexa’s front._

* * *

 

Back at Sasha’s Boot

Sasha pulled back smiling softly at Octavia leaning in pecking Octavia twice on the lips, she laughed when Octavia bit her bottom lip and leant forward again kissing her as she moved her arms wrapping them around Sasha’s neck pulling her closer. Sasha moved her arms naturally around Octavia’s waist releasing her hold on the bags in her left hand, her hands opening up and gently resting on Octavia’s ass. Pulling back, she smiled when at Octavia raising her eyebrows and softly whispering;

 

“Someone is in a happy mood today”

 

“I’m feeling amazing…...and…” Octavia responded pulling back she ran her hands through Sasha’s loose hair smiling as she leant forward until she was at Sasha’s ear, whispering softly in her ear “Very very fulfilled”

 

“I’m glad my skills come in handy”

 

“Was that pun intended?”

 

“Maybe…” Sasha smiled back shrugging her shoulders and wiggling her eyebrows at Octavia before pecking her on the lips before removing her arms from around Octavia’s waist causing her fiancée to remove her hands from neck and sigh stepping back “We better get inside before Costia comes running outside” Octavia laughed and nodded in agreement with Sasha, quickly moving forward brushing her ass across Sasha’s hips purposely. Keeping her ass pressed against Sasha’s pelvis she quickly bent forward grabbing the bag of presents from inside the boot, before just as quickly standing up and looking over her shoulder smirking at Sasha who just shook her head as she watched Octavia turn and walk towards the front door of her Mema and Papa’s house. Rushing forward she grabbed Octavia’s waist pulling her back making her stop in her tracks whispering “You’re such a tease”

 

“I know I am” She stated turning around and smirking at Sasha kissing her on the cheek before nodding her head behind Sasha “Seems we’re not the only ones who need to control themselves” Sasha smirked as her eyes fell on Lexa and Clarke, Clarke was leant on the back door of Sasha’s car with Lexa pressed against her their lips looked together, as Lexa’s hands rested on the car Clarke’s hands gripping onto Lexa’s shirt holding Lexa’s body to hers. Clearing her throat Octavia loudly coughed hoping to break the two women apart but it was unsuccessful.

 

“YO…. Lex…. Clarke” Sasha loudly stated still getting nothing from the two women pressed against her car, looking to Octavia she smirked “Their worse than us” Octavia laughed and nodded her head in agreement at the words. Again raising her voice at her cousin and Clarke “GUYS…. Hello…. either of you coming up for air soon...” Sasha’s comment caused Lexa to reach back with one of her hands waving the two women waiting for them away. “Fine…. the big dogs it is” Sasha let out walking towards the front door of her grandparents’ house, glancing back seeing that Clarke and Lexa were still pressed against her car with their lips firmly locked together.  Laughing to herself as she opened the door shouting through “ATOM…. CLARKE’S HERE”

 

“CLARRRRKKKKKEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY” The little boy’s voice filled the house and the street as footsteps hit the floor hard as he ran towards the front door an excited scream coming from his mouth as he continued running, within seconds he came into Sasha’s eyesight rushing towards her excitedly. Stopping in front of her he looked at his big cousin expectantly, still laughing Sasha brought her hand up pointing in the direction of the Clarke and Lexa, who had finally broken apart and were now shaking their heads at Sasha using Lexa’s brother to break them apart. “CLARKEY” Atom let out again as he ran down the front steps and onto the pavement running as fast as he could to Clarke and Lexa he kept running until he crashed into Clarke’s legs his arms wrapping around them tightly as he smiled brightly looking up at Clarke and saying “I missed you Clarke”

 

“I missed you too buddy” Clarke smiled down her hands moving to either side of Atom’s cheeks leaning down and kissing him on the forehead making him laugh, as he continued to laugh he removed his hands from Clarke’s legs his arms shooting into the air in front of Clarke. Smiling brightly Clarke leant down ever so slightly lifting the little boy up onto her chest hugging him tightly as his legs and arms wrapped tightly around her, placing a kiss on her cheek. “What have you been doing? Your all sweaty”

 

“I was playing with Tristan; we’re playing soldiers…. can you play as well?”

 

“I’m not very good at playing soldiers, but I’m sure Lexa will play with you both”

 

Atom let out a massive gasp as he looked to his big sister asking “Can you Lexa please?”

 

“Oh so now you wanna know me huh? Now you need me for something…. minutes ago you were all Clarkey this and Clarkey I missed you…...and I didn’t even get a hello”

 

“I’m sorry Lexa, I love you loads I promise…. but I missed Clarkey” Atom sweetly replied at his sister knowing she wasn’t genuinely upset due to the smile on her face, reaching his arms out to Lexa giving her his best puppy dog eyes. Lexa shook her head at her little brother leaning forward so they were face to face “I’ll play soldiers with you later but now you can stay with Clarke, seeing as you missed her so much….” Lexa smiled softly at her brother leaning down kissing him on the cheek whispering “Traitor” Standing up walking towards Octavia and Sasha who had been watching the whole interaction between Clarke, Lexa and Atom. As she reached Sasha she smirked at her “Well played” she laughed holding her fist in the air, the cousins fist pumped as Lexa walked into her grandparents’ house not hearing the conversation her girlfriend and little brother were having behind her

 

“I’m not a traitor am I Clarkey?”

 

“Of course not, your sister is just jealous I love you more than I love her”

 

“Really?” Atom asked sweetly his hands resting on Clarke’s shoulders as he looked at her smiling softly

 

“Of course, you are way more handsome than Lexa…I promise…” Atom smiled brightly at Clarke leaning forward wrapping his arms back around Clarke’s neck squeezing him tightly “Should we go party?” She asked the little boy feeling him nod his head slightly against her shoulder, smiling she began walking towards the house walking up the stairs and past Octavia and Sasha continuing to walk until she was in the living room and was being hugged and greeted by everyone as Atom stayed clung to her chest, that was until everyone had finished saying hello and Tristan came running into the living room looking around until he saw Clarke and Atom

 

“Hi Clarke” He sweetly said waving at her softly, she waved back at him smiling and returning the greeting before he looked up at Atom “Do you wanna play soldiers again Atom?” He asked looking up at his cousin watching as Atom looked to Clarke and sweetly asked “Can I?”

 

“Of course you can, we can hang out later” Clarke replied placing the little boy on the floor as he sweetly looked up at her smiling a tooth grin that she knew was a family trait

 

“Thanks Clarkey…” Atom responded moving forward and pulling on Clarke’s top motioning for her to kneel down, as she knelt down coming level with Atom he moved forward hugging her tightly before pulling back and looking at Clarke then looking around the room at everyone before shuffling forward and whispering in Clarke’s ear “I love you Clarkey”

 

“I love you too” She responded smiling even more than she was when Atom placed a kiss on her cheek, smiled at her then turned around ran towards Tristan both of them rushing towards and then through the back door into the garden. Clarke noticed Lexa in the kitchen smiling and quickly saying hello to everyone else she walked towards the kitchen seeing Rosa and Madilyn she moved over to them hugging them both quickly, walking back over she leant on the counter next to Lexa who she could tell was trying to be upset at her, smirking and laughing softly she pulled out her phone pulling up her pictures knowing that Lexa could see them she pulled up the file she had marked as ‘LEXA’ knowing in it were some half nude pictures that she’d taken to tease her girlfriend on occasion. She smiled when Lexa moved her forward before moving herself behind her pulling her backwards gently until the back of her body was pressed against Lexa’s front, Lexa’s arms wrapped around her waist and her chin rested on Clarke’s shoulder, a smile breaking onto her face as she watched Clarke go through the pictures.

 

Sasha and Octavia walked into the living room hand in hand after Sasha had locked the car, as they entered the living room just as the family had done with Clarke, everyone greeted Octavia and Sasha only this time they greeted the two women in Afrikaans, after they had all hugged and kissed the two women on the cheek Sasha made her way into the kitchen to greet her mama and her auntie Rosa hugging them quickly before pulling back and placing the bag of gifts on the table where all the other gifts were placed. She was about to speak when she heard her Mama excitedly let out Octavia’s name as her girlfriend passed her and hugged her mama tightly she watched on as the two women continued to hug each other, the hug was a lot longer than the one she received from her mama causing her to look to Lexa and Clarke then to her Mama and Octavia then back and forth a few more times before she cleared her throat. “What the heck Ma? I get a two second hug and Octavia gets a five-minute hug”

 

The sentence caused Octavia and Madilyn to break apart looking at Sasha and laughing softly in her direction, Madilyn looked over at her daughter laughing and smiling as she moved forward stopping in front of Sasha placing her hands on her daughters cheeks “I see you all the time Alexis, that is why she gets a longer hug…because we never see her because you keep her all to yourself” Letting go of her daughter’s cheeks she smiled before returning her attention to her sister.

 

“Unbelievable” Was all Sasha managed to get out as her she shook her head at her mama, everyone in the room laughed as Octavia made her way over to Sasha stopping in front of her tugging at her shirt pulling her towards her

 

“Don’t be jealous baby…. I still love you”

 

“Nah uh….” Sasha started holding her finger in front of Octavia and waving it side to side “ I’m going to find someone who really loves me” Sasha retorted stepping back then asking her Mama “Ma, where’s Costia?”

 

“Outside in the garden playing with Tristan and Atom to my knowledge”

 

Sasha didn’t say another word she just smiled looked at Octavia and walked past her to the back door, opening it she walked through instantly seeing her brother and little cousin playing at the back of the garden both of them had toy guns and were making shooting noises with her mouths as they ran around hiding behind whatever they could. Looking around she couldn’t see Costia anywhere near Tristan and Atom, she was about to turn around and check inside the house in case Costia had gone inside without anyone knowing when she heard humming coming from nearby. Walking down the five steps following where the humming was coming from she poked her head to the right of the stairs seeing her little sister sitting on the ground behind the garden table, her iPad Mini in her hands headphones in her ears as she hummed along to a song. Sasha continued to watch her little sister around the corner until she noticed a small sad smile on Costia’s face, stepping around the corner Costia instantly noticed her sister’s dropping her iPad mini on the ground, the earphones falling out of her ears as well as she stood up running quickly to Sasha, quickly closing the gap between them.

 

Once she was close enough Sasha lifted her off of the ground onto her chest, Costia wrapped her arms quickly around her big sister’s neck hugging her tightly as her legs wrapped around her sister and she held onto her with what felt like everything she had. Rubbing Costia’s back soothingly Sasha lifted her sister back slightly so she could look at her face “What’s wrong Mini me? It’s your birthday your meant to be happy” Costia looked at her a frown covering her face as she looked at her big sister and answered;

 

“Rae Rae isn’t coming to my birthday”

 

“She isn’t?”

 

“I saw her on my special computer, she said she has to work”

 

“Maybe she’ll come after she finishes” Costia shook her head at Sasha’s question “She told you she couldn’t make it?” Costia nodded her head “So your sad cause you wanna see her?” Again Costia nodded her head at her sister “Maybe we can video call her later before you go to bed, what you think is that a good idea?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Good. Now can you stop with the sad frown please Mini Me”

 

“Ok Ali” Costia smiled leaning forward kissing her sister before hugging her again, as she turned herself around she noticed the iPad on the floor looking at Sasha her face filled with worry “I think I broke it…. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to”

 

Sasha gently tapped Costia on the nose smiling before moving forward until she was at the iPad, kneeling down she picked up the iPad standing up quickly with it in her hand, opening it she was thankful she had placed a case on the iPad before she gave it to Costia, looking it over she noticed there wasn’t a single scratch to the screen holding it in front of Costia’s face “It’s fine, see no scratches or cracks. You didn’t break it” She noticed Costia’s face relax as it again filled with a smile looking at her sister “That’s more like it….” She started placing Costia’s iPad mini on the table using her now free hand to tickle Costia’s stomach gently causing Costia to laugh loudly “So how many presents have you opened so far?”

 

“None…because Mama said I can open them whenever I wanted”

 

“Why haven’t you opened them? You love opening your presents”

 

“But I was waiting for you”

 

“Ah Cos, you can open them without me you know that right?”

 

“I know…but I didn’t want to”

 

“That is why You are my favourite little sister”

 

“I’m your only sister Silly” Costia responded laughing loudly at her big sister as Sasha carried her to the stairs stopping when they heard Tristan running towards them, Sasha turned around just in time for Tristan to crash into her legs with force, thankfully it wasn’t with enough force for her to lose her balance. Placing Costia on the ground she smiled when Tristan released her legs and held his arms up in the air, lifting him up he wrapped his arms around her hugging her tightly, Sasha squeezed him back swinging him from side to side making him giggle, he continued to giggle as he pushed himself back so he could look at his sister as she spoke;

 

“Hey birthday boy”

 

“Hi…. I missed you Sash”

 

“I missed you too buddy…. you’ve grown since I last saw you”

 

“Yeah…. Mama said I’ve grown a whole inch Sash”

 

“A whole inch?”

 

“Yep…. Mama said I’ll be tall like you and Lexa one day”

 

“I think you’ll be taller than me”

 

Tristan let out a massive gasp at Sasha’s comment before he responded “That would be sooooo cool”

 

“It would be cool….so how’s your birthday been so far?”

 

“It’s been SUPER cool, Mama made us pancakes with special sauce and then we came here, and Mema and Papa gave us sweets but Mama said we can’t have them until diner…. then Atom got here and we’ve been playing soldiers and I’m winning”

 

“You are?”

 

“Yeah” Tristian excitedly let out jumping up in Sasha’s arms, thankfully Sasha didn’t drop him at the motion

 

“What presents did you get?”

 

“We haven’t opened them yet; we were waiting for you”

 

“I thought Cos wanted to wait for me not you?”

 

“We both wanted to wait”

 

“But why?”

 

“Because your our big sister Silly” Tristan replied matter of factly looking at Sasha who smirked at the comment. Placing her brother on the floor kneeling down in front of him as Costia moved herself back to her sister’s side.

 

“I know I’m your big sister…. what I mean is why do you guys wanna wait for me?”

 

“Because we always open presents with you” Tristan responded as he looked at his twin sister smiling

 

“You are both very sweet……come on….” She said opening her arms out wide seeing the look of confusion on the twins faces she explained “TWIN SANDWICH” She shouted, laughing when Tristan and Costia instantly moved forward jumping onto her the force of both of their bodies sending her onto her ass and then onto her back making them all burst into laughter. Holding onto the twins even more she smiled when they hugged her tightly laughs still coming from their small lungs. Hugging them for a little longer Sasha sat up with her brother and sister releasing her hold on them. They both stood up still laughing and smiling at their big sister, Tristan’s attention quickly turned to Atom who was patiently waiting for Tristan at the bottom of the garden. Looking back to Sasha his face filled with hesitation Sasha instantly noticed the look and knew what it meant “You can go play…...we can hang out later”

 

Sasha watched as the excitement replaced the hesitation on Tristan’s face as a smile spread across his face, looking at his twin then to his big sister his eyes asking for her help, seeing the look Sasha smiled at him then look to Costia and asked “You wanna play Cos?” Costia looked at her brother and slowly shook her head smiling at the same time. Tristan just smiled let out an ‘ok’ then turned and ran as fast as he could to his slightly older cousin, the two boys continuing to play their game of soldiers. Sasha stood herself up moving over to the steps sitting herself down on the second step from the ground her feet firmly on the ground. Her attention turned to the two boys innocently playing soldiers her mind naturally going to when she was their age and how innocent her wanting to be in the army was how pure it was, and how much everything had changed for her over the years how it went from an innocent wanting to something she felt compelled to do, something she still felt compelled to do.

 

As her mind continued to think over everything regarding the army she couldn’t help but think about how long it would be until she was able to go back to active duty. Her attention was brought out of her thoughts when Costia appeared in front of her, her small hands resting on Sasha’s knees as she looked up at her big sister, when Sasha flashed a smile at her Costia turned herself around sitting down on the step underneath Sasha, so she was in between Sasha’s legs her arms draping over her sister’s legs as she leant her head back against her sister’s chest. Wrapping her arms around Costia, Sasha pulled her little sister backwards placing a soft kiss on the top of Costia’s head, she smiled when Costia shuffled herself back even more resting against her sister more. Looking down a little worried that Costia wasn’t very happy considering it was her birthday;

 

“You ok Mini Me?”

 

“Yeah”

 

“You sure? You seem a little upset”

 

“I’m not…. I just missed you, I haven’t seen you in long time”

 

“Two weeks is a long time isn’t it?” Costia nodded her head at her sister’s question not taking her attention off of her twin brother and her cousin. “Well we have all of today together and then we can hang out in a few days as well…how does that sound?”

 

“Can Rae Rae come hang out with us in a few days?”

 

“You really miss her huh?” Costia again nodded her head at the question making Sasha smile at the response “Then I’ll make sure she’s there…even if I have to kidnap her” Sasha responded hearing Costia laugh at her sentence before she pulled her phone out of her pocket thankfully not disturbing Costia from her trance looking at her brother and cousin, turning her attention back to Costia when her sister jumped up like she’d suddenly had an idea, Costia disappeared out of her sight quickly reappearing with her iPad mini she quickly turned and began filming her big sister “Hey Mini Me” She smiled waving at the camera before Costia turned it facing it to her brother and cousin filming them as they played soldiers, thankful for the slight distraction Sasha turned her attention to her phone again writing out a text to Raven;

 

 **Sasha: You’re not coming to The Twin’s party?** A few seconds past before she got a response back from her best friend

**Raven: Not sure. Work’s crazy at the moment, they need me to fix this Humvee before I leave. Didn’t wanna say yes to Cos and not show up**

**Sasha: Ok. Maybe we can FaceTime later. So she can see you in some form**

**Raven: Hell Yeah we can**

**Raven: Is she ok?**

**Sasha: She’s a little upset, she says she misses you loads**

**Raven: Give me a minute**

Sasha did as asked by Raven her attention turning back to Costia who was still filming Atom and Tristan only now they were both looking at the camera and talking to it and to Costia she assumed. Before she had a chance to go over and see what they were talking about, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her shoulders, someone’s legs appearing beside both of hers and someone’s chest press against her back. She was about to turn around to see how it was when she felt a kiss being placed on her cheek, she knew exactly who it was she knew those lips anywhere. “Hey baby” She responded reaching her hand up to gently rub her Octavia’s right arm as she heard a small laugh come from Octavia

 

“I’d ask how you knew it was me…. but I’d probably be worried if you didn’t know it was me”

“How could I not know those lips huh…” Sasha laughed out turning to look back and up at Octavia seeing the younger woman was beaming a smile down at her, leaning up she kissed Octavia softly before turning her attention back to Costia, Atom and Tristan. She could see that Costia was storming back to her, her small face filled with upset and anger that was until she noticed Octavia was now sitting with Sasha. As Costia ran towards them stopping at the table to place her iPad on the table, turning her attention to her phone for a second when it vibrated she smiled as she read the message on her phone;

 

**Ontari: Raven’s asked me to drop her off at the Twin’s party is that ok?**

**Sasha: Of course you can even come inside and party with us**

**Ontari: It’s cool you don’t have to invite me just cause I’m dropping Rae off**

**Sasha: Hey I just don’t want you to miss out…. ain’t no party like a 7 year olds party ;-P**

**Ontari: Ok…. Thanks Sash**

**Sasha: No worries sugar**

Sasha smiled to herself at the unexpected message from Ontari, she didn’t much time to think about it before her phone vibrated again

 

**Raven: I’ll be there…. just told my boss that I had a family commitment**

**Sasha: So you told him the truth then lol ;-P**

**Raven: This is true…. think I’m gonna have to bring Ontari though if that’s ok**

**Sasha: It’s cool…she is your lift after all right?**

**Raven: How the hell did you know that?**

**Sasha: I know everything lol See you soon xx**

**Raven: Yeah whatever…. see you soon lol xx**

Turning her attention back to the little girl she noticed the questioning look on her little sisters face she realised she must have missed something “What was that?”

 

“Tavi asked you a question Ali”

 

“She did…. oh my bad…sorry babe what was that?” She asked looking back at Octavia sending her an apologetic look

 

“I asked you who you were texting”

 

“Nobody…” She said holding the phone in front of Octavia who looked at her confused, she was about to say something when Sasha spoke quickly “I’m glad you came out here actually, Cos was a little upset cause Rae isn’t gonna make it today” As she finished the sentence she noticed the look on Octavia’s face change into one of understanding “Weren’t you Cos?” She asked as Costia stopped on the step she was sat on before kneeling on it looking up at her sister, her face sad and thoughtful “What’s wrong Cos?”

 

“Tris and Atom said I can’t play with them”

 

“They did? Why would they say that?”

 

“They said because I was sick”

 

“What?” That was the only word that Sasha could formulate right now, she was more upset with her little brother and her cousin right now, seeing the upset still on Costia’s face she wrapped her arms around her little sister pulling her to her chest “Forget them both you’ve got me and Tavi, and I think we can have more fun together, don’t you?” Costia nodded her head into her big sister’s chest, leaning back and looking down at her sister Sasha asked “Did they really upset you?” Costia again nodded her head, the frown on her face still evident looking back at Octavia she smiled sadly before looking back to Costia “You want me to talk to them for you?” Costia looked nervously at her big sister unsure she wanted to get her brother and cousin in trouble “I won’t be too mean I’ll just tell them they can’t leave you out of things because you used to be sick…. but if you don’t want me to I won’t”

 

“Is it true?” Costia’s tiny voice asked as she looked up nervously at Sasha

 

“Is it true you can’t play because you were sick?” Costia nodded her head slowly “No it’s not true, you just have to be a little more careful than everyone else, that’s at least until you and Mama go to the hospital to see the doctor. But Mama said the doctor told her that your treatment went really well and that you look like you’re getting better” Sasha said making sure she worded everything her Mama had told her but in a way that her little sister could understand “But still Tristan shouldn’t have said that to you, you can play outside and with them. You wrapped up warm and you make sure you wash your hands if they get dirty right?” Costia nodded her head at Sasha’s questions “Then you’re ok to play outside…I mean if you weren’t I wouldn’t let you outside would I?” Sasha asked raising her eyebrows at her little sister who shook her head a small smile gracing her lips before a second before it disappeared “Course I wouldn’t…now I’m gonna tell them off because nobody upsets my Mini Me…. you stay with Tavi and make sure she stays out of trouble”

 

Costia let out a laugh as Octavia gasped dramatically placing her hand over her heart in fain shock making Sasha laugh herself as she stood up raising her leg and lifting it over her little sister making Costia laugh at the action. Costia quickly jumped forward onto the step her sister had been sitting on moments before, kneeling on it she leant forward wrapping her arms around Octavia hugging her as tightly as she could, as she did Octavia began tickling Costia gently making the little girl begin to wriggle in her arms as the laughter took over her. Sasha smiled laughing to herself before turning around and walking up towards Atom and Tristan, as she approached them they stopped playing and turned their attention to Sasha, Tristan dropped the stick he was pretending was a gun and ran towards his big sister jumping up at her, instinctively Sasha caught her brother lifting him onto her chest as she looked at him she softly said “You guys having fun?”

 

“Yeah…. we’re playing soldiers so when we’re older we can be like you and Lexa”

 

“That’s cool…. I need to ask you something ok?” Tristan and Atom nodded their heads at Sasha so she continued asking “Did you both tell Cos she couldn’t play with you because she was sick?” Atom nodded his head at the question at the exact same time Tristan did “Why? You really upset her”

 

“We didn’t mean to” Atom quickly said moving forward to Sasha looking up at her his hand moving to her thigh gripping onto the material of Sasha’s jeans.

 

“I know you didn’t mean to but you can’t stop her playing because she was sick”

 

“I’m sorry” Tristan mumbled leaning his head against his sister’s shoulder, noticing the change in Tristan’s demeanour Sasha looked down at Atom

 

“Why don’t you go get a drink and refuel while I talked to Tris”

 

“Ok” Atom quickly responded running full force past her and towards the back door, Sasha turned just in time to see Atom hugging Costia and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, he then darted inside running towards where she knew Clarke and Lexa were in the kitchen.

 

Turning her attention back to her little brother she asked him “What’s wrong Tris?” Seeing the hesitation on her brother’s face she softly added “I won’t tell you off I promise” Seeing Tristan turn his attention to Costia who’s attention was solely on Octavia, she carried her little brother to the end of the garden where she knew there was a bench, sitting down on the bench either of her legs on either side of the bench she sat Tristan down on the bench, his legs dangled over Sasha’s thighs as his hands played with her shirt “What is it?”

 

“I don’t want Cos to die” Tristan softly whispered not looking up from where his eyes were trained on Sasha’s stomach

 

“How do you mean?”

 

“Mama said that Cos could die…. I don’t want her to die”

 

“When did Mama say this?”

 

“Before we came back…. but Mama said to Mema that anything can make Cos sick” Sasha looked down at her brother unsure what to say to him to ease his mind, before she could say anything Tristan spoke again “Mama said germs can make her sick, and if she’s sick again she can die…and I don’t want her to die”

 

“Tris…. Did Mama tell you this or did you listen to the adults talking?”

 

“Mama was talking to Mema and Papa, and Daddy was there I went to get a drink and I heard I didn’t mean to”

 

“Hey you’re not in trouble Tris I’m just asking…” Sasha soothingly explained to her brother “Did you ask Mama about what she meant?” Tristan shook his head at his sister’s words, smiling softly down at him she explained “When Mama said that Costia could get sick again she was right…but that doesn’t mean that she can’t play outside, you see it just means that she needs to be more careful than everyone else….” Seeing the burrow of slight confusion on Tristan’s face she explained further “You see how Cos has on a jacket and you don't?” Tristan nodded his head in confirmation “That’s because she has to keep warm so she doesn’t get sick, and she makes sure she washes her hands whenever she gets them dirty. It doesn’t mean that she can’t play outside at all”

 

“But she has to be more careful than me?”

 

“Yeah, so if she falls over and her hands getting dirty or she gets cut she has to make sure Mama looks at them and cleans them straight away, and that way she isn’t likely to get sick again”

 

“She won’t die?”

 

“Of course not, she’s really strong”

 

“Like you?”

 

“Yeah…like me….and like you” Sasha smiled as she looked down at her brother watching as the smile filled his face and he leant forward hugging her tightly resting his head against her chest as his arms wrapped around her tightly. As she looked down at Tristan she noticed the tears spilling from his eyes, reaching up she wiped away his tears “Cos, is gonna be fine I promise” She knew it was wrong to promise her brother something she couldn’t keep but she couldn’t stand seeing him so upset especially on his birthday. “So how about you cheer up now, and we can go open some presents…huh?”

 

“You’re not lying are you?”

 

“Of course not…I can’t lie to the birthday boy can I now?”

 

“No” Tristan responded laughing softly at his sister as she looked down at him with raised eyebrows, moving her hands to his armpits she lifted him up so he was standing on the bench looking down at her “Can you do me a favour though?” Tristan nodded his head at the question “Can you apologise to Cos and tell her why you didn’t want her to play?” Tristan nodded his head again at her “But don’t mention the word death ok?” Tristan again nodded his head smiling brightly at her before turning and jumping down from the bench running full force towards his twin sister and Octavia, Sasha laughed as well quickly standing up and running after him

* * *

 

In the Kitchen

Clarke and Lexa were leant against the counter watching as Atom vocally and very animatedly told them, Madilyn and Rosalyn all about what him and Tristan and been doing outside in the garden, he told them all about how they were in the jungle behind enemy lines fighting off all the baddies by themselves. Clarke couldn’t help but smile and laugh along as she watched Atom walking, she was still amazed how alike he and Lexa were at times from their small hand movements to the way their faces would contorted while they spoke. Leaning back against Lexa more she felt her girlfriend wrap her arms completely around her waist. Continuing to watch Atom as he talked she smiled as he stopped talking and let out a massive breath of air, earning a laugh from everyone in the room, after a second Clarke asked;

 

“so you had fun is what you’re saying Atom?”

 

“Yeah” Atom laughed softly jumping off his chair and walking over to Clarke and Lexa looking up at Clarke he asked “Would you like a drink Clarkey? I’m getting one and I can get you one too”

 

“Mmmm depends…what drinks are there?”

 

“There’s Orange, Blackcurrant, Lemon and Peach Juice. But there are fizzy pop drinks for the adults…. there is Pepsi…Lexa likes Pepsi…. or there’s Sprite and Fanta and Orangina I think…”

 

“Mmmm…. I’ll have whatever you have buddy”

 

“Ok” Atom brightly smiled before turning to run into the living room where the table with food and drinks was set up before he could reach the door he stopped in his tracks hearing Lexa’s voice

 

“Umm…hello big sister over here…. don’t I get asked what drink I want?”

 

“I was going to get you a Pepsi”

 

“You were?” Atom nodded his head at his big sister’s question “Good then you’re off the hook mini soldier” Lexa smiled watching the smile spread across Atom’s face as he let out a giggle before turning and running to his original destination. As Clarke turned in her arms looking back at her seeing the raised eyebrows on her girlfriends face she asked “What?”

 

“Are you jealous of your little brother?”

 

“Me jealous…...never….do I need to be?”

 

“Ahhhh Lex….” Clarke smirked turning herself around completely in Lexa’s arms so they were face to face “You are totally jealous of Atom”

 

“No I am not”

 

“You are…Ahhhh babe…” Clarke laughed as Lexa pouted at her, her arms staying looked together behind Clarke’s back holding them close together, leaning forward she kissed Lexa lovingly keeping their lips locked together for nearly a minute before she pulled back and looked into Lexa’s eyes “You’ll always be my number one”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Of course…you’re my one and only” Clarke laughed softly when Lexa smiled brightly and leant forward capturing her lips quickly releasing them before she could deepen the kiss “I hope you aren’t gonna be this jealous when we have kids” Clarke instantly regretted the sentence realising that they had only been back together for a few months and she wasn’t actually sure whether Lexa still wanted the whole marriage and kids thing with her. Before she had a chance to speak and retract her words Lexa looked at her raising one eyebrow and responding

 

“Are you kidding me?” Leaning forward she pecked Clarke on the cheek before pulling back and continuing “When we have kids you won’t get a look in”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Look your amazing, beautiful, talented in more ways than one and I am madly in love with you but when a Mini me or you, or well a Mini us comes along. I don’t think you’ll be my favourite anymore”

 

“You know that is just heartless Lexa”

 

“Hey you’ll still be my wife and everything, but the attention will just be on a purer and sweeter version of you”

 

“So I’m not sweet enough for you huh?”

 

“Oh you are but you’re not really pure anymore babe…you’ve been hanging around Sasha too much she’s defiled you”

 

“Defiled me? ...” Lexa nodded her head confirming Clarke’s questioning sentence, leaning forward so her mouth was right next to Lexa’s ear Clarke softly whispered “You’re the one who’s defiled me…in so many ways I lost count” Pulling back looking at Lexa’s face smirking when at the look of amusement on Lexa’s face “You know it’s true”

 

“See you just proved my point”

 

“Um how so Specialist Woods?”

 

“Your mind is complete filth Miss Griffin….and I have a feeling my cousin has only made your filthiness worse than it already was”

 

“I’d continue to argue but I think your right” Clarke laughed when Lexa smirked in victory “Is this the jealousy thing again? Are you jealous me and Sasha are more alike than we are?”

 

“Oh please, me and Sasha are plenty alike for my liking. I’m not jealous of you and her being alike in fact I think it’s cool, I mean me and O have more in common than we do…”

 

“Hang on….do you think me and O may have got the wrong Wood’s twin by accident? Maybe we can do a swap”

 

“Oh please like you could give me up”

 

“True, you’re like an anaesthetic”

 

“Ok, I’ll bite…how am I like an anaesthetic?”

 

“Because you dumb the pain until it’s completely gone” She watched as Lexa raised her eyebrows and held in a laugh “Hey I’m being serious, like with all the stuff with my dad, you looked after me until I could get over it…...Plus with Mitch as well, you literally looked after me, cared for me, held me every night without a second thought until I was one hundred percent and all the pain was gone….”

 

“That…. was a great save” Lexa smirked leaning forward kissing Clarke as both her and the blond laughed into the kiss

 

“I know…. I was saving it for a raining day”

 

“Well it’s not raining but I like it, very well played”

 

“Thanks babe” Clarke laughed out pecking Lexa on the lips again before softly asking “So you think we’ll have kids?”

 

“Of course…I think you’d look amazing pregnant”

 

“Wow hang on why am I the one carrying the baby”

 

“Um One I’m a soldier I wouldn’t want the baby to get hurt whilst I trained. Two I think a Mini you would be beyond beautiful. Three like I said you’d look amazing pregnant and Fourthly I don’t think either of us wants me to lose this six pack” Lexa finished laughing as she removed her hand pointing down to her abdomen

 

“All valid points…...BUT…what if I don’t want to carry the baby” Raising her eyebrows at Lexa who did the same to her as she looked down at her

 

“Well, we can talk about that in time, if you do indeed want kids...” When Clarke nodded her head confirming she did want kids Lexa let out a small breath of relief before she continued “First we have to worry about Marriage and getting a stable place to live”

 

“What if I wanted to have a kid first?”

 

“I don’t know; you know I’m not massive on traditions but I am on one thing…. I don’t think you should just have a baby on a whim, bringing a life into the world isn’t something that should be done lightly…. I’d wanna make sure I could provide for you both and that I could be there for you both all the time, whenever you needed me. I know you might not agree but there are some things I can’t compromise on and this is one” Seeing the contemplating look on Clarke’s face she explained more “I don’t come from a family like yours Clarke…. I grew up not knowing much about why I didn’t have a dad, I knew that I had one but I didn’t know why he wasn’t around. As a kid that affected me even more now I’m an adult and I don’t want that for my kid, now I know him and why he doesn’t wanna be involved in my life anymore I don’t feel it as much but………...what I’m trying and failing to say is that I want to know that we’re solid that nothing can come between us, getting married is just a sign to me that we are meant to be, and I know it might not make sense but I don’t want our child to be born out of wedlock”

 

“Wedlock?”

 

“I know that I might not technically be involved in making the baby but it will be my child, a part of me that I want to be from pure love. Tradition means a lot to me even if traditions don’t, I want you to have my name and I want our child to have my name…. I’m not making any sense am I?”

 

“Your making perfect sense” Clarke responded a look of amazement on her face as she leant forward kissing Lexa lovingly before pulling back and looking into her eyes “Tradition is important to me too…. especially your traditions…. I can’t wait to be a Woods” Leaning back in Clarke recaptured Lexa’s lips moving her hands to Lexa’s cheeks pulling back she kept their lips close together as she whispered “Your so lucky were in public right now” The comment earned a laugh from Lexa who then leant forward resting her head on Clarke’s shoulder laughing more, neither of them had a chance to say anything else as they heard Atom coming back into the kitchen 

* * *

 

Back in the garden

Sasha walked up to the stairs just in time to hear Tristan apologising to his twin for upsetting her, he then went on to tell her he just wanted to keep her safe so she didn’t get sick. The twins hugged each other tightly before they pulled away and kissed each other at the same time making them both laugh at the action. Stopping at the bottom step Sasha’s eyes locked with Octavia’s, both of them feeling the happiness inside them at seeing the twin’s and the love between them. Leaning over her siblings Sasha placed a quick kiss on Octavia’s lips, her eyes asking permission to tell the twins their secret, Octavia bit her lip softly internally knowing what Sasha wanted to tell the twin’s that was one thing she loved about Sasha the fact that it was so easy for her to read her she didn’t know why but it just was for her and she knew it worked the other way around as well. Nodding her head at Sasha she smiled as her secret fiancée stood back up straight looking down at the twin’s before she knelt down so she was level with them both.

 

“I have a secret to tell you both”

 

“What kind of secret?” Costia asked leaning forward intently looking at her big sister as she awaited an answer

 

“You have to promise to keep it between us though…ok?” Sasha added knowing fully well that Costia and Tristan wouldn’t be able to keep the secret she was about to tell them. But she wanted them to be the first to know and if they told everyone else then she had to admit it would be a relief for her not having to tell everyone they knew. “So you promise?”

 

“YES” Tristan and Costia shouted out at the same time both clapping their hands in excitement as they both leant forward a little more their faces the picture of excitement.

 

“Ok…so you know how Mama and Daddy are married?” The twin’s nodded their head confirming they knew what Sasha was talking about “Well…Mama and Daddy got married because they loved each other to the moon and back…and when you love each other that much the natural thing is to get married…...Remember what we were talking about in the big house Cos?” Costia nodded her head “Well I love Tavi to the moon and back, so how would you feel about Tavi becoming your sister?” Sasha noticed the looks of confusion on Tristan and Costia’s faces “What’s up?”

 

“Tavi is like our sister already” Tristan explained looking up at his sister then looking back at Octavia who was half smirking and half laughing at Sasha’s failed attempt to tell the twin’s they were getting married

 

“You’re not really helping babe” Sasha retorted unimpressed as she looked at Octavia who mouthed ‘Sorry’ in her direction shaking her head she turned her attention back to her siblings “I know Tavi is like a sister to you already but I mean like legally….” When the twin’s remained silent she continued “Like Mama and Daddy…” There was still nothing from them, Sasha was about to add to her sentence when Octavia beat her to it

 

“Me and Sasha are getting married”

 

Sasha didn’t have any time to send Octavia a look as Costia and Tristan both jumped up yelling in excitement as they jumped up and down on the spot, as the twins jumped Tristan jumped up at Sasha who lifted him up while Costia turned and jumped onto Octavia hugging her tightly before she pulled back and looked at her saying “Your gonna be my sister…. for reals?”

 

“Yeah if you’re ok with it?”

 

“YES” Costia responded kissing Octavia on the cheek hugging her again before looking at Octavia asking “Do we have to keep it a secret?”

 

Sasha and Octavia both laughed at the question as the twin’s attention was on the both of them, they both knew that the twins would want to tell everyone once they knew. Looking at each other they both smiled brightly before Octavia looked at the twins her eyes settling on Costia before she spoke “Ok you can tell people but….” Costia and Tristan stopped moving at the sound of Octavia saying ‘but’ looking at them she added “You have to say it properly ok?” The twins both nodded their heads as Tristan wriggled out of Sasha’s arms moving forward until he was next to his twin sweetly he asked

 

“How do we say it properly Tavi?”

 

“Ok well you have to say…...Tavi and Sasha are engaged…. ok?” Octavia noticed the look on Costia’s face and instantly realised the mistake she had made “Or in your case Cos you can say…. Tavi and Ali are engaged”

 

“Ok Tavi” Tristan and Costia both shouted out at the same time, smiling at each other they ran up the steps and through the back door.

 

Sasha moved forward quickly as they waited to hear the twins shout out the news, she guessed that as soon as they went inside the twins had been apprehended by their Mama to eat something and drink and she knew what her Mama was like and when she wanted you to do something she didn’t let you say a word until you did as you were told. Kneeling on the steps in between Octavia’s legs Sasha leant forward a little more, placing her hands on the steps on either side of Octavia’s hips, Octavia reached up placing her hands on Sasha’s cheeks pulling her down and into a kiss leaning back with it until her back was pressing against the stairs gently. When Sasha pulled back smiling at her she softly whispered “Your so bad…. getting your siblings to tell everyone for us”

 

“It’s not like they didn’t want to though” When Octavia raised her eyebrows at her she added “If it makes you feel better, you can explain to Clarke how we’ve been engaged for months and you haven’t told her yet”

 

“Your so mean…. she’s gonna be so mad at me”

 

“Well you should be feeling bad for me because Lex is gonna be a million times worse…. especially cause we’re the Woods Twins’ and everything” Octavia smirked at her before leaning up reconnecting their lips, they pulled apart when they heard a massive cheer come from inside the house both of them knowing that meant the Twin’s had told everyone what their secret. Octavia pushed Sasha off of her as they heard a burst of talking coming from inside some were speaking in English and others in Afrikaans, grabbing Sasha’s hand she pulled on it forcing Sasha to run along with her, pulling Sasha around the corner of the patio decking knowing there was a small alleyway that lead to a door that when walked through lead to the front of the house.

 

Pushing Sasha against the wall she leant against her, her hands moving instantly back to Sasha’s cheeks pulling Sasha to her reconnecting their lips. As they kissed Sasha’s arms wrapped around her waist her hands moving to rest on Octavia’s bum pulling her closer, until their hips were pressed impossibly close together. Their lips still connected as Sasha’s hands squeezed Octavia’s bum a little more, Octavia’s hands moved from Sasha’s cheeks down her neck all the way down her torso until they reached the bottom of Sasha’s shirt, smoothly and flawlessly Octavia’s hands moved underneath the material her hands connecting with Sasha’s skin. Moving her hands around to Sasha’s back she rested them on Sasha’s lower back as they continued to kiss, the passion in the kiss picking up quickly. Sasha instinctively wrapped her arms completely around Octavia holding her closer but at the same time causing her to lean forward slightly as she pushed against Octavia’s chest a little more than she intended. As they both pulled back Octavia looked down at Sasha smiling at the happy smirk that covered her fiancée’s face, she watched as Sasha brought one of her hands out moving it under the collar of her shirt before removing the necklace Sasha had given a month or so ago. Once the necklace was completely out from underneath Octavia’s shirt, Sasha held to the ring that hung from the necklace in her hand;

 

“I guess you can wear this now huh”

 

“Oh yeah…. I forgot I was wearing it” Octavia responded smiling brightly at Sasha before leaning forward pecking her on the lips quickly.

 

“Yeah yeah I know I took too long to tell them…. but in fairness you could have told people as well”

 

“I know, but I liked it being out secret…something that only we shared you know?” Sasha nodded her head at the question, leaning forward kissing Octavia again pulling back they rested their foreheads together both of them taking a breath in. Octavia lifted her head back a little moving her hands to the back of her neck, gripping onto the necklace undoing the clasp she removed the necklace leaving the ring in Sasha’s hand “Well what are you waiting for? Do I have to say yes again?”

 

“Oh very funny” Sasha laughed softly holding the ring between her thumb and middle finger she smirked when Octavia held her left hand in the air, slowly placing the ring on Octavia’s ring finger on her left hand she leant forward kissing her lovingly “Finally where it belongs” Octavia nodded at the sentence placing her hands on Sasha’s neck pulling her fiancée forward her upper stomach pressing gently against Sasha’s lower breasts as Sasha wrapped her arms around Octavia’s waist, moving her arms down so they were just over Octavia’s bum, leaning forward a little more, then without removing her lips from Octavia’s she lifted her fiancée off of the ground a few inches feeling Octavia smile into the kiss.

 

It took everything inside Octavia not to wrap her legs around Sasha’s waist knowing that this would turn into an extreme make out session with a massive amount of groping, which she knew would ultimately end in someone catching them and then torturing them all day about it. Breaking the kiss Octavia looked down at Sasha unable to stop herself she pecked Sasha on the lips five times before she finally spoke “Your gonna have to put me down”

 

“But why? I’m enjoying this”

 

“Because I said so”

 

“Oh so now you wanna wear the pants in this relationship?”

 

“Babe I’ve always wore the pants”

 

“No you haven’t” Sasha retorted slowly placing Octavia onto the ground, as Octavia looked up at her raising her eyebrows, laughing softly she added “I wear the pants in this relationship….” When Octavia went to interrupt her she continued speaking before Octavia could say a word “But you tell me what ones to wear”

 

“Ohhh that was a really good save”

 

“Was it?” Sasha smirked as Octavia nodded her head leaning forward and closing the gap between their lips. As they pulled apart they both heard the back garden door open and close, then hearing what sounded like numerous people coming down the steps, and within seconds they heard Clarke’s voice

 

“Is it true?” Turning their attention to Clarke they both looked at her slightly flustered and confused “Are you engaged?” She asked as Lexa appeared behind her closely followed by Costia who had a massive smile on her face, Costia ran past Lexa and Clarke until she reached Sasha and Octavia, stopping at Sasha’s left leg and gripping onto it almost protectively. Octavia took a small breath in looking at Clarke

 

“Yes it’s true"

 

“When did this happen?”

 

“Ok I’m gonna answer any questions you have because I know you’ll have loads once I say this….” Seeing the look of confusion on Clarke’s face she said “We’ve been engaged since my birthday”

 

“WHAT”

 

“I know I know ok…but can we not shout in front of Cos please?” Seeing Clarke’s face soften slightly then seeing Clarke nod her head softly she turned back to Costia leaning down so she was face to face with Cos, she smiled looking at Costia and saying “I need to talk to Clarkey…then we can hang out more ok?” Seeing the hesitation on Costia’s face she knew it was due to when Mitch attacked her, since Costia had seen the injuries and since she pushed the little girl then explained why, Costia had been protective of her and was always making sure that she was ok, smiling softly she added “Clarkey is a little mad at me but she wouldn’t ever hurt me, you know that don’t you?” Costia nodded her head at Octavia “Good, now I’ll see you soon ok?” Costia nodded her head again this time she leant forward kissing Octavia on the lips quickly and lovingly

 

“Love you Tavi”

 

“Love you too Cos” She smiled standing up kissing Sasha quickly before whispering “Good Luck” smiling when Sasha whispered the same thing back to her, smiling she turned and walked towards Clarke grabbing Clarke’s hand and pulling her with her without stopping. Once Clarke and Octavia were out of sight Lexa approached her cousin with a warm smile on her face opening her arms open, Sasha smiled stepping forward with Costia still attached to her leg, the cousins softly hugged squeezing each other softly, pulling back she smiled unsurely at Lexa;

 

“You’re not mad?”

 

“Why would I be?”

 

“Because we tell each other everything”

 

“Yeah we do but I’m guessing you and O made a decision to keep it quiet”

 

“Yeah we did, we didn’t know when the best time to tell everyone would be”

 

“So I’m cool with it, as long as you don’t hide anything else from me” Sasha’s face filled with a look that could only be described as being like a kid being caught in the cookie jar, raising her right eyebrow at her cousin she asked “What is it?

 

Sasha paused for a second looking down at her little sister she softly said “Cos, can you give me and Alex a minute please?”

 

“But I wanna stay with you” Costia sweetly and innocently let out looking sadly up at her big sister, Sasha felt a little relief inside her when she heard her Mama shout out

 

“COSTIA, Come inside Baby…...”

 

“WHY MAMA?”

 

“Because I said so…. One of your presents is here”

 

“I wanna stay outside Mama”

 

The next voice they all heard wasn’t Madilyn’s but was instead Raven’s, who had arrived minutes ago as she had promised Sasha she would “I see how it is Munchkin”

 

“RAE RAE” Costia shouted out in surprise looking up at her big sister in shock as a smile spread across her face

 

“Come on munchkin I want my birthday cuddles” Raven shouted out again, this time Costia continued to look at her sister, Sasha smiled at Costia’s face and her reaction before she nodded her head encouraging her sister to go. Letting out a small giggle Costia took off running down the small alleyway out of their sight, Sasha and Lexa laughed as they heard Costia’s feet hitting the steps and the patio before they heard the door swing open and then slam shut.

 

“So you were about to tell me something” Lexa said regaining Sasha’s attention as her cousin ran to the end of the small alley looking to make sure nobody could hear them, turning and running back she looked at Lexa and started explaining;

 

“I had an idea, I wanna plan the whole wedding and then surprise Octavia…I don’t know about dates and everything but I know that I wanna make this special for her without her having to worry about table plans and who to invite and so on….anyway I planned on telling everyone that we’re engaged before Christmas and then I wanted to surprise her on Christmas day with a partially planned wedding and a booked date….Bellamy has been helping me with a few things…which by the way Octavia doesn’t know…he was the only person that knew…but only because I had to ask his permission…”

 

“How are you so romantic?”

 

“No idea” Sasha laughed in response, before she looked at Lexa her face a little more serious as she asked “I was thinking how would you feel about being my best woman?”

 

“Are you kidding me?” Sasha shook her head, as she did Lexa lunged forward wrapping her arms around squeezing her tightly “Hell yeah I’ll be your best woman…...but on one condition” Lexa added pulling out of the hug looking at her slightly younger cousin

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Be my best woman?”

 

“Wha…. What?” Was all that Sasha could manage to get out before she looked at Lexa shaking her head she shook off the metaphorical cobwebs in her mind, looking at Lexa and asking “Are you two engaged?”

 

“Well not yet….and me asking you to be best woman is kind of premature, I haven’t even asked Clarke yet”

 

“Yet?”

 

“Yeah…I was planning on proposing at some point in the next few months…and now I kind of need your help planning it…you know her and what she’d like perhaps a little better than me…. cause your both a like in ways…sooooo”

 

“Oh I see…only telling me to get my help”

 

“Of course” Lexa laughed out as her and Sasha began walking back to the back garden and the patio

 

“Yes by the way” Sasha answered, smiling as Lexa reached over wrapping her right arm around her shoulders and side hugging before they continued to walk towards their grandparent’s house to greet Raven. Sasha’s mind was switching into hyper drive as she thought about wedding plans along with ways that Lexa could propose to Clarke. 

* * *

 

1 Month and 2 Weeks Later-Christmas Day 9am

It was Christmas Morning, Lexa and Sasha were in the kitchen drinking their mugs of coffee as they walked into the living room laughing about the events of last night. As they reached the couch facing the TV they sat down on it together, both of them lifting their right legs up resting their right foot on the table at the same time, looking at each other they laughed before Sasha leant forward grabbing the TV remote turning on the TV she pulled up Netflix and went straight to Home Alone pressing play, it was here and Lexa’s tradition to wake up together on Christmas Day and then watch Home Alone together before they attempted to do anything else. They were about ten minutes into the film when Octavia and Clarke entered the living room at the same time, Clarke walked around the couch until she was next to Lexa sitting herself down on the space next to Lexa she rested her head against her girlfriend’s shoulder while Octavia went into the kitchen to make them both a coffee.

 

“Morning baby” Clarke whispered lifting her head for a second to look at Lexa as her girlfriend pulled her legs onto her lap gripping onto her right thigh gently “Merry Christmas” She smiled out leaning forward kissing Lexa lovingly their lips staying connected.

 

“Merry Christmas beautiful” Lexa let out after breaking the kiss, looking into Clarke’s eyes she forgot about the film leaning back in reconnecting their lips, her free hand moving to wrap around Clarke’s lower back.

 

Sasha watched turned to say something to Lexa but was meet with the image of Lexa and Clarke making out passionately. “Charming…Morning Sasha…Merry Christmas….” Sasha laughed out softly, shaking her head she paused the movie on the TV placing her coffee on the table as she stood up, she walked into the kitchen seeing Octavia preparing her and Clarke’s coffees at the counter that faced the kitchen door, smiling brightly she quietly walked forward wrapping her arms around Octavia’s waist resting her hands just above the waistband of Octavia’s shorts. Placing a kiss on Octavia’s shoulder she moved upwards placing a gentle kiss on her fiancée’s cheek, she felt Octavia smile as she kissed her cheek;

 

“Morning Baby”

 

“Good Morning” Octavia responded placing the spoon that was currently in her hand on the counter, turning around so she was facing Sasha, as Octavia turned around Sasha relaxed her arms allowing Octavia to turn around, once they were face to face smiling as Octavia leant forward kissing her lovingly pulling back she smiled at Sasha she added “Merry Christmas by the way”

 

“Mmmm Merry Christmas”

 

“Not that I don’t love this…but why are you in here and not watching Home Alone as tradition demands?”

 

“Because Clarke and Lexa decided to madly make out next to me….and it made me wanna see you”

 

“You didn’t get excited did you?”

 

“Hell no…I just wanted to see you…. I missed you”

 

“Ohhh babe…. I missed you too” Octavia smiled out happily leaning forward kissing Sasha again, this time they kept their lips connected together. Keeping their lips locked together Sasha’s hands moved down to her favourite spot, Octavia’s bum, squeezing it the action elected a moan from Octavia’s mouth and into the kiss, the moan only made them both deepen the kiss more, their hands moving and gripping onto each other, Sasha pressed against Octavia a little more causing the both to move backwards until Octavia’s back hit the counter behind her. Moving her hands lower until they were underneath Octavia’s bum lifting her upwards and onto the counter. As Octavia sat on the counter they continued to kiss passionately the kiss building and building, both of their hands moved all over each other’s bodies. They broke apart minutes later when they heard a door slam, looking Octavia unsure what door had slammed she quickly ran to the kitchen door looking into the living room she noticed Lexa and Clarke were no longer there and there was now a t-shirt hanging over the back of the couch, she instantly recognised it as the shirt Clarke had been wearing when she entered the room moments beforehand.

 

Walking back into the kitchen laughing she moved back to Octavia, Octavia instantly wrapped her legs around Sasha’s waist pulling her closer, seeing the questioning look on Octavia’s face she spoke “Clarke and Lexa have retired to their room so to speak…”

 

“Of really…” Sasha nodded her head at Octavia’s words “Well sounds like their gonna be noisy….and busy” A mischievous grin filled Octavia’s face as she bit her bottom lip looking longingly at her fiancée, unwrapping her legs from around Sasha’s waist she placed a gentle hand on Sasha’s chest pushing her backwards softly until there was an arm’s length of space between them, sliding down from the counter she continued to bite her bottom lip her eyes filling with desire and passion “I wanna give you your present now” She smirked placing her hands on her shorts waistband she kept her eyes locked on Sasha, slowly she began to move the shorts down her legs until they reached her knees, standing up she let the shorts fall the rest of the way down her legs, revealing that she was wearing red and white lingerie panties underneath them the shorts the panties had a green bow on the middle of the waistband, the panties were mostly red whilst the waistband was a pure white.

 

Noticing the way Sasha’s breathing had deepened and slowed down in the last minute, smirking at Sasha her own breathing a little deeper than a few seconds ago, reaching down she gripped the bottom of the shirt she was wearing slowly she began pulling it upwards hoping Sasha would notice the real surprise underneath the shirt, continuing to pull the shirt upwards revealing a bra that matched the panties she was wearing, pulling the shirt over her head she threw it at Sasha who caught it throwing it on the table beside her. Noticing that Sasha’s attention was completely on her waist she smiled knowing that Sasha had noticed what she intended her too. Stepping forward she stopped in front of Sasha her fiancée’s attention returning to her eyes “Do you like it?”

 

“Babe it’s……perfect” Sasha responded her attention moving back down Octavia’s stomach stopping at her hip scanning over the newly discovered ink on Octavia’s right hip. Leaning down she looked over the tattoo, seeing her name written identically to how she had Octavia’s name running her finger over the lettering ‘ _Alexis’_ the smile spread massively across her face, standing up she kissed Octavia lovingly on the lips tears threatening to escape her eyes. Taking a deep breath in she managed to form the words she wanted to “This is the best present ever…. I had no idea you had this done”

 

“That’s the whole idea of a present really isn’t it…. a surprise gift for someone” Octavia smirked seeing how touch her fiancée was about the tattoo she softly spoke “I wasn’t sure about what name to get, but after all your name is Alexis so if you don't like it tough cause you have to live with it”

 

“I think I can live with it”

 

“Good…because it’s on there for life”

 

“That is the general idea of a tattoo babe” Sasha retorted pecking Octavia on the lips “I feel my present may be inadequate now” She added laughing softly as Octavia leant forward placing her arms around Sasha’s neck pulling her close pressing her hips against Sasha’s. Sasha’s hands instinctively moving to Octavia’s hips as Octavia moved forward until her face was inches away from Sasha’s her lips hovering over Sasha’s

 

“I’m sure you can make it up to me somehow” Octavia huskily let out leaning forward connecting her lips against Sasha’s. Bringing her arms backwards she placed her hands on Sasha’s cheeks, her forearms and elbows pressing gently against Sasha’s chest feeling the material from Sasha’s shirt pressing against her skin “Mmmm…” Octavia let out trying to pull out of the kiss only for Sasha to lean in more, moving her right hand to Sasha’s chest she pushed against it softly creating some space between them, breathing a little deeper that she was seconds ago “Why are you still dressed?”

 

Sasha looked down at her t-shirt smirking before looking up at Octavia “Let me solve that problem for you” She responded removing her hands from Octavia’s hips moving to her own, gripping onto the bottom of her t-shirt she pulled it upwards revealing her low riding lounge pants and her toned stomach, Octavia’s name clear on her right hip along with the rest of her tribal tattoo that wrapped around her waist, pulling the shirt all the way up her torso she pulled it effortlessly over her head, tightening her stomach so her abs were more defined she noticed how hard Octavia was biting on her bottom lip, if she wasn’t so turned on she would have let out a small laugh. Instead she moved forward quickly she connecting her lips passionately with Octavia’s before pulling back bending, and lifting her fiancée into the air placing her over her shoulder before turning and walking out of the kitchen without a second thought

 

“Ahhhh SASHA…What are you doing?”

 

“We….” Sasha was cut off by the sound of Clarke screaming Lexa’s name in pleasure, laughing and ignoring it as she had learned to do over the last few months, she slapped Octavia on the ass before responding “We are going to make some noise….” Sasha carried Octavia into their bedroom kicking their bedroom door open she walked through still carrying Octavia over her shoulder, once they were inside she kicked the door shut with her foot hearing it slam shut behind her she walked to their bed carefully dropping her fiancée down on the bed causing a small squeal to escape from Octavia’s mouth as she looked up at Sasha the hunger in her eyes clear for Sasha to see. She watched as Octavia moved herself backwards on the bed keeping her eyes on her fiancée the whole time, crawling onto the bed until she was at Octavia’s knees, crawling upwards in between Octavia’s legs she smirked when Octavia brought her legs up wrapping them around her waist pulling her down on top of her. Forcing their hips to press together she moved her hands to the waistband of Sasha’s lounge pants, unlocking her legs she switched their positions so she was straddling Sasha’s waist grinding her hips into Sasha’s slightly she leant down whispering in her ear…. “Let’s make some noise” Without another word she connected their lips letting the passion override them both.

* * *

 

Two Hours Later-11am

Octavia let out a massive moan of pleasure, her right hand gripped onto Sasha’s hair as she rode out her fifth orgasm within the last two hours, as she finished riding it out she relaxed herself, her hips finally relaxed and lowered onto the bed underneath them as Sasha kissed her way up her body, flopping herself on Octavia’s left side in exhaustion her legs tangled with Octavia’s as her breathing stayed heavy and deep. Octavia laid on the bed net to her bringing her right hand over her body to gently caress Sasha’s lower back, gently running her fingers backwards and forwards as Sasha turned to look at her tiredly smiling. Octavia moved a little closer to Sasha resting her head on the pillow next to Sasha’s head, softly smiling she giggles saying;

 

“Best Christmas morning ever”

 

“Mmmm not bad, I think next year will be better”

 

“How so?”

 

“Well we’ll be married…. hopefully” Sasha responded electing a massive smile from Octavia who leant forward pecking her on the lips. Octavia didn’t move herself back instead she kept her face close to Sasha’s, the side of her body pressing against Sasha’s gently.

 

“I hope so….” She smiled leaning down and kissing Sasha’s shoulder lovingly before looking back up and pecking Sasha on the cheek. She was enjoying the relaxation that being like this with Sasha brought her when Sasha spoke

 

“You know we never really discussed last names”

 

“What about them?”

 

“Well when we get married, are you gonna take my name or hyphenate both of ours or do you want me to take yours? What’s the plan candy pants?” Sasha asked her hand moving the gently run through Octavia’s loose hair, placing another kiss on Sasha’s shoulder Octavia looked up replying

 

“I think I’ll take your name”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah…. I know you like being a Woods and that it’s a family tradition so much Cos and Tris have it as one of their surnames….and I would never ask you to give up your last name I don’t think I’d want you to anyway”

 

“Are you sure you wanna give up your last name though?”

 

“I don’t really care about it to be honest…. I don’t remember a lot about my dad, I don’t know him, I don’t even know if Blake is my biological dads name or if my mom just called me Blake cause she couldn’t remember who my dad was…I never really felt at home with anyone, Bell tried but we never had a family unit….then I met your family and they made me feel at home….something I hadn’t felt ever until you…so taking your name is a given for me”

 

“As long as you’re sure about this, I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything…. nobody in my family would be upset”

 

“I more than sure about it….” Octavia responded leaning forward again kissing her softly letting her lips linger for a second before she pulled back “Plus your kind of the man in this relationship”

 

“I thought the point of being gay was there are no men involved?”

 

“Oh shut up, you know what I mean you’re the most macho out of us both”

 

“I am not”

 

“Really? ... so who’s always the one lifting the other? Who does all the ‘manly’ stuff? Who is a soldier? Who’s the one that wants me to carry our babies?” Octavia joked out making up stuff as she spoke seeing Sasha’s face contort slightly

 

“None of that means anything….” Sasha stated looking at Octavia as she noticed Octavia struggling to hold in a laugh, her face fell and as it did Octavia burst into a laugh leaning her head against Sasha’s shoulder “That was so mean”

 

Once Octavia managed to stifle her laugh she sat herself up looking down at Sasha as she began to move off of the bed “Come on baby cakes…. we have presents to unwrap...” Sasha went to make a smart remark but before she could Octavia spoke again “And before you say anything, everything we just did doesn’t count…” Hearing the laugh escape Sasha’s lungs she let the covers fall from her body walking completely naked across the room to retrieve her clothes. Pulling out a fresh pair of panties she slipped them on finding herself a bra as well and placing it on, the whole time feeling Sasha’s eyes on her. Reaching back into the draw she pulled out a pair of Calvin Klein women’s briefs for her fiancée, looking in Sasha’s direction she walked forward leaning down picking up Sasha’s bra she threw both items at Sasha softly saying “Get ready….” When Sasha let out a huff of air she said “The sooner you get dressed the sooner you get a reward kiss” She laughed when Sasha quickly place on the items she had thrown her way “That reward only comes when your fully dressed” She laughed when Sasha let out a massive ‘argh’ standing up and walking over to their wardrobe opening the doors dramatically before reaching inside and picking out a pair of jeans Levi jeans and her ‘Merry Christmas ya filthy animal’ t-shirt. Pulling on her jeans she found her wonder woman belt placing it through the loops, once she was done with that she placed the t-shirt over her head pulling it down, as her head popped through the t-shirt Octavia’s lips were on hers. Wrapping her arms around Octavia’s waist she pulled her close to her, keeping their lips connected. 

* * *

 

-In Lexa’s Room-

Clarke and Lexa laid back in their bed completely breathless their stomachs rising and falling at a fast pace. This wasn’t what they had thought their Christmas Morning would turn into but they had got caught up in their emotions and sexual urges and had ended up spending the last two hours completely wrapped up in each other and their love making. They hadn’t even thought about Sasha and Octavia hearing them or mainly Clarke’s moans of pleasure, as Lexa laid there thinking about the last two hours she turned on her side turning towards Clarke, wrapping her arm around Clarke’s waist as the blonde turned on her side so her back was against her front. Placing a soft kiss on Clarke’s shoulder she softly said “We should probably get up…I think two hours is gonna get us enough teasing as it is”

 

“Mmmm…. that’s if they even stayed in the living room”

 

“Why wouldn’t they?”

 

“Let’s just say that Octavia’s Christmas present for Sasha was explicit”

 

“How so?”

 

“It involved lingerie and not a lot more clothing”

 

“Ah yeah they’ll be in their room then…”

 

“Well that give us what two more hours…”

 

Lexa didn’t have chance to speak as their bedroom door swing open as Sasha walked into their room “Guess again Twinsy” She smiled out walking further into the room as Lexa and Clarke watched her in amusement as she looked around their room for something. Letting out a massive breath of air and a sigh she walked over to their bed sitting herself down on the space of the bed between Clarke and the door “So where is it?”

 

“Where is what?”

 

“Ah My Christmas present…duh…. come on where is it?”

 

“Hidden until we come outside”

 

“You’re such a spoil sport”

 

“Yeah I am…. now do you mind leaving us alone?” Lexa stated motioning to her and Clarke’s state of undress

 

“Seriously Christmas day and your being mean to me….” Sasha let out shaking her head and turning her attention to Clarke “Can you teach your woman some manners Clarke?”

 

“She doesn’t need to teach me anything…...and Clarke doesn’t control me you know I have my own mind”

 

“Oh please we both know she has you whipped…...anyways Clarke, Octavia asked me to ask if you still want a coffee?”

 

“And I’m the one whipped?”

 

“I don’t deny I’m whipped…in fact I own it because the things that woman can do in bed…. they would BLOW YOUR MIND Twinsy…” Sasha watched as Lexa shook her head and laughed softly at her, turning her attention back to Clarke she spoke “So Clarkey…. Coffee?”

 

“Yes please…we’ll be out in a minute”

 

“Babe…” Was all Lexa managed to get out before Clarke gently tapped her thigh and cut her off

 

“No arguments Lexa....its Christmas Day we should be with family not in bed….”

 

Sasha burst into laughter leaning forward holding her stomach before leaning back again making a loud whipping noise, the laughter and sound caused Lexa to look down at Clarke unimpressed “You couldn’t reword that or anything no?”

 

“Of course not…then she’d think you aren’t whipped…which we both know you are” Clarke smirked leaning back kissing Lexa softly on the cheek making her smile, turning her attention back to Sasha she smiled at her softly saying “Give us five minutes to get dressed and we’ll be out”

 

“Baaaaaabbbbbbeeee” Octavia let out as she got to the bedroom door looking at Sasha with a sad frown on her face “What’s taking you so long I wanna watch the film”

 

“I’m sorry baby, Clarke was just proving me right”

 

“I made her a coffee anyway…Come on I wanna watch Home Alone and snuggle”

 

“WOW WOW WOW…. You can’t watch it without me Sash…that’s against tradition” Lexa let out looking her cousin seriously in the eyes

 

“Why do you think I came in here to make you get a move on?”

 

“Well you need to leave so I can get dressed”

 

“Alright I’m going” Sasha said holding her arms up in the air as she moved off of the bed, she stopped before turning back and leaning down quickly pecking Clarke on the cheek “Nice rack Clarke” She let out making her and Clarke burst into laughter as she jumped off of the bed as Octavia chased after her and Lexa lunged after her over Clarke’s body forcing Clarke to roll onto her stomach to avoid being crushed. As Clarke continued to laugh as Lexa leant over her girlfriend with an unimpressed look on her face;

 

“What? I didn’t do anything” Clarke defensively stated looking up at Lexa innocently trying and failing to hide the smile on her face, when Lexa raised her eyebrows at her she added “What it’s not my fault their nice boobs….do you not like my boobs?”

 

“I love your boobs…...but their mine......right?” Clarke nodded her head biting her bottom lip “Then nobody gets to comment or even come near them.....ever”

 

“I love it when your territorial” Clarke let out leaning up kissing Lexa passionately before breaking the kiss and looking into Lexa’s eyes “Now come on I wanna watch Home alone and open my presents” She added before removing herself from Lexa, climbing out of the bed smirking as she felt Lexa's eyes watching her every move.

 

* * *

An Hour and A Half Later

The foursome had just started opening their Christmas presents having finished watching Home Alone thirty minutes ago, Sasha and Octavia had called Madilyn to talk to her and to the Tristan and Costia while Lexa and Clarke called up Rosalyn to talk to Atom. All four of them ended their calls at the same time and had decided that while the Turkey was cooking in the oven they would open their presents then get to prepping the veg and everything else for their Christmas Dinner. Lexa and Sasha had insisted that they would open their presents last both pretending that they just wanted to be the last to open their presents, not letting on that they just wanted to see Clarke and Octavia open their presents finally.

 

“Babe, why don’t you go first?” Sasha suggested knowing that Lexa would want Clarke to open the present separately

 

“Ok” Octavia let out excitedly clapping her hands as she sat on the floor grabbing her present, holding it up to her ear shaking the A4 sized box she placed it on her lap tearing into the paper as everyone watched on amused at her excitement, she was literally like a kid in a candy store. As she got pasted the wrapping paper she dropped it on the floor next to her opening up the dark green box, revealing a black envelope with ‘ _OPEN LAST’_ written on it in gold the envelope rested on black wrapping tissue that wrapped around something, picking the envelope up and placing it carefully on the floor next to her, she cautiously lifted the wrapped item out of the box her mind wondering what it could be. Placing the box on the floor ignoring the final item inside it she began unwrapping the tissue around the present, as the final part of tissue was pulled off it revealed a South Africa Rugby Jersey, a massive smile spread across Octavia’s face knowing that the Wood’s New Year’s Party that Mema and Papa Wood’s threw every year had a dress code of South African Sports tops ONLY. As she turned the Jersey around she read the name on the back ‘ **O. WOODS** ’ Looking to Sasha slightly confused she said “You brought me a jersey for next year?” Sasha shook her head at her fiancée “Then what is it for?”

 

“Hopefully It’s for this year’s party” Sasha nervously stated watching Octavia trying to gauge her fiancée’s reaction to her words. Octavia looked to Clarke and then to Lexa her face filled with confusion as she looked back to Sasha “There’s a folder in the box…. look at it” Octavia did as Sasha said reaching into the box and pulling out a black folder, seeing she was looking at the back of the folder, turning it over she smiled when the words **‘** _ **Our Wedding’** _ appeared in front of her eyes running her hand over the material she took in the velvet feel it had to it. “The envelope will explain it all” Sasha let out her eyes staying glued on Octavia as she reached for the envelope picking it up and carefully opening it, Octavia slowly pulled out the card that was inside the envelope as she read it she dropped the folder off of her lap as her right hand held the card and her left hand came to cover her mouth in shock, tears filling her eyes as she re-read the words over and over;

 

**_Please join us at Mount Weather Hall on;_ **

****

**_Saturday 31 st December 2016 to witness the marriage of:_ **

****

**_OCTAVIA ELOUS BLAKE_ **

**** **_AND_ **

**_Private First Class_ **

**_ALEXIS SASHA WOODS_ **

****

**_PLEASE RSVP_ **

 

Octavia couldn’t form the correct words in her mouth as the tears began to fall from her eyes, looking in Clarke’s direction noticing the look of confusion on her face she handed the card to Clarke, standing herself up she rushed the short space to Sasha jumping onto her their lips crashing together, after a second or two she pulled back as Sasha wiped the tears from her cheeks she asked “Does this mean what I think it does?”

 

“Depends on what you think it means”

 

“We’re getting married in a week?”

 

“If your happy to then yeah it means we’re getting married in a week”

 

“Are you playing with me right now?” Sasha shook her head at the question, Octavia leant forward wrapping her arms around Sasha tightly squeezing her before pulling back kissing her on the lips again before finally her face filled with shock and panic “How am I going to plan a wedding in a week?” She said removing herself from Sasha completely, as she began to panic Lexa reached onto the floor picking up the Black folder throwing it over to Sasha who caught it with ease, Sasha placed the folder on Octavia’s lap opening the first page revealing Costia dressed in a few different types of bridesmaid dresses, looking to Sasha she asked “Is everything planned?”

 

“Almost everything, we’ve got the location, everyone’s been invited, bridesmaid’s dresses and page boy suits have been picked out, my uniform has been altered, Lexa’s suit is ready, Bellamy has been ordained so he can marry us, oh and I picked out a few dresses you might like so you just have to choose the final one you want, we picked a dress for Clarke for maid of honour duties of course, Food and catering is paid for….and I think that’s it…anyway everything is in there so if you want anything changed then just say and we can change it” Looking at Octavia she tried to gauge the look on her fiancée’s face, it wasn’t something she’d ever seen before “I mean if you don’t wanna get married that soon then we can push it back a few months…”

 

“Are you kidding? I can’t wait to marry you…...Hang on what about the marriage certificate we can’t get married without one and you can’t get one without me?”

 

“I managed to sweet talk the lady that I was talking to and she said all you need to do is go down and sign it before December 31st and we’ll be fine…”

 

“Can we go tomorrow?”

 

“They’re not open tomorrow but the day after they are so we can go then”

 

“Great…” Octavia let out with a massive smile “I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you” She let out an excited scream “We’re getting married in a week” She let out leaning forward kissing Sasha lovingly “Thank you…best Christmas present ever” Kissing Sasha again this time she leant her head on Sasha’s shoulder her eyes falling on Lexa and Clarke suddenly remembering Clarke had to open her present “Your present better be good Lex”

 

“Whatever it is I’ll love it I’m sure” Clarke smiled out kissing Lexa lovingly before lifting up the present Lexa had placed in front of her a while ago, unwrapping the present she ignored Sasha and Octavia as they made out on the couch near her and Lexa. As she excitedly removed the rest of the wrapping paper revealing a large white photo album with Black writing on it that said _‘ **Our Moments in Time** ’_ The smile spread across her face as she looked back at Lexa leaning towards Lexa and kissing her a little longer than the previous kiss “This is amazing Lex” She happily said, the sentence got Octavia’s attention as she turned her attention to Clarke watching as her best friend opened up the photo album “What’s all this?” Clarke asked Lexa looking at the writing and the pictures.

 

“Keep on looking and you’ll see”

 

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s words before turning her attention again to the photo album, looking at the first picture, it was the first picture of her and Lexa they had took, they were in the garden in Grounders sitting at a table their hands interlocked as they talked about something, underneath the picture was some writing: **_The first picture of us, One I WILL never forget_**  Clarke smiled running her fingers over the words smiling she turned the page this second picture was of her Lexa and a two year old Atom, she remembered the picture was from Christmas Day 2010 running her fingers over the picture reading the words underneath it: **_The day Atom’s favourite went from me to YOU_**  Clarke let out a laugh at the words turning the page wanting to see every picture and every sentence that Lexa had placed in the book, the third picture was of her, Lexa, Octavia, Sasha and Raven she remembered how Anya took that picture so she didn’t have to be in it she also remembered what a great night they had, reading the sentence underneath it smiling: **_The time you officially met Raven, the night we also played Snog MARRY & Throw off a cliff _** This time Clarke let out a massive laugh at the memory of the game covering her mouth she let her laughs go on and the smile fill her face as she turned the page anxious to see the next picture, the next picture was of her and Lexa a few months after Lexa had gotten back from Afghanistan just before Lexa and Sasha went off to what was meant to be their yearlong tour, it was of her and Lexa sitting on the couch they were now sitting on Lexa was sat back completely on the couch her back pressed against the back rest while Clarke straddled her, Lexa’s hands on her thighs as Clarke’s hands rested on Lexa’s shoulders as they kissed each other: **_The time you couldn’t let me move without kissing ME_** Clarke laughed softly at the sentence turning the page she was slightly confused when the next picture wasn’t one of her and Lexa or any of Lexa’s family but was instead a picture of a gift bag with a question mark on it underneath it read the sentence: **_Find me to find a clue_**  Looking up from the picture she raised her eyebrows at Lexa before looking around seeing the gift bag in the picture underneath the tree she smiled looking at the box, Lexa noticed this and dropped onto her knees on the floor carefully crawling over and picking up the gift bag before shuffling back over to Clarke handing her the gift bag.

 

Clarke smiled brightly at her girlfriend looking inside the bag finding a rectangular box she pulled it out opening it up revealing a pen inside it with a note, reading the note she smiled: **_Work out the last sentence and find your gift_** Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the effort that Lexa had gone to with her gift all the little notes and personal effort that had gone into it. It was typical Lexa to go all out with a present, picking up the pen she placed the gift bag on the floor next to her feet before turning the page in the photo album finding a blank page, laughing softly she tried to work out the message after a few seconds she turned back to the first page then going through all of them before it hit her that some of the letters were in capitals in places they shouldn’t be. Looking at each page she wrote the word on the blank page turning back to page one **_WILL_** Then turning to page two **_YOU_** Then page three _**MARRY**_ then Page four **_Me_** as she turned to the fifth page, the one that had the picture of the gift bag she looked down at the bag next to her feet noticing there wasn’t a question mark she realised that must have been part of the sentence as well. Placing the question mark at the end of the words her mouth went dry as she read it back to herself **_WILL YOU MARRY ME?_**  Clarke felt her breathing sharpen and slow down as the tears built in her eyes as she continued to re-read it again and again, she was just about to look up and ask Lexa if the she got the question right when all of a sudden a ring appeared in front of her eyes, it was a light blue topaz stone held in a small silver circle, that sat perfectly inside a pillow that itself was inside a small dark green box, Clarke examined the box in front of her she slowly reached out touching it gently before she looked up now noticing that Lexa was bent down on one knee, looking at Lexa she speechless looked at her as she nervously spoke, Octavia and Sasha watching on with massive smiles on their faces:

 

“I know this might seem a little sudden, but for me it isn’t…ever since I meet you all I’ve want to do it marry you, to spend the rest of my life making you happy, we’ve been through things that most couples haven’t ever experienced let along survived together. And I know we’ve had our bad times and that they were mostly my fault because I wasn’t brave enough to just tell you what was going on….But I promise that no matter what from now on I’m not gonna hide anything from you because your my everything Clarke, you’re the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to sleep…everything I do your in my thoughts and in my mind constantly....I was planning this before I broke up with you but I never got around to it because I couldn’t ask permission like I wanted to but I finally decided that maybe your dad wasn’t the one I needed permission from…and when your mom gave me her blessing it felt like destiny like nothing could hold me back from being with you….anyway I’m rambling now so I’m gonna just ask this before I lose my guts…..Clarke Diane Griffin Will you marry me?”

 

Lexa waited nervously for as she tried to judge Clarke’s reaction, Clarke didn’t speak she just looked at Lexa her mouth slightly open for seconds before she removed the phot album from her lap placing it on the couch next to her, the ring carefully resting on it, standing up she held her hand out for Lexa who nervously accepted it standing herself up. They were now looking into each other’s eyes, Clarke didn’t know why but she couldn’t form the words she needed to, not even that one word, tears streamed down her cheeks as she noticed the nerves in Lexa’s eyes. Smiling softly, she leant forward connecting their lips together her hands moving quickly to Lexa’s neck pulling her more into the kiss as she tried to put every ounce of passion and happiness she was feeling into the kiss. She couldn’t believe it she finally had what she had been waiting for since she met Lexa, that one question that would now change their lives forever, slowly pulling out of the kiss she smiled tearfully answering Lexa:

“Yes…. I’ll marry you”

\----------------------------------------------- THE END--------------------------------------------------

* * *

 


End file.
